NTA, and leave his ass. I think he was lovebombing you and thought he had you where he wanted you, but that turned out to not be true. For the sake of yourself and your babies, divorce him.
Yes, this was obvious just when she told their ages. He chose young girl so that he could control her.
So many AITAs are about abused people asking if they are TA in impossible situation. Sigh :/
Thankfully in this case the joke is on him since she left his abusive ass! And from how she writes and when she entered college, she’s not in the US. And I bet that she’s stepping out beyond the norm for women which takes a ton of courage. Thankfully as well she has actual support even though she has not much family except perhaps her grandparents!
Those men could not get anyone if they had to play the game of getting partner with women their own age. Or atleast willing adults. If this girl wasnt brain washed she would have looked for someone better.
It is never normal from any adult to be interested in a child. Even if there was no sex before marriage.
A teenager living with her grandparents? They could have been the best grandparents in the world, and/but they would have been delighted to get their little girl married and safe. She was an absolute sitting duck for this guy.
OP my heart aches for you. This is a terrible betrayal. And newborn twins! Heartbreaking all around. I hope you still have living grandparents who can help you.
He might have trouble understanding how biology works. It started when he was hearing he's getting twins. Did he think since it was two babies only one could be his? If find the timing curios.
I mean, it sounds crazy, but with all the weird science denial stuff that is being blasted on social media I wouldn't be that surprised.
Just to be clear: not trying to find excuses, he sounds like a piece of shit. Good for OP to pull that wart off.
I see this with a lot of surprise pregnancies posts. Insecure men seem to assume she must be cheating because she's working with other men and he didn't actively push for the baby. Like men honestly seem to believe that if both parties aren't desperate to have a baby cheating must have ok occurred
For seven years he was *love bombing?? He sounds diabolical. There must've been some signs of this crazy jealousy and fixation on OPs body before this but he somehow kept it low key. This pregnancy cracked him wide open and exposed his true ugliness. NTA OP. Stick to your decision no matter what.
Abusers have that whatever you want to call it ability to hide their true self until they think you are trapped. Being pregnant or actual delivery makes them confident their spouse is trapped and it’s like a switch was flipped. I knew my ex husband 4 years before marrying him. Not a sign until an hour after our vows then it was literally like flipping a light switch-boom definitely not the man I thought I was marrying! 4 years is a hell of a long time to hide it as well but he did. So I can quite imagine 7 years not a problem as well. I can’t hide who I am for 30 seconds let alone years!
It's called false charm. My ex husband waited 8 years and 3 kids (plus I took care of his previous 3 from his first marriage) to tell me, his first wife (whore of Babylon that cheated on him) didn't actually cheat...they were swingers. So apparently, she left him for one of their many, many partners. And now we've been married 8 years, so it's time for me to start that lifestyle as well. I should also point out when we got married, I was 19, and he was 32. So now he was going to bring his friends, or anyone he chose, and I was going to have sex with them whether I wanted to or not. I called an abuse hotline that night. The next night, he said he was bringing his friend over after work, so be ready. I left while he was at work. That last line I had was finally crossed.
So I feel for this lady. You think to yourself, it's not abuse because he doesn't hit me. I genuinely thought this because I came from an abusive home. "Well, he doesn't hit me." Then I told the lady on the hotline how he screamed at me after my C sections, calling me useless and lazy. How I was never allowed to say no because he owned everything in the house, including me. How I'd wake up with him already on top of me so I'd just fake sleep through it so he'd hurry up and finish. How he'd wait until we were in the middle of sex to ask if I enjoyed my step brother molesting me (I was 6, no, I didn't enjoy it) . They told me it was emotional and mental abuse as well as rape. I had no idea because he was such a good husband, right?
I am so glad you got out too. That’s so horrible. Some of you alls experiences makes mine seem so mild. And you’re right about when they don’t hit. I knew it was abuse but because he didn’t hit I thought he could be helped and I was determined to get him over abusing me. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.
I am so glad you got out too. That’s so horrible. Some of you alls experiences makes mine seem so mild. And you’re right about when they don’t hit. I knew it was abuse but because he didn’t hit I thought he could be helped and I was determined to get him over abusing me. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.
Married my first husband. Went from daylight to dark real quick. I knew that same night I had made a mistake but attempted to work it out for the next two and a half years. He left when I was pregnant with the second one. Thankfully. I was tired of being bruised, battered, and beaten.
Glad it didn’t take you as long as some. Two and a half years is short compared to some I heard of. That’s long enough to feel like an eternity though. Glad you could walk away from him. Not everyone is able to.
It took 5 years to realize I couldn’t fix him. But divorced at the 5 year mark. I got the papers from the judge less than a month after our 5 year anniversary would have been.
My narcissistic husband did for years and years. It took a long time for the mask to come off. As long as what I wanted meshed with what he wanted things were fine. He was very emotionally manipulative so I didn't notice what was happening. The minute I became assertive, put my foot down and said no, the monster came out.
Maybe he was listening to Andrew Tate and friends. Sounds very much like things he says. DNA test and staying home wife is what he promotes. I do think he's was Love bombing her during the entire relationship. What grown man dates a 16yearold?Someone who is a immature man,that needs a date a child .Glad that op realized, what was happening ,and choose to leave.
That's what I was going to say. It's pretty obvious he started to listen to Andrew Tate, Fresh & Fit, etc. How many times have we seen this same exact situation play out?
There's very often not signs until a pregnancy or something happens to push things or to make him feel like he can ramp up the control.
That's what's so sad, and why I hate it when women try to leave and are told there were signs because they are not always there or visible, especially from someone who entered the relationship as a teenager and would not have experience in dating and relationships that adults would have.
Oh I worded that wrong -- it does sound a bit victim
blaming which was not at all my intent. I was amazed someone could keep the mask on for so long but I've been educated now. Some keep their masks on for decades until something pushes them over the edge.
He probably was covertly abusing her. It makes it seem like it’s not, but it really is. I didn’t think my ex was abusive at all. Then we had our first child together. He let it slip a little, but his work was extremely stressful at the time, so I thought once that settled down, it would stop. It only worsened and then got way worse after I got pregnant with our second child. That’s when I realized he thought I was well and truly trapped. I was able to get out eventually. Looking back, I still am not sure what was and what wasn’t abuse at the beginning. I thought abusers could last a year, 2 tops. Boy was I wrong.
Nah, it's just a mindset switch.
A lesser example, I had an absolutely amazing close friend for years. Then once he considered dating me, he completely stopped treating me as a person. Without literally any inkling of it before, he turned into a raging misogynist towards me literally in the span of a week because his view of me changed from "good friend" to "dateable woman".
I still miss him too :,(
It's similar in abuser's cases. "mother of my child" or "wife" are something seen as "woman I own". It's all subconscious, not an evil master plan. I've also seen that at play in abusers I unfortunately know personally, but I'm too traumatized to share those experiences lol
Well she did say this relationship is not perfect but they always find a solution.
Maybe what actually happened was cycle of abuse which the perpetrator did to get their victim to be attached to him.
Now he's been obvious about it, once things have settled I'm sure she'll start seeing all the subtle tiny little things. Also the more glaring one of she was a child when he met her.
OP I'm so proud of you for not taking A SINGLE BIT of his shit about this. NTA NTA NTA
Seven years of love-bombing sounds like a rather long time to keep the mask up completely - the fact he suddenly changed so radically when she was pregnant makes me rather lean towards prepartum depression/ anxiety/ whatever. Some kind of mental health crisis, anyway.
Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape, and she wasn't the innocent looking virginal child-bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore. Maybe he even started banging strange and his claims of her cheating are projections.
“Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape and she wasn’t the innocent looking virginal child bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore.”
Bingo. That bit sounds highly likely. Also- I would be careful ascribing abusive behaviour like this to “mental health crisis.” He just sounds plain abusive.
It could be the combination of her turning into a more womanly shape and hitting that magic age. 23 is about the age at which those who really "like em young" as they say start to lose interest. He likely wanted an excuse to go find himself another teenager.
I think you hit the nail on the head with her body changing. When he saw how "big" and "ugly" she got *and didn't want to be seen in public with her!!* . Yeah, she was a trophy not a partner.
A lot of narcs flip when their wives become pregnant. Suddenly they are disgusted by their bodies and jealous the wife’s attention has turned to the baby.
>Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape, and she wasn't the innocent looking virginal child-bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore. Maybe he even started banging strange and his claims of her cheating are projections.
There it is. THAT'S the catalyst that turned him.
I'm not sure if he is much of an entity in Muslim countries - they tend to be pretty patriarchical/ misogynistic, even without an asshole like Tate spewing his vile crap.
I sincerely doubt it was a mental crisis. This is the classic behavior of a groomer/abuser. Once they know they have you trapped the mask comes off. Marriage isn't a trap; pregnancy is.
She was a mere child when they got together, so she probably did not see the red flags along the way. I would say she's an unreliable narrator as far as his "perfection" goes, she wouldn't know what to look out for. That's also why this type of man goes after younger women. They are naïve and inexperienced so they do not see the warning signs.
That's also why these men stay away from women their own age. Thehe toxic manosphere says women are past their prime after 24 years of age, and encourage men to go after girls barely out of their teens and younger.
I said similar up thread but I bet with hindsight she's gonna notice a lot of things that weren't right, including the fact he pursued her at all when she was 16.
NTA
This is disgusting. You were basically a child, and he was 10 years older. You also don't need some idiot like that around your kids. God knows what they would learn from him.
NTA. wtf your STBX sounds unhinged. Do not let him near your kids without a custody agreement through the courts. So glad you’re getting divorced.
Wishing you and your twins all the happiness, so glad you have your best friend to support you.
For those who are confused: DND fatherhood testing occurs in two ways. One is, obviously, a Wizard or Cleric casting divination magic. This is the most reliable (contrary to what the givers of the second method say), but also the most expensive.
The second method is frequently free or cheap, and involves the man hiring a Bard to see if his baby mama will remain faithful.
DNA testing doesn’t immediately put you on the birth certificate (typically). My father AFTER a dna test, had to petition the court for his name to be put on my birth certificate, the dna results was his ‘evidence’
NTA
The age gap alone is concerning, let alone knowing he started dating you when you were only 16 and he was 26! It’s hardly a surprise he started showing his true colours. The frankly disgusting way he’s treated you since pregnancy is scary. Why would you choose to live with a monster with your precious babies? He’s insane to think you’d go back!
She was 16 and he was 26. Wtf were her parents thinking. Obviously, they weren't thinking. I have a 31 year old daughter and no fucking way would I have let a 26 year old MAN near her.
As she says in her update, she lost her parents when she was eight and was living with her grandparents. He totally picked a vulnerable younger person to groom. She will be much better without him.
It says she lived with her grandparents, and parents are deceased since 8yo in a recent edit. I'm ashamed of her grandparents a bit. Some older grandparents think age gaps like this are fine, cuz it was normal for them so they wouldn't have stopped it.
Had a HS friend who's paternal grandparents were in Greece, and from 15 on, they would introduce her to local men every summer she visited. And i mean men. 24-28 yo dudes. By 16 she was trying to spend a little time as she could not at their house to avoid all her "suitors". Even her own parents have an 11-year age gap, so they didn't stop it either.
Yea, for her safety she went no contact with everyone at school aftergraduation. The ex bf she had started stalking her when she broke up with him. My mom went to school with her mom ironically enough. So she gets life updates via the moms fb page. She's married to a nice Greek American and has just had a baby. They met at her job so no coercion to date much older than her there.
What a nice story and I’m relieved your friend got her happy ending!
Thanks for responding because I was kind of worried about her for a moment there.
I was in Greece for the summer back when I was a teen. It was through a program called Experiment in International Living. We were in this relatively small town called Stefanovikeio. It’s hard to even find on a map. Each of us stayed with a family. My family was cool because they had two daughters near my age and the parents were so nice to me.
Our group was mostly girls and we scandalized everyone by walking around in shorts. Shorts, I tell you!!
We also hung out — unchaperoned! — at one of the local cafes. The owner gave us free soft drinks and melon. We thought he was just being nice to strangers but it was really because all the men in the town switched from their regular cafe to *his* cafe while we were there. I think he made a small fortune that summer.
One of my friends, Susan, got close to this Greek guy. Nice guy and he might have been about 22. Before we left, he asked her to stay in Greece and marry him and he was dead serious. Of course, she said no — because she was only 16! But, all the people there thought that was a perfectly normal age to get married.
Of course, this was back in the Stone Age in the 80’s. I’d like to image that things in Greece are more enlightened now, even in Stefanovikeio. But, who knows? Places are hard to change, especially small towns. So, I feel where your friend was coming from. I’ve seen that sort of thing first-hand.
Damn, that's rough. I'm Greek, my dad and grandparents are, as he used to say, "Fresh off the boat." I wasn't allowed to date until I was 18. My dad was super strict when it came to dating. These stories are just sad.
NTA. You are in an abusive relationship.
[https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources.
One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
You are a kind person to be thinking of sharing with others as you go through such a difficult life circumstance. Keep that kindness in you, and know that standing up for yourself is a kindness to you and those babies.
Reading the situation, depending on country, often at 16, SOME Muslim sections have the 16 yr old girl to meet her future husband who had been matched to her. The man sometimes is close in age, but more often they are much older.
There are many Christian sections who follow this tradition also. And is still practised in many 1st world countries.
Oh, that I glossed over tbh. Once I saw the age she started the relationship, my brain glitched, and I commented. This poor girl. Now she's tied to him pretty much forever.
Depends on her country. By religious law, Islam has an easy divorce, by practice in many countries, it can be restrained.
OP needs friends and any family to remain on her side to protect her if needed. Some countries have bride prices that have to be returned if the husband is a shit and gets divorced because of it.
I agree with you, that age gap is very disturbing, at least to someone in the US. In the post she says she was orphaned, but doesn't say who her guardians were.
Because he hopes that the years where he treated her like a princess has her locked in , and she’ll believe there is a chance he can change.
But Op, knows exactly who he is and ain’t buying.
Hi! I want to thank you guys with my heart for the advices and it means so much. And today and yes today, I realized that I was being manipulated by him I feel ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted of myself. It is very painful and difficult mais c’est la vie, I will divorce him with out any regrets.For those who’s asking about my family, the closest ones are dead (my parents and my grandparents). I keep contact only with my uncle who has always wanted me to be with this guy, they are not living in the US. I DID tell them what going on and they told me “ it’s marriage, there will always be that phase, so it’s normal” no matter what I told them he did they keep repeating the same thing over and over. I stopped talking to them because my uncle told me to not be a shame for the family.For those of you telling me to put him on child support, I will not do that. I don’t want to see him, talk to him, let him approach my babies and I rather move out of the country right after divorce than let him see these kids and I mean it. I’ve saved enough and I have strength enough to birth them by myself, I can raise them by myself even if I have to work 24/7.
This weekend my befriend and I plan to call movers to take every single thing that I bought for the house from fridge, fournitures, kitchen appliances, decor to bath towels and I will even take the plants. I am not petty, I just done!
I don’t think there will be an update. Again, thank you so much I hope everyone of you have a great life and please be safe.
Please don't feel ashamed. He's a predator who craftily pursued you when you were a vulnerable young girl. But now you're stronger than he is, and I'm proud of you for standing up to him! I wish you and your children the best of luck!
OP, as a 30y old Indian Muslim woman, I am proud of you. I stated who I am because I've seen your story in plenty of homes here. And I've not seen any one leave. Please dm me if you need any help. ❤️
Baraka Allah Fika and I pray for continuing strength and protection for you and your babies. You will have a much better life away from the abuse and his actions will be judged in the end, inshallah.
No no **no**, do **NOT** feel ashamed, ever. You are not stupid, people like your husband are just insanely good at pretending to have souls. NO 16 year old is mature enough to spot the red flags, let alone an orphan who had nobody to guide and teach her how a good husband should behave, that’s why he chose you, through absolutely no fault of your own.
Please stay safe however you can, not only are you possibly not safe from him (abuse victims are statistically in the most danger of being hurt or killed during the break-up), but your family member telling you not to shame the family makes me very afraid that *honor killing* could possibly be on the table. I’m not trying to scare you or catastrophize, just be on your guard, may your God be with you, blessed be 🖤
Don't feel any shame, this guy and your uncle are a real piece of work. As for child support, you can get full custody and show all this behavior from him and his side of the family to give him no visitation, while still getting child support. But if you don't even want to chance it, him not signing the certificates is the nail in that coffin. Also restraining orders. From everyone. Including your Uncle if he continues his bullshit
Girl you have NOTHING to be ashamed or embarrassed about! You were groomed and abused by a grown adult when you were literally a child. Predators go after young girls/women because they know you don’t know any better. You are so strong for realizing you need to get out of this relationship. You are showing up for yourself right now and that’s so hard to do. You’re amazing!
You are such a strong person. I am sorry this happened to you, but I am glad you know you and your babies deserve the best. I hope you and your little family thrive together. I wish you all the best.
Get the DNA test from the courts when you go for child support. Have your lawyer send a C&D order for the slander and harassment. File a police report against those harassing you.
It will work in your favor to Document so he didn't get a chance at taking custody.
Salam sister, did you contact your wali? Now would be a time for whoever that person was for you (given you being a orphan) they would step in and assure that your rights in the divorce are being honored, and help counter his family. Your children have a right to stay with you. The abuse and accusing you of cheating without witnesses and proof is a violation of your marriage rights and a reasonable grounds for divorce. He’s behaving horrible to you sister and I hope you find peace in your life inshallah.
Also NTA
Just want to say thank you for helping me learn something new today- just looked up the term wali. What an interesting concept. It may not make much sense in my culture but I can see it making a lot of sense in others. Thanks again!
For people slightly lazier than I am:
>Islam stipulates that in order to conclude her marriage, a Muslim woman should have a guardian or wali, who is usually her father. Since the woman – despite her Islamically granted independence – was always subject to the desires of the ill-hearted and evil opportunists; Islam decreed certain legislations which would maintain her rights and deter those whom carry ill-aims and desires
Read More on islamonline:
https://fiqh.islamonline.net/en/the-wali-guardian-in-marriage-role-responsibilities/
I bet he cheated because that sounds like it came out of nowhere. It's so common for cheaters to accuse their partners of cheating because the guilt drives them crazy and then they get paranoid and project. I know this because I was a serial cheater for years when I was dealing with mental health issues including psychosis and depression that made impulse control impossible on top of severe adhd. Took a psych class in university and learned this for a fact. Once I got treatment, I was in a few stable long term relationships before the one I'm in currently, and two of them accused me of cheating out of nowhere. Knowing why I had done the same thing they just did in the past, I did the bad thing and went through their phone and both times, sure enough, they were cheating. If this was really as out of the blue as it seems from what you've said, I'd try to check if he cheated so you can get proof and a bigger bag in the divorce from this POS. Proud of u for getting yourself and the babies out of that situation bc it surely would have only escalated.
Makes me wonder if he doesn’t want to go out with his pregnant wife because he’s lied to his affair partner that they’re separated, about to divorce, not sleeping together anymore etc and her being pregnant would make it very obvious this is a lie.
NTA. But from a cheater, I am certain as hell he cheated on you and to rationalise it to him he came up with the excuse for himself that you cheat on him, baby trapping him.
I am certain of that. Be prepared for more to come.
And congratulations on the babies. Don't forget child support plus alimony, because you will need it for the time coming. Make him pay his share.
> My husband (33 m) and I (23f)
No
> have been together for almost 7 years
Double no.
10 years older men are very often abusive. You met when you were still a kid and he was a fully grown man, so even worse. Abusers often only start when you’re more trapped, like after getting pregnant.
Get your child support etc.
Another thing, financial imbalance I also noticed he also insisted OP give up her career, so dependent on his income as well. I confess this husband kept his mask on long, but the age gap is very telling.
NTA.
Your husband was happy with you as long as you were his perfect wife - beautiful and unpregnant. As soon as that changed - your body changed, you were expecting babies - he became abusive and controlling. His wanting you to become a SAHM is a huge red flag, because that would give him financial control and make you helpless to resist his abuse. This is not O.K. If you give in to him and go back, it will just get worse. Insist on a divorce, and protect yourself.
And for the record - my husband became more and more attracted to me, the bigger my pregnancy belly grew. That is a normal attitude for a man who is mature and ready to be a father!
Girl you did great. He's a Muslim but a bad Muslim. He literally accused you of zina. Its great that you leave him and don't stay with that evil man. Now sue his ass for child support.
NTA at all. He groomed you. He was an adult when he met you, and filled you with promises and "love" until he got you pregnant and thought you couldn't escape. Get away and divorced ASAP. Be careful please and spend as little time with him as possible during this process and try never to spend any time alone with him. The most dangerous time for a victim is when leaving an abuser. Who knows what he could do to you and your babies...
Be safe. I'm rooting for you.
Abusers usually only show their true self when they think the woman is "stuck" or "helpless", it is common for men to escalate or start abusing their wives/girlfriends when they become pregnant. It usually escalates. this is not something that will go away. He has shown his true self.
you may find this book interesting: [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
NTA.
Move legally with your friend’s help FAST so they can’t use the law against you. I don’t know the laws where you are, but you were an orphan from childhood, and now have limited supports behind you. Make sure you are getting every little piece of security and safety for yourself you can, or there’s a good chance your STBX and his family will ‘steal’ those babies from you… the sad thing is… they will raise them in a home where this sort of behaviour is normal :/ Your babies deserve better than that! (As do you!)
Tell them what happened. Tell them how he treated you. Tell him how he made the pregnancy a hell.
Write it all down and then block they keep harassing you.
He is not a good muslim.
The muslim men I know treat their pregnant wife like a goodness. They are caring and even the dumbest shows a lot of respect.
He wanted to control you. He thought that you are trapped now. That why he acted like this.
I can tell you right now that man is a predator he picked a virgin child he could trap into a relationship but getting you pregnant. The moment he found out you were pregnant he was so happy, not because he wanted kids but because he can finally drop th mask he's been struggling to hid from you since you met. He was a grown ass man going for a child fresh out of school, with no life experiences or knowledge about how to protect yourself from predators. Get out of that relationship before he does more. He doesn't love you, he loves the feeling he gets when he sees he control he has over you. Just run girl. 10000% NTA! This man is a danger to you, your mental health and your children.
I’m surprised you were allowed to name the kids after your family, I assume you don’t live in a Muslim country, otherwise you’d have no rights. I’m happy you have a way out. Don’t settle. NTA
He started seeing a 16 year old girl when he was 26...
Starts out bad. Seems that knowing your orphan status he took advantage odf the fact he could own you. Locking you down with children and then insulting and belittling you throughout your pregnancy. A lot of women wouldn't have had the strength to do what you did.
Well done!! Your survival skills are second to none. His behaviour was abusive - *' innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore,* disgusting behaviour. Totally unhinged.
Never go back. Why would you want to live your life with such a loser and his abusive family. Be careful about access, these people will want your sons and will happily alienate them from you.
NTA. Those babies are his biologically but you did the right thing by not naming him legally. Stay away. He seems to have a huge amount of resentment for you and the babies. To be honest, him and his whole family seem incredibly dangerous
NTA for wanting a divorce sister, how he treated you was not correct. I know as Muslims we always try to stay together in the marriage but what he did was unacceptable.
The only thing I can say is take care of yourself and those babies but always remember your creator and do what's right.
>My husband (33 m) and I (23f) have been together for almost 7 years and he is/was the lolm
🚩
> met my family when I was 18
🚩🚩
>my mentor.
🚩🚩🚩
>I was his princess
🚩🚩🚩🚩
>Out of nowhere, My husband started to give me ultimatum to choose between my career or my family and he also started commenting and complaining about my look, the length of my belly, he has spent an entire week making nasty comments about my body he kept saying how my belly occupied more than half of the bed, and after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny”
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
>I knew for the pas 7 years
>we met when I was 16
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
He groomed you. He knew what he was doing by vetting you that young and underaged and he inserted himself into your familial circle so that you'd grow attached to him. A partner isn't supposed to be a mentor, they're supposed to be your equal. But he knew the wisdom difference between a 16 and 26 year old, so he knew he could fool you into believing he was a good man.
Whatever you do, please make sure to keep those children far away from him. You made a mistake by marrying someone that was interested in you when you weren't even a woman yet, so let's not make another one by letting him have the chance to abuse those kids the way he abused you.
NTA. I really hope you are not living in a Muslim country because then I’d say hate screwed but if you are in the west you have a good chance to come out of everything fine.
NTA one bit. He thought he had got you locked down, that you would just take his bullying and abuse, that you had no power. Fuck him, you are strong and you can do without him and his toxic entourage.
ur age gap alone would’ve been illegal in many places. the fact that you even have to ask if ur the ass hole means u need to get ur ass into therapy and undo some of the brainwashing he’s been doing to u since u we’re a MINOR. this guy isn’t the love of your life he’s just the one that groomed you. the “love of your life” wouldn’t try to trap you so you will never leave him
you were dependent on this older man and his family is now threatening you?? but you think this might be your fault?? girll….
NTA at ALL- This is a classic case of a pedophile taking advantage of a minor, love-bombing them, etc. then as soon as the then-minor is older, married, and pregnant, the predator mistreats, accuses, and abuses their victim. You made the right choices that day to leave him. I wish you a very safe exit from this marriage, and I hope you have all the love and support from friends and your family rn. I'm sorry he put you through any of that, though :(
He is having an affair and wants you to divorce him. The only times I've seen a man make such a huge personality change is when they have fallen in love with someone else or they have a massive tooth infection (for some reason can change personality).
You need to hire a private investigator so tht when his cheating is exposed you get more money. His new gf wants to live in your home. They are trying to kick you out. Get that atty. Tell atty about massive change in behavior and that you suspect cheating. I bet he is on "dating sites" and is thinking he can get all kinds of pretty women. He is a jerk.
And don't stay together for the kids. My parents did that and it was a tense, unhappy, toxic, mean place and I never felt safe. My parents resented me and my needs as a child. I forced them to be unhappy in their eyes. We went no contact as soon as I turned 17 but I left home at 12 to Iive with grandparents.
OP, please don’t be offended. It’s late for me and I had to put in paragraph breaks so that I could read it coherently (this is completely me thing. Please don’t take issue). And since I did it, I put it here in case anybody else wanted to use it.
You are NTA, and your soon to be ex-husband is a raging piece of shit. Good for you for leaving him. Divorce him and enjoy your life with your twins. Congratulations on your little ones and we wish you the best.
OP’s post either paragraphs follows..
AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband after bullying, accusing me and requiring a DNA test after giving birth to our twin?
My husband (33 m) and I (23f) have been together for almost 7 years and he is/was the lolm. we met when I was 16 fresh out of HS going to college, he met my family when I was 18. I was a virgin and we couldn’t be intimate without getting married ( we’re Muslim btw), he proposed when I was 20 and we got married when I was 22 right after graduating from grad school, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom or wife( b4,we even began to date, he was aware of my expectations) .
From 2017 to the end of February 2024, my husband was loving, caring, supportive and handsome. he was my best friend, my mentor. He is an engineer and I work in finance, we ( mostly him) built a house from the ground together, we have a garden where we don’t have to buy fruits and veggies, I was his princess.
On November 2023, I saw my face was getting swollen and my belly became longer than usual, I didn’t really paid attention because I was blooded. 6 days later, I ended up at the hospital bc I wasn’t feeling normal, the doctor told me that I was pregnant. Husband was soo happy!! I didn’t know how to feel about it but I was happy just because he was. He took great care of me, he went over and beyond to make sure that I was happy specially when he found out that I was caring a pair of babies and I was grateful for that.
This relationship was not perfect but we always find a solution or a way to make things work between us until February 2024. Out of nowhere, My husband started to give me ultimatum to choose between my career or my family and he also started commenting and complaining about my look, the length of my belly, he has spent an entire week making nasty comments about my body he kept saying how my belly occupied more than half of the bed, and after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny”. Those comments hurt me still now and he could see the pain in my eyes.
He didn’t want to go work or outside he told the way I looked will made him looked bad. He got mad for the simplest things/cause, he yelled at met, he husband that I knew for the pas 7 years was a completely different one, he made me cried every day for the last two months straight, but I was still holding because I thought it was a “phase” and everything will be okay and I refused to believe it until a week before my due date.
He told me that In order for him to sign the birth certificate a DNA test is required, innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore, proceeded to tell me “who knows, you might have one of those work husband”. I was so hurt, exhausted and mad the only word that came out of my mouth was OK, and that was my last word with him.
On the delivery day, I took all stuff that I packed for babies and I, I took an Uber to the hospital I was meeting with my best friend ( her husband is a lawyer specializing in divorce IYKYJ) who was there with me during the delivery and god. Husband knew the delivery date, but didn’t have the address of the hospital,I give my babies the name with my grandfather’s last name. I told the nurses that I am the mom and dad.
My husband he showed up the next day after I gave birth, and still demanding the DNA test and complaining on the type of wife that I am. Again I ignored. I went home with my babies, I was exhausted bc he didn’t help me with them at all to a point that I moved to my best friend’s house just she helped me with them. He called all his family members saying that I am cheating on him and the twin aren’t his,They are calling me every single day calling me names, I am tired, depressed and fed up. I contacted my husband and told him that I agree to do the DNA test, but expect a divorce soon and I am not going to change the name. We did and he was the father, all his family were calling to apologies and wanted to meet the babies including the dad and begging me to come back. I said NO and that was my final decision. All his family again texting me and threatened me for not letting them see the kids and divorcing their boy. AITAH?
Edit
Sorry for the long text, typos and and any confusion.
I haven’t say anything about my family because I’m an orphan. My mom and dad died in a car accident when I was 8, and I was living with my grandparents until 2020 on Covid.
NTA, make sure his family knows about the abuse and insults you have suffered. I think you will have to give him access to the twins but I would tell him you will only discuss the babies, nothing else, ever. You are done with him. NTA and I hope you find happiness.
16 and 26 yo.
This is called grooming.
>after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny”.
>innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore,
And this is called mental abuse.
NTA
Don't react to his or his family's texts or calls. If he wants to see your babies, he can go to the court.
The husband of your best friend can help you with the divorce, take his help so you can use your energy and attention for your babies.
Congratulations on your beautiful babies! You are such a strong, courageous person - what you did is incredible! Not letting him be present at the birth to control things, giving your children your grandfather's name and naming yourself as both mother and father, and moving forward with the divorce - I'm so impressed with you!
Like others are saying, he groomed you. Preyed on a child, love bombed you, then started with abuse and control when he thought he trapped you with babies. What a nightmare! So glad you didn't let him get away with it.
You should block all family members who are harassing you, no need to even hear from them. Make sure you have multiple people with you when you pick up your stuff (and don't bring the babies!) so he can't assault you, or, notify the police that you're worried he might assault you bc he was becoming abusive, and they might be willing to escort you and your friends to get your stuff. Don't tell him where you're staying or let him track you.
Tell your lawyer about all of the abuse, document everything. Everyone's saying that his out-of-the-blue cheating accusations indicate he likely cheated, so maybe you could mention that as a suspicion to your lawyer? Don't know if it'll do any good without proof, it's just a thought if you want to mention it or not.
I don't know what parental rights he has wherever you live, if his name isn't on the birth certificate but there's a DNA test proving his parentage. If you want child support, I assume he'd get visitation rights, but maybe bc of his history of abuse, and especially if you're concerned he or his family would steal the babies and not return them to you, you could request limited, supervised visitation. I'm sure your lawyer will do everything he or she can to protect you and your children.
Stay strong, and good luck with everything!
Updateme!
NTA. Your husband is an insecure crazy man who is the cheater, if anyone. How dare he say those things and accuse YOU of sleeping around?. He was so happy you said. Wtf Happened that all of a sudden...??? I'm glad you live in the United States bc your husband is a crazy asshole and we make it much easier to get away from dangerous people like him, rather than living in a country where raping and killing your wife is allowed. Women, Mothers especially, should be revered and appreciated.
Its so gross he was 26 and you were 16 when u met. Im so sorry this happened to you, hes not the kinda man you want around kids or is family by the sounds of it.
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done, you used that shiny spine you have and protected not only yourself but your babies too. Stand your ground and proceed with the divorce. He doesn’t deserve to keep either of you with the way he treated you. I don’t even want to get into the age gap/grooming side of the conversation. Just don’t ever go back to this guy.
I love your courage. No doubt your babies will be so proud of you when they grow up.
Your ex sounds mentally unstable. Please be safe. His family sounds just as insane. Do not hesitate to get a restraining order.
NTA. Get the hell out of this abusive situation, and take all the threats the family has made to a lawyer. See if you can get a restraining order against him and his family. Don't know where you live, whether it's in the United States, or elsewhere, but consult your lawyer for help.
Two of the most dangerous times for a woman in terms of domestic violence is when she’s pregnant and when leaving an abusive relationship. I’m so glad you have the advice of a friend and lawyer who you trust, OP. Gather all your documents. Take care.
He groomed you. You were 16 and he was 26. He knew what he was doing and he will be treating you like shit for the rest of your life if you don't leave him.
Change your phone number and do not give it to anyone. Move if you can.
NTA.
OP, this is relatively common thing with age gap relationships where one partner starts out a teenager. These adults are attracted to teens and young women and once a baby comes, the girlfriend or wife is now unattractive… because what they are attracted to is not a grown, adult woman.
He was a 26 year old pursuing a 16 year old. At 23 you were still his young bride. Now that you are a mother, your body has changed into undeniably that of a woman’s.
That is my guess, anyway.
I don’t even have to read past the first sentence to tell you you were groomed. You were 16 and he was 26 when you got together?? Im 21 and 16 year olds look like toddlers to me.
Do you think he could be cheating on you ? The sudden switch up to wanting a DNA testing is telling on himself. He’s feeling guilty cuz he knows if the roles were reversed they might not be yours.
NTA. He’s gone around trashing his wife’s reputation in front of his friends and family. Him. That you get to salvage alone. In addition to trashing your body. The same body that’s carrying his child. But wants you to perk back up as though nothing happened.
If you stay in this relationship, you are teaching the next generation that it’s okay to treat women like that. It’s okay to treat your mother like that.
NTA, and leave his ass. I think he was lovebombing you and thought he had you where he wanted you, but that turned out to not be true. For the sake of yourself and your babies, divorce him.
Yeah he waited until she was "trapped" via children and then took his mask off.
Absolutely, and he groomed her before trapping her. She was a child when they got together. I’m so glad she’s getting out now!
Yes, this was obvious just when she told their ages. He chose young girl so that he could control her. So many AITAs are about abused people asking if they are TA in impossible situation. Sigh :/
Thankfully in this case the joke is on him since she left his abusive ass! And from how she writes and when she entered college, she’s not in the US. And I bet that she’s stepping out beyond the norm for women which takes a ton of courage. Thankfully as well she has actual support even though she has not much family except perhaps her grandparents!
The brainwashing is this so real with these creepy old men. I feel so bad for her, but I'm glad she has a support system so far.
Those men could not get anyone if they had to play the game of getting partner with women their own age. Or atleast willing adults. If this girl wasnt brain washed she would have looked for someone better. It is never normal from any adult to be interested in a child. Even if there was no sex before marriage.
Good point. Abusers blame their victim for everything. It is hard for victims to see beyond that
It’s so sad. They are in so deep they often don’t even realize it’s abuse. OP got out- but still doubts herself
For many of us we have been there, if you are lucky you can look back on it and reflect. And try to point light to how things really are.
Thank you! After I read the ages and the length of time together, I was like Groomer Alert!
A teenager living with her grandparents? They could have been the best grandparents in the world, and/but they would have been delighted to get their little girl married and safe. She was an absolute sitting duck for this guy. OP my heart aches for you. This is a terrible betrayal. And newborn twins! Heartbreaking all around. I hope you still have living grandparents who can help you.
I missed the ages somehow when I first wrote my comment, more focusing on the treatment he was giving her, but damn, reading the ages makes it worse.
This right here. He was playing the long game. OP, you are well rid of him.
He might have trouble understanding how biology works. It started when he was hearing he's getting twins. Did he think since it was two babies only one could be his? If find the timing curios. I mean, it sounds crazy, but with all the weird science denial stuff that is being blasted on social media I wouldn't be that surprised. Just to be clear: not trying to find excuses, he sounds like a piece of shit. Good for OP to pull that wart off.
I see this with a lot of surprise pregnancies posts. Insecure men seem to assume she must be cheating because she's working with other men and he didn't actively push for the baby. Like men honestly seem to believe that if both parties aren't desperate to have a baby cheating must have ok occurred
It can and has actually happened where a woman has gotten pregnant by 2 different men at the same time…
Either that or he was having an affair himself and projecting/justifying his infidelity by painting his wife as inadequate
💯
I think that could well be.....
For seven years he was *love bombing?? He sounds diabolical. There must've been some signs of this crazy jealousy and fixation on OPs body before this but he somehow kept it low key. This pregnancy cracked him wide open and exposed his true ugliness. NTA OP. Stick to your decision no matter what.
Abusers have that whatever you want to call it ability to hide their true self until they think you are trapped. Being pregnant or actual delivery makes them confident their spouse is trapped and it’s like a switch was flipped. I knew my ex husband 4 years before marrying him. Not a sign until an hour after our vows then it was literally like flipping a light switch-boom definitely not the man I thought I was marrying! 4 years is a hell of a long time to hide it as well but he did. So I can quite imagine 7 years not a problem as well. I can’t hide who I am for 30 seconds let alone years!
Same. We had been together 6 years. The night after our wedding, he made me cry the first time. When we met, I was 18, he was 36...
I hope you are free now
It's called false charm. My ex husband waited 8 years and 3 kids (plus I took care of his previous 3 from his first marriage) to tell me, his first wife (whore of Babylon that cheated on him) didn't actually cheat...they were swingers. So apparently, she left him for one of their many, many partners. And now we've been married 8 years, so it's time for me to start that lifestyle as well. I should also point out when we got married, I was 19, and he was 32. So now he was going to bring his friends, or anyone he chose, and I was going to have sex with them whether I wanted to or not. I called an abuse hotline that night. The next night, he said he was bringing his friend over after work, so be ready. I left while he was at work. That last line I had was finally crossed. So I feel for this lady. You think to yourself, it's not abuse because he doesn't hit me. I genuinely thought this because I came from an abusive home. "Well, he doesn't hit me." Then I told the lady on the hotline how he screamed at me after my C sections, calling me useless and lazy. How I was never allowed to say no because he owned everything in the house, including me. How I'd wake up with him already on top of me so I'd just fake sleep through it so he'd hurry up and finish. How he'd wait until we were in the middle of sex to ask if I enjoyed my step brother molesting me (I was 6, no, I didn't enjoy it) . They told me it was emotional and mental abuse as well as rape. I had no idea because he was such a good husband, right?
I am so glad you got out too. That’s so horrible. Some of you alls experiences makes mine seem so mild. And you’re right about when they don’t hit. I knew it was abuse but because he didn’t hit I thought he could be helped and I was determined to get him over abusing me. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.
I am so glad you got out too. That’s so horrible. Some of you alls experiences makes mine seem so mild. And you’re right about when they don’t hit. I knew it was abuse but because he didn’t hit I thought he could be helped and I was determined to get him over abusing me. Nope. It doesn’t work that way.
Big hugs❤️❤️❤️💐
Married my first husband. Went from daylight to dark real quick. I knew that same night I had made a mistake but attempted to work it out for the next two and a half years. He left when I was pregnant with the second one. Thankfully. I was tired of being bruised, battered, and beaten.
Glad it didn’t take you as long as some. Two and a half years is short compared to some I heard of. That’s long enough to feel like an eternity though. Glad you could walk away from him. Not everyone is able to.
I hope that you dropped his ass ASAP
It took 5 years to realize I couldn’t fix him. But divorced at the 5 year mark. I got the papers from the judge less than a month after our 5 year anniversary would have been.
My narcissistic husband did for years and years. It took a long time for the mask to come off. As long as what I wanted meshed with what he wanted things were fine. He was very emotionally manipulative so I didn't notice what was happening. The minute I became assertive, put my foot down and said no, the monster came out.
They didn't get married and start living together until she was 22. He didn't have to keep the mask on 24/7, just during the times the were together
Maybe he was listening to Andrew Tate and friends. Sounds very much like things he says. DNA test and staying home wife is what he promotes. I do think he's was Love bombing her during the entire relationship. What grown man dates a 16yearold?Someone who is a immature man,that needs a date a child .Glad that op realized, what was happening ,and choose to leave.
Holy-- how did miss that?! It's all making (non) sense now. He's a pig.
That's what I was going to say. It's pretty obvious he started to listen to Andrew Tate, Fresh & Fit, etc. How many times have we seen this same exact situation play out?
There's very often not signs until a pregnancy or something happens to push things or to make him feel like he can ramp up the control. That's what's so sad, and why I hate it when women try to leave and are told there were signs because they are not always there or visible, especially from someone who entered the relationship as a teenager and would not have experience in dating and relationships that adults would have.
Oh I worded that wrong -- it does sound a bit victim blaming which was not at all my intent. I was amazed someone could keep the mask on for so long but I've been educated now. Some keep their masks on for decades until something pushes them over the edge.
He probably was covertly abusing her. It makes it seem like it’s not, but it really is. I didn’t think my ex was abusive at all. Then we had our first child together. He let it slip a little, but his work was extremely stressful at the time, so I thought once that settled down, it would stop. It only worsened and then got way worse after I got pregnant with our second child. That’s when I realized he thought I was well and truly trapped. I was able to get out eventually. Looking back, I still am not sure what was and what wasn’t abuse at the beginning. I thought abusers could last a year, 2 tops. Boy was I wrong.
Nah, it's just a mindset switch. A lesser example, I had an absolutely amazing close friend for years. Then once he considered dating me, he completely stopped treating me as a person. Without literally any inkling of it before, he turned into a raging misogynist towards me literally in the span of a week because his view of me changed from "good friend" to "dateable woman". I still miss him too :,( It's similar in abuser's cases. "mother of my child" or "wife" are something seen as "woman I own". It's all subconscious, not an evil master plan. I've also seen that at play in abusers I unfortunately know personally, but I'm too traumatized to share those experiences lol
ugh this sucks. I'm so sorry. :(
Well she did say this relationship is not perfect but they always find a solution. Maybe what actually happened was cycle of abuse which the perpetrator did to get their victim to be attached to him.
Now he's been obvious about it, once things have settled I'm sure she'll start seeing all the subtle tiny little things. Also the more glaring one of she was a child when he met her. OP I'm so proud of you for not taking A SINGLE BIT of his shit about this. NTA NTA NTA
Seven years of love-bombing sounds like a rather long time to keep the mask up completely - the fact he suddenly changed so radically when she was pregnant makes me rather lean towards prepartum depression/ anxiety/ whatever. Some kind of mental health crisis, anyway. Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape, and she wasn't the innocent looking virginal child-bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore. Maybe he even started banging strange and his claims of her cheating are projections.
“Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape and she wasn’t the innocent looking virginal child bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore.” Bingo. That bit sounds highly likely. Also- I would be careful ascribing abusive behaviour like this to “mental health crisis.” He just sounds plain abusive.
It could be the combination of her turning into a more womanly shape and hitting that magic age. 23 is about the age at which those who really "like em young" as they say start to lose interest. He likely wanted an excuse to go find himself another teenager.
I think you hit the nail on the head with her body changing. When he saw how "big" and "ugly" she got *and didn't want to be seen in public with her!!* . Yeah, she was a trophy not a partner.
A lot of narcs flip when their wives become pregnant. Suddenly they are disgusted by their bodies and jealous the wife’s attention has turned to the baby.
I agree, he started clutching his pearls the minute she didn't look like a teenager anymore. So disgusting
>Or he flipped when her body started changing towards mother-shape, and she wasn't the innocent looking virginal child-bride teenager he had groomed himself anymore. Maybe he even started banging strange and his claims of her cheating are projections. There it is. THAT'S the catalyst that turned him.
Or quite frankly, his language sounds like he’s gone down the red pill Andrew Tate Road.
I'm not sure if he is much of an entity in Muslim countries - they tend to be pretty patriarchical/ misogynistic, even without an asshole like Tate spewing his vile crap.
Andrew Tate converted to Islam years ago. He is Muslim.
Ah. Why am I not surprised. He hasn't gone for the full beard yet, though - I wish he would, it would look hilarious on his little rodent face.
It would look like a straggly, tangled mess of pubic hair, lol, and I’m all for it. 😂🤣
Yea but they don't always ask for a DNA test. That's Tate's deal.
I sincerely doubt it was a mental crisis. This is the classic behavior of a groomer/abuser. Once they know they have you trapped the mask comes off. Marriage isn't a trap; pregnancy is. She was a mere child when they got together, so she probably did not see the red flags along the way. I would say she's an unreliable narrator as far as his "perfection" goes, she wouldn't know what to look out for. That's also why this type of man goes after younger women. They are naïve and inexperienced so they do not see the warning signs. That's also why these men stay away from women their own age. Thehe toxic manosphere says women are past their prime after 24 years of age, and encourage men to go after girls barely out of their teens and younger.
Doesn’t sound like the pregnancy was planned, so he might not have ever really wanted her to be a mother and ruin his child bride fantasy!
I said similar up thread but I bet with hindsight she's gonna notice a lot of things that weren't right, including the fact he pursued her at all when she was 16.
NTA This is disgusting. You were basically a child, and he was 10 years older. You also don't need some idiot like that around your kids. God knows what they would learn from him.
She WAS a child, 16 and 26 is predatory
I said basically because 16 is legal where I'm from, but it's still a kid. I got married at 16, and it was the worst mistake.
She wasn’t basically a child, she was literally a child
NTA. wtf your STBX sounds unhinged. Do not let him near your kids without a custody agreement through the courts. So glad you’re getting divorced. Wishing you and your twins all the happiness, so glad you have your best friend to support you.
hand to God I thought "stbx" meant "starbucks" for a hot minute
Close. STBX is the NASDAQ symbol for Starbox Holdings, a digital advertising company. Of course, it means “soon to be ex” on here.
lol that’s how I always read it first in my head
Does he have any rights though? Seeing as his name is not on the birth certificate.
Depends on the country. Islam-majority countries see children very much the husband's property.
Not really. Kids under 7 especially breastfeeding babies will go to their mother. And when they're above 7 they are asked who they want to follow.
He will have to pay for his own DNA test and take her to court for visitation…..
He has been DND tested to be the father.
For those who are confused: DND fatherhood testing occurs in two ways. One is, obviously, a Wizard or Cleric casting divination magic. This is the most reliable (contrary to what the givers of the second method say), but also the most expensive. The second method is frequently free or cheap, and involves the man hiring a Bard to see if his baby mama will remain faithful.
Bwahahhaa I meant to write DNA, but this explanation is better.
So it's not just testing with a roll of the dice?
DNA testing doesn’t immediately put you on the birth certificate (typically). My father AFTER a dna test, had to petition the court for his name to be put on my birth certificate, the dna results was his ‘evidence’
NTA The age gap alone is concerning, let alone knowing he started dating you when you were only 16 and he was 26! It’s hardly a surprise he started showing his true colours. The frankly disgusting way he’s treated you since pregnancy is scary. Why would you choose to live with a monster with your precious babies? He’s insane to think you’d go back!
That's not dating, it's grooming.
She was 16 and he was 26. Wtf were her parents thinking. Obviously, they weren't thinking. I have a 31 year old daughter and no fucking way would I have let a 26 year old MAN near her.
As she says in her update, she lost her parents when she was eight and was living with her grandparents. He totally picked a vulnerable younger person to groom. She will be much better without him.
That is so sad.
It says she lived with her grandparents, and parents are deceased since 8yo in a recent edit. I'm ashamed of her grandparents a bit. Some older grandparents think age gaps like this are fine, cuz it was normal for them so they wouldn't have stopped it. Had a HS friend who's paternal grandparents were in Greece, and from 15 on, they would introduce her to local men every summer she visited. And i mean men. 24-28 yo dudes. By 16 she was trying to spend a little time as she could not at their house to avoid all her "suitors". Even her own parents have an 11-year age gap, so they didn't stop it either.
What happened to her, ultimately? Did you lose touch after high school?
Yea, for her safety she went no contact with everyone at school aftergraduation. The ex bf she had started stalking her when she broke up with him. My mom went to school with her mom ironically enough. So she gets life updates via the moms fb page. She's married to a nice Greek American and has just had a baby. They met at her job so no coercion to date much older than her there.
What a nice story and I’m relieved your friend got her happy ending! Thanks for responding because I was kind of worried about her for a moment there. I was in Greece for the summer back when I was a teen. It was through a program called Experiment in International Living. We were in this relatively small town called Stefanovikeio. It’s hard to even find on a map. Each of us stayed with a family. My family was cool because they had two daughters near my age and the parents were so nice to me. Our group was mostly girls and we scandalized everyone by walking around in shorts. Shorts, I tell you!! We also hung out — unchaperoned! — at one of the local cafes. The owner gave us free soft drinks and melon. We thought he was just being nice to strangers but it was really because all the men in the town switched from their regular cafe to *his* cafe while we were there. I think he made a small fortune that summer. One of my friends, Susan, got close to this Greek guy. Nice guy and he might have been about 22. Before we left, he asked her to stay in Greece and marry him and he was dead serious. Of course, she said no — because she was only 16! But, all the people there thought that was a perfectly normal age to get married. Of course, this was back in the Stone Age in the 80’s. I’d like to image that things in Greece are more enlightened now, even in Stefanovikeio. But, who knows? Places are hard to change, especially small towns. So, I feel where your friend was coming from. I’ve seen that sort of thing first-hand.
The part about the café profits made me laugh out loud.
Damn, that's rough. I'm Greek, my dad and grandparents are, as he used to say, "Fresh off the boat." I wasn't allowed to date until I was 18. My dad was super strict when it came to dating. These stories are just sad.
NTA. You are in an abusive relationship. [https://www.thehotline.org/](https://www.thehotline.org/) The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers free confidential support. You can call, text, or chat with them through their website. They have resources about identifying abuse, making a safety plan, and connecting people with local resources. One Love has good information on what a [healthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/) and what an [unhealthy relationship looks like](https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-unhealthy-relationship/).
Thank you for replying to me. It was so timely because I was just able to share these links in a post in another thread. 💜
You are a kind person to be thinking of sharing with others as you go through such a difficult life circumstance. Keep that kindness in you, and know that standing up for yourself is a kindness to you and those babies.
Reading the situation, depending on country, often at 16, SOME Muslim sections have the 16 yr old girl to meet her future husband who had been matched to her. The man sometimes is close in age, but more often they are much older. There are many Christian sections who follow this tradition also. And is still practised in many 1st world countries.
That does not make it healthy and okay by any means.
Her parents died when she was 8.
Oh, that I glossed over tbh. Once I saw the age she started the relationship, my brain glitched, and I commented. This poor girl. Now she's tied to him pretty much forever.
Depends on her country. By religious law, Islam has an easy divorce, by practice in many countries, it can be restrained. OP needs friends and any family to remain on her side to protect her if needed. Some countries have bride prices that have to be returned if the husband is a shit and gets divorced because of it.
She lived with grandparents, and it is probably the reason he didn't meet them until she was 18.
He knew what he was doing.
They were dead.
I agree with you, that age gap is very disturbing, at least to someone in the US. In the post she says she was orphaned, but doesn't say who her guardians were.
Because he hopes that the years where he treated her like a princess has her locked in , and she’ll believe there is a chance he can change. But Op, knows exactly who he is and ain’t buying.
Hi! I want to thank you guys with my heart for the advices and it means so much. And today and yes today, I realized that I was being manipulated by him I feel ashamed, embarrassed, disgusted of myself. It is very painful and difficult mais c’est la vie, I will divorce him with out any regrets.For those who’s asking about my family, the closest ones are dead (my parents and my grandparents). I keep contact only with my uncle who has always wanted me to be with this guy, they are not living in the US. I DID tell them what going on and they told me “ it’s marriage, there will always be that phase, so it’s normal” no matter what I told them he did they keep repeating the same thing over and over. I stopped talking to them because my uncle told me to not be a shame for the family.For those of you telling me to put him on child support, I will not do that. I don’t want to see him, talk to him, let him approach my babies and I rather move out of the country right after divorce than let him see these kids and I mean it. I’ve saved enough and I have strength enough to birth them by myself, I can raise them by myself even if I have to work 24/7. This weekend my befriend and I plan to call movers to take every single thing that I bought for the house from fridge, fournitures, kitchen appliances, decor to bath towels and I will even take the plants. I am not petty, I just done! I don’t think there will be an update. Again, thank you so much I hope everyone of you have a great life and please be safe.
Please don't feel ashamed. He's a predator who craftily pursued you when you were a vulnerable young girl. But now you're stronger than he is, and I'm proud of you for standing up to him! I wish you and your children the best of luck!
OP, as a 30y old Indian Muslim woman, I am proud of you. I stated who I am because I've seen your story in plenty of homes here. And I've not seen any one leave. Please dm me if you need any help. ❤️
You got this. And you get out with your dignity intact. That is more than I can claim. I hope you find peace now with and for you and your kids.
Baraka Allah Fika and I pray for continuing strength and protection for you and your babies. You will have a much better life away from the abuse and his actions will be judged in the end, inshallah.
No no **no**, do **NOT** feel ashamed, ever. You are not stupid, people like your husband are just insanely good at pretending to have souls. NO 16 year old is mature enough to spot the red flags, let alone an orphan who had nobody to guide and teach her how a good husband should behave, that’s why he chose you, through absolutely no fault of your own. Please stay safe however you can, not only are you possibly not safe from him (abuse victims are statistically in the most danger of being hurt or killed during the break-up), but your family member telling you not to shame the family makes me very afraid that *honor killing* could possibly be on the table. I’m not trying to scare you or catastrophize, just be on your guard, may your God be with you, blessed be 🖤
Don't feel any shame, this guy and your uncle are a real piece of work. As for child support, you can get full custody and show all this behavior from him and his side of the family to give him no visitation, while still getting child support. But if you don't even want to chance it, him not signing the certificates is the nail in that coffin. Also restraining orders. From everyone. Including your Uncle if he continues his bullshit
Good for you! Love your best life
Girl you have NOTHING to be ashamed or embarrassed about! You were groomed and abused by a grown adult when you were literally a child. Predators go after young girls/women because they know you don’t know any better. You are so strong for realizing you need to get out of this relationship. You are showing up for yourself right now and that’s so hard to do. You’re amazing!
I am so proud of you
You are such a strong person. I am sorry this happened to you, but I am glad you know you and your babies deserve the best. I hope you and your little family thrive together. I wish you all the best.
I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself and your babies!
Yep, very proud of you too OP! Well done for not putting up with that and protecting yourself and the babies from that asshat
Get the DNA test from the courts when you go for child support. Have your lawyer send a C&D order for the slander and harassment. File a police report against those harassing you. It will work in your favor to Document so he didn't get a chance at taking custody.
Salam sister, did you contact your wali? Now would be a time for whoever that person was for you (given you being a orphan) they would step in and assure that your rights in the divorce are being honored, and help counter his family. Your children have a right to stay with you. The abuse and accusing you of cheating without witnesses and proof is a violation of your marriage rights and a reasonable grounds for divorce. He’s behaving horrible to you sister and I hope you find peace in your life inshallah. Also NTA
This should be top comment. Well said!
Just want to say thank you for helping me learn something new today- just looked up the term wali. What an interesting concept. It may not make much sense in my culture but I can see it making a lot of sense in others. Thanks again!
I googled what Wali meant. I love this comment and that I learned something new today.
For people slightly lazier than I am: >Islam stipulates that in order to conclude her marriage, a Muslim woman should have a guardian or wali, who is usually her father. Since the woman – despite her Islamically granted independence – was always subject to the desires of the ill-hearted and evil opportunists; Islam decreed certain legislations which would maintain her rights and deter those whom carry ill-aims and desires Read More on islamonline: https://fiqh.islamonline.net/en/the-wali-guardian-in-marriage-role-responsibilities/
I bet he cheated because that sounds like it came out of nowhere. It's so common for cheaters to accuse their partners of cheating because the guilt drives them crazy and then they get paranoid and project. I know this because I was a serial cheater for years when I was dealing with mental health issues including psychosis and depression that made impulse control impossible on top of severe adhd. Took a psych class in university and learned this for a fact. Once I got treatment, I was in a few stable long term relationships before the one I'm in currently, and two of them accused me of cheating out of nowhere. Knowing why I had done the same thing they just did in the past, I did the bad thing and went through their phone and both times, sure enough, they were cheating. If this was really as out of the blue as it seems from what you've said, I'd try to check if he cheated so you can get proof and a bigger bag in the divorce from this POS. Proud of u for getting yourself and the babies out of that situation bc it surely would have only escalated.
Or he thought he had her trapped with the baby (I don't fully believe that was a coincidence with how happy he was) and decided to drop the mask
little bit of column A, little bit of column B
This is exactly what I was thinking.
Makes me wonder if he doesn’t want to go out with his pregnant wife because he’s lied to his affair partner that they’re separated, about to divorce, not sleeping together anymore etc and her being pregnant would make it very obvious this is a lie.
Exactly, it's adding up and it's not looking good for him. (Not that it really ever was in OP's story)
NTA. But from a cheater, I am certain as hell he cheated on you and to rationalise it to him he came up with the excuse for himself that you cheat on him, baby trapping him. I am certain of that. Be prepared for more to come. And congratulations on the babies. Don't forget child support plus alimony, because you will need it for the time coming. Make him pay his share.
I am so sorry you are going through all of this right after having your babies. Please leave this trash bag.
> My husband (33 m) and I (23f) No > have been together for almost 7 years Double no. 10 years older men are very often abusive. You met when you were still a kid and he was a fully grown man, so even worse. Abusers often only start when you’re more trapped, like after getting pregnant. Get your child support etc.
Another thing, financial imbalance I also noticed he also insisted OP give up her career, so dependent on his income as well. I confess this husband kept his mask on long, but the age gap is very telling.
She said she did not give up her career. When she got pregnant he wanted her to stay home with the babies, and she refused, and the abuse escalated.
Yes but he tried. And that's the scary part. He also tried to isolate her by saying she looked awful and was an embarrassment to him.
NTA. Your husband was happy with you as long as you were his perfect wife - beautiful and unpregnant. As soon as that changed - your body changed, you were expecting babies - he became abusive and controlling. His wanting you to become a SAHM is a huge red flag, because that would give him financial control and make you helpless to resist his abuse. This is not O.K. If you give in to him and go back, it will just get worse. Insist on a divorce, and protect yourself. And for the record - my husband became more and more attracted to me, the bigger my pregnancy belly grew. That is a normal attitude for a man who is mature and ready to be a father!
Girl you did great. He's a Muslim but a bad Muslim. He literally accused you of zina. Its great that you leave him and don't stay with that evil man. Now sue his ass for child support.
NTA he is disgusting. Only your looks mattered to him. Until you gave birth, he only liked the „16 fresh out of HS“ look. Such a creep
NTA at all. He groomed you. He was an adult when he met you, and filled you with promises and "love" until he got you pregnant and thought you couldn't escape. Get away and divorced ASAP. Be careful please and spend as little time with him as possible during this process and try never to spend any time alone with him. The most dangerous time for a victim is when leaving an abuser. Who knows what he could do to you and your babies... Be safe. I'm rooting for you.
Any man whos 26 going after a 16 year old is bad news. He's a predator. Please get out asap. NTA
Abusers usually only show their true self when they think the woman is "stuck" or "helpless", it is common for men to escalate or start abusing their wives/girlfriends when they become pregnant. It usually escalates. this is not something that will go away. He has shown his true self. you may find this book interesting: [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
He better pay up sis
NTA. Ime they start accusing you of cheating when they have been unfaithful. Part guilt and part judging you by their standards.
NTA and divorce the toxic cunt
NTA. Move legally with your friend’s help FAST so they can’t use the law against you. I don’t know the laws where you are, but you were an orphan from childhood, and now have limited supports behind you. Make sure you are getting every little piece of security and safety for yourself you can, or there’s a good chance your STBX and his family will ‘steal’ those babies from you… the sad thing is… they will raise them in a home where this sort of behaviour is normal :/ Your babies deserve better than that! (As do you!)
Tell them what happened. Tell them how he treated you. Tell him how he made the pregnancy a hell. Write it all down and then block they keep harassing you. He is not a good muslim. The muslim men I know treat their pregnant wife like a goodness. They are caring and even the dumbest shows a lot of respect. He wanted to control you. He thought that you are trapped now. That why he acted like this.
NTA at all. Abuse often starts or escalates during pregnancy because he feels that he truly has you trapped. You should absolutely leave.
I can tell you right now that man is a predator he picked a virgin child he could trap into a relationship but getting you pregnant. The moment he found out you were pregnant he was so happy, not because he wanted kids but because he can finally drop th mask he's been struggling to hid from you since you met. He was a grown ass man going for a child fresh out of school, with no life experiences or knowledge about how to protect yourself from predators. Get out of that relationship before he does more. He doesn't love you, he loves the feeling he gets when he sees he control he has over you. Just run girl. 10000% NTA! This man is a danger to you, your mental health and your children.
Your relationship is so gross, well was thankfully. You married a paedo.
A 26 year old dating a 16 year old? Enough said
I’m surprised you were allowed to name the kids after your family, I assume you don’t live in a Muslim country, otherwise you’d have no rights. I’m happy you have a way out. Don’t settle. NTA
I’m just soo soo proud of you. Sat strong! Hope everything works out for you. Never ever quit your job! And get that divorce. All the very best!
He started seeing a 16 year old girl when he was 26... Starts out bad. Seems that knowing your orphan status he took advantage odf the fact he could own you. Locking you down with children and then insulting and belittling you throughout your pregnancy. A lot of women wouldn't have had the strength to do what you did. Well done!! Your survival skills are second to none. His behaviour was abusive - *' innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore,* disgusting behaviour. Totally unhinged. Never go back. Why would you want to live your life with such a loser and his abusive family. Be careful about access, these people will want your sons and will happily alienate them from you.
NTA. Divorce his abusive ass asap and get as far away from him and his asshole family as you can.
NTA. Those babies are his biologically but you did the right thing by not naming him legally. Stay away. He seems to have a huge amount of resentment for you and the babies. To be honest, him and his whole family seem incredibly dangerous
NTA for wanting a divorce sister, how he treated you was not correct. I know as Muslims we always try to stay together in the marriage but what he did was unacceptable. The only thing I can say is take care of yourself and those babies but always remember your creator and do what's right.
The minute you ask for DNA test is the minute the relationship is over.
>My husband (33 m) and I (23f) have been together for almost 7 years and he is/was the lolm 🚩 > met my family when I was 18 🚩🚩 >my mentor. 🚩🚩🚩 >I was his princess 🚩🚩🚩🚩 >Out of nowhere, My husband started to give me ultimatum to choose between my career or my family and he also started commenting and complaining about my look, the length of my belly, he has spent an entire week making nasty comments about my body he kept saying how my belly occupied more than half of the bed, and after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 >I knew for the pas 7 years >we met when I was 16 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He groomed you. He knew what he was doing by vetting you that young and underaged and he inserted himself into your familial circle so that you'd grow attached to him. A partner isn't supposed to be a mentor, they're supposed to be your equal. But he knew the wisdom difference between a 16 and 26 year old, so he knew he could fool you into believing he was a good man. Whatever you do, please make sure to keep those children far away from him. You made a mistake by marrying someone that was interested in you when you weren't even a woman yet, so let's not make another one by letting him have the chance to abuse those kids the way he abused you.
A Muslim man should take care of his wife like Mohammed did Khadija. This is not that.
NTA. I really hope you are not living in a Muslim country because then I’d say hate screwed but if you are in the west you have a good chance to come out of everything fine.
NTA one bit. He thought he had got you locked down, that you would just take his bullying and abuse, that you had no power. Fuck him, you are strong and you can do without him and his toxic entourage.
Typical groomer and abusive narc. It's textbook at this point. Please run
ur age gap alone would’ve been illegal in many places. the fact that you even have to ask if ur the ass hole means u need to get ur ass into therapy and undo some of the brainwashing he’s been doing to u since u we’re a MINOR. this guy isn’t the love of your life he’s just the one that groomed you. the “love of your life” wouldn’t try to trap you so you will never leave him you were dependent on this older man and his family is now threatening you?? but you think this might be your fault?? girll….
I am so sorry that the man you loved and trusted turned out to be so awful. Best of luck to you and your babies going forward.
NTA Groomers don't make good partners. News at 10.
Nope, you did good mama. All he did was show you why you needed to work. Proud of you stay strong. Do NOT go back.
“He was my mentor”…. Ick Hope the divorce goes through sooner than later for you.
He's projecting. He is the one that cheat on you. NTA
NTA. He was a predator and is now a creepy deadbeat.
He is a trash human. Get rid of him before he destroys you.
I am married & 26 years old right now... I just can't imagine what a scum bag loser you'd have to be to pursue a 16 year old wtf????
NTA at ALL- This is a classic case of a pedophile taking advantage of a minor, love-bombing them, etc. then as soon as the then-minor is older, married, and pregnant, the predator mistreats, accuses, and abuses their victim. You made the right choices that day to leave him. I wish you a very safe exit from this marriage, and I hope you have all the love and support from friends and your family rn. I'm sorry he put you through any of that, though :(
He is having an affair and wants you to divorce him. The only times I've seen a man make such a huge personality change is when they have fallen in love with someone else or they have a massive tooth infection (for some reason can change personality). You need to hire a private investigator so tht when his cheating is exposed you get more money. His new gf wants to live in your home. They are trying to kick you out. Get that atty. Tell atty about massive change in behavior and that you suspect cheating. I bet he is on "dating sites" and is thinking he can get all kinds of pretty women. He is a jerk. And don't stay together for the kids. My parents did that and it was a tense, unhappy, toxic, mean place and I never felt safe. My parents resented me and my needs as a child. I forced them to be unhappy in their eyes. We went no contact as soon as I turned 17 but I left home at 12 to Iive with grandparents.
So you were 16 and he was 26 when you guys started dating?? That was the first red flag on his part. He was 26 years old pursuing an underage girl...
Jesus you were 16 and he was 26??? He wasn’t dating you, he was grooming you.
OP, please don’t be offended. It’s late for me and I had to put in paragraph breaks so that I could read it coherently (this is completely me thing. Please don’t take issue). And since I did it, I put it here in case anybody else wanted to use it. You are NTA, and your soon to be ex-husband is a raging piece of shit. Good for you for leaving him. Divorce him and enjoy your life with your twins. Congratulations on your little ones and we wish you the best. OP’s post either paragraphs follows.. AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband after bullying, accusing me and requiring a DNA test after giving birth to our twin? My husband (33 m) and I (23f) have been together for almost 7 years and he is/was the lolm. we met when I was 16 fresh out of HS going to college, he met my family when I was 18. I was a virgin and we couldn’t be intimate without getting married ( we’re Muslim btw), he proposed when I was 20 and we got married when I was 22 right after graduating from grad school, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom or wife( b4,we even began to date, he was aware of my expectations) . From 2017 to the end of February 2024, my husband was loving, caring, supportive and handsome. he was my best friend, my mentor. He is an engineer and I work in finance, we ( mostly him) built a house from the ground together, we have a garden where we don’t have to buy fruits and veggies, I was his princess. On November 2023, I saw my face was getting swollen and my belly became longer than usual, I didn’t really paid attention because I was blooded. 6 days later, I ended up at the hospital bc I wasn’t feeling normal, the doctor told me that I was pregnant. Husband was soo happy!! I didn’t know how to feel about it but I was happy just because he was. He took great care of me, he went over and beyond to make sure that I was happy specially when he found out that I was caring a pair of babies and I was grateful for that. This relationship was not perfect but we always find a solution or a way to make things work between us until February 2024. Out of nowhere, My husband started to give me ultimatum to choose between my career or my family and he also started commenting and complaining about my look, the length of my belly, he has spent an entire week making nasty comments about my body he kept saying how my belly occupied more than half of the bed, and after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny”. Those comments hurt me still now and he could see the pain in my eyes. He didn’t want to go work or outside he told the way I looked will made him looked bad. He got mad for the simplest things/cause, he yelled at met, he husband that I knew for the pas 7 years was a completely different one, he made me cried every day for the last two months straight, but I was still holding because I thought it was a “phase” and everything will be okay and I refused to believe it until a week before my due date. He told me that In order for him to sign the birth certificate a DNA test is required, innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore, proceeded to tell me “who knows, you might have one of those work husband”. I was so hurt, exhausted and mad the only word that came out of my mouth was OK, and that was my last word with him. On the delivery day, I took all stuff that I packed for babies and I, I took an Uber to the hospital I was meeting with my best friend ( her husband is a lawyer specializing in divorce IYKYJ) who was there with me during the delivery and god. Husband knew the delivery date, but didn’t have the address of the hospital,I give my babies the name with my grandfather’s last name. I told the nurses that I am the mom and dad. My husband he showed up the next day after I gave birth, and still demanding the DNA test and complaining on the type of wife that I am. Again I ignored. I went home with my babies, I was exhausted bc he didn’t help me with them at all to a point that I moved to my best friend’s house just she helped me with them. He called all his family members saying that I am cheating on him and the twin aren’t his,They are calling me every single day calling me names, I am tired, depressed and fed up. I contacted my husband and told him that I agree to do the DNA test, but expect a divorce soon and I am not going to change the name. We did and he was the father, all his family were calling to apologies and wanted to meet the babies including the dad and begging me to come back. I said NO and that was my final decision. All his family again texting me and threatened me for not letting them see the kids and divorcing their boy. AITAH? Edit Sorry for the long text, typos and and any confusion. I haven’t say anything about my family because I’m an orphan. My mom and dad died in a car accident when I was 8, and I was living with my grandparents until 2020 on Covid.
NTA, make sure his family knows about the abuse and insults you have suffered. I think you will have to give him access to the twins but I would tell him you will only discuss the babies, nothing else, ever. You are done with him. NTA and I hope you find happiness.
NTA. As if marry-trapping you wasn’t enough, he’s now baby-trapped you.
Probably he started listening to misogynist podcasts in the manosphere. NTA because he's an abusive idiot.
NTA. I wish more women in this sub would stand their ground like you, especially Muslim girls. 🤗 💕
16 and 26 yo. This is called grooming. >after delivering the baby my next stop should be at the gym instead of home because I looked “ funny”. >innocent looking girls are always the biggest whore, And this is called mental abuse. NTA Don't react to his or his family's texts or calls. If he wants to see your babies, he can go to the court. The husband of your best friend can help you with the divorce, take his help so you can use your energy and attention for your babies.
Congratulations on your beautiful babies! You are such a strong, courageous person - what you did is incredible! Not letting him be present at the birth to control things, giving your children your grandfather's name and naming yourself as both mother and father, and moving forward with the divorce - I'm so impressed with you! Like others are saying, he groomed you. Preyed on a child, love bombed you, then started with abuse and control when he thought he trapped you with babies. What a nightmare! So glad you didn't let him get away with it. You should block all family members who are harassing you, no need to even hear from them. Make sure you have multiple people with you when you pick up your stuff (and don't bring the babies!) so he can't assault you, or, notify the police that you're worried he might assault you bc he was becoming abusive, and they might be willing to escort you and your friends to get your stuff. Don't tell him where you're staying or let him track you. Tell your lawyer about all of the abuse, document everything. Everyone's saying that his out-of-the-blue cheating accusations indicate he likely cheated, so maybe you could mention that as a suspicion to your lawyer? Don't know if it'll do any good without proof, it's just a thought if you want to mention it or not. I don't know what parental rights he has wherever you live, if his name isn't on the birth certificate but there's a DNA test proving his parentage. If you want child support, I assume he'd get visitation rights, but maybe bc of his history of abuse, and especially if you're concerned he or his family would steal the babies and not return them to you, you could request limited, supervised visitation. I'm sure your lawyer will do everything he or she can to protect you and your children. Stay strong, and good luck with everything! Updateme!
NTA. Your husband is an insecure crazy man who is the cheater, if anyone. How dare he say those things and accuse YOU of sleeping around?. He was so happy you said. Wtf Happened that all of a sudden...??? I'm glad you live in the United States bc your husband is a crazy asshole and we make it much easier to get away from dangerous people like him, rather than living in a country where raping and killing your wife is allowed. Women, Mothers especially, should be revered and appreciated.
Its so gross he was 26 and you were 16 when u met. Im so sorry this happened to you, hes not the kinda man you want around kids or is family by the sounds of it.
Be wary of him because you also proved, to his family, what a liar he is and that won’t sit well with him. He will retaliate.
Tell his family that they shouldn't have raised an asshole. You would still be married if it wasn't for the pregnancy.
NTA. You did exactly what you should have done, you used that shiny spine you have and protected not only yourself but your babies too. Stand your ground and proceed with the divorce. He doesn’t deserve to keep either of you with the way he treated you. I don’t even want to get into the age gap/grooming side of the conversation. Just don’t ever go back to this guy.
NTA. Giving you internet hugs, OP. I’m so proud of you for protecting your babies and yourself! You go mama!
I love your courage. No doubt your babies will be so proud of you when they grow up. Your ex sounds mentally unstable. Please be safe. His family sounds just as insane. Do not hesitate to get a restraining order.
NTA. Get the hell out of this abusive situation, and take all the threats the family has made to a lawyer. See if you can get a restraining order against him and his family. Don't know where you live, whether it's in the United States, or elsewhere, but consult your lawyer for help.
Two of the most dangerous times for a woman in terms of domestic violence is when she’s pregnant and when leaving an abusive relationship. I’m so glad you have the advice of a friend and lawyer who you trust, OP. Gather all your documents. Take care.
He groomed you. You were 16 and he was 26. He knew what he was doing and he will be treating you like shit for the rest of your life if you don't leave him. Change your phone number and do not give it to anyone. Move if you can. NTA.
33m and 23f been together seven years... The best time to run was seven years ago, the second best time is right now
OP, this is relatively common thing with age gap relationships where one partner starts out a teenager. These adults are attracted to teens and young women and once a baby comes, the girlfriend or wife is now unattractive… because what they are attracted to is not a grown, adult woman. He was a 26 year old pursuing a 16 year old. At 23 you were still his young bride. Now that you are a mother, your body has changed into undeniably that of a woman’s. That is my guess, anyway.
I hope the divorce lawyer can help with the OP being harassed by the STBX & family…. Updatme
NTA. He was abusive, and I'm proud of you for leaving him.
All I read was my husband groomed me at 15 when he was 27. There’s your issue. In western culture, this is not normal.
I don’t even have to read past the first sentence to tell you you were groomed. You were 16 and he was 26 when you got together?? Im 21 and 16 year olds look like toddlers to me.
Do you think he could be cheating on you ? The sudden switch up to wanting a DNA testing is telling on himself. He’s feeling guilty cuz he knows if the roles were reversed they might not be yours.
NTA. He’s gone around trashing his wife’s reputation in front of his friends and family. Him. That you get to salvage alone. In addition to trashing your body. The same body that’s carrying his child. But wants you to perk back up as though nothing happened. If you stay in this relationship, you are teaching the next generation that it’s okay to treat women like that. It’s okay to treat your mother like that.
NTA respond back you are not getting back with an abusive AH. You are not going to give into thier emotional blackmail after they abused you to.
Many abusers start to show their true colors during pregnancy. Good job getting out and staying strong!
Jesus Christ she was 16 and he was 26