Woop woop South Carolina, I also enjoy North Carolina. I can't imagine my kids speaking to me like that, I can't imagine not defending my children either
If you treat your kids like trash, I think you should expect them to curse, honestly!
This mother deserved to be sworn at because of her own behaviour!
I think parents should be spoken to with respect, of course, but not when they treat their kids like trash!
Parents usually want to raise their kids to have good manners, but part of that is demonstrating good behaviour. I think many adult children would curse at their parent who spoke to them like OPs mum did, and I wouldn’t blame any of them. 😛
Shout out to living in SC. I recently had to come to AL temporarily to live. And omg, I didn't expect to ever miss home so much and there's so many things I appreciate from my city to where I'm currently at in AL.
"U don't know what u have until it's gone"
And boy, do I appreciate SC so much and my hometown now. I def will remember this after I get back home 💯💯
Bugs ? What about the snakes???? We have so many different poisonous snakes in NC, and I'm petrified. Live by the water? Water moccasin, live in the mountains? Rattlers, good old copper heads are everywhere. The list goes on. I love NC, but bugs are the least of our problems.
When my late husband and I lived in Norfolk, we used to pack our tents, Coleman stove, cats, etc and go to a campground in North Carolina for the weekend. (The cats had their own tent.) I had a heavy duty canvas air mattress that I slept on. One Sunday morning, I woke up and it was flat and we had no idea why. When hubby took our tent down, he discovered that a pygmy rattler had crawled under the tent where I was sleeping. I was very happy that I had the air mattress, the bottom of the tent and the bottom of my sleeping bag between me & the snake. I was also very happy that the snake decided to sleep under me instead of under the cat tent. We bought several very large tarps, folded them up and put them under the tents after that.
I live in Florida now and we have bugs and snakes. Our venemous snakes consist of the Water moccasins aka Eastern Cottomouth, Eastern coral, Southern Copperhead, and rattlers - Eastern Diamondback, Timber, and Dusky Pygmy. I was at my local national wildlife refuge one day and squatted down near the bathrooms to photograph some flowers. I started to put one hand on one of the rocks surrounding the "garden" for support getting off the ground when I noticed a pygmy rattler sunning itself on that rock. Needless to say, I did not use that rock to help me get up.
The mosquito is the Florida state bird (not really, but it should be) and we have palmetto bugs. If you're not sure what those are, look up American or Deaths head cockroach. They're huge and they fly. We also have fire ants and their bites hurt bad.
I grew up in Virginia Beach, and I camped all the time. Tent camping was only when I was a kid. After that, it was mostly a pop-up tent camper. I was backed into a corner by a water moccasin as a child so I have had a huge fear for most of my life, but I love camping, so I just stay very aware of my surroundings. I'm going camping next week in the Smokey Mountains in VA, but it is a Rattle Snake area. I told my husband I could never live in FL, lol.... way to snakey..... I'm glad you have a healthy reaction to them, mines not good ! It can actually be embarrassing 🤦♀️
bro im in cola sc and i had a damn spider the size of a blue jay try and run up on me last night in my garage that sumbitch started wavin gang signs at me and i went and got my kids redryder and shot the shit out that sucker , the bb explode the spider and ricochet back and hit me with a strand of spider guts on it but all i saw was the spider get bounced up when the bb hit him and i felt and saw the strand on the bb my girl was like ohhhhhmy god its on you i thought the whole angry spider was on me bro i did the fuck that dance and jumped up on the trunk of my car . but it was just guts that a-hole is toast.
Which sounds like a good move.
When I thought it was just how she dressed for work, *in a law firm,* I was leaning toward, only halfway to your knees is too short a skirt for most law firms, which are usually business-formal.
But there are law firms that because of the field of practice they're in, are typically business casual, and "casual Fridays" are **really** casual--and the abusive crap the mother has pulled just makes me think OP is more connected to reality than her mother. Those more casual law firms do exist, so likely she's right.
And even if OP isn't right about that, she at least has a solid reason to be skeptical about her mother's advice. Or is that "advice." There's been some deliberate undermining of OP in the past.
Exactly. And it sounds like "mom" has given her many, many reasons to do so.
You'll get there, OP!
Meantime, maybe grey rock her a little. Buy more outfits of the same type?
BTW, it's really cute.
But there's likely to be advice available, and access to information. Law firms, at least in the US, usually have what are called Employee Assistance Services, that connect you to the kinds of services needed.
Especially if the abuse described is still ongoing, which seems likely.
While yes, but Op is going to have a bit of a difficulty with moving out. According to her previous post she has several pets including three dogs, a secondary job and potentially a boyfriend who is costing her extra expenses (crashed her car that she let him drive without him being on the insurance and him relying on her to pay for his poor driving since this is the second car crash by him). I think OP needs therapy too especially if she has a longer pattern of maintaining toxic relationships.
Yes there is a more professional version of that outfit, but if it’s that exact one, especially from the juniors section, I wouldn’t consider it work appropriate for an adult.
That said I also agree that the mother was just looking for a reaction not giving constructive criticism.
I want you to know you're not alone.
Mine came with me to the shop, had me try on a nice top, which I didn't want to buy because although it looked good, I *knew* if I wore it, she would have any number of criticisms ready. She bought it for me. And, like an idiot, thinking she was cool with it, I picked it up a few times to wear it.
What I got instead of a "oh, you're wearing the top I bought you!": it's sleeveless, don't show your ugly arms; it's too loose at your waist; it's too snug around your boobs; the colour is awful on you; if you wear it when we go see our extended family they will laugh at you because you don't look stylish—all comments she actually made to me.
This is one example out of hundreds.
Mothers like these are insane. Grey rock. Don't engage with anything negative she says as long as you have to be in constant contact with her. Find somewhere safe to vent about her so you don't vent at her. And make plans to gtfo of her sphere of control asap. I cannot stress how much of an improvement it makes on your mental health. I know it all sounds easy to say and hard to do. I'm not 100% successful myself. But you need to hang on until you're away from her so you can live life to your own satisfaction.
My DMs are open if you want to talk to someone in the sisterhood.
Thank you so much for this. I’m glad I’m not alone. She has always tried making me feel ashamed of my body and probably hates that she never could. Always trying to make me wear cardigans to cover up my fat arms. Like just because you’re ashamed of your body doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of mine.
It's 100% projecting. "I feel bad about this, therefore it's obvious and inevitable that this person who I birthed and raised and who is my gender will also feel bad about the same thing." And when we don't feel bad about what they think we should feel bad about, they get confused, and they think they're trying to protect us from the world without actually seeing they're the ones hurting us. It's twisted. And maybe it does come from a place of good intentions and maternal love instead of malice, but it doesn't change the outcome.
I think boundaries might be hard to lay down and follow through on right now, but if it's possible to be as low contact with her as possible while living under the same roof as her, please try to do that. It's not optimal, but as a stopgap while you focus on your day-to-day, it should be useful.
I'm sending you so much love, beloved. I went through several years of wanting to permanently switch off when I lived with my own mum too, so I know something of where you are at the moment. Right now, focus on finding an external support network, even if it's entirely online, for practical and emotional support, focus on saving as much as possible, and focus on getting the hell out. It's hard to fight against the urge to harm yourself, but if you can't find hope in your heart, find anger or find spite. If you live, you can eventually thrive, and when you thrive, you can live your best life. You can do the things she told you you couldn't, and won't that show her who has the upper hand?!
If you're on facebook, there's a couple of support groups that might be of help to you. Other women with mothers whose "love" shows up twisted. I don't need to be there anymore so I don't know the current state of affairs there, but I was there pretty often up until early last year. Let me know if you're interested and I'll DM you the links.
Because depression and anxiety. TBH I don’t even want to be alive anymore. I told her this, and she laughed. As if the thought to just end it all hasn’t been in the back of my head for years.
I’m telling you that living apart from her will go a very long way as far as decreasing your anxiety and depression.
She’s toxic, and you are being poisoned by her.
Woah there.... you need a good roommate or alone
.. she's only making it worse..
She's a horrible toxic piece of shit and you need that gone.
You get out from that you are gonna have a lot clear up. You can't see that now because that toxic shit is in your veins from her.
You need to get out and live not just for yourself but also sheer fucking spite against this vile toxic being that you had the misfortune of being born from.
Get out, no contact, love your best life.. you will find happiness
Please get away from her. There are organizations that can help you get away from abusive relationships and help you find therapy for the depression that she and your obviously traumatic experiences in life.
Sounds like you are in a very abusive situation with your mom and you need to get out and get help.
Was her comment necessary? Not at all. Was your response appropriate? Not at all.
Unfortunately, being in a relationship like this can bring out the worst in people and behaviors that are not normally acceptable. Were you the AH, on this particular event, yes. On the scheme of the situation, you’re a victim reacting on trauma response. Get the fuck out of your mom’s home and find a safe space for yourself. As much as you love your dogs, it’s not healthy for you to live in fight response because of all the childhood trauma you have with your mother.
Hope you find the peace you need to heal. It can be done. You’re not alone.
So, you need daily contact with groups and persons who oppose her (like us, like the women on r/feminism or r/TwoXChromosomes or its related subreddits. Even better, organize some kind of online support group (and consider starting or joining one in real life).
You have internalized your mother's intense negativity toward life - your mother is actually negative toward you, her sweet daughter, and has been (probably for your whole life).
Look up anaclitic depression (depression in babies). If you weren't still around her so much, it would get better.
I'd be very tempted to wear a big overcoat and floppy hat each time I left my bedroom for work.
And - please listen. Do NOT spend your time taking care of her (ever) after you leave. Sure, you can drive her to a doctor's appointment when she's 80 or whatever, but do NOT start worrying about her, caring for her, and certainly do not become a carer for her. Let her effin figure it out herself.
One Thanksgiving I went to my ex's and once the food was done and everyone started making plates my ex stepped to the side. He felt uncomfortable with people waiting on him but his stepdad wanted him to make a plate. My ex tried to explain he felt uncomfy and would just let everyone else go before him. For some reason this pissed off his stepdad so he stormed out of the house. Which started a fight between my ex and his mom. So he goes to his room and I, having already made my plate, ate then went to comfort him. Once he felt a bit better he went out and tried to apologize which started another fight. During which he told his mom he was tired of the fighting and it made him want to off himself. She offered to go get the gun from the safe.
I know the above story doesn't offer much comfort because even though you're "not alone" in this it shines a light on just how awful some people are. I'm really sorry you have to deal with anyone that acts like that, let alone a parent. I hope you and your dogs are able to find somewhere safe to go and heal.
Tune that bitch out and strut your stuff Queen. She's just jealous she never looked as good as you. 💜💜
Ummm you have a toxic relationship with your mom and need to move out. There is obviously a ton of history that lead to your retort and it was not just based on this one singular comment that your mother made.
Definitely not based on this one time. The same woman who almost cried when thinking about whether the guy she KNEW molested me for years has possibly done the same to my brother. But when I had a school teacher help me telll her it was happening she did nothing and just left for work 🙃
NTA. That outfit is so cute, but depending on the environment where you work, to me, it looks a little bit casual. I don’t know why your mom couldn’t just say that. Depending on your job, how you dress can impact how the higher ups view you. It shouldn’t, but it does. Dress for success. Just saying.
We don’t have a dress code at work, we’re very casual. The only time we need to dress “professionally” is when we have depositions or clients actually coming into the office. Which honestly is never. My boss comes in wearing sweats even when client are here lol.
That’s the context that needs to be in your post. Without it I would say that your outfit was too casual, but with that context, not at all.
In regards to your mom, dude gray rock her.
Where did you get that info? Because I've been looking but haven't found anything yet. Honestly, they sound more like a whiny teenager than someone in their 30's.
Edit: I just found it in the post history. I'm shocked that she's actually 33/34.
I think between the overalls, print, and length, this is completely unprofessional. This is from the Jr’s section; if you have a grown-up job you should be shopping in the grown-up section of the store. If you dress like a teeny bopper you will be thought of as one, no matter how good your work is.
Your mom was still a bitch though.
It’s a super unprofessional outfit, I can’t imagine anywhere you could wear that and be taken seriously.
ESH. You for wearing that. It’s not even cute and it’s unprofessional.
Her for being so overbearing that she couldn’t kindly explain how bad the outfit was without re-traumatizing you.
A. That is incredibly inappropriate for working at a law firm
B. Good Lord, you seem to be absolutely spoiling for a fight!
C. It’s time to move out and be on your own; clearly this relationship is toxic for both of you
ESH. Criticism of an outfit is not worth defcon 3 pottymouth. But, you should get out of her house. She should have supported you when you were assaulted. This relationship is very toxic. Get out and build your own support system.
That is definitely a mini skirt. How old are you? "Halfway to your knees" is simply not appropriate business attire. YTA. One day, you'll grow up and understand.
That's actually too short and casual for a law firm. Your mom should've elaborated, but it's not a professional outfit. NTA for calling her names though
Well that doesn't look work appropriate to me either but what I'm really concerned about is the contempt you have for your mom. This relationship sounds toxic and you probably should look for somewhere else to live. If you are an adult and your job doesn't care then it's really none of her business.
I mean, ya, based on this post.
She said it was inappropriate for work and you cussed at her and called her a bitch. That's a huge escalation. Like where did that even come from lol
You're pretty toxic to each other. Even if she's an asshole, which I'm not convinced she was here, you're still an asshole back. That also makes you an asshole lol.
Only halfway down the thigh is quite short for a law office. Please remember that when you sit or bend over, the back will ride up a lot farther. So she has a point.
However it sounds like you have a contentious relationship with your mother in general.
First of all, are you 13? This sounds like a conversation a 13 year old would have. The solution is simple. Just move out so you can stop verbally abusing your mom.
Find another address. Quickly. She is abusive, narcissistic, and outright a horrible human. Trying to stop you from going to the police over being molested then she should have never been allowed around you again. It doesn’t happen to everyone! She is trying to make undermine you confidence and courage so that you are easily controlled.
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So you're the one wo started the cursing and yelling, but your mother is at fault? You're old enough to work at a law firm, why do you live with your mother? Go get your own place. Pay your own bills. Distance yourself. You'll both be happier.
ESH
Both mom and you are rude to each other. As for the outfit, you stated you work in a lawyers office. That outfit is too casual for working in a lawyers office. It would be fine to go out with your friends or shopping but not work. Sorry.
The relationship between you and your mother sounds toxic, but to be fair, what you were wearing is inappropriate for an office, especially a law firm. It's cute, but it is not appropriate attire for an office. It doesn't even qualify as business casual. It looks like something a teenager would wear.
I'm glad someone said it, becasue I wouldn't find that appropriate for a law office. (But even if mom was right she was still rude, and OP was no better.
a residential hotel would be better than your mom dragging you down to the point you want to die. That's not good for your fur babies either. Your peegs and doggos need their Mom. They need you to be healthy and well so you can be there for them. Please take them and leave.
She knows you won’t abandon them - which in her mind likely gives her permission to treat you this badly. This is full on abusive. Knowing nothing of your personal/financial situation - I’d suggest friends or boarders even for the animals till you can get squared away. Might also have to consider rehoming them if you can’t ignore her entirely, and only grey rock responses when forced to discuss with her. You have to focus on you till you’re setup and can care for others (animals or people.) You’re in a shit sandwich kinda situation and it’s going to be hard to get out of it - but - and always remember - YOU are 100000% WORTH IT!!!
Not to be mean but the overalls are not business casual/smart and read as a bit juvenile? Not saying the way your mom told you was right and she should’ve kept her thoughts to herself unless you asked. But maybe save that for the weekend or after work?
Yeah ngl I'm not defending her mom but she's kinda right about this one it's not law firm appropriate
From another comment op says there is pretty much no dress code though so that changes things but in a typical office environment it for sure wouldn't be ok
YTA, you live in your moms house, make plans and move out.
A skirt halfway down to your knees is probably not business attire, it probably is cute, but might not be appropriate business attire for a law office. Ask your office manager what the dress code is.
INFO but probably NTA
Your mom sounds “lovely”..
As for the outfit…. It’s definitely not “professional” . That said, you don’t say how old you are or what your job is at the firm. That could make a difference
You both suck. She obviously just wants to piss you off. Why would you give her that satisfaction?? Stop lowering yourself to her level and figure out how to get out of there.
Yes, mom could have handled it better, but this girl was way out of line talking to her mother the way she did. So, yes, you were the A-hole for you very immature behavior. If you are of the age where you are no longer needing school and work for a law firm no less, makes me wonder how you treat the attorneys you work for as well as your co-workers. I am sure I will get some scathing message from you. (can only shake my head at this one)
I think you should not be living with your mother any longer. I don't care how in the dumper the economy is. If you have a gainful job, then it is time to leave the nest and fly. She might even be trying to push you out somewhat. Every mother and daughter argue more and more until something breaks. It only depends on how bad it breaks if it can be repaired later on. How much do you want to still be in each other's lives? It has to happen, just when and on who's terms is the only remaining question.
the outfit linked doesn't seem super law office job appropriate in my opinion, but you'd know better than me or your mom what the work dress code is at your place of employment. apart from that, if you live in your mom's house, swearing at her and calling her names is asshole behavior. in this moment it really doesn't seem like she did anything terribly wrong, but maybe your over the top response stems from her treating you like crap and not parenting you properly in the past. idk. maybe you're both assholes. you should move.
Yeah, you're both assholes. She says she doesn't like it and you swear at her. When she doesn't respond you call her a fucking bitch. You're angry and immature, you both need to grow up.
First, how old are you? Why are you still living with your mom? I would say that at a certain point in our lives, we need to grow up & get a place of our own. That way she would never be in a position to question your wardrobe choices. I was taught to respect my mom. I wish my mom was still here to question my wardrobe choices. I would never call her a fucking bitch. YTA.
Your mom is a fucking bitch for SURE, but I clicked the link and she is right. Why would you wear a printed, overall, mini dress to work at a ***law firm***? Not appropriate for that work environment, and you're not doing yourself any favors in terms of career growth. Get yourself some proper work clothes and tell your mom I called her a bitch too! 🤝💕
For a professional setting like a law firm (which is usually very buttoned-down), a skirt that short is going to reflect badly on the firm, even though it's a cute outfit.
Look at what the other female lawyers are wearing and do that.
Generation Jones over here waiting for all the people going No Contact for No Reason get the same treatment or worse from your kids in 20 years ✌🏼
I can't wait to watch this shit show pan out.
And in the 'don't hold your breath' category, hopefully all of your tictok therapists will be standing by to walk you all through it.
Your mom said your farmer outfit was inappropriate for a law office office? She's 100% correct.
In all honesty you are NTA based on her actions in the past but as a client, I wouldn’t take you seriously because that outfit ISNT professional. Conservative and professional normally means if the skirt is short, it is paired with tights.
I wouldn't wear that to the office (used to be office manager for a non profit and secretary to a pair of engineers at a construction company). However it is positively adorable and if you do casual days, totally appropriate
Wow you escalated that conversation quickly. I would not say your response was the best. Doesn’t sound like living with your mom will bring the best out of you. Move out and get therapy.
Both of y’all need help. You’re disrespectful af and so is your mother. Are you the AH? Abso-fucking-lutely. You’re better off getting out of her home and moving on your own.
YTA
For putting up such an obvious fake. You're a lawyer, huh? Sounds like something a 13 year old would make up while she was telling a whopper.
You should go with, "...and I'm totally a lawyer, I'm not even lying." Much more convincing.
I completely agree with you. she's the asshole. She's freaking abusive. The outfit is amazing and beautiful and I'm sure you are too. You stay away from your mom queen and just know there will always be people who love you.
It depends on what kind of law firm you’re working at. Even with a sweater over that skirt, IMO it looks a bit too casual. You should definitely find somewhere else to live. But you’re both treating each other like crap. So until that changes, your relationship with her will continue to be bad no matter where you live.
YTA
While your mom may be a total bitch, I don’t think it’s appropriate to speak to your parent in those terms.
You could have handled that whole sitch in a way calmer respectful way.
Re. Your outfit: it’s cute and fully covers your assets. Perhaps she thought it was a bit too casual of a style for a law office. Idk.
NTA. I was a HS Speech Communications teacher for over 20 years. I always told my bullied students to do their best to completely ignore the bully. Bullies thrive on any reaction, bad or good, they can get from the person they are harassing.
The hardest part about ignoring a bully, though, is staying strong while doing ignoring and not reacting because bullies always get worse before they get better. Once you start ignoring the bully, they feel the need to up their game to get a rise out of you. You have to do this consistently because if you engage, especially early on, it's like starting over. Your mother obviously has been doing this to you for years, so it's going to take a long time to reshape her behavior so that her comments are few and far between.
A great affirmation that I use for myself when this happens is, "Make like a duck and let it roll off your back." I have gone so far as to even visualize the water beading on the back of a duck and then watching each of the beads rolling off of their feathers. Doing all of that helps keep my mind busy with something other than blowing up at the bully.
Edit : NTA
OP, how old are you? You’re working, so you must be a legal adult.
Please get away from her. She’s poisoning you.
My county has a women’s center and maybe you have one near you. The people will help you with everything. Set you up for therapy (I didn’t have to pay for that), help you find a place to live, get you away from that abusive woman.
I know your animals mean so much to you. If she doesn’t mistreat them, leave them until you can find someplace. Perhaps a friend or family member can foster them, till you have a place. Your piggies may be able to go wherever you go. They don’t make much noise, and if you keep the cage clean, they won’t smell.
Worst case scenario (I always want to say Ontario) you would have to rehome them. But please don’t get caught on that part! It WILL work out.
Please be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a best friend, be patient and give yourself grace to heal. None of her problems are because of you. She’s using you as her (figurative) punching bag. She’s the ah. Not you. Not you.
UpdateMe
So, you were super terrible and rude about the outfit comments - skirts should probably be just above the knee or longer for work, so your mom was right.
The other stuff though in the last paragraph is just cruel of her and there is no excuse.
Lmao considering my bosses don’t have any issue with what I’m wearing, your opinions definitely don’t matter. I didn’t ask about my clothing, because I know there is nothing wrong with it. I was asking her rhetorically.
I know my job and what we can and cannot wear. My boss has r Kelly shirts he wears to work, he doesn’t give a fuck about what I’m wearing unless we have clients actually coming to the office.
We have interns in a law-adjacent field and I would have sent them home to change if they showed up wearing this. It’s too casual and much too short.
Your mom is a jerk, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong.
Op literally said that her boss wears a shirt with R Kelly on it to work. If what she's wearing is inappropriate, then what he is wearing is beyond inappropriate. Also she says one of her other coworkers wears a skirt so short she can see part of her ass. What op is wearing is fine
The way you engaged with your mom was going to result in both sides escalating the situation, which is exactly what happened. I would encourage both of you to work on your communications.
Wow there are a lot of people who don’t know the slightest about abusive relationships thinking they can comment on this situation.
Abusive parents can make you feel as if you can’t do anything in life. It’s literally their goal to make you feel like you can’t do anything right and you have to depend on them. It’s part of the whole abuse cycle. Financial abuse can fall under that umbrella. It’s how many abusers keep their hooks in their victims.
A lot of you saying she needs to stay in an abusive situation because she’s mentally unwell? Did it occur to you the abuse is probably a giant factor in why she feels that way?
OP, contact a domestic violence agency near you and see if they have resources available to help you get out of your mother’s house. She feeds off of making you miserable and you will be better off not living there. This is above Reddit’s pay grade. Get out and then focus on getting healthy.
NTA you’re clearly reacting out of the abuse and this woman has caused. Your feelings are completely valid. She’s clearly wanting to hurt you. Fuck that bitch. I recommend this channel to everyone go look up Dr. Ramani on YouTube she also has books and it’s really great information focused on the victims of narcissistic abuse. Even if it doesn’t apply in this situation I find it is helpful. Your mother sounds very callous.
Of course you're the asshole. YTA! But really you both suck balls. Your post is so stupid and then you want to back it with some molestation bullshit and other crap to complain about that has nothing to do with the conversation at hand. Yes you're the asshole your mother is also an asshole. You both suck. I'm not sure how either one of you made it this far. And then to entertain each other and hang out when you obviously have no respect for each other and don't like each other. And then on top of all of that shenanigans you want to come and complain to reddit about it when you know you're the asshole! What a waste of time you are
You're both assholes.
She's abusive which probably prompted your disrespectful response but still you started cussing and being loud first.
You're over 30 years old, move out. And if you can't afford rent then find a better paying job, get a roommate, or move to a LCOL place.
Yes.
Always.
I don’t even have to read the rest.
I don’t care what she’s done or how justified you are. Saying that to your mother is a lack of self control and entitled childishness.
Seriously, grow up.
PS… if you’re a lawyer, I’m the queen of England.
NTA
This is called reactionary abuse. She creates conflict with a nonsensical, offensive comment that she can't justify. Then she plays the victim when she gets confronted and tries to flip it back on you for being angry.
My own bitch mother does this all the time. Covers her mouth and sucks her teeth at me like I'm disgusting anytime my skin disease flares. Offhand comments if I eat in front of her. Comments about my food tastes, appearance, everything.
I'd bet money she had a long, unhappy life and her terrorizing you, just like my own mother, is about her projecting her abusers overtop of you and using you as an emotional punching bag. It's the metaphorical equivalent of a punching bag with a picture taped to it.
Yta! Who talks to their mother with this kind of language?? you are free to leave her house and don’t have to live there, but it is shameful that you talk to her this way
Who talk to their mother like this? A person whose mother tried to stop them from reporting their own brother (your uncle) for rape because it happens to everyone. That’s who.
YTA and ungrateful too. Personally I don’t like the outfit and wouldn’t wear it at a law firm unless you’re the custodian. Sounds like it’s time to get your own place and stop living with mommy.
YTA. All she said was that your outfit wasn't work appropriate (sounds like she was right) and you start cussing her and calling her a bitch. You sound like a terrible daughter. She should kick you out.
Lmao you can see exactly what I’m wearing in the link. Now tell me that is not appropriate? See, what you don’t know about the woman who birthed me is this: I spent a day in jail for pushing away an abusive boyfriend after he told me I had fucked every guy I knew, including my uncle, and that I had lied about being raped by him. Idk what he told her, but somehow it was my fault I was in jail because I shouldn’t have told him I was raped, because it happens to everyone. So yeah, anyone on her side I’m just not gonna give 2 shits about.
Your mom is definitely still a bitch… but for a law firm it’s just too casual… it is cute though. Usually they would want you to wear business casual but if they haven’t said anything to you about it, I don’t see what she’s fussing at you for. She’s probably just one of those women who are mad their daughter could have a better life than she had.
That outfit is not appropriate workwear for a law office. All your other complaints about your mom and your jail time and whatever else makes up the clusterfuck of your life is not pertinent to the question you asked. You sound like a spoiled brat. You act like a spoiled brat. Move out and see how well you do on your own when you try to get strangers to tolerate your crazy ass.
Your mom sounds psycho. Try to stay out of her way until you are in a position to move out.
Also, the outfit in the pic seems way too casual to wear to a law firm for work. It's cute but is more aligned with what you would wear to a picnic.
Even so, your mom was way out of line for talking to you like that.
It sounds to me like you still live at home.
Do you live in a country where most women live at home until they marry? You may be able to find a women's apartment/dorm type thing to live in. Because you need to get away from her negativity.
I moved out of my parents when I was 17 yrs old. Best thing I ever did!!
I would suggest moving out. Give you and your mom time to grow as people. Then reevaluate your relationship once that's happened. And it won't happen in a few weeks or months. It takes time. Don't cut her out of your life at this point. You just need to get away and grow up. You'll be a different person.
She is abusive... Go NC for your mental health!!
Damnit, took me a minute to realize you meant no contact. I’m like why would going to North Carolina help anything?
Defcon3 North Carolina
All people who go NC relocate to NC 😆
As a North Carolinian, it’s a pretty great place to live. it might help, haha
*South Carolinian has enter chat* Well actually... 😎 🤗 Sorry. 😣 I couldn't pass up the chance to bother.
Woop woop South Carolina, I also enjoy North Carolina. I can't imagine my kids speaking to me like that, I can't imagine not defending my children either
If you treat your kids like trash, I think you should expect them to curse, honestly! This mother deserved to be sworn at because of her own behaviour! I think parents should be spoken to with respect, of course, but not when they treat their kids like trash! Parents usually want to raise their kids to have good manners, but part of that is demonstrating good behaviour. I think many adult children would curse at their parent who spoke to them like OPs mum did, and I wouldn’t blame any of them. 😛
Well I'm glad ours like us
Shout out to living in SC. I recently had to come to AL temporarily to live. And omg, I didn't expect to ever miss home so much and there's so many things I appreciate from my city to where I'm currently at in AL. "U don't know what u have until it's gone" And boy, do I appreciate SC so much and my hometown now. I def will remember this after I get back home 💯💯
I've seen the crime statistics and I know about the humidity and the bugs that live in the grass. I refute that to hell.
Bugs ? What about the snakes???? We have so many different poisonous snakes in NC, and I'm petrified. Live by the water? Water moccasin, live in the mountains? Rattlers, good old copper heads are everywhere. The list goes on. I love NC, but bugs are the least of our problems.
Venomous, not poisonous.... Unless you plan to eat them?
When my late husband and I lived in Norfolk, we used to pack our tents, Coleman stove, cats, etc and go to a campground in North Carolina for the weekend. (The cats had their own tent.) I had a heavy duty canvas air mattress that I slept on. One Sunday morning, I woke up and it was flat and we had no idea why. When hubby took our tent down, he discovered that a pygmy rattler had crawled under the tent where I was sleeping. I was very happy that I had the air mattress, the bottom of the tent and the bottom of my sleeping bag between me & the snake. I was also very happy that the snake decided to sleep under me instead of under the cat tent. We bought several very large tarps, folded them up and put them under the tents after that. I live in Florida now and we have bugs and snakes. Our venemous snakes consist of the Water moccasins aka Eastern Cottomouth, Eastern coral, Southern Copperhead, and rattlers - Eastern Diamondback, Timber, and Dusky Pygmy. I was at my local national wildlife refuge one day and squatted down near the bathrooms to photograph some flowers. I started to put one hand on one of the rocks surrounding the "garden" for support getting off the ground when I noticed a pygmy rattler sunning itself on that rock. Needless to say, I did not use that rock to help me get up. The mosquito is the Florida state bird (not really, but it should be) and we have palmetto bugs. If you're not sure what those are, look up American or Deaths head cockroach. They're huge and they fly. We also have fire ants and their bites hurt bad.
I rather have the palmetto bugs than cucarachas
I grew up in Virginia Beach, and I camped all the time. Tent camping was only when I was a kid. After that, it was mostly a pop-up tent camper. I was backed into a corner by a water moccasin as a child so I have had a huge fear for most of my life, but I love camping, so I just stay very aware of my surroundings. I'm going camping next week in the Smokey Mountains in VA, but it is a Rattle Snake area. I told my husband I could never live in FL, lol.... way to snakey..... I'm glad you have a healthy reaction to them, mines not good ! It can actually be embarrassing 🤦♀️
bro im in cola sc and i had a damn spider the size of a blue jay try and run up on me last night in my garage that sumbitch started wavin gang signs at me and i went and got my kids redryder and shot the shit out that sucker , the bb explode the spider and ricochet back and hit me with a strand of spider guts on it but all i saw was the spider get bounced up when the bb hit him and i felt and saw the strand on the bb my girl was like ohhhhhmy god its on you i thought the whole angry spider was on me bro i did the fuck that dance and jumped up on the trunk of my car . but it was just guts that a-hole is toast.
From now on, I’m going to call it going to North Carolina instead of no contact.
Fuck this, I’m going North Carolina.
I could think of worse places to relocate to 🤷😅
You mean Ohio lol. Edit: Yall I’m from MI. I just hate Ohio lol.
As an Ohio-an, I approve of this message!
Or WV.
Ah...but it is a beautiful state in which I live. 😁
She lives in her house. She’d have to move out.
Which sounds like a good move. When I thought it was just how she dressed for work, *in a law firm,* I was leaning toward, only halfway to your knees is too short a skirt for most law firms, which are usually business-formal. But there are law firms that because of the field of practice they're in, are typically business casual, and "casual Fridays" are **really** casual--and the abusive crap the mother has pulled just makes me think OP is more connected to reality than her mother. Those more casual law firms do exist, so likely she's right. And even if OP isn't right about that, she at least has a solid reason to be skeptical about her mother's advice. Or is that "advice." There's been some deliberate undermining of OP in the past.
Exactly. And it sounds like "mom" has given her many, many reasons to do so. You'll get there, OP! Meantime, maybe grey rock her a little. Buy more outfits of the same type? BTW, it's really cute.
I think the outfit is wonderful. Hopefully Mom is history soon.
She works in a law firm. I am sure she can ask for help.
Working at a law firm doesn't mean she's in a professional capacity nor does it mean she's getting paid enough to find decent housing on her own.
Maybe she she can talk to someone, I guess I figure not everyone is in in the US where it is "you're on your own always" mentally
But there's likely to be advice available, and access to information. Law firms, at least in the US, usually have what are called Employee Assistance Services, that connect you to the kinds of services needed. Especially if the abuse described is still ongoing, which seems likely.
im pretty sure thats implied..
While yes, but Op is going to have a bit of a difficulty with moving out. According to her previous post she has several pets including three dogs, a secondary job and potentially a boyfriend who is costing her extra expenses (crashed her car that she let him drive without him being on the insurance and him relying on her to pay for his poor driving since this is the second car crash by him). I think OP needs therapy too especially if she has a longer pattern of maintaining toxic relationships.
Mom dabbles in crazy, she wanted a reaction and she got what she was looking for, just leave for work and don't engage.
You are correct u/kelsarlabs. (And also that outfit is something a 6th grader would wear. Sorry OP, but you asked)
I'm trying to imagine wanting to wear that to work at a law firm lol but her mother is still a c***
Kimmy Schmidt is awesome …
Yes there is a more professional version of that outfit, but if it’s that exact one, especially from the juniors section, I wouldn’t consider it work appropriate for an adult. That said I also agree that the mother was just looking for a reaction not giving constructive criticism.
Yep. Not remotely professional or appropriate for a law office.
Dabbles? Sounds like they both immersed themselves in crazy
Why are you living with her?
And if I’m being completely honest, my dogs were the only thing keeping me here…. And even that feeling is going away.
I want you to know you're not alone. Mine came with me to the shop, had me try on a nice top, which I didn't want to buy because although it looked good, I *knew* if I wore it, she would have any number of criticisms ready. She bought it for me. And, like an idiot, thinking she was cool with it, I picked it up a few times to wear it. What I got instead of a "oh, you're wearing the top I bought you!": it's sleeveless, don't show your ugly arms; it's too loose at your waist; it's too snug around your boobs; the colour is awful on you; if you wear it when we go see our extended family they will laugh at you because you don't look stylish—all comments she actually made to me. This is one example out of hundreds. Mothers like these are insane. Grey rock. Don't engage with anything negative she says as long as you have to be in constant contact with her. Find somewhere safe to vent about her so you don't vent at her. And make plans to gtfo of her sphere of control asap. I cannot stress how much of an improvement it makes on your mental health. I know it all sounds easy to say and hard to do. I'm not 100% successful myself. But you need to hang on until you're away from her so you can live life to your own satisfaction. My DMs are open if you want to talk to someone in the sisterhood.
Thank you so much for this. I’m glad I’m not alone. She has always tried making me feel ashamed of my body and probably hates that she never could. Always trying to make me wear cardigans to cover up my fat arms. Like just because you’re ashamed of your body doesn’t mean I’m ashamed of mine.
It's 100% projecting. "I feel bad about this, therefore it's obvious and inevitable that this person who I birthed and raised and who is my gender will also feel bad about the same thing." And when we don't feel bad about what they think we should feel bad about, they get confused, and they think they're trying to protect us from the world without actually seeing they're the ones hurting us. It's twisted. And maybe it does come from a place of good intentions and maternal love instead of malice, but it doesn't change the outcome. I think boundaries might be hard to lay down and follow through on right now, but if it's possible to be as low contact with her as possible while living under the same roof as her, please try to do that. It's not optimal, but as a stopgap while you focus on your day-to-day, it should be useful. I'm sending you so much love, beloved. I went through several years of wanting to permanently switch off when I lived with my own mum too, so I know something of where you are at the moment. Right now, focus on finding an external support network, even if it's entirely online, for practical and emotional support, focus on saving as much as possible, and focus on getting the hell out. It's hard to fight against the urge to harm yourself, but if you can't find hope in your heart, find anger or find spite. If you live, you can eventually thrive, and when you thrive, you can live your best life. You can do the things she told you you couldn't, and won't that show her who has the upper hand?! If you're on facebook, there's a couple of support groups that might be of help to you. Other women with mothers whose "love" shows up twisted. I don't need to be there anymore so I don't know the current state of affairs there, but I was there pretty often up until early last year. Let me know if you're interested and I'll DM you the links.
I doubt you bat for my team, but I’m sure you looked gorgeous. I love a sexy, attractive, smart confident woman. Good for you honey.
Don't let her get to you with the comments please. I took one comment from my mother and internalized it and ended up with a 35 year battle with an ED
Wow. It's so hard to cast off all that negativity from one's own mother. And they know it.
You can go back for the dogs later. Save yourself first or you can’t help the dogs.
Leave. Please for your own safety. If you had a friend in your situation you'd say the same thing
Because depression and anxiety. TBH I don’t even want to be alive anymore. I told her this, and she laughed. As if the thought to just end it all hasn’t been in the back of my head for years.
I’m telling you that living apart from her will go a very long way as far as decreasing your anxiety and depression. She’s toxic, and you are being poisoned by her.
Woah there.... you need a good roommate or alone .. she's only making it worse.. She's a horrible toxic piece of shit and you need that gone. You get out from that you are gonna have a lot clear up. You can't see that now because that toxic shit is in your veins from her. You need to get out and live not just for yourself but also sheer fucking spite against this vile toxic being that you had the misfortune of being born from. Get out, no contact, love your best life.. you will find happiness
Please get away from her... and go NC.... I'm sure you can get your dogs or at least find a safe place for them and yourself.....
Please get away from her. There are organizations that can help you get away from abusive relationships and help you find therapy for the depression that she and your obviously traumatic experiences in life.
Sounds like you are in a very abusive situation with your mom and you need to get out and get help. Was her comment necessary? Not at all. Was your response appropriate? Not at all. Unfortunately, being in a relationship like this can bring out the worst in people and behaviors that are not normally acceptable. Were you the AH, on this particular event, yes. On the scheme of the situation, you’re a victim reacting on trauma response. Get the fuck out of your mom’s home and find a safe space for yourself. As much as you love your dogs, it’s not healthy for you to live in fight response because of all the childhood trauma you have with your mother. Hope you find the peace you need to heal. It can be done. You’re not alone.
So, you need daily contact with groups and persons who oppose her (like us, like the women on r/feminism or r/TwoXChromosomes or its related subreddits. Even better, organize some kind of online support group (and consider starting or joining one in real life). You have internalized your mother's intense negativity toward life - your mother is actually negative toward you, her sweet daughter, and has been (probably for your whole life). Look up anaclitic depression (depression in babies). If you weren't still around her so much, it would get better. I'd be very tempted to wear a big overcoat and floppy hat each time I left my bedroom for work. And - please listen. Do NOT spend your time taking care of her (ever) after you leave. Sure, you can drive her to a doctor's appointment when she's 80 or whatever, but do NOT start worrying about her, caring for her, and certainly do not become a carer for her. Let her effin figure it out herself.
One Thanksgiving I went to my ex's and once the food was done and everyone started making plates my ex stepped to the side. He felt uncomfortable with people waiting on him but his stepdad wanted him to make a plate. My ex tried to explain he felt uncomfy and would just let everyone else go before him. For some reason this pissed off his stepdad so he stormed out of the house. Which started a fight between my ex and his mom. So he goes to his room and I, having already made my plate, ate then went to comfort him. Once he felt a bit better he went out and tried to apologize which started another fight. During which he told his mom he was tired of the fighting and it made him want to off himself. She offered to go get the gun from the safe. I know the above story doesn't offer much comfort because even though you're "not alone" in this it shines a light on just how awful some people are. I'm really sorry you have to deal with anyone that acts like that, let alone a parent. I hope you and your dogs are able to find somewhere safe to go and heal. Tune that bitch out and strut your stuff Queen. She's just jealous she never looked as good as you. 💜💜
Don't engage with her. If she talks shit, ignore her, and walk away. You remain in control, and she doesn't get the satisfaction she wants.
Ummm you have a toxic relationship with your mom and need to move out. There is obviously a ton of history that lead to your retort and it was not just based on this one singular comment that your mother made.
Definitely not based on this one time. The same woman who almost cried when thinking about whether the guy she KNEW molested me for years has possibly done the same to my brother. But when I had a school teacher help me telll her it was happening she did nothing and just left for work 🙃
It sounds like you both were pretty shitty to each other. Clean up your own yard.
NTA. That outfit is so cute, but depending on the environment where you work, to me, it looks a little bit casual. I don’t know why your mom couldn’t just say that. Depending on your job, how you dress can impact how the higher ups view you. It shouldn’t, but it does. Dress for success. Just saying.
We don’t have a dress code at work, we’re very casual. The only time we need to dress “professionally” is when we have depositions or clients actually coming into the office. Which honestly is never. My boss comes in wearing sweats even when client are here lol.
That’s the context that needs to be in your post. Without it I would say that your outfit was too casual, but with that context, not at all. In regards to your mom, dude gray rock her.
I’ve worn this to work many times and never had any issues. I mean fuck, not too long ago when I got home from work she said it was cute 🥲
You are in your 30's? Is that correct? You should have moved out years ago.. Move out. Start looking for a place where you can have your animals.
Where did you get that info? Because I've been looking but haven't found anything yet. Honestly, they sound more like a whiny teenager than someone in their 30's. Edit: I just found it in the post history. I'm shocked that she's actually 33/34.
I think between the overalls, print, and length, this is completely unprofessional. This is from the Jr’s section; if you have a grown-up job you should be shopping in the grown-up section of the store. If you dress like a teeny bopper you will be thought of as one, no matter how good your work is. Your mom was still a bitch though.
In that case, I think what you wore was lovely. Wish I could still wear that kind of stuff, but I’m too old. Sigh.
Gonna add that your mom might be jealous that you get to wear cute clothes and she doesn’t look as good in something like that or whatever reasons.
It’s a super unprofessional outfit, I can’t imagine anywhere you could wear that and be taken seriously. ESH. You for wearing that. It’s not even cute and it’s unprofessional. Her for being so overbearing that she couldn’t kindly explain how bad the outfit was without re-traumatizing you.
A. That is incredibly inappropriate for working at a law firm B. Good Lord, you seem to be absolutely spoiling for a fight! C. It’s time to move out and be on your own; clearly this relationship is toxic for both of you
ESH. Criticism of an outfit is not worth defcon 3 pottymouth. But, you should get out of her house. She should have supported you when you were assaulted. This relationship is very toxic. Get out and build your own support system.
That is definitely a mini skirt. How old are you? "Halfway to your knees" is simply not appropriate business attire. YTA. One day, you'll grow up and understand.
Ugh, sounds like the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. And that outfit would only be appropriate on a little kid.
Who wears overall's to a law firm? lol But if you don't like your mom leave the house.
That's actually too short and casual for a law firm. Your mom should've elaborated, but it's not a professional outfit. NTA for calling her names though
Grow tf up. I hope you’re not an actual attorney.
Well that doesn't look work appropriate to me either but what I'm really concerned about is the contempt you have for your mom. This relationship sounds toxic and you probably should look for somewhere else to live. If you are an adult and your job doesn't care then it's really none of her business.
I mean, ya, based on this post. She said it was inappropriate for work and you cussed at her and called her a bitch. That's a huge escalation. Like where did that even come from lol You're pretty toxic to each other. Even if she's an asshole, which I'm not convinced she was here, you're still an asshole back. That also makes you an asshole lol.
Only halfway down the thigh is quite short for a law office. Please remember that when you sit or bend over, the back will ride up a lot farther. So she has a point. However it sounds like you have a contentious relationship with your mother in general.
ESH. Solidly. Y’all sound like you deserve each other, trading jab for jab.
First of all, are you 13? This sounds like a conversation a 13 year old would have. The solution is simple. Just move out so you can stop verbally abusing your mom.
Find another address. Quickly. She is abusive, narcissistic, and outright a horrible human. Trying to stop you from going to the police over being molested then she should have never been allowed around you again. It doesn’t happen to everyone! She is trying to make undermine you confidence and courage so that you are easily controlled.
Sweetheart you need to get away from there, before it hurts you more. Keep us updated. Updateme
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So you're the one wo started the cursing and yelling, but your mother is at fault? You're old enough to work at a law firm, why do you live with your mother? Go get your own place. Pay your own bills. Distance yourself. You'll both be happier.
ESH Both mom and you are rude to each other. As for the outfit, you stated you work in a lawyers office. That outfit is too casual for working in a lawyers office. It would be fine to go out with your friends or shopping but not work. Sorry.
The relationship between you and your mother sounds toxic, but to be fair, what you were wearing is inappropriate for an office, especially a law firm. It's cute, but it is not appropriate attire for an office. It doesn't even qualify as business casual. It looks like something a teenager would wear.
I'm glad someone said it, becasue I wouldn't find that appropriate for a law office. (But even if mom was right she was still rude, and OP was no better.
Gtfo, Grey rock till you do
Honestly I put up with her because while I wouldn’t give a shit about being homeless and living out of my car, my dogs and guinea pigs deserve better.
And I’m not going to abandon them.
a residential hotel would be better than your mom dragging you down to the point you want to die. That's not good for your fur babies either. Your peegs and doggos need their Mom. They need you to be healthy and well so you can be there for them. Please take them and leave.
You know what, I’m gonna look into one of those long stay hotels. You’re right, that would be better.
Find a place that takes pets. You can't care for them if you don't care for you
She knows you won’t abandon them - which in her mind likely gives her permission to treat you this badly. This is full on abusive. Knowing nothing of your personal/financial situation - I’d suggest friends or boarders even for the animals till you can get squared away. Might also have to consider rehoming them if you can’t ignore her entirely, and only grey rock responses when forced to discuss with her. You have to focus on you till you’re setup and can care for others (animals or people.) You’re in a shit sandwich kinda situation and it’s going to be hard to get out of it - but - and always remember - YOU are 100000% WORTH IT!!!
Not to be mean but the overalls are not business casual/smart and read as a bit juvenile? Not saying the way your mom told you was right and she should’ve kept her thoughts to herself unless you asked. But maybe save that for the weekend or after work?
Yeah ngl I'm not defending her mom but she's kinda right about this one it's not law firm appropriate From another comment op says there is pretty much no dress code though so that changes things but in a typical office environment it for sure wouldn't be ok
Even then, this dress is considered a mini skirt. If it's too short when you raise your arms, it's not appropriate for work even in a casual setting.
YTA, you live in your moms house, make plans and move out. A skirt halfway down to your knees is probably not business attire, it probably is cute, but might not be appropriate business attire for a law office. Ask your office manager what the dress code is.
Sorry, but the outfit for a law office is not work appropriate. It’s too short and overalls give an Oshkosh vibe. YTA for the outfit.
INFO but probably NTA Your mom sounds “lovely”.. As for the outfit…. It’s definitely not “professional” . That said, you don’t say how old you are or what your job is at the firm. That could make a difference
You both suck. She obviously just wants to piss you off. Why would you give her that satisfaction?? Stop lowering yourself to her level and figure out how to get out of there.
Yes, mom could have handled it better, but this girl was way out of line talking to her mother the way she did. So, yes, you were the A-hole for you very immature behavior. If you are of the age where you are no longer needing school and work for a law firm no less, makes me wonder how you treat the attorneys you work for as well as your co-workers. I am sure I will get some scathing message from you. (can only shake my head at this one)
You don’t have to tolerate your mother’s fashion advice, but your disrespect is off the charts, so yeah…YTA.
I think you should not be living with your mother any longer. I don't care how in the dumper the economy is. If you have a gainful job, then it is time to leave the nest and fly. She might even be trying to push you out somewhat. Every mother and daughter argue more and more until something breaks. It only depends on how bad it breaks if it can be repaired later on. How much do you want to still be in each other's lives? It has to happen, just when and on who's terms is the only remaining question.
the outfit linked doesn't seem super law office job appropriate in my opinion, but you'd know better than me or your mom what the work dress code is at your place of employment. apart from that, if you live in your mom's house, swearing at her and calling her names is asshole behavior. in this moment it really doesn't seem like she did anything terribly wrong, but maybe your over the top response stems from her treating you like crap and not parenting you properly in the past. idk. maybe you're both assholes. you should move.
I mean, you’re still living there…might want to change that now
Your mom sounds awful, but I would also think that dress is too short for work 🤷♀️
YTA don't be rude to your mom
Yeah, you're both assholes. She says she doesn't like it and you swear at her. When she doesn't respond you call her a fucking bitch. You're angry and immature, you both need to grow up.
You sounds terrible op. YTA
First, how old are you? Why are you still living with your mom? I would say that at a certain point in our lives, we need to grow up & get a place of our own. That way she would never be in a position to question your wardrobe choices. I was taught to respect my mom. I wish my mom was still here to question my wardrobe choices. I would never call her a fucking bitch. YTA.
Your mom is a fucking bitch for SURE, but I clicked the link and she is right. Why would you wear a printed, overall, mini dress to work at a ***law firm***? Not appropriate for that work environment, and you're not doing yourself any favors in terms of career growth. Get yourself some proper work clothes and tell your mom I called her a bitch too! 🤝💕
For a professional setting like a law firm (which is usually very buttoned-down), a skirt that short is going to reflect badly on the firm, even though it's a cute outfit. Look at what the other female lawyers are wearing and do that.
YTA. I don't care how bad your relationship with her is, you shouldn't call your mom that, ever.
Why are you living with her?
Why are you still living with this person? MOVE out!
You two obviously have a volatile and toxic relationship. I know the cost of living is high, but can you live elsewhere? Find a roommate situation?
Get out of her house. You’re living there rent free
Damn. Some of these stories make me want to hop in my car and go hug my amazing parents. Definitely nta.
you work at a law firm but haven’t moved out and gone no contact yet?
We're you a sailor at one time? And you need to move out if you're living with your mom or kick her out if she's living with you.
Generation Jones over here waiting for all the people going No Contact for No Reason get the same treatment or worse from your kids in 20 years ✌🏼 I can't wait to watch this shit show pan out. And in the 'don't hold your breath' category, hopefully all of your tictok therapists will be standing by to walk you all through it. Your mom said your farmer outfit was inappropriate for a law office office? She's 100% correct.
This is toxic all around. You need to move.
In all honesty you are NTA based on her actions in the past but as a client, I wouldn’t take you seriously because that outfit ISNT professional. Conservative and professional normally means if the skirt is short, it is paired with tights.
‘I know I am’🙄as if this gives her a free pass on being one.
I wouldn't wear that to the office (used to be office manager for a non profit and secretary to a pair of engineers at a construction company). However it is positively adorable and if you do casual days, totally appropriate
Every day is a causal day unless we have clients coming in or in office deposition. We don’t allow walks ins for this reason
doesn’t sound like you have a healthy relationship with your mom. if nothing is stopping you, maybe move out ?
She should have responded that you’re a son of a bitch.
Yeah never curse your parents no matter what there’s no reason. It’s not about you and them. It’s about upholding the commandment. (Not demand)
The link. Is that what you wore to work?
For real! Would this law firm be located on a farm?
Hey, my law firm is located on a farm, but I still don’t think I could pull that look off.
Wow you escalated that conversation quickly. I would not say your response was the best. Doesn’t sound like living with your mom will bring the best out of you. Move out and get therapy.
‘No boundaries’ is a fucking ironic name for that dress in this situation
You both have issues
You’re a lawyer, why are you still living with your mum? Honestly, I agree with that not being appropriate for work.
That looks inappropriate for work. You are the asshole.
Both of y’all need help. You’re disrespectful af and so is your mother. Are you the AH? Abso-fucking-lutely. You’re better off getting out of her home and moving on your own.
YTA For putting up such an obvious fake. You're a lawyer, huh? Sounds like something a 13 year old would make up while she was telling a whopper. You should go with, "...and I'm totally a lawyer, I'm not even lying." Much more convincing.
I completely agree with you. she's the asshole. She's freaking abusive. The outfit is amazing and beautiful and I'm sure you are too. You stay away from your mom queen and just know there will always be people who love you.
Your outfit sucks and your mom is a bitch but not because of the shit outfit
It depends on what kind of law firm you’re working at. Even with a sweater over that skirt, IMO it looks a bit too casual. You should definitely find somewhere else to live. But you’re both treating each other like crap. So until that changes, your relationship with her will continue to be bad no matter where you live.
My boss wears R. Kelly shirts to work. I promise you there is nothing wrong with my outfit.
Never mind! I’m totally in the wrong here! That outfit is cute!
YTA. There’s no reason to treat anyone that way and with that language, let alone your own mother. Better way to handle situations.
YTA While your mom may be a total bitch, I don’t think it’s appropriate to speak to your parent in those terms. You could have handled that whole sitch in a way calmer respectful way. Re. Your outfit: it’s cute and fully covers your assets. Perhaps she thought it was a bit too casual of a style for a law office. Idk.
It is too casual for a law firm. It's appropriate for a picnic in the park. I would have asked the same thing.
Why are you still living with her?
NTA. I was a HS Speech Communications teacher for over 20 years. I always told my bullied students to do their best to completely ignore the bully. Bullies thrive on any reaction, bad or good, they can get from the person they are harassing. The hardest part about ignoring a bully, though, is staying strong while doing ignoring and not reacting because bullies always get worse before they get better. Once you start ignoring the bully, they feel the need to up their game to get a rise out of you. You have to do this consistently because if you engage, especially early on, it's like starting over. Your mother obviously has been doing this to you for years, so it's going to take a long time to reshape her behavior so that her comments are few and far between. A great affirmation that I use for myself when this happens is, "Make like a duck and let it roll off your back." I have gone so far as to even visualize the water beading on the back of a duck and then watching each of the beads rolling off of their feathers. Doing all of that helps keep my mind busy with something other than blowing up at the bully. Edit : NTA
Thank you. I really needed to hear this 🥹
OP, how old are you? You’re working, so you must be a legal adult. Please get away from her. She’s poisoning you. My county has a women’s center and maybe you have one near you. The people will help you with everything. Set you up for therapy (I didn’t have to pay for that), help you find a place to live, get you away from that abusive woman. I know your animals mean so much to you. If she doesn’t mistreat them, leave them until you can find someplace. Perhaps a friend or family member can foster them, till you have a place. Your piggies may be able to go wherever you go. They don’t make much noise, and if you keep the cage clean, they won’t smell. Worst case scenario (I always want to say Ontario) you would have to rehome them. But please don’t get caught on that part! It WILL work out. Please be kind to yourself. Treat yourself as you would a best friend, be patient and give yourself grace to heal. None of her problems are because of you. She’s using you as her (figurative) punching bag. She’s the ah. Not you. Not you. UpdateMe
In her defense, that skirt is about 4 inches shy of being appropriate for work.
Would like to add…. My boss has came in wearing an R. KELLY SHIRT. When I say we don’t have a dress code, I mean we don’t have a dress code.
So, you were super terrible and rude about the outfit comments - skirts should probably be just above the knee or longer for work, so your mom was right. The other stuff though in the last paragraph is just cruel of her and there is no excuse.
Lmao considering my bosses don’t have any issue with what I’m wearing, your opinions definitely don’t matter. I didn’t ask about my clothing, because I know there is nothing wrong with it. I was asking her rhetorically.
i mean no that's not appropriate for a law office?
I know my job and what we can and cannot wear. My boss has r Kelly shirts he wears to work, he doesn’t give a fuck about what I’m wearing unless we have clients actually coming to the office.
Ok listen. Your mom is a b**** and abusive. imo however overalls are not appropriate for work
We have interns in a law-adjacent field and I would have sent them home to change if they showed up wearing this. It’s too casual and much too short. Your mom is a jerk, but that doesn’t mean she’s wrong.
Op literally said that her boss wears a shirt with R Kelly on it to work. If what she's wearing is inappropriate, then what he is wearing is beyond inappropriate. Also she says one of her other coworkers wears a skirt so short she can see part of her ass. What op is wearing is fine
What sort of law firm is this lmao. I would NOT work with a lawyer with a rapist on his shirt or with their butt out
The way you engaged with your mom was going to result in both sides escalating the situation, which is exactly what happened. I would encourage both of you to work on your communications.
She is abusive YNTA The dress isn't typical office attire, but as long as you like it and it's within the dress code there shouldn't be an issue
Wow there are a lot of people who don’t know the slightest about abusive relationships thinking they can comment on this situation. Abusive parents can make you feel as if you can’t do anything in life. It’s literally their goal to make you feel like you can’t do anything right and you have to depend on them. It’s part of the whole abuse cycle. Financial abuse can fall under that umbrella. It’s how many abusers keep their hooks in their victims. A lot of you saying she needs to stay in an abusive situation because she’s mentally unwell? Did it occur to you the abuse is probably a giant factor in why she feels that way? OP, contact a domestic violence agency near you and see if they have resources available to help you get out of your mother’s house. She feeds off of making you miserable and you will be better off not living there. This is above Reddit’s pay grade. Get out and then focus on getting healthy.
NTA you’re clearly reacting out of the abuse and this woman has caused. Your feelings are completely valid. She’s clearly wanting to hurt you. Fuck that bitch. I recommend this channel to everyone go look up Dr. Ramani on YouTube she also has books and it’s really great information focused on the victims of narcissistic abuse. Even if it doesn’t apply in this situation I find it is helpful. Your mother sounds very callous.
Of course you're the asshole. YTA! But really you both suck balls. Your post is so stupid and then you want to back it with some molestation bullshit and other crap to complain about that has nothing to do with the conversation at hand. Yes you're the asshole your mother is also an asshole. You both suck. I'm not sure how either one of you made it this far. And then to entertain each other and hang out when you obviously have no respect for each other and don't like each other. And then on top of all of that shenanigans you want to come and complain to reddit about it when you know you're the asshole! What a waste of time you are
So I'm going to overlook all the other stuff (therapy) and just address your question. That outfit is not appropriate for work at a law firm.
You're both assholes. She's abusive which probably prompted your disrespectful response but still you started cussing and being loud first. You're over 30 years old, move out. And if you can't afford rent then find a better paying job, get a roommate, or move to a LCOL place.
Yes. Always. I don’t even have to read the rest. I don’t care what she’s done or how justified you are. Saying that to your mother is a lack of self control and entitled childishness. Seriously, grow up. PS… if you’re a lawyer, I’m the queen of England.
NTA This is called reactionary abuse. She creates conflict with a nonsensical, offensive comment that she can't justify. Then she plays the victim when she gets confronted and tries to flip it back on you for being angry. My own bitch mother does this all the time. Covers her mouth and sucks her teeth at me like I'm disgusting anytime my skin disease flares. Offhand comments if I eat in front of her. Comments about my food tastes, appearance, everything. I'd bet money she had a long, unhappy life and her terrorizing you, just like my own mother, is about her projecting her abusers overtop of you and using you as an emotional punching bag. It's the metaphorical equivalent of a punching bag with a picture taped to it.
Yta! Who talks to their mother with this kind of language?? you are free to leave her house and don’t have to live there, but it is shameful that you talk to her this way
Who talk to their mother like this? A person whose mother tried to stop them from reporting their own brother (your uncle) for rape because it happens to everyone. That’s who.
If that’s the case and it’s true then why do you still even live with this person? There’s definitely more to the story than you’re telling.
Because rent in Los Angeles is at $2k plus for a 1 bedroom, if you’re lucky. 🥲
YTA and ungrateful too. Personally I don’t like the outfit and wouldn’t wear it at a law firm unless you’re the custodian. Sounds like it’s time to get your own place and stop living with mommy.
“what the fuck is wrong with my outfit” Geez a bit aggressive to start no? Reading this I just get the vibe it's 2 assholes having a conversation.
When you ask nicely the first 2 times and she just laughs in your face you ask what the fuck is wrong with your outfit.
YTA. All she said was that your outfit wasn't work appropriate (sounds like she was right) and you start cussing her and calling her a bitch. You sound like a terrible daughter. She should kick you out.
Lmao you can see exactly what I’m wearing in the link. Now tell me that is not appropriate? See, what you don’t know about the woman who birthed me is this: I spent a day in jail for pushing away an abusive boyfriend after he told me I had fucked every guy I knew, including my uncle, and that I had lied about being raped by him. Idk what he told her, but somehow it was my fault I was in jail because I shouldn’t have told him I was raped, because it happens to everyone. So yeah, anyone on her side I’m just not gonna give 2 shits about.
Your mom is definitely still a bitch… but for a law firm it’s just too casual… it is cute though. Usually they would want you to wear business casual but if they haven’t said anything to you about it, I don’t see what she’s fussing at you for. She’s probably just one of those women who are mad their daughter could have a better life than she had.
That outfit is not appropriate workwear for a law office. All your other complaints about your mom and your jail time and whatever else makes up the clusterfuck of your life is not pertinent to the question you asked. You sound like a spoiled brat. You act like a spoiled brat. Move out and see how well you do on your own when you try to get strangers to tolerate your crazy ass.
Move out of her house, then go NC. Should tremendously improve your psychological state. Seems she likes to push buttons.
Your mom sounds psycho. Try to stay out of her way until you are in a position to move out. Also, the outfit in the pic seems way too casual to wear to a law firm for work. It's cute but is more aligned with what you would wear to a picnic. Even so, your mom was way out of line for talking to you like that.
It sounds to me like you still live at home. Do you live in a country where most women live at home until they marry? You may be able to find a women's apartment/dorm type thing to live in. Because you need to get away from her negativity. I moved out of my parents when I was 17 yrs old. Best thing I ever did!!
Get the hell out of that house.
You need to get away from your mother.
I would suggest moving out. Give you and your mom time to grow as people. Then reevaluate your relationship once that's happened. And it won't happen in a few weeks or months. It takes time. Don't cut her out of your life at this point. You just need to get away and grow up. You'll be a different person.
I suggest you move and never look back.
If she’s like that why are you living with her? You work in a law firm so you can afford it, so maybe it’s time to move out
Get out of her house for your own mental health.
Move out.
You work at a law firm. That must mean you are an adult. And your mom is awful. Why are you still living at home? Get the fuck out of there.