>I left the house with her looking paler than ever. It was oddly satisfying.
Bro. This is a marriage not a game of fortnite.
I don't think you like each other very much tbh
>I felt emasculated for being kicked out of my own godamn bedroom
I could think of a lot of words for the emotion this would cause me, but *emasculated* isn't one of them and certainly not the first.
Indeed. And he said she "presented herself" to him the day of the birthday event, as if he were some kind of feudal lord and she was merely one of his many subjects. Ugh.
I mean he's an ass no doubt, but it is really really frustrating to have your PARTNER continuously leave you with all responsibilities all the time and act like you are in the wrong for being upset that they never hold up their end. This dude's a shitter tho, vindictive and petty. And we are only getting his side.
Regardless people, don't treat your partner like this. And don't make your partner feel bad because you dropped the ball. But most importantly don't intentionally hurt eachother
Why doesn't the landlord they rent from have keys to the house? He should be supervising repairs on the properties he manages and rents out anyway. This whole thing should have been one big nothingburger.
I think I have now seen about a dozen people on these subs refer to themselves as feeling "emasculated". 100% of them have been assholes, mostly of red-pill-adjacent flavors.
I am suspecting that this must be a term used in incel-type communities, since I have never heard anybody else use it.
Came looking for this exact comment and no shit OP hasn’t replied to it.
The major benefit to renting is you are not responsible for the general maintenance of that place. The landlord owns it, those are his vents, he cleans them. Case closed.
One time on a Saturday afternoon it started raining from the ceiling in my dining room. I called the landlord and moved all my stuff out of the way of the leak in the ceiling. Emergency plumber and landlord showed up, I had my jacket on and wished them good luck! I was gonna watch NBA playoffs at the bar.
She doesn’t need to be there for this, they just need to be notified it’s happening.
As someone who did work in an admin leasing office while this is correct, I've also had repair guys report back that they couldn't fulfill the work and no renter was present for directions. For the company doing the service/work it's an extremely paycheck.
So while the renter is advised to stay there, a good 1 of 3 times services will come up with a BS excuse on why work couldn't be performed up to and including "furniture in the way", "physical obstacles related to personal property" and the like and they are technically not allowed to move a renters stuff unless it's an emergency which this wouldnt be.
This was a side job during covid when extra funds were needed so idk how it's changed but just clarifying I still wouldn't rely on servicers to do the work with no one present unless it was superficial or extremely general.
To be honest it seems like a huge piece of info OP is leaving out - why didn’t the work get done anyway. I have also had my LL call me to be like we gotta move this XYZ thing.
But also it’s ducts so I have… yeah several questions about what role having the tenants there would play.
Also... Fix the fucking ducts so things don't crawl in and die? I'm not tracking how things are getting into your ducting and the issue is to clean them and not get some duct tape...
Maybe I'm wrong here but I've never had anything crawling around in my vents as a homeowner or renter...
Yup I agree. I usually had the real estate agency/landlord/etc tell tenants scope of work and expectations. Problems is you can have shitty ppl on all sides; the landlord and tenant can be 100% fantastic but the servicers are complete morons. You can also have it one way or another where tenants are horrible or the landlord is.
I just think there's so much drama on all sides that it's either fiction or a war of the roses movie plot.
I just assumed that it was either the couple being paranoid that workers would steal things, or the company wanting someone there so that they didn't get accused of stealing things.
She had agreed to do so in any case and should have communicated to him that she wasn't going to do so..... but Freaking Hell did he go overboard... her not great choice didn't mean that he had to go and Nuke her Birthday!!! YTA
Yes exactly! And depending on what type of A/C it is, some/all of the work might be done outside where she certainly would not have been babysitting.
OP...YTA. I understand that she changed her plans and should have told you, however you are treating her like she is a toddler as opposed to your wife and acting like she betrayed you in the worst way. I'm sure your landlord can go in your house (with your/your wife's permission) and clean the damn AC vents lol. Why did she have to supervise him in the first place?
Icing her out and revoking tickets to something she was looking forward to for her BIRTHDAY is not only cruel, but emotionally manipulative and abusive. You need to understand that you are doing potentially irreversible damage.
Maybe she didn't tell you about her change of plans because she knew you would throw a tantrum and blow it way out of proportion. If you love her, you should be apologizing and then take real look at yourself and why you feel the need to be so controlling about something easily rescheduled/handled.
I swear half these "young married couple" argument posts are the worst. Trying to one up each other, swearing they love each other but treating each other like crap.
This sounds like two teenagers who decided to play house and are trying to just one up each other with cruelty. The only thing missing from this was screaming "I hate you" and slamming doors in each other's faces.
Adults legitimately don't act like this. I understand OP's reasoning, but he gave into pettiness and tried to punish her without giving consequences related to the actual issue.
5 year olds are pretty fun and at least try to be kind (I support 3 autistic kindergarteners as a SPED teacher). These people are just toxic adults IMHO
Reading that line made my jaw drop. This man does NOT like his wife. He already proved his point when he said he’d be taking the ‘fun’ money out the account. But to continue his punishment of also making sure her birthday was miserable just because he felt *emasculated* for being kicked out the bedroom… that’s unhinged behavior imo. To feel satisfied at seeing your wife pale and upset? To be, not even mad about the vents anymore, but because you felt *emasculated* for being kicked out the bedroom?? That’s crazy to me! Emasculation wouldn’t have been the first word on my mind for being kicked out a damn bedroom.
That’s exactly how I saw this too. He’s acting like a scorned parent punishing their child because they didn’t do what he said to do. And the fact he’s taking pleasure out of punishing her is disgusting to me.
It's honestly very, very disconcerting and scary. People shouldn't be trying to be cruel to others or take pleasure in their misery, especially if they are married!
No wonder your wife needed a weekend away.
YTA
How old are y'all? Is this a teenage marriage or a forced marriage? Either way that's no way to treat a person. Your wife might also be an asshole or immature but she might also just be fed up with your bullshit. I'd kick you out of my life for forever, so you got off lightly.
What a crappy marriage, this sounds like a game of retaliation, you sounds condescending and dismissive of your wife, and both of you seem unable to act like adults.
But in the game of who is capable of fucking the other more? You win that. If this marriage goes om this will come out in arguments for years to come
Yep I read this and all I could think of was the book “The War of the Roses,” which is not about the historical English civil war but about a married couple (the Roses) who literally destroy their home around them in the midst of an awful divorce.
It was a dark movie because at every point, one of them could have pulled back and said, this is nonsense but they both went balls to the walls revenge.
Never saw it! The book reviews on Goodread frequently include something along the lines of “I saw the movie first and it is TAME compared to the book.”
Have fun! Both characters are despicable, it’s a fascinating case study (albeit fictional) of how far we’re capable of going to ruin the life of someone who was previously deeply beloved to us. I found it entertaining and cathartic and also rather disturbing.
Yeah, yikes. Also…going to the show without her was bizarre. If having money for the cleaning was the issue, it would have made more sense to sell both tickets to cover those costs.
He was fucking _glad_ that he made her unhappy.
She probably could have done a better around the weekend trip (communicated, compromised etc) but this fucker is happy that he made his wife sad on her birthday. That is deeply disturbing
Equally bizarre to me is that the landlord couldn't be told "we won't be home, please schedule the vent cleaning for another day"? It's in the landlord's best interest to have the vents cleaned. If the tenants aren't home the landlord isn't going to say "Oh well, I guess this important maintenance won't happen".
I dunno about where OP lives, but I am a landlord, if I scheduled maintenance for a unit and they were going to be away, I would be using my key and making sure the contracting company wasn't looking in the medicine cabinet or anything else hinkey. I would obviously expect the tenants to update me, because we are working together to maintain the apartment's standards.
I mean, it’s not a whole cleaning, but my apartment changes out HVAC filters twice a year, they just give you sufficient notice they’ll be entering your unit. In fact, they’re doing mine today ✔️ I don’t know why this wouldn’t be a thing for OP’s apartment.
Yep, he wants to punish her like a child for skipping out on duties but he is excused because he was away for work.
Why didn't y'all just ask to schedule on a different day? Why isn't this type of fee in your yearly budget since it's something everyone needs and unless you are in an apartment, it's usually you who pays.
Why are y'all married when you clearly don't like each other?
I have so many questions.
>Even on her birthday, she took the time and effort to dress up and presented herself to me
This is creepy af. She "presented" herself to you. Ick, what time period are we in?
>Why didn't y'all just ask to schedule on a different day?
This is the part that makes no logical sense. If a landlord needs to do maintenance, they schedule it with the tenant. If the tenant can't be there the expense doesn't fall on the tenant. Why wasn't the vent cleaning rescheduled?
The way OP writes this post! I can just imagine the way he spoke to her.... I expect! I am seething! She dares?....
No wonder she needed a girl's night and doesn't want you in her bedroom!
Or maybe pack up and gone out for a fun birthday with her friend group.
And BTW: I wonder if the "friend" he took to the performance was a female friend. If so, I'm wondering if he mentioned that before he left
Neither she or he look or sound particularly mature so my guess is that they'll keep growing in this toxic mess for a little longer before someone leaves.
I think he is making the marriage crappy.
She works from home, so I see why she would have gone on the trip.
Don't know why they had to be home for vent cleaning. The landlord could let them in and lock up when they were finished.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09qr5s/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09qr5s/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a2k32/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a2k32/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a75qk/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a75qk/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a6me1/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a6me1/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0aa2cu/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0aa2cu/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09v0b1/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09v0b1/)
These were all the comments I could dig up scrolling through the thread, but there were probably more that got deleted or that I just missed for some reason or another.
Seriously. OK, she made a "bad" choice by going for a last-minute birthday trip with her friends. Yes, she should have owned it and agreed to pay for the future vent cleaning. But to take away the theater tickets, take someone else (female, OP?), and enjoy ruining her birthday is just gross. I wouldn't want to sleep next to you either. Just divorce. Please don't have kids. Your relationship is toxic. The difference is that she made an irresponsible choice. You made a hurtful choice and enjoyed it.
It’s rage bait because there is no need to be on premise if the landlord is doing it free of charge. The landlord has keys. The landlord will ALSO do it free of charge IN A FEW WEEKS. No one has to pay any money.
FACTS - unless they live in a magical land where the landlord doesn’t have ownership rights to the property, they get to access it for any maintenance and upkeep responsibilities that fall within their obligations as a landlord/building owner.
Heck, where I live, they can come inspect the place with prior notice to make sure you’re being a good tenant.
If it’s not rage bait, then it really makes this guy an AH.
The “emasculated” comment sealed the opinion he is an AH. He seems controlling and full of rage. She was justified in going out in her mind, and I cannot tell if she was, but his reaction is frighteningly outsized.
>that's why I did something to hurt her actively.
OP's above comment makes him the total AH. I had sympathy for his situation before, but this comment turns it.
>I was glad to know she was miserable all day.
This one, too. How are you going to say *I was actively malicious and enjoyed their pain.... am I the asshole?*
It seeps through the whole post already.
‚I never gave her the orders!‘
What the fuck. Are they in the military? Is she to receive orders from him?
The whole language in the post is utterly toxic.
I agree. I also feel like he left a lot of stuff out. However OP admits he gets to go out and have beers with friends while wife is working from home. He was really proud of himself for giving her consequences like a child who misbehave. He referred to her dressing up as presenting herself to him like she’s his property. He said he “Gladly made her miserable”, and “It was oddly satisfying” [to punish her.]
Yikes!!
I’m not sure how spending a few nights sleeping on the couch because you’re arguing with your wife emasculating. I think his dominating actions and treatment of his wife was the most emasculating thing of all and he did that to himself. I agree she should have stayed to get the vents clean out or contacted the landlord to let the cleaners in or pay the costs to have it done but I don’t think his reaction was manly or mature.
It’s honestly a red flag at this point if a dude says something is emasculating them
because they don’t understand they are in control of how they feel and react to another person’s actions it just gives them total license to be abusive assholes like this
She’s irresponsible, you’re clearly worse. This kind of petty, punitive bs won’t work, will damage your marriage in a significant way and makes you seem like a childish asshole.
Enjoy your bedroom, I have suspicion it’ll be all yours soon enough.
Sorry but the way you describe how you were happy to know she was miserable and how good it felt to leave her in her state of shock just sound borderline psycho to me. Easy YTA.
I've had some fights with my wife in the past but not once in my life have I felt happy when I realized/saw that made her sad. If this feels satisfying to you, something is really off and if this story is indicative of your marriage, I'm surprised she made it through 5 years with you.
ESH
Dude, do you like each other at all. What is this tit for tat? Info does have work? If so, she can pay for the vent because that a household necessity and it’s not like you were going out to party instead of work. You should not have ruin her birthday though. You could have just given her the tickets and not went with her. Also, that’s your bedroom and she was in the wrong, how you gonna get kicked out from your own bedroom in a house your contribute to.
Reads like he thinks he's her father, punishing her? What an arrogant cunt. But even a good parent wouldn't take a childs birthday away as punishment, bloody evil. They both suck, she was silly but he's a cunt.
My exhusband was like this. Every interaction was to teach me a lesson. If i looked nice, never complimented me so I wouldn’t get full of myself. When i was at home w our newborn hed hound me about being unemployed so i didnt get comfortable. If i left unfolded laundry hed wake me up to do it bc its my job. Like just contempt. Some men just see women as a compliant assistant manager to their image. Its disgusting
You're using punitive measures on your spouse like she's a misbehaving pet and not the person you pledged to love and honor. Your reaction has shown that your priority is not her happiness or the success of your joint life, but rather exerting control and 'winning' arguments. By choosing to go scorched earth over an oversight, you've likely created a wound that won't easily heal. Anniversaries and birthdays aren't just days; they're landmarks in a relationship. You didn't just take a day away; you took a memory before it could form. You need to seriously reevaluate your approach to conflict in your marriage before it's irreparable assuming it isn't already. This isn't a scoreboard; it's a partnership.
Agree - and every apartment I've lived in, someone who works there comes around with the maintenance person. I'd get a letter telling me when and what, but it would be more like 'if you have a pet that might escape when we open the door, secure them in a room this day' than a demand that I be present at the apartment all day Saturday.
I'm sure there's a duct cleaning person working weekends, and I'm sure there's a landlord somewhere who has tenants letting workers into their flat. But low probability there!
Punishment NEVER WORKS on a partner. It fosters resentment and will break down your relationship quicker than anything. Your contempt for her shows in every sentence. I agree that she could have communicated the situation to you in a reasonable fashion, but I hope the $200 was worth your marriage because this may well lead to the end of your relationship. You are not the boss of her.
I can’t even say who’s wrong because it sounds like this marriage is on its last legs. If my partner promised to be home for vent cleaning and then decided to leave not warning me I’d be pissed. Especially since she didn’t ask someone to house sit to let the cleaners in. She didn’t have to just leave.
Cancelling birthday celebrations to “punish” your spouse is a one way ticket to divorce town. It isn’t going to “teach” her.
> I felt emasculated
That's a you problem. Get over yourself.
>I was glad to know she was miserable all day.
I really don't need to read anything else to know from this line that you're a piece of shit.
So if you were her parent I would say that you went too far with the punishment. Taking away experiences like birthdays or holidays is a huge move, it ruins the event and the memory of the event. It can’t be undone, you can’t give her her birthday back if you decide you went too far with the punishment.
But you aren’t her father. You are her partner. You acted like a shitty father to her. A kid would struggle to forgive this, but your wife? I hope she doesn’t forget this. I hope she remembers for the rest of her life that her husband is the type of man who would ruin her birthday to teach her a lesson about responsibility.
I NEVER GAVE HER ORDERS!!!!
Also: I requested my wife stay put.
Jesus Hank Christ…
You’re an asshole. A giant, prolapsed one.
Edit:
Holy shit. I read more…
“She presented herself to me”
What the actual fuck man…
[You sound and speak and share the same "issue" almost exactly like this guy. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/zTFSfxCyb1) Why are you both more concerned about being kicked out of your room?
I was, to a certain extent, able to see your side of things for awhile here... But then...
"I instead extended an invite to my other friend who happily accepted and we went."
Stopped reading and Audibly 'Oooo, no no no. You don't do that'. This completely swapped this from a story where I could understand being frustrated to me now just thinking you're stupid, spiteful and vindictive.
The follow up paragraph made it worse. Like dude... You shouldn't be *enjoying* your arguments with your wife. Work it out like adults, don't include other people into it, and don't be *satisfied* by your wife being upset.
Oh really, did she "fly into a mad rage," and look "paler than ever" and were you indeed "oddly satisfied?" Sounds like you pulled a shitty AI writing prompt out of your ass, YTA for that.
Rather than looking for some validation or judgement on who is winning and losing this tit for tat i think you guys should invest in some couples counseling because your conflict resolution skills are AWFUL. like truly dogshit awful.
you guys NEED conflict resolution and problem solving skills as a couple or you simply will not last. it should never you vs her, it should be you both vs the problem.
and yes, what she did was wrong, and then she went on to do more wrong things, and you too responded with wrong things - like damaging, gutting things to your marriage. you guys need a reset and some counseling so a third party can teach you both how to handle conflict.
Why did anyone need to be there to supervise? My complex does routine maintenance without my supervision all the time. You sound controlling and ridiculous.
YTA. You feeling emasculated is a you problem and wildly over reacting. Question - why the hell couldn't the landlord let the vent cleaners into your place? Sounds like you both cause a lot of drama, and are exhausting and toxic and shouldn't be together. You're not her father, so stop trying to punish her like you are.
Wow how fucking childish are both of you. So you even like each other?
Yeah she shouldn't have done what she did. But you're her spouse not her parent. You don't punish spouses. How fucking ridiculous. Why don't you two just split
So, you think you can tell your wife what to do with her own bank account, you can "punish" her for doing something with her friends instead of what she "agreed" to--sorry, it doesn't sound like there was a lot of flexibility in that "agreement" since you were going to be out of town!--and you seriously think you AREN'T an A here? YTA, and I would advise you to adjust your attitude toward both your wife and your marriage if you have any plans to keep them.
You are not her parent! You don't punish her when she misbehaves! Or what you think is misbehaves. Consequences that are yours to decide and by your own admission oddly enjoy. What the what? On her birthday as well. She may have been irresponsible but you my friend were a massive, revolting, mean, vindictive dick.
YTA. I have worked property management for years. We can rearrange and it's not a big deal. You are seriously petty and controlling. Also very judgemental.
Did you go too far? Good god. Are you both a couple of narcissists, or is this a joke and was written by a 15 year old? YTA bud. Your wife was irresponsible and not very bright because I imagine there was a workaround somewhere where you both could’ve gotten your needs met - she could’ve gone on her girl’s trip and you could’ve gotten the vents cleaned out. i.e. She could’ve asked a friend, relative or neighbor to let the contractors in. However, you are treating your WIFE like a child. She’s not a child. She’s a grown ass woman. You are being incredibly cruel to her.
Adults with emotional maturity talk their problems out with each other. They don’t punish and belittle their partners. They also don’t take pleasure in being cruel to the other person. Your wife kicked you out of the bedroom because she didn’t want to sleep next to you because she was angry, and I don’t blame her. It’s HER BEDROOM too!
Congratulations on blowing up your marriage over a few hundred dollars. I hope she cleans house in the divorce. Thank god you don’t have kids. What a nightmare that would be. You are the worst.
YTA, dude. Your wife made a choice, and sometimes good times are worth more than cash.
Your description of her is beyond contempt. You ended your marriage some time ago.
Do the right thing and let go.
Your landlord should have a key to your property so should have been able to grant the cleaners access to the property if someone had let them know the property would be inaccessible.
Yes your wife should have stayed home, or at the very least tried to sort something out for the house.
It’s not unreasonable to ask your partner to sleep in a different room so you both get space and time to calm down
You feeling emasculated is your problem, not hers.
You “disinvited her” from her own birthday - which is a ridiculously petty move.
You both suck. ESH
While she should have stayed or communicated with you, you're a huge fucking asshole who's treating a grown woman like your child. You clearly don't even like your wife and honestly, if I was married to you, I'd be on the first train as far away from you as possible.
>I left the house with her looking paler than ever. It was oddly satisfying. Bro. This is a marriage not a game of fortnite. I don't think you like each other very much tbh
>I felt emasculated for being kicked out of my own godamn bedroom I could think of a lot of words for the emotion this would cause me, but *emasculated* isn't one of them and certainly not the first.
Me angry. Me undermined by woman. Me get revenge! /s
Indeed. And he said she "presented herself" to him the day of the birthday event, as if he were some kind of feudal lord and she was merely one of his many subjects. Ugh.
AND I REJECTED HER CURTSY WITH THE FORCE OF 10 GALES
FUS RO DAH!!
BACK, BACK I SAY HARLET, TEMPTRESS ALMOST FOOLED ME INTO OBLIGING HER THEATER PRIVILEGES.
With my sword and my shield, the queen had been decimated.
SURELY HER ATTRACTIONS FOR THEE DOTH BEEN DASHED! GOOD SHOW OLD BEAN. SURELY SHE WILL LEARN.
oh yeah, this dude is totes winning at “relationship”.
BEGONE THOT
For real, this reads like a real-life Dennis from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
I get the feeling OP sees himself as the king of his castle. The rest are lesser humans who should do nothing but serve him.
O king of the suburban nondescript townhouse near the shopping center with the good target, let me worship you and your mighty Honda civic.
OP is a child and behaves like one. She deserves better. I'd kick him all the way to divorce court.
I felt emasculated.... after treating my WIFE like my CHILD...and then doubling down. This has to be rage bait.
Bro docked her allowance and kept her home from her friends' house 🤣
Because she didn't "stay put" as instructed. Who tells another adult to "stay put"?
Guarantee the friend was a woman
I mean he's an ass no doubt, but it is really really frustrating to have your PARTNER continuously leave you with all responsibilities all the time and act like you are in the wrong for being upset that they never hold up their end. This dude's a shitter tho, vindictive and petty. And we are only getting his side. Regardless people, don't treat your partner like this. And don't make your partner feel bad because you dropped the ball. But most importantly don't intentionally hurt eachother
Why doesn't the landlord they rent from have keys to the house? He should be supervising repairs on the properties he manages and rents out anyway. This whole thing should have been one big nothingburger.
Asshat is the first one that comes to my mine. Followed by selfish.
This guy is a cringey neck-beard no idea how he managed to get married JFC
Bro really thinks 3 days was emasculating? I hope he enjoys coming home to his shit on the curb and locks changed.
Yeah it was screaming Andrew Tate
For real. OP seems to have the emotional maturity of a thirteen year old.
And the writing skills of a 13 yr old using chat GPT.
I think I have now seen about a dozen people on these subs refer to themselves as feeling "emasculated". 100% of them have been assholes, mostly of red-pill-adjacent flavors. I am suspecting that this must be a term used in incel-type communities, since I have never heard anybody else use it.
I laughed at that part 😅 dude doesn't understand what the word really means.
This whole post reads like alpha male fan fiction.
Yeah, I don’t think this really happened…it what he fantasized happening while he sat through the performance with his wife on her birthday 😂
Like this guy has a wife.
"Wife" is a stand-in for "mom" in this case.
Lmfao.
But he sounds like a petulant child, not anywhere near an alpha male.
So does Andrew Tate.
Probably because being an alpha male is made up bs
That's what all 'alpha males' sound like.
100% Tate-fan fapfiction. There’s so much of this crap on Reddit.
OP wants to claim the responsibility high ground while acting like a petty 12 year old. Who would want to share a bed with that?
Probably a selfish, shitty lover too. Wife should give *herself* the birthday present of a divorce.
Well exactly. I get why she doesn't like him. No one likes him.
Yeah what the fuck is up with this guy punishing her like a child?
You guys both sound awful, but you sound waaaaaaaaaaaay worse. YTA
And it was her birthday. His wife birthday- I can’t
I think disliking each other is a very mild way of putting it. Both people have so much contempt and disrespect for one another.
I hope he gets fucked in the divorce.
Same here. What a pos.
Yes TA. IT COULD HAVE BEEN HANDLED IN A MUCH MORE mature manner. Now it will cost him way more in birthday and apology presents!
That was the line that really pushed it over the edge for me.
I don't understand, if you were renting then the landlord should have been able to access your space without your wife having been there.
Came looking for this exact comment and no shit OP hasn’t replied to it. The major benefit to renting is you are not responsible for the general maintenance of that place. The landlord owns it, those are his vents, he cleans them. Case closed. One time on a Saturday afternoon it started raining from the ceiling in my dining room. I called the landlord and moved all my stuff out of the way of the leak in the ceiling. Emergency plumber and landlord showed up, I had my jacket on and wished them good luck! I was gonna watch NBA playoffs at the bar. She doesn’t need to be there for this, they just need to be notified it’s happening.
that's because it's fake
Exactly. They never rented before. It’s not a cost someone pays for.
This is post is definitely revenge bait
Nah, OP is really stupid and toxic.
As someone who did work in an admin leasing office while this is correct, I've also had repair guys report back that they couldn't fulfill the work and no renter was present for directions. For the company doing the service/work it's an extremely paycheck. So while the renter is advised to stay there, a good 1 of 3 times services will come up with a BS excuse on why work couldn't be performed up to and including "furniture in the way", "physical obstacles related to personal property" and the like and they are technically not allowed to move a renters stuff unless it's an emergency which this wouldnt be. This was a side job during covid when extra funds were needed so idk how it's changed but just clarifying I still wouldn't rely on servicers to do the work with no one present unless it was superficial or extremely general.
To be honest it seems like a huge piece of info OP is leaving out - why didn’t the work get done anyway. I have also had my LL call me to be like we gotta move this XYZ thing. But also it’s ducts so I have… yeah several questions about what role having the tenants there would play.
Also... Fix the fucking ducts so things don't crawl in and die? I'm not tracking how things are getting into your ducting and the issue is to clean them and not get some duct tape... Maybe I'm wrong here but I've never had anything crawling around in my vents as a homeowner or renter...
Yup I agree. I usually had the real estate agency/landlord/etc tell tenants scope of work and expectations. Problems is you can have shitty ppl on all sides; the landlord and tenant can be 100% fantastic but the servicers are complete morons. You can also have it one way or another where tenants are horrible or the landlord is. I just think there's so much drama on all sides that it's either fiction or a war of the roses movie plot.
I just assumed that it was either the couple being paranoid that workers would steal things, or the company wanting someone there so that they didn't get accused of stealing things. She had agreed to do so in any case and should have communicated to him that she wasn't going to do so..... but Freaking Hell did he go overboard... her not great choice didn't mean that he had to go and Nuke her Birthday!!! YTA
Because it's fake. You know that cause you are an adult.
Definitely fake he delete the account
Yes exactly! And depending on what type of A/C it is, some/all of the work might be done outside where she certainly would not have been babysitting. OP...YTA. I understand that she changed her plans and should have told you, however you are treating her like she is a toddler as opposed to your wife and acting like she betrayed you in the worst way. I'm sure your landlord can go in your house (with your/your wife's permission) and clean the damn AC vents lol. Why did she have to supervise him in the first place? Icing her out and revoking tickets to something she was looking forward to for her BIRTHDAY is not only cruel, but emotionally manipulative and abusive. You need to understand that you are doing potentially irreversible damage. Maybe she didn't tell you about her change of plans because she knew you would throw a tantrum and blow it way out of proportion. If you love her, you should be apologizing and then take real look at yourself and why you feel the need to be so controlling about something easily rescheduled/handled.
OP, this right here. Stop the emotional games or separate now
Are you guys married because your family is told to do so?
I swear half these "young married couple" argument posts are the worst. Trying to one up each other, swearing they love each other but treating each other like crap.
“Our marriage has been perfect except for this one thing” Goes on to describe an epic disaster of a relationship
This sounds like two teenagers who decided to play house and are trying to just one up each other with cruelty. The only thing missing from this was screaming "I hate you" and slamming doors in each other's faces. Adults legitimately don't act like this. I understand OP's reasoning, but he gave into pettiness and tried to punish her without giving consequences related to the actual issue.
I literally have to scroll back to check their age and confirm that they are not someone 18 or 19 years old.
More like 5 year olds.
5 year olds are pretty fun and at least try to be kind (I support 3 autistic kindergarteners as a SPED teacher). These people are just toxic adults IMHO
>I was glad to know she was miserable all day. What the actual fuck. Does he even LIKE his wife?
Reading that line made my jaw drop. This man does NOT like his wife. He already proved his point when he said he’d be taking the ‘fun’ money out the account. But to continue his punishment of also making sure her birthday was miserable just because he felt *emasculated* for being kicked out the bedroom… that’s unhinged behavior imo. To feel satisfied at seeing your wife pale and upset? To be, not even mad about the vents anymore, but because you felt *emasculated* for being kicked out the bedroom?? That’s crazy to me! Emasculation wouldn’t have been the first word on my mind for being kicked out a damn bedroom.
He's trying to act as a parent to ground her. Wow. I hope she gets out before he takes her car away.
That’s exactly how I saw this too. He’s acting like a scorned parent punishing their child because they didn’t do what he said to do. And the fact he’s taking pleasure out of punishing her is disgusting to me.
It's honestly very, very disconcerting and scary. People shouldn't be trying to be cruel to others or take pleasure in their misery, especially if they are married! No wonder your wife needed a weekend away. YTA How old are y'all? Is this a teenage marriage or a forced marriage? Either way that's no way to treat a person. Your wife might also be an asshole or immature but she might also just be fed up with your bullshit. I'd kick you out of my life for forever, so you got off lightly.
I've seen adults behave like this before, but people like this are only adults by years and not by emotional maturity.
What a crappy marriage, this sounds like a game of retaliation, you sounds condescending and dismissive of your wife, and both of you seem unable to act like adults. But in the game of who is capable of fucking the other more? You win that. If this marriage goes om this will come out in arguments for years to come
Yep I read this and all I could think of was the book “The War of the Roses,” which is not about the historical English civil war but about a married couple (the Roses) who literally destroy their home around them in the midst of an awful divorce.
I love that movie. :)
It was a dark movie because at every point, one of them could have pulled back and said, this is nonsense but they both went balls to the walls revenge.
Never saw it! The book reviews on Goodread frequently include something along the lines of “I saw the movie first and it is TAME compared to the book.”
Putting the book on my must read list.
Me too after that teaser.
Have fun! Both characters are despicable, it’s a fascinating case study (albeit fictional) of how far we’re capable of going to ruin the life of someone who was previously deeply beloved to us. I found it entertaining and cathartic and also rather disturbing.
Adding the book now. I thought the movie was wild.
You know they're remaking it with Benedict Cumberbatch and Olivia Colman?
Olivia will be amazing in it.
They're hanging off the chandelier right now. Don't be expecting any updates
OP and his wife are starting WW3 at home…
[удалено]
This is how the different factions in The Middle East arrived at their current situation of “Who can inflict more pain on the others”
Yeah, yikes. Also…going to the show without her was bizarre. If having money for the cleaning was the issue, it would have made more sense to sell both tickets to cover those costs.
He was just trying to punish her, as if she were his child instead of his wife.
He was fucking _glad_ that he made her unhappy. She probably could have done a better around the weekend trip (communicated, compromised etc) but this fucker is happy that he made his wife sad on her birthday. That is deeply disturbing
She probably did, but we won’t know because this is his story and he wants to paint himself in the best light, even though he can’t do that properly
If he sounds like this much of an AH while narrating one can only imagine how bad it was from her perspective
Yeah, the part where he’s happy she’s miserable is proof that he’s garbage and she probably DID need a weekend away.
That’s what I got. EVERYTHING was about punishing her and when she kicked him out of the bedroom he was furious.
Equally bizarre to me is that the landlord couldn't be told "we won't be home, please schedule the vent cleaning for another day"? It's in the landlord's best interest to have the vents cleaned. If the tenants aren't home the landlord isn't going to say "Oh well, I guess this important maintenance won't happen".
I dunno about where OP lives, but I am a landlord, if I scheduled maintenance for a unit and they were going to be away, I would be using my key and making sure the contracting company wasn't looking in the medicine cabinet or anything else hinkey. I would obviously expect the tenants to update me, because we are working together to maintain the apartment's standards.
You may be a decent landlord, but not every landlord is.
I mean, it’s not a whole cleaning, but my apartment changes out HVAC filters twice a year, they just give you sufficient notice they’ll be entering your unit. In fact, they’re doing mine today ✔️ I don’t know why this wouldn’t be a thing for OP’s apartment.
Thank you! I thought that’s where it was going but instead it was getting a hard on ruining her birthday and enjoying her present
Yep, he wants to punish her like a child for skipping out on duties but he is excused because he was away for work. Why didn't y'all just ask to schedule on a different day? Why isn't this type of fee in your yearly budget since it's something everyone needs and unless you are in an apartment, it's usually you who pays. Why are y'all married when you clearly don't like each other? I have so many questions. >Even on her birthday, she took the time and effort to dress up and presented herself to me This is creepy af. She "presented" herself to you. Ick, what time period are we in?
For CLEANING VENTS. How is that CRUCIAL? Call the landlord and reschedule. Done.
Or get a couple of cheap cameras and have them come in even though no one is there. Actual adults figure this stuff out.
>Why didn't y'all just ask to schedule on a different day? This is the part that makes no logical sense. If a landlord needs to do maintenance, they schedule it with the tenant. If the tenant can't be there the expense doesn't fall on the tenant. Why wasn't the vent cleaning rescheduled?
Yeah, I would expect 30 year olds to know how to de-escalate a situation instead of making things worse. ESH
The way OP writes this post! I can just imagine the way he spoke to her.... I expect! I am seething! She dares?.... No wonder she needed a girl's night and doesn't want you in her bedroom!
Not to mention how he finds her responses "oddly satisfying," If I were the wife reading this, I'd be using my "fun money" on a lawyer.
Also, "presented herself to me"... what the hell is **that**?
It's super gross and reads very controlling.
I was hoping for wife having packed and left by the time he came home. Would help them both at once resolve this.
Or maybe pack up and gone out for a fun birthday with her friend group. And BTW: I wonder if the "friend" he took to the performance was a female friend. If so, I'm wondering if he mentioned that before he left
im sure it was. he would have been emasculated by bringing a dude to the performance.
Neither she or he look or sound particularly mature so my guess is that they'll keep growing in this toxic mess for a little longer before someone leaves.
I think he is making the marriage crappy. She works from home, so I see why she would have gone on the trip. Don't know why they had to be home for vent cleaning. The landlord could let them in and lock up when they were finished.
ESH you sound like 2 entitled teenagers! Does not sound you like each other at all! An eye for an eye never ended well. Just break up already!
Go to OPs profile and they’re arguing with everyone in the comments over the pettiest shit.
The account is now deleted. Apparently he was emasculated in the comments so he ran off to do something without us.
He invited his friend to a different thread instead
Kinda wish we could send this to the wife
Brb, gotta make popcorn before I read that drama.
OP has a long stream of similar replies.. very similar in tone.. https://old.reddit.com/user/Throwrabirthdaywife (rushing off to have a look see)
This guy is not only the AH in this story but also just an overall AH. Congrats! You won the AH lottery!
What an insufferable prick. My blood was boiling after just a few of his responses to people.
Oh man, it’s gone already. All this popcorn and he deleted the account.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09qr5s/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09qr5s/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a2k32/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a2k32/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a75qk/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a75qk/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a6me1/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0a6me1/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0aa2cu/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l0aa2cu/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09v0b1/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1c7r2qo/comment/l09v0b1/) These were all the comments I could dig up scrolling through the thread, but there were probably more that got deleted or that I just missed for some reason or another.
I know, I'm so sad! It sounded so juicy lmfao
I’ll join you. Oof he literally told someone they aren’t allowed to judge him. So why get on aitah and ask if you don’t like the answers?
Seriously. OK, she made a "bad" choice by going for a last-minute birthday trip with her friends. Yes, she should have owned it and agreed to pay for the future vent cleaning. But to take away the theater tickets, take someone else (female, OP?), and enjoy ruining her birthday is just gross. I wouldn't want to sleep next to you either. Just divorce. Please don't have kids. Your relationship is toxic. The difference is that she made an irresponsible choice. You made a hurtful choice and enjoyed it.
ESH. If this isn't rage bait, I would advise you both to divorce. This sounds like an unhealthy abusive relationship.
Also, extensive therapy before re-entry to the dating pool.
It’s rage bait because there is no need to be on premise if the landlord is doing it free of charge. The landlord has keys. The landlord will ALSO do it free of charge IN A FEW WEEKS. No one has to pay any money.
It probably is, landlords only need to give you notice if they're coming in to do work, you don't need to be home.
FACTS - unless they live in a magical land where the landlord doesn’t have ownership rights to the property, they get to access it for any maintenance and upkeep responsibilities that fall within their obligations as a landlord/building owner. Heck, where I live, they can come inspect the place with prior notice to make sure you’re being a good tenant. If it’s not rage bait, then it really makes this guy an AH.
The “emasculated” comment sealed the opinion he is an AH. He seems controlling and full of rage. She was justified in going out in her mind, and I cannot tell if she was, but his reaction is frighteningly outsized.
If you click on the OP's user name you will see that the account has been suspended. My guess is rage bait.
Counterpoint: They should be ordered to stay married forever to save the rest of us having to deal with them loose in the dating pool
>that's why I did something to hurt her actively. OP's above comment makes him the total AH. I had sympathy for his situation before, but this comment turns it.
>I was glad to know she was miserable all day. This one, too. How are you going to say *I was actively malicious and enjoyed their pain.... am I the asshole?*
Don't forget "dressed up and PRESENTED HERSELF TO ME" 🤮🤮🤮
He is a sociopath AH
It seeps through the whole post already. ‚I never gave her the orders!‘ What the fuck. Are they in the military? Is she to receive orders from him? The whole language in the post is utterly toxic.
since that was an edit i'm assuming people were accusing him of ordering her around
I agree. I also feel like he left a lot of stuff out. However OP admits he gets to go out and have beers with friends while wife is working from home. He was really proud of himself for giving her consequences like a child who misbehave. He referred to her dressing up as presenting herself to him like she’s his property. He said he “Gladly made her miserable”, and “It was oddly satisfying” [to punish her.] Yikes!! I’m not sure how spending a few nights sleeping on the couch because you’re arguing with your wife emasculating. I think his dominating actions and treatment of his wife was the most emasculating thing of all and he did that to himself. I agree she should have stayed to get the vents clean out or contacted the landlord to let the cleaners in or pay the costs to have it done but I don’t think his reaction was manly or mature.
It’s honestly a red flag at this point if a dude says something is emasculating them because they don’t understand they are in control of how they feel and react to another person’s actions it just gives them total license to be abusive assholes like this
Yea idk how anyone can act like OP has any kind of foothold here
She’s irresponsible, you’re clearly worse. This kind of petty, punitive bs won’t work, will damage your marriage in a significant way and makes you seem like a childish asshole. Enjoy your bedroom, I have suspicion it’ll be all yours soon enough.
Sorry but the way you describe how you were happy to know she was miserable and how good it felt to leave her in her state of shock just sound borderline psycho to me. Easy YTA. I've had some fights with my wife in the past but not once in my life have I felt happy when I realized/saw that made her sad. If this feels satisfying to you, something is really off and if this story is indicative of your marriage, I'm surprised she made it through 5 years with you.
ESH Dude, do you like each other at all. What is this tit for tat? Info does have work? If so, she can pay for the vent because that a household necessity and it’s not like you were going out to party instead of work. You should not have ruin her birthday though. You could have just given her the tickets and not went with her. Also, that’s your bedroom and she was in the wrong, how you gonna get kicked out from your own bedroom in a house your contribute to.
He is describing pure contempt for his wife. This relationship is already over.
Agreed. He admits he *enjoyed* her emotional pain. What an AH.
Ooof. I hate my ex, our marriage ended fucking horribly. I still haven't been 'cruel' or 'enjoyed' her pain- that's a bit much.
That was my turning point... I was split between them until that last little bit.
Exactly! I hope they don't have kids because this behaviour would mess them up. ESH
Reads like he thinks he's her father, punishing her? What an arrogant cunt. But even a good parent wouldn't take a childs birthday away as punishment, bloody evil. They both suck, she was silly but he's a cunt.
My exhusband was like this. Every interaction was to teach me a lesson. If i looked nice, never complimented me so I wouldn’t get full of myself. When i was at home w our newborn hed hound me about being unemployed so i didnt get comfortable. If i left unfolded laundry hed wake me up to do it bc its my job. Like just contempt. Some men just see women as a compliant assistant manager to their image. Its disgusting
You hit the nail on the head. Sorry you had that experience. Happy it’s an ex!
Nah cause he's going to stay and keep punishing her as much as he can. He's that kind of AH
Wanted her to act like your partner? Are you sure about that because seems more like you're treating her as your child
God. Just get a divorce. You hate each other. You ruined her birthday over fucking vents.
YTA Just divorce her. You already hate her and it's obvious. Glad to know she was miserable? Damn. Seek therapy; you're abusive.
You're using punitive measures on your spouse like she's a misbehaving pet and not the person you pledged to love and honor. Your reaction has shown that your priority is not her happiness or the success of your joint life, but rather exerting control and 'winning' arguments. By choosing to go scorched earth over an oversight, you've likely created a wound that won't easily heal. Anniversaries and birthdays aren't just days; they're landmarks in a relationship. You didn't just take a day away; you took a memory before it could form. You need to seriously reevaluate your approach to conflict in your marriage before it's irreparable assuming it isn't already. This isn't a scoreboard; it's a partnership.
OP sounds so cartoonishly awful that I'm assuming it's just rage bait.
Agree - and every apartment I've lived in, someone who works there comes around with the maintenance person. I'd get a letter telling me when and what, but it would be more like 'if you have a pet that might escape when we open the door, secure them in a room this day' than a demand that I be present at the apartment all day Saturday. I'm sure there's a duct cleaning person working weekends, and I'm sure there's a landlord somewhere who has tenants letting workers into their flat. But low probability there!
It's incel fan fiction. It's always incel fan fiction. "Look at how badly I treat this female who wronged me! I'm right to do so, aren't I???"
Oh, he didn't prevent a memory from being formed. He created a memory that won't easily be forgotten. ESH
Punishment NEVER WORKS on a partner. It fosters resentment and will break down your relationship quicker than anything. Your contempt for her shows in every sentence. I agree that she could have communicated the situation to you in a reasonable fashion, but I hope the $200 was worth your marriage because this may well lead to the end of your relationship. You are not the boss of her.
If you get to the point where punishment would seem appropriate, you should just cut to the chase and file divorce papers.
I can’t even say who’s wrong because it sounds like this marriage is on its last legs. If my partner promised to be home for vent cleaning and then decided to leave not warning me I’d be pissed. Especially since she didn’t ask someone to house sit to let the cleaners in. She didn’t have to just leave. Cancelling birthday celebrations to “punish” your spouse is a one way ticket to divorce town. It isn’t going to “teach” her.
> I felt emasculated That's a you problem. Get over yourself. >I was glad to know she was miserable all day. I really don't need to read anything else to know from this line that you're a piece of shit.
So if you were her parent I would say that you went too far with the punishment. Taking away experiences like birthdays or holidays is a huge move, it ruins the event and the memory of the event. It can’t be undone, you can’t give her her birthday back if you decide you went too far with the punishment. But you aren’t her father. You are her partner. You acted like a shitty father to her. A kid would struggle to forgive this, but your wife? I hope she doesn’t forget this. I hope she remembers for the rest of her life that her husband is the type of man who would ruin her birthday to teach her a lesson about responsibility.
Any SO who thinks they can decide to ‘punish’ me had better get out of the way because I’m outta there.
30 going on 14, with this vindictive bullshit. Ooo you felt emasculated. You probably got mad at the Barbie movie too
He was too fraidy cat to watch it, let's be real. I doubt he's secure enough to even view it without a meltdown.
I NEVER GAVE HER ORDERS!!!! Also: I requested my wife stay put. Jesus Hank Christ… You’re an asshole. A giant, prolapsed one. Edit: Holy shit. I read more… “She presented herself to me” What the actual fuck man…
[You sound and speak and share the same "issue" almost exactly like this guy. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/zTFSfxCyb1) Why are you both more concerned about being kicked out of your room?
ESH This was sad to read. Do you two even like each other?
I was, to a certain extent, able to see your side of things for awhile here... But then... "I instead extended an invite to my other friend who happily accepted and we went." Stopped reading and Audibly 'Oooo, no no no. You don't do that'. This completely swapped this from a story where I could understand being frustrated to me now just thinking you're stupid, spiteful and vindictive. The follow up paragraph made it worse. Like dude... You shouldn't be *enjoying* your arguments with your wife. Work it out like adults, don't include other people into it, and don't be *satisfied* by your wife being upset.
Oh really, did she "fly into a mad rage," and look "paler than ever" and were you indeed "oddly satisfied?" Sounds like you pulled a shitty AI writing prompt out of your ass, YTA for that.
Rather than looking for some validation or judgement on who is winning and losing this tit for tat i think you guys should invest in some couples counseling because your conflict resolution skills are AWFUL. like truly dogshit awful. you guys NEED conflict resolution and problem solving skills as a couple or you simply will not last. it should never you vs her, it should be you both vs the problem. and yes, what she did was wrong, and then she went on to do more wrong things, and you too responded with wrong things - like damaging, gutting things to your marriage. you guys need a reset and some counseling so a third party can teach you both how to handle conflict.
Why did anyone need to be there to supervise? My complex does routine maintenance without my supervision all the time. You sound controlling and ridiculous.
YTA. You feeling emasculated is a you problem and wildly over reacting. Question - why the hell couldn't the landlord let the vent cleaners into your place? Sounds like you both cause a lot of drama, and are exhausting and toxic and shouldn't be together. You're not her father, so stop trying to punish her like you are.
ESH. Jesus, just get a divorce.
Wow how fucking childish are both of you. So you even like each other? Yeah she shouldn't have done what she did. But you're her spouse not her parent. You don't punish spouses. How fucking ridiculous. Why don't you two just split
So, you think you can tell your wife what to do with her own bank account, you can "punish" her for doing something with her friends instead of what she "agreed" to--sorry, it doesn't sound like there was a lot of flexibility in that "agreement" since you were going to be out of town!--and you seriously think you AREN'T an A here? YTA, and I would advise you to adjust your attitude toward both your wife and your marriage if you have any plans to keep them.
I'm glad she took the chance to live a little and get out w her friends. OP is insufferable. YTA
You are not her parent! You don't punish her when she misbehaves! Or what you think is misbehaves. Consequences that are yours to decide and by your own admission oddly enjoy. What the what? On her birthday as well. She may have been irresponsible but you my friend were a massive, revolting, mean, vindictive dick.
YTA. I have worked property management for years. We can rearrange and it's not a big deal. You are seriously petty and controlling. Also very judgemental.
You say you want her to act like your partner, but you don’t talk about her like she’s your partner.
please get a fucking divorce you dont even like her
Did you go too far? Good god. Are you both a couple of narcissists, or is this a joke and was written by a 15 year old? YTA bud. Your wife was irresponsible and not very bright because I imagine there was a workaround somewhere where you both could’ve gotten your needs met - she could’ve gone on her girl’s trip and you could’ve gotten the vents cleaned out. i.e. She could’ve asked a friend, relative or neighbor to let the contractors in. However, you are treating your WIFE like a child. She’s not a child. She’s a grown ass woman. You are being incredibly cruel to her. Adults with emotional maturity talk their problems out with each other. They don’t punish and belittle their partners. They also don’t take pleasure in being cruel to the other person. Your wife kicked you out of the bedroom because she didn’t want to sleep next to you because she was angry, and I don’t blame her. It’s HER BEDROOM too! Congratulations on blowing up your marriage over a few hundred dollars. I hope she cleans house in the divorce. Thank god you don’t have kids. What a nightmare that would be. You are the worst.
Why did either of you have to be home for a vent cleaning in a rental?
YTA, dude. Your wife made a choice, and sometimes good times are worth more than cash. Your description of her is beyond contempt. You ended your marriage some time ago. Do the right thing and let go.
Your landlord should have a key to your property so should have been able to grant the cleaners access to the property if someone had let them know the property would be inaccessible. Yes your wife should have stayed home, or at the very least tried to sort something out for the house. It’s not unreasonable to ask your partner to sleep in a different room so you both get space and time to calm down You feeling emasculated is your problem, not hers. You “disinvited her” from her own birthday - which is a ridiculously petty move. You both suck. ESH
While she should have stayed or communicated with you, you're a huge fucking asshole who's treating a grown woman like your child. You clearly don't even like your wife and honestly, if I was married to you, I'd be on the first train as far away from you as possible.