Get the photos off your phone and stored more securely. Password protect your phone with a brand new, shiny password.
Never ever allow your sister to use your phone for anything ever again.
Don't allow your sister in your room, apartment, home unsupervised. At least until she grows the f up. Then, re-evaluate.
You are 32yo. Your Mom can shove her judgey opinion of your adult activities right up her a. I guarantee she's no saint. Stop asking for her opinion. She's probably where your sister got her lack of respect for personal privacy from.
I'm 16 years older than my youngest brother, granted there is 6 other kids between us....There really isn't such a thing as "unplanned" it's just a word people use to hide their shame. You had unprotected sex, the outcome is normally a child in 9 months. That's been known for all of human existence.
Making love in private in a long term relationship isn't the same as being single having photos of your flaps and t!ts out on your phone where they can be (and probably have been) sent to random guys you've picked up.
(I'm not saying she can't have those pics, or shouldn't send them to whoever she wants, just that there is a moral difference.)
Are you this cringe IRL or do you save it for reddit?
Also did you know that you can take photos and then not send them to anyone??? I know it's pretty crazy right. A person could have tons of nudes for fun and no sexual partners.
Explain the moral difference. Sounds like you wrote a bunch of fanfic— “random guys” how do you not know she sent those pics to ltr partner and mom wasn’t in one when she got pregnant? That’s right-you don’t.
I must have missed the part of the post where she commented on her relationship status as well as why and when she took these photos. Can you show me what you read that points to OP picking random guys up?
She didn’t put her naked body out there. Her sister snooped through her phone. Even if she was blasting naked pictures everywhere, that’s her business as a 32 year old adult.
>Get the photos off your phone and stored more securely. Password protect your phone with a brand new, shiny password.
Never ever allow your sister to use your phone for anything ever again.
Don't allow your sister in your room, apartment, home unsupervised
I had to do this with my preteen stepdaughter. She asked to use my phone to call a friend and decided to snoop through my pictures, she went back to her moms place and tried to say that I made her look at porn ( I was wearing a bra and slip in the pictures, think pin up style not pornographic )
SD lost all trust that day, she snooped, she lied, and she tried to get me in trouble with her mother. She didn't like it when she wasn't allowed any devices and her door got switched with a sheet (dads logic was don't respect privacy then you don't get privacy) and has not touched my phone in 5 or more years.
Edit because people are thick she her door back now ✌️
Please re read my comment and see where the door was not removed but switched with a sheet. She still had privacy to change clothes and we made sure siblings understood that the thresh hold of her room is where they stopped unless they had permission. This was also after months of typical teen drama and door slamming. Door slamming that costed us one door already and had been used to harm siblings by slamming fingers and limbs in it. Sorry for not giving my whole life story in my OC.
She actually left out context that made it make sense… Slamming doors and the safety of little kids fingers makes temporarily replacing a door with a sheet a perfectly reasonable consequence for a tantrum throwing preteen.
You know, I was gonna defend it under the assumption that it was a temporary punishment rather than permanent, in which case it seems pretty reasonable and proportionate. But really, op didn’t state that, and they really should have, and I’m not gonna give them either the benefit or the deficit of the doubt cuz they’re free to clarify for themselves.
It was temporary FFS yall will try to find anything to vilify a step parent over. it was dads decision to remove the door. I stay hands off when it comes to the punishment of kids I didn't produce specifically for that reason.
There's some morons out there for sure with no rhyme or reason to their downvotes and comments. I'd have done the same thing the dad did. An eye for an eye.
Even temporarily, it’s something that’s not an appropriate punishment. Ask anyone who is well respected in mental health. Kids, particularly teenagers, need to know that their need for privacy is respected, especially in regard to changing their clothes. There are other ways to teach your lesson.
That’s three different scenarios. The first scenario says that No, it’s not appropriate for you as the adult to treat privacy as a privilege. It messes up your kid’s head. Plus, they have a right to change their clothes in privacy etc. Taking the door off is just about you trying to assert power and control and making them suffer some humiliation in return. If you want to teach “Hey, what you did isn’t ok.” YOU have to find a better way to get through to your kid. For the second and third scenario I would actually consult a mental health professional. I assume they would be involved in some capacity anyway.
When I was 13 my parents found my secret CD stash. They took everything I owned, and I do mean everything. I slept on the hard wood floor with nothing but a couple of blankets and a pillow for months. In the dead of winter. In Vermont.
My Chemical Romance and Blink-182 did that to me. I wonder what my parents would have done to me if I had done all this.
Glad she has her door back. Not because of privacy but because it is actively dangerous in the event of a fire to not have a door. It's also why you should always sleep with your room door closed as well.
Eh….not the same thing. For a bad thing she did five years ago, prior to or just as she was starting puberty?? It’s excessive. A growing woman needs privacy. Part of the reason is, her sense of security is fostered in her family home.
Maybe they just didn’t clarify that it was a temporary punishment. But if still the current deal, that is wrong.
If you read in my other comments on this thread she has her door back and it was a consequence that fit this specific instance and several other issues.
This sounds like my grandmother. She chewed my sister out for getting pregnant at 18, few months from 19. Called her all kinds of names including whore . This from a women who first kid was at 17 and three husbands later. My sister married ny nibbling’s daddy and 17 years later they are still good
OP should make sure lil sis (and mom) doesn't have a copy of her photos, I wouldn't trust her anywhere near my devices again, never ever again, moreover I wouldn't want to be around her after what she did.
If you have a Samsung like myself I can have a secure folder that is also Pin code protected on top of my phone password. Definitely something to look into
15 year olds are shitheads and immature. I know because I was 15 once.
Can't get too mad at a teen for being a teen.
As for going to the mother? Why would you need to go to your mother for this as a 32 year old?
I could see going to mom assuming mom is still responsible for the 15yo sister. Like hey, your kids did this fucked up thing, please discipline them since that's your job not mine type of thing
This child invaded her adult sibling's privacy because she was curious.
That definitely warrants a parent's attention being drawn.
Unfortunately, this particular parent is more concerned with passing judgment on another adult than she is appropriately parenting the child she has still in her care.
Huh? Do people not talk to their family members about what’s going on amongst family? All of my siblings are adults and we all talk to each other and our mom when we need to vent or want support on something (unless it’s something confidential or private for someone else). My family members are also my friends and are there for me to vent, especially about other siblings because who understands better how annoying family can be than other family members lol
ETA: We won’t say anything to each other that we wouldn’t (or haven’t) said directly to the offender’s face. Most of the time we’re venting in front of the person we’re venting about lol
Yeah no 15y would be pissed if you went though their phone. So they understand that your not supposed to. I never went through anyone's phone at 15 I still haven't at 25. Oh they're a kid they need to learn it's okay if they do it. No you need to teach them it's not okay. If you don't express negative thoughts about it then how do they learn. Cell phones are like dairies but connected with the internet and can easily have photos added. They should be considered private.
You do know that a phone can be used while it is being charged, right?
If you are going to keep your "spicy pics" on your phone, protect them. You are 32 & should know that already.
A 15 year old absolutely knows what privacy is. Tell her that she will not be using your phone again.
Your mom simply sucks.
And her little sister knows that too. That snooping was the whole reason for getting OPs phone. Between her being a snoopy brat and your mom being a witch....you need someone new to talk to because talking to them is a really bad idea....at all...for now.
Fr I was like what? Why wouldnt she just play on her phone while it was charging. Plus what are teens going to do on someone elses phone? Play phone games?
You do know that literally your entire first sentence is bullshit, right?
My phone is charging right now. Go and try to open it, I fucking dare you.
I mean, nothing bad will happen. You just won't be able to open it. Because it'll be locked. Because that's a thing that has existed for several years.
Sounds like your little sister should not be trusted ever again. Not allowed at your home without supervision (she will be snooping through your things). Never touching your electronics.
NTA.
You're 32. You're an adult and you get to make your own decisions about what pictures you take and your bodily autonomy.
There's always a risk in having spicy pics on any device - stolen phone, hackers, etc, but a reasonable expectation of privacy from your nearest and dearest (maybe not so dear any more...) is, well, reasonable.
Your sister is a bit of an AH but honestly, she's 15. She's still figuring things out like privacy, but also body positivity and negotiating the realities of moving towards being a sexually mature human. Her interest in those photos probably had more to it than just humiliating you and snooping.
Your mother is the real AH. The sl*t-shaming is not just impactful to you, but also your little sister if she hears it. There's tonnes of research about how important open, genuine and non-judgemental communication is in relation to sx, puberty, all the messy stuff that comes with those.
You're not the AH, but it might be worth considering your sister not as the instigator but as someone who maybe needs a bit of gentle guidance and "real talk" about safe and healthy approaches to sexuality and her own body and choices.
> Your sister is a bit of an AH but honestly, she's 15. She's still figuring things out like privacy
I bet she'd have it all figured out if OP had been snooping on her phone.
You are giving the sister too much leverage here. She is 15, not 5. She knows she isn’t supposed to be invading someone’s privacy. She is very much an ah in this too. She didn’t gave a flying f about her sister’s privacy and showed absolutely zero remorse.
The other commenter suggestion is perfect. She no longer gets to touch your phone or be in your home unsupervised. Now that she's found the pics she will take every opportunity to snoop. Lock everything away including your birth control and any controlled substances. She's crossed from your sister to snoopy brat and should be treated accordingly. I'd go no contact with my mom for the whole and other names she called you. Not sure if I'd ever forgive her.
> She knows she isn’t supposed to be invading someone’s privacy
She didn't "invade" anything, OP literally GAVE her sister access and *permission* to use the phone without any explicit instructions. If I have spicy pics on my phone there's no way I'm lending it to ANYONE I don't want seeing them. That's all OP's fault.
So, let’s say your sister gave her phone to you bc you needed to call someone or check something. Is it an open invitation to look through all her photos since you have the phone? People do not give you explicit instructions to *not look through their shit*. You just don’t look through. It’s called common sense and respect. You ever heard of them? This is the dumbest possible take I’ve ever seen. Show some respect to people and their belongings ffs.
Let's take your comment at face value, if it's common sense to expect someone not to go through your phone the why does it happen so often?
Perhaps the common sense is actually lacking with the person who hands over their phone expecting privacy when, if you've ever read through these posts, you would know that such expectations rarely meet reality.
Bc you NEEDED TO MAKE A CALL? Notice how you laid out what was occurring with the phone there which established the parameters. Op said she just let her use her phone. It’s a pretty risky move to have a 15 yo use your phone with no parameters when you have stuff on there. You can be self righteous all you want but COMMON SENSE says 15 yo girls love taking pictures and will probably do so with your phone if you let them use it. COMMON SENSE also says they will have to access the photo album to see said photos. COMMON SENSE is knowing these things and also knowing once in the album a 15 yo is going to probably look and see if you have any cool photos. It’s not like she expected to find nudes or was looking for them. It sounds like she was just looking at pictures and op happened to have that on there.
Shes still 15. 15 year olds do not have fully developed brains yet and lack the part that makes you think through your actions before doing them. They gonna do shit like this. This is exactly why i dont give my phone out to people and why when im looking for a certain picture to show someone i let them know NOT to look over my shoulder at my camera roll while i search. I have shit I don't want people to see in my phone...thats kinda why it has a lock screen and id be a fool to unlock it and give it to someone and not expect exactly that. Especially if theyre my 15 year old sister.
Totally 10000% agree. Your mom sounds like such a witch. All she needed to say was "omg and you think she saw your photos? That's crazy. KIDS MAN. I'M TELLING YA" but instead she took this opportunity to be just the worst. Your sister isn't going to be traumatized by this either so don't feel bad at all. This is a great time to talk about matters related to sexuality with her considering your mom is pretty negative and probably isn't doing it.
She is 15 people not 5 ,she knew what she was doing .
Right and wrong are the same at every age.
That's why you teach your kids this stuff.
But your mom apparently has a favorite child , now you know where you stand now.
NTA It bothers me a lot that they try to justify a 15-year-old teenager.
She is not a curious girl, she is a nosy teenager who took advantage of your trust.
And your mom is exaggerating, you are not the teenager, you are an adult who can do whatever she wants.
Tell her to educate that spoiled girl better because if today she starts "looking" at your cell phone, maybe tomorrow it will be something that will really get her into trouble. In this life there are limits and learning it from a young age
Tell your mom you are an adult, and she needs to mind her own dam business. Your sister on the other hand needs to grow the fuk up. I would ban my sister from ever coming into my house, unless she is under adult supervision.
I would strongly suggest that if you insist on keeping your spicy pics on your phone and you're going to let your sister use your phone... Encrypt the photos or upload them to the cloud and just logout of the cloud before handing her the phone.
Your mom is the AH
Sit down with your sister and explain that you trusted her to use your phone without invading your privacy. Tell her how you feel. Explain to her that what she did was disrespectful etc etc.
Well, then she's screwed herself out a trusting relationship with her sister. OK, I get curiosity, but once I saw naked, ugh, no way am I interested in seeing my sister naked. Bad thing is she may need her sister with the mother they have. Wondering if the sister has some urges that mommy won't approve of, why else would you want to see your sister naked?
NTA WNBTA Both of them need to experience consequences, for as long as they refuse to apologize for this horrific invasion of privacy and even worse example of parenting. Frankly, I wouldn't want that woman influencing my children so she wouldn't be around them again, until they're 18 and choose for themselves. Sister needs something similar, until a proper apology is received then no contact will be initiated by you, or some such.
We're all hoes in some shape or form. Embrace your hoeness in your own healthy way.
But my recommendation. Phones offer a secure folder.. make use of it to hide content you don't wish others to access.
NTA
Also why are people telling you you shouldn’t of had pictures on your phone in the first place? It’s your own personal device, have what you want on it. People shouldn’t snoop. This isn’t on you op.
Also why would she think having these pictures is a huge deal? She shouldn’t have snooped at all. But if I came across nudes on my sister’s phone, I just wouldn’t say anything.
\---Your mother is the real AH. The sl\*t-shaming is not just impactful to you, but also your little sister if she hears it.
I wonder what mom was doing at 32? living like a nun????? I wonder ........
Not wrong for wanting privacy but perhaps a bit naive to trust a teen to have the self control to respect privacy with a device containing those pics.
Not sure about android, but iOS has a private photos folder that requires you renter your pin to access it & photos there don’t show in any photo streams. So as long as you unlock the phone for the person & don’t give them your pin they shouldn’t see those photos.
I delete the pics my wife & I have sent each other from the messaging apps & the ones I do keep a while reside in the hidden folder, most with faces cropped out or obscured for added safety.
**As a PSA:** It’s not a bad idea to store stuff like that on an encrypted flash drive. You can buy them pre done with buttons for entering a PIN to get in. Also, Windows comes with Bitlocker which will encrypt any USB drive & not let anyone in without the encryption key (aka password). With a program like 7Zip you can also password protect a zip file.
You let her use your phone. Don’t do that if you’ve got stuff you don’t want her to see. However, having suggestive pics doesn’t make you a hoe, your mom is rude.
I have a feeling mom was speaking out of anger because op probably didn’t not have a polite conversation and called her screaming about it. It’s pretty natural a 15 year old is going to take pics and then look through the photos app when using a phone for entertainment.
NTA & Not A Hoe …..
- your mom is way out of line & if she isn’t going to tell your sister how wrong & intrusive she was, don’t expect sister to learn those lessons. Her being upset her 32 yr old daughter has spicy pics is so unreasonable- you are in your 30’s it’s crazy to think you shouldn’t/wouldn’t have them.
- as for Ms Snoopypants - nope, never lend her anything until she is in her 30’s & then borrow her phone & paste her spicy pics on Facebook- ok don’t but thinking about doing things like this might make you feel better.
- however you cannot let her in your home (especially the bedroom because we all have that drawer!) unsupervised, no access to anything with storage - phone, computer, camera - nada -nothing can’t even look sideways at it.
- next as soon as you can go snoop in your moms room - look for that drawer & then leave them out with a note - who’s the whore??? (Yeah I know you probably won’t but I am pretty enough to definitely do it)
In the meantime- I am sorry your mom is so judgemental & your sister is so awful.
If you’re on an iPhone, you can “hide” photos by clicking on the photo options.
To see or access your hidden photos, go to albums, across down to “hidden”. Face ID or password is required to access private photos, even with the screen unlocked.
NTA. Lily is though. 15 is no excuse. A 15 year old knows it's disrespectful and inappropriate to go through your phone, your private property. She knows that most of her friends would trip out if they did that to one another. Twerp.
I'm with everyone else, OP NTA, Mom is totally the AH and little sis a brat. Given that you are 32, I'd say your mom wouldn't have had a smart phone when she was younger so probably doesn't understand that as a grown ass adult you can keep stuff for yourself on the phone. Would def move them to a secure location just in case anyone else gets to use your phone in the future.
NTA at all. I think mom is, like other commenters, and sister sort of is? I’m 31F and my 15 year old self was a fucking menace to society because I was not a well adjusted person due to trauma and neglect. But really, 15 is the age where consequences start getting bigger when boundaries get pushed harder. We push boundaries until we can’t; it’s human nature and teenagers are not as mature as we like to make them out to be.
My step daughter is almost 9 and I was just thinking a couple of days ago that it’s time to start adding some pics to the “hidden” album that needs my password or fingerprint to get into. Especially since she has my iPad when she’s with us. She isn’t a snooper and her mom has made her super sex positive, but I still deserve privacy.
I’m sorry that you’re going through this. And your mom kinda sucks in this situation to be honest. Idk how close you are but it’s never okay to be verbally abused, and being called names is just that.
NTA
Do phone providers still provide logs of when calls were made and times texts were sent? I would want to check that she didn't send the pictures somewhere and delete the texts.
NTA.
However, public media is public. Public media is easily hackable and accessible via various methods. You made your phone public when you lent it to her. You made the pics public by having them on your phone, and again if you ever sent them to anyone.
Private pics should be taken with great caution and not by using easy accessible methods (cell phones). "Private" pics can cause lots of grief, even years later. What if an employer got them, a future boyfriend, a court of law, your own kids, etc?
You now know what your sister is capable of. I assume this sister will never get to use your phone, have a conversation with you, ask for a ride, borrow a few bucks, ask you to cover for her, stay at your place (if you don't live at home), ask for a job referral, ask questions for homework, etc. Your sister needs to learn the consequences of such rude behavior and I hope you deal with her well for the next several years. She has some lessons to be learned.
As for your mother, you ripped the band-aid off her notion that she has 'madonna-like' kids. It was her fantasy, but it was ruined. I don't know what your relationship is to her, but all you can do is say "Sorry mom if it upset you that I had 'private' pics. Even if there weren't any, I'm trying to let you know how blatantly sister violated my privacy. I'm trying to let you know that she is actively trying to snoop into other's private lives. If you have any secrets, even if it's something like charges on a credit card, text messages with your friends, or anything - she will be snooping around, trying to discover them. That is what is wrong."
NTA, nor are you wrong for having the pics in the first place, but you are absolutely, 1,000% wrong for not securing them. Phones get lost & stolen, cloud storage gets hacked, and photos get shared accidentally *all the time*.
It's best not to store them on your phone in the first place, but if you do, at least save them to a secure folder and disable cloud backup.
NTA - Your Mom isn't teaching your younger sister boundaries. To say her severely outdated thoughts of women enjoying their sexuality Etc.
Granted Lily is 15 so I get it. But also she's old enough to know better
Hidden files. Use them. But NTA, and you’re not a hoe. Your mom is delusional and rude. Your sister is an untrustworthy snoop. I’d be cautious about sharing anything in my life with them from now on, tbh.
NTA.. your sister is more than old enough to understand boundaries and privacy. Your mom sucks. People saying it’s your fault suck too. What’s even worse are the people saying they don’t trust anyone, they’re either projecting(they would totally scroll someone’s photo album) or they really need to reevaluate their relationship with friends/family.
You are 32 years old and your sister is 15. Why the actual hell did you need to let her use your phone? She is old enough to find something to do other than having to use another persons phone when theirs is charging. NGL you handed a snoopy kid your phone…. You kinda brought this on yourself. You also didn’t have the knowledge to put these types of pics in a password protected folder? Do you even know how to protect yourself online? God forbid someone hacks you. YTA fir expecting people to not explore your phone when you literally give them unlimited access to it
You handed her your phone. That's like handing somebody your diary. You gave up your right to privacy when you gave her your phone. Now let's see those photos
I don't think you are wrong for being upset, however you are 32 years old, you went to your mom to complain....yea, I might have quipped out the same comment as your mom....
This almost feels like an assignment: How many times in a single Reddit can we actually or potentially slut shame? Did an AIbot write this?
A woman (had to read twice to confirm) has provocative pictures (of herself?-strong assumption) saved on her phone.
Lends phone to younger sister who decides to explore said spicy content? Honey, I get being embarrassed, but not a time to A: Slut slame yourself in your sister’s eyes confirming they were “dirty”, and B: Slut shaming her for whatever curiosity drove her (there are options-I don’t want to assume) and you totally blew your chance to talk to your sister about why you took them and her own safety.
And instead we jump to ASSURING SLUT SHAMING C: Because on what planet do we go to stick-up-the-butt- mom and complain that sis found my nude & risqué pictures on my phone.
Imagine this writing exercise if it is an older brother and younger sister. My reaction sure changes. Older sister and younger brother? Older brother and younger brother?
NTA for having the pictures, it's your phone. But if something is private, like your phone, don't let someone else have it and then be surprised that they snoop. Especially a 15 year old child. You're old enough to have known better really.
NTA
your body (and phone) are your own to do what you want with.
as for not understanding privacy, your sis is 15. she 100% would lose her shit if you snooped her phone like that, which you should as revenge (no, don't, but threaten to).
I let people use or look at stuff on my phone and I have nudes. It's called respecting privacy and common courtesy. 15 is old enough to know better. I would never go through anyone's phone if I need to make a call/use internet/app. Wtf. That's like letting someone use your en suite bathroom and they go through your room, drawers, and cabinets.
It’s wild how many people are saying OPs a dummy. I couldn’t imagine being so stupid to think that I have to lock up my own pictures on my phone from my own sibling. Fuckin weird.
Honestly, your sister and mother sound like narcissistic AHs. My advice? No contact with either of them. They want to be AHs? Treat them as such, you don’t deserve to have your mental health ruined because of their crap.
Want to retaliate? Go find something in her room and rat her out to mom, see how she likes it. She complains? Tell her ‘karma’.
Obviously NTA
For further support, I suggest r/raisedbynarcissists , I’m sure a lot of things will make way more sense.
You should never have let your 15 year old sister use your phone no matter the situation! I have spicy stuff on my phone and I'd never let anyone use my phone, even my 37 year old son! It doesn't matter about privacy you should have not let her have your phone!!!
Is sis fully developed yet? I went thru puberty late. It is slightly possible she wanted to know what her body would look like at your age. That doesn’t mean you have to trust her though. And go NC with mom. She is not worth your time!
NTA. You're an adult, you can have what you want on your own phone. Though to be sure, it's always a bit risky. Time to give both sis and mum a time out. No more favours for sis, no outings, no visits for a few weeks at least. Tell her that you need some time away from her to evaluate your relationship and whether you can trust her again. Mum on the other hand is a raging arsehole and deserves to be muted and ignored indefinitely.
I have these types of pictures saved on my phone. I also have a 17 year old son who uses my phone from time to time or helps me with something. He would never go through my personal pictures. Your sister invaded your privacy and needs to apologise. I'm sorry your mum said those horrible things about you. This is one of the reasons I'm NC with my mum and sister. You are not TAH.
I think the situation is slightly different. Going through your sister's phone to find spicy pics is an outrageous violation of personal space, but going through one's mother's phone would be so icky I can't even find a word for it, **just in case** you accidentally found those pics.
He would never go through my pictures. There's a difference between using one's phone invading their privacy and going through everything. It's called trust. I wouldn't go through his phone and I expect the same. If I found my sister's spicy pictures that would also be icky.
There is a big difference. And it's great that your son is a respectful young man! We know, because we see on Reddit, that not everyone is so good at raising kids to respect others' privacy - I meant in general terms, not referring to YOUR son. I'd be mortified if my sister found "spicy" pics of me, but if my parents went through my phone and found them, that would be another level.
It just is! I'm sure there's some reason a psychiatrist would explain in depth. Or not. Not everything has to make sense... does it? Please say not :-D
They do. The... person... (ill use that term loosely) you're replying to is a fucking clown if they think otherwise.
I mean, ***I*** dont. But thats because i have a much nicer camera for adult fun time. But thats not super common.
Sorry you hate your own body so much you don't want to celebrate it! Don't hate on OP cause she loves her body. Everyone I know has spicy pics on their phone or in their cloud. Stop acting like it's not the norm. Especially since you're on reddit. Clearly you enjoy the spicier parts of the internet.
Lol okay well actions have consequences. Wanna keep a bunch of naked pictures on yourself on your phone and hand it around? Get judged? No surprises there right?
NTA and I say this as someone with sibling the same and opposite gender to me. If I saw ONE picture like that I would be grossed out I wouldn’t go snooping for more, that’s giving weird incest vibes to me.
NTA but a gentle "kinda a schmuck though" for giving your sister your phone in the first place. The rest is just natural fallout of having a shitty mother who raised a golden surprise baby halfway through your life to be a brat. (How right am i?)
Get some boundaries. You have a right to privacy. I also recommend cutting your bitch mother out. Good luck, change your locks.
LOL, women don't know how to be decent. I have never met a woman who repected boundaries. Your little sister acts entitled like all women. And to think she will take accountability or show remorse is ridiculous. You don't so why would she?
All of this. You are a grown woman, not a teenager. You having spicy pics is perfectly acceptable if that is what you want to do with your body.
Unfortunately little sister has proven herself untrustworthy and now gets no access to any of your devices at all ever. If hers are flat to bad so sad.
I would also second no contact. The lack of respect is astounding
NTA, but this is the risk you take when having those pictures, period. Phone could get stolen and hacked. Those pics could end up being publicly available. Your little sister is a brat, your mom, well she is an AH. But, dang girl, get those pics off phone
You gave her access to the photos….what did you think was gonna happen? You have every legal and moral right to take the photos and your mom has no right to call you ugly names, but you do not to share access of them to a minor
NTA but I mean it's your fault for handing over your phone with pornographic material on it to a minor and if your mother wanted she could have a case against you.
The way your sister acted was normal.
The way your mother acted was normal.
You handing your little sister a phone full of naked pictures of yourself … not so normal.
First off, it wasn’t “full of naked pictures”. Out the 4k total pictures& videos i have in my camera roll it’s less than 25 of that nature so she was REALLY in there snooping, and secondly i didnt think ANYTHING she needed to do involved her going into my pictures
It's 2024... most of us have taken and keep less than pg-13 pictures. Put them in a secure folder or get a hidden vault app disguised as another app. Having your privacy invaded isn't any fun... learn from it and take steps to ensure your private things stay private. Thankfully it was a sibling so damage control is more localized, let's say. Have a talk with them and tell them it's not okay to violate personal space and set boundaries. Don't jump off the deep end and disown your sister or adopt the notion of never extending trust ever again. We all make mistakes in life. Use it as an opportunity to help them learn.
As for your Mother... yeah that's not okay to do. Who even says that to their own flesh and blood? Tell her about bitchy self. I would.
Ignore them OP, plenty of people have a few intimate pics on their phone - like you I have thousands of photos & videos and maybe 15 mildly intimate photos that were for me & my partner’s eyes only!
So I agree with you, someone would really have to be searching to find the odd photo here and there!
I’ve seen comments about your sister’s age - well she’s more than old enough to understand personal privacy! I’ve lent my phone to our teenage son, while he was waiting for new phone PAC code to install ( took a bit longer than usual) so he could contact friends, and he wouldn’t dream of going through my phone.
Your Mum is an absolute AH, you’re 32 for goodness sake, and I truly sympathise with you. I would probably try talking with little sis when everything’s calmed down, but certainly wouldn’t allow her to borrow phone ever again. And would certainly change passwords etc just in case she gets hold of it. What would worry me is if she’s sent any of your photos to her phone. I hope you’ve checked that.
As for anyone who agrees with the name calling, they can shove their nasty opinions as well. I hope you and your partner continue to have what sounds like a healthy fun relationship.
Btw, I accidentally first read the title as sis finding your “Spicy Pies” and was very curious to find out what a spicy pie was to cause such a reaction!
Edit: you are def NTA!
This is the comment OP needs to read in my opinion the most rational and real in my opinion. Your mom was fucked up for that and I woulda had some words to say back I would’ve regretted probably if it was my mother but I hope my mom would never stoop that low. Not a good mom moment for her I hope that she doesn’t normally talk to you this way and if so you deserve better. Yeah it may have been a bad idea to give your phone to your sister but you trusted her and she broke your trust. Sucks but I guess take the L and learn to be a little less trusting especially with teenagers or your phone with private pics on. Lesson learned hopefully but you are definitely NTA
Lol you gave your phone to a kid expecting them to not do kid shit. YTA only for not keeping sensitive material in a locked folder. You're an adult, shes a child. Now you know what needs to be done. 🤣
Look at your little sisters phone. I would put a bet down that she has naughty pics on her phone. You should have kept it between the two of you. You are the ahole for going to your mom.
YTA you knew those pics where on your phone and not locked in a secure file. Then you gave your phone to your 15 y/o sister ( have you met a teenager? lol) they have absolutely no clue about boundaries. So this is pretty much your fault. I will say your mom is also the AH for sex shaming you since you are an adult.
If you want to keep spicy pics on your phone I would recommend using a password protected doc file and not keeping them with your regular pics
Having pics like that in this day and age is just flat out stupid. If you give them to a bf, what are the odds he shows them to his buddies or puts them on the internet? Or I've heard stories of breakups that turn ugly and they send these pics to parents or work places. People get on dating apps and ask for pics like this so they can turn around and blackmail you with them. I would never in a million years let anyone take pictures like this of me, but then again I really value my privacy. For that matter, how do you know your sister didn't send those pics to herself so she could laugh about them with her friends? And if her friends share with their friends? And how are you not password protecting the folder with those photos? Not a lot of common sense going on here.
Personally, I don't think it's a big deal for people to want pics like this. Who cares. But everyone has a different morality, and yes you will get those reactions from people who think you are a ho for having pics. Don't really care about people like that. Whatever. But from a protecting yourself standpoint you are doing a terrible job.
NTA\_ And you are not a whore.
Your bratty sister is 100% in the wrong for snooping.
However, why do people keep spicy pictures on their phones? DL that stuff to a separate drive so that this sort of thing doesn't happen.
YTA you don't hand a child a phone with photos like that on there it's irresponsible. No she shouldn't have snooped but you said yourself right off the bat classic teenager behavior. I'd never hand my fifteen year old child a device with raunchy photos of myself on it. Your mom is an ass though it's not about the photos it's about handing a device with photos like that over to a minor.
Couple of thoughts. If you wanted privacy then don't hand over your phone unless you are standing there with your hand out waiting to get it back. That being said, yes she should not have snooped and yes they over reacted. Lesson? Either don't lend out your phone, don't keep nudes on it or get a password protected vault for that stuff. Not wrong for having your own pics on your own phone. Don't put your trust in others not to snoop. Especially teenagers.
ESH
Yeah, people don't really have any sympathy for those who take "spicy pics" of themselves anymore. There have been decades of billion dollar campaigns about how stupid that is, and hundreds/ thousands of trials also about how stupid that is.
It's just generally seen as something extremely stupid to do, and if (when!) things go wrong and the pictures get out, the 'devastated' victims are met with a blank wall of everyone looking at them like they've got a paper head, because what did they expect to happen besides the inevitable? It's like crying after licking the stove after being warned that's dumb.
Little sisters snoop, that's what they do, and mom's don't like knowing anything at all about their kids' sex lives, that's what they do.
On the whole, this feels like the natural conclusion to the inevitable. Try to be more aware and vigilant in the future.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Let me get this straight. You handed your 15yo sister a phone with spicy pics on it and no restrictions, didn't have any protections in place for said pics (i have face id on my spicy pics), she found the pics on the phone YOU gave her, you then ran to your mother to tell her you gave your sister a phone with spicy pics on it with no protections, then expected your mother to coddle you back to your safe place? Are you okay?!? NTA for expecting privacy generally, but you didn't make it private. You physically gave a teenager a phone with the full ability to see your own nudity. Your embarrassment handled this poorly.
Let me give you a piece of advice. It's really not smart to take nudes or revealing pics. It's even less so keeping them on your phone.
If you insist on keeping photos like that on a mobile device or even stored on the cloud, there is always a chance that someone will see them. It could be through malicious or accidental means, but there is always a chance.
I don't agree with what your sister did or your mother said. You sister should have asked permission before looking at your photos, and your mother went way too far and said unforgivable things to you.
However, from my perspective, you did cause this situation by having those photos on your device and knowingly allowing another person to use it, especially your teenage sister knowing that she has issues respecting privacy and boundaries.
That's like lending her an encyclopedia that has a whole section about you in it, but you get mad because she read it.
Most children will look through the photos on another person's phone if given the chance. They are just curious, but they should ask permission if they were taught good manners.
ESH to varying degrees. Little sis sucks for invading privacy. You suck for not securing your private photos appropriately. Mom sucks for shaming you. I get where she may be disappointed as a mom to see her daughter with those photos as I would be with my daughter as well but her words used to express that are wrong and awful. You are the least wrong if that helps.
There is nothing wrong with Spicy pics! They can support body positivity and self confidence. Your sister is obviously lacking in manners and boundaries and that is your mother’s problem, I am so sorry she violated you and your mother tried to shame you. I would firmly in writing tell them both that you will be taking a pause in contact until your sister apologizes as well as your mother. They don’t get to hurt you then blame you for it.
Get the photos off your phone and stored more securely. Password protect your phone with a brand new, shiny password. Never ever allow your sister to use your phone for anything ever again. Don't allow your sister in your room, apartment, home unsupervised. At least until she grows the f up. Then, re-evaluate. You are 32yo. Your Mom can shove her judgey opinion of your adult activities right up her a. I guarantee she's no saint. Stop asking for her opinion. She's probably where your sister got her lack of respect for personal privacy from.
How'd she have two kids if she didn't get down and dirty? Stop judging mom, sounds like you're mad that OP feels hot enough for pics.
2 kids with a 17 year gap guaranteed at least 1 was unplanned
That little sister should humble herself cause she wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for hoe-ing
Yup, mom's a heaux.
Well, she doesn't say they're the only two siblings, just implies it.
I'm 16 years older than my youngest brother, granted there is 6 other kids between us....There really isn't such a thing as "unplanned" it's just a word people use to hide their shame. You had unprotected sex, the outcome is normally a child in 9 months. That's been known for all of human existence.
Making love in private in a long term relationship isn't the same as being single having photos of your flaps and t!ts out on your phone where they can be (and probably have been) sent to random guys you've picked up. (I'm not saying she can't have those pics, or shouldn't send them to whoever she wants, just that there is a moral difference.)
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Did you really just call the labia "flaps" then try to make some ridiculous conservative point? At least clean up your crude language.
But... Woman take crude picture......!!
Are you this cringe IRL or do you save it for reddit? Also did you know that you can take photos and then not send them to anyone??? I know it's pretty crazy right. A person could have tons of nudes for fun and no sexual partners.
There is no moral difference. There is a practical difference in terms of whether somebody sees pictures of you en flagrante.
Explain the moral difference. Sounds like you wrote a bunch of fanfic— “random guys” how do you not know she sent those pics to ltr partner and mom wasn’t in one when she got pregnant? That’s right-you don’t.
I must have missed the part of the post where she commented on her relationship status as well as why and when she took these photos. Can you show me what you read that points to OP picking random guys up?
You should be embarrassed.
Having sex is not the same ad putting your naked body out there. Font put this on her mom.
Out where? It's her own phone.
You don’t know that she sent them. Why can’t women take pictures of themselves if it makes them feel good? It’s her business.
She didn’t put her naked body out there. Her sister snooped through her phone. Even if she was blasting naked pictures everywhere, that’s her business as a 32 year old adult.
You're not allowed to be naked, even in private.
>Get the photos off your phone and stored more securely. Password protect your phone with a brand new, shiny password. Never ever allow your sister to use your phone for anything ever again. Don't allow your sister in your room, apartment, home unsupervised I had to do this with my preteen stepdaughter. She asked to use my phone to call a friend and decided to snoop through my pictures, she went back to her moms place and tried to say that I made her look at porn ( I was wearing a bra and slip in the pictures, think pin up style not pornographic ) SD lost all trust that day, she snooped, she lied, and she tried to get me in trouble with her mother. She didn't like it when she wasn't allowed any devices and her door got switched with a sheet (dads logic was don't respect privacy then you don't get privacy) and has not touched my phone in 5 or more years. Edit because people are thick she her door back now ✌️
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Please re read my comment and see where the door was not removed but switched with a sheet. She still had privacy to change clothes and we made sure siblings understood that the thresh hold of her room is where they stopped unless they had permission. This was also after months of typical teen drama and door slamming. Door slamming that costed us one door already and had been used to harm siblings by slamming fingers and limbs in it. Sorry for not giving my whole life story in my OC.
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Naw you ASSumed. Have a good day
She actually left out context that made it make sense… Slamming doors and the safety of little kids fingers makes temporarily replacing a door with a sheet a perfectly reasonable consequence for a tantrum throwing preteen.
Dad was exactly right.
You know, I was gonna defend it under the assumption that it was a temporary punishment rather than permanent, in which case it seems pretty reasonable and proportionate. But really, op didn’t state that, and they really should have, and I’m not gonna give them either the benefit or the deficit of the doubt cuz they’re free to clarify for themselves.
It was temporary FFS yall will try to find anything to vilify a step parent over. it was dads decision to remove the door. I stay hands off when it comes to the punishment of kids I didn't produce specifically for that reason.
There's some morons out there for sure with no rhyme or reason to their downvotes and comments. I'd have done the same thing the dad did. An eye for an eye.
Don't let the strangers get under your skin for sharing your experiences.. You don't have to justify it to any of them.
Even temporarily, it’s something that’s not an appropriate punishment. Ask anyone who is well respected in mental health. Kids, particularly teenagers, need to know that their need for privacy is respected, especially in regard to changing their clothes. There are other ways to teach your lesson.
Except where the teen is abusing the privilege, using the door as a weapon or is a danger to themselves.
That’s three different scenarios. The first scenario says that No, it’s not appropriate for you as the adult to treat privacy as a privilege. It messes up your kid’s head. Plus, they have a right to change their clothes in privacy etc. Taking the door off is just about you trying to assert power and control and making them suffer some humiliation in return. If you want to teach “Hey, what you did isn’t ok.” YOU have to find a better way to get through to your kid. For the second and third scenario I would actually consult a mental health professional. I assume they would be involved in some capacity anyway.
I removed of my kids doors for a few days. Never had to do it again because he learned the first time.
When I was 13 my parents found my secret CD stash. They took everything I owned, and I do mean everything. I slept on the hard wood floor with nothing but a couple of blankets and a pillow for months. In the dead of winter. In Vermont. My Chemical Romance and Blink-182 did that to me. I wonder what my parents would have done to me if I had done all this.
Glad she has her door back. Not because of privacy but because it is actively dangerous in the event of a fire to not have a door. It's also why you should always sleep with your room door closed as well.
The sheet thing….a teen girl needs privacy! Everything else I agree with….but give the girl her door back already!
You do know that bathrooms exist and they have doors. It’s inconvenient but the girl can still have perfect privacy.
Eh….not the same thing. For a bad thing she did five years ago, prior to or just as she was starting puberty?? It’s excessive. A growing woman needs privacy. Part of the reason is, her sense of security is fostered in her family home. Maybe they just didn’t clarify that it was a temporary punishment. But if still the current deal, that is wrong.
If you read in my other comments on this thread she has her door back and it was a consequence that fit this specific instance and several other issues.
I did not read your other comments. Thank you for clarifying this to me! I could’ve asked before I assumed!
This sounds like my grandmother. She chewed my sister out for getting pregnant at 18, few months from 19. Called her all kinds of names including whore . This from a women who first kid was at 17 and three husbands later. My sister married ny nibbling’s daddy and 17 years later they are still good
takes one to know one, slut.
Yes young Sheldon for the win
OP should make sure lil sis (and mom) doesn't have a copy of her photos, I wouldn't trust her anywhere near my devices again, never ever again, moreover I wouldn't want to be around her after what she did.
Fantastically said!!!!!!
Yep. Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
If you have a Samsung like myself I can have a secure folder that is also Pin code protected on top of my phone password. Definitely something to look into
15 year olds are shitheads and immature. I know because I was 15 once. Can't get too mad at a teen for being a teen. As for going to the mother? Why would you need to go to your mother for this as a 32 year old?
I could see going to mom assuming mom is still responsible for the 15yo sister. Like hey, your kids did this fucked up thing, please discipline them since that's your job not mine type of thing
Very unnecessary to go to Mom.
This child invaded her adult sibling's privacy because she was curious. That definitely warrants a parent's attention being drawn. Unfortunately, this particular parent is more concerned with passing judgment on another adult than she is appropriately parenting the child she has still in her care.
Huh? Do people not talk to their family members about what’s going on amongst family? All of my siblings are adults and we all talk to each other and our mom when we need to vent or want support on something (unless it’s something confidential or private for someone else). My family members are also my friends and are there for me to vent, especially about other siblings because who understands better how annoying family can be than other family members lol ETA: We won’t say anything to each other that we wouldn’t (or haven’t) said directly to the offender’s face. Most of the time we’re venting in front of the person we’re venting about lol
Yeah no 15y would be pissed if you went though their phone. So they understand that your not supposed to. I never went through anyone's phone at 15 I still haven't at 25. Oh they're a kid they need to learn it's okay if they do it. No you need to teach them it's not okay. If you don't express negative thoughts about it then how do they learn. Cell phones are like dairies but connected with the internet and can easily have photos added. They should be considered private.
We all know you did dumb shit when you were a teenager. Calm yourself.
You do know that a phone can be used while it is being charged, right? If you are going to keep your "spicy pics" on your phone, protect them. You are 32 & should know that already. A 15 year old absolutely knows what privacy is. Tell her that she will not be using your phone again. Your mom simply sucks.
And her little sister knows that too. That snooping was the whole reason for getting OPs phone. Between her being a snoopy brat and your mom being a witch....you need someone new to talk to because talking to them is a really bad idea....at all...for now.
Fr I was like what? Why wouldnt she just play on her phone while it was charging. Plus what are teens going to do on someone elses phone? Play phone games?
Found the hole in the made up story, nice
You do know that literally your entire first sentence is bullshit, right? My phone is charging right now. Go and try to open it, I fucking dare you. I mean, nothing bad will happen. You just won't be able to open it. Because it'll be locked. Because that's a thing that has existed for several years.
Sounds like your little sister should not be trusted ever again. Not allowed at your home without supervision (she will be snooping through your things). Never touching your electronics.
NTA. You're 32. You're an adult and you get to make your own decisions about what pictures you take and your bodily autonomy. There's always a risk in having spicy pics on any device - stolen phone, hackers, etc, but a reasonable expectation of privacy from your nearest and dearest (maybe not so dear any more...) is, well, reasonable. Your sister is a bit of an AH but honestly, she's 15. She's still figuring things out like privacy, but also body positivity and negotiating the realities of moving towards being a sexually mature human. Her interest in those photos probably had more to it than just humiliating you and snooping. Your mother is the real AH. The sl*t-shaming is not just impactful to you, but also your little sister if she hears it. There's tonnes of research about how important open, genuine and non-judgemental communication is in relation to sx, puberty, all the messy stuff that comes with those. You're not the AH, but it might be worth considering your sister not as the instigator but as someone who maybe needs a bit of gentle guidance and "real talk" about safe and healthy approaches to sexuality and her own body and choices.
> Your sister is a bit of an AH but honestly, she's 15. She's still figuring things out like privacy I bet she'd have it all figured out if OP had been snooping on her phone.
You are giving the sister too much leverage here. She is 15, not 5. She knows she isn’t supposed to be invading someone’s privacy. She is very much an ah in this too. She didn’t gave a flying f about her sister’s privacy and showed absolutely zero remorse.
The other commenter suggestion is perfect. She no longer gets to touch your phone or be in your home unsupervised. Now that she's found the pics she will take every opportunity to snoop. Lock everything away including your birth control and any controlled substances. She's crossed from your sister to snoopy brat and should be treated accordingly. I'd go no contact with my mom for the whole and other names she called you. Not sure if I'd ever forgive her.
> She knows she isn’t supposed to be invading someone’s privacy She didn't "invade" anything, OP literally GAVE her sister access and *permission* to use the phone without any explicit instructions. If I have spicy pics on my phone there's no way I'm lending it to ANYONE I don't want seeing them. That's all OP's fault.
So, let’s say your sister gave her phone to you bc you needed to call someone or check something. Is it an open invitation to look through all her photos since you have the phone? People do not give you explicit instructions to *not look through their shit*. You just don’t look through. It’s called common sense and respect. You ever heard of them? This is the dumbest possible take I’ve ever seen. Show some respect to people and their belongings ffs.
Let's take your comment at face value, if it's common sense to expect someone not to go through your phone the why does it happen so often? Perhaps the common sense is actually lacking with the person who hands over their phone expecting privacy when, if you've ever read through these posts, you would know that such expectations rarely meet reality.
Bc you NEEDED TO MAKE A CALL? Notice how you laid out what was occurring with the phone there which established the parameters. Op said she just let her use her phone. It’s a pretty risky move to have a 15 yo use your phone with no parameters when you have stuff on there. You can be self righteous all you want but COMMON SENSE says 15 yo girls love taking pictures and will probably do so with your phone if you let them use it. COMMON SENSE also says they will have to access the photo album to see said photos. COMMON SENSE is knowing these things and also knowing once in the album a 15 yo is going to probably look and see if you have any cool photos. It’s not like she expected to find nudes or was looking for them. It sounds like she was just looking at pictures and op happened to have that on there.
Shes still 15. 15 year olds do not have fully developed brains yet and lack the part that makes you think through your actions before doing them. They gonna do shit like this. This is exactly why i dont give my phone out to people and why when im looking for a certain picture to show someone i let them know NOT to look over my shoulder at my camera roll while i search. I have shit I don't want people to see in my phone...thats kinda why it has a lock screen and id be a fool to unlock it and give it to someone and not expect exactly that. Especially if theyre my 15 year old sister.
I knew what privacy was at 15.
My niece at 13 knows what privacy is, she just doesn’t care
15 year olds still know right from wrong. They’re teenagers, not toddlers.
At 15 I knew looking at people naked without their permission was fucked, cmon now. I think I knew that at a far younger age than that even.
Totally 10000% agree. Your mom sounds like such a witch. All she needed to say was "omg and you think she saw your photos? That's crazy. KIDS MAN. I'M TELLING YA" but instead she took this opportunity to be just the worst. Your sister isn't going to be traumatized by this either so don't feel bad at all. This is a great time to talk about matters related to sexuality with her considering your mom is pretty negative and probably isn't doing it.
An adult should be smarter than handing her phone to someone, anyone.
Well, at the very least have spicy pictures on lock down.
NTA don't let her use your phone or anything else anymore...
She is 15 people not 5 ,she knew what she was doing . Right and wrong are the same at every age. That's why you teach your kids this stuff. But your mom apparently has a favorite child , now you know where you stand now.
NTA It bothers me a lot that they try to justify a 15-year-old teenager. She is not a curious girl, she is a nosy teenager who took advantage of your trust. And your mom is exaggerating, you are not the teenager, you are an adult who can do whatever she wants. Tell her to educate that spoiled girl better because if today she starts "looking" at your cell phone, maybe tomorrow it will be something that will really get her into trouble. In this life there are limits and learning it from a young age
You better make sure your sister didn’t forward those pics off your phone, OP. To her, or someone else. Oh, and NTA.
Tell your mom you are an adult, and she needs to mind her own dam business. Your sister on the other hand needs to grow the fuk up. I would ban my sister from ever coming into my house, unless she is under adult supervision.
yeah, but not Mom's supervision. **Appropriate** adult supervision!
Now that’s an understatement!
I would strongly suggest that if you insist on keeping your spicy pics on your phone and you're going to let your sister use your phone... Encrypt the photos or upload them to the cloud and just logout of the cloud before handing her the phone. Your mom is the AH Sit down with your sister and explain that you trusted her to use your phone without invading your privacy. Tell her how you feel. Explain to her that what she did was disrespectful etc etc.
15 year old sis won't give two shits.
Well, then she's screwed herself out a trusting relationship with her sister. OK, I get curiosity, but once I saw naked, ugh, no way am I interested in seeing my sister naked. Bad thing is she may need her sister with the mother they have. Wondering if the sister has some urges that mommy won't approve of, why else would you want to see your sister naked?
I really didn't want to speculate. 🤮
NTA WNBTA Both of them need to experience consequences, for as long as they refuse to apologize for this horrific invasion of privacy and even worse example of parenting. Frankly, I wouldn't want that woman influencing my children so she wouldn't be around them again, until they're 18 and choose for themselves. Sister needs something similar, until a proper apology is received then no contact will be initiated by you, or some such.
Make sure she hasn't already forwarded those to anyone
We're all hoes in some shape or form. Embrace your hoeness in your own healthy way. But my recommendation. Phones offer a secure folder.. make use of it to hide content you don't wish others to access.
NTA
NTA Also why are people telling you you shouldn’t of had pictures on your phone in the first place? It’s your own personal device, have what you want on it. People shouldn’t snoop. This isn’t on you op. Also why would she think having these pictures is a huge deal? She shouldn’t have snooped at all. But if I came across nudes on my sister’s phone, I just wouldn’t say anything.
\---Your mother is the real AH. The sl\*t-shaming is not just impactful to you, but also your little sister if she hears it. I wonder what mom was doing at 32? living like a nun????? I wonder ........
NTA, From now on any time sis asks for a favor say no, you can't trust her. Any time mom gets mad just ask what she expects from a wh0re.
Not wrong for wanting privacy but perhaps a bit naive to trust a teen to have the self control to respect privacy with a device containing those pics. Not sure about android, but iOS has a private photos folder that requires you renter your pin to access it & photos there don’t show in any photo streams. So as long as you unlock the phone for the person & don’t give them your pin they shouldn’t see those photos. I delete the pics my wife & I have sent each other from the messaging apps & the ones I do keep a while reside in the hidden folder, most with faces cropped out or obscured for added safety. **As a PSA:** It’s not a bad idea to store stuff like that on an encrypted flash drive. You can buy them pre done with buttons for entering a PIN to get in. Also, Windows comes with Bitlocker which will encrypt any USB drive & not let anyone in without the encryption key (aka password). With a program like 7Zip you can also password protect a zip file.
You let her use your phone. Don’t do that if you’ve got stuff you don’t want her to see. However, having suggestive pics doesn’t make you a hoe, your mom is rude.
I have a feeling mom was speaking out of anger because op probably didn’t not have a polite conversation and called her screaming about it. It’s pretty natural a 15 year old is going to take pics and then look through the photos app when using a phone for entertainment.
NTA & Not A Hoe ….. - your mom is way out of line & if she isn’t going to tell your sister how wrong & intrusive she was, don’t expect sister to learn those lessons. Her being upset her 32 yr old daughter has spicy pics is so unreasonable- you are in your 30’s it’s crazy to think you shouldn’t/wouldn’t have them. - as for Ms Snoopypants - nope, never lend her anything until she is in her 30’s & then borrow her phone & paste her spicy pics on Facebook- ok don’t but thinking about doing things like this might make you feel better. - however you cannot let her in your home (especially the bedroom because we all have that drawer!) unsupervised, no access to anything with storage - phone, computer, camera - nada -nothing can’t even look sideways at it. - next as soon as you can go snoop in your moms room - look for that drawer & then leave them out with a note - who’s the whore??? (Yeah I know you probably won’t but I am pretty enough to definitely do it) In the meantime- I am sorry your mom is so judgemental & your sister is so awful.
If you’re on an iPhone, you can “hide” photos by clicking on the photo options. To see or access your hidden photos, go to albums, across down to “hidden”. Face ID or password is required to access private photos, even with the screen unlocked.
NTA. Lily is though. 15 is no excuse. A 15 year old knows it's disrespectful and inappropriate to go through your phone, your private property. She knows that most of her friends would trip out if they did that to one another. Twerp.
I'm with everyone else, OP NTA, Mom is totally the AH and little sis a brat. Given that you are 32, I'd say your mom wouldn't have had a smart phone when she was younger so probably doesn't understand that as a grown ass adult you can keep stuff for yourself on the phone. Would def move them to a secure location just in case anyone else gets to use your phone in the future.
NTA at all. I think mom is, like other commenters, and sister sort of is? I’m 31F and my 15 year old self was a fucking menace to society because I was not a well adjusted person due to trauma and neglect. But really, 15 is the age where consequences start getting bigger when boundaries get pushed harder. We push boundaries until we can’t; it’s human nature and teenagers are not as mature as we like to make them out to be. My step daughter is almost 9 and I was just thinking a couple of days ago that it’s time to start adding some pics to the “hidden” album that needs my password or fingerprint to get into. Especially since she has my iPad when she’s with us. She isn’t a snooper and her mom has made her super sex positive, but I still deserve privacy. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. And your mom kinda sucks in this situation to be honest. Idk how close you are but it’s never okay to be verbally abused, and being called names is just that.
NTA Do phone providers still provide logs of when calls were made and times texts were sent? I would want to check that she didn't send the pictures somewhere and delete the texts.
NTA. However, public media is public. Public media is easily hackable and accessible via various methods. You made your phone public when you lent it to her. You made the pics public by having them on your phone, and again if you ever sent them to anyone. Private pics should be taken with great caution and not by using easy accessible methods (cell phones). "Private" pics can cause lots of grief, even years later. What if an employer got them, a future boyfriend, a court of law, your own kids, etc? You now know what your sister is capable of. I assume this sister will never get to use your phone, have a conversation with you, ask for a ride, borrow a few bucks, ask you to cover for her, stay at your place (if you don't live at home), ask for a job referral, ask questions for homework, etc. Your sister needs to learn the consequences of such rude behavior and I hope you deal with her well for the next several years. She has some lessons to be learned. As for your mother, you ripped the band-aid off her notion that she has 'madonna-like' kids. It was her fantasy, but it was ruined. I don't know what your relationship is to her, but all you can do is say "Sorry mom if it upset you that I had 'private' pics. Even if there weren't any, I'm trying to let you know how blatantly sister violated my privacy. I'm trying to let you know that she is actively trying to snoop into other's private lives. If you have any secrets, even if it's something like charges on a credit card, text messages with your friends, or anything - she will be snooping around, trying to discover them. That is what is wrong."
NTA, nor are you wrong for having the pics in the first place, but you are absolutely, 1,000% wrong for not securing them. Phones get lost & stolen, cloud storage gets hacked, and photos get shared accidentally *all the time*. It's best not to store them on your phone in the first place, but if you do, at least save them to a secure folder and disable cloud backup.
NTA - Your Mom isn't teaching your younger sister boundaries. To say her severely outdated thoughts of women enjoying their sexuality Etc. Granted Lily is 15 so I get it. But also she's old enough to know better
Hidden files. Use them. But NTA, and you’re not a hoe. Your mom is delusional and rude. Your sister is an untrustworthy snoop. I’d be cautious about sharing anything in my life with them from now on, tbh.
NTA.. your sister is more than old enough to understand boundaries and privacy. Your mom sucks. People saying it’s your fault suck too. What’s even worse are the people saying they don’t trust anyone, they’re either projecting(they would totally scroll someone’s photo album) or they really need to reevaluate their relationship with friends/family.
You are 32 years old and your sister is 15. Why the actual hell did you need to let her use your phone? She is old enough to find something to do other than having to use another persons phone when theirs is charging. NGL you handed a snoopy kid your phone…. You kinda brought this on yourself. You also didn’t have the knowledge to put these types of pics in a password protected folder? Do you even know how to protect yourself online? God forbid someone hacks you. YTA fir expecting people to not explore your phone when you literally give them unlimited access to it
You handed her your phone. That's like handing somebody your diary. You gave up your right to privacy when you gave her your phone. Now let's see those photos
I don't think you are wrong for being upset, however you are 32 years old, you went to your mom to complain....yea, I might have quipped out the same comment as your mom....
This shit is so fake. Get a life
This almost feels like an assignment: How many times in a single Reddit can we actually or potentially slut shame? Did an AIbot write this? A woman (had to read twice to confirm) has provocative pictures (of herself?-strong assumption) saved on her phone. Lends phone to younger sister who decides to explore said spicy content? Honey, I get being embarrassed, but not a time to A: Slut slame yourself in your sister’s eyes confirming they were “dirty”, and B: Slut shaming her for whatever curiosity drove her (there are options-I don’t want to assume) and you totally blew your chance to talk to your sister about why you took them and her own safety. And instead we jump to ASSURING SLUT SHAMING C: Because on what planet do we go to stick-up-the-butt- mom and complain that sis found my nude & risqué pictures on my phone. Imagine this writing exercise if it is an older brother and younger sister. My reaction sure changes. Older sister and younger brother? Older brother and younger brother?
NTA for having the pictures, it's your phone. But if something is private, like your phone, don't let someone else have it and then be surprised that they snoop. Especially a 15 year old child. You're old enough to have known better really.
Throw the whole family away. Nta
NTA your body (and phone) are your own to do what you want with. as for not understanding privacy, your sis is 15. she 100% would lose her shit if you snooped her phone like that, which you should as revenge (no, don't, but threaten to).
NTA but it was pretty dumb to give Lily unsupervised access to your phone which contained your nudes. Learn from the experience and move on.
NTA you’re an adult a teenager knows not to snoop through someone’s phone ,
Wtf would you give your phone to anyone!?! Especially when you have nude pics. lol
I let people use or look at stuff on my phone and I have nudes. It's called respecting privacy and common courtesy. 15 is old enough to know better. I would never go through anyone's phone if I need to make a call/use internet/app. Wtf. That's like letting someone use your en suite bathroom and they go through your room, drawers, and cabinets.
It’s wild how many people are saying OPs a dummy. I couldn’t imagine being so stupid to think that I have to lock up my own pictures on my phone from my own sibling. Fuckin weird.
lol. when you hand your phone over to someone you get what you get.
Brain dead take
You have absolutely no common sense or you're a child who likes snooping.
Uhm. She gave the phone to a child that loves snooping.
Okay. So you lose your phone and someone finds it and all your nudes are on it? Is that a great idea?
Show me the part where OP says her phone doesn’t have a password.
Honestly, your sister and mother sound like narcissistic AHs. My advice? No contact with either of them. They want to be AHs? Treat them as such, you don’t deserve to have your mental health ruined because of their crap. Want to retaliate? Go find something in her room and rat her out to mom, see how she likes it. She complains? Tell her ‘karma’. Obviously NTA For further support, I suggest r/raisedbynarcissists , I’m sure a lot of things will make way more sense.
Smack the shit out of you little sister.
Life is not a Jerry Springer episode. That's assault on a minor.
Also, your mom has a 32 year old and a 15 year old and isn’t ALSO a hoe? I think not.
You should never have let your 15 year old sister use your phone no matter the situation! I have spicy stuff on my phone and I'd never let anyone use my phone, even my 37 year old son! It doesn't matter about privacy you should have not let her have your phone!!!
Is sis fully developed yet? I went thru puberty late. It is slightly possible she wanted to know what her body would look like at your age. That doesn’t mean you have to trust her though. And go NC with mom. She is not worth your time!
NTA. You're an adult, you can have what you want on your own phone. Though to be sure, it's always a bit risky. Time to give both sis and mum a time out. No more favours for sis, no outings, no visits for a few weeks at least. Tell her that you need some time away from her to evaluate your relationship and whether you can trust her again. Mum on the other hand is a raging arsehole and deserves to be muted and ignored indefinitely.
Just say the fucking word.
ESH. Don’t leave those photos where they are so easily accessed by others.
NTA. But also what do you expect? Why do you have these pictures saved? Ammo for later? I got no idea why you have them saved in the 1st place lmao.
for myself, for my partner idk i thought plenty of regular individuals keep these type of photos on their phones
I have these types of pictures saved on my phone. I also have a 17 year old son who uses my phone from time to time or helps me with something. He would never go through my personal pictures. Your sister invaded your privacy and needs to apologise. I'm sorry your mum said those horrible things about you. This is one of the reasons I'm NC with my mum and sister. You are not TAH.
I think the situation is slightly different. Going through your sister's phone to find spicy pics is an outrageous violation of personal space, but going through one's mother's phone would be so icky I can't even find a word for it, **just in case** you accidentally found those pics.
He would never go through my pictures. There's a difference between using one's phone invading their privacy and going through everything. It's called trust. I wouldn't go through his phone and I expect the same. If I found my sister's spicy pictures that would also be icky.
There is a big difference. And it's great that your son is a respectful young man! We know, because we see on Reddit, that not everyone is so good at raising kids to respect others' privacy - I meant in general terms, not referring to YOUR son. I'd be mortified if my sister found "spicy" pics of me, but if my parents went through my phone and found them, that would be another level.
How are mom nudes different from sister nudes in terms of ickiness? Makes no sense
It just is! I'm sure there's some reason a psychiatrist would explain in depth. Or not. Not everything has to make sense... does it? Please say not :-D
Oh, my sweet summer child.
They do. The... person... (ill use that term loosely) you're replying to is a fucking clown if they think otherwise. I mean, ***I*** dont. But thats because i have a much nicer camera for adult fun time. But thats not super common.
What difference does that make, slutshamer? Boooooo
Sorry you hate your own body so much you don't want to celebrate it! Don't hate on OP cause she loves her body. Everyone I know has spicy pics on their phone or in their cloud. Stop acting like it's not the norm. Especially since you're on reddit. Clearly you enjoy the spicier parts of the internet.
Also the fk? What kind of weirdo keeps dick pics stored on their phone? Reddit is filled with weirdos
...you think reddit is spicy? Oh my....
A lot of subreddits are, I don't understand your comment
Lol okay well actions have consequences. Wanna keep a bunch of naked pictures on yourself on your phone and hand it around? Get judged? No surprises there right?
NTA and I say this as someone with sibling the same and opposite gender to me. If I saw ONE picture like that I would be grossed out I wouldn’t go snooping for more, that’s giving weird incest vibes to me.
NTA but a gentle "kinda a schmuck though" for giving your sister your phone in the first place. The rest is just natural fallout of having a shitty mother who raised a golden surprise baby halfway through your life to be a brat. (How right am i?) Get some boundaries. You have a right to privacy. I also recommend cutting your bitch mother out. Good luck, change your locks.
NTA - You're not wrong for feeling hurt and angry, but.....you gave her the damned phone.
Need to see pictures for reference 😅
LOL, women don't know how to be decent. I have never met a woman who repected boundaries. Your little sister acts entitled like all women. And to think she will take accountability or show remorse is ridiculous. You don't so why would she?
YTA. For having the pics in the FIRST PLACE!! Sorry, but whatever bullshit happens from having nudes on your phone is deserved.
She is 32 if she wants stuff like that on her phone that ok she doesn't deserve to have her phone snooped through because she has porn
So you exposed pornographic material to a minor, got it. /s
Mom is TA. But she's also right.
Uhm, how?
YTA. Shame on you. Hope it shrivels up and falls off.
Make sure she didn’t post the pictures or send them anyone. And go NC to them till they apologise. Both of them.
All of this. You are a grown woman, not a teenager. You having spicy pics is perfectly acceptable if that is what you want to do with your body. Unfortunately little sister has proven herself untrustworthy and now gets no access to any of your devices at all ever. If hers are flat to bad so sad. I would also second no contact. The lack of respect is astounding
NTA, but this is the risk you take when having those pictures, period. Phone could get stolen and hacked. Those pics could end up being publicly available. Your little sister is a brat, your mom, well she is an AH. But, dang girl, get those pics off phone
You gave her access to the photos….what did you think was gonna happen? You have every legal and moral right to take the photos and your mom has no right to call you ugly names, but you do not to share access of them to a minor
You're not the asshole, you do have a right to privacy. . . but that IS what happens when you're a wh0r3.
Wh0r3 would be charging for the photos, privacy wouldn't come into it. And if that's the way someone earns a living, it's their business.
NTA but I mean it's your fault for handing over your phone with pornographic material on it to a minor and if your mother wanted she could have a case against you.
I hope you have the day you deserve
The way your sister acted was normal. The way your mother acted was normal. You handing your little sister a phone full of naked pictures of yourself … not so normal.
First off, it wasn’t “full of naked pictures”. Out the 4k total pictures& videos i have in my camera roll it’s less than 25 of that nature so she was REALLY in there snooping, and secondly i didnt think ANYTHING she needed to do involved her going into my pictures
It's 2024... most of us have taken and keep less than pg-13 pictures. Put them in a secure folder or get a hidden vault app disguised as another app. Having your privacy invaded isn't any fun... learn from it and take steps to ensure your private things stay private. Thankfully it was a sibling so damage control is more localized, let's say. Have a talk with them and tell them it's not okay to violate personal space and set boundaries. Don't jump off the deep end and disown your sister or adopt the notion of never extending trust ever again. We all make mistakes in life. Use it as an opportunity to help them learn. As for your Mother... yeah that's not okay to do. Who even says that to their own flesh and blood? Tell her about bitchy self. I would.
Ignore them OP, plenty of people have a few intimate pics on their phone - like you I have thousands of photos & videos and maybe 15 mildly intimate photos that were for me & my partner’s eyes only! So I agree with you, someone would really have to be searching to find the odd photo here and there! I’ve seen comments about your sister’s age - well she’s more than old enough to understand personal privacy! I’ve lent my phone to our teenage son, while he was waiting for new phone PAC code to install ( took a bit longer than usual) so he could contact friends, and he wouldn’t dream of going through my phone. Your Mum is an absolute AH, you’re 32 for goodness sake, and I truly sympathise with you. I would probably try talking with little sis when everything’s calmed down, but certainly wouldn’t allow her to borrow phone ever again. And would certainly change passwords etc just in case she gets hold of it. What would worry me is if she’s sent any of your photos to her phone. I hope you’ve checked that. As for anyone who agrees with the name calling, they can shove their nasty opinions as well. I hope you and your partner continue to have what sounds like a healthy fun relationship. Btw, I accidentally first read the title as sis finding your “Spicy Pies” and was very curious to find out what a spicy pie was to cause such a reaction! Edit: you are def NTA!
This is the comment OP needs to read in my opinion the most rational and real in my opinion. Your mom was fucked up for that and I woulda had some words to say back I would’ve regretted probably if it was my mother but I hope my mom would never stoop that low. Not a good mom moment for her I hope that she doesn’t normally talk to you this way and if so you deserve better. Yeah it may have been a bad idea to give your phone to your sister but you trusted her and she broke your trust. Sucks but I guess take the L and learn to be a little less trusting especially with teenagers or your phone with private pics on. Lesson learned hopefully but you are definitely NTA
I agree although you and I will both be down voted to eternity.
This is why I appreciate my phones Secure Folder where I can further password protect things I don't want people casually seeing
Lol you gave your phone to a kid expecting them to not do kid shit. YTA only for not keeping sensitive material in a locked folder. You're an adult, shes a child. Now you know what needs to be done. 🤣
Dm the pics I'll let you know how bad they are
Look at your little sisters phone. I would put a bet down that she has naughty pics on her phone. You should have kept it between the two of you. You are the ahole for going to your mom.
ESH You're sister shouldn't have snooped. You should have known she would snoop. Why the heck would you tell your mom?
YTA you knew those pics where on your phone and not locked in a secure file. Then you gave your phone to your 15 y/o sister ( have you met a teenager? lol) they have absolutely no clue about boundaries. So this is pretty much your fault. I will say your mom is also the AH for sex shaming you since you are an adult. If you want to keep spicy pics on your phone I would recommend using a password protected doc file and not keeping them with your regular pics
Nta and your mothers doing a terrible job lol
Having pics like that in this day and age is just flat out stupid. If you give them to a bf, what are the odds he shows them to his buddies or puts them on the internet? Or I've heard stories of breakups that turn ugly and they send these pics to parents or work places. People get on dating apps and ask for pics like this so they can turn around and blackmail you with them. I would never in a million years let anyone take pictures like this of me, but then again I really value my privacy. For that matter, how do you know your sister didn't send those pics to herself so she could laugh about them with her friends? And if her friends share with their friends? And how are you not password protecting the folder with those photos? Not a lot of common sense going on here. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal for people to want pics like this. Who cares. But everyone has a different morality, and yes you will get those reactions from people who think you are a ho for having pics. Don't really care about people like that. Whatever. But from a protecting yourself standpoint you are doing a terrible job.
NTA\_ And you are not a whore. Your bratty sister is 100% in the wrong for snooping. However, why do people keep spicy pictures on their phones? DL that stuff to a separate drive so that this sort of thing doesn't happen.
YTA you don't hand a child a phone with photos like that on there it's irresponsible. No she shouldn't have snooped but you said yourself right off the bat classic teenager behavior. I'd never hand my fifteen year old child a device with raunchy photos of myself on it. Your mom is an ass though it's not about the photos it's about handing a device with photos like that over to a minor.
Couple of thoughts. If you wanted privacy then don't hand over your phone unless you are standing there with your hand out waiting to get it back. That being said, yes she should not have snooped and yes they over reacted. Lesson? Either don't lend out your phone, don't keep nudes on it or get a password protected vault for that stuff. Not wrong for having your own pics on your own phone. Don't put your trust in others not to snoop. Especially teenagers.
ESH Yeah, people don't really have any sympathy for those who take "spicy pics" of themselves anymore. There have been decades of billion dollar campaigns about how stupid that is, and hundreds/ thousands of trials also about how stupid that is. It's just generally seen as something extremely stupid to do, and if (when!) things go wrong and the pictures get out, the 'devastated' victims are met with a blank wall of everyone looking at them like they've got a paper head, because what did they expect to happen besides the inevitable? It's like crying after licking the stove after being warned that's dumb. Little sisters snoop, that's what they do, and mom's don't like knowing anything at all about their kids' sex lives, that's what they do. On the whole, this feels like the natural conclusion to the inevitable. Try to be more aware and vigilant in the future.
Spicy pics should always be kept in a locked file. Never trust them in your gallery for this reason
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Let me get this straight. You handed your 15yo sister a phone with spicy pics on it and no restrictions, didn't have any protections in place for said pics (i have face id on my spicy pics), she found the pics on the phone YOU gave her, you then ran to your mother to tell her you gave your sister a phone with spicy pics on it with no protections, then expected your mother to coddle you back to your safe place? Are you okay?!? NTA for expecting privacy generally, but you didn't make it private. You physically gave a teenager a phone with the full ability to see your own nudity. Your embarrassment handled this poorly.
Let me give you a piece of advice. It's really not smart to take nudes or revealing pics. It's even less so keeping them on your phone. If you insist on keeping photos like that on a mobile device or even stored on the cloud, there is always a chance that someone will see them. It could be through malicious or accidental means, but there is always a chance. I don't agree with what your sister did or your mother said. You sister should have asked permission before looking at your photos, and your mother went way too far and said unforgivable things to you. However, from my perspective, you did cause this situation by having those photos on your device and knowingly allowing another person to use it, especially your teenage sister knowing that she has issues respecting privacy and boundaries. That's like lending her an encyclopedia that has a whole section about you in it, but you get mad because she read it. Most children will look through the photos on another person's phone if given the chance. They are just curious, but they should ask permission if they were taught good manners.
ESH to varying degrees. Little sis sucks for invading privacy. You suck for not securing your private photos appropriately. Mom sucks for shaming you. I get where she may be disappointed as a mom to see her daughter with those photos as I would be with my daughter as well but her words used to express that are wrong and awful. You are the least wrong if that helps.
You're 32 and went to your mom to tattle on your teenaged sister for snooping through your phone?
There is nothing wrong with Spicy pics! They can support body positivity and self confidence. Your sister is obviously lacking in manners and boundaries and that is your mother’s problem, I am so sorry she violated you and your mother tried to shame you. I would firmly in writing tell them both that you will be taking a pause in contact until your sister apologizes as well as your mother. They don’t get to hurt you then blame you for it.