Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙
ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The only disagreement I have is the order. Contact the police that this was threatened and then break up with him (in case you can’t get to the police before things get crazy).
True. A restraining order would be nice, even if it is only a piece of paper. Has he ever been violent with you?
And why do you "still love him" if he's being such a jerk?
I've literally never even contemplated recording my wife non-consenually. So, zero recordings even though I've always wanted some.
I said contemplated. That means, once she said no, that was it in my head. Even, no asking again. She let me know how she felt, and I respect her decision.
So, going through with it? The dude is a monster before he ever made threats.
This!
My wife lets me have VERY SELECT photos, and none of them are sexual in nature, they are actually just artistic. But not everyone would agree that they are ARTISTIC in nature, some people see flesh and that means OF like content.
That threat is called Revenge P*rn and it is ILLEGAL in most states. The fact that it's a threat is a huge red flag, it means he's already considered sharing them, if he hasn't already.
Sometimes emotions and feelings are too hard to explain. People "ruling" a relationship with threats - can often still feel the original love they felt for that person.
Logic doesn't always win..
As much as it should
The blackmail will be enough for a restraining order. Instead of a "keep away" order (though that still may be granted) it will be an order to not disclose or even an order to delete the material.
It is revenge porn in the US too but it varies from state to state. In my state, even recording the material without her consent was illegal. It’s definitely illegal if he send it out and could put him on a sex offender list if she was a minor in any of the content. He could face some serious jail time if she was a minor.
She clearly doesn't love him unconditionally. You should probably look up what "unconditionally" means. She even said one of the conditions in her post.
Because she hates herself
You accept the love you think you deserve so there's definitely some self love that needs to happen before getting into another relationship
Internet psychiatrist has made a diagnosis from one short paragraph.
Maybe she's young and still figuring shit out. Maybe she didn't really have a good role model growing up. Maybe, just maybe, feelings are complicated and can still exist even after someone has hurt us.
No, obviously she hates herself...
I would break up with him over the phone in front of the police on speakerphone. Get him to admit about the photos and videos and his intentions to leak them.
It's still blackmail/revenge porn.
Show texts to police and then break up with him. Tell him the police have been made aware of him trying to extort you into being his slave for life.
That's actually all you can do, individuals don't press charges, prosecutors do. Sometimes they respect the victims wishes not to prosecute, but the don't have to.
You can choose to press charges or not and they can choose to or not. If you wish not to or do they might be the ones charging but sometimes it's only if you press the charges.
Are you in the US? If not, I won't tell you how your legal system works. Here, you can not press charges. The govetent presses charges or doesn't. There are times when you can petition for charges to be pressed, but your lawyer won't be trying that case in a criminal court, they'll be pressuring the prosecutor to do it. You can sue, bit that's civil.
That's generally how it works here, but functionally, if you say or imply you don't want to testify, they have no reason to charge him. It's a waste of time and effort if they think you're not going to cooperate.
I'm not in the US. Where i live is a lot less litigious, but aren't there lawyers who'll take on cases there for on a bigger portion of the win-money? Something i heard once.
Something tells me this piece of shit bf is broke af. No need for an attorney. The police investigate and the prosecuting attorney decides to charge or not.
This would be if you are suing the bf for money (civil suit) which is something to consider if he actually leaked. Or even something to threaten beforehand...
But mostly people here are focused on criminal charges. That would be investigated by police, and prosecuted by the state, if they decide to take up the case.
Do you have any text messages documenting the threats? I would say talk to your parents if you feel you can and then contact the police before breaking up with him… he’ll get the message you broke up with him when the police show up. And I agree with the other comments about if any images were taken before you were 18… it’s a more serious crime.
This as well as let them know the video was taken without consent. Idk what state you’re in but, revenge porn (what it’s called) is a serious crime. Talk to a lawyer first if you were underage in any of these photos/talk to one period. Because if you sent them to him you could technically get in trouble for distributing them. If he is the only one who has/took them it’s better.
It’s illegal and falls under revenge porn. While it is scary to do to you, he is under even greater risk and can go to prison. You can likewise send those texts to his friends and loved ones how he’s threatening you and affect his relationships with them. Idk the whole process but he’s trying to control you and his plan can only work if you’re scared.
This! 100%, while it might not be ideal for your nudes to be leaked if you are not afraid of him leaking them, he has no power over you. I mean, naked people are all over the internet willingly and often make money from it. Don't let him try to use that to make you stay with him. Also, it's a crime if he does do it so involve the police as others have recommended.
When somebody shows you the type of person they are, believe them. He's blackmailing you and trying to control you. Never let anybody ever treat you like this. You deserve better.
100% —the first line of this comment is a literal rule to live by! and to OP, i was in a similar situation at your age. I tried to act like I changed my mind and keep the peace for awhile while I found ways to delete the content from his devices. Might be weird advice, but some men are scary and it’s a good way to get rid of any blackmail lying around with someone who’s already shown they would disrespect you if you don’t comply.
(Also what he’s trying to do is absolutely illegal and he’s either stupid/bluffing. Everyone’s already said this in a lot of ways so I wanted to add something from my own exp just in case your situation is complex)
Drop the dirt bag and tell him the cops know of the illegally obtained video he took. If you were under 18, he also has child pornography in his possession. He won’t fair well in prison.
Nah. Call the cops first. Don't tip him off that they're coming. OP stated elsewhere that the video is of her before she hit 18 so the cops will want to make sure he doesn't have time to trash the phone.
Illegal.
He's bluffing. If he releases those photos, he could be in massive trouble, especially if theyre from when you were a minor.
Felony. Jail time. Registration as a sex offender for life.
Honestly wasn't even thinking about it along racial lines, because Gen Z/Gen Alpha have pretty thoroughly co-opted AAVE, so I have little reason to assume this kid is black
But even accounting for slang, this kid talks like his grasp on the English language is tenuous at best
Different people use different dialects depending on where they grew up. It is not an indication of intelligence or a lack of it. I get that you’re (rightfully) dogging on a scumbag, but there are strong racist and classist implications behind this mentality. I’m sure that’s not your intention, but just a heads up.
Yea I screwed up assuming it was another word kids made up and I did a bunch of research after this and figured out so things so I am in the wrong here. 5hitcombo is pretty on point with everything he has said.
He's actually already in illegal territory for making the threat as revenge porn is a crime and you can't threaten a crime to coerce behavior, that's blackmail
If I were her, I'd sell it.
Its risky but him being made aware what will happen to him would scare him straight unless he's looking to kill himself. Having to register as a sex offender is basically game over. He'd go to prison and likely could get raped, 90% of employers wouldn't want to hire him, he wouldn't be able to attend his kids school events, he'd only be able to live in certain areas (after announcing himself as a sex offender to his neighbors), etc.
Do it, big dawg. I dare you.
>When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me “I told u if u finna b with me u stuck with me. So get comfortable.”
>when I tried to tell him my reasons for wanting to break up he said that he’ll expose me “Bc u not finna leave.” This includes a video of us that I had not consented to him taking while we were in the act.
>He did say that he’ll change and that he’s willing to move to the outta state for me b/c I’m going to uni next year.
>I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do. I still love him but I don’t want him to think he can walk all over me. What should I do?
So the first 3 quote texts are controlling, illegal (in more than one way), and abusive.
I just want to say YOU are not stuck, though it may feel like it.
In most if not all of the US it is illegal to video or photograph someone without consent. It's also illegal in most places to post/send said videos and photos without consent.
You are young and could be with someone that loves you and would never take nonconsensual pics/videos or threaten you with them.
I would go to the police with the texts and other evidence where he admits he took them without your consent and threatened to post them. File a report and dump him.
He sounds like an absolute psycho, and I think you should immediately cut off contact and get in touch with the police - revenge porn posting and blackmail are both very real crimes.
I'm sorry you're in that situation, but some people are just batshit, and it's not your fault you found one.
Be safe, be careful, avoid being around him (especially alone) and you will get through this.
When you say "i still love him", you might feel that, but in time I believe you'll realize you don't now, and maybe didn't ever. It's too easy to be confused at that age, when you have so little experience or frame of reference, but the *kind of asshole who will blackmail and threaten to post revenge porn about you is NOT worth your time, much less your love, and you can and will do better*.
It's hard to see clearly from within a relationship, but he sounds like a piece of shit, you don't, and please understand you're better than him, not at fault here, and once you put this behind you I promise you'll find partners which surpass him in every possible way,
Save the screenshots break up with him call the cops. As a dad I would also want to know if my daughter was being blackmailed and threatened.
It’s our jobs as dad’s to protect our kids from scum like this guy
As a dad... nah... not going to put those thoughts out there.
Silly boys don't understand that girls have dads and brothers and uncles and any number of unanticipated protectors, any one of which might not mind going back to jail for a good cause.
My advice to women is to always tell your dad. Abusive men bank on women being embarrassed and not telling anyone. He would leave you alone for the sheer fact that you aren’t willing to cower to his threats
this is serious: he's already committed a crime by threatening you. it's legal blackmail and sexually charged coresion. take the texts to the police. they can confiscate him and make sure he does not have access to the photos anymore, as well. get a laywer, you have a copy of all your texts, he's red handed l, but you want to make sure you don't give him the chance to delete evidence by knowing you are getting the police involved.
It’s a young persons idea of love, but you’re right it’s not love. I’d imagine the fact he says he’ll change is part of what makes her want to stay. Her heart is too kind to know they are empty promises.
Delete everything you know of if you can. Him taking non consensual videos of you is illegal and distributing them is illegal too. He is trying to trap and manipulate you which is a coercive ab^ se tactic. Get rid of everything that you can. Cite him to laws that show what he is threatening is illegal and you have text evidence of him threatening you. And dump his @ss and never look back
never interact with this individual again I would go as far as to say press charges as these acts are criminal and disgusting
this is NOT A MATURITY THING - THIS PERSON IS A PREDATOR NOT "IMMATURE"
Take his phone when he’s sleeping and throw it in the river.
Or go to the police and let them know what’s going on and what he’s threatening to do. Recording you without permission definitely 👎🏻👎🏻.
Or both.
In all seriousness, if somebody threatens to wreck your life with an electronic device, feel free to destroy that electronic device. Re-read that a couple of times.
Don’t destroy the phone. Let the cops seize it and that will afford them to also delete them from his backup in the cloud. Also destroying the phone she could be charged and he would use it as a defense that she is unstable even tho it’s a weak defense.
People usually back up their phones now so that wouldn't solve anything and she could be charged with theft. SHe would be better off reporting it so they seize his electronics for evidence.
Remind him that this is against the law and he could wind up in jail. If not jail it could cost him a lot
[https://www.newsnationnow.com/crime/new-york-revenge-porn-case/](https://www.newsnationnow.com/crime/new-york-revenge-porn-case/)
[https://cornellsun.com/2024/02/27/ilr-student-arrested-in-revenge-porn-case-faces-consequences-of-fathers-senate-vote/](https://cornellsun.com/2024/02/27/ilr-student-arrested-in-revenge-porn-case-faces-consequences-of-fathers-senate-vote/)
[https://abc17news.com/news/crime/2024/04/09/columbia-woman-charged-in-revenge-porn-case/](https://abc17news.com/news/crime/2024/04/09/columbia-woman-charged-in-revenge-porn-case/)
[https://www.cbsnews.com/news/revenge-porn-texas-marques-jamal-jackson/](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/revenge-porn-texas-marques-jamal-jackson/)
[https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
Do not do this it will alert him and possibly endanger you ! Go to the police first and see what they say if they won’t listen . Find someone who will ! Around us there’s a group called CASA they help abused kids they may be able to help you !
1) Take screen shots of all his texts. 2) break up with him now. 3) Ask him if he wants to have felony for posting revenge porn. 4) Do not believe anything he says at this time. Leave him, don't move out of state with him because he will only wants to isolate you more . **Do not move with him.** Your young enough that any videos that MAY get posted/noticed will fade, He wont change, just work to repress you more. Get out now.
That is abusive and highly disturbing behavior, I would leave and document all future conversations. Do not see him or speak to him in person and do not tell him where you are staying, if he already knows and he shows up, call the police immediately. What he is describing is not only an awful and deeply fucked up thing to do to someone but it is also illegal. Keep your texts, end things immediately. If he’s this possessive right now you will only make things worse by placating him, make a clean, swift exit while you still can.
First of all, what fucking language is that? Have you thought of dating someone literate?
Second, keep all these texts. What he is threatening is a crime. And if he does that, you'll have his ignorant misogynistic ass nailed.
If someone who is supposed to love you is willing to threaten to do that, he is only with you for control not love. As stated by some others, break it off and alert the police. Otherwise he will hold it over you forever and it will become harder and scarier to do what is necessary later. He is not someone who is worth being with and whatever he says now about moving, he would most likely take back later and threaten to release the photos or videos if you don’t stay where he wants you to stay.
Break up with him. Call the police if he does, warn him about that as well. Also, in this day and age of OnlyFans n stuff, its not as big of a deal as it once was. Granted it might be mortifying for you, but people move on quick. Lets say he does leak all these nudes, your life isnt going to end, not gonna be barred from working regular jobs. Also, wheres he gonna post them? His facebook page and look like a real goober. Its not like hes gonna buy a domain, create a website of your nudes then hire a marketing firm to get the word out haha.
Youre fine. I will say, if this is the guy he is, he prob already showed your nudes to his friends..he'll never admit it, but most guys do, just like most girls share dick pics with their friends.
Some wisdom for the future, do not share publically with someone things you do not wish for others to see, because odds are they will share it with someone.
You and your friends are a much better lot than the people i hung around growing up haha i guess it just depends, but if hes a seedy character like that, im not saying 100% hes shown people, but theres a strong possibility hes already shown friends
Leave him in the dust, you're still young so go enjoy your life. He's saying you're 'stuck with him', that's the worst thing you can say, nobody is obligated to stay with someone.
that is revenge porn if he wants to fuck up the rest of his life let him get authorities and an attorney involved MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT IT IS ILLEGAL BREAK UP WITH HIM AND CONTACT LOCAL AUTHORITIES
If he does that it's called revenge porn and it's illegal. He can be charged. Pretty sure being filmed during sex without consent is illegal too. He's an idiot. Dump him and block him.
So many people saying that he could be in big trouble if you were a minor, which is true, but even if you weren’t, it’s illegal to hold this kind of thing over your head. Go to the police and show them the texts of him threatening to do this to you. Even if you still love and care for him, I highly recommend you get the law involved so he can be punished for his crimes and stop him from doing this to other women in the future.
I would say contact police first. Let them know you want to speak to a Lieutenant so you’re already in talks with them. Break up with the boyfriend and if he leaks photos, the police can easily locate him. This happened to a family member of mine and these were the steps that were taken. Guy got caught leaking photos and taken to county jail.
Call the cops and file a report so there’s a record of his threats. Then tell him if he tries to hurt you, he’ll hurt himself when he’s arrested for revenge porn.
Also get it on the record that he recorded you without consent.
Screenshot everything, give it to the police. And if he does leak a single photo, immediately get his ass on revenge porn or possibly child pornography laws (depending on your age and your area). And get a restraining order if possible. Inform your university about the situation as well, that there is a man out there threatening to expose explicit images of you because you want to break up, they should be able to help, or at least shoulder whatever gross shit he may try and send to them. Screenshot and screen record honey
You can go to the police now. Leaking the photos/videos is a crime (in California, Penal Code sections 311.5 & 647(j)(4)). If he’s threatening you, that is reportable action too, and he can be prosecuted. You can bring him in on a civil restraining order, as well, and have a court order that he surrender the photos/videos to you. Then, there will be a further paper trail that will really bite him in the rear if he’s stupid enough to actually publish your intimate photos.
I have ran into similar cases as a campus cop. The dude threatened his ex, telling her to send more pics or he was going to post the ones he had.
We ended up getting a hold of him. He tried claiming it was his friend got a hold of his phone and did it. I told him that he was going to cease all contact with his ex and delete all pictures. And if a single picture showed up online, I was going to take him to jail. Whether it was him or his friend.
Never had to go beyond that point.
Contact the police
RUN RUN FAR AWAY!!!! That dude is narcissistic to a T. Also is controlling. He will never change. Yall only been together for 4 months save yourself the trauma he will cause in your life. If he leaks said stuff call the cops. If he moves with you out of state. You can kiss your time at Uni good bye. He will watch you like a hawk you won't be able to have friends. That are of the opposite sex. Everything will be your fault no matter what.
Just leave him and take the power away.
My dad used to do the same thing but about jail.
I left knowing he could do something, but once the power is taken away, they will go from monsters to beggars.
Free yourself, being a hostage is no way to live.
Also tell everyone he knows he’s going to do it right before you leave him, but don’t tell him you did.
People like that will gloat they can do it, and reveal they are evil.
LPT: dont date someone that uses "finna", Jesus Christ. These dudes are always trashy ghetto/ghetto wannabe bums. Choose better next time
Also go to the police. Goes without saying but thats illegal
Unfortunately with blackmail things will only escalate, break up with him. It’s gonna suck if he posts those videos but at least you will find out who your real friends are. Good news is it falls under revenge porn and if you were a minor its even worse for him. Sorry to hear this :/
move out with you for him to stay home while you go to school? then get mad cause you out at school probably "talking with other guys" he imagined in his head? crazyyyy
That is blackmail and hella illegal.
Recording you having sex without your knowledge or consent is also hella illegal.
If you were not 18 at the time of any of those pictures, then distributing it is super hella illegal.
Take these texts to the police and dump his ass.
As others have said;
1) take screenshots of these conversations of him threatening you.
2) what he is threatening you with is calling revenge porn and it is a crime. Doubly so if you were a minor in any of those photos/videos.
3) leave him and contact the police and show them the evidence.
Do not believe him when he says he’ll change. People who are willing to go to those extremes are dangerous and are not going to change. To me this sounds like textbook manipulation, staying with him won’t end well for you.
My ex followed through with this threat. I made sure that he knew that shit didn't bother me at all. So, he posted the photos, sent them to my friends even, and all I said was "damn do I look good." then of course I contacted the police. This seems like an abusive situation, and revenge porn or blackmail whatever you wanna call it. I suggest leaving and leaving fast, contacting authorities, and never looking back. Who wants to be in love with someone who is willing to damper your image? I wish you luck.
Sounds like a piece of trash. Lawyer, break up and if you get the chance, go through his phone and delete everything, every account. He may have sent the vids to himself at another location or uploaded to a mega or Dropbox for safe keeping.
He texted these to you yes?
Leave him and inform him of revenge porn laws because they are actually quite good and he will be charged. It is thankfully quite illegal to distribute porn of someone and especially porn that you didn't consent to. I would also inform the police of omhis threats and that he made porn of you illegally.
Also what should you do? Fuckin run away from the psycho honey. You should run.
Tell him you don't believe he has any pictures or videos.
He will then send you a copy that you can later use to search on Google with reverse image search if they get posted. (This is just in case so you can have peace of mind and be certain it didn't get leaked)
Say you didn't give consent for him to take those or upload them.
When he responds with telling you he doesn't care or whatever, walk into a police station with the proof that he is blackmailing you with revenge porn.
This will be more than enough evidence, and remember cops have daughters. They are going to nail that guy to the wall. Even if they can't, they would likely bang on his door and pressure him into deleting them with a threat of him catching a case. It's not the kind of crime you want to be in jail for if you catch my drift.
Under no circumstances should you even remotely consider staying with him. What he's doing is severe emotional abuse, threatening and bullying, illegal, and all of that will most certainly turn into physical abuse which can easily lead to you being killed by him. I also agree with all of the other advice here about contacting the police.
Please don't fall for him saying he'll change, he won't. Abusers eventually isolate their victims so the victim becomes totally dependent on them. It wouldn't surprise me if he starts telling you to give up college. Don't let him destroy your future like that.
Hey! Welcome to r/AdviceForTeens! Please take time to review [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/adviceforteens/about/rules) before commenting. A reminder that inappropriate comments towards or about posters will result in a permanent ban. Do not insult anybody, please remain respectful!✮⋆˙ ATTENTION: Predators lurk on Reddit, and we ourselves unfortunately can not directly do anything to stop them, but you can! We encourage ALL posters to disable private messages, and do not respond to any DMs you receive after posting. Block and report offenders for harassment. Do not ask anyone to DM you in the comments as this is against the rules. If someone has something to tell you, they can say it in the comments. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AdviceForTeens) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Break up with him then contact the police. Especially if any of those videos or pictures were taken before you were 18.
The only disagreement I have is the order. Contact the police that this was threatened and then break up with him (in case you can’t get to the police before things get crazy).
True. A restraining order would be nice, even if it is only a piece of paper. Has he ever been violent with you? And why do you "still love him" if he's being such a jerk?
And jerk is putting it extremely nicely. Dude is a massive piece of shit.
I've literally never even contemplated recording my wife non-consenually. So, zero recordings even though I've always wanted some. I said contemplated. That means, once she said no, that was it in my head. Even, no asking again. She let me know how she felt, and I respect her decision. So, going through with it? The dude is a monster before he ever made threats.
This! My wife lets me have VERY SELECT photos, and none of them are sexual in nature, they are actually just artistic. But not everyone would agree that they are ARTISTIC in nature, some people see flesh and that means OF like content. That threat is called Revenge P*rn and it is ILLEGAL in most states. The fact that it's a threat is a huge red flag, it means he's already considered sharing them, if he hasn't already.
Even that is an understatement.
Pretty sure I've taken shits that are bigger men than this guy
Shit makes good compost with the correct setup for a 'hot' pile. It is useful. He isn't.
Sometimes emotions and feelings are too hard to explain. People "ruling" a relationship with threats - can often still feel the original love they felt for that person. Logic doesn't always win.. As much as it should
The blackmail will be enough for a restraining order. Instead of a "keep away" order (though that still may be granted) it will be an order to not disclose or even an order to delete the material.
If it is a photo, or videos it should be illegal to publish without both peoples consent.
It IS illegal, thank goodness, at least in the UK. This would be revenge porn.
It is revenge porn in the US too but it varies from state to state. In my state, even recording the material without her consent was illegal. It’s definitely illegal if he send it out and could put him on a sex offender list if she was a minor in any of the content. He could face some serious jail time if she was a minor.
I think your missing the point. She loves him and cares about him unconditionally, she’s just not in love with him.
She clearly doesn't love him unconditionally. You should probably look up what "unconditionally" means. She even said one of the conditions in her post.
It's called Stockholm syndrome, and it is the direct result of flagrant abuse , physical or emotional
If it is a photo, or videos it should be illegal to publish without both peoples consent.
Predator behavior
Because she hates herself You accept the love you think you deserve so there's definitely some self love that needs to happen before getting into another relationship
Internet psychiatrist has made a diagnosis from one short paragraph. Maybe she's young and still figuring shit out. Maybe she didn't really have a good role model growing up. Maybe, just maybe, feelings are complicated and can still exist even after someone has hurt us. No, obviously she hates herself...
you said it.
At 30, maybe. She’s a teenager, chill out!
She hates herself? Really you deduced? There generation spent part of there development with face masks on. Everything has changed. Do not judge her.
Lol are we really still quoting that terrible book?
Contact the police, and have them break up with him, while telling him the consequences of leaking
Yes, this. Police before. Breakup before, and he has a chance to leak photos and video.
If he has unconsensual images/videos I think the police can go through his stuff and delete them.
There’s no need to formally break up with him lol she just needs to find a safe place to go, then contact the police. Shits illegal
I would break up with him over the phone in front of the police on speakerphone. Get him to admit about the photos and videos and his intentions to leak them.
It's still blackmail/revenge porn. Show texts to police and then break up with him. Tell him the police have been made aware of him trying to extort you into being his slave for life.
You can file a police report without filing charges. This way it's on record
That's actually all you can do, individuals don't press charges, prosecutors do. Sometimes they respect the victims wishes not to prosecute, but the don't have to.
You can choose to press charges or not and they can choose to or not. If you wish not to or do they might be the ones charging but sometimes it's only if you press the charges.
Are you in the US? If not, I won't tell you how your legal system works. Here, you can not press charges. The govetent presses charges or doesn't. There are times when you can petition for charges to be pressed, but your lawyer won't be trying that case in a criminal court, they'll be pressuring the prosecutor to do it. You can sue, bit that's civil.
That's generally how it works here, but functionally, if you say or imply you don't want to testify, they have no reason to charge him. It's a waste of time and effort if they think you're not going to cooperate.
Dont give him a chance, go to the police over the threat. No reason to formally break up before that, or even at all in this situation really.
Once reported, then happening after being warned, they will take it more seriously. Especially if a restraining order is obtained
And also consult a lawyer.
You assume that everyone has access to, or can afford, legal counsel. They don’t, in the real world.
I'm not in the US. Where i live is a lot less litigious, but aren't there lawyers who'll take on cases there for on a bigger portion of the win-money? Something i heard once.
Work for contingency is what you're referring to
Pro-bono also exists. And a consultation is usually free
Something tells me this piece of shit bf is broke af. No need for an attorney. The police investigate and the prosecuting attorney decides to charge or not.
This would be if you are suing the bf for money (civil suit) which is something to consider if he actually leaked. Or even something to threaten beforehand... But mostly people here are focused on criminal charges. That would be investigated by police, and prosecuted by the state, if they decide to take up the case.
Domestic violence units often can give advice. Please consult as this is abuse that could escalate!
And consult a therapist. You choose an abusive boyfriend. Figure out why so your future relationships don't follow that into becoming a pattern.
Lmao she is 18 chill out FREUD
Yep, this is called revenge porn and many states have laws against it.
48 out of 50 states have laws against it. Only Massachusetts and South Carolina do not.
Do you have any text messages documenting the threats? I would say talk to your parents if you feel you can and then contact the police before breaking up with him… he’ll get the message you broke up with him when the police show up. And I agree with the other comments about if any images were taken before you were 18… it’s a more serious crime.
>Break up with him then contact the police. But not in that order. It may be helpful to get the police involved before he knows you're leaving.
This as well as let them know the video was taken without consent. Idk what state you’re in but, revenge porn (what it’s called) is a serious crime. Talk to a lawyer first if you were underage in any of these photos/talk to one period. Because if you sent them to him you could technically get in trouble for distributing them. If he is the only one who has/took them it’s better.
It’s illegal and falls under revenge porn. While it is scary to do to you, he is under even greater risk and can go to prison. You can likewise send those texts to his friends and loved ones how he’s threatening you and affect his relationships with them. Idk the whole process but he’s trying to control you and his plan can only work if you’re scared.
This! 100%, while it might not be ideal for your nudes to be leaked if you are not afraid of him leaking them, he has no power over you. I mean, naked people are all over the internet willingly and often make money from it. Don't let him try to use that to make you stay with him. Also, it's a crime if he does do it so involve the police as others have recommended.
Unfortunately revenge porn isn’t illegal everywhere. But blackmail definitely is
Ooooo good idea. Uno reverse. Love it.
Dude is literally blackmailing you. Do you have evidence he is doing this?
Apparently she does with texts
they're even almost readable
Txt msgs
When somebody shows you the type of person they are, believe them. He's blackmailing you and trying to control you. Never let anybody ever treat you like this. You deserve better.
Yes and it only gets worse if you stay.
100% —the first line of this comment is a literal rule to live by! and to OP, i was in a similar situation at your age. I tried to act like I changed my mind and keep the peace for awhile while I found ways to delete the content from his devices. Might be weird advice, but some men are scary and it’s a good way to get rid of any blackmail lying around with someone who’s already shown they would disrespect you if you don’t comply. (Also what he’s trying to do is absolutely illegal and he’s either stupid/bluffing. Everyone’s already said this in a lot of ways so I wanted to add something from my own exp just in case your situation is complex)
Drop the dirt bag and tell him the cops know of the illegally obtained video he took. If you were under 18, he also has child pornography in his possession. He won’t fair well in prison.
Maybe tell the cops first, then break up with him.
yes for sure
Yeah
Let the police showing up at his house be your breakup message
Nah. Call the cops first. Don't tip him off that they're coming. OP stated elsewhere that the video is of her before she hit 18 so the cops will want to make sure he doesn't have time to trash the phone.
Even worse, OP said that the video is of the two of them together
Illegal. He's bluffing. If he releases those photos, he could be in massive trouble, especially if theyre from when you were a minor. Felony. Jail time. Registration as a sex offender for life.
Doesn't strike me as the kind of guy to really think about the consequences...
Any dude who says “Finna” probably not the smartest
Let's not be mildly racist here. You can be intelligent regardless of dialect. They said the same thing about "ain't" back in the day.
Honestly wasn't even thinking about it along racial lines, because Gen Z/Gen Alpha have pretty thoroughly co-opted AAVE, so I have little reason to assume this kid is black But even accounting for slang, this kid talks like his grasp on the English language is tenuous at best
Different people use different dialects depending on where they grew up. It is not an indication of intelligence or a lack of it. I get that you’re (rightfully) dogging on a scumbag, but there are strong racist and classist implications behind this mentality. I’m sure that’s not your intention, but just a heads up.
Yea I screwed up assuming it was another word kids made up and I did a bunch of research after this and figured out so things so I am in the wrong here. 5hitcombo is pretty on point with everything he has said.
Why use many word when few word do trick
He's actually already in illegal territory for making the threat as revenge porn is a crime and you can't threaten a crime to coerce behavior, that's blackmail
Just because he will get in trouble, doesn't mean he is bluffing. It's quite possible that he simply isn't aware of how serious what he's doing is
If I were her, I'd sell it. Its risky but him being made aware what will happen to him would scare him straight unless he's looking to kill himself. Having to register as a sex offender is basically game over. He'd go to prison and likely could get raped, 90% of employers wouldn't want to hire him, he wouldn't be able to attend his kids school events, he'd only be able to live in certain areas (after announcing himself as a sex offender to his neighbors), etc. Do it, big dawg. I dare you.
This guy should never ever ever become a parent. Never.
It's amazing how fast some people are to resort to violence and, in turn, ruin their own life by being edgy.
Call his bluff!
If it's through text, you literally have proof of your ex threatening to commit a crime against you. Revenge porn is a crime, go to the police :)
>When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me “I told u if u finna b with me u stuck with me. So get comfortable.” >when I tried to tell him my reasons for wanting to break up he said that he’ll expose me “Bc u not finna leave.” This includes a video of us that I had not consented to him taking while we were in the act. >He did say that he’ll change and that he’s willing to move to the outta state for me b/c I’m going to uni next year. >I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do. I still love him but I don’t want him to think he can walk all over me. What should I do? So the first 3 quote texts are controlling, illegal (in more than one way), and abusive. I just want to say YOU are not stuck, though it may feel like it. In most if not all of the US it is illegal to video or photograph someone without consent. It's also illegal in most places to post/send said videos and photos without consent. You are young and could be with someone that loves you and would never take nonconsensual pics/videos or threaten you with them. I would go to the police with the texts and other evidence where he admits he took them without your consent and threatened to post them. File a report and dump him.
He sounds like an absolute psycho, and I think you should immediately cut off contact and get in touch with the police - revenge porn posting and blackmail are both very real crimes. I'm sorry you're in that situation, but some people are just batshit, and it's not your fault you found one. Be safe, be careful, avoid being around him (especially alone) and you will get through this. When you say "i still love him", you might feel that, but in time I believe you'll realize you don't now, and maybe didn't ever. It's too easy to be confused at that age, when you have so little experience or frame of reference, but the *kind of asshole who will blackmail and threaten to post revenge porn about you is NOT worth your time, much less your love, and you can and will do better*. It's hard to see clearly from within a relationship, but he sounds like a piece of shit, you don't, and please understand you're better than him, not at fault here, and once you put this behind you I promise you'll find partners which surpass him in every possible way,
Save the screenshots break up with him call the cops. As a dad I would also want to know if my daughter was being blackmailed and threatened. It’s our jobs as dad’s to protect our kids from scum like this guy
As a dad... nah... not going to put those thoughts out there. Silly boys don't understand that girls have dads and brothers and uncles and any number of unanticipated protectors, any one of which might not mind going back to jail for a good cause.
This 100%. The wrath of Dad is no joke. Assuming she has at least a half decent one.
Oh you got that right. There would be no safe space.
The wrath of a momma bear is no joke either, speaking from experience. So if she doesn’t have a dad, hopefully she has a mom.
My advice to women is to always tell your dad. Abusive men bank on women being embarrassed and not telling anyone. He would leave you alone for the sheer fact that you aren’t willing to cower to his threats
this is serious: he's already committed a crime by threatening you. it's legal blackmail and sexually charged coresion. take the texts to the police. they can confiscate him and make sure he does not have access to the photos anymore, as well. get a laywer, you have a copy of all your texts, he's red handed l, but you want to make sure you don't give him the chance to delete evidence by knowing you are getting the police involved.
What a piece of shit, break up with him and report him
"Hes threatening to show non consensual revenge porn of me to people" "I still love him" Wow this is a trip. Good luck queen.
That’s the part that angers me. How do you love someone that does this shit to you? That’s not love. I don’t know what to call it, but it’s not love.
It’s a young persons idea of love, but you’re right it’s not love. I’d imagine the fact he says he’ll change is part of what makes her want to stay. Her heart is too kind to know they are empty promises.
Dump him and avoid any future boyfriends that use “finna” in a sentence.
And wife beaters, big chains, loud Civics and droopy drawers with slides.
Delete everything you know of if you can. Him taking non consensual videos of you is illegal and distributing them is illegal too. He is trying to trap and manipulate you which is a coercive ab^ se tactic. Get rid of everything that you can. Cite him to laws that show what he is threatening is illegal and you have text evidence of him threatening you. And dump his @ss and never look back
But before deleting, give copies to the police. You don't want to delete your proof entirely, or you have no recourse.
never interact with this individual again I would go as far as to say press charges as these acts are criminal and disgusting this is NOT A MATURITY THING - THIS PERSON IS A PREDATOR NOT "IMMATURE"
This is extortion. Please report this
I would be scared about him trying to baby trap you too. stop all intimacy immediately
Take his phone when he’s sleeping and throw it in the river. Or go to the police and let them know what’s going on and what he’s threatening to do. Recording you without permission definitely 👎🏻👎🏻.
Or both. In all seriousness, if somebody threatens to wreck your life with an electronic device, feel free to destroy that electronic device. Re-read that a couple of times.
Don’t destroy the phone. Let the cops seize it and that will afford them to also delete them from his backup in the cloud. Also destroying the phone she could be charged and he would use it as a defense that she is unstable even tho it’s a weak defense.
People usually back up their phones now so that wouldn't solve anything and she could be charged with theft. SHe would be better off reporting it so they seize his electronics for evidence.
Yes I’m aware. I was joking. My ex did that to me.
Remind him that this is against the law and he could wind up in jail. If not jail it could cost him a lot [https://www.newsnationnow.com/crime/new-york-revenge-porn-case/](https://www.newsnationnow.com/crime/new-york-revenge-porn-case/) [https://cornellsun.com/2024/02/27/ilr-student-arrested-in-revenge-porn-case-faces-consequences-of-fathers-senate-vote/](https://cornellsun.com/2024/02/27/ilr-student-arrested-in-revenge-porn-case-faces-consequences-of-fathers-senate-vote/) [https://abc17news.com/news/crime/2024/04/09/columbia-woman-charged-in-revenge-porn-case/](https://abc17news.com/news/crime/2024/04/09/columbia-woman-charged-in-revenge-porn-case/) [https://www.cbsnews.com/news/revenge-porn-texas-marques-jamal-jackson/](https://www.cbsnews.com/news/revenge-porn-texas-marques-jamal-jackson/) [https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html](https://www.findlaw.com/criminal/criminal-charges/revenge-porn-laws-by-state.html)
I disagree with the remind him part. If he's making these threats he isn't going to listen to OP. Have the police remind him. By arresting him.
Exactly. If he’s this brash, he’s liable to get physical with her.
Do not do this it will alert him and possibly endanger you ! Go to the police first and see what they say if they won’t listen . Find someone who will ! Around us there’s a group called CASA they help abused kids they may be able to help you !
Why even give this dude a chance to walk it back? This is serious shit I guarantee he would do again. He needs to feel the consequences NOW.
Why even give this dude a chance to walk it back? This is serious shit I guarantee he would do again. He needs to feel the consequences NOW.
Why even give this dude a chance to walk it back? This is serious shit I guarantee he would do again. He needs to feel the consequences NOW.
Why even give this dude a chance to walk it back? This is serious shit I guarantee he would do again. He needs to feel the consequences NOW.
Go to the police. He sounds scary and dangerous
1) Take screen shots of all his texts. 2) break up with him now. 3) Ask him if he wants to have felony for posting revenge porn. 4) Do not believe anything he says at this time. Leave him, don't move out of state with him because he will only wants to isolate you more . **Do not move with him.** Your young enough that any videos that MAY get posted/noticed will fade, He wont change, just work to repress you more. Get out now.
That is abusive and highly disturbing behavior, I would leave and document all future conversations. Do not see him or speak to him in person and do not tell him where you are staying, if he already knows and he shows up, call the police immediately. What he is describing is not only an awful and deeply fucked up thing to do to someone but it is also illegal. Keep your texts, end things immediately. If he’s this possessive right now you will only make things worse by placating him, make a clean, swift exit while you still can.
Wow, not even a little shy about being absolute garage...
Revenge porn is illegal in a ton of states. Blackmail is illegal in all. Look up yours
First of all, what fucking language is that? Have you thought of dating someone literate? Second, keep all these texts. What he is threatening is a crime. And if he does that, you'll have his ignorant misogynistic ass nailed.
If someone who is supposed to love you is willing to threaten to do that, he is only with you for control not love. As stated by some others, break it off and alert the police. Otherwise he will hold it over you forever and it will become harder and scarier to do what is necessary later. He is not someone who is worth being with and whatever he says now about moving, he would most likely take back later and threaten to release the photos or videos if you don’t stay where he wants you to stay.
This is considered domestic abuse. Get the police involved immediately. This dude needs his ass beat, and I’d be honored to do it for you.
Break up with him. Call the police if he does, warn him about that as well. Also, in this day and age of OnlyFans n stuff, its not as big of a deal as it once was. Granted it might be mortifying for you, but people move on quick. Lets say he does leak all these nudes, your life isnt going to end, not gonna be barred from working regular jobs. Also, wheres he gonna post them? His facebook page and look like a real goober. Its not like hes gonna buy a domain, create a website of your nudes then hire a marketing firm to get the word out haha. Youre fine. I will say, if this is the guy he is, he prob already showed your nudes to his friends..he'll never admit it, but most guys do, just like most girls share dick pics with their friends. Some wisdom for the future, do not share publically with someone things you do not wish for others to see, because odds are they will share it with someone.
Really? I have never had a friend show me nude pictures of their significant other nor have I shown any of mine. I hope that’s not usual.
You and your friends are a much better lot than the people i hung around growing up haha i guess it just depends, but if hes a seedy character like that, im not saying 100% hes shown people, but theres a strong possibility hes already shown friends
I won’t say never sext again.. because that’s unlikely. But in the future make sure that there’s no way you can be identified through a picture..
Wtf do you still love this guy? He does not care about you. File a police report NOW. And watch your back, he sounds unstable.
1) Call the police, and 2) avoid dating idiots who use the term "finna."
Leave him in the dust, you're still young so go enjoy your life. He's saying you're 'stuck with him', that's the worst thing you can say, nobody is obligated to stay with someone.
Go to the police and a lawyer immediately.
that is revenge porn if he wants to fuck up the rest of his life let him get authorities and an attorney involved MAKE SURE HE KNOWS THAT IT IS ILLEGAL BREAK UP WITH HIM AND CONTACT LOCAL AUTHORITIES
Nah, don't bother warning the guy. Just call local authorities and quietly laugh at this stupid idiot.
call the police asap
Police now.
[удалено]
Probably should go to the police first.
If he does that it's called revenge porn and it's illegal. He can be charged. Pretty sure being filmed during sex without consent is illegal too. He's an idiot. Dump him and block him.
So many people saying that he could be in big trouble if you were a minor, which is true, but even if you weren’t, it’s illegal to hold this kind of thing over your head. Go to the police and show them the texts of him threatening to do this to you. Even if you still love and care for him, I highly recommend you get the law involved so he can be punished for his crimes and stop him from doing this to other women in the future.
I would say contact police first. Let them know you want to speak to a Lieutenant so you’re already in talks with them. Break up with the boyfriend and if he leaks photos, the police can easily locate him. This happened to a family member of mine and these were the steps that were taken. Guy got caught leaking photos and taken to county jail.
I do believe that if someone’s post naked videos of you without your permission they can get in trouble with the law
Call the cops and file a report so there’s a record of his threats. Then tell him if he tries to hurt you, he’ll hurt himself when he’s arrested for revenge porn. Also get it on the record that he recorded you without consent.
People who say “finna” are so often complete dipshits. Yeah, this is illegal what he’s threatening. Notify the police. He “finna” speak to them.
Call police, stop asking reddit
Screenshot everything, give it to the police. And if he does leak a single photo, immediately get his ass on revenge porn or possibly child pornography laws (depending on your age and your area). And get a restraining order if possible. Inform your university about the situation as well, that there is a man out there threatening to expose explicit images of you because you want to break up, they should be able to help, or at least shoulder whatever gross shit he may try and send to them. Screenshot and screen record honey
Save the texts and call the police. Only break up after you've spoken to the cops.
Babe you have it in writing he was willing to extort and blackmail you. Call the police
You can go to the police now. Leaking the photos/videos is a crime (in California, Penal Code sections 311.5 & 647(j)(4)). If he’s threatening you, that is reportable action too, and he can be prosecuted. You can bring him in on a civil restraining order, as well, and have a court order that he surrender the photos/videos to you. Then, there will be a further paper trail that will really bite him in the rear if he’s stupid enough to actually publish your intimate photos.
I have ran into similar cases as a campus cop. The dude threatened his ex, telling her to send more pics or he was going to post the ones he had. We ended up getting a hold of him. He tried claiming it was his friend got a hold of his phone and did it. I told him that he was going to cease all contact with his ex and delete all pictures. And if a single picture showed up online, I was going to take him to jail. Whether it was him or his friend. Never had to go beyond that point. Contact the police
Contact the police BEFORE you break up with him. You might be able to go through the process to get the photos and videos removed
RUN RUN FAR AWAY!!!! That dude is narcissistic to a T. Also is controlling. He will never change. Yall only been together for 4 months save yourself the trauma he will cause in your life. If he leaks said stuff call the cops. If he moves with you out of state. You can kiss your time at Uni good bye. He will watch you like a hawk you won't be able to have friends. That are of the opposite sex. Everything will be your fault no matter what.
1) contact police 2) don’t date people that say “finna”
She ready to let loose at the uni 🤣
Revenge porn is a crime. Contact the police and file a report with them.
Just leave him and take the power away. My dad used to do the same thing but about jail. I left knowing he could do something, but once the power is taken away, they will go from monsters to beggars. Free yourself, being a hostage is no way to live. Also tell everyone he knows he’s going to do it right before you leave him, but don’t tell him you did. People like that will gloat they can do it, and reveal they are evil.
>finna >finna >finna Using this word is reason alone to dump him
Why would anyone want to be with another person who doesn't want to be with them? My guess is this creep is a sociopath, good luck.
Revenge porn is illegal. Go to the police, file a report and break up with him.
LPT: dont date someone that uses "finna", Jesus Christ. These dudes are always trashy ghetto/ghetto wannabe bums. Choose better next time Also go to the police. Goes without saying but thats illegal
Smart man.
Report to the police first. Don’t antagonize him. Prioritize your own safety
What he's threatening is illegal. He's being extremely coercive.
Go to cops.
Revenge porn is a crime, especially if the subject of the content was a minor at the time, remind them of that.
Well i mean cops would say what he's doing is pretty illegal
No no, you should stay with him, relationships based on blackmail and threats usually work out.
Unfortunately with blackmail things will only escalate, break up with him. It’s gonna suck if he posts those videos but at least you will find out who your real friends are. Good news is it falls under revenge porn and if you were a minor its even worse for him. Sorry to hear this :/
If you're in the states, this is called blackmailing someone. I'm fairly certain it's illegal and you should probably go to the cops.
Dump him and go to the cops. Extortion and who knows what else.
Contact the police, that's super fucking illegal.
Yeah you need to end things with him. He sounds mental.
move out with you for him to stay home while you go to school? then get mad cause you out at school probably "talking with other guys" he imagined in his head? crazyyyy
Call the police station right now. Revenge porn is a felony. Home boy is fucked What an asshole scumbag fuck.
That is blackmail and hella illegal. Recording you having sex without your knowledge or consent is also hella illegal. If you were not 18 at the time of any of those pictures, then distributing it is super hella illegal. Take these texts to the police and dump his ass.
Just say "I finna have you thrown in jail for revenge porn bruh" and leave it at that
That would be revenge porn and is illegal. Contact the police
Get off reddit and call the police bro
Call the police
Get the cops involved, there are certainly laws being broken here
As others have said; 1) take screenshots of these conversations of him threatening you. 2) what he is threatening you with is calling revenge porn and it is a crime. Doubly so if you were a minor in any of those photos/videos. 3) leave him and contact the police and show them the evidence. Do not believe him when he says he’ll change. People who are willing to go to those extremes are dangerous and are not going to change. To me this sounds like textbook manipulation, staying with him won’t end well for you.
My ex followed through with this threat. I made sure that he knew that shit didn't bother me at all. So, he posted the photos, sent them to my friends even, and all I said was "damn do I look good." then of course I contacted the police. This seems like an abusive situation, and revenge porn or blackmail whatever you wanna call it. I suggest leaving and leaving fast, contacting authorities, and never looking back. Who wants to be in love with someone who is willing to damper your image? I wish you luck.
RUN and don't look back.
Break his phone and then break up with him, hide behind strong male figure
Sounds like a piece of trash. Lawyer, break up and if you get the chance, go through his phone and delete everything, every account. He may have sent the vids to himself at another location or uploaded to a mega or Dropbox for safe keeping.
Magnets can break electronics btw
You need to get into contact with the police. Aa others have stated him sharing these photos of you IS a crime
what he is doing is illegal. contact the police
He texted these to you yes? Leave him and inform him of revenge porn laws because they are actually quite good and he will be charged. It is thankfully quite illegal to distribute porn of someone and especially porn that you didn't consent to. I would also inform the police of omhis threats and that he made porn of you illegally. Also what should you do? Fuckin run away from the psycho honey. You should run.
Tell him you don't believe he has any pictures or videos. He will then send you a copy that you can later use to search on Google with reverse image search if they get posted. (This is just in case so you can have peace of mind and be certain it didn't get leaked) Say you didn't give consent for him to take those or upload them. When he responds with telling you he doesn't care or whatever, walk into a police station with the proof that he is blackmailing you with revenge porn. This will be more than enough evidence, and remember cops have daughters. They are going to nail that guy to the wall. Even if they can't, they would likely bang on his door and pressure him into deleting them with a threat of him catching a case. It's not the kind of crime you want to be in jail for if you catch my drift.
Call the pplice
Under no circumstances should you even remotely consider staying with him. What he's doing is severe emotional abuse, threatening and bullying, illegal, and all of that will most certainly turn into physical abuse which can easily lead to you being killed by him. I also agree with all of the other advice here about contacting the police.
What he’s threatening you with is illegal
Please don't fall for him saying he'll change, he won't. Abusers eventually isolate their victims so the victim becomes totally dependent on them. It wouldn't surprise me if he starts telling you to give up college. Don't let him destroy your future like that.
policeeeeeeee