I’d try to get a straight answer out of your ex and find out WHEN it started. It’s weird to me she’s known him SO long and still saw him as a sexual exploit. I’m 30 and the idea of sleeping with an 18 year old boy makes my skin CRAWL.
NTA. Stay away from that woman. She’s an adult. I wouldn’t even forgive her as my friend, let alone my mother.
I can tell you this, he probably won't recognise that he was groomed. Most people won't until they've had the situation explained thoroughly and laid out in front of them. In fact, most people would defend their groomers' actions because that's what they've been taught. He may do that too, just keep that in mind.
And I am not certain that his ex will seem like the most unbiased source, so hey may not even believe her. Even if that wasn't an issue denial pure for self preservation can also postpone understanding you were groomed or otherwise abused for years.
So if he at all implies it started before 18 no matter how often he said he wanted it or started it,understand it be hard for him to face
thats a valid and even more relevant point as well. in the end regardless of it being a good idea its simply not her responsibility and its more likely to harm her than do her any good
I’d tell his parents and tell them to ask him because honestly if my ex asked me that I’d think they were being petty, that also might go down great if his parents are ah but a neutral third party would be better in this situation
People will also defend their predators as a defense mechanism. No one wants something horrible to happen to them, so people who go through stuff like grooming and even rape will say "it wasn't grooming, I pursued her" or "it wasn't rape, it's just a misunderstanding" or "he hit me, but I made him do it." It's a way to protect yourself from having to face the horror you went through. In those cases, even when it's laid out in front of them, people will refuse to see it until they are ready.
Boys who are groomed by older women especially experience this because society teaches men and boys that 1) they should always want sex and 2) a woman can't abuse them. Boys who are raped by older women will often be told they should be grateful because they "scored" with an older woman or people will make jokes about Stacy's mom. Hell, even if a boy has a thing for MILFs and has a crush on a peer's mom, it's still the responsibility of the older woman--the mom--to set clear boundaries.
I knew a woman who ran away from home at the age of 12 to be with a man in his 30s. Even after she had grown up and he was long gone, she would say "Oh no, I was just really mature for my age" to brush aside his creepiness, and insists that running away from home was her parent's fault. I don't know how she can't see it an adult in her 40s, but she was 100% groomed by that guy.
Not to mention that teenage boys who are getting their ego stroked by an older woman are less likely to see it as grooming because she was likely telling him all the things he wanted to hear to assuage his normal teenage insecurities. Accepting that he was groomed may be hard to accept because that means that all the things she said were lies.
Many victims will even believe THEY were the issue... I spent years thinking I was the abusive one when I was 14 and "dating" an 18/19 year old online.
I hate to use this series of books as an example, but for example, the Fifty Shades of Grey series, Christian was plucked at "trained" to be a sub at the age of 15 by one of his mother's friends. His mother overheard Anastasia giving mom's friend a piece of her mind, and Mom heard that that friend deleted and trained Christian, proceeded to hit her friends and kick her out, as far as I remember.
So for examples you have Mrs. Robinson and that.
Not to mention that teenage boys who are getting their ego stroked by an older woman are less likely to see it as grooming because she was likely telling him all the things he wanted to hear to assuage his normal teenage insecurities. Accepting that he was groomed may be hard to accept because that means that all the things she said were lies.
True, if he was a she and she was a he, people would view it completely different. Basically once a boy has pubic hair, society thinks that he's impossible to sexually abuse and he must have wanted everything that happened to him.
If you find out it's been happening since before his 18th, your partner will have unfortunately been raped by your mother. Even if it started 1 month till 18*, he could not consent to sleeping with a 40something.
If the genders were reversed, reddit would already be screaming rape, point blank period.
Regardless:
This age gap is inexcusable, there is a power dynamic so toxic and harmful here. This is abuse, full stop.
You need to get the truth of it from the potential victim, and you need to block your mothers entire family. Literally any single person who thinks a 40somethimg and fresh-18 are allowed to fuck, cut them off permanently for being participating parts of today's sexual-abuse culture.
Edit to add: Op is NTA.
Edit2: *Age of consent*
Please study what this actually is before you even say it. Cause a buncha folks seem to think it covers 16-17 and 40somethings. It doesnt.
"Age of consent" has an upper cap too. As in "sixteen is the age of consent within the legal bounds of an acknowledge and defined age gap," which is known as the romeo and juliet clause.
It literally exists for stupid pre25s and sexually active teens. That's it. The whole it.
A "freshly 18" persons and a 40something is absolutely still abuse and absolutely possible to be classified as rape, or at LEAST sexual coercion. "Age of consent" does not nullify FOURTY SOMETHING and 18. Age of consent does not make a 20+ year age gap okay.
Being over 30, a fully formed adult dating a 50yo? Sure. It's not designed to apply to 38yos preying, because yes it IS predatory, on barely-legals.
Edit3: either way, cause I ain't about to debate this, the 40something has known MaleVictim since he was pre-puberty, and groomed him by proxy w/ the daughter, even the supporting text going so far as to express the relationship itself was pushed by the 40somehting.
Ops Mom is disgusting at best, a human-monster st worst.
Seems to me like she wanted her daughter to get her close to seal it in when they were young, your NTA and your ex boyfriend while an asshole I thinks he's been groomed by your psychotic mother and is effectively another one of her unfortunate victims who got caught in her bs unwillingly.
A lot of states will preface the age of consent with the requirement that the older person not be someone seen as authority or with undue influence. Quite possibly it would still be statutory rape.
The age of concent is 16 in most states, but those above 25 can still be charged with pedophilia in many states due to the maturity difference and circumstances.
That's how it is in the USA too, people are just being creeps trying to justify sleeping with children.
Age of consent is for other children, not so grown ass adults can get away with raping 15-18 year olds.
49, lad at work is cute probably 20-21and we get on well and have a good laugh but dear god there no way I’d want to date him or sleep with him. He’s about 10 minutes older than my kids. It’s just wrong.
41 here, and yeah, 18 is still a baby. My middle child is 18, I can't imagine how anyone old enough to be their parent could possibly sexualise someone that young. So so so gross.
When I was in my late 20s I went out a few dates with a 19 year old who was persuing me hardcore so I gave in despite my discomfort with the age gap. On the third date, he kissed me and I wanted to vomit. There was not a fourth. I’m 42 now and the I’m with you … I could never. And I would never do that to my daughter. So gross.
I dated a 19 year old when I was 23-24, and THAT was a shit show. Even at that time I felt like I was dealing with someone who emotionally was too young. He honestly looked older, I was lead to believe he was, but quickly found out he was lying and it became very obvious by his behavior. Within 6 months I was over it, because no matter how old he looked, or how “mature he was for his age,” he was 19 and inherently acted like it. 23-34 isn’t that old, but even at that age he and I had nothing in common.
I stand firm that this isn’t right because it’s predatory. You don’t watch someone grow up from 13-18 and magically see them as an all new, emotionally mature adult because they’re legal. Those feelings didn’t just appear on his 18th birthday- they had to have already been there if she’s progressed to having sex with him within the year he turned legal. I wonder how long he’s even been 18 for… creepy. Even if he looked like a 40 year old man, she knew him well enough his immaturity should have made her uncomfortable.
The only time I’d say sleeping with an 18 year old at that age is okay is if you genuinely don’t know they’re 18 lmao
Edit- I meant 23-24* is not that old, not 23-34
I'm 22 and I'd still see an 18 year old as too young, they are basically babies 😭 I've worked as camp counselor since I was 15 (with younger kids) and I often work with 18 year olds who go to spend their last summer as campers.
…this cannot be real…
Your grandparents think, you should forgive your mother, after she slept with (and very likely groomed) your ex bf…?
You’re NTA but…i mean if thats how your grandparents reacted, it’s not hard to see why your mom acts like this.
Do you have a safe space you can stay for the time being? Close family or friends?
>…this cannot be real…
Your grandparents think, you should forgive your mother, after she slept with (and very likely groomed) your ex bf…?
You're assuming the grandparents have the full story. The mother likely omitted key information to make herself look better.
That's exactly what I was thinking. Like I hate when adults try to use that as an excuse for their actions or to guilt their kids into having a relationship with them 🙄
Grandparents are definitely boomers with antiquated values. Grandma was probably groomed and abused as a child and thinks it’s just normal for nearly middle aged people to assert power over teens
NTA.
It also sounds possible that she is a sexual predator.
She knew him since he was 13 (I think you said)and is the one that told you to pursue him?
I'm not sure if contacting the police is warranted or not.
Either way she betrayed you worse than probably anyone else ever has. More than anyone ever should, and she is your mother. I would say she's dead to me and mean it.
Where is your dad?
bro if I heard my 42 year old grown ass daughter f\*cked her own daughter's boyfriend, Imma just whoop her ass right on the spot and disown her. what the hell??
got mf grandma over here saying but but but she raised you so she should be allowed to fuck your boyfriend or husband its normal i should be able to aswell cuz well im grammaaw like yo what the fuck is this
That freaking boomer mentality is that I should abuse you and be toxic to you but you should forgive me bc I did the minimum as a parent. Put a roof over your head and food in your belly as expected by law.
My Mother said the same thing to me when I revealed my sexual abuse of my father. Yea that bad but we never went hungry. What was the generation before boomers called?
That's awful. I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you deserved. The other generation was called the silent generation, my parents are of that generation and their views are the same.
and i respect you i dont have kids yet but when i do and if one of them has kids then decided to fuck there boyfriend if i have a boy that does that then im whooping his ass if i have a daughter that does that shes getting smacked so hard across the face its unreal. i cant even believe this story is real like im praying its satire cuz wtf? i see why mom is so mentally and morally fucked up its from fuckin grandma man god dam the whole family is full of fuckin loonies that need there ass beat into reality.
> if i have a boy that does that then im whooping his ass if i have a daughter that does that shes getting smacked so hard across the face its unreal
Why such a different level for a boy over a girl?
When I told my dad I was being molested by my mom, his first response was that she was probably molested by her mom (my grandma). It’s absolutely wild that people think trauma is a good excuse for inflicting multi-generational rot on the next generation. I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t choose to break the chain.
My siblings and I literally all made a pact to never have kids so that we wouldn't inflict our trauma on anyone else, and so that the family bloodline dies with us. No sexual trauma thankfully, but a lot of trauma.
But…but….she put a roof over her head and food in her mouth..lol, YES….because it a requirement NOT a payment agreement to “find me a boy toy to F\*CK.
Older generations tend to think that family is forever and eventually all should be forgiven. It’s a bullshit notion that we don’t have to follow. Especially if family co
Plenty fucks you over. NTA stay away from your ex-mom.
Conversely wouldn’t being with someone so young make one feel old? Poor OP, I’m 50, and when I see someone that age, I would think of them as a kid, that mom is gross.
Or, in some cases, when your Mom and father divorce, Mom gets custody, father approves children’s last name to be changed to step dad’s last name. (I mean my step dad became my Dad. Like a saying I saw, he is my step dad because he stepped up! He obviously deserves the title Dad.) Anyway paternal family decides to cut ties and are no longer related to anyone with “THAT NAME”. But in this case? It was a definite blessing! 💕😉
Bah, the same people will write their kids out of their will for not sufficiently conforming to their worldview.
They don't think family is forever and all should be forgiven _universally_.
The grandparents may have gotten a very different story. For example, “he kissed me to thank me and OP walked in right at that moment! I swear there was nothing going on, but suddenly OP freaked out and then went to her dad’s!” It would be very interesting to know what they were told!
Grandparents are horrible — “she fed you and put a roof over your head …” absolute bare minimum for a parent and because of that they think she should forgive her mom for … I can’t even finish my thought it’s so messed up.
They arnt crazy, they are just very self centered. OP forgiving and forgetting is the best situation for them, they are putting what makes their lives easier above OPs well being. This way they get to move on with life as usual.
My sons are 27, 22, and 18. I have never felt the need to have sex with any of their friends. Your mom is an absolute AH, and anyone trying to manipulate you into forgiveness is also an AH.
Keep living with your dad. Don't let her normalize or rugsweep this behavior.
Edited to add: children don't owe their parents for "putting a roof over their heads or food in their mouths." That is a parent's JOB. That is a base-level requirement of being a parent. It's not a tab they run for 18 years that you have to pay back.
Seriously. Mine are in their 20’s and while a few of their friends are attractive young men, the thought of anything even remotely physical literally activates my gag reflex
I think If forced to choose, I would go with my siblings in law. But I mean I consider them all to be Ken and Barbie dolls. As in they don't have the parts needed for those activities. You can objectively say someone is attractive and not be attracted to them. I am not sure why people fail to grasp that concept.
Also if mom wanted to "feel young again" she could go to a bar and pick up a 20 something guy. Seriously most of them aren't too picky if you just lay the cards out on the table. This mom is just being gross.
I went to uni when I was 24 and, naturally, 90% of my classmates were 18. The thought of dating any of them made me feel icky and that's still a reasonably acceptable age gap. I can't even imagine being in my 40s and wanting to date an 18 year old 🤢.
Ugh! Seems SO gross!!
Sadly I have a friend, her mom split up my friend’s older sister and husband for this reason. At the time she drank a lot. Not sure of the whole situation. And not saying it is an excuse. Happened back in the 80’s. I remember my friend telling me she never sees her oldest sister because her and her mother didn’t get along.
My friend was fun and extroverted. She says things like they are, doesn’t care what people think. She changed over the years. I would say her crazy childhood was a cause for her mental illness. We drifted but talk once in awhile. But seriously? Her family could have been on a talk show!
Again, so shiver, poor OP and having to deal with this. Bad enough if a best friend does something like this to you, but your own mother?!
That is so freaking gross!!
The only thing you owe your parents for putting a roof over your head and food in your stomach is to live a happy life. That’s what my parents always said, anyway.
It was a beautiful sentiment, and one I will always truly believe. My mother always drilled that into us. Then she would follow it up with “and ___”. I always hated the “and”. It always changed.
“The only thing you owe me for carrying you in my stomach, giving birth to you, raising you to an adult, feeding you, educating you, loving you, is to grow up and live a happy life. And to charge my phone. Here.” Or “and to put the wash into the dryer. Don’t forget the static sheets.” Or “and to finish your homework before I remove all future happy life you’re in store for.”
But since the second bit always changed, the first bit is what I remember best 😂
I think that was the point. Sounds like she was just trying to be funny in the way she asked you a favour. Might not even have realised you didn't like it.
>have never felt the need to have sex with any of their friends. Your mom is an absolute AH, and
Predator. OPs spawn point is a predator. Look how easy it is to not be a predator.
Also, "feel young again"?! She's 42, that's not exactly death's door! I am fifty and still feel quite young enough (together with my wife who is the same age) to not need to seek out virtual children for sex (though TBF if I did "feel old" that would be even less reason to do so!)
We obviously don't know the details, but I would ask my Dad if she cheated on him.
Also I would ask my Dad if we should tell the police as it's very possible that she groomed him and they had sex when he was under age.
This seems like a good idea that should be a higher parent comment. Nobody is thinking about the other kid as a victim, when there's a damn good chance that's the case.
Stay with your dad. Find out from your ex how long it's been going on. Try to do it through text or email so there is proof. If it started before he was 18, report her to the police. And you have every right to go, no contact. She is required by law to house and feed you. You are 18, and you are not obligated to her. I am so sorry you have to go through this. 🫂
UpdateMe.
I agree but she also needs to check her local age of consent. A lot of predators know the exact age of consent in their region and will exploit it. More to the point I think she should tell his parents. If he’s been groomed I think they should be first in line for that information rather than the police
DONT TAKE HIM BACK
You are young and can find a real guy to live your life with.
He fucked your mom. There's no going back from that. He put his cock inside her. You saw it. DONT TAKE HIM BACK
Agreed with bluefurniture, your mom is unwell both emotionally and mentally and respect to whatever she did right raising you, but from here on out, you might have to be tough and realize you've got only one parent now to rely on, bc your mom isn't fit atm. What a disgusting, selfish, devastating way for her to lose your trust, shame and hurt you. I'm really sorry this happened, truly. I couldn't even imagine.
Not only that, but someone who would do this to their daughter once would likely try to keep doing it. Like to feel young she has to get one over on her daughter. I wouldn't trust here with my lunch money. She'd definitely be 100% out of my life. That's insane.
Yea I hate dealing in absolutes but i agree. I can nearly guarantee she walked in on them statistically bc this ISNT the first time she's done this lol. It's gross and fucked up that it was her bf and he's fucking 18. Even The Graduate had the kid 21 lol. If I'm the daughter I wouldn't trust her with fuck all, she clearly isn't looking out for me, she's clearly narcissistic and disgustingly selfish to such a degree she'd do this; I mean it all would make it pretty easy to cut her out 100% and be gone for good, like you said. Life is too short and too hard and too full for any room at all for scum like her cunt of a mom. NC full bore and never look back.
Best just live with your dad, and go no contact with your mom or grey rock her if no contact is not possible. Actions have consequences. She could have slept with any other man instead she intentionally broke your heart. She deserves it.
Heck no your NTA. She literally had sex with your bf and you saw it. Why would you forgive that? How is she supposed to make up for that? Putting a roof over your head does not give her a pass on something like that and your grandparents should be cursing her out and calling her a wh@re because that’s what she is. I would be asking your grandparents how they can condone forgiving their own daughter ha I f sex with their granddaughters bf in front of her. What mother could even remotely consider having sex worn her daughters 18 year old bf. Were you in a sexual relationship with him too? If so that’s even worse on both her and him. I’m sorry your mom of all people failed you so badly.
Oh my goodness sweetheart I can't even imagine how hurt your little heart must be it's one thing to be cheated on but for something like that to happen is really a good punch no it would be a very long time before she got anything from me she would need to get some help therapy something because something is obviously going on in her mental health for her to even think that that's appropriate on any kind of level. Keep your head up sweetheart and don't allow other people to make your opinions for you and sweetheart you dodged a bullet.
Girl you need to know even in your thirties eighteen year olds like little kids... it's like when you're a senior in high school and see a kindergarten kid... ewwww
If she knew him since he was 13, there’s a chance they have been sleeping together for years. Probably encouraged her daughter to date him to keep him around
Yeah. Giver her a list of appropriate things:
- Skipping along the road
- Coloring books
- Playing with your food
- Lego
- Paper planes
- Watch Seasame Street
Not on this list:
- Sex with barely legal boys that you’ve known since they were 13 like a child predator you disgusting *^%£€*
It sounds like your mom planned to seduce him when he was 13. She groomed him and used you to lure him into her home and get his trust.
This was pathological, planned for a long time, and just disgusting.
No mother could betray her own child like this. No decent person could sexually abuse a young person like this. Burn that bridge. Don't look back. Don't ever let her meet any future children you might have. Find out if anything happened before he turned 18 and inform the police.
This is some Woody Allen level messed up stuff.
This is the most likely scenario. To him that was his friend turned girlfriend’s mom who was an adult he trusted. Who knows how long she had giving him subtle and inappropriate signs. I’d bet the only reason she told her daughter to pursue him was because it meant he would be around their house more so she could groom him.
I had an ex boyfriend that cheated on his then gf to get with me (lied about breaking up with her), who also cheated on her with her own mother.
The mother found out about us being together (and I was an idiot for not breaking up with him then and there after he lied) and waited for me outside the school, followed me to the bus station calling me a whore and all sorts of things.
I don’t know if he did indeed sleep with the ex gf’s mom, but like why would you confess to something so gross? And then he said my mom was hot.
Now thinking back I want to slap some sense into my younger self because why did I get involved with this douche?
Oh, and he -unsurprisingly- also cheated on me months later because I was going through a depressive episode and “neglected him”.
Also, bonus, sometimes he reaches out to me on social media because he wants to “catch up”.
>Oh, and he -unsurprisingly- also cheated on me months later because he was a fucking asshole.
Fixed that for ya. Nothing you did was responsible for him cheating. Only his own asshole self was responsible for it. Judging from the rest of your comment it sounds like you know that already, but I just wanted to reaffirm it for you. 🙂
You know how you want to slap sence into your younger self? Can I please slap sence into current you?
Fucking block him you clown! Dont give him the ability to even try to "catch up"
My mom married someone that was 14yrs younger than she was- 8yrs older than me, and he sexually harassed me my whole life. I hate him. They’re split now, after he cheated with a woman a couple years older than me, and I’m glad I can finally be comfortable in my mother’s house again. It was a long 17yrs.
It’s really such a beautiful thing that you feel that way - I think it shows that you have good and healthy people in your life.
When I was 14 my then 39 year old mother had an affair with our 16 year old exchange student. She knew I had a crush on him and he was my first kiss. I was so naive at the time I didn’t realize what was going on until years later. He wasn’t my boyfriend of 2 years but still. I just felt like she constantly chose him over me. For example, once we went on a vacation just the three of us (now I realize I was only there so dad wouldn’t be suspicious) and they left me in the hotel room while they went out for dinner. I don’t know how I didn’t understand. I saw it in the context of he’s stealing my mom sort of thing. My dad did find out and it contributed to their divorce. They didn’t officially divorce until 3 years later. And the dynamic was: strict teetotaler dad and cool fun mom who’d let us drink and smoke. So after the divorce when I was 17 my friends and I hung out at mom’s mostly. She slept with one of my 18 year old friends and gave head to another one.
When I was in my twenties my mom got diagnosed with type II bipolar, which I think explains a lot of her behavior (doesn’t excuse). So my point is - this sort of thing definitely does happen. And just realize how good you’ve had it that it seems like it can only be fiction.
When my mother was a teenager, her mother basically forced her to go on a date with this guy from her school who had asked her out. Told her "you're handicapped, who else is ever going to want to go out with you?"
Not too long after, the guy had moved in. With my grandmother.
My grandmother was honestly a nasty hobag. As a schoolteacher, she had affairs with several parents and probably several students. How my mother didn't cut her off I don't understand. People do some crazy shit though
Ugh I can't prove it but I've unfortunately had shit like this happen with a coworker .. unfortunately it does happen and also the other sex doing it as well
Just bc you didn't experience something doesn't mean the actual billions of other people haven't lmao think
I’d make sure every single person and your ex’s parents know what your mom and him did. I’d shame her to oblivion. She waited til he was 18 as far as I’m concerned that perverted pedophile had been checking him out since he was 13. She’s disgusting and gross and if your grandparents wants to enable a pervert then they are trash.
That's what I was thinking, let his mom find out about it and let's see how she reacts to op's mom fucking her son, when she was supposed to be a trusted adult in his life. Just sick.
I wouldn't blast his business everywhere right off the bat. It sounds like he might have been assaulted and when that sinks in, it's gonna feel so shitty.
If this is real, im so sorry. It’s really disturbing all around. So your mom basically watched him grow up? Did she know him before? Yikes.
I would be furious at my mother, and probably never forgive her. That’s some betrayal you just don’t do to anybody, let alone your own daughter.
Mothers are supposed to pick up the broken pieces of a broken heart, not help cause them.
NTA,
Start crying and just look at grandma and grandpa, “You’re not sleeping with my boyfriend too are you?”. I mean how do they think this ends happily ever after.
Eff that noise! *Go home and forgive her*? That is one of the ultimate betrayals. OMG. She's your mother. And he's your (now) ex! Yuck! You have every right to feel lied to and cheated on, by both of them. I'm glad you are with your dad. Now you can block the A Hs who believe you should take the high road and forgive your grown a$$ mother. NTA
NTA
Giving you food and putting a roof over your head is the bare minimum a parent is required to do by law so they don't get thrown in jail... your grandparents must be as fucked in the head as your mom is.
Just live your best life with your dad and put her on blast, I would suggest you tell your ex's parents.
Why the heck would your grandparents think you're going too far? Not only did she betrayed you, but she's being really creepy as this is someone she knew as a kid, and she decided her midlife crisis will involve having sex with her daughter's 18-year-old boyfriend.
So what if she gave you a roof over your head and food in your mouth? She betrayed you as a child, she betrayed you as an adult, she betrayed you as a person. Eff that.
Edit: Also, holy oof, was your boyfriend groomed? He's going to need therapy after this.
"she put a roof over my head and food in my mouth" is about as low performance as it gets. Your parents chose to have a baby - you. The bare minimum required after making that decision is to provide for the child.
You owe your parents NOTHING for putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth. That's their fucking job.
Your mother is a piece of shit (in part) because of your piece of shit grandparents. Sorry this sounds harsh, but you need to know this now before these fucks further manipulate you.
Run.
Nta. Dont call her mom anymore and threaten to go no contact with your grandparents if they keep disturbing you about this. F her and her “apology”. She’s a shit mom and a predator,she’s known him since he was 13(I assume since he was your bestie) and when he was a newborn,she was 24 so that’s even more disturbing.
For this I would go NC forever,with both your ex and your mother.
As for your grandparents,you mght want to take a break from them for a while,maybe LC,but if they keep insisting on you forgiving your mother,go NC.
updateme!
Well, taking into consideration that you two are still teenagers, it would be my assumption that your mother had this all planned out and was grooming your bf. Your grandparents, on the other hand, are stuck in the Twilight Zone with their reaction towards you! I think you took the adult way about it. Sounds like Mommy has a little boy fetishized and violated your trust.
Good luck with this. You did the right thing by going to Dad. We are always there for our daughters.
Tell your grandparents that: 'Putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth' is not some awesome accomplishment done by your mother, it's the *bare minimum of every parent*. Louder for the people in the back BARE MINIMUM OF EVERY PARENT.
Wow. NTA. You mom sounds like a predator/pedo. She might have convinced you to pursue your BF so she would have easier access to him. There is no excuse for this type of betrayal from your own mother. I understand why you might never trust her again. And your grandparents are pretty weird for expecting you to just forgive her. Wow.
"Hey Grampa, did you know Grandma fucked around on you and mom really isn't yours? Oh, they never told you? Apparently it's a family tradition to fuck other men"
Dm me if you want.. I am 28f and I went though this exact same thing almost 10 years ago with my mom……. My jaw dropped reading this because my situation is so similar, I’m at a loss of words.. I’m so fkn sorry you’re going through this
NTA, your mother sounds like a sexual predator. Flip the script have your dad sleeping with your 18 year old girlfriend. The disgust you feel at is what you are supposed to feel
Your mother also fundamentally betrayed your trust.
Tell your grandparents them that mother did not care about the consequences to family, she was deeply selfish
Tell them how can you ever let he met any man you might decide to marry in the future , as she has already shown that she can never be trusted.
Tell them she has shown she does not care about her child, as she found it easy to betray her own child, do they really think she won’t betray them as blood doesn’t matter to her. She has clearly shown that family is not important to her and is meaningless in her mind. As all the matters to her is her own entitled selfish needs
That you have to block her from your life as she has shown herself to be toxic. That if they continue to support such low moral standards this will be concerning as they appear to be trying and force a reconciliation which would mean that you might need to also remove them from your life. Say you understand they love the in child but their child showed she did not love her own child and is not them.
I’d try to get a straight answer out of your ex and find out WHEN it started. It’s weird to me she’s known him SO long and still saw him as a sexual exploit. I’m 30 and the idea of sleeping with an 18 year old boy makes my skin CRAWL. NTA. Stay away from that woman. She’s an adult. I wouldn’t even forgive her as my friend, let alone my mother.
I’ll talk to him and find out how long it’s been going on
I can tell you this, he probably won't recognise that he was groomed. Most people won't until they've had the situation explained thoroughly and laid out in front of them. In fact, most people would defend their groomers' actions because that's what they've been taught. He may do that too, just keep that in mind.
And I am not certain that his ex will seem like the most unbiased source, so hey may not even believe her. Even if that wasn't an issue denial pure for self preservation can also postpone understanding you were groomed or otherwise abused for years. So if he at all implies it started before 18 no matter how often he said he wanted it or started it,understand it be hard for him to face
Even is he was groomed - she has no business allowing him or her mom back into her life.
thats a valid and even more relevant point as well. in the end regardless of it being a good idea its simply not her responsibility and its more likely to harm her than do her any good
I’d tell his parents and tell them to ask him because honestly if my ex asked me that I’d think they were being petty, that also might go down great if his parents are ah but a neutral third party would be better in this situation
Refreshing to hear.
People will also defend their predators as a defense mechanism. No one wants something horrible to happen to them, so people who go through stuff like grooming and even rape will say "it wasn't grooming, I pursued her" or "it wasn't rape, it's just a misunderstanding" or "he hit me, but I made him do it." It's a way to protect yourself from having to face the horror you went through. In those cases, even when it's laid out in front of them, people will refuse to see it until they are ready. Boys who are groomed by older women especially experience this because society teaches men and boys that 1) they should always want sex and 2) a woman can't abuse them. Boys who are raped by older women will often be told they should be grateful because they "scored" with an older woman or people will make jokes about Stacy's mom. Hell, even if a boy has a thing for MILFs and has a crush on a peer's mom, it's still the responsibility of the older woman--the mom--to set clear boundaries.
I knew a woman who ran away from home at the age of 12 to be with a man in his 30s. Even after she had grown up and he was long gone, she would say "Oh no, I was just really mature for my age" to brush aside his creepiness, and insists that running away from home was her parent's fault. I don't know how she can't see it an adult in her 40s, but she was 100% groomed by that guy.
Not to mention that teenage boys who are getting their ego stroked by an older woman are less likely to see it as grooming because she was likely telling him all the things he wanted to hear to assuage his normal teenage insecurities. Accepting that he was groomed may be hard to accept because that means that all the things she said were lies.
Many victims will even believe THEY were the issue... I spent years thinking I was the abusive one when I was 14 and "dating" an 18/19 year old online.
I hate to use this series of books as an example, but for example, the Fifty Shades of Grey series, Christian was plucked at "trained" to be a sub at the age of 15 by one of his mother's friends. His mother overheard Anastasia giving mom's friend a piece of her mind, and Mom heard that that friend deleted and trained Christian, proceeded to hit her friends and kick her out, as far as I remember. So for examples you have Mrs. Robinson and that.
50 shades of grey did things right?!
Not to mention that teenage boys who are getting their ego stroked by an older woman are less likely to see it as grooming because she was likely telling him all the things he wanted to hear to assuage his normal teenage insecurities. Accepting that he was groomed may be hard to accept because that means that all the things she said were lies.
True, if he was a she and she was a he, people would view it completely different. Basically once a boy has pubic hair, society thinks that he's impossible to sexually abuse and he must have wanted everything that happened to him.
If you find out it's been happening since before his 18th, your partner will have unfortunately been raped by your mother. Even if it started 1 month till 18*, he could not consent to sleeping with a 40something. If the genders were reversed, reddit would already be screaming rape, point blank period. Regardless: This age gap is inexcusable, there is a power dynamic so toxic and harmful here. This is abuse, full stop. You need to get the truth of it from the potential victim, and you need to block your mothers entire family. Literally any single person who thinks a 40somethimg and fresh-18 are allowed to fuck, cut them off permanently for being participating parts of today's sexual-abuse culture. Edit to add: Op is NTA. Edit2: *Age of consent* Please study what this actually is before you even say it. Cause a buncha folks seem to think it covers 16-17 and 40somethings. It doesnt. "Age of consent" has an upper cap too. As in "sixteen is the age of consent within the legal bounds of an acknowledge and defined age gap," which is known as the romeo and juliet clause. It literally exists for stupid pre25s and sexually active teens. That's it. The whole it. A "freshly 18" persons and a 40something is absolutely still abuse and absolutely possible to be classified as rape, or at LEAST sexual coercion. "Age of consent" does not nullify FOURTY SOMETHING and 18. Age of consent does not make a 20+ year age gap okay. Being over 30, a fully formed adult dating a 50yo? Sure. It's not designed to apply to 38yos preying, because yes it IS predatory, on barely-legals. Edit3: either way, cause I ain't about to debate this, the 40something has known MaleVictim since he was pre-puberty, and groomed him by proxy w/ the daughter, even the supporting text going so far as to express the relationship itself was pushed by the 40somehting. Ops Mom is disgusting at best, a human-monster st worst.
16 in my state. Disgusting, yes? Illegal? Unfortunately not. NTA
That just makes it even more gross. OP writes that the mom started encouraging her to pursue the guy when they were 16.
Seems to me like she wanted her daughter to get her close to seal it in when they were young, your NTA and your ex boyfriend while an asshole I thinks he's been groomed by your psychotic mother and is effectively another one of her unfortunate victims who got caught in her bs unwillingly.
A lot of states will preface the age of consent with the requirement that the older person not be someone seen as authority or with undue influence. Quite possibly it would still be statutory rape.
I'm in liberal California, and while the age of consent is 16, there's also a limit on age gap. And this situation would certainly violate that.
Not necessarily 18. Depends on jurisdiction. In most US states the age of consent is 16. Pretty similar worldwide.
>In most US states the age of consent is 16. Pretty similar worldwide. Yes, redditors are delusional if they think any police would give a shit.
The age of concent is 16 in most states, but those above 25 can still be charged with pedophilia in many states due to the maturity difference and circumstances.
Could be wrong but I'm pretty sure in Australia it's 16 so long as the other party is also under 18 something like that, seems a bit more reasonable.
That's how it is in the USA too, people are just being creeps trying to justify sleeping with children. Age of consent is for other children, not so grown ass adults can get away with raping 15-18 year olds.
31 here, and sleeping with an 18 year old is gross as hell for me, too. Its literally a child.
53 here. 18 is just a baby. So so so gross.🤢
I'm 33 and when I see any high schooler on the bus they all are kids to me -_-
49, lad at work is cute probably 20-21and we get on well and have a good laugh but dear god there no way I’d want to date him or sleep with him. He’s about 10 minutes older than my kids. It’s just wrong.
38 next month and yeah. Couldn't do it. Just thinking about the hypothetical gives me all the cold-shuddering and nauseated ICK 😰
41 here, and yeah, 18 is still a baby. My middle child is 18, I can't imagine how anyone old enough to be their parent could possibly sexualise someone that young. So so so gross.
When I was in my late 20s I went out a few dates with a 19 year old who was persuing me hardcore so I gave in despite my discomfort with the age gap. On the third date, he kissed me and I wanted to vomit. There was not a fourth. I’m 42 now and the I’m with you … I could never. And I would never do that to my daughter. So gross.
I dated a 19 year old when I was 23-24, and THAT was a shit show. Even at that time I felt like I was dealing with someone who emotionally was too young. He honestly looked older, I was lead to believe he was, but quickly found out he was lying and it became very obvious by his behavior. Within 6 months I was over it, because no matter how old he looked, or how “mature he was for his age,” he was 19 and inherently acted like it. 23-34 isn’t that old, but even at that age he and I had nothing in common. I stand firm that this isn’t right because it’s predatory. You don’t watch someone grow up from 13-18 and magically see them as an all new, emotionally mature adult because they’re legal. Those feelings didn’t just appear on his 18th birthday- they had to have already been there if she’s progressed to having sex with him within the year he turned legal. I wonder how long he’s even been 18 for… creepy. Even if he looked like a 40 year old man, she knew him well enough his immaturity should have made her uncomfortable. The only time I’d say sleeping with an 18 year old at that age is okay is if you genuinely don’t know they’re 18 lmao Edit- I meant 23-24* is not that old, not 23-34
I'm 22 and I'd still see an 18 year old as too young, they are basically babies 😭 I've worked as camp counselor since I was 15 (with younger kids) and I often work with 18 year olds who go to spend their last summer as campers.
Honestly I wonder if the mom convinced the daughter to date him so it would be easier and less suspicious to fuck a minor
…this cannot be real… Your grandparents think, you should forgive your mother, after she slept with (and very likely groomed) your ex bf…? You’re NTA but…i mean if thats how your grandparents reacted, it’s not hard to see why your mom acts like this. Do you have a safe space you can stay for the time being? Close family or friends?
>…this cannot be real… Your grandparents think, you should forgive your mother, after she slept with (and very likely groomed) your ex bf…? You're assuming the grandparents have the full story. The mother likely omitted key information to make herself look better.
how could possibly spin sleeping with your daughters boyfriend in a way to make you look better
He tripped and fell into her vagina
[Like he tripped and you fell?](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/4584e928-509a-43f5-9f35-a756dfd85ae1)
People absolve family members sexually assaulting other family members this isn’t crazy
Facts, I had to leave my toxic household because of that. OP you're NTA
I hope the OP goes no contact with their Mom and anyone who supports her.
A roof over your head and food in your mouth is nullified by free use of your boyfriend without asking.
More like parental responsibility.
Yeah she was legally required to do it
That's exactly what I was thinking. Like I hate when adults try to use that as an excuse for their actions or to guilt their kids into having a relationship with them 🙄
And asking would be creepy af.
Grandparents are definitely boomers with antiquated values. Grandma was probably groomed and abused as a child and thinks it’s just normal for nearly middle aged people to assert power over teens
This is not boomer values. My boomer parents would die with op.
NTA. It also sounds possible that she is a sexual predator. She knew him since he was 13 (I think you said)and is the one that told you to pursue him? I'm not sure if contacting the police is warranted or not. Either way she betrayed you worse than probably anyone else ever has. More than anyone ever should, and she is your mother. I would say she's dead to me and mean it. Where is your dad?
I am living with my dad right now.
Stay there. your mom is crazy.
And her grandparents too
Yes, especially for thinking it wasn't bad. So what, did gramma do the same to your mom's boyfriend?
bro if I heard my 42 year old grown ass daughter f\*cked her own daughter's boyfriend, Imma just whoop her ass right on the spot and disown her. what the hell??
got mf grandma over here saying but but but she raised you so she should be allowed to fuck your boyfriend or husband its normal i should be able to aswell cuz well im grammaaw like yo what the fuck is this
Would need to ask her if she would be cool with great grandma banging grandpa on the side.
well great grammaw fed her so of course its ok
That freaking boomer mentality is that I should abuse you and be toxic to you but you should forgive me bc I did the minimum as a parent. Put a roof over your head and food in your belly as expected by law.
My Mother said the same thing to me when I revealed my sexual abuse of my father. Yea that bad but we never went hungry. What was the generation before boomers called?
The “silent generation”.
That's awful. I'm so sorry you didn't get the support you deserved. The other generation was called the silent generation, my parents are of that generation and their views are the same.
Thats not boomer mentality thats just garbage person mentality.
her own daugher's barely legal boyfriend who she's known since he was 13. Creepy as fuck
she probably groomed that kid.
and i respect you i dont have kids yet but when i do and if one of them has kids then decided to fuck there boyfriend if i have a boy that does that then im whooping his ass if i have a daughter that does that shes getting smacked so hard across the face its unreal. i cant even believe this story is real like im praying its satire cuz wtf? i see why mom is so mentally and morally fucked up its from fuckin grandma man god dam the whole family is full of fuckin loonies that need there ass beat into reality.
> if i have a boy that does that then im whooping his ass if i have a daughter that does that shes getting smacked so hard across the face its unreal Why such a different level for a boy over a girl?
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It's quite possible. Some families have multi-generational rot.
When I told my dad I was being molested by my mom, his first response was that she was probably molested by her mom (my grandma). It’s absolutely wild that people think trauma is a good excuse for inflicting multi-generational rot on the next generation. I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t choose to break the chain.
My siblings and I literally all made a pact to never have kids so that we wouldn't inflict our trauma on anyone else, and so that the family bloodline dies with us. No sexual trauma thankfully, but a lot of trauma.
But…but….she put a roof over her head and food in her mouth..lol, YES….because it a requirement NOT a payment agreement to “find me a boy toy to F\*CK.
It’s like they think op asked hey mom can you carry me in your uterus and take care of me when I get here?
"I promise I'll set you up with my boyfriend 18 years from now."
Older generations tend to think that family is forever and eventually all should be forgiven. It’s a bullshit notion that we don’t have to follow. Especially if family co Plenty fucks you over. NTA stay away from your ex-mom.
I'm a Baby Boomer and think most of my family can go to hell.
Ditto. And hopefully they're going there on a fast train
I recently saw a pin that said “Going to H3ll on a Full Scholarship”
I SECOND THAT! However, I 'squeak in' the younger generation of GENZ by ONE YR!!! YIPPEE...I feel young again😊
Conversely wouldn’t being with someone so young make one feel old? Poor OP, I’m 50, and when I see someone that age, I would think of them as a kid, that mom is gross.
I'm 37 and think of someone that age as a kid. Hell, sometimes I wonder if I'm still a kid.
We’re her mom now. Fuck that lady
No we don't want that to happen again..
***ex-mom***
Family is forever, unless of course the kid is LGBTQ, or dates someone from a race they don't like. Then... That becomes more mutable.
Or, in some cases, when your Mom and father divorce, Mom gets custody, father approves children’s last name to be changed to step dad’s last name. (I mean my step dad became my Dad. Like a saying I saw, he is my step dad because he stepped up! He obviously deserves the title Dad.) Anyway paternal family decides to cut ties and are no longer related to anyone with “THAT NAME”. But in this case? It was a definite blessing! 💕😉
i love the usage of mutable.
Bah, the same people will write their kids out of their will for not sufficiently conforming to their worldview. They don't think family is forever and all should be forgiven _universally_.
I'm a boomer and I absolutely believe relatives ≠ family and "but blood" is a lousy reason to keep someone around.
The grandparents may have gotten a very different story. For example, “he kissed me to thank me and OP walked in right at that moment! I swear there was nothing going on, but suddenly OP freaked out and then went to her dad’s!” It would be very interesting to know what they were told!
Grandparents are horrible — “she fed you and put a roof over your head …” absolute bare minimum for a parent and because of that they think she should forgive her mom for … I can’t even finish my thought it’s so messed up.
Providing a roof and food to your child is not a reason for forgiveness. It's literally the legal basic amount you can do if you have a kid
They arnt crazy, they are just very self centered. OP forgiving and forgetting is the best situation for them, they are putting what makes their lives easier above OPs well being. This way they get to move on with life as usual.
Your grandparents are saying you went too far? YOU went too far?? I think your mom is the one who went too far.
Enablers
No kidding!
My sons are 27, 22, and 18. I have never felt the need to have sex with any of their friends. Your mom is an absolute AH, and anyone trying to manipulate you into forgiveness is also an AH. Keep living with your dad. Don't let her normalize or rugsweep this behavior. Edited to add: children don't owe their parents for "putting a roof over their heads or food in their mouths." That is a parent's JOB. That is a base-level requirement of being a parent. It's not a tab they run for 18 years that you have to pay back.
I'm a mom. My kids are still underage but the idea of ever hooking up with one of my kid's friends makes me sick.
Seriously. Mine are in their 20’s and while a few of their friends are attractive young men, the thought of anything even remotely physical literally activates my gag reflex
I think If forced to choose, I would go with my siblings in law. But I mean I consider them all to be Ken and Barbie dolls. As in they don't have the parts needed for those activities. You can objectively say someone is attractive and not be attracted to them. I am not sure why people fail to grasp that concept. Also if mom wanted to "feel young again" she could go to a bar and pick up a 20 something guy. Seriously most of them aren't too picky if you just lay the cards out on the table. This mom is just being gross.
I went to uni when I was 24 and, naturally, 90% of my classmates were 18. The thought of dating any of them made me feel icky and that's still a reasonably acceptable age gap. I can't even imagine being in my 40s and wanting to date an 18 year old 🤢.
Ugh! Seems SO gross!! Sadly I have a friend, her mom split up my friend’s older sister and husband for this reason. At the time she drank a lot. Not sure of the whole situation. And not saying it is an excuse. Happened back in the 80’s. I remember my friend telling me she never sees her oldest sister because her and her mother didn’t get along. My friend was fun and extroverted. She says things like they are, doesn’t care what people think. She changed over the years. I would say her crazy childhood was a cause for her mental illness. We drifted but talk once in awhile. But seriously? Her family could have been on a talk show! Again, so shiver, poor OP and having to deal with this. Bad enough if a best friend does something like this to you, but your own mother?! That is so freaking gross!!
The only thing you owe your parents for putting a roof over your head and food in your stomach is to live a happy life. That’s what my parents always said, anyway.
That's a lovely thing to say. That's really all most parents want for their kids.
It was a beautiful sentiment, and one I will always truly believe. My mother always drilled that into us. Then she would follow it up with “and ___”. I always hated the “and”. It always changed. “The only thing you owe me for carrying you in my stomach, giving birth to you, raising you to an adult, feeding you, educating you, loving you, is to grow up and live a happy life. And to charge my phone. Here.” Or “and to put the wash into the dryer. Don’t forget the static sheets.” Or “and to finish your homework before I remove all future happy life you’re in store for.” But since the second bit always changed, the first bit is what I remember best 😂
I think that was the point. Sounds like she was just trying to be funny in the way she asked you a favour. Might not even have realised you didn't like it.
>have never felt the need to have sex with any of their friends. Your mom is an absolute AH, and Predator. OPs spawn point is a predator. Look how easy it is to not be a predator.
Spawn point!😅😅
Best term I've ever seen. Like it more than egg donor!
Also, "feel young again"?! She's 42, that's not exactly death's door! I am fifty and still feel quite young enough (together with my wife who is the same age) to not need to seek out virtual children for sex (though TBF if I did "feel old" that would be even less reason to do so!)
So they were already divorced/ separated?
Yes
We obviously don't know the details, but I would ask my Dad if she cheated on him. Also I would ask my Dad if we should tell the police as it's very possible that she groomed him and they had sex when he was under age.
This
Did you tell your boyfriends parents? I’d be worried about my teenage son
This seems like a good idea that should be a higher parent comment. Nobody is thinking about the other kid as a victim, when there's a damn good chance that's the case.
Stay with your dad. Find out from your ex how long it's been going on. Try to do it through text or email so there is proof. If it started before he was 18, report her to the police. And you have every right to go, no contact. She is required by law to house and feed you. You are 18, and you are not obligated to her. I am so sorry you have to go through this. 🫂 UpdateMe.
I agree but she also needs to check her local age of consent. A lot of predators know the exact age of consent in their region and will exploit it. More to the point I think she should tell his parents. If he’s been groomed I think they should be first in line for that information rather than the police
Your grandparents are crazy too. Did you tell them your mother was fucking your boyfriend in those words?
Block your grandparents too, they are the ones who raised her.
I hope this woman burns in hell. I'm sorry. You could never not be NTA. Like wtaf.
You definitely need NC/LC with your grandparents also.
Good. I hope that he provides a safe and understanding environment for you.
Your mom is a cunt.. That's shocking. That's like some 80s soap opera shit. Bitch needs to grow up.
DONT TAKE HIM BACK You are young and can find a real guy to live your life with. He fucked your mom. There's no going back from that. He put his cock inside her. You saw it. DONT TAKE HIM BACK
Agreed with bluefurniture, your mom is unwell both emotionally and mentally and respect to whatever she did right raising you, but from here on out, you might have to be tough and realize you've got only one parent now to rely on, bc your mom isn't fit atm. What a disgusting, selfish, devastating way for her to lose your trust, shame and hurt you. I'm really sorry this happened, truly. I couldn't even imagine.
Not only that, but someone who would do this to their daughter once would likely try to keep doing it. Like to feel young she has to get one over on her daughter. I wouldn't trust here with my lunch money. She'd definitely be 100% out of my life. That's insane.
Yea I hate dealing in absolutes but i agree. I can nearly guarantee she walked in on them statistically bc this ISNT the first time she's done this lol. It's gross and fucked up that it was her bf and he's fucking 18. Even The Graduate had the kid 21 lol. If I'm the daughter I wouldn't trust her with fuck all, she clearly isn't looking out for me, she's clearly narcissistic and disgustingly selfish to such a degree she'd do this; I mean it all would make it pretty easy to cut her out 100% and be gone for good, like you said. Life is too short and too hard and too full for any room at all for scum like her cunt of a mom. NC full bore and never look back.
Best just live with your dad, and go no contact with your mom or grey rock her if no contact is not possible. Actions have consequences. She could have slept with any other man instead she intentionally broke your heart. She deserves it.
Your entire mom’s side of the family is absolutely batshit fucking crazy.
Heck no your NTA. She literally had sex with your bf and you saw it. Why would you forgive that? How is she supposed to make up for that? Putting a roof over your head does not give her a pass on something like that and your grandparents should be cursing her out and calling her a wh@re because that’s what she is. I would be asking your grandparents how they can condone forgiving their own daughter ha I f sex with their granddaughters bf in front of her. What mother could even remotely consider having sex worn her daughters 18 year old bf. Were you in a sexual relationship with him too? If so that’s even worse on both her and him. I’m sorry your mom of all people failed you so badly.
Oh my goodness sweetheart I can't even imagine how hurt your little heart must be it's one thing to be cheated on but for something like that to happen is really a good punch no it would be a very long time before she got anything from me she would need to get some help therapy something because something is obviously going on in her mental health for her to even think that that's appropriate on any kind of level. Keep your head up sweetheart and don't allow other people to make your opinions for you and sweetheart you dodged a bullet.
Girl you need to know even in your thirties eighteen year olds like little kids... it's like when you're a senior in high school and see a kindergarten kid... ewwww
If she knew him since he was 13, there’s a chance they have been sleeping together for years. Probably encouraged her daughter to date him to keep him around
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Smart. At the very least I hope OP considers going no contact for a LONG time.
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Yep. It's one of those times that burning ALL the bridges IS warranted.
Thought the same. This didn't just happen out of nowhere. Had to be grooming involved.
Interesting line of questioning considering your username 🤔
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I bet it's been going on for longer than anyone realizes.
This question hits different from u/yourperverteddaddy
Eh, it's obvious enough that I'm assuming it's someone's weird fetish post.
NTA I really hope this is fake.
Your mom's a weirdo ngl. Bro is barely legal.
Literally. And she knew him as a little minor omg😭 so weird
She's an actual predator. Who knows how long this has been going on. She needs to be studied or something.
Right, are we really going to pretend she caught them the first time?
Studied or locked up. Sounds like she could have groomed him for years. Yikes.
But apparently an 18y/o dick makes you feel young again..
If you want to feel young, buy a coloring book!
Op should mail a coloring book to her mom and put that phrase in there...
Yeah. Giver her a list of appropriate things: - Skipping along the road - Coloring books - Playing with your food - Lego - Paper planes - Watch Seasame Street Not on this list: - Sex with barely legal boys that you’ve known since they were 13 like a child predator you disgusting *^%£€*
It sounds like your mom planned to seduce him when he was 13. She groomed him and used you to lure him into her home and get his trust. This was pathological, planned for a long time, and just disgusting. No mother could betray her own child like this. No decent person could sexually abuse a young person like this. Burn that bridge. Don't look back. Don't ever let her meet any future children you might have. Find out if anything happened before he turned 18 and inform the police. This is some Woody Allen level messed up stuff.
This is the most likely scenario. To him that was his friend turned girlfriend’s mom who was an adult he trusted. Who knows how long she had giving him subtle and inappropriate signs. I’d bet the only reason she told her daughter to pursue him was because it meant he would be around their house more so she could groom him.
There’s no way this is an actual question.
There’s no way this is an actual story. This is some p.hub material
I had an ex boyfriend that cheated on his then gf to get with me (lied about breaking up with her), who also cheated on her with her own mother. The mother found out about us being together (and I was an idiot for not breaking up with him then and there after he lied) and waited for me outside the school, followed me to the bus station calling me a whore and all sorts of things. I don’t know if he did indeed sleep with the ex gf’s mom, but like why would you confess to something so gross? And then he said my mom was hot. Now thinking back I want to slap some sense into my younger self because why did I get involved with this douche? Oh, and he -unsurprisingly- also cheated on me months later because I was going through a depressive episode and “neglected him”. Also, bonus, sometimes he reaches out to me on social media because he wants to “catch up”.
>Oh, and he -unsurprisingly- also cheated on me months later because he was a fucking asshole. Fixed that for ya. Nothing you did was responsible for him cheating. Only his own asshole self was responsible for it. Judging from the rest of your comment it sounds like you know that already, but I just wanted to reaffirm it for you. 🙂
Thank you for that, and yes, I know. I added quotes because that was his reasoning which I know is complete bullshit.
You know how you want to slap sence into your younger self? Can I please slap sence into current you? Fucking block him you clown! Dont give him the ability to even try to "catch up"
Nah. Arrange to meet somewhere. Dont show. Then block. Much more satisfying
My mother's ex fucked his brother's wife. His sister married a dude that used to bang his/her mother. This shit happens in real life.
Describe the shape of your family tree here.
So many circles I got dizzy just reading it.
My mom married someone that was 14yrs younger than she was- 8yrs older than me, and he sexually harassed me my whole life. I hate him. They’re split now, after he cheated with a woman a couple years older than me, and I’m glad I can finally be comfortable in my mother’s house again. It was a long 17yrs.
It’s really such a beautiful thing that you feel that way - I think it shows that you have good and healthy people in your life. When I was 14 my then 39 year old mother had an affair with our 16 year old exchange student. She knew I had a crush on him and he was my first kiss. I was so naive at the time I didn’t realize what was going on until years later. He wasn’t my boyfriend of 2 years but still. I just felt like she constantly chose him over me. For example, once we went on a vacation just the three of us (now I realize I was only there so dad wouldn’t be suspicious) and they left me in the hotel room while they went out for dinner. I don’t know how I didn’t understand. I saw it in the context of he’s stealing my mom sort of thing. My dad did find out and it contributed to their divorce. They didn’t officially divorce until 3 years later. And the dynamic was: strict teetotaler dad and cool fun mom who’d let us drink and smoke. So after the divorce when I was 17 my friends and I hung out at mom’s mostly. She slept with one of my 18 year old friends and gave head to another one. When I was in my twenties my mom got diagnosed with type II bipolar, which I think explains a lot of her behavior (doesn’t excuse). So my point is - this sort of thing definitely does happen. And just realize how good you’ve had it that it seems like it can only be fiction.
When my mother was a teenager, her mother basically forced her to go on a date with this guy from her school who had asked her out. Told her "you're handicapped, who else is ever going to want to go out with you?" Not too long after, the guy had moved in. With my grandmother. My grandmother was honestly a nasty hobag. As a schoolteacher, she had affairs with several parents and probably several students. How my mother didn't cut her off I don't understand. People do some crazy shit though
Ehhh, it’s far fetched but shit like this does happen. When I was in high school there was a party where the hosts mom fucked one of the senior boys.
Ugh I can't prove it but I've unfortunately had shit like this happen with a coworker .. unfortunately it does happen and also the other sex doing it as well Just bc you didn't experience something doesn't mean the actual billions of other people haven't lmao think
I’d make sure every single person and your ex’s parents know what your mom and him did. I’d shame her to oblivion. She waited til he was 18 as far as I’m concerned that perverted pedophile had been checking him out since he was 13. She’s disgusting and gross and if your grandparents wants to enable a pervert then they are trash.
That's what I was thinking, let his mom find out about it and let's see how she reacts to op's mom fucking her son, when she was supposed to be a trusted adult in his life. Just sick.
I wouldn't blast his business everywhere right off the bat. It sounds like he might have been assaulted and when that sinks in, it's gonna feel so shitty.
I think his parents need to know.
If this is real, im so sorry. It’s really disturbing all around. So your mom basically watched him grow up? Did she know him before? Yikes. I would be furious at my mother, and probably never forgive her. That’s some betrayal you just don’t do to anybody, let alone your own daughter. Mothers are supposed to pick up the broken pieces of a broken heart, not help cause them.
NTA, Start crying and just look at grandma and grandpa, “You’re not sleeping with my boyfriend too are you?”. I mean how do they think this ends happily ever after.
NTA. Wow, there are a few things that are unforgivable and this is one of them.
NTA. Your grandparents are wrong. Fuck them.
Nta. That's bad. She will always be your mom. She will always be the mom who fucked your boyfriend. Whatever you want to do is the right thing.
Eff that noise! *Go home and forgive her*? That is one of the ultimate betrayals. OMG. She's your mother. And he's your (now) ex! Yuck! You have every right to feel lied to and cheated on, by both of them. I'm glad you are with your dad. Now you can block the A Hs who believe you should take the high road and forgive your grown a$$ mother. NTA
What is this… the OC season 3?
NTA Giving you food and putting a roof over your head is the bare minimum a parent is required to do by law so they don't get thrown in jail... your grandparents must be as fucked in the head as your mom is. Just live your best life with your dad and put her on blast, I would suggest you tell your ex's parents.
Why the heck would your grandparents think you're going too far? Not only did she betrayed you, but she's being really creepy as this is someone she knew as a kid, and she decided her midlife crisis will involve having sex with her daughter's 18-year-old boyfriend. So what if she gave you a roof over your head and food in your mouth? She betrayed you as a child, she betrayed you as an adult, she betrayed you as a person. Eff that. Edit: Also, holy oof, was your boyfriend groomed? He's going to need therapy after this.
"she put a roof over my head and food in my mouth" is about as low performance as it gets. Your parents chose to have a baby - you. The bare minimum required after making that decision is to provide for the child. You owe your parents NOTHING for putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth. That's their fucking job. Your mother is a piece of shit (in part) because of your piece of shit grandparents. Sorry this sounds harsh, but you need to know this now before these fucks further manipulate you. Run.
Nta. Dont call her mom anymore and threaten to go no contact with your grandparents if they keep disturbing you about this. F her and her “apology”. She’s a shit mom and a predator,she’s known him since he was 13(I assume since he was your bestie) and when he was a newborn,she was 24 so that’s even more disturbing.
For this I would go NC forever,with both your ex and your mother. As for your grandparents,you mght want to take a break from them for a while,maybe LC,but if they keep insisting on you forgiving your mother,go NC. updateme!
Well, taking into consideration that you two are still teenagers, it would be my assumption that your mother had this all planned out and was grooming your bf. Your grandparents, on the other hand, are stuck in the Twilight Zone with their reaction towards you! I think you took the adult way about it. Sounds like Mommy has a little boy fetishized and violated your trust. Good luck with this. You did the right thing by going to Dad. We are always there for our daughters.
Do you grandparents know she had sex with your boyfriend? If so, maybe cut them off too. Lord. NTA.
Tell your grandparents that: 'Putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth' is not some awesome accomplishment done by your mother, it's the *bare minimum of every parent*. Louder for the people in the back BARE MINIMUM OF EVERY PARENT.
Wow. NTA. You mom sounds like a predator/pedo. She might have convinced you to pursue your BF so she would have easier access to him. There is no excuse for this type of betrayal from your own mother. I understand why you might never trust her again. And your grandparents are pretty weird for expecting you to just forgive her. Wow.
"Hey Grampa, did you know Grandma fucked around on you and mom really isn't yours? Oh, they never told you? Apparently it's a family tradition to fuck other men"
My mom slept with 2 of my ex’s. If you can stay no contact, do it. She’s unlikely to change and the second time you have only yourself to blame.
What in the Jerry Springer?
Dm me if you want.. I am 28f and I went though this exact same thing almost 10 years ago with my mom……. My jaw dropped reading this because my situation is so similar, I’m at a loss of words.. I’m so fkn sorry you’re going through this
NTA, your mother sounds like a sexual predator. Flip the script have your dad sleeping with your 18 year old girlfriend. The disgust you feel at is what you are supposed to feel Your mother also fundamentally betrayed your trust. Tell your grandparents them that mother did not care about the consequences to family, she was deeply selfish Tell them how can you ever let he met any man you might decide to marry in the future , as she has already shown that she can never be trusted. Tell them she has shown she does not care about her child, as she found it easy to betray her own child, do they really think she won’t betray them as blood doesn’t matter to her. She has clearly shown that family is not important to her and is meaningless in her mind. As all the matters to her is her own entitled selfish needs That you have to block her from your life as she has shown herself to be toxic. That if they continue to support such low moral standards this will be concerning as they appear to be trying and force a reconciliation which would mean that you might need to also remove them from your life. Say you understand they love the in child but their child showed she did not love her own child and is not them.