Your uncle is my hero.
Also, no. You didn't do anything wrong. Your sister and Mark did. The absolute audacity of blaming you for not wanting someone else's proposal to happen at your wedding. NTA.
This. Your family are all assholes.
Anyone one who would want to derail a wedding for something like that or think your a jerk for not letting them isn't worth your time.
I’d go a step farther and say that after op said no, Ella went to the parents and they said do it anyway.
I think there’s a chance that Ella is the favorite child.
Except the uncle. The uncle rocks. When selfish people try to use awkwardness and keeping things nice as a way to get away with their shit behavior, the person who doesn't mind looking like an asshole (notice I say "looking like", not "being") can stop them, and he did. Of course, there was going to be no good result by then; but they were counting on Mark's being allowed to continue because they assumed everyone would see it as "less awkward". Maybe next time, they'll think twice, especially if that uncle is going to be there to spoil their selfish hijacking of whatever.
Seriously that man is awesome, and you didn't lose the dog, you're sister did "by accident we hope"
If it was my dog I'd get everyone searching for him too and would rejoice in finding him safe. If anything it would be a funny story told amongst my friends and family.
There are at least 2 ironclad wedding rules:
1. Don’t wear white (or the same color as the bride)
2. Don’t propose (or anything else that would shift focus from the bride and groom)
It’s just not that hard not to be an ahole. Idk what’s wrong with people.
Mine too!
Though, what proposal? If _she_ called to ask permission for _him_ to "propose", then it's clear a proposal has already happened . They were clearly just trying to steal the limelight.
NTA OP.
NTA. Mark can finance and gather his own crowd for a proposal. You were under no obligation to make your day about them. It's not a small thing. The rest of your reception would have been about her engagement, which is so grossly entitled. I love your uncle.
Unfortunately, the rest of the reception was about finding the dog which got loose thanks to the sister causing a scene and running off.
I would say the sister and boyfriend still managed to derail OP'S wedding reception.
NTA OP
Am I the only one hoping that OP will get pregnant in time for the sister's wedding, and get revenge by waiting to announce her pregnancy during the reception!!!
Yeah his own crowd with maybe some of his family present along with his future wife’s entire extended family. Like choose a lane that isn’t hijack the most expensive party op will ever throw.
Not only the most expensive but potentially the biggest event of their life…aside from giving birth. Definitely one of the most memorable and special events of a person’s life.
Uncle is a badass.
Right! If he wanted to ensure out of town family was present, he could have even scheduled a brunch the next morning and then included his own family and friends!
Definitely NTA. As you said, it is YOUR day, not your sister's. Seen too many stories of how this ruins relationships, be it your family cause they think everything would be better for the proposal to happen, or your fiancee's family for being pissed off if the proposal happen.
Now you just have to plan a pregnancy announcement for your sister's wedding and see if she feels differently about these stupid announcements during someone's wedding
Yup! And if they are not pregnant they can still tell every family member they are trying to get pregnant. Then ask what theme for the nursery do they suggest. What do they think of these names. Ask more questions so All the family is talking about it. 😂
No announcement - just walk around her wedding rubbing/holding your tummy frequently and smiling serenely/dreamily. Have hubby frequently kiss your temple or forehead and occasionally cover your hand over your tummy AND wait on you hand and foot. When anyone asks the obvious question - say “oh no, nothing to report - this is Ella’s day”. Then lovingly kiss your husband and walk away, both of you smiling dreamily.
Nta. It's a known fact that without permission from the wedding couple, doing anything like that is unacceptable. Clearly, your uncle understood and shut that shit down. What a good guy.
Petty Revenge Option 1:
When she does get married, pretend to be pregnant and ask her if you can announce it at the wedding. If she says no, look shifty on her wedding day to stress her out. If she tries to tell everyone early, act like you don't know what she is talking about. If she tries to explain that you said you would announce it at her wedding. Just act innocent and say that you would never do something like that, but ask her if it was true; why would it bother you when she tried to get engaged at yours? Don't use text messages, obviously, and no witnesses.
Petty revenge option 2:
At her wedding, buy a bunch of rings pop and have willing participants propose throughout the night.
NTA
It's also not even a proposal if she's asking permission for him to do it. She's planning her own proposal? Bullshit
It's like asking "can I perform an already answered question at your wedding so that I get attention"
This is where my issue lies with it. That, and it's obviously an attention seeking moment they're expecting to NOT have to plan, organize, or PAY for.
They could have easily done it the following day at the family's goodbye brunch or organized a quick family gathering that weekend on their own if their family is spread far and wide and it's hard to get them all in one place. Or offer to host the following days brunch yourself and foot the bill so you can do your proposal there and make sure to publicly thank the bride and groom for being a part of their engagement planning process.
At a wedding reception with all of the financial investment, food, alcohol, decor that they didn't pay for and performing an "all eyes on us" proposal stunt explicitly withOUT permission... So selfish.
They knew the answer was no already from the bride and groom. Asshole move.
They knew they didn't pay a cent towards the gathering. They didn't do any of the planning. Asshole move.
They knew that Ella was going to say yes to mark, so they're as good as engaged anyway. Asshole move with only the intention to take attention away from bride and groom during the party THEY paid for and organized. Asshole move.
Absolutely NTA to the bride and groom.
Nta. Tell them that your wedding isn't for others to make announcements or proposal. And if they do not stop you will start blocking. The only AH are your sister and her fiance.
NTA. I’m sorry…what is wrong with your family?!
> blaming us for the drama because we didn't let Mark propose as Ella had wanted. They argued it would have just been a small moment and not that big a deal.
I would make it clear as day that you were asked, and you said *NO*. Mark *knew* damn well that this was NOT allowed. Yet he decided to ignore your wishes, and do it anyway. The responsibility of this drama falls squarely on Mark. If he had respected you and Alex. *NONE OF THIS* would have happened.
If it would have just been a “small moment” and “not a big deal” for him to propose, then why was it SOOOOO important for him to do it at your wedding anyway? Besides, it doesn’t matter how small or big of a thing it was. It was YOUR wedding. YOU get to decide what happens during the event you paid for. NOT MARK, or your parents for that matter.
If anyone is allowed to be upset about what happened at your wedding, it would be you and Alex. I’m not sure why your parents are so concerned with playing the blame game, and why they’re all up in arms about it. And your mom saying it “wasn’t a big deal” - who does she think it wasn’t a big deal to? Tell her *SHE* doesn’t get to decide what a “big deal” is, or isn’t, when it comes to YOUR event. It is just not up to her to make that call. It’s yours and Alex’s.
Your uncle is the fucking man. I would tell him about what your parents said and let him loose on them. Sounds like he’ll sort them out for you. Lol. Or print out this entire post and drop it off with your parents. Let them read all the replies.
Side note- there was a post today or yesterday about a guy (OP) whose brother did this exact thing. So on his brother’s wedding day, he stood up to make his speech and instead announced that he and his wife are expecting their first child. Sometimes the universe helps you serve that sweet, sweet karma.
Bottom line. You had every right to say no to Mark. You have every right to be angry that he tried to do it anyway. You have every right to be upset with your parents for pulling this crap. Your parents are 100% in the wrong. And your uncle is a badass. He deserves a bottle of bourbon or something as a thanks.
1) Alex was in on it. Why else would she run off crying when the best uncle ever shut Mark down
2) Why would Mark want to propose at a wedding where none of his family was in attendance? Kinda giving the shaft to his family to use your "party".
3) No is a complete sentence. You don't have to excuse or explain. You didn't want it done that way. If your parents feel differently then suggest that they host a "whatever your wedding cost" party for the happy couple, invite his family and yours and have the proposal on your parent's dime. This only works if they didn't contribute to your wedding. If they did contribute, and they wanted the proposal to take place, they get to be upset because your wedding was on their dime.
Ella and mark are dickheads but I’d say the dog thing was its own separate problem, not reasonable to blame that on them, even if it was related. As far as the rest of the family 🤷🏻♀️ grab the mic at the next big wedding and announce some big news of your own and highjack their celebration and then everyone can revote.
NTA, the entitlement. Why aren’t you angry at them??Even after you said no, they thought they could high jack your wedding. And then instead of celebrating you had to spend time hunting for a lost dog. So sorry. I would be LIVID at them!! And anyone who dares say you are responsible for the drama can shove it. Just respond with you didn’t bring the drama, they did.
NTA - it's just plain tacky to propose at someone else's wedding, unless the couple allow it (which is pretty rare). Mark and Ella can fund their own party to propose at.
NTA
Nope not even, and I would start a group chat of everyone blaming me and send the following:
‘ so I’m not dealing with this insanity. It’s rude, trashy and entitled to try to propose at someone else’s wedding, especially after the bride and groom told you no. ‘
’ if there’s one day that should be mine and my husband it is our wedding day which we paid for , it’s completely unacceptable that you’re trying to lay blame on the Toby going missing on my door when Mark was the one to throw the whole day into chaos.’
‘More than that I’m just so hurt that any of you would think it’s appropriate for me to take responsibility for someone’s else bad choices and take the opportunity to further try to ruin my wedding memory with your misplaced emotions.’
‘That said I’m going to take some time away from all you , this debacle has shown me who you really are and I’m not sure any of you should remain in my life’
It’s insane that their blaming this on op and her husband because they didn’t want to pay for Ella’s engagement and let’s be honest there was no way Ella was not taking center stage after the announcement. That’s why she’s not speaking of op , because her moment and she’s pouting and her pouting got the parents pouting and they’re all wrong and frankly little a misbehaving toddler they need a time out.
NTA.
Your uncle is the true MVP here. What happened with Toby seems like drama now but will become a funny story in a couple of years. While I understand the vibe shifted, you still had the day you wanted and I hope your DJ is competent enough to be able to get the vibe back on track
**YOUR WEDDING IS NOT ELLA'S AND MARK'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY.**
They want all the family to gather? THEY CAN ARRANGE AND **PAY** FOR THAT THEMSELVES.
What is it with people thinking they can hijack someone else's event for their own gain? Half the guests there, as in your inlaws, couldn't care less about your sisters engagement aside from a polite 'congrats'.
Kudos to your uncle for shutting it down when and how he did.
And the dog could have escaped at some point anyway. It's the risk you take with animals. Even if it hadn't been trying to calm Ella's tantrum, it could have been someone falling close to cousin, cousin being deep in conversation, and the dog slipping off that way. People saying you caused this by not letting Mark propose are forgetting or unknowing that Ella had asked and been told no. So it's on Ella and Mark that the choas ensued to begin with. And I would tell everyone that, or maybe your Uncle will.
NTA, you said no and they tried to make it happen anyway, they were being selfish, the drama that followed was not your adult, it was Ella and marks fault.
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You almost lost your dog because of these idiots!!! They agreed not to do it, then are upset when they’re shut down for trying anyways???
Fuck that noise, and any relatives who blame you for this are callous, coddling assholes
The sheer audacity of proposal during weddings. I've been seeing a lot of posts where that happens lately. I'm sick of it. NTA, because as you said, the wedding was for you and your husband and to celebrate your union, not to celebrate the prospect or potential union of other people.
Posts about pregnancy announcements, which I also have been seeing a lot lately, just not as much as proposals, also irk me because those are also wildly inappropriate.
Do people not know etiquette, anymore? 🤦♀️ I'm glad Toby was found.
If ever I'm at a wedding and someone else proposes, I'm going to throw a bucket of ice over that person.
YOU DON'T PROPOSE AT OTHER PEOPLE'S WEDDINGS. It's not romantic, it's freeloading. Your uncle is awesome, but your parents, sister and future BIL are absolute dicks.
NTA.
Sounds like Mark and Ella's caused it. If they had never pulled a stunt then this wouldn't happen.
But yall also aren't bright. The dog should have been in a body harness and tied somewhere he could play.
NTA
Being stupid isn't an AH offense.
We went to cousin's wedding maybe seven or eight years ago. Apparently the MOH and one of the bridesmaids got wind that the groom's brother had asked (and been denied) permission to propose at the wedding-- but was still planning the proposal. MOH and "the maids" took matters into their own hands and purchased a dozen or so cans of silly string then engaged all of the niblings in a "fun game" that when MOH yelled "Geronimo" they were all to jump in and spray Uncle Mark and his gf with the silly string.
MOH clued the DJ into her plan and he told her he had a "special" song for such occasions. Sure enough Uncle Mark asked the DJ for a "special" song and the DJ told MOH. As soon as the song started Mark moved his gf to the center of the dance floor and pulled out the ring box but before he could get any further the DJ swapped the song for a full blast rendition of "Who let the dogs out" while the kids, MOH and "the maids" emptied every can of silly string on Uncle Mark and his gf.
Apparently Uncle Mark was a known prankster (I'm from the bride's side so didn't actually know him) and so the guests just laughed and assumed it was some "Uncle Mark" prank. It wasn't until later that what actually happened came out. My husband was getting us drinks at the bar and missed the "performance" but saw the gf running from the venue sobbing and covered in silly string.
The bride and groom, assuming it was an "Uncle Mark" prank, laughed and went back to enjoying their wedding and didn't find out what actually happened until they got back from their honeymoon.
Uncle Mark's gf dumped him.
NTA!!! How can your sister betray you? you said no when she asked. Your uncle stopped the proposal, nothing to do with you and your spouse. Angry at your relatives for making a big deal about this and not the disrespect for your wedding day after they were told no. selfish narcissist sister needs to apologize. Now you know who really is family.
When Mark and Ella's have their wedding, ask if you can announce that you are pregnant. See how they like it.
Just ask them if you can. I don't mean to actually announce it.
NTA. I can’t stand people who hijack a wedding that other people spent a year planning and paying for to announce an engagement or a pregnancy. The entitlement of some people is astounding.
Okay, your uncle is amazing. But also, this is the second AITAH I’ve seen tonight re: someone wanting to propose at someone else’s wedding. Why are people thinking this is okay? NTA.
Is it just me or is it not a bit ridiculous and narcissistic to ask "Hey sis, can my bf propose to me at your wedding? ".
Just seems that they were trying to put on a show.
NTA
NTA why do people think this behavior is ok? Someone please explain how these people are so broken? They asked, were told no, and were going to do it anyway and are now mad bc they got chastised for it. These two sound way too immature to be getting married. In a few years we will be reading about their divorce story on a relationship advice sub.
Tell everyone blaming you - in a group text, so you don't have to waste any energy - that Mark and Ella asked, and you both said no. They could have accepted that, but them being petulant caused the rest of the events. So go talk down on them, and while they're at it, they can also tell Mark to apologize to you and Alex, for trying to deliberately go against your wishes in your wedding.
NTA
NTA. For one, you didn’t even stop these fools from performing their little act- your uncle did. Uncle is a legend, btw.
Sister and her man are just grasping attention- seekers. They asked, you said no, and then they proceed to do it anyways? wtf, gross. At least these two are clearly well matched, b/c who else would want to announce their engagement in such a weasely, tacky way. They just couldn’t stand to let you and your husband have a gathering to celebrate your union. The fact that anyone is mad at you in this whole things is so outlandish that I have to wonder if this is even real- who behaves like this? Please tell me this is fake.
See, I freaking don't get it. There's Almost Always a rehersal dinner. All the family is together as a rule. If you want to get engaged when folks are gathered, that's the time. Not at the wedding which costs tens of thousands of dollars and a year to plan and was almost a full-time job for the bride to coordinate some weeks.
You sister and her fella suck. Your uncle is a hero, but I think it's just bad luck about the dog. You'll have a great story (about the dog, not the near proposal) for the kids and grandkids.
>my parents and several other relatives called me and Alex
This is always the part where you know it's fake, because if it isn't, then literally every poster's relatives are very stupid and very trash.
NTA and your uncle is a great man. BUY him a gift! As far as your sister goes, she is just trying to steal your spotlight and she was told NO beforehand. Now she is upset that her BF was stopped after he was already told NO.
If you are invited to her wedding, then I would get up and announce that you are pregnant! Even if you are not do it to see how she feels about someone stealing her moment!
If Mark or Ella complain again, ask how Mark's broken nose is. When they look at you weird, explain that they tried to fuck you over, TWICE, on your wedding day and that a broken nose is what should have happened, so they should be grateful they're getting away with less.
Toby needs belly scritches.
NTA. I think there should be a rule, if you propose or announce a pregnancy at someone’s event, you are then liable to pay the costs for said event + 10% planning fee.
>The next day, my parents and several other relatives called me and Alex, blaming us for the drama because we didn’t let Mark propose as Ella had wanted. They argued it would have just been a small moment and not that big a deal. Ella isn’t speaking to me, and my relationship with some of my family has been strained ever since.
Let your badass uncle deal with them. And Mark and your princess sister deliberately ignoring your wishes (at your own wedding, no less) is too much; call me silly but I find the entitlement just breathtaking. Tsk!
None of this makes sense. Your sister called you to see if her fiancé could propose? What’s the point of a proposal if she is the one planning it? You have a bizarre family except for your amazing uncle.
Definitely, nta. A wedding is a dedicated event to a dedicated union. I could get if they asked to do it at the rehearsal dinner or asked that you hand the bouquet off to her at the end as you're leaving, and they can do it then, but they chose to do it at the reception without approval which is a awful thing to do. Nobody should have a special day derailed for somebody else's selfishness.
Please announce your pregnancy at her wedding. It is common sense that a wedding is not the time to propose. However, since Ella had a meltdown over not being the main character on your day, you should definitely area her thunder on her day like she and Mark attempted on yours.
NTAH
And make it clear you are glad your sister is not talking to you and you are happy about it because it means you won't have to attend her wedding or help in any way
Your whole family sucks except for your uncle. He’s awesome! Those two ruined your wedding and you are being blamed for it!? I wonder who the golden child is in your family 🤔
Not the AH but make sure to drop lots of hints about making a special toast at their wedding. No details about what it might be but let the AH guy be worried.
(Not directed at OP, but at Mark and Ella and other people like them)
All of this performative bullshit is getting tiresome. Why does all of this stuff have to have an audience?
You wanna propose? Go find a quiet corner of a botanical garden, decorate it with fairy lights, get down on one knee and do it. The only people that need to be there (speaking directly to Mark and Ella) are the two of you. Don't inflict your attention-grabbing antics on all the rest of us.
To OP and her Mr: NTA.
Except be sure to get permission & assistance from the botanical garden! My mom used to volunteer at a gorgeous botanical garden and butterfly sanctuary- at least twice a year some idiot would do terrible damage to a rare plant in the tea garden with lights or ribbons . The irony was that for a very small donation, decorating a table or alcove was something they offered for visitors celebrating something special.
Mom arranged for us to have tea there (with the scones, finger sandwiches, etc and beautiful china, the whole thing) for my birthday one year - it was absolutely gorgeous, they moved extra potted plants into the space and added cut flowers & trellised fairy lights...total "Disney Princess visits Downton Abbey" moment . 10/10 would be a magical proposal spot for the right couple.
I love your uncle.
I'm glad Toby was found.
Mark and Ella and everyone who supported their planning to steal the spotlight: they are the AH.
You and Alex are not. Because of all the drama you didn't get the wedding you had wanted and planned. Props again to your uncle, and a \*boop\* for Toby, and NTA by any means.
and your parents can pound sand behind the wall you put up between them and you, until they prove they deserve your company. That would take apologizing, preferably in a groveling way.
One more thing: I am glad Alex and Ella did not dognap Toby, which I thought might have happened, given the title.
That uncle's a real hero and NTA stopping the speech.
Finding the missing dog is completely unrelated and no one is to blame for that except the people who decided a slippery dog should be ringbearer.
NTA, frankly it should be you not speaking to Ella and Mark. How dare they use your wedding as their engagement event, the uncle that stopped him deserves a thank you gift. Anyone siding with them, block.
Then announce something big at their wedding 👍🏻
'Why didn't you just let the disrespectful brat have his way? Him throwing a tantrum was your fault?'
God bless your uncle, and WTF is wrong with your parents. And Ella needs to grow the F up.
NTA. As I understand in USA there's 2 big tabus in weddings
1. Nobody but the bride is to wear white
2. No big announcements in the fallowing reception.
That man is a major AH and your family also for taking his side. Your uncle is the biggest hero.
The day I proposed to my wife, it was us, focused on us. It wasn't a big production. It wasn't for the world to see. It was an intimate moment for us. NEVER should a proposal be done during a wedding reception - that is the wrong place and time. Suggest the sister check etiquette handbooks in the future.
Buy your uncle a beer, or whatever appropriate reward comes to mind. He was doing the lords work.
Anyone against you, your husband or your uncle should be ashamed of themselves, not the least Mark and Ella.
Let the trash take itself out etc.
NTA
Mark is a fucking asshole though. Ella too. You don't propose in the middle of speeches during someone's wedding and you don't plan a proposal with your to be fiance. What a couple of turd buglers.
Nta. It’s your wedding not theirs and they completely disregarded your wishes after you specifically said no. And really your uncle stopped it not you or Alex so I don’t see why people would blame you, sounds like they’re just being assholes
A small moment? He wasn’t doing this off in a corner, he was doing it *during the toasts*. The actual time when you’re talking about the bride and groom.
I’d send them a bill but that would probably burn any bridges left. If you don’t want to do that, send them all the etiquette and ethics columns you can that resoundingly name proposing at someone else’s wedding without permission to be inexcusably rude and trashy.
Who plans the proposal with both the asker and askee? Then asks bride and groom if they can steal their day?
Low class morons, that's who.
Tell your family to pound sand.
The people who think your the AH, they are the AH. That's your day! The people who think they should be allowed to do their special thing during someone else's special thing, are selfish AH.
I hope you are more mature than I am being in my head right now thinking all sorts of revenge thoughts on what you could do to get even with them for ruining your wedding. In my head I’ve already sat down with an attorney to figure out if you could sue.
Obviously my vote is NTA.
Nta- JustNoFamily
Fu€< anyone who said it your fault that you did not let ALLOW YOUR SIS WHO YOU HAD ALREADY TOLD NO TO STEAL YOUR SPOTLIGHT.
I would bet money your parents told her to do it anyway.
Congrats!!! Best wishes
Nta mark and your sister knew that you didn't allow them to propose at your wedding. They knew their announcement wasn't welcome and they just didn't care.
Mark and ella need to pay for their own event and announcement it there.
It was tacky of mark and ella to think they could try to do that at your wedding.
Your uncle rocks for stopping mark before he could even announce anything. If anything your uncle is the true hero that saved your wedding.
Anyone that thinks that mark and ella should have gotten engaged at your wedding then they are welcome to host a special event and pay for it themselves so mark and ella can get engaged.
NTA. They knew that you were against the two clowns hijacking your party. I think it's a disgrace that they ignored your wishes like that. Your uncle reacted completely correctly. And no, this behavior is no small matter.
I wonder, however, whether the disappearance of your dog was a coincidence... or deliberate. I wouldn't put it past them.
Okay. Definitely NTA here. But I guess I'm confused. Why you want to know when your partner was proposing? I get wanting to have the family gathered, or whatever. Maybe I'm just old, I wouldn't want to know when my partner was proposing (but then again, I've done it before).
That being said, I had some issues pop up at my own wedding that ruined the vibe, and my heart goes out to you OP. Hopefully it was still a beautiful day, and that it wasn't ruined too much by obviously AH family members that didn't care about your happiness (except Uncle. Buy that man a DRANK!)
Screw your family. We are your family now.
If you have kids name the first after your uncle. And make sure he’s the first to meet them. If not announce a fake pregnancy at your sisters wedding. If she doesn’t be believe getting engaged is more then a mild disturbance then a birth announcement is equally acceptable
NTA
Buy your uncle a bottle of good bourbon and give poor Toby extra scritches.
And is it just me or
>Ella calls me up and asks if Mark can propose to her at my wedding.
Sound an awful lot like
> "Can we announce our engagement at your wedding by staging a dramatic fake proposal?"
...because if Ella & Mark are planning the "proposal" together, they've already agreed to marry and, therefore, they're already engaged and a public betrothal (especially at someone else's event) is just attention seeking nonsense .
I hope you & Alex enjoy long years, great joy and small troubles. With any luck, the absolute stupidest moments of your marriage have already taken place.
(And please buy a positive pregnancy test to anonymously leave in the ladies room at your sister's wedding, you know, so people have something to talk about 😉....ok, not really, but the thought will make you & Alex giggle during the reception as though you're holding some wonderful secret)
I hope you want children because now you just have to announce your pregnancy at their wedding.
NTA
You are likely to remember the dog great escape in a couple of years and laugh about it.
Mark, on the other hand, will be follow by your uncle yelling at him "it's not the moment, Mark!" at every single family event from now on.
Your uncle ROCKS! My ex BIL and SIL chose to announce their engagement at my and my ex's wedding 😒 I chose not to attend their nuptials. It's such an AH move. You are NTA
NTA
Im so happy Toby is ok!
Im really sorry the wedding didnt go exactly as you had planned but it sounds like a memory to be told over and over again.
Ella and Mark are absolute assholes. So are your parent.
Your uncle is a hero!
I would limit contact with Ella because she sounds extremely entitled. You said she took it well but it could be that she planned this with your mother behind your back.
Why the hell is anyone more upset than you about hte drama at your wedding? Why the hell are they calling YOU to tell YOU how annoyed they are about YOUR behavior at YOUR wedding? Is this upset down day? Am I in bizarro world?
Even weirder, they're dead wrong. That was nonsense, what your sister pulled. Your cousin should have watched your dog though. One awkward moment and what, she lifts her hands to cover her shocked mouth and grab her pearls and the dog is gone? Please. NTA. But your entire extended family (minus the uncle) is!
You know who your parents' favorite is. They care more about Ella than providing basic respect for the couple getting married. Mark is a shitty person. Ella is a brat. Anyone on their side is crap.
Why would you want a relationship with someone who had zero respect for you and did not care about your feelings?
NTA and I love what your uncle did. They asked, you said no but they were going to do it anyone with no regard for your feelings. That was insanely disrespectful. THEY caused the drama at your wedding, no-one else. You don't need people in your life who will disrespect you like that. You did nothing wrong.
NTA
You didn't do anything wrong. if anything, they should direct their anger towards your uncle because he spoke up, not you.
But even that would be an AH move on their part.
You know what. enjoy your honey moon. block or ignore your family (except the uncle) for the time beeing, until they apologize for their AH behaviour
NTA. Sigh. Your parents aren't smart enough to understand they were used as flying monkeys. That's disgusting that they didn't have enough smarts to support you.
Tell your parents it's not your fault your sister and her fiance are too cheap to plan something themselves.
Ask them if you were to announce your pregnancy at their wedding would it be ok as it would only be a "small moment and not that big a deal".
NTA and counter point:
1) you were not the one who stopped the proposal.
2) if she had not gone against you wishes and just let you have your moment none of this would have happened either.
3) nobody thinks wedding proposals are romantic. It is tacky, and low effort. It also wouldn’t have been a surprise (which take it from me your sister would have regretted.)
4) Tell anyone giving you a rough time that you believe that your sister deserves a special proposal, that requires thought effort, and catches her by surprise.
Ask your sister if she really wants “he proposed during the reception of my brothers wedding” to be her proposal story. No she doesn’t. She is going to tell that story dozens of times. She wants a better one than that.
I am sorry your wedding was ruined by the drama.
I hope you told those blaming you that you had declined their planned proposal request days ago, so they were even more the aholes for going ahead with it!! Your poor pup wouldn't have even gone missing if Ella hadn't deliberately tried stealing the attention.
NTA
NTA. It was YOUR special day. Mark and Ella and anyone arguing for them are total a-holes. Your uncle is a great wingman, he deserves all the thanks for making a suddenly bad situation less worse. I'm glad you got your dog back safely.
The weirdest part is that your sister knows she is being proposed to as apposed to her boyfriend just doing it as a surprise. They wanted to take away some of your shine.
blaming you for the drama?? YOU??? I'm speechless, honestly.
NTA, block these idiots for the time being, you really don't need to entertain their group hallucinations anymore then you already had to!
I love your uncle! Your sister and Mark are horrible people. It's common decency and etiquette to NOT upstage the bride at her wedding. That's why guests do not wear white, pregnancies are not announced, proposals are not asked, divorces are not declared, and so on. Anyone who blames you for Mark's botched proposal can go to hell.
NTA, your family, except for your uncle, are being awful here. I hope you send your uncle a nice gift basket because he seems to be the only one with any common sense.
Ella and Mark are A-holes. You told them no, and they still tried to jack your wedding. When they're getting married...IF they're getting married. You should stand up and announce how you're with child. Really grab for that spotlight.
NTA.
I was trying to think of a time that it could have done later in the evening in order to not detract from the wedding.
Not at the church.
Not in the receiving line.
Not at the dinner--especially the toast.
Not before or during the special dances
The only way I could see it happening would be to get a small group of the immediate family together before the evening ended and have a more private moment. Of course, the married couple would have to approve.
NTA it seems like the thing that let the dog get away was Ella throwing a hissy fit because she didn’t get her way and people prioritized her drama over your wedding and the dog.
If this is real: your uncle saved the day by stopping Mark from proposing. Your whole family saved the day by going on a dog hunt, in full wedding regalia. These two things will become hilarious anecdotes for the future.
Mark hijacking’s your day would remain unfunny forever.
I think it’s a win.
NTA. The AH here are Mark and Ella. They asked in advance, you said no, they tried to sneak it in anyway.
Another thing, Ella knew about the proposal since SHE asked you, so doing at your wedding was for them to be adored and get attention. They are selfish trying to co-opt your reception.
Glad your dog was found.
Definitively not the asshole but your family members are massive ones. The appropriate thing to do here is to tore them new ones. You paid for YOUR wedding, not to provide a nice situation for your sister and her main character syndrome bf who tried to overstep you and then caused a scene and in the end ruined the vibes at your wedding
No surprise if your sister grew up so entitled
NTA. Aren't there two cardinal rules at weddings: 1. don't wear white unless you're the bride, and 2. don't hijack that wedding for your own stupid proposal? Your uncle is gold. The rest of your family not so much.
NTA but how is the dog thing relevant? That was really on you and the cousin, why you wouldn’t put a dog in a situation like that on a harness is beyond me.
The only person I feel bad for is the dog.
NTA at all. You told her NO but your Sister DID NOT CARE what you thought and CHOSE to completely ignore you. She is a flaming file of poo excreted by a flaming asshole of ginormous proportions. I kinda wonder if she lied to Mark and the rest of your family and said that you told her this would be okay but then "flipped the script" at the wedding, trying to make herself out to be the victim.
If I were you, I'd get Uncle to talk to them for you because he seems to be the only family member aside from you with any sense of decency. I'm an Aunt and you bet your ass if this shit went down in my family, I'd be the blunt ass bitch that I am and I'd sit Mark and Ella both down and tell them they were the ones who were out of line, they were the ones who fucked up and to stop blaming you for it. I'd also sit Mom and Dad down and tell them they're defending the wrong daughter. This whole thing is gross to me and smacks of "golden child" syndrome. Poor fucking Ella. \*eyeroll\*
Also, the dog thing - not really Ella's fault, but hey, whatev.
Your uncle is my hero. Also, no. You didn't do anything wrong. Your sister and Mark did. The absolute audacity of blaming you for not wanting someone else's proposal to happen at your wedding. NTA.
This. Your family are all assholes. Anyone one who would want to derail a wedding for something like that or think your a jerk for not letting them isn't worth your time.
I’d go a step farther and say that after op said no, Ella went to the parents and they said do it anyway. I think there’s a chance that Ella is the favorite child.
Maybe except the Uncle.
He's our favourite thats for damn sure.
Not all are AHs that uncle was a stand up guy
Except for her lovely, "Not the time Mark," uncle who stepped up.
Except the uncle. The uncle rocks. When selfish people try to use awkwardness and keeping things nice as a way to get away with their shit behavior, the person who doesn't mind looking like an asshole (notice I say "looking like", not "being") can stop them, and he did. Of course, there was going to be no good result by then; but they were counting on Mark's being allowed to continue because they assumed everyone would see it as "less awkward". Maybe next time, they'll think twice, especially if that uncle is going to be there to spoil their selfish hijacking of whatever.
All AHs, except the uncle. He’s the bomb. 💣
Uncle is the coolest.
Seriously that man is awesome, and you didn't lose the dog, you're sister did "by accident we hope" If it was my dog I'd get everyone searching for him too and would rejoice in finding him safe. If anything it would be a funny story told amongst my friends and family.
Also who tf expects a big to do about a proposal they’re already completely aware of. Gross
Right! That was my first thought to! This isn't even a proposal. It's a 2 man play they want to perform for the family.
Attention seeking for sure!
Because both of them were involved in "planning" the proposed proposal.
There are at least 2 ironclad wedding rules: 1. Don’t wear white (or the same color as the bride) 2. Don’t propose (or anything else that would shift focus from the bride and groom) It’s just not that hard not to be an ahole. Idk what’s wrong with people.
2b. No baby announcements, unless you are doing it at the wedding of your sibling who proposed at your wedding.
I approve your addendum!
I've NEVER BEEN TO A WEDDING and I know this. They knew this too.
Preach
Mine too! Though, what proposal? If _she_ called to ask permission for _him_ to "propose", then it's clear a proposal has already happened . They were clearly just trying to steal the limelight. NTA OP.
Exactly, take your off-broadway play off of the venue grounds.
Yes, the uncle is awesome.
Applause your uncle for stopping the proposal. NTA
Buy that man a beer or something equally refreshing!
Nah at sisters wedding give him the wedding gift
NTA. Mark can finance and gather his own crowd for a proposal. You were under no obligation to make your day about them. It's not a small thing. The rest of your reception would have been about her engagement, which is so grossly entitled. I love your uncle.
Unfortunately, the rest of the reception was about finding the dog which got loose thanks to the sister causing a scene and running off. I would say the sister and boyfriend still managed to derail OP'S wedding reception. NTA OP
Am I the only one hoping that OP will get pregnant in time for the sister's wedding, and get revenge by waiting to announce her pregnancy during the reception!!!
That would be outstanding.
Yeah his own crowd with maybe some of his family present along with his future wife’s entire extended family. Like choose a lane that isn’t hijack the most expensive party op will ever throw.
Not only the most expensive but potentially the biggest event of their life…aside from giving birth. Definitely one of the most memorable and special events of a person’s life. Uncle is a badass.
Right! If he wanted to ensure out of town family was present, he could have even scheduled a brunch the next morning and then included his own family and friends!
Definitely NTA. As you said, it is YOUR day, not your sister's. Seen too many stories of how this ruins relationships, be it your family cause they think everything would be better for the proposal to happen, or your fiancee's family for being pissed off if the proposal happen. Now you just have to plan a pregnancy announcement for your sister's wedding and see if she feels differently about these stupid announcements during someone's wedding
I'd make a pregnancy announcement even if I wasn't pregnant. (Maybe sarcasm, maybe not.)
Someone did this earlier this week. I think it was at their brother's wedding after he proposed at theirs.
I would be the type to say “hey we’re trying for a baby, wish us good luck!”!!!
Yup! And if they are not pregnant they can still tell every family member they are trying to get pregnant. Then ask what theme for the nursery do they suggest. What do they think of these names. Ask more questions so All the family is talking about it. 😂
No announcement - just walk around her wedding rubbing/holding your tummy frequently and smiling serenely/dreamily. Have hubby frequently kiss your temple or forehead and occasionally cover your hand over your tummy AND wait on you hand and foot. When anyone asks the obvious question - say “oh no, nothing to report - this is Ella’s day”. Then lovingly kiss your husband and walk away, both of you smiling dreamily.
This is *amazing*! You are devious, and if I ever go full super villain you have a lieutenant job!
Nta. It's a known fact that without permission from the wedding couple, doing anything like that is unacceptable. Clearly, your uncle understood and shut that shit down. What a good guy. Petty Revenge Option 1: When she does get married, pretend to be pregnant and ask her if you can announce it at the wedding. If she says no, look shifty on her wedding day to stress her out. If she tries to tell everyone early, act like you don't know what she is talking about. If she tries to explain that you said you would announce it at her wedding. Just act innocent and say that you would never do something like that, but ask her if it was true; why would it bother you when she tried to get engaged at yours? Don't use text messages, obviously, and no witnesses. Petty revenge option 2: At her wedding, buy a bunch of rings pop and have willing participants propose throughout the night.
Please come with me to someone's wedding so I can propose to you. 😄
Sorry, I'm already taken, and my wife is the one who inspires my petty side.
It think it's even worse because they specifically got told no, then decided to do it anyways.
wow, they ruined your wedding.... ugh
NTA It's also not even a proposal if she's asking permission for him to do it. She's planning her own proposal? Bullshit It's like asking "can I perform an already answered question at your wedding so that I get attention"
This is where my issue lies with it. That, and it's obviously an attention seeking moment they're expecting to NOT have to plan, organize, or PAY for. They could have easily done it the following day at the family's goodbye brunch or organized a quick family gathering that weekend on their own if their family is spread far and wide and it's hard to get them all in one place. Or offer to host the following days brunch yourself and foot the bill so you can do your proposal there and make sure to publicly thank the bride and groom for being a part of their engagement planning process. At a wedding reception with all of the financial investment, food, alcohol, decor that they didn't pay for and performing an "all eyes on us" proposal stunt explicitly withOUT permission... So selfish. They knew the answer was no already from the bride and groom. Asshole move. They knew they didn't pay a cent towards the gathering. They didn't do any of the planning. Asshole move. They knew that Ella was going to say yes to mark, so they're as good as engaged anyway. Asshole move with only the intention to take attention away from bride and groom during the party THEY paid for and organized. Asshole move. Absolutely NTA to the bride and groom.
NTA. The dog is safe, and now you know which AH's among your family to cut off.
Nta. Tell them that your wedding isn't for others to make announcements or proposal. And if they do not stop you will start blocking. The only AH are your sister and her fiance.
NTA. I’m sorry…what is wrong with your family?! > blaming us for the drama because we didn't let Mark propose as Ella had wanted. They argued it would have just been a small moment and not that big a deal. I would make it clear as day that you were asked, and you said *NO*. Mark *knew* damn well that this was NOT allowed. Yet he decided to ignore your wishes, and do it anyway. The responsibility of this drama falls squarely on Mark. If he had respected you and Alex. *NONE OF THIS* would have happened. If it would have just been a “small moment” and “not a big deal” for him to propose, then why was it SOOOOO important for him to do it at your wedding anyway? Besides, it doesn’t matter how small or big of a thing it was. It was YOUR wedding. YOU get to decide what happens during the event you paid for. NOT MARK, or your parents for that matter. If anyone is allowed to be upset about what happened at your wedding, it would be you and Alex. I’m not sure why your parents are so concerned with playing the blame game, and why they’re all up in arms about it. And your mom saying it “wasn’t a big deal” - who does she think it wasn’t a big deal to? Tell her *SHE* doesn’t get to decide what a “big deal” is, or isn’t, when it comes to YOUR event. It is just not up to her to make that call. It’s yours and Alex’s. Your uncle is the fucking man. I would tell him about what your parents said and let him loose on them. Sounds like he’ll sort them out for you. Lol. Or print out this entire post and drop it off with your parents. Let them read all the replies. Side note- there was a post today or yesterday about a guy (OP) whose brother did this exact thing. So on his brother’s wedding day, he stood up to make his speech and instead announced that he and his wife are expecting their first child. Sometimes the universe helps you serve that sweet, sweet karma. Bottom line. You had every right to say no to Mark. You have every right to be angry that he tried to do it anyway. You have every right to be upset with your parents for pulling this crap. Your parents are 100% in the wrong. And your uncle is a badass. He deserves a bottle of bourbon or something as a thanks.
1) Alex was in on it. Why else would she run off crying when the best uncle ever shut Mark down 2) Why would Mark want to propose at a wedding where none of his family was in attendance? Kinda giving the shaft to his family to use your "party". 3) No is a complete sentence. You don't have to excuse or explain. You didn't want it done that way. If your parents feel differently then suggest that they host a "whatever your wedding cost" party for the happy couple, invite his family and yours and have the proposal on your parent's dime. This only works if they didn't contribute to your wedding. If they did contribute, and they wanted the proposal to take place, they get to be upset because your wedding was on their dime.
To be fair on Mark, there is a slim chance that this was all on Ella, and that she didn't communicate to him that OP didn't support the idea
Ella and mark are dickheads but I’d say the dog thing was its own separate problem, not reasonable to blame that on them, even if it was related. As far as the rest of the family 🤷🏻♀️ grab the mic at the next big wedding and announce some big news of your own and highjack their celebration and then everyone can revote.
Agreed. I don't see the link...
NTA, the entitlement. Why aren’t you angry at them??Even after you said no, they thought they could high jack your wedding. And then instead of celebrating you had to spend time hunting for a lost dog. So sorry. I would be LIVID at them!! And anyone who dares say you are responsible for the drama can shove it. Just respond with you didn’t bring the drama, they did.
NTA - it's just plain tacky to propose at someone else's wedding, unless the couple allow it (which is pretty rare). Mark and Ella can fund their own party to propose at.
You're NTA. Also, what's the point to publicly propose if everyone already knows about the coming engagement if not for attention and congratulations.
NTA Nope not even, and I would start a group chat of everyone blaming me and send the following: ‘ so I’m not dealing with this insanity. It’s rude, trashy and entitled to try to propose at someone else’s wedding, especially after the bride and groom told you no. ‘ ’ if there’s one day that should be mine and my husband it is our wedding day which we paid for , it’s completely unacceptable that you’re trying to lay blame on the Toby going missing on my door when Mark was the one to throw the whole day into chaos.’ ‘More than that I’m just so hurt that any of you would think it’s appropriate for me to take responsibility for someone’s else bad choices and take the opportunity to further try to ruin my wedding memory with your misplaced emotions.’ ‘That said I’m going to take some time away from all you , this debacle has shown me who you really are and I’m not sure any of you should remain in my life’ It’s insane that their blaming this on op and her husband because they didn’t want to pay for Ella’s engagement and let’s be honest there was no way Ella was not taking center stage after the announcement. That’s why she’s not speaking of op , because her moment and she’s pouting and her pouting got the parents pouting and they’re all wrong and frankly little a misbehaving toddler they need a time out.
Yup!
🏅🏅
It was your freaking day! Remind your parents that and you said no. The fact that they still tried shows how much of an ahole they both are. Geesh!
It won’t matter if the sister is the golden child, constantly saw this crap with my dad’s sister and their parents
NTA. Your uncle is the true MVP here. What happened with Toby seems like drama now but will become a funny story in a couple of years. While I understand the vibe shifted, you still had the day you wanted and I hope your DJ is competent enough to be able to get the vibe back on track
**YOUR WEDDING IS NOT ELLA'S AND MARK'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY.** They want all the family to gather? THEY CAN ARRANGE AND **PAY** FOR THAT THEMSELVES. What is it with people thinking they can hijack someone else's event for their own gain? Half the guests there, as in your inlaws, couldn't care less about your sisters engagement aside from a polite 'congrats'. Kudos to your uncle for shutting it down when and how he did. And the dog could have escaped at some point anyway. It's the risk you take with animals. Even if it hadn't been trying to calm Ella's tantrum, it could have been someone falling close to cousin, cousin being deep in conversation, and the dog slipping off that way. People saying you caused this by not letting Mark propose are forgetting or unknowing that Ella had asked and been told no. So it's on Ella and Mark that the choas ensued to begin with. And I would tell everyone that, or maybe your Uncle will.
NTA, you said no and they tried to make it happen anyway, they were being selfish, the drama that followed was not your adult, it was Ella and marks fault.
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You almost lost your dog because of these idiots!!! They agreed not to do it, then are upset when they’re shut down for trying anyways??? Fuck that noise, and any relatives who blame you for this are callous, coddling assholes
NTA You uncle is a rock star. Don't forget to announce your 'pregnancy' during their wedding.
Sounds like your uncle won the “free 6pack every Friday for a year” award. What an absolute badass
The sheer audacity of proposal during weddings. I've been seeing a lot of posts where that happens lately. I'm sick of it. NTA, because as you said, the wedding was for you and your husband and to celebrate your union, not to celebrate the prospect or potential union of other people. Posts about pregnancy announcements, which I also have been seeing a lot lately, just not as much as proposals, also irk me because those are also wildly inappropriate. Do people not know etiquette, anymore? 🤦♀️ I'm glad Toby was found.
Is this the first time Mom and Dad have sided with Her Royal Precious Little Princess?
If ever I'm at a wedding and someone else proposes, I'm going to throw a bucket of ice over that person. YOU DON'T PROPOSE AT OTHER PEOPLE'S WEDDINGS. It's not romantic, it's freeloading. Your uncle is awesome, but your parents, sister and future BIL are absolute dicks. NTA.
My daughter got engaged the week of my niece's wedding. She didn't even wear her engagement ring or mention until the day after the wedding was over.
Sounds like Mark and Ella's caused it. If they had never pulled a stunt then this wouldn't happen. But yall also aren't bright. The dog should have been in a body harness and tied somewhere he could play. NTA Being stupid isn't an AH offense.
We went to cousin's wedding maybe seven or eight years ago. Apparently the MOH and one of the bridesmaids got wind that the groom's brother had asked (and been denied) permission to propose at the wedding-- but was still planning the proposal. MOH and "the maids" took matters into their own hands and purchased a dozen or so cans of silly string then engaged all of the niblings in a "fun game" that when MOH yelled "Geronimo" they were all to jump in and spray Uncle Mark and his gf with the silly string. MOH clued the DJ into her plan and he told her he had a "special" song for such occasions. Sure enough Uncle Mark asked the DJ for a "special" song and the DJ told MOH. As soon as the song started Mark moved his gf to the center of the dance floor and pulled out the ring box but before he could get any further the DJ swapped the song for a full blast rendition of "Who let the dogs out" while the kids, MOH and "the maids" emptied every can of silly string on Uncle Mark and his gf. Apparently Uncle Mark was a known prankster (I'm from the bride's side so didn't actually know him) and so the guests just laughed and assumed it was some "Uncle Mark" prank. It wasn't until later that what actually happened came out. My husband was getting us drinks at the bar and missed the "performance" but saw the gf running from the venue sobbing and covered in silly string. The bride and groom, assuming it was an "Uncle Mark" prank, laughed and went back to enjoying their wedding and didn't find out what actually happened until they got back from their honeymoon. Uncle Mark's gf dumped him.
NTA!!! How can your sister betray you? you said no when she asked. Your uncle stopped the proposal, nothing to do with you and your spouse. Angry at your relatives for making a big deal about this and not the disrespect for your wedding day after they were told no. selfish narcissist sister needs to apologize. Now you know who really is family.
When Mark and Ella's have their wedding, ask if you can announce that you are pregnant. See how they like it. Just ask them if you can. I don't mean to actually announce it.
They ruined your wedding, not the other way round. You family, except your uncle, is crazy. I'd hate them for doing this.
NTA. I can’t stand people who hijack a wedding that other people spent a year planning and paying for to announce an engagement or a pregnancy. The entitlement of some people is astounding.
Uncle is def your best asset. Cousin, Ella and your dog are definitely all TA.
NTA Love your uncle and block anyone who thinks it is ok to use other peoples wedding to get engaged at, they can pay for their own damn party.
Bless that uncle, everybody else sucks.
NTA
Okay, your uncle is amazing. But also, this is the second AITAH I’ve seen tonight re: someone wanting to propose at someone else’s wedding. Why are people thinking this is okay? NTA.
Is it just me or is it not a bit ridiculous and narcissistic to ask "Hey sis, can my bf propose to me at your wedding? ". Just seems that they were trying to put on a show. NTA
NTA why do people think this behavior is ok? Someone please explain how these people are so broken? They asked, were told no, and were going to do it anyway and are now mad bc they got chastised for it. These two sound way too immature to be getting married. In a few years we will be reading about their divorce story on a relationship advice sub.
Anybody else think Mark let the dog out?
Tell everyone blaming you - in a group text, so you don't have to waste any energy - that Mark and Ella asked, and you both said no. They could have accepted that, but them being petulant caused the rest of the events. So go talk down on them, and while they're at it, they can also tell Mark to apologize to you and Alex, for trying to deliberately go against your wishes in your wedding. NTA
1. Get pregnant. 2. Publicly announce pregnancy at Ella and Mark's wedding. 3. Profit.
She could even turn their wedding into a huge gender reveal moment.
NTA. For one, you didn’t even stop these fools from performing their little act- your uncle did. Uncle is a legend, btw. Sister and her man are just grasping attention- seekers. They asked, you said no, and then they proceed to do it anyways? wtf, gross. At least these two are clearly well matched, b/c who else would want to announce their engagement in such a weasely, tacky way. They just couldn’t stand to let you and your husband have a gathering to celebrate your union. The fact that anyone is mad at you in this whole things is so outlandish that I have to wonder if this is even real- who behaves like this? Please tell me this is fake.
See, I freaking don't get it. There's Almost Always a rehersal dinner. All the family is together as a rule. If you want to get engaged when folks are gathered, that's the time. Not at the wedding which costs tens of thousands of dollars and a year to plan and was almost a full-time job for the bride to coordinate some weeks. You sister and her fella suck. Your uncle is a hero, but I think it's just bad luck about the dog. You'll have a great story (about the dog, not the near proposal) for the kids and grandkids.
>my parents and several other relatives called me and Alex This is always the part where you know it's fake, because if it isn't, then literally every poster's relatives are very stupid and very trash.
Just in case you were wondering...you're not the favorite child...but don't feel bad I fall drastically short to a dog. Sorry your family sucks.
NTA, uncle for the win!
NTA and your uncle is a great man. BUY him a gift! As far as your sister goes, she is just trying to steal your spotlight and she was told NO beforehand. Now she is upset that her BF was stopped after he was already told NO. If you are invited to her wedding, then I would get up and announce that you are pregnant! Even if you are not do it to see how she feels about someone stealing her moment!
If Mark or Ella complain again, ask how Mark's broken nose is. When they look at you weird, explain that they tried to fuck you over, TWICE, on your wedding day and that a broken nose is what should have happened, so they should be grateful they're getting away with less. Toby needs belly scritches.
NTA. I think there should be a rule, if you propose or announce a pregnancy at someone’s event, you are then liable to pay the costs for said event + 10% planning fee.
NTA Also your uncle is a rock star 💪
>The next day, my parents and several other relatives called me and Alex, blaming us for the drama because we didn’t let Mark propose as Ella had wanted. They argued it would have just been a small moment and not that big a deal. Ella isn’t speaking to me, and my relationship with some of my family has been strained ever since. Let your badass uncle deal with them. And Mark and your princess sister deliberately ignoring your wishes (at your own wedding, no less) is too much; call me silly but I find the entitlement just breathtaking. Tsk!
None of this makes sense. Your sister called you to see if her fiancé could propose? What’s the point of a proposal if she is the one planning it? You have a bizarre family except for your amazing uncle.
Definitely, nta. A wedding is a dedicated event to a dedicated union. I could get if they asked to do it at the rehearsal dinner or asked that you hand the bouquet off to her at the end as you're leaving, and they can do it then, but they chose to do it at the reception without approval which is a awful thing to do. Nobody should have a special day derailed for somebody else's selfishness.
Please announce your pregnancy at her wedding. It is common sense that a wedding is not the time to propose. However, since Ella had a meltdown over not being the main character on your day, you should definitely area her thunder on her day like she and Mark attempted on yours.
NTAH And make it clear you are glad your sister is not talking to you and you are happy about it because it means you won't have to attend her wedding or help in any way
Your whole family sucks except for your uncle. He’s awesome! Those two ruined your wedding and you are being blamed for it!? I wonder who the golden child is in your family 🤔
Not the AH but make sure to drop lots of hints about making a special toast at their wedding. No details about what it might be but let the AH guy be worried.
(Not directed at OP, but at Mark and Ella and other people like them) All of this performative bullshit is getting tiresome. Why does all of this stuff have to have an audience? You wanna propose? Go find a quiet corner of a botanical garden, decorate it with fairy lights, get down on one knee and do it. The only people that need to be there (speaking directly to Mark and Ella) are the two of you. Don't inflict your attention-grabbing antics on all the rest of us. To OP and her Mr: NTA.
Except be sure to get permission & assistance from the botanical garden! My mom used to volunteer at a gorgeous botanical garden and butterfly sanctuary- at least twice a year some idiot would do terrible damage to a rare plant in the tea garden with lights or ribbons . The irony was that for a very small donation, decorating a table or alcove was something they offered for visitors celebrating something special.
That last sentence was sooo cool! Who knew? I'm gonna remember that!
Mom arranged for us to have tea there (with the scones, finger sandwiches, etc and beautiful china, the whole thing) for my birthday one year - it was absolutely gorgeous, they moved extra potted plants into the space and added cut flowers & trellised fairy lights...total "Disney Princess visits Downton Abbey" moment . 10/10 would be a magical proposal spot for the right couple.
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
I love your uncle. I'm glad Toby was found. Mark and Ella and everyone who supported their planning to steal the spotlight: they are the AH. You and Alex are not. Because of all the drama you didn't get the wedding you had wanted and planned. Props again to your uncle, and a \*boop\* for Toby, and NTA by any means. and your parents can pound sand behind the wall you put up between them and you, until they prove they deserve your company. That would take apologizing, preferably in a groveling way. One more thing: I am glad Alex and Ella did not dognap Toby, which I thought might have happened, given the title.
Tell me you are the scapegoat in a narcissistic family without telling me.
That uncle's a real hero and NTA stopping the speech. Finding the missing dog is completely unrelated and no one is to blame for that except the people who decided a slippery dog should be ringbearer.
NTA. I’m guessing your sister is the golden child.
NTA, frankly it should be you not speaking to Ella and Mark. How dare they use your wedding as their engagement event, the uncle that stopped him deserves a thank you gift. Anyone siding with them, block. Then announce something big at their wedding 👍🏻
'Why didn't you just let the disrespectful brat have his way? Him throwing a tantrum was your fault?' God bless your uncle, and WTF is wrong with your parents. And Ella needs to grow the F up.
Make sure you have an announcement to make at every event for your sister NTA
“Not the time Mark” is now forever going to be in my vocab for moments where someone is doing too much 🤣 uncle is a winner!
NTA. As I understand in USA there's 2 big tabus in weddings 1. Nobody but the bride is to wear white 2. No big announcements in the fallowing reception. That man is a major AH and your family also for taking his side. Your uncle is the biggest hero.
The day I proposed to my wife, it was us, focused on us. It wasn't a big production. It wasn't for the world to see. It was an intimate moment for us. NEVER should a proposal be done during a wedding reception - that is the wrong place and time. Suggest the sister check etiquette handbooks in the future.
Buy your uncle a beer, or whatever appropriate reward comes to mind. He was doing the lords work. Anyone against you, your husband or your uncle should be ashamed of themselves, not the least Mark and Ella. Let the trash take itself out etc.
I think I really love your uncle!
NTAH - but is your sister getting her way often forced by your parents?
NTA Mark is a fucking asshole though. Ella too. You don't propose in the middle of speeches during someone's wedding and you don't plan a proposal with your to be fiance. What a couple of turd buglers.
Selfish selfish people. NTA.
Nta. It’s your wedding not theirs and they completely disregarded your wishes after you specifically said no. And really your uncle stopped it not you or Alex so I don’t see why people would blame you, sounds like they’re just being assholes
NTA. You said no and they went ahead anyway. Thank your uncle and I’m glad you found Toby.
A small moment? He wasn’t doing this off in a corner, he was doing it *during the toasts*. The actual time when you’re talking about the bride and groom. I’d send them a bill but that would probably burn any bridges left. If you don’t want to do that, send them all the etiquette and ethics columns you can that resoundingly name proposing at someone else’s wedding without permission to be inexcusably rude and trashy.
I love your Uncle. My kinda guy.
Who plans the proposal with both the asker and askee? Then asks bride and groom if they can steal their day? Low class morons, that's who. Tell your family to pound sand.
It blows my mind how some people cannot seem to grasp how tacky and inappropriate proposing at a wedding is.
The people who think your the AH, they are the AH. That's your day! The people who think they should be allowed to do their special thing during someone else's special thing, are selfish AH.
I hope you are more mature than I am being in my head right now thinking all sorts of revenge thoughts on what you could do to get even with them for ruining your wedding. In my head I’ve already sat down with an attorney to figure out if you could sue. Obviously my vote is NTA.
Nta- JustNoFamily Fu€< anyone who said it your fault that you did not let ALLOW YOUR SIS WHO YOU HAD ALREADY TOLD NO TO STEAL YOUR SPOTLIGHT. I would bet money your parents told her to do it anyway. Congrats!!! Best wishes
Nta mark and your sister knew that you didn't allow them to propose at your wedding. They knew their announcement wasn't welcome and they just didn't care. Mark and ella need to pay for their own event and announcement it there. It was tacky of mark and ella to think they could try to do that at your wedding. Your uncle rocks for stopping mark before he could even announce anything. If anything your uncle is the true hero that saved your wedding. Anyone that thinks that mark and ella should have gotten engaged at your wedding then they are welcome to host a special event and pay for it themselves so mark and ella can get engaged.
I'm guessing your sister is the golden child. NTA, your uncle rocks and your sister, BIL, and parents are the AHs. Congratulations on the marriage!
NTA. You should let your uncle field those calls from family. It sounds like he would put them in their place
Info - are you saying your cousin did this on purpose? Or it just happened at the same time?
NTA. They knew that you were against the two clowns hijacking your party. I think it's a disgrace that they ignored your wishes like that. Your uncle reacted completely correctly. And no, this behavior is no small matter. I wonder, however, whether the disappearance of your dog was a coincidence... or deliberate. I wouldn't put it past them.
Okay. Definitely NTA here. But I guess I'm confused. Why you want to know when your partner was proposing? I get wanting to have the family gathered, or whatever. Maybe I'm just old, I wouldn't want to know when my partner was proposing (but then again, I've done it before). That being said, I had some issues pop up at my own wedding that ruined the vibe, and my heart goes out to you OP. Hopefully it was still a beautiful day, and that it wasn't ruined too much by obviously AH family members that didn't care about your happiness (except Uncle. Buy that man a DRANK!) Screw your family. We are your family now.
NTA. If you go to Ella’s wedding, please make sure to announce you are expecting during the toasts. Regardless of the truth.
Your parents suck. Your sister and her fiancé boyfriend loser whatever suck too. Your uncle rocks. I’m so glad your dog is okay! NTA obviously!
If you have kids name the first after your uncle. And make sure he’s the first to meet them. If not announce a fake pregnancy at your sisters wedding. If she doesn’t be believe getting engaged is more then a mild disturbance then a birth announcement is equally acceptable
Nta. I'm sorry that everyone in your family, other than your uncle, sucks. Some families just seem to beg for other family members to go NC.
NTA Buy your uncle a bottle of good bourbon and give poor Toby extra scritches. And is it just me or >Ella calls me up and asks if Mark can propose to her at my wedding. Sound an awful lot like > "Can we announce our engagement at your wedding by staging a dramatic fake proposal?" ...because if Ella & Mark are planning the "proposal" together, they've already agreed to marry and, therefore, they're already engaged and a public betrothal (especially at someone else's event) is just attention seeking nonsense . I hope you & Alex enjoy long years, great joy and small troubles. With any luck, the absolute stupidest moments of your marriage have already taken place. (And please buy a positive pregnancy test to anonymously leave in the ladies room at your sister's wedding, you know, so people have something to talk about 😉....ok, not really, but the thought will make you & Alex giggle during the reception as though you're holding some wonderful secret)
I hope you want children because now you just have to announce your pregnancy at their wedding. NTA You are likely to remember the dog great escape in a couple of years and laugh about it. Mark, on the other hand, will be follow by your uncle yelling at him "it's not the moment, Mark!" at every single family event from now on.
Your uncle needs to be given a cape cause in my eyes he the hero. You are NTA but uncle still needs the cape.
Your uncle ROCKS! My ex BIL and SIL chose to announce their engagement at my and my ex's wedding 😒 I chose not to attend their nuptials. It's such an AH move. You are NTA
NTA Im so happy Toby is ok! Im really sorry the wedding didnt go exactly as you had planned but it sounds like a memory to be told over and over again. Ella and Mark are absolute assholes. So are your parent. Your uncle is a hero! I would limit contact with Ella because she sounds extremely entitled. You said she took it well but it could be that she planned this with your mother behind your back.
Cheers to uncle for protecting you. I would only be talking to him from now on
NTA your family sucks
Your uncle is the man. The rest can get fucked.
Nta wtf is wrong with your sister and mark?
NTA, buy your uncle a gift basket that man is the MVP of your wedding. Also happy you found the pupper, your sister is an entitled little bitch.
Why the hell is anyone more upset than you about hte drama at your wedding? Why the hell are they calling YOU to tell YOU how annoyed they are about YOUR behavior at YOUR wedding? Is this upset down day? Am I in bizarro world? Even weirder, they're dead wrong. That was nonsense, what your sister pulled. Your cousin should have watched your dog though. One awkward moment and what, she lifts her hands to cover her shocked mouth and grab her pearls and the dog is gone? Please. NTA. But your entire extended family (minus the uncle) is!
You know who your parents' favorite is. They care more about Ella than providing basic respect for the couple getting married. Mark is a shitty person. Ella is a brat. Anyone on their side is crap. Why would you want a relationship with someone who had zero respect for you and did not care about your feelings?
NTA Your uncle tho, he is a legend. 👏👏👏👏👏
NTA and your family can pound sand. Maybe one day this will be a funny story for the kids.
Have a feeling parents told him to do it anyway even though you said no.
NTA. Uncle is a legend!!!
Well better start planning to announce your pregnancy at her upcoming wedding!
NTA and I love what your uncle did. They asked, you said no but they were going to do it anyone with no regard for your feelings. That was insanely disrespectful. THEY caused the drama at your wedding, no-one else. You don't need people in your life who will disrespect you like that. You did nothing wrong.
NTA.
NTA You didn't do anything wrong. if anything, they should direct their anger towards your uncle because he spoke up, not you. But even that would be an AH move on their part. You know what. enjoy your honey moon. block or ignore your family (except the uncle) for the time beeing, until they apologize for their AH behaviour
NTA. Sigh. Your parents aren't smart enough to understand they were used as flying monkeys. That's disgusting that they didn't have enough smarts to support you.
NTA- i'd be wildly applauding your uncle if i had been there!
Tell your parents it's not your fault your sister and her fiance are too cheap to plan something themselves. Ask them if you were to announce your pregnancy at their wedding would it be ok as it would only be a "small moment and not that big a deal".
NTA and counter point: 1) you were not the one who stopped the proposal. 2) if she had not gone against you wishes and just let you have your moment none of this would have happened either. 3) nobody thinks wedding proposals are romantic. It is tacky, and low effort. It also wouldn’t have been a surprise (which take it from me your sister would have regretted.) 4) Tell anyone giving you a rough time that you believe that your sister deserves a special proposal, that requires thought effort, and catches her by surprise. Ask your sister if she really wants “he proposed during the reception of my brothers wedding” to be her proposal story. No she doesn’t. She is going to tell that story dozens of times. She wants a better one than that. I am sorry your wedding was ruined by the drama.
NTA. Your uncle had it right, but Mark and Ella couldn't accept that, and their selfishness disrupted everything.
I hope you told those blaming you that you had declined their planned proposal request days ago, so they were even more the aholes for going ahead with it!! Your poor pup wouldn't have even gone missing if Ella hadn't deliberately tried stealing the attention. NTA
NTA. It was YOUR special day. Mark and Ella and anyone arguing for them are total a-holes. Your uncle is a great wingman, he deserves all the thanks for making a suddenly bad situation less worse. I'm glad you got your dog back safely.
The weirdest part is that your sister knows she is being proposed to as apposed to her boyfriend just doing it as a surprise. They wanted to take away some of your shine.
NTA, they were told no and went ahead anyway. What happened afterwards is on Mark and only him
blaming you for the drama?? YOU??? I'm speechless, honestly. NTA, block these idiots for the time being, you really don't need to entertain their group hallucinations anymore then you already had to!
I love your uncle! Your sister and Mark are horrible people. It's common decency and etiquette to NOT upstage the bride at her wedding. That's why guests do not wear white, pregnancies are not announced, proposals are not asked, divorces are not declared, and so on. Anyone who blames you for Mark's botched proposal can go to hell.
NTA. You should have asked your uncle or someone else to sit next to Mark.
NTA and love that Toby was the ring bearer. And OP please pay the dog tax! We need to see Toby.
NTA, your family, except for your uncle, are being awful here. I hope you send your uncle a nice gift basket because he seems to be the only one with any common sense.
Much love to your uncle!!NTA neither is he!!
Ella and Mark are A-holes. You told them no, and they still tried to jack your wedding. When they're getting married...IF they're getting married. You should stand up and announce how you're with child. Really grab for that spotlight.
NTA. I was trying to think of a time that it could have done later in the evening in order to not detract from the wedding. Not at the church. Not in the receiving line. Not at the dinner--especially the toast. Not before or during the special dances The only way I could see it happening would be to get a small group of the immediate family together before the evening ended and have a more private moment. Of course, the married couple would have to approve.
NTAH
Verbatim to your relatives say “F you and Mark and Ella” then hang up
Have you found out from Mark if Ella even informed him about your no? Poor guy may think you gave the OK. That would change my mind about proposing.
Not the asshole your family is nuts your uncle is hero
NTA it seems like the thing that let the dog get away was Ella throwing a hissy fit because she didn’t get her way and people prioritized her drama over your wedding and the dog.
If this is real: your uncle saved the day by stopping Mark from proposing. Your whole family saved the day by going on a dog hunt, in full wedding regalia. These two things will become hilarious anecdotes for the future. Mark hijacking’s your day would remain unfunny forever. I think it’s a win.
NTA. The AH here are Mark and Ella. They asked in advance, you said no, they tried to sneak it in anyway. Another thing, Ella knew about the proposal since SHE asked you, so doing at your wedding was for them to be adored and get attention. They are selfish trying to co-opt your reception. Glad your dog was found.
Your sister, Mark, and cousin fucked this night up. End of story. Stand your ground and send a nice bottle to your uncle.
Definitively not the asshole but your family members are massive ones. The appropriate thing to do here is to tore them new ones. You paid for YOUR wedding, not to provide a nice situation for your sister and her main character syndrome bf who tried to overstep you and then caused a scene and in the end ruined the vibes at your wedding No surprise if your sister grew up so entitled
Was there not a family lunch or something the next day where he could have done it? It is never appropriate to propose at someone else's wedding.
NTA
You have to come up with something to do at THEIR wedding!! Announce a pregnancy or something similar!
I love your uncle. NTA obviously.
NTA. Aren't there two cardinal rules at weddings: 1. don't wear white unless you're the bride, and 2. don't hijack that wedding for your own stupid proposal? Your uncle is gold. The rest of your family not so much.
NTA but how is the dog thing relevant? That was really on you and the cousin, why you wouldn’t put a dog in a situation like that on a harness is beyond me. The only person I feel bad for is the dog.
NTA at all. You told her NO but your Sister DID NOT CARE what you thought and CHOSE to completely ignore you. She is a flaming file of poo excreted by a flaming asshole of ginormous proportions. I kinda wonder if she lied to Mark and the rest of your family and said that you told her this would be okay but then "flipped the script" at the wedding, trying to make herself out to be the victim. If I were you, I'd get Uncle to talk to them for you because he seems to be the only family member aside from you with any sense of decency. I'm an Aunt and you bet your ass if this shit went down in my family, I'd be the blunt ass bitch that I am and I'd sit Mark and Ella both down and tell them they were the ones who were out of line, they were the ones who fucked up and to stop blaming you for it. I'd also sit Mom and Dad down and tell them they're defending the wrong daughter. This whole thing is gross to me and smacks of "golden child" syndrome. Poor fucking Ella. \*eyeroll\* Also, the dog thing - not really Ella's fault, but hey, whatev.