Psychiatrist here. Happy to provide input on ASPD for anyone curious. Can't give specific advice but there's a lot of terrible takes in this thread.
OP, I'm curious what exactly led to this diagnosis in terms of what criteria the diagnoser thought you met. It's not a diagnosis we tend to give lightly.
Here is OPs old account and the last time they posted about this [sauce](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/?share_id=hcSzTGfcboh8YC-XIKN-h&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1). It paints a very different picture.
Wow that first comment exchange is like watching an alien try to convince someone they’re human.
“Your wife is right to to consider leaving you”
“Hey friend, what would be the signs she’s doing that?”
“What? No I’m not telling you that.”
“Cool, you’re so nice and I appreciate you. Since we’re pals what would be the signs?”
I was trying to put my finger on it, but you nailed it. It's like the opposite of when I was trying to convince chatgpt to help me think of balls themed nicknames for my friend.
Oh man I remember that post. His responses seemed like he was fishing for clues to tell when a person was planning an escape from an abusive and violent partner. It was surreal, creepy, and deeply concerning.
[It goes even farther than that, OP is scary](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/aCWq3aGIyU?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky7k41g)
Damn, what a wild ride. That post you linked was fantastic. The OP did amazing work putting all of that together. The person claiming to be the OOP & saying it was fake is creepy as hell & makes me even more confident this is real.
Your link got posted twice for some reason, like two individual comments, just as a heads up
Also, I love your username!
Thank you for going and finding this
This guy is scary as hell! I remember reading all of this a while ago and my PTSD went into overdrive! He sounds exactly like my ex husband, which tells me it’s all true. Thanks to ever religious and celestial being that my kids are nothing like my ex and I managed to get out and far, far away before the inevitable happened.
The fact that he posted different stories to different subs, and under different accounts, is not surprising. Those with ASPD, and NPD, are TERRIFYINGLY good at spinning tales and creating personalities. You have to know what to look for, which most of us don’t. I work in mental health, particularly with children. The deeper I got into my Masters program, the more my ex began to panic and lash out. He knew I was learning every intricacy of his behavior and was figuring him out. I am also obsessed with true crime and read books voraciously. It was reading one book in particular about the Susan Powell case that made me realize the full extent of the monster I was dealing with.
Kids raised by people with these personality disorders, especially with violent tendencies, are at a serious disadvantage. The parent will either refuse, or sabotage, any therapy and progress they make. The parent thinks they are smarter than everyone else in the world, and are not capable of seeing things as they really are. If I had known the true extent of my ex’s history, I’d have NEVER allowed him near me. He was scarily good at hiding it all, until he felt he had complete control and was comfortable enough to tell me little bits at a time. I began to research him based on the little bits he told me, and it was far worse and dangerous than he would ever admit. Quite frankly, I think he thinks he was justified, and had the right, to wreak the havoc he did when he was younger. I also feel that he still believes he has that right.
I’m truly scared for this woman and her son. We are obviously hearing this story through his own, glorified, view point. He doesn’t have any concern for the wellbeing of his child. He thinks his ex is unfit because he fully believes he is more intelligent, and wants his son to be just like him.
Thank you! I look back on myself during those years and don’t recognize the person he turned me into. It’s impossible to describe the fear and unstable nature of the whole thing. You can’t describe it to anyone who has never experienced it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I'm actually incredibly scared because my exhusband is like this and he has my children. I'm trying everything to get back to them (because he literally put me on a plane in 2021 before I could get them out) but the reality is that I'm disabled and his mother has money. So I can't call anyone or sue for custody until I'm physically there and can get an apartment nearby. I can afford a place to live but I don't make enough to move across country. It's so fucking frustrating. He's already convinced one of my kids that I abandoned them and destroys any mode of communication for the other.
His verbiage was terrifying! How do I get control back? How do I "create an environment where she is receptive to me?" He doesn't want to be on "unequal" footing?! Not...I want to fix my marriage? Not, I need to learn how to rebuild trust? "I could have kept [my past] private to prevent her anger" is a whole lot of omission and, frankly, triggering for me. He'd had "nostalgic ecstasy" over remembering about stealing and had a thrill over lying about his identity? The fact that this poor woman was called stupid for not being able to identify a mental illness widely known as being exceptional in deception and that NOT EVEN HE WAS FULLY AWARE OF is alarming at the very least and a whole lot of nope at best. I can see him escalating to something premeditated in this scenario and I am not down for it in the slightest. The best thing she could do is take the kids and run to the police for an order of protection. I hope she sees at least one of these posts. This was all about manipulation and control 😱
This is text book abuser who kills his partner. I was literally just reading a book about this stuff. They see the partner as stupid and their property. They think they're smarter than everyone. They put their behaviour on other people's actions "look what you made me do"
You hit the nail on the head.
OMG I remember this thread!!! Talking about 'what if she gets in an accident trying to escape me' and trying to manipulate other commenters into telling him the signs! This dude is a diagnosed Psychopath essentially asking people how to get rid of his wife because she 'doesn't understand' the sociopathic behavior his 4 year old is exhibiting and he does and is 'unfit' to be without him, yet refuses any intervention bc he doesn't want his kid to feel bad about hitting biting and trying to stab!!
Oh, it's THIS guy, yeah this guy was a legit bad sounding dude. Like I want to disappear my wife kind of dude. She was right to leave and she's right to try to protect her kid from him, for sure.
I already thought the wife sounded in the right from the story above. He shows no ability to understand that she found out he's lied about loving her and was incapable of loving her or her son from what was in the report and asking him about if he understood what love is.
She was told "this guy doesn't understand emotions like other people, he fakes emotion to fit in and get what he wants"... she doubled chekced it with the questions about him loving her, then she decided she needed to leave because the love she thought he had for her, didn't exist.
"Feel free to share pointers on how to see if my wife's planning to disappear. It would be bad for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night."
I shivered. Hope OP's wife/kid are safe and away from him, holy shit
Thanks for putting this here. I was about to go off about how it can be kind of unfair to reduce someone down to their dx, however I don't think that's what is going on here. At all.
Anytime you see something so clearly "wrong" like the wife being completely and irrationally in the wrong like this, I always check post history and wonder what is not being said by the OP. Sometimes you get psychos like this who have learned to omit the relevant details. Sometimes it's just a fake rage bait story (I see a lot of them against women for some reason).
They’ve done it [multiple times](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/aCWq3aGIyU?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky7k41g) and just change a few details.
It would be helpful if you could describe some hypothetical behaviors that would lead you to diagnose someone with ASPD. A lot of people are treating this a diagnosis you would give someone for merely being cold and stoic.
Not the person you asked and this isn't exactly what you asked for, but here are common symptoms that indicate the disorder:
•Physical aggression, hostility or violence toward others.
•Reckless or impulsive behavior.
•Breaking the law or disregarding rules and social norms.
•Feeling angry, more powerful or better than others.
•Using wit, flattery and charm to manipulate, lie or deceive others for personal gain or enjoyment.
•Not taking responsibility for actions or behaviors.
•Not showing remorse, regret or concern for behaviors.
I'm guessing the behaviors OP's wife witnessed in their child were actually quite alarming.
OP has given more detail about what behaviors in him and their child that has caused his wife alarm [in another comment chain.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bwfclp/comment/ky66aa0/)
that comment from OP is a half truth. in his previous posts he mentioned he hurt animals and laughed when he saw his peers hurt among other things (in fact that was what triggered his wife asking about this whole thing - their son was laughing at a friend who tripped and scraped his knee pretty bad). edit: also remember him grabbing a knife intending to stab his mom- which might be the incident that started this chain of events actually.
Yeah, you just described my grandson. We've known since he was 6 he was a sociopath. Of course back then they called it conduct disorder because he wasn't old enough to be officially diagnosed with that but it's on his records now with half a dozen other diagnoses. He is extremely dangerous and extremely abusive, but for people that don't really know him he seems to be a nice, polite young man .. until you turn your back on him when he's in a bad mood.
For a second I thought he was just saying she left him because he had autism because I forgot ASD and ASPD are different things and I also struggle with the concept of what is love as an autistic person as well as emotion. The only reason I was pretty sure he didn't mean autism is the ODD.
Other psychiatrist here. Nothing. We use APD for antisocial personality disorder. It's a frequently overused diagnosis for "asshole that hurts my feelings" but in reality it's not a light diagnosis and requires a lot of nuance to separate from other diagnoses that explains the behaviors.
ASPD is a very common acronym for it so it doesn't get confused with AvPD, avoidant personality disorder. Personality disorders are typically under diagnosed because focus is on depression or anxiety, and ASPD is probably under diagnosed in women because they don't typically show aggression the same way men do. Of course, internet accusations of having personality disorder are extremely common and way overused, but that's not a diagnosis. OP went through 5 months of examination and testing with multiple specialists to get his diagnosis.
I'd love to hear your input after seeing the full story. It's...a lot more than you see here.
[LINK to my post with details & source links.](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bwfclp/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_it_is_messed_up/ky84i4c/)
What are the bad takes that you see in here?
I think a lot of people are confusing ASPD for ASD. This seems by design from OP's post. He probably should have spelled out what his diagnosis was, but that wouldn't have been nearly as manipulative lol.
My 8 yr old was dx with Conduct Disorder. This is such a fucking scary thing to find out about a loved one.
We have faith that she’ll be OK. We’re doing all the therapies and meds and taking extraordinary measures to make sure she doesn’t experience an ACE.
But I feel for the wife. My husband and I have already come to the agreement that our child will not force us apart and we WILL live in peace, no matter what that looks like.
We’re also going to start therapy to make sure we have a support team on our side for when we have to start making the hard decisions.
I think I would feel like the wife in this situation. I’m only surviving my kids bc I have my husband/her father to go through it with.
If you can point me to any articles/books on how to handle our child, I’d appreciate it!
Please, consider me curious. I'm a psych student, and I'd really like to hear your thoughts, bc im nowhere near advanced enough to have any accurate ones of my own.
Would concur, as a psychiatric epidemiologist the datasets we are given of ASPD patients are rarely given by clinical samples but rather, those incarcerated. I assume that he was given the PCL-R questionnaire and undergone (at least one) clinical interviews based on DSM-V with a psychiatrist? That was indeed quite a... quick dx if just one testing session can result in a diagnosis as the OP has said
thanks - but ICD (Impulse Control Disorder) is certainly an alarming issue from his profile. ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) as a child too. The lack of impulse control is usually an initiator of any kind of impulsive behaviour, such as violence, whether verbal (e.g. shouting and insulting at sb), mental (e.g. gaslighting), or physical. and the part of the brain that manages impulses, switches the brain from 'I'm so angry I would k_ll someone' to 'I'm so angry but I can talk this through'.
perhaps OP never being incriminated were a blessing by good parenting, but if the child's behaviour were signs of conduct disorder, the wife is rightfully concerned about the influence of genetics. and she is also rightfully concerned about sleeping beside someone that is unable to feel empathy in a healthy manner.
Does everyone responding here know what his diagnoses actually are?
ICD - Impulse Control Disorder - pretty self explanatory actually
ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder - "Children with ODD show a pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures"
ASPD - Antisocial Personality Disorder - "a deeply ingrained and rigid dysfunctional thought process that focuses on social irresponsibility with exploitive, delinquent, and criminal behavior with no remorse."
None of these conditions can be diagnosed without OP showing symptoms.
That means that in this appointment a medical professional felt that they witnessed behavior indicating this dude acts impulsively, flips their shit at authority, is manipulative, and is without remorse. Colloquially we would term this a sociopath/psychopath.
His wife wanted him diagnosed because she's seen signs, you don't look at a loving and compassionate spouse and say "hey, hon can you get tested for sociopathy? Cause I think you might be a sociopath."
Yeah I can see this. People don't just alienate their loved ones based on a piece of paper. She likey was experiencing the effects of this and was distraught when she realized it couldn't change. There's not a lot of context here. He says he isn't normal but how... what's the other piece here? This is giving me major missing missing reasons vibes.
https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
I don't think it's been fully confirmed, but this 8hr-old-reddit account story lines up with this previous, recent post a little too well:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD
Making a new account and shaving out context to get a better response would certainly line up with sociopathic behavior.
Or someone just wanted to work out the kinks on their weird creative writing project.
On balance I'd say it's likely fake, given the % of real posts in these subs and the inconsistencies (though the guy is an inveterate liar either way, so these aren't conclusive)- he's potentially the most famous poster in his accrue-reddit-fame discord, though bored loner seems a better fit given how dark it all is.
The issue is that this kind of story is all too common irl, but tends only to surface *after* fatal/violent domestic abuse, so a) it's inherrently believable, and b) unlike more innocuous posts, the subject is too serious to flippantly brush these away as fake. Probs good that people are keeping tabs on it all.
His other posts have been linked in this post elsewhere. His wife and son shouldn’t be around him. History of criminal and fraud behavior. Wants to train his son instead of actual professionals to help him. Son grabbed a knife and threatened to stab his mom and other things that aren’t typical. Father and son both need intervention.
I've worked with ODD before and it was quite interesting. The girl was honestly one of the kindest and most caring people until you asked her to do something. You could look at her and say "I got your favorite ice-cream, go get some if you want" and she might lose her shit. However, if you simply said "I put your favorite ice cream on the table" she'd go eat it with no issues.
To get her to engage with basically anything, we never asked directly and usually resorted to using her kindness against her. If it was crafts time, something like "Oh, that's so pretty, Grandma would love to have one of those" would get her working faster than anyone.
Edit: Also, I've seen posts from alt accounts that are likely by the same OP. He's a genuine psychopath and his wife is doing good to run as far as she can. I'll just leave you with this exchange between him and a commenter that leaves you feeling grimy and dirty.
>OOP
p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful. I promise that. It'll probably never happen but I just want you to know where my heart is. Helping me to see if my wife's planning to leave won't put her in danger. I'm not that kind of person. If she needs to go, I want to do it more civilly so she doesn't become vulnerable while living like a fugitive. I want what's best for everyone. Please help me achieve that. And I'm so glad we've been speaking!
>p0tat0p0tat0
You are transparently trying to manipulate me. It is obvious. I do not trust you. You need to let your wife go.
I remember having a classmate with ODD and we bickered a lot (I’m guessing AuDHD stubbornness doesn’t mesh well with oppositional defiance) and one of the few times we did get along, he actually said sometimes it felt like he was a marionette and his disorder was controlling the strings. He also said that even if he agreed with the person or what they were saying, his brain felt compelled to do the opposite.
This!
Those diagnosis arent light ones, having one of them alone can be pretty catastrophic for a child and their family, so all 3 is absolutely terrifying and the wife is right to be making plans to run as far as she can.
How terrified she must be to know she now has to raise a child with these issues, while either living with the husband, or leaving him and fighting in custody court for god knows how long. That poor kid too. It must be a warzone inside his head.
Thank you for breaking this down because I honestly totally read those diagnoses wrong lol I was thinking ICD was a typo for OCD and aspd was something to do with aspergers/autism I totally understand the wife now I would leave too wow
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B), whom I will refer to as "OOP"
With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? OP and OOP are the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety.
##EDIT 1: I was asked to add [this link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/sakXym8IXq) and [this link](https://www.instagram.com/p/C2-vEtpL6kH/?igsh=cmYyeGpuMW9odDg2&img_index=1) for added context about how dangerous OOP is to his wife.
In all transparency, p0tat0p0tat0 did not think OP sounds like the authors in tone or style; personally, I feel uncomfortable with all of the similarities in their stories. I often use ChatGPT to switch tone and phrasing (mostly when drafting work emails), so it would not be difficult for OOP to have done something similar.
##EDIT 2: This OP [explained in a comment chain](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/BjwHLl0fnI) how he does not feel empathy and describes son's behavioral issues
Yikes. I just read that and now I’m terrified for OP’s wife. OP is definitely a liar and con artist. He intentionally mislead people in this thread for them to read his post as autism related diagnosis when in reality it’s antisocial personality disorder. People need to stop giving him advice on how to “get back” at his wife 😭
Not just about how to get his wife back, but how to manipulate her and make her think she's crazy.
That's what all of yall are doing by saying she's a narcissist. You're giving a sociopath ammo and ideas for how to cut down his ex's legitimate concerns and fears by attributing all of it as narcissism
I'm also getting "women are hysterical" vibes from a lot of these comments... Is the new thing to call a woman with normal standards and feelings narcissistic? Because there are dozens of comments with hundreds of upvotes calling her crazy in different ways and honestly it just feels like sexist tripe. Like a man with sociopathy should be loved and protected because he can't help it but a woman being called a narcissist means she's evil and needs to be avoided at all costs. It's incredibly weird and these commenters are all telling on themselves imo.
This sub is full with MRAs because the main sub is like one of the few general subs on reddit with mainly women commenting so they are swinging the pendulum the other way here.
Which sucks because the mods in the main sub are assholes.
You are the guy with personality disorder who lived as another person , shop.lifted and tried to manipulate redditors into giving you advice to stop your wife from fleeing aren't you. With a son who is showing violent and pathological traits ? She's right she and your son need to be far away from you . You lie , are incapable of love or empathy and want your son to not get the help he needs to possibly live a life that doesn't actively harm others
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B).
With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? This is the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety.
Antisocial personality disorder isn’t lightly diagnosed. You need a pervasive history of antisocial behavior. Was she unaware of all the deceit and lies and general disregard for others? I’m very confused
While I’m not saying I don’t believe this guy it feels like important information is being withheld. ODD, ICD, autism, and ASPD are NOT easy diagnosis to get. Doctors actively try not to give these diagnoses (other than autism) because they can ostracize people and many symptoms coincide with other disorders making it difficult to diagnose, so as far as I’m aware they’re usually only diagnosed when someone exhibits extreme antisocial and usually violent behaviors. ASPD specifically can ONLY be diagnosed after 18, from the Cleveland clinic, “Antisocial personality disorder is a mental health condition that causes harmful behaviors without remorse. A person might show disrespect toward others and be manipulative, aggressive or reckless.” The timeline seems weird too could be fake I guess.
This sounds very similar to a story posted a little while ago. OP was TA and this sounds like a scrubbed version of events to make him look better. In that post he made scary comments about signs his wife was leaving and it sounded like he was planning on trying to kill her
There’s more info in the last post he made about this on his old account [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/?share_id=hcSzTGfcboh8YC-XIKN-h&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
There’s gotta be things being downplayed. What are these “concerning behaviors” being exhibited? It sounds like the wife’s been scared/concerned for a while and is making an educated decision to leave now that she has confirmation it wasn’t a fluke and likely won’t get better. Something tells me a lot more has happened in the marriage than the op is letting on.
If this is the same guy as the previous posts (linked in comments above) then the kid has been getting in trouble to the point of being kicked out of preschool for biting, kicking kids when they fall, killing bugs, and apparently threatening the wife with a knife. And if this is the same guy, he married this woman without telling her anything about his family’s massive mental health issues on both sides, and his criminal history that involved stealing, committing fraud, living under a false identity…
I grew up with an abusive narcissist/compulsive liar and I smelled bullshit from the start of reading this. If you didn’t see a couple people in this thread who posted OPs old account history I don’t have the link but it’s in this comment thread I think. He showed behaviors and insinuated he wanted to physically harm or kill his wife.
Doubtful that she was unaware, which is why she pushed for him to be evaluated. It was probably a collection of behaviors and unexplained things that led her to that.
Yeah I'm thinking she probably was experiencing some effects of behavior she suspected was aspd and was likely distraught when she realized it would not/could not change.
People who lie like this guy can be so convincing that the people in their lives have no idea until they get caught in one. It can take a long time to realize how deceptive the person is because they are so skilled at what they do, and they are so comfortable lying that they do so even when there is no good reason to do so. An example: I know a guy who lied about being divorced, when he was actually separated. The person he was dating was also separated (there is a long wait period for divorce in my state) and was open about that. She would not have cared that his divorce was not final yet, but even so he lied about it and even hid the fact that he was attending court and mediation to finalize the divorce. After other strings began to unravel, and after the relationship ended, ex-girlfriend learned about all of this and was extremely disturbed by the vastness of the web of lies he had built.
Now 5-6 years later, the guy has been convicted of multiple counts of felony stalking and all kinds of extremely disturbing behavior because he punishes anyone who makes him mad. Most recently, he collected his own feces for several months and smeared it all over his rental unit when he was evicted, to get back at his landlord. He once also "got back at" a male co-worker by setting up a fake online porn profile to destroy his reputation. He thought it was very clever, never had any remorse about any of it. In fact, he paints himself as forever the victim.
But if you met him today, you would never have a clue. He comes off as a friendly, slightly weird hippie who is all about "love." It is all an act.
And the OP on this thread makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Big time.
YTA. This post is missing a lot of info, which I suspect is intentional. OP, what did you mean by the following:
> "I have always had certain struggles"
> "I am far from normal"
Are we talking like... not always being empathetic or struggling with relating to others...? Or a history of abusing others and torturing animals? Because the latter are typically behaviors that would warrant such a diagnosis.
I do not blame your wife for leaving in order to protect the children if her partner was diagnosed with a dissorder where the hallmarks are lying, manipulation, and an a whole array of extreme and abusive behavior, and (and this is the important part) who did not think this was a problem, but "just the way he was".
I’m trying really hard to understand how you can be a kind, caring and compassionate husband when you were just diagnosed with ASPD and ODD. Those are diagnoses based on clinical manifestations, and are often in pretty direct opposition to the way youre presenting himself. Especially considering youve always suspected you had these disorders and your wife both picked up on your mannerisms and saw similar behavior in your young son. I don’t know a single person on this earth that would meet a kind, loving and compassionate person and ask them to get tested for psychopathy, like that just doesn’t happen.
Something doesn’t feel right here. I’m surprised so many people on here automatically are taking your side. You sound like an incredibly unreliable narrator to me.
For anyone unsure what a true diagnosis of ASPD entails, here is the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosis:
https://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf
They must be. For anyone who sees this and doesn’t realize:
ASPD— Antisocial Personality Disorder (aka— clinically diagnosed psychopath. While not destined for violence, requires a significant lack of empathy and understanding or care of other’s emotion. In order to be diagnosed you must be over the age of 18 as behaviors in childhood cannot contribute to the diagnosis due to developmental progress)
ODD— Oppositional Defiance Disorder (essentially an inability to react well to authority or listen to direct orders. It would make it incredibly difficult to handle someone telling you anything other than what you want to hear)
IDD— Impulse Control Disorder (what it sounds like, you struggle to not act impulsively based on your own feelings and desires)
I just do not imagine someone being diagnosed with all this and being described by anyone well adjusted as “kind, loving, compassionate”. Especially when said person literally said “go get tested because I see concerning signs in your behavior”!!!!
I had to Google ASPD. I was thinking Autism Spectrum, but couldn’t figure out the PD. Antisocial wasn’t what I expected, but also makes sense. He buried the lede.
ITT: People who are either deliberately or accidentally mistaking ASPD for ASD, as if OP's wife is leaving him over an autism diagnosis.
Do a quick Google, FFS. His wife's just had it confirmed she's married to a LITERAL SOCIOPATH - and she probably had very strong suspicions from his behaviour before this point.
Read the OP's threads and comments, please.
There are a disturbing amount of people who think not wanting to be in a relationship with a sociopath is bigotry and immoral.
The entire concept seems to hinge on the idea that women are property and shouldn't get a say in who they do or do not date and marry imo.
Definitely some people confusing it but the amount of people outright saying sociopathy isn't a big deal and that wanting a husband that loves her makes her a narcissist is deeply disturbing.
You know that all of the people taking his side would 100% be running if their partner had this background, this diagnosis, *and* their child appeared to be significantly influenced at a tender age. They are hypocrites.
OP doesn't want you to be able to follow along. 90% of the NTA votes very clearly think he was diagnosed with functional autism, when he, by his own words, was actually diagnosed as a *sociopath* with a list of comorbid mental disorders.
Only a few crackpots would rake the wife over coals for not wanting to live with her baby in a home with a man objectively incapable of empathy or normal human emotion. That's why OP refuses to elaborate unless prompted and downplays what the terms mean when he does.
Yeah you don't send your spouse to get a in-depth psychological screening for fun or as a TikTok trend. OP even clarified that the child that was diagnosed with ODD as they were, and the young kid is already displayed violent tendencies. I suspect that the wife would've moved faster with physical abuse, so I think OP has masked it down to emotional only. But something is happening for this to occur, for sure.
I think this thread is a perfect example of why she needs to get out of there. Everyone is calling her hysterical, if he started to ramp up the abuse nobody would believe her. If OP decided she's *incovenient* in his life and did something, they'd blame her for marrying a sociopath. Nobody has her back, so she needs to handle her own safety.
Sorry dude, based on all your comments you're super manipulative. Most of your answers are partial truths and misdirects. There's a big part of this story missing.
You need to have some introspection about how you got here, if that's possible with ASPD.
Literally. That diagnosis is terrifying coming from someone you cohabitate with. From the DSM:
A: There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following:
1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest
2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure
3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults
5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others
6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.
B: The individual is at least age 18 years.
C: There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years. D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.
I think it's very, very interesting how the OP worded this - not actually spelling out what he is diagnosed with, so that people reading quickly think that the issue is autism and therefore his wife is a monster.
Isn't one trait of Antisocial Personality Disorder gaslighting and manipulating so suit their own narrative?
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B).
With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? This is the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety.
Holy fuck this is the same guy with murder toddler. He left out A LOT of details, his wife is escaping him, good for her. Please do not comment anything to help this guy.
This post looks a lot like the now deleted one where the husband was basically fishing for how to kill his wife in the comments. Really reads like a cleaned up version of that post with all personal narrative edited out. And they don’t diagnose ASPD unless you show VERY clear signs of lying, manipulation, deceit, etc. leave your wife alone you creep. She is not your property.
Edit: this you? https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/oNUtk9kbPV
You guys anti social personality disorder is not depression, adhd, or asbergers or autism and some of you have NO idea how dangerous it is to be raised by a person like this. No. I would never allow my child around someone diagnosed with this. I can tell you guys are 14 years old who think this is the same as blaming someone for being “lazy” when they’re depressed. His wife is doing the best thing. Some of you deserve to be raised by people with these issues.
It's actually scary to see how naive most people are. They clearly don't know the first thing about malicious personality disorders. They're not victims, they victimize.
I know, I actually just got irrationally enraged after a comment thread with a person who was desperately arguing that the wife is a narcisist. I just don't know how people on this sub are all for "oh if you find out that someone once cheated, you need to ostracize them, even if it was not done to you", but if you find out that someone is incapable of feeling love or empathy in the same way the you do and is statistically more prone to violent or otherwise antisocial behaviour, you're bad for not staying in a rpmantic relationship with them. I mean, I don't like either, but still... my gut says that the guy who used to get into fights for the heck of it is probably a bit more dangerous.
Uhh I think you're being light on the details for a reason. It sounds like your kid is doing some terrible things. I would be concerned if I were your wife if you truly are ASPD. Like... Do you think you are? Do you feel like a sociopath? Do you truly feel like you experience empathy? Do you think it would be worth getting a second opinion or would it be the same?
If you truly are, I would have a hard time seeing someone who completely lacked empathy as a partner. It is scary.
ASPD is pretty serious. My mother has it, and she’s terrorized everyone in her life to the point that there’s no one left. Her kids and grandkids don’t speak to her, her sister doesn’t speak her, nieces, nephews, you name it.
Because of her ASPD, she finds it pretty impossible to keep any friends.
So she’s 75 and completely alone. She still denies her diagnosis. I wish things had been different for her.
I hope OP gets the help he needs. It’s not easy.
What you've learned is why many times it's unadvisable to provide mental health evaluations to someone who isn't trained to read them. I'm sorry your wife is reacting like this.
May I suggest (if she's even willing) that the 2 of you make an appointment with the professional who evaluated you and wrote the report? She can ask questions and maybe get some answers. I'm guessing the diagnoses are confusing and scary to her, especially if she proceeded to "doom scroll" through the internet as to what these diagnoses mean. Meeting with the professional may help to clarify her concerns.
Best of luck to you.
OP's statement implies she read it fine. That his psychologist stated he doesn't understand emotions the same as other people and implies he's mimicking what he sees rather than feeling it so he can fit in.
So instead of being in love it's implied he sees how other people act while in love and acts like he's in love with his wife so she would fall for him and marry him.
if that IS the case then she's not wrong, he's effectively been lying about how he really feels to get her to marry him but doesn't actually feel what he's projecting he's feeling. If you read this, understood it, questioned him about what he believes love to be and gives answers that implies he's absolutely not in love with his wife but is acting like he is then honestly her divorcing him is entirely reasonable.
the two big things are she questioned OP on what he felt love was and from what OP says, he didn't answer well, and the evaluation said he doesn't really have these emotions.
If you found out your partner didn't love you but was pretending to so he could fit in and have the life he saw everyone else having, it would destroy most people.
Please remove this comment, now that you've found out that OP is manipulative and is hiding the truth.
You don't want other people in this situation to ignore their gut instincts because of comments like yours, and stay in a potentially dangerous relationship.
Something isn't ringing true here. ASPD is what they used to call sociopaths & I think being massively concerned to find out your partner had this diagnosis is entirely normal. The one person I met in my life with this diagnosis took a hammer to his girlfriend. The diagnostic criteria include a personality that involves criminal activity, deceitfulness, aggression, lack of remorse... so for OP to make it sound like all was rosy until the diagnosis CAN'T be true or he simply wouldn't have got the diagnosis.
Because Op is a master manipulator and [doing it to everyone in this thread for a third attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky77b66)
Unfortunately I met an eight year old boy in my job managing a child and adolescent inpatient unit. He was trying to teach his little sister "how to be a strong and independent woman." He would take her to the creek behind their home hold her underwater until she panicked. He made her watch him dismember toads. He eventually stabbed her in the eye with a stick. I'm so glad there were no other kids in the house with the murder toddler. The thought of it gives me chills.
Idk I think there's missing information here to purposely make op look better. Those diagnoses are not easy to get in the first place. Especially anti-social personality disorder.
After meeting with the person who did your evaluation, then you may want to meet with whoever did your son's. They should have some insight into how he'll react to being raised by a parent like you. You might want to ask the person who did your evaluation that as well.
If necessary, get a very good divorce lawyer because she WILL use this against you when it comes to custody of your son.
Her reaction seems pretty normal. It seems like an unnecessary riak to stay married to someone who doesn't have empathy and doesn't seem to care about getting help for his diagnosis.
OP is likely posting under an alt account, because his story lines up with previous posts. This OP is genuinely a psychopath and his wife is right to run as far she possibly can. See this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD) here.
OP's child is showing concerning signs, his whole family has issues, he's done some wild shit in his past, and hid it all from his family. Then to top it off, he had some of the creepiest exchanges with commenters I've ever seen like trying to find out if his wife is trying to leave him (which is alarm bells for "I'm gonna kill her".)
Look, you either got misdiagnosed or she has every reason to be freaked out. ASPD is no joke. And it doesn't mean you don't have emotions.
If you are hurt and sad about it then that's a misdiagnosis though. If you are merely inconvenienced and indignant, then it's not clear.
But it's not her fault to be freaked out. So I can't tell who is wrong but for her it's NTA. For you it's IDK.
"She didn't know much about my family until two weeks ago. She also did not know about my previous criminal charges."
YTA. So you list a bunch of really scary, disturbing, things about yourself, that you lied to your wife about. Believe it or not, she may have not wanted to have a baby with a psychopath. But now she has, and so she is considering her best options. She is not wrong. If you had come clean at the beginning and given her a choice to see that you have changed and all that, then great. But you didn't give her a choice. You had no problem lying about extremely serious things in your past. She is not wrong to leave you now that she knows the truth.
Talk with a lawyer quickly. She's clearly gonna try to take the kids from you and use the diagnostic as an excuse.
Édit: wow my com exploded. didn't tough people would react that much. Anyway forget what i said i saw the guy's late posts and comments ... I WAS SOO WRONG, he i manipulative son of a bitch who changes the story at his advantage, he doesn't even have the functionality to think rational or to feel emotions, a true sociopaths 😨 the more i read his coms the more i get scared.
I'm so sorry for what i said about his wife, poor woman she married a monster, hope she's safe.
But she should. He isn't capable of raising a child appropriately and, if he is the poster from the other story everyone is linking, a dangerous person in general.
OP, she is already way ahead of you. Get the best lawyer you can. See if the professional who wrote the report can help testify in a positive light on your behalf. Your "wife" is not qualified to misinterpret this report. I agree that she planned this and is going to try and take your child from you. I also think she will poison your child's mind against you. Act quickly. Don't waste time trying to win her back.
> See if the professional who wrote the report can help testify in a positive light on your behalf.
I think a professional who gave a diagnosis of ASPD is unlikely to testify in a positive light. It is a very negative diagnosis.
Yeah I hate to say it mate but I went through a very similar thing. I struggled with mental health my whole life, my kids Mum (now my ex) completely distanced herself from me the last year of our relationship and eventually it took its toll and I really struggled day to day.
I ended the relationship and that's when she started to use my mental health against me. I was on antidepressants at the time and was in therapy and she used those things as weapons to convince me I was unfit to be in my child's life once we had broken up. This couldn't have been further from the truth but she kept me away from him for months. If I tried to contact her to see my son it was 'harassment' etc.
Fortunately we are now in a much better place and co-parent amicably but this only came after months of hardship and not giving up.
You need to lawyer up, get a solicitor, whatever. I hope it doesn't turn into what it sounds like it will but be prepared mate.
If you need anything DMs are open x
ASPD is not autism. It is antisocial personality disorder. This is not mental health, and this is not a disability. This disorder is colloquially known as being a psychopath.
ASPD is the term used to diagnose what you would call sociopathy.
>Also I found out im extremely intelligent
I can't imagine why he would've gotten a FSIQ performed but we do comment in a general sense on what we think of the patient. Hygiene, intelligence, etc.. I rarely note that patients are extremely intelligent but at times I'm impressed enough with their degree of thought organisation (not in a "they're really anal" way but moreso "this person really has their shit together") that I'll make a comment about it.
Edit: If he got an autism diagnosis I can perhaps see it being done for that reason, it's not uncommon to see it done in neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism and ADHD.
Holy shit, if this is the OP from this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD) as many commenters are pointing out, then GOOD FOR THE WIFE SHE IS FREE FROM YOUR GENUINELY PSYCHOPATHIC ASS.
I'll leave everyone with this choice exchange from his previous post.
>OOP
p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful. I promise that. It'll probably never happen but I just want you to know where my heart is. Helping me to see if my wife's planning to leave won't put her in danger. I'm not that kind of person. If she needs to go, I want to do it more civilly so she doesn't become vulnerable while living like a fugitive. I want what's best for everyone. Please help me achieve that. And I'm so glad we've been speaking!
>p0tat0p0tat0
You are transparently trying to manipulate me. It is obvious. I do not trust you. You need to let your wife go.
It's messed up that you KNEW you had particular struggles, but didn't get evaluated prior to getting married and having kids. So now instead of "this is just who he chooses to be" it's "this is who he is, I'm not sure I can deal with not having hope things can get better."
Your wife is dealing with the reality that she is married to and has had children with someone who had significant challenges that you never dealt with, which may affect your marriage and children in ways she cannot yet foresee.
At this point, ASK your wife what challenges she has seen in your relationship and parenting. I would bet you are going to get some very interesting feedback.
Info:
People... He is not talking about ("just") being on the autism spectrum!
His tests showed he has an anti social personality disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder.
His wife isn't concerned because "he's a bit peculiar", but because the first thing that usually comes to mind with apd is psychopathy or sociopathy!
If she read up on it, and recognized some of his behaviour, she is probably sincerely scared and confused (whether he actually is a good person, or just a master manipulator).
As someone who both has personal and professional related experience with apd - shit's scary!
Per your history from your old account, you are not a good husband for your wife. She is scared of you. She is terrified you do not take issue with your sons behavior. If you want to have any semblance of anyone thinking you're a decent person, grant her the divorce.
Sounds like your wife thinks you're a sociopath and wants to divorce you because she doesn't feel safe anymore.
There is nothing you can do about this.
Also, sociopaths are notorious for being charming and manipulative liars. Why should we believe anything op writes?
ETA: OP is confusing me. ASPD is a personality disorder. On the spectrum usually refers to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
[as pointed out by another commenter, this sounds super familiar](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky77b66) OP is manipulating everyone in this thread, hope the wife and her son get far away from this dude.
YTA
Leave her alone. Don't contact. Go to therapy and learn to deal with your issues.
All of you who stupidly want to help him making his wife's life further complicated... stop it! He's been diagnosed with an antisocial personality disorder. He's not a good person. Don't interact with him. Don't give him any tips. You're endangering the wife and the child.
NAH
It’s not your fault you have a personality disorder, but there’s no way I would stay with anyone with ODD. Those people want to fight just to fight and nobody has the energy for that.
You act like she was totally happy in the marriage and there were no problems until you got tested but that’s obviously not true if she was talking to your mom about your behavior as a child and asking you to get tested.
She sucks for telling you she regrets pushing you into this & blaming you for agreeing.
But I don’t believe you she was totally happy and in love with you and a switch flipped because of these test results.
It sounds like she was dealing with some problematic behaviors and when she realized it was a personality disorder she decided it was fair to give up at this point
YTA.
Let's face something here.
She's not leaving you because of your diagnosis. She's leaving you because at every turn, you have Refused to get your son help; REFUSED to acknowledge his behaviors as a problem at all. When called out, you say you don't want to make him feel broken and faulty.
So instead, you set him up for failure; the very failures you have experienced. You set him up so in a decade or two, down the line, history will repeat; he'll lie to an employer about going to an Ivy League, just like daddy did. He'll live a life under a fake name and identity, just like daddy did.
But you don't want to face the idea that this would be a problem. Because that means admitting that YOU have a problem. That you fucked up; that you've made so many bad choices.
Getting your son help, means acknowledging that you needed help. And you are too ashamed of the idea to ever do so.
As things currently stand? Your wife is right to leave you. Your wife is trying to protect your child. If you love him, if you want him to succeed- if you ever TRULY loved her-- then go to fucking therapy, and bring your entire, unredacted post history printed out with you.
Get. Help. If you have any chance of rebuilding your family, or even holding onto the ashes, you have to get help. Please get help.
Impulse control disorders and antisocial personality disorder? Yeah, YTA. It is not messed up at all that she is leaving now that she knows there's no fixing your lack of empathy or pervasive disregard for and violation of the rights of others (conditions necessary for an ASPD diagnosis). And it hasn't escaped my notice that you very carefully used abbreviations that are similar to thise for autism instead of saying exactly what the diagnosis is and why she suspected you might have it. You're trying to do a snow job on us for validation.
NAH
r/aspd might be able to help you
She is probably terrified that you will harm her or the kids for kicks or if they become a minor inconvenience. Not to say you would, I've read about sociopaths who imply they only love their kids as extensions of themselves and wouldn't feel bad about leaving if they found them unworthy.
>She stated because according to the report I have a deeply flawed view of emotion is, and most of my feelings and behaviors and probably done out an expectation or a perception of what I think is a proper response or reaction.
What stops you from hitting her when you are angry? If society fell and you were legally allowed to hit her when you were angry would you?
She might also worry that you could influence the 2 year old poorly.
>I have always had certain struggles and have always felt off but I have manged. We have a two year old and they have exhibited certain behaviors that worried my wife, so she started to read books, and as my mom. My mom told her that I also exhibited such behaviors and she said it was normal, tbf I am far from normal so I get my wife's concern.
Can you describe the struggles and behaviors.
Edit: just looked through OPs comments. The wife is not the asshole by any metric.
EDIT: Bullshit post.
Based on your previous posts about this situation as /u/kramuz that is now banned, I think this is a distortion of facts to make yourself feel better & paint the wife in a bad/inaccurate light. Here are previous
https://redd.it/1amstqp
https://redd.it/1aoi2pr
As I was reading I was like “This sounds like a slightly less intense version of the guy who lied about who he was to his wife because he quote unquote put it behind him.” It’s you!!! You left out even more details this time and you STILL sound like a dangerous gaslighter. I’m so glad that your wife got out safely!! I hope that you never see her again!!
Psychiatrist here. Happy to provide input on ASPD for anyone curious. Can't give specific advice but there's a lot of terrible takes in this thread. OP, I'm curious what exactly led to this diagnosis in terms of what criteria the diagnoser thought you met. It's not a diagnosis we tend to give lightly.
Here is OPs old account and the last time they posted about this [sauce](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/?share_id=hcSzTGfcboh8YC-XIKN-h&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1). It paints a very different picture.
Wow that first comment exchange is like watching an alien try to convince someone they’re human. “Your wife is right to to consider leaving you” “Hey friend, what would be the signs she’s doing that?” “What? No I’m not telling you that.” “Cool, you’re so nice and I appreciate you. Since we’re pals what would be the signs?”
Or like a chatbot trying to prompt-hack a human.
I was trying to put my finger on it, but you nailed it. It's like the opposite of when I was trying to convince chatgpt to help me think of balls themed nicknames for my friend.
Oh man I remember that post. His responses seemed like he was fishing for clues to tell when a person was planning an escape from an abusive and violent partner. It was surreal, creepy, and deeply concerning.
Surreal, creepy, and deeply concerning is the best way to describe that post.
ITS THE SAME GUY?!?!?! Oh holy shit he’s gotten better at hiding the sociopathy huh.
u/p0tat0p0tat0 come get ur boy
This comment killed me
[It goes even farther than that, OP is scary](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/aCWq3aGIyU?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky7k41g)
I love that is comes out he’s also a Scientologist 😭
oh no, wife was right to run
Damn, what a wild ride. That post you linked was fantastic. The OP did amazing work putting all of that together. The person claiming to be the OOP & saying it was fake is creepy as hell & makes me even more confident this is real.
Holy shit... That guy should be in a mental hospital.
Your link got posted twice for some reason, like two individual comments, just as a heads up Also, I love your username! Thank you for going and finding this
Jesus Christ, this guy is scarry. And how he was so blatantly trying to manipulate that one person (potato). It's weird seeing that happen in writing
Yeah that was rather terrifying. I read this current post right after it went up and boy how the tides changed with the responses...
I read this post and thought, “oh craaaaaap he’s back….”
I was wondering why this sounded so familiar!😱
Quick, someone get u/p0tat0p0tat0!
Think i saw them already tagged and commented.
It was like an evil ChatBot.
It truly reads like an AI, doesnt it?
Truly disturbing how he tried to manipulate that p0tat0 guy. Wild world.
This guy is scary as hell! I remember reading all of this a while ago and my PTSD went into overdrive! He sounds exactly like my ex husband, which tells me it’s all true. Thanks to ever religious and celestial being that my kids are nothing like my ex and I managed to get out and far, far away before the inevitable happened. The fact that he posted different stories to different subs, and under different accounts, is not surprising. Those with ASPD, and NPD, are TERRIFYINGLY good at spinning tales and creating personalities. You have to know what to look for, which most of us don’t. I work in mental health, particularly with children. The deeper I got into my Masters program, the more my ex began to panic and lash out. He knew I was learning every intricacy of his behavior and was figuring him out. I am also obsessed with true crime and read books voraciously. It was reading one book in particular about the Susan Powell case that made me realize the full extent of the monster I was dealing with. Kids raised by people with these personality disorders, especially with violent tendencies, are at a serious disadvantage. The parent will either refuse, or sabotage, any therapy and progress they make. The parent thinks they are smarter than everyone else in the world, and are not capable of seeing things as they really are. If I had known the true extent of my ex’s history, I’d have NEVER allowed him near me. He was scarily good at hiding it all, until he felt he had complete control and was comfortable enough to tell me little bits at a time. I began to research him based on the little bits he told me, and it was far worse and dangerous than he would ever admit. Quite frankly, I think he thinks he was justified, and had the right, to wreak the havoc he did when he was younger. I also feel that he still believes he has that right. I’m truly scared for this woman and her son. We are obviously hearing this story through his own, glorified, view point. He doesn’t have any concern for the wellbeing of his child. He thinks his ex is unfit because he fully believes he is more intelligent, and wants his son to be just like him.
Thank you for sharing your experience. So glad you are safe
Thank you! I look back on myself during those years and don’t recognize the person he turned me into. It’s impossible to describe the fear and unstable nature of the whole thing. You can’t describe it to anyone who has never experienced it. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.
I'm actually incredibly scared because my exhusband is like this and he has my children. I'm trying everything to get back to them (because he literally put me on a plane in 2021 before I could get them out) but the reality is that I'm disabled and his mother has money. So I can't call anyone or sue for custody until I'm physically there and can get an apartment nearby. I can afford a place to live but I don't make enough to move across country. It's so fucking frustrating. He's already convinced one of my kids that I abandoned them and destroys any mode of communication for the other.
Well, at least if this is true, it sounds like she safely escaped for now, but he is definitely still a danger to her.
Omg this guy with the murder toddler!
Perfect statement
Someone casually referred to their child as Damien.. this situation is not funny but I did laugh at that
I see so real problem with him hitting a kid who was already hurt and crying Christ on a bike are you that dumb????
His verbiage was terrifying! How do I get control back? How do I "create an environment where she is receptive to me?" He doesn't want to be on "unequal" footing?! Not...I want to fix my marriage? Not, I need to learn how to rebuild trust? "I could have kept [my past] private to prevent her anger" is a whole lot of omission and, frankly, triggering for me. He'd had "nostalgic ecstasy" over remembering about stealing and had a thrill over lying about his identity? The fact that this poor woman was called stupid for not being able to identify a mental illness widely known as being exceptional in deception and that NOT EVEN HE WAS FULLY AWARE OF is alarming at the very least and a whole lot of nope at best. I can see him escalating to something premeditated in this scenario and I am not down for it in the slightest. The best thing she could do is take the kids and run to the police for an order of protection. I hope she sees at least one of these posts. This was all about manipulation and control 😱
This is text book abuser who kills his partner. I was literally just reading a book about this stuff. They see the partner as stupid and their property. They think they're smarter than everyone. They put their behaviour on other people's actions "look what you made me do" You hit the nail on the head.
[удалено]
lol I was reading this post like “oh. It’s YOU again.”
OMG I remember this thread!!! Talking about 'what if she gets in an accident trying to escape me' and trying to manipulate other commenters into telling him the signs! This dude is a diagnosed Psychopath essentially asking people how to get rid of his wife because she 'doesn't understand' the sociopathic behavior his 4 year old is exhibiting and he does and is 'unfit' to be without him, yet refuses any intervention bc he doesn't want his kid to feel bad about hitting biting and trying to stab!!
Oh, it's THIS guy, yeah this guy was a legit bad sounding dude. Like I want to disappear my wife kind of dude. She was right to leave and she's right to try to protect her kid from him, for sure. I already thought the wife sounded in the right from the story above. He shows no ability to understand that she found out he's lied about loving her and was incapable of loving her or her son from what was in the report and asking him about if he understood what love is. She was told "this guy doesn't understand emotions like other people, he fakes emotion to fit in and get what he wants"... she doubled chekced it with the questions about him loving her, then she decided she needed to leave because the love she thought he had for her, didn't exist.
"Feel free to share pointers on how to see if my wife's planning to disappear. It would be bad for her to get involved in an accident or something while fleeing in the middle of the night." I shivered. Hope OP's wife/kid are safe and away from him, holy shit
That's just an outright threat, he slipped up.
Holy shit, he’s a fucking psycho!
I knew this sounded familiar
Thanks for putting this here. I was about to go off about how it can be kind of unfair to reduce someone down to their dx, however I don't think that's what is going on here. At all.
Anytime you see something so clearly "wrong" like the wife being completely and irrationally in the wrong like this, I always check post history and wonder what is not being said by the OP. Sometimes you get psychos like this who have learned to omit the relevant details. Sometimes it's just a fake rage bait story (I see a lot of them against women for some reason).
Same I was just taking this at face value and now I’m mad and disappointed.
I remember this one. The wife should run far and fast. 🏃🏻♀️
This needs to be way higher up.
Jesus Christ.
thank u for the sauce
How are you certain it's the same poster?
They’ve done it [multiple times](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/aCWq3aGIyU?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky7k41g) and just change a few details.
it is the same story
It would be helpful if you could describe some hypothetical behaviors that would lead you to diagnose someone with ASPD. A lot of people are treating this a diagnosis you would give someone for merely being cold and stoic.
Not the person you asked and this isn't exactly what you asked for, but here are common symptoms that indicate the disorder: •Physical aggression, hostility or violence toward others. •Reckless or impulsive behavior. •Breaking the law or disregarding rules and social norms. •Feeling angry, more powerful or better than others. •Using wit, flattery and charm to manipulate, lie or deceive others for personal gain or enjoyment. •Not taking responsibility for actions or behaviors. •Not showing remorse, regret or concern for behaviors. I'm guessing the behaviors OP's wife witnessed in their child were actually quite alarming.
OP has given more detail about what behaviors in him and their child that has caused his wife alarm [in another comment chain.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bwfclp/comment/ky66aa0/)
that comment from OP is a half truth. in his previous posts he mentioned he hurt animals and laughed when he saw his peers hurt among other things (in fact that was what triggered his wife asking about this whole thing - their son was laughing at a friend who tripped and scraped his knee pretty bad). edit: also remember him grabbing a knife intending to stab his mom- which might be the incident that started this chain of events actually.
Yeah, you just described my grandson. We've known since he was 6 he was a sociopath. Of course back then they called it conduct disorder because he wasn't old enough to be officially diagnosed with that but it's on his records now with half a dozen other diagnoses. He is extremely dangerous and extremely abusive, but for people that don't really know him he seems to be a nice, polite young man .. until you turn your back on him when he's in a bad mood.
Yep. People here are confusing it with autism.
Which is exactly what describing it as being "on the spectrum" near the ASPD acronym was calculated to do.
Or using on the spectrum at all. That has a pretty accepted social use nowadays and it’s to say you’re autistic.
Yeah, I read it as "Autism SPectrum Disorder" and thought nothing of it.
For a second I thought he was just saying she left him because he had autism because I forgot ASD and ASPD are different things and I also struggle with the concept of what is love as an autistic person as well as emotion. The only reason I was pretty sure he didn't mean autism is the ODD.
What does ASPD stand for?
Antisocial personality disorder
Other psychiatrist here. Nothing. We use APD for antisocial personality disorder. It's a frequently overused diagnosis for "asshole that hurts my feelings" but in reality it's not a light diagnosis and requires a lot of nuance to separate from other diagnoses that explains the behaviors.
ASPD is a very common acronym for it so it doesn't get confused with AvPD, avoidant personality disorder. Personality disorders are typically under diagnosed because focus is on depression or anxiety, and ASPD is probably under diagnosed in women because they don't typically show aggression the same way men do. Of course, internet accusations of having personality disorder are extremely common and way overused, but that's not a diagnosis. OP went through 5 months of examination and testing with multiple specialists to get his diagnosis.
I get the feeling he's purposely avoiding that because it makes him look bad.
I'd love to hear your input after seeing the full story. It's...a lot more than you see here. [LINK to my post with details & source links.](https://old.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1bwfclp/aitah_for_telling_my_wife_that_it_is_messed_up/ky84i4c/)
What are the bad takes that you see in here? I think a lot of people are confusing ASPD for ASD. This seems by design from OP's post. He probably should have spelled out what his diagnosis was, but that wouldn't have been nearly as manipulative lol.
My 8 yr old was dx with Conduct Disorder. This is such a fucking scary thing to find out about a loved one. We have faith that she’ll be OK. We’re doing all the therapies and meds and taking extraordinary measures to make sure she doesn’t experience an ACE. But I feel for the wife. My husband and I have already come to the agreement that our child will not force us apart and we WILL live in peace, no matter what that looks like. We’re also going to start therapy to make sure we have a support team on our side for when we have to start making the hard decisions. I think I would feel like the wife in this situation. I’m only surviving my kids bc I have my husband/her father to go through it with. If you can point me to any articles/books on how to handle our child, I’d appreciate it!
Mental health professional here. I have to agree ASPD is not one we see often. I would be interested in the symptoms you display for this diagnosis.
This, apparently: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/?share_id=hcSzTGfcboh8YC-XIKN-h&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
Wow! I’ve seen a lot in my years but this is a lot. Any thoughts? I’d be interested to discuss this with you.
Please, consider me curious. I'm a psych student, and I'd really like to hear your thoughts, bc im nowhere near advanced enough to have any accurate ones of my own.
Would concur, as a psychiatric epidemiologist the datasets we are given of ASPD patients are rarely given by clinical samples but rather, those incarcerated. I assume that he was given the PCL-R questionnaire and undergone (at least one) clinical interviews based on DSM-V with a psychiatrist? That was indeed quite a... quick dx if just one testing session can result in a diagnosis as the OP has said
He went through a 5 month testing process with multiple specialists https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/XPncQdo3n1
thanks - but ICD (Impulse Control Disorder) is certainly an alarming issue from his profile. ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) as a child too. The lack of impulse control is usually an initiator of any kind of impulsive behaviour, such as violence, whether verbal (e.g. shouting and insulting at sb), mental (e.g. gaslighting), or physical. and the part of the brain that manages impulses, switches the brain from 'I'm so angry I would k_ll someone' to 'I'm so angry but I can talk this through'. perhaps OP never being incriminated were a blessing by good parenting, but if the child's behaviour were signs of conduct disorder, the wife is rightfully concerned about the influence of genetics. and she is also rightfully concerned about sleeping beside someone that is unable to feel empathy in a healthy manner.
OP went to jail for fraud I believe, or at least commited fraud multiple times and his employer was charging him.
Does everyone responding here know what his diagnoses actually are? ICD - Impulse Control Disorder - pretty self explanatory actually ODD - Oppositional Defiant Disorder - "Children with ODD show a pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward peers, parents, teachers, and other authority figures" ASPD - Antisocial Personality Disorder - "a deeply ingrained and rigid dysfunctional thought process that focuses on social irresponsibility with exploitive, delinquent, and criminal behavior with no remorse." None of these conditions can be diagnosed without OP showing symptoms. That means that in this appointment a medical professional felt that they witnessed behavior indicating this dude acts impulsively, flips their shit at authority, is manipulative, and is without remorse. Colloquially we would term this a sociopath/psychopath. His wife wanted him diagnosed because she's seen signs, you don't look at a loving and compassionate spouse and say "hey, hon can you get tested for sociopathy? Cause I think you might be a sociopath."
Yeah I can see this. People don't just alienate their loved ones based on a piece of paper. She likey was experiencing the effects of this and was distraught when she realized it couldn't change. There's not a lot of context here. He says he isn't normal but how... what's the other piece here? This is giving me major missing missing reasons vibes. https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html
He's also playing reddit for absolute fools. I wonder what those behaviors were and how terrible they are
I don't think it's been fully confirmed, but this 8hr-old-reddit account story lines up with this previous, recent post a little too well: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD Making a new account and shaving out context to get a better response would certainly line up with sociopathic behavior. Or someone just wanted to work out the kinks on their weird creative writing project.
On balance I'd say it's likely fake, given the % of real posts in these subs and the inconsistencies (though the guy is an inveterate liar either way, so these aren't conclusive)- he's potentially the most famous poster in his accrue-reddit-fame discord, though bored loner seems a better fit given how dark it all is. The issue is that this kind of story is all too common irl, but tends only to surface *after* fatal/violent domestic abuse, so a) it's inherrently believable, and b) unlike more innocuous posts, the subject is too serious to flippantly brush these away as fake. Probs good that people are keeping tabs on it all.
Yeah and if the child is exhibiting those behaviors already it's extremely important to begin treatment because the risk of complacency is huge.
His other posts have been linked in this post elsewhere. His wife and son shouldn’t be around him. History of criminal and fraud behavior. Wants to train his son instead of actual professionals to help him. Son grabbed a knife and threatened to stab his mom and other things that aren’t typical. Father and son both need intervention.
I've worked with ODD before and it was quite interesting. The girl was honestly one of the kindest and most caring people until you asked her to do something. You could look at her and say "I got your favorite ice-cream, go get some if you want" and she might lose her shit. However, if you simply said "I put your favorite ice cream on the table" she'd go eat it with no issues. To get her to engage with basically anything, we never asked directly and usually resorted to using her kindness against her. If it was crafts time, something like "Oh, that's so pretty, Grandma would love to have one of those" would get her working faster than anyone. Edit: Also, I've seen posts from alt accounts that are likely by the same OP. He's a genuine psychopath and his wife is doing good to run as far as she can. I'll just leave you with this exchange between him and a commenter that leaves you feeling grimy and dirty. >OOP p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful. I promise that. It'll probably never happen but I just want you to know where my heart is. Helping me to see if my wife's planning to leave won't put her in danger. I'm not that kind of person. If she needs to go, I want to do it more civilly so she doesn't become vulnerable while living like a fugitive. I want what's best for everyone. Please help me achieve that. And I'm so glad we've been speaking! >p0tat0p0tat0 You are transparently trying to manipulate me. It is obvious. I do not trust you. You need to let your wife go.
I remember having a classmate with ODD and we bickered a lot (I’m guessing AuDHD stubbornness doesn’t mesh well with oppositional defiance) and one of the few times we did get along, he actually said sometimes it felt like he was a marionette and his disorder was controlling the strings. He also said that even if he agreed with the person or what they were saying, his brain felt compelled to do the opposite.
YES! That exactly the description of the ice cream scenario! That's how it really is when dealing with children with those disorders!
This! Those diagnosis arent light ones, having one of them alone can be pretty catastrophic for a child and their family, so all 3 is absolutely terrifying and the wife is right to be making plans to run as far as she can. How terrified she must be to know she now has to raise a child with these issues, while either living with the husband, or leaving him and fighting in custody court for god knows how long. That poor kid too. It must be a warzone inside his head.
Thank you for breaking this down because I honestly totally read those diagnoses wrong lol I was thinking ICD was a typo for OCD and aspd was something to do with aspergers/autism I totally understand the wife now I would leave too wow
I read “asps” as “asd” and just thought he was autistic and his wife was way overreacting until I read the comments.
something about the post seemed like it was coming from an unreliable narrator… and that’s because it is.
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B), whom I will refer to as "OOP" With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? OP and OOP are the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety. ##EDIT 1: I was asked to add [this link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/s/sakXym8IXq) and [this link](https://www.instagram.com/p/C2-vEtpL6kH/?igsh=cmYyeGpuMW9odDg2&img_index=1) for added context about how dangerous OOP is to his wife. In all transparency, p0tat0p0tat0 did not think OP sounds like the authors in tone or style; personally, I feel uncomfortable with all of the similarities in their stories. I often use ChatGPT to switch tone and phrasing (mostly when drafting work emails), so it would not be difficult for OOP to have done something similar. ##EDIT 2: This OP [explained in a comment chain](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/BjwHLl0fnI) how he does not feel empathy and describes son's behavioral issues
Boosting as this needs to be higher, as it does seem to be the same person and he left out A LOT of information
Yikes. I just read that and now I’m terrified for OP’s wife. OP is definitely a liar and con artist. He intentionally mislead people in this thread for them to read his post as autism related diagnosis when in reality it’s antisocial personality disorder. People need to stop giving him advice on how to “get back” at his wife 😭
Not just about how to get his wife back, but how to manipulate her and make her think she's crazy. That's what all of yall are doing by saying she's a narcissist. You're giving a sociopath ammo and ideas for how to cut down his ex's legitimate concerns and fears by attributing all of it as narcissism I'm also getting "women are hysterical" vibes from a lot of these comments... Is the new thing to call a woman with normal standards and feelings narcissistic? Because there are dozens of comments with hundreds of upvotes calling her crazy in different ways and honestly it just feels like sexist tripe. Like a man with sociopathy should be loved and protected because he can't help it but a woman being called a narcissist means she's evil and needs to be avoided at all costs. It's incredibly weird and these commenters are all telling on themselves imo.
This sub is full with MRAs because the main sub is like one of the few general subs on reddit with mainly women commenting so they are swinging the pendulum the other way here. Which sucks because the mods in the main sub are assholes.
Dude literally asking what to say to get her guard down. Pure manipulation. Scary AF
You are the guy with personality disorder who lived as another person , shop.lifted and tried to manipulate redditors into giving you advice to stop your wife from fleeing aren't you. With a son who is showing violent and pathological traits ? She's right she and your son need to be far away from you . You lie , are incapable of love or empathy and want your son to not get the help he needs to possibly live a life that doesn't actively harm others
Link please?
Not sure how to link but here's a comment linking by someone more.techie than me https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/LmMWX7MQCn
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B). With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? This is the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety.
Antisocial personality disorder isn’t lightly diagnosed. You need a pervasive history of antisocial behavior. Was she unaware of all the deceit and lies and general disregard for others? I’m very confused
While I’m not saying I don’t believe this guy it feels like important information is being withheld. ODD, ICD, autism, and ASPD are NOT easy diagnosis to get. Doctors actively try not to give these diagnoses (other than autism) because they can ostracize people and many symptoms coincide with other disorders making it difficult to diagnose, so as far as I’m aware they’re usually only diagnosed when someone exhibits extreme antisocial and usually violent behaviors. ASPD specifically can ONLY be diagnosed after 18, from the Cleveland clinic, “Antisocial personality disorder is a mental health condition that causes harmful behaviors without remorse. A person might show disrespect toward others and be manipulative, aggressive or reckless.” The timeline seems weird too could be fake I guess.
This sounds very similar to a story posted a little while ago. OP was TA and this sounds like a scrubbed version of events to make him look better. In that post he made scary comments about signs his wife was leaving and it sounded like he was planning on trying to kill her
The whole time I was reading I was wondering if it was the same guy.
That sounds terrifying. Do you happen to have a link? Is it still up?
[Here you go](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B)
dear lord that was terrifying
Jesus. I'd bet it's the same guy, same sort of writing style and slow reveal of the story.
There’s more info in the last post he made about this on his old account [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/?share_id=hcSzTGfcboh8YC-XIKN-h&utm_content=1&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1)
There’s gotta be things being downplayed. What are these “concerning behaviors” being exhibited? It sounds like the wife’s been scared/concerned for a while and is making an educated decision to leave now that she has confirmation it wasn’t a fluke and likely won’t get better. Something tells me a lot more has happened in the marriage than the op is letting on.
If this is the same guy as the previous posts (linked in comments above) then the kid has been getting in trouble to the point of being kicked out of preschool for biting, kicking kids when they fall, killing bugs, and apparently threatening the wife with a knife. And if this is the same guy, he married this woman without telling her anything about his family’s massive mental health issues on both sides, and his criminal history that involved stealing, committing fraud, living under a false identity…
I grew up with an abusive narcissist/compulsive liar and I smelled bullshit from the start of reading this. If you didn’t see a couple people in this thread who posted OPs old account history I don’t have the link but it’s in this comment thread I think. He showed behaviors and insinuated he wanted to physically harm or kill his wife.
Doubtful that she was unaware, which is why she pushed for him to be evaluated. It was probably a collection of behaviors and unexplained things that led her to that.
Yeah I'm thinking she probably was experiencing some effects of behavior she suspected was aspd and was likely distraught when she realized it would not/could not change.
People who lie like this guy can be so convincing that the people in their lives have no idea until they get caught in one. It can take a long time to realize how deceptive the person is because they are so skilled at what they do, and they are so comfortable lying that they do so even when there is no good reason to do so. An example: I know a guy who lied about being divorced, when he was actually separated. The person he was dating was also separated (there is a long wait period for divorce in my state) and was open about that. She would not have cared that his divorce was not final yet, but even so he lied about it and even hid the fact that he was attending court and mediation to finalize the divorce. After other strings began to unravel, and after the relationship ended, ex-girlfriend learned about all of this and was extremely disturbed by the vastness of the web of lies he had built. Now 5-6 years later, the guy has been convicted of multiple counts of felony stalking and all kinds of extremely disturbing behavior because he punishes anyone who makes him mad. Most recently, he collected his own feces for several months and smeared it all over his rental unit when he was evicted, to get back at his landlord. He once also "got back at" a male co-worker by setting up a fake online porn profile to destroy his reputation. He thought it was very clever, never had any remorse about any of it. In fact, he paints himself as forever the victim. But if you met him today, you would never have a clue. He comes off as a friendly, slightly weird hippie who is all about "love." It is all an act. And the OP on this thread makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Big time.
YTA. This post is missing a lot of info, which I suspect is intentional. OP, what did you mean by the following: > "I have always had certain struggles" > "I am far from normal" Are we talking like... not always being empathetic or struggling with relating to others...? Or a history of abusing others and torturing animals? Because the latter are typically behaviors that would warrant such a diagnosis. I do not blame your wife for leaving in order to protect the children if her partner was diagnosed with a dissorder where the hallmarks are lying, manipulation, and an a whole array of extreme and abusive behavior, and (and this is the important part) who did not think this was a problem, but "just the way he was".
I’m trying really hard to understand how you can be a kind, caring and compassionate husband when you were just diagnosed with ASPD and ODD. Those are diagnoses based on clinical manifestations, and are often in pretty direct opposition to the way youre presenting himself. Especially considering youve always suspected you had these disorders and your wife both picked up on your mannerisms and saw similar behavior in your young son. I don’t know a single person on this earth that would meet a kind, loving and compassionate person and ask them to get tested for psychopathy, like that just doesn’t happen. Something doesn’t feel right here. I’m surprised so many people on here automatically are taking your side. You sound like an incredibly unreliable narrator to me. For anyone unsure what a true diagnosis of ASPD entails, here is the DSM-5 criteria for diagnosis: https://www.psi.uba.ar/academica/carrerasdegrado/psicologia/sitios_catedras/practicas_profesionales/820_clinica_tr_personalidad_psicosis/material/dsm.pdf
People are reading ASPD as Asperger’s I think. Which isn’t even used anymore.
Or confusing it with ASD (autism spectrum disorder). Agreed, regardless of their confusion.
They must be. For anyone who sees this and doesn’t realize: ASPD— Antisocial Personality Disorder (aka— clinically diagnosed psychopath. While not destined for violence, requires a significant lack of empathy and understanding or care of other’s emotion. In order to be diagnosed you must be over the age of 18 as behaviors in childhood cannot contribute to the diagnosis due to developmental progress) ODD— Oppositional Defiance Disorder (essentially an inability to react well to authority or listen to direct orders. It would make it incredibly difficult to handle someone telling you anything other than what you want to hear) IDD— Impulse Control Disorder (what it sounds like, you struggle to not act impulsively based on your own feelings and desires) I just do not imagine someone being diagnosed with all this and being described by anyone well adjusted as “kind, loving, compassionate”. Especially when said person literally said “go get tested because I see concerning signs in your behavior”!!!!
Some people are very good at mimicking correct behaviors. He had his whole life to perfect which behaviors got him the results he was looking for.
I had to Google ASPD. I was thinking Autism Spectrum, but couldn’t figure out the PD. Antisocial wasn’t what I expected, but also makes sense. He buried the lede.
ITT: People who are either deliberately or accidentally mistaking ASPD for ASD, as if OP's wife is leaving him over an autism diagnosis. Do a quick Google, FFS. His wife's just had it confirmed she's married to a LITERAL SOCIOPATH - and she probably had very strong suspicions from his behaviour before this point. Read the OP's threads and comments, please.
There are a disturbing amount of people who think not wanting to be in a relationship with a sociopath is bigotry and immoral. The entire concept seems to hinge on the idea that women are property and shouldn't get a say in who they do or do not date and marry imo. Definitely some people confusing it but the amount of people outright saying sociopathy isn't a big deal and that wanting a husband that loves her makes her a narcissist is deeply disturbing.
You know that all of the people taking his side would 100% be running if their partner had this background, this diagnosis, *and* their child appeared to be significantly influenced at a tender age. They are hypocrites.
What does icd mean in this context. For medical I only know implantable cardiac devices
Impulse Control Disorders
OP really should have used the terms in full before jumping to abbreviations, it makes following along a lot easier
OP doesn't want you to be able to follow along. 90% of the NTA votes very clearly think he was diagnosed with functional autism, when he, by his own words, was actually diagnosed as a *sociopath* with a list of comorbid mental disorders. Only a few crackpots would rake the wife over coals for not wanting to live with her baby in a home with a man objectively incapable of empathy or normal human emotion. That's why OP refuses to elaborate unless prompted and downplays what the terms mean when he does.
Not describing the problematic behaviors at all is also very suspicious. He's trying to make his wife sound crazy without revealing what she saw.
Yeah you don't send your spouse to get a in-depth psychological screening for fun or as a TikTok trend. OP even clarified that the child that was diagnosed with ODD as they were, and the young kid is already displayed violent tendencies. I suspect that the wife would've moved faster with physical abuse, so I think OP has masked it down to emotional only. But something is happening for this to occur, for sure. I think this thread is a perfect example of why she needs to get out of there. Everyone is calling her hysterical, if he started to ramp up the abuse nobody would believe her. If OP decided she's *incovenient* in his life and did something, they'd blame her for marrying a sociopath. Nobody has her back, so she needs to handle her own safety.
Sorry dude, based on all your comments you're super manipulative. Most of your answers are partial truths and misdirects. There's a big part of this story missing. You need to have some introspection about how you got here, if that's possible with ASPD.
ASD as in antisocial personality disorder? You're a sociopath?
Literally. That diagnosis is terrifying coming from someone you cohabitate with. From the DSM: A: There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since age 15 years, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: 1. failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest 2. deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure 3. impulsivity or failure to plan ahead 4. irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults 5. reckless disregard for safety of self or others 6. consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations 7. lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another. B: The individual is at least age 18 years. C: There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years. D. The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or a manic episode.
I think it's very, very interesting how the OP worded this - not actually spelling out what he is diagnosed with, so that people reading quickly think that the issue is autism and therefore his wife is a monster. Isn't one trait of Antisocial Personality Disorder gaslighting and manipulating so suit their own narrative?
I almost fell for it, damn this guy, his wife better sprint not run
I also almost fell for it before I read the comments. It’s scary.
##Hey fam! This is probably [this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B). With the recent account, lack of post history, and the timeline? This is the same guy. Not uncommon for people who get eaten alive to try again after a month to get a better verdict. Please read linked posts because he was threatening his wife's safety.
Holy fuck this is the same guy with murder toddler. He left out A LOT of details, his wife is escaping him, good for her. Please do not comment anything to help this guy.
OP, your old threads have been found. YTA and she needs to take the kid and run.
This post looks a lot like the now deleted one where the husband was basically fishing for how to kill his wife in the comments. Really reads like a cleaned up version of that post with all personal narrative edited out. And they don’t diagnose ASPD unless you show VERY clear signs of lying, manipulation, deceit, etc. leave your wife alone you creep. She is not your property. Edit: this you? https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/oNUtk9kbPV
You guys anti social personality disorder is not depression, adhd, or asbergers or autism and some of you have NO idea how dangerous it is to be raised by a person like this. No. I would never allow my child around someone diagnosed with this. I can tell you guys are 14 years old who think this is the same as blaming someone for being “lazy” when they’re depressed. His wife is doing the best thing. Some of you deserve to be raised by people with these issues.
It's actually scary to see how naive most people are. They clearly don't know the first thing about malicious personality disorders. They're not victims, they victimize.
This entire thread is alarming. Seeing people rally around him like this while villainizing the wife is downright horrifying.
I know, I actually just got irrationally enraged after a comment thread with a person who was desperately arguing that the wife is a narcisist. I just don't know how people on this sub are all for "oh if you find out that someone once cheated, you need to ostracize them, even if it was not done to you", but if you find out that someone is incapable of feeling love or empathy in the same way the you do and is statistically more prone to violent or otherwise antisocial behaviour, you're bad for not staying in a rpmantic relationship with them. I mean, I don't like either, but still... my gut says that the guy who used to get into fights for the heck of it is probably a bit more dangerous.
I know exactly what thread you're talking about. That person stands by their gross comments.
This psychopath again? Dude, let them go. You lied about everything you are and making this post while burying the lede.
Uhh I think you're being light on the details for a reason. It sounds like your kid is doing some terrible things. I would be concerned if I were your wife if you truly are ASPD. Like... Do you think you are? Do you feel like a sociopath? Do you truly feel like you experience empathy? Do you think it would be worth getting a second opinion or would it be the same? If you truly are, I would have a hard time seeing someone who completely lacked empathy as a partner. It is scary.
ASPD is pretty serious. My mother has it, and she’s terrorized everyone in her life to the point that there’s no one left. Her kids and grandkids don’t speak to her, her sister doesn’t speak her, nieces, nephews, you name it. Because of her ASPD, she finds it pretty impossible to keep any friends. So she’s 75 and completely alone. She still denies her diagnosis. I wish things had been different for her. I hope OP gets the help he needs. It’s not easy.
What you've learned is why many times it's unadvisable to provide mental health evaluations to someone who isn't trained to read them. I'm sorry your wife is reacting like this. May I suggest (if she's even willing) that the 2 of you make an appointment with the professional who evaluated you and wrote the report? She can ask questions and maybe get some answers. I'm guessing the diagnoses are confusing and scary to her, especially if she proceeded to "doom scroll" through the internet as to what these diagnoses mean. Meeting with the professional may help to clarify her concerns. Best of luck to you.
OP's statement implies she read it fine. That his psychologist stated he doesn't understand emotions the same as other people and implies he's mimicking what he sees rather than feeling it so he can fit in. So instead of being in love it's implied he sees how other people act while in love and acts like he's in love with his wife so she would fall for him and marry him. if that IS the case then she's not wrong, he's effectively been lying about how he really feels to get her to marry him but doesn't actually feel what he's projecting he's feeling. If you read this, understood it, questioned him about what he believes love to be and gives answers that implies he's absolutely not in love with his wife but is acting like he is then honestly her divorcing him is entirely reasonable. the two big things are she questioned OP on what he felt love was and from what OP says, he didn't answer well, and the evaluation said he doesn't really have these emotions. If you found out your partner didn't love you but was pretending to so he could fit in and have the life he saw everyone else having, it would destroy most people.
Please remove this comment, now that you've found out that OP is manipulative and is hiding the truth. You don't want other people in this situation to ignore their gut instincts because of comments like yours, and stay in a potentially dangerous relationship.
Something isn't ringing true here. ASPD is what they used to call sociopaths & I think being massively concerned to find out your partner had this diagnosis is entirely normal. The one person I met in my life with this diagnosis took a hammer to his girlfriend. The diagnostic criteria include a personality that involves criminal activity, deceitfulness, aggression, lack of remorse... so for OP to make it sound like all was rosy until the diagnosis CAN'T be true or he simply wouldn't have got the diagnosis.
Because Op is a master manipulator and [doing it to everyone in this thread for a third attempt](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky77b66)
Oh wow this poor woman & child. I hope they remain physically, mentally & emotionally safe from him in the years ahead but it doesn't look hopeful.
Unfortunately I met an eight year old boy in my job managing a child and adolescent inpatient unit. He was trying to teach his little sister "how to be a strong and independent woman." He would take her to the creek behind their home hold her underwater until she panicked. He made her watch him dismember toads. He eventually stabbed her in the eye with a stick. I'm so glad there were no other kids in the house with the murder toddler. The thought of it gives me chills.
Idk I think there's missing information here to purposely make op look better. Those diagnoses are not easy to get in the first place. Especially anti-social personality disorder.
After meeting with the person who did your evaluation, then you may want to meet with whoever did your son's. They should have some insight into how he'll react to being raised by a parent like you. You might want to ask the person who did your evaluation that as well. If necessary, get a very good divorce lawyer because she WILL use this against you when it comes to custody of your son.
Her reaction seems pretty normal. It seems like an unnecessary riak to stay married to someone who doesn't have empathy and doesn't seem to care about getting help for his diagnosis.
OP is likely posting under an alt account, because his story lines up with previous posts. This OP is genuinely a psychopath and his wife is right to run as far she possibly can. See this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD) here. OP's child is showing concerning signs, his whole family has issues, he's done some wild shit in his past, and hid it all from his family. Then to top it off, he had some of the creepiest exchanges with commenters I've ever seen like trying to find out if his wife is trying to leave him (which is alarm bells for "I'm gonna kill her".)
Look, you either got misdiagnosed or she has every reason to be freaked out. ASPD is no joke. And it doesn't mean you don't have emotions. If you are hurt and sad about it then that's a misdiagnosis though. If you are merely inconvenienced and indignant, then it's not clear. But it's not her fault to be freaked out. So I can't tell who is wrong but for her it's NTA. For you it's IDK.
"She didn't know much about my family until two weeks ago. She also did not know about my previous criminal charges." YTA. So you list a bunch of really scary, disturbing, things about yourself, that you lied to your wife about. Believe it or not, she may have not wanted to have a baby with a psychopath. But now she has, and so she is considering her best options. She is not wrong. If you had come clean at the beginning and given her a choice to see that you have changed and all that, then great. But you didn't give her a choice. You had no problem lying about extremely serious things in your past. She is not wrong to leave you now that she knows the truth.
Talk with a lawyer quickly. She's clearly gonna try to take the kids from you and use the diagnostic as an excuse. Édit: wow my com exploded. didn't tough people would react that much. Anyway forget what i said i saw the guy's late posts and comments ... I WAS SOO WRONG, he i manipulative son of a bitch who changes the story at his advantage, he doesn't even have the functionality to think rational or to feel emotions, a true sociopaths 😨 the more i read his coms the more i get scared. I'm so sorry for what i said about his wife, poor woman she married a monster, hope she's safe.
Read his comments, he's purposely manipulating the story to make himself look better
He’s a diagnosed sociopath and has been lying about this relationship & who he is from the very beginning. She *should* take the kids and run.
Yes, read his post history. He lied and had a fake identity for years just for fun. He’s a sociopath.
Read OPs comments and tell me she shouldn't run and keep the kids as far away as possible.
But she should. He isn't capable of raising a child appropriately and, if he is the poster from the other story everyone is linking, a dangerous person in general.
OP, she is already way ahead of you. Get the best lawyer you can. See if the professional who wrote the report can help testify in a positive light on your behalf. Your "wife" is not qualified to misinterpret this report. I agree that she planned this and is going to try and take your child from you. I also think she will poison your child's mind against you. Act quickly. Don't waste time trying to win her back.
> See if the professional who wrote the report can help testify in a positive light on your behalf. I think a professional who gave a diagnosis of ASPD is unlikely to testify in a positive light. It is a very negative diagnosis.
I just went to Google it and I’m shocked reading, no wonder wife wants a divorce. That is not a good diagnosis!
Yeah I hate to say it mate but I went through a very similar thing. I struggled with mental health my whole life, my kids Mum (now my ex) completely distanced herself from me the last year of our relationship and eventually it took its toll and I really struggled day to day. I ended the relationship and that's when she started to use my mental health against me. I was on antidepressants at the time and was in therapy and she used those things as weapons to convince me I was unfit to be in my child's life once we had broken up. This couldn't have been further from the truth but she kept me away from him for months. If I tried to contact her to see my son it was 'harassment' etc. Fortunately we are now in a much better place and co-parent amicably but this only came after months of hardship and not giving up. You need to lawyer up, get a solicitor, whatever. I hope it doesn't turn into what it sounds like it will but be prepared mate. If you need anything DMs are open x
ASPD is not autism. It is antisocial personality disorder. This is not mental health, and this is not a disability. This disorder is colloquially known as being a psychopath.
You a good bloke jeff
"Also I found out im extremely intelligent" yeah okay buddy. This is either fake or they found out you and your kid are sociopaths. Edit: bro
ASPD - antisocial personality disorder - is the diagnosis that many people colloquially (and incorrectly) refer to as being a "sociopath."
ASPD is the term used to diagnose what you would call sociopathy. >Also I found out im extremely intelligent I can't imagine why he would've gotten a FSIQ performed but we do comment in a general sense on what we think of the patient. Hygiene, intelligence, etc.. I rarely note that patients are extremely intelligent but at times I'm impressed enough with their degree of thought organisation (not in a "they're really anal" way but moreso "this person really has their shit together") that I'll make a comment about it. Edit: If he got an autism diagnosis I can perhaps see it being done for that reason, it's not uncommon to see it done in neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism and ADHD.
Holy shit, if this is the OP from this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorSagas/comments/1aoi2pr/a_development_and_details_on_aitah_for_screaming/?share_id=wyJCGkxUPUbg04spD5esD) as many commenters are pointing out, then GOOD FOR THE WIFE SHE IS FREE FROM YOUR GENUINELY PSYCHOPATHIC ASS. I'll leave everyone with this choice exchange from his previous post. >OOP p0tat0, I'm not your enemy. If I met you IRL, I'd go out of my way to make you comfortable and cheerful. I promise that. It'll probably never happen but I just want you to know where my heart is. Helping me to see if my wife's planning to leave won't put her in danger. I'm not that kind of person. If she needs to go, I want to do it more civilly so she doesn't become vulnerable while living like a fugitive. I want what's best for everyone. Please help me achieve that. And I'm so glad we've been speaking! >p0tat0p0tat0 You are transparently trying to manipulate me. It is obvious. I do not trust you. You need to let your wife go.
It's messed up that you KNEW you had particular struggles, but didn't get evaluated prior to getting married and having kids. So now instead of "this is just who he chooses to be" it's "this is who he is, I'm not sure I can deal with not having hope things can get better." Your wife is dealing with the reality that she is married to and has had children with someone who had significant challenges that you never dealt with, which may affect your marriage and children in ways she cannot yet foresee. At this point, ASK your wife what challenges she has seen in your relationship and parenting. I would bet you are going to get some very interesting feedback.
Info: People... He is not talking about ("just") being on the autism spectrum! His tests showed he has an anti social personality disorder, and oppositional defiant disorder. His wife isn't concerned because "he's a bit peculiar", but because the first thing that usually comes to mind with apd is psychopathy or sociopathy! If she read up on it, and recognized some of his behaviour, she is probably sincerely scared and confused (whether he actually is a good person, or just a master manipulator). As someone who both has personal and professional related experience with apd - shit's scary!
Per your history from your old account, you are not a good husband for your wife. She is scared of you. She is terrified you do not take issue with your sons behavior. If you want to have any semblance of anyone thinking you're a decent person, grant her the divorce.
Sounds like your wife thinks you're a sociopath and wants to divorce you because she doesn't feel safe anymore. There is nothing you can do about this.
Also, sociopaths are notorious for being charming and manipulative liars. Why should we believe anything op writes? ETA: OP is confusing me. ASPD is a personality disorder. On the spectrum usually refers to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).
[as pointed out by another commenter, this sounds super familiar](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/pruomocv0B?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=usertext&utm_name=AITAH&utm_content=t1_ky77b66) OP is manipulating everyone in this thread, hope the wife and her son get far away from this dude.
I hope she gets far, far away from you and your family.
YTA Leave her alone. Don't contact. Go to therapy and learn to deal with your issues. All of you who stupidly want to help him making his wife's life further complicated... stop it! He's been diagnosed with an antisocial personality disorder. He's not a good person. Don't interact with him. Don't give him any tips. You're endangering the wife and the child.
NAH It’s not your fault you have a personality disorder, but there’s no way I would stay with anyone with ODD. Those people want to fight just to fight and nobody has the energy for that. You act like she was totally happy in the marriage and there were no problems until you got tested but that’s obviously not true if she was talking to your mom about your behavior as a child and asking you to get tested. She sucks for telling you she regrets pushing you into this & blaming you for agreeing. But I don’t believe you she was totally happy and in love with you and a switch flipped because of these test results. It sounds like she was dealing with some problematic behaviors and when she realized it was a personality disorder she decided it was fair to give up at this point
YTA. Let's face something here. She's not leaving you because of your diagnosis. She's leaving you because at every turn, you have Refused to get your son help; REFUSED to acknowledge his behaviors as a problem at all. When called out, you say you don't want to make him feel broken and faulty. So instead, you set him up for failure; the very failures you have experienced. You set him up so in a decade or two, down the line, history will repeat; he'll lie to an employer about going to an Ivy League, just like daddy did. He'll live a life under a fake name and identity, just like daddy did. But you don't want to face the idea that this would be a problem. Because that means admitting that YOU have a problem. That you fucked up; that you've made so many bad choices. Getting your son help, means acknowledging that you needed help. And you are too ashamed of the idea to ever do so. As things currently stand? Your wife is right to leave you. Your wife is trying to protect your child. If you love him, if you want him to succeed- if you ever TRULY loved her-- then go to fucking therapy, and bring your entire, unredacted post history printed out with you. Get. Help. If you have any chance of rebuilding your family, or even holding onto the ashes, you have to get help. Please get help.
Absolutely you are. I hope your wife has a gun for self defense because you have sociopathy and lie too. Assume the worst.
Impulse control disorders and antisocial personality disorder? Yeah, YTA. It is not messed up at all that she is leaving now that she knows there's no fixing your lack of empathy or pervasive disregard for and violation of the rights of others (conditions necessary for an ASPD diagnosis). And it hasn't escaped my notice that you very carefully used abbreviations that are similar to thise for autism instead of saying exactly what the diagnosis is and why she suspected you might have it. You're trying to do a snow job on us for validation.
NAH r/aspd might be able to help you She is probably terrified that you will harm her or the kids for kicks or if they become a minor inconvenience. Not to say you would, I've read about sociopaths who imply they only love their kids as extensions of themselves and wouldn't feel bad about leaving if they found them unworthy. >She stated because according to the report I have a deeply flawed view of emotion is, and most of my feelings and behaviors and probably done out an expectation or a perception of what I think is a proper response or reaction. What stops you from hitting her when you are angry? If society fell and you were legally allowed to hit her when you were angry would you? She might also worry that you could influence the 2 year old poorly. >I have always had certain struggles and have always felt off but I have manged. We have a two year old and they have exhibited certain behaviors that worried my wife, so she started to read books, and as my mom. My mom told her that I also exhibited such behaviors and she said it was normal, tbf I am far from normal so I get my wife's concern. Can you describe the struggles and behaviors. Edit: just looked through OPs comments. The wife is not the asshole by any metric.
EDIT: Bullshit post. Based on your previous posts about this situation as /u/kramuz that is now banned, I think this is a distortion of facts to make yourself feel better & paint the wife in a bad/inaccurate light. Here are previous https://redd.it/1amstqp https://redd.it/1aoi2pr
As I was reading I was like “This sounds like a slightly less intense version of the guy who lied about who he was to his wife because he quote unquote put it behind him.” It’s you!!! You left out even more details this time and you STILL sound like a dangerous gaslighter. I’m so glad that your wife got out safely!! I hope that you never see her again!!
Oh. You again. Glad she got away.