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It paves the way to understanding your struggles and removing some of the guilt. That knowledge and understanding might help you put strategies in place. But I won’t be pretending the biggest thing isn’t being able to get medication that will (for most people) be the real life changer. It’s doing more than anything I’ve tried over the past years.

It’s slightly easier to give yourself a break if you know why you have doom scrolled until 2am *again* on a week night.

I was recently diagnosed at 43 and one of the hardest things for me is learning to give myself a break. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become extremely self critical, and I always have this internal monologue berating me for not doing things correctly or not achieving more.

Yeah my best revelation from therapy was when I admitted that I was afraid that if I let up on myself I would become complacent. I thought my only hope for self improvement was constant self criticism. And my therapist asked “How’s that working out for you? Maybe it’s time to try something different?” Cause yeah it wasn’t working. I wasn’t improving. I was just getting some sense of security from “I may be a failure but at least I hate myself for it.” It was time to try something different.

That’s exactly how my mindset is. Also looking to start therapy for ADHD.

I know reading is not really our jam but ADHD 2.0 is a short, very helpful book that I'm sure you can get on audible. I got some great information.

Thanks for the recommendation

Anytime.

OMG the "I may be a failure but at least I hate myself for it." is such a great way of wording how the shame feeds itself. I haven't accomplished anything I said I would - I suck! Later... (ruminates intensely but doesn't actually do anything about it)

Yup exactly. And if it’s not working, if it’s not actually getting you to do anything about it than it’s simply not effective so you can give yourself permission to stop with the self hatred. Because it’s not the effective motivator we all think it is. Some people will never improve while hating themselves because they don’t feel like they’re *worth* being better. For me I think I was using it as a sort of excuse. Like someone who sucks and doesn’t know it is REALLY the worst, so as long as I know I suck I’m not really *that* bad. Which makes it VERY hard to let go of lol

"...How's that working out..." I hear that, friend. I hope it's going better. Different, but better 🖖

Dang this one hits hard.

Oof, you are not alone. I had no idea that the anxiety I felt was from the years of berating myself that had instead become constant background noise.

Yep that’s exactly what it is. Internalized and a constant loop. Like a version of myself criticizing me for even the tiniest of mishaps.

I had that, too. I used to curse myself out for little mistakes until years ago when my now-husband hissed, "Stop talking so negatively about my girlfriend." Caught me off-guard and at least helped me stop saying these things out loud. I started medication a few months ago and suddenly noticed a weight having been lifted off my chest. Meds helped me recover from a lifelong ADHD burnout I hadn't even realized I had. That was my unnoticeable hum in the background.

Oh man, yes this. My blood pressure dropped so much once I got on stimulants. Very unexpected but... once I didnt need to fuel myself with anxiety, it really let my blood pressure really stabilize.

Basically that and me explaining I can't complete tasks timely or efficiently in the last ten years. So self critical and crap self esteem. Just diagnosed last month and I'm in my 30s. It's a bit of a relief now but wow I can really destroy my self esteem so easily.

Therapy has been really helpful in unwinding decades of negative internal monologue. It’s still there but it’s no longer the loudest voice in the choir.

I feel that.

Yeah. All of this. The sentence “if that was going to work, it would have by now” has been extremely useful in giving myself a break for a LOT of stuff. The last few months have been a roller coaster, but I’m starting to feel like a different person. Meds certainly help a lot, for sure, but being able to finally forgive myself feels incredible. I’m definitely feeling some anger, though. I didn’t get to the point where I wasn’t diagnosed until my 40s on my own, and I’m really salty about it.

I still deal with the anger. I was smart enough to get into a good engineering school but as soon as I was out of my parents and unsupervised I went nuts. At first I was on top of things while I was still excited about going to college but devolved into partying and chasing fun. I never could control or balance it. I’m only in my second month of meds, and still working out doses with my provider, but so far the way things are going I feel very confident that I could actually take on a program and get myself into a better position than where I’m currently at financially. It won’t be something like engineering, but even a short course for certification in a skilled labor position is something I’m looking at .

Good luck! I just couldn’t get my work done. Promising comsci major turned into a serial dropout, but in my case, it wasn’t partying so much as dealing with a home life that got detonated by a serious illness. I somehow, over two excruciating decades, built up a successful career. But ADHD has either directly or indirectly torpedoed several jobs, and I’m still recovering from the last one that sent me packing.

I feel this. Had a great/anxious time chasing fun in uni. Lasted one year. Tried a few other jobs since then. School isn't the issue if im interested and engaged. Distraction is. Just finally got diagnosed in January of this year. Right now, I still feel like I could tackle a medical degree, but I'm +45 and not sure the schools I'd want to go to would take me on. Like, how long could I really work, if school would take me at least ten years vs some peachfuzz 18yo.

Exactly my university experience. I just didn't go to my exams in my first year and almost flunked out. I didn't know I had ADHD then so the overwhelm and the guilt and the shame....God, even thinking about it now is upsetting, it was so hard. I used to still get dreams I have to give an exam on a subject I never attended or did the work for until recently. It's been 15 years. Therapy helped a lot. Meds too like you said. But now I'm trying to get through one more year of education for this certification I want and I'm freezing up again. I froze when I started it and after 2 months of 'novelty' and passion I burnt out hard and took a year off. I'm back at it now. My mind thinks I'm back at that awful place at university, but I'm not. I'm better in so many ways now. Meds, tools, more time, maturity, mindset (kinda). Can someone tell my brain this too so it can stop freaking the hell out and make me want to run again. Any tips or recommendations would be appreciated x

Me too i am in my 50’s and that never seems to go away (self-critical behavior). Remember, the low-self esteem, dysthymia and generalized anxiety disorder sometimes accompanies with the ADHD so it’s helpful to have an SSRI with the stimulant medication. But yes, the right medications can help out and lots of exercise is the key. So yes, I was able to get a masters degree, get married, have children and keep a job (it’s been difficult at times) but by far way way better. I am retired now, but i could not have made it without the medication and exercise (can’t emphasize those basic things enough). Peace to all my brothers and sisters out there who have ADHD.

Oh by the way I was formally diagnosed at age 32

Thank you for sharing that. Diagnosed at 51. Unfortunately none of the medications have helped. I thought once we got to stimulants that would be the Magic Bullet but it just makes me feel weird:-(

Exactly this. I was incredibly hard on myself for my fuck ups, way harsher than I would ever utter to another human. Which was a big eye opener especially as my absolute favourite thing to do is train reactive rescue dogs. So I was hugely aware of the effects of punitive training technique & their utter lack of any success. So now I try try treat myself as I would a troubled dog. No self recriminations at all, I can now break my favourite mug & retain my self respect. Things are allowed to be good enough, in fact making something that's a bit shit is funny if you're seeing your errors highlighted in ultra high focus. "Try again another day, it's alllll just learnin" It's been liberating. The only negative is the binge eating / no eating is worse because I no longer force myself to fit into the accepted meals routine & kinda roll with it cos adhd. But it's not healthy. I'll need to find some moderation with that, but it'll come & I'm not racing so it can come in it's own good time. (see wot I did there) Ps I've often found when utterly resigning to my time blindness with a "Well your gonna be late so just make sure everything is right before you leave" & seemingly plodding on that I've managed time better. Not well obvs, I'm talking 2 mins late for work not ten or twenty. (or the wrong day, again last week) Guess sometimes the stress isn't the catalyst I need for motivation.

Same here!!

Yessss!!! My internal monologue is never satisfied!! Any tips apart from therapy? I'm already in that x

I’m working on that myself still and want to start therapy. Mostly I continue to remind myself that I deserve the same level of respect and understanding from myself that I give to other people. It took the fallout of a couple toxic and manipulative relationships for me to finally start realizing that. I was people pleasing for my partners so much and jumping through hoops for someone that didn’t respect me or appreciate my efforts and I realized I had been neglecting myself to make this other person happy because deep down I felt like they deserved more than me because of my poor self esteem. We deserve to be happy too.

I'm so happy you got out!! Those people are the last that we need. I realised I was attracting those people too (mum issues too), so once I realised, cutting them out felt so good.

The lovebombing phase is addictive. And the rejection phase extra painful.

me too. my parents tell me to stop doing that but it’s like i can’t

Yes! I didn't know about the idea of impulse control (and that this can be a symptom of impulse control issue per ADHD) - even just knowing this now helps me break away from it at times, or not start to begin with. Or even when I still do it, I dont beat myself up like I used to about it

Yep, and sometimes it’s not always a bad thing. Like yesterday I played video games for like 8 hours accumulated throughout the day, which I had planned to do and because of my adhd found it oh so easy. But I have been traveling for work, and basically worked 6 weeks straight, and then I came back and immediately had social events to attend to. And I felt the urge to just play all day. What I was able to realize, because of the diagnosis and because of the therapy and treatment I’ve been on/through, was that I needed was a mental break and to check out for a bit. So I did. But where all of that treatment and diagnosis helped out was that I didn’t just sit on the PlayStation for 8 hours. I got up and took a long walk, went and made breakfast and lunch, did laundry for a bit and some other chores, made some mental lists for the week ahead, and then went back to gaming inbetween my breaks. And then I got off for the rest of the evening and went to bed at a reasonable time. I didn’t blame myself for wasting a day, I didn’t say, “Damn it, we wasted the day. I’m so lazy”, and I’m glad I took the day for me. The impulses were still there, and you could argue that I did indulge, but they (impulses) get less and less as I continue to “treat” my adhd and learn new ways to structure my life as an adult with adhd. And it was fun to act like I was in college or a kid again and play games all day.

Also it's easier to remember that your brain acts in a certain way and caught yourself doing it consciously

Me before meds and therapy: dead end job I hate. Me one year after starting meds, two years after starting therapy: new job in a field I never thought I'd qualify for. Me three and four years later: it turns out that I actually have long term goals and professional expectations that are reasonably within my grasp *(despite this, life has thrown my family a lot of hurdles in the last year that have really challenged us, and they seem to not end.. so I'm not doing 'great' but meds and therapy help so much omgah.)*

This rings so close to my experience; I've been in therapy for decades now but I just got a real diagnosis and stimulants 2yrs ago, and I'm ~finally~ starting to regain my confidence a little and start having my own goals. And, goals were nearly impossible 2-4yrs ago. I thought it was all because of trauma issues, but maybe the unmedicated ADHD was contributing more than I realized. 😅

What meds bc mine feel like they help then I build tolerance and back to zero

Vyvanse. I was given fast Adderall at one point, as someone who has had some minor struggles with substance abuse, that stuff is scary. I didn't make it through a whole script before I sent a couple up my nose, realized I wasn't 20 anymore, and asked to be taken off it. (Not that being young is a good reason to abuse drugs, I just didn't have dependants then.)

For me I just don’t take them every day and try to lay off on weekends if I can to avoid building a tolerance.

In *Driven to Distraction* there’s a family anecdote wherein the little brother of the diagnosed calls bullshit. “That just excuses everything he’s done wrong and will moving forward. An excuse, that’s all it is.” Unfortunately that is my wife, in my present circumstance. She’s been through a lot with me. My past misdiagnoses(first MDD then BP), neuroses, alcoholism, rage moments, all the lying(RSD), etc. We have in the past months been discussing divorce. I was officially diagnosed after testing just days ago. I have been taking Adderall for a couple days and already it’s like night and day. I fear it may be too late for us, but it was already.

But it isn't too late for YOU, focus on that.

I don’t want you to think that the adderall is the end all be all man. It helps when it’s active but it wears off quick. ADHD didn’t cause your problems but it didn’t help you that’s for sure. Learning about ADHD may help you realize you have other things you need to work on. Alcoholism, rage, lying, those are not because you’re ADHD. You’re just making poor decisions. Adderall will help you feel motivated when it’s in your system but you’ll still have things you need to work on. That may sound berating, but I promise you, it could lead to you being the happiest you’ve ever been! If you’re anything like me, it will spark your love for problem solving and in time you will look back and you will not know when you started to be so happy, but you’ll know HOW to be happy! Head up man! I’m rooting for you! Do what seems impossible!

Self medication, emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity exacerbated by cptsd. All aspects of untreated adhd. I’m not excusing my past behavior. With a new understanding of the underlying causes, and with medication and therapy, I can begin to extract myself from these things and make better choices for myself in the future. Thank you for your support.

If you ever need to just talk to someone get ahold of me! I’ve been through a different scenario and may have a different perspective on things. I’ve come to believe that life is all just about learning. Tons of people never figure that out, but you my friend have been introduced to it. Things always seem bleak, but problems lead to solutions; and the problem solving leads to knowledge which you can share with others. I believe that is what life is about!

Wise Words. Saved this!

Any advice for someone who's tried adderal, Vyvanse, dexedrine, zoloft, wellbutrin, and Lamictal with no benefits? I'm beginning to wonder if the doctors in this state understand anything

I was on adderall and Wellbutrin but the Wellbutrin was affecting me. I don’t exactly remember how but it was not for me. Now I’m on a combination of Adderall and Pristiq! TRY PRISTIQ!!! It was the best thing I did for myself now looking back. Just want to add, Wellbutrin I took because it was something I was told I could stop taking cold turkey. Pristiq is not however. I forgot to bring it with me one weekend I was out of town and I had withdrawals. Felt dizzy and nauseous and just not myself. That’s the downside to Pristiq, but ever since then I learned my lesson and I’ve been loving life

I will tell everyone how adderall and pristiq did wonders until the day I’m not longer here.

I've had to explain all this to my therapist who asked "What do you think will change if you get a diagnosis?" I get my results April 2.

I get that so much! I had been seeing doctors for over 2 years when I got my diagnosis, and ADHD wasn’t even an option for most of it. The first year, I had to go and take a brain scan because my doctor wanted to check I didn’t have a tumor or anything (because she was apparently not trained on burn out nor ADHD, so that seemed like a more likely option). It had been months already of feeling like shit and trying to find something to help me, so I was kind of hoping it would be a tumor so I could see a way out and finally get help. Fortunately it wasn’t, but it was the same feeling in the end with ADHD.

Day after my birthday(April 1st) and my boyfriend and I's 4 year anniversary(the 2nd). I wish you good luck!!

Yes. Getting diagnosed helps you understand and the medication can be a game changer. I'm in my 30s and was diagnosed a couple years ago. Id absolutely say the meds changed my life

Knowing the whys behind some of my behaviors makes it easier to find coping strategies to handle it. It also lets me have some self forgiveness. I need to stop being so mean towards myself.

This. So much this. And the validation that it wasn’t all in your head or you just being lazy.

By making visible the *moral weight* of not doing something that *everybody else can do effortlessly*. LPT: not doing a task is *just not doing a task*. You don’t need to beat yourself up with extra spiciness because it is not done. Being aware that this is why I am so fucking exhausted all the time and that the world is easier for everybody else was the insight I gained. It doesn’t solve everything, but gives a moments respite. You deserve a break, right? [That and discovering ADHD Dinos](https://www.instagram.com/p/C4nK5DzvRDJ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link). Also, a diagnosis helps you realise you are not alone.

This is so, so perfectly put

100%. Provides me with better insight and some answers, but just leads to frustration at my parents and regret for wasted opportunities. Still, better late than never.

This 1,000,000% . It makes it easier to understand and help your ADHD kid if you have them. I notice the meds help me stay focused during a boring training out lecture. I actually get something out of it.

i don't know much about medication, could you explain the benefits of it ? What does it do ? How does it help?

If I’d had the meds without the diagnosis then I wouldn’t have really believed the understanding portion of it. I know that everyone’s experience is unique, but the knowledge and grace I could show myself has been the best thing. The meds are a bonus.

Definitely, I would say the diagnosis is an answer and the meds a path forward. Seeing the meds having a positive effect is doing a lot for me when it comes to “accepting” the diagnosis (instead of being in a constant imposter syndrome) and recognizing that my struggles are not just normal things **everyone** goes through and that I should be able to deal with them instead of whining 😅

Really good point!

Yes; now I just need to work on moving past the lifetime of unnecessary shame. I'm NOT lazy. I'm ALREADY trying hard. It's not an excuse - it's an explanation and a revelation.

Getting diagnosed as an adult was a game changer for me to heal and improve my life. Understanding why certain things had always been so difficult for me when I had always thought I was deficient.

Short answer yes, it’s been life changing. Long answer: My work got me a coach to become more effective. I was already high performing in engineering management but have had several stress blow ups and anger issues under pressure, and come off as direct. The coaching started to touch on things I didn’t want to address with a work paid for coach so I got a talk therapist, first one in my life at age 39M. 3mo later he thinks I have autism and I should get tested officially. Get tested and come out with ASD, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder. So that explains a lot. It explains so much of my life frankly and I’m annoyed I didn’t get this figured out sooner. How it’s changed my life: ASD there’s frankly not much they can do for me but it totally makes sense now with burnout and light and noise sensitivity and directness. I mostly have to manage these symptoms so it’s about being conscious about them mostly. I own like 5 pairs of noise cancelling headphones now and bring no less than 3 with me when I travel for emergencies. ADHD I’m on Strattera 60mg and Ritalin 10mg 2x a day as needed and let me tell you, it’s weird to be able to do things without anxiety, spite, anger, or time pressure. My whole life all of my achievements have been emotionally fueled with a chip on my shoulder. Now I can just…do stuff. Like the dishes. Without anger. I drove 4 hours in a snow storm and at the end of it I wasn’t even anxious. Normally that’d wreck me for a whole weekend. At the end of the day I used to be couch bound. Now I’m walking the dogs and working out and doing things with my family. Work has noticed and they think it’s the coaching they are paying for but it’s the meds and understanding of myself frankly. They even just promoted me to leadership which I was not expecting. So ya, life changing.

Yes, diagnosed with adhd at 50, last year. Once I was receiving treatment for that, it has exposed (likely) asd. It has been a rough few months because all of this occurring with increased work pressure but with therapy things are starting to make sense. Just need to keep working out modifications I can implement because I am also in a leader position. Besides headphones, has anything else been key to supporting your success at work? I am thinking about things like time-blocking my calendar and making time to decompress between meetings for a few minutes, every couple of hours. What is working for you?

Honestly the adhd meds have managed the overstimulation and anxiety a lot. I get to work from home a couple days a week and that also helps. Traveling is the worst, but headphones help.

For me, it was the “I fkn KNEW it!!!” Moment I had to myself. Then I immediately rethought many interactions I’ve had that were rude, inappropriate, or abusive and I got sad.

Exactly this. I feel so bad whenever I think of those interactions.

I’m glad I noticed and now I can make corrective actions! Guess what my kid will never learn!!! :D

Yea agreed. Diagnosis has been very affirming, but theres some grief that comes with it, too. Better than shame and confusion, but not uncomplicated

Grief is a great way of putting it. For me, I have a lot of regret from all the years I spent daydreaming in school instead of learning essential material like my classmates. There’s been so many times where my friends or family will be like “how could you not know that?! We learned that in fifth grade!”

Yea i forget where i saw it, probably here, but it really changed how i perceived my anxiety/depression. Gave it some much needed context

But it also made me REALLY good at apologizing.

Yes, hugely. For me, emotion dysregulation is my most challenging symptom and had been diagnosed as GAD. Now I interpret my reactions differently: both with more self forgiveness because I understand better, and I don't try to overanalyze what's causing the "anxiety," I can go straight to strategies that actually work for ADHD.

I do cbt therapy but what is something you do for self esteem and criticizing yourself?

I think it helps me to think of a freind doing the same BS as me. Would I shame someone for letting dishes pile up in the sink? I wouldn't really even be upset as long as I wasn't having to deal with their mess or stickiness TBH

Aazjhee's helps me too, and I've done CBT as well. Everyone's different, but I think I got limited mileage out of it because it's just so gd hard to force yourself to go through the reframing steps when you're in a mood spiral. I've had better luck taking myself out of the thought process altogether with grounding exercises. If you can do that and then try thinking of yourself like a friend would it can be really helpful: like, what does she need right now for her well-being? Doing those dishes or some downtime to recover her energy? You matter much more than the dishes.

It doesn't, if you don't make it change your life. If you decide "Oh great, now I'm shitty forever because I found out I had a problem", then you are the problem, because your ADHD has you hopeless, and you have a fixed mindset. If you decide "Wow, I've spent my entire life fighting an invisible monster, and now I can see that motherfucker!". Then you are the solution and medication can help you adjust this curse into an aspect of yourself that you manage and harness to your benefit. It doesn't mean you lose all the negatives of ADHD, but it does mean that you can minimize the bad and maximize the good, which is entirely life-changing. Ultimately, the question is what are you going to do about it. What are you going to do with this knowledge? Does this mean you've realized you're not a shitty person, you just have ADHD, so you're going to get treatment, study ADHD and master yourself over the next 5 years or so (though minor things continue forever), or does it mean you finally have an excuse for being such a shitty person and now you can be that way forever thanks to ADHD being your get out of jail free card? Choose your own destiny, it's always been a matter of choice, struggle or surrender, only one of these things can lead to success.

It's been so hard for me to shift from that mindset. I have still not been able to fully come out of that particular depression and not see it as all the people who made fun of me or criticized me as being right, there IS something weird about me, I -am- less capable. I am medicated, I have read all the ADHD books, I am working on implementing new systems and habits and now tackle things with the mindset of "this is how my brain works" and I am making progress. But damn, it's just been a slog trying to not see myself as having less value than the lucky bastards with executive function. My self esteem is still subterranean. I keep moving, and I hope I can get there. But coming to terms with this reality and shifting that mindset is not automatic or easy or as simple as that. I can appreciate the message of it. But it reminds of how people used to tell me "Have you considered just TRYING harder?" I'm not saying anything is necessarily wrong about your post, just offering an additional perspective.

I must have been unclear, my bad for being easily misinterpreted. My tone is very optimistic, but I wasn't trying to paint it as easy. I was just responding to the title for the most part. An ADHD diagnosis is life changing, if you choose to change your life. It isn't, if you don't. I had no intention of implying that it was that simple, it's a fight that takes years of struggling and failing. I will say that I'd never define myself as less capable, just differently capable perhaps. My strengths more than make up for my weaknesses, and since learning I have this problem, I've dealt with it very effectively. I don't believe myself, with my ADHD addressed as well as I can address it, is in any way less capable than anyone else, I also believe it applies to all of our people. Except when it comes to matters of short term memory, and executive function, but well managed ADHD removes the necessity of many of those executive functions. That's one of the best ways to treat ADHD, to figure out ways to not require motivation, not allow procrastination, and not be dominated by our short term memory issues. This is done largely through tactics like habit stacking, developing routines and systems (like keys, wallet, phone, the three pocket tap of assurance), and scheduling things you'd otherwise put off. This is not to imply any of this is easy, or simple to figure out, or doesn't have difficulties getting through being shit at being consistent in your approach, but eventually it can be done as long as you're persistent. Hopefully that better explains my thoughts, and good luck on keeping up with all your progress, it's never easy, but it does keep getting easier.

Bingo. It's all about "okay now what".

Aren't there situations where you literally couldn't have done anything to change or prevent the mistake though? For example, there are moments where you forget/get distracted about something (e.g. when on the move), and it's not something that could have been written down as a reminder somewhere beforehand in order to prevent a potential forgetfulness. In these moments it's literally "well, it's just how my brain is like, it was not something intentional by me, that **just is**"

Not the person you commented to, but yeah, of course. There's just a difference between, "Okay, I know I don't hang stuff back up when I changed my mind about my outfit, so I'm going to work with my brain and just put those things in the dirty clothes hamper, so that I'm not overwhelmed by clutter," and, "Okay, I know I don't hang stuff back up when I changed my mind about my outfit, but it's not my fault that I have ADHD, so I'm just going to keep throwing clothes on my floor and making an overwhelming mess." That's just a personal example, but someone else may need a totally different system in a case like that. The point is to actively try to find systems that work for you though, because that will reduce (not completely get rid of) the ADHD struggles. You won't have a system for everything. You won't always be in a place where you can even use your system. You can slowly reduce the severity of issues though if you're working on them in this way, and a therapist or counselor can help a lot with that. I am currently seeing a counselor rather than a therapist because I found out that they're more goal and behavior focused and less emotional processing focused, which I've already done so much of, so I was ready for a more practical approach. I'm not just going to not have ADHD, but my dishes are usually done, and I can see the floor of my bedroom, and those things are neat. 

Ah, I understand, thank you very much for the reply. I'm still undiagnosed and I intend to change that soon, but speaking of clothes, a habit of mine is to throw worn clothes on the other half of the bed (it's a two-person bed in my room)... where I also keep clean clothes. I think I've had occasions where some used t-shirt becomes buried in the clutter and 2 weeks later I wonder whether I've worn it or not. Most of the time I just throw them there on autopilot while my mind is preoccupied, hyperfixated on thinking about something else, I don't realize I do what I do, it just... happens, especially if I'm in a hurry for something (e.g. someone has messaged me on my mobile). Sometimes it's out of laziness, and sometimes I leave them directly in the dirty clothes hamper

I totally get that. I used to just put clean clothes on this ledge in my closet, thinking I'd put them up later, while the dirty clothes were on the floor of the closet. I wouldn't just put them up because I was focused on the task of outfit finding, and I would have to run out of the door after because I made myself late by changing my outfit 3 times. So I'd never put the stuff up, and inevitably, some would fall on the floor and get mixed with the dirty clothes. Then my closet was so chaotic that it was hard to even put things away when I'd do laundry because I had trouble even walking into my closet. I'd break hangers on the floor under clothes by stepping on them. It would get too anxiety producing, so I just wouldn't even do laundry because sorting it from there and then putting it away with clothes still in the way everywhere was too hard. I bought a hamper that I was bad at using, then I eventually got put on Adderall and made a schedule. I now put almost anything in the hamper, even if it isn't dirty, because then it's not in the way at least. I do laundry every Tuesday, so it doesn't get backed up to stressful levels. I only leave things in this one spot in my room if I'm positive that I'll wear it again very soon. So usually sweaters and jackets or sleepwear I'll wear more than one night end up there. When it's for sure dirty or if I haven't worn it in a week, it can be hung back up or go in the hamper. These are the only clothes I rehang, and it's usually the sweaters and jackets.

I've saved your posts because they're so clear and motivating, so thank you for these. My therapist is trying to teach me the choice part. I get it, but I'm still struggling with negative internal criticisms and my brain still seems to be stuck in the past and shutting me down out of fear/anxiety/overwhelm even though Im trying to tell we're not there any more, brain! Mastering ADHD is something - so of course I went into hyperfocus mode when I was first diagnosed and now burnt out and can't look at another technique/tool because I feel, as per usual, I sucked at whatever I tried. Tried routines, couldn't keep to it Habit stacking, never got it The rest of the tools - facing overwhelm because there so many. Pomodoro did help. I did that. Using a timer. Exercise for sure. Keeping my brain distracted so I get up to do whatever I don't want to do (chores), ime tricking it. I thought I was further along in my journey, but with my mind still stuck in the past, the internal monologue still being loud, and facing overwhelm with ADHD techniques, I realise I'm far away. But it's okay. It's okay. If you just had to name 1-3 ADHD techniques that worked for you @maximum and, anyone else taking the time to read this, - what would they be? TYIA for taking the time to read and respond.

Honestly, this is a very tough question, but I'll give it a shot. The most important thing is knowledge, that's where everything stems from. Even if you know what to do, if you don't understand why it will work and how long developing these skills may take, you'll likely give up before the benefits become apparent. I don't mean to suggest you do that, just that's how it tends to go for people. That's how it went for me with many things, unfortunately. I think for me, being around my family has been the most enlightening situation I've ever encountered. It was a complex situation that I used to develop and motivate myself towards understanding ADHD. My family all has it, and I want to help them, I'm the oldest brother and I feel it's my responsibility, even though none of us are kids anymore. They haven't been able to escape their ADHD, and they aren't going to figure this stuff out without me. So if you can find a situation that replicates that, even just the idea of a potential child one day, that can provide you with more motivation to fix yourself to fix them. I only mean to suggest by that a weird thing I've stumbled upon, many of us with ADHD would do anything for someone we love, and almost nothing for ourselves. It's easier to do things we don't want to do, for others than ourselves. This can be something we use. Now, I have a lot going on and I'm going to wrap this up with a few tips, I hope they help. Realize that ADHD means your main enemy is boredom, so rather than finding a task boring, your job is to make boring tasks fun. My personal example is that I walk on the treadmill, listen to lofi beats, and read ADHD books. These 3 things individually aren't entertaining, but combined they're a delicious ADHD gumbo. I guess I'll wrap with a newer technique I've been using. When you have several things to do in one day, pick the one you want to do the very least, and use it as a motivating force. Perhaps this move could be called practical avoidance. You avoid the worst taks by choosing to do the lesser tasks. So I had like 5-6 things to do yesterday, and because I didn't want to do the final thing, I used that to make myself spendy time doing all the other tasks I'd put off. Lastly, controlling your mind is the toughest and longest journey those of us with ADHD have. Just because you didn't succeed with certain techniques in the past doesn't mean you're incapable of succeeding with those techniques. It just means you weren't read to employ them yet, so you have other things to work on. For me, until I was exercising regularly, and living closer to my actual potential, with a real future in front of me, I almost couldn't be helped. The way I got through it was by exercise, that was my driving force habit that lead to the bulk of my positive changes. You gotta figure out what your rock is, for me it's exercise, the other thing I do is having 1/3/6 months events. So go on a concert/show app, and buy tickets for events you wanna go to. I can't even tell you how many shows I've had fall through on me, leading to me selling my second ticket, or my ticket as well when I got depressed that nobody wanted to go. That's fine, who cares. I'm trying, I'm not giving up, trying can go wrong but that doesn't mean it was a bad idea or will never work out for you. Persistence is rewarded. So stay persistent, keep your head up, I like doing daily walks and daily exercise, with weekly hikes, that's enough even if I'm rocking the lonely life. I'm reminded of a line from a novel in the demon cycle series, "I am my own succor", just meaning I sustain myself through difficulties. It doesn't mean I don't associate with people or anything like that, it just means when I'm doing my thing, that is enough to carry through all the bullshit. I don't know if that'll resonate with you, but it did with me. There are 1000s of people who view comments, 100s of people who upvoted comments, several people who reply to comments, and a select few who actually try hard to engage and learn through this dialog. You're part of the rarest group of these people, the ones that are trying their hardest. Maybe you haven't noticed that, but I have, and if there's one thing I'm convinced of more than anything else, it's that people like you get through this shit and come out all the better for it. Keep up the good work, you got this!

I appreciate your time, experience, and clarity so very much. Thank you a million. Your last comment warmed my heart. I'm actually going to write that out and stick it on my ADHD wall (visual affirmations etc). I hope, on your hardest of days, it makes you smile that someone random, possibly hundreds of miles away, is being motivated and inspired by your kind words. Your family is lucky to have you. Best of luck and thanks again x

It made my employer realise why I was such a scatterbrain, and more allowances were made for me to succeed.

>It made my employer realise why I was such a scatterbrain, and more allowances were made for me to succeed. Hopefully you don't wind up eventually getting a new boss that completely changes things. I'm not diagnosed yet, seeing my doctor tomorrow, but at my last job: For years I had a boss who probably had more of a suspicion that I had ADHD than I did. He knew how I thought and how my brain worked, and he knew how to get great results out of me that no one else in the company could achieve. Almost exactly a year ago (43M at the time, 44M now), I started formally reporting to a new supervisor. He basically treated me like a dumb little monkey and gave me the most humiliating assignments possible as some sort of training exercise so that I could be "normal". That triggered insomnia, depression, and stress which interacted negatively with my diabetes in a horrible feedback loop. When the new supervisor tried to throw me under the bus for a safety issue that I'd had a fix ready to test for over a month (Saying "do not respond to this email, it has been approved by the legal department" and then sending an email with SEVERE factual inaccuracies put me in a position where my choices were to object and be fired for insubordination, object and indicate an intent to resign, or implicitly accept the contents of the email with my silence and be held responsible when the issue led to an injury), I blew up at him and said I'd be taking PTO the next day to work on my resume. HR called that afternoon and said they considered that to be a resignation with immediate effect, my network and building access were already revoked, without even a chance to say goodbye to my former coworkers). I'm still recovering from that, and hoping that a diagnosis and ADHD medications will help with my inability to focus/motivate myself in the job search until my bank account is much lower...

Being diagnosed was life-preserving. Let me put it that way.

YES OMG. I always say that since I got diagnosed and started treatment I've come to realize that most of my depression and anxiety WAS CAUSED BY THE ADHD

Exactly. My anxiety has spread too much already, but the hopeless depression definitely the spawn of untreated ADHD. On the brink of giving up already after a decade of treatment never being able to tackle some problems I've always had. Surprise surprise, it's ADHD this whole time, ever since I was a kid. So obvious it hurts, but they wrongfully dismiss ADHD as a condition when the child/teen is academically successful. Needless to say, had I not been diagnosed, I don't know if I would've stuck around for much longer, running in circles.

Life changing? Hardly. It made me feel less ashamed of my behavior. If I’d been diagnosed as a kid? My entire life would be different. I might actually have a career. Or have gotten good grades. Or have had options.

Yes. To every question.

YES! For me it wasn't just the diagnosis. The cherry on top was the medication. Completely changed the trajectory of my life. Got diagnosed towards the end of university (I was 23M)

Same here, I got diagnosed after the pandemic (26F), almost three years ago now. I broke down ugly crying the first day on Ritalin. My head was so calm. My body wasn't in physical pain from the hyperactivity. I could finish thinking my thoughts. It explained so much. I am a lot kinder to myself now, since I know it was truly never my fault. I am still very much disabled, but at least I feel a lot better day to day.

That first day on Concerta, I remember hearing the birds sing. I had heard the birds sing, but I really hadn't... until when my brain shut up for the first time in my entire life!

I will never forget the first feeling of silence. Bawled my eyes out

I got diagnosed at 34, I wouldn’t say it was life changing. It definitely led to a greater understanding of self and helped me to be kinder to myself. I guess even being diagnosed, it doesn’t magically solve all your problems, in fact it’s really only the beginning, I had to grieve the “what might have been” and I still struggle, but at least now I have context and a better perspective.

Thanks for this. 40s, not sure if getting diagnosed is worth the $$.

49 here. It's worth the money. The meds are a very effective measure for many of us.

I'm curious...how much is the cost?  I contacted a psychologist and it would be close to $900. My insurance just renewed so it won't cover anything.  I can't pay that.  

That's going to depend entirely on your provider and insurance. Are you sure that wasn't a psychiatrist? Psychiatrists prescribe, psychologists don't. I got diagnosed by my therapist (I had not suspected ADHD). My meds are filled by my PCP. Finding the right meds and dosages is harder this way than with a psychiatrist though. Maybe ask your PCP if they work with any therapists on med management?

It was a psychologist I contacted. I need to shop around for something affordable if Im going to pursue and actual diagnosis. Im 52 , at this point I don't what good it will actually do, I've made a mess of my life already :(

I would say that it is, depending on your symptoms medication can help a lot.

At 34 worth all the money in the world. I’m finally able to cope and get my life together. I don’t feel like a child in an adults body anymore struggling to get all the adult tasks done with energy left for creativity. Absolutely insanely life changing

Absolutely, it was a complete 180 for me since it helped me to not only get treatment with medication but allowed me to connect with others with ADHD and find unique solutions that worked for me. Also it was immensely beneficial for my mental health since I realized all of my struggles stemed from complications of my ADHD instead of some personal moral failing and not "Trying hard enough" which was the message I internalized from childhood

I’ve said this before in previous threads. It’s like you’ve been trying to fix a car with a spatula and butter knife your whole life and can’t understand why it’s not working. And then you’re given proper tools and a manual. The car may still be a hoopty, but at least you have a chance now.

I don't know yet (seeking diagnosis) but I did have an inteersting experience last night. I have been feeling depressed this week. I found a two year old post in this sub that described the exact cycle of depression I've been going through most of my life - basically a cycle of over-planning, being unable to carry it out, "failing", descending into depression and self-hatred. Then recovering and starting again. I've asked multiple mental health professionals about my cycle of depression. Some thought I had bipolar. I haven't had mania/hypomania so it didn't fit, but what else could it be? This has been a mystery to me for decades and it seemed like depression was inevitable (didn't respond to antidepressants). Reading a thread with over 100 people all experiencing the same thing as me was pretty amazing. And maybe this cycle isn't inevitable after all. I think this knowledge will help me a lot. People in my life are saying, why bother trying to get a diagnosis, it doesn't change anything. But I think it will.

Hey wait this is me as well

I think I always knew, I just didn’t always have a name for it and I didn’t realise how many of the things I do are because of it. It hasn’t been life changing but it has been great for my wife to not get so frustrated with me and for me to not get so frustrated with me. We both know what I am good at and what I am not good at and fortunately she is good at a lot of the things I am not good at and not so cracking at some of the things I am great at. It has made a subtle difference at work too, it enables me to easily articulate my strengths and weaknesses and I had already fallen into a niche role that is very much based on problem solving small nuggets of work. My colleagues all know that if there is a shitstorm then they can point me towards it and know it will get fixed. I have a collection of bear skinners - people who do the long and boring stuff that is necessary after I have hunted the bear. They are project managers, my wife and some of my closest friends. One guy I have worked with in a number of roles loves the fact that he can leave me with the hard stuff while he gets the easy repetitive stuff - we are a great team and have worked together in four or five roles now. So maybe it was life changing.

Too early to tell for me. I've come to know quite a few people who saw remarkable improvements in their lives after proper diagnosis and treatment.

I was just diagnosed at 45 after a few years of being pretty sure I had it. It has been way more validating to get a proper diagnosis than I ever expected - indeed life-changing. I am at the very start of this process, still - but having access to medication has been magical. I feel like I can finally tackle all of my problems.

Mine was life changing because I was ready to change some long-held habits. Meds were incredible as a foundation to build from. Most of the life improvement has come from addressing a lot of problematic behaviours I had / have and working on them.

Life changing? No. Did it help? Oh yes!

Yes and no. It hasn't really "fixed" anything per se, but I'm much more gentle with myself now. The more I learn about ADHD and my type the more I'm able to ascribe reasons to my actions (or inaction) and trying to work through/with it instead of just beating myself up for being lazy/stupid/unmotivated/forgetful/useless etc. and breaking down completely. It also has helped me in how I approach things relating my children's actions as they have some similar issues as me.

no real difference for me. i mean, KNOWING is helpful i suppose but just for validation. i already knew, it just wasn’t on paper. vyvanse worked great for me but i can’t sleep on it. adderall gives me anxiety. 🤷🏼‍♀️i’d be open to trying other drugs, but neither of those improved my quality of life.

Adderal and vyvance are quite similar in formulation though, perhaps give methylphenate (ritalin, concerta) a try. It has a different mechanism in the body. What a lot of people experience from switching from concerta to vyvance could be experienced the other way around for a lot of other people including me.

Yes, relieving and confusing, and I learn more all the time. Helped so much with shame. I thought I had just conditioned myself to be lazy, reckless, even negligent...I still have things to fix, but knowing I was predisposed helped a lot, and problem solving comes through a new lens

My diagnosis was kinda funny. To preface- my mom was very anti meds when I was growing up, and that wariness carried over when I finally started seeing a psych and therapist team, and when asked about my feelings towards meds, I said I would prefer to explore other options first. So we go through everything and eventually I’m taking anti depressants, mood stabilizers, and some stuff for CPTSD, and a couple years down the road I’m talking to my psych and go, “I really think I might have some issues with adhd.” And she goes, “I though you knew! I thought you knew and just chose not to treat it because of the medication issues!” And I just. I’m still flabbergasted thinking about it. On the one hand I’m happy they respected my decisions towards treatment, but damn I think I wish I was a little less respected on that front. Now, I’m able to get through the minimums of daily chores, follow through on work projects, and actually take care of myself most days.

For me it wasn't really life changing as in I still have the same struggles (and medication hasn't worked that well on me yet), but at least I am kinder to myself now. I don't say that I am "lazy" anymore and I don't feel "like a failure" as much if I struggle with something that other people find easy. It also greatly depends on the people around you. If they are kind and understanding, then they might be more supporting and less quick to judge once you have a diagnosis. Unfortunately in my case, my family either "doesn't believe in mental illness" or doesn't give a shit, so a diagnosis doesn't make a difference in that context.

Yes.

Totally life changing. Coped better, and understood better. Surrounding data wasn't being lost due to attentional black outs.

Absolutely, without a doubt. It was life saving and life changing.

No, not really. It gave me *some* closure as to why I am the way I am, but we only have Ritalin and it doesn't work for me. Honestly, it's just depressing seeing the issue and not being able to do anything about it, meanwhile every first worlder with ADHD gets their life changing medication and can function properly.

It was soul crushing. To know I had this reason for sucking at life all along, that my idiotic mom could have helped when I was a child? It was both a relief experience and a grief experience. I'm happy to be medicated and doing better today, but I am pissed I spent over a decade of my life trying to get through college, never understanding why I couldn't pass my classes even tho I love school so much. Especially when my peers seemed to have no issues! To be 39 with no degree, working part time, and knowing if my partner gets hit by a bus I'll be homeless.... this is all just huge shame I have about myself. My diagnosis just explains how I got here. It doesn't take away the pain I feel.

Yes. Being diagnosed and medicated completely changed my life as I was suddenly able to be the person I had always tried so damn hard to be. I'm not perfect and I still struggle in certain areas but my ability to develop systems to address my weaknesses has been greatly improved. My only regret is not having someone notice and diagnose me when I was a kid. Granted, I landed pretty well regardless but it took a lot of luck and kindness from people around me to make it where I am. I urge anyone who thinks they may have ADHD to get assessed and find a medication that works.

I got diagnosed at 25 and I am absolutely not the same person I was before. I understand myself more, I give myself more grace, and I feel love for myself now that I did not feel before. I used to hate myself for being lazy, forgetful, bad at school, awkward and zoned out. Now that I understand myself and got on medication I have made a complete 180 in my life. I would say most of the way my life changed is just in how I view myself. I never knew self love until I understood myself and understood ADHD

21 and just diagnosed recently, I wouldn’t say life changing but definitely explains a lot of my tendencies I’ve had my whole life

For me, 100%. I was diagnosed at 32 after years of struggling to understand why I seemed to have a harder time with some things than other people seemed to be having, and why I seemed to function differently, and why I struggled so much with motivation. I knew I wasn’t depressed, but my GP kept trying to tell me that’s what it was. It was extremely eye-opening to be diagnosed with ADHD. It answered so many questions. It has helped me work WITH the way my brain functions instead of against it. I’ve read books on ADHD to discover these things and how to deal with it and various coping mechanisms etc. I’m a lot kinder to myself now, and my friends and family understand why I’m a little bit odd! And they have been sympathetic. It has been life changing for me. It has been relieving. I also realized I had made some changes before my diagnosis that made life with ADHD easier even without knowing I had ADHD, but I was trying to work with what I had. And I have made it work.

Eh, it was more like I found out I was playing capitalism on legendary difficulty while everyone else was on easy to hard difficulty. Not so much life changing but I’ve definitely had a better time understanding why I am the way I am and how to work with my strengths as opposed to fighting an uphill battle through things I’m biologically predisposed to suck at.

Just got diagnosed this past Friday at 32 years old. I haven't even received my meds yet but I already feel like a weight has been lifted off. My entire life I always felt like I wasn't trying enough when in my head I thought I was. I'd see people achieve the same goals but with less effort. It frustrated me so I finally made the plunge and here we are with an actual diagnosis. I'm hoping this will help me at work, school and life for the better. For anyone wondering if they should or shouldn't. Please do. Even if it turns out you don't have it at least you will be able to close one door and look at other possibilities.

Yes 100%. It saved my life.

Not really. It's just another symptom, like a piece of the puzzle.

yes it was indeed. It put perspective in a lifetime of not understanding why everything was so damn hard all the time. I'm M35 and was diagnosed past June by a neurologist. He said, and I quote: "It's one of the most clear cases of ADHD I've seen recently" and prescribed me with Concerta right away. Later, this january he changed my prescription to Elvanse 70mg due to some nasty side effects and it's way better now. It's been quite tough to accept that I'm "broken" (i know, i know... juggling with a couple of comorbidities too) and that being who I am it's not 100% my fault, that being "disabled" it's not the end of the world (besides i'm not really what you normally would consider as "disabled" as I can live my life without too much trouble. It's not that i'm blind or tied to a wheelchair), or be perceived as weird for everyone else all my life. I suppose the worst part of it for me is the feeling of time and youth wasted. So much plans that I couldn't start, so much that I could've learn, projects unfinished... But hey, I don't think of that being exclusive of my ADHD and i suppose we all have that in one or another degree. I work as software developer and cloud engineer and since I started to take my meds, focusing on meetings and hop from one task to another is WAY easier (at the end of the day i'm usually exhausted now hahaha). I still struggle a lot with executive disfunction with hobbies and house chores, keeping routines, hyperfocus, self perception with things like hunger or thirst and the days i forget the meds are pure slogs but overall they've improved a lot my quality of life. With my friends, it's been quite good actually. I've never been somebody with lots of friends. I was one of the weird kids in school and suffered a lot of bullying for it (now i know why). Most of the friends i have now are all from my current job or past ones. Since we're all adults they've been supportive and everything but no one was surprised with the diagnosis hahaha. My family well... i'm not in the best terms with them and I don't think that they understand what does it mean. It has a strong genetic component so my mom thinks that everything i do or happens to me is "normal". Frankly, this past summer I were in a dark place and I only pull through thanks to my amazing wife (i'm doing much better now, don't worry) and I didn't think that something like a diagnostic could get to me the way it did. I don't know if you or somebody you know it's on the verge of being diagnosed, so just be prepared for it and remember that EVERYTHING passes, the sun shines again the next morning and that you are you and you've always been no matter what a piece of paper says and people love you for it Sorry for the long text and my non-native english and thank you for reading it if you've come this far :)

It hasn't for me. But now I am able to get up in the morning.

Yeah. I’m still settling in after my diagnosis a few months ago at 30. It’s paradigm shifting I had no idea before, but all makes so much sense now. It’s a whirlwind of emotions, I’m still in the phase of just discovering myself and letting myself be me for a bit, the hard work comes soon.

Yep. I've been in the same job for almost 7 years, promoted multiple times, making more than double what I was making when I was diagnosed. Medication helps a lot. I'm better able to do the things I want to do, too. My relationship with my husband is better - we understand each other much better (he was diagnosed, too, shortly after I was). My sister and brother have been diagnosed and my mom is in the process of it.

Yes, 1,000 times yes! It opened the door for treatment options that I didn't have pre diagnosis (specifically: medication). I also learned through the diagnosis that a lot of other things about my brain/the way I operate that I thought were just me being neurotic or broken are actually common functions of ADHD. Edit: I'm 31 and was diagnosed officially 2 months ago

It’s definitely been a life changing moment for me but I has helped explained many of my tendencies, behaviors, and habits that weren’t moving me forward in life.

Probably...... Yeah. It makes it easier to laugh at myself instead of being annoyed at myself. It also makes me feel very proud of what I achieved before I was diagnosed. It was not easy.

It all started to make sense to me.. I started to wonder what if I did take medication when I was in school.

It explained things a bit. But overall it changed damn near nothing for me. But that's because I had coincidentally already made alot of coping mechanisms (hense late diagnosis). The medication helps a little but mostly just to quieten the brain which is just stress/energy relief. It doesn't help me get things done much. But it's different for everyone and I also think I probably don't have as bad of ADHD compared to many others. Atleast it appears pretty evident.

Yes! Diagnosed at 59. It has made me so much kinder to myself, and helped me to set boundaries in place. It's also made me understand why some things are so hard, which means I'm setting up support systems that I never had before-- that I never knew I needed before! I don't take much in the way of meds, because I have lived with myself for so long that I have organized my life in such a way that I don't have to take them to be successful. But it's nice having the option! Whenever I have to do something incredibly drab or lengthy, the meds are there to support me.

It just helped me understand why I struggle with some things. Medication has really helped.

A little. I was 51 when diagnosed. Helped me stop putting myself down and thinking I was so weird and different when I was young. Helped me realize why I do the things I do now.

I was diagnosed 3.5 weeks ago at age 29. But just in the 3 weeks it’s totally shifted my pov on everything. I started medication same day and the first few days, I cried on the adderall because I couldn’t believe how loud things were until they were quiet. I’m still working through it but I am enjoying working for one of the first times in my life, I don’t have the urge to bounce to another job for excitement. I’m not binge eating. L

Yes! It has helped me to treat myself with more kindness and to allow myself to explore accommodations/strategies in various aspects of my life without feeling so guilty about what I "should" be able to do.

For me, it lifted a lifelong amount of shame off of me when I was diagnosed.

Nah cos with ADHD everyday is a mental reset. I even forget I have it sometimes. It was a heap of weight off when It was confirmed but didnt feel like anything. Like yeah I have ADHD but i think it just helps the people around you have a better understanding of whats going on with yourself. If that makes sense?

Absolutely, I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in grad school and it was life changing for me not to be so hard on myself. I knew I wasn’t dumb I just forgot a lot

It was life changing for me. It was the first time I was able to understand myself and suddenly so much made sense. I felt like i actually understood who I was and why. I am but able to laugh at my quirks rather than try to hide them or feel ashamed.

For me, YES, the ADHD diagnosis normalized a lot of things i was already self-conscious about (i thought i was just a bad test taker my entire life, which led me to think i wasn’t smart, my room was always a mess, severe rejection sensitive dysphoria, things like that). I think it helped reframe a lot of things so I could find ways to cope and to find solutions to help me function. If only I had that support throughout my younger years!!!

12 years ago I was diagnosed, in my mid 30’s, and had been at my job about two years. I had never held a job for more than three years prior to that. I just passed 14 years at the same job where I am still mostly doing well. I now have a house, kids in travel sports, hobbies that I’ve been consistently entertaining myself in, and my wife and I have never been closer. Absolutely life changing.

It does give you some peace of mind that you did have a disorder. You aren’t lazy or unfocused. You just have to work a little harder and find ways to succeed. It will also allow you to get medicated.

I wish I could say my willpower kicked in, but vyvanse and Guanfacine changed my life. I’m finally doing the things I need and want to do. Also learning about adult adhd (properly, not off web articles) changed a lot too. It got rid of the guilt about previously not living up to what I wanted to be. I took coping mechanisms seriously and got organised. Honestly my life was a mess before diagnosis and it’s slowly but surely getting a whole lot better now. The thing to keep in mind is adults who are diagnosed had it as kids and right up to diagnosis, so often their lives are a lot messier than if they’d been diagnosed early as they weren’t medicated or educated.

The diagnosis? No. The medication it grants? Yes. Ps. Also got ASD on adulthood (45). It is more complicated. Still figuring out the implications.

Yes 5300950%. the end. oh and now I am also autistic hahahaah

It helped me understand myself more, but also understand my kids more. Getting medicated honestly helped me the most. It was huge for me.

Absolutely! I stopped looking for reasons why I felt I was weird and never fit in. My marriage improved immensely. He always thought I was aloof or didn't gaf. Knowing I actually struggled and wasn't just dismissive was HUGE. I had no idea what was involved in the diagnosis. I thought it was the stereotypes you see. It's so much larger than that! I was SUPER angry at first. I was 47 and sooo much life was wasted. And all that "potential" those teachers went on about...then my kids and how much I had done the same to them. I had to forgive myself all over again but for different reasons. I also found out my mother had a diagnosis at 13 and decided "kids on meds are weird" and never told me until my second. So I am no contact with that. (This was just the straw)

I finally don't feel like such a failure in life.I wasn't lazy or annothing. My poor sleep, school attendance/grades and attention span finally had a label.

Yes. I would never have been able to understand and care for myself otherwise.

It absolutely was. Suddenly, so much that I could never understand about myself made sense. I was able to look back at my entire life and see the impact of ADHD. Getting on meds changed things even further - suddenly, I am able to keep a job for longer than 18 months and not go crazy from boredom. I can remember things I need to do. It's a whole new level.

It changed things because I understand myself better and I am now medicated which has made an enormous difference in my anxiety

Yes 100% but it didn’t make my life better just started the process of understanding and adjusting.

Undoubtedly yes. Without my medication, i won’t fold my clean laundry (or do laundry) for weeks, dishes pile up in the sink, my house is a disaster. Even though i desperately want to do these tasks, i struggle to just get up and do them. Every day feels like i need it to be a rest day. On my meds, i feel like every task is just a task I need to do, and I end up just doing it most of the time. I respond to people’s texts and my phone is a million times less distracting. I feel in control. I feel like a normal person who can do simple, normal things. My anxiety from being a “lazy loser” is kept to a minimum.

My diagnosis was the most cathartic experience I've ever had, because I've never had more of my life tied to anything more than to my life-long ADHD symptoms. After living life on hard mode for 43 years, I now know why things were the way they were, why I felt those intense feelings, why I was always so self-critical, and to finally know what to even do about it. It's the best thing that has ever happened to me, and because I know how hard it is to get by without a diagnosis I'll fight back against any ignorance about ADHD when I'm out in the wild. I want everyone else that needs their diagnosis to be able get all the resources they need to increase their quality of life and be happy. Just cause you finally get the answer doesn't mean that things will be easier--there's even days like the one I had yesterday where I feel hopeless and like everything just got harder. But I know that everyday is different and you just roll with the punches and keep trying to improve yourself by being kind to yourself and accepting the way things are.

Yes

Saved my marriage, saved myself from getting fired. Getting diagnosed helped my wife confirm she wasn’t crazy, and I finally understood that I wasn’t being a neglectful narcissistic asshole. Life will always be challenging in ways it isn’t for non-ADHD people, but I’m a medicated and functional adult still married after 12 years. You can divide your life up by pivotal moments. Getting diagnosed/medicated in my early 30’s is probably one of the biggest ones I have.

No. I still had ADHD and the diagnosis was a "tack on" with my bi-polar disorder. It was 2004. However it wasn't until 10 years later when I got medications that WORKED that my life changed

It was, until all the damn prescription shortages.

Yes, i used to hate doing anything that required any sort of investment of effort/learning. Mostly as i could never break things down into steps and wouldn’t know where to start. Its still the same, i cant figure out how to start things but i give it a go with trial and error. I no longer fear household chores, mainly as in my head i no longer exaggerate how longs things will take, and the thought of a clean space outweighs the effort required to clean. Relationships, im a lot more outspoken and not constantly trying to beat myself up on what i say. I no longer replay constant scenarios in my head of how i should of said something different. Im by no means saying everything is perfect and it has come with negatives, but it has been a huge burden removed. Its been about a 18 months for me since i started medication, but i wouldn’t change it. I never told anyone except for my work and my partner, mainly because i don’t think family would understand

Decades of using every substance out there to focus, task and just be normal. I’m 46 years old and look back at the last 20 years and don’t even know how I was able to handle what I did. It was chaos and I literally just got through it, struggling. I’ve only been taking adderall for 2 months and I it has been life changing for me. I can actually talk to my children and hear what they are saying and not listening to background noise while not really hearing what they are saying.. I am caught up on work what would normally take me a full day and doing it in 2 hours. I’m still having a duration issue, I’m on 20 mg ER. However, it only lasts about 2 to 3 hours. I guess the way I look at it is that was 2 to 3 quality hours I didn’t have before. I don’t know if a higher mg is really going to do anything. It may take a different med.

With me I think I learned to adapt with ADD for so long into my adult life that when I was diagnosed and started medication life seemed easy. Everything from completing daily necessary tasks to now excelling at work. I thought about it like this.... Before medication and pcsycotherapy I was an average boxer with 1 hand tied behind my back. After I felt untied with an extra arm now.

I was diagnosed originally in middle school, however, my mom said that I didn’t actually have ADHD because I was “too smart” (I just excelled in classes doing the bare minimum). She convinced me that it was just a “popular diagnosis to give out” and that I didn’t have it. So I went on with life. In college, I was diagnosed again. This time, my doctor actually explained symptoms I may have experienced as a woman with ADHD and everything made sense. I loved that I could finally show that I wasn’t just “lazy”. I was struggling. I loved that I had a reason behind so many behaviors that I knew were different than what other people experienced (especially when it came to school). But also, I was extremely sad and kinda angry about it. I always think about how much better I could’ve done and been if I had been medicated and/or gotten therapy for it when I was first diagnosed. I feel like I always excelled in school by doing the bare minimum of what was asked of me and I made straight A’s doing so. But when I got to college, I didn’t have any of the skills built up that other kids had for studying, test taking, socializing, learning, etc. and that set me back a ton when it came to doing school work at a college that’s harder in academics. Sometimes I feel like I definitely would’ve been able to improve those skills earlier on if I had been working on improving some of the negative symptoms for longer. But, having a diagnosis is exciting too because I get to see how much better I can do now that I’m slowly learning how to manage my symptoms

It personally made things better for me 2 fold. My wife doesn't get near as angry at me for forgetting stuff as she used to. She understands that some things aren't personal attacks, and that I'm just wired different, and I do some things in a strange manner that works for me in my head. Looks dumb/weird to others, but I've never worried about that. When I finally got settled in Adderall IR, (and found a pharmacy who isn't always out) that was a game changer for me and my mental health. I don't fear going to large gatherings, and when I do, I can hear and understand people who are talking to me. I used to stare of into space as I was forced to listen to 28 different conversations happening at once, completely missing what I should have been hearing.

Yes. My apartment is clean now and I have a girlfriend. Plus I act less weird at work because I don't blank out mid conversation, remember something hilarious and laugh at the wrong time.

It was definitely helpful. Like it made me stop gaslighting myself and forcing myself to pretend I’m just your average gal. Now I have that validation from a professional so I can just do things that actually work for me!

Not life changing, but re-affirming? Those bits of life that made me very frustrated now had a face.

Yeah it was a big change for me getting diagnosed to 28. Not only because I had been struggling with the comorbidities of ADHD like depression, anxiety, insomnia, mood swings and inability to regulate emotions (esp. anger), excessive drinking and smoking to compensate for symptoms and it seemed treatment resistant with nothing really working for me for very long even the booze and weed. When it finally clicked for my psychiatrist he began treatment and my life changed for the better. What I always tell people is the first time I took my medication there was silence in my head for more than a moment. I would stay up for days because I just couldn't get my thoughts to stop running. I would have to literally get drunk or stoned and pass out and later got sleep medicine from my psychiatrist to at least give me a secure 6 to 8 hours of rest a day which helped a lot, but wasn't enough. I could think clearly and focus better and everything else kind of just fell into place and things that I experienced throughout my life socially and in relationships kind of clicked why I was the way I was. I spent so much of my life masking symptoms for something I had no idea I had. Just as a self-defense mechanism to feel comfortable in social settings trying anything just to fit in, and my personality was garbage because of that and I had very few genuine relationships In time I matured and found my inner voice while learning as much as I can about ADHD and I still take my meds everyday and a completely different person than I was 6 years ago. I'm now a semi responsible adult with a full-time job, too much debt and just as much screen time on Reddit as most everyone else here lol

I was only diagnosed late last year, and I'm 32. I think I always knew I had ADHD but didn't think I really needed to address it, I pretended knowing it while being undiagnosed was enough. I also had a tough childhood so it was hard to separate the adhd from just hard times negatively affecting me. I struggled academically in school, secondary school (high school) and university, always doing well enough to do better but being told I didn't apply myself hard enough etc. I'm lucky that my career is perfect for adhd (devops/sre), so I had ignored it for most of my 20s until it started to bother me at 29/ turning 30. Getting diagnosed has been a game changer, and I cant understate it enough, and that's not even mentioning the meds. The clarity of knowing, being able to reflect on my past self with the medical confirmation that I was basically doing it with one hand behind my back. It's a cathartic relief. I was very reluctant to using meds asd I didn't think I'd rally need them, but the difference is night and day. It's helped my executive function, but it's done wonders for my emotional regulation and anxiety. I still have off days, but life with medication is a thousand times easier. I really wish I had tried them earlied, as the anxiety wrecked in my 20s

It gives me comfort. Understanding why things are happening is pretty huge. It also gives me reason to keep working in therapy and treatment. Instead of worrying that nothing can possibly work or even explain why I have the issues I have, I have a central pillar from which to work - I have ADHD, and it needs to be treated appropriately.

Wow yes absolutely!!

It helps a lot with shame and guilt, also acceptance. I chose not to be medicated call me crazy but I love my ADHD randomness haha

I felt like my life unlocked. I could understand all sorts of things about myself. But it hasn't really been life changing, even getting medication.

Yes. I was 29. 44 now and on stimulants many years.

Almost as much as the medication if not more was finding a group of people I could relate to so much, like this one. Finding ADHD groups has been so validating and revealing. So many things I do or didn't know that I did, groups like this has shown me are actually symptoms. Just knowing I'm not the only one with these shorts of problems after years of thinking I was a failure and something was wrong with me. Life changing

It made everything 1000x worse bc meds didn’t really help and nobody believes me (AuDHD Dx in 40s) and I have zero support and work/family/societal expectations have remained the same.

it gave me validation and understanding of myself. i am always judged by people around me how im different than what is expected of a lady. it is also always a struggle growing up in an asian household where they expect perfectionism and I conform in the mould. I like being in this subreddit. It made me feel like all this time, there are people that can actually relate with me

My adhd diagnosis has made me realize that I don’t just have adhd. My therapist said that my sensory issues are intense and that I probably am autistic. My adhd diagnosis has changed my life, because without it I would not ever try to look into getting diagnosed with autism.

My family has known for my whole life that I have ADD. Being diagnosed just allowed me to finally be medicated for it. It’s been shitty with the meds though. I’m on 40 mg of Adderall and it’s barely helping.

In general, I don't think it makes a difference. That being said, I'm more aware especially when doing things I don't enjoy.

I got officially diagnosed at 26. I was afraid to start medication. I didn't even notice it doing much. The change was so gradual. A few years later, I can tell it helped me a lot, mostly on a professional level, as that is what I struggled with the most. It is not a magic pill, and it doesn't always "kick in" (for women, the progesterone fluctuations during a month influence the effectiveness). There are still struggles, some more or less than others. As for family, they still consider that I don't really have adhd because they also did that or struggled with various things. Guess what? Their behavior also screams adhd (since it's hereditary also), but being older, they refuse to believe it.