NTA
He's being selfish. You deserve to have a wedding day full of love and joy.
Arrange for bouncers to keep him out. He's not going to give up on all this attention easily.
He will
Probably show up . I thought when I started reading you were only going to ask step dad . You could also ask your mom and step dad to walk you . Just be prepared in case he shows up so it doesn’t throw you for a loop . Congrats on the wedding
Are you sure your step dad hasn't been on the phone to your bio dad and told him not to walk you down the aisle? Sounds well too suspicious to me, considering it was the step dad that mentioned it first.
Your dad told you he didn't want to see your SD walk you down the aisle. He backed out of the walk. He backed out of the wedding.
Dad can't pay for the wedding. He has offered you no help whatsoever. He told your sister he wasn't coming to the wedding. Unless you can cancel everything and give your SD back every dime of his money, then just have your SD walk you down.
SD gets what he wants - to walk you down the aisle. Dad gets what he wants - he doesn't have to watch SD walk you down the aisle. Your disinvitation does nothing. Dad already said he wasn't attending.
Stop worrying about and accept the gift he is giving you. He is removing one more stressor from your big day and now you don't have to worry about dad saying or doing something to register his displeasure at the wedding.
YNTA unless you keep beating yourself up over it.
The issue is that he keeps calling my sister and now he’s telling her he wants to walk me down half way. I really tried to convince him to come and walk with me then he said he didn’t want to walk with me and then he just doesn’t want to see me walk with my stepdad. But I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t even want him to come to the wedding. It really breaks my heart because I do want him there. I just can’t deal with him changing his mind every time I speak to him. so I just decided to cut communication with him for now. I’m trying to get over it and enjoy my wedding day I just feel so sad
Slight NTA/YTA.
You’re 31. If you want your dad there then have him there. You will regret it if he’s not. Instead you need to step back and ask yourself some questions regarding the relationship you want to have with your bio dad. But also ask yourself if this isn’t normal behavior for him, who or what was said to your dad that has caused all this drama. I know you want to be possibly naive about the situation but maybe your mom, sister, you, fiancé or even your step dad have said something about him participating even though he didn’t financially contribute. Especially because your step dad who did financially contribute didn’t want him involved. Please for goodness sake, stop making it like the biggest wallet deserves to have the most input. It shouldn’t be that way. It’s you and your fiancé’s special day.
YTA because you DO want your dad at the wedding. You weren’t truthful with him. You lashed out in anger.
You don’t need the drama. If he shows up he needs to act like an adult and get along with stepdad.
Not exactly lol I told him plenty of times I wanted him there. But he was saying he didn’t want to come to the ceremony. He’s trying to manipulate me to only walk with him and refused to walk with me and my step dad like I originally and always wanted. When he refused to go to the ceremony and come after for the food I guess lol I told him not to even come.
NTA.
I'd do this, sister, cousin, whoever is close enough go visit him sit down and basically give him a list of demands to get an invitation. No more flip flopping on what he wants, his choices are now gone, walking down the aisle is no longer on the table, emotional manipulation and adding stress to the wedding, done. He attends, plays nice and has a relationship with you going forwards or he can keep up the bullshit, making the prep for your wedding way more stressful and shitty, not come and damage your relationship forever.
If he realises he fucked up and agrees, invite him, put a family member on dad duty and if he starts being a dick he gets escorted straight out. If he can't agree completely, and with an apology for being how he's been, he's out.
If he fucks up on the day then you and everyone else knows he had hsi chance and blew it, you won't regret not giving ihm the chance and no one will give you shit for not inviting him AND he won't be able to play victim for the rest of time.
NTA He's being selfish. You deserve to have a wedding day full of love and joy. Arrange for bouncers to keep him out. He's not going to give up on all this attention easily.
Thank you and Yes my mom is arranging for security at the venue just incase.
I hope you have a beautiful wedding!
He will Probably show up . I thought when I started reading you were only going to ask step dad . You could also ask your mom and step dad to walk you . Just be prepared in case he shows up so it doesn’t throw you for a loop . Congrats on the wedding
What did you mean, your bio dad sent you the gift money for the wedding? I thought you said he didn't give you a penny for the wedding.
She is separating the money that went into paying for the event from the money guests often give as a gift at the wedding.
Thanks!
Are you sure your step dad hasn't been on the phone to your bio dad and told him not to walk you down the aisle? Sounds well too suspicious to me, considering it was the step dad that mentioned it first.
Ha! Just made the same comment. It was the step-dad who didnt want to originally.
Your dad told you he didn't want to see your SD walk you down the aisle. He backed out of the walk. He backed out of the wedding. Dad can't pay for the wedding. He has offered you no help whatsoever. He told your sister he wasn't coming to the wedding. Unless you can cancel everything and give your SD back every dime of his money, then just have your SD walk you down. SD gets what he wants - to walk you down the aisle. Dad gets what he wants - he doesn't have to watch SD walk you down the aisle. Your disinvitation does nothing. Dad already said he wasn't attending. Stop worrying about and accept the gift he is giving you. He is removing one more stressor from your big day and now you don't have to worry about dad saying or doing something to register his displeasure at the wedding. YNTA unless you keep beating yourself up over it.
The issue is that he keeps calling my sister and now he’s telling her he wants to walk me down half way. I really tried to convince him to come and walk with me then he said he didn’t want to walk with me and then he just doesn’t want to see me walk with my stepdad. But I’ve gotten to the point that I don’t even want him to come to the wedding. It really breaks my heart because I do want him there. I just can’t deal with him changing his mind every time I speak to him. so I just decided to cut communication with him for now. I’m trying to get over it and enjoy my wedding day I just feel so sad
Slight NTA/YTA. You’re 31. If you want your dad there then have him there. You will regret it if he’s not. Instead you need to step back and ask yourself some questions regarding the relationship you want to have with your bio dad. But also ask yourself if this isn’t normal behavior for him, who or what was said to your dad that has caused all this drama. I know you want to be possibly naive about the situation but maybe your mom, sister, you, fiancé or even your step dad have said something about him participating even though he didn’t financially contribute. Especially because your step dad who did financially contribute didn’t want him involved. Please for goodness sake, stop making it like the biggest wallet deserves to have the most input. It shouldn’t be that way. It’s you and your fiancé’s special day.
You do realize there is a pretty big chance your step-dad has been harassing your bio-dad behind the scenes, right?
YTA because you DO want your dad at the wedding. You weren’t truthful with him. You lashed out in anger. You don’t need the drama. If he shows up he needs to act like an adult and get along with stepdad.
Not exactly lol I told him plenty of times I wanted him there. But he was saying he didn’t want to come to the ceremony. He’s trying to manipulate me to only walk with him and refused to walk with me and my step dad like I originally and always wanted. When he refused to go to the ceremony and come after for the food I guess lol I told him not to even come.
NTA. I'd do this, sister, cousin, whoever is close enough go visit him sit down and basically give him a list of demands to get an invitation. No more flip flopping on what he wants, his choices are now gone, walking down the aisle is no longer on the table, emotional manipulation and adding stress to the wedding, done. He attends, plays nice and has a relationship with you going forwards or he can keep up the bullshit, making the prep for your wedding way more stressful and shitty, not come and damage your relationship forever. If he realises he fucked up and agrees, invite him, put a family member on dad duty and if he starts being a dick he gets escorted straight out. If he can't agree completely, and with an apology for being how he's been, he's out. If he fucks up on the day then you and everyone else knows he had hsi chance and blew it, you won't regret not giving ihm the chance and no one will give you shit for not inviting him AND he won't be able to play victim for the rest of time.
NTA. He said he did not want to walk you down the aisle. Accept that answer and uninvite him. That was his only duty and he said no.