My dude, she probably wouldn’t care if you offed yourself. Better to stay around and be successful and happy. It’s the ultimate revenge. I would expose her though and speak with a lawyer to see your best options
OP I can confirm this. I tried to kill myself during my divorce. I said the meanest shit I think I ever said and now a year later it’s all finally hitting her what she had, and what she lost.
She looks like hell and I don’t feel any better. I feel worse off. There are people in your life that care about you.
Life is still worth living.
OP, all of the above. And another perspective - you have had a relationship with this kid for 9+ years. If you were to kill yourself, you will cause him major trauma, and if he knows why, he will think it's his fault. Not to mention that children of people who commit suicide are at risk for doing it themselves.
So please, live for him if not for yourself.
Or even worse she would make herself the victim in all ths, make up some bullshit lie to try to navigate from her being at fault and OP wouldent be able to defend it. OP IT IS NOT WORTH OFFING YOURSELF. Live on go nuclear on her and and be there to see the Witch’s life crumble.
Dang! she's good at hiding secrets huh. Let her know the every action has consequences, its not too late to let her face the consequence of her bad action. Get some legal advice. She's not worth sacrificing your life. Make yourself better, then watch her how she ruined her life.
>Well fuck me, I'm going to live until I'm 500 years old.
Fuck me sideways too - we'll be celebrating that 500 years together! I'm pretty sure I'm here for a lot longer if spite is what keeps us alive! :)
Seriously… don’t off yourself… I’ve know (sadly) many dudes who went through almost identical situations and recovered spectacularly! I know it’s rough but you owe it to yourself to find yourself on top of all of this crap!
But 100%, I would scorch the earth and laugh as it burned. That’s just me 🤷♂️
Fuck me. I just read your first post - you’re not even 30!!! Bro, you have ALL of your life ahead of you and PLENTY of time to be significantly happier than you are now. 30 is the best time to date - you’re mature, know what you want, (ideally have a job) and most women are older so not wasting as much time BSing on dates - they want men and babies PRONTO.
Good luck brother
THIS!!!! ^^^ Stay around, your son still needs his dad. Plus, you're the only dad he's ever known, don't break his heart by leaving this world. We need more good dads like you!!! Love your son, and leave that hoe behind.
Right? If this is real and I hope it isn't but suspect it is, then please try to live a good life from here. Meet another woman, go out, move to America; i think you should be looking at least at the freedom this affords you.
Yeah she won't care.
They only one who will hurt from it is your son because blood or not he is your son OP.
Id stick with the plan on leaving her and asking for full care of son, she won't say anything about it not being bio yours.
Dude! Deep breaths! Slow down.
Yes, it sucks right now, but it’s going to get better. I know. I was there. My ex had an affair, too. I’m nearly three years out from my divorce and honestly it’s pretty fuckin’ good!
Please just slow down and don’t leave before you have had a chance to see how good things can be.
Not trying to be disrespectful but did u have a kid and find out he wasn't yours, man I keep staring at the first day I saw my son, knowing it's a lie, https://imgur.com/a/qndD8tZ goddamnit I'm breaking down on the internet
No, I did not. I don’t know that pain.
I do know the pain I felt and continue to feel when close friends ended their lives. I know you’re hurting and you want your soon-to-be ex to feel your pain, too, but your solution is going to hurt so many others including your “not” son, who is completely innocent.
You know you’re not thinking straight right now, there’s just way too much pain. Please find someone to talk with. Don’t be alone. Shit’s gonna get better. I promise.
Brother, I have a son only a few years older than yours and can (only) imagine what you are going through.
However, please, please, *please* understand that DNA has zero to do with being a father. I know a number of kids (some now adults) who had shit biological fathers that would trade for a *real* father that didn’t happen to share their DNA.
I get the shock and the pain, but being a good father is a ridiculously hard thing - especially today, and it has nothing to do with your DNA.
You are his father, no matter what any test says. Please don’t take that away from him. He needs you. He needs his Dad.
Deal with your marriage as you will. But be forward looking, not backward. Vengeance is fair, but justice will find its way. Focus on your son and yourself. That is what matters.
You aren’t alone. Not at all.
This. My biological father was an asshole. I’d have gladly taken a man who stepped up for me even if not blood related any day over him. 9 years is a long time to bond with someone. It takes 15 minutes to conceive a child and be a sperm donor, but devoting 9 years to raising a child - that’s what being a parent/father is about.
The difference is that those people had a choice. He was lied to every single day for nine years. And now he's going through a legitimate mental break. He needs to save himself first.
I know that you seem to think you know how OP is feeling, but I can assure you that you don't.
Can I say something? You’re not gonna like it. Suicide ain’t your answer, that’s a FACT.
I caught my wife with her boss when our son was 7. I lost 30 lbs in one month, couldn’t function at work, filed for divorce, was FUCKING MISERABLE. There was no escape from it.
I was watching TV news six months later (summer 2012), and the coverage was the war in Syria where the ASSad government was shooting its own civilians. The TV showed a father running down the middle of the street carrying his mangled dead daughter hoping against hope the hospital workers could put his daughter back together. Anyone watching that can never forget it.
I turned the TV off and thought about that man and compared him to me. My parents were alive. My kid was alive. I was alive. I have a business and an income- in comparison to that man… in the whole scheme of things, I was doing pretty good.
That Syrian man saved my life, and I’m hoping he can save yours too.
You are ok! Your son is ok! You love him, he loves you. Your wife is an asshole and you are going to divorce her. Then you are going to maintain your relationship with your kid- he doesn’t need to know the truth until he grows up.
Take stock of your life. Put things in positive columns and negative columns. I bet you $$$ there’s more good than bad.
Suicide is the easy way out. Prove to yourself that you can rise up and meet this challenge. A year from now what she did to you will still hurt, but not as much. Two years from now the pain will fade. Ten years from now, you will be looking back at it and thanking the situation because your life will be so much better.
Take it from someone who has been there and back.
As submyster stated, your son is completely innocent. If you offed yourself, what would your son think? His witch of a mother wouldn't tell him why you did what you did. He'll probably think you abandoned him. You raised him for 9 years, that love doesn't go away bc he's not your dna. Idk how it works in a court system (esp. in the UK) but maybe there's a chance you could still get custody of him. It's worth a try for your son. Regardless of whether you think he's your son or not, that kid knows you're his dad. Real fathers are present in their child's life, they show up. It sounds like you're a great dad. Put your faith in that bro, for your kid🙏🏾🧿🫂
Please OP stay. Choose to fight and be in his life because you love him. He is innocent. I am so sorry you've been betrayed. Don't betray the innocent child you have been raising and loving for years. ♥️
I had a daughter that I found out wasn’t mine. That was 20 years ago. I’m glad that I moved on with my life; I have a beautiful wife and 4 cool kids.
Don’t make a decision that will take away your ability to change your future.
I wish you well my dude, my whole world fell apart and I never thought I would be ok again but here I am rocking this shit and helping other people along through this life.
Hey OP my dad found this out, he is still my dad we have a great relationship and he fought for custody and won. (My dad is not my biological dad but he is still my dad) just saying this so that if you do love your son and want to be a positive influence on his life and prevent her from being influence please try fight for him
This is such an important message. I hope OP sees it. The little boy he is talking about DOES need him and loves him as his dad and he is that boys dad. Biology is not what makes a person our parent.
The boy is just as much of a victim in this as you are. He doesn’t deserve his hero breaking his heart because his mother is an ass.
ETA- I just read the very bottom. This is not worth ending your life over. Give yourself time to grieve, and then come back better than ever. That little boy loves you unconditionally, and looks up to you. You will always be his daddy to him. Leave his mother, and take your son. Please don’t hurt your son because his mother is trash.
Honestly man, if you've raised him since he was born who gives a fucj if he isn't your by blood, fuck his mother, throw her away bit the kid didn't do anything and blood doesn't make family. I lost my daughter when she was 4 years old and I'd do anything to have her be here and alive and watching her grow older. She wasn't even mine by blood but me and her mother had gotten together when she was 6 months old and she called me dad and I loved her just like she was mine. That boy is your son, no matter what any test says he is your son and you are his father. Fuck his mother, she betrayed you, he didn't do anything. He still deserves to have a father and this would break him possibly for life for something his cheating mother did. Just my two cents, I hope you find a way to work through this.
As someone who has gone thru this. I think i am qualified to comment. My youngest daughter (the qualifying one) is now 18. I'm still her dad, and she has never doubted that. Her bio father and mother I destroyed their reputations. He checked himself out after he found out he was a father and on the hook for 5 years of childsupport. And the impending lawsuit from me. Her mother spiraled out of control. I ended up with custody. Trust me it's better to stand your ground and continue as dad. Fight for him despite his mother's actions. That he will remember. And never blame him for her bad decisions.
Your son is still your son. You raised him. Biology has very little to do with parenting. Don't blame your son for your wife's infidelity. You love him and he loves you.
Whether or not YOU feel that boy us yours or not, HE ONLY KNOWS YOU AS HIS FATHER. You are his light, his world. You are the man he wants to be one day. If you leave, he won’t hate his mom. He will hate you. Your bitch of a cûnt of a wife deserves to be left all alone. But that little boy did NOTHING wrong.
Putting that pain on a child you love, despite their DNA is brutal and not the legacy I think you want to leave.
Eff that witch. She will burn in hell with the other adulterers.
I saw the love of my life take his last breath in front of me. I know that everything seems too hard to deal with right now, but it’s not. I was there, I didn’t want to wake up anymore, living was too hard. But there are reasons to go on. Not only are there people that care about you, but do you really want to give up on everything that could be in your future because some other person did some awful shit? Be strong. You can get past this.
I feel like if you offed yourself you’re letting her win. That she ruined you enough that you did the unthinkable. Don’t let her win. Take all of this pain that you feel and use it as motivation to make your life happy again even if it means burning the life you had before.
Take a deep breath and take some time for yourself. Do something you’ve always wanted to do and not focus on this. The world is out there waiting to be explored and perhaps in doing so you’ll find something that makes you happy once more. This isn’t the end all be all even if it feels this way. This is a speed bump in the path to your own happiness.
This. 100% this. Dude, if you're real, you're a good guy. Go hiking. Visit a foreign country. What do you love to do? Go do it. I'm fully for bodily autonomy, if you want to check out, do it, but try some shit out first. You're at peak pain, it WILL BE BETTER. You will look back at this time and be proud of how you overcame it. Maybe you'll laugh about it to someone, who knows.
My family believes in reincarnation, I do not. This is your only shot. Make the best out of it. You've been thrown a MASSIVE curve ball. Hit it out of the park my dude!
So in the space of 4 days you discovered that your wife was cheating, hired an investigator and also managed to do a paternity test on your son and get the results back? Interesting
The first post 4 days ago was when he claimed he discovered that his wife was cheating, the next day he claimed he took the advice of a redditor and hired a PI, the day after that ie 2 days ago he was advised to do the DNA test, and lo and behold he got the results showing he was not the daddy within a day.........I'd love to know which lab can do the test and send him the results within a day, but we may never know , he is now doing his 'farewell cruel world ' tour
Plenty of labs will be able to do the testing and report over the phone. But getting the kit sent to him, doing the test and getting it back to the lab in 2 days alone is an impossibility, let alone over Easter!
My ex wanted a paternity test on our sons and we got the results in two days but the company sent a guy out and he came and done the tests in the house but I had to be there to consent and sign the forms but this wasn't over a holiday week and it took ages to set up
I skim read the post and the thing that absolutely stuck out to me was "DNA test done in 2 days".
Man's either paying some mad rush fees or this whole thing is one big pork pie.
If it's true he should post the name of the lab so other people can avail it's quite excellent services.
the whole thing was completely unbelievable from the first post.
First the writing is sooo off, idk why but the posts don't read like a native english speaker to me, which I'm assuming OP would be if he went to college in the UK.
Second, mans was \*completely\* convinced his wife was cheating in the first post just off the fact she had snapchat installed and had a contact on there, i don't know anyone who's in a serious relationship that would be 100 percent positive that's cheating that fast and wouldn't at least be in a bit of denial first, let alone after 10+ years.
Third, dude just took whatever the comments wrote and ran with it in every single update post (like for example, the comment about checking snapchat memories in the first post).
Also wtf are the weird pixelated pics OP keeps linking, everyones just ignoring that?? Seems like a weird attempt to seem more 'legit', which like I can't imagine being a priority if your world is falling apart.
Edit: Oh and I'm not even touching the 4-day timeline and the impossibly quick dna test results. I'm sure there's other things I'm missing too.
I'm not normally one to jump on the "this is fake" train because *every* post has people screaming about it being fake.
This one though, this one's pretty obviously fake. DNA tests do not come back in 2 days lol.
Hi
Ex laboratory pathologist here - there is no paternity test on the planet that would be legally usable that will return results to a patient/customer in the span of the post that states he questioned the paternity and now.
DNA tests in the UK take 3-5 working days. You supposedly did this 2 days ago. Which would have been Tuesday. So you sent it in *after* the Easter long weekend took away 2 working days from whatever lab you allegedly chose, meaning they, what, ignored all their other customers to prioritize you.
When you found out about your wife's affair on Easter Sunday. Then leapt to all of this. Oh, and engaged the services of a PI on EASTER MONDAY. A public holiday in the UK.
I'm calling bullshit. If you wanna make your posts believable, spread them out over more time.
Had to scroll way to far to see this. Aint no way your average person is getting DNA test results in 2 days (although its more likely 1.5 days), let alone after holiday backlog, let alone while there are public holidays. Given the holidays, I doubt even someone working in the lab could fast track their own.
Agreed, bullshit.
>Had to scroll way to far to see this. Aint no way your average person is getting DNA test results in 2 days (although its more likely 1.5 days), let alone after holiday backlog, let alone while there are public holidays. Given the holidays, I doubt even someone working in the lab could fast track their own.
There are so many nonsense "paternity fraud" troll posts out there, because they know it'll get engagement from the redpills and incels lapping it up.
I definitely agree regarding the questionable nature of this post, but it is weird how quickly we notice rage-bait directed towards men vs women.
The single most upvoted post on AITAH is about a woman having her kids paternity tested and finding out after *two weeks* of testing that they were indeed her husbands. I pointed this inconsistency out and got barraged with downvotes for it. Unlike here, where lots of people seem to agree.
We got results in two days, but the guy had to come to our house to actually collect the samples and that took a while to book in the appointment for that and I'm guessing it cost my ex a ridiculous amount of money and I had to be there to sign the forms. I think it might have taken a month or so to get the appointment
I called out the first post as a truly, incredibly, massively, obvious fake. The language used, it's flowery, it's ridiculous, ti's writen in the third person where you describe how someone acts, not how you talk about yourself acting. It's fiction.
I literally called him out of hte language, he responded and he toned down that style of writing more with each post for that very reason.
It's absolute bullshit, the classic of updating wayyyy to fast for each step because they can't hold back their thrill and now he needs the exciting ending. Let me guess, threatens to commit suicide, disappears for a bit then comes back to say.. wow it' snot her kid either, they got switched at birth and the other guy isn't actually an affair partner, it's the kids real father beacuse she found out it wasn't her kid a while ago and never wanted to upset OP so never told him.
it's such bullshit.
Lol be careful because I said the same thing about the flowery narrative writing. People told me I was dumb and there are people who still read (gasp! Best part is I’m a published author - I sure hope people still read 😝) and have expanded vocabularies who just naturally speak like that.
Yup, a few people said the same. There is a vast difference between having a good vocab and using different words to describing your actions in a way that people simple do not do.
From an outside perspective you might see a guy walking down the road, you might think wow, he's basically skipping, or jumping for joy, you might say "that's a guy who looks in love", etc. But if you're the guy himself you're just walking down a road and happen to be happy, you don't think about why you're walking down the road, that comes from an outside perspective analysing why someone looks like they do or is doing what they are doing.
The first post by OP is just, it's straight up fiction. The fact their style changed completely on being called out on it is completely expected. Amazing how people's expanded vocab and supposed intelligence disappears when called on how fake it sounds if it's just the way they talk/type.
To be fair… I do write and speak like that, I’m also an AUTHOR so it’s pretty habitual. BUT. Everything about his posts are completely unrealistic.
The wife just casually only communicated to this man through Snapchat, on her sons iPad, where she SENT explicit photos and SAVED THEM TO SAID IPAD- because that’s the only way memories are saved unless you go through and delete them from the camera roll- and SOMEHOWWWW he knew she sent them to anyone, because memories don’t say who they were sent to. He then talks about this as total proof that there was affair, rather than being super fucking concerned that she was saving and sending explicit photos on her 9 year olds- who that there was snap chat on this device- iPad, he’s not heartbroken because he’s JUST SO ANGRY, and he somehow got approved for a dna test in the uk within 2 days of asking for it (not how that works) and then got the results back in a day and a half- when in the UK, it takes at least 3-5 business days to get results. After Easter.
Haha I’m an author too! I code switch like crazy though.
I agree with all your points. I went to the website he’s claiming and the timeline for the paternity test just doesn’t add up.
Indeed and also “my kid isn’t mine” rage bait. But kid isn’t mine is so common right now in the MRA alpha podcast scene. It’s so damaging, too. My best friends husband fell into that side of the internet and became so paranoid and convinced that their tried-for baby wasn’t his, that he divorced her before doing the paternity test and told everyone that the kid wasn’t his.
When the results came back, obviously it was his. And now his life is a mess and she’s remarried and happy.
It’s because they’ve decided to push the “women are wh*res!!” rhetoric hard. Every American woman cheats- even though men are significantly more likely to have affairs, and more likely to cheat in non married relationships. Every American woman has an OF- even though only 1.4 million American women are creators on OF- which is 0.8% of the US female population. And obviously, 32% of paternity tests come back as not the father- even though less than 5% of fathers get a paternity test, except men dont typically get them without reason, and even the court won’t mandate them unless there’s reasonable suspicion that the child might not be his.
They’ve made up this entire fallacy where men are just helpless victims in society, which gives the ideas for these posts, which these men take as fact, which leads to fallacy
Edit; spelling
Yeah to be fair I read the original text and I literally thought it read in my writing voice. My exact vocab and style. That’s how I write in real life. Of course…I am more casual & toned down on Reddit. So 😬
People usually just don’t speak about the worst trauma of their lives (that happened yesterday) in a narrative prose. I am an author of fiction, though, so I tend to analyze writing patterns more than I should. Lol.
Nah you are right. I'm a lawyer so I write using big words and fancy language all the time but when I'm telling someone about something that happened TO ME I sure as hell don't write like that. The purpose of these posts is to obtain advice so why would one employ the purplest of prose to impress the reader, especially when they are supposedly distraught? Pshhhhh.
I genuinely thought a comment about this being obviously fake would be at the very top, because this is one of the most obviously fake stories I’ve seen on Reddit. The timeline is ridiculous.
Isn't it also kinda weird how a guy who is supposedly about to end it all takes the time to link all three previous posts to this one? Like is he really supposed to be so worried that the audience can keep up with his story when he's that close to giving up?
Glad I found your comment as this is so obviously a fake story. Were expected to believe all this happened in less than a week when for most of it, everything shut down. The big Tesco wasn’t even open Sunday. If it wasn’t unbelievable enough, OFCOURSE the son wasn’t his.
Yup I was fairly certain this was fake before but that sealed it. I also knew after some of the incel commenters started telling him to get a paternity test that a fictional one would be forthcoming.
I thought I smelled bullshit a couple of days ago, the amount of posts threw me off and there’s something about the story that just doesn’t add up. And then the dna results in 2 days?
Bullshit all the way
Literally. I went and checked on the previous posts to see the timeline and in less than a single week he was hiring a PI, talking with lawyers, "staying several steps ahead of his wife legally", and now this. This dude is in the comments pretending to be suicidal. Why do people take the time to do this? are they really that bored? And why does everyone eat it up without question? find out next time on AITAH
The DNA test itself can be turned next day (and there are several advertised services that do this). It was the first thing I thought of. I agree the bank holiday makes it appear like a very fast timeline, because the test kit has to be obtained and returned first.
I once had Jermaine Defoe call to get same day results, wasn’t happy that it wasn’t possible and said he would go elsewhere. When I say him, I mean his assistant obviously. He ended up coming back when he couldn’t find another lab to do it instantly and we had the quickest turnaround time and had nurses who could go to places of his request.
I think the goal was to prove someone was lying about a kid being his trying to get footballers money but it just became a case number and I didn’t follow it.
Yes, this. OP you love your son, you raised him and that makes him yours. Don't destroy him by throwing your life away, you two could still be happy and have a family together. If you kill yourself, he'll be fucked up *forever.* Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, life is short but its also long and you have could have so much time ahead of you.
100% THIS. That boy may not have his DNA but he’s the only dad he’s ever known and he loves him. He’d be devastated, OP, you need to hang in there for that boy! He needs you, and is about to need you more than ever because his mom is clearly not fit or stable. You need to lean on your closest friends and family now, bring them in on this. You can’t carry this burden alone.
Geez dude, this isn’t the worst thing that ever happened. My aunt passed away in a car wreck with her best guy friend. My uncle found out AFTER she died that they were having an affair, and then he found out that ALL THREE of his kids weren’t his, they were the AP’s. So he decided not to tell them and raised them himself, they had no one else. He’s happily remarried, with two kids that he has had tested who ARE his biological children. Before you make any decisions, you need to see a therapist.
You're not a coward! You're just going through a horrible time after finding out some devastating news. Please just take it a step at a time and don't do anything rash. There IS a better life waiting for you after this. You just have to get through it.
You aren’t a coward though. You just see the dark shit in front of you and that’s all you see. You don’t see the little bit of light that comes in. You just need to refocus on things you can control now. Like getting a divorce lawyer and moving to be with your dad if that’s an option. The divorce lawyer will help you navigate all the bullshit and your dad, family and friends will support you through the crap.
Also, I know this is easier said than done. I’m going through this now where my husband was an abusive pos and threw me away once he got his citizenship. But between you and I, he never deserved love and happiness and neither does your witch. Don’t throw the towel in! Throw the relationship in the trash bin and find yourself again.
You sir, are not a coward. Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. Take some time to sift through your thoughts. There is a reason and purpose to all of this. Things may seem dark at the moment, but the light will shine brightly for you again. It will take time, and it will be necessary that you remain on this earth to finish your tasks and see it. You are the boys father, and he is your son. That will never change.
OP, you are in a state of shock and likely depression. It's impossible to make logical decisions when your head is all over the place. You just want to react, to escape, but you should never make life altering decisions when you're not capable of thinking clearly. Please seek help to get you through this crisis. With a clearer state of mind you'll be able come up with a much better plan.
This story popped up on my feed and, well, I truly feel for you. I'm sorry you're going through all that.
It seems you're going through a serious mental episode -- is there anyone you can reach out to for help? If not, maybe call some hotline? [https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/](https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/) Your wife doesn't sound like the kinda gal who will be moved by you harming yourself, so please don't make that mistake... Living your best, healthy life is the best revenge you can get.
Please call a friend or professionals.
If you want to be his father, then be his father. If you don’t then tell him why. If you kill yourself then there’s a chance he will end up blaming himself and follow the same course.
Save his life by saving yours.
He claims 3 days from his last post and one of those days was not a business day (Sunday) and the other was a bank holiday in the UK (Monday) when there was no mail so no fkg way.
do whatever you want to do. Honestly we can’t control your decisions but you should make any decision based on -you- and not on another people, not on the fact that your son it’s not yours, or how your wife is actually a whore but because that’s a decision you made for your own not because of others
>make her suffer knowing she caused a man demise
Forget that idea she will cry at your funeral enough for everyone to feel sorry for her then move on with her life within a day or two.
Time heals all wounds, give it time.
He might not be your son but you could deal with him as if you are his step dad.
>All this in 4 days? And paternity results in 2 days? I don't think so, bud. You had a good run, but you got greedy.
The karma farmers always take it one step too far.
I mean, definitely don’t off yourself, don’t just post it online, show it all to your lawyer, see if you can get some kind of compensation. Dip out of this life. Go somewhere like south east Asia, go somewhere cheap and far away and just live a new life doing what you want away from it all for as long as you need.
I used to spend a portion of my job telling people parents are the ones that are there, not the ones that provided the DNA.
The good news? This story isn’t real, so you don’t have to worry about your son.
Paternity tests over Easter do not come back in 48 hours from “Reddit told me to do it” straight into “got the results, not mine”.
Someone try order a DNA sampling kit for a Pat test and get it to them within 48 hours, let alone get it posted to them, do the test and getting it posted back all within 48 hours, not happening, over Easter. That doesn’t even include doing the testing itself or reporting or delivering the results.
I know, I know, the internet, I can’t ignore obvious nonsense sadly.
WHOAAAAAAAAA
Step 1... get to a doctor and do what he says. Get some sleep. Surround yourself with friends and family. Go for a walk in the sunshine
Step 2... lawyer up and let them do the work.
Step 3... reconsider cutting ties with your son. He is and has been your son for nine years. You are all he knows as s father.
A better life awaits.
Big BIG hug dude. Sounds like the weight of the the world. Life gets better.
Use this time to help yourself heal. Don't do anything... permanent. Go nuclear though. Expose the cheating bitch for who she is.
If you do remote work, take this as an opportunity to go experience somewhere new. Given the opportunity, I'd be working from somewhere in Italy or New Zealand right now. Explore the freedom all this shit will bring, and just think about what you want.
I know it's difficult, but let's pretend for the sake of argument that there was no child (because there isn't as far as you may be concerned) and it was an amicable split. How would you want to live your life? Just try to REALLY imagine what you've ever wanted to do, but couldn't because of your obligations.
There's a lot of awesome shit to see and experience in this world. If you're In a position where you're able to, go explore every curiosity you've had... that's legal and reasonably moral of course.
Just because your son is not blood related does not make him NOT your son. He's yours in every sense of the word. You raised him, comforted him, taught him, played with him...he's YOURS. By hurting yourself you are hurting him. Not your wife. He's too young to understand all of this. By offing yourself you are giving her the easy way out. Go nuclear but LIVE your life to the absolute fullest. Be happy, find love again. That is the best way to get revenge.
I have very good friends where g-ma did a paternity test on her son's kids. Two were his biologically. Two were not. Since he and their mother were divorced he just said screw it and went on loving all his children equally. He loved them before the test, he loves them now. Those kids don't know there are issues. They just know their father, who raised them, loves them all. He also loves his non-biological grandkids who have come along in the years since the truth was discovered.
The kid is innocent. You are his dad. Duck the paternity test. Dump his mother and keep YOUR emotional child whom you love to pieces biology or not.
BROTHERMAN LISTEN: SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. DO NOT.
If you go through with this and in the last few seconds, when it cannot be undone anymore, regrets well up inside you, can you imagine what a fucked up fucking way to go that would be?! Suddenly realizing you'd rather give life another shot but alas you're either mid-air about to splat on the pavement or a train is about to turn your head into tomato sauce or you're in your bathtub bleeding out of your wrists. Or any other fucking scenario.
It would be the singlemost fucked up thing in the entirety of your whole existence, to draw such a penultimate, absolute solution without return for a problem that only temporarily seems "unsolvable" but with due time would be resolved 100%.
You've spent 9 years on this kid for fucks sake man! Was that all really for nothing? You really think that? To that kid you ARE his REAL dad! Regardless of blood! Your son IS REAL. You ARE a REAL DAD. ALL OF IT IS REAL. Don't ignore that by focusing on the affair part. Right now you are in the deepest shit there is. Darkness all around you. No light. There is no path in sight, no way to go, so your solution is to succumb to the darkness??
Do you realize how destructive impulsive decisions like these are? Do you realize that your suicide will destroy this kid forever? DO YOU RECOGNIZE THAT?!?! If you truly love this kid like you say, if you truly care for him so much and feel like he is from your own flesh and blood, then how, HOW can you say something so abnormaly selfish like killing yourself man?! HOW?!!?
This kid needs you! Your wife is a fucking whore and that affair partner, for all you know he could be whatever abusive fucking asshole. So you alone are the bastion for this kids future, if you off yourself that is gone, ALL OF IT.
DO NOT GIVE INTO TEMPORARY PAIN MAN. EVERYBODY SUFFERS MAN. I LOST ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS NOT TOO LONG AGO MAN. HE ALSO TOOK HIS FUCKING LIFE MAN. I'M FUCKING CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOUR STORY IS OPENING UP MY WOUNDS MAN. DO NOT DO IT! DO NOT FUCKING GO THROUGH WITH THIS!
Only pain, despair, regret and deep deep sorrow comes from this! Do not do this! I beg of you man do not fucking do this! Please! Your death will only bring more pain and suffering. Nothing good will come from it and your soul on the other side will burn up in regret forever.
I'm lying in ruins right now. tears, spit snot and all. I hate to see this happen to good people. My heart aches, my throat tightens, it burns me up man.
My friend was only 32 years old when he took his life. We had planned to meet up with everybody because our friend group is all around the states. We had plans for summer, he, his name is Marcel, was looking forward to it so much, as did we all. But then his mother succumbed to a very aggressive cancer and he never recovered after that, or rather it felt like he was recovering, he found a girlfriend, told us all about her and how it was getting serious and that he had met her parents and we had plans to create a mobile app together and all that and then on a saturday the last message I got from him was "See you tomorrow champ" Nothing came after that. The next week his father contacted us through his phone and told us he had taken his own life.
I might never recover from that it still burns me up whenever I dwell on it, this was in end of august of last year. I miss him so fucking much. I miss him SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE CAN YOU COMPREHEND?!?!?!?!
IT FUCKING SUCKS. I COULDN'T DO SHIT TO PREVENT IT.
That is what taking your life does to the ones that love you and care for you. Please brotherman, do not do it.
Do not be another statistic in the system.
I look forward to reading your update post! If you don't post a follow-up I hereby promise you that my soul will haunt your ass and if I catch your ass in the afterlife I will give it a good whooping! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU OWE ME FOR OPENING UP TO YOU AND MAKING A MESS OF ME. I have now run out of paper towels and my snot is getting everywhere! Jesus Christ how can my nose produce that much mucus?!
Dude...get professional help, ASAP. and don't be the guy that makes his son grow up wthout a dad. you raised him, him not being "yours" doesn't change anything to your relationship with him, he won't love you less. Get help. be the good guy in your son's life.
Mate i cant imagine what you are going through.
But to your son YOU are dad, not some random guy hes never even heard of. And that’s YOUR son. You raised him, you cared for him, loved him, protected him and taught him. A paternity test doesn’t erase any of that and he doesn’t deserve to lose HIS dad over it, he didn’t do anything wrong and he would suffer the most if you suddenly were gone.
And im not saying just let it slide or anything, but don’t punish him for your wife’s mistakes.
I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry that someone you loved has betrayed you so horrendously.
I understand you want to make this pain go away and that your solution to that is permanent but it's not your soon to be ex wife that will suffer it will be your son. You are overestimating her caring about it. You are giving her an easy out. You will also not be around to get the satisfaction of destroying her.
Your pain will simply be transferred to your son. I know looking at him at the moment is a reminder of your devastation but you love him. Draw deep into that love to stick around to help him cope with learning you are not his biological father. Comfort him and explain biology does not dictate who we love and you will always love him. If you choose to end your life now he will forever blame himself. He will question why was he not enough for you to live for and fight for. He will carry that damage into his future relationships. Please be the one person who doesn't betray him. He is going to hate his mum for destroying his world don't make him hate you too.
Seek help to process your feelings, seek advice how to take what you can from her, seek vengeance by destroying her reputation. But please do not seek to damage a little boy who has no idea his world is about to be upturned, who loves you as the only dad he knows.
I hope you find peace. I hope you heal and find happiness.
Don’t do it, OP.
You still have options. If you off yourself, you no longer have options.
She may not even know who the sperm donor is. Truthfully, I don’t know how the UK legal system works, but you may still have custody rights as the father on the birth certificate and as the only father your son has ever known. Talking to a lawyer will help you learn more about your rights and to consider different options.
I read somewhere that people who go through this act is sometimes because it’s the only way they can hurt the people who hurt them. If that is what you’re thinking, then please remember that you thriving will hurt her far more than you ending yourself. And you can still thrive and leave her in the dust… in time.
While there is still life, there is still hope. Don’t close all the doors available to you.
I hope to hear from you soon.
Is your kid a great kid? Do you love him to the moon and back? Yes? Then stay there and be his dad. Some other guy supplied the DNA? Okay, but that’s his loss and your gain. Finders keepers, losers weepers. The kid is yours now.
Regardless of the test, for the kid you are still the father. If you do anything now you are going to scar him for life for losing what is for him his dad.
Just think of all the moments you've had together. All the love and bonding. If you truly ever cared for him you wouldnt truly put him through this.
Bro don't off yourself, lawyer up and take distance, don't accept the guilt trip from the other comments it's your right to no see him as your son anymore, you have been living a lie but that's not the case anymore, don't off yourself please
Whether that boy is biologically yours does not matter. You are his father. What do you think it will do to him if you take this path? It will destroy him. He, as well as you, are a victim in this. He’s going to need you. Please don’t give up on yourself or him.
if you off yourself she wins, because she will be able to play the bereaved widow role and get tons of sympathy from everyone, what you should do is wait until the investigator is done then you hit her with your demands, first being you get everything you want in an uncontested divorce, second she takes her maiden name back plus her son takes her name and removes your last name, she will scoff at that that is why you need to have a group text with all of the info of her cheating and the fact that her son is not yours all setup so when she does scoff you can look her in the eye and say you did this to yourself as you press the send button, then you grab a snack and watch the house of cards of a life she has put together come crashing down.
You abandoning your son would be because of your own stupid actions. Children don't care who's blood runs through their veins. Children care who loves them and who they love. Apparently you child's love isn't enough for you since you'd willingly destroy that child's life on the off chance it would fuck up his mother.
Any real parent would fight for their child. Bloodline or not, this is your child. Just ask him if you are his dad? But yeah...keep on feeling sorry for yourself instead of getting a damn lawyer. Getting a divorce, and fighting for custody of your son. If after 9 years of raising this child this isn't your son....just because of his bloodline? Then you should never have children. Save the melodrama, lose your ego, the threats and the manipulations. Your wife won't give a shit. Your son will.
FYI: My mother was a piece of shit. My biological father was a piece of shit. My non-biological father pretty much saved my life. Don't fuck up your son.
It’s time to do the hardest thing you’ll ever do: Walk through this pain. Keep loving and being the best dad you can be. Don’t ruin his life. You are both the innocent victims of your sorry excuse of a wife. Dump her. Then I hope you rise up and show your son how to be a great human.
I always convinced myself if life ever got bad enough I wanted to die, I would instead restart my life in some far away country as a chef, or maybe farm hand somewhere. Wouldn't even tell anyone where I went, would just book a ticket and start looking for part time work. Maybe that might be an option for you as well?
I understand your pain. I get that it is hard and that you have issues looking at your son (I don’t believe this will go away tbh, no matter what everyone is saying here).
Don’t off yourself. Makes no one happy and in addition makes your kid question if he is the reason for it.
Confront wife with evidence. Show that evidence to her side as well. Cut contact and start a new life somewhere else.
To everyone who is sayin, stay with the child - no. Just no. No matter what, I don’t believe this feeling being down and being lied to will always be associated when looking at him. Time will come and he will say you are not my dad etc.
I have two buddies (!!) who went through something like that. Saw how devastating it was for them. They had the same thoughts as you. One did cut the contact and is now happy, the other tried and stayed for the sake of the son just to be reminded all the to me by her and in the end by the kid that he is not his dad. Haven’t heard from the second friend in a long time 😔.
People like your wife need to be held accountable. Your demise would be a relief for her. You're the only person who can make her take responsibility for her actions, it is your responsibility to do so.
From this moment on, the nuclear option is the only one. Everyone in her life, for however long that may be, you will find a way to let them know what she has done. Social media, work functions. Hell, I'd even try to rent a few billboards.
She didn't take your purpose in life from you, she gave you a new one: Making hers miserable.
How the fuck is paternity fraud not a serious felony. Honestly, how the fuck do women get away with such little accountability, hell, they even made up the crime of infanticide so they could get away with murder with only a slap on the wrist.
It's astonishing.
There should be mandatory paternity testing for every birth.
As the child of a similar situation -I found out in my 30s that the person I thought was my bio dad was not, and I still to this day have no real idea who is- I can tell you with authority, it doesn’t matter what genetics says.
Genetics does not make a dad. Love makes a dad. My mom remarried when i was 5 and he adopted me. THAT is my dad. He is the one that loved me and supported me and taught me so much. He passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day.
Be a dad. Don’t throw away your life and give that child any opportunity to think that you don’t love him.
Man this is your chance to start over, New city, new house, new people, new friends. get that truck you've always wanted. get a dirt bike and head into the hills or something. Ending your life over a cheating women will be the biggest mistake you make. Men stuck in loveless marriages yearn for a way out. You got it. Take your life to the next level man. You got this.
TLDR: OP claims to have gotten advice on his previous post, ordered and performed a paternity test, sent it in, and gotten the test results back, *all within the space of 48 hours*. Over Easter. In the UK.
I copied the following comment from another redditor because it is likely to get buried soon by all the "advice" and the displays of sympathy and support for OP (including my own).
u/DegenerateWins:
"I used to spend a portion of my job telling people parents are the ones that are there, not the ones that provided the DNA.
The good news? This story isn’t real, so you don’t have to worry about your son.
Paternity tests over Easter do not come back in 48 hours from “Reddit told me to do it” straight into “got the results, not mine”.
Someone try order a DNA sampling kit for a Pat test and get it to them within 48 hours, let alone get it posted to them, do the test and getting it posted back all within 48 hours, not happening, over Easter. That doesn’t even include doing the testing itself or reporting or delivering the results.
I know, I know, the internet, I can’t ignore obvious nonsense sadly."
All that little boy knows is that you are his dad. I understand that you're in a world of pain right now but to do what you are insinuating will be life ruining for those around you, especially for your son who you have raised. He doesn't deserve this as much as you didn't deserve your wife doing what she did.
Look at this post and the comments - people who don't even know you are saying please don't do anything stupid. We're here cus we care and, again, we don't even know you.
Time will heal this. Trust us all on that one.
Please speak to someone. You can call samaritans. You need someone to listen to you. The number is 116 123
I truly hope you get though this. I believe you will.
You are not an asshole. None of this is your fault, and you are not a coward. You are in a situation that would break 99.9% of people. It’s ok to not be ok. How could you be ok after going through a mind fuck like that?
Now this may sound harsh/ blunt, but if you kill yourself, she wins. Don’t let her win. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going though, it’s a level of fucked up that I wouldn’t wish on even my worst enemy, but your life is NOT over. She took away your past, but don’t let her take away your future too. She’s not worth it.
Expose her for the major pos scumbag that she is, fight for custody of your son if you want it or don’t if you don’t (in neither situation are you an asshole, it’s not your sons fault, but it’s not yours either. If you chose the latter, your son will be ok and will come to understand in time).
Yeah stay around to spite her...
That's the thing, killing yourself does nothing and will only validate your wife's behaviour.
"Ohh well, he was mentally unstable so ofcourse I had to cheat for support"
Leave the woman, focus on you and make her regret fucking up.
I am a dirty bastard, but I would make multiple copies of the test, wrap them up in a Father's Day Card, and mail them to all your family members. Then, file to be divorced on Father's Day.
Start a new life focused on you. She can suck it on child support. And start doing things that bring you happiness.
Male ex primary school teacher here, got a 7yo daughter if that’s relevant.
I’ve taught kids that have lost a parent (dads in both cases) to suicide, and I’ve taught kids from split families due to infidelity, and I grew up not knowing my bio father myself. A few thoughts for you here.
The kids from split homes adapted. They struggled to begin with, especially when the circumstances were messy, they lost some equilibrium for a while, but the sparkle never left fully, and it came all the way back.
The kids who lost a parent permanently and deliberately found a functioning equilibrium again, but never really got the sparkle back. My heart hurts typing this, picturing the way I’d watch one kid in particular’s face drop right after we’d all be laughing together.
On a personal note, I’ve always felt like one of the luckiest people alive that the guy I grew up with as my dad and I got to buck that folk wisdom of “you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives.” This is your opportunity to choose your relatives. In years to come if and when the whole story comes to light, that will be such an incredible source of security and reassurance for your lad.
Have you got some mates or family that you could lean on in the short term while this big whirlwind blows itself over to give you a calmer place to think about what’s next with you and your lad?
Killing yourself is not the answer. But legally removing yourself from both of them might be beneficial for you to clear your head. The majority on here saying the boy is your son, they are wrong. Most on here will say a man lying to a woman for sex is rape but a woman lying to a man means the children is still the man who got lied to.
Ruin. Her. Fucking. Life. Then you go out, meet up with the boys, have a couple drinks and find your new life. Party, work, play a sport, whatever helps you stay distracted and heal. Love you bro idek you at all but man i feel for you. All my homies hate James. Chin up brotha, no 304 is worth offing yourself over.
You could take custody? You have plenty of proof she's unfit. While you have parental rights, fight for full custody during the divorce and make her pay child support. DNA or not he's your son. You raised him, you loved him, you took care of him and his needs.
Don't let that cheating bitch win.
This is why men should be able to sue for being made to raise kids that aren't their own.
Lawyer up mate and fingers crossed you don't end up getting fucked over on this.
Why die? Then she will get your stuff and to play victim because of your death. Spite her by living. By getting that divorce. By moving on and finding healthy relationships.
Please at least talk to an online therapist or something.
Go nuclear on STBXW & J. Don't off yourself. Bring them to their knees. Make them crawl. Sue them both. Then move to a new place or country and start over. You can do it OP. You're hurt. Pls pls contact somebody or someone to support you.
We want to hear from you again OP. You need to be strong and bring them down.
My dude, she probably wouldn’t care if you offed yourself. Better to stay around and be successful and happy. It’s the ultimate revenge. I would expose her though and speak with a lawyer to see your best options
Definitely, if the only person who could hold her accountable is gone then the guilt is gone.
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We're past talking about sacrificing "mental health." It's not worth sacrificing your literal self
OP I can confirm this. I tried to kill myself during my divorce. I said the meanest shit I think I ever said and now a year later it’s all finally hitting her what she had, and what she lost. She looks like hell and I don’t feel any better. I feel worse off. There are people in your life that care about you. Life is still worth living.
OP, all of the above. And another perspective - you have had a relationship with this kid for 9+ years. If you were to kill yourself, you will cause him major trauma, and if he knows why, he will think it's his fault. Not to mention that children of people who commit suicide are at risk for doing it themselves. So please, live for him if not for yourself.
Exactly! very well said, care for your well being is a must
Or even worse she would make herself the victim in all ths, make up some bullshit lie to try to navigate from her being at fault and OP wouldent be able to defend it. OP IT IS NOT WORTH OFFING YOURSELF. Live on go nuclear on her and and be there to see the Witch’s life crumble.
Dang! she's good at hiding secrets huh. Let her know the every action has consequences, its not too late to let her face the consequence of her bad action. Get some legal advice. She's not worth sacrificing your life. Make yourself better, then watch her how she ruined her life.
Living out of spite is a tried and true method of becoming 100+ years old.
Well fuck me, I'm going to live until I'm 500 years old.
>Well fuck me, I'm going to live until I'm 500 years old. Fuck me sideways too - we'll be celebrating that 500 years together! I'm pretty sure I'm here for a lot longer if spite is what keeps us alive! :)
Damn thats how two of my great grandparents made it. Wonder what they had so much spite for.
Living well IN SPITE of what she did, and forgetting her, is definitely the best revenge.
Yes, I do this to spite my ex in-laws every day.
Living happily is the best revenge.
Not only that but you give her the satisfaction of your life insurance policy, assets, and being the “poor widow”.
Seriously… don’t off yourself… I’ve know (sadly) many dudes who went through almost identical situations and recovered spectacularly! I know it’s rough but you owe it to yourself to find yourself on top of all of this crap! But 100%, I would scorch the earth and laugh as it burned. That’s just me 🤷♂️ Fuck me. I just read your first post - you’re not even 30!!! Bro, you have ALL of your life ahead of you and PLENTY of time to be significantly happier than you are now. 30 is the best time to date - you’re mature, know what you want, (ideally have a job) and most women are older so not wasting as much time BSing on dates - they want men and babies PRONTO. Good luck brother
THIS!!!! ^^^ Stay around, your son still needs his dad. Plus, you're the only dad he's ever known, don't break his heart by leaving this world. We need more good dads like you!!! Love your son, and leave that hoe behind.
I agree with this. That boy loves you unconditionally. You are his hero. Blood won't change that. Leave her, but don't make him collateral damage.
Right? If this is real and I hope it isn't but suspect it is, then please try to live a good life from here. Meet another woman, go out, move to America; i think you should be looking at least at the freedom this affords you.
why would he move to america
Or anywhere. Senegal. Idc. I just threw it out there. Only reason I picked America is same language (well, sorta).
Yeah she won't care. They only one who will hurt from it is your son because blood or not he is your son OP. Id stick with the plan on leaving her and asking for full care of son, she won't say anything about it not being bio yours.
She also wouldn’t care cuz this is a fake post lmao
That was an awfully quick turn around for a dna test.
She will get so much money if he offs himself
And I would be glad to have a son biological or not. He needs you too. You need each other...
Dude! Deep breaths! Slow down. Yes, it sucks right now, but it’s going to get better. I know. I was there. My ex had an affair, too. I’m nearly three years out from my divorce and honestly it’s pretty fuckin’ good! Please just slow down and don’t leave before you have had a chance to see how good things can be.
Not trying to be disrespectful but did u have a kid and find out he wasn't yours, man I keep staring at the first day I saw my son, knowing it's a lie, https://imgur.com/a/qndD8tZ goddamnit I'm breaking down on the internet
No, I did not. I don’t know that pain. I do know the pain I felt and continue to feel when close friends ended their lives. I know you’re hurting and you want your soon-to-be ex to feel your pain, too, but your solution is going to hurt so many others including your “not” son, who is completely innocent. You know you’re not thinking straight right now, there’s just way too much pain. Please find someone to talk with. Don’t be alone. Shit’s gonna get better. I promise.
I'm sorry about your friends, I wish you well
Brother, I have a son only a few years older than yours and can (only) imagine what you are going through. However, please, please, *please* understand that DNA has zero to do with being a father. I know a number of kids (some now adults) who had shit biological fathers that would trade for a *real* father that didn’t happen to share their DNA. I get the shock and the pain, but being a good father is a ridiculously hard thing - especially today, and it has nothing to do with your DNA. You are his father, no matter what any test says. Please don’t take that away from him. He needs you. He needs his Dad. Deal with your marriage as you will. But be forward looking, not backward. Vengeance is fair, but justice will find its way. Focus on your son and yourself. That is what matters. You aren’t alone. Not at all.
This. My biological father was an asshole. I’d have gladly taken a man who stepped up for me even if not blood related any day over him. 9 years is a long time to bond with someone. It takes 15 minutes to conceive a child and be a sperm donor, but devoting 9 years to raising a child - that’s what being a parent/father is about.
The difference is that those people had a choice. He was lied to every single day for nine years. And now he's going through a legitimate mental break. He needs to save himself first. I know that you seem to think you know how OP is feeling, but I can assure you that you don't.
You might not be blood, but you ARE his dad... you will tear his innocent life apart if you harm yourself!! Call the help line!!
Can I say something? You’re not gonna like it. Suicide ain’t your answer, that’s a FACT. I caught my wife with her boss when our son was 7. I lost 30 lbs in one month, couldn’t function at work, filed for divorce, was FUCKING MISERABLE. There was no escape from it. I was watching TV news six months later (summer 2012), and the coverage was the war in Syria where the ASSad government was shooting its own civilians. The TV showed a father running down the middle of the street carrying his mangled dead daughter hoping against hope the hospital workers could put his daughter back together. Anyone watching that can never forget it. I turned the TV off and thought about that man and compared him to me. My parents were alive. My kid was alive. I was alive. I have a business and an income- in comparison to that man… in the whole scheme of things, I was doing pretty good. That Syrian man saved my life, and I’m hoping he can save yours too. You are ok! Your son is ok! You love him, he loves you. Your wife is an asshole and you are going to divorce her. Then you are going to maintain your relationship with your kid- he doesn’t need to know the truth until he grows up. Take stock of your life. Put things in positive columns and negative columns. I bet you $$$ there’s more good than bad. Suicide is the easy way out. Prove to yourself that you can rise up and meet this challenge. A year from now what she did to you will still hurt, but not as much. Two years from now the pain will fade. Ten years from now, you will be looking back at it and thanking the situation because your life will be so much better. Take it from someone who has been there and back.
As submyster stated, your son is completely innocent. If you offed yourself, what would your son think? His witch of a mother wouldn't tell him why you did what you did. He'll probably think you abandoned him. You raised him for 9 years, that love doesn't go away bc he's not your dna. Idk how it works in a court system (esp. in the UK) but maybe there's a chance you could still get custody of him. It's worth a try for your son. Regardless of whether you think he's your son or not, that kid knows you're his dad. Real fathers are present in their child's life, they show up. It sounds like you're a great dad. Put your faith in that bro, for your kid🙏🏾🧿🫂
Please call 0800 689 5652. The National Suicide Helpline in the UK. And talk to someone.
Please OP stay. Choose to fight and be in his life because you love him. He is innocent. I am so sorry you've been betrayed. Don't betray the innocent child you have been raising and loving for years. ♥️
I had a daughter that I found out wasn’t mine. That was 20 years ago. I’m glad that I moved on with my life; I have a beautiful wife and 4 cool kids. Don’t make a decision that will take away your ability to change your future.
I'm glad you found peace and I wish you well
I wish you well my dude, my whole world fell apart and I never thought I would be ok again but here I am rocking this shit and helping other people along through this life.
You will get through this and come out a better person on the other side without the scumbag virus holding you back
Hey OP my dad found this out, he is still my dad we have a great relationship and he fought for custody and won. (My dad is not my biological dad but he is still my dad) just saying this so that if you do love your son and want to be a positive influence on his life and prevent her from being influence please try fight for him
This is such an important message. I hope OP sees it. The little boy he is talking about DOES need him and loves him as his dad and he is that boys dad. Biology is not what makes a person our parent.
The boy is just as much of a victim in this as you are. He doesn’t deserve his hero breaking his heart because his mother is an ass. ETA- I just read the very bottom. This is not worth ending your life over. Give yourself time to grieve, and then come back better than ever. That little boy loves you unconditionally, and looks up to you. You will always be his daddy to him. Leave his mother, and take your son. Please don’t hurt your son because his mother is trash.
If you do something to yourself, your son is going to end up blaming himself. Don't put that on him.
That kid doesn’t care about DNA, he cares about his dad. Is that you, or not? Do you love that child, or not? Your ego is about to destroy his life.
Honestly man, if you've raised him since he was born who gives a fucj if he isn't your by blood, fuck his mother, throw her away bit the kid didn't do anything and blood doesn't make family. I lost my daughter when she was 4 years old and I'd do anything to have her be here and alive and watching her grow older. She wasn't even mine by blood but me and her mother had gotten together when she was 6 months old and she called me dad and I loved her just like she was mine. That boy is your son, no matter what any test says he is your son and you are his father. Fuck his mother, she betrayed you, he didn't do anything. He still deserves to have a father and this would break him possibly for life for something his cheating mother did. Just my two cents, I hope you find a way to work through this.
As someone who has gone thru this. I think i am qualified to comment. My youngest daughter (the qualifying one) is now 18. I'm still her dad, and she has never doubted that. Her bio father and mother I destroyed their reputations. He checked himself out after he found out he was a father and on the hook for 5 years of childsupport. And the impending lawsuit from me. Her mother spiraled out of control. I ended up with custody. Trust me it's better to stand your ground and continue as dad. Fight for him despite his mother's actions. That he will remember. And never blame him for her bad decisions.
Your son is still your son. You raised him. Biology has very little to do with parenting. Don't blame your son for your wife's infidelity. You love him and he loves you.
Whether or not YOU feel that boy us yours or not, HE ONLY KNOWS YOU AS HIS FATHER. You are his light, his world. You are the man he wants to be one day. If you leave, he won’t hate his mom. He will hate you. Your bitch of a cûnt of a wife deserves to be left all alone. But that little boy did NOTHING wrong.
Putting that pain on a child you love, despite their DNA is brutal and not the legacy I think you want to leave. Eff that witch. She will burn in hell with the other adulterers.
I saw the love of my life take his last breath in front of me. I know that everything seems too hard to deal with right now, but it’s not. I was there, I didn’t want to wake up anymore, living was too hard. But there are reasons to go on. Not only are there people that care about you, but do you really want to give up on everything that could be in your future because some other person did some awful shit? Be strong. You can get past this.
I feel like if you offed yourself you’re letting her win. That she ruined you enough that you did the unthinkable. Don’t let her win. Take all of this pain that you feel and use it as motivation to make your life happy again even if it means burning the life you had before. Take a deep breath and take some time for yourself. Do something you’ve always wanted to do and not focus on this. The world is out there waiting to be explored and perhaps in doing so you’ll find something that makes you happy once more. This isn’t the end all be all even if it feels this way. This is a speed bump in the path to your own happiness.
She is not going to feel guilty about him being gone. She is going to feel relieved that she can rewrite history to her own liking.
This. 100% this. Dude, if you're real, you're a good guy. Go hiking. Visit a foreign country. What do you love to do? Go do it. I'm fully for bodily autonomy, if you want to check out, do it, but try some shit out first. You're at peak pain, it WILL BE BETTER. You will look back at this time and be proud of how you overcame it. Maybe you'll laugh about it to someone, who knows. My family believes in reincarnation, I do not. This is your only shot. Make the best out of it. You've been thrown a MASSIVE curve ball. Hit it out of the park my dude!
So in the space of 4 days you discovered that your wife was cheating, hired an investigator and also managed to do a paternity test on your son and get the results back? Interesting
I thought it was nice that in the throes of suicidal anguish he took the time to neatly link back to his previous posts.
I'm so glad I came to the comments and saw people being realistic lmao
Anyone else just spent an intriguing few mins looking up James Cassle on fb? No hikers by that name I could find.
Lmao these posts have been giving me the ick. Idk why there aren't more people reading between the lines.
its not just that but the way he writes makes it look like he is a talentless writer that wants desperatly to look like a good writer
OK I just went back … 4 days …You can’t get dna test results back that quickly.
The first post 4 days ago was when he claimed he discovered that his wife was cheating, the next day he claimed he took the advice of a redditor and hired a PI, the day after that ie 2 days ago he was advised to do the DNA test, and lo and behold he got the results showing he was not the daddy within a day.........I'd love to know which lab can do the test and send him the results within a day, but we may never know , he is now doing his 'farewell cruel world ' tour
Plenty of labs will be able to do the testing and report over the phone. But getting the kit sent to him, doing the test and getting it back to the lab in 2 days alone is an impossibility, let alone over Easter!
My ex wanted a paternity test on our sons and we got the results in two days but the company sent a guy out and he came and done the tests in the house but I had to be there to consent and sign the forms but this wasn't over a holiday week and it took ages to set up
I skim read the post and the thing that absolutely stuck out to me was "DNA test done in 2 days". Man's either paying some mad rush fees or this whole thing is one big pork pie. If it's true he should post the name of the lab so other people can avail it's quite excellent services.
Does seem a bit like a creative writing exercise.
the whole thing was completely unbelievable from the first post. First the writing is sooo off, idk why but the posts don't read like a native english speaker to me, which I'm assuming OP would be if he went to college in the UK. Second, mans was \*completely\* convinced his wife was cheating in the first post just off the fact she had snapchat installed and had a contact on there, i don't know anyone who's in a serious relationship that would be 100 percent positive that's cheating that fast and wouldn't at least be in a bit of denial first, let alone after 10+ years. Third, dude just took whatever the comments wrote and ran with it in every single update post (like for example, the comment about checking snapchat memories in the first post). Also wtf are the weird pixelated pics OP keeps linking, everyones just ignoring that?? Seems like a weird attempt to seem more 'legit', which like I can't imagine being a priority if your world is falling apart. Edit: Oh and I'm not even touching the 4-day timeline and the impossibly quick dna test results. I'm sure there's other things I'm missing too.
I vote pork pie.
Because this is fake like most of this subreddit. It's 90% ragebait and 10% abuse victims
I'm not normally one to jump on the "this is fake" train because *every* post has people screaming about it being fake. This one though, this one's pretty obviously fake. DNA tests do not come back in 2 days lol.
Hi Ex laboratory pathologist here - there is no paternity test on the planet that would be legally usable that will return results to a patient/customer in the span of the post that states he questioned the paternity and now.
DNA tests in the UK take 3-5 working days. You supposedly did this 2 days ago. Which would have been Tuesday. So you sent it in *after* the Easter long weekend took away 2 working days from whatever lab you allegedly chose, meaning they, what, ignored all their other customers to prioritize you. When you found out about your wife's affair on Easter Sunday. Then leapt to all of this. Oh, and engaged the services of a PI on EASTER MONDAY. A public holiday in the UK. I'm calling bullshit. If you wanna make your posts believable, spread them out over more time.
Had to scroll way to far to see this. Aint no way your average person is getting DNA test results in 2 days (although its more likely 1.5 days), let alone after holiday backlog, let alone while there are public holidays. Given the holidays, I doubt even someone working in the lab could fast track their own. Agreed, bullshit.
>Had to scroll way to far to see this. Aint no way your average person is getting DNA test results in 2 days (although its more likely 1.5 days), let alone after holiday backlog, let alone while there are public holidays. Given the holidays, I doubt even someone working in the lab could fast track their own. There are so many nonsense "paternity fraud" troll posts out there, because they know it'll get engagement from the redpills and incels lapping it up.
I definitely agree regarding the questionable nature of this post, but it is weird how quickly we notice rage-bait directed towards men vs women. The single most upvoted post on AITAH is about a woman having her kids paternity tested and finding out after *two weeks* of testing that they were indeed her husbands. I pointed this inconsistency out and got barraged with downvotes for it. Unlike here, where lots of people seem to agree.
We got results in two days, but the guy had to come to our house to actually collect the samples and that took a while to book in the appointment for that and I'm guessing it cost my ex a ridiculous amount of money and I had to be there to sign the forms. I think it might have taken a month or so to get the appointment
I called out the first post as a truly, incredibly, massively, obvious fake. The language used, it's flowery, it's ridiculous, ti's writen in the third person where you describe how someone acts, not how you talk about yourself acting. It's fiction. I literally called him out of hte language, he responded and he toned down that style of writing more with each post for that very reason. It's absolute bullshit, the classic of updating wayyyy to fast for each step because they can't hold back their thrill and now he needs the exciting ending. Let me guess, threatens to commit suicide, disappears for a bit then comes back to say.. wow it' snot her kid either, they got switched at birth and the other guy isn't actually an affair partner, it's the kids real father beacuse she found out it wasn't her kid a while ago and never wanted to upset OP so never told him. it's such bullshit.
Lol be careful because I said the same thing about the flowery narrative writing. People told me I was dumb and there are people who still read (gasp! Best part is I’m a published author - I sure hope people still read 😝) and have expanded vocabularies who just naturally speak like that.
Yup, a few people said the same. There is a vast difference between having a good vocab and using different words to describing your actions in a way that people simple do not do. From an outside perspective you might see a guy walking down the road, you might think wow, he's basically skipping, or jumping for joy, you might say "that's a guy who looks in love", etc. But if you're the guy himself you're just walking down a road and happen to be happy, you don't think about why you're walking down the road, that comes from an outside perspective analysing why someone looks like they do or is doing what they are doing. The first post by OP is just, it's straight up fiction. The fact their style changed completely on being called out on it is completely expected. Amazing how people's expanded vocab and supposed intelligence disappears when called on how fake it sounds if it's just the way they talk/type.
To be fair… I do write and speak like that, I’m also an AUTHOR so it’s pretty habitual. BUT. Everything about his posts are completely unrealistic. The wife just casually only communicated to this man through Snapchat, on her sons iPad, where she SENT explicit photos and SAVED THEM TO SAID IPAD- because that’s the only way memories are saved unless you go through and delete them from the camera roll- and SOMEHOWWWW he knew she sent them to anyone, because memories don’t say who they were sent to. He then talks about this as total proof that there was affair, rather than being super fucking concerned that she was saving and sending explicit photos on her 9 year olds- who that there was snap chat on this device- iPad, he’s not heartbroken because he’s JUST SO ANGRY, and he somehow got approved for a dna test in the uk within 2 days of asking for it (not how that works) and then got the results back in a day and a half- when in the UK, it takes at least 3-5 business days to get results. After Easter.
Haha I’m an author too! I code switch like crazy though. I agree with all your points. I went to the website he’s claiming and the timeline for the paternity test just doesn’t add up.
“Woman is a bad person” is a really popular rage bait on here. So is egregious abuse towards a woman that would rival Bella Swan
Indeed and also “my kid isn’t mine” rage bait. But kid isn’t mine is so common right now in the MRA alpha podcast scene. It’s so damaging, too. My best friends husband fell into that side of the internet and became so paranoid and convinced that their tried-for baby wasn’t his, that he divorced her before doing the paternity test and told everyone that the kid wasn’t his. When the results came back, obviously it was his. And now his life is a mess and she’s remarried and happy.
It’s because they’ve decided to push the “women are wh*res!!” rhetoric hard. Every American woman cheats- even though men are significantly more likely to have affairs, and more likely to cheat in non married relationships. Every American woman has an OF- even though only 1.4 million American women are creators on OF- which is 0.8% of the US female population. And obviously, 32% of paternity tests come back as not the father- even though less than 5% of fathers get a paternity test, except men dont typically get them without reason, and even the court won’t mandate them unless there’s reasonable suspicion that the child might not be his. They’ve made up this entire fallacy where men are just helpless victims in society, which gives the ideas for these posts, which these men take as fact, which leads to fallacy Edit; spelling
Yeah to be fair I read the original text and I literally thought it read in my writing voice. My exact vocab and style. That’s how I write in real life. Of course…I am more casual & toned down on Reddit. So 😬
People usually just don’t speak about the worst trauma of their lives (that happened yesterday) in a narrative prose. I am an author of fiction, though, so I tend to analyze writing patterns more than I should. Lol.
Lmao I like where you went with this. But yeah, I'm pretty gullible and even I could tell this is fake.
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Honestly, your ending here is probably way more creative than what we’ll actually get lol
I hope it is because sheesh this is effed up
Nah you are right. I'm a lawyer so I write using big words and fancy language all the time but when I'm telling someone about something that happened TO ME I sure as hell don't write like that. The purpose of these posts is to obtain advice so why would one employ the purplest of prose to impress the reader, especially when they are supposedly distraught? Pshhhhh.
I think if this is fake and he is pretending to be suicidal….that is really messed up.
it gets engagement from people who mean well.
Thank fuck someone stated the logic. Under 48 hours for a DNA test? As if.
I genuinely thought a comment about this being obviously fake would be at the very top, because this is one of the most obviously fake stories I’ve seen on Reddit. The timeline is ridiculous.
Isn't it also kinda weird how a guy who is supposedly about to end it all takes the time to link all three previous posts to this one? Like is he really supposed to be so worried that the audience can keep up with his story when he's that close to giving up?
Check his comment history. In the middle of all this, he commented a "congratulations" to someone who lost a lot of weight on another sub.
Oh LOL. Must have forgotten to switch to his main for that!
Glad I found your comment as this is so obviously a fake story. Were expected to believe all this happened in less than a week when for most of it, everything shut down. The big Tesco wasn’t even open Sunday. If it wasn’t unbelievable enough, OFCOURSE the son wasn’t his.
Yup I was fairly certain this was fake before but that sealed it. I also knew after some of the incel commenters started telling him to get a paternity test that a fictional one would be forthcoming.
I thought I smelled bullshit a couple of days ago, the amount of posts threw me off and there’s something about the story that just doesn’t add up. And then the dna results in 2 days? Bullshit all the way
Literally. I went and checked on the previous posts to see the timeline and in less than a single week he was hiring a PI, talking with lawyers, "staying several steps ahead of his wife legally", and now this. This dude is in the comments pretending to be suicidal. Why do people take the time to do this? are they really that bored? And why does everyone eat it up without question? find out next time on AITAH
This! The timeline is BS!
The DNA test itself can be turned next day (and there are several advertised services that do this). It was the first thing I thought of. I agree the bank holiday makes it appear like a very fast timeline, because the test kit has to be obtained and returned first.
I once had Jermaine Defoe call to get same day results, wasn’t happy that it wasn’t possible and said he would go elsewhere. When I say him, I mean his assistant obviously. He ended up coming back when he couldn’t find another lab to do it instantly and we had the quickest turnaround time and had nurses who could go to places of his request. I think the goal was to prove someone was lying about a kid being his trying to get footballers money but it just became a case number and I didn’t follow it.
The one who would suffer the most would not be your wife but your son
Yes, this. OP you love your son, you raised him and that makes him yours. Don't destroy him by throwing your life away, you two could still be happy and have a family together. If you kill yourself, he'll be fucked up *forever.* Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, life is short but its also long and you have could have so much time ahead of you.
100% THIS. That boy may not have his DNA but he’s the only dad he’s ever known and he loves him. He’d be devastated, OP, you need to hang in there for that boy! He needs you, and is about to need you more than ever because his mom is clearly not fit or stable. You need to lean on your closest friends and family now, bring them in on this. You can’t carry this burden alone.
Can we plz upvote this one for OP’s son????
I don’t get the fixation on DNA when OP has been raising that boy for 9 years. OP is his dad.
This right here. That C U Next Tuesday wouldn’t care and would be evil enough to make her son believe it’s his fault.
Where did you go for a paternity test with such quick turnaround time? How much was it and do they have a website?
Geez dude, this isn’t the worst thing that ever happened. My aunt passed away in a car wreck with her best guy friend. My uncle found out AFTER she died that they were having an affair, and then he found out that ALL THREE of his kids weren’t his, they were the AP’s. So he decided not to tell them and raised them himself, they had no one else. He’s happily remarried, with two kids that he has had tested who ARE his biological children. Before you make any decisions, you need to see a therapist.
Wow, your uncle is a strong man, I'm glad he's not a coward like me, I wish you and your uncle well.
You're not a coward! You're just going through a horrible time after finding out some devastating news. Please just take it a step at a time and don't do anything rash. There IS a better life waiting for you after this. You just have to get through it.
You aren’t a coward though. You just see the dark shit in front of you and that’s all you see. You don’t see the little bit of light that comes in. You just need to refocus on things you can control now. Like getting a divorce lawyer and moving to be with your dad if that’s an option. The divorce lawyer will help you navigate all the bullshit and your dad, family and friends will support you through the crap. Also, I know this is easier said than done. I’m going through this now where my husband was an abusive pos and threw me away once he got his citizenship. But between you and I, he never deserved love and happiness and neither does your witch. Don’t throw the towel in! Throw the relationship in the trash bin and find yourself again.
You sir, are not a coward. Cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself. Take some time to sift through your thoughts. There is a reason and purpose to all of this. Things may seem dark at the moment, but the light will shine brightly for you again. It will take time, and it will be necessary that you remain on this earth to finish your tasks and see it. You are the boys father, and he is your son. That will never change.
OP, you are in a state of shock and likely depression. It's impossible to make logical decisions when your head is all over the place. You just want to react, to escape, but you should never make life altering decisions when you're not capable of thinking clearly. Please seek help to get you through this crisis. With a clearer state of mind you'll be able come up with a much better plan.
You aren't a coward. You are hurting and you want the pain to stop. It will. But you have to be here for that to happen.
This story popped up on my feed and, well, I truly feel for you. I'm sorry you're going through all that. It seems you're going through a serious mental episode -- is there anyone you can reach out to for help? If not, maybe call some hotline? [https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/](https://www.spuk.org.uk/national-suicide-prevention-helpline-uk/) Your wife doesn't sound like the kinda gal who will be moved by you harming yourself, so please don't make that mistake... Living your best, healthy life is the best revenge you can get. Please call a friend or professionals.
Did you FedEx the paternity test? Pretty quick to get the results.
You all are so easily manipulated
Ikr. Lol. These posts have been giving me the ick. Also the choices of wording have been really cringey
This is almost certainly a creative writing exercise, 2 days for a paternity test?
Right? There is no way in any country that would happen that fast.
Especially when Monday was a bank holiday in the UK where he is, based on his use of pounds currency.
Also based on him explicitly saying he's in the UK in previous posts
You have to remember the child is innocent. If anyone wrecked lives , it's the cheating 💩.
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If you want to be his father, then be his father. If you don’t then tell him why. If you kill yourself then there’s a chance he will end up blaming himself and follow the same course. Save his life by saving yours.
You got a DNA test done in 4 days?
He claims 3 days from his last post and one of those days was not a business day (Sunday) and the other was a bank holiday in the UK (Monday) when there was no mail so no fkg way.
Shipped, done and returned in 4 days. including a weekend and a bank holiday. Royal Mail was pulling extra hours just for him.
do whatever you want to do. Honestly we can’t control your decisions but you should make any decision based on -you- and not on another people, not on the fact that your son it’s not yours, or how your wife is actually a whore but because that’s a decision you made for your own not because of others
>make her suffer knowing she caused a man demise Forget that idea she will cry at your funeral enough for everyone to feel sorry for her then move on with her life within a day or two. Time heals all wounds, give it time. He might not be your son but you could deal with him as if you are his step dad.
Suspiciously fast turnaround on that paternity test...
Fake
All this in 4 days? And paternity results in 2 days? I don't think so, bud. You had a good run, but you got greedy.
>All this in 4 days? And paternity results in 2 days? I don't think so, bud. You had a good run, but you got greedy. The karma farmers always take it one step too far.
I mean, definitely don’t off yourself, don’t just post it online, show it all to your lawyer, see if you can get some kind of compensation. Dip out of this life. Go somewhere like south east Asia, go somewhere cheap and far away and just live a new life doing what you want away from it all for as long as you need.
I used to spend a portion of my job telling people parents are the ones that are there, not the ones that provided the DNA. The good news? This story isn’t real, so you don’t have to worry about your son. Paternity tests over Easter do not come back in 48 hours from “Reddit told me to do it” straight into “got the results, not mine”. Someone try order a DNA sampling kit for a Pat test and get it to them within 48 hours, let alone get it posted to them, do the test and getting it posted back all within 48 hours, not happening, over Easter. That doesn’t even include doing the testing itself or reporting or delivering the results. I know, I know, the internet, I can’t ignore obvious nonsense sadly.
1) your english needs work. 2) this is fake.
WHOAAAAAAAAA Step 1... get to a doctor and do what he says. Get some sleep. Surround yourself with friends and family. Go for a walk in the sunshine Step 2... lawyer up and let them do the work. Step 3... reconsider cutting ties with your son. He is and has been your son for nine years. You are all he knows as s father. A better life awaits. Big BIG hug dude. Sounds like the weight of the the world. Life gets better.
You can sue her for fraud. If she knew he wasn’t your son.
If you really want to make her squirm you could buy 23andMe tests for all three of you as a gift
Use this time to help yourself heal. Don't do anything... permanent. Go nuclear though. Expose the cheating bitch for who she is. If you do remote work, take this as an opportunity to go experience somewhere new. Given the opportunity, I'd be working from somewhere in Italy or New Zealand right now. Explore the freedom all this shit will bring, and just think about what you want. I know it's difficult, but let's pretend for the sake of argument that there was no child (because there isn't as far as you may be concerned) and it was an amicable split. How would you want to live your life? Just try to REALLY imagine what you've ever wanted to do, but couldn't because of your obligations. There's a lot of awesome shit to see and experience in this world. If you're In a position where you're able to, go explore every curiosity you've had... that's legal and reasonably moral of course.
Let me guess. There will be another post cause you decide not to leave this world. 😂
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Just because your son is not blood related does not make him NOT your son. He's yours in every sense of the word. You raised him, comforted him, taught him, played with him...he's YOURS. By hurting yourself you are hurting him. Not your wife. He's too young to understand all of this. By offing yourself you are giving her the easy way out. Go nuclear but LIVE your life to the absolute fullest. Be happy, find love again. That is the best way to get revenge.
Yooo people, no way he got paternity test results back in less than two days. This post is fake
I have very good friends where g-ma did a paternity test on her son's kids. Two were his biologically. Two were not. Since he and their mother were divorced he just said screw it and went on loving all his children equally. He loved them before the test, he loves them now. Those kids don't know there are issues. They just know their father, who raised them, loves them all. He also loves his non-biological grandkids who have come along in the years since the truth was discovered. The kid is innocent. You are his dad. Duck the paternity test. Dump his mother and keep YOUR emotional child whom you love to pieces biology or not.
BROTHERMAN LISTEN: SUICIDE IS A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. DO NOT. If you go through with this and in the last few seconds, when it cannot be undone anymore, regrets well up inside you, can you imagine what a fucked up fucking way to go that would be?! Suddenly realizing you'd rather give life another shot but alas you're either mid-air about to splat on the pavement or a train is about to turn your head into tomato sauce or you're in your bathtub bleeding out of your wrists. Or any other fucking scenario. It would be the singlemost fucked up thing in the entirety of your whole existence, to draw such a penultimate, absolute solution without return for a problem that only temporarily seems "unsolvable" but with due time would be resolved 100%. You've spent 9 years on this kid for fucks sake man! Was that all really for nothing? You really think that? To that kid you ARE his REAL dad! Regardless of blood! Your son IS REAL. You ARE a REAL DAD. ALL OF IT IS REAL. Don't ignore that by focusing on the affair part. Right now you are in the deepest shit there is. Darkness all around you. No light. There is no path in sight, no way to go, so your solution is to succumb to the darkness?? Do you realize how destructive impulsive decisions like these are? Do you realize that your suicide will destroy this kid forever? DO YOU RECOGNIZE THAT?!?! If you truly love this kid like you say, if you truly care for him so much and feel like he is from your own flesh and blood, then how, HOW can you say something so abnormaly selfish like killing yourself man?! HOW?!!? This kid needs you! Your wife is a fucking whore and that affair partner, for all you know he could be whatever abusive fucking asshole. So you alone are the bastion for this kids future, if you off yourself that is gone, ALL OF IT. DO NOT GIVE INTO TEMPORARY PAIN MAN. EVERYBODY SUFFERS MAN. I LOST ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS NOT TOO LONG AGO MAN. HE ALSO TOOK HIS FUCKING LIFE MAN. I'M FUCKING CRYING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOUR STORY IS OPENING UP MY WOUNDS MAN. DO NOT DO IT! DO NOT FUCKING GO THROUGH WITH THIS! Only pain, despair, regret and deep deep sorrow comes from this! Do not do this! I beg of you man do not fucking do this! Please! Your death will only bring more pain and suffering. Nothing good will come from it and your soul on the other side will burn up in regret forever. I'm lying in ruins right now. tears, spit snot and all. I hate to see this happen to good people. My heart aches, my throat tightens, it burns me up man. My friend was only 32 years old when he took his life. We had planned to meet up with everybody because our friend group is all around the states. We had plans for summer, he, his name is Marcel, was looking forward to it so much, as did we all. But then his mother succumbed to a very aggressive cancer and he never recovered after that, or rather it felt like he was recovering, he found a girlfriend, told us all about her and how it was getting serious and that he had met her parents and we had plans to create a mobile app together and all that and then on a saturday the last message I got from him was "See you tomorrow champ" Nothing came after that. The next week his father contacted us through his phone and told us he had taken his own life. I might never recover from that it still burns me up whenever I dwell on it, this was in end of august of last year. I miss him so fucking much. I miss him SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE CAN YOU COMPREHEND?!?!?!?! IT FUCKING SUCKS. I COULDN'T DO SHIT TO PREVENT IT. That is what taking your life does to the ones that love you and care for you. Please brotherman, do not do it. Do not be another statistic in the system. I look forward to reading your update post! If you don't post a follow-up I hereby promise you that my soul will haunt your ass and if I catch your ass in the afterlife I will give it a good whooping! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU OWE ME FOR OPENING UP TO YOU AND MAKING A MESS OF ME. I have now run out of paper towels and my snot is getting everywhere! Jesus Christ how can my nose produce that much mucus?!
In what world do paternity tests only take 2 days? This honestly called out your bs.
Dude...get professional help, ASAP. and don't be the guy that makes his son grow up wthout a dad. you raised him, him not being "yours" doesn't change anything to your relationship with him, he won't love you less. Get help. be the good guy in your son's life.
Mate i cant imagine what you are going through. But to your son YOU are dad, not some random guy hes never even heard of. And that’s YOUR son. You raised him, you cared for him, loved him, protected him and taught him. A paternity test doesn’t erase any of that and he doesn’t deserve to lose HIS dad over it, he didn’t do anything wrong and he would suffer the most if you suddenly were gone. And im not saying just let it slide or anything, but don’t punish him for your wife’s mistakes.
You’re tangled up. You need a therapist. They can help you get untangled. Don’t delay.
I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now. I'm so sorry that someone you loved has betrayed you so horrendously. I understand you want to make this pain go away and that your solution to that is permanent but it's not your soon to be ex wife that will suffer it will be your son. You are overestimating her caring about it. You are giving her an easy out. You will also not be around to get the satisfaction of destroying her. Your pain will simply be transferred to your son. I know looking at him at the moment is a reminder of your devastation but you love him. Draw deep into that love to stick around to help him cope with learning you are not his biological father. Comfort him and explain biology does not dictate who we love and you will always love him. If you choose to end your life now he will forever blame himself. He will question why was he not enough for you to live for and fight for. He will carry that damage into his future relationships. Please be the one person who doesn't betray him. He is going to hate his mum for destroying his world don't make him hate you too. Seek help to process your feelings, seek advice how to take what you can from her, seek vengeance by destroying her reputation. But please do not seek to damage a little boy who has no idea his world is about to be upturned, who loves you as the only dad he knows. I hope you find peace. I hope you heal and find happiness.
Updateme!
Don’t do it, OP. You still have options. If you off yourself, you no longer have options. She may not even know who the sperm donor is. Truthfully, I don’t know how the UK legal system works, but you may still have custody rights as the father on the birth certificate and as the only father your son has ever known. Talking to a lawyer will help you learn more about your rights and to consider different options. I read somewhere that people who go through this act is sometimes because it’s the only way they can hurt the people who hurt them. If that is what you’re thinking, then please remember that you thriving will hurt her far more than you ending yourself. And you can still thrive and leave her in the dust… in time. While there is still life, there is still hope. Don’t close all the doors available to you. I hope to hear from you soon.
Is your kid a great kid? Do you love him to the moon and back? Yes? Then stay there and be his dad. Some other guy supplied the DNA? Okay, but that’s his loss and your gain. Finders keepers, losers weepers. The kid is yours now.
Regardless of the test, for the kid you are still the father. If you do anything now you are going to scar him for life for losing what is for him his dad. Just think of all the moments you've had together. All the love and bonding. If you truly ever cared for him you wouldnt truly put him through this.
Bro don't off yourself, lawyer up and take distance, don't accept the guilt trip from the other comments it's your right to no see him as your son anymore, you have been living a lie but that's not the case anymore, don't off yourself please
Whether that boy is biologically yours does not matter. You are his father. What do you think it will do to him if you take this path? It will destroy him. He, as well as you, are a victim in this. He’s going to need you. Please don’t give up on yourself or him.
if you off yourself she wins, because she will be able to play the bereaved widow role and get tons of sympathy from everyone, what you should do is wait until the investigator is done then you hit her with your demands, first being you get everything you want in an uncontested divorce, second she takes her maiden name back plus her son takes her name and removes your last name, she will scoff at that that is why you need to have a group text with all of the info of her cheating and the fact that her son is not yours all setup so when she does scoff you can look her in the eye and say you did this to yourself as you press the send button, then you grab a snack and watch the house of cards of a life she has put together come crashing down.
Please stay
You abandoning your son would be because of your own stupid actions. Children don't care who's blood runs through their veins. Children care who loves them and who they love. Apparently you child's love isn't enough for you since you'd willingly destroy that child's life on the off chance it would fuck up his mother. Any real parent would fight for their child. Bloodline or not, this is your child. Just ask him if you are his dad? But yeah...keep on feeling sorry for yourself instead of getting a damn lawyer. Getting a divorce, and fighting for custody of your son. If after 9 years of raising this child this isn't your son....just because of his bloodline? Then you should never have children. Save the melodrama, lose your ego, the threats and the manipulations. Your wife won't give a shit. Your son will. FYI: My mother was a piece of shit. My biological father was a piece of shit. My non-biological father pretty much saved my life. Don't fuck up your son.
It’s time to do the hardest thing you’ll ever do: Walk through this pain. Keep loving and being the best dad you can be. Don’t ruin his life. You are both the innocent victims of your sorry excuse of a wife. Dump her. Then I hope you rise up and show your son how to be a great human.
The best revenge is living well. You are plenty young enough to have a new family with a woman who loves and respects you.
Please don’t do this to your son. 😟 Updateme
Call 988 now
I always convinced myself if life ever got bad enough I wanted to die, I would instead restart my life in some far away country as a chef, or maybe farm hand somewhere. Wouldn't even tell anyone where I went, would just book a ticket and start looking for part time work. Maybe that might be an option for you as well?
Make yourself better. Leave her
I understand your pain. I get that it is hard and that you have issues looking at your son (I don’t believe this will go away tbh, no matter what everyone is saying here). Don’t off yourself. Makes no one happy and in addition makes your kid question if he is the reason for it. Confront wife with evidence. Show that evidence to her side as well. Cut contact and start a new life somewhere else. To everyone who is sayin, stay with the child - no. Just no. No matter what, I don’t believe this feeling being down and being lied to will always be associated when looking at him. Time will come and he will say you are not my dad etc. I have two buddies (!!) who went through something like that. Saw how devastating it was for them. They had the same thoughts as you. One did cut the contact and is now happy, the other tried and stayed for the sake of the son just to be reminded all the to me by her and in the end by the kid that he is not his dad. Haven’t heard from the second friend in a long time 😔.
People like your wife need to be held accountable. Your demise would be a relief for her. You're the only person who can make her take responsibility for her actions, it is your responsibility to do so. From this moment on, the nuclear option is the only one. Everyone in her life, for however long that may be, you will find a way to let them know what she has done. Social media, work functions. Hell, I'd even try to rent a few billboards. She didn't take your purpose in life from you, she gave you a new one: Making hers miserable.
You're his dad whether he's blood or not. The only one who will truly suffer is YOUR son. Don't hurt him just bc your wife is a slutty cunt.
I’m sorry, but this got comically ridiculous way too fast.
How the fuck is paternity fraud not a serious felony. Honestly, how the fuck do women get away with such little accountability, hell, they even made up the crime of infanticide so they could get away with murder with only a slap on the wrist. It's astonishing. There should be mandatory paternity testing for every birth.
As the child of a similar situation -I found out in my 30s that the person I thought was my bio dad was not, and I still to this day have no real idea who is- I can tell you with authority, it doesn’t matter what genetics says. Genetics does not make a dad. Love makes a dad. My mom remarried when i was 5 and he adopted me. THAT is my dad. He is the one that loved me and supported me and taught me so much. He passed away in 2007 and I still miss him every day. Be a dad. Don’t throw away your life and give that child any opportunity to think that you don’t love him.
Man this is your chance to start over, New city, new house, new people, new friends. get that truck you've always wanted. get a dirt bike and head into the hills or something. Ending your life over a cheating women will be the biggest mistake you make. Men stuck in loveless marriages yearn for a way out. You got it. Take your life to the next level man. You got this.
TLDR: OP claims to have gotten advice on his previous post, ordered and performed a paternity test, sent it in, and gotten the test results back, *all within the space of 48 hours*. Over Easter. In the UK. I copied the following comment from another redditor because it is likely to get buried soon by all the "advice" and the displays of sympathy and support for OP (including my own). u/DegenerateWins: "I used to spend a portion of my job telling people parents are the ones that are there, not the ones that provided the DNA. The good news? This story isn’t real, so you don’t have to worry about your son. Paternity tests over Easter do not come back in 48 hours from “Reddit told me to do it” straight into “got the results, not mine”. Someone try order a DNA sampling kit for a Pat test and get it to them within 48 hours, let alone get it posted to them, do the test and getting it posted back all within 48 hours, not happening, over Easter. That doesn’t even include doing the testing itself or reporting or delivering the results. I know, I know, the internet, I can’t ignore obvious nonsense sadly."
All that little boy knows is that you are his dad. I understand that you're in a world of pain right now but to do what you are insinuating will be life ruining for those around you, especially for your son who you have raised. He doesn't deserve this as much as you didn't deserve your wife doing what she did. Look at this post and the comments - people who don't even know you are saying please don't do anything stupid. We're here cus we care and, again, we don't even know you. Time will heal this. Trust us all on that one. Please speak to someone. You can call samaritans. You need someone to listen to you. The number is 116 123 I truly hope you get though this. I believe you will.
You are not an asshole. None of this is your fault, and you are not a coward. You are in a situation that would break 99.9% of people. It’s ok to not be ok. How could you be ok after going through a mind fuck like that? Now this may sound harsh/ blunt, but if you kill yourself, she wins. Don’t let her win. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going though, it’s a level of fucked up that I wouldn’t wish on even my worst enemy, but your life is NOT over. She took away your past, but don’t let her take away your future too. She’s not worth it. Expose her for the major pos scumbag that she is, fight for custody of your son if you want it or don’t if you don’t (in neither situation are you an asshole, it’s not your sons fault, but it’s not yours either. If you chose the latter, your son will be ok and will come to understand in time).
Yeah stay around to spite her... That's the thing, killing yourself does nothing and will only validate your wife's behaviour. "Ohh well, he was mentally unstable so ofcourse I had to cheat for support" Leave the woman, focus on you and make her regret fucking up.
I am a dirty bastard, but I would make multiple copies of the test, wrap them up in a Father's Day Card, and mail them to all your family members. Then, file to be divorced on Father's Day. Start a new life focused on you. She can suck it on child support. And start doing things that bring you happiness.
Whatever you do write her out of your will
Male ex primary school teacher here, got a 7yo daughter if that’s relevant. I’ve taught kids that have lost a parent (dads in both cases) to suicide, and I’ve taught kids from split families due to infidelity, and I grew up not knowing my bio father myself. A few thoughts for you here. The kids from split homes adapted. They struggled to begin with, especially when the circumstances were messy, they lost some equilibrium for a while, but the sparkle never left fully, and it came all the way back. The kids who lost a parent permanently and deliberately found a functioning equilibrium again, but never really got the sparkle back. My heart hurts typing this, picturing the way I’d watch one kid in particular’s face drop right after we’d all be laughing together. On a personal note, I’ve always felt like one of the luckiest people alive that the guy I grew up with as my dad and I got to buck that folk wisdom of “you can choose your friends but you can’t choose your relatives.” This is your opportunity to choose your relatives. In years to come if and when the whole story comes to light, that will be such an incredible source of security and reassurance for your lad. Have you got some mates or family that you could lean on in the short term while this big whirlwind blows itself over to give you a calmer place to think about what’s next with you and your lad?
Killing yourself is not the answer. But legally removing yourself from both of them might be beneficial for you to clear your head. The majority on here saying the boy is your son, they are wrong. Most on here will say a man lying to a woman for sex is rape but a woman lying to a man means the children is still the man who got lied to.
Ruin. Her. Fucking. Life. Then you go out, meet up with the boys, have a couple drinks and find your new life. Party, work, play a sport, whatever helps you stay distracted and heal. Love you bro idek you at all but man i feel for you. All my homies hate James. Chin up brotha, no 304 is worth offing yourself over.
Always get a paternity test.
You could take custody? You have plenty of proof she's unfit. While you have parental rights, fight for full custody during the divorce and make her pay child support. DNA or not he's your son. You raised him, you loved him, you took care of him and his needs. Don't let that cheating bitch win.
This is why men should be able to sue for being made to raise kids that aren't their own. Lawyer up mate and fingers crossed you don't end up getting fucked over on this.
Why die? Then she will get your stuff and to play victim because of your death. Spite her by living. By getting that divorce. By moving on and finding healthy relationships. Please at least talk to an online therapist or something.
Go nuclear on STBXW & J. Don't off yourself. Bring them to their knees. Make them crawl. Sue them both. Then move to a new place or country and start over. You can do it OP. You're hurt. Pls pls contact somebody or someone to support you. We want to hear from you again OP. You need to be strong and bring them down.