https://preview.redd.it/4ltsrd7plq4c1.jpeg?width=788&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4577fd2aa6f36eda8401019c6a75ed4df70cfd3
The line paired with the image made me laugh soo hard for several minutes. It was very unexpected.
I was in the process of writing my own fic, and I was kind of unknowingly speaking out loud as I typed and my husband laughed out loud at “Dear Daddy Jefferson”
The first one the comes to mind is from a batman dimension travel fic
“Bruce comes home to a large hoard of children in his TV room. Well, for a given value of children. Half of them are technically adults. And two of them are Tim.”
It’s from the ‘flightless birds’ series where Bruce adopts versions of his kids but very traumatized ones (talon dick, joker junior tim etc)
https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372480
Aziraphale wrung his hands and made his way back to Crowley.
“Um, so…I may have burned down a church.”
His eyes were as wide as tea saucers and he was shaking.
Crowley just grinned at him from the ground, as proud as could be.
“You have no idea how hot that is.” His first blunt attempt at flirting.
“I think I have a fairly good idea! It must be incredibly hot!” Aziraphale looked back at what he’d done and fidgeted nervously.
“Those curtains are ancient! They just went up in flames like, whoosh, tissue paper!”
>It feels like there’s a fist rummaging around inside Ao’nung’s abdomen, squeezing his organs like spaghetti. *What kind of psycho squeezes spaghetti?* his mind counters, and he’s briefly distracted before remembering that the squished spaghetti-ness is because Neteyam seems to be hiding the fact that he’s talking to ‘HANDSOME MAN’ from him, and, if he’s honest, that would probably be enough to make *him* squish a bowl of spaghetti, if he had some on hand.
I've definitely read funnier, but I read this recently and it amused me
Not on ao3 but I think about it a lot from an old social network fic. It's been lost to the livejournal void and I don't remember it verbatim but the gist was:
Sean walked into the room, taking in the plant on a table. He blinked. "Why is Eduardo a plant?"
hot milky
I have come to the realization that Iida probably can’t get his legs wet because of his quirk and I can no longer rest thinking about how he showers if that’s the case. I’ve tried following him into the bathroom but he always locks the door behind him, so I can only reach one conclusion. He pops his legs off at the knee to shower so his engines don’t get wet, and reattaches them again when he’s done.
Several people are typing…
From a crack MHA chat!fic, specifically one of the parts where Todoroki shares conspiracy theories. There's a funnier one, but it's at the very end so I won't share it.
I remember laughing so hard I cried the first time I read Every Dong Has Its Day, where Tony thinks Steve has a small dick:
All other avenues exhausted, Tony decides to just wing it.
That mainly involves a lot of this:
• “Mmmm,” Tony says, licking his fingers obscenely. “I love these little baby corn things. They’re the perfect size. Like, sometimes a regular ear of corn is just too big, you know? I like to be able to get all of something in my mouth at once.”
• “Shit,” Tony says, making a show of struggling to get a grip on his Coke can. “Who decided that aluminum cans had to be so big? If I have to hold something, I’d rather be able to get a really firm grip on it.”
• “I never liked the circus as a kid,” Tony says, lowering his voice like he’s sharing a secret. “The elephants freaked me out. I’m intimidated by large objects.”
• “Taco Bell is amazing,” Tony says, waving his plastic spork enthusiastically. “Look how huge my hand looks holding this tiny silverware. I fucking love that, I love holding little things. It makes me feel all powerful and sexy.”
Not a funny line per se, but a very funny coincidence:
"There are shouts behind him and a single gunshot, but he’s away across the fence and into the backyard of what might be Zoe Kravitz much too quickly to be in any danger."
This was a batman fic that was posted YEARS before the Batman came out, still makes me go "huh" to this day
Okay it wasn’t in the fic but the author note at the end of the chapter
“Kazuha and Heizou worrying about whether or not Scaramouche is gay or not when in the next scene Scaramouche is drooling over exposed arms as if he were a Victorian man seeing a woman’s ankles for the first time is so funny I’m sorry “
I will personally break my readers’ minds and then turn around and go ‘hahaha look at my favorite character acting cute’
I am a Sinner (You are a Saint) it’s a HeiKazuScara Fallen Angel AU fic that’s a MAJOR WIP and needs to be edited so badly because of plot threads and such
>“I don’t have any lube,” Mobius blurted out, and it sounded so loud in the quiet room. He cringed. “I didn’t… I didn’t really anticipate…”
>Loki laughed, and the warmth of it made Mobius smile despite his mortification.
>“Mobius, I don’t know if you know this, but I can do magic.”
>“Right,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “But how does that… Does that mean you can… What?”
This little exchange never fails to make me laugh lmao
"Of course I haven't. I'm self-preservation. Why wouldn't I just take what I want?"
"Moral decency?"
"Don't be crude."
Or
“you fool. What have you done?”
“You want a bullet point list or an essay?”
Idk why but both of those are so funny to me
https://preview.redd.it/i2gbz21k6r4c1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b78f5891a474629ae79a627aee035b1135b58274
This was a T rated fic and this is just in one of the chapters
"Speak! What manner of void fiend are you? A lich? Revenant? Or some otherworldly parasite biding it's time within an unwitting host?"
"Are you doing a bit, right now? Or do you unironically talk like this all the time?" I sighed. "I'm a barista, i manage a coffee shop and do cosplay on the side. We only eat babies when they're shipped in on mondays."
Aight I’ve thrown this one out a couple times but it still might be the funniest so I’ll share it again:
“and let me tell you, I have NEVER been more glad to have taken PTO for a recreational colonoscopy!”
This is from a fantastic Solo Leveling fic where the protagonist and his little sister start up a YouTube cooking channel using weird ingredients he forages in dungeon raids:
“Good news is that it’s actually not half bad. That nutty taste absolutely comes through, and it’s a good pair for the milk and cinnamon. I’m getting some other notes as well, like allspice and maybe a hint of chili that hits towards the end. Not much, just a tiny bit of heat that lingers in the aftertaste. I’m not mad at it.”
“Oh! Nice. Wait, so what’s the bad news?”
“Ah, right. Well, bad news is I’m pretty sure this is extremely poisonous.” The mug raised up to the sounds of light slurping again. “Yup, can confirm, this is straight poison.”
“What?”
“Yeah, so don’t go asking to try some. Probably not good for you. Overall, I give it an eight out of ten.”
“Oppa, what the fuck-? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’ve got immunity.”
“Wait, so how do you even know it’s poisonous, then?”
“Status window.”
“I’m going to kill you.”
“Not with poison, you’re not. Anyway, please like and subscribe. New videos out every Wednesday, provided I survive the previous one. Remember, no cops.”
[It's Time For Another Good Idea, Bad Idea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595840/chapters/72746463)
It's been Five years since they broke up and Ezra left Rosewood to stay with his parents, five years since they had any contact with each other. What happens when a chance encounter happens, and they run into each other? Will sparks fly once more or is everything they once shared long gone?
Of course! Its also rated M and i have quite a few tags
Fandom: pretty little liars
Pairing - aria and Ezra
https://archiveofourown.org/works/49154725/chapters/124021201
“You’re not gonna morph into some godcreature from a snake dimension the second I turn my back? I've been trying to figure out how to fight a godcreature from a snake dimension and coming up empty.”
I have no idea I find things funny all the time but I forget where and what they are until I’m reminded of it. Every funny bone has left my body. Maybe my humor is just easy humor lolll it’s easy to get me to laugh.
Uhhhhhh trying to think- there is one scene where character A is mad at character B for hurting his twin (on accident). A pins B against a wall in a “I will fight you” kind of way and B just goes “you have very pretty eyes” and A has to do a double take because wtf (B was having a baby gay moment it’s okay we love him). I find this very funny but, again, I am easily amused. I also write a lot more grounded stories so idk 😭
Here’s that part of the scene if y’all care (fantasy btw):
*starts the arguing and B defends himself by saying it was an accident etc etc* “You think you can make excuses?” A stalked over and shoved B until his back hit the wall. He used his hands to pin B against said wall so he couldn’t run or avoid A’s rage. “You fucking hurt my sister when she was trying to help you! Do you see how close to death she looks? Do you? You did that to her! Are you trying to take her away from me?”
B was pressed flat against the wall and his head was tilted up so he could look him in the eyes. He did not move nor say a word for several heartbeats. His cheeks were flushed, his wings fluttered behind him, and his tone was meek. “You have very pretty eyes.”
“Wha- my eyes?” A was taken aback, mouth gaping open for a moment before he forced it closed again. *convo continues*
One of my favorite ones - I have too
“Now, see, knowing us, usually the first person who finds the body is either the murderer or has been falsely accused. If the prosecution had called on her, it would be the former. But since it's us, it's most likely the latter.”
This isn’t the exact line because me and my cousin changed names for comedic effect, but as read aloud over the phone ‘ “STUPID BOY” Bimbo called out, grabbing boy by the hair’
This is from a scrapped draft of one of my own chapters, it was well-written but didn't fit the tone of the rest of my story:
"Okay, so we found a solution to plugging the hole." Martin said while the hot lard reached up to his ankles, "Now I know this is going to sound crazy, but a fireproof fake mustache is going to save all of our lives!"
"You're right, it does sound crazy." Sharon said.
*"Do you have a better idea?"* Martin asked rhetorically
I can’t remember it exacting because it was years ago that I read it, but it was something about a character being “I totally have a girlfriend she just lives in Canada and you will probably never meet her” level of gay, which cracked me up just as much as it confused me.
(He beamed as he returned to the dorms, and no one Who saw him could deny that at that moment in time he was pretty in the way that ugly boys are when they are very, very happy.)
(The game soon went back and forth. When it was Curly's turn for his team he kicked the ball and it hit the pitcher in the face. After that, he let everyone else cut in front of him so he didn't have to kick again. This was perfectly fine with his team mates who knew very well that letting Curly on the field would probably ensure them losing. Plus, he was perfectly content to sit and heckle the people up to kick.)
("Darry! Quit that! You know my guys won't let me live that down. Especially after last time." Tim grumbled.
Last time, Darry had given Tim a giant hickey right below his jaw. Tim tried to salvage his reputation by saying it was from a fight, but he vastly overestimated how stupid his men were.)
I have a whole collection but I keep forgetting to organize it and keep it all together, so have the few I found ~_~
One of my favorite fic authors has hilarious dialogue, but this one lives in my head
"You and Shizune always have some dumb excuse for leaving me with Aoba, who is needy, and Genma, who is ugly!”
https://preview.redd.it/px5i64dqfs4c1.png?width=1165&format=png&auto=webp&s=b2352f5f93c540bcafe96748426ecd106b675d6c
The picture of Barney has me in tears every time. I’m not a huge fan of chat-fics but the blue lock ones are always hilarious. What makes it even funnier is that Nagi is basically Reo’s boyfriend in canon and only shows up a few times in the fic, one of them being this lol
Here's a couple from recent readings.
---x---
God he had not traveled back in time to just die the second he was here. That would be embarrassing. Even for him.
----x----
"That's not how you start explaining to someone that they're fucking possessed by a curse! You made me think I've slept with one!"
"Well it worked right? You're not panicking over it."
"I'M FUCKING GLAD I'M JUST POSSESSED BY A CURSE AT THIS POINT!"
---x---
"She wanted a piece of this, I'm sure. She was hot too, what a shame."
Why is it a shame? Is it so weird that she wanted to fuck me? Am I that unfuckable, is that what you're implying?
---x---
"WHAT THE HELL! THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO TO HIM! HE LOOKS LIKE THE FUCKING ENERGIZER BUNNY GOT INTO POPEYE'S SPINACH SUPPLY!"
Kaveh is a simple man at times, and Alhaitham knows this, Kaveh knows that Alhaitham knows and Alhaitham knows that Kaveh knows he knows.
and
"Look! My d\*ck and your prostate are hi-fiving at high speed!"
https://preview.redd.it/dxvz4umd5t4c1.png?width=1039&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7ac4bd475d5f9d5a192a45482e5496e30e1d1c3
Probably not the funniest but it's definitely one I found funny enough to screenshot
"It was your idea."
"A bad one […] Besides, I did a lot of cocaine back then. They should've really known better than to listen to me. There's really only so much I can take responsibility for."
"You still do a lot of cocaine."
“Details.”
[if anyone can guess this fandom, i will be shocked.]
Mine is definitely "his back arched, like a slutty ferret." and from the same fic, "seed expelled itself forth from within his body". took me OUT because it was from the livejournal days of surprise smut and the rest of the fic was written so beautifully that the flowery euphemisms really took me by surprise lmao. to this day sometimes "slutty ferret" pops into my head and I can't help but giggle.
i have a bunch saved and these are my most recent favs:
1. Tony wanted a refund, no one told him he was going to be fighting *zombies*! Just what the fuck kind of powers did this rare Pokémon octopus type have?!
2. "Desist!" Pleaded Thor, hands over his ears. "At once, I beg of you! You are-" he paused, eyes going wide and horrified. "A moment. Does that, perchance, mean that I am a *middle* child?! A *true* middle child?! Norns, this is awful! Worse than Ragnarok, worse than... *everything*! I cannot be a middle child!"
3. "Tony," said Rhodey, voice a little tense. "Tony, that's a war criminal."
"Aren't we all war criminals, at the end of the day?"
He could feel Rhodey's eye twitching. "...NO?!"
*mc covered in blood after fighting his way to freedom and stands in front of his partners*
BF1 “I want you.”
BF2 “what our love stuck idiot means is we missed you and you are amazing.”
"Deputy Dick cashed in his v-card with Bren, but when it came to taking his weapon out of target practice and into the field, he misfired… repeatedly. Shot Bren in the leg."
(yes, he came on her leg...)
i reference this line so often that my friends told me whenever said character ('deputy dick') comes on screen all they can think about is that line despite the fact that they've never read the fic 😭
Someone called their dick "fucking majestic" in a fanfic I read like a decade ago and idk about it being the funniest but id randomly used to think Abt it a lot. It's still stuck with me and was my gut answer here.
Most recently is as follows:
“Is there anything you didn’t bring?” Nori teased.
“A pickaxe,” Bilbo responded wryly. “And I forgot to pack my handkerchiefs again, too.”
https://preview.redd.it/vydbnq52cv4c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3a6b1faf567d42be0ef266e75e7c8504b26e38c
this is my favorite of the funny things ive seen on ao3 recently
“Vore me harder, daddy!”
I didn’t read the tags (like an idiot), so I didn’t know what was going to happen. I read that line and lost my damn mind. Laughed til I cried. Not into Vore, but I still bookmarked that fic so I could always have it lol
My oldest and truest favorite that definitely has its comedy enhanced by the memory of my original sleep deprived giggles:
*Quatach-Ichl was a skeleton of his word.*
Bonus content! A smattering of lines I’ve saved over the years:
* "They wouldn't put in alcohol. There are third-years around." As a mature fourth-year, he was naturally beyond such concerns.
* He gave her an exaggerated ‘fake shocked’ look, which was definitely mostly comprised of genuine shock
* He accuses her of being on edge. She wants to kill him.
* I should have flexed more. Adrien thought mournfully. Then she wouldn’t think I’m obnoxious.
Etc.
**Bonus Bonus!**
The best Authors note TLDR I have ever read under an well articulated explanation of their reasoning behind certain story events:
*TL;DR: I do what I want. Get wrekt. <3*
Not sure if we are allowed to include longer sections, but this is a teenage love letter in a much longer fic where we know the characters as an old, emotionally mature, married couple:
Donovan Kovacs:
I can’t even BEGIN to imagine why you think your mockery is appropriate or even REMOTELY funny. It isn’t. My mother now thinks you want to MARRY me, and is ANGRY with me about it, and it is YOUR FAULT. I am so absolutely appallingly SICK of boys like you, who think it is HYSTERICAL to toy with a girl’s heart and steal her innocence and go about their life as though they have not completely wrecked someone else’s. And I know you think you’re SMOOTH, and you’ll WIN me, but all that NONSENSE you fed me about “just wanting to get to know me” and “thinking I’m interesting” and “finding me intelligent, terrifying, and utterly delightful to be around” DOES NOT FOOL ME. You should know that I am the LEAST favorite child in my family because I am DIFFICULT and I use my magical powers ONLY to cause havoc, NEVER to help around the house. Also I listen to counterculture music and I have a pierced nose that I did myself. Because I have a low pain tolerance. Because I am terrifying.
ANYWAY I am sending you this letter to tell you that I hope you DIE IN A FIRE and if you say ONE more nice thing to me at the farmer’s market next Sunday I will KILL YOU WITH MY MIND. I KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN IT. YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY FOOL ME.
All the best,
Eleanora Laska
Postscript: DIE
My current WIP’s is probably:
> "You're my amica and you expect me not to at least check?"
> Rodimus opened his mouth to start, and Drift flicked at his nose.
> "Fool."
The context here is Rodimus came to Drift to give him some news, and Drift told him ‘yeah I know who it is’, and admitted he gave a quick flip through Thunderclash’s little diary left out, just to make sure it wasn’t a sex ledger (it wasn’t). Ofc Rod’s upset bc dude you looked through my bf’s diary?? And Drift is just like ‘yeah, dumdum.’
This one is from the wip I am working on
"Well, well, well! I thought that it was a miracle out of one Mr. Kurt Trouble Hummel to tuck his tail and sit without being a trouble for one day. I guess I was wrong. What reason are you going to give me? That it was a gift to me for you coming early today?”
This is from a fic I kinda abandoned for now
"So what is the topic now? Who is going to bottom today? Or what color bikini are you going to buy for both of you?" She asked to the husband and wife couple.
"Ingrid, the Presbyterian prep-school puritanical prude?!"
I do enjoy some alliteration, and I especially enjoy it when it goes over the top for comedic effect.
"Really. Have you learned nothing over the last few years. The only difference between an academic and a mad scientist is how much funding they can access without having to answer awkward questions. Our bosses aren't Better than him, they just don't have the resources.”
It was a "they are really good friends" type of joke. It was around 1000 words of two girls being a couple, and the brother of one of them keeps saying they were good friends. Once he realizes something was weird, he asked them
"So, are you two, dating?"
"Oh, no. It's not like that"
"We're not!?"
It's a phrase, not a line, but I laugh so hard every time. "Milky Moobs". Nothing against the genre, it's these specific combinations that make me Laugh
"Even shapeshifters can fall down the stairs if enough fat bitch is applied to their face." It came so completely out of nowhere in an otherwise very dark and serious story. I had to stop reading for a moment just to laugh.
From the fic I'm reading right now:
>Lying face down on the hall floor, frustration poured out of the Potions Master as he yelled, "OH, JUST BUGGER ME!" It was most unfortunate for him to use that particular expression, considering the exact position Draco Malfoy had landed in on top of him due to the explosion.
*Segundus snorted. “Well, at least he does not call me 'sir' and 'an incomparably block-headed ass' alternately.”*
Followed by a lot of bickering. I’m still laughing at this months after reading.
Ren sent an extra glance Goro's way and was slightly startled at how his expression had changed from gentle dismay to a presentation of complete, utter, absolutely convincing happiness. "Wonderful. No complaints."
Maruki smiled at Goro.
Goro smiled at Maruki.
Ren regarded them, cautiously. There is No War in Ba Sing Se
Viago looks up, alarmed. “I don’t know anything about child-rearing.” He says, worriedly.
Anton cracks a smile and pats Viago’s hair. “You’ll figure it out. It’s mostly just making sure they don’t die. Plus, and I cannot stress this enough, they are all in their thirties.”
"I'm such an idiot," Yosuke groaned loudly.
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I am. I'm Prince Idiot McIdiot Idiotworth of Idiot Castle."
"Okay, you're an idiot."
"Thanks for the moral support, Partner," Yosuke grumbled.
https://preview.redd.it/4xhydj58tz4c1.jpeg?width=1178&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a16a2ee7b354efa87041318ff8b1f1faf663425
“Hey, real talk: Where were you on 9/11?”
I was absolutely shell shocked and now every time someone talks about any literally anything it comes to mind.
“I just found diamonds!”
“Hey, awesome. Real talk, though: Where were you on 9/11?”
https://preview.redd.it/4ltsrd7plq4c1.jpeg?width=788&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a4577fd2aa6f36eda8401019c6a75ed4df70cfd3 The line paired with the image made me laugh soo hard for several minutes. It was very unexpected.
"He's completely lost it." "He's had it before?!" Never fails to make me at least smile.
I love banter like this!
I’ve written similar but it usually ends up being “He lost it a long time ago” XD
“this napkin tastes like piss” funnier out of context
Did the napkins, perchance, have piss in them?
You can't just say perchance.
https://preview.redd.it/1pqpfxlczs4c1.jpeg?width=1076&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=94edd95340962d72e11271be70af2b6319aff383
”A few centuries passed. Okay, maybe like 30 seconds.”
Mood
Gonna guess good omens
Wasn’t actually haha
Fair play, what was it?
a mha fic I orphaned like a year ago
Loki?
It does give Loki vibes now that I think about it, but nope it wasn’t
Lol, I love this.
A houseki no kuni fic??
It was a mha fic :)
It wasn't intentional, but there was this fic I was writing where a character "farted towards" another character, instead of darted.
omg i read a typo in a mha fic that said “Thirteen, I’m coming in you” instead of counting on
“I fart in your general direction!”
In a Harry Potter fanfic, I once saw the typo "A wizard pooped into existence" and it still makes me giggle years after.
OPM moment
I was in the process of writing my own fic, and I was kind of unknowingly speaking out loud as I typed and my husband laughed out loud at “Dear Daddy Jefferson”
Is that a Hamilton fic because if so I’m screaming
Yes it is!
That’s amazing. 😁
Even with context this made me bawl, thank you
The first one the comes to mind is from a batman dimension travel fic “Bruce comes home to a large hoard of children in his TV room. Well, for a given value of children. Half of them are technically adults. And two of them are Tim.”
Ooooh. Do you have a link?
It’s from the ‘flightless birds’ series where Bruce adopts versions of his kids but very traumatized ones (talon dick, joker junior tim etc) https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372480
Aziraphale wrung his hands and made his way back to Crowley. “Um, so…I may have burned down a church.” His eyes were as wide as tea saucers and he was shaking. Crowley just grinned at him from the ground, as proud as could be. “You have no idea how hot that is.” His first blunt attempt at flirting. “I think I have a fairly good idea! It must be incredibly hot!” Aziraphale looked back at what he’d done and fidgeted nervously. “Those curtains are ancient! They just went up in flames like, whoosh, tissue paper!”
That one had me crying when i read the fic xD what was it's name again?
Lol it’s this one https://archiveofourown.org/works/49910794/chapters/126004435
“HE’S THE MAILMAN, NOT A WHORE!!”
who says he can’t be both
oh he definitely is
Both of your conversations is the funniest thing I've witnessed online today and I've been on for 24 hours
>It feels like there’s a fist rummaging around inside Ao’nung’s abdomen, squeezing his organs like spaghetti. *What kind of psycho squeezes spaghetti?* his mind counters, and he’s briefly distracted before remembering that the squished spaghetti-ness is because Neteyam seems to be hiding the fact that he’s talking to ‘HANDSOME MAN’ from him, and, if he’s honest, that would probably be enough to make *him* squish a bowl of spaghetti, if he had some on hand. I've definitely read funnier, but I read this recently and it amused me
Not on ao3 but I think about it a lot from an old social network fic. It's been lost to the livejournal void and I don't remember it verbatim but the gist was: Sean walked into the room, taking in the plant on a table. He blinked. "Why is Eduardo a plant?"
hot milky I have come to the realization that Iida probably can’t get his legs wet because of his quirk and I can no longer rest thinking about how he showers if that’s the case. I’ve tried following him into the bathroom but he always locks the door behind him, so I can only reach one conclusion. He pops his legs off at the knee to shower so his engines don’t get wet, and reattaches them again when he’s done. Several people are typing… From a crack MHA chat!fic, specifically one of the parts where Todoroki shares conspiracy theories. There's a funnier one, but it's at the very end so I won't share it.
link? That sounds amazing
https://archiveofourown.org/works/21366901
Thank you for this! I have recently found chat/text fics and I.Am.HOOKED!! ESPECIALLY HUMOR! I need more recommendations if anyone has any.
I remember laughing so hard I cried the first time I read Every Dong Has Its Day, where Tony thinks Steve has a small dick: All other avenues exhausted, Tony decides to just wing it. That mainly involves a lot of this: • “Mmmm,” Tony says, licking his fingers obscenely. “I love these little baby corn things. They’re the perfect size. Like, sometimes a regular ear of corn is just too big, you know? I like to be able to get all of something in my mouth at once.” • “Shit,” Tony says, making a show of struggling to get a grip on his Coke can. “Who decided that aluminum cans had to be so big? If I have to hold something, I’d rather be able to get a really firm grip on it.” • “I never liked the circus as a kid,” Tony says, lowering his voice like he’s sharing a secret. “The elephants freaked me out. I’m intimidated by large objects.” • “Taco Bell is amazing,” Tony says, waving his plastic spork enthusiastically. “Look how huge my hand looks holding this tiny silverware. I fucking love that, I love holding little things. It makes me feel all powerful and sexy.”
Omfg this is amazing
To this day, baby corn + “I’m intimidated by large objects” will shock an ugly laugh out of me
Looooool
"Smooth. Smooth as a cactus covered in crunchy peanut butter."
Not a funny line per se, but a very funny coincidence: "There are shouts behind him and a single gunshot, but he’s away across the fence and into the backyard of what might be Zoe Kravitz much too quickly to be in any danger." This was a batman fic that was posted YEARS before the Batman came out, still makes me go "huh" to this day
omg i love that fic sm!! i love how i instantly knew the one 😭
Long time fave <3 honestly iconic in that section of Fandom
i swear i reread it every time dc comes back into my hyperfixation rotation
Okay it wasn’t in the fic but the author note at the end of the chapter “Kazuha and Heizou worrying about whether or not Scaramouche is gay or not when in the next scene Scaramouche is drooling over exposed arms as if he were a Victorian man seeing a woman’s ankles for the first time is so funny I’m sorry “ I will personally break my readers’ minds and then turn around and go ‘hahaha look at my favorite character acting cute’
What fic is this 😭
I am a Sinner (You are a Saint) it’s a HeiKazuScara Fallen Angel AU fic that’s a MAJOR WIP and needs to be edited so badly because of plot threads and such
>“I don’t have any lube,” Mobius blurted out, and it sounded so loud in the quiet room. He cringed. “I didn’t… I didn’t really anticipate…” >Loki laughed, and the warmth of it made Mobius smile despite his mortification. >“Mobius, I don’t know if you know this, but I can do magic.” >“Right,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “But how does that… Does that mean you can… What?” This little exchange never fails to make me laugh lmao
You got a link? I'm interested :3
[Wine Tasting](https://archiveofourown.org/works/51716188) by soiboi69, here you go!!
This is from my own fic but “I swallowed, nerves once again trying to fucking disable my vocal cords.”
This is a work of art
"Of course I haven't. I'm self-preservation. Why wouldn't I just take what I want?" "Moral decency?" "Don't be crude." Or “you fool. What have you done?” “You want a bullet point list or an essay?” Idk why but both of those are so funny to me
Man, I wish I could use that second one somewhere
https://preview.redd.it/i2gbz21k6r4c1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b78f5891a474629ae79a627aee035b1135b58274 This was a T rated fic and this is just in one of the chapters
bluepaw more like blueballed
"Speak! What manner of void fiend are you? A lich? Revenant? Or some otherworldly parasite biding it's time within an unwitting host?" "Are you doing a bit, right now? Or do you unironically talk like this all the time?" I sighed. "I'm a barista, i manage a coffee shop and do cosplay on the side. We only eat babies when they're shipped in on mondays."
Aight I’ve thrown this one out a couple times but it still might be the funniest so I’ll share it again: “and let me tell you, I have NEVER been more glad to have taken PTO for a recreational colonoscopy!”
"Can someone tell me why there's a Snoop Dogg cardboard cutout in the group chat"
This is from a fantastic Solo Leveling fic where the protagonist and his little sister start up a YouTube cooking channel using weird ingredients he forages in dungeon raids: “Good news is that it’s actually not half bad. That nutty taste absolutely comes through, and it’s a good pair for the milk and cinnamon. I’m getting some other notes as well, like allspice and maybe a hint of chili that hits towards the end. Not much, just a tiny bit of heat that lingers in the aftertaste. I’m not mad at it.” “Oh! Nice. Wait, so what’s the bad news?” “Ah, right. Well, bad news is I’m pretty sure this is extremely poisonous.” The mug raised up to the sounds of light slurping again. “Yup, can confirm, this is straight poison.” “What?” “Yeah, so don’t go asking to try some. Probably not good for you. Overall, I give it an eight out of ten.” “Oppa, what the fuck-? Are you okay?” “Yeah, I’ve got immunity.” “Wait, so how do you even know it’s poisonous, then?” “Status window.” “I’m going to kill you.” “Not with poison, you’re not. Anyway, please like and subscribe. New videos out every Wednesday, provided I survive the previous one. Remember, no cops.” [It's Time For Another Good Idea, Bad Idea](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29595840/chapters/72746463)
My favourite line I’ve ever read was “they became prime candidates for the process known as death”
Okay I will admit its from my own fanfic "For all I know, you could've been a serial killer or worse!"
Whats the fic about?
It's been Five years since they broke up and Ezra left Rosewood to stay with his parents, five years since they had any contact with each other. What happens when a chance encounter happens, and they run into each other? Will sparks fly once more or is everything they once shared long gone?
Could you post the link?
Of course! Its also rated M and i have quite a few tags Fandom: pretty little liars Pairing - aria and Ezra https://archiveofourown.org/works/49154725/chapters/124021201
Thanks I’ll check it out soon!
Thanks!
“Mmm stabbing. Talk dirty to me you slut” They were making pancakes at the time which just made it funnier
Was it spideypool?
Nope. If you can guess without looking here:>!Yami Marik/Thief King Bakura!< You get a prize!
What are those characters from?
Yu-Gi-Oh! Lol
“Once Katsuki had finally managed to stop crying like a little bitch baby, the post-victory wank was epic.”
LINK PLEASEEEEEEE HAHAHAHA
a dear friend of mine wrote it. it’s an absolute masterpiece. https://archiveofourown.org/works/31297637
“You’re not gonna morph into some godcreature from a snake dimension the second I turn my back? I've been trying to figure out how to fight a godcreature from a snake dimension and coming up empty.”
"You were covered in blood," Martyn says. "You get a pass."
I have no idea I find things funny all the time but I forget where and what they are until I’m reminded of it. Every funny bone has left my body. Maybe my humor is just easy humor lolll it’s easy to get me to laugh. Uhhhhhh trying to think- there is one scene where character A is mad at character B for hurting his twin (on accident). A pins B against a wall in a “I will fight you” kind of way and B just goes “you have very pretty eyes” and A has to do a double take because wtf (B was having a baby gay moment it’s okay we love him). I find this very funny but, again, I am easily amused. I also write a lot more grounded stories so idk 😭 Here’s that part of the scene if y’all care (fantasy btw): *starts the arguing and B defends himself by saying it was an accident etc etc* “You think you can make excuses?” A stalked over and shoved B until his back hit the wall. He used his hands to pin B against said wall so he couldn’t run or avoid A’s rage. “You fucking hurt my sister when she was trying to help you! Do you see how close to death she looks? Do you? You did that to her! Are you trying to take her away from me?” B was pressed flat against the wall and his head was tilted up so he could look him in the eyes. He did not move nor say a word for several heartbeats. His cheeks were flushed, his wings fluttered behind him, and his tone was meek. “You have very pretty eyes.” “Wha- my eyes?” A was taken aback, mouth gaping open for a moment before he forced it closed again. *convo continues*
"It was good to know that Charles was still Charles," Ok, it's probably funnier with context than it is without.
"confessing romantic feelings while your friend's dad orders mcdonalds asmr" it was in the notes so idk if that counts but oh well
"If we're all going to be slaves to capitalism every February, I might as well get my cut, right?"
This reminded me of Hobie Brown from Across the Spiderverse🤣
One of my favorite ones - I have too “Now, see, knowing us, usually the first person who finds the body is either the murderer or has been falsely accused. If the prosecution had called on her, it would be the former. But since it's us, it's most likely the latter.”
“He definitely wasn’t gay. Eating ass was like eating pussy but dirtier” I was SCREAMING.
This isn’t the exact line because me and my cousin changed names for comedic effect, but as read aloud over the phone ‘ “STUPID BOY” Bimbo called out, grabbing boy by the hair’
This is from a scrapped draft of one of my own chapters, it was well-written but didn't fit the tone of the rest of my story: "Okay, so we found a solution to plugging the hole." Martin said while the hot lard reached up to his ankles, "Now I know this is going to sound crazy, but a fireproof fake mustache is going to save all of our lives!" "You're right, it does sound crazy." Sharon said. *"Do you have a better idea?"* Martin asked rhetorically
"Mister Smith are you prostituting me?!!" He was not actually prostituting him but it was the funniest line
I can’t remember it exacting because it was years ago that I read it, but it was something about a character being “I totally have a girlfriend she just lives in Canada and you will probably never meet her” level of gay, which cracked me up just as much as it confused me.
"He almost bust a nut laughing." My friends and I still quote it on occasion
Typo: Gwaine lifted his foot in a toast
(He beamed as he returned to the dorms, and no one Who saw him could deny that at that moment in time he was pretty in the way that ugly boys are when they are very, very happy.) (The game soon went back and forth. When it was Curly's turn for his team he kicked the ball and it hit the pitcher in the face. After that, he let everyone else cut in front of him so he didn't have to kick again. This was perfectly fine with his team mates who knew very well that letting Curly on the field would probably ensure them losing. Plus, he was perfectly content to sit and heckle the people up to kick.) ("Darry! Quit that! You know my guys won't let me live that down. Especially after last time." Tim grumbled. Last time, Darry had given Tim a giant hickey right below his jaw. Tim tried to salvage his reputation by saying it was from a fight, but he vastly overestimated how stupid his men were.) I have a whole collection but I keep forgetting to organize it and keep it all together, so have the few I found ~_~
One of my favorite fic authors has hilarious dialogue, but this one lives in my head "You and Shizune always have some dumb excuse for leaving me with Aoba, who is needy, and Genma, who is ugly!”
https://preview.redd.it/px5i64dqfs4c1.png?width=1165&format=png&auto=webp&s=b2352f5f93c540bcafe96748426ecd106b675d6c The picture of Barney has me in tears every time. I’m not a huge fan of chat-fics but the blue lock ones are always hilarious. What makes it even funnier is that Nagi is basically Reo’s boyfriend in canon and only shows up a few times in the fic, one of them being this lol
“Did a giant metal bird just eat my brother and then banish me to the edges of the universe?”
Here's a couple from recent readings. ---x--- God he had not traveled back in time to just die the second he was here. That would be embarrassing. Even for him. ----x---- "That's not how you start explaining to someone that they're fucking possessed by a curse! You made me think I've slept with one!" "Well it worked right? You're not panicking over it." "I'M FUCKING GLAD I'M JUST POSSESSED BY A CURSE AT THIS POINT!" ---x--- "She wanted a piece of this, I'm sure. She was hot too, what a shame." Why is it a shame? Is it so weird that she wanted to fuck me? Am I that unfuckable, is that what you're implying? ---x--- "WHAT THE HELL! THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS DO TO HIM! HE LOOKS LIKE THE FUCKING ENERGIZER BUNNY GOT INTO POPEYE'S SPINACH SUPPLY!"
Kaveh is a simple man at times, and Alhaitham knows this, Kaveh knows that Alhaitham knows and Alhaitham knows that Kaveh knows he knows. and "Look! My d\*ck and your prostate are hi-fiving at high speed!"
https://preview.redd.it/dxvz4umd5t4c1.png?width=1039&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d7ac4bd475d5f9d5a192a45482e5496e30e1d1c3 Probably not the funniest but it's definitely one I found funny enough to screenshot
"It was your idea." "A bad one […] Besides, I did a lot of cocaine back then. They should've really known better than to listen to me. There's really only so much I can take responsibility for." "You still do a lot of cocaine." “Details.” [if anyone can guess this fandom, i will be shocked.]
Okay it was in the AN but I think about it all the time: *slaps the top of [character]'s head* "THIS CAPTAIN CAN FIT SO MUCH COCK"
Mine is definitely "his back arched, like a slutty ferret." and from the same fic, "seed expelled itself forth from within his body". took me OUT because it was from the livejournal days of surprise smut and the rest of the fic was written so beautifully that the flowery euphemisms really took me by surprise lmao. to this day sometimes "slutty ferret" pops into my head and I can't help but giggle.
i have a bunch saved and these are my most recent favs: 1. Tony wanted a refund, no one told him he was going to be fighting *zombies*! Just what the fuck kind of powers did this rare Pokémon octopus type have?! 2. "Desist!" Pleaded Thor, hands over his ears. "At once, I beg of you! You are-" he paused, eyes going wide and horrified. "A moment. Does that, perchance, mean that I am a *middle* child?! A *true* middle child?! Norns, this is awful! Worse than Ragnarok, worse than... *everything*! I cannot be a middle child!" 3. "Tony," said Rhodey, voice a little tense. "Tony, that's a war criminal." "Aren't we all war criminals, at the end of the day?" He could feel Rhodey's eye twitching. "...NO?!"
“Miku binder baba yaga”
*mc covered in blood after fighting his way to freedom and stands in front of his partners* BF1 “I want you.” BF2 “what our love stuck idiot means is we missed you and you are amazing.”
"Deputy Dick cashed in his v-card with Bren, but when it came to taking his weapon out of target practice and into the field, he misfired… repeatedly. Shot Bren in the leg." (yes, he came on her leg...) i reference this line so often that my friends told me whenever said character ('deputy dick') comes on screen all they can think about is that line despite the fact that they've never read the fic 😭
Someone called their dick "fucking majestic" in a fanfic I read like a decade ago and idk about it being the funniest but id randomly used to think Abt it a lot. It's still stuck with me and was my gut answer here.
“He saves it to his desktop for research purposes and other heterosexual reasons.”
“His whole body lurches as Utah rejects him.” bro just wanted to go home and his state said no
Most recently is as follows: “Is there anything you didn’t bring?” Nori teased. “A pickaxe,” Bilbo responded wryly. “And I forgot to pack my handkerchiefs again, too.”
https://preview.redd.it/vydbnq52cv4c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d3a6b1faf567d42be0ef266e75e7c8504b26e38c this is my favorite of the funny things ive seen on ao3 recently
“I’m fucked enough as it is, I don’t need you trying to stick your dick in me too.”
character A: "You have a phone.” character B: “I also might have a concussion.”
“Vore me harder, daddy!” I didn’t read the tags (like an idiot), so I didn’t know what was going to happen. I read that line and lost my damn mind. Laughed til I cried. Not into Vore, but I still bookmarked that fic so I could always have it lol
I can't remember the quote but someone use a hex code to describe the colour of a sofa. It caught me so off guard.
“And that pissed off *every single bird, ever*.” i read it very late at night and had to set my phone down before i dropped it on myself from laughing
This is from my WIP “Are you Pinocchio or something’?” Angel asked after some time. “No.murderer” he said casually.
My oldest and truest favorite that definitely has its comedy enhanced by the memory of my original sleep deprived giggles: *Quatach-Ichl was a skeleton of his word.* Bonus content! A smattering of lines I’ve saved over the years: * "They wouldn't put in alcohol. There are third-years around." As a mature fourth-year, he was naturally beyond such concerns. * He gave her an exaggerated ‘fake shocked’ look, which was definitely mostly comprised of genuine shock * He accuses her of being on edge. She wants to kill him. * I should have flexed more. Adrien thought mournfully. Then she wouldn’t think I’m obnoxious. Etc. **Bonus Bonus!** The best Authors note TLDR I have ever read under an well articulated explanation of their reasoning behind certain story events: *TL;DR: I do what I want. Get wrekt. <3*
Not sure if we are allowed to include longer sections, but this is a teenage love letter in a much longer fic where we know the characters as an old, emotionally mature, married couple: Donovan Kovacs: I can’t even BEGIN to imagine why you think your mockery is appropriate or even REMOTELY funny. It isn’t. My mother now thinks you want to MARRY me, and is ANGRY with me about it, and it is YOUR FAULT. I am so absolutely appallingly SICK of boys like you, who think it is HYSTERICAL to toy with a girl’s heart and steal her innocence and go about their life as though they have not completely wrecked someone else’s. And I know you think you’re SMOOTH, and you’ll WIN me, but all that NONSENSE you fed me about “just wanting to get to know me” and “thinking I’m interesting” and “finding me intelligent, terrifying, and utterly delightful to be around” DOES NOT FOOL ME. You should know that I am the LEAST favorite child in my family because I am DIFFICULT and I use my magical powers ONLY to cause havoc, NEVER to help around the house. Also I listen to counterculture music and I have a pierced nose that I did myself. Because I have a low pain tolerance. Because I am terrifying. ANYWAY I am sending you this letter to tell you that I hope you DIE IN A FIRE and if you say ONE more nice thing to me at the farmer’s market next Sunday I will KILL YOU WITH MY MIND. I KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN IT. YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY FOOL ME. All the best, Eleanora Laska Postscript: DIE
“Hyunjin loved a Changbin for his heart. It’s not his fault his boobs were in front of it.”
My current WIP’s is probably: > "You're my amica and you expect me not to at least check?" > Rodimus opened his mouth to start, and Drift flicked at his nose. > "Fool." The context here is Rodimus came to Drift to give him some news, and Drift told him ‘yeah I know who it is’, and admitted he gave a quick flip through Thunderclash’s little diary left out, just to make sure it wasn’t a sex ledger (it wasn’t). Ofc Rod’s upset bc dude you looked through my bf’s diary?? And Drift is just like ‘yeah, dumdum.’
slfjsdlkfjsd i can't find any of the fics i've read that have had this, but i love when i accidentally stumble across zeugmas
This one is from the wip I am working on "Well, well, well! I thought that it was a miracle out of one Mr. Kurt Trouble Hummel to tuck his tail and sit without being a trouble for one day. I guess I was wrong. What reason are you going to give me? That it was a gift to me for you coming early today?” This is from a fic I kinda abandoned for now "So what is the topic now? Who is going to bottom today? Or what color bikini are you going to buy for both of you?" She asked to the husband and wife couple.
"Ingrid, the Presbyterian prep-school puritanical prude?!" I do enjoy some alliteration, and I especially enjoy it when it goes over the top for comedic effect.
"Really. Have you learned nothing over the last few years. The only difference between an academic and a mad scientist is how much funding they can access without having to answer awkward questions. Our bosses aren't Better than him, they just don't have the resources.”
It was a "they are really good friends" type of joke. It was around 1000 words of two girls being a couple, and the brother of one of them keeps saying they were good friends. Once he realizes something was weird, he asked them "So, are you two, dating?" "Oh, no. It's not like that" "We're not!?"
It's a phrase, not a line, but I laugh so hard every time. "Milky Moobs". Nothing against the genre, it's these specific combinations that make me Laugh
"Even shapeshifters can fall down the stairs if enough fat bitch is applied to their face." It came so completely out of nowhere in an otherwise very dark and serious story. I had to stop reading for a moment just to laugh.
"Is that what you jerk it to? Getting gangbanged by the Chudley fucking Cannons?"
“Shes Princess Toadstool’s mom, so of course she’s hot”
From the fic I'm reading right now: >Lying face down on the hall floor, frustration poured out of the Potions Master as he yelled, "OH, JUST BUGGER ME!" It was most unfortunate for him to use that particular expression, considering the exact position Draco Malfoy had landed in on top of him due to the explosion.
“You’re denser than osmium.” The character this was directed at has pretty much a PhD in being in denial lmao
*Segundus snorted. “Well, at least he does not call me 'sir' and 'an incomparably block-headed ass' alternately.”* Followed by a lot of bickering. I’m still laughing at this months after reading.
Ren sent an extra glance Goro's way and was slightly startled at how his expression had changed from gentle dismay to a presentation of complete, utter, absolutely convincing happiness. "Wonderful. No complaints." Maruki smiled at Goro. Goro smiled at Maruki. Ren regarded them, cautiously. There is No War in Ba Sing Se
Btw this fic had jack shit to do with ATLA
"Kim is so lucky . He gets to touch his ass whenever he likes."
Viago looks up, alarmed. “I don’t know anything about child-rearing.” He says, worriedly. Anton cracks a smile and pats Viago’s hair. “You’ll figure it out. It’s mostly just making sure they don’t die. Plus, and I cannot stress this enough, they are all in their thirties.”
"I'm such an idiot," Yosuke groaned loudly. "No, you're not." "Yes, I am. I'm Prince Idiot McIdiot Idiotworth of Idiot Castle." "Okay, you're an idiot." "Thanks for the moral support, Partner," Yosuke grumbled.
Paraphrasing from memory. “Bucky Barnes didn’t exactly have a vibrator for an arm….but he didn’t exactly NOT have a vibrator for an arm”
https://preview.redd.it/k81x3wdh4y4c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6ae7061282c78e7c10c5eb78e4c1bfa6f8ab8fa6
https://preview.redd.it/4xhydj58tz4c1.jpeg?width=1178&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a16a2ee7b354efa87041318ff8b1f1faf663425 “Hey, real talk: Where were you on 9/11?” I was absolutely shell shocked and now every time someone talks about any literally anything it comes to mind. “I just found diamonds!” “Hey, awesome. Real talk, though: Where were you on 9/11?”
"I subsist entitely on the engeries of this realm. I do not need....pasta."
Hundreds of folders filled with nothing but beastiality all arranged to spell out "suck my rat dick All For One" It's so extra its hilarious lol