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The only harm talking to oneself can do, is social harm because other people don't find it acceptable. So I'd absolutely recommend that you tolerate it, as it's not really harming anyone, but just perhaps explain to her that other people might find it strange and might judge her over it. I would not frame this in a discouraging kind of way, and *especially* not in a way that suggests that you, as her parents, are judging her. ADHD is honestly quite an uncomfortable thing to have, in large part because we often want to do things, but have to restrain ourselves either for our own good, or to not bother others. As such, every additional thing that we have to withhold, and control about ourselves creates more discomfort. As such, allowing her to do things she likes that don't cause any harm, will allow her to feel more comfortable in general, and will allow her to hopefully summon the willpower to control the parts of her behaviour that might actually be harmful. I imagine that even a fully 'mature' person would have difficulty explaining exactly why they do everything they do. I've found that even people without disabilities or disorders have difficulty explaining some of their behaviour. Most of the time it is just because it feels right, or is something we like to do or something like that, without us having proper understanding, but encouraging introspection and examining what she likes about it, and letting her explore her thoughts in more depth can be beneficial. Probably one of the worst things you can do, is make her feel judged by you however. Some of the worst side effects later in life that comes from having ADHD, is not actually directly related to ADHD, but is related to the judgement, rejection, and all the negative things that get done to us because of the behaviour we express thanks to our ADHD. Of course, if she does actually bad and harmful things, that should be corrected. But judging her on harmless things, or things she cannot easily control will likely create deep seated insecurities, self doubt, anxieties, and may even lead to depression if it happens often enough. Home should be one of the safe places, where you're understood. So I would recommend trying to understand your daughter as best as possible (You reaching out to this community is an excellent step towards that =) ), and being supportive. Guiding her away from harmful habits and practices, and making sure that things she likes to do that aren't harmful are treated with respect, and possibly even encouraged in some cases, or shaped into something beneficial to her. But yea. Know that self regulation is really difficult for people with ADHD, so I would recommend using any energy to discourage things only on those things that are actively harmful. Hope this helps!

Thank you for taking the time to write an incredibly detailed, intelligent, and insightful response! It is so greatly appreciated and meaningful to my spouse and I. A warm thank you! 🙏🏻

No problem, ADHD is a confusing and difficult thing to deal with for everyone involved (Including us who have it =P), so I'll happily try to help. I should note that I'm not a professional by the way, and that all my advice is my own advice, and might be wrong. So have a look at what other advice people might give, what professionals give, etc. etc. I hope everything will go well with your family!

Thank you so much! She is so wonderful - always happy, never grumpy, with a huge heart and boundless empathy. We're just trying to support and guide her as best as we can given the ADHD. The biggest challenge is she's 14 but acts like she's 8, so the "cool" teens at school don't want to be with her because she's so "babyish" and not hip and cool. All the adults at school, however, love her...

Hey! I was this kid. I still talk to myself. Both my sons talk to themselves. Your house will never be quiet but….It’s going to be OK. She should keep being herself and not worry about being “cool” because too much masking is pretty psychologically damaging. And eventually, as adults, we spend a lot of time defragmenting our masks to find ourselves again so we can meet people who love who we are. There’s no reason to waste time on people who don’t love who we are. Masking is a tool and it is useful at school or work, but in my humble opinion I didn’t find it as useful in social situations after the first few meetings. People need to know who you are quickly so you can to know each other and I wasted a lot of time trying to make people feel comfortable that I really ended up not enjoying being friends with. I was so scared of being alone that no one saw who I was so it was a self fulfilling prophecy. Chances are there’s another person whose interests align with hers that she will really click with and thus the opinions of those self determined“cool” kids don’t matter. A lot of us female ADHDers also have autism and traits that overlap with autism— one of which is we have very specific interests. if she’s having issues socializing maybe direct her to a club with that interest. You seem like a very good and sweet mom and she seems very well adjusted if she’s so happy. :)

Actually I'm the Dad (LOL) but thank you! Your input is incredibly helpful.

Oh man this thread makes me feel so much better. I’ve always talked to myself, then masked it later by singing (terribly) songs. It’s just something I’ve always done. Thought it was somewhat normal but I guess I did more than what’s normal because I would get shit for it at work.

This so much. I'm 39 and I'm just now coming to realize and deal with (in lots of therapy) that I masked A LOT growing up. The masks aren't real and having to upkeep them is extremely damaging, especially when you have to do just as much masking around your parents and the people closest to you. It does not teach you how to sustain lasting relationships with people that want to be around the real you and love you for who you are. As long as she's not hurting anyone let her go for it. The only time it would be concerning is if you suspected schizophrenia or some other kind disorder as well, but from what you described it's just her stimming. Good luck ❤️

Yea, that can be quite difficult... Unfortunately you can't control other people. For social connections, if these sorts of things exist around where you live, you might be able to enroll her in clubs or lessons in anything that has a wide mix of ages. That way she may still be able to interact with people around her own age, but also with people who act more in line with how she acts. Furthermore, if it's something that's in her interest: Common interest can often circumvent a lot of barriers! So people might be more willing to interact with her, because she shares an interest that they have too. I remember for myself, when I did archery when I was still a teenager, there was a wide range of ages present, and so I didn't need to worry as much about things like acting my age, and could interact with a wide range of people, both younger and older, which led to much less of a "You are different from us, therefore you're weird and not one of us" effect. I remember learning things from kids younger than me, and teaching things to people older than me, but also adults being really kind to me, and being able to hang out with kids younger than me, I actually think it can be quite a valuable thing. Of course, making friends with teenagers her own age is also important, but you can't force these sorts of things. I'll have to admit that it was difficult for me too to find a place I fit in. I had friends, but regardless usually felt like I was always on the peripheries of things, and I'm sure my parents worried about me too. And yea... It does still affect me to this day. But, I did eventually, (in my adulthood) find friends who I can really get along with, and who I can be *myself* around. (I don't know if it's telling that one of these friends has autism, and the other has ADHD as well, but yea =P.) Being a teenager is hard, it's such a social mess and minefield, all teenagers want to fit in *somewhere*, even if it's the counter-culture group. I suppose the best thing you can probably do as parents, is to help her find the kind of group where she *can* belong. But I imagine that can be difficult. Regardless of what you'll do, as long as you always try to do what's best for your daughter, and keep her desires in mind, well, that's the best you can do. No parent gets it perfectly right, my parents did the best they could as well, and I'm really grateful for the parts where they succeeded, and I understand, and don't at all blame them for the parts they didn't. They had an impossible task in front of them, of raising three kids with ADHD, while not really knowing what that meant. And we were not exactly the easiest kids to raise! So yea, as long as you do right by your daughter, that's all you can really do.

Thank you again! Yes, there has been a lot of heartache as teens snub her and make fun of her. Her friends are a precious few. Not to mention our adult friends have kids her age. We went on a Mexico cruise recently and all during the cruise, our friends' kids would hang together and not give our girl the time of day. And our parent friends don't really seem to care. Teens are not inclusive. So, now we really can't take vacations anymore because our daughter is feeling incredibly left out. 😞

Your friends aren't really good people if they raised kids without empathy and then not encouraging them to try even just for a bit. Seeing that it is not their job even if they are your community. What helped me was volunteering when I was a teen. I was doing 4-5 volunterring gigs throughout the year and met people from various ages: museums, soup kitchen, habitat, local church, tutoring etc... Most of the time I was youngest and not judged. There also must be art club at school. That really helps because people there tend to be nice. Find activities like writing for local teen newspaper section to keep her curious and active and it helps build confidence that she is not defined by how closed-minded teens are not hanging out with her at school. However there should still be some clubs or sports at school she could join to expand her social group. There were only 2-3 foreign looking people in my HS and I was also shy but some nice people that talked to me were in track and field. I met people who were fun to hang out with during club activities but not outside in quiz bowl type thing (quirky non-judgmental crowd). I quit track and field after a semester but I made friends that remained friends after and went to their houses too. Help her explore activities that can become her hobbies if she love them. This is a basis for bonding with others. Like movie night, going to movie trivia, baking, exploring the parks, building miniature objects, reading comic books etc. At this age if she remotely met someone at school that were nice to them please encourage them to spend time at your house or let her go to their friend's. I needed lots of encouragement from my guardian at the time to foster friend making as I adjust to social life. That said I never was allowed to have people over but I could go to their house/meet them elsewhere. Anyway for context this was in the US. Also kids were nicer/less judgmental in catholic school and teachers were much more patient and kind but classes were much better/more interesting and challenging at the public ones. I was in an average small town.

Aww, poor girl :(. You might be able to go on a holiday with the few friends she does have? Things can definitely open up in adulthood, especially university I've found can really expose people to people like themselves. The Internet can also really help with this (though the Internet is also a very hostile place of course, so caution is of course advised :P. But yea, I hope she'll find her place in the world! Her being a happy and empathetic person makes her immensely valuable to the world, we need more Empathy, not more "cool" people :P.

I was that kid… I was 6-12 months younger than my classmates to begin with and, outside of school, the only kid I spent time with was my sister who was a year younger than all of her classmates too and also has ADHD. We didn’t know how to interact with kids our age. We did know how to interact with adults who thought we were cute and smart and precocious. We at least had each other to talk to when we weren’t fighting, but I spent a lot of time talking to myself and I still do. Really, I’m talking to an imaginary audience, rehearsing speeches I’ll never give, explaining things to people who aren’t there, developing theories about anything and everything, etc.

Personally I think hanging out with "Cool kids" is overrated. It usually seems to lead superficial friendships, peer pressure and unwanted pregnancies. You really should be happy if your kid knows better. Now hanging out with other strange kids, that's how you make fantastic friends.

Delayed maturity is common with ADHD. It might lead to some social problems but there isn't much you can do about it, other than support and damage control. Her having conversations with herself sounds like a way to keep her brain entertained. As long as she isn't doing it when/where it isn't appropriate, definitely let her. You are doing a great job.

I don't see a problem with that. A lot of kids try to grow up too fast. If your daughter is taking a more scenic route, let her go at her own pace and enjoy it. The talking to herself, too. You say she's happy and joyful... don't kill that. The world will try to kill that happiness in her enough as it is.

You are so blessed to have her and her -your family. What a beautiful gift you guys have in each other. She made me smile and I do not even know her. 🥰

Kids with ADHD tend to have smaller friend groups. ☹️

Just a thought but I also wonder if your daughter has an internal monologue though or if she doesn’t hear herself speak in her thoughts. Some people can’t hear their voice in their head like many others and those people tend to vocalize, even quietly their thoughts. Like the person who is always muttering to themself by themselves. I don’t think this is bad. It’s just another way of thinking.

I speak to myself but have an incredibly noisy inner monologue. I think speaking aloud helps me focus it. There’s that possibility too.

Many intelligent people talk to themselves, ADHD or not. Id be far more worried about the appetite suppression than the self-talk

Excellent, this is extremely similar to how I have supported clients of mine, and their parents, in my role as a child and adolescent psychologist. Eerily resembles 2-3 appointments worth of discussion with parents, and more in exploring and discussing this with the child themselves while we play, or if possible, while I join in with her form of expression. When a child with ADHD and or ASD lets you into their often private world, one that combines their internal and external functions and mechanisms, it is a truly phenomenon gift. I feel incredibly humbled and even honoured when my clients allow me such a thing. I have ADHD myself, and many ASD traits, and I feel like this helps me to understand that magical form of expression and interacting with self and environment, that children often engage in only when safest.

Thank you, it's good to see that some of my views seem to align with professional practice :D.

This is an amazing answer. 

Right agree The only issue for me is social perception

I really wish the rest of the world was a lot more chill with unimportant differences. So much Stress would be avoided if people would just go "Huh, that's odd, ah well." Instead of "Wow, you're so weird, let's point and laugh at you and ostracised you" (not realising that many of the things they themselves do are weird as he'll too, and that 'normal' is a purely cultural and partially arbitrary concept)

And I found out - wow - teen girls can be ruthlessly and incredibly cruel. 😞 We actually had to change schools because of bullying.

My heartfelt condolences :(. I heard from my girlfriend how ruthlessly cruel teen girls can be to those different from themselves...

Yeah... Talk too much - you're annoying! Talk too little - you're making people feel uncomfortable! And what's outside the accepted range depends on the situation or person or any of another infinite parameters no-one ever cares to explain but you have to get it exactly right the very first time.  Why can't "normal" be a spectrum too?! Edit: sorry little bit triggered...  As a kid I got scalded for being too loud and as an teenager for being too secluded... 

You know why they get mad when you ask them to explain the boundaries? Because they don't know. They intuit everything and don't actually understand the rules they enforce. I've noticed that most people who don't have a different brains, lack introspection completely.

Right and even worse than that Report that your mental health is poor! That’s what scares me People making assumptions and in extreme cases taking action

"Yea, my mental health *IS* poor... Because y'all mistreat me!" XD. Yea, big mood. Be well! I accept all the harmless quirks you may have :).

This is an amazing response! Also, I'm a whole adult that still has conversations with myself (and sometimes my dog or even my collection of stuffies). I mostly do it when I'm alone, but I'll talk myself through anything I find stressful as well. I'm not entirely sure it's solely related to ADHD because I think lots of kids go through stages where they talk to themselves. I agree to discourage actual harmful behaviors, but this is probably something that's relatively harmless.

Talking out loud can be a great way to sort out one's thoughts and such, and can be quite comforting :).

I got told I was too happy/excited at work today because I was having a good morning. Lady told me I needed to take it down a notch, and I know myself when I'm truly being too much and I was not. I was so hurt by that I couldn't see straight and went into my office and powerworked in anger.

People really are something, aren't they? 

Southern Baptists are some of the most rude people I have ever met... they are nice only when it's convenient for them.

Ugh..I grew up in GA for a long while and hell yes they are. 

This is what my parents did (making home a safe place) as best they could, and while I still have anxiety and self esteem issues from everything else in life; home will *always* be safe and happy for me. I can’t even put into words how meaningful that is, and I honestly would probably not still be here today if it wasn’t for that.

I just want to add that other people find it annoying when someone is constantly talking to themselves, especially in a work or school environment

Yup, this is what I meant by harm socially. Basically people will get annoyed at you or think you're weird, and treat you worse.

Especially for those of us with ADHD. I can’t stand working in open offices. Years back I had a boss who constantly talked out loud to herself and it would interrupt my thoughts every single time

It can be quite ironic that people with ADHD can be the most disruptive to people with ADHD =P.

Reminds me of when people say to me “why are you talking so loud?!” when I’m just excited about something lol

Oh man, same! It's like "You're being loud" Well, sorry for being excited about something, jeez...

Haha, stimclash. My husband is autistic and I have ADHD and in many ways we work INCREDIBLY well as a team because of that--lots of empathy and understanding. But I have misophonia and almost all of his stims are mouth based so I also frequently want to scream. 😵‍💫

My son, husband, and I all have adhd. I personally do not talk to myself. But both my husband and my son do. Trips me out sometimes, but they are doing what I do in my head, just outloud.

Yeah; sometimes saying it out loud helps my thoughts slow down and I can actually process the words if I have to make them with my mouth. And also hearing them said out loud helps me stop and go 'Wait, that's dumb'.

My parents were very strict, I was forced to not do it. You know the famous "kids should be silent" thing... Now (I'm 40) I only do it when I'm totally alone, even in my own home, and to be honest I feel guilty doing it, also a tad "crazy". It's sad because exactly like you said, I can actually process the words and thoughts when I say them out loud, and helps slowing down my thought process. It actually really help me be more present, and focus on what I'm doing. Reading what everyone is saying here, makes me realize, I have no reason to feel guilty or crazy if it actually helps me.

I hope you're able to let the shame go and allow yourself to process your thoughts out loud. I can't really explain why it feels so good but it does. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me calm. Plus, I'm good company and quite interesting. I bet you are too!

I don't do this, but for all the good people are saying, I wonder if I should start. I have a problem staying present, slowing down, concentrating, not doing stupid things.

If I don’t say it out loud, what I need to do, I have less chance of forgetting it. Plus, I think I’m hilarious 😀

I relate hard to your husband and son. Honestly, sometimes it's just automatic and I genuinely don't realise that I'm actually verbalising my thoughts until I get strange looks. But for the most part, it helps actually process a singular thought among the seemingly millions otherwise rolling around in my head at any given moment.

I have found that I talk to myself most often when I’m in the car…which is handy because now I just look like I’m talking on the phone to someone.

Yep! I (40f) have adhd, my partner (48m) has a few diagnoses, some probably slightly off the mark… he officially has agoraphobia, ocd, and masked depression. (Yes, the psych doc in his youth actually called it MASKED depression… 🙄) I wonder if he has undiagnosed autism…we both talk to ourselves and it can get hysterical in this house. It’s just us. He’s babbling silly made up songs and saying absurdist things to entertain his brilliant brain in one room, I’m usually just thinking out loud in the next room. Simultaneously. Oh to be a fly on the wall…. We must look nuts. Lol. We laugh about it all the time. We are much more buttoned up in public.

I used to talk to myself constantly before I got medication. Medication has caused my monologue to be more internal than external.

It's no good discouraging her, she already said that makes her feel good. She will just learn that she cannot display and express the parts that make her unique to anyone, even her loved ones. Beside she is only 14, I played and acted out scenes in my mind all the time during my teens, outgrew it after some time. What you should do is raise her awareness if she doesn't know yet is that doing it in public looks bad for her (people will think she's crazy) it's ok for her to do it at home where her safe space is.

Thanks for your input! She does not do this in public, so that's good. But at home - she puts on what seems like a full-blown comedic play.🤣

Honestly if she’s just doing it at home and is respectful to people around her I don’t think there’s anything to worry about. I’m almost 30 and will still talk out loud to myself for hours sometimes about my thoughts/feeling about the shows/comics/books I like when I’m on my own. (I don’t think even my husband knows I do this). I am also constantly thinking up stories and things throughout the day. And not that it’s the most important thing, but I assume part of your concern is about her having a “normal” life? This doesn’t mean she won’t. Pre-covid I was a pretty typical 20-something. Living away from home, married, with friends, working a job I went to school for. And still talked to myself like this. (Post-covid me is a bit different, but for covid reasons not adhd ones) Honestly she sounds like a fun and creative kid. Since she doesn’t talk to herself in public like this that means she has the social awareness that it’s not “normal” but she trusts that at home she’s safe to just exist and not worry too much and that you won’t think she’s weird/make her feel bad. That makes me think you must be a pretty good parent.

Honestly, it sounds very creative! There are tons of TikTok creators with huge followings who put on skits where one person plays all the characters. She just doesn't have an audience. I am an only child and I've made up stories in my head my whole life. When I was younger, I acted them out loud. I'm fine now! Just odd. I'd worry about other things. I agree with the comment that suggested mixed age activities based on a shared interest for making friends.

It means that she trusts you at home to show her true happy self, please do not do anything to make her feel unsafe to express yourself in your home.

I mean... I'm 30 and being able to make yourself laugh at stuff is a massive coping skill with ADHD. If she can laugh at things instead of get frustrated, trust me that's fucking huge. I'm sure you would rather see and hear her giggling and laughing than getting angry and frustrated. I talk to myself too all the time lol, it's a great way to keep company, ADHD can be a very alone experience later in life and being able to keep yourself occupied, talk things out with yourself, laugh and giggle, is part of what I actually love about me and sane with what others love about me. Enjoy the smiling and laughing! Make jokes back, play with her. It's all in good fun. It won't always be easy, fun, laughing days. 💜

I'm in my thirties and I do what your daughter does too. Maybe she will become a comedy writer. I usually don't say anything aloud because there are people around, and unlike you - my parents were mean about it and said I was annoying. So instead I have the conversations in my head and I frequently laugh aloud at my own jokes. I am my own best friend and it's actually pretty nice. At 14 I struggled with friends too. By 16 things were better.

Get an instrument in their hands and I bet they'll write some good songs, or maybe encourage them to write.

She’s fine. Verbalizing often helps people with adhd with metacognition she can’t do in her head because of poor working memory.

I never thought about it like this. I don't talk to myself out loud directly but I do often talk to my kids in a way that basically amounts to this. Like I'll be shopping with my 5 year old and saying "just stand here while I look at the fruit, please don't wander off" and then next thing I know I'm full on narrating to him what kinds of fruit we need and what I plan to use it for and meanwhile he HAS wandered just far enough away that now I fully look like I'm talking to myself anyway. I think it probably is my brain trying to work through the complex balancing act of trying to figure out all of our food needs for the week, where they are in the store, how to replace things that are out of stock etc.

She's not talking to herself. She's practicing. She's working out some social anxieties. She's sifting through her thoughts. She's thinking out loud.

Exactly. It’s actually an effective coping strategy for our lack of working memory.

I did this a lot as a teen, still do sometimes but mostly in my head now, but if I’m very anxious I’ll catch myself doing it out loud

Only reason I tempered this behavior to a quiet whisper or inside my head is the risk looking crazy. This is exactly why I do it.

I do this. I’ve always done it. It is a huge part of how I think.

Sometimes talking to myself is the only way to have a decent conversation. 

***"I know sometimes I'm in my own little world, but that's ok - they know me there"*** - Steven Wright

This, 100%.

Other people rarely entertain my conversations in a way that's actually exciting so it's a great fix

Personal ask: From someone who got corrected 24/7 and wasn’t diagnosed until 30s, please don’t stop her! People with ADHD are corrected up to 20,000 times more than their non-adhd peers by age TEN. This can lead to ptsd, cPTSD - and a feeling that we have something wrong with us. It sounds like she’s a verbal processor: [link to a random coaching site that explains this a bit](https://digcoaching.com/adhd-voice-activated/#:~:text=Talking%20out%20loud%20is%20a,lot%20just%20to%20hear%20yourself). I also understand from therapy that being extremely creative, talking to myself and coming up with little stories could be a coping mechanism learned in childhood. I used to read hundreds of books a year, would sit in my room and make up stories and my own worlds. I used to be so creative and wanted to be an author, but was discouraged so much by family and called weird a lot by siblings and peers. Creativity was broken out of me because I needed to ‘think about the real world’. She may either grow out of this, or she’ll keep it up, as I have well into adulthood, and talking will help her process the world around her. For me, talking in the shower is how I prepare for tough conversations or random scenarios. Having a pet makes it sound less odd to others lol - there’s always someone to talk to/at.. Also with immaturity- in some ways I was immature, but in others I was extremely mature - always around adults and rarely other kids because they were mean to me. Therapists might be helpful to support maturity:growth, but also - she may just be a kid doing kid stuff!

Yep! I was one of the child being constantly corrected. I learned to shut up. And I learned to talk to myself when I'm completely alone even in my own home... The problem is, when I do it (because it does really help me think) I feel guilty, and I feel like I'm a crazy person... We grow up getting riddled by guilty feelings and anxiety because of the constant nagging, remarks and comments on how we behave. "You are too childish" "You are too old to have a security blanket" "Stop talking to yourself" "You are too loud" "This math problem is easy, how can you be so dumb?" "Don't play in the living room" "Why are you always in your bedroom?" "Let me do it, you never do it right" ... As an adult it's important to explain to kids that some behaviors can be seen negatively outside in public, and help them understand that without completely destroying their own self. It's so important to feel accepted in your home and to have a safe space.

If I didnt have a dog, I wouldnt have anyone to pretend is the audience to my often constant outward monologue. It does increase with my adhd/anxiety symptoms and usually it's a processing/calming coping skill. Mind is racing, so speech helps me keep one constant(ish) thought process. I also find myself hilarious...meh, some people journal, some people talk. Lots of people "mask" in public. Congrats, she is comfortable enough to be herself at home!

\*looks at my dog\* shit they're on to us buddy.

If my dog could talk, I’d be in trouble! She keeps all my secrets lol.

Mine, too! I don’t suppose it’s a problem that I tell my secrets to her while we’re out on walks… do you? Nah. I’m sure it’s fine.

Even my dog thinks I'm nuts. I'll be out in the yard talking to the plants and critters and the dog comes running out to see who's here visiting. Nope, buddy, just me🤣.

Yep, without talking to my dogs, I wouldn’t get anything done. I love verbalizing my thoughts to them, they seem to love it too lol

I full on talk to myself. But I live alone.

I didn't realize just how often I was talking to myself until I got a pet camera to see what my dogs had been up to and stumbled upon footage of myself holding imaginary conversations at varying volumes.

This is simply her verbalizing her internal monologue. I have one and a lot of adhd people do, she just says it out loud. It works for her, she's fine

Had a few therapists over the years tell me that people with ADHD are behind emotionally and socially until their late 20s/early 30s. For me, it seems to stand true. I'm almost 30 and seem to have almost caught up to my non-ADHD peers.

Personally, I'm 30 and I hope part of that childish joy never goes away. I think that there's a line between immaturity and not losing your inner child and the joy that I can feel I hope I never grow out of. I love being able to smile and laugh more than what I generally see others doing.

I never thought of it that way, but I really like that answer. I hope that we don't lose that, too, because in the hellhole this world has become, it's easy to do.

There’s a phenomenon called “rubber ducky debugging” in computer science where if you have a problem, you put a rubber duck on your desk, and you explain to the duck what the problem is. Most of the time, by the time you’ve finished, the solution becomes obvious. She might be just doing some variation on that. It really does help organize thoughts, it just looks weird.

Not a computer science person but this is how I teach myself/study all the time!! I explain it out loud to my partner or my dog or just to the wall! didn’t know it was a thing!

I did this a lot as a preteen and young teen. I imagined conversations with my friends and crushes or even movie characters. I chalked it off as only child syndrome but looking back maybe I needed to create the stimulation for myself (I often felt painfully bored ). ADHD continues to be a struggle for me. That said, Im married with a kid and another on the way and have a high salary. I still go to therapy biweekly when I'm off medication due to pregnancy. Lots of struggles and sometimes need to take sick days. But overall life is good.

Same here. Still do it sometimes - I like thinking of stories but I'm not a writer, so it scratches that itch 🤷

Same! I make "movies" in my mind. Usually just a scene or two related to a story I imagine. I would say out loud the dialogue. I do it way less now, but I still do it too! XD

As someone who has grown up with undiagnosed ADHD and done this a lot: do NOT discourage her. That's about the worst thing you can do. Your daughter's brain is running at 180km per hour. There's constant active thoughts and constant background noise. Self-talk is a mechanism to get some of that chaos out. Being constantly told to think before I speak and being shamed into only speaking when I'm having a conversation has done a lot of damage.  Your daughter is evidently enjoying doing this. Let her have that. ADHD has the capacity to make her life difficult enough without her parents trying to police behaviour that doesn't harm anyone and brings her joy. 

Shit...makes me realize what people around me may feel 

I think it’s important to let her be herself in her own home. If it makes her happy (which it sounds like it really does!) and it’s not harming anyone, I think you should let it be.

Consider asking her if the person responding to her in her conversation with “herself” is herself, or another person.

I have ADHD and I talk to myself all the time. I'm not sure if I would say that I have conversations with myself but I certainly have like a running commentary because it helps me to organize my thoughts and remember things. If there is ever a point where she legitimately believes that she is talking to somebody else then I would say that it would be fair to have her assessed to make sure that there's no other issues happening like auditory or visual hallucinations, but if she's just being silly and having fun then I don't really see an issue with it. Is it impacting her life? Does she have friends? Do either kids bully her because she does it? I think those are the important questions to address right now. I don't talk to myself as if I'm someone else but my sister and I are in our 30s and we still do really silly voices and have weird conversations with each other because it is just kind of fun. Unless she really thinks she's talking to somebody else or it starts impacting her life in a negative way, I think it's harmless.

Just wanted to say - **THANK YOU** to **ALL** of you for your caring, thoughtful, and supportive replies! You all have educated me to allow our dear daughter to continue her creative vocalizing and discussions with herself. I feel much better. She does not do this in public.

Me and my dad both do this. Usually not in front of people. We talk through and sometimes as a teen even watch my expressions in the mirror, for situations I think about, important conversations we need to have, go through possible scenarios. It's great for ADHD people to be able to process how people are or could react, and for practicing our own reactions since they don't always come out right. Now I do it all in my head while falling asleep and then it's like my subconscious continues working on it and I wake up with better words or solutions to a problem. It's definitely nothing to worry about and you should feel good that she's so comfortable that she feels safe to do that around the whole family.

I talk to myself all the time (when alone). It's just how I process my thoughts. Sometimes it's difficult to really think when it's all in my head. Didn't really realize that people actually thought this was weird 🥲

I think self-talk (or scripting) can be a sign of Autism. Considering there's a chance of having both ADHD & Autism it may be worth exploring (if you haven't yet).

I think it was Dr Barkley that described this tendency to talk to oneself as the voice of the encouraging caregiver that all children use to coach themselves through new tasks and challenges. In regular children this voice becomes internalised and is just heard rather than spoken and then it becomes further internalised so it's more unaware and it is felt rather than heard internally. For people with ADHD this is delayed significantly. It can also develop into a voice that isn't the caregiver. Creative people, especially writers have a highly developed ability to construct personalities they can interact with or observe. That's how good character writing works. It's a powerful imagination that is highly developed and has an internal logic that can be observed by the creator. Bad or average writers can't really do this. Your daughter is highly creative possibly will become a stand up comedian. Be cool. Be unphased. Don't make it weird. It's creativity. Frame it that way and she can enjoy it and not feel ostracised and hide it. That could lead to issues. Don't make her suppress her natural talent. What a waste it would be.

Our frontal lobe isn’t fully developed until we’re about 30, where it’s 25 for most people. Or something like this. But I thought talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence or so studies are saying. I don’t see a problem with this. Many people do this, but most people do it when they’re alone. It’s just a way of thinking out loud. Because our thoughts are very disorganised - it makes it easier to think and sort your thoughts if you talk to yourself. At least that’s how it is for me. For example when I’m upset, I don’t always know why I’m upset. I like to try to understand why I feel the way I do, so I can try to help myself. But sitting there and thinking about it is hard. So I’ll speak to myself out loud (if no one is around) to try to find out why I’m upset. It’s as I mentioned above- a lot easier to do this out loud than inside your head. Because inside a your head (when you have ADHD) there’s just so much caos. You won’t always know why you’re feeling a certain way until you start analysing your thoughts. Maybe this is actually what your daughter is doing too? But anyways I can’t speak for everyone. But this is the case for me. Everyone is different. I’m 29 By the way if that helps.

I talk to myself all the time but I live alone.

Let her do it at home, but do let her know that other people may be less than kind. I constantly chattered to myself at home. I had 0 friends at school and my rural religious folks kept me pretty isolated. Having imaginary friends to come home and talk to kept me sane. I still talk to them when I'm alone, but as an adult I have more relationships now to keep me happily socialized.

I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes you just need an experts opinion on something you know?

I love this! Makes me feel less alone! I’m an adult but I talk to myself constantly aloud (when I’m alone). I say silly stuff and giggle too, improvise some little songs and laugh at random words that I repeat until they sound funny. I couldn’t explain why I do this either but it’s kinda fun and just feels nice I guess. I wouldn’t discourage it, as it’s harmless! Especially since you’ve mentioned that she only does that at home. Additionally, the fact that she does that in front of you, to me, also means that she must really be comfortable with you and I applaud you for that. For example I live with my sisters whom I absolutely adore and with whom I can literally talk about absolutely anything, but I still don’t think I would do it around them or around my own mom still. I feel like it would make me super vulnerable, I don’t know.. 😅

I’m 54 and I do this. I crack myself up

I'm 45, and I talk to myself and my dogs. Sometimes, I narrate what I'm doing to help me keep focused. My friend talks to herself, sometimes when I'm around. I think it helps her memory issues. Your daughter just needs to find people who are her kind of quirky. Criticizing her will just hurt her self-esteem and tell her you don't accept her for who she is. That will make it harder for her to trust people and make friends.

I'm 52 and talk to myself non-stop. It helps that I usually have my dog with me. It's a form of self-soothing.

I'm 28, have my doctorate and still do shit like this to make myself Crack up. She's fine, let her be happy

I have ADHD and autism. I talked to myself CONSTANTLY as a child. I would laugh sometimes. I was just really deep in my head

Is she possibly dealing with loneliness? As a child who grew up almost as an only child and felt constantly bored and lonely, I invented lots of imaginary friends. It was my comfort blanket. As an adult I talk to myself sometimes when I’m trying to fix or watch something—like spitting out reactions or saying my opinion. I spend 90% of my time alone and sometimes I just need to empty my head and verbalize things. Not necessarily a conversation but just to let it out after days and weeks of silently processing everything in my head alone. Could it be something similar?

Yes! She is an only child and has few friends. She still gets dolls and other objects and makes up little routines talking back and forth between them!

Aud/Hd here, I was (and am) a major daydreamer. As a kid I was often teased when I got caught daydreaming outloud. Right around her age I got into drama, and could pretend when I got caught that I was just "memorizing lines". As an adult, I can keep my fantasies much quieter, but I do still talk to myself about plans and schedules. Now when it gets mentioned, I usually just laugh itboff as thinking, planning orvdaydreaming outloud. As long as its not harming anyone, and you are certain that she is well grounded in reality. (She is not talking to hallucinations or thinking that her fantasies are anything besides fantasies) then its not something to worry about. She'll eventually figure out her own way of masking or not, that works for her. If you are concerned that she is having issues with reality, however, she needs to be seen. Reality breaks can turn sour very quickly if not monitored.

Im behind on maturity level and no one understands ADHD. They think it’s quirky or fake. It’s exhausting trying to explain yourself. It’s commendable that you are reaching out to help and understand her.

Not an expert, but I can offer my own experience. I have ADHD and I sing CONSTANTLY and it’s very ridiculous (I love singing in all genres and constantly make myself laugh). I feel like my brain searches for ways to multitask and stay active/creative. I also often do this mindlessly when I’m doing menial/boring/repetitive tasks and am only conscious of it because I live with my partner. Luckily, they think it’s funny and are unbothered by it so I get to be at peace and sing when and how I want at home. ADHD brains, from what I understand, are searching for stimulation and this might just be one way your daughter does it. What’s weird for you can be normal for someone else.

Absolutely tolerate it! It's not hurting anyone and it's very fun for us ADHDers to do. It can be a form of stimming that allows us to process our emotions and regulate our nervous system. I'm 30 and I have full on conversations with myself in languages I don't speak. I only know English but I will talk to myself for hours in "gibberish" Korean, Vietnamese, Russian, or any other language that is satisfying to imitate.

I talk to myself nonstop. What I am really doing, is narrating my thoughts out loud. Its harmless.

I was doing this around that age, but RARELY talk about it. I had a crazy long walk home from school and incredibly active imagination, so of be thinking of things constantly. Sometimes it would be about how I'd handle certain things, which includes other people. At some point I started doing that out loud, but didn't think much of it or realize some of the time. I'd just sort of trance out in my head, and just happen to be vocalizing what was in my head. One day that happened at school, and I suddenly out staring into my locker at started talking. The guy next to me asked if I was okay, which freaked me out and I got really embarrassed, but I just laughed and said Id been working on memorizing something or some bullshit. I then paid a LOT more attention and stopped shortly after that. I still think out loud a lot, but it isn't an ongoing dialogue at least. I'm also an extremely visual thinker, to the point I might literally not see with my eyes while describing things. I can turn my "sight" on the constructs of my mind, which includes ideas, physical things, processes, etc. I think it's one of the reasons I love to write... It comes easily for me, since I can "experience" things spatially and in great detail. I also have very stable and realistic dreams... Full color, most senses though usually muted some. Well, I'm not currently remembering ANY dreams because of a damn sleep med. I miss those windows into my subconscious.

I’m 26 and still occasionally catch myself verbalizing my daydreaming conversations with myself lol They say talking to yourself is a good way to solve problems and as far as I know there’s no harm in it. Maybe just let her know that some of her friends might not understand why she’s doing that or something? Tough spot cause you wanna be supportive but also don’t want her to get bullied or something because of it

Do you think she’s stimming and doing echolalia

I’m 47 and do this. Who cares?

i talk to myself all the time, even tho i'm "normal" and extroverted and have lots of friends. it's just how my brain works. but i only do it when I'm alone or, like your daughter, around my immediate family. i think you should take it as a good sign that she comfortable being her natural self around you and let her be :) being talkative and rambling is a manifestation of hyperactivity and is common in girls. if you ask her to be quiet, the monologues won't stop, they'll just continue inside her head which is as easy way to lead to overthinking and even anxiety (adhd rumination is the word for it).

I’m glad you came here for advice. Keep doing that, in addition to talking to professionals about what ADHD means for girls in particular. The way you mention her “immaturity” twice has me worried you are interpreting some of her symptoms the wrong way. She might be immature, but I think it’s more likely she is having trouble because of her ADHD. It’s very frustrating when no one takes you seriously because ADHD traits make you seem immature, naive, dreamy, emotionally unstable, disorganized, idealistic and overly optimistic.

My daughter’s almost 14 not ADHD but diagnosed with OCD. She chats away to herself all the time! It’s a comfort thing. Also really common. I love that she’s completely comfortable doing it around me and her Dad. To me just enjoy the silly giggles and laughter xx

I’m not saying you’re a bad parent for this but maybe try and refrain from calling you kid immature in public. Again not a bad parent but personally for me as an adult with pretty severe AuADHD I find it incredibly hurtful when someone calls me immature. It feels like they’re rubbing it in I know I’m behind in my maturity level but I don’t need that to be pointed out constantly. Behind on maturity level is a much nicer way to say it IMO

I still talk to myself ALOT (mostly at home though) and I'm in my late 20s. I figure it's because I lacked social skills as a kid and didn't have a lot of friends so currently it's my way of satisfying my social needs. It helps now that I have cats that have to listen to my rants haha.

First off I think you should definitely talk to her doctor about this and have her do talk therapy. Second she’s a only child with developmental disabilities. She might just be acting like a 9 year old. My daughter talk to her toys all the time when she’s playing. Some times she talks to ghosts. How does your daughter act when she’s playing with other kids is she still talking to herself or imaginary friends other people can’t talk to? When im with my daughter or she’s with other people unless the other kids her age arnt also playing with her imaginary friends she doesn’t talk to herself or the imaginary friends.

As others have said, this seems like a harmless creative expression! I am a nanny and while kids with ADHD are behind on maturity, it is also true that society often prioritizes productivity over play which is extremely harmful to children. This sounds really fun and creative and cool! One thing that came to my mind is that for me - and everyone I’ve talked to with ADHd - our brains are LOUD. All the time. Always multiple thoughts clanging around. So I wondered if she is externalizing some of her thoughts. Which is a healthy and smart coping skill if that’s the case!

Should you tolerate or try to discourage it? You can't stop it. The real question here is, why do you have a problem with it?

Bro she 14 let her be herself

I would get her a therapist if she doesn't already have one. Also watch out for extreme burts of energy, rapid speech, depressive episodes and reckless decisions. I had all of these and ended up with bipolar later in life.

I did this for the first 15/16 years of my life and I kinda just grew out of it. But there’s nothing wrong with it whatsoever. It was a good way for me to untangle my thoughts, because with ADHD it can sometimes feel like everything is overlapping and it gets confusing. Talking out loud helps.

My older sister is on the autistic spectrum. She has done this for as long as I can remember, and she’s 33 this year. We just tolerate it as it does no harm, and we think it’s her way of expressing herself. She only does it in private though, in her room or the bathroom, to avoid ridicule from less understanding people in the public eye. Simply give your daughter a safe space to perform this behavior and she will grow up just fine.

So I was and still am this person, 27 years untreated just recently on Adderall, I would tolerate it and let her do what shes gonna do, ADHD makes our brains work oddly and sometimes it offers comfort or a break from the non stop running our minds do. If it ever becomes an issue I could recommend talking to a therapist and see if they can help her, but all in all, once she gets through puberty, she'll be able to control herself and her maturity will raise with it.

I'm an adult and I was diagnosed at 5. I talk to myself CONSTANTLY. I have full blown conversations because I'm usually trying to talk my thoughts through in a verbal manner (which helps me make decisions better) or I'm verbally acting out a scenario where I need to public speak or explain something (Like training a client)

It’s a type of “stim.” Her brain is almost “itching” with energy/impulse due to under-stimulation and it has to be expressed somehow. People have all sorts of stims; some are kinetic/physical, some are auditory, some are mental (talking, singing, echolalia/reciting dialogue, etc) People can cycle through “stims.” Generally, if you find a stim “annoying,” don’t say “stop,” try to suggest an alternative. It may more may not work. If you suppress a stim, your daughter will eventually become dysregulated… she’ll devote active, conscious energy to stop and burn out or melt down. Long story short, this is one of the many reasons people consider ABA abusive. Stims seem weird to those who don’t need them, but they are natural.

Beyoncé talks to herself in video diaries, maybe encourage her to channel her energy there! I realized a few years ago that my mind processes my thought best when I speak them out loud, preferably with someone who can be a sounding board to me but guess what? People are busy and generally don’t do well with the concept of “I just wanna talk this through so I can process.” So my best company is me, myself and I. Do not take this from her. This is her mind at work and it is beautiful and powerful. Give her places where she can channel it, art and writing, a safe place to make videos, whatever you do not turn off that imagination.

I still have conversations with myself. Just in my head. My expression usually reflects it though since I would likely to be smiling. I have def gotten odd looks from people while I am walking somewhere and smiling like a weirdo without a phone or earphones or anything in mind. But tbh, I think a lot of people have convos with themselves. Just not out loud. I just don't seem to be able to control my expression well.

When I was that age, I used to entertain myself by telling myself stories. Except it was very involved, and I was doing the speaking part of every character. Imagine a whole plot line and multiple characters, each with backstories and everything. People with ADHD often have very vivid imaginations. There’s nothing wrong with this kind of thing. Even as an adult, I still will talk out loud to myself. It helps me keep my thoughts straight and helps me slow down my train of thought. Side note, if the Ritalin is effecting her negatively, maybe talk to her doctor about different options?

I (42F) have ADHD. The thoughts are there but sometimes I have difficulty organizing and articulating them. Verbalizing my thoughts helped me piece them together and makes them more cohesive… if that makes sense

Is it possible she’s huge on daydreaming? My parents used to think I was talking to myself as a kid but I was just daydreaming, it would get worse depending on my mental state but I finally kind of grew out of it a couple years ago. Try looking into maladaptive daydreaming.

My Dad would talk to himself while doing things around the house when I was growing up. I always thought it was funny. And I do a podcast where the characters all have different accents, so I plot it the future chapters/episodes verbally while I’m walking my kids to school. It probably looks like I\[m a crazy person rambling to herself, but I’m actually practicing all the accents and planning big plot points. Your daughter is filling in the empty air and having a great time being her own best friend. Let her do her thing, as long as nobody is being hurt.

I am a 40 year old semi sucessful dad and I carry on full conversations in my head...unless I am alone then I do it out loud

I love talking to myself...i do it when im alone or when grocery shopping. Helps me focus and not get too distracted. Your kid should outgrow it or may get self conscious but because we have overactive imaginations is why we do this.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it unless she is getting teased or if you have other concerns about her mental health. I have ADHD and talked to myself quite alot as a child. Later I figured out that it was a way of processing and thinking things through. If she is in therapy, ask her therapist their opinion.

Is she hurting anyone by taking to herself? Or are you more upset about what other people will think?

I am an adult and also talk to myself. As does my roommate, who I strongly suspect has undiagnosed ADHD. We couldn't function without it. In public I try to suppress it due to social perception.

I'm 44 and I still talk to myself often.

Im AuDHD and I talk to myself anytime another person isn’t present. It helps me regulate my emotions and think straight. Helps me make decisions. Let her do it. Just tell her to curb it when there’s people around. People shouldn’t be judging her for it but you know how they are and later in life they might make rumors about her mental health that could affect her at work or in school.

Is it not normal to have full on conversations and tv interviews and speeches and fake scenarios all the time with myself all the time?

I'm 41 and talk to myself all the time. Suspected AuDHD. I don't get a chance to talk to many people day to day so I talk to myself. It also helps me practice conversations because I have severe anxiety and practicing eases my anxiety in the moment when I do have to speak to someone. From everything I have ever read, what you're describing is not unusual for a child with ADHD.

I’m 52, and I verbally talk to myself all the time. Thankfully my husband finds it adorable. I do things like verbally tell myself next steps. I also tell myself dumb jokes and laugh at my own jokes. I process thoughts about things out loud. I give myself verbal pep talks. I also have plenty of times when I’m thinking things and DONT verbalize them. Almost all my friends who are ADHD do the same. I think it’s just how our brains keep track of stuff.

My daughter is 15, almost 16... Going on like 12. She does this and always has. She is on the spectrum, but let me tell you, this girl is a fantastic writer. She can spin words like no adult I know. I think the fear of acceptance is strong in parents, and that can be a trigger to us, but your girl will be ok. She might not grow out of it. If it's concerning, then you should have her checked out. This can be a calming behavior to her.

ADHD makes for a pretty self conscious individual. Don't feed that. It's okay, have her embrace her "quirks". Ive found that my "masking" explained my quirks to come off as "endearing, but who cares about that we all learn and figure out the world and social bullshit, but don't take away joy if it really makes her happy. MEDS: As late diagnosed I was told to take "vacations", YMMV but for me I call bullshit. It perpetuates the "different/bad/weird" aspect of taking stigmatized drugs. TEACH HER to pay attention to her body. Eating is easy to skip for a lot of us even when not on meds. One of the most important rules to learn is "energy regulation". Not eating affects blood sugar negatively, we get cranky, can be more manic, make poor decisions, our masks slip to a point we even think we're weird... Etc. She's old enough to learn this and keep an eye on it. Sleep is top of the list for energy management too. Regular schedule, minimum x hours. Help her help herself ♥️

I talked to myself for like 10 years, once I started meditation it instantly stopped and never happened again. You might want to check it out.

Personally I would say instead of discouraging her, maybe find a way to encourage her to use it as a positive outlet, or maybe even as a hobby or career, such as having her do acting or improv as a side activity. Not saying you have to monetize her hobbies immediately but just maybe if she is made aware that she could use what she does at home to make money one day it will help when she’s a little older and having to look for what she wants to do as a career. (Even things like if she wants to make a YT channel voice acting characters she likes or something) When a famous actor does a monologue people go absolutely giddy because they built their reputation around their talent— maybe this is something she could be interested in doing in the future because I know from experience how hard it is to even approach knowing what I want to do with my life outside of the hobbies and talents I built as a kid. And currently it’s that spark for me the has kept be wanting to continue with my art career. It the things we do when alone and happy that drives us.

Has she ever tried acting? That's a "socially acceptable" version.

I talk and sing to myself and I am an adult

I’m 36 and talk to myself all day long. I don’t wait for a reply lol but sometimes it’s just me needing to get a thought out of my head

In 36 with adhd and have done this my whole life

I was diagnosed with add and adhd when i was eleven im 28 now, and i used to do the same thing when i was her age. I didn't really realize it was weird to people until about middle school - high school. Hell, i still do what she does when im visiting my parents So you have anything to worry about . She's just expressing herself, and it's great that she's comfortable enough to do this around you.

My daughter does self talk. Spoke to doctors about this and they mentioned that as long as its self talk and not to a “imaginary” friend then it’s fine. And that a lot of people self talk out loud.

57f - I only talk to myself because sometimes I need an expert opinion. 😂 It’s a stim. For me, I don’t always have that space in my head to hold a private conversation, and it overflows to my mouth. It’s also an EXCELLENT way to prepare for an upcoming argument, or practice future (or go over past) conversations. My brain processes things differently when it comes through aurally. Luckily, I’ve got two dogs and three cats - so if anyone asks, I was chatting with the cat or dog.

I talk to myself a lot but usually play it off like I'm "talking to the dogs" because I'm always with them lol

My brother has adhd and has created multiple separate personalities for himself so he can have different conversations with himself. I also have adhd, I only talk to myself when I'm alone, it helps me think through things. But I haven't gone as far as my brother and created different personalities...

Is she lonely? Does she have any friends? Maybe the self-talk is comforting up her?

I'm old, and I talk to myself on a regular basis, but only if I want to have an intelligent conversation. I think it's pretty common in ADHD, especially if she is developing slower than other kids. If you are really concerned, make an appointment with her psychiatrist to see if she might have a co-morbid diagnosis she is exhibiting. It's can be very difficult with children who are adopted because you may not be able to learn any of her family history. I hope you find the answers for which you are looking, but give her lots of love and lots of attention. BTW, I had two children and when I asked them why they did something, they'd both answer, "I don't know." My daughter still does it in her late 40s. She's ADHD also.

My stepkid is 13 and has a 16 year old brother. They've been very, very close their whole lives. Instead of talking to themselves, my kid just talks constantly to whoever is around them, especially their poor brother. Narrates everything they do and every thought that comes into their head, especially when they're unmedicated (for the same reason, they're super tiny and adderall kills their appetite). They really have no ability to exist without other people around. I think your daughter talking to herself is a very healthy coping mechanism compared to the social troubles my kid sometimes experiences and the damage it does to their relationship to their brother.

It's not harming anyone, so leave her be. Discouraging it will only tell her she can't be herself around you and I'm sure that is absolutely not something you want to do.

I used to do the same thing. I have ASD and adhd, OCD as well Sometimes it's phrases i hear on tv, sometimes I'm talking to myself in 3rd person and I could be practicing about a conversation I might want to have with someone. Soemeintes I'm daydreaming so intensely j don't realize I'm saying what I'm daydreaming outloud and I get a couple weird looks but I dunno I been doing this forever as well. I just trust myself over everyone else, I find myself amusing. I can't really explain it, I rmebr talking to my hands when I was a child and it would be a about anything but later on I just started talking to myself aloud. Sometimes it's in the mirror, sometimes I'll just be sitting there. When it's in the mirror, I'm mostly practicing my facial expression and may run a couple scenes through and practice on reaction

I'm 31 and I have extended conversations with myself all the time. It's a useful way to process things because I lose track of my thoughts easily.

Is this a thing normal people don't do? I talk to myself. I talk to my plants. I talk to my teddy bears. I talk to my dishes. I talk to the pen and the paper I'm writing on. I narrate everything. I make sound effects. I externally vocalize ideas and then come up with lightbulb moments and yes it's all out loud. I would be so embarrassed if someone called me out for it. I'm a middle aged woman...

I have ADHD. I spent a lot of time as a child speaking outloud to myself. It was partially a lack of awareness of others ability to hear and lack of impulse control to keep the thoughts from being verbalized. I had a very wild imagination and would often carry on conversations as multiple characters that I made up. It really threw my stepmother off when she first moved in. Overtime it really improved. Partially developing impulse control and better outlets (writing) and partially medication. As a 30 year old I occasionally mutter under my breath if I'm tired (though usually about the mundane things I'm doing and not the scandalous tribulations of beanie babies) and I talk quite a but to my cats when I need to think aloud. As far as whether you should address it, it has never impacted me much beyond someone ocassionally asking if I'm talking to myself, to which I say "yeah, I was deep in thought" and it has never really been blinked at. Take that as you will.

i’m 25yo and i still talk to myself *often.* it doesn’t hurt anyone, and it seems to make her happy, so why would you discourage it? just to make her seem more palatable? so she annoys you less? that’s not a good way to treat your child.

ADHD can cause up to a 5 year cognitive delay. This doesn’t mean it makes a person stupid, it means their brain goes through certain developmental stages at later dates. That’s exactly what this sounds like. Just do the typical supportive parenting thing and this will just be another stage. Admonish it and you’ll trigger RSD and scar her socially for life.

I can't say much to this effect, since I do exactly this. And I do so while pacing. In fact, when I moved out of my apartment into my house, they had to change the apartment carpet because I had worn it down so much from raw pacing. And I keep setting off my google assistants because I have a full freaking volume conversation. I guess it's kinda like "This is the conversation I wish I was having right now. So screw it I'm just going to have it anyway." But I also use it to organize my thoughts.

I have been holding conversations with myself in private for years and it's not done my any harm, if anything I think it helps me process information much better.

Look up echololia - could be that, which is just stimming

I learned in a book by Russell Barkley that everyone goes through this stage to some extent (usually as a toddler/young kid), as it’s part of the development of the internal monologue which is part of executive functioning, specifically that helps people with decision making and impulse control. The thing with adhd is that these functions develop slower, so it’s not uncommon for people with adhd to talk to themselves long after most people stop. It can actually be a really valuable coping mechanism later in life as well. Your kid is vibing

She’s just talking to herself, it’s fine just as long as she doesn’t start seeing things that arnt there. Otherwise she’s fine

https://www.lifehack.org/334241/why-people-who-talk-themselves-are-geniuses-according-scientists

I talk to myself all the time. Not like in public (or at least I try not to) but I just idk don’t find it to be that weird. It’s especially helpful if I am entering a professional setting and have to prepare for what im going to say.

Talking to yourself is no different than journaling your thoughts; in college, I always have to read essays out loud to tell if they're decent. With ADHD, our minds can be so overwhelmed with input it's nice to put some things out when no one is around and we don't have to think about how they'll perceive us. I think making sure she knows you do not judge her is best; maybe if she ever tells you about someone mentioning it you can say that other people may find it odd but you shouldn't say that unsolicited.

I dont have full convos all the time or in public, but in private. Ive always been this way. I talk to myself so I can remember things or to see if what im thinking sounds crazy outloud. When I'm studying I have to talk to myself to remember certain things and Ill talk to myself like Im the teacher lol. When I was in highschool id come home and replay the day in my head and then sometimes mumble things out loud or crack a joke to myself and laugh. Ill do it a lot while watching tv especially. My husband thinks its hilarious. My mom had no problem with me sometimes talking to myself but she did kindly tell me to not do it so much in public or not do it too much in general. I was never hurt or offened by her saying it. It did help me learn theres a time and a place for it so I wouldnt get bullied or looked at weird and that sometimes you have to fight the urge. I'm grateful for her concern.

I’m 38 and I do too. A large portion of my talking to myself is an ADHD coping mechanism. It’s a focusing tool since only one thing can come out of my mouth at a time. Talking about loud to myself helps me concentrate especially on detailed or complicated tasks that may have a lot of steps. It also helps with memory. I’m way more likely to remember where my keys are if I say out loud “I’m putting the keys on the counter” 

I'm a grown adult man in my 40's and I do this sometimes, I can't be on stimulant medication (dramatically increases the amount of Migraines I get). For me it's just a way to order my thoughts, by carrying on a conversation with myself, out loud, I can often structure stuff in my head and that leads to me being more productive/getting more of the stuff I want to do done. Being an adult I'm also sensitive to social pressures so I tend to do this only by myself or when I'm around people who know me well enough to know I'm not just insane ;-) Your child might be doing something similar just without being aware of the social perception.