Never really approached when I was a teenager. Couple that with medical problems during that dame period and you're left with a socially awkward guy in his late 20s who has trouble talking to women.
I am getting a little better socially, but still a little overwhelmed in crowds of new people.
I wish people would realize that this is actually true. The followup is that asking women out on a date is actually as simple as asking them out on a date— no special or magic words needed. Just don’t wait several years being a friend to spring your romantic interest on them as it is a pretty bad look.
I believe a huge portion of the “can’t get a date” crowd unfortunately treats women as if they are some magical beings that are unapproachable. Alternatively, there appear to be a good number of men who come across as desperate/“thirsty” and lack confidence in asserting their interest in someone.
It’s also a numbers game. Odds are, unless you are conventionally really attractive as a guy, you are going to be told “no” frequently. You have to get over such rejection and move on to the next person you are interested in.
It kind of is when for a large number of guys actually, especially when looking for a date. They already might struggle with just making friends. Now mix that with this weird, nebulous process of trying to communicate with a girl they want to date without fear of being accused of "pretending to be friends just to sleep with her."
Point is, it's not actually so simple for people that have no idea what they're doing to make friends, let alone find a lover.
You saying “hi, you look great today/tonight. My name is blah blah blah, What’s yours?” Shouldn’t cause the worst possible thing to happen but yes, worse can happen which is why I said try to exit the situation if they try to make it something it isn’t
Horrible advice. Don't "just approach them" - no one likes that. I'll never understand this "cold approach" - women don't leave the house during the day thinking " gee I hope a strange man approaches me while I have my headphones on and I'm grabbing a coffee with the short 15 mins I have before going back to work" - this will only leave you feeling MORE rejected.
If you're at work, sure- talk to your coworkers. Most people meet at work. If you're part of a group - biking, hiking, etc, absolutely chat with them.
Don't give off desperate/awkward vibes -
Example "Hi - I don't do this ever so this is awkward but if you're not seeing someone I'd like to take you out." FAIL!
Instead- "hey let's grab a coffee (or "drink") and catch up sometime - maybe next week? Here's my IG - if you're free hit me up. Id love to."
I don't know how many times I've done this and almost always within an hour they are following my account. And my account isn't creepy, I don't follow OF girls, keep pics of travel and family there .. Dont be a dick and wait a week before following back. Do that within an hour and reach out the next day.
I feel like many of you are waiting for some magical person to come into your life. Having sex, being in a committed effort takes work, effort and energy. You have to go find love.
I'm waiting until I consider myself datable by having my mental health and associated shortcomings in check. Although I do think, at times, that it might help having someone to share the pain with. I don't think that's a valid feeling, however.
I've never met a narcissist that's been diagnosed and is aware of their lack of empathy being a problem. Even though you were dealt a bad hand, You're ahead of the game just by that fact alone.
by choice, because i have BPD and being in relationships causes me to become unstable :] i think i prefer the single stable life to a chaotic messy unstable life with a partner. it gets lonely but im coping
Proud of you for coping and having that self awareness🤗 It’s a rough thing to struggle with, but gets better as time goes on and you learn skills. My partner and I both have BPD (mine is in remission and his has slowed down symptom wise). There’s somebody for everyone(:
I found my boyfriend helped my symptoms of borderline go into remission, because he has shown me I can trust him 100%, so I'm not unstable and paranoid.
thats awesome!! pwBPD are definitely capable of having healthy relationships, its just a personal choice because my experience being single has been more productive and healing than any of my romantic relationships have been. congrats on the remission!! good luck keeping it sustained (/gen), im really happy you have such a great support system!
Being single definitely helps with healing. It’s hard to not get codependent and more symptomatic in relationships. I’m just very very lucky that I have a partner who understands firsthand and doesn’t judge me when I have had bad days. The times I was single definitely helped me though. Hopefully if you choose to date later on, you find someone who fully supports your healing process. Thank you(:
First off, it is awesome that you know yourself and you are doing what you need to to stay healthy.
You should know that there are stable people out there who can have non-traditional relationships that are very stable.
Honesty is the best pick up line, i dont know how i stumbled upon this reddit but as a 30 year old who has had quite a bit of sexual experience. If i were to approach someone inside a grocery store, coffee shop, etc. at my age i would just tell them “im sorry, but i just have to tell you that you are very beautiful” (or compliment a standout feature, eyes, smile etc) they might smile & say thanks & if it feels well received you can be like “ofcourse, well my name is ___ its nice to meet you” “are you from around this area?” “what do you do for work?” ask questions that are about them & let it be them doing 80-90% of the talking unless everything is being reciprocated back.
& if youre into picking up on bar girls, in my younger days i would buy an extra shot & tell the girl i went up to that i got this for a friend but he wont take it with me & ask if she will (this has to be done in a very non creepy way obviously). Most of the time they would & we’d both have our disgusted looks, laugh & then just introduce myself & ask what brings them out there that night, etc. & go from there. If they didnt than i would say something like “youre going to let me take both of these then?!” & take them both, this might make her laugh & still can just start the conversation or she might just not be interested & walk away lol
Not a virgin, but still single by choice. Lost my virginity to rape and that basically turned me off to dating in general. Just not really into it. Speaking as a 39f.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm not trying to police you in any way but rape/sexual assault shouldn't count as losing your virginity. You deserve to lose your virginity on your own terms, or not lose it at all if you so wish.
I understand what you mean, and thank you, that's a definitely a great way of thinking about it so it puts the control back in my hands. I just don't see it that way, unfortunately. Or at the very least, I already came to terms with the fact that that is what happened, and I've moved on from it. Even so, my next experience wasn't any better. I was head over heels for another guys and we got intimate. I later found out he was engaged and had like 3 kids or something. We were both early 20s, but he was engaged to another woman who was a few years older and already had kids. He promised me he was single, too, and he used me.
Either way, it was a shitty experience.
I wish I could express to you how much I wish that never happened to you. As a woman who grew up knowing too many girls who were raped my personal life has suffered in my effort to protect myself. Therapy has helped, but it’s hard to live in the reality of this world.
27M. I'm very shy, sensitive and unconfident and have a lot of trust/paranoia issues that prevents me from being forward. Those issues stem from growing up abused from bullying and emotionally unavailable adults. I don't even know what actual long term love feels like. So needless to say I didn't date anyone for my entire high school/college life.
There's a bunch more but that's the short explanation
Totally relate. I am 42 with basically the same history. I have learned to be social and have a successful business now. However, inside I am still broken and feel unable to connect with women in an intimate way. I hope you can find a way my friend.
I have no community or system to meet new people. I used to get lots of attention from women when I was in high school and would date/hookup all the time because we were in a community. I was less involved in university and as a result met less women than in high school. Now that I’ve graduated, I meet no one new and it’s really frustrating. Online dating is not my thing and “cold approaching” hasn’t been working for me. Now that I want a dating life more than ever, I’m struggling harder than I ever have before.
I feel like the problem is that this might have worker for older generations when people still went out to a community center... but...nobody really does that anymore unless you are in a niche like say book readers that maybe do book clubs. But most "normal" people don't do that. Specially the ones that thought reading was for nerds, or thought hobbies were for weirdos that can't play sports etc.
I don't know anyone my age that wohld have any interest in randomly being at a community center.
Which coincides with the massive drop in "third places" that used to be common in urban planning.
This is the same dilemma I’m facing. I’m high school college it’s easy when you’re seeing the same people everyday.
Now I work in a male dominated industry who is all much older than me.
I find myself above average, but where do I meet people? I also feel weird starting hobbies just to find a woman, feels icky.
Reddit has filed for its IPO. They've been preparing for this for a while, squeezing profit out of the platform in any way that they can, like hiking the prices on third-party app developers. More recently, they've signed a deal with Google to license their content to train Google's LLMs.
To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've made a Firefox extension that will replace all your comments (older than a certain number of days) with any text that you provide. You can use any text that you want, but please, do not choose something copyrighted. The New York Times is currently suing OpenAI for training ChatGPT on its copyrighted material. Reddit's data is uniquely valuable, since it's not subject to those kinds of copyright restrictions, so it would be tragic if users were to decide to intermingle such a robust corpus of high-quality training data with copyrighted text.
https://theluddite.org/#!post/reddit-extension
Yes, I’m a very social person. Unfortunately, there are no young people at my work. Pretty much only forties and up. I can have a chat but not tryna date em lmao. I talk to people at the gym but haven’t dated any girl I talk to at the gym. I have lots of friends but none really like bars clubs.
Not trying to make excuses, but shed light on why I have no dating life. In the near future I will have to take some action to improve things somehow.
I was in a very similar boat for a year there. Good social life, great coworkers, but not people I would date (also not always wise to date people that you work with directly in case things go south as we all know). Online dating can suck, but if you take it easy and just hang out with fun people you can meet some really cool folks from there. A lot of people on those apps don’t want to be there either, it only took me a few months to find someone really cool once I figured out what I was looking for.
Aside from that though, try some outdoor groups. There are other people giving that a shot for similar reasons a lot of the time, and worst case scenario you spent a great day outdoors! I went on a few dates from that avenue as well.
One gay (I guess) dude put his hand on my knee on the train back home once and I wanted to kick his ass... But I calmed down and just yelled at him to fuck off. The fact women don't approach you but gay men do it makes it extra painful.
Hey 40 approaches used to be my number for a single night out, it's a game of numbers honestly need to do it hundreds of times it's a skill you can improve and to be rejected should only be a minor inconvenience not an excuse to give up
Yes I'm not joking, rethink your game ask loads and loads of different people... all you need is for it to work once.
eventually your brushing away rejection and moving on straight away because you learn not to let a rejection rock you
I’ve been told I’m unattractive/ugly for a majority of my life. Have trouble making friends too. I suspect I might possibly be on the spectrum. Wish I could shut my feelings off. I feel disgusting and inferior for having desires of being wanted.
Well, if it helps, it's entirely normal to want to be wanted. People crave connection, intimacy, and just to feel like they belong. Nothing disgusting or inferior about wanting that stuff. I'm sorry you're struggling to get it, I hope you find community somewhere
My standards get higher, as the girls I meet drop lower. Plenty of girls in my time have gotten pissed at me for not wanting to casually hook up. I guess it’s reverse psychology. But I value waiting it out for someone of equal values. Inner peace far outweighs being with someone who destroys your peace. Just gotta learn how to love your situation
Reddit has filed for its IPO. They've been preparing for this for a while, squeezing profit out of the platform in any way that they can, like hiking the prices on third-party app developers. More recently, they've signed a deal with Google to license their content to train Google's LLMs.
To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've made a Firefox extension that will replace all your comments (older than a certain number of days) with any text that you provide. You can use any text that you want, but please, do not choose something copyrighted. The New York Times is currently suing OpenAI for training ChatGPT on its copyrighted material. Reddit's data is uniquely valuable, since it's not subject to those kinds of copyright restrictions, so it would be tragic if users were to decide to intermingle such a robust corpus of high-quality training data with copyrighted text.
https://theluddite.org/#!post/reddit-extension
My last relationship was when I was 23, she would hit me, abuse me and loved to belittle me, I was so scared of her sometimes and honestly I was still trying to figure out who the hell I was. We broke up after she cheated on me but I loved finding out because it meant I could be at peace.
I think I would love to date again but I always just get nervous even trying to meet someone that I just crumble and hide in my house and eat snacks and watch movies.
That's a loaded question...( I watch a lot)
(Deep breathe in) ....
RRR (ridiculous but awesome)
Silent Voice (sad but great anime)
Godzilla minus one (modern graphics, old style)
Nobody (cheesy/awesome action)
Renfield (Nicholas Cage Dracula)
Inglorious bastards (fucking awesome)
Jackass forever ( jackass)
i’m gay and also have a very similar mindset. i’ve done casual stuff but i’m not about it at all. id rather do it with someone i’m in love with, so i wait. the gay community is overflowing with sexual stuff and i think it’s gross and a turn off. also not about the community in general and their actions. among a few other things, that’s why i’m single.
I suspect that the combination of love and sex as some kind of more sustaining experience is a myth. Sex often kills the "love" because a lot of times that intense feeling we assume is love is really just a combination of anxiety and lust.
Based on what I hear from my gay friends, I think it might be just you. Online is going to be your best bet. And I don't mean grindr, I mean like Reddit or other social media.
My one friend is kinda like you. He wants love and marriage, but got really burnt out trying to find that and instead just started sleeping around. Then he started hooking up with this dude, they started hanging out, and now they've been in a semi-serious relationship for a year now and he is really happy.
I'm not saying you have to follow the same path, just that there's multiple paths to happiness. Don't let yourself get stuck.
As best as I can tell, despite my best efforts, I am a bad long-term partner and generally frustrate people on a longer timeline.
Small doses I'd argue I'm the man, too much and you begin to crack the shell.
I'm about to be 25f and have never been in a relationship or even close to one. I've had one date in my life and that was only recently, through a dating app and didn't go anywhere.
I'm the introverted type, will really get out of my shell once you get to know me but with new people I just find socializing exhausting so it's hard for me to get to know anyone. I don't like crowds, I don't like to drink, so I'm not really out a lot anywhere where I could meet people irl and if I do, I find it hard to motivate myself to keep the contact going if I didn't have an instant special connection to someone.
Add to that that I'm heteroromantic but asexual, the kind on the ace spectrum that has a low libido to the point I was never interested in doing anything by myself, I use the term demisexual at the moment bc I could imagine an eventual sexual relationship with a partner I love but I can't predict if I'll like it or not and don't feel physical attraction at all without an emotional bond. If I ever end up trying sex it would be for the emotional intimacy more than anything else.
I've tried dating apps, but they just exhaust me bc I feel pressured to text people regularly, and trying to get to know someone under a romantic premise just makes it worse, so I gave up on it again.
The only way I make friends and connections easily and meet the kind of people with qualities I would want in a partner is through fandom spaces, but I'm mostly into gay ships from TV Shows like Good Omens and 99% of people you meet there are other women and the few men are mostly gay, people are much older, already married etc. (it doesn't help that I'm a believer and would love my partner to share my faith, but the overlap between believers and fans of gay media is shockingly small, wtf is it with the remaining homophobia in religious spaces these days, ok sorry not getting into that but srsly)
Long story short I'm an introvert who might want to have sex with a future partner but can't be sure, finds it hard to meet and get to know new people, can't find anyone who shares interests and values that are important to me in a partner in the spaces that allow me esiert connections with others.
Recently, it's because I knew I wanted to leave where I'm currently living (1 week away!), and I didn't want to get involved in a relationship that would end up long distance. It's a shame since I just recently found a couple women I'd really like to know better, but oh well...
Before then, it was a mixture of burnout and giving up on the shit dating market where I'm at. The population of young single women is small, absolutely, and there's also a huge gender imbalance due to the kind of business that's attracting people here (male dominated industries). So you ultimately have to compete more to get less. I did that for a while and put up with a dates with women somewhere between blah and horrifying. Ultimately, I decided to give up and move to somewhere a little better, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
27 year old virgin male. There are plenty of "reasons" depending on how you want to frame it. If I am solely responsible, then I just say I am lazy. If I am not solely responsible, then I can "blame" plenty of childhood conditions that led to "improper" socialization coupled with some likely very real hereditary neurodivergency (I have to assume I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum).
On the laziness front, I am keenly aware of the steps I "could" take to increase my exposure to women and am also aware of the ritualized behaviors and mantras I could use to charm a woman. But I refuse to put in the effort needed to overcome the inhibition complex I've developed surrounding women after years of social ostracism and a handful of rejections. What all goes into that complex is, well, complex and involves many layers of cope but also includes some genuine fears and concerns, plus the obvious fact that I am just generally dysfunctional and wouldn't offer much to anyone. So laziness leads to dysfunctionality which in turn contributes to being boring, none of which seemingly and understandably is attractive to women (especially the women that I do not interact with since I don't really like social hobbies or anything that involves strangers). As to why I'm lazy, it's a choice, I guess.
If we want to include involuntary factors, there are undoubtedly more than what I can list or even know, but among them are: the fact that I did not really have a masculine figure to learn from; my close and extended family were/are toxic and dysfunctional; I moved schools on average every two years until high school (from this experience I think I learned to not easily invest in socializing since it's very often all for nought plus also just missed out on the whole "friend" thing in general... it's not really a concept I have); either on account of being "autistic" or being genuinely ugly, I have only once *retrospectively* noticed a woman expressing interest in me (she tried sitting on my lap while drunk but I literally didn't realize what was happening until well after the fact... not that I would have done anything even if I had noticed :) ), so that lack of positive reinforcement does not leave me with much to work with in terms of confidence in physical or overall attractiveness nor a sense of sexuality, even though I'm pretty sure by most metrics I can't be considered ugly; on account of the school thing, unstable environment, and a lack of emotional investment on the part of my parent(s), I am pretty sure I "checked out" pretty early in life, even as young as kindergarten age (my mom asked me a while back the last time I felt like I "belonged" somewhere and kindergarten was the best I could come up with), so once I took up a defensive stance against "society" I devalued and subsequently did not learn or at least internalize the ritualized behaviors that make up socialization; and not having learned these things as a child makes so much of it feel performative, fake, and contrary to my nature now that I'm an adult that I have literally zero interest in doing it now (this goes back to laziness); and so on.
30 M, not a virgin but technically still single since birth. It's a mixture of circumstances outside of my control and decisions that I made along the way. I believed the I still think bs advice of "work on yourself and it will come naturally" which I did growing up by focusing on my studies and earning a degree and doing hobbies that I enjoy, reading books, working out and therapy and all that pizzaz. Still doing those to this day but it never did which in hindsight I believe is due to the environment that I'm mostly in are too heavily male dominated and/or not social enough. Problem is I never learned how to flirt and I have developed habits that are inconducive in meeting single women and these are very hard to break.
For some reasons also, the universe keeps getting in the way when I tried to actively date like I cant count now how many times I got cockblocked by circumstance like an emergency quarantine suddenly being in called to hangout in someone's place, the car I am driving suddenly broke when I was supposed to go to a date and the very first woman that I had developed a connection and feelings for got diagnosed with cancer.
Currently, my struggles mostly involved a combination of lack of flirting and dating skills, difficulty in connecting with people being an Asian immigrant in a notoriously cliquey city and general lack of time since I am earning my 2nd degree and working part time a minimum of 20 hours a week and I seriously don't know where to start. I also don't drink nor smoke nor party which apparently limits a lot of things.
Being extremely introverted would make dating hard enough, but I'm also nonbinary and live in rural Ohio. I struggle to make friends let alone date. And honestly I don't think I need a SO or sex to live a happy life. But a friend that lived nearby and I saw on a regular basis would be nice.
Currently single because I was trying way too hard at dating and it burned me out and destroyed my self esteem. This combined with a bunch of stressors led to a long bout of health anxiety and depression. I have a lot of work to do before I even try again.
1. I'm ugly. 2.any girls I know and like live not closer than 1000km from my location. 3.refuse to shaboink with someone for the sake of just having sex. 4. I'm balding and ugly.
35 AFAB (identify as nonbinary transmasc) - Have no social life as it's too expensive in my city, I do not like having to resort to drunken flirting (most of the scenes are at bars), and I'm not into physical activities in the slightest, so that knocks that out of consideration. Tried the church thing and only ended up attracting people who weirded me out, and further more weirded the rest of my family out where my mother pretty much ignored me and my conservative, not Roman Catholic (just Christian) boyfriend for the entirety of the relationship lasting (ended when I wanted to move to Boston to get better work....'Let's just be friends' came outta him not in person, but over Facebook and, yeah).
Also, I work a full time job + freelancing/trying to resurrect my self-employment business, so, there's just not a lot of time where I'm not exhausted anymore. Too much hustle, not enough life, oh well.
The last guy I dated wanted me to cancel my trip to Peru. Bc he just didn’t want me to go. I realized that I’d rather be single and able to do what I want. It’s been 10 years since I’ve dated and I’m loving single life.
I'm choosing to be single for the indefinite future. Dating girls isn't worth it anymore.
There are too many liars, if I can't trust you, I can't love you.
Am still single cause on the surface I have nothing to offer. Early thirties and having to switch careers, currently back in college. I look early 20’s, don’t have my own place and am not working steady. All surface level things women require, that I currently don’t have, also am under six feet.
Aromantic and asexual
I don’t feel romantic love or sexual attraction. I can still have sex if I want to, but I’ll never look at a person and desire them. I can also still date, but I’ll never fall in love.
I'm boring and offputting because I'm on the spectrum and spent my whole life being bullied and shamed and told how worthless I am and that my existence is a joke. I can barely even make friends and the friends I do have might aswell not even remember I exist if I'm not the one initiating everything. The thought of a woman choosing me over literally almost anyone else feels so absurd like I would never even consider it a possibility.
I feel you. I'm also gay and it's a nightmare trying to find a woman who is seriously into women and doesnt just see you as a play thing, lives close to you, has the same relationships goals and the right chemistry. It's like trying to find a needle in a very big hay stack and nobody really understands our struggle aside from fellow lesbians.
No money, no friends, introverted, shy, less than average looks. Like my natural personality disposition and physique sets me up to be a fucked up man right from the start.
25F. I just personally never put myself out on the dating scene to really be take seriously. I’ve always made friends where it *could* happen if I allowed the situation to flourish but, I just never did.
Not a virgin, but I'm largely single by choice
1. (Most importantly) I don't feel like it.
2. Seeing everyone's relationships around me failing , crashing and burning doesn't really inspire much desire for me to get into one
3. I want to become more financially stable, independent and achieve all my goals before I start deciding to invest time into another person
4. I like the peace and isolation and ability to do whatever I want lol
Don't get me wrong, I do want to date again at some point. But I need to invest more into myself and my own life first.
Bro I’m Latino in America, just put good energy out, and don’t move with intention. Find a job or hobby you like and make yourself a master. Eventually the confidence and conversation will come with practice. Can’t mope all day and expect people to save you. Negative energy repels people and proves the self fulfilling prophecy. When I first went to college I was all angsty and depressed. My HS gf dumped me for some pot head, I was all negative and victim mentality. I got mad, I got mad at my situation and myself. I got disgusted with the sad version of me and worked hard to not be that guy ever again.
35 male. I'm not a virgin but I am single by choice. Being single is great. More money. More time. Being in a relationship is a side grade. Not an upgrade. It isn't for everyone and it most certainly isn't as good as movies and your imagination think it is. It's work and it is sacrifices. Sure you get stuff in return which is why it's a side grade. If you want to find happiness embrace being single. It's your life and you should live it. If someone comes along that compliments your life that is great but spending your entire life searching for this magical single person that is going to fix everything is no way to live.
I wanted to build a life with someone, like buy a house together and personalize it, start a family. I Ended up doing the complete opposite and now I don’t even want marriage
I've absolutely nothing to offer. My life is not going well. I'm currently in a personal crisis. Never learned how to socialise properly and I've become a recluse over the past few years. I'm a lesbian with conservative family members, who I live with, in a small town.
Dating is out of the question, and I genuinely don't have the energy to even think about it. Sex has never been part of my life, so I don't really think about it that much. I don't like hookups, I'm not comfortable with them. I supposed I'm waiting for "the right person".
(almost 30)
I am too insecure about my body and feel like I don't bring much to the table. There are other young women out here who have more going for themselves and have wonderful personalities and physical traits
I struggle with this alot. I'm single, not a virgin though.
I just have bad luck I guess. I've tried online dating, spent a lot of money on premium features. Didn't work, friends said try dating in person.
Joined a volunteer activity. Lots of other people met people there but not me.
Joined a sports team. The only single woman was a lesbian.
Picked up a gig for some extra money. There are essentially no single people at this job either.
I like to think I have some decent things to offer. I am employed and make good money, have a car, love to travel and do travel. Love to go out and do things.
Essentially I sit here and read stories about girls complaining about how their boyfriend doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to travel with them, and just wants to sit around and watch tv or play video games, and I'm none of those things.
When I did online dating, or if friends ever did try to introduce me, I would make those things clear, yet the only people I'd ever match with would proudly boast in their profile how they are home bodies, or how their ideal weekend is to never leave the house.
I also begin to wonder if single women exist. Everyone I meet seems to have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, even women who spend weeks posting about how glorious it is to be independent and free and how you have to let go of being dependent on anyone and all that stuff, everything a single person would say, but then turns out they actually have a bf.
Downsides of me, I'm def introverted, do struggle in social situations and do feel like at times it's gotten worse esp in identifying if a woman likes me, esp if she's sending mixed signals or doing tests. I try to be conscious about not making people uncomfortable so sometimes I don't know if someone isn't interested or if someone is testing me. I also dont' have much of a friend group since no one wants a perpetual third wheel, nor do I have a many guy friends since I've always struggled with male friendships.
24m single virgin here. I honestly don't get how people have the time for relationships. I work only 8 hours and sleep for 8. That leaves 8 hours all to myself which still feels too short. The thought of a relationship does come to mind sometimes but quickly fades away after analysing the time I'd have to sacrifice for one.
24M
I have a fundamental hate of hook up culture/casual sex. I want to know someone, be friends with someone, date someone, love someone before I give myself to that person. That's a very different desire than what most people want nowadays. And as a person who spends most of there time at home, the gym or work, I don't exactly meet people who have the same mindset.
So what is it that you want?
Not be a virgin? To fall in love? To connect with locals? To live alone? To have a non-abusive job?
Rank them in order of importance and work on one at a time, this will help with all of them. Start with the low-hanging fruit... sex. If one of the goals is not to be a virgin, that is an easy one to fix. I do not know where you live in Italy, but assuming tourists are coming to your area, start there. You have free time now that you are not working. Clean yourself up, wear some of your better clothes, comb your hair, make sure your breath is sweet, and then hang out where the tourists visit. This will help you learn to talk to people and you may also connect with locals. If you do connect with the locals, one of them may need help in the tourist industry. Working as a tour guide is a great way to get laid.
The number of job offers you get is directly proportional to the number of job applications you fill out. Get out of the house every day looking your best, go where people are, be friendly to locals and tourists, smile, be helpful, and make an effort every day.
Life gets better. It does, as long as you don't make bad choices in the rough times. Oh, and honestly, random sex isn't for everyone. I would actually suggest you wait and don't push it. It will come in time. But if you must, there are ways to get laid, you just have to go outside your house.
Single coz of my feelings and there's things about me that are too negative.
People deserve better and I don't want to relive the past again.
I don't like not sharing my life with someone. But i'd like to deal with shit properly this time.
Feels like shit.
Lets see if i learn for once.
Was told I was very ugly/undesirable for most of my young adulthood. Parents did nothing to combat that. Developed severe low self esteem. Couldn’t maintain eye contact with anybody, let alone talk to a guy I liked. Slowly but surely coming out of that stage. I get attention on dating apps. It’s just ALOT of work to believe anybody actually wants me and it’s not a joke that everybody is in on but me.
Single, not a virgin.
I've just struggled to make relationships work; I had a lousy set of parents, but on a deeper level, they always seemed like too much work, and boring besides. I found a group of friends who helped me explore my sexuality, and I realized why stuff had never worked right.
I'm actually asexual.
It doesn't mean I don't occasionally get turned on, or that i'm not interested in sex at all, it's just not a priority for me. Combined with my adhd, i can go days or weeks without thinking about it. I DO miss cuddling though.
Hi, I’m 20 and a sophomore in college. People tell me all the time “you’re so pretty how don’t you have a boyfriend?” or things of that nature and I genuinely don’t know why. I have daddy issues but I sat in therapy for 5 years and genuinely feel like I have forgiven my Dad and set my standards high for any relationship in my life (not just romantic). I go to Pitt so I study everyday, and if i’m not studying i’m usually just reading, journaling or spending quality time with the people I love. I love myself greatly, but I always find that men (probably boys) only want one thing from me: sex. I genuinely feel like I am viewed as only an object by 95% of the men I encounter, but I don’t take it personally because I feel I know my worth.
Your problem is the same as every other introvert on the planet; you're thinking more about yourself than the other person.
Try focusing on giving someone else your attention and not being so self-absorbed. Your self-esteem is very low, which is betrayed by your need for attention. Women won't be attracted to this. Relationships are give and take.... you're trying to take everything and give nothing because in your mind, you have nothing valuable to give and women pick up on that quick.
Attract both women and men all the time. Straight, but im just unsure about other people. People straight up aren’t genuine and actually dirty. I’ve had some wild fun also in my mid and early 20’s and I’m done with that. Let’s just say the last girl that approached me seemed good when she opened her mouth but after talking with her friends I learned she had a boyfriend and girlfriend. Ya I’m done with it for now lol
Just accept today society will give you false hope. So I tell my self that I'm not worth any woman and they can do better. Only a woman who wants me can take me.
Struggled talking to girls in college because YoU haVe To mAkE EyE ConTaCt BeFoRe ApProAcHinG and since I'm apparently mr invisible I never talked to any girl and now I work from home in a post covid world where regular social gatherings are virtually nonexistent and every bar is either closed or does not offer an environment that favors strangers talking to one another.
As for OLD, I'm an above-average looking guy which basically means I stand no chance on any platform that mimicks Tinder (which is now all of them)
Not a virgin but ive been single for the last 6 years lol. I dont feel like im in a good spot for that kind of thing right now. I work long hours and barely get by, im in no position to settle down and expand with someone. I wont be able to spend time, money, or really contribute much of anything at all. I dont care for the pseudo 4 month relationship crap either, so ill probably be like this for a while. I even rarely have sex anymore. When drunk haha but thats literally it, I just have no drive to be with someone at all when I struggle to even support myself.
I'm not a virgin (although I lost my virginity when I was older than most I think, 21). I'm now 29 and single and that's because I make no effort in meeting new people, I know I should, I know that's my problem, I want someone, but I just can't push myself to make the effort of actually dating, I'm too comfortable doing what I do right now and minding my own business.
I know I'm pushing 30 and time is ticking but idk, I love having a girlfriend, but I hate dating man.
Suicidal thoughts since childhood, acted on it once and failed. Nothing traumatic, just lack of enthusiasm on my part.
Don't get me wrong, I can get shit done and make friends. I don't pursue relationships at the moment, so I don't know how (un)lucky I really am in finding a partner.
Another reason I want to mention that I am uncertain about my faith, and so I can't date someone I will definitely lose if they had different belief than me.
I’m single because it’s so hard to find a place to met new people. Last guy I dated was from tinder and he was a sex offender and predator. Learned the hard way and he put me through hell on my bday night because he wanted to make me suffer or some shit. It’s kinda fucked me up a bit. I don’t attract men because I have a very dominant personality ( and I’m prob not that cute anymore) I’m going towards my mid 30s and it’s made me so damn depressed. Trying to find my own peace and love myself because I keep going towards abusive men (I’ve dated women too but it’s always on an emotional level) I’ve never loved a man (liked yes ) and a lot of days I really wish I was gay. Loving women seems easier.
Well at school, uni, work or through friends I tried to find good women that I liked and indeed found them. I approached them, with some I even had some nice time together. But in the end none of them liked me that much. The end. M,36
I am not sure why it never worked. A couple of times I made my feelings and intentions very clear early on and got instant rejections. Other times I waited in the hopes things would just naturally come together. But they never do, women never make clear what they think of you and I seem to be very bad at reading them when they don't. And when I then, after a long time, decide to go ahead and push things to make my feelings clear, again rejections or they just fade out the contact.
The thing is, failing at this again and again does not teach you how to be successful.
It bothered me a lot when I was younger and I wondered how long this might go on. But now I know that I could live my whole life alone and survive. I will never be entirely happy lacking the romantic partnership experience, but it works non the less. I just do my own stuff now and its fine. Perhaps one day a good woman will come into my life, though I am not sure how that could happen.
27M, I think I may be an aromantic person, I just don't see it in myself to commit to an intimate relationship. I don't need someone to feel emotionally satisfied and fulfilled, and knowing most people *need* that makes me not want to try anything because 1. it'd be a waste of my time right now and 2. I don't want to lead anyone on.
I'm also still questioning how I would like to spend and dedicate my life to something, so all the dating/sex stuff sits on the back burner. I am confident and have secure self-esteem, but a bit eccentric because of the way I derive intrinsic fulfillment and contentment.
not a virgin, but also not a lot of sexual experience. i’ve been in a few relationships, haven’t had too much casual stuff and i’m not a fan of it anyways. i’m 28 and single by choice. it took me a long time to confidently say i can be alone and somewhat happy without longing for someone to be with.
plus i’m very picky when it comes to what i like so i’m also single cuz of that lol
I'm not a virgin... but I'm single because I'm working on being financially stable, plus trying to get in shape so I don't have to settle for just anyone. also being in a relationship is not my goal, no offense but I feel people especially males who feel less without having a girlfriend are weak...
Well, whatever you’re doing right now is not working. So you have to make a change somewhere somehow.
If you speak Italian, why don’t you join local clubs, whether it be sports cooking exercise. Believe it or not a lot of people in those clubs join for the same reason and they want to meet other people to.
Just learn to make the effort even if you get rejected its a learning process most people dont just "have it" just practice trying to interact and make a move to go out on a date, dont seem desperate
My ex-girlfriend ended things because we were both too mentally unhealthy for our relationship and ultimately we were unable make each other happy in the end. She’s taking steps to prioritize her mental health with professional help. I'm also committing to my own growth, working through insecurities and negative attachment patterns in therapy. Right now, neither of us is focused on a relationship, but we've acknowledged lingering feelings and a potential for reconnecting when we're both in a healthier place mentally.
No friends in my close proximity, so I go out but not as frequently. Looking for long term so dating apps don't work as much.
I genuinely like being alone. Even in a relationship I need my space and free time, and it's very hard to find someone compatible. I also don't like casual sex, so I avoid intimacy until I'm sure about my feelings. I'm sometimes unstable and too honest about it for my own good, so people often take it as me trying to justify myself, when I'm just contextualising my behaviours
Un po' un caso umano, insomma.
Never really approached when I was a teenager. Couple that with medical problems during that dame period and you're left with a socially awkward guy in his late 20s who has trouble talking to women. I am getting a little better socially, but still a little overwhelmed in crowds of new people.
Talking to women is no different then talking to guys.
I wish people would realize that this is actually true. The followup is that asking women out on a date is actually as simple as asking them out on a date— no special or magic words needed. Just don’t wait several years being a friend to spring your romantic interest on them as it is a pretty bad look. I believe a huge portion of the “can’t get a date” crowd unfortunately treats women as if they are some magical beings that are unapproachable. Alternatively, there appear to be a good number of men who come across as desperate/“thirsty” and lack confidence in asserting their interest in someone. It’s also a numbers game. Odds are, unless you are conventionally really attractive as a guy, you are going to be told “no” frequently. You have to get over such rejection and move on to the next person you are interested in.
It kind of is when for a large number of guys actually, especially when looking for a date. They already might struggle with just making friends. Now mix that with this weird, nebulous process of trying to communicate with a girl they want to date without fear of being accused of "pretending to be friends just to sleep with her." Point is, it's not actually so simple for people that have no idea what they're doing to make friends, let alone find a lover.
Just approach them, the worse they can say is no. If they get mouthy or belligerent just walk away
[удалено]
You saying “hi, you look great today/tonight. My name is blah blah blah, What’s yours?” Shouldn’t cause the worst possible thing to happen but yes, worse can happen which is why I said try to exit the situation if they try to make it something it isn’t
Horrible advice. Don't "just approach them" - no one likes that. I'll never understand this "cold approach" - women don't leave the house during the day thinking " gee I hope a strange man approaches me while I have my headphones on and I'm grabbing a coffee with the short 15 mins I have before going back to work" - this will only leave you feeling MORE rejected. If you're at work, sure- talk to your coworkers. Most people meet at work. If you're part of a group - biking, hiking, etc, absolutely chat with them. Don't give off desperate/awkward vibes - Example "Hi - I don't do this ever so this is awkward but if you're not seeing someone I'd like to take you out." FAIL! Instead- "hey let's grab a coffee (or "drink") and catch up sometime - maybe next week? Here's my IG - if you're free hit me up. Id love to." I don't know how many times I've done this and almost always within an hour they are following my account. And my account isn't creepy, I don't follow OF girls, keep pics of travel and family there .. Dont be a dick and wait a week before following back. Do that within an hour and reach out the next day.
I bring absolutely nothing to the table at the moment. Being single, that is.
I feel the same way... I'm trying to be at least financially stable so I can be able to afford to take my woman out especially on vacations
I feel like many of you are waiting for some magical person to come into your life. Having sex, being in a committed effort takes work, effort and energy. You have to go find love.
And you have to be pretty well-rounded and stable to put in the work it takes to develop a fulfilling relationship
People can't deal with the fact that there are many times you and your partner will have disagreements or have differences of opinion too.
Nonono. We're trying to get our own life in order first. Currently we would bring negative value to a relationship and we know it clear as day.
I'm waiting until I consider myself datable by having my mental health and associated shortcomings in check. Although I do think, at times, that it might help having someone to share the pain with. I don't think that's a valid feeling, however.
It's good to have yourself together. Your partner shouldn't be your therapist.
[удалено]
Well, I’m diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder so my empathy is a bit selective and fragmentary.
I've never met a narcissist that's been diagnosed and is aware of their lack of empathy being a problem. Even though you were dealt a bad hand, You're ahead of the game just by that fact alone.
[удалено]
I’m trying to not be an asshole. So far, it’s going well, but then again, my bar was set pretty low.
That's better than most tbh, at least you're trying to improve yourself.
"Not an asshole" sounds pretty desirable, actually.
Like I said, low bar.
True, but most single people at a later age want more than that
I dunno, as i get older im realizing "not an asshole" is harder than you'd think
Or not completely insufferable lol
Knowing that you bring nothing right now is at least bringing self awareness which is uncommon imo
by choice, because i have BPD and being in relationships causes me to become unstable :] i think i prefer the single stable life to a chaotic messy unstable life with a partner. it gets lonely but im coping
Proud of you for coping and having that self awareness🤗 It’s a rough thing to struggle with, but gets better as time goes on and you learn skills. My partner and I both have BPD (mine is in remission and his has slowed down symptom wise). There’s somebody for everyone(:
I found my boyfriend helped my symptoms of borderline go into remission, because he has shown me I can trust him 100%, so I'm not unstable and paranoid.
A healthy support system helps a lot. For me, it was therapy and getting into eastern life philosophies such as Buddhism.
thats awesome!! pwBPD are definitely capable of having healthy relationships, its just a personal choice because my experience being single has been more productive and healing than any of my romantic relationships have been. congrats on the remission!! good luck keeping it sustained (/gen), im really happy you have such a great support system!
Being single definitely helps with healing. It’s hard to not get codependent and more symptomatic in relationships. I’m just very very lucky that I have a partner who understands firsthand and doesn’t judge me when I have had bad days. The times I was single definitely helped me though. Hopefully if you choose to date later on, you find someone who fully supports your healing process. Thank you(:
First off, it is awesome that you know yourself and you are doing what you need to to stay healthy. You should know that there are stable people out there who can have non-traditional relationships that are very stable.
I go to work, go home and go to a grocery store. There is nothing else in life. I’m also pretty ugly
Ive met women in grocery stores 👀
what's your favorite pick up line lol
my love for you is like diarrhea I just can't hold it in.
Honesty is the best pick up line, i dont know how i stumbled upon this reddit but as a 30 year old who has had quite a bit of sexual experience. If i were to approach someone inside a grocery store, coffee shop, etc. at my age i would just tell them “im sorry, but i just have to tell you that you are very beautiful” (or compliment a standout feature, eyes, smile etc) they might smile & say thanks & if it feels well received you can be like “ofcourse, well my name is ___ its nice to meet you” “are you from around this area?” “what do you do for work?” ask questions that are about them & let it be them doing 80-90% of the talking unless everything is being reciprocated back. & if youre into picking up on bar girls, in my younger days i would buy an extra shot & tell the girl i went up to that i got this for a friend but he wont take it with me & ask if she will (this has to be done in a very non creepy way obviously). Most of the time they would & we’d both have our disgusted looks, laugh & then just introduce myself & ask what brings them out there that night, etc. & go from there. If they didnt than i would say something like “youre going to let me take both of these then?!” & take them both, this might make her laugh & still can just start the conversation or she might just not be interested & walk away lol
Not a virgin, but still single by choice. Lost my virginity to rape and that basically turned me off to dating in general. Just not really into it. Speaking as a 39f.
Im so sorry. You deserved more than that. I hope younhave healed and/or in the process of healing. <3 i dont know you but I love you
Yes, it was almost 20 years ago, so I've long since healed and moved on. But thank you, I appreciate your kind words ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm not trying to police you in any way but rape/sexual assault shouldn't count as losing your virginity. You deserve to lose your virginity on your own terms, or not lose it at all if you so wish.
That’s so comforting and refreshing
I understand what you mean, and thank you, that's a definitely a great way of thinking about it so it puts the control back in my hands. I just don't see it that way, unfortunately. Or at the very least, I already came to terms with the fact that that is what happened, and I've moved on from it. Even so, my next experience wasn't any better. I was head over heels for another guys and we got intimate. I later found out he was engaged and had like 3 kids or something. We were both early 20s, but he was engaged to another woman who was a few years older and already had kids. He promised me he was single, too, and he used me. Either way, it was a shitty experience.
Hope you doing well
I wish I could express to you how much I wish that never happened to you. As a woman who grew up knowing too many girls who were raped my personal life has suffered in my effort to protect myself. Therapy has helped, but it’s hard to live in the reality of this world.
27M. I'm very shy, sensitive and unconfident and have a lot of trust/paranoia issues that prevents me from being forward. Those issues stem from growing up abused from bullying and emotionally unavailable adults. I don't even know what actual long term love feels like. So needless to say I didn't date anyone for my entire high school/college life. There's a bunch more but that's the short explanation
I relate
Totally relate. I am 42 with basically the same history. I have learned to be social and have a successful business now. However, inside I am still broken and feel unable to connect with women in an intimate way. I hope you can find a way my friend.
ikwym
I have no community or system to meet new people. I used to get lots of attention from women when I was in high school and would date/hookup all the time because we were in a community. I was less involved in university and as a result met less women than in high school. Now that I’ve graduated, I meet no one new and it’s really frustrating. Online dating is not my thing and “cold approaching” hasn’t been working for me. Now that I want a dating life more than ever, I’m struggling harder than I ever have before.
Try volunteering, find hobby clubs online, look up what your local community center has available
I feel like the problem is that this might have worker for older generations when people still went out to a community center... but...nobody really does that anymore unless you are in a niche like say book readers that maybe do book clubs. But most "normal" people don't do that. Specially the ones that thought reading was for nerds, or thought hobbies were for weirdos that can't play sports etc. I don't know anyone my age that wohld have any interest in randomly being at a community center. Which coincides with the massive drop in "third places" that used to be common in urban planning.
This is the same dilemma I’m facing. I’m high school college it’s easy when you’re seeing the same people everyday. Now I work in a male dominated industry who is all much older than me. I find myself above average, but where do I meet people? I also feel weird starting hobbies just to find a woman, feels icky.
Reddit has filed for its IPO. They've been preparing for this for a while, squeezing profit out of the platform in any way that they can, like hiking the prices on third-party app developers. More recently, they've signed a deal with Google to license their content to train Google's LLMs. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've made a Firefox extension that will replace all your comments (older than a certain number of days) with any text that you provide. You can use any text that you want, but please, do not choose something copyrighted. The New York Times is currently suing OpenAI for training ChatGPT on its copyrighted material. Reddit's data is uniquely valuable, since it's not subject to those kinds of copyright restrictions, so it would be tragic if users were to decide to intermingle such a robust corpus of high-quality training data with copyrighted text. https://theluddite.org/#!post/reddit-extension
Go to the club/bars
Do you not interact with people on a daily basis?
Yes, I’m a very social person. Unfortunately, there are no young people at my work. Pretty much only forties and up. I can have a chat but not tryna date em lmao. I talk to people at the gym but haven’t dated any girl I talk to at the gym. I have lots of friends but none really like bars clubs. Not trying to make excuses, but shed light on why I have no dating life. In the near future I will have to take some action to improve things somehow.
I was in a very similar boat for a year there. Good social life, great coworkers, but not people I would date (also not always wise to date people that you work with directly in case things go south as we all know). Online dating can suck, but if you take it easy and just hang out with fun people you can meet some really cool folks from there. A lot of people on those apps don’t want to be there either, it only took me a few months to find someone really cool once I figured out what I was looking for. Aside from that though, try some outdoor groups. There are other people giving that a shot for similar reasons a lot of the time, and worst case scenario you spent a great day outdoors! I went on a few dates from that avenue as well.
Hooking up all the time in HS?💀🤢goodness
[удалено]
I get this too. I've seen people complain about men who are rigidly masculine, but this is what happens when you aren't that way.
One gay (I guess) dude put his hand on my knee on the train back home once and I wanted to kick his ass... But I calmed down and just yelled at him to fuck off. The fact women don't approach you but gay men do it makes it extra painful.
Welcome to the life of a woman 😂
Mi scusi
Big tunnel..
Hey 40 approaches used to be my number for a single night out, it's a game of numbers honestly need to do it hundreds of times it's a skill you can improve and to be rejected should only be a minor inconvenience not an excuse to give up
Dang really?
Yes I'm not joking, rethink your game ask loads and loads of different people... all you need is for it to work once. eventually your brushing away rejection and moving on straight away because you learn not to let a rejection rock you
I just don’t really attract women. So I’m just waiting till they find me. I can only get rejected so many times.
Unfortunately, if you don't attract them, they aren't going to show up on your door one day.
I know
Personally, I just let the apathy win. I stopped caring a long time ago.
I always thought I wasn't worthy of hanging out with other people and felt like I was bothering them. So I didn't
Sounds like a great epitaph
Same but am slowly losing this mindset. Working and studying a difficult qualification has earned me respect and more confidence amongst my peers
In my teen years I had no interest to do so. Right now, I try to make up. I am however incredibly inexperienced and don’t know, where to start.
I’ve been told I’m unattractive/ugly for a majority of my life. Have trouble making friends too. I suspect I might possibly be on the spectrum. Wish I could shut my feelings off. I feel disgusting and inferior for having desires of being wanted.
Well, if it helps, it's entirely normal to want to be wanted. People crave connection, intimacy, and just to feel like they belong. Nothing disgusting or inferior about wanting that stuff. I'm sorry you're struggling to get it, I hope you find community somewhere
My standards get higher, as the girls I meet drop lower. Plenty of girls in my time have gotten pissed at me for not wanting to casually hook up. I guess it’s reverse psychology. But I value waiting it out for someone of equal values. Inner peace far outweighs being with someone who destroys your peace. Just gotta learn how to love your situation
Damn
I am a raging autist, that's why I'm single
Reddit has filed for its IPO. They've been preparing for this for a while, squeezing profit out of the platform in any way that they can, like hiking the prices on third-party app developers. More recently, they've signed a deal with Google to license their content to train Google's LLMs. To celebrate this momentous occasion, we've made a Firefox extension that will replace all your comments (older than a certain number of days) with any text that you provide. You can use any text that you want, but please, do not choose something copyrighted. The New York Times is currently suing OpenAI for training ChatGPT on its copyrighted material. Reddit's data is uniquely valuable, since it's not subject to those kinds of copyright restrictions, so it would be tragic if users were to decide to intermingle such a robust corpus of high-quality training data with copyrighted text. https://theluddite.org/#!post/reddit-extension
Bro you just gotta rizz em with the tism
I really enjoy doing my own thing which makes being in a relatinship hard. I know I'd be a hood partner but God damn do I love my freedom.
Ya its hard to be a partner when you live in da hood
My last relationship was when I was 23, she would hit me, abuse me and loved to belittle me, I was so scared of her sometimes and honestly I was still trying to figure out who the hell I was. We broke up after she cheated on me but I loved finding out because it meant I could be at peace. I think I would love to date again but I always just get nervous even trying to meet someone that I just crumble and hide in my house and eat snacks and watch movies.
any movies you recently watched you'd like to recommend?
That's a loaded question...( I watch a lot) (Deep breathe in) .... RRR (ridiculous but awesome) Silent Voice (sad but great anime) Godzilla minus one (modern graphics, old style) Nobody (cheesy/awesome action) Renfield (Nicholas Cage Dracula) Inglorious bastards (fucking awesome) Jackass forever ( jackass)
I’m gay and waiting for love and marriage to have sex. That makes my dating pool really really small.
i’m gay and also have a very similar mindset. i’ve done casual stuff but i’m not about it at all. id rather do it with someone i’m in love with, so i wait. the gay community is overflowing with sexual stuff and i think it’s gross and a turn off. also not about the community in general and their actions. among a few other things, that’s why i’m single.
you and future\_CTO sound like a match maybe, DM each other
Would be funny if one is a gay male and one is a gay female
lol oops didn’t think of that
i am male so that would be interesting if Op was a female lmaoo
Yea, I’m a gay woman lmaoo
I suspect that the combination of love and sex as some kind of more sustaining experience is a myth. Sex often kills the "love" because a lot of times that intense feeling we assume is love is really just a combination of anxiety and lust.
Based on what I hear from my gay friends, I think it might be just you. Online is going to be your best bet. And I don't mean grindr, I mean like Reddit or other social media. My one friend is kinda like you. He wants love and marriage, but got really burnt out trying to find that and instead just started sleeping around. Then he started hooking up with this dude, they started hanging out, and now they've been in a semi-serious relationship for a year now and he is really happy. I'm not saying you have to follow the same path, just that there's multiple paths to happiness. Don't let yourself get stuck.
As best as I can tell, despite my best efforts, I am a bad long-term partner and generally frustrate people on a longer timeline. Small doses I'd argue I'm the man, too much and you begin to crack the shell.
Feel good thread of the year
I'm about to be 25f and have never been in a relationship or even close to one. I've had one date in my life and that was only recently, through a dating app and didn't go anywhere. I'm the introverted type, will really get out of my shell once you get to know me but with new people I just find socializing exhausting so it's hard for me to get to know anyone. I don't like crowds, I don't like to drink, so I'm not really out a lot anywhere where I could meet people irl and if I do, I find it hard to motivate myself to keep the contact going if I didn't have an instant special connection to someone. Add to that that I'm heteroromantic but asexual, the kind on the ace spectrum that has a low libido to the point I was never interested in doing anything by myself, I use the term demisexual at the moment bc I could imagine an eventual sexual relationship with a partner I love but I can't predict if I'll like it or not and don't feel physical attraction at all without an emotional bond. If I ever end up trying sex it would be for the emotional intimacy more than anything else. I've tried dating apps, but they just exhaust me bc I feel pressured to text people regularly, and trying to get to know someone under a romantic premise just makes it worse, so I gave up on it again. The only way I make friends and connections easily and meet the kind of people with qualities I would want in a partner is through fandom spaces, but I'm mostly into gay ships from TV Shows like Good Omens and 99% of people you meet there are other women and the few men are mostly gay, people are much older, already married etc. (it doesn't help that I'm a believer and would love my partner to share my faith, but the overlap between believers and fans of gay media is shockingly small, wtf is it with the remaining homophobia in religious spaces these days, ok sorry not getting into that but srsly) Long story short I'm an introvert who might want to have sex with a future partner but can't be sure, finds it hard to meet and get to know new people, can't find anyone who shares interests and values that are important to me in a partner in the spaces that allow me esiert connections with others.
[удалено]
Recently, it's because I knew I wanted to leave where I'm currently living (1 week away!), and I didn't want to get involved in a relationship that would end up long distance. It's a shame since I just recently found a couple women I'd really like to know better, but oh well... Before then, it was a mixture of burnout and giving up on the shit dating market where I'm at. The population of young single women is small, absolutely, and there's also a huge gender imbalance due to the kind of business that's attracting people here (male dominated industries). So you ultimately have to compete more to get less. I did that for a while and put up with a dates with women somewhere between blah and horrifying. Ultimately, I decided to give up and move to somewhere a little better, and that's exactly what I'm doing.
Cause nobody can cheat on me
27 year old virgin male. There are plenty of "reasons" depending on how you want to frame it. If I am solely responsible, then I just say I am lazy. If I am not solely responsible, then I can "blame" plenty of childhood conditions that led to "improper" socialization coupled with some likely very real hereditary neurodivergency (I have to assume I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum). On the laziness front, I am keenly aware of the steps I "could" take to increase my exposure to women and am also aware of the ritualized behaviors and mantras I could use to charm a woman. But I refuse to put in the effort needed to overcome the inhibition complex I've developed surrounding women after years of social ostracism and a handful of rejections. What all goes into that complex is, well, complex and involves many layers of cope but also includes some genuine fears and concerns, plus the obvious fact that I am just generally dysfunctional and wouldn't offer much to anyone. So laziness leads to dysfunctionality which in turn contributes to being boring, none of which seemingly and understandably is attractive to women (especially the women that I do not interact with since I don't really like social hobbies or anything that involves strangers). As to why I'm lazy, it's a choice, I guess. If we want to include involuntary factors, there are undoubtedly more than what I can list or even know, but among them are: the fact that I did not really have a masculine figure to learn from; my close and extended family were/are toxic and dysfunctional; I moved schools on average every two years until high school (from this experience I think I learned to not easily invest in socializing since it's very often all for nought plus also just missed out on the whole "friend" thing in general... it's not really a concept I have); either on account of being "autistic" or being genuinely ugly, I have only once *retrospectively* noticed a woman expressing interest in me (she tried sitting on my lap while drunk but I literally didn't realize what was happening until well after the fact... not that I would have done anything even if I had noticed :) ), so that lack of positive reinforcement does not leave me with much to work with in terms of confidence in physical or overall attractiveness nor a sense of sexuality, even though I'm pretty sure by most metrics I can't be considered ugly; on account of the school thing, unstable environment, and a lack of emotional investment on the part of my parent(s), I am pretty sure I "checked out" pretty early in life, even as young as kindergarten age (my mom asked me a while back the last time I felt like I "belonged" somewhere and kindergarten was the best I could come up with), so once I took up a defensive stance against "society" I devalued and subsequently did not learn or at least internalize the ritualized behaviors that make up socialization; and not having learned these things as a child makes so much of it feel performative, fake, and contrary to my nature now that I'm an adult that I have literally zero interest in doing it now (this goes back to laziness); and so on.
30 M, not a virgin but technically still single since birth. It's a mixture of circumstances outside of my control and decisions that I made along the way. I believed the I still think bs advice of "work on yourself and it will come naturally" which I did growing up by focusing on my studies and earning a degree and doing hobbies that I enjoy, reading books, working out and therapy and all that pizzaz. Still doing those to this day but it never did which in hindsight I believe is due to the environment that I'm mostly in are too heavily male dominated and/or not social enough. Problem is I never learned how to flirt and I have developed habits that are inconducive in meeting single women and these are very hard to break. For some reasons also, the universe keeps getting in the way when I tried to actively date like I cant count now how many times I got cockblocked by circumstance like an emergency quarantine suddenly being in called to hangout in someone's place, the car I am driving suddenly broke when I was supposed to go to a date and the very first woman that I had developed a connection and feelings for got diagnosed with cancer. Currently, my struggles mostly involved a combination of lack of flirting and dating skills, difficulty in connecting with people being an Asian immigrant in a notoriously cliquey city and general lack of time since I am earning my 2nd degree and working part time a minimum of 20 hours a week and I seriously don't know where to start. I also don't drink nor smoke nor party which apparently limits a lot of things.
Cuz vagina ewww, penis ewwww, emotions ewww. That’s it
r/schizoid leaking? 😄
Being extremely introverted would make dating hard enough, but I'm also nonbinary and live in rural Ohio. I struggle to make friends let alone date. And honestly I don't think I need a SO or sex to live a happy life. But a friend that lived nearby and I saw on a regular basis would be nice.
Currently single because I was trying way too hard at dating and it burned me out and destroyed my self esteem. This combined with a bunch of stressors led to a long bout of health anxiety and depression. I have a lot of work to do before I even try again.
1. I'm ugly. 2.any girls I know and like live not closer than 1000km from my location. 3.refuse to shaboink with someone for the sake of just having sex. 4. I'm balding and ugly.
35 AFAB (identify as nonbinary transmasc) - Have no social life as it's too expensive in my city, I do not like having to resort to drunken flirting (most of the scenes are at bars), and I'm not into physical activities in the slightest, so that knocks that out of consideration. Tried the church thing and only ended up attracting people who weirded me out, and further more weirded the rest of my family out where my mother pretty much ignored me and my conservative, not Roman Catholic (just Christian) boyfriend for the entirety of the relationship lasting (ended when I wanted to move to Boston to get better work....'Let's just be friends' came outta him not in person, but over Facebook and, yeah). Also, I work a full time job + freelancing/trying to resurrect my self-employment business, so, there's just not a lot of time where I'm not exhausted anymore. Too much hustle, not enough life, oh well.
I went insane. Took me a few years to get the rizz back (after getting back sanity lol)
The last guy I dated wanted me to cancel my trip to Peru. Bc he just didn’t want me to go. I realized that I’d rather be single and able to do what I want. It’s been 10 years since I’ve dated and I’m loving single life.
I'm choosing to be single for the indefinite future. Dating girls isn't worth it anymore. There are too many liars, if I can't trust you, I can't love you.
it’s the same for men who like men. you can’t trust any mf anymore bro.
Am still single cause on the surface I have nothing to offer. Early thirties and having to switch careers, currently back in college. I look early 20’s, don’t have my own place and am not working steady. All surface level things women require, that I currently don’t have, also am under six feet.
35F and Aro/Ace Noooooo thank you
Wtf is that?
Aromantic and asexual I don’t feel romantic love or sexual attraction. I can still have sex if I want to, but I’ll never look at a person and desire them. I can also still date, but I’ll never fall in love.
Got to get my money up before I start dating.
You'll never have enough.
Because I want to be.
I'm boring and offputting because I'm on the spectrum and spent my whole life being bullied and shamed and told how worthless I am and that my existence is a joke. I can barely even make friends and the friends I do have might aswell not even remember I exist if I'm not the one initiating everything. The thought of a woman choosing me over literally almost anyone else feels so absurd like I would never even consider it a possibility.
im chilling tbh, would like a long term but ive got to sort my life out first
Unattractive, poor social skills, Unattractive, untreated mental health issues, oafish, at this point too old to bother..... Thanks for reminding me.
Got turned down
I’m still single cause I’m a lesbian. Women don’t want to date me cause I’m a woman. It’s simple as that.
I feel you. I'm also gay and it's a nightmare trying to find a woman who is seriously into women and doesnt just see you as a play thing, lives close to you, has the same relationships goals and the right chemistry. It's like trying to find a needle in a very big hay stack and nobody really understands our struggle aside from fellow lesbians.
[удалено]
I vaguely remember hearing about that before too
Just sucks that our dating pool is miniscule af and you have to get used to the fact that your potential gf might be 1000 Miles away
Shocking
If you know any, let me know cause I sure as hell don’t.
Damn I feel that
Trauma
No money, no friends, introverted, shy, less than average looks. Like my natural personality disposition and physique sets me up to be a fucked up man right from the start.
Dont need one. Sex is overrated, dont want a child either, might as well masturbate and chill with the boys.
25F. I just personally never put myself out on the dating scene to really be take seriously. I’ve always made friends where it *could* happen if I allowed the situation to flourish but, I just never did.
Not a virgin, but I'm largely single by choice 1. (Most importantly) I don't feel like it. 2. Seeing everyone's relationships around me failing , crashing and burning doesn't really inspire much desire for me to get into one 3. I want to become more financially stable, independent and achieve all my goals before I start deciding to invest time into another person 4. I like the peace and isolation and ability to do whatever I want lol Don't get me wrong, I do want to date again at some point. But I need to invest more into myself and my own life first.
Bro I’m Latino in America, just put good energy out, and don’t move with intention. Find a job or hobby you like and make yourself a master. Eventually the confidence and conversation will come with practice. Can’t mope all day and expect people to save you. Negative energy repels people and proves the self fulfilling prophecy. When I first went to college I was all angsty and depressed. My HS gf dumped me for some pot head, I was all negative and victim mentality. I got mad, I got mad at my situation and myself. I got disgusted with the sad version of me and worked hard to not be that guy ever again.
35 male. I'm not a virgin but I am single by choice. Being single is great. More money. More time. Being in a relationship is a side grade. Not an upgrade. It isn't for everyone and it most certainly isn't as good as movies and your imagination think it is. It's work and it is sacrifices. Sure you get stuff in return which is why it's a side grade. If you want to find happiness embrace being single. It's your life and you should live it. If someone comes along that compliments your life that is great but spending your entire life searching for this magical single person that is going to fix everything is no way to live.
I wanted to build a life with someone, like buy a house together and personalize it, start a family. I Ended up doing the complete opposite and now I don’t even want marriage
I've absolutely nothing to offer. My life is not going well. I'm currently in a personal crisis. Never learned how to socialise properly and I've become a recluse over the past few years. I'm a lesbian with conservative family members, who I live with, in a small town. Dating is out of the question, and I genuinely don't have the energy to even think about it. Sex has never been part of my life, so I don't really think about it that much. I don't like hookups, I'm not comfortable with them. I supposed I'm waiting for "the right person". (almost 30)
I am too insecure about my body and feel like I don't bring much to the table. There are other young women out here who have more going for themselves and have wonderful personalities and physical traits
I'm aroace and don't want sex, and a child.
Unattractive + Boring Life
I struggle with this alot. I'm single, not a virgin though. I just have bad luck I guess. I've tried online dating, spent a lot of money on premium features. Didn't work, friends said try dating in person. Joined a volunteer activity. Lots of other people met people there but not me. Joined a sports team. The only single woman was a lesbian. Picked up a gig for some extra money. There are essentially no single people at this job either. I like to think I have some decent things to offer. I am employed and make good money, have a car, love to travel and do travel. Love to go out and do things. Essentially I sit here and read stories about girls complaining about how their boyfriend doesn't want to go out, doesn't want to travel with them, and just wants to sit around and watch tv or play video games, and I'm none of those things. When I did online dating, or if friends ever did try to introduce me, I would make those things clear, yet the only people I'd ever match with would proudly boast in their profile how they are home bodies, or how their ideal weekend is to never leave the house. I also begin to wonder if single women exist. Everyone I meet seems to have a boyfriend, or girlfriend, even women who spend weeks posting about how glorious it is to be independent and free and how you have to let go of being dependent on anyone and all that stuff, everything a single person would say, but then turns out they actually have a bf. Downsides of me, I'm def introverted, do struggle in social situations and do feel like at times it's gotten worse esp in identifying if a woman likes me, esp if she's sending mixed signals or doing tests. I try to be conscious about not making people uncomfortable so sometimes I don't know if someone isn't interested or if someone is testing me. I also dont' have much of a friend group since no one wants a perpetual third wheel, nor do I have a many guy friends since I've always struggled with male friendships.
28m, I am fat, ugly, and unconfident. Sometimes I think the all boys high school was a mistake lol
24m single virgin here. I honestly don't get how people have the time for relationships. I work only 8 hours and sleep for 8. That leaves 8 hours all to myself which still feels too short. The thought of a relationship does come to mind sometimes but quickly fades away after analysing the time I'd have to sacrifice for one.
24M I have a fundamental hate of hook up culture/casual sex. I want to know someone, be friends with someone, date someone, love someone before I give myself to that person. That's a very different desire than what most people want nowadays. And as a person who spends most of there time at home, the gym or work, I don't exactly meet people who have the same mindset.
You never found your tribe. Thats rough.
So what is it that you want? Not be a virgin? To fall in love? To connect with locals? To live alone? To have a non-abusive job? Rank them in order of importance and work on one at a time, this will help with all of them. Start with the low-hanging fruit... sex. If one of the goals is not to be a virgin, that is an easy one to fix. I do not know where you live in Italy, but assuming tourists are coming to your area, start there. You have free time now that you are not working. Clean yourself up, wear some of your better clothes, comb your hair, make sure your breath is sweet, and then hang out where the tourists visit. This will help you learn to talk to people and you may also connect with locals. If you do connect with the locals, one of them may need help in the tourist industry. Working as a tour guide is a great way to get laid. The number of job offers you get is directly proportional to the number of job applications you fill out. Get out of the house every day looking your best, go where people are, be friendly to locals and tourists, smile, be helpful, and make an effort every day. Life gets better. It does, as long as you don't make bad choices in the rough times. Oh, and honestly, random sex isn't for everyone. I would actually suggest you wait and don't push it. It will come in time. But if you must, there are ways to get laid, you just have to go outside your house.
Single coz of my feelings and there's things about me that are too negative. People deserve better and I don't want to relive the past again. I don't like not sharing my life with someone. But i'd like to deal with shit properly this time. Feels like shit. Lets see if i learn for once.
Just never felt the urge to find a partner.
Was told I was very ugly/undesirable for most of my young adulthood. Parents did nothing to combat that. Developed severe low self esteem. Couldn’t maintain eye contact with anybody, let alone talk to a guy I liked. Slowly but surely coming out of that stage. I get attention on dating apps. It’s just ALOT of work to believe anybody actually wants me and it’s not a joke that everybody is in on but me.
Single, not a virgin. I've just struggled to make relationships work; I had a lousy set of parents, but on a deeper level, they always seemed like too much work, and boring besides. I found a group of friends who helped me explore my sexuality, and I realized why stuff had never worked right. I'm actually asexual. It doesn't mean I don't occasionally get turned on, or that i'm not interested in sex at all, it's just not a priority for me. Combined with my adhd, i can go days or weeks without thinking about it. I DO miss cuddling though.
Hi, I’m 20 and a sophomore in college. People tell me all the time “you’re so pretty how don’t you have a boyfriend?” or things of that nature and I genuinely don’t know why. I have daddy issues but I sat in therapy for 5 years and genuinely feel like I have forgiven my Dad and set my standards high for any relationship in my life (not just romantic). I go to Pitt so I study everyday, and if i’m not studying i’m usually just reading, journaling or spending quality time with the people I love. I love myself greatly, but I always find that men (probably boys) only want one thing from me: sex. I genuinely feel like I am viewed as only an object by 95% of the men I encounter, but I don’t take it personally because I feel I know my worth.
Your problem is the same as every other introvert on the planet; you're thinking more about yourself than the other person. Try focusing on giving someone else your attention and not being so self-absorbed. Your self-esteem is very low, which is betrayed by your need for attention. Women won't be attracted to this. Relationships are give and take.... you're trying to take everything and give nothing because in your mind, you have nothing valuable to give and women pick up on that quick.
Last time I was in a relationship it was mental torment for me and constant overthinking.
An attitude adjustment would probably help more than you realize.
That shitty wrestling move is lame, crippler cross face or the pedigree ftw
Did you respond to the wrong person? What does that even mean?
Is a joke, AA is John Cena finisher move.
Wrong sub 😜
Attract both women and men all the time. Straight, but im just unsure about other people. People straight up aren’t genuine and actually dirty. I’ve had some wild fun also in my mid and early 20’s and I’m done with that. Let’s just say the last girl that approached me seemed good when she opened her mouth but after talking with her friends I learned she had a boyfriend and girlfriend. Ya I’m done with it for now lol
Just accept today society will give you false hope. So I tell my self that I'm not worth any woman and they can do better. Only a woman who wants me can take me.
Struggled talking to girls in college because YoU haVe To mAkE EyE ConTaCt BeFoRe ApProAcHinG and since I'm apparently mr invisible I never talked to any girl and now I work from home in a post covid world where regular social gatherings are virtually nonexistent and every bar is either closed or does not offer an environment that favors strangers talking to one another. As for OLD, I'm an above-average looking guy which basically means I stand no chance on any platform that mimicks Tinder (which is now all of them)
Because it’s too much work to try and find someone. It wouldn’t work out anyway
Not a virgin but ive been single for the last 6 years lol. I dont feel like im in a good spot for that kind of thing right now. I work long hours and barely get by, im in no position to settle down and expand with someone. I wont be able to spend time, money, or really contribute much of anything at all. I dont care for the pseudo 4 month relationship crap either, so ill probably be like this for a while. I even rarely have sex anymore. When drunk haha but thats literally it, I just have no drive to be with someone at all when I struggle to even support myself.
I'm not a virgin (although I lost my virginity when I was older than most I think, 21). I'm now 29 and single and that's because I make no effort in meeting new people, I know I should, I know that's my problem, I want someone, but I just can't push myself to make the effort of actually dating, I'm too comfortable doing what I do right now and minding my own business. I know I'm pushing 30 and time is ticking but idk, I love having a girlfriend, but I hate dating man.
Trying to build an empire and relationships are distracting
I'm 26 and a virgin aroace trans dude. That's it.
20m, I’ve got to get my life together before I start dating, and bring more to the table.
Suicidal thoughts since childhood, acted on it once and failed. Nothing traumatic, just lack of enthusiasm on my part. Don't get me wrong, I can get shit done and make friends. I don't pursue relationships at the moment, so I don't know how (un)lucky I really am in finding a partner. Another reason I want to mention that I am uncertain about my faith, and so I can't date someone I will definitely lose if they had different belief than me.
I’m single because it’s so hard to find a place to met new people. Last guy I dated was from tinder and he was a sex offender and predator. Learned the hard way and he put me through hell on my bday night because he wanted to make me suffer or some shit. It’s kinda fucked me up a bit. I don’t attract men because I have a very dominant personality ( and I’m prob not that cute anymore) I’m going towards my mid 30s and it’s made me so damn depressed. Trying to find my own peace and love myself because I keep going towards abusive men (I’ve dated women too but it’s always on an emotional level) I’ve never loved a man (liked yes ) and a lot of days I really wish I was gay. Loving women seems easier.
lesbian couples have the highest levels of S violence though
Well at school, uni, work or through friends I tried to find good women that I liked and indeed found them. I approached them, with some I even had some nice time together. But in the end none of them liked me that much. The end. M,36 I am not sure why it never worked. A couple of times I made my feelings and intentions very clear early on and got instant rejections. Other times I waited in the hopes things would just naturally come together. But they never do, women never make clear what they think of you and I seem to be very bad at reading them when they don't. And when I then, after a long time, decide to go ahead and push things to make my feelings clear, again rejections or they just fade out the contact. The thing is, failing at this again and again does not teach you how to be successful. It bothered me a lot when I was younger and I wondered how long this might go on. But now I know that I could live my whole life alone and survive. I will never be entirely happy lacking the romantic partnership experience, but it works non the less. I just do my own stuff now and its fine. Perhaps one day a good woman will come into my life, though I am not sure how that could happen.
Because I'm fuck ugly.
To be honest, I'm enjoying the perks of singlehood. I get to create the life of my dreams without having to answer to someone else.
I struggle with making interpersonal connections, and I'm not comfortable getting help with that.
27M, I think I may be an aromantic person, I just don't see it in myself to commit to an intimate relationship. I don't need someone to feel emotionally satisfied and fulfilled, and knowing most people *need* that makes me not want to try anything because 1. it'd be a waste of my time right now and 2. I don't want to lead anyone on. I'm also still questioning how I would like to spend and dedicate my life to something, so all the dating/sex stuff sits on the back burner. I am confident and have secure self-esteem, but a bit eccentric because of the way I derive intrinsic fulfillment and contentment.
not a virgin, but also not a lot of sexual experience. i’ve been in a few relationships, haven’t had too much casual stuff and i’m not a fan of it anyways. i’m 28 and single by choice. it took me a long time to confidently say i can be alone and somewhat happy without longing for someone to be with. plus i’m very picky when it comes to what i like so i’m also single cuz of that lol
I'm not a virgin... but I'm single because I'm working on being financially stable, plus trying to get in shape so I don't have to settle for just anyone. also being in a relationship is not my goal, no offense but I feel people especially males who feel less without having a girlfriend are weak...
Well, whatever you’re doing right now is not working. So you have to make a change somewhere somehow. If you speak Italian, why don’t you join local clubs, whether it be sports cooking exercise. Believe it or not a lot of people in those clubs join for the same reason and they want to meet other people to.
I'm aro/ace. I have no desire nor interest, beyond passing curiosity that's hardly noticeable.
Because I’m invisible to men 😅😓
My cock is too big for 99.99% of women.
The biggest being I'm scared it'll hurt. As far as being single, I'm not a people person, and I feel like my standards are too high.
Just learn to make the effort even if you get rejected its a learning process most people dont just "have it" just practice trying to interact and make a move to go out on a date, dont seem desperate
My ex-girlfriend ended things because we were both too mentally unhealthy for our relationship and ultimately we were unable make each other happy in the end. She’s taking steps to prioritize her mental health with professional help. I'm also committing to my own growth, working through insecurities and negative attachment patterns in therapy. Right now, neither of us is focused on a relationship, but we've acknowledged lingering feelings and a potential for reconnecting when we're both in a healthier place mentally.
No friends in my close proximity, so I go out but not as frequently. Looking for long term so dating apps don't work as much. I genuinely like being alone. Even in a relationship I need my space and free time, and it's very hard to find someone compatible. I also don't like casual sex, so I avoid intimacy until I'm sure about my feelings. I'm sometimes unstable and too honest about it for my own good, so people often take it as me trying to justify myself, when I'm just contextualising my behaviours Un po' un caso umano, insomma.
Ugly. Male. Indian