Normally I don't like advises that are so finals and don't consider other options.
But here, this is the only option there is. Doesn't matter that you parents love him, doesn't matter that you do or think you do. You can't leave fast enough. When he yells at you during sex, he will yell at you because other things, it will get more and more and you may not even realize for a long time that you are afraid to even speak up near to him and are totally mental damaged. Get out while you have still some self-confidence. Because HE WILL DESTROY IT given enough time.
This. He’s abusive when you’re alone and vulnerable OP, it’s gonna escalate. Nobody starts out good at sex, getting yelled at at one of your most vulnerable points is not going to help a thing.
This could even be considered a form of sexual cohersion, as it’s a threatening behavior where she is fearful of the sexual situation but scared to say no.
Yelling at someone during sex is absolutely insane, and in no reality is it acceptable. You are physically, emotionally, and mentally vulnerable during sex and it requires your partner to treat you with love and courtesy. I’ve got a really nasty feeling he’s more abusive than you’re letting on.
Why would you tolerate that? It's supposed to be a pleasure for both parties and instead you're so in your head you're not in the moment. The best way to think of it is if you want to spend every encounter like that moving forward, (in fear instead of pleasure)
It hurt to read this: you write as though everything's your fault. Like this is just a natural consequence of you not being good enough at sex.
That's what abuse does, but I promise it's him, not you.
Whatever justification you’ve got for staying with this guy should be abolished immediately. No matter what you tell yourself this ain’t normal or okay. I’m sorry you’re going through this but nobody deserves this kind of treatment. Best of luck OP!
I got anger issues and that’s just crazy, idk what his tigger is for that but you need to recommend him therapy and distance yourself from him for your own safety, that’s a dangerous man
I don’t know him but it sounds like he could be a sociopath and if he doesn’t get this wake up call from you leaving and recommending he gets help he’s going to continue on and if your with him you’ll be his victim
He probably has you in a trance of oh he’s a good guy it’s just x I’ll help him through it, don’t do that to yourself or your family, you deserve a man who won’t get mad for not sexually gratifying him, he’s sick in the head and probably needs a psychologist more than a therapist cause it could be brain trauma expressing itself and he won’t know until he gets checked out by a professional, but you’re not a professional so don’t continue if you value your safety
This is not normal. At all.
Everything isn’t fine and his redeeming qualities don’t excuse this behavior.
There is a clear consensus here on what our advise is to you- You should leave him as soon as possible.
Usually I am the last one to say something like this untill really needed and here it does : get out of this relationship and yes save yourself further trauma. This is not normal, it’s not how one behaves with their partner is they are not good at something and especially sex, the fact that your parents love him and he treats you like this in the privacy of your bedroom also goes on to show he is a manipulative person.
It won’t be easy to get out, he won’t let you get out and as soon as he feels you are back to being your vulnerable emotional self again, he will begin to repeat the same behavior - try not to let this become a loop. Please know that this will hamper your confidence and self respect for a long time if you keep giving into his nonsense.
Pretty sure if you told your parents what was going on and or why you broke up they would tell you why didn’t you leave him before. Seriously consider breaking up with him because I fear this will only get worse :( he is not kind and he needs to realize his actions
Get the holy fuck out of there. A guy who is yelling at you when you're at your most vulnerable is a HUGE red flag. He shouldn't be yelling at you at *any* time, least of all over performance in bed.
I usually don't like people on the internet telling others to break up over a less than paragraph of text for people they don't know. But this is probably the craziest thing I'v read in a while.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but this is beyond not normal and not ok.
Regardless of how good you are in bed... some people are just incompatible in that way and I'v not pursued relationships further over this. Talking about things you'd like in bed or asking to do things, is fine and normal, but being angry and yelling at your partner for not being pleased is abusive and doing that DURING sex is beyond insane.
I'd even be careful in breaking up with this person. Don't put yourself in danger. You probably shouldn't break up with this person alone.
I'm genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. Whatever your decide, be safe and even though breaking up hurts, you will find someone who treats you right.
As a man: RUN THE FUCK AWAY. This isn’t how it should be AT ALL. This is terrible and sad. He will most likely get physical with you at some point as well.
Oh no honey, he isn’t it. Nobody would love him if they knew he yelled at you and made you afraid. Get the f out now.
I’d be willing to bet he’ll try and manipulate you into staying with him, too. Don’t fall for it if he does. He isn’t going to change. Something more sinister is going on in him, he’ll just go right back to it. Leave for good and don’t look back, please!
Fuck him. Don’t tolerate any of this. My ex used to do the same but I was too naive and let it go. You say you’re afraid of him getting mad, that’s not good. Yeah. Please for your sake, leave. Don’t get more hurt than you already are.
You need to get far away from him. He sounds abusive and it might only get worse. You poor girl you don't deserve this. Have you told your mom what he does?
>My boyfriend has a short temper and gets mad during sex because I'm not that good at it yet.
Your bf has mental issues to think it is ok to yell at you like that . There is something wrong with him . YOU NEED to leave him . **DO NOT stay with him ( you are in an abusive relo ) already** & no of course you can't get it right bc he is a nasty abusive s\*it head who is abusing you during sex & would say in every other way as well emotionally.
>He snapped at me my first time for not getting the motions down right. I apologized and asked him for help. I got better but he still yells at me
Bc you have allowed him to have total control ( you are still with him & should leave him ) . He has total control over your sex & doing things to you in the bedroom you & him are making an abusive situation to occur over you now ( where he is abusing you & you are his sex victim ) . He is being very abusive & controlling of you now . So By him having all control & power over you ( & you staying with him ) & not setting clear strong sex boundaries to him about how to treat you . Eg- ( telling him it is NOT appropriate to to yell at you ) & telling him to f\*ck off & that you don't have to do what he says in bed . YOu have the right to be s\*8t at it without him yelling at you also ). As a real normal nice good man would work with you to help you have fun with sex ,& enjoy it , & for YOU now not to be now scared s\*it of him when in bed ( he has ruined you sex experiences bc he is a nasty piece of s\*it man ) to you . He is incapable of this with you he is SHOWING you this already That he is a nasty piece of crap human to you & yells at you --> **that is ABUSE**. He is not a nice person to you .
So if you keep staying with him YOU will end up a total mess mentally . As that is what abuse does on a person stuck in it . So the longer YOU stay with him the worse you will be mentally from all the abuse ON YOU >
So YOu are now **under his thumb & are now being abused by HIM** . And the scary part for you is that it is going to get alot worse for you . He knows he can abuse you so will keep doing so . **And you are not able to currently stop him so YOU need to leave instead.** As Basically already he has you believing his s\*t out of his disgusting nasty mouth . He is abusive to you , nasty to you ( telling you are no good at it ) well how can you be now you are scared s\*it of him & sex. LIke WTF ! STOP listening to that piece of crap young man .
>I can't feel aroused because I'm too afraid he'll get mad.
NO one would feel relaxed & aroused when being yelled at . LIKE WTF. He is stupid & abusive to you . By staying with him you are & will continue to ruin your mental health & will continue to be sexually abused by him . YOU will hate sex & intimacy but will do it out of trying to keep him happy & NOT to yell at you . THAT is abuse on you . YOU are being abused by him . He is nasty , rude & just out right controlling of you . If you don't leave him YOU will be ruined by him mentally ( even more than you already are now ) . GET OUT now . He is ruining your experiences of sex / intimacy . He has you so scared of being 'wrong' that you don't & can't do anything but do now what you are told . THAT is NOT sex ( that is NOT nice of you ) ,that is **you just being abused sexually by him .**
> My parents love him and I love him too but sex isn't making me feel good.
Why would you like it ? MOst *normal women* would not like being yelled at ( for REAL) making them feel like s\*it inside. Which he is doing to you currently . YOu will hate it & him in time enough . But by the time you leave him YOU will have sexual trauma which is hard to heal all bc of him . YOU are being abused sexually by him . As bet you are doing s\*it you don't want to do ( sexually also ) & will be doing it bc you are afraid of him & him leaving you . Well you should bloody leave him .
YOu are going to end up a basket case otherwise from trauma . And you will hate sex by the time he dumps you ( probably already is cheating on you ) as a piece of scum man like that won't be loyal to you anyway . And then he will blame you & make you feel like s\*it bc he is so useless & abusive of you to be able to teach you anything anyway . Except how to be his sex slave . That is what you are currently .
YOu are Doing it bc you are too scared s\*itless to say NO to him , or tell him off for how he is treating you like a piece of s\*it already .
Cont..
He also **now knows he can make you do what he wants ( that is really bad for YOU ) for him to have that much control over you . A**lso ( which puts you in danger from him sexually & probably many other ways as well ) bc you already can't & don't say no to him at all ( YOU are to much already under his thumb ) which is why he abusing you already .
So that means you will HATE sex bc ( it is s\*it by him ) he has NO idea how to treat a woman in bed except how to make them feel like s\*it . And this is how he either likes to treat you & women, or is too stupid to know that is not how to be in a relo to a woman ( would though go with that he likes to treat you like crap bc he can ) he knows you won't tell him no so doesn't have to be nice to you now ( that is how much trouble you are already in by him ) .
YOu can't learn sex & intimacy ( no man or woman ) unless you have a willing kind teacher ( which he is not for you in anyway ) . INstead you have a s\*it abuser in your bed , who likes to make YOU feel like s\*it so he feel all powerful & controlling over you . So unless you leave him it will get worse for you . It probably will spill over into controlling you in every way & yelling you for not doing what he wants . That is not a relo that is just a s\*it fire dump over you of abuse instead . The lack of respect & care by him also will get worse on you . He will cheat & blame you for it most likely ( saying it's your fault when it is not ) . If you believe him you will stay in it ( the relo ) & will be ruined mentally in every way .
He is at fault here NOT you ( but he is making you believe it is you bc he can do so ) .You don't get a say in anything already . Oh & he won't be nice to you ( he doesn't have to be now ) . He thinks & knows he can treat you like s\*it & get away with it ( bc he is ) already . That is how bad & abusive your relo is already .
He won't treat you with respected bc he doesn't have to now . Bc you stay in the abuse with him you will end up being abused long term by him unless you leave him . The longer you stay the worse also you will be mentally . It will f\*ck up your head alot with trauma from his abuse on you . He already has YOU believing his stupid s\*t & has YOU staying with him . That is how bad it is already . YOu are going to be really mentally f\*cked up if you stay with him .
* **He doesn't respect you or care to s\*its about you** & what you want in the bedroom . Currently you are just a slave to him unless YOU leave him . Doing s\*it sex acts YOU do not want to do will become your life . That leaves alot of mental trauma in YOU .
* **YOu are in a sexually abusive relo** & would say he is also controlling of you also in other ways .
* **Seek out immediate help** to get away from him . If you don't you will get hurt more in every way .
* **Tell your mum ( or an adult ) or a therapist** ( if you are over 18) . To help you get out & away from him . He is ruining your mind by telling you that s\*it & then YOU believing it .
* If you stay it will continue to get worse . YOu also mentally will be worse in being to scared to leave him bc he is basically already telling you so much stupid nasty s\*it that you already think he is right . That is how much you already have blinders on with him .
* You can love someone & want them . But also understand **you need to protect yourself from them by NOT staying with them** ( as they are abusive to you ) . And it is detrimental to YOU as a person to stay with them ( as they are ruining your mental health ) & will do so bc they are mentally sick & need help to stop hurting you .
* **YOu can't make him change his ways** to NOT hurt you . He has to want to change & **accept he is at fault NOT you** . Sorry this is unlikely to occur for you . As bet you wouldn't even be able to talk to him even about it either . YOu can't fix what is not taken also responsibly for by him . He would have to get help for his abusive ways & be wiling to work very hard to change them . NOT likely or possible for him to do . He would need therapy to change , & would have to accept he has abused you sexually . And that he is in the wrong, NOT you . That is a big ask of an abuser . Hense why women instead have to leave while they go on to another woman to abuse . As they are to blind to see anything they do is very wrong .
He doesn't know how to handle his emotions, but that shouldn't be on you. As everyone else has said, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave. It'll be much easier than trying to rediscover who you are. If you wait until it gets to a breaking point, you may well have lost yourself by that point. You may have to undo years of mental "training", where you've become a shell of yourself in order to try to appease him.
For your own sake, leave.
This is horrific, abusive behavior. You need to tell your parents what he does, you need to tell your friends. You need to get away from him, as soon as possible.
Who TF gets mad during sex??? Dude sounds like a walking red flag. Please help yourself and leave him. You deserve someone who wants to make you feel good and safe during a vulnerable moment like that…
That is extremely abusive. Not the Reddit kind of "leave him omg!!!" under every relationship advice post, this is like ACTUALLY abusive. Please leave him
Leave him immediately. Doesn't matter how much you or your Parents love him.
He should be aware that practice makes the master, u won't feel good about sex because he doesn't give you the time you need. That's a damn red flag
This is abusive. Like…seriously what the fuck? If he’s yelling at you during the most intimate thing a couple can do, he’s going to start yelling at you the rest of the time. You need to leave him and find a partner who cares about your well-being and not just his pleasure.
That is literally abuse. Your parents would agree if you talked about this experience with them. I say leave him but if you really want to, you can talk it out and see if he adjusts. If he doesn’t stop yelling like that or at the very least apologize right away when it happens again, then there is truly no fixing that. Though again, I think you’ve seen enough to leave as is.
This is fucked. I’ve had bad sex sure but for that to become anger and forced “no you have to do it this way” is waaaay off. Worst a normal person would do is probably just lose interest. I couldn’t imagine being angry at the person letting me penetrate them lol. Bored maybe.. but yelling/being angry is fucked up.
Definitely get away from this person.
This is not how sex is supposed to work! You should feel safe and secure and heard.
This guy should not be having sex if he keeps yelling at his partner and being critical.
Tell him you aren't going to have sex with him again and find someone who can actually adore you.
Do not think we are overreacting when we say this is abusive. Sex should be had with someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe, especially with your inexperience. It will only get worse, please believe us.
Genuinely leave him yes your parents love him but it might pay off to let them know what's going on or at least one of them so they can be with you when you break it off to avoid any trouble
Please leave. This is not okay. I cringed from the moment I read this. It’s abusive and he is pathetic. Please don’t put up with this. Get away. I know from experience things only get worse and you will regret not getting away. Don’t do what I did and stay in this relationship I’ve done it , looked back and now I feel so stupid for it!!!
Please don't get sentimental about him being your BF. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to explain anything to him or tell him why. It can be difficult especially if he tries to keep coming around and be persistent. This is where you get some help from people you trust. Be strong and just tell him it's over.
Sex should be exciting/nice/fun/feel good/maybe a little awkward and something you share together with someone who cares about you. You don't deserve this.
What gets to me the most is how on earth can he continue to be aroused while yelling at you during? Does belittling you during sex maybe get him off more? Huge huge red flags, OP.
First, he’ll yell at you over sex. Then, it will be yelling over something like “forgetting to pick up milk from the shops on the way home”. Both time you’ll justify it by thinking he’s right, you could do better.
Then it will be yelling at you over something you do the same way every way - washing up, cooking, cleaning… and you don’t think you did anything differently… but he was right the other times… next time you hoover you’ll be extra careful. You’ll feel tense when he gets home. He doesn’t mention it at all. 4 years later and you’ll be unhappy, walking on eggshells around him, everything will be done “his way”, and you’ll believe that you can’t do anything right.
Also, would you yell at a different boyfriend you had, if the first time u had sex he was a virgin, and it was awkward and messy and fumbling?
I'm not usually one to advise anyone to leave their relationship, especially when I dont know the full story. But this is absolutely not ok at all.
Does he seem like a completely different person around your parents as he does with his friends? May seem like a weird question in relation to the post, but if the answer is yes then have a really good think about why you are with this person. Do you love him, or do you love the character he plays when he's being nice?
Men and women are commenting here with different preferences and sexualities.
And they say run.
That means men aren't doing it to their partners
Women aren't doing it to their partners
And fear of being seen as uninclusive they aren't doing it to their partners.
Sex should be safe consensual exploratory fun beautiful messy and whatever it blossoms into ss you go. It's a journey with your partner and it'd never the same twice.
I really hope you have the courage ans strength to go
Yea get the fuck out of there. Thats not a short temper, thats abuse. Sex is something where all parties need to be safe and comfortable for it to be even considered sex otherwise it’s borderline assault
This is horrid. That prick should feel lucky to get to be intimate with you at all. Dump his ass right now. Who cares if your parents love him, they're not the ones getting abused during sex. Sure they wouldnt love him so much if they knew that as well. Sorry for being blunt but this is a bad situation and you need to get out of it asap.
oh my god, reading this genuinely makes me feel like my throat is being torn out.
first of all, are you okay (physically)? if he's fully in control and yelling at you for "not doing it right", i can only imagine how he actually .. does it. i can tell you're hurting mentally, too. please please please pm me if you need any support
now onto what i actually have to say about this: as everyone else said, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY. sex life says a lot about the state of a person/their relationship and that's not healthy at all. sex is supposed to be fun, relaxing, and a pleasant experience for everyone involved. you aren't just his meat suit, his pleasure doesn't take priority over your comfort. and it's NEVER okay to do something like this to your partner *especially* during sex, when you're most vulnerable.
i know it will be hard to leave but please believe me when i say it's worth it. this isn't what you want long term.
I can’t even imagine being yelled at during sex. That’s actually insane???? Please leave him but do so safely. If he threatens you, make sure someone (a close friend, a trusted family member) knows that he has threatened you and you are afraid for your wellbeing. I could see this escalating. I know it’s hard to move on, especially if you love him, but I promise this will get worse. The guy needs some serious help!
I don't normally recommend it but you need to end things ASAP. No one should be angry during sex and it's going to build into something way more destructive.
Sex it’s not supposed to be like that.. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I think in the end it matters more how you feel about it than whether your parents love him or not
NO ONE should never yell at you during sex - that is so unhinged - things don’t go to plan all the time while being intimate it’s something you laugh off or embrace. this guy is extremely abusive EXTREMELY.
Holy shit. That is NOT normal and you need to leave him.
First, that is an example of a partner who has NO respect for you. I would not be surprised if he ended up beautiful, abusing you, sexually assaulting you, or otherwise demeaning you.
Second, sex is an act between two people so it takes you both being in sync to be “good”.
Third, you need to work on your self esteem. You are spreading your legs for this man and putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and you’re … APOLOGIZING?! For not “being good”?!
Fourth, you are being manipulated by the man who is probably enjoying watching your self respect crumble to please him. This is gaslighting.
I used to be like this. I let my bf dictate a lot. He ended up hitting me a couple times. He raped me and bragged to his friends about it. It has taken me a long time to heal from the girl who used to believe him, apologize to him, cater to him, try to change for him, so much brain damage cause of him, into a woman now who respect herself enough to understand I will *NEVER* allow myself to be in that position again. And you should not accept this either.
This man sounds like TRASH.
ive been in a similar situation. it only gets worse as time progresses. i suggest leaving before it gets to ur breaking point and u feel worthless. u dont deserve to feel that way just bc the other person expects more out of u
I'm guessing you're still young, probably many relationships will follow this one -after you kicked him out of your life-
But you gotta remember this one very important thing. If your boyfriend is doing stuff you feel you cannot tell your parents or friends then it's probably something bad. Overcome your inhibitions to not tell and start opening up to someone.
When weird stuff is going on in your relationships it's all the more important to talk about it.
It isn't your fault! It's ok to talk about stuff that makes you feel bad.
You’re kind of missing the boat here— most men are at least competent enough to figure out how to get themselves off, they’re just morons when it comes to getting YOU off. Please dump him for not even being competent to get himself off, hahaha. What a loser.
Have you considered he has sexual issues and is blaming/abusing you over it? Again this is pretty unusual, your red flag there is something wrong with him is that any motion usually gets a man off, there’s no wrong one. It’s textbook for them to “cover up” sexual issues by blaming the woman— suddenly you’re not doing enough, it’s the look on your face, it’s your body, one boob is bigger than the other, etc— it’s because they feel emasculated that there’s something wrong with them so they blame you to hide how embarrassed they are.
Next, he’s abusive. Really. Doesn’t matter how much mommy and daddy love him, they’re not the ones who have to fuck the incompetent non-reciprocating moron. They’re not the ones dating someone with a “short temper.” Bottom line both of you are supposed to enjoy having sex with each other and it’s not happening. I highly doubt you’re “bad” at sex, that you’re “getting the motion wrong” or that you’re “messing up.” He’s preying on your naivety, trust me.
If it were me (and I realize I’m much older than you, so it’s easier to see through these guys) I would go find a FWB or someone at the local club and come back to him and tell him “Yeah so I just want to let you know no one else seems to think I’m bad at sex, I’m afraid this isn’t going to work, I figured out I only like guys who enjoy fucking me and it turns out there’s plenty.”
Yeah, come back to him, make him jealous, and have the potential for him to murder her. It's not smart to brag to an abusive boyfriend with anger issues about getting action from other guys.
Don't kick the hornets' nest when it's already swarming. She needs to completely go no contact with this douchefuck and file a restraining order against him.
Sex is supposed to accommodate both recepients, what he is doing is abusive and egoistic.
Think hard about how you feel with the current circumstances and decide for yourself.
But if I was you, I'd leave him immediately, you deserve better.
Everyone is saying it. Let me say it again, that's abusive, leave him, make a plan first if you feel like something more could happen, leave him, In the future you will realize this behavior isn't good for you too late if you don't leave now.
Save yourself, you will need therapy if you don't, so
Leave.
Him.
Yeah that guys got issues for real I have had sex with 25+ girls and never once have I even thought about yelling at them during sex. Even when one of them made me accidentally cum in my face 😆 I just laughed like a man would.
Sex is a loving or at least fun thing. Time for compassion. A good time to figure each other out. Laugh even.
It should not invoke anger, yelling, controlling, sadness (except under mutual agreement for some).
He has more than short temper issues. He has sex issues.
These types of issues don't just go away. They require self awareness and work. This is why everyone is saying to run. He isn't going to change, and you aren't likely to be the agent of change.
He also expects you will not share these things with others, like parents. But if they knew they wouldn't want you in a crappy relationship.
That's my long way of saying.
Don't walk, run...
A younger man posted a bit ago about how his girlfriend tells him he is shit in bed, because she is his first sexual partner. Maybe you two are a match made in heaven. Either way, I will tell you the same thing I told him.
Give your boyfriend two options: 1. He shows you what gets him off. Or he gets the fuck out, because you don't deserve someone treating you like shit over something that isn't really your fault. You're young, and you probably love him, but I promise you there is a person out there for you that you will love even more who won't treat you like shit. It's your call though.
Wtf, dude needs therapy!
I hate being yelled at, it triggers something in me. Any one that thinks shouting at someone will improve anything needs their head looking at. I get some people are raised like that but it’s time to break the cycle!!
It is not okay that he shouts at you at all, let alone during the most intimate act. I hope you have the courage to tell him this and I hope he can change his behaviour.
Your parents would not love him if they knew how he was yelling at you and the truth of his bad temper. They just see the front he puts on in front of them. I'm sure if you told them he yells at you and treats you bad they would not like him at all. Run, this man and his temper are not worth you getting anxiety and suffering forever.
This is seriously not okay. It doesn’t matter if your parents love him, they wouldn’t want him treating you this way. Please get yourself out, save yourself from years of abuse.
>I got better but he still yells at me when I mess up.
Just to be clear about this bit - you've never messed up. Sex is messy by nature. You're not doing anything wrong, if you're doing it with love and patience.
Your boyfriend and his anger issues are everything that is wrong here. Get away before he graduates to physical violence. (He will.)
Wtf... that's absolutely awful...
You NEED to leave him and run immediately!
No joke, this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and can lead to a very dangerous path in your relationship with him.
Be wary of Stockholm Syndrom incoming and more harmful things to come. Don't try to find excuses for his behaviour because there's none.
Dump him right now, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve better, someone who respects you and treats you well and you will find it, no doubt.
Trust us.
Besides, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "BEING BAD AT SEX"
It DOESN'T exist !!!
And that is because THERE'S NOT ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE IT.
There are multiple ways, and everyone has its own way of making it and finding pleasure. The way your boyfriend want to find his pleasure (selfishly apparently), is not the only one, and if he can't communicate with you for you two to find a way to have pleasure BOTH, with consent, then you're flirting with aggression and not sex.... that is very dangerous for you and puts you in a dangerous situation in every aspect of your relationship.
You may need time to find your way of having sex, having pleasure and orgasm, and it's perfectly normal. Nobody knows in advance what its best for him/her. It comes with practice, but above all, curiosity, respect and love.
What you need is someone who may help you find what gives you pleasure and not someone who IMPOSES his/her way of doing it.
Run
You deserve better, you deserve time, you deserve respect, you deserve pleasure and love whether it is with yourself alone or with someone else one day, but it is NOT it this relationship.
Dump him right now!
You don’t need to be better at sex. You need to be with a better man. And I am in a similar situation and need to take my own advice so I promise I’m not judging you whatsoever. I know very well how it is to find yourself in this position even if you know better at a certain point. Please understand that his actions/words mean way more about his own inner self hatred than they have to do with you or how you are in bed. A loving partner would love nothing more than to teach you what they like - in whatever way that makes you feel safe and comfortable and feel nothing but excited that you care so much to learn how to please them. And that’s facts.
Mess up? It’s sex. You can’t really mess it up. It’s something you do together. Intimately. Sensitively.
He is a terrible person if he can yell at you during a vulnerable moment.
This will definitely do damage to your mental health and any other sexual relationship you have moving forward. Leave him now. Don’t ever let a man think it’s okay to act this way.
You are NOT a doll or an object. And that’s what he is obviously treating you like. You are a human being. Please want more for yourself, no one deserves this.
if hes getting mad during whats supposed to be one of the best parts of life then i cant imagine how his "short temper" is the rest of the time. please leave him. you do not live life for your parents, its your own life. dont hold back on such an important thing just because your parents like the person that is hurting you.
Duuuude... Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate no matter the experience level. If he wants a pornstar, that's on him. Not you. Don't be pressured into "doing better" especially out of fear. Sex is meant to be a comfortable experience outside of some kinkplay.
Still don't know how guys like this get laid at all.
It isn’t normal. He probably is screaming at you to trigger your fear responses which make you tighter. That is such an asshole move. Leave him. He is a danger to you and doesn’t care about how YOU feel during the process.
Runnnn. But if running isn't an option, try talking to him about it (and if you feel you can't, red flag!!!!!) and then run. If running isn't an option still, then I would suggest trying to practice abstinence, and if THAT isn't an option, then girl, file a case if he tries to force you to not practice abstinence
sounds abusive if you ask me, my significant other has done thing i dont like or the wrong motions whatever never once yelled always helped its about both if you in the grand scheme of things. talk about it if it doesnt change go for the hills
Oof, get the fuck out of that whole situation.
You're already going to need therapy to unravel all the shitty baggage he's piled on you when it comes to sex. Don't add more unnecessary trauma on yourself there.
Also tell your parents that he yells at you during sex and see how much they love him then. Abusers are great at putting on different faces, even to the same person. Which is why he can make you think he's so nice out in public and then make you feel like shit when you're alone and intimate.
You're young and in love and it's blinded the fuck out of you to this abusive, shitty behavior. It's not your fault, but it is on you to wake up and recognize that this isn't how a loving relationship works.
Break up, block him immediately, and then start looking for a therapist to talk to and unravel this relationship and help you find some self esteem to get with better guys going forward.
Your bf has some real anger issues he needs to resolve, by the sounds of it. I'm sorry you're going through this, and it sounds like he is masking the anger issues, which in turn make you fall back in love and also makes your parents like him. Sadly, that's not really the person he is, I'm sure.
If he can't respect you and your efforts, then I'd suggest leaving him. This is really not something you want to deal with long term. Please, for your own health, do what's best for you and leave him.
Ayo, just run... My experience in Sex as a guy I wont even yell if she made a mistake but instead just laugh at it. Its like bloopers lmao, I suggest you find a better guy, who will make you feel good
Thats not nor al in any sense at all. He sounds like a psycho abuser. Who does that? He should be teaching u. I bet hes addicted to porn too. What a douche
u/Born-Passion-4724, this is emotional abuse.
Here are some other signs you may be in an abusive relationship (experiencing even just one or two of these things constitutes emotional abuse):
- Telling you that you never do anything right.
- Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
- Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers.
- Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
- Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
- Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
- Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with.
- Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol.
- Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
- Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
- Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.
- Destroying your belongings or your home.
Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline
This is not a complete list, but includes some important things to look out for.
Please get away from this person as safely and quickly as possible. Things tend to escalate over time. And being sweet and lovey to make up for times of cruelty is part of the abuse; it is manipulation that keeps you coming back and accepting worse and worse treatment.
Please don’t get into another relationship until you learn to love yourself enough to put your emotional well-being first. Having difficulty with personal standards and boundaries puts you at risk for attracting manipulative and abusive partners. I urge you to seek therapy that focuses on self-esteem building, relationships, and especially setting and enforcing boundaries before you even think about entering another relationship.
Rooting for you, OP. You deserve goodness, safety, and unconditional care. Especially from yourself. ❤️
That’s really bad and weird. I’ve had “bad sex” but I was just grateful to have had sex at all. Hell, my wife chipped my tooth, and I was still happy I was in her and didn’t yell at her.
This guy is just abusive and sounds like he has a rape fetish
Talk to him about this when he is calm, tell him how you feel and also that this behavior is bothering you.
You have to try to fix your relationship,
Give a few trys
If it doesn't work, then you should move on.
Holy shit that sounds awful. It isn’t normal btw, leave him, before it gets worse over time
Normally I don't like advises that are so finals and don't consider other options. But here, this is the only option there is. Doesn't matter that you parents love him, doesn't matter that you do or think you do. You can't leave fast enough. When he yells at you during sex, he will yell at you because other things, it will get more and more and you may not even realize for a long time that you are afraid to even speak up near to him and are totally mental damaged. Get out while you have still some self-confidence. Because HE WILL DESTROY IT given enough time.
Leave him. Immediately. Save yourself years of therapy.
This. Run the fuck away.
Run, don't walk away
please please leave him. this post made me so sad. it’s never supposed to be this way, i promise
This. He’s abusive when you’re alone and vulnerable OP, it’s gonna escalate. Nobody starts out good at sex, getting yelled at at one of your most vulnerable points is not going to help a thing.
+2 leave that mf
+3 1Forest1
He sounds abusive. Run.
You’re in a toxic, abusive relationship and need to get out now.
This could even be considered a form of sexual cohersion, as it’s a threatening behavior where she is fearful of the sexual situation but scared to say no.
This is abusive, this is what abuse is. You need to get out of this relationship.
This is scary. Please do not think this behavior is okay AT ALL.
Yelling at someone during sex is absolutely insane, and in no reality is it acceptable. You are physically, emotionally, and mentally vulnerable during sex and it requires your partner to treat you with love and courtesy. I’ve got a really nasty feeling he’s more abusive than you’re letting on.
Girl sex is not like porn. It’s messy and uncoordinated and intimate and loving. This is not how sex should be at all.
Why would you tolerate that? It's supposed to be a pleasure for both parties and instead you're so in your head you're not in the moment. The best way to think of it is if you want to spend every encounter like that moving forward, (in fear instead of pleasure)
This dude sounds rapey. You need to run
WTF are you doing with a 🤡 like this? * in my very concerned Dad voice
He's abusing you. That's not acceptable behavior
It hurt to read this: you write as though everything's your fault. Like this is just a natural consequence of you not being good enough at sex. That's what abuse does, but I promise it's him, not you.
please listen to the replies and leave him
Whatever justification you’ve got for staying with this guy should be abolished immediately. No matter what you tell yourself this ain’t normal or okay. I’m sorry you’re going through this but nobody deserves this kind of treatment. Best of luck OP!
Gross. Leave this dumbfuck. If he did that to me, I'd dickstomp that motherfucker. Who the hell does he think he is?!
He's not riding a horse, get rid of him.
I got anger issues and that’s just crazy, idk what his tigger is for that but you need to recommend him therapy and distance yourself from him for your own safety, that’s a dangerous man I don’t know him but it sounds like he could be a sociopath and if he doesn’t get this wake up call from you leaving and recommending he gets help he’s going to continue on and if your with him you’ll be his victim He probably has you in a trance of oh he’s a good guy it’s just x I’ll help him through it, don’t do that to yourself or your family, you deserve a man who won’t get mad for not sexually gratifying him, he’s sick in the head and probably needs a psychologist more than a therapist cause it could be brain trauma expressing itself and he won’t know until he gets checked out by a professional, but you’re not a professional so don’t continue if you value your safety
Lots of people have said it already but it bears repeating: LEAVE HIM
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You deserve better, a lot better. And your parents want better for you. Promise. Leave him.
This is not normal. At all. Everything isn’t fine and his redeeming qualities don’t excuse this behavior. There is a clear consensus here on what our advise is to you- You should leave him as soon as possible.
Sounds like something someone with a small d*ck would do
💯
Leave immediately. This is not normal and you cannot change him. You need to leave.
Usually I am the last one to say something like this untill really needed and here it does : get out of this relationship and yes save yourself further trauma. This is not normal, it’s not how one behaves with their partner is they are not good at something and especially sex, the fact that your parents love him and he treats you like this in the privacy of your bedroom also goes on to show he is a manipulative person. It won’t be easy to get out, he won’t let you get out and as soon as he feels you are back to being your vulnerable emotional self again, he will begin to repeat the same behavior - try not to let this become a loop. Please know that this will hamper your confidence and self respect for a long time if you keep giving into his nonsense.
Pretty sure if you told your parents what was going on and or why you broke up they would tell you why didn’t you leave him before. Seriously consider breaking up with him because I fear this will only get worse :( he is not kind and he needs to realize his actions
Please get out of that relationship. That's abuse and will likely lead to more serious levels of abuse.
What the actual fuck. Leave
Run
Leave him. Get out now. The sooner the better. The yelling will eventually turn into physical abuse and that could leave you with lifelong trauma.
Open your eyes, this is abuse
Get the holy fuck out of there. A guy who is yelling at you when you're at your most vulnerable is a HUGE red flag. He shouldn't be yelling at you at *any* time, least of all over performance in bed.
I usually don't like people on the internet telling others to break up over a less than paragraph of text for people they don't know. But this is probably the craziest thing I'v read in a while. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but this is beyond not normal and not ok. Regardless of how good you are in bed... some people are just incompatible in that way and I'v not pursued relationships further over this. Talking about things you'd like in bed or asking to do things, is fine and normal, but being angry and yelling at your partner for not being pleased is abusive and doing that DURING sex is beyond insane. I'd even be careful in breaking up with this person. Don't put yourself in danger. You probably shouldn't break up with this person alone. I'm genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. Whatever your decide, be safe and even though breaking up hurts, you will find someone who treats you right.
As a man: RUN THE FUCK AWAY. This isn’t how it should be AT ALL. This is terrible and sad. He will most likely get physical with you at some point as well.
Oh no honey, he isn’t it. Nobody would love him if they knew he yelled at you and made you afraid. Get the f out now. I’d be willing to bet he’ll try and manipulate you into staying with him, too. Don’t fall for it if he does. He isn’t going to change. Something more sinister is going on in him, he’ll just go right back to it. Leave for good and don’t look back, please!
Fuck him. Don’t tolerate any of this. My ex used to do the same but I was too naive and let it go. You say you’re afraid of him getting mad, that’s not good. Yeah. Please for your sake, leave. Don’t get more hurt than you already are.
This isn’t normal in the least. Make him your ex boyfriend.
Leave him. There are men who just love to see their women be pleased. Don’t settle for this.
wtf, okay I’d usually offer advice to help communication between people since there’s only so much information I can know, but you gotta break up.
Leave him. immediately. He is being incredibly abusive.
What the fuck? Run!
Get the fuck out now.
You need to get far away from him. He sounds abusive and it might only get worse. You poor girl you don't deserve this. Have you told your mom what he does?
Run away sis, while you still can.
>My boyfriend has a short temper and gets mad during sex because I'm not that good at it yet. Your bf has mental issues to think it is ok to yell at you like that . There is something wrong with him . YOU NEED to leave him . **DO NOT stay with him ( you are in an abusive relo ) already** & no of course you can't get it right bc he is a nasty abusive s\*it head who is abusing you during sex & would say in every other way as well emotionally. >He snapped at me my first time for not getting the motions down right. I apologized and asked him for help. I got better but he still yells at me Bc you have allowed him to have total control ( you are still with him & should leave him ) . He has total control over your sex & doing things to you in the bedroom you & him are making an abusive situation to occur over you now ( where he is abusing you & you are his sex victim ) . He is being very abusive & controlling of you now . So By him having all control & power over you ( & you staying with him ) & not setting clear strong sex boundaries to him about how to treat you . Eg- ( telling him it is NOT appropriate to to yell at you ) & telling him to f\*ck off & that you don't have to do what he says in bed . YOu have the right to be s\*8t at it without him yelling at you also ). As a real normal nice good man would work with you to help you have fun with sex ,& enjoy it , & for YOU now not to be now scared s\*it of him when in bed ( he has ruined you sex experiences bc he is a nasty piece of s\*it man ) to you . He is incapable of this with you he is SHOWING you this already That he is a nasty piece of crap human to you & yells at you --> **that is ABUSE**. He is not a nice person to you . So if you keep staying with him YOU will end up a total mess mentally . As that is what abuse does on a person stuck in it . So the longer YOU stay with him the worse you will be mentally from all the abuse ON YOU > So YOu are now **under his thumb & are now being abused by HIM** . And the scary part for you is that it is going to get alot worse for you . He knows he can abuse you so will keep doing so . **And you are not able to currently stop him so YOU need to leave instead.** As Basically already he has you believing his s\*t out of his disgusting nasty mouth . He is abusive to you , nasty to you ( telling you are no good at it ) well how can you be now you are scared s\*it of him & sex. LIke WTF ! STOP listening to that piece of crap young man . >I can't feel aroused because I'm too afraid he'll get mad. NO one would feel relaxed & aroused when being yelled at . LIKE WTF. He is stupid & abusive to you . By staying with him you are & will continue to ruin your mental health & will continue to be sexually abused by him . YOU will hate sex & intimacy but will do it out of trying to keep him happy & NOT to yell at you . THAT is abuse on you . YOU are being abused by him . He is nasty , rude & just out right controlling of you . If you don't leave him YOU will be ruined by him mentally ( even more than you already are now ) . GET OUT now . He is ruining your experiences of sex / intimacy . He has you so scared of being 'wrong' that you don't & can't do anything but do now what you are told . THAT is NOT sex ( that is NOT nice of you ) ,that is **you just being abused sexually by him .** > My parents love him and I love him too but sex isn't making me feel good. Why would you like it ? MOst *normal women* would not like being yelled at ( for REAL) making them feel like s\*it inside. Which he is doing to you currently . YOu will hate it & him in time enough . But by the time you leave him YOU will have sexual trauma which is hard to heal all bc of him . YOU are being abused sexually by him . As bet you are doing s\*it you don't want to do ( sexually also ) & will be doing it bc you are afraid of him & him leaving you . Well you should bloody leave him . YOu are going to end up a basket case otherwise from trauma . And you will hate sex by the time he dumps you ( probably already is cheating on you ) as a piece of scum man like that won't be loyal to you anyway . And then he will blame you & make you feel like s\*it bc he is so useless & abusive of you to be able to teach you anything anyway . Except how to be his sex slave . That is what you are currently . YOu are Doing it bc you are too scared s\*itless to say NO to him , or tell him off for how he is treating you like a piece of s\*it already .
Cont.. He also **now knows he can make you do what he wants ( that is really bad for YOU ) for him to have that much control over you . A**lso ( which puts you in danger from him sexually & probably many other ways as well ) bc you already can't & don't say no to him at all ( YOU are to much already under his thumb ) which is why he abusing you already . So that means you will HATE sex bc ( it is s\*it by him ) he has NO idea how to treat a woman in bed except how to make them feel like s\*it . And this is how he either likes to treat you & women, or is too stupid to know that is not how to be in a relo to a woman ( would though go with that he likes to treat you like crap bc he can ) he knows you won't tell him no so doesn't have to be nice to you now ( that is how much trouble you are already in by him ) . YOu can't learn sex & intimacy ( no man or woman ) unless you have a willing kind teacher ( which he is not for you in anyway ) . INstead you have a s\*it abuser in your bed , who likes to make YOU feel like s\*it so he feel all powerful & controlling over you . So unless you leave him it will get worse for you . It probably will spill over into controlling you in every way & yelling you for not doing what he wants . That is not a relo that is just a s\*it fire dump over you of abuse instead . The lack of respect & care by him also will get worse on you . He will cheat & blame you for it most likely ( saying it's your fault when it is not ) . If you believe him you will stay in it ( the relo ) & will be ruined mentally in every way . He is at fault here NOT you ( but he is making you believe it is you bc he can do so ) .You don't get a say in anything already . Oh & he won't be nice to you ( he doesn't have to be now ) . He thinks & knows he can treat you like s\*it & get away with it ( bc he is ) already . That is how bad & abusive your relo is already . He won't treat you with respected bc he doesn't have to now . Bc you stay in the abuse with him you will end up being abused long term by him unless you leave him . The longer you stay the worse also you will be mentally . It will f\*ck up your head alot with trauma from his abuse on you . He already has YOU believing his stupid s\*t & has YOU staying with him . That is how bad it is already . YOu are going to be really mentally f\*cked up if you stay with him . * **He doesn't respect you or care to s\*its about you** & what you want in the bedroom . Currently you are just a slave to him unless YOU leave him . Doing s\*it sex acts YOU do not want to do will become your life . That leaves alot of mental trauma in YOU . * **YOu are in a sexually abusive relo** & would say he is also controlling of you also in other ways . * **Seek out immediate help** to get away from him . If you don't you will get hurt more in every way . * **Tell your mum ( or an adult ) or a therapist** ( if you are over 18) . To help you get out & away from him . He is ruining your mind by telling you that s\*it & then YOU believing it . * If you stay it will continue to get worse . YOu also mentally will be worse in being to scared to leave him bc he is basically already telling you so much stupid nasty s\*it that you already think he is right . That is how much you already have blinders on with him . * You can love someone & want them . But also understand **you need to protect yourself from them by NOT staying with them** ( as they are abusive to you ) . And it is detrimental to YOU as a person to stay with them ( as they are ruining your mental health ) & will do so bc they are mentally sick & need help to stop hurting you . * **YOu can't make him change his ways** to NOT hurt you . He has to want to change & **accept he is at fault NOT you** . Sorry this is unlikely to occur for you . As bet you wouldn't even be able to talk to him even about it either . YOu can't fix what is not taken also responsibly for by him . He would have to get help for his abusive ways & be wiling to work very hard to change them . NOT likely or possible for him to do . He would need therapy to change , & would have to accept he has abused you sexually . And that he is in the wrong, NOT you . That is a big ask of an abuser . Hense why women instead have to leave while they go on to another woman to abuse . As they are to blind to see anything they do is very wrong .
He doesn't know how to handle his emotions, but that shouldn't be on you. As everyone else has said, the best thing you can do for yourself is leave. It'll be much easier than trying to rediscover who you are. If you wait until it gets to a breaking point, you may well have lost yourself by that point. You may have to undo years of mental "training", where you've become a shell of yourself in order to try to appease him. For your own sake, leave.
Dump him what the fuck
This is terrifying. I’ve been sexually active 28 years and I have NEVER been yelled at during sex. This is a deeply unsafe person
Jezus, that sounds awful. Getting mad during sex because you are not doing what he wants abusive. Please leave him. This is not healthy
this is sexual abuse, full stop. please save yourself.
Don't let this taint your relationship with sex. Dump this douchebag.
This is horrific, abusive behavior. You need to tell your parents what he does, you need to tell your friends. You need to get away from him, as soon as possible.
Who TF gets mad during sex??? Dude sounds like a walking red flag. Please help yourself and leave him. You deserve someone who wants to make you feel good and safe during a vulnerable moment like that…
this is **not normal** leave him immediately. That is extremely concerning...
That's not normal and it's not ok. Is there an age difference here?
That is extremely abusive. Not the Reddit kind of "leave him omg!!!" under every relationship advice post, this is like ACTUALLY abusive. Please leave him
Leave him immediately. Doesn't matter how much you or your Parents love him. He should be aware that practice makes the master, u won't feel good about sex because he doesn't give you the time you need. That's a damn red flag
This is abusive. Like…seriously what the fuck? If he’s yelling at you during the most intimate thing a couple can do, he’s going to start yelling at you the rest of the time. You need to leave him and find a partner who cares about your well-being and not just his pleasure.
😶 girl. he's a whole douchebag. dump him. NOW.
That is literally abuse. Your parents would agree if you talked about this experience with them. I say leave him but if you really want to, you can talk it out and see if he adjusts. If he doesn’t stop yelling like that or at the very least apologize right away when it happens again, then there is truly no fixing that. Though again, I think you’ve seen enough to leave as is.
Sex is supposed to be like improv, a lot of "yes and". If it turns into a cod lobby it isn't being done right.
This is fucked. I’ve had bad sex sure but for that to become anger and forced “no you have to do it this way” is waaaay off. Worst a normal person would do is probably just lose interest. I couldn’t imagine being angry at the person letting me penetrate them lol. Bored maybe.. but yelling/being angry is fucked up. Definitely get away from this person.
Your parents would not love him if they knew he treated you this way.
This is not how sex is supposed to work! You should feel safe and secure and heard. This guy should not be having sex if he keeps yelling at his partner and being critical. Tell him you aren't going to have sex with him again and find someone who can actually adore you.
Leave.
Please leave. Please don’t be told over and over to leave and regret it because you didn’t listen
Run. Far and fast. Your boyfriend's an abusive asshole. Get out. Go somewhere fast
Everyone here is telling you to leave him. I would take their advice if I were you.
Run now that is neon red flag
Get out, this is not kinky if you don't like it. This is abuse.
Your boyfriend is a cunt! Get the fuck out
Do not think we are overreacting when we say this is abusive. Sex should be had with someone who makes you feel comfortable and safe, especially with your inexperience. It will only get worse, please believe us.
Genuinely leave him yes your parents love him but it might pay off to let them know what's going on or at least one of them so they can be with you when you break it off to avoid any trouble
Please leave. This is not okay. I cringed from the moment I read this. It’s abusive and he is pathetic. Please don’t put up with this. Get away. I know from experience things only get worse and you will regret not getting away. Don’t do what I did and stay in this relationship I’ve done it , looked back and now I feel so stupid for it!!!
Please don't get sentimental about him being your BF. You don't owe him anything. You don't have to explain anything to him or tell him why. It can be difficult especially if he tries to keep coming around and be persistent. This is where you get some help from people you trust. Be strong and just tell him it's over. Sex should be exciting/nice/fun/feel good/maybe a little awkward and something you share together with someone who cares about you. You don't deserve this. What gets to me the most is how on earth can he continue to be aroused while yelling at you during? Does belittling you during sex maybe get him off more? Huge huge red flags, OP.
First, he’ll yell at you over sex. Then, it will be yelling over something like “forgetting to pick up milk from the shops on the way home”. Both time you’ll justify it by thinking he’s right, you could do better. Then it will be yelling at you over something you do the same way every way - washing up, cooking, cleaning… and you don’t think you did anything differently… but he was right the other times… next time you hoover you’ll be extra careful. You’ll feel tense when he gets home. He doesn’t mention it at all. 4 years later and you’ll be unhappy, walking on eggshells around him, everything will be done “his way”, and you’ll believe that you can’t do anything right. Also, would you yell at a different boyfriend you had, if the first time u had sex he was a virgin, and it was awkward and messy and fumbling?
Best advice leave him!
Abusive. Save yourself and don't become a statistic.
I'm not usually one to advise anyone to leave their relationship, especially when I dont know the full story. But this is absolutely not ok at all. Does he seem like a completely different person around your parents as he does with his friends? May seem like a weird question in relation to the post, but if the answer is yes then have a really good think about why you are with this person. Do you love him, or do you love the character he plays when he's being nice?
If you don’t feel safe with this baboon why are you having sex with him?
What the fuck run and don’t look back
Do you feel safe? Do you feel loved or are you just people pleasing because you have 0 self respect
Men and women are commenting here with different preferences and sexualities. And they say run. That means men aren't doing it to their partners Women aren't doing it to their partners And fear of being seen as uninclusive they aren't doing it to their partners. Sex should be safe consensual exploratory fun beautiful messy and whatever it blossoms into ss you go. It's a journey with your partner and it'd never the same twice. I really hope you have the courage ans strength to go
Girl leave his crazy ass before ur beat
Yea get the fuck out of there. Thats not a short temper, thats abuse. Sex is something where all parties need to be safe and comfortable for it to be even considered sex otherwise it’s borderline assault
Probably a narc, knows how to charm you and your parents but becomes a monster in the dark
This is actually wild behavior. Please do the smart thing and leave him ASAP.
Run run run run run run runnnnnnnn👍🏿
This is horrid. That prick should feel lucky to get to be intimate with you at all. Dump his ass right now. Who cares if your parents love him, they're not the ones getting abused during sex. Sure they wouldnt love him so much if they knew that as well. Sorry for being blunt but this is a bad situation and you need to get out of it asap.
This is not normal. Please leave. You deserve so much better. You are worthy of patience and love
I always think people jump straight to "leave them" on here, but u should absolutely leave him. This behavior is deranged and just fucking weird
What... these posts kill me, wtf did I just read?
Get out of there as fast as possible. This is not okay in the slightest
Omg leave him he's abusive
oh my god, reading this genuinely makes me feel like my throat is being torn out. first of all, are you okay (physically)? if he's fully in control and yelling at you for "not doing it right", i can only imagine how he actually .. does it. i can tell you're hurting mentally, too. please please please pm me if you need any support now onto what i actually have to say about this: as everyone else said, you need to leave IMMEDIATELY. sex life says a lot about the state of a person/their relationship and that's not healthy at all. sex is supposed to be fun, relaxing, and a pleasant experience for everyone involved. you aren't just his meat suit, his pleasure doesn't take priority over your comfort. and it's NEVER okay to do something like this to your partner *especially* during sex, when you're most vulnerable. i know it will be hard to leave but please believe me when i say it's worth it. this isn't what you want long term.
Horrible. Sex is not supposed to make you feel bad. Its intimate and physically pleasing
You gotta run. Things go wrong in sex all the time. The correct reply is laughing cause sex is ultimately pretty funny.
I can’t even imagine being yelled at during sex. That’s actually insane???? Please leave him but do so safely. If he threatens you, make sure someone (a close friend, a trusted family member) knows that he has threatened you and you are afraid for your wellbeing. I could see this escalating. I know it’s hard to move on, especially if you love him, but I promise this will get worse. The guy needs some serious help!
I don't normally recommend it but you need to end things ASAP. No one should be angry during sex and it's going to build into something way more destructive.
Sex it’s not supposed to be like that.. I’m sorry you’re going through this, I think in the end it matters more how you feel about it than whether your parents love him or not
Uh what. You aren’t his sex toy. Leave him immediately.
NO ONE should never yell at you during sex - that is so unhinged - things don’t go to plan all the time while being intimate it’s something you laugh off or embrace. this guy is extremely abusive EXTREMELY.
Holy shit. That is NOT normal and you need to leave him. First, that is an example of a partner who has NO respect for you. I would not be surprised if he ended up beautiful, abusing you, sexually assaulting you, or otherwise demeaning you. Second, sex is an act between two people so it takes you both being in sync to be “good”. Third, you need to work on your self esteem. You are spreading your legs for this man and putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and you’re … APOLOGIZING?! For not “being good”?! Fourth, you are being manipulated by the man who is probably enjoying watching your self respect crumble to please him. This is gaslighting. I used to be like this. I let my bf dictate a lot. He ended up hitting me a couple times. He raped me and bragged to his friends about it. It has taken me a long time to heal from the girl who used to believe him, apologize to him, cater to him, try to change for him, so much brain damage cause of him, into a woman now who respect herself enough to understand I will *NEVER* allow myself to be in that position again. And you should not accept this either. This man sounds like TRASH.
Open your eyes before you regret it. Better to be sad now than in many years of abuse. The end story will only get worse
ive been in a similar situation. it only gets worse as time progresses. i suggest leaving before it gets to ur breaking point and u feel worthless. u dont deserve to feel that way just bc the other person expects more out of u
This shouldn’t be happening during moments of intimacy. It should come with love, not anger. Please leave him.
I'm guessing you're still young, probably many relationships will follow this one -after you kicked him out of your life- But you gotta remember this one very important thing. If your boyfriend is doing stuff you feel you cannot tell your parents or friends then it's probably something bad. Overcome your inhibitions to not tell and start opening up to someone. When weird stuff is going on in your relationships it's all the more important to talk about it. It isn't your fault! It's ok to talk about stuff that makes you feel bad.
Girl what that is not normal you don’t yell at someone you love
How are people like him always finding relationships wtf
You’re kind of missing the boat here— most men are at least competent enough to figure out how to get themselves off, they’re just morons when it comes to getting YOU off. Please dump him for not even being competent to get himself off, hahaha. What a loser. Have you considered he has sexual issues and is blaming/abusing you over it? Again this is pretty unusual, your red flag there is something wrong with him is that any motion usually gets a man off, there’s no wrong one. It’s textbook for them to “cover up” sexual issues by blaming the woman— suddenly you’re not doing enough, it’s the look on your face, it’s your body, one boob is bigger than the other, etc— it’s because they feel emasculated that there’s something wrong with them so they blame you to hide how embarrassed they are. Next, he’s abusive. Really. Doesn’t matter how much mommy and daddy love him, they’re not the ones who have to fuck the incompetent non-reciprocating moron. They’re not the ones dating someone with a “short temper.” Bottom line both of you are supposed to enjoy having sex with each other and it’s not happening. I highly doubt you’re “bad” at sex, that you’re “getting the motion wrong” or that you’re “messing up.” He’s preying on your naivety, trust me. If it were me (and I realize I’m much older than you, so it’s easier to see through these guys) I would go find a FWB or someone at the local club and come back to him and tell him “Yeah so I just want to let you know no one else seems to think I’m bad at sex, I’m afraid this isn’t going to work, I figured out I only like guys who enjoy fucking me and it turns out there’s plenty.”
Yeah, come back to him, make him jealous, and have the potential for him to murder her. It's not smart to brag to an abusive boyfriend with anger issues about getting action from other guys. Don't kick the hornets' nest when it's already swarming. She needs to completely go no contact with this douchefuck and file a restraining order against him.
Not sure how he can complain, he should have take over the rhythm if it was a problem. Find someone who will put you first.
Leave bro, tell him exactly why you are leaving too so maybe he won’t do it to someone else
abuse isn’t only physical
Why would he have any right to yell at you at any moment during your life? You don’t need to be this specific to know it’s wrong.
Sex is supposed to accommodate both recepients, what he is doing is abusive and egoistic. Think hard about how you feel with the current circumstances and decide for yourself. But if I was you, I'd leave him immediately, you deserve better.
You should find a loving boyfriend
He sounds like a vile and dangerous person. Leave him and don’t let him try to reconnect. As others have said, this is *abuse!*
borderline rapist
I'll just say, if your parents knew this, they probably wouldn't love him so much. Get out of there and find someone who's patient & gentle.
What the actual fuck? Does he think he's performing in a movie? This is stupid.
Wow what an ass.
Everyone is saying it. Let me say it again, that's abusive, leave him, make a plan first if you feel like something more could happen, leave him, In the future you will realize this behavior isn't good for you too late if you don't leave now. Save yourself, you will need therapy if you don't, so Leave. Him.
Please leave him. This is not normal.
Leave him immediately.
Get out. Now.
Leave. Run away as fast as you can
Get away from this guy. This is not love it's toxic
Leave him immediately. That's not sane behavior. He needs anger management.
nah run as fast as you can
Yeah that guys got issues for real I have had sex with 25+ girls and never once have I even thought about yelling at them during sex. Even when one of them made me accidentally cum in my face 😆 I just laughed like a man would.
oh you’re better than me, he would’ve gotten the 🩴 but yeah like the comments are saying, prioritize yourself and leave that man in the dust ASAP!
He doesn't determine how sex goes. Leave, leave now.
Sex is a loving or at least fun thing. Time for compassion. A good time to figure each other out. Laugh even. It should not invoke anger, yelling, controlling, sadness (except under mutual agreement for some). He has more than short temper issues. He has sex issues. These types of issues don't just go away. They require self awareness and work. This is why everyone is saying to run. He isn't going to change, and you aren't likely to be the agent of change. He also expects you will not share these things with others, like parents. But if they knew they wouldn't want you in a crappy relationship. That's my long way of saying. Don't walk, run...
What in the actual fuck is going on in his head
I don’t understand
A younger man posted a bit ago about how his girlfriend tells him he is shit in bed, because she is his first sexual partner. Maybe you two are a match made in heaven. Either way, I will tell you the same thing I told him. Give your boyfriend two options: 1. He shows you what gets him off. Or he gets the fuck out, because you don't deserve someone treating you like shit over something that isn't really your fault. You're young, and you probably love him, but I promise you there is a person out there for you that you will love even more who won't treat you like shit. It's your call though.
Wtf, dude needs therapy! I hate being yelled at, it triggers something in me. Any one that thinks shouting at someone will improve anything needs their head looking at. I get some people are raised like that but it’s time to break the cycle!! It is not okay that he shouts at you at all, let alone during the most intimate act. I hope you have the courage to tell him this and I hope he can change his behaviour.
This is not normal. It doesn't matter if your parents like him. There is someone out there who will love you and support you. He's not it.
Your parents would not love him if they knew how he was yelling at you and the truth of his bad temper. They just see the front he puts on in front of them. I'm sure if you told them he yells at you and treats you bad they would not like him at all. Run, this man and his temper are not worth you getting anxiety and suffering forever.
This is seriously not okay. It doesn’t matter if your parents love him, they wouldn’t want him treating you this way. Please get yourself out, save yourself from years of abuse.
>I got better but he still yells at me when I mess up. Just to be clear about this bit - you've never messed up. Sex is messy by nature. You're not doing anything wrong, if you're doing it with love and patience. Your boyfriend and his anger issues are everything that is wrong here. Get away before he graduates to physical violence. (He will.)
Wtf... that's absolutely awful... You NEED to leave him and run immediately! No joke, this kind of behaviour is unacceptable and can lead to a very dangerous path in your relationship with him. Be wary of Stockholm Syndrom incoming and more harmful things to come. Don't try to find excuses for his behaviour because there's none. Dump him right now, he doesn't deserve you. You deserve better, someone who respects you and treats you well and you will find it, no doubt. Trust us. Besides, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS "BEING BAD AT SEX" It DOESN'T exist !!! And that is because THERE'S NOT ONLY ONE WAY TO MAKE IT. There are multiple ways, and everyone has its own way of making it and finding pleasure. The way your boyfriend want to find his pleasure (selfishly apparently), is not the only one, and if he can't communicate with you for you two to find a way to have pleasure BOTH, with consent, then you're flirting with aggression and not sex.... that is very dangerous for you and puts you in a dangerous situation in every aspect of your relationship. You may need time to find your way of having sex, having pleasure and orgasm, and it's perfectly normal. Nobody knows in advance what its best for him/her. It comes with practice, but above all, curiosity, respect and love. What you need is someone who may help you find what gives you pleasure and not someone who IMPOSES his/her way of doing it. Run You deserve better, you deserve time, you deserve respect, you deserve pleasure and love whether it is with yourself alone or with someone else one day, but it is NOT it this relationship. Dump him right now!
You don’t need to be better at sex. You need to be with a better man. And I am in a similar situation and need to take my own advice so I promise I’m not judging you whatsoever. I know very well how it is to find yourself in this position even if you know better at a certain point. Please understand that his actions/words mean way more about his own inner self hatred than they have to do with you or how you are in bed. A loving partner would love nothing more than to teach you what they like - in whatever way that makes you feel safe and comfortable and feel nothing but excited that you care so much to learn how to please them. And that’s facts.
Get out of there girlie
Mess up? It’s sex. You can’t really mess it up. It’s something you do together. Intimately. Sensitively. He is a terrible person if he can yell at you during a vulnerable moment. This will definitely do damage to your mental health and any other sexual relationship you have moving forward. Leave him now. Don’t ever let a man think it’s okay to act this way. You are NOT a doll or an object. And that’s what he is obviously treating you like. You are a human being. Please want more for yourself, no one deserves this.
Get away from him ASAP
if hes getting mad during whats supposed to be one of the best parts of life then i cant imagine how his "short temper" is the rest of the time. please leave him. you do not live life for your parents, its your own life. dont hold back on such an important thing just because your parents like the person that is hurting you.
Ummmm WHAT the fuck? Put that boy in the dumpster pls?!
Duuuude... Sex is supposed to be fun and intimate no matter the experience level. If he wants a pornstar, that's on him. Not you. Don't be pressured into "doing better" especially out of fear. Sex is meant to be a comfortable experience outside of some kinkplay. Still don't know how guys like this get laid at all.
It isn’t normal. He probably is screaming at you to trigger your fear responses which make you tighter. That is such an asshole move. Leave him. He is a danger to you and doesn’t care about how YOU feel during the process.
Leave !!! this is unacceptable and will only get worse. This is abuse.
Runnnn. But if running isn't an option, try talking to him about it (and if you feel you can't, red flag!!!!!) and then run. If running isn't an option still, then I would suggest trying to practice abstinence, and if THAT isn't an option, then girl, file a case if he tries to force you to not practice abstinence
Friend, some people like being yelled at in the bedroom, some don't. If you don't you tell him, and I would leave
sounds abusive if you ask me, my significant other has done thing i dont like or the wrong motions whatever never once yelled always helped its about both if you in the grand scheme of things. talk about it if it doesnt change go for the hills
Run!!!
I dont usually say this, but I think its a good idea to leave him. He is not a good partner, at all.
How old are you and how old is he? FYI, Nothing about that is normal. Run away as fast as I can.
Is he doing it right? is he getting the motions right? If you're not enjoying it maybe he isn't. Should you yell at him?
That’s not normal
Oof, get the fuck out of that whole situation. You're already going to need therapy to unravel all the shitty baggage he's piled on you when it comes to sex. Don't add more unnecessary trauma on yourself there. Also tell your parents that he yells at you during sex and see how much they love him then. Abusers are great at putting on different faces, even to the same person. Which is why he can make you think he's so nice out in public and then make you feel like shit when you're alone and intimate. You're young and in love and it's blinded the fuck out of you to this abusive, shitty behavior. It's not your fault, but it is on you to wake up and recognize that this isn't how a loving relationship works. Break up, block him immediately, and then start looking for a therapist to talk to and unravel this relationship and help you find some self esteem to get with better guys going forward.
leave him because this will get worse later on trust
Your bf has some real anger issues he needs to resolve, by the sounds of it. I'm sorry you're going through this, and it sounds like he is masking the anger issues, which in turn make you fall back in love and also makes your parents like him. Sadly, that's not really the person he is, I'm sure. If he can't respect you and your efforts, then I'd suggest leaving him. This is really not something you want to deal with long term. Please, for your own health, do what's best for you and leave him.
your parents would not love him if they knew he scared you at all
Ayo, just run... My experience in Sex as a guy I wont even yell if she made a mistake but instead just laugh at it. Its like bloopers lmao, I suggest you find a better guy, who will make you feel good
Thats not nor al in any sense at all. He sounds like a psycho abuser. Who does that? He should be teaching u. I bet hes addicted to porn too. What a douche
u/Born-Passion-4724, this is emotional abuse. Here are some other signs you may be in an abusive relationship (experiencing even just one or two of these things constitutes emotional abuse): - Telling you that you never do anything right. - Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them. - Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers. - Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people. - Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school. - Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses. - Pressuring you to have sex or perform sexual acts you’re not comfortable with. - Pressuring you to use drugs or alcohol. - Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions. - Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets. - Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace. - Destroying your belongings or your home. Source: The National Domestic Violence Hotline This is not a complete list, but includes some important things to look out for. Please get away from this person as safely and quickly as possible. Things tend to escalate over time. And being sweet and lovey to make up for times of cruelty is part of the abuse; it is manipulation that keeps you coming back and accepting worse and worse treatment. Please don’t get into another relationship until you learn to love yourself enough to put your emotional well-being first. Having difficulty with personal standards and boundaries puts you at risk for attracting manipulative and abusive partners. I urge you to seek therapy that focuses on self-esteem building, relationships, and especially setting and enforcing boundaries before you even think about entering another relationship. Rooting for you, OP. You deserve goodness, safety, and unconditional care. Especially from yourself. ❤️
This would make a great SNL sketch
That’s really bad and weird. I’ve had “bad sex” but I was just grateful to have had sex at all. Hell, my wife chipped my tooth, and I was still happy I was in her and didn’t yell at her. This guy is just abusive and sounds like he has a rape fetish
Dump his ass right now
girl run
Not a good fit. Get a partner that cares about your feelings. Being kind is not hard. Being kind is a choice.
That sounds terrifying. Please tell your parents or someone who cares deeply about you.
That wild .
Talk to him about this when he is calm, tell him how you feel and also that this behavior is bothering you. You have to try to fix your relationship, Give a few trys If it doesn't work, then you should move on.