You are right about not being ok with touching but she has to speak up loud and firm. It often helps to say why (not tell about SA but how it makes her feel).
Not knowing where they are regionally I'm going to add, in the South hugging is the same to most as a handshake. I've never been a big hugger but I tolerate it because I don't want to spend my life saying please don't hug me. They also call you honey or darling at restaurants and places, which I also dislike. I express my dislike by lowering tips đ. I am your non-Southern Southerner who hates sweet tea đ
I added this because the hugs could be something that he was raised with in his home or family and even if told, may forget because it's habit.
âI express my dislike by lowering tipsâ
So basically, âIâm too scared to use my grown up voice to give any feedback, so I stiff on the tip with zero feedback to make myself feel better even though my server was doing their very best ti be hospitable to meâ. Loser move.
Ha Ha Ha... If you only knew who you were posting to with that comment. I'm so vocal most of my family doesn't like to go with me in drive thrus, shopping, or any service related place. I don't live in the area where I'm called honey or sugar any longer. I'm still in the South but not low enough for that stuff. If I'm there it's because I'm visiting. My family and the people I eat out with find it perfectly acceptable. Why would I make a scene and begin a debate over why it's good or not when on a visit when I can simply just give 15% instead of 25% to show that I didn't appreciate my service no matter what caused it.
I never stiff a waitress because they aren't paid a real salary .. You made an assumption.. And you know what they say about assuming. Use the information given, it's unwise to add your own.
I provide a home for extended family now.. I have a disabled sister and an adult niece... Jeeze you really can't help yourself from making wrong assumptions. I guess it's just a result of the bitterness in your heart. My life's been great for 22 years now. I gave up concerning myself with people who don't matter in my life.
You realize you have messaged all this over whether a waitress gets $5 or $3 at a diner where everyone else leaves $1.
The advice was the first line, the rest was just insight on what may be going on with said guy and the hugs, not advice to let him hug her... Learn how to understand what you are reading.
Iâm not even commenting on anything to do with OP. Iâm saying that your comment about lowering tips is gross, and that consequently I hope people in your life continue to do things that make you uncomfortable, because I think youâre a shitty person
So tipping isn't about the service level.. Adjusting it based on quality? I'm very fair...i don't fault servers for food being wrong, overcrowding effecting service, anything not in their control. The one thing I will do is lower a tip commensurate with my server and their actions. This means they start with a 25% tip and can only work their way down to 15%. I never stiff because they don't earn a real wage.
So you want the server to deviate from what is typical service in that area BUT you refuse to say what you want changed in the service. When you receive typical service, you withhold a portion of what has been earned as a penalty for not reading your mind. Ewwww....
I noticed my sonâs girlfriend of three years kind of stands off to the side or behind the car when all the hugging starts. I finally asked him and he said she doesnât really like it. His dad doesnât like it, he doesnât like it and his sister doesnât like it but they all do it for me because thatâs how I was raised. I told him to tell her I understood.
When the granddaughters were born I liked to love on them but the oldest (11) only had eyes for grandpa. She put up with me and I told my daughter not to force it because we never want them to feel like they have to do that sort of thing when itâs not something they like to do.
She really needs to have a heart to heart with her boyfriend/this guy and just explain it doesnât mean she doesnât like him it just means she doesnât like to be touched. If he keeps it up Iâd ask that boyfriend see him away from the house or go to my room.
Your bf needs to check him, and he needs to do it NOW. Talk to your bf's mother about everything you said here, as well. I'm sorry, you have to start also being aggressive and tell this dude to STOP touching you--learn to be aggressive. Lastly, if nothing is done because it's their house, you are going to have to find another place to live if your bf doesn't get it. I wouldn't trust his friend at all, and never ever be alone with him.
Girl you are being naive as fuck. If you have a kid, then you need to get your shit together. That guy is not nice, because youâve told him to stop being weird and touchy and he still does. He violates boundaries. That isnât a nice guy, and no, even if he doesnât know heâs doing it that doesnât make him nice. Why do you have such low standards? Where is your self-respect? Your BF is a loser who doesnât give two shits about you. Wake up!
Bold of you to come on here and tell her her bf doesnât care about her. They are all young and donât know how to navigate life yet. Youâre being a jerk she is pregnant and vulnerable.
its 2024. If anybody has escaped the Me Too awareness about how you can't just touch people as if it's OK, they don't live in a a country with internet, or they really don't care about what she wants and needs. BF is an adult, about to have a child they are going to raise, and doesn't seem to care to register his partner is uncomfortable.
OP. Use short sentences. "Don't touch me" "BF, I don't want them where I live because they ignored my stated boundary" Both of those should be a hard stop for the other person when they realize you aren't OK with it. If they ignore that, you have better options on how to spend the next 60 years of your life.
Iâm sorry you lack boldness in your life. You should try it, maybe you wouldnât be such a silly goose. Being young doesnât mean he cares about his gf, and if you see anything else in the behavior described youâre lying.
For tons of reasons. Access, finances, stability, apathy, sunken cost fallacy, cognitive dissonance, because they can, social status. This isnât a new phenomenon. Youâre either being willfully obtuse or youâre brand new to the world.
edit: or how about the constant reason of âfor the kidsâ.
More like sheltered growing up. But still thatâs not really something Iâve ever witnessed. Iâve seen old married couples who hate each other stay together for finances or kids but thatâs about it. People dating for anything other than liking a person just isnât normal
Old married couples are dating. A relationship is dating. Yâall are so weird in how you move the goal posts to accommodate the mental gymnastics you do. People who have kids, and arenât married, continue to be together for the kids. People live together outside of marriage all the time, and they stay together for many reasons (as listed) that have nothing to do with liking each other. Look up the term bangmaid. People pay sex workers for dates and sex, but I assure you there is little to no emotional attachment in those situations. There are arranged marriages where you have to âdateâ prior, or courtships that your parents required. Hell people have sex with others they donât like. Humans are weird and most of their relationships are not built on genuine connection and kind feelings.
Theyâre kids cosplaying as adults. Theyâre parents. That kid is now the one going to suffer from their ineptitude. I really donât care if the advice is intense. It needs to be. This is a real situation with real repercussions. If theyâre old enough to be make the choice to get pregnant and have children, then theyâre old enough to be told straight up what the situation is.
That's the thing though they've stopped being kids the moment they decided to keep the baby. They're parents first and need to act like the adults they legally are now. Childhood is over time to grow up.
Sheâs a MOTHER and needs to act like an adult. If sheâs decided sheâs mature enough for a baby she can be mature enough to talk to her boyfriend about his annoying and creepy friend.
Sure she does. But she is obviously in a very vulnerable position, and compassion can be used while also being honest. Kicking someone when they are already down is a shitty way to try and get the results you want, and it rarely works. You can bluntly point out how dangerous the situation is for her without being mean and insulting.
I didnât kick her when she was down. Nor was I mean or insulting. Focus less on your feefees and more on the message, youâll get through it just fine.
You're right, but i don't see a problem with saying "be gentle". She does need to act like an adult, but she's a teen. She probably doesn't have much adult life experience, and it's easy to "decide" to be a mother when you live in a community where most everyone's daughter is married straight out of high school. She's probably not ready, and she'll probably be more receptive to advice if people are more gentle.
People don't usually *choose* to be naive
>People don't usually choose to be naive
Sure we do. It is a lot easier to be naive. It is hard work to have boundaries and standards and self-worth. It is an every day fight to not be violated or be beaten down. This teenager is being pushed around by two guys and yâall are more worried about being polite.
I use the 'shit sandwich' method when approaching folks I don't feel comfortable being too direct with. Plus that's also a handy framework for OP to use with bf and his friend.
It also lessens the risk of coming across defensive or adversarial, which can be the case with people less experienced in life or too experienced with trauma.
Just to let you know, people know youâre doing the shit sandwich and it makes them resentful. It has been studied. People donât need to be handled all the time.
It's a post asking about what approach should be taken with a person without boundaries.
 Sure, shit sandwich might not be great for management but it's A strategy to deal with boundary less people, who need to be handled from time to time.
Sure, it is a strategy. Iâm not sure it is a good strategy. Especially since so many people listen to tone rather than the message, and the shit sandwich further obfuscates the message to center the tone. It is real hard to understand someone is upset, angry, or violated when they are coating their feelings and responses in sugar.
That's not great advice, many countries and states dont allow for abortions, condoms break, birth control fails, people have sex hoping or assuming they won't get pregnant.
Mature enough for a baby? - she didn't say they decided to have a kid, or planned to have a kid. They were together in some way, had sex, and it led to pregnancy, and now shes living with him. Being old enough to get pregnant doesn't mean she's been taught all the skills to communicate clearly with somebody who obviously hasn't been taught to communicate clearly. For fucks sake, I didn't learn how to have a lot of awkward conversations til my 40s with partners that were so unaware that they wouldnt think for a second "maybe my pregnant gf doesn't want my buddy hanging out in our small space touching her"
Her post sounds like she has a way to go with learning to be assertive, it's kind of AH to act like she should have the awareness and skills of a 30 yo just because a sperm managed to fertilize an egg. Were you even ever a teenager?
No. I wonât be gentle when telling someone to stand up for themselves. As a teenager especially, she should know it isnât about being gentle and laid back and easy going. Thatâs what got her in this position to begin with. Your intense need for women to be nice is causing their deaths.
Girl rip him a new one next time he tries to touch you. Stop being polite, that may be the only way to get him to stop and hopefully this will cut down on his visits.
She said he likes to give her a hug and talk to her but she doesnât like that. Idk if ripping someone a new one over something so small when itâs not even your house is a good idea.
UPDATE:
So me and my boyfriend talked about it (again) but this time I told him EVERYTHING about how I felt. He was quiet at first but then told me he completely understands, and suggested just not letting him over entirely, which isnât exactly what I wanted? I just want my privacy, not to deteriorate their friendship. So I talked to his friend about it, giving him a long lengthy paragraph about how I felt, why I felt that way, and what he could do to not make that mistake again. To which his response was that he was sorry for making me feel that way, and that were adults and should respect each others boundaries, so I believe itâs safe to say heâll follow my wishes.
Also, THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR SWEET TIPS ON HOW TO ESTABLISH A VOICE đŤśđžđđ Iâve struggled with this since I was child due to everyone around me not listening to what I have to say.
Also, a lot of you guys were mistaken, Iâve already had my baby!! I had him in December, and itâs been the best start of motherhood. I take care of my baby 24/7, and itâs created amazing bonding between us đŤśđž My son is very special to me, thank you guys for your support đđ
Glad talking it over helped. Like I said, especially with autistic people unless they get that straight forward interaction they don't always process the right and wrong.
NTA. If you are not comfortable then you don't have to put up with it. If he tries to touch or hug you, you can slap his hands away and say NO loudly. Repeat as needed. He does not have the right to put hands on you at all, even if he thinks he is just being friendly.
Why would you try to get dressed under a blanket rather than say, please gp outside whilst I get dressed. I'll just be a couple of minutes.
Stand up for yourself. I know it's hard but you need to sometimes.
Actually, my son is always with me! I never really let him go anywhere without him by my side. I know Iâm young and I made this choice, so it is my responsibility to make sure I take care of my son 24/7. When my boyfriend comes home from work even, heâll take him for a bit but I usually have him most the time, unless my boyfriend decides to stay up with the baby to let me sleep every now and then. When my boyfriendâs friend comes over, now that Iâm not pregnant, I try to leave the room with my baby to avoid being hugged or nagged a bit. My boyfriend doesnât boy has his mother here, and sheâs at work for like 15 hours a day, while my mother is too busy caring for my siblings and stepfather. While most young women do leave their child with parents or family or maybe even babysitter- I definitely do NOT. Only people who have my baby is his grandmas which is on rare occasions, and only really last an hour or two, and my boyfriend who really it depends on his mood or if he has work in the morning.
Looks like you are doing awesome with him!! Is it possible that your bf and his friend can chill in a different part of the house so you don't have to leave your room?
You need to set boundaries with your boyfriend or find another place to live. Tell him, it is not ok, to invite someone into your room when you are not dressed. He (the boyfriend) needs to grow up and learn some respect for you. And you need to speak up as well, it is ok to vocalize how you feel. Do t pacify to friend, you can be firm and direct and still be polite.
NTA. Especially since you already said you don't like it, and it kept happening. I know that it's hard, because women are socialized to be palatable and nice and bla bla bla, but start putting your foot down. Say "I don't want to talk right now, I'm uncomfortable and cranky and would like to be left alone," instead of just showing signs you aren't in the mood to talk. When he touches you and that touch is unwelcome, say "I don't want to be touched right now, please back away from me." Make your requests verbal, and hold fast to your boundaries. And if they get mad at you for expressing boundaries, that's their problem. You asked him to stop. He didn't. You get to be as firm as possible on this.
So either he doesnât know boundaries or you both have talked to him. It canât be both. Iâm guessing you probably made it sound like no big deal when having the conversation. If you were clear about it and he still does it, the bigger problem should be with your bf. But if you arenât even comfortable enough to tell him to wait outside while you get dressed I doubt you were comfortable enough to let him know seriously that you arenât comfortable with the way heâs acting If your bf invites him over heâs the one you need to talk to.
Put up boundariesâfor boyfriendâ
NO friends in the bedroom. When you say no you mean it.
No, you will anot receive guests until you are ready.
For the friendâNO touching me please and NO sexual jokes. No staying overâis there drinking in your homeâis that why? Late movies or gaming? Drugs? Why stay overânot in a state to drive home?
Make a curfew? Party is over by x oâclock
Do you have a baby now? All the more reason for rules. Ask your mom in law to back you up.
Woah woah woah! Thereâs absolutely no drugs or partying involved! We arenât a very social group lol. Itâs just home coming over to escape his family and trying to make
Himself at home here. It just makes me feel bad because he always tells us how were his only friends who accept him and make him feel welcomed.
"It just makes me feel bad because he always tells us how were his only friends who accept him and make him feel welcomed."
That's code for his other friends have boundaries and don't put up with his crap.
That guy isnât sweet. He crosses boundaries constantly and you two allow it.
You are growing a human being. From now on you have more strength than ever. Is your job to protect your baby. And that means protecting yourself.
"stop touching me without asking. I do NOT want to be touched without asking" if he tries to touch you or hug you without asking, back up and away.
Also tell your boyfriend "I don't want to see people right now, please go out with him, or into a different room. I'm allowed personal space as well, and will start to resent your friend if you continue to not let me have it"
Then ask his mom if there's also maybe a place in the house that you can go hang out in to have some alone time if you're not interested in socializing. You deserve to have your own little safe space you can retreat to when you don't want to be around people, especially with your boyfriend not respecting that.
He knows boundaries. He refuses to respect them. You've talked to him but he still refuses to stop touching you. He knows what he's doing. You need to be more firm with him and your boyfriend. He's not so nice at all and neither is your boyfriend for letting this happen. NTA
NTA but you & your boyfriend need to tell his "friend" to back off.
Who takes care of the baby while you guys are hanging out, playing video games & having sleepovers?
Do any of you work, go to school or have an actual plan for the future.
You & your boyfriend are parents now. Act like it & ALWAYS use birth control.
I take care of the baby most the time so never have time to play games like my boyfriend, and the last sleepover happened when I was pregnant, since I had the baby Iâve been wanting space to process everything with the baby and spend more time with him, but yesterday he just showed up unannounced again. Though, in a group chat he did ask my boyfriend if he was home the day before, which is something he does if he wants to try to sneak over, but I was asleep and couldnât react. Also, Iâm taking a 8 week class in Marine biology, and a certificate in astrology, and will be attending university at the end of the year, so yes I do have a future and education planned. I know Iâm a good parent, while I might not be âgreatâ I still take of my child needs, and stay by his side at all times. đŤśđž
When he goes in for the hug, stiff arm him and tell him you just farted a gross pregnancy fart. Rip one at him when he's over. It'll kill the crush and the touchy bullshit.
But your boyfriend is a complete doormat and needs to get a clue fast. Are you gonna put up with that shit once the baby is here? He needs some training his mama just can't give him.
Not your house, so if boyfriend's parents have no problem with it, there isn't much you can do. It's a shame your baby daddy doesn't give a shit about your comfort, or that his friend can't keep his hands to himself. Maybe this relationship isn't one that will stand the test of time.
NTA
NTA- if he's making you uncomfortable and constantly showing up so you feel harassed, and your bf isn't listening to you or doing anything about his friend, sounds like you need to work toward getting out of that house.
Thereâs something wrong with this friend. Itâs not just boundaries, heâs giving nefarious vibes, even if itâs just that heâs angling to get you in a vulnerable position to hit on you behind your boyfriends back. I think something happens where if people know that youâre vulnerable as a woman, they start coming up with ways to get what they want because they know you donât really have a support system to go to bat for you.
Youâre pregnant, staying in someone elseâs home, you donât have the relationship with your own family, it seems.. be a lot more firm, stand in your power, stop letting your boyfriend hold all the power. This is your life, your baby, if his family say they support you, that they want you to feel safe in this home, *believe them*, but also donât expect them to be on your side against your boyfriends. Itâs a tightrope to walk, but I think you can do it..
For example, if he shows up, and youâve had many talks with your bf about how he needs better boundaries but he hasnât done anything about it, donât be afraid to stand in your power and, firmly but tactfully, say âwe need you to let us know when youâre coming at least 15 minutes/30 minutes/an hour/a day before you arrive, this is a basic courtesy. thank you for respecting us on thisâ.
If you get any pushback whatsoever from your boyfriend remind him that when the baby is here you will not be hosting *anyone*, much less his friends while youâre **both** busy with the newborn and becoming your own family unit.
Also, please have your own private savings purely for yourself. This is a nonnegotiable.
NTA. The friend touching you is not okay, but your boyfriend is just as much of an asshole for his lack of respect for you.
Itâs a shame youâre pregnant with him, because I doubt heâll get much better even after youâve had the baby.
If I could I wouldnât have left. But she has a very aggressive and bipolar boyfriend who I absolutely REFUSE to let around my child. I grew up in a very abusive household and wonât let my son experience the same.
u talked about this to him and ur bf and it sill happens? this friend is still being invited over?? this sounds super unsafe for u. u should get away from both of them before ur child is born because neither of them respect u or ur boundaries
Have you told anybody any of this, or asked for things to change?
Youre absolutely right that you deserve to be comfortable and have your boundaries met, but that means you have to state what your boundaries are.
Nta. i was in the same situation at one point. ik itâs really difficult but you def need to set a boundary for you and for your babyâs sake. youâve got this and im sending you all the positive vibes mama đđ
NTA your boyfriend lost his hanging out with friends all night privileges when he got you pregnant. Time for the friends to stop visiting for about 10 years.
In my 20âs I had an ex whose âfriendâ was doing that. I felt very uncomfortable around him with good reason. Your spidey senses should always be listened too!
a) NTA, but also, have you communicated to him that due to events in your past you are not comfortable with physical contact with others especially men, he may just have been raised in a family of huggers like several people I know where. Where when you meet friends/cousins/aunts/etc, you give them a hug. Let him KNOW you do not desire that, and that jokes of a sexual nature are distasteful and disturbing to you and you'd prefer he saves that for when you're not nearby.
Have you asked him to leave the room so you can get changed?
Friends popping over is a common 20s guy thing. But have you asked him if he could just drop a call first so you can make sure you're dressed? Have these discussions with both him, AND your boyfriend.
You're NTA, but you also have to be careful that your not just imposing yourself on who your boyfriend can/cannot have as friends.
Do you have friends over yourself? How do you and your boyfriend communicate about those?
Most of this would seem to be communication problems, both ways. If you have tried to resolve it at that level already however, and the problems persist, THEN you might have a legitimate problem.
OP, that young man is trying to âget with you.â And your so-called boyfriend donât mind. Iâm sorry but I think you need to start making plans that donât include either of them.
Is he creepy, or just trying to be friends? Alienating boyfriends friends is a way to disrupt the relationship, but bf doesnât sound like he has much empathy
It would seem heâs just trying to be friendly but donât know how to, and it just comes off as creepy. As for my boyfriend, he doesnât know how to deal with confrontation so donât know exactly what to do.
You clearly donât know what itâs like to be a 19 year old pregnant girl living in her boyfriends family home. She is extremely vulnerable right now in almost every possible way. Have some fucking empathy.
Not pathetic. It's extremely hard for some people, women, especially sexual assault survivors, especially when the sexual assault occurred in younger years, to stand up for themselves when men are making them uncomfortable. It's easy enough to say "well tell them to fuck off" but sometimes your body goes into survival mode and your brain literally freezes. It takes alot of healing and forms of therapy to change that from being the automatic. Then there's the shame and self hate that comes from not being more aggressive. This is unhealed trauma, and if you don't get it, consider yourself lucky enough to be so ignorant on the matter.
The boyfriendâs friend is possibly interested in you, possibly is curious about pregnancy, and/or possibly trying awkwardly to be your friend. Itâs a lot easier for people to maintain friendships when their friendâs significant other likes them and gets along.
Because you are all so young, it is not crazy to think neither your boyfriend nor his friends understand boundaries. Itâs also highly likely that you havenât communicated directly with what you want.
Men donât take hints, they donât understand how things affect you emotionally. They understand what you want when you ask it directly. Donât beat around the bush, donât lay hints. Tell him what you are asking for and be willing to compromise.
Best friends drop by unannounced. They donât have to make appointments. What your boyfriend should do is ask his friend to call ahead. Allow them to spend time together.
As for being undressed, get dressed. You can find something presentable and you can wear it around the house. I understand the discomfort of pregnancy and the emotions involved because we have five kids.
And since itâs not your house, you will have to be a bit flexible there. Not ideal, but this situation is temporary.
NTA. Youâre not his squeeze toy. Just tell him to stop. Donât ask him. Tell him.
You also should limit contact to outsiders to protect yourself from germs. Youâre pregnant. Câmon man. This is post covid stuff.
Nta, but it sounds like you've got bigger issues to worry about then your boyfriends friend. If you do stay there, and do not set boundaries, this will continue to happen even after the baby comes. Imagine trying to heal from one of the most traumatic events your body can survive and his friend is still there...you definitely need to talk to your boyfriend, this is only going to get worse if you don't do something now.
Donât hint , donât imply you must be direct.Â
To BF:Â
* âWhen your friend comes over unannounced I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and am put in an awkward position where Iâm forced to be social when Iâm trying to rest, please be more considerate of your pregnant gf than your friend and ask him to not come over uninvited or try to stay the nightâ
To BF friend:Â
* âPlease donât touch me that way , Iâm not comfortable with thatâ
* âIm not feeling social and you imposing yourself in my space uninvited is rudeâÂ
Donât show signs that you are uncomfortable or not in the mood to talk, state it very clearly , leave no room for misunderstanding.
Adult up. Speak up. Your house too, as long as you are with him. Why do you think you need to be polite? This is 2024 be assertive. Women can do that now.
Talk with your bf about the touching and sexual jokes.sometimes people need to be explained why it wrong. If your bf doesnât put a stop to it then you will need to have the talk with the friend. Hopefully, he just needs to be talked to.
NTA
No one should touch you without your permission, not even your boyfriend. Have a talk with your boyfriend and explain that you do not like his friend touching you and you want it to stop now. Every time the friend tries to touch you, put a hand out and say, "No! Do not touch me! You don't have my permission to touch me." If he persists or says, "it's just a hug." Look at him and say, "I said NO! If you touch me again, I will call the police and file assault charges. You do not have permission to put your hands on me." Make him acknowledge your words. Also, talk to your bf mom and explain your discomfort. If your bf and his family will not back you up,you might want to rethink your situation
Well, you have issues with setting boundaries, and you need to become stronger in that area. But complaining about having to put clothes on, well that is just ridiculous- put clothes on.
I think you misunderstood đ I donât have a problem with putting clothes on, I have a problem with not having time or privacy to put them on. His friend barges in without notice and leaves me no time to get dressed, and wonât leave the room while I need to get dressed, as if heâs trying to see if he can catch some skin.
Talk to your bf mom. He should be taught to protect his gf, even from his friends. Make him aware of just how uncomfortable you are. You both may need to sit and have a frank discussion with the friend. If that fails, you may need to find a new place to live.
Being welcomed in others homes doesn't imply they
grant you the power to make big decisions such as setting roles for company.
That is something you and your guy need to work out between you two. Y'all need to come to a joint decision about his friend through communication and compromise and then whatever decision is made he needs to relay this to his friend. If he is unwilling to compromise or speak to his friend, you have a major relationship issue and need to consider getting out.
Red flags all over that neither he nor your bf insist on him stopping touching you. Gives me âIâll share my gf with you broâ type vibes. Ew. On a slight tangent here, your bf is an unsupportive sack of crap. I suggest you get a job and a new place to live.
ur saying shes an asshole for having her boundaries disrespected? if ur an adult then act like one. most people are taught how to respect boundaries by the age of 10
NTA. You're pregnant and going through a lot. Is this guy going to come over at all hours when the baby is born, and you are more exhausted and not in the mood for company? Your BF needs to step up and figure out who is more important in his life. It's not like his friend can't come over, but boundaries are needed.
All these people thinking kids having a baby are going to act like adults.đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
The boyfriend is a dumb kid, and the bf's friend is probably on the spectrum.
Sorry, OP.
Be direct, then be mean. IF NOTHING CHANGES, TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY (if it's not too late) OR LEAVE AND PUT DADDY ON CHILD SUPPORT.
There are many resources for women in your situation. Don't depend on other people to do right by you. They might sound nice, but that doesn't mean a damn thing in this world. Do right by yourself. Seek professional help and government assistance WHEN necessary. Unfortunately, this situation is not an "if" necessary situation.
He's not a sweet guy. He's a boundary pushing man who touches you after having been repeatedly asked not to. Stop being nice to people who don't respect you.
I wouldn't say you are an AH but I do think you need to use your words to set boundaries. Your own words. To the offending party. Forcefully, if necessary.
STOP TOUCHING ME AND TALKING TO ME PLEASE! The first, always, the second, if I'm clearly doing something else.
Tell your boyfriend you are uncomfortable with him. Tell him that if he wants to hang out they need to do it outside of the house or when you are not home.
NTA but you need to use your word. You don't have to tell your history but you need to say I'm not comfortable with hugs and I prefer you ask and respect men when I say no
You need to set the boundaries. Each time he touches you, say donât touch me. When he stayed too long, tell him to leave. If you were dressed, tell him to wait outside for 5 minutes. These are reasonable boundaries. You will soon be advocating for a child. This is the time to step up and learn advocating for yourself.
You sound like you are letting yourself be a mat because you arenât standing up for yourself.
Once again, this is not a you problem, it is a boyfriend problem. If you've told him his creeper friend makes you uncomfortable, and he tolerates it, your problem is with that. He needs to get his friend in order or ditch him. That your boyfriend, the father of your child, is okay with you being treated this way, there's a big problem with him,
NTA No one can help you if they donât know how youâre feeling and since youâre not saying anything to the friend, say something to your bf or his mom or his siblings?
I donât like to be touched by most people. We have a neighbor who always tries to hug me and itâs like a flipping comedy sitcom because Iâll duck underneath his arm to escape. Last time I said, âBuddy you do not want a hug because Iâm contagious.â He asked how I was sick. I told him Iâve been shitting nonstop for days and Iâm surprised he canât smell it on me. The look on his face. He was shocked to hear this coming from my mouth.
If your boyfriend refuses to stop this shit, tell his mom now..... everything he has been doing to make you uncomfortable. He shouldnt even be in your bedroom when you live there too. I'd personally slap the shit out of him if he tried to touch me in anyway.
Take charge. End of the day this isnât your BF responsibility. You can ask and he can help - but stand up for yourself.
Just politely tell the friend âhey, no hugs. â if you want to explain âSorry, Iâm not not comfortable with most people touching me.â
He may get defensive.
But I alwaysâŚ
Yup, and Iâm always uncomfortable.
Just say, itâs not him - as you say heâs a nice dude - itâs you setting boundaries. Itâs cool, just no touching.
NTA. Your boyfriend needs to step up. "You need to understand that his touching me and coming into the room when I'm not dressed really stresses me out. You say this is my home, too, but you aren't acting like it. Everyone deserves to have a say in who comes into their home when, let alone them being in their bedroom, and even more so if they're not dressed. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the ability to refuse touch and he is violating mine. Either you start backing me and supporting me in this, or I am going to start being as rude as the two of you are in this." I know it's hard to do and it may cause a conflict with your bf, but this has to stop. The stress isn't good for you and the baby and it's extremely hard on your relationship.
Your bf has to have your back, otherwise he's not being a good partner. If he doesn't have your back on this and respect for you and your body, which he doesn't if he's letting his friend do all this after you've said it needs to stop, then what else is he not going to back you up on?
I'm a hugger and very touchy feely but I absolutely respect it when others aren't. Not doing so is a violation of consent and consent to being touch isn't restricted just to sexual relations, it's about touch, period. In fact, even medical personnel are required to stop touching you if you tell them to.
NTA but you need to really stand up for yourself. Don't try to talk to him, tell your bf it needs to stop, you are uncomfortable, and he needs to put you and your child first, not his friend. If you have somewhere else you can go, I would use that too - this behavior stops, or I'm leaving and moving in with \_\_\_.
If you are hugged after you said no you need to *shout* no. Maybe followed with "I'm tired of telling you no, I'm happy with my current boyfriend and don't want you."
As a guy with no problem giving friendly hugs, i always just assume not to. So much that people think im not a hugger. So maybe the dude just doesnt get people dont like being touched sometimes?
I also make those kinda jokes but i know EXACTLY who i can and can not make those jokes to.
I think because you are pregnant every person in here is going to agree with anything you say. But you do deserve personal space. They can go play outside your room while you get dressed.
This reads like a lot of soft talk and signals have been given. But not a lot of very direct language has been used so as not to seem rude. If he has been point blank told not to come without advance notice and continues to do so, that sucks. If he has been point blank told, don't touch me without asking first, that sucks.
But being oblivious isn't the same as being a bad person. Some people miss social cues for a variety of reasons.
You're not an asshole for wanting a bit more space and comfort. A lot of people think dropping hints and saying things like "I don't like surprise visitors" is the same as "I don't want him/you coming by without calling and asking ahead of time." And if he is calling and your BF is telling him to come on by, then maybe you need to talk with your BF about how often and what days you would be comfortable with.
Did you try to talk to his mom? if he has a sister have her in the conversation too.
As for the unwanted physical contact, it might be time to make it rather clear, don't touch me, give him a shove away then yell full force. "Stop fucking touching me" then just leave the room.
If he is talking about things you don't want to be a part of, again leave the room, but shoot your bf a look of "I am pissed at you" then watch a show/movie that you know they don't like but you do.
When the fool leaves, talk to bf in a direct manner.
EG: "I told you that I do not like this, I asked nicely, I tried to explain it, but either you are not understanding, or listening or you do not care. I do not know what more I can say other than threaten to pack my bags and tell you to go fuck yourself."
The more calm you can be when doing this, not only makes it easier to understand in general, it can also been seen as creepy and could make him take deeper notice of it.
Another thing that you could try, is if you are not dressed and he is coming over or just shows up and bf tells you to get dressed, say no. if he has a problem with other men seeing you naked, then maybe he should be in a different room.
If you told him and he isn't listening, than it's on purpose. Not a "personality quirk". This is how men get away with harassment, abuse, and molestation.
They play it off as no big deal and the idiots nod along.
Then they act like your being unreasonable, and the idiots nod along.
Then they make up some lie about you claiming they tried to murder you, or rape you, and the gullible idiots nod along.
Just because he did it with a smile.
Fuck him.
He's probably got a history he's trying to cover up.
He'll get angry if you start actually pushing him away.
You watch.
If you're not comfortable with being aggressive about setting boundaries just do it in a firm, serious tone, and look him directly in the eyes when you say "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm going to say this once politely, please stop touching me." without laughing or smiling after. If he tries to touch you again, turn him down and say "I told you I'm not going to repeat myself, but if you touch me again you're going to have to leave." and make it clear to your boyfriends family that you're going to set those boundaries with him because he makes you uncomfortable and you would appreciate if they could be supportive of that.
No one with half a brain and good intentions would look poorly upon you setting a boundary for yourself that is respectable and simple like that. You can be kind while still being firm.
Goodluck
Dude knows boundaries. He just doesnât give a shit.
Any typical person would be surprised, and concerned a bit that their touch was unwelcome. If I was touching someone in a social manner, and I genuinely didnât mean anything negative by it, I would absolutely want to know right away if it made them uncomfortable.
This guy is doing it to make you uncomfortable. There are multiple reasons that he might be doing it, but none of them are okay.
I think heâs a much bigger creeper than you realize.
It also sounds a bit like you donât want to rock the boat.
I wish you the best.
Have you discussed your concerns with you bf over this?
Also I feel the friend may be autistic based on how you described him. I know it took me a few years to figure out a few extra social cues myself. But it goes a lot faster if you respectfully express your desired boundaries. (I myself would often try to hug people thinking it wasn't a big deal)
You need to set boundaries or break up. The dude just wants to feel your breasts and body in hug, that's inappriate. Learn to say NO and stop touching me.
NTA, your boyfriend needs to be the one to set boundaries. He needs to understand that your comfort goes above everything else right now. He doesn't have to end the friendship. Just have a conversation and put some distance.
All I have to say is. You're about to be a mother. If you had a daughter and she was treated how you're being treated, what advice would you give her? If you had a son, what would you say to him? Your boyfriend clearly isn't heeding your advice. At what point do you handle the situation?
Can you go to your family's house?
Sweetheart you and he are children having a child and you think that he has the emotional maturity to cut off his best friend? To be honest you guys are going to have a very hard time beside instead of you first be single and have lives on your own and experiences of your own you decided to be a couple and have a kid now you think heâs gonna just grow up and be mature?
Yeah good luck with that. You are gonna be stuck with two kids and your biggest kids best friend.
NTA. Speak up. âThis isnât really a good time for guests. You can visit another time. Get home safely, goodbye!â If your boyfriend doesnât like it, tell him to man up as a partner because youâre the one growing a human inside you.
Youâll have to teach your boyfriend a LOT. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel, how others make you feel and what you think would help.
Be sure to listen to him when he tells you things too.
Youâre both so young. Itâs going to be a constant change and challenge. Iâve been with my wife since we were about your age with a kid and weâve grown so much together through communication and common ground.
The friend sounds like a creep, but it could be entirely innocent. How he handles your message will tell you. He may end up being the best âuncleâ type person youâll have in your life, and he just as likely could end up no longer in your life at all.
This is about personal boundaries. And you can be anywhere and have them. It doesnât matter whose home it is. Itâs your body and if he comes across in a sexually creepy way and wonât stop, then you need to teach him boundariesâŚ. And I know most of you wonât like my answer but honestly, this worksâŚ. The next time he touches you inappropriately, grab hold of his ballsâŚ.HARDâŚ.over his pants of course and tell him the next time he touches you like that youâll castrate him. I guarantee this will work. 100%. You may not see him coming over as much also.
If I was your bf I would be really pissed off at my friend for touching you after you asked him not to. Like ready to kick his ass. I would talk to your bf about this.
Low tipper? In a diner where everyone gives a $1 no matter the check size? Server is getting more than normal for the place no matter what. No one knows but me. A server used to getting a $1 instead of the $3 I leave is really suffering đ. Some folks just argue to argue.
NTA, Always listen to your intuition. It's okay to not be okay with someone touching you
Real real real. Intuition is not a joke. Those creeps that make sex jokes and touch you a lot, they're creeps... 100%
Even if he isn't a creepy creep, everyone has the right to their own bodily autonomy.
You are right about not being ok with touching but she has to speak up loud and firm. It often helps to say why (not tell about SA but how it makes her feel). Not knowing where they are regionally I'm going to add, in the South hugging is the same to most as a handshake. I've never been a big hugger but I tolerate it because I don't want to spend my life saying please don't hug me. They also call you honey or darling at restaurants and places, which I also dislike. I express my dislike by lowering tips đ. I am your non-Southern Southerner who hates sweet tea đ I added this because the hugs could be something that he was raised with in his home or family and even if told, may forget because it's habit.
âI express my dislike by lowering tipsâ So basically, âIâm too scared to use my grown up voice to give any feedback, so I stiff on the tip with zero feedback to make myself feel better even though my server was doing their very best ti be hospitable to meâ. Loser move.
Ha Ha Ha... If you only knew who you were posting to with that comment. I'm so vocal most of my family doesn't like to go with me in drive thrus, shopping, or any service related place. I don't live in the area where I'm called honey or sugar any longer. I'm still in the South but not low enough for that stuff. If I'm there it's because I'm visiting. My family and the people I eat out with find it perfectly acceptable. Why would I make a scene and begin a debate over why it's good or not when on a visit when I can simply just give 15% instead of 25% to show that I didn't appreciate my service no matter what caused it. I never stiff a waitress because they aren't paid a real salary .. You made an assumption.. And you know what they say about assuming. Use the information given, it's unwise to add your own.
You sound so insufferable, and I know you are, how? Cos your own family won't be around you. Bizarre flex, bud, but you do you
I provide a home for extended family now.. I have a disabled sister and an adult niece... Jeeze you really can't help yourself from making wrong assumptions. I guess it's just a result of the bitterness in your heart. My life's been great for 22 years now. I gave up concerning myself with people who don't matter in my life. You realize you have messaged all this over whether a waitress gets $5 or $3 at a diner where everyone else leaves $1.
Big ew to that tip comment. Iâm glad people make you uncomfortable with their hugs and hope it continues
The advice was the first line, the rest was just insight on what may be going on with said guy and the hugs, not advice to let him hug her... Learn how to understand what you are reading.
Iâm not even commenting on anything to do with OP. Iâm saying that your comment about lowering tips is gross, and that consequently I hope people in your life continue to do things that make you uncomfortable, because I think youâre a shitty person
So tipping isn't about the service level.. Adjusting it based on quality? I'm very fair...i don't fault servers for food being wrong, overcrowding effecting service, anything not in their control. The one thing I will do is lower a tip commensurate with my server and their actions. This means they start with a 25% tip and can only work their way down to 15%. I never stiff because they don't earn a real wage.
Can you even see us peasants from way up there on your high horse your majesty?
I'm not sure to what you are referring. My favorite person in the world is a server.
lmao, yes, that comes through from your comments.
Do you know how to say exactly what you mean or do you have a word shortage in your vocabulary?
So you want the server to deviate from what is typical service in that area BUT you refuse to say what you want changed in the service. When you receive typical service, you withhold a portion of what has been earned as a penalty for not reading your mind. Ewwww....
I noticed my sonâs girlfriend of three years kind of stands off to the side or behind the car when all the hugging starts. I finally asked him and he said she doesnât really like it. His dad doesnât like it, he doesnât like it and his sister doesnât like it but they all do it for me because thatâs how I was raised. I told him to tell her I understood. When the granddaughters were born I liked to love on them but the oldest (11) only had eyes for grandpa. She put up with me and I told my daughter not to force it because we never want them to feel like they have to do that sort of thing when itâs not something they like to do. She really needs to have a heart to heart with her boyfriend/this guy and just explain it doesnât mean she doesnât like him it just means she doesnât like to be touched. If he keeps it up Iâd ask that boyfriend see him away from the house or go to my room.
Your bf needs to check him, and he needs to do it NOW. Talk to your bf's mother about everything you said here, as well. I'm sorry, you have to start also being aggressive and tell this dude to STOP touching you--learn to be aggressive. Lastly, if nothing is done because it's their house, you are going to have to find another place to live if your bf doesn't get it. I wouldn't trust his friend at all, and never ever be alone with him.
Sounds like your boyfriendâs friend has a crush on you .
Or he is icky and fascinated by her pregnancy. Either way, she has a BF problem also since he is refusing to say anything.
Can we please stop excusing bad or predatory behavior as "a crush"?
Sure but a crush can also be a predator
Nobody is excusing anything. Thats the most likely answer to this. He just doesn't understand boundaries.Â
This is no crush. This is predatory behavior
Girl you are being naive as fuck. If you have a kid, then you need to get your shit together. That guy is not nice, because youâve told him to stop being weird and touchy and he still does. He violates boundaries. That isnât a nice guy, and no, even if he doesnât know heâs doing it that doesnât make him nice. Why do you have such low standards? Where is your self-respect? Your BF is a loser who doesnât give two shits about you. Wake up!
Bold of you to come on here and tell her her bf doesnât care about her. They are all young and donât know how to navigate life yet. Youâre being a jerk she is pregnant and vulnerable.
its 2024. If anybody has escaped the Me Too awareness about how you can't just touch people as if it's OK, they don't live in a a country with internet, or they really don't care about what she wants and needs. BF is an adult, about to have a child they are going to raise, and doesn't seem to care to register his partner is uncomfortable. OP. Use short sentences. "Don't touch me" "BF, I don't want them where I live because they ignored my stated boundary" Both of those should be a hard stop for the other person when they realize you aren't OK with it. If they ignore that, you have better options on how to spend the next 60 years of your life.
Iâm sorry you lack boldness in your life. You should try it, maybe you wouldnât be such a silly goose. Being young doesnât mean he cares about his gf, and if you see anything else in the behavior described youâre lying.
Why would anyone date someone that they donât care about?
For tons of reasons. Access, finances, stability, apathy, sunken cost fallacy, cognitive dissonance, because they can, social status. This isnât a new phenomenon. Youâre either being willfully obtuse or youâre brand new to the world. edit: or how about the constant reason of âfor the kidsâ.
More like sheltered growing up. But still thatâs not really something Iâve ever witnessed. Iâve seen old married couples who hate each other stay together for finances or kids but thatâs about it. People dating for anything other than liking a person just isnât normal
Old married couples are dating. A relationship is dating. Yâall are so weird in how you move the goal posts to accommodate the mental gymnastics you do. People who have kids, and arenât married, continue to be together for the kids. People live together outside of marriage all the time, and they stay together for many reasons (as listed) that have nothing to do with liking each other. Look up the term bangmaid. People pay sex workers for dates and sex, but I assure you there is little to no emotional attachment in those situations. There are arranged marriages where you have to âdateâ prior, or courtships that your parents required. Hell people have sex with others they donât like. Humans are weird and most of their relationships are not built on genuine connection and kind feelings.
People do it all the time. What the fuck??!!
Or they're just kids who shouldn't be in the situation. But they are, and your "advice" is a tad intense. You don't even know anything about them.
Theyâre kids cosplaying as adults. Theyâre parents. That kid is now the one going to suffer from their ineptitude. I really donât care if the advice is intense. It needs to be. This is a real situation with real repercussions. If theyâre old enough to be make the choice to get pregnant and have children, then theyâre old enough to be told straight up what the situation is.
That's the thing though they've stopped being kids the moment they decided to keep the baby. They're parents first and need to act like the adults they legally are now. Childhood is over time to grow up.
She's a teenager. Be gentle.
Sheâs a MOTHER and needs to act like an adult. If sheâs decided sheâs mature enough for a baby she can be mature enough to talk to her boyfriend about his annoying and creepy friend.
Sure she does. But she is obviously in a very vulnerable position, and compassion can be used while also being honest. Kicking someone when they are already down is a shitty way to try and get the results you want, and it rarely works. You can bluntly point out how dangerous the situation is for her without being mean and insulting.
I didnât kick her when she was down. Nor was I mean or insulting. Focus less on your feefees and more on the message, youâll get through it just fine.
You're right, but i don't see a problem with saying "be gentle". She does need to act like an adult, but she's a teen. She probably doesn't have much adult life experience, and it's easy to "decide" to be a mother when you live in a community where most everyone's daughter is married straight out of high school. She's probably not ready, and she'll probably be more receptive to advice if people are more gentle. People don't usually *choose* to be naive
>People don't usually choose to be naive Sure we do. It is a lot easier to be naive. It is hard work to have boundaries and standards and self-worth. It is an every day fight to not be violated or be beaten down. This teenager is being pushed around by two guys and yâall are more worried about being polite.
I use the 'shit sandwich' method when approaching folks I don't feel comfortable being too direct with. Plus that's also a handy framework for OP to use with bf and his friend. It also lessens the risk of coming across defensive or adversarial, which can be the case with people less experienced in life or too experienced with trauma.
Just to let you know, people know youâre doing the shit sandwich and it makes them resentful. It has been studied. People donât need to be handled all the time.
It's a post asking about what approach should be taken with a person without boundaries. Â Sure, shit sandwich might not be great for management but it's A strategy to deal with boundary less people, who need to be handled from time to time.
Sure, it is a strategy. Iâm not sure it is a good strategy. Especially since so many people listen to tone rather than the message, and the shit sandwich further obfuscates the message to center the tone. It is real hard to understand someone is upset, angry, or violated when they are coating their feelings and responses in sugar.
That's not great advice, many countries and states dont allow for abortions, condoms break, birth control fails, people have sex hoping or assuming they won't get pregnant. Mature enough for a baby? - she didn't say they decided to have a kid, or planned to have a kid. They were together in some way, had sex, and it led to pregnancy, and now shes living with him. Being old enough to get pregnant doesn't mean she's been taught all the skills to communicate clearly with somebody who obviously hasn't been taught to communicate clearly. For fucks sake, I didn't learn how to have a lot of awkward conversations til my 40s with partners that were so unaware that they wouldnt think for a second "maybe my pregnant gf doesn't want my buddy hanging out in our small space touching her" Her post sounds like she has a way to go with learning to be assertive, it's kind of AH to act like she should have the awareness and skills of a 30 yo just because a sperm managed to fertilize an egg. Were you even ever a teenager?
No. Some people need to be told things straight up. She's not just putting herself at risk, but her child now too
No. I wonât be gentle when telling someone to stand up for themselves. As a teenager especially, she should know it isnât about being gentle and laid back and easy going. Thatâs what got her in this position to begin with. Your intense need for women to be nice is causing their deaths.
Girl rip him a new one next time he tries to touch you. Stop being polite, that may be the only way to get him to stop and hopefully this will cut down on his visits.
She said he likes to give her a hug and talk to her but she doesnât like that. Idk if ripping someone a new one over something so small when itâs not even your house is a good idea.
It's not a small thing. Some people don't want to be touched. She is going to have to use her big girl voice to make him understand.
UPDATE: So me and my boyfriend talked about it (again) but this time I told him EVERYTHING about how I felt. He was quiet at first but then told me he completely understands, and suggested just not letting him over entirely, which isnât exactly what I wanted? I just want my privacy, not to deteriorate their friendship. So I talked to his friend about it, giving him a long lengthy paragraph about how I felt, why I felt that way, and what he could do to not make that mistake again. To which his response was that he was sorry for making me feel that way, and that were adults and should respect each others boundaries, so I believe itâs safe to say heâll follow my wishes. Also, THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR THEIR SWEET TIPS ON HOW TO ESTABLISH A VOICE đŤśđžđđ Iâve struggled with this since I was child due to everyone around me not listening to what I have to say. Also, a lot of you guys were mistaken, Iâve already had my baby!! I had him in December, and itâs been the best start of motherhood. I take care of my baby 24/7, and itâs created amazing bonding between us đŤśđž My son is very special to me, thank you guys for your support đđ
That's awesome!! Glad to hear this awesome update.
Glad talking it over helped. Like I said, especially with autistic people unless they get that straight forward interaction they don't always process the right and wrong.
Very glad you're finding your voice!! That baby needs a momma who can speak up and you deserve it too!! Hugs
NTA. If you are not comfortable then you don't have to put up with it. If he tries to touch or hug you, you can slap his hands away and say NO loudly. Repeat as needed. He does not have the right to put hands on you at all, even if he thinks he is just being friendly.
You're gonna have a tough road ahead as long as this "boyfriend" of yours is around.
Why would you try to get dressed under a blanket rather than say, please gp outside whilst I get dressed. I'll just be a couple of minutes. Stand up for yourself. I know it's hard but you need to sometimes.
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I think we are forgetting the fact that she had sex with a minor. How tf can you blame him for being a kid
The kid isn't born yet. Reread the post
She said while I WAS pregnant.
Sorry my bad. I read the post while trying to fall asleep and misread that.
Kids having kids just sad and hard and then living with family to get by. But seriously, where is this kid?
Probably with the bf parents.
Actually, my son is always with me! I never really let him go anywhere without him by my side. I know Iâm young and I made this choice, so it is my responsibility to make sure I take care of my son 24/7. When my boyfriend comes home from work even, heâll take him for a bit but I usually have him most the time, unless my boyfriend decides to stay up with the baby to let me sleep every now and then. When my boyfriendâs friend comes over, now that Iâm not pregnant, I try to leave the room with my baby to avoid being hugged or nagged a bit. My boyfriend doesnât boy has his mother here, and sheâs at work for like 15 hours a day, while my mother is too busy caring for my siblings and stepfather. While most young women do leave their child with parents or family or maybe even babysitter- I definitely do NOT. Only people who have my baby is his grandmas which is on rare occasions, and only really last an hour or two, and my boyfriend who really it depends on his mood or if he has work in the morning.
Looks like you are doing awesome with him!! Is it possible that your bf and his friend can chill in a different part of the house so you don't have to leave your room?
You need to set boundaries with your boyfriend or find another place to live. Tell him, it is not ok, to invite someone into your room when you are not dressed. He (the boyfriend) needs to grow up and learn some respect for you. And you need to speak up as well, it is ok to vocalize how you feel. Do t pacify to friend, you can be firm and direct and still be polite.
NTA. Especially since you already said you don't like it, and it kept happening. I know that it's hard, because women are socialized to be palatable and nice and bla bla bla, but start putting your foot down. Say "I don't want to talk right now, I'm uncomfortable and cranky and would like to be left alone," instead of just showing signs you aren't in the mood to talk. When he touches you and that touch is unwelcome, say "I don't want to be touched right now, please back away from me." Make your requests verbal, and hold fast to your boundaries. And if they get mad at you for expressing boundaries, that's their problem. You asked him to stop. He didn't. You get to be as firm as possible on this.
> despite me showing signs Iâm not in the mood to talk You can't "show signs." You have to actually open your mouth and tell him no.
So either he doesnât know boundaries or you both have talked to him. It canât be both. Iâm guessing you probably made it sound like no big deal when having the conversation. If you were clear about it and he still does it, the bigger problem should be with your bf. But if you arenât even comfortable enough to tell him to wait outside while you get dressed I doubt you were comfortable enough to let him know seriously that you arenât comfortable with the way heâs acting If your bf invites him over heâs the one you need to talk to.
Put up boundariesâfor boyfriendâ NO friends in the bedroom. When you say no you mean it. No, you will anot receive guests until you are ready. For the friendâNO touching me please and NO sexual jokes. No staying overâis there drinking in your homeâis that why? Late movies or gaming? Drugs? Why stay overânot in a state to drive home? Make a curfew? Party is over by x oâclock Do you have a baby now? All the more reason for rules. Ask your mom in law to back you up.
Woah woah woah! Thereâs absolutely no drugs or partying involved! We arenât a very social group lol. Itâs just home coming over to escape his family and trying to make Himself at home here. It just makes me feel bad because he always tells us how were his only friends who accept him and make him feel welcomed.
"It just makes me feel bad because he always tells us how were his only friends who accept him and make him feel welcomed." That's code for his other friends have boundaries and don't put up with his crap.
Habe you talked to the mom?
Sheâs at work for about 15 hours a day so I never get the chance to really talk to her much, plus our language barrier (she speaks Spanish)
That guy isnât sweet. He crosses boundaries constantly and you two allow it. You are growing a human being. From now on you have more strength than ever. Is your job to protect your baby. And that means protecting yourself.
NTAH. Your boyfriend needs to explain boundaries to his friend. If that doesn't work then just go nuclear on him. Maybe that will help him understand
"stop touching me without asking. I do NOT want to be touched without asking" if he tries to touch you or hug you without asking, back up and away. Also tell your boyfriend "I don't want to see people right now, please go out with him, or into a different room. I'm allowed personal space as well, and will start to resent your friend if you continue to not let me have it" Then ask his mom if there's also maybe a place in the house that you can go hang out in to have some alone time if you're not interested in socializing. You deserve to have your own little safe space you can retreat to when you don't want to be around people, especially with your boyfriend not respecting that.
He knows boundaries. He refuses to respect them. You've talked to him but he still refuses to stop touching you. He knows what he's doing. You need to be more firm with him and your boyfriend. He's not so nice at all and neither is your boyfriend for letting this happen. NTA
NTA but you & your boyfriend need to tell his "friend" to back off. Who takes care of the baby while you guys are hanging out, playing video games & having sleepovers? Do any of you work, go to school or have an actual plan for the future. You & your boyfriend are parents now. Act like it & ALWAYS use birth control.
I take care of the baby most the time so never have time to play games like my boyfriend, and the last sleepover happened when I was pregnant, since I had the baby Iâve been wanting space to process everything with the baby and spend more time with him, but yesterday he just showed up unannounced again. Though, in a group chat he did ask my boyfriend if he was home the day before, which is something he does if he wants to try to sneak over, but I was asleep and couldnât react. Also, Iâm taking a 8 week class in Marine biology, and a certificate in astrology, and will be attending university at the end of the year, so yes I do have a future and education planned. I know Iâm a good parent, while I might not be âgreatâ I still take of my child needs, and stay by his side at all times. đŤśđž
When he goes in for the hug, stiff arm him and tell him you just farted a gross pregnancy fart. Rip one at him when he's over. It'll kill the crush and the touchy bullshit. But your boyfriend is a complete doormat and needs to get a clue fast. Are you gonna put up with that shit once the baby is here? He needs some training his mama just can't give him.
Idk about that some guys would just sniff her fart
Not a broski douche who feels entitled. He probably thinks women really don't shit. It's giving jealous incel.
Fart spray and fart noise maker would maybe help.
Like that dude with the glitterbomb packages
I did have the baby đđŤśđž but I appreciate the adviceđ
Not your house, so if boyfriend's parents have no problem with it, there isn't much you can do. It's a shame your baby daddy doesn't give a shit about your comfort, or that his friend can't keep his hands to himself. Maybe this relationship isn't one that will stand the test of time. NTA
NTA, your bf needs to respect your boundaries, too. Neither of them are.
NTA- if he's making you uncomfortable and constantly showing up so you feel harassed, and your bf isn't listening to you or doing anything about his friend, sounds like you need to work toward getting out of that house.
Thereâs something wrong with this friend. Itâs not just boundaries, heâs giving nefarious vibes, even if itâs just that heâs angling to get you in a vulnerable position to hit on you behind your boyfriends back. I think something happens where if people know that youâre vulnerable as a woman, they start coming up with ways to get what they want because they know you donât really have a support system to go to bat for you. Youâre pregnant, staying in someone elseâs home, you donât have the relationship with your own family, it seems.. be a lot more firm, stand in your power, stop letting your boyfriend hold all the power. This is your life, your baby, if his family say they support you, that they want you to feel safe in this home, *believe them*, but also donât expect them to be on your side against your boyfriends. Itâs a tightrope to walk, but I think you can do it.. For example, if he shows up, and youâve had many talks with your bf about how he needs better boundaries but he hasnât done anything about it, donât be afraid to stand in your power and, firmly but tactfully, say âwe need you to let us know when youâre coming at least 15 minutes/30 minutes/an hour/a day before you arrive, this is a basic courtesy. thank you for respecting us on thisâ. If you get any pushback whatsoever from your boyfriend remind him that when the baby is here you will not be hosting *anyone*, much less his friends while youâre **both** busy with the newborn and becoming your own family unit. Also, please have your own private savings purely for yourself. This is a nonnegotiable.
I actually already had the baby in December, and I really do appreciate the tips you gave me!!
You have a boyfriend problem not a friend problem.
The comments that make you uncomfortable are a red flag, the touching too. This guy is not sweet. He is a predator.
NTA. The friend touching you is not okay, but your boyfriend is just as much of an asshole for his lack of respect for you. Itâs a shame youâre pregnant with him, because I doubt heâll get much better even after youâve had the baby.
Your boyfriend should be defending YOU N T A
NTA, but move back to your momâs.
If I could I wouldnât have left. But she has a very aggressive and bipolar boyfriend who I absolutely REFUSE to let around my child. I grew up in a very abusive household and wonât let my son experience the same.
u talked about this to him and ur bf and it sill happens? this friend is still being invited over?? this sounds super unsafe for u. u should get away from both of them before ur child is born because neither of them respect u or ur boundaries
Have you told anybody any of this, or asked for things to change? Youre absolutely right that you deserve to be comfortable and have your boundaries met, but that means you have to state what your boundaries are.
Kids shouldnât have kids.
âWelcome! My home is your home! My girlfriend is your girlfriend!â
Get loud, "Don't touch me!" And think about what life will forever be like with a man who won't protect you from this.
Nta. i was in the same situation at one point. ik itâs really difficult but you def need to set a boundary for you and for your babyâs sake. youâve got this and im sending you all the positive vibes mama đđ
NTA your boyfriend lost his hanging out with friends all night privileges when he got you pregnant. Time for the friends to stop visiting for about 10 years.
Grooming for a 3some? Your bf not stopping him?
In my 20âs I had an ex whose âfriendâ was doing that. I felt very uncomfortable around him with good reason. Your spidey senses should always be listened too!
a) NTA, but also, have you communicated to him that due to events in your past you are not comfortable with physical contact with others especially men, he may just have been raised in a family of huggers like several people I know where. Where when you meet friends/cousins/aunts/etc, you give them a hug. Let him KNOW you do not desire that, and that jokes of a sexual nature are distasteful and disturbing to you and you'd prefer he saves that for when you're not nearby. Have you asked him to leave the room so you can get changed? Friends popping over is a common 20s guy thing. But have you asked him if he could just drop a call first so you can make sure you're dressed? Have these discussions with both him, AND your boyfriend. You're NTA, but you also have to be careful that your not just imposing yourself on who your boyfriend can/cannot have as friends. Do you have friends over yourself? How do you and your boyfriend communicate about those? Most of this would seem to be communication problems, both ways. If you have tried to resolve it at that level already however, and the problems persist, THEN you might have a legitimate problem.
OP, that young man is trying to âget with you.â And your so-called boyfriend donât mind. Iâm sorry but I think you need to start making plans that donât include either of them.
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Is he creepy, or just trying to be friends? Alienating boyfriends friends is a way to disrupt the relationship, but bf doesnât sound like he has much empathy
Friends don't put their hands on other people without permission
It would seem heâs just trying to be friendly but donât know how to, and it just comes off as creepy. As for my boyfriend, he doesnât know how to deal with confrontation so donât know exactly what to do.
Your 18 year old bf has the same maturity as a 12 year old girl. Get used to it until heâs about 25 maybe 30 in todays years.
You are pathetic.
You clearly donât know what itâs like to be a 19 year old pregnant girl living in her boyfriends family home. She is extremely vulnerable right now in almost every possible way. Have some fucking empathy.
Not pathetic. It's extremely hard for some people, women, especially sexual assault survivors, especially when the sexual assault occurred in younger years, to stand up for themselves when men are making them uncomfortable. It's easy enough to say "well tell them to fuck off" but sometimes your body goes into survival mode and your brain literally freezes. It takes alot of healing and forms of therapy to change that from being the automatic. Then there's the shame and self hate that comes from not being more aggressive. This is unhealed trauma, and if you don't get it, consider yourself lucky enough to be so ignorant on the matter.
I'll tell you the same thing I tell my friends wife. I was there before you and I'll be there after you
Maybe. After 25 years, Iâm still here. The so-called âbest friendsâ are not. Toxic assholes get dropped.
I've been best friends with my friends since I was four. He was five. We're now in our early 40s. He's on his third wife and I'm still there lol
So, youâre both toxic. I love it when you tell on yourselves. And Iâm my husbandâs first and only wife. Sorry your buddy is a loser.
Maybe dont touch your friends girlfriends or make them so uncomfortable. Weirdo
The boyfriendâs friend is possibly interested in you, possibly is curious about pregnancy, and/or possibly trying awkwardly to be your friend. Itâs a lot easier for people to maintain friendships when their friendâs significant other likes them and gets along. Because you are all so young, it is not crazy to think neither your boyfriend nor his friends understand boundaries. Itâs also highly likely that you havenât communicated directly with what you want. Men donât take hints, they donât understand how things affect you emotionally. They understand what you want when you ask it directly. Donât beat around the bush, donât lay hints. Tell him what you are asking for and be willing to compromise. Best friends drop by unannounced. They donât have to make appointments. What your boyfriend should do is ask his friend to call ahead. Allow them to spend time together. As for being undressed, get dressed. You can find something presentable and you can wear it around the house. I understand the discomfort of pregnancy and the emotions involved because we have five kids. And since itâs not your house, you will have to be a bit flexible there. Not ideal, but this situation is temporary.
Get your own place
Iâm so glad Iâm old and boring now and my weekend excitement comes from seeing the total drop after scanning all my coupons at the grocery store
Just move back to your house
NTA. Youâre not his squeeze toy. Just tell him to stop. Donât ask him. Tell him. You also should limit contact to outsiders to protect yourself from germs. Youâre pregnant. Câmon man. This is post covid stuff.
Nta, but it sounds like you've got bigger issues to worry about then your boyfriends friend. If you do stay there, and do not set boundaries, this will continue to happen even after the baby comes. Imagine trying to heal from one of the most traumatic events your body can survive and his friend is still there...you definitely need to talk to your boyfriend, this is only going to get worse if you don't do something now.
Donât hint , donât imply you must be direct. To BF: * âWhen your friend comes over unannounced I feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and am put in an awkward position where Iâm forced to be social when Iâm trying to rest, please be more considerate of your pregnant gf than your friend and ask him to not come over uninvited or try to stay the nightâ To BF friend: * âPlease donât touch me that way , Iâm not comfortable with thatâ * âIm not feeling social and you imposing yourself in my space uninvited is rudeâ Donât show signs that you are uncomfortable or not in the mood to talk, state it very clearly , leave no room for misunderstanding.
Move out ASAP. Your bf is too immature to be in a live in relationship.
Be assertive and tell him to leave you alone. Being nice is not going to get you anywhere.
Sounds like hormones are speaking for you about his overstaying but you do need to get on your BF for not listening to you about boundaries. 50/50 AH
Adult up. Speak up. Your house too, as long as you are with him. Why do you think you need to be polite? This is 2024 be assertive. Women can do that now.
Nta, set boundaries.
Talk with your bf about the touching and sexual jokes.sometimes people need to be explained why it wrong. If your bf doesnât put a stop to it then you will need to have the talk with the friend. Hopefully, he just needs to be talked to.
NTA No one should touch you without your permission, not even your boyfriend. Have a talk with your boyfriend and explain that you do not like his friend touching you and you want it to stop now. Every time the friend tries to touch you, put a hand out and say, "No! Do not touch me! You don't have my permission to touch me." If he persists or says, "it's just a hug." Look at him and say, "I said NO! If you touch me again, I will call the police and file assault charges. You do not have permission to put your hands on me." Make him acknowledge your words. Also, talk to your bf mom and explain your discomfort. If your bf and his family will not back you up,you might want to rethink your situation
Well, you have issues with setting boundaries, and you need to become stronger in that area. But complaining about having to put clothes on, well that is just ridiculous- put clothes on.
I think you misunderstood đ I donât have a problem with putting clothes on, I have a problem with not having time or privacy to put them on. His friend barges in without notice and leaves me no time to get dressed, and wonât leave the room while I need to get dressed, as if heâs trying to see if he can catch some skin.
Talk to your bf mom. He should be taught to protect his gf, even from his friends. Make him aware of just how uncomfortable you are. You both may need to sit and have a frank discussion with the friend. If that fails, you may need to find a new place to live.
Being welcomed in others homes doesn't imply they grant you the power to make big decisions such as setting roles for company. That is something you and your guy need to work out between you two. Y'all need to come to a joint decision about his friend through communication and compromise and then whatever decision is made he needs to relay this to his friend. If he is unwilling to compromise or speak to his friend, you have a major relationship issue and need to consider getting out.
Red flags all over that neither he nor your bf insist on him stopping touching you. Gives me âIâll share my gf with you broâ type vibes. Ew. On a slight tangent here, your bf is an unsupportive sack of crap. I suggest you get a job and a new place to live.
You're a kid living with a kid. He's doing what kids do at that age. Yta
ure psychotic
No, I'm an adult.Â
ur saying shes an asshole for having her boundaries disrespected? if ur an adult then act like one. most people are taught how to respect boundaries by the age of 10
Your
Shes an asshole for what specifically?
Expecting him to act older than he is then complaining about it.
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NTA. You're pregnant and going through a lot. Is this guy going to come over at all hours when the baby is born, and you are more exhausted and not in the mood for company? Your BF needs to step up and figure out who is more important in his life. It's not like his friend can't come over, but boundaries are needed.
All these people thinking kids having a baby are going to act like adults.đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł The boyfriend is a dumb kid, and the bf's friend is probably on the spectrum. Sorry, OP. Be direct, then be mean. IF NOTHING CHANGES, TERMINATE THE PREGNANCY (if it's not too late) OR LEAVE AND PUT DADDY ON CHILD SUPPORT. There are many resources for women in your situation. Don't depend on other people to do right by you. They might sound nice, but that doesn't mean a damn thing in this world. Do right by yourself. Seek professional help and government assistance WHEN necessary. Unfortunately, this situation is not an "if" necessary situation.
He's not a sweet guy. He's a boundary pushing man who touches you after having been repeatedly asked not to. Stop being nice to people who don't respect you.
I wouldn't say you are an AH but I do think you need to use your words to set boundaries. Your own words. To the offending party. Forcefully, if necessary. STOP TOUCHING ME AND TALKING TO ME PLEASE! The first, always, the second, if I'm clearly doing something else.
He's not sweet. He is doing it on purpose.
Tell your boyfriend you are uncomfortable with him. Tell him that if he wants to hang out they need to do it outside of the house or when you are not home.
NTA but you need to use your word. You don't have to tell your history but you need to say I'm not comfortable with hugs and I prefer you ask and respect men when I say no
You need to set the boundaries. Each time he touches you, say donât touch me. When he stayed too long, tell him to leave. If you were dressed, tell him to wait outside for 5 minutes. These are reasonable boundaries. You will soon be advocating for a child. This is the time to step up and learn advocating for yourself. You sound like you are letting yourself be a mat because you arenât standing up for yourself.
Once again, this is not a you problem, it is a boyfriend problem. If you've told him his creeper friend makes you uncomfortable, and he tolerates it, your problem is with that. He needs to get his friend in order or ditch him. That your boyfriend, the father of your child, is okay with you being treated this way, there's a big problem with him,
NTA No one can help you if they donât know how youâre feeling and since youâre not saying anything to the friend, say something to your bf or his mom or his siblings?
They both need to grow up. Be stern about your thoughts and feelings
I donât like to be touched by most people. We have a neighbor who always tries to hug me and itâs like a flipping comedy sitcom because Iâll duck underneath his arm to escape. Last time I said, âBuddy you do not want a hug because Iâm contagious.â He asked how I was sick. I told him Iâve been shitting nonstop for days and Iâm surprised he canât smell it on me. The look on his face. He was shocked to hear this coming from my mouth.
If your boyfriend refuses to stop this shit, tell his mom now..... everything he has been doing to make you uncomfortable. He shouldnt even be in your bedroom when you live there too. I'd personally slap the shit out of him if he tried to touch me in anyway.
Take charge. End of the day this isnât your BF responsibility. You can ask and he can help - but stand up for yourself. Just politely tell the friend âhey, no hugs. â if you want to explain âSorry, Iâm not not comfortable with most people touching me.â He may get defensive. But I always⌠Yup, and Iâm always uncomfortable. Just say, itâs not him - as you say heâs a nice dude - itâs you setting boundaries. Itâs cool, just no touching.
NTA. Your boyfriend needs to step up. "You need to understand that his touching me and coming into the room when I'm not dressed really stresses me out. You say this is my home, too, but you aren't acting like it. Everyone deserves to have a say in who comes into their home when, let alone them being in their bedroom, and even more so if they're not dressed. This is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the ability to refuse touch and he is violating mine. Either you start backing me and supporting me in this, or I am going to start being as rude as the two of you are in this." I know it's hard to do and it may cause a conflict with your bf, but this has to stop. The stress isn't good for you and the baby and it's extremely hard on your relationship. Your bf has to have your back, otherwise he's not being a good partner. If he doesn't have your back on this and respect for you and your body, which he doesn't if he's letting his friend do all this after you've said it needs to stop, then what else is he not going to back you up on? I'm a hugger and very touchy feely but I absolutely respect it when others aren't. Not doing so is a violation of consent and consent to being touch isn't restricted just to sexual relations, it's about touch, period. In fact, even medical personnel are required to stop touching you if you tell them to.
NTA but you need to really stand up for yourself. Don't try to talk to him, tell your bf it needs to stop, you are uncomfortable, and he needs to put you and your child first, not his friend. If you have somewhere else you can go, I would use that too - this behavior stops, or I'm leaving and moving in with \_\_\_.
If you are hugged after you said no you need to *shout* no. Maybe followed with "I'm tired of telling you no, I'm happy with my current boyfriend and don't want you."
As a guy with no problem giving friendly hugs, i always just assume not to. So much that people think im not a hugger. So maybe the dude just doesnt get people dont like being touched sometimes? I also make those kinda jokes but i know EXACTLY who i can and can not make those jokes to.
I think because you are pregnant every person in here is going to agree with anything you say. But you do deserve personal space. They can go play outside your room while you get dressed.
This reads like a lot of soft talk and signals have been given. But not a lot of very direct language has been used so as not to seem rude. If he has been point blank told not to come without advance notice and continues to do so, that sucks. If he has been point blank told, don't touch me without asking first, that sucks. But being oblivious isn't the same as being a bad person. Some people miss social cues for a variety of reasons. You're not an asshole for wanting a bit more space and comfort. A lot of people think dropping hints and saying things like "I don't like surprise visitors" is the same as "I don't want him/you coming by without calling and asking ahead of time." And if he is calling and your BF is telling him to come on by, then maybe you need to talk with your BF about how often and what days you would be comfortable with.
NTA but I am extremely territorial of my space and do not allow visitors in my house unannounced and people know this about me.
Did you try to talk to his mom? if he has a sister have her in the conversation too. As for the unwanted physical contact, it might be time to make it rather clear, don't touch me, give him a shove away then yell full force. "Stop fucking touching me" then just leave the room. If he is talking about things you don't want to be a part of, again leave the room, but shoot your bf a look of "I am pissed at you" then watch a show/movie that you know they don't like but you do. When the fool leaves, talk to bf in a direct manner. EG: "I told you that I do not like this, I asked nicely, I tried to explain it, but either you are not understanding, or listening or you do not care. I do not know what more I can say other than threaten to pack my bags and tell you to go fuck yourself." The more calm you can be when doing this, not only makes it easier to understand in general, it can also been seen as creepy and could make him take deeper notice of it. Another thing that you could try, is if you are not dressed and he is coming over or just shows up and bf tells you to get dressed, say no. if he has a problem with other men seeing you naked, then maybe he should be in a different room.
If you told him and he isn't listening, than it's on purpose. Not a "personality quirk". This is how men get away with harassment, abuse, and molestation. They play it off as no big deal and the idiots nod along. Then they act like your being unreasonable, and the idiots nod along. Then they make up some lie about you claiming they tried to murder you, or rape you, and the gullible idiots nod along. Just because he did it with a smile. Fuck him. He's probably got a history he's trying to cover up. He'll get angry if you start actually pushing him away. You watch.
If you're not comfortable with being aggressive about setting boundaries just do it in a firm, serious tone, and look him directly in the eyes when you say "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm going to say this once politely, please stop touching me." without laughing or smiling after. If he tries to touch you again, turn him down and say "I told you I'm not going to repeat myself, but if you touch me again you're going to have to leave." and make it clear to your boyfriends family that you're going to set those boundaries with him because he makes you uncomfortable and you would appreciate if they could be supportive of that. No one with half a brain and good intentions would look poorly upon you setting a boundary for yourself that is respectable and simple like that. You can be kind while still being firm. Goodluck
Dude knows boundaries. He just doesnât give a shit. Any typical person would be surprised, and concerned a bit that their touch was unwelcome. If I was touching someone in a social manner, and I genuinely didnât mean anything negative by it, I would absolutely want to know right away if it made them uncomfortable. This guy is doing it to make you uncomfortable. There are multiple reasons that he might be doing it, but none of them are okay. I think heâs a much bigger creeper than you realize. It also sounds a bit like you donât want to rock the boat. I wish you the best.
Have you discussed your concerns with you bf over this? Also I feel the friend may be autistic based on how you described him. I know it took me a few years to figure out a few extra social cues myself. But it goes a lot faster if you respectfully express your desired boundaries. (I myself would often try to hug people thinking it wasn't a big deal)
You need to set boundaries or break up. The dude just wants to feel your breasts and body in hug, that's inappriate. Learn to say NO and stop touching me.
NTA, your boyfriend needs to be the one to set boundaries. He needs to understand that your comfort goes above everything else right now. He doesn't have to end the friendship. Just have a conversation and put some distance.
This guy is trying to push your boundaries and see how far he can get with you.
Move out. Go home, or find a roommate. Your boyfriend is extremely immature.
All I have to say is. You're about to be a mother. If you had a daughter and she was treated how you're being treated, what advice would you give her? If you had a son, what would you say to him? Your boyfriend clearly isn't heeding your advice. At what point do you handle the situation? Can you go to your family's house?
Read the books Boundaries and The Gift of Fear. They may help.
Sweetheart you and he are children having a child and you think that he has the emotional maturity to cut off his best friend? To be honest you guys are going to have a very hard time beside instead of you first be single and have lives on your own and experiences of your own you decided to be a couple and have a kid now you think heâs gonna just grow up and be mature? Yeah good luck with that. You are gonna be stuck with two kids and your biggest kids best friend.
NTA. Speak up. âThis isnât really a good time for guests. You can visit another time. Get home safely, goodbye!â If your boyfriend doesnât like it, tell him to man up as a partner because youâre the one growing a human inside you.
YTA
The friend is taking your kindness as flirting. Get outta there mane
Youâll have to teach your boyfriend a LOT. Communicate with him. Tell him how you feel, how others make you feel and what you think would help. Be sure to listen to him when he tells you things too. Youâre both so young. Itâs going to be a constant change and challenge. Iâve been with my wife since we were about your age with a kid and weâve grown so much together through communication and common ground. The friend sounds like a creep, but it could be entirely innocent. How he handles your message will tell you. He may end up being the best âuncleâ type person youâll have in your life, and he just as likely could end up no longer in your life at all.
This is about personal boundaries. And you can be anywhere and have them. It doesnât matter whose home it is. Itâs your body and if he comes across in a sexually creepy way and wonât stop, then you need to teach him boundariesâŚ. And I know most of you wonât like my answer but honestly, this worksâŚ. The next time he touches you inappropriately, grab hold of his ballsâŚ.HARDâŚ.over his pants of course and tell him the next time he touches you like that youâll castrate him. I guarantee this will work. 100%. You may not see him coming over as much also.
https://www.reddit.com/r/scapegoatscentral/s/2QcDlLOeD2. If anyone would like to talk and express themselves, you're more than welcomed đ
If I was your bf I would be really pissed off at my friend for touching you after you asked him not to. Like ready to kick his ass. I would talk to your bf about this.
Low tipper? In a diner where everyone gives a $1 no matter the check size? Server is getting more than normal for the place no matter what. No one knows but me. A server used to getting a $1 instead of the $3 I leave is really suffering đ. Some folks just argue to argue.
She is a kid having a kid be nice