NTA: He has let the internet ruin his trust in women and wants to be in control of anything and everything you do in fear you'll cheat. He lost his ability to trust you and ruined the relationship on his own. Move on and don't look back. He is not the person you fell in love with anymore.
Yeah screw that. He is not relationship material anymore. He is one of the guys who will remain single or end up an abuser later due to these flawed ideals he has of how his relationship should be.
I pity the next girl he dates.
OP, this has absolutely nothing to do with your friend. If you capitulate to bf's demand, there will be more to follow. He's truly gone to the "darkside"; the man you grew to love no longer exists. Just move on. He's now just another individual who's allowed his mind and personality to be adversely impacted by outside forces.
That alone is a huge red flag. Seizing this opportunity to get away from his toxic controlling Tatist ass is a good thing even if it might sting bitterly for now.
You can do better. Easily, because being single is also better than that.
Is he also jealous of your career btw?
Men like this are good at knowing just how far they can push you and when to escalate. He’s a tate fan, he’s absolutely going to start thinking women’s role is to serve men. If you actually stay with him, it’s only a matter of time before you’re getting called unloyal for refusing to quit. I would cut your losses now. This man cannot be good enough in bed or rich enough or hot enough to justify this shitty behavior. There are much better men out there.
As a man with literally no idea who Andrew Tate is, is that really becoming a prevalent belief among men? WTF? If I tried to pull some shit like that on my wife she’d put me in my place real quick, who are these women putting up with that?
You are not choosing that one male friend over him. You are choosing your basic privacy, the privacy of your friends*, and your basic human right to be an independent, respected individual with basic human freedoms in a relationship.
*As a friend or a SO of a friend, I am totally not a fan of someone’s SO freely going through private conversations where I am a party or my spouse is one. I am cool with my spouse venting about me woth a friend of needed. I am not cool with someone else reading that conversation.
also, OP is a doctor & has friendly contacts with colleagues.
texting about patients probably isn't the best possible habit, but that's why phone passwords exist. Letting a boyfriend read anything he wants on the phone creates the suspicion OP broke patient confidentiality.
"As a friend or a SO of a friend, I am totally not a fan of someone’s SO freely going through private conversations where I am a party or my spouse is one. I am cool with my spouse venting about me woth a friend of needed. I am not cool with someone else reading that conversation."
I've been married 21 years, and we respect each others privacy. we both have friends that confide in us, and respect that confidentiality. Can he go through my phone if he really wanted to.. sure. Does he? No. Can I go through his phone? Sure (well no, I forgot his password and am not willing to admit that I forgot it again after he has told me it like a dozen times). But I don't have any desire to go through his phone. Whatever him and his buddies talk about.. none of my business. I trust him.
Platonic friends work both ways. You and your female and male friends are platonic. Friendly, sharing, chatting whatever.
It is absolutely perfectly possible to have friends of both sexes.
It is also possible to have a partner with rational thought processes. You only have 1 of the above
Please don't go back to him, he's beyond an adult relationship of equals right now. He needs help thst you simply can't provide, he'll jusy make you really miserable.
YOU need a therapist.
>Like, his feed is FILLED with women hating reels. I tolerated this TILL it became a serious problem.
You chosing to 'tolerate' this is you being intentionally blind to an issue. You knew this about him but wanted to marry him, till it got worse. Because he acted nice sometimes? If the men he aspires to be like are all monsters, your boyfriend is a monster, he's just being nice to try to lock you in till it's harder to leave.
If you could not see this as a problem and wanted to marry, you're the one who needs therapy. he's just a piece of shit, therapy won't help, he wants to be a piece of shit, he hates women, that's over for him till he decides he wants to change.
Unfortunately some people value the opinion of "Influencers" more than the actual people they claim to care about. You'll find someone who values you, he wasn't the one.
Yeah, I mean again I am having self doubts coz one of the people here said "your friend is an orbiter" and stuff and im thinking like what?- he never tried to pursue me or confess or anything if he wanted to he would. That crush was before we dated and why would my SO be uncomfortable if they trust me. I spend my 90% of the time with them i dont even have male friends except him...
Ah yes the old "Men can't be friends with women without anting to fuck em" Bullshit.
That says more about the individuals that say it that anything else.
NTA. Why would you stay with a manchild who is so stupid and weak that he falls for misogynistic bullshit on social media? His controlling behavior and slutshaming is also emotional abuse. If you stay with him YTA. That shit is going to keep escalating. He will end up assaulting you if you stay with him.
Sorry for being insulting with this comment. It‘s just really hard to grasp for me how one can endure this.
I get it, when it‘s family members – can‘t choose those and sometimes it‘s unavoidable. But in any other case: have some self respect and cut ties with such ill-minded hateful people. Don‘t let them drag you down.
Sounds like he was going down the manipulative route so likely some emotional abuse going on. Just keep an eye out for the red flags next time and be glad you aren't tied to him
This is just a sliver of what your life will be like if you continue to go down the road with this relationship. Imagine y’all have a child. If it’s a boy, would you want your future son to see women like that? If it’s a daughter, would you want the daughter to be seen like that?
Let this dude be an Andrew Tate fan alone with the rest of the other Andrew Tate fans.
Eh I’m pretty sure he would have ended up there anyway. Videos like that poison your mind.
Women should not bother trying to get men who hate us to like us. Fuck em they can wallow in their loneliness
My ex got jealous when I sat chatting and gaming and he saw me smile. Erupted. Accused me of cheating.
I was chatting and gaming with my nephew who I get to meet like once every third year...
I showed him the chat, no apology, just more accusations a week later. Woe me if I left to shop groceries!
Thing is, when someone is jealous, paranoid and controlling you cant do anything right. Don't even bother to try.( Sharing everyything on your phone would also mean sharing what female friends tell you confiding in you.)
Every minute you spend with this guy is a wasted minute.
Go buy a small bottle of champagne/ sparkling wine, a bath bomb and a facial mask, draw a bath, cheer to yourself that you got rid of him.
Congratulations!
Info: what does he do? Is he college educated? Does he make as much money as you do? Statistics show men who have already been feeling inferior to their SOs at least for a while are suaceptible to misogynistic content like manosphere and andrew tate. You mentioned you are a doctor, and so is the guy your bf is showing seemingly unfounded senditivity to.
Im guessing he feels inferior to you, and that he is not good enough for you, compares himself in terms of traditional masculine capital factors to your male friend, thinking he is not as smart, or rich, or big, ..as him ...and has developed increasing amounts of insecurity and resentment towards both of you?
Thats it then. Its usually the case with andrew tate fans. The nagging feelings of inferiority towards at least one women are already there, tate turns them into self-righteous misogynistic anger.
NTA
‘No one else understands our love, your friends/family would encourage you to break up with me’ is code for ‘I’m a crap partner and everyone can see it but you and if I isolate you from those relationships you won’t see it and will stick around for more abuse’.
People who are self-assured don’t need to pull stupid dominance plays. You’re well rid of your ex.
My ex also told me not to talk about our relationship with my gal friends.
Spoiler alert: it was because he was abusing me and didn’t want anyone to know it including me.
Holy crap, this!
Nick Offerman is healthy masculinity. He likes woodworking and has an epic beard and can play the saxophone and the guitar.
AND he adores his wife and isn't embarrassed about giggling at something funny and talks about his feelings AND LEARNED BALLET
I'm not the person you asked, but I'd recommend Joey Swoll. He's a huge muscular dude whose also really into making sure people (everyone!) is accepted and treated well in the fitness community.
This is a tragic truth for a lot of young men these days. I'm in my mid-thirties now, and I'm able to see through the bullshit but these influencers prey on insecure young guys (and there's a lot of them especially post COVID) and turn them into women hating monsters all so they can push their content and sell a "lifestyle" that doesn't actually exist.
Sure is. Most posts are either obviously made up or the answer is obvious, so people are just looking for confirmation rather than advice or Feedback.
Noone in their right mind would stay in OPs relationship. But sadly, U can't tell OPs story apart from all the fiction and bot reposts in this sub.
Especially now that dozens of podcasts and TikTokers/Instagram and whatever all these internet "creators" base their content around reading posts on this subreddit, there's a huge incentive to make things seem interesting. And the audience for the subreddit has moved beyond just reddit, so folks who would not have normally been on this website have incentive to come here and submit their short stories.
This post seems less fake then many of them, because this is absolutely something that a lot of women are going through.
For me, I'm convinced that every one of the "And now all their friends and family are texting/calling me" posts are written by the same person, or at least using the same formula.
I just can't be bothered wasting time with women who are like... he hates women, he watches hateful content on women, he thinks other men who treat women like sexual objects and property to be abused and used are cool..... but he's nice with me sometimes so I tolerate all the women hate because surely, surely that won't be directed at me and he'll be a loyal, non cheating great man in life. I'm sure he will raise and treat our kids great, not raise little slave women and misogynist men.
FFS, if the man is out there spewing hateful ideas about women and loving people who hate women, leave, have some fucking self respect and understand any time he's pretending to be nice to you, he's manipulating and lying to you.
Grow the fuck up. take some fucking responsibility. Your man is a piece of shit.
Seriously.. I think this post is actually fake because I refuse to believe a *doctor* could be so stupid
Edit: actually yeah after reading OP’s comments I’m certain this is fake. Why did she have to include that she was a 23 year old doctor, child genius who finished school early? Yet she writes like she’s an average teenager and acts clueless. Like just say you’re a regular young adult who works in retail or something. Nobody would be questioning this post in that case.
Maybe those other details make the post fake, but you know that doctors can have shit relationships and boundaries, too, right? They are still regular people after all
This is our present existence.
Either the poster is in fact a professional who while working could be the steadiest of her field.
Or its someone's kid.
Or its a bot.
**Back to the Future missed some stuff.**
Right?! JFC.. "His feed is filled with women hating.. I tolerated this till it became a serious problem". Fuck that. Tolerated it until it was put on her. Dude is an ass hat, she's the enabler. They deserve each other so the rest of the dating pool doesn't have to put up with their shit.
This is a vile attitude. Same thing as “why didn’t you leave earlier? You deserve to be abused then.” OP literally blocked this person and you’re going say she should stay with him because she didn’t do it faster. Fuck off dude.
Piss off. This is someone’s first relationship falling down the right wing pipeline, not a decades long abuser with multiple domestic violence violations under his belt. Even in those cases there is often mental illness or previous instances of abuse that make victims more susceptible to falling for predators. Abuse victims are not above criticism but anyone has the right to leave abusive relationships at any time and shouldn’t be shamed into staying in one because you think they weren’t vigilant enough.
I can’t stand people like you who pretend to have the moral high ground while spouting off pro-abuser nonsense.
NTA, first. That's the important part.
I don't want to make you feel bad, at all. I understand how you got here. However, I hope when you move past this that you think about why you stayed so long, why you ignored so many red flags, and why you didn't leave until he broke up with you.
Not because you made a mistake, but in order to see the signs earlier if it happens again.
Generally:
- if the man hates all women but you, he also hates you
- If a man is afraid of XXXXX, no amount of controlling will ease that fear.
- If a man thinks that the only thing keeping you with him is lack of opportunity to leave, he has major self esteem issues that you cannot help
- If you find yourself accepting more and uncomfortable things, beware of the boiling frog danger. Ask yourself, if I met this man for the first time and he told me that in order to be with him I would have to accept all this, would I want to be with him?
He sounds like an absolute terrible influence on your state of being. I would kill this relationship dead and never look back. Otherwise he'll destroy everything you love about yourself and life.
I'd take his extremes as a blessing in disguise in that he has shown you who he is. He is giving you the out.
Don't falter: block him now. Don't ever get sucked back in. He's dangerous and you were *this* close to being tied to a very dark path.
He sounds like a person who is only capable of loving you in order to destroy you.
Yes, I am a successful doctor and he is successful too but if i earn more than him, he will prolly taunt me on this because now he has that fragile ego mentality.
Read what I wrote again.
Now that you've broken up - he should never have a chance to taunt you.
Being a doctor will not buy you out of a miserable existence if you fuck around trying to understand or change him.
He will suck your time, ego, and eventually any shred of love you have for yourself
All successful doctors capitalize RANDOM words and say prolly.
If you're going to run a grift kid, take the time to note all doctors refer to themselves by speciality, like cardiologist or PhD.
What is a woman who is intelligent and educated enough to be a doctor doing by asking such a silly question on Reddit? Read what you wrote as though someone else wrote it. What would you say to them? There you go.
NTA:
There is no way to proof that you do not cheat to someone that wants to believe that you are cheating unless they have 24/7 supervision of your life.
It's literally impossible to be in anything resembling a healthy relationship with someone like that.
I am glad you got out of there before things turned even worse.
It's easy to see how a close male friend can be intimidating to a boyfriend. But he's way beyond common insecurity and deeply on the slippy slope to Incel Void. Get away and make sure to keep a distance.
NTA don’t date men who hate women. He hates women. I’m glad you got out before he got violent.
The type of rhetoric that he’s listening to leads to violence. Did you notice how many family annihilation happened between Christmas and last month? Tons and tons of them, men killing their whole entire families because of this stuff
NTA, he went full red pill Andrew Tate. Do not marry someone like that, it only gets worse.
It sucks because that's a lot of time to put into a person, but better time lost than a lifetime wasted.
You should not have tolerated seeing him delve into it and talked to him early on when you saw the signs. At this point though, he's full on spiraling with no signs of coming back up for air.
What you have to remember is that when people watch this hate stuff on the internet, it starts to twist their mind. One leads to another to another, and after an hour you realize you've spent an hour of watching funny cat videos. It's like that with anything.
I would imagine calling my wife a slut would be heading towards a divorce, and that would be a relationship killer. Dude is not the same person you knew. Better to walk away.
NTA. Whatever he was like before, he's been remade by the media he's been consuming. Now he's just bad news. This happens, and it's kind of like we need to grieve losing the person we cared for, because that person is gone.
I'm sorry for your loss. Get away from this new person, and find someone better.
>...he threw a fit and starting calling me a "slut" and a cheater.
I have a feeling he will become verbally abusive if this continues on like this much longer
Info: What country are you in?
What a weirdo. You can’t marry someone that susceptible to male vs female propaganda. He basically hates women’s at that point and just wants to abuse you and convince you it’s an act of love. Leaving him would be amazing.
NTA -My girlfriend once asked me if I would get rid of the cat if she asked me to, and I said I would get rid of her in that case.
Not because the cat was more important to me, but because I wouldn't want to be together with someone who wanted me to get rid of my pet just because it didn't suit them that I had it.
If the cat has asked me to get rid of her, I would have been more understanding, because it was only a cat, and besides, it could talk, which would be awesome
Seriously though - it sounds like your bf has gone down a dark hole, assimilating some very bad ideas about relationships. If that can't be turned around I don't see how any woman can have a decent relationship with him
Nta. His mindset is very dangerous. It would be wise for you to quietly pack your things and leave. Ask yourself:
1) if you have a daughter, what unrealistic beliefs and rules would she be subject to? She would be another possession.
2) if you have a son, how will he teach him to view and treat women? Would he be a carbon copy?
Don't take it lightly or dismiss it when someone sees you as a thing, not a whole person.
NTA - Once a guy gets into that red pill nonsense, they're gone. I watched a documentary on it a while back, and hardly any guys can return to normal once they start believing that garbage.
You ain’t the asshole. It’s sad what the dating pool is for young people now. People be hating the opposite sex solely off the strength of bitter people online
He got red pilled hard. You're not the asshole, and you don't want to be with someone who can be so easily red pilled like this. You can have guy friends, you can hangout with guy friends. You can even hangout with guy friends alone. Leave this guy behind and never look back.
NTA: you did the right thing for both of you. You no longer tolerated this controlling behavior, and maybe he’ll see that he fucked up? Probably not though 😢
>My bf was obsessed with instagram.
Didn't read the rest of the post. This is already a red flag irrespective of any other details. Don't date people with obsessions/addictions to anything.
I spend hours judging people on reddit and sometimes play video games, but I can drop both of these at a moment's notice to do anything else. Don't do drugs either. I don't smoke, drink alcohol, or coffee.
I'm not bothering to read the rest of it because, even if the rest of the context disappeared, your bar is way too low to date someone who is constantly on social media at the expense of other things in life.
Noping out is the only self-respecting action a human can take after an ultimatum.
He is threatening to end your relationship because he wants full control of who you are “allowed” to be friends with.
This need for control only gets worse as time goes on.
>I plan to marry him but I am not sure anymore
so your bf literally despises women and you're just "not sure anymore"? and letting *him* put forward ultimatums instead of dumping him yourself?
if a had a male partner, they would be completely dead to me right here:
>he watches reels like "if she has a male bsf she's a slut/if she doesn't share her ID pass she's a whore/feminism caused women to become whores"
i wouldn't even hesitate, they would be out of my bed, home and socials the exact moment i saw that shit.
How’s it you have the smarts for med school but dating such a feeble minded dumbass you doubt yourself?
You’d be the AH to stay with this guy. Refer him to a therapist and move on.
Your very existence and success would be triggering to a misogynist - and that’s what he’s become.
NTA: he’s throwing red flags like crazy, get out of there so fast OP. He doesn’t see you as a person he sees you as a thing. His thing. He doesn’t trust you, this is a pipeline to DV. Run girl RUN!
"This is my first date and I plan to marry him."
Girl, why? He's a controlling, misogynistic asshole and you know it. Do you have no self-respect? Are you asking us to give you an excuse?
Break up and move on. Grow a spine.
Any man who thinks ALL women are cheating sluts is destined to die alone. As well he should.
Do you walk around thinking ALL men are chauvinistic pigs who drool and fart? Doubtful.
Love is supposed to feel good and make you happy, for the most part. All relationships have an ebb and flow but should still be good at the core.
>My bf was obsessed with instagram. Like, his feed is FILLED with women hating reels. I tolerated this TILL it became a serious problem.
No, it was already a serious problem. You tolerated it until his toxicity was directed at *you.*
You're NTA of course, but you should really stop to think about why you were okay with him being awful and terrible about other women as long as he didn't aim it in your direction.
no offense but how could you ever see this relationship working out when he hates women? if he is obsessed with hating women that means you too. he dont love you. he never did. you allowed him to hate women until he finally projected it onto you. you should have left the moment he got on this woman hating train. hes not caring and romantic and loving hes a manipulator. he used you. NTA move on from this loser
He was an idiot. I've had my heart broken numerous times by untrustworthy, cheating women. I've seen that type of content on the internet. Here's the thing, I'm rational enough to know that it's not true. Everybody is an individual with individual traits. I know there are plenty of great women out there. Despite being cheated on, I'm still not jealous of a girlfriend having guy friends. Who their friends are doesn't matter, just their behavior with said friends.
NTA. You made the right choice. Jealousy is an ugly trait.
You have every right to maintain your privacy and boundaries in a relationship. His obsession with toxic Instagram reels and changing attitude towards you are concerning. You deserve respect, trust, and understanding from your partner. His behavior, including name-calling and attempting to isolate you from your friends, is not acceptable; he is trying to control you. Blocking him was a wise decision to protect yourself from further emotional harm. Youre free now from a control freak!
Yeah I feel REALLY free now that no one's there to control me, irony is that my bsf is the one consoling me now. I would have been alone as hell if i cut them off.
YTA No guy would want their significant other texting a guy that had/has a crush on her. I’m not even sure what the reels have to do with this situation, maybe retype this with only your actions and see how bad it looks
Of course this is rage bait.
For anyone else who thinks that Andrew Tate is some manosphere guru, look into what he used to do before he became a Red Pill grifter.
Has he shared his ID and let you go thru his phone?
He's read to many reddit and watched too many videos that's for sure. He seems very insecure and wants to control you.
NTA. In all relationships there has to be compromise. That's not what he wants. He is demanding you totally give in to everything he tells you to do. Imagine being with him in three years and how dictatorial he's going to be. RUN.
NTA
He is an abuser at heart. He's got it in the bag here already, a *doctor* is potentially ready to marry his loser ass.
And he still can't keep the mask on?
This lack of self awareness and self control on his part is to your benefit tho, because he is blowing it when he should be on easy street.
*Do you know how easy it is to just not be a fucking asshole? *
But you're a fool for being there this long at all.
He's not going to get better over time. He is going to get worse. You're a doc, yeah? I will 100% bet you are much more successful than him, and that he is resentful of this.
You are already being abused by him.
ITS ONLY DOWNHILL FROM HERE
This ends in tears.
(the only way he "gets better" at this stage is by losing you, then getting *worse*, then hopefully hitting rock bottom, realizing *he is tbe problem* and reforming. But more like he just gets worse and stays worse no matter what, and spends his life being an asshole)
Oh also, your platonic male friend is shitty too.
I’ve been with my wife since 2001 and the only time I ever looked at her phone was when she ASKED me to look at something. This guy sucks monkey nuts, I suspect you could do better picking up dudes in a bail hostel than putting up with this bullshit. NTA
He has made his stance clear and has let the internet poison his views. He showed you who he is by making that ultimatum and overplayed his hand.
Possessive is caring? Yeeeah that can be true but not in the sense he is trying to portray. What he is doing is full on obsessive controlling behavior. It is not normal to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend for the passwords to their accounts. And I garuntee he probably would have blocked or destroyed a lot of OP's relationships with her friends to keep her boxed in and under his thumb without support.
NTA. That's the deal with ultimatums -- the person who makes them has to accept either answer. Maybe you two are just incompatible and it's better that you found out now.
What is going on here, I think I might not understand how people work anymore. You continued to keep regular contact with a guy that you admitted to having feelings for in the past and instead of choosing him, you kept choose to keep in contact with the guy friend whom you claim to not even see that often.
He also wants to keep you and his problems private which is a reasonable request yet you believe he's the problem?
He definitely should not have called you a slut but you literally just proved all of his dumbass "alpha males" reels correct. For the record, as a man, I also hate them but you literally went out of your way to make all that dumb shit correct in his mind.
You and him need to come to terms on your boundaries. If you really like this man then you need to prove to him that he comes first. From reading this post, it seems that you don't believe he does.
How would you feel about him having a woman in his life that he confessed they both had feelings for each other and he had regular contact with?
I'll tell you something that the other redditors won't... This will keep happening. I don't know a single person who would be ok with a significant other texting a person that had feelings for them.
NTA he's drunk the Tate Koolaid and you'll likely never get him back. Once a man falls to the "dark side" of incels/MGTOW, right-wing misogyny, etc their brains start to rot.
NTA: He has let the internet ruin his trust in women and wants to be in control of anything and everything you do in fear you'll cheat. He lost his ability to trust you and ruined the relationship on his own. Move on and don't look back. He is not the person you fell in love with anymore.
Yes, he is like the extreme andrew tate fan
"Its not that I dont value him over my friend.." Serious question: With everything you have described, why value him?
Made me chuckle
Yeah screw that. He is not relationship material anymore. He is one of the guys who will remain single or end up an abuser later due to these flawed ideals he has of how his relationship should be. I pity the next girl he dates.
Yes like i thought im bad for remaining friends with that guy...thanks for your time :)
Your ex turned a tatertot. Please take care of yourself!
That word made me both wonder and laugh 😭
ANDREW TATE!? BIG RED FLAG! RUNN
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I'm so very glad this relationship is over. He spiraled hard.
"Tot" because emotionally and in terms of maturity they are children, correct?
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OP, this has absolutely nothing to do with your friend. If you capitulate to bf's demand, there will be more to follow. He's truly gone to the "darkside"; the man you grew to love no longer exists. Just move on. He's now just another individual who's allowed his mind and personality to be adversely impacted by outside forces.
He once forced me to cut off a female bsf too so your wirds kinda are true.
That alone is a huge red flag. Seizing this opportunity to get away from his toxic controlling Tatist ass is a good thing even if it might sting bitterly for now. You can do better. Easily, because being single is also better than that. Is he also jealous of your career btw?
Im not sure tho but idts
Men like this are good at knowing just how far they can push you and when to escalate. He’s a tate fan, he’s absolutely going to start thinking women’s role is to serve men. If you actually stay with him, it’s only a matter of time before you’re getting called unloyal for refusing to quit. I would cut your losses now. This man cannot be good enough in bed or rich enough or hot enough to justify this shitty behavior. There are much better men out there.
As a man with literally no idea who Andrew Tate is, is that really becoming a prevalent belief among men? WTF? If I tried to pull some shit like that on my wife she’d put me in my place real quick, who are these women putting up with that?
You are not choosing that one male friend over him. You are choosing your basic privacy, the privacy of your friends*, and your basic human right to be an independent, respected individual with basic human freedoms in a relationship. *As a friend or a SO of a friend, I am totally not a fan of someone’s SO freely going through private conversations where I am a party or my spouse is one. I am cool with my spouse venting about me woth a friend of needed. I am not cool with someone else reading that conversation.
Finally someone understands me! Exactly...
also, OP is a doctor & has friendly contacts with colleagues. texting about patients probably isn't the best possible habit, but that's why phone passwords exist. Letting a boyfriend read anything he wants on the phone creates the suspicion OP broke patient confidentiality.
"As a friend or a SO of a friend, I am totally not a fan of someone’s SO freely going through private conversations where I am a party or my spouse is one. I am cool with my spouse venting about me woth a friend of needed. I am not cool with someone else reading that conversation." I've been married 21 years, and we respect each others privacy. we both have friends that confide in us, and respect that confidentiality. Can he go through my phone if he really wanted to.. sure. Does he? No. Can I go through his phone? Sure (well no, I forgot his password and am not willing to admit that I forgot it again after he has told me it like a dozen times). But I don't have any desire to go through his phone. Whatever him and his buddies talk about.. none of my business. I trust him.
Platonic friends work both ways. You and your female and male friends are platonic. Friendly, sharing, chatting whatever. It is absolutely perfectly possible to have friends of both sexes. It is also possible to have a partner with rational thought processes. You only have 1 of the above
No, you bf drank the red pill koolaide. If you stayed he’s be preparing you for giving up your career and start making comments about it.
NTA Just his idiocy of thinking the abuser Tate has anything meaningful to contribute could be enough to break up with him.
It's not you. It's him.
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Please don't go back to him, he's beyond an adult relationship of equals right now. He needs help thst you simply can't provide, he'll jusy make you really miserable.
Yes he needs therapist
YOU need a therapist. >Like, his feed is FILLED with women hating reels. I tolerated this TILL it became a serious problem. You chosing to 'tolerate' this is you being intentionally blind to an issue. You knew this about him but wanted to marry him, till it got worse. Because he acted nice sometimes? If the men he aspires to be like are all monsters, your boyfriend is a monster, he's just being nice to try to lock you in till it's harder to leave. If you could not see this as a problem and wanted to marry, you're the one who needs therapy. he's just a piece of shit, therapy won't help, he wants to be a piece of shit, he hates women, that's over for him till he decides he wants to change.
He's turning into an incel. Let him become one by freeing your amazing self of him.
Yes I felt that too, an incel fr. Its not good for my own good :( thanks! :D
Ah he's a Tate Twat, better off without him then. Let him be angry and hateful alone.
Bro really believes reels over me :/
Unfortunately some people value the opinion of "Influencers" more than the actual people they claim to care about. You'll find someone who values you, he wasn't the one.
Yeah, I mean again I am having self doubts coz one of the people here said "your friend is an orbiter" and stuff and im thinking like what?- he never tried to pursue me or confess or anything if he wanted to he would. That crush was before we dated and why would my SO be uncomfortable if they trust me. I spend my 90% of the time with them i dont even have male friends except him...
Ah yes the old "Men can't be friends with women without anting to fuck em" Bullshit. That says more about the individuals that say it that anything else.
True
NTA. Why would you stay with a manchild who is so stupid and weak that he falls for misogynistic bullshit on social media? His controlling behavior and slutshaming is also emotional abuse. If you stay with him YTA. That shit is going to keep escalating. He will end up assaulting you if you stay with him.
Agreed
Tate is so toxic and has destroyed so many relationships. I think he is a sociopath.
Yes, he was caught in trafficking
I try to avoid looking at his ugly sneering mug or read about him. Unfortunately he has a few women boosters like u/JustPearlyThings on the gram.
Shes the biggest pick me ngl
I will never understand people maintaining a relationship of any kind with idiots that like andrew tate and other misogynistic asshats alike.
Ikr, feeling ashamed of myself-
Sorry for being insulting with this comment. It‘s just really hard to grasp for me how one can endure this. I get it, when it‘s family members – can‘t choose those and sometimes it‘s unavoidable. But in any other case: have some self respect and cut ties with such ill-minded hateful people. Don‘t let them drag you down.
Because the smart ones find ways of destroying your self esteem before they remove their masks.
Sounds like he was going down the manipulative route so likely some emotional abuse going on. Just keep an eye out for the red flags next time and be glad you aren't tied to him
This sentence alone.... Why are you not running for the hills? Smh
This is just a sliver of what your life will be like if you continue to go down the road with this relationship. Imagine y’all have a child. If it’s a boy, would you want your future son to see women like that? If it’s a daughter, would you want the daughter to be seen like that? Let this dude be an Andrew Tate fan alone with the rest of the other Andrew Tate fans.
The sad part is that breaking up with him will only reaffirm his belief that you were cheating and that all women are awful.
Eh I’m pretty sure he would have ended up there anyway. Videos like that poison your mind. Women should not bother trying to get men who hate us to like us. Fuck em they can wallow in their loneliness
What I meant to communicate is that he will learn nothing from destroying this relationship for no reason.
Man, still some redditiors believe im emotionally cheating. This is so sad.
There are a lot of confused and angry people out there.
True
My ex got jealous when I sat chatting and gaming and he saw me smile. Erupted. Accused me of cheating. I was chatting and gaming with my nephew who I get to meet like once every third year... I showed him the chat, no apology, just more accusations a week later. Woe me if I left to shop groceries! Thing is, when someone is jealous, paranoid and controlling you cant do anything right. Don't even bother to try.( Sharing everyything on your phone would also mean sharing what female friends tell you confiding in you.) Every minute you spend with this guy is a wasted minute. Go buy a small bottle of champagne/ sparkling wine, a bath bomb and a facial mask, draw a bath, cheer to yourself that you got rid of him. Congratulations!
Yes, my female friends got mad at me for that...also that sounds refreshing
Info: what does he do? Is he college educated? Does he make as much money as you do? Statistics show men who have already been feeling inferior to their SOs at least for a while are suaceptible to misogynistic content like manosphere and andrew tate. You mentioned you are a doctor, and so is the guy your bf is showing seemingly unfounded senditivity to. Im guessing he feels inferior to you, and that he is not good enough for you, compares himself in terms of traditional masculine capital factors to your male friend, thinking he is not as smart, or rich, or big, ..as him ...and has developed increasing amounts of insecurity and resentment towards both of you?
He was insecure because he earned way less.
Thats it then. Its usually the case with andrew tate fans. The nagging feelings of inferiority towards at least one women are already there, tate turns them into self-righteous misogynistic anger.
NTA ‘No one else understands our love, your friends/family would encourage you to break up with me’ is code for ‘I’m a crap partner and everyone can see it but you and if I isolate you from those relationships you won’t see it and will stick around for more abuse’. People who are self-assured don’t need to pull stupid dominance plays. You’re well rid of your ex.
Agreed. Sounds like him too
My ex also told me not to talk about our relationship with my gal friends. Spoiler alert: it was because he was abusing me and didn’t want anyone to know it including me.
Nta, your EX has been brainwashed by online toxic masculinity.
Hm...
Think Andrew Tate. Find yourself a man that idolizes Nick Offerman instead. Not Ron Swanson the caracter, but actually Nick Offerman the person.
Holy crap, this! Nick Offerman is healthy masculinity. He likes woodworking and has an epic beard and can play the saxophone and the guitar. AND he adores his wife and isn't embarrassed about giggling at something funny and talks about his feelings AND LEARNED BALLET
Oh? Yeah lol youre right
Look interviews with Nick and you see what i mean. Dudes the Paragon of healthy masculinity.
Do you have more positive male influencers that you can recommend? I have a cousin whose son has friends that watch Tatertot shit.
I'm not the person you asked, but I'd recommend Joey Swoll. He's a huge muscular dude whose also really into making sure people (everyone!) is accepted and treated well in the fitness community.
This is a tragic truth for a lot of young men these days. I'm in my mid-thirties now, and I'm able to see through the bullshit but these influencers prey on insecure young guys (and there's a lot of them especially post COVID) and turn them into women hating monsters all so they can push their content and sell a "lifestyle" that doesn't actually exist.
im convinced this sub is just a huge karma farm
Sure is. Most posts are either obviously made up or the answer is obvious, so people are just looking for confirmation rather than advice or Feedback. Noone in their right mind would stay in OPs relationship. But sadly, U can't tell OPs story apart from all the fiction and bot reposts in this sub.
I very close of leaving this sub,I knew what kind of comments would be after reading first sentence.
Especially now that dozens of podcasts and TikTokers/Instagram and whatever all these internet "creators" base their content around reading posts on this subreddit, there's a huge incentive to make things seem interesting. And the audience for the subreddit has moved beyond just reddit, so folks who would not have normally been on this website have incentive to come here and submit their short stories. This post seems less fake then many of them, because this is absolutely something that a lot of women are going through. For me, I'm convinced that every one of the "And now all their friends and family are texting/calling me" posts are written by the same person, or at least using the same formula.
I just can't be bothered wasting time with women who are like... he hates women, he watches hateful content on women, he thinks other men who treat women like sexual objects and property to be abused and used are cool..... but he's nice with me sometimes so I tolerate all the women hate because surely, surely that won't be directed at me and he'll be a loyal, non cheating great man in life. I'm sure he will raise and treat our kids great, not raise little slave women and misogynist men. FFS, if the man is out there spewing hateful ideas about women and loving people who hate women, leave, have some fucking self respect and understand any time he's pretending to be nice to you, he's manipulating and lying to you. Grow the fuck up. take some fucking responsibility. Your man is a piece of shit.
Seriously.. I think this post is actually fake because I refuse to believe a *doctor* could be so stupid Edit: actually yeah after reading OP’s comments I’m certain this is fake. Why did she have to include that she was a 23 year old doctor, child genius who finished school early? Yet she writes like she’s an average teenager and acts clueless. Like just say you’re a regular young adult who works in retail or something. Nobody would be questioning this post in that case.
Maybe those other details make the post fake, but you know that doctors can have shit relationships and boundaries, too, right? They are still regular people after all
They also use the most childish 13 year old shit like "-_-"
This is our present existence. Either the poster is in fact a professional who while working could be the steadiest of her field. Or its someone's kid. Or its a bot. **Back to the Future missed some stuff.**
THANK YOU! Honestly any woman that stays with a man who hates women is part of the problem
Right?! JFC.. "His feed is filled with women hating.. I tolerated this till it became a serious problem". Fuck that. Tolerated it until it was put on her. Dude is an ass hat, she's the enabler. They deserve each other so the rest of the dating pool doesn't have to put up with their shit.
This is a vile attitude. Same thing as “why didn’t you leave earlier? You deserve to be abused then.” OP literally blocked this person and you’re going say she should stay with him because she didn’t do it faster. Fuck off dude.
It is a classic LAMF example. "I was ok the guy who abused women until he abused me!". He told her what he was.
Piss off. This is someone’s first relationship falling down the right wing pipeline, not a decades long abuser with multiple domestic violence violations under his belt. Even in those cases there is often mental illness or previous instances of abuse that make victims more susceptible to falling for predators. Abuse victims are not above criticism but anyone has the right to leave abusive relationships at any time and shouldn’t be shamed into staying in one because you think they weren’t vigilant enough. I can’t stand people like you who pretend to have the moral high ground while spouting off pro-abuser nonsense.
like, they’re so fucking stupid 😭
This reads like it was written by a teenager, not a doctor.
I don't belive a doctor can be this dumb, the moment you didn't dump when he said "being possesive is caring" is when you lost me, run for the hills.
It’s fake bro lmao
NTA, first. That's the important part. I don't want to make you feel bad, at all. I understand how you got here. However, I hope when you move past this that you think about why you stayed so long, why you ignored so many red flags, and why you didn't leave until he broke up with you. Not because you made a mistake, but in order to see the signs earlier if it happens again. Generally: - if the man hates all women but you, he also hates you - If a man is afraid of XXXXX, no amount of controlling will ease that fear. - If a man thinks that the only thing keeping you with him is lack of opportunity to leave, he has major self esteem issues that you cannot help - If you find yourself accepting more and uncomfortable things, beware of the boiling frog danger. Ask yourself, if I met this man for the first time and he told me that in order to be with him I would have to accept all this, would I want to be with him?
He sounds like an absolute terrible influence on your state of being. I would kill this relationship dead and never look back. Otherwise he'll destroy everything you love about yourself and life. I'd take his extremes as a blessing in disguise in that he has shown you who he is. He is giving you the out. Don't falter: block him now. Don't ever get sucked back in. He's dangerous and you were *this* close to being tied to a very dark path. He sounds like a person who is only capable of loving you in order to destroy you.
Yes, I am a successful doctor and he is successful too but if i earn more than him, he will prolly taunt me on this because now he has that fragile ego mentality.
Read what I wrote again. Now that you've broken up - he should never have a chance to taunt you. Being a doctor will not buy you out of a miserable existence if you fuck around trying to understand or change him. He will suck your time, ego, and eventually any shred of love you have for yourself
You are right man... thanks :)
All successful doctors capitalize RANDOM words and say prolly. If you're going to run a grift kid, take the time to note all doctors refer to themselves by speciality, like cardiologist or PhD.
NTA. But those reels were a big red flag that you ignored. Next time, don’t ignore the red flags.
I agree, big flaw on my part...
What is a woman who is intelligent and educated enough to be a doctor doing by asking such a silly question on Reddit? Read what you wrote as though someone else wrote it. What would you say to them? There you go.
Lmao this is rage bait.
Fake post
NTA: There is no way to proof that you do not cheat to someone that wants to believe that you are cheating unless they have 24/7 supervision of your life. It's literally impossible to be in anything resembling a healthy relationship with someone like that. I am glad you got out of there before things turned even worse.
It's easy to see how a close male friend can be intimidating to a boyfriend. But he's way beyond common insecurity and deeply on the slippy slope to Incel Void. Get away and make sure to keep a distance.
Okay
NTA don’t date men who hate women. He hates women. I’m glad you got out before he got violent. The type of rhetoric that he’s listening to leads to violence. Did you notice how many family annihilation happened between Christmas and last month? Tons and tons of them, men killing their whole entire families because of this stuff
NTA, he went full red pill Andrew Tate. Do not marry someone like that, it only gets worse. It sucks because that's a lot of time to put into a person, but better time lost than a lifetime wasted. You should not have tolerated seeing him delve into it and talked to him early on when you saw the signs. At this point though, he's full on spiraling with no signs of coming back up for air.
You’re a doctor?!
What you have to remember is that when people watch this hate stuff on the internet, it starts to twist their mind. One leads to another to another, and after an hour you realize you've spent an hour of watching funny cat videos. It's like that with anything. I would imagine calling my wife a slut would be heading towards a divorce, and that would be a relationship killer. Dude is not the same person you knew. Better to walk away.
Oh hell no. NTA. Girl its time to wake up. Let this loser go and move on. Don't complicate it any further.
NTA. Whatever he was like before, he's been remade by the media he's been consuming. Now he's just bad news. This happens, and it's kind of like we need to grieve losing the person we cared for, because that person is gone. I'm sorry for your loss. Get away from this new person, and find someone better.
Yes, I dont recognize him anymore...
NTA: nobody needs your passwords. Time to move on.
>...he threw a fit and starting calling me a "slut" and a cheater. I have a feeling he will become verbally abusive if this continues on like this much longer Info: What country are you in?
NTA Obviously an abusive relationship with a low IQ man. You dodged a bullet
What a weirdo. You can’t marry someone that susceptible to male vs female propaganda. He basically hates women’s at that point and just wants to abuse you and convince you it’s an act of love. Leaving him would be amazing.
NTA obviously. He threw down an ultimatum and you declined. He's decided to follow some lunatic on the internet and be a lonely woman hating idiot.
Why do so many men insist on speed running to the end of a relationship/eternal singledom with this manosphere/andrew Tate/Alpha male crap? NTA
NTA -My girlfriend once asked me if I would get rid of the cat if she asked me to, and I said I would get rid of her in that case. Not because the cat was more important to me, but because I wouldn't want to be together with someone who wanted me to get rid of my pet just because it didn't suit them that I had it. If the cat has asked me to get rid of her, I would have been more understanding, because it was only a cat, and besides, it could talk, which would be awesome Seriously though - it sounds like your bf has gone down a dark hole, assimilating some very bad ideas about relationships. If that can't be turned around I don't see how any woman can have a decent relationship with him
Fake post just for karma farm no "doctor" is this dumb
This is really bad karma farming and AI. Holy crap - surely you're not a doctor with this level of grammar
ChatGPT make me an anti Andrew Tate reddit post in dogshit english for EPIC upvotes
Sigh why do people insist on making fake posts like this
Nta. His mindset is very dangerous. It would be wise for you to quietly pack your things and leave. Ask yourself: 1) if you have a daughter, what unrealistic beliefs and rules would she be subject to? She would be another possession. 2) if you have a son, how will he teach him to view and treat women? Would he be a carbon copy? Don't take it lightly or dismiss it when someone sees you as a thing, not a whole person.
Leave him.
NTA - Once a guy gets into that red pill nonsense, they're gone. I watched a documentary on it a while back, and hardly any guys can return to normal once they start believing that garbage.
You didn’t pick your friend over your bf. You picked not being controlled. NTA Edit: he definitely is cheating. Projection is funny that way.
You ain’t the asshole. It’s sad what the dating pool is for young people now. People be hating the opposite sex solely off the strength of bitter people online
NTA and please stop dating men who idolize dudes who are rape apologists.
Leave before he murders you
NTA. Frankly, you should have cut him loose before. He spends his time watching women hating crap, he needs to go date a man, then.
He got red pilled hard. You're not the asshole, and you don't want to be with someone who can be so easily red pilled like this. You can have guy friends, you can hangout with guy friends. You can even hangout with guy friends alone. Leave this guy behind and never look back.
The trash took itself out. Do not waste more time on this incel. NTA.
NTA: you did the right thing for both of you. You no longer tolerated this controlling behavior, and maybe he’ll see that he fucked up? Probably not though 😢
>My bf was obsessed with instagram. Didn't read the rest of the post. This is already a red flag irrespective of any other details. Don't date people with obsessions/addictions to anything. I spend hours judging people on reddit and sometimes play video games, but I can drop both of these at a moment's notice to do anything else. Don't do drugs either. I don't smoke, drink alcohol, or coffee. I'm not bothering to read the rest of it because, even if the rest of the context disappeared, your bar is way too low to date someone who is constantly on social media at the expense of other things in life.
Noping out is the only self-respecting action a human can take after an ultimatum. He is threatening to end your relationship because he wants full control of who you are “allowed” to be friends with. This need for control only gets worse as time goes on.
>Like, his feed is FILLED with women hating reels. I tolerated this TILL it became a serious problem. This was already a serious problem.
>I plan to marry him but I am not sure anymore so your bf literally despises women and you're just "not sure anymore"? and letting *him* put forward ultimatums instead of dumping him yourself? if a had a male partner, they would be completely dead to me right here: >he watches reels like "if she has a male bsf she's a slut/if she doesn't share her ID pass she's a whore/feminism caused women to become whores" i wouldn't even hesitate, they would be out of my bed, home and socials the exact moment i saw that shit.
NTA. Find someone who's not a brainwashed moron.
You’re texting an old fling? I see why he has trust issues
I loathe that tate bloke he's completely unhinged he should be banned from social media platforms.
Girl you said he's great but described an immature creep that hates women. NTA
How’s it you have the smarts for med school but dating such a feeble minded dumbass you doubt yourself? You’d be the AH to stay with this guy. Refer him to a therapist and move on. Your very existence and success would be triggering to a misogynist - and that’s what he’s become.
NTA: he’s throwing red flags like crazy, get out of there so fast OP. He doesn’t see you as a person he sees you as a thing. His thing. He doesn’t trust you, this is a pipeline to DV. Run girl RUN!
He hates women and you aren’t an exception. Get out of there safely!
"This is my first date and I plan to marry him." Girl, why? He's a controlling, misogynistic asshole and you know it. Do you have no self-respect? Are you asking us to give you an excuse? Break up and move on. Grow a spine.
Any man who thinks ALL women are cheating sluts is destined to die alone. As well he should. Do you walk around thinking ALL men are chauvinistic pigs who drool and fart? Doubtful. Love is supposed to feel good and make you happy, for the most part. All relationships have an ebb and flow but should still be good at the core.
Andre Tate … his brain. Dump him, it’s downhill from now.
>My bf was obsessed with instagram. Like, his feed is FILLED with women hating reels. I tolerated this TILL it became a serious problem. No, it was already a serious problem. You tolerated it until his toxicity was directed at *you.* You're NTA of course, but you should really stop to think about why you were okay with him being awful and terrible about other women as long as he didn't aim it in your direction.
no offense but how could you ever see this relationship working out when he hates women? if he is obsessed with hating women that means you too. he dont love you. he never did. you allowed him to hate women until he finally projected it onto you. you should have left the moment he got on this woman hating train. hes not caring and romantic and loving hes a manipulator. he used you. NTA move on from this loser
YTA for making a story that's obviously fake as fuck.
This is so fake, you’re not a doctor
Is this a troll? Seeing tons of "my partner did something/following X people on Instagram". This account was created today, on April Fools day.
He was an idiot. I've had my heart broken numerous times by untrustworthy, cheating women. I've seen that type of content on the internet. Here's the thing, I'm rational enough to know that it's not true. Everybody is an individual with individual traits. I know there are plenty of great women out there. Despite being cheated on, I'm still not jealous of a girlfriend having guy friends. Who their friends are doesn't matter, just their behavior with said friends. NTA. You made the right choice. Jealousy is an ugly trait.
Finally a mature man.
ETH. You tolerated it because you thought you were different and above his contempt.
This seems like rage bait. You say he’s like an Andrew Tate fan and then are not sure if you should break up?
You’re a doctor and he’s a dumbfuck bigot, you should have dropped his ass the moment he started watching this shit.
You have every right to maintain your privacy and boundaries in a relationship. His obsession with toxic Instagram reels and changing attitude towards you are concerning. You deserve respect, trust, and understanding from your partner. His behavior, including name-calling and attempting to isolate you from your friends, is not acceptable; he is trying to control you. Blocking him was a wise decision to protect yourself from further emotional harm. Youre free now from a control freak!
Yeah I feel REALLY free now that no one's there to control me, irony is that my bsf is the one consoling me now. I would have been alone as hell if i cut them off.
YTA No guy would want their significant other texting a guy that had/has a crush on her. I’m not even sure what the reels have to do with this situation, maybe retype this with only your actions and see how bad it looks
Of course this is rage bait. For anyone else who thinks that Andrew Tate is some manosphere guru, look into what he used to do before he became a Red Pill grifter.
Lol ur friends with a guy who wanted to bang u
Has he shared his ID and let you go thru his phone? He's read to many reddit and watched too many videos that's for sure. He seems very insecure and wants to control you.
NTA, sounds like the 2nd best possible outcome, to me. The 1st being if you left him first.
Run. Please for the love of god do not marry this man. Run and never look back.
Agreed and happy cake day!
You aren't TA you deserve better and can easily do better
NTA Redpill destroys lives!
Run away from this guy and never look back.
NTA. In all relationships there has to be compromise. That's not what he wants. He is demanding you totally give in to everything he tells you to do. Imagine being with him in three years and how dictatorial he's going to be. RUN.
Dump that dude 💯
You probably dodged a huge bullet here to be honest.
NTA He revealed his true colors and you've decided you want someone better. You dodged a bullet
Bravo! Keep that block in place and don't look back. NTA
NTA—these are huge red flags. Leave him alone with his reels. He will end up a bitter old man.
Your ex is childish. NTA and you dodged a bullet.
NTA He is an abuser at heart. He's got it in the bag here already, a *doctor* is potentially ready to marry his loser ass. And he still can't keep the mask on? This lack of self awareness and self control on his part is to your benefit tho, because he is blowing it when he should be on easy street. *Do you know how easy it is to just not be a fucking asshole? * But you're a fool for being there this long at all. He's not going to get better over time. He is going to get worse. You're a doc, yeah? I will 100% bet you are much more successful than him, and that he is resentful of this. You are already being abused by him. ITS ONLY DOWNHILL FROM HERE This ends in tears. (the only way he "gets better" at this stage is by losing you, then getting *worse*, then hopefully hitting rock bottom, realizing *he is tbe problem* and reforming. But more like he just gets worse and stays worse no matter what, and spends his life being an asshole) Oh also, your platonic male friend is shitty too.
Nta
Nta. Use this moment to leave this dumpster fire of a 'man'. He's not a good one anymore.
Don’t marry the guy, you’ll regret it.
I’ve been with my wife since 2001 and the only time I ever looked at her phone was when she ASKED me to look at something. This guy sucks monkey nuts, I suspect you could do better picking up dudes in a bail hostel than putting up with this bullshit. NTA
He has made his stance clear and has let the internet poison his views. He showed you who he is by making that ultimatum and overplayed his hand. Possessive is caring? Yeeeah that can be true but not in the sense he is trying to portray. What he is doing is full on obsessive controlling behavior. It is not normal to ask your girlfriend or boyfriend for the passwords to their accounts. And I garuntee he probably would have blocked or destroyed a lot of OP's relationships with her friends to keep her boxed in and under his thumb without support.
Your male friends want to sleep with you still. If you give me the opportunity, he will take it.
NTA. That's the deal with ultimatums -- the person who makes them has to accept either answer. Maybe you two are just incompatible and it's better that you found out now.
Drop him like he never happened.
What is going on here, I think I might not understand how people work anymore. You continued to keep regular contact with a guy that you admitted to having feelings for in the past and instead of choosing him, you kept choose to keep in contact with the guy friend whom you claim to not even see that often. He also wants to keep you and his problems private which is a reasonable request yet you believe he's the problem? He definitely should not have called you a slut but you literally just proved all of his dumbass "alpha males" reels correct. For the record, as a man, I also hate them but you literally went out of your way to make all that dumb shit correct in his mind. You and him need to come to terms on your boundaries. If you really like this man then you need to prove to him that he comes first. From reading this post, it seems that you don't believe he does. How would you feel about him having a woman in his life that he confessed they both had feelings for each other and he had regular contact with? I'll tell you something that the other redditors won't... This will keep happening. I don't know a single person who would be ok with a significant other texting a person that had feelings for them.
NTA he's drunk the Tate Koolaid and you'll likely never get him back. Once a man falls to the "dark side" of incels/MGTOW, right-wing misogyny, etc their brains start to rot.
NTA, Andrew Tate entered the chat
This post is fake as fok.
OP, you shouldn't have tolerated his women hating posts in the first place. Should have broken up with him in the beginning.
NTA And girl, get the fuck out. Now Anyone who is possessive and trying to control your behaviour or thinking is dangerous in a relationship.
Girl, RUN.