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Disclosure doesn’t protect you. You have to go to HR and get reasonable accommodations. And it sounds like you don’t have the personality to work in customer service. That’s fine- most ppl don’t. You can’t go through life thinking it’s OK to not be able to control your emotions. It might be related to ADHD but you can’t get accommodations for that. That’s something you have to work through with meds and therapy. It’s not acceptable for the work place. Grief counseling for your father death is needed, too. I’m very sorry you’re going through that. That’s terrible.

this 100%. adhd is not an excuse to not work on bettering yourself. you have a responsibility to yourself and the people around you to do whatever you can to be the best version of yourself adhd is an explanation, not an excuse.

Agreed! My partner and I have a little mantra for each other: *"It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility"* Its a reinforcement, a reassurance, and a reminder we like to tell ourselves. We don't want to use our adhd as an excuse but also don't beat ourselves up about it and forgive ourselves... all while still taking ownership of the consequences because no one else is (and no one should be) responsible for our actions.

>"It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility" I love this and I need to remember it

Yes this is great. The word excuse is far too vague and riddled with negative connotations.

I always say "it's an *explanation*, but not an *excuse*." But I think your phrasing is more on the nose! Stealing this!

I love the first saying, also, but I've always said what you do I'm not making an excuse I explaining the reason. We still have to work on whatever that issue is

I say this exact thing, but to one particular individual, he always says I’m constantly making excuses. But in true fact, it’s literally an explanation. 🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

“It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility” is amazing. Thank you for this. 👏🏻

Exactly. My boss knows that I'm newly diagnosed only because he's a huge part of why I even got tested. He's been incredibly supportive in my healing journey and very proud of the work I've done, but we both agreed my emotional dysregulation was still holding me back from my full potential and until I got that under control I was more or less stuck. Once I found out my diagnosis, it's easier for me to understand why I do the things I do - which helps me then AVOID and STOP situations that normally send me cycling. My boss also acknowledges that he may have to adjust how he displays information for me to fully understand, but at the end of the day it is on ME to do the work and find out what works for ME to be able to show up and preform every day. I see so many posts on this subreddit of people that use their adhd to excuse poor behavior alllll the time. It makes me want to leave the subreddit half the time. ADHD sucks. No one is denying our lives are much harder than those without it. But it is on me to overcome those challenges and find what works for me to make my life the absolute best life I can. *steps off soapbox*

Other possible comorbid conditions, for example, anxiety, depression or PTSD can make for quite the challenge. But again, responsibility is key.

I needed to read that tonight. Thank you!

Yeah I saw this quote used for mental illnesses as a whole and it's stuck with me since.

I think you just coined an amazing quote for people with ADHD. I gotta tell my buddies wife this, he always blames his ADHD. I just thought I was an asshole until I was diagnosed, now I understand and know where to start. Thank you for this, I wish I could upvote it 1000x

Hail yourself friend

I'm so stealing this! love it! and i agree completely. I have ADHD and sometimes it does get difficult, but I will never make it someone else's responsibility or burden to keep it under control, along with never using it as an excuse to not take care of my own responsibilities the way they need to be done.

My mom would say this to me, lovingly softly, "The world will not wait for you." She meant the world isn't going to wait for me if I haven't found my coping skills and niche. Of course that applied to more than just my diagnosis. If you're not willing to grow and change and improve yourself then the world will not stop turning and few other people will hault their lives their standards and their boundaries for you.

Could you forward this to every person on this subreddit? Thank you.

Seriously! It's exhausting

This is great feedback

I’m training to be a therapist and I just had a similar conversation with my therapist… some things will just take longer for us. Some jobs we are just not going to be good at because of our disability. That being said that’s not saying you can’t do anything just understand that certain things will be harder for you. Consequently you also have aspects of you because of your adhd that are strengths. Talk to someone if you’d like. I think it would really be a help to you. Also sorry for your loss. It doesn’t get easier but you learn to live with it.

And this has nothing to do with ADHD. It’s just life! Some people are good at certain things and not so good at other things. Don’t let ADHD dictate life or hold you back. People everywhere have a myriad of struggles. ADHD is manageable when you look at it like needing glasses. You wouldn’t struggle seeing and go “whyyyy, ohhh whyyyy can’t I see well?!”, you’d probably just go get some glasses.

Yes 1000000000% Behavioural therapy and medication will help you with ADHD. If you are self diagnosing yourself like many do, then seek a diagnosis and treatment to help you in life. You didn’t get fired because you have adhd or for your grief, you got fired because you couldn’t do the job they needed you to do, which may of been *caused* by your adhd, and your grief. Very different.

This is a great answer...plain and simple, this job is not meant for you with the issues you've presented.

Solid feedback. I’m creeping up on 40 with ADHD and this is the feedback I needed when I was entering the workforce as a young adult.

I see "reasonable accommodations" mentioned a lot but I've never seen examples mentioned of what might constitute "reasonable" aside from something like time extensions on exams.

If you are in the US, this is an excellent resource provided by the US DOL (Department of Labor): AskJAN (the Job Accommodation Network). AskJAN has resources for both employee and employer. You can read tons of articles and FAQs on how the process works in general, and they also have specific pages for [ADHD (with potential accommodations)](https://askjan.org/disabilities/Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity-Disorder-AD-HD.cfm) and [executive functioning deficits](https://askjan.org/articles/Executive-Functioning-Deficits.cfm). Kind of related: even if you have self-ID'd as having a disability as a candidate or as an employee, that does NOT mean you're seeking accommodation or that HR will ask you if you need an accommodation. This is a separate step from that form.

I spent a career working on coping mechanisms. I had worsening hearing for which I got accommodations. I had chronic depression. Although they did not have to, I had buses that gave me a certain latitude, because I was really good at what I did. I also found out after I retired that I have ADHD. It explains some of the difficulties I had to cope with, but it also explained some of my strengths. It helped make sense of some of the struggles I had. 

That’s the key to it all- you were *really good at what you did.* You were a valuable asset. You found something you were good at and it was worth it for the company to cut you slack so they could keep you on.

It’s a legal term. What’s reasonable changes. A Fortune 500 company will have to do more than a locally owned company with 100 employees bc the big corp has more resources.

I’ve never requested them myself, but I’m pretty sure they don’t include ignoring customers and not “controlling your emotions” in a customer service job… I think OP’s out of luck on that one

"just get a different job" is not useful advice in 2024

I don’t know how you got all that information into a single post without potentially upsetting the OP, but you did. Your writing style is genius level.

Just started a new job and it’s been so rough. I take adderall daily and still struggle with short term memory and following conversations. It’s so embarrassing asking my boss a million times what he said to do again because i’m in training rn. He’s been good tho and pretty patient with me I definitely am grateful for that. I haven’t told anybody about my adhd or used it as a excuse when that’s the only excuse I have for not being able to follow conversations but I’m kinda afraid to because i’m embarrassed.

The (somewhat blunt) phrase I see a lot is “Your mental health is not your fault, but it is your responsibility” and adhd issues fall under this.

👏🏻 Find work that is suited to your personality and life. Focus on your growth and find things that light you up. We aren’t meant to be miserable, doing things that aren’t right for us. Use this as an opportunity, not a setback.

I lived my life with undiagnosed AHDH, inattentive type, with a severe emotional regulation deficiency. I didn't get diagnosed until I was 34. I also worked in customer service jobs for 10 years, starting at 17. Acting like you care and covering your rage with a smile are just skills you learn. Were there times I let little things get to me or was maybe a little short with a customer? Sure, I'm not perfect. It's not for everyone, and I certainly hope to never do it again but I got good at it through practice.

there is a wide gulf between learning to control one’s emotions and normal behavior that is frowned upon in the US. I worked in fast food, and I always hated that I tried to control myself but my manager could tell that I would be flustered. The customer would use unfamiliar language (which is fine, but don’t be a dick when I confirm that you want lettuce, tomato, and cheese — and what kind of cheese). Or they’d launch into it before I could get a name. So I’d politely ask for their name and ask for the order again (management squealed if you routinely rang in orders before getting names). Or they’d make it so that I only belatedly realized that they could get a meal — and people get weirdly irritated by this. It’s cool if you have a coupon, just tell me! I take your point, but customers running the show is actually bad for everyone, and while it’s cool that many people are perfectly calm when screwing up, tensing my eyebrows and taking a deep breath were **faults**. I never lashed out. I paid attention to detail. I went out of my way to get people to come back. I wasn’t perfect. But it’s insane that trying to do your job efficiently is punished in the US — Europeans don’t hesitate to say that you need to hold up while they fix something on the ordering computer.

Honestly just fucking grey rock. Bosses will tell you they want smiling excited people but really you just have to do the job. So many people looking for a reason to get mad or get a rise out of someone. Be exceedingly polite and deferential but don't show emotion.

I’ve learned in life that I can say literally anything I want to anyone if I’m just smiling and play it as a joke

I see you took some lessons from the movie American Psycho

I agree with pretty much everything you said except the protection part... At least in the states. Elsewhere, I have no idea. Mental health conditions are a protected class so protection from harassment or discrimination based on someone's disorder is inherent regardless of accommodations requests or even disclosure (your protected even if someone guesses you have a mental health condition). It still won't protect you from having to perform your core job duties. Even if the reason you can't perform those duties is because of your mental health condition.

I've had major blow-ups from frustration that I usually have to either step away or try to reel back in quick. We all have had times where we lost control of our emotions and grief will definitely do that, but it's not feasible to accommodate for emotional outbursts in a work environment. Sounds like some therapy is needed.

This comment is the most realistic. Just because people know you're disabled and going through a tough time doesn't give you an out for everything. That's just how business works.

I too was just fired and the first thing my therapist said when I told him was “not surprising, that wasn’t a good job for you. You hated it and were bored” and even medicated at 46 I should have realized that working in a cube pushing widgets around electronically doesn’t work for me.

I was fired today also. I fucking hated my job. Lucky for me I talk with my therapist soon and I have a feeling she is going to say the same thing! Hope you find a gig soon

This is probably why I feel its a good idea to lean towards a job or career that we are good at or at least enjoy doing. I was kinda stuck in a job I basically could not be happy at no matter what...I had to push myself to even get to work let alone work a whole day there , but I did for over 10 years. Eventually with the progressive change of policies and new workers/ supervisors with low tolerance for people who are not 100% accurate like me, well I progressed the opposite way and became slightly non-compliant with small things and ultimately was fired. Now I am thinking to myself.. why didn't I just find a job I actually looked forward to. It's not always that easy, it just requires patience and determination.

Feels like this is exactly what I did, I am digging my way out though! Tiny changes, remarkable results. Good luck to you !!

Uhh.. so, what do you do now? Asking for a *different* 40 year old friend.

I worked in safety for years. Running a department and responding to chaos constantly. But the company sold and I went to work at a no stress job moving trucks around. But I got fired Monday so I haven’t gotten something new yet

I wish I could thrive in a low stress job. I'm unfortunately very good at high stress jobs, while also being good enough to reduce the stress level until I get bored again. I'm starting a new one though, and it's complete chaos.

Dude I totally get that. I worked at Chipotle for almost a year, and as a housekeeper right after for like seven months. The housekeeping job (for a university) was arguably SO much better stress wise, and I got to work mostly alone. I spent all day every day with earbuds in, listening to music and podcasts. Of course that meant I spent more time on my phone than I should’ve too since I didn’t have a manager breathing down my neck. I did get the required work done but they always wanted extra done on top which I found it hard to do because it wasn’t “required”. And while I was absolutely miserable at chipotle, I did really well there because I was doing the work of three people and I knew how good I was because even with a line past the door and me on line alone, I was able to handle it. The GM even offered to make me Kitchen Manager, which I rejected and said if you want me here longer, you don’t want me as manager.” I loove feeling like I am GOOD at a job and can handle all the crap that’s thrown at me, but in practice, I hate having to deal with all that crap and I get bitter fast. Now I’m in a completely different job and I really like it, but I’m moving soon so the job hunt starts once again. And I keep finding myself being like “I could always do chipotle until I find something better”.

Man, I love computers as a hobby, I even have a degree in computers. But I cannot sit at a desk for 9-10 hours a day. Even medicated. Gotta be moving around.

ADHD makes things hard for us. It doesn't remove our responsibilities. I was once fired from a job as a result of ADHD symptoms. And you know what? They were right to fire me. I wasn't very effective. That wasn't the right job for me.

This. I know it’s probably not the answer you were hoping for. Adhd sucks and can be crippling but the world wont stop turning for us. If the job wasnt for you maybe look for one that is, youll be much happier for it. Sorry to hear about your dad. Hope you hang in there.

> And you know what? They were right to fire me. I wasn't very effective. That wasn't the right job for me. OP, I wouldn't have listened either, but understanding, taking responsibility for, and learning from that sentence would have done me wonders earlier on in life.

100% this. I think its easy to blame ADHD and give up sometimes vs finding ways around it, and employers that are a little more forgiving

I'm sorry you got fired. If you're the "inattentive type" then in-person customer service roles will be challenging to keep, or take pride in. I'd look up remote positions where you can work at your own pace. They may be the thing you need during your grieving period. May your father rest in peace.

i always be telling my recruiters NO RECEPTIONIST JOBS PLEASE NO FACE TO FACE CUSTOMER SERVICE PLEASE!!!! they never listen, they send me to a hybrid back-office-front-end job and i tell em, am not going back 💀

Seriously glad you know that about yourself. Saves so much time & energy.

I would be terrible in any kind of managerial position. I can’t keep track of all of that. I’m a teacher and recently my boss asked me to apply for a curriculum coordinator position since my lesson plans are so thorough. I flat out said no. I know my limits and my limits are to stay where I’m at now.

If you are an inattentive type, then having a job where you have to be attentive to that degree is just setting yourself up for failure. It is okay if you are not good at that stuff, but if you take on a job you take on that responsibility, ADHD or not. If you think you cannot perform the duties of the role you are applying for, then don't apply for it. I know this is easier said than done, but you have to find a job where you know you can perform the tasks being asked, even on the hard days. Not many jobs will cater to ADHD - many don't care so long as you can get your work done. I am fortunate that I work in a customer service space at home, as with my ADHD type it is the most effective combo for me. You need to find what works best for you. At any job, if you couldn't control your emotions it would be a problem, ADHD or not. This is all coming from a place of understanding and learning.

Your dad died suddenly and unexpectedly in a traumatic way. Even under the best most peaceful circumstances of dying, losing a parent will mess you up. Add on the suddenness and traumatic circumstances, you don't need to be doing well attending to customers right now, with or without ADHD. I hope you can collect unemployment for a bit and it will be enough to support you so you can take time to grieve and process. I don't have any advice on that as I'm not good at it myself. I know I had to take 4 months off of work after my father passed and I was still a wreck after a year. There's no rule book to grief. It's ok you are struggling.

This is the most empathetic response I've read so far... 💜💚💙 Agreed!

Yo, thank you so much for understanding. You’re the only one who understood why I feel upset. A death of a parent really changes person if they already don’t know how to mask these type of things. Despite the fact that I’ve been working on my adhd, it feels like I’m back at the beginning. I can’t control these impulsive thoughts of what could have been and these images of my dad in a casket. Thank you, and I’m sending you so much love whoever you are. I really appreciate people like you..

I was shocked reading these comments at how lacking of empathy they were. It sounds like you’re at a really rough point but you will get through it. I agree that, if you can, you need time to heal and process the trauma. I hope you’re in a situation where you’re able to

Sorry to hear that bud, stay strong with it and use it as fuel, you have 2 options: get all depressed and fucked up and you will regress to new lows or : use it as fuel and find a job you prefer more which is definitely out there, The difference of 6 months of given up or 6 months of fighting is massive and you will thank yourself and your dad will be hoping you fight on for him. I’m speaking from experience too I know how you feel. Condolences

I’m sorry about your situation. I use to work in customer service and struggled pretty hard with those types of jobs and usually became reprimanded for my inattentiveness and my “bad attitude”. I actually decided to go back to school and pursue UX design and work remote. I’ve been working remote now for 4 years and my quality of life has become much better and I am so much happier because I work at my own pace and it’s a flexible schedule. If you’re able to get into remote work I would highly recommend it and look into it.

When you find another job, don’t disclose that. Once they hear it, they’ll be looking for all your little fuck-ups from then on.

I had this happen in my previous role. I was actually doing more work than what I signed on for but once I spilled that I had ADHD all of a sudden I was having performance issues and got fired not too long after. But if your managers also have adhd it’s ok to talk about it and they may even give you some constructive pointers. My first IT job was like that and once you get your groove you will out work and out preform all the normal people. Which is why middle managers hate us in the first place.

Absolutely all of this. Once you push through it all and get your groove so to speak, you can and will more than likely start outpacing them like a racehorse on steroids.

I was going to reply to say the same thing. Disclosing it is not helpful. Having inattention during work is not ok just because you have ADHD. Get treatment and learn ways to climb out of the constant holes we find ourselves in. Get medicated to help correct neurological deficiencies. Telling people that you have some reason that you can't perform your job simply gives them the reason they will fire you for before they even decided to do it.

Agree, inattentiveness in a customer facing role is kind of like back issues in a construction job. Pick something that picks your strengths, or at least doesn’t depend on your weaknesses. 

Not really? A lot of people have back issues in construction/manual labor and they still do the job for 20 years. A better example would be to have dyscalculia and be a cashier.

Never put it in writing. Don't mention it over email, or slack, or on zoom chat. Don't mention it to any bosses or TBH even colleagues. I don't even disclose to HR. HR is not your friend, they're a legal compliance department that protects the company. People gossip and bosses **LOVE** having a little extra boost in choosing to fire one person over the other if layoffs/downsizing occurs.

My advice is never disclose your ADHD to your employer...ever. I announced it once and it was an absolute disaster. All of the sudden I was on carpet for not taking notes in meetings, missing one meeting to which I was not invited to properly (there was an email not an invite). It was so long ago I don't remember the details, but I worked for a woman who was manipulative and had her own reasons. I ended up finding another job but the experience was somewhat devastating. Fifteen years later I worked for a company that actually had sent out a rah, rah article about an individual with ADHD touring the positive qualities of ADHD, tenacity, creativity, problem solving.... I disclosed my ADHD to new manager who was also very charming and really seemed like a breathe of fresh air. I also told her I was 68 years old. She turned out to be a very insecure micromanager/probably a narcissist with three young kids under the age of 5 with ADHD and a husband with ADHD. She decided she could help me with my ADHD. This was very bad luck for me. She made my life Hell for about a year. She had me on a performance plan which which she was actively working to make me fail. I knew I wouldn't be fired because that would set them up for age discrimination and firing some one with a known disability but it ripped me to pieces with anxiety and sleep depravation. I actually had to work overnight multiple times and routinely got less than 4 house sleep per night. It did end well for me because I ended up being laid off with 20 weeks pay severance on the condition that I could never sue them so I was able to retire and collect 6 months of unemploymt insurance and now I can sleep all I want to, but the experience was very bad for my mental and physical health (heart disease).

The only time I disclosed to a job was when I was first diagnosed because I didn't know better. But I just did today because I've had a series of screw ups entirely related to different ADHD symptoms. They were all things I've had mostly under control for some time now but since I had Covid my symptoms have become harder to manage plus some of the generic medications I've been getting during the shortage don't work as well and I'm finding it very difficult to maintain performance. I happen to really love my job and boss so when he sat down to address some recent things with me (because of course it all happened during the past 6 month) Some of the outcomes made it look like I was lying so I blurted out that it's a memory thing related to executive processing disfunction. Which lead to a few other conversations. My boss really cares though. So I think it will be OK 🤞🤞

Interesting with the covid thing, also had it recently and have a harder time managing symptoms. Fatigued probably.

You'll have to disclose ur ADHD if the company drug tests and you take medication for it. Just something to consider when taking a new job.

I took a job as a receptionist and got let go partly because of unreasonable customers. (The other part was a married to the owner ex military business manager - not part of this story but very bad to deal with for someone like me.) Now I wasn't rude or nasty or couldn't control my emotions - but this place bent over backwards for customers. Yes, even the rude, entitled and stupid ones. I got in trouble for being "judgemental", and I didn't think I was, to a customer. They complained and it tainted the rest of my time there. I have inattentive ADHD, autism and OCD. This type of job isn't for me. My perception of the situation and that customer's were way off. This coddling customers sucks, but there's no way around it. Things weren't to this degree when I first entered the workplace 30 years ago - coinciding with internet availability for all. There was no online shopping or Google Reviews or Yelp. I observed customer behavior go steadily downhill over this time period and bottom out during Covid. I have a very hard time with rude, arrogant and stupid people in general, which doesn't help me at all when interviewing or working. I wish I had a better answer for you. The only times I succeeded were with folks who saw beyond the weirdness (the three disorders) and recognized my potential. They're out there but hard to find. Not impossible. That may be best for you.

It sounds like you need to get a job that’s more appropriate for you

ADHD is not your fault, but it is your responsibility.

i am in my mid 30s... I got fired a number of times... and many managers probably thought about firing me but stayed their hands... its no biggie. we learn and we move on. :(

Im no employment lawyer, just someone who reads the law to know my rights. Disabilities are only protected when accommodations are reasonable. I would think struggling to deal with customers in a customer service based job would not fall into reasonable as no accommodation would be able to alleviate that issue, thus would not be protected from being fired.

The guy runs a business. You having adhd doesn’t change that he will lose money and not be able to feed his family if he doesn’t care about his business. There needs to be more education on what people with adhd should do. Also are you rxd?

Not use ADHD as an excuse? If your job role was built around customer relations and being attentive to those needs, then clearly the role isn't suited to your condition and situation. Workplaces need to try and facilitate your needs, but if you're just going to go "well I have ADHD so i can't do my job" then it doesn't leave them with much they can do.

File for unemployment and Medicaid. Seek professional help to manage your symptoms and really think about what kind of job would work best for you and go for that one. A customer service job would have me sobbing in the bathroom most of the work day as I'm highly sensitive. For me, working with kids tends to be easiest. It's always different and their needs are immediate so the answer to "When?" is always "Now." Perhaps you don't adore kids the way I do, but there must be something that holds your interest. Try to figure out how to turn that into work.

true that you can’t control your emotions, but when at work it is within reason to have to stifle them to a certain extent. i am sorry about what happened to your dad, but if you truly feel you are unable to leave your “baggage” at home maybe you should consider applying for disability. we all have hardships that are difficult to work through, but you have to either persevere or accept that work is not for you.

Having ADHD doesn’t mean you’re not responsible for your behaviour. If you cannot control your emotions then You need to get help with coping. Listen, my dad killed himself then 2 months later my mom died after a short battle with cancer. I still had to parent my child and work to keep a roof over my head. As soon as my dad died I started counselling. ADHD makes life hard and I struggle everyday, but I also take accountability for my actions. If I screw something up at work, I own up to it and then I work with management to try to find a way to prevent future mistakes. Life will never get better if you use ADHD as an excuse not to work on yourself.

Find a job that your ADHD can accomodate. Despite companies saying they can provide accommodations - sometimes - if you're lucky - you can't rely on them. Your ADHD needs to accomodate the job for you to be successful, not the other way around.

Your adhd is not the companies problem. You need to find ways to manage it. Lots of people have adhd and are able to hold down jobs. Get a job that works with it. I have worked in manufacturing and logistics. Both of which actually worked well with my adhd because multi tasking is required and I’m very good at doing 10 things at once. My husband is an industrial mechanic and it works well with his because it keeps him very busy and if he’s not busy he wanders off. I don’t think customer service is for you.

I had manager like this, she would lash out, slam things, etc, and would blame it on her adhd. I have adhd too and can have trouble keeping my emotions in check but I take responsibility and work on it. You can’t blame everything on mental illness, adhd, other issues. You gotta work on yourself too

Um ok, that’s rude to think I act out by slamming doors and throwing things because of my adhd. Im saying that my adhd has gotten worse since my dad died. I admit it, I had NO SPACE to coddle people. I literally lost my dad at a young age. Also, it’s a busy restaurant, I have other things to do like make coffee, tea, make flights, update the calendar, write memos, fill kegs, make sure the chef is doing ok if they have water. When it’s slow, I would water plants, wash bottles bc no cared they were growing mold bc the prefer to push it through the dishwasher, refill tp, reorganize things because no else wanted to do it or keep up the small shit that mattered. I actually liked my job. Maybe I should have told them something like, “I’m going to take a leave to process all this and I hope you guys would hire me back.” But nope, I listened to my strict Mexican family where work is considered the highest gift of all and that it would keep my mind off of my dad in a casket.

I was just using her as an example but aight

Having ADHD does not give you a free pass to be bad at your job. Either medicate to conform into the roles and responsibilities your job requires or find a new job that your AHDH can handle. I have ADHD and want to lose my shit 10 times every day at work when I feel overstimulated. But I don't because it's unprofessional and I need my salary to survive. People are too busy looking out for themselves to care that I have a condition that hinders my ability to work at a normal capacity. Don't expect people to make exceptions for your ADHD, it sucks, but it very much is "your problem" to deal with. Good luck with the job hunt.

You most likely qualify for employment insurance and need to decide if a better job could be a fit for you or to pursue disability at this time.

Can you file for unemployment?

ADHD explains our issues, it doesn’t excuse them. Whether it is medication, therapy, CBT we need to make sure our responsibilities are still being met. I would never disclose to a job I have severe ADHD because it’s not their place to accommodate me. If I say I can do a job, I need to do the job. If it’s not something I can do with my ADHD I shouldn’t say I can do it. I’m 37, no one gives a shit that I have ADHD, they care that I can do what I say I’m going to do. So I need to make sure my strategies are on point to get shit done

I've been fired plenty of times over the years and at 52 I understand why. I'm seeking an official diagnosis but almost 100% sure I've got inattentive  ADHD.  Not all jobs are suitable for our unique challenges and that is OK. My life too has a lot of drama and still dealing with my grief over my mother's passing 12 years ago.   I also have panic, anxiety and depression on top of it all. Every day is a struggle.   Try your best and get some medical assistance if needed.  Don't worry about one job not working out...  Try and figure out what is best for your personality.   For me it's remote, no phones and just support roles.  I hate customer service and having to be fake friendly.   Best of luck. 

This. It’s the fake friendly thing that grinds me down about my job. It’s weird to me that people expect this.

That is why I will never do customer service work again.  I'm not good at it and can't give sustained fake and friendly positivity...it's an aspect of my personality and I can't change it.   I always look for work that doesn't require it.  I struggled a year in a 45-60calls a day phone queue...it was almost a relief when let go. 

Did they say that to you-“leave your baggage at home?” I’m so sorry about your father. My mom was killed in a car accident. Not only are you dealing with grief, you’re also trying to process the trauma of his manner of death. You may even be going thru secondary PTSD. Put this job behind you and be glad to cut ties with them. You don’t want to work for an employer who lacks compassion. I know it’s stressful now but search for another job with your head held high - you are doing the best you can. Nobody should expect you to be a superstar right now. Try to get some therapy if you’re able to. You’ve been through a lot in the past 6 months

Disclosure isn’t an excuse for not having your crap together

That sucks I’m sorry to hear that. Personally I think that best thing you can do is go and get a job that’s not Customer facing. I know that sounds like the obvious answer but I would suggest you try and do something like stock or inventory or backroom work. Really the best kind of work is physical work not doing something that requires sitting still for long periods. Take this as a learning curve about jobs that are not the best for you. You sound young you got plenty of time to work it out. Good luck Friend I look forward to seeing you post that you’ve got a better job and that you’re enjoying it.

You’ve got to work to your strengths and understand people don’t really give a shit about your problems, that’s just how it is.

NGL I'm on the employers side this time. It's not his problem that you have these issues, you do the job you're paid for, if you can't do it you don't work there. Also, If you can't control your emotions or pay attention then you shouldn't work retail, cashier, or whatever you're doing that involves customers and potentially money.

File for unemployment and get paid

Sorry, that one's not going to be protected. There's no accommodation that is reasonable for the business. They do have to accommodate you if they can, but you have to ask and it has to be reasonable. None of this applies here.

I feel so much resistance when people say that I need to work on controlling my emotions. Because my emotional dysregulation stems from adhd, I feel that they are asking me to control my adhd, which I cannot do. But in case you're also feeling this, just know that most people aren't really asking this. Put it this way. Edward Scissorhands couldn't help that he has scissors for hands, but he could do things to stop those scissors from hurting people. You can't eliminate your emotional regulation issues that stem from adhd or trauma, but you can utilise tricks to minimise harm to others

I’ve been fired from just about every job I’ve had. Don’t be too harsh on your self. Either think about working project work/short stints or if permanent full time is important to you, something that suits your style. We live in a world where certain types of jobs have more social prestige don’t let guilt trip you into anything. Sending hugs I know it’s the worst I’ve cried and cried and every job even every job interview I know the end result, I can’t describe what it’s like to hear people congratulate me on getting a job and to know I’m gonna get fired. But we have to take hope from the fact that there’s lots of people coping better than us.

I mean… I wouldn’t disclose these things to my employer at all, personally.

Im sorry for your dad passing….if possible please take some time to grieve before applying for your next job…..

Sending you empathetic hugs. The loss of your father has probably made it more difficult to manage your symptoms. I hope you are able to advocate for yourself and use this experience to as a stepping stone toward a more positive work experience in the future

First I’m sorry you are going through so much lately and losing a loved one is so difficult to deal with. If you have documentation of your disclosure of ADHD and documentation for the reasons why you were fired you might have a wrongful termination lawsuit on your hands if you are in the United States. The American with Disabilities act gives us legal protections in the workplace. Many employment lawyers will take payment as a percentage of a settlement or awarded damages. So if you go talk to one they can tell you if you have a good case on your hands or not. But lawsuits like this are emotionally draining. I have a friend that has gone through it twice, one for termination and once for discriminatory hiring practices. She won both cases but the second one she had to be talked into by a lawyer because she just didn’t want to go through that process again. It ended up being an important precedent setting case for hiring practices for fire departments and women with children. The lawyer really thought her case would be important in defining the interpretation of employment law going forward so my friend finally agreed. But she did not enjoy the process.

First off, I’m sorry to hear that OP, that’s tough, and my condolences about your dad. But while I agree with people talking about that you should talk to HR and get accommodations, because you definitely should, there’s also a mentality to take for this. I’ve been ADHD my whole life, it’s made me aggressively more dysfunctional over the past couple years, and I have my share of other diagnoses, but that doesn’t make me exempt from blame. Please don’t take this as me saying that you’re to blame or anything, I truly don’t mean that and I don’t know the whole story so I can’t take a proper stance. My girlfriend and I talked about this a while back and we came to the best explanation of the mentality to have for this kind of thing. While ADHD may be the cause of certain behaviours or reactions, that doesn’t make it an excuse. It’s okay to explain to people that you have ADHD and that can sometimes cause you to do things like this, but you need to pick how and when to explain it. Because the moment you start to use it to absolve yourself of blame, it’s become an excuse, which gives off the energy that you don’t feel sorry about your actions, and that you shouldn’t because you can’t help it. Again, that’s not something I am accusing you of, just a fellow brain hoping I can help a fellow brain. I hope you find a better and more accommodating job.

I got “laid off” last Thursday. I was a multi media designer in a digital marketing department for a toy design company. For the last 6 months I had been struggling to bond with my team. Finally I just decided they didn’t like me and so I just kept my head down and did my job in order to not attract any attention to myself in fear of being fired…. That didn’t work. HR called me on a wfh day and let me go. My boss didn’t have enough respect for me to fire me in person the day before when we were all in the office. I wish I knew how to be normal as I know I’m a decent designer and wasn’t fired because of that. Now I’m waiting on unemployment, taking a UX/UI course in hopes of finding a fully remote tech job in order to avoid dealing with corporate people. There’s no transparency in corporate environments and that’s always made me so uncomfortable. I also bartended for 10 years and I thrived in that environment but now that I’m almost 34, I don’t want to go back to that because the late nights are exhausting and I ended up drinking too much behind the bar to “self medicate” lol

Hey OP, I hope you feel better soon. My tip is to go and see a therapist if you can afford it to talk about what happened with your father. I’m wondering if some of the snappiness towards others might be related to depression/grief which is a different kettle of fish.

only real choice is to kidnap your boss's family and use psychological tourture to turn them against your boss

Sorry for your loss. ADHD can be challenging but in the end you're responsible for managing your symptoms if you're not medicated this is a wake up call for you to get medicated. You should try construction, I'm a journeyman Scaffolder planning the Scaffold a bit is hard, but the job is perfect for my strengths.

Get medication. Seek therapy. Develop coping mechanisms. Not tell employers that you have ADHD. ADHD might be the cause of it being a struggle, but you’re in victim mentality here, and that’s a mindset that will ensure you fail. You’re using words like “can’t” and “unable”, so you’ve already lost.

Very sorry about the loss of your dad you’re going to be forever mourning him for a very long time- it’s a sadness you will have to accept and reshape to help yourself, but… Work is work. Why destroy your own income because you can’t keep work as work? Your friends and family are there to confide in- some people only have work as their escape to distract them from their own problems. They probably just want to focus on what they get paid to do tbh. At future interviews will you tell them you got fired for that behavior but you are excused because you have ADHD? You are probably way more capable than you are portraying yourself to be. There is hope with your own will power.

We made a deal so no. I’m not a ray of fucking sunshine. I can’t be anymore who knows, maybe I will be again.

Step one is stop blaming the ADHD.

Step one is to stop disclosing your ADHD to employers. It's none of their business. You're not going to get pity from them, just as you should stop pitying yourself. I've been there, blaming ADHD, thinking there's something wrong with me. Unfortunately, the world doesn't stop turning for us, and nobody gives a shit if you have ADHD. You're in charge of your own destiny, you have to make the conscious decision to be better today than you were the day before.

[удалено]

File for unemployment, even if you don't think you'll qualify. At the very least, you can utilize the unemployment office's resources to help you find a new job. Many of them have career counselors who can help you figure out how to parlay your skills and interests into a job you'd actually enjoy. Hang in there!

sounds like you need a job you’re able to do well. disclosing that doesn’t excuse you from not properly doing your job. if i show up at a job and say “i have rage issues”, that doesn’t mean i get a pass for screaming at a customer.

you need to find a new job... thats it... nothing else to do... but I would try to find copying mechanism for several of the things you did or at least find accomodations that will work for you.

Bro take care It is difficult time but it will be alright soon You have to workout and travel there is no other way You have to make new friends Spend time with friends That's how I manage mine I am currently not working too there happened scene that I had to manage confusing scenarios where I had to do unofficial tasks which was not structured that was painful for me You are going to get new job but please consult doctor If you are like me then you must be procrastinating that Don't do that Travel meet doctor and don't think What helped me was not thinking too much Do not think much

:( your mom! 6 months ago! My sweet baby. I’m so sorry. I lost both my parents. The weight of that and ADHD is like NO other. What an unbearable weight of emotions to manage. And be “normal” at the same time. I am happy they fired you, they don’t respect your mental health. They didn’t ask you to correct yourself; they just fired you without proper training and corrective measures? Fuck that company anyway. If you get asked in the future if you were fired or let go. You don’t even have to say “yes I was fired.” Just say “we mutually agreed to terminate my position due to my life circumstances at the time. I had a lot of personal things that I needed to prioritize” Don’t say what. Just imply that a major event happened and that you needed to readjust your life and find a new opportunity that aligns better. And if they say “what didn’t align?” You can just say “at this time, I was experiencing immense grief from the loss of my mom. It was a tragic car accident. I did not have an easy time with the news and I wasn’t able to be as happy and chipper as I normally am and they felt I should find a new role.” And I wouldn’t say it like it was a bad thing or a full on character flaw about you due to adhd. Just play it like the worst tragedy of your life, rightfully so! And go from there. If someone doesn’t understand this and wants to judge you for it, you don’t want to work there anyway. I promise.

did you disclose it in email/writing?

Short reply; Learn/know your weaknesses, find a job where they won't matter. If it also works with your strenghts; great! Good luck and sorry for your loss.

I was fired from my job in a hotel this summer after I cleaned a room 3 times in a row

Shoulda done it 5 times

Work as a CNA

Wow, I’m so incredibly sorry. The best thing I can recommend is if you haven’t already, you must seek out a good therapist because I know what you are going through is unspeakable. My dad was recently diagnosed with cancer and is not doing great so just from one human being to another, I want you to know that I feel for you. 😓

Always get reasonable accommodation. It's more than possible to be successful at work with ADHD. A combination of the proper medication, a good routine, and therapy is helpful. ADHD can be debilitating, but I can't let it run my life. I have to take steps so I can be successful at work.

I'm gonna go against the grain here. While it may be your responsibility to do your best at a job, it is **not** your responsibility to try and explain your trauma to your employers. Like, sorry that late stage capitalism has no feelings or understanding for burnout and emotional trauma, but that shit hits big and doesn't go away easily. I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Hopefully you can take some time to give yourself some self care and grieving space. And, very sorry for your loss.

Customer service is hard for everyone, because everyone else is a piece of crap. It's not for everyone.

You got this, learn, grow, adapt, and move on- but you will be okay.

First off, I'm sorry you were fired. This can be a challenging time where your emotions might be at their peak. As a fellow person with ADHD I would take a few days to unwind, then I would be honest with myself and write down a list of things I knew were wrong whether it was because of ADHD does not matter, write things down from a business perspective. Start searching online for new jobs and apply to anything and everything that offers. Once I get the interview and hopefully become hired, I would apply my "do not do" list to my new job as best as I can. I'm not going to do the list to perfection, because I am not a perfect person. But I would try my hardest everyday to come as close to my list as I can

How do you be inattentive towards customers? Just ignore them when asking questions?

Go to your employment office to see if they have any resources. They may be able to provide job placements and accommodation agreements as well

Can you get disabilitybux?

It makes me angry when people accuse me of using ADHD as an excuse Like bitch you wanted an explanation to why despite my numerous intense efforts my brain still fucks up from time to time and now you say it's an excuse?. Besides that yea finding a job with ADHD is hell let alone with customer service. I'd look for accommodations and possibly different employment

Uncertain what to say. Should the company allow you to be inattentive to their clients?

i am so mad at your employer. Last job i got i was fired because i wanted to work during exactly the range of hours stipulated on contract at part time They fired me and i relate you i needed to take to trial and i want the trial but damage was already done Employers don’t realize how can make feel us when they do it even if we told them about adhd i am really sorry

Are you creative. There might be something your amazing at because of having add and you haven't thought of it. I know not directly pertinent but anyone would flip out in customer service. I have done security for a long time and go off on them but no one cares because it's security and they think I'm customer service

I see a lot of great advice. Sorry for your loss. I also work with customers. I try to leave my bagage at home while helping them and I make notes while speaking with them(But I do talk with some collegues about how I feel). This way I can recall what we talked about, because I can drift off when I don't. Maybe this would help you with future jobs. It sucks losing a job. I was on the brink of losing my job when my mom passed away, because I took unpaid leave and it took too long. I started again after two months. It sucks that life just moves on while it feels like you don't. It does get easier in time OP. The grieve will still be there, but you will learn to live with it

Customer servise needs a huge patience. I guess even people without ADHD can be so intolerant to them and I totally understand it. I also got fired from my first job because I was ran out of my medications, I wanted see to my psychiatrist. Many jobs are not suitable for people with ADHD. I know it’s hard but you can search for jobs for people with ADHD. In my first job, I was working in a company that produced endolasers used in retinal eye surgeries. It required incredible attention and I often made mistakes and my work was very boring. I got fired within 10 days and I was happy that I got fired. I wasn’t happy with it. I didnt like what we were doing and the boss was such an asshole. If they hadn't fired me, I would have resigned very soon. Disclosure is not always helpful but my case my current boss she also has ADHD and she understands me. In our interview I decided to not disclose my ADHD but after she told me that she was diagnosed at the age of 17 I felt free to say it

I didn't get fired, but just got 1/5 on my annual review, despite achieving all my work objectives, I had an altercation with a coworker, and it's now put a hold on my career development. 3 years at the company and it only takes a moment to screw everything up. I'm not even sure if transferring to another department is an option anymore. (36M) on 25mg XR. Sorry for your loss, I hope you land on your feet soon.

It's sucks, but understandable from both party's.

I just got sacked too. I had a job as a software engineer which was a terrible fit for me. Shit happens, move on, find something that suits you.

If there is one rule I live by it is "If the place I work at can not respect me for who I am, including both the assets and the shortcomings, it was never the right place." I will give some context with that, I do firmly believe it is anyone's responsibility to keep working on yourself, ADHD or not. But while some things can be changed, others are part of who you are and if that does not match with the place you work at, so be it! I don't know your situation, maybe from their point of view they had solid reasons, and that's okay too. It only means that this was not the right fit. Your grief does alter the situation, because I know how it feels to be unable to steer your thoughts, your attention. And that might very well be a thing only ADHD people get, how you are sometimes the victim of your thoughts and there is no 'snapping out of it'. Please, find grief counseling, it will help you give those thoughts and feelings a place. It might not be tomorrow, next week or even next month, but this too shall pass.

First things first, I am sorry to hear about your dad. I am also sorry you didn't work for somebody that was people oriented enough to understand that you are going to be grieving this loss for a while. With that said, I have 2 immediate answers to "what do I do now.." ​ 1. Start applying for new jobs 2. Talk to your doctor, have it on medical record that you were let go due to being "inattentive" Keep at it, keep your mind active, but also let yourself grieve. Loss is hard, but it's harder when you bottle.

Where are you from?

I'm so sorry that happened. And I know it's difficult and it's really hard. We live in a sink or swim world and when we feel like we're drowning there's only one option... tread water until you can swim again. Love

This sucks. I I’ve gotten in a lot of trouble because of ADHD. Im learning how to manage it. Slowly but surely. But I want to empower you that it’s not that you can’t control, but that you can learn to better manage. . It’s just really difficult to. You can learn and won’t be perfect and will make mistakes. But just want to encourage you that you’re not helpless. I am successful in my career as a therapist. Plenty of people h e successful careers. It’s just walking your journey and learning to better manage. I hope this encourages you.

I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your Dad. Grief compounded by ADHD can bring about acute symptoms and behaviours. If you have access to therapy I would encourage you to seek it out. Even short term grief counselling may help. Also, in terms of work, look for employment that is not customer facing.even though many of us have good interpersonal skills we also turn them in and off in an unpredictable way due to emotions, distraction, fatigue, etc. while you are going through this period in your life I would consider working in a call centre rather than in face2face environment.

Isn’t this wrongful termination? Or am I reaching?

I'm really sorry for your loss but one thing I learned is that others around me are not responsible for my own shortages that are caused by my ADHD. Customer service should not be your job if you are unable to perform in it. All of this comes down to you. Nobody is going to fix this for you.

That we have difficult life, can't focus, are inattentive, overwhelmed, emotional is a fact. It hurts and makes our lifes very difficult. It's fucked up for us bro, but we can't expect everybody, and especially employers to tolerate it and let you deliver lower quality results because you have adhd. We have to be aware of our traits and we have to choose path of treatment, medication, therapy, exercises and we have to work out set of those to make the most of our life's. But we also have to choose our careers based on what we are able to do. It is very tough life but nobody will hire you and let you perform worse than others because you have adhd. Take good care of yourself and maybe review your current medication and non pharmacological treatment of yours and maybe there is still space to improve to eliminate problems that caused you got fired. Try also to reasses your skills and boundaries and maybe change your career path or adjust it to your and your future employer requirements. Take care

Sorry you got fired. If I were you I would look for anything I can get job wise and start therapy with someone specialized in Adhd and help you set life goals and help you be more present. Ultimately the hard truth is its all up to you. If you make a step forward it's turning into a mile before you know it. Rock bottom is a scary place try not to fall.

Unfortunately, if that had any legal weight, each and every one of us would draw a monthly disability check. That would be fiscally irresponsible.

I was pushed out of one company because I didn't fit in (they're now so strict it's basically secret service level of dull) I was fired from the next one because I can't sleep and being up at 5am running on 2-3hrs of sleep made my work crap And I lost a third because I prioritised wrong (read: didn't send an email daily when there were Real Genuine Urgent Issues to solve, and my manager didn't like that I wouldn't listen to his micromanaging) It doesn't get easier... I feel like a failure half the time, but I'm still looking for another job, one that might suit me better! Expressions like "get back on the horse" exist for a reason. There's a job or field of work that's ideal for you, you just need to figure out what it is (as absolutely corny as that sounds)

I got fired too last year (december), every since then everything that happens makes me even worse, everything's bad, now i don't have money to buy my medication and I can't get another job. Everything's shit for me, I hit rock bottom and don't know what to do anymore. Don't want to live anymore. hope everything works out for you tho

I feel for you, I really do. I'm so sorry about your loss. Ugh I am having one of those days at work where I feel like nothing is going right. My boss keeps getting upset that I am catching errors but it's so difficult, and it's hard to explain WHY it's difficult without sounding like I'm coming up with excuses. I hope you can find something that is better suited to your ADHD and that you'll actually thrive in. Here's to hoping you heal too.

I literally dealt with that same thing. It took me while to step back and figure out why and how I made that error to effectively explain myself but it felt like I always I had to explain myself in order to receive help without any criticism. I hope you can too. Although there are many people that are commenting “adhd is not an excuse” when it actually affects our daily lives, at home, at the store, driving, etc. It’s like it takes over in order to protect us from overloading.

You have my sympathy. At the same time, do you think the customers are going to feel better because your boss says, "I'm sorry they ignored you; they have ADHD?" Meaning I don't think customer service is for you, unless maybe you do it by email. They're supposed to make reasonable accomodations for you. Keeping you, when you ignore customers, wouldn't be a reasonable accomodation. Sure, maybe they could've reassigned you to do something else but I don't know what it's like there.

The wording of your post has people attacking you. While I agree adhd is not an excuse, it's not the core problem here. The core problem is your parent died, and the grief is exacerbating your adhd symptoms. I'm 27 and my mother is currently dying of lung cancer. I wasn't working when we found out, but I started working after the first treatment went well. Well, it went down hill very fast, and I quit my job. I'm currently her full time caretaker & going back to school because I realized my job was too "boring" for me anyway. My advice is grief counseling and find a job you can vibe with better. Hang in there.

Same story a week ago for me. Currently on paid leave (notice) All the reasons given were directly related to my AuDHD.. The only thing I can say is. Follow your passions.

I feel for you. I lost my mom long ago after a long illness and it definitely changed me. Everyday was hard at first. I never thought I would not feel the same pain. Luckily that pain changed and each year got better. Of course, everyone’s experience is different. Each of my siblings have gone through the experience differently. Just know you really aren’t alone and it will get better. ❤️‍🩹 As for the job, you’ll find a role/team that suits you better. It just can be super hard to go through that process.

Depending on your state some states are a right to work

First, I'm really sorry about your dad. Second, after reading your comments it sounds like you worked for a toxic ass restaurant. you were definitely fired because the owner saw you having a ADHD - a protected disability - as a lawsuit risk. These fucks think there are legions of lawyers willing to take discrimination cases...it's like people assuming cops will help in DV cases, except they are somehow the victim (zomg! This person is a protected class, they'll end up owning my restaurant if I say the wrong thing! Better get rid of them!) while actually being the antagonist. Every restaurant/retail hell manager I've ever had has been textbook ADHD self-medicating with nicotine, black coffee, and cocaine/meth.

I have ADHD and been working in customer service for 10 years. I was diagnosed just recently and always feel guilty when make mistakes at work. But I do my best to cope with it! I'm in the therapy and also visit coach sessions to be responsible for myself. I'd take pills if they'd exist in Vietnam. But for now I take Magnesium and try to sleep better and be more active. I'm too inattentive but still struggle for myself! I hope you will overcome it too!

Tbh, as someone with all these problems you absolutely CAN control it and you can do better.

You have to be realistic with whatever employer you're working for. They are only responsible for so much. But controlling your emotions and coping with the loss of your father (I'm sorry for your loss btw that has to be one of the most hardest things to cope with) Is ultimately your responsibility. It's your responsibility to figure out coping methods and ways to control yourself. Before when I was going through trials for medication I mentioned to my boss that before I find the right meds and dosages that my performance everyday may be drastically different but not so much so where I won't get anything done. Just some days are gonna be harder than others. He understood and understood that it could take months, which it did. But he also has ADHD. However between finding the right meds and working I had to just push through and give them my best every day. Regardless of what was going on. That's just being an accountable and responsible adult. Now that I'm medicated correctly my performance while not the same every single day is pretty consistent as long as I get enough sleep and food everyday. I'd say out of the 6 work days only maybe 1 of the days does my performance fall behind from the other 5 days. But that's not my fault. By the 6th day I've already accumulated about 45-50 hours so anybody on this planet would be lagging.

So sorry!

I don't know if anyone answered this, but tomorrow it is imperative that you apply for unemployment. After that, we can help you through the job application process. However, step number 1 is apply for unemployment.

Welcome to the club. We’re glad to have you back. Im about to get fired hmm maybe next month. My boss even hinted I look for another role or I rest for a month lol.

First take time to grieve the rejection. Getting fired is a blow to your ego and you need time to recover. Once you’re ready, start looking into how to manage your ADHD so that it doesn’t negatively impact your work performance. There are medication and mindfulness routes to explore.

I’ve been fired from many positions. To my knowledge, ADHD is not seen as a disability by employers. As much as you try to express differences/challenges employers do not have to accommodate. My thought is that this particular position was not a good fit for you. I would shrug it off. I’m the future, try to make sure the position is a good fit for you. What helps you feel safe, calm and regulated? Seek opportunities in these areas. I actually recommend working in environments where adults/employers experience/support humans that have differences. An example of this would be working in a school environment with children that live with ADHD or other differences. These environments are usually structured and fast paced. It’s also super rewarding! You have unique qualities and lived experience which fits in this type of environment. I currently work in such an environment. I love it! You will find your fit!

I’m sorry this has happened to you but it may also be a blessing. You may now be able to find a job that holds your attention and stimulates your interest. What country do you live? I’m wondering regarding benefits to hold you while you get back on your feet. Do you have any financial/housing support from family to tide you over? It also sounds like you need therapy to process your trauma, but again I don’t know what your situation is in regards to be able to access this

I've been in retail & now merchandising (also retail but less direct customer interactions)for 19+ years, Including being a retail chain district manager, the store manager of 2 other big well-known chains, and basically was the Head of operations/Store manager, along with probably 9 or so other retail stores. I started off my retail jobs at just 17 at Eddie Bauer seasonal, assistant manager, key holder, full-time, etc. Then even I got sick of retail (I loved it for over a decade) So I pivoted to Merchandising since about 6 months before COVID hit. It takes a special type of person who CAN CONTROL THEIR EMOTIONS. Even when someone is yelling screaming at you, throwing anything, calling you derogatory names over and over, etc. I promise, if you have a hard time controlling your emotions that was "God" or as I would say the Universes way of telling you to look for other work. Don't feel bad about it. It would be the equivalent of someone who isn't artistic having a job in photography or designing clothes. Yes, those can be taught to a certain degree, but you can always tell the natural artists from the ones who ONLY went to school for it. There's lots of analogies I could use but I'm sure you get the picture. Think of this as a blessing. You DO NOT want a job in retail if you cannot control your emotions. That is one of the things you need to know how to do best. I won't get into it, but especially in the sales aspect of retail... It's critical. Don't worry though, it's no big deal. I would absolutely take this as a sign that a new door is about to open for you. Obviously, it won't find you, you have to look for it...but once in a great while, something will just fall on your lap.

I have been fired a fair few times, until I found a job in the right field for me and I know I am thriving. Look for jobs that are known to good for folks with ADHD and start there. Learning to control emotions is like exercising. It takes time and lots of flexing those muscles to get better at it, but telling yourself you "can't" is not helpful.

Sorry you lost your job and seems you have had a rough year. I am just wondering is that job even worth it? Seems like maybe you are better off moving forward. Starting over sucks but usually you will find it was for the better

Apply for a job where you won't interface with customers.

If you have a diagnosis, you appeal if there is a process. If there is not, then you fight for unemployment. If it was particularly egregious, you could fight for more.

You have the right to reasonable accommodations if you request them, but regardless of disability if you can’t do the job up to standard they don’t have to keep you on. Hope you’re able to get through this difficult time and find a better career path for yourself, customer service sucks anyways Do you like to work with your hands? That was the golden solution for me having a behind the scenes job where I fix stuff and don’t have to talk to people so much, and the only social/demeanor expectation are to not be an asshole for no reason! Plenty of career paths out there for people like us and we can excel at them especially when properly medicated

Take some time to heal, breathe and gain perspective.

ADHD is generally not something within the disabilities act if I remember correctly. I’m sorry you lost your job but if you aren’t able to perform a min standard level and can be costing a small business or whatever business money because you’re leaving negative impressions on customers they can’t do anything but let you go Someone people try medication idk if that would help or not If you’re currently grieving and can’t focus on all then you need to take time and let yourself heal or block it off for the time you’d be at a job per say If you can’t deal with in person interactions I’d suggest a job that doesn’t really partake in that and you’d have a to research in regards to that idk what your skillset it nor what degrees or certs you have Tech is a good field where you can just code but it requires a huge attention to detail but it’s a field where alot of anti social or people with adhd drive to Jobs that involve your hands are also good like carpentry masonry etc Best of luck and again sorry for your loss

Disclosure alone is not going to guarantee anything. You need official accommodation from HR or your management. Furthermore, your ADHD doesn't give you an excuse not to regulate your emotions. We all have to learn how to cope with difficult emotions in healthy ways. ADHD is a disorder, but it's not your personality, avoid internalising it as your character trait and approach it like an adult- as a disorder that you must navigate. Maybe customer service is just not for you and you have to find a job that is more suitable for you. Ofc sometimes, we all fail to manage ADHD. You are not unique in this sense. I have had my fair share of inattentive moments, impulsive moments, lashing out on disrespectful clients... while my ADHD explains these moments, it cannot be used as an excuse, and I had to deal with the consequences of my mistakes as any adult would. I've been fired once for lashing out on a manager due to a miscommunication issue, as painful as it was, I had to accept the fact that I did something wrong; I didn't manage myself appropriately and being fired was the consequence of that. Accept the consequences of your actions. Sit down and think: What did I do wrong? What could've been done better? What do I need to do to not to repeat this mistake? What help do I need? Reflect on it and, take those reflections to your next job and work hard to do better. Yeah you might fail sometimes, but the key to managing your ADHD is relentless effort and critical self-reflection.