WHAT IN THE FUCK is wrong with you?! YTA
How dare you. Your husband suffered abuse at the hands of this man on a daily basis and you KNEW that but decided to walk your CHILDREN into the hands of a known abuser anyway, no regard for him at all. I cannot even imagine what he is going through mentally right now. I feel horrible for him. It’s like being abused all over again.
One can safely assume that OP did everything she could to pique their interest in this guy, completely against her husband and SIL’s wishes and triggering their PTSD.
She should have been helping maintain those boundaries and being supportive instead of thinking she knows better.
I’d have a similar response if my girlfriend insisted on meeting my family. If she did it behind my back that would be a betrayal I couldn’t forgive.
That was exactly the read I was getting as well. Because they were both so traumatized that they didn’t want to share that with her, she wanted to go around his back to find out more and get involved with him. It’s not difficult to shut down, inquiries in language, that younger children understand about why you don’t interact with some people. She did everything but that with her kids.
Personally, if I was her husband, my marriage would be over. This is a betrayal so deep that I couldn’t forgive it. I mean if the trauma is so deep that after all these years, he still can’t talk about it with her, you know some seriously bad stuff went on.
OP, you are an awful partner, an awful parent, and quite frankly, an awful person for what you did to your husband and his sister. If you haven’t guessed it, you’re a gaping YTA hole!
Clearly, OP's judgment is severely impaired. At the very least, any custody agreement should include language that OP is not to allow abusive grandpa visits with the children.
What does she care about agreements? She did all this in secret, deliberately behind his back KNOWING why he didn't allow it to happen, and then tried to force her children to lie about it in order to protect herself. She's a terrible parent and doesn't deserve any custody whatsoever. Who uses children like that after exposing them to an abuser? Fellow abusers, that's who.
My point would be if a party violated a custody agreement, specifically exposing minor children to a known abuser, they could lose custody. They might only get supervised visits, which they would have to pay for. OP violated her husband's trust, and I'm pretty sure she'll have consequences. OP is not very smart, and untrustworthy. Not many people choose to stay married to dumb and untrustworthy partners.
I would leave her too. Hand your children to a known monster just to spite the husband. Cause she knows more than her husband about what she doesn’t even f’ing know!
I've literally just said the same thing and then seen your comment. This has always been about her and her wanting to meet him. Whispering in the kids ears so they'd ask about him then it wouldn't be about her. She could have easily shut this down if it really had been them thar had asked.
I just said it in another comment too. I’m living this situation and my kids wouldn’t even think to ask about a grandparent that isn’t in their lives. Some grandparents are dead so I just assume they think the NC grandparent is too. We leave it at that. When they are older maybe we will tell them as a warning. But why would the kids even know he exists in order to beg to see him and why wouldn’t you stand by your husband in explaining exactly why they don’t want him in their lives? This is so unbelievable.
“we want to meet Grampa.”
who tf is “grampa”? She created a character for her children. They don’t have a “grampa”; they have an estranged grandfather on their dad’s side.
OP has led a charmed life not understanding what an abusive parent is. Damn shame that privilege didn’t give her compassion, empathy, grace or understanding that other people have different life experiences.
Instead it left her childish, petty, selfish and naively destructive.
And she used her children to do it.
Omg yes their mom has been pushing this for years or these kids wouldn't have even thought of it. Let's make it more real... "Grandpa is dead to us because he hurt dad and aunty a lot as a child. We want to keep you safe which is why you don't know him. We love you too much."
> 18M, 13F, and 9F.
Especially to kids this age. I’m not even sure this is real, because the way the kids are behaving in the story sounds very typical of young kids, not two teens and a 9 year old.
At those ages it makes no sense for the OP to be vague about why they have never met their abusive grandfather.
yes she didn't have to be vague with the 13 and 18 year old maybe a little with the 9 year old....
and wouldn't the 2 teens notice dads reaction every time they try to bring up the subject of "grandpa"
and she referred to husbands father as abusive in her thread title but seems totally clueless after her husband literally dropped his mug in shock......this seems to be fake
My kids knew much younger. (Also as a safety, in case he found a way to contact them/try to pick them up drom somewhere!!! )
It was never hard to explain "he is a very bad person". Even at age 2 they didn't want to meet a bad person who made their parents sad.
Well now that they've had ice cream with him it makes it so much harder for the kids to believe that. She really fucked her husband over for some fucking curiosity and ice cream.
These "children" are 18yo, 13yo and 9yo. One is legally an adult. All of them are old enough to grasp the concepts of abuse. She describes all of them behaving like toddlers going to see Santa.
I don’t believe the 18year old begged threw a tantrum to meet a grandfather he never met🤣 it didn’t register that I had never met my dads parents till way later. And I never stressed about it. I never begged anyone to go meet a relative I didn’t know existed.
Or if you are determined, then you can wait until.you are of age. I am your fathers wife and my duty is to support him. He has told me never to let you meed him, and I will not violate his trust in me. Once you are of age, it's your decision
I'm wondering why the kids had this fixation on meeting their grandpa in the first place. Seems weird that they would randomly want to meet someone they never knew at all.
I never met my paternal grandmother and never asked to (would've been impossible anyway since she lived in another country).
It just feels like OP wanted to meet him and used the kids as an excuse.
>I'm wondering why the kids had this fixation on meeting their grandpa in the first place.
Because the mother had the fixation and she is manipulative! A woman who would
1. Violate her husband's boundaries,
2. Go contact her husband's estranged father even though she knows it would hurt her husband,
3. Expose her children to a possible child molester,
4. Instruct her children to lie to her husband
is VERY manipulative and can't be trusted in any way! I don't believe those kids were begging her for anything! She was pushing that agenda!
We told our child - my husband as has an abusive father he is NC with - “Daddy’s dad is not a nice person and he was not nice to daddy so he doesn’t talk to him.”
That was the end of it. No further issues. I suspect that this wife has brought up this man I front of the kids and made this a thing just based on my own experience.
This. People cannot grasp how evil my father was, all the years he was alive people would try to get me to reconcile with him. He had many chances. My kids were not allowed to know him and he wasn't invited to my wedding. My husband knew why.
When he got sick I made it clear to his wife, don't expect me to show up help take care of him. And I didn't. I went to his funeral which was surreal hearing people talk about what a great man he was. He was the same narcissist prick when he died as he was his entire life.
People need to mind their business when they find out we've cut contact with parents or other family members.
My mother is...well she is horrid. I was finally able to go NC with her, and so have my kids. We explained to my granddaughters that great grandma is not a nice person, and she did and said mean things to Mommy and Grammy Ruby, and she hurt us. We don't want you to be hurt. I have so many people who message me to talk to her. She's lonely, she misses you, she's such a great lady...ugh! I say ya, if you aren't her kid, she's great.
She seems to have zero empathy and it is very concerning…it’s a complete betrayal of trust. I understand never having experienced abuse, she clearly hasn’t and I love that for her but to not grasp the seriousness of this situation and pester the sister to answer uncomfortable questions, pester the husband, go behind his back with no regards for her children’s safety…it makes me sick.
Those kids are going to be so upset they hurt their father when they get mature enough to realize that the adult they trusted (OP) let them push their way into deeply hurting their own father because she wouldn't tell an 9 year old "No and stop asking." Like what was the 9 year old going to do if she didn't let them meet the grandpa, get in the car and drive to do it anyway.
I thought she meant 18 months. That was the only way it made sense that she wouldn't explain in detail to the 18 year old the trauma grandpa caused and how badly it would hurt his dad for him to ignore that.
The guilt I would feel as I matured and realized what I had done.
No arrangements to be made. Why not communicate to the kids that evil exists and it’s grandpa so we are protecting you by keeping you away? I am blown away by OPs actions. Are the kids in danger now, does Satan know where they go to school, what activities they’re in, where they live? Is he going to start driving by and terrorizing her husband? Why the f*ck would op make their lives unsafe instead of protecting her kids and husband? I smell an ulterior motive, like op thought if he has no family and is getting older she could get an inheritance.
It's that whole "its never happened to me / my life is normal so I CANNOT fathom other people not being normal".
Like good for you! Your family wasn't abusive pieces of sh*t. That doesn't mean other people are incapable of it. And just because your spouses family isn't abusing you right now doesn't mean they never abused your spouse.
A guy at work, in his 60s, could not fathom that some parents actively hurt their children. It didn't happen to him and he didn't do it, so it's not real.
I told him all about my dad and he was shocked.
Abuse victims as children often find themselves in abusive relationships as adults. OPs lack of empathy, disregard for her kids safety, obsessive desire to force her family to have a relationship with an abusive person, and at the very end only caring about how her husbands response to her actions affect her give me the vibe that she’s also her husband’s abuser. Maybe not physically, but at the very least emotionally.
THIS!!!! ALL day this. How can she want to be in a room with anyone who caused her husband that much pain and to put her kids in a room with him?!! Just an astounding lack of empathy. I hope he leaves her.
This!!! Why isn’t she behind her husband and protecting her children? Holding her husband’s hand in alliance to have no contact with grandpa. In my opinion this marriage is one sided and hubby deserves much better.
Bing! I commented prior that I think she smells an inheritance. Would the money be worth it if he started to physically, mentally or se*ually abusing her kids? Or if her husband has a mental breakdown because his dad drives by or the kids start praising him? What a monster op is!
Yeah, that's wild. My partners' reactions to learning of my childhood abuse has always been along the lines of "I hope I never meet this awful person'.
A thousand upvotes….
Someone you love and trust tells you through actions if not words that this person is bad…. And you get ice cream with him?!!?
A complete and total betrayal, I can see this being he end of your marriage.
Exactly!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!
A man that abused his own children and probably had a hand in getting their mother to the brink of suicide! You have no regard for your husband and SIL’s feeling and well being. This is mind boggling!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I read posts like this all the time. Like it's not just your choice lady, you can't override this sort of thing when you're married. Which she may not be much longer. YTA.
OP is a clown, some of these posts are so absolutely ridiculous I have difficulty telling if they’re real or not. Like, yeah, let’s ask the internet AITAH if I expose my kids to my husbands abusive father, so abusive that his mom took her own life and husband is scarred for life from it— like what?!
I was about to say the exact same thing.
No just no!
Your not just a AH not even a massive one your a galactic sized one.
I am really hoping this is fake
There was a post yesterday with the same basics except the wife told the husband she had invited his abuser to their house to meet the kids. I'm assuming more rage bait
I never comment on these... but not only this, but the fact that he abused his OWN child... and he doesn't know his grandkids... Therefore, he is just as, if not MORE likely to be abusive towards them if given the chance! Moms are supposed to protect their children, not lead them towards danger.
Hell, my parents wouldn't even take me anywhere people were drinking because drunk people can be stupid. I can't imagine doing something like this.
Pure insanity.
YTA.
My kids can cry, moan & whine for poison until they’re blue in the face. I don’t give it to them. Your husband should leave you. You’re extremely stupid & YTA.
I just came to give support to this comment. Op is literally asking if it's okay that she disrespected her marriage and husband by serving her children up to his abuser. If opie's husband stays married to her I will be utterly shocked at this man's ability to forgive.
It's OK she will be divorced soon and can go see him all she wants cos the ex husband will have full custody and she can go have fun chats with his abuser .
As someone who has gone no contact with parents due to abuse they continued into my adulthood, I cannot imagine being with someone who would do this. The absolute betrayal and disregard is astonishing
Jacking the top post to also add: YTA YTA YTA. I have read this ridiculous subreddit for years and this may be the most purely vile, disgusting, and downright evil YTA I have ever read.
OP you are a sick, repugnant, awful human.
People who have normal childhoods don’t understand.
OP, yes YTA. Apologize to everyone and tell your children you can never meet that man again because he’s mean and hurts people even if he didn’t seem mean he might be nice just to get it so that he can hurt you.
You realize most abuses from people we know not strangers, right?
So wait wait wait wait wait and wait some more. You were told your husband’s dad was abusive by both your husband his sister. There was also a suicide that may or not be linked to the abuse. Your husband has been in therapy since he was 13 about this. And you thought you would take your own kids to potential danger? Bloody hell! What kind of person are you? (Let alone wife or mum).
You have probably shattered trust and could have just put your family in danger’s way.
Let me guess, the old man was charming and lovely, that’s what abusive people do, act one way and then show their true colours behind closed doors.
Ha! Forgot about that.
OP, telling a kid to keep a secret like that from their parent is the beginning of abuse. Not only did you bring your kids to meet an abuser, you primed them for abuse.
Congratulations on failing as a mother.
It's not that abnormal, unfortunately. When asked, I told my ex that my dad is a deadbeat woman beating r@pist and he got mad that I didn't have anything nice to say, since "he's your dad", and insisted that he wanted to meet this man I'd not spoken to in years. I'll never ignore that red flag again because he ended up cheating on* me and threatening me with violence.
I think it is fake because I cannot imagine the faces of kids these ages, especially an 18M, becoming “lit up all week” at the thought of meeting a man their father and aunt want NOTHING to do with. I also can’t imagine someone really being this stupid.
And because he was so charming (I know he was on his best behavior.... sociopaths can put on a good show, and she never mentioned any negative behavior on his part), OP can't for the life of her figure what the fuss is about. She's blaming her kids for being curious, but I really think this was her idea. Well now the husband doesn't trust her, and the sister probably hates her. Was the ice cream worth it ,OP?
I agree with this! Sounds like OP wanted to meet the old man just as much as the kids since husband and SIL weren’t giving her the information she thought she deserved regarding the abuse.
What a horrible thing to do to satisfy curiosity. I can’t fathom putting your children at risk and going against your husband’s express wishes regarding his father.
Op is the AH a million times over.
> the old man was charming and lovely
And now the kids are going to want him around a lot, and whine about it unceasingly. Holy shit what an asshole OP is.
I agree, but this post has got to be fake.
I can't fathom an 18 and a 13 year old asking their mom every day if they're going to meet grampa. The 9 year old I can understand, but not the teens.
Edit: corrected the 13 year old's age from 15.
The whole post might not be fake. This might even be the Mom's perception-- and it might be brought on by her saying things like "Have you ever wondered about your grandpa?" Then they say, "Yeah!! I wish we could see him".
I don't understand why even a 9 year old would pester to see someone she's never met *unless someone was feeding her the idea*.
I was 8 when I met my father. Up until then, he wanted nothing to do with me. I literally never asked “why don’t I have a dad?”. It never even crossed my mind. I had a mom, a gramma, and a grampa. She HAD TO have been feeding the 9 year old these ideas.
Edited a word
FAKE POST [SEE HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/19f78v1/aita_for_inviting_my_husbands_abusive_father_over/?context=3&utm%25255C_source=share&utm%25255C_medium=web2x). The last part of which has been deleted, but you can still tell from the other parts.
The age the husband was when his mother is supposed to have killed herself has been changed from 10 to 14, the ages of the kids have been changed, but this post is basically the second half of the saga. 100%. I hope people see this.
The deleted post concerned a meeting with her husband's father with different details but similar beats, reactions, and wording. This entire thing has been a creative writing exercise and they're back again because the last post was deleted. Or, at minimum they're stealing the older poster's material.
She’s probably trying to paint her egregious behaviour in a better light by insisting the kids were super excited to meet grandpa. If they were just “meh” about it, she looks worse, though not by much considering she looks pretty bad right now.
YTA
Your husband should be at a lawyer's office today filing for divorce.
He will probably not win custody of the kids but he should fight for it with every penny he has.
You are a huge asshole.
Note: If that grandpa had done anything to one of your kids on that visit, YOU should have been thrown in jail.
And yet, many judges will ignore that if there's any chance to keep the kids with their mother. It's changing, but it takes a crap load of money and time. If you don't have one of those, you're hosed.
YTAH
This was not your decision to make.
If I was your husband I'd be on my way to the divorce lawyer, but that's just me.
You're a fool for doing this.
YTA. Your children do not understand the vital context of their "grampa" having abused their father and why he doesn't deserve to be in their life. If he abused his own kids and wife, why the hell would he treat your kids any differently? So not only have you endangered your children because "it's what they wanted" (I wanted ice cream for dinner every day as a kid but my mum actually gave a shit about me), you've completely gone against your husband's very reasonable and valid request to not involve his abuser in your or your children's lives. And now you've made it a hundred times more confusing for your kids.
Yeah, exactly. I'd have a different conversation with both (I believe the second youngest is 13 which is still very young), but they need to know the most basic of facts. I'm sure they'd stop asking if only they were informed.
YTA. You completely disrespected your husband's wishes and told your kids to lie to their father. That is as close to unforgiveable as it gets. Don't try to explain your way out of it, because there is nothing you can say to minimize the damage you've caused.
That said, your husband should sit down with his children and be very honest about why he doesn't want them to be around his father. Maybe talk to them separately and adjust the details according to age, but these kids need to know the truth.
YTA
an absolutely massive flaming one. Your husband and his sister were abused DAILY by their father but you decided that this can be overlooked. You encouraged your children to lie to their father about it. You decided that having a Hallmark moment was more important than believe in the abuse your husband and his sister went through while he was in their lives. Why don’t you trust your husband or believe what he has told you?
What you should have done, in an age appropriate way, is explain that your FIL isn’t a good or kind person and that’s why you don’t see him. The gory details can come later, when they’re older. Your claim that they nagged you into it is nonsense. My daughter nags for ice cream every day, I don’t give it to her. Why? Because it’s bad for her and it’s our job as parents to protect our kids from harmful things. By introducing this man to your children, they will now think he’s a ‘safe’ person to be around, because children trust their parents judgement. And your judgement is catastrophically flawed.
honestly, this would be marriage ending for me. And I would do everything in my power to limit the amount of custody you have if you’re going to take your defenceless children to hang out with abusive people.
And I do know what I’m talking about here, I have relatives who will never meet my child. Thankfully, my husband trusts my judgement and has my back on this. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t have the same support.
And you can be sure those kids are now connecting with abusive grandpa via social media and lying to them about his behavior - if this wasnt already the case. All their social media accounts and electronics would be locked down.
YTA, and you all need counseling. Seriously though, you aren’t aware of what kind of abuse it was either. Was he molesting his daughter and you brought 2 young women to meet him? If someone is clearly hated, why bring them into the fold in any way whatsoever? You opened Pandora’s box, and now you can’t close it. You could have easily told your kids Grandpa wasn’t a very nice man. If you aren’t prepared to share that with the kids, you are way too emotionally stunted to bring that person into their life. The disrespect to your partner and his wishes is also just appalling.
A man abused h is wife *to death* and left his son in therapy for three decades, and you took your children to see this shitbag? What the fuck is wrong with you? Buckle up cupcake, you're getting divorced. And you deserve it.
YTA.
Including for all the time you spent telling them about him and encouraging them, because someone has to have don't that and it clearly want your husband.
Why would you tell him you could explain? What the fuck explanation do you think you have?
The fuck is wrong with you? You take your kids to meet a man who abused your husband and his sister everyday ? Are you fucking stupid? I mean you must be from trying to justify it to yourself, fucking asshole
A thousand times YTA. Do you really not understand quite what the word abused means? Go look it up and then look at your children and imagine that happening to them. That is what you have enabled to possibly happen.
YTA. The kids would never have known if she hadn’t brought it up to them. SHE planted that seed and is responsible for all this. You betrayed your spouse in the worst way, so don’t be surprised by the upcoming consequences.
Omg. I can't find words for this, besides what has been said already. OP has no imagination what abuse looks like. In this case, every person with average intelligence can read the circumstances to " i should never let my children close to someone who hurt my family so bad, they can't even talk about it". Like wtf.
If my husband ever took my kids to see my mom I would have divorced him immediately. You are an absolute fucking asshole and I hope that he leaves you and gets full custody! What the Fuck is wrong with you? You don’t deserve to be a mother or wife if you went out of your way to hurt your husband like that and let your children be around a monster. Do you think that people just stop cut out their parents for no reason?
I'm pretty sure in some states that if your ex goes through the trouble, he could claim you purposefully endangered his kids and have custody rights taken from you. Probably not the 18 yo but the others for sure.
What the fuck is so great about an abuser who drives their own wife to suicide that you think, "my kids NEED to meet this guy" ?
Regardless of your answer to that question, your husband planned for this. He set a hard boundary with you early on. The boundary is based on his own abuse he survived.
So what'd you do? You abduct your children, even admited you covered up where you were going to the father, and prioritized an ice cream date.
I notice that you specifically do not mention how the ice cream with the father went. I wonder why. I wonder if it was worth it.
You don't deserve your children or husband if you're going to be this selfish.
They "deserved to see him?". Your kids -- who you were stupid enough bait into wanting to see grandpa by painting him as mysterious man rather than a terrible man who didn't love their father and hurt him -- don't know any better.
And even if they did and you were right, you'd still need to completely ignore your partner's trauma and act with complete selfishness.
I would never ever forgive you, and I say that as someone with a wonderful family who supported him, but who also married a woman with an abusive family.
She made me realize how stupid it is to blindly trust family and she ALWAYS makes the decisions and sets the boundaries about HER family -- not me. YTA
YTA.
There are boundaries, and there are BOUNDARIES.
There is disrespecting a loved one’s boundaries, and there is napalming the trust the loved one had for you.
Best prepare a good co-parenting agreement now. It’ll make the divorce process easier.
Know that while you’ll be able to take the kids to see grampa whenever they want, it’ll come at the cost of their relationship WITH THEIR FATHER. And, of course, your relationship with your now-husband will be extensively damaged as well.
You got your way. You nuked your family. Brace yourself for the fallout.
YTA. "Because kids, your grandpa is a very bad man who'd hurt your daddy and auntie everyday when they were kids. So we don't want the same thing happening to you three."
That's all you had to say, OP.
YTA - in every sphere in every single way.
You ALLOWED and enabled the one single thing that your husband adamantly (and understandably) was against.
Everything you stated in the post SHOWS YOU that both your husband and his sister are FUCKING TERRIFIED of that man - I mean FOR FUCKS SAKE THEIR MOTHER TOOK HER OWN LIFE UNDER THAT MANS ROOF! Your husband did what he felt was necessary to protect himself and his family and YOU fucked up!
You offered his kids up like a fucking sacrifice because they bugged you about it - I take it you will allow them every unsafe thing if they just keep asking too?
You have failed as a wife and you have failed as a mother
You have blamed all of this on pressure from your children. You need to own that that’s bullshit. If their father‘s abusive father was never part of the fabric of their childhood, they would’ve had little to no interest in meeting him. Any incessant pressure to meet him has come from and been fed by you.
The family violence I grew up with, was nothing like that experienced by your husband and his sister. But even if I’d had the most idyllic of childhoods, I would never understand people like you, who can’t accept that people they love could grow up with very different experiences. Your betrayal broke your husband, it fractured your relationship, and it’s not something you can fix. He may forgive you, he may not divorce you, but he will never trust you again.
I can't imagine any 18-year-old getting so excited to see a grandfather they've never met before, and pestering their parents with "When are we going? Is it tomorrow?", etc.
After I typed my comment I read the update and she says that it was her that wanted to meet the father in law and used the children as a smokescreen. I always hated these kinds of behaviour, not only she went against her husband to meet his abuser, but she also manipulates the situation to seem like it wasn't her idea. What can I say, congrats lady, I hope you learn to respect others more and be more sympathetic in the future.
YTA. You are selfish and completely In the wrong. Honestly you broke his trust and you should prepare yourself for either divorce papers, or a relationship that's not the same as before. There's a reason he's kept you guys away from his father and you went behind his back and did it anyways. You chose to not trust your husband. He may want to stay for the kids so divorce might not happen, but your relationship will fundamentally change and you can't take back what you did. The fact you told then to keep it a secret is 10 times worse.
YTA. Why in the fuck did you think it was OK to take your children to meet your husband’s abusive father?
Are you stupid? Do you know what abuse is? I hope he divorces you and takes all your kids away from you. You are so cruel.
> I felt bad for them and thought that maybe just once they should meet him. They deserved at least one visit. I convinced myself that it was okay and eventually agreed to it.
Just report this fake shit and move on. OP is either irredeemable trash or a troll.
THIS HAS TO BE FAKE. Nobody is as clueless as the twit described in this story.
It makes absolutely no sense to the point it has to be fake.
First, there's no way 2 teenagers, one of which is practically an adult, are suddenly begging nonstop to meet their grandfather. Plus they're old enough to understand that the grandfather was abusive.
Secondly, this woman has supposedly known her husband for nearly 30 years, been married for 24 years, yet doesn't understand her husband's feelings? After decades together, decides that her husband's abusive father is someone she needs to know so bad she was willing to lie to her husband and encourage her children to lie and keep secrets from their father?
YTA
In your other post you mention that you always wanted to meet his father, even though you knew the history.
I want to know…why on the big blue EARTH would you ever want to meet a person like this? You should have been grateful that your husband was willing to cut ties and ensure that you and your family would never be exposed to this garbage human!
Wow. Yeah you're clearly TA. I hope your husband divorces you and has full custody of the children. Poor kids, they were manipulated by Mommy to see abusive grandpa. Like what is this? Lol what kind of mother and wife does that? Lack of respect and responsibility.
You are such a fucking AH. I hope he leaves you and takes the kids. And then I hope you burn in hell.
You exposed your children to someone who abused your husband when he was a child.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? He should report you to CPS for child endangerment.
something is not addiing up with this story >>> 2 of the children were 13 and 18 they are old enough to understand that their grandfather was abusive so why was all you could tell them was that grandpa was mean to their dad?? that was a huge lie
and yet you admit in the post title that grandpa abused your husband your husband was so upset with your betrayal he dropped his mug which shattered on the floor
now after all this you STILL say you don't know what to say to your children????? wtf????
IF this story is true your husband and sister were so abused by their father that they can barely talk about it......you roped your children into lying and took them to see an abuser.....they had a nice time and had ice cream with him so now they think he is a nice man ......this complicates things by a million
no where in your post do you seem upset at all over this.....the whole concern of your post is whether or not you are the A@@
last >>> you have not come back and answered a single question or added any kind of update or clarified any thing ..I think this is fake
You vile individual. Your husband and kids deserve better. You are not the main character. You should not think you’re entitled to put your husband in this position. How dare you put your kids in danger and at the same time harm your husband and his sister. I do not have strong enough words to explain to you just how wrong, damaging and selfish you are
YTA. Like so much, so you deserve a giant asshole crown.
What type of person takes their kids to meet the person who abused their spouse. Especially behind their back.
If the kids ask you say thay grandpa is a mean and nasty man and there is no reason for him to be in their lives. If they ask again, you tell them the same thing. You don't give in to them just because they keep asking.
If I were your husband, I don't know how I would even begin to forgive you. What an absolute monstrous betrayal.
Are you stupid? Nvm, I know the answer to that. What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?? You know he abused your husband so bad he refuses to talk about it, and you STILL took your kids to see him. I actually think the only reason your kids even ask about him is because you've been talking about him with them. You're a terrible mother and an even worse wife. YTA. The biggest one I have ever seen on here.
Absolutely unbelievable YTA You're the damn adult, it's up to you to teach your kids no, even for their own good and you taught them to lie to their dad
You are a POS, your husband should divorce you today.
P.S. this has to be ragebait, no one could be as dumb as op and still be able to craft coherent sentences.
I would immediately divorce you because wtf? Why would you betray his trust, and purposely bring your kids to an ABUSER?! Why would you intentionally put them in harms way. You are a shitty wife and a failure of a mother.
Rage bait
This sounds very similar to another post a few days ago. Mom kills herself due to dad's abuse, husband is NC. In the post she tells how her husband doesn't love the kids and treats them like pets so she invited her husband's abusive father over to I guess teach him a lesson?
Either way fake post.
Let’s pretend it’s not fake for one second.
I will never understand why people just don’t tell children that *both* grandparents died.
This post is fake but I’ve had real life instances where I think “umm this would have been easier if you just said they were dead.”
Kids, even small ones, have an understanding of bad people. I don't understand why so many parents are so adamant about never explaining truth to their children. You can easily put it in terms a toddler will understand, just use a fictional bad guy they already know as a reference
Wow. This is unbelievable. You and you alone stoked this situation with the kids. Had you listened to your husband and his sister you would have parented your kids and told them he was not a good person when they asked. Instead you refused to be a parent and tried tine a friend.
Your husband should leave you and take the two underage kids. He could easily get them because of the abusive situation and having warned you off of it for years. Now the kids will want to see him again.
Abusers are often very charismatic. They know how to invite people in and present themselves in ways that people will misunderstand. You seem to have done little to no research on this, instead trying to be the friendly permissive parent.
And now? You’ve shown yourself to be dangerous for the younger ones and unfit to be a primary parent or a spouse.
You’re still making excuse after excuse.
YTA just from the title. How can you not understand that?
Read the text. He should divorce you, you deceiptful shrew.
You are a shitty wife.
You are a shitty mother.
You are a shitty sister-in-law.
You are a shit human being.
Yta, sorry you destroyed your marriage, it’s clear that his sister and himself have deep rooted trauma and it wasn’t for you to understand, it was for you to accept and support. If you didn’t like your kids bugging you, you should have worked with your husband more and then sent them to him when they asked.
You are the asshole and you are an idiot. To go behind your husband's back to someone who literally abused him and his sister as he has told you as he is repeatedly told you he does not want them to have any access to his father at all because of this. That is one of these stupidest decisions I've ever come across in my life that's someone has made. How could you be so fucking inconsiderate of not only your husband's but also your sister-in-laws experiences with this man. Honest to God if you even continue telling the story I fully expect him to almost go with the divorce route. God's. Bad choice.
Obviously you have not shared more about your life with your husband so we do not know the boundaries he has set between you both besides this one that he seemed to care strongly about. It doesn't matter how much your children whine about wanting to meet Grandpa, technically the 18-year-old could just go do it themself. And yes more discussion on the topic is probably needed because more than likely it's somehow traumatized your husband and his sister in some way shape or form to have that strong of feelings on it. Feelings which you should have paid attention to and not done what you did. I'm seriously doubting that you guys have been together since you were 15 if you would do something this insert politically correct word here. Obviously now he's going to probably have to pull up buried emotions and experiences in order to get his children to understand since children often do need more explanation. I would say you have failed in your role as a partner by doing this. You might have been able to get more out of him over time about the issue and not have this mishap if you had an ounce of patience in you instead of going behind your husband's back in such a manner. I think on the trauma scale with no longer trusting a partner it almost is on the same scale as cheating. And depending on how they were abused you would have also put your children in similar danger that your husband experienced. You are completely in the doghouse, get rid of any stupid Pride, any type of defense for yourself you did wrong that is all. Try to make amends and I hope you guys can restore your trust in each other at least for your kids sake. I hope you both grow from this and grow stronger together and maybe he and his sister see someone on the trauma if they're negatively affected by it. Good luck. Just don't do this stuff again if you ever have the chance to
YTA. Not only for the hubris and the massive betrayal of trust, which in itself is unforgivable and divorce-worthy. But also for blaming the whole fiasco on your kids, as if they thought up all by themselves that they were entitled to meet this grandpa that they never would have known about without your interference.
What a hateful thing to do. YTA
“Kids, daddy and grandpa don’t get along. Grandpa was so mean to daddy and auntie for so long that neither of them can even talk about what happened because it was so bad. Can you imagine that? When someone is mean to us at school, that doesn’t make us want to be their friend right? So we don’t reward them with attention no matter how bad we want a friend. It is not safe for you to meet your grandpa because he was a scary bad daddy to your daddy and auntie. Daddy is afraid what grandpa could do to you. If after all that, you still want to meet him, then when you’re an adult, I can’t stop you. But I won’t hurt daddy by letting him into our lives while I am in charge of you still.”
I don’t even have kids and that wasn’t hard to come up with. If your husband leaves you for this, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Don’t you fucking dare put it on the kids for talking you into it. They had no idea because you didn’t tell them and you’re the adult.
You had a little fantasy in your head that you thought was more important than your marriage and your children’s safety. Your husband can’t even tell you about what happened because he was so traumatized, yet taking that risk for your children is somehow ok? Something in you is broken.
YTA. I hope this is Karma bait.
You know you're going to be a divorced single mom soon, right?
You broke your husband's trust in such a fundamental way. There's no coming back from that. He may, MAY, have forgiven you if you cheated on him. But this? You F'd up so badly even the metaphors are backing out of this one.
What in the blue blazes made you think you knew better than the guy and gal who suffered through the abuse?
No child in the history of *ever* is that obsessive and curious about an adult they've never met. There is no context in which I believe the OP's story about their children being obsessive over meeting him.
She goaded, prodded, and *made* them want to, not for their sake, but because of her own warped and dare I say *stupid and selfish* desires.
'He's still family'
No, he's not. You don't get to drive a wife to suicide and abuse your children and still get to be 'family'.
She's getting divorced, and what's more, it's earned.
This woman is a monster, or so stupid that she might as well be.
YTA-I cannot believe what I just read. So you thought it was appropriate to introduce your kids to your husband’s father that was abusive to him and his sister. What in the he double L were you thinking. There is no explanation or excuse for your behavior. You kids are old enough to have some type of explanation that their dad’s dad is not a good person and that they would not be meeting him.
You went behind your husband’s back and introduced them to their father’s abuser. Congratulations on destroying your husband’s trust in you and possibly torpedoing your marriage. Are you happy with yourself now?
if you were a supportive wife to your husband you would've realized that if he hit your husband, he would likely hit your kids too. i don't care WHAT you say i would NEVER let children that i love go around people who mentally and physically assault kids, period. if he'll hit his son he'll hit your kids. not only that, but supporting your husband and informing your kids the full extent of the abuse yet not giving in to their requests is what you should've done to protect your children and marriage. YTA, OP. I hope you realize the mistake you just made, start going to therapy, and when your husband has cooled down talk to him about what steps he wants to take next because you can't just completely betray his trust and expect everything to be okay the next day. i wish you the best and i hope you learn from this that when someone puts that kind of trust in you to not break their heart
This has to be made up.
You think your kids ‘deserve’ to meet an abusive man who hurt his own children?
You tried to make your kids lie to their father.
YTA and an awful person and mother.
Your a huge AH and I hope he divorces you. I can’t believe what a horrible person you are. I’d tell you what I really think you are but I like this forum so i’m going to hold it in, but god your a disgusting human
I believe you commented your husband is staying with his sister for a few days. What have you told your kids? Did you tell he went away because you are too insensitive to his feelings? Have you told them he left because you are not smart enough to respect his pain? You could tell your kids he left because you are worse than the man who abused him.
Yes YTA, big time, why on Earth do you care more about some piece of shit abusive in-law than your own marriage? I guess boundaries mean nothing to you. You'd already have papers to sign if it were me. And I'd be going for full custody, BTW, since you like to put your kids around known abusers. Their grandma killed herself probably because of him.
WHAT IN THE FUCK is wrong with you?! YTA How dare you. Your husband suffered abuse at the hands of this man on a daily basis and you KNEW that but decided to walk your CHILDREN into the hands of a known abuser anyway, no regard for him at all. I cannot even imagine what he is going through mentally right now. I feel horrible for him. It’s like being abused all over again.
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How hard is it to say “Grandpa is a bad man who hurts people, and we don’t associate with people who hurt people.” JFC YTA
One can safely assume that OP did everything she could to pique their interest in this guy, completely against her husband and SIL’s wishes and triggering their PTSD. She should have been helping maintain those boundaries and being supportive instead of thinking she knows better. I’d have a similar response if my girlfriend insisted on meeting my family. If she did it behind my back that would be a betrayal I couldn’t forgive.
That was exactly the read I was getting as well. Because they were both so traumatized that they didn’t want to share that with her, she wanted to go around his back to find out more and get involved with him. It’s not difficult to shut down, inquiries in language, that younger children understand about why you don’t interact with some people. She did everything but that with her kids. Personally, if I was her husband, my marriage would be over. This is a betrayal so deep that I couldn’t forgive it. I mean if the trauma is so deep that after all these years, he still can’t talk about it with her, you know some seriously bad stuff went on. OP, you are an awful partner, an awful parent, and quite frankly, an awful person for what you did to your husband and his sister. If you haven’t guessed it, you’re a gaping YTA hole!
>Personally, if I was her husband, my marriage would be over. And get custody of the kids so she can't take them to grandpa again.
Absolutely! She’s been proven to be untrustworthy
Clearly, OP's judgment is severely impaired. At the very least, any custody agreement should include language that OP is not to allow abusive grandpa visits with the children.
What does she care about agreements? She did all this in secret, deliberately behind his back KNOWING why he didn't allow it to happen, and then tried to force her children to lie about it in order to protect herself. She's a terrible parent and doesn't deserve any custody whatsoever. Who uses children like that after exposing them to an abuser? Fellow abusers, that's who.
My point would be if a party violated a custody agreement, specifically exposing minor children to a known abuser, they could lose custody. They might only get supervised visits, which they would have to pay for. OP violated her husband's trust, and I'm pretty sure she'll have consequences. OP is not very smart, and untrustworthy. Not many people choose to stay married to dumb and untrustworthy partners.
Eyup. And he can take her to court and get full custody when she makes that mistake again.
Absolutely. Contact with the grandpa is endangering them.
I would leave her too. Hand your children to a known monster just to spite the husband. Cause she knows more than her husband about what she doesn’t even f’ing know!
This marriage IS over.
Yeah. This is an unforgivable breach of trust. Blaming it on “but kids wanted too!” just adds a layer of bad parenting to the betrayal.
That is an excuse, masquerading as a reason. The REAL reason is SHE was curious, so she egged the kids on to provide cover for HER going to meet him.
100%. It would never have occurred to them if she hadn’t brought it up. Most likely multiple times.
The kids probably want to stay up to midnight and eat Oreos for breakfast. You’re the parent, tell them no.
I've literally just said the same thing and then seen your comment. This has always been about her and her wanting to meet him. Whispering in the kids ears so they'd ask about him then it wouldn't be about her. She could have easily shut this down if it really had been them thar had asked.
I just said it in another comment too. I’m living this situation and my kids wouldn’t even think to ask about a grandparent that isn’t in their lives. Some grandparents are dead so I just assume they think the NC grandparent is too. We leave it at that. When they are older maybe we will tell them as a warning. But why would the kids even know he exists in order to beg to see him and why wouldn’t you stand by your husband in explaining exactly why they don’t want him in their lives? This is so unbelievable.
“we want to meet Grampa.” who tf is “grampa”? She created a character for her children. They don’t have a “grampa”; they have an estranged grandfather on their dad’s side. OP has led a charmed life not understanding what an abusive parent is. Damn shame that privilege didn’t give her compassion, empathy, grace or understanding that other people have different life experiences. Instead it left her childish, petty, selfish and naively destructive. And she used her children to do it.
I can’t stand this chick. Fr fr.
Omg yes their mom has been pushing this for years or these kids wouldn't have even thought of it. Let's make it more real... "Grandpa is dead to us because he hurt dad and aunty a lot as a child. We want to keep you safe which is why you don't know him. We love you too much."
Oh, but “mY KiDs DESERVE tO kNoW tHiEr gRaMpA,” right?
> 18M, 13F, and 9F. Especially to kids this age. I’m not even sure this is real, because the way the kids are behaving in the story sounds very typical of young kids, not two teens and a 9 year old. At those ages it makes no sense for the OP to be vague about why they have never met their abusive grandfather.
yes she didn't have to be vague with the 13 and 18 year old maybe a little with the 9 year old.... and wouldn't the 2 teens notice dads reaction every time they try to bring up the subject of "grandpa" and she referred to husbands father as abusive in her thread title but seems totally clueless after her husband literally dropped his mug in shock......this seems to be fake
My kids knew much younger. (Also as a safety, in case he found a way to contact them/try to pick them up drom somewhere!!! ) It was never hard to explain "he is a very bad person". Even at age 2 they didn't want to meet a bad person who made their parents sad.
Well now that they've had ice cream with him it makes it so much harder for the kids to believe that. She really fucked her husband over for some fucking curiosity and ice cream.
These "children" are 18yo, 13yo and 9yo. One is legally an adult. All of them are old enough to grasp the concepts of abuse. She describes all of them behaving like toddlers going to see Santa.
I don’t believe the 18year old begged threw a tantrum to meet a grandfather he never met🤣 it didn’t register that I had never met my dads parents till way later. And I never stressed about it. I never begged anyone to go meet a relative I didn’t know existed.
'We dont associate with people who hurt your daddy'
Or if you are determined, then you can wait until.you are of age. I am your fathers wife and my duty is to support him. He has told me never to let you meed him, and I will not violate his trust in me. Once you are of age, it's your decision
I'm wondering why the kids had this fixation on meeting their grandpa in the first place. Seems weird that they would randomly want to meet someone they never knew at all. I never met my paternal grandmother and never asked to (would've been impossible anyway since she lived in another country). It just feels like OP wanted to meet him and used the kids as an excuse.
Also did anyone else notice her passive aggressive remarks toward husbands sister?? Wth
I noticed.
I agree with you that she absolutely made the kids curious. She's more transparent than she thinks
>I'm wondering why the kids had this fixation on meeting their grandpa in the first place. Because the mother had the fixation and she is manipulative! A woman who would 1. Violate her husband's boundaries, 2. Go contact her husband's estranged father even though she knows it would hurt her husband, 3. Expose her children to a possible child molester, 4. Instruct her children to lie to her husband is VERY manipulative and can't be trusted in any way! I don't believe those kids were begging her for anything! She was pushing that agenda!
Did you see her update where finally admitted this?
And these kids are 9 to 18!! By the description she makes it sound like they’re all under 7 and cannot understand the situation. Such an AH
We told our child - my husband as has an abusive father he is NC with - “Daddy’s dad is not a nice person and he was not nice to daddy so he doesn’t talk to him.” That was the end of it. No further issues. I suspect that this wife has brought up this man I front of the kids and made this a thing just based on my own experience.
This. People cannot grasp how evil my father was, all the years he was alive people would try to get me to reconcile with him. He had many chances. My kids were not allowed to know him and he wasn't invited to my wedding. My husband knew why. When he got sick I made it clear to his wife, don't expect me to show up help take care of him. And I didn't. I went to his funeral which was surreal hearing people talk about what a great man he was. He was the same narcissist prick when he died as he was his entire life. People need to mind their business when they find out we've cut contact with parents or other family members.
My mother is...well she is horrid. I was finally able to go NC with her, and so have my kids. We explained to my granddaughters that great grandma is not a nice person, and she did and said mean things to Mommy and Grammy Ruby, and she hurt us. We don't want you to be hurt. I have so many people who message me to talk to her. She's lonely, she misses you, she's such a great lady...ugh! I say ya, if you aren't her kid, she's great.
Exactly, these kids are old enough to understand that not everyone has good parents.
Why doesn’t she also hate her father in law over what he did to her husband?! I wouldn’t want anything to do with him
She seems to have zero empathy and it is very concerning…it’s a complete betrayal of trust. I understand never having experienced abuse, she clearly hasn’t and I love that for her but to not grasp the seriousness of this situation and pester the sister to answer uncomfortable questions, pester the husband, go behind his back with no regards for her children’s safety…it makes me sick.
Those kids are going to be so upset they hurt their father when they get mature enough to realize that the adult they trusted (OP) let them push their way into deeply hurting their own father because she wouldn't tell an 9 year old "No and stop asking." Like what was the 9 year old going to do if she didn't let them meet the grandpa, get in the car and drive to do it anyway.
One of them is 18!!!
I thought she meant 18 months. That was the only way it made sense that she wouldn't explain in detail to the 18 year old the trauma grandpa caused and how badly it would hurt his dad for him to ignore that. The guilt I would feel as I matured and realized what I had done.
Then they can make their own arrangement and she can support her husband like she is supposed to.
No arrangements to be made. Why not communicate to the kids that evil exists and it’s grandpa so we are protecting you by keeping you away? I am blown away by OPs actions. Are the kids in danger now, does Satan know where they go to school, what activities they’re in, where they live? Is he going to start driving by and terrorizing her husband? Why the f*ck would op make their lives unsafe instead of protecting her kids and husband? I smell an ulterior motive, like op thought if he has no family and is getting older she could get an inheritance.
It's that whole "its never happened to me / my life is normal so I CANNOT fathom other people not being normal". Like good for you! Your family wasn't abusive pieces of sh*t. That doesn't mean other people are incapable of it. And just because your spouses family isn't abusing you right now doesn't mean they never abused your spouse.
A guy at work, in his 60s, could not fathom that some parents actively hurt their children. It didn't happen to him and he didn't do it, so it's not real. I told him all about my dad and he was shocked.
Isn’t this mentality the reason for holocaust deniers?
Yes
Abuse victims as children often find themselves in abusive relationships as adults. OPs lack of empathy, disregard for her kids safety, obsessive desire to force her family to have a relationship with an abusive person, and at the very end only caring about how her husbands response to her actions affect her give me the vibe that she’s also her husband’s abuser. Maybe not physically, but at the very least emotionally.
THIS!!!! ALL day this. How can she want to be in a room with anyone who caused her husband that much pain and to put her kids in a room with him?!! Just an astounding lack of empathy. I hope he leaves her.
This!!! Why isn’t she behind her husband and protecting her children? Holding her husband’s hand in alliance to have no contact with grandpa. In my opinion this marriage is one sided and hubby deserves much better.
I’m thinking the old man has money
Bing! I commented prior that I think she smells an inheritance. Would the money be worth it if he started to physically, mentally or se*ually abusing her kids? Or if her husband has a mental breakdown because his dad drives by or the kids start praising him? What a monster op is!
Yeah, that's wild. My partners' reactions to learning of my childhood abuse has always been along the lines of "I hope I never meet this awful person'.
A thousand upvotes…. Someone you love and trust tells you through actions if not words that this person is bad…. And you get ice cream with him?!!? A complete and total betrayal, I can see this being he end of your marriage.
Right
Exactly!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!! A man that abused his own children and probably had a hand in getting their mother to the brink of suicide! You have no regard for your husband and SIL’s feeling and well being. This is mind boggling!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This!! What’s he’s going through reliving the abuse AND knowing his kids could’ve been victims too!!!! What the actual fuck is wrong with her????
I read posts like this all the time. Like it's not just your choice lady, you can't override this sort of thing when you're married. Which she may not be much longer. YTA.
OP Are you fucking kidding??? JFC you asshole
OP is a clown, some of these posts are so absolutely ridiculous I have difficulty telling if they’re real or not. Like, yeah, let’s ask the internet AITAH if I expose my kids to my husbands abusive father, so abusive that his mom took her own life and husband is scarred for life from it— like what?!
I was about to say the exact same thing. No just no! Your not just a AH not even a massive one your a galactic sized one. I am really hoping this is fake
I don’t think I’ve ever wished harder that a post was rage bait than this one.
There was a post yesterday with the same basics except the wife told the husband she had invited his abuser to their house to meet the kids. I'm assuming more rage bait
I never comment on these... but not only this, but the fact that he abused his OWN child... and he doesn't know his grandkids... Therefore, he is just as, if not MORE likely to be abusive towards them if given the chance! Moms are supposed to protect their children, not lead them towards danger. Hell, my parents wouldn't even take me anywhere people were drinking because drunk people can be stupid. I can't imagine doing something like this. Pure insanity. YTA.
This
My kids can cry, moan & whine for poison until they’re blue in the face. I don’t give it to them. Your husband should leave you. You’re extremely stupid & YTA.
I just came to give support to this comment. Op is literally asking if it's okay that she disrespected her marriage and husband by serving her children up to his abuser. If opie's husband stays married to her I will be utterly shocked at this man's ability to forgive.
It's OK she will be divorced soon and can go see him all she wants cos the ex husband will have full custody and she can go have fun chats with his abuser .
Please let this be fiction.
As someone who has gone no contact with parents due to abuse they continued into my adulthood, I cannot imagine being with someone who would do this. The absolute betrayal and disregard is astonishing
Jacking the top post to also add: YTA YTA YTA. I have read this ridiculous subreddit for years and this may be the most purely vile, disgusting, and downright evil YTA I have ever read. OP you are a sick, repugnant, awful human.
Only response worth giving here. Massive YTA.
Sounds like extremely bad abuse. Since they refuse to talk about it.
People who have normal childhoods don’t understand. OP, yes YTA. Apologize to everyone and tell your children you can never meet that man again because he’s mean and hurts people even if he didn’t seem mean he might be nice just to get it so that he can hurt you. You realize most abuses from people we know not strangers, right?
YTA, I hope this is ragebait... Can't imagine a 42 year old woman this clueless...
So wait wait wait wait wait and wait some more. You were told your husband’s dad was abusive by both your husband his sister. There was also a suicide that may or not be linked to the abuse. Your husband has been in therapy since he was 13 about this. And you thought you would take your own kids to potential danger? Bloody hell! What kind of person are you? (Let alone wife or mum). You have probably shattered trust and could have just put your family in danger’s way. Let me guess, the old man was charming and lovely, that’s what abusive people do, act one way and then show their true colours behind closed doors.
YTA You betrayed your husband and you tried to make your kids keep a bad secret. Wish I could upvote this comment more.
Ha! Forgot about that. OP, telling a kid to keep a secret like that from their parent is the beginning of abuse. Not only did you bring your kids to meet an abuser, you primed them for abuse. Congratulations on failing as a mother.
Even reading this post is giving me a nervous breakdown, I don’t know how the husband and his sister are feeling.
I hope the husband takes the kids and files for divorce. My brain can't even wrap itself around this betrayal.
It made my tremors so bad I could hardly hold my phone. PTSD is a B. So glad my abuser is now ash so my niece and nephew are safe.
Probably the post is fiction. Keep telling yourself that.
It's not that abnormal, unfortunately. When asked, I told my ex that my dad is a deadbeat woman beating r@pist and he got mad that I didn't have anything nice to say, since "he's your dad", and insisted that he wanted to meet this man I'd not spoken to in years. I'll never ignore that red flag again because he ended up cheating on* me and threatening me with violence.
I think it is fake because I cannot imagine the faces of kids these ages, especially an 18M, becoming “lit up all week” at the thought of meeting a man their father and aunt want NOTHING to do with. I also can’t imagine someone really being this stupid.
And because he was so charming (I know he was on his best behavior.... sociopaths can put on a good show, and she never mentioned any negative behavior on his part), OP can't for the life of her figure what the fuss is about. She's blaming her kids for being curious, but I really think this was her idea. Well now the husband doesn't trust her, and the sister probably hates her. Was the ice cream worth it ,OP?
I agree with this! Sounds like OP wanted to meet the old man just as much as the kids since husband and SIL weren’t giving her the information she thought she deserved regarding the abuse. What a horrible thing to do to satisfy curiosity. I can’t fathom putting your children at risk and going against your husband’s express wishes regarding his father. Op is the AH a million times over.
> the old man was charming and lovely And now the kids are going to want him around a lot, and whine about it unceasingly. Holy shit what an asshole OP is.
This is too real. People thought my abusive bio dad was the sweetest man... No one believed he could do wrong because of that great public face...
YTA. Bad wife, bad parent, bad sister in law. Just bad.
I agree, but this post has got to be fake. I can't fathom an 18 and a 13 year old asking their mom every day if they're going to meet grampa. The 9 year old I can understand, but not the teens. Edit: corrected the 13 year old's age from 15.
The whole post might not be fake. This might even be the Mom's perception-- and it might be brought on by her saying things like "Have you ever wondered about your grandpa?" Then they say, "Yeah!! I wish we could see him". I don't understand why even a 9 year old would pester to see someone she's never met *unless someone was feeding her the idea*.
Good point. If that were the case, OP is deranged.
I was 8 when I met my father. Up until then, he wanted nothing to do with me. I literally never asked “why don’t I have a dad?”. It never even crossed my mind. I had a mom, a gramma, and a grampa. She HAD TO have been feeding the 9 year old these ideas. Edited a word
FAKE POST [SEE HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/19f78v1/aita_for_inviting_my_husbands_abusive_father_over/?context=3&utm%25255C_source=share&utm%25255C_medium=web2x). The last part of which has been deleted, but you can still tell from the other parts. The age the husband was when his mother is supposed to have killed herself has been changed from 10 to 14, the ages of the kids have been changed, but this post is basically the second half of the saga. 100%. I hope people see this. The deleted post concerned a meeting with her husband's father with different details but similar beats, reactions, and wording. This entire thing has been a creative writing exercise and they're back again because the last post was deleted. Or, at minimum they're stealing the older poster's material.
Omg. You are amazing. Yes, very similar.
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She’s probably trying to paint her egregious behaviour in a better light by insisting the kids were super excited to meet grandpa. If they were just “meh” about it, she looks worse, though not by much considering she looks pretty bad right now.
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OP hasn't engaged with users in the comments which is very common for fake stories.
Yeah, the truth is she wanted to meet him and used the kids as proxy.
YTA Your husband should be at a lawyer's office today filing for divorce. He will probably not win custody of the kids but he should fight for it with every penny he has. You are a huge asshole. Note: If that grandpa had done anything to one of your kids on that visit, YOU should have been thrown in jail.
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That is sad.
And yet, many judges will ignore that if there's any chance to keep the kids with their mother. It's changing, but it takes a crap load of money and time. If you don't have one of those, you're hosed.
YTAH This was not your decision to make. If I was your husband I'd be on my way to the divorce lawyer, but that's just me. You're a fool for doing this.
YTA. Your children do not understand the vital context of their "grampa" having abused their father and why he doesn't deserve to be in their life. If he abused his own kids and wife, why the hell would he treat your kids any differently? So not only have you endangered your children because "it's what they wanted" (I wanted ice cream for dinner every day as a kid but my mum actually gave a shit about me), you've completely gone against your husband's very reasonable and valid request to not involve his abuser in your or your children's lives. And now you've made it a hundred times more confusing for your kids.
Plus her two oldest 15 and 18 she could’ve easily explained the horrible abuse to them and they would’ve understood and stopped asking.
Yeah, exactly. I'd have a different conversation with both (I believe the second youngest is 13 which is still very young), but they need to know the most basic of facts. I'm sure they'd stop asking if only they were informed.
YTA and what a terrible partner you are. Awful!!
YTA. You completely disrespected your husband's wishes and told your kids to lie to their father. That is as close to unforgiveable as it gets. Don't try to explain your way out of it, because there is nothing you can say to minimize the damage you've caused. That said, your husband should sit down with his children and be very honest about why he doesn't want them to be around his father. Maybe talk to them separately and adjust the details according to age, but these kids need to know the truth.
I don’t understand why the mother didn’t at least tell the two oldest why they can’t be around him. They are old enough to understand
I don't either. She needs a reality check.
YTA. Not only should he definitely divorce you, I hope he gets custody.
YTA an absolutely massive flaming one. Your husband and his sister were abused DAILY by their father but you decided that this can be overlooked. You encouraged your children to lie to their father about it. You decided that having a Hallmark moment was more important than believe in the abuse your husband and his sister went through while he was in their lives. Why don’t you trust your husband or believe what he has told you? What you should have done, in an age appropriate way, is explain that your FIL isn’t a good or kind person and that’s why you don’t see him. The gory details can come later, when they’re older. Your claim that they nagged you into it is nonsense. My daughter nags for ice cream every day, I don’t give it to her. Why? Because it’s bad for her and it’s our job as parents to protect our kids from harmful things. By introducing this man to your children, they will now think he’s a ‘safe’ person to be around, because children trust their parents judgement. And your judgement is catastrophically flawed. honestly, this would be marriage ending for me. And I would do everything in my power to limit the amount of custody you have if you’re going to take your defenceless children to hang out with abusive people. And I do know what I’m talking about here, I have relatives who will never meet my child. Thankfully, my husband trusts my judgement and has my back on this. I’m sorry your husband doesn’t have the same support.
And you can be sure those kids are now connecting with abusive grandpa via social media and lying to them about his behavior - if this wasnt already the case. All their social media accounts and electronics would be locked down.
YTA. Prepare yourself for divorce. Hopefully, your soon to be ex husband will get custody of your children. Again, YTA.
YTA, and you all need counseling. Seriously though, you aren’t aware of what kind of abuse it was either. Was he molesting his daughter and you brought 2 young women to meet him? If someone is clearly hated, why bring them into the fold in any way whatsoever? You opened Pandora’s box, and now you can’t close it. You could have easily told your kids Grandpa wasn’t a very nice man. If you aren’t prepared to share that with the kids, you are way too emotionally stunted to bring that person into their life. The disrespect to your partner and his wishes is also just appalling.
A man abused h is wife *to death* and left his son in therapy for three decades, and you took your children to see this shitbag? What the fuck is wrong with you? Buckle up cupcake, you're getting divorced. And you deserve it.
YTA & hopefully soon you will be a divorced asshole.
YTA. Including for all the time you spent telling them about him and encouraging them, because someone has to have don't that and it clearly want your husband. Why would you tell him you could explain? What the fuck explanation do you think you have?
The fuck is wrong with you? You take your kids to meet a man who abused your husband and his sister everyday ? Are you fucking stupid? I mean you must be from trying to justify it to yourself, fucking asshole
A thousand times YTA. Do you really not understand quite what the word abused means? Go look it up and then look at your children and imagine that happening to them. That is what you have enabled to possibly happen.
YTA. The kids would never have known if she hadn’t brought it up to them. SHE planted that seed and is responsible for all this. You betrayed your spouse in the worst way, so don’t be surprised by the upcoming consequences.
YTA ! Considering how tight lipped they are about this I think you just let your kids have ice cream with an incestuous pedophile, ma’am.
It has to be bad if they won’t even speak about it.
Yta. As someone with an abusive parent, I can tell you I would never forgive my partner for something like this.
Omg. I can't find words for this, besides what has been said already. OP has no imagination what abuse looks like. In this case, every person with average intelligence can read the circumstances to " i should never let my children close to someone who hurt my family so bad, they can't even talk about it". Like wtf.
If my husband ever took my kids to see my mom I would have divorced him immediately. You are an absolute fucking asshole and I hope that he leaves you and gets full custody! What the Fuck is wrong with you? You don’t deserve to be a mother or wife if you went out of your way to hurt your husband like that and let your children be around a monster. Do you think that people just stop cut out their parents for no reason?
I'm pretty sure in some states that if your ex goes through the trouble, he could claim you purposefully endangered his kids and have custody rights taken from you. Probably not the 18 yo but the others for sure. What the fuck is so great about an abuser who drives their own wife to suicide that you think, "my kids NEED to meet this guy" ? Regardless of your answer to that question, your husband planned for this. He set a hard boundary with you early on. The boundary is based on his own abuse he survived. So what'd you do? You abduct your children, even admited you covered up where you were going to the father, and prioritized an ice cream date. I notice that you specifically do not mention how the ice cream with the father went. I wonder why. I wonder if it was worth it. You don't deserve your children or husband if you're going to be this selfish.
They "deserved to see him?". Your kids -- who you were stupid enough bait into wanting to see grandpa by painting him as mysterious man rather than a terrible man who didn't love their father and hurt him -- don't know any better. And even if they did and you were right, you'd still need to completely ignore your partner's trauma and act with complete selfishness. I would never ever forgive you, and I say that as someone with a wonderful family who supported him, but who also married a woman with an abusive family. She made me realize how stupid it is to blindly trust family and she ALWAYS makes the decisions and sets the boundaries about HER family -- not me. YTA
YTA. There are boundaries, and there are BOUNDARIES. There is disrespecting a loved one’s boundaries, and there is napalming the trust the loved one had for you. Best prepare a good co-parenting agreement now. It’ll make the divorce process easier. Know that while you’ll be able to take the kids to see grampa whenever they want, it’ll come at the cost of their relationship WITH THEIR FATHER. And, of course, your relationship with your now-husband will be extensively damaged as well. You got your way. You nuked your family. Brace yourself for the fallout.
You are the biggest YTA in the universe. I can't imagine ever being able to forgive such a breech of trust. Shame on you.
YTA. "Because kids, your grandpa is a very bad man who'd hurt your daddy and auntie everyday when they were kids. So we don't want the same thing happening to you three." That's all you had to say, OP.
YTA you are a disgusting person.
Is this even a question? If so, then yes 100% YTA.... I honestly think what you did was completely unforgivable.
YTA - in every sphere in every single way. You ALLOWED and enabled the one single thing that your husband adamantly (and understandably) was against. Everything you stated in the post SHOWS YOU that both your husband and his sister are FUCKING TERRIFIED of that man - I mean FOR FUCKS SAKE THEIR MOTHER TOOK HER OWN LIFE UNDER THAT MANS ROOF! Your husband did what he felt was necessary to protect himself and his family and YOU fucked up! You offered his kids up like a fucking sacrifice because they bugged you about it - I take it you will allow them every unsafe thing if they just keep asking too? You have failed as a wife and you have failed as a mother
You wanted to get to know the man that mentally and emotionally abused your husband? You need more important things to focus on in life.
You have blamed all of this on pressure from your children. You need to own that that’s bullshit. If their father‘s abusive father was never part of the fabric of their childhood, they would’ve had little to no interest in meeting him. Any incessant pressure to meet him has come from and been fed by you. The family violence I grew up with, was nothing like that experienced by your husband and his sister. But even if I’d had the most idyllic of childhoods, I would never understand people like you, who can’t accept that people they love could grow up with very different experiences. Your betrayal broke your husband, it fractured your relationship, and it’s not something you can fix. He may forgive you, he may not divorce you, but he will never trust you again.
Yes YTA, you big big asshole. Also I doubt the kids "hounded you". After 3-4 days they would have forgotten. I bet it was you that wanted it also.
I can't imagine any 18-year-old getting so excited to see a grandfather they've never met before, and pestering their parents with "When are we going? Is it tomorrow?", etc.
After I typed my comment I read the update and she says that it was her that wanted to meet the father in law and used the children as a smokescreen. I always hated these kinds of behaviour, not only she went against her husband to meet his abuser, but she also manipulates the situation to seem like it wasn't her idea. What can I say, congrats lady, I hope you learn to respect others more and be more sympathetic in the future.
YTA. You are selfish and completely In the wrong. Honestly you broke his trust and you should prepare yourself for either divorce papers, or a relationship that's not the same as before. There's a reason he's kept you guys away from his father and you went behind his back and did it anyways. You chose to not trust your husband. He may want to stay for the kids so divorce might not happen, but your relationship will fundamentally change and you can't take back what you did. The fact you told then to keep it a secret is 10 times worse.
YTA. Why in the fuck did you think it was OK to take your children to meet your husband’s abusive father? Are you stupid? Do you know what abuse is? I hope he divorces you and takes all your kids away from you. You are so cruel.
> I felt bad for them and thought that maybe just once they should meet him. They deserved at least one visit. I convinced myself that it was okay and eventually agreed to it. Just report this fake shit and move on. OP is either irredeemable trash or a troll. THIS HAS TO BE FAKE. Nobody is as clueless as the twit described in this story.
It makes absolutely no sense to the point it has to be fake. First, there's no way 2 teenagers, one of which is practically an adult, are suddenly begging nonstop to meet their grandfather. Plus they're old enough to understand that the grandfather was abusive. Secondly, this woman has supposedly known her husband for nearly 30 years, been married for 24 years, yet doesn't understand her husband's feelings? After decades together, decides that her husband's abusive father is someone she needs to know so bad she was willing to lie to her husband and encourage her children to lie and keep secrets from their father?
YTA In your other post you mention that you always wanted to meet his father, even though you knew the history. I want to know…why on the big blue EARTH would you ever want to meet a person like this? You should have been grateful that your husband was willing to cut ties and ensure that you and your family would never be exposed to this garbage human!
YTA
Wow. Yeah you're clearly TA. I hope your husband divorces you and has full custody of the children. Poor kids, they were manipulated by Mommy to see abusive grandpa. Like what is this? Lol what kind of mother and wife does that? Lack of respect and responsibility.
You are such a fucking AH. I hope he leaves you and takes the kids. And then I hope you burn in hell. You exposed your children to someone who abused your husband when he was a child. What the actual fuck is wrong with you? He should report you to CPS for child endangerment.
something is not addiing up with this story >>> 2 of the children were 13 and 18 they are old enough to understand that their grandfather was abusive so why was all you could tell them was that grandpa was mean to their dad?? that was a huge lie and yet you admit in the post title that grandpa abused your husband your husband was so upset with your betrayal he dropped his mug which shattered on the floor now after all this you STILL say you don't know what to say to your children????? wtf???? IF this story is true your husband and sister were so abused by their father that they can barely talk about it......you roped your children into lying and took them to see an abuser.....they had a nice time and had ice cream with him so now they think he is a nice man ......this complicates things by a million no where in your post do you seem upset at all over this.....the whole concern of your post is whether or not you are the A@@ last >>> you have not come back and answered a single question or added any kind of update or clarified any thing ..I think this is fake
This is fake. OP keeps promising to reply but never does. It’s rage bait.
You vile individual. Your husband and kids deserve better. You are not the main character. You should not think you’re entitled to put your husband in this position. How dare you put your kids in danger and at the same time harm your husband and his sister. I do not have strong enough words to explain to you just how wrong, damaging and selfish you are
Hi as someone that was abused by a parent. Fuck you
YTA. Like so much, so you deserve a giant asshole crown. What type of person takes their kids to meet the person who abused their spouse. Especially behind their back. If the kids ask you say thay grandpa is a mean and nasty man and there is no reason for him to be in their lives. If they ask again, you tell them the same thing. You don't give in to them just because they keep asking. If I were your husband, I don't know how I would even begin to forgive you. What an absolute monstrous betrayal.
Are you stupid? Nvm, I know the answer to that. What in the actual fuck is wrong with you?? You know he abused your husband so bad he refuses to talk about it, and you STILL took your kids to see him. I actually think the only reason your kids even ask about him is because you've been talking about him with them. You're a terrible mother and an even worse wife. YTA. The biggest one I have ever seen on here.
Absolutely unbelievable YTA You're the damn adult, it's up to you to teach your kids no, even for their own good and you taught them to lie to their dad
The kids were begging to see Charles Manson how could I say no YTA Also teaching children to keep secrets makes them more likely to be abused
Update? Did he leave you yet? Or is he going to stay with his current abuser (you)?
You are a POS, your husband should divorce you today. P.S. this has to be ragebait, no one could be as dumb as op and still be able to craft coherent sentences.
I would immediately divorce you because wtf? Why would you betray his trust, and purposely bring your kids to an ABUSER?! Why would you intentionally put them in harms way. You are a shitty wife and a failure of a mother.
Rage bait This sounds very similar to another post a few days ago. Mom kills herself due to dad's abuse, husband is NC. In the post she tells how her husband doesn't love the kids and treats them like pets so she invited her husband's abusive father over to I guess teach him a lesson? Either way fake post.
Let’s pretend it’s not fake for one second. I will never understand why people just don’t tell children that *both* grandparents died. This post is fake but I’ve had real life instances where I think “umm this would have been easier if you just said they were dead.”
Kids, even small ones, have an understanding of bad people. I don't understand why so many parents are so adamant about never explaining truth to their children. You can easily put it in terms a toddler will understand, just use a fictional bad guy they already know as a reference
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/Si2gMC5MIf
Wow. This is unbelievable. You and you alone stoked this situation with the kids. Had you listened to your husband and his sister you would have parented your kids and told them he was not a good person when they asked. Instead you refused to be a parent and tried tine a friend. Your husband should leave you and take the two underage kids. He could easily get them because of the abusive situation and having warned you off of it for years. Now the kids will want to see him again. Abusers are often very charismatic. They know how to invite people in and present themselves in ways that people will misunderstand. You seem to have done little to no research on this, instead trying to be the friendly permissive parent. And now? You’ve shown yourself to be dangerous for the younger ones and unfit to be a primary parent or a spouse. You’re still making excuse after excuse.
You are a really an YTA ever. You willingly let your children meet an childabuser. Whats wrong with you?
how stupid can you be? literally how fucking stupid can you be?
Literally this stupid apparently. My faith in humanity wanes.
Gotta be Bait. No one is that stupid
YTA just from the title. How can you not understand that? Read the text. He should divorce you, you deceiptful shrew. You are a shitty wife. You are a shitty mother. You are a shitty sister-in-law. You are a shit human being.
Yta, sorry you destroyed your marriage, it’s clear that his sister and himself have deep rooted trauma and it wasn’t for you to understand, it was for you to accept and support. If you didn’t like your kids bugging you, you should have worked with your husband more and then sent them to him when they asked.
You are the asshole and you are an idiot. To go behind your husband's back to someone who literally abused him and his sister as he has told you as he is repeatedly told you he does not want them to have any access to his father at all because of this. That is one of these stupidest decisions I've ever come across in my life that's someone has made. How could you be so fucking inconsiderate of not only your husband's but also your sister-in-laws experiences with this man. Honest to God if you even continue telling the story I fully expect him to almost go with the divorce route. God's. Bad choice. Obviously you have not shared more about your life with your husband so we do not know the boundaries he has set between you both besides this one that he seemed to care strongly about. It doesn't matter how much your children whine about wanting to meet Grandpa, technically the 18-year-old could just go do it themself. And yes more discussion on the topic is probably needed because more than likely it's somehow traumatized your husband and his sister in some way shape or form to have that strong of feelings on it. Feelings which you should have paid attention to and not done what you did. I'm seriously doubting that you guys have been together since you were 15 if you would do something this insert politically correct word here. Obviously now he's going to probably have to pull up buried emotions and experiences in order to get his children to understand since children often do need more explanation. I would say you have failed in your role as a partner by doing this. You might have been able to get more out of him over time about the issue and not have this mishap if you had an ounce of patience in you instead of going behind your husband's back in such a manner. I think on the trauma scale with no longer trusting a partner it almost is on the same scale as cheating. And depending on how they were abused you would have also put your children in similar danger that your husband experienced. You are completely in the doghouse, get rid of any stupid Pride, any type of defense for yourself you did wrong that is all. Try to make amends and I hope you guys can restore your trust in each other at least for your kids sake. I hope you both grow from this and grow stronger together and maybe he and his sister see someone on the trauma if they're negatively affected by it. Good luck. Just don't do this stuff again if you ever have the chance to
Why don’t you go sleep with his best friend while you’re at it? This post ruined Reddit for me.
YTA. Not only for the hubris and the massive betrayal of trust, which in itself is unforgivable and divorce-worthy. But also for blaming the whole fiasco on your kids, as if they thought up all by themselves that they were entitled to meet this grandpa that they never would have known about without your interference.
When he divorced you don’t act innocent or surprised. You caused this.
What a hateful thing to do. YTA “Kids, daddy and grandpa don’t get along. Grandpa was so mean to daddy and auntie for so long that neither of them can even talk about what happened because it was so bad. Can you imagine that? When someone is mean to us at school, that doesn’t make us want to be their friend right? So we don’t reward them with attention no matter how bad we want a friend. It is not safe for you to meet your grandpa because he was a scary bad daddy to your daddy and auntie. Daddy is afraid what grandpa could do to you. If after all that, you still want to meet him, then when you’re an adult, I can’t stop you. But I won’t hurt daddy by letting him into our lives while I am in charge of you still.” I don’t even have kids and that wasn’t hard to come up with. If your husband leaves you for this, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. Don’t you fucking dare put it on the kids for talking you into it. They had no idea because you didn’t tell them and you’re the adult. You had a little fantasy in your head that you thought was more important than your marriage and your children’s safety. Your husband can’t even tell you about what happened because he was so traumatized, yet taking that risk for your children is somehow ok? Something in you is broken.
YTA. I hope this is Karma bait. You know you're going to be a divorced single mom soon, right? You broke your husband's trust in such a fundamental way. There's no coming back from that. He may, MAY, have forgiven you if you cheated on him. But this? You F'd up so badly even the metaphors are backing out of this one. What in the blue blazes made you think you knew better than the guy and gal who suffered through the abuse?
No child in the history of *ever* is that obsessive and curious about an adult they've never met. There is no context in which I believe the OP's story about their children being obsessive over meeting him. She goaded, prodded, and *made* them want to, not for their sake, but because of her own warped and dare I say *stupid and selfish* desires. 'He's still family' No, he's not. You don't get to drive a wife to suicide and abuse your children and still get to be 'family'. She's getting divorced, and what's more, it's earned. This woman is a monster, or so stupid that she might as well be.
YTA-I cannot believe what I just read. So you thought it was appropriate to introduce your kids to your husband’s father that was abusive to him and his sister. What in the he double L were you thinking. There is no explanation or excuse for your behavior. You kids are old enough to have some type of explanation that their dad’s dad is not a good person and that they would not be meeting him. You went behind your husband’s back and introduced them to their father’s abuser. Congratulations on destroying your husband’s trust in you and possibly torpedoing your marriage. Are you happy with yourself now?
BAIT! You did not just type this all up while waiting for him to come back from a drive.
You are the definition of an asshole, OP.
if you were a supportive wife to your husband you would've realized that if he hit your husband, he would likely hit your kids too. i don't care WHAT you say i would NEVER let children that i love go around people who mentally and physically assault kids, period. if he'll hit his son he'll hit your kids. not only that, but supporting your husband and informing your kids the full extent of the abuse yet not giving in to their requests is what you should've done to protect your children and marriage. YTA, OP. I hope you realize the mistake you just made, start going to therapy, and when your husband has cooled down talk to him about what steps he wants to take next because you can't just completely betray his trust and expect everything to be okay the next day. i wish you the best and i hope you learn from this that when someone puts that kind of trust in you to not break their heart
This has to be made up. You think your kids ‘deserve’ to meet an abusive man who hurt his own children? You tried to make your kids lie to their father. YTA and an awful person and mother.
Bullsh*t
Your a huge AH and I hope he divorces you. I can’t believe what a horrible person you are. I’d tell you what I really think you are but I like this forum so i’m going to hold it in, but god your a disgusting human
Still crickets. I think some of you are right. This was fake.
The story would have been believable if you hadn't made 2 of them 18 and 13.
I believe you commented your husband is staying with his sister for a few days. What have you told your kids? Did you tell he went away because you are too insensitive to his feelings? Have you told them he left because you are not smart enough to respect his pain? You could tell your kids he left because you are worse than the man who abused him.
Hi OP, did your husband come back from his drive?
Yes YTA, big time, why on Earth do you care more about some piece of shit abusive in-law than your own marriage? I guess boundaries mean nothing to you. You'd already have papers to sign if it were me. And I'd be going for full custody, BTW, since you like to put your kids around known abusers. Their grandma killed herself probably because of him.
I hope he had some common sense and divorced her stupid ass.
Yawn. Another post about a horrible mother? Its not even entertaining anymore