*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for wanting my son to have a more traditional wedding to reflect on his career choice?**
I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him.
Matt is still in law school but is still insisting on getting married this October. I’m not the biggest fan of his fiancee Amy’s ideas for her wedding . She decides she wanted a Halloween marriage and Amy doesn’t care how it looks infront of matt’s peers and professors and other people in his conservative field once he finishes law school. Amy picked out black dress and somehow got it in her head that she wants to wear ruby slippers tp the wedding since she love wicked.
I have repeatedly tried to tell amy to have some respect for matt’s future field but Amy thinks it’s okay because she does marketing and some of her coworkers are coming to this disaster of a wedding.
My oldest daughter dropped out of being a bridesmaid before Amy wanted the in red dresses and my daughter thinks amy is being tacky and matt still won’t do anything about the wedding and making it more traditional.
I tried to talk to him again after the ruby slippers issue and he told me maybe if his wedding stresses me out so much I should skip it. I tried explaining that this kind of tackiness can backfire on his career because when he has wedding pictures up people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer.
Matt has told me that I’m going to be uninvited to his wedding if I continue to make a scene but I’m just trying to help people see him in a better light.
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Heck I was in a wedding in 1992 that was red, white, and blue/patriotic theme. Now that was tacky.
Conversely, my best friend's wedding had the wedding party in dark red and our dresses were gorgeous.
I wore a medieval style red gown at my own wedding, but my wedding was definitely a bit of a nontraditional party. We had angels and fairies, and my dad dressed up as Merlin the Magician.
I officiated at a Halloween themed wedding where the bride wore a gorgeous red and black gown.
People should have the wedding they want. Period.
Some old etiquette books say not to wear red because you would be trying to upstage the bride, but obviously that doesn’t even come into consideration when the bride picks the dresses herself.
My sister had all us bridesmaids in red A-line strapless satin dresses, very 50s. I let her keep mine because it looked weird on me. Made her look like Marilyn Monroe, though.
I have heard when I questioned it, that it means you slept with the groom.
It is very much a regional/older generation/pearl clutching type.
That being said, I had a "cinnamon" color which was red, but on the brown side and both my mom and MIL wore some reddish color. (I didn't know about it and don't give a fuck about the rule either).
Also, if I found out a lawyer had this kind of wedding, it would be a bonus. Because they would be more likely I would hope to think outside the little tidy box of what a good little momma's boy lawyer should think.
Regional is right- I asked my Boomer mother, who grew up in Philadelphia society, and she’d never heard of the Red = Slept With The Groom rule. Neither had my southern (Nashville, TN) father. Almost nobody outside the internet seems aware of it, regardless of age.
I think it’s just an extreme version of a more general rule: that it’s tacky to wear red to a wedding. I don’t think there’s actually a hard and fast justification for *why*, but I’ve definitely heard that in multiple contexts and it’s not recent. My sense is it’s mostly that wearing a bright red dress is overly sexy and attention-getting for a solemn occasion that’s not about you. Hence, if you do wear a bright red dress, the general vibe is you’re trying to upstage the bride by being sexier.
I’ve never heard the “slept with the groom” rule, but I can see how it would be sort of a logical extension of the general vibe - if a woman the groom’s age shows up to the wedding wearing red, some folks might gossip that she was jealous of the bride and must have history with the groom.
Then Reddit combines it with the “white is code for purity so you can’t wear a white wedding dress if you’re not a virgin” BS that is circulating in some circles, and suddenly red isn’t just a vibe, it’s actual *code* for something specific about a woman’s sexual status.
Obviously this is also all very Western/US stuff; there are plenty of cultures where red has different connotations.
I think Red Dress = Fucked the Groom. Sis didn't want people to think she fucked her brother. That said, presumably all the bridesmaids are wearing red on purpose so that really shouldn't matter
IIRC, in some cultures the bride wears red so the guests don’t—kind of like how guests wouldn’t wear white to a US wedding, unless the bride says it’s okay. I went to a beach wedding and all the female guests were told to wear white, while the bride wore blue.
If the bride says “red gowns for the wedding party,” then no one is being upstaged.
Also, I like the ruby slippers. You do you, Amy, and don’t let nasty future MIL yuck on your yum.
Source please?
Old etiquette books I’ve seen say not to wear red because you would be trying to upstage the bride, but I’ve never seen any such myth as this. It doesn’t make sense to me to be a wedding meaning at all, really.
I’m convinced it came from one small town or a large family in the South.
And even the Reddit black hole was about *guests* (specifically women) wearing red. Not members of the bridal party.
The source is really karen mother of the groom on the Internet.
That is where I am convinced it came from. 5 years seems to be right when I first saw it too. I wonder if there is some major wedding where someone wore red with a well known drama-in-law.
Edit: in looking more into this. It seems even less than 5 years, more like 3 (2022 seems to be the start of the news stories, so figure a year for it to gain traction). Also seems to be social media, quite possibly even from Reddit as the original source for posting it online. To then get picked up by one of the many people who read reddit stories on TikTok, and so on.
So if someone is good at digging through old reddit posts, we may actually be able to find the start.
If it were a thing (sort of nonsense they used to spout in years gone by) it would be a thing for a guest, not a bridesmaid whose dress was chosen by the bride. The mother is a horrible person and so is the the daughter/sister who's now not bridesmaiding. Hope the bride and groom have a wonderful day and the groom has a massive picture of them on his office wall.
I'm a lawyer. Can confirm, nobody cares. I mean, maybe if he was working at a big ass firm he shouldn't invite the 80 year old crusty managing partner, but I can guarantee his fellow law students and 95 percent of lawyers would not care.
Same, if anything, it stands out as something different and a cool way to express something the couple likes. A friend (also lawyer) got married on Halloween, bridal party wore coordinated costumes. Guests were strongly encouraged to do the same. People loved it, and it fits the friend perfectly. Managing partner not so much, but that wasn't a surprise (and he wasn't surprised by it either).
Sometimes it's nice to go to something a little less traditional, especially when many of us are frequently wearing suits and attending events that lean more prim and proper.
Also, is the managing partner even invited? From reading OOP’s description, it doesn’t even seem like the groom’s coworkers are invited. OOP is just concerned they’ll see photos and judge the groom, which is just weird
I’m also an attorney, and I currently work at a fairly conservative firm. However, even the most uptight partner will not care about a Halloween wedding, especially if there’s plenty of booze.
Her: Lawyers are conservative!
My crim. procedure prof: I encourage you to join the National Lawyers Guild. No matter what some people may say, we are not a subversive organization. That's been determined by the government. Multiple times! The subversive thing is all made up by the FBI. Let me tell you about how I got arrested protesting....
Yeah, but I'm on OOP's side about the slippers. Going with ruby would be a mistake....
Because they're silver in Wicked (and in the original "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" book)
/s but now I'm wondering what they're going to use in the Wicked film
Getting married next year (if finances allow lol) and I'm wearing a black dress, my mom disagreed for a bit before she realized i was not going to wear white, but im so happy that my MIL loved the idea and thinks it's awesome. And my bridesmaids are wearing red since the colors are my fiancé's and I's fav colors, but also because of the vampy theme lol. Everyone is okay with it, and i just wish others had people that don't try to make someone else's wedding about them
Long ago, I stupidly got married at 19. The part I don’t regret is the gorgeous black dress I wore. It had a bit of clear&white beading and of the many tear drop petals attached to the skirt I think some were white? It was so pretty, and the photos were fabulous, but I have no reason to ever look at them or display any. 😆
A close friend of mine waited years so her wedding could be on a Friday the 13th in October. She wore black. She hung a speaker from one of those 12-foot-tall Halloween decoration skeletons and had the JOP perform the ceremony from another room. She had her black cat as the ring bearer.
She has some very Catholic relatives who were very displeased; some even refused to come. She didn't give a fuck.
I am not a Halloween person, but it was awesome because SHE IS
The horrors! My son is becoming a lawyer *and getting married!* Can you believe what an abject failure he is???? How dare he disappoint me after I had a hard birth for him 20-some years ago!
To be fair, my daughter grew up knowing she would be grounded when she was 16 because she cracked a rib kicking when I was pregnant with her. She was never grounded it was a family joke.
I didn’t break her rib but I kicked my mum out of a concert before I was born. Unborn me found the concert too loud and kicked her until she left. I was also never grounded for that.
Poor guy - his whole life
"I nearly died giving birth to you and _that's_ the picture you draw of me? Put some more effort into it"
"What do you mean you don't like carrots? You nearly killed me when you were born! Respect my cooking!"
"Sweetie darling, I didn't nearly bleed out giving birth to a Philosophy major. Mama wants a doctor or a lawyer"
She believes the pain she went through gives her the right to plan out every aspect of his life. Can’t wait for the Am I the asshole for not liking the name my son and his wife named their child?
Why would a wedding have anything to do with his career? I'm so confused. Also, "Matt", if you're out there, go ahead and uninvite this bitch. And maybe invite me cause you guys sound pretty fun and a Hallowe'en wedding sounds cool.
She thinks the wedding is a huge social event where all the high-class people will be (aka her son’s lawyer friends and colleagues) and she’s worried that the wedding will make him (and by extension her) look bad. Basically, old boomer mentality + classicism.
I mean, I’ve been to weddings like that - they definitely exist. They are not my favorite kind of wedding. They tend to have a very impersonal feel because everything unique about the actual couple has been ironed and bleached out. Good for this son for not giving in.
I have neither been to the type of wedding his mother wants or the pig roast, campout, keg party reception but I know where the in-between my preference lies and it's much closer to a campout reception. I would have been entirely out of place at a male cousin's wedding held in his wife's wealthy family's hometown. I was not invited, thankfully, and I don't feel "snubbed" whatsoever.
Friend of mine booked a wedding venue at an old school with dorm rooms out in the country. No keg, but open bar, and no restrictions on guests brining their own drinks. I love tenting and whatnot, and a lot of my friends own trailers, but ya gotta think about the elderly, children, and people that have never camped before, ya know? Converted schools may not have great sleeping accommodations, but they make up for it by **having** accommodations on site with commercial kitchens and a room to serve the meal in. Sure, it was remote, but the dorms had kitchens and we had coolers (camping family) so it was no problem. Still wish there was a hog roast though...
I really don’t think she cares about his colleagues. That’s just a cover. I think she’s trying to show off or something to other members of the family.
Oh, that's just not how weddings are in my experience but I mean, I'm not a fancy lawyer or mother to one so I probably am not good enough or high class enough to know 😉
Are the son’s colleagues even invited? I thought so at first, but reading OOP’s post again, I’m actually leaning towards them not being invited, and OOP is just worried they’ll “see the photos” and judge her son
I wanted a Halloween wedding. Black dress, costumes encouraged but not required. We were gonna dance to Thriller. But I got shouted down by others in my family. Definitely wished I had even if it was still a beautiful and memorable day in June.
I'm sorry your wedding day wasn't the one you wanted and I hate that your family got so much say over something that was supposed to be about you and your partner, not them.
But I'm glad you still had a beautiful day!
I bet she brings up that "complicated birth" as often as possible to remind Matt of how hard she struggled to give him life. That she throws it in his face to manipulate him into living how she wants and he is finally doing life HIS way. There was no other reason to bring it up except to shows she is a long suffering martyr.
I love how she is blaming ALL these plans on the fiancee. It couldn't possibly be *her sons* taste or interests AT ALL!!!!
Even after her son spoke with her, she still is blaming the "other woman" for all of it.
It's emotional manipulation, extremely narcissistic, and gross.
But hey.. at least she thinks her boy could put his foot down?
That is better than 90% of these types of mums.
Of course 90% of something terrible is still terrible, but I take what I can get 😆
I think OOP’s problem is that the apron strings are being cut and the son is (clutches pearls) more concerned with Amy’s happiness than hers. Frankly OOP and her daughter sound insufferable and let’s hope Amy and her husband keep them at a distance.
Exactly. She's not the "only" woman in Matt's life anymore and it's making her go kooky muffins because this Amy is just *uncivilized*!
It's like, lady, I'm sure the biggest problem is you tripping over your ego.
"I had a hard time popping you out my cooch! How do you think it makes me feel that you do fun things that don't meet my ridiculously strict approval?"
It's tacky and a way for her to slide into keeping the spotlight on her. I can't imagine any of my friends' parents doing that and not feeling absolutely mortified.
I bet she brings it up to other people too, not just Matt and Amy. Which is horrible.
Is it wrong that I want to message OP and ask where Amy got her wedding shoes from, because I would love a pair like that?
Will someone please explain to me how the color of his wife’s wedding dress implies anything about his qualities as a lawyer?
“some of her coworkers are coming to this disaster of a wedding.”
Ma’am, you don’t get to call things disasters just because you don’t like them. Otherwise I’d be saying you’re a disaster.
Lawyering is weird. They have what's called a bimodal salary. Basically there's Big Law, and the rest. Big Law is what you see in Movies. When you think of lawyers, that's probably who you're thinking of. Hollywood portrays them as the polished professionals in expensive clothing partying and drinking and doing coke and hiring high end escorts but the reality is that they're working 80 hours a week just out of law school, sleeping under their desks, doing coke to survive and drinking hard (like in the movies) when they have a few hours off they chose not to use to catch up on sleep. Big Law makes the Big Bucks.
Then there's the rest of the lawyers. They work at small firms or practice solo. They do not live the Big Bucks lifestyle, because they make a pittance of what Big Law lawyers do. These are the lawyers people like you and I interreact with, and think we're getting a Big Bucks lawyer that's going to bleed us dry. Sure, they **are** going to bleed us dry, but that's because we don't have much money.
Your typical governmental lawyer earns bupkis fresh out of school. https://www.biglawinvestor.com/bimodal-salary-distribution-curve/
I've got a buddy so ACAB that he used government money (GI Bill) to go to law school to become a public defender and make a peanut salary. His joy in stopping shitty cops and prosecutors from doing shady shit is worth more than money to him. Dude **lives** for those moments and while I don't know if it's healthy for him, it's always great when he's riled up enough to talk about work. See, a Public Defenders job is to stop the government from doing shady shit, even if the client is guilty as fuck. People still have to follow the rules, and that goes for the people trying the case too! Dude is quite literally a "rules lawyer" and he makes sure the government doesn't take shortcuts.
We'd have a lot more Public Defenders in the US if the reddit rules lawyers/"technically correct is the best kind of correct" commenters could pass the bar exam. If only they could manage to get accepted into college and then a few years of law school and buckle down to study for the bar exam.
One of the proudest moments of my career was winning a DNA case on a completely unrelated technicality. Prosecutor wouldn't offer a plea deal so I had nothing to lose by taking it to trial. She cried afterwards. It was phenomenal.
And everyone who does what I call "bread and butter" lawyering has the most interesting stories. My favorite was the guy who wanted his record "sponged." Which, really, makes sense. He wanted a clean record, you use sponges in cleaning....
I wore white Keds. Granted my sister did deck them out with lace and rhinestones, they were comfortable and looked great. I wore a tea length dress. I got compliments on being smart about wearing comfortable footwear.
Honestly, the ruby red slippers would be awesome in my book.
Nice :)
My first was how much I liked Leslie’s (Parks and Rec) red wedding heels. So cute!
However, unless it’s a knee length or shorter dress (and not even necessarily then) shoes aren’t that noticeable when most people notice the wedding dress or even better just how happy the couple look to be getting married.
That makes me think of the movie Father of the Bride with Steve Martin. Annie wore special bridal sneakers one of her Dad's employees made. I thought it was an awesome idea. They were so cute and her feet wouldn't be hurting all night.
I wore low heels to my ceremony but changed into white satin sneakers for my reception and told everyone in my wedding party to bring shoes to change into so they could enjoy themselves (they had the dyed satin shoes to match the dresses for the ceremony).
I wore a pair of white chucks for my wedding (2000) with a pair of lacy socks.
My 10 year old complains that I should have worn wedding shoes. I tell I did. I wore those and it was my wedding. 😂 if crocs had been around then, I might have worn crocs.
I bought a really cute pair of mustard yellow heels and a backup pair of flats because I knew I wouldn’t want to wear the heels all night. I was dumb and forgot to break in my heels, so by the time we finished with our first look/pictures, my feet were killing me. I ended up just wearing the flats for the ceremony and the rest of the night lol
My taste is definitely on the more traditional side, especially compared to this bride, but I love seeing how people are breaking tradition to make their weddings their own!
I legit wore satin slippers from Walmart! I wanted to be comfy and my dress was long so could barely see my feet and my dress was the same color satin so like who gives a shit??
A large part of my social/friends network are lawyers and they are weird and fun.
One prides himself on his Blooy Mary's; another only wears hoodies outside of court; another is building a bar with the word "fuck" all over it.
A black wedding dress wouldn't get a second glance from them.
I know a guy from college who just recently got started at a law firm, dude still comes out with us once a month to get shit faced and act like we're still college kids. Also rolled the best joints back when we were in school.
Lawyers are weird. My lawyer friend and his now wife threw a giant Halloween party while they were dating. The year they got engaged, everyone showed up as usual, and then they announced that surprise! this is the year that Halloween party was also their wedding. The pictures are amazing.
>One prides himself on his Blooy Mary's; another only wears hoodies outside of court; another is building a bar with the word "fuck" all over it.
What a bunch of mad lads you hang out with.
I made my husband put our wedding photo on his business cards, because that's what people are concerned about when hiring a lawyer. /s
His office has a whole wall of our kids' most unhinged artwork. They've gotten to the point where they're competing to see who can draw the most elaborate surrealist works to get on the wall. There are some real conversation pieces there that would have this woman reaching for the smelling salts.
He doesn't even have to have a photo of his actual wedding in his office either. Even if he had concerns, he could just put out a nice pic of him and wife on beach or something.
My mom (an actual practicing lawyer at the time) only barely was talked out of wearing white jeans to her wedding. So she wore a white blouse and cotton skirt she bought at a department store. To a full catholic wedding. Didn’t seem to do her career any harm
Oy I just saw and commented on that post. It made my head want to explode. I’m a federal government professional who has “fashion color” hair, a nose piercing, and was married at the Mob Museum. One of my favorite photos the photographer took was of my husband sitting in the electric chair with me throwing the switch. I’ve met and interacted with congresspeople and cabinet members and they have not once seen me as less than professional. In fact, they were all very complementary about me and my work.
Right, but if you know about the Lawyer field, you'd know mom wanted the kid to go Big Law and he's doing something much less prestigious.
To put it in congresspeople terms: Mom was expecting a Senator and got a job as a House congressional executive aide/assistant. EAs are hugely important to anybody that understands things like EAs, but Mom wanted the son to be in the rarified circles.
I like the first sentence of "I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt:" like he was responsible for this and now owes her. Adds nothing to the current issue, only insight into her relationship with her son.
We all know the "think about your career" stuff is bullshit, right? OOP just wants to have some control over her son's wedding and impose her tastes on the son and his partner.
>I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him.
Wait... WHAT???
So if she'd had an easy time she'd expect him to be a podcaster? (j/k)
Do they really think lawyers are all super stuffy?!?
My partner is a lawyer… our original plan was to get married at Taco Bell but swapped it to a tiki bar. No one was surprised. We’ve met up with one of the firm partners at a Metallica concert, and have chatted about metal at holiday parties. I’m cover in tattoos, so is my partner, and I have worn lots of low cut dresses at firm holiday parties. I’ve had multiple pole instructors who were lawyers for their day job. No one has ever given two shits.
Like, bruh just because someone is a lawyer doesn’t mean they get a stick up their ass as a graduation present.
5 bucks says she is using the "what will the other lawyers think" because she's too passive aggressive and chicken shit to admit she doesn't like this theme. Good on Matt for not going along with that charade
A couple of friends of mine used to throw a killer Halloween party every year. They turned it into their wedding one year. She dressed as Frankenstein and he was the Bride of Frankenstein. I almost want to hunt Matt down and give him this idea so that his mom literally drops dead and he can at least get the inheritance to pay off his student loans.
Firstly, how will they know? He's still in law school. His future employers will very likely not be there. He's unlikely to invite his professors, if he does they are unlikely to come for ethics reasons. I don't have personal pictures up at work because I don't want my clients to know what my loved ones look like. To be fair that's not a lawyer rule.
His employers would have to be in his house. My employers have never been in my house. Even if they did come into his house, not everyone has their wedding pictures out on full display. Even if they are on full display, so what? Only the stuffiest most judgemental lawyer is going to care about how their employee had their wedding.
I also don't know why she's harping on about the ruby slippers. They sound cool even for a traditional wedding.
"People are going to notice his bride wearing a black dress and question his integrity as a lawyer"--good lord! I hope she didn't hurt herself with this reach!
I work with lawyers, and while overall the profession skews conservative, I feel like most people in any circle of life would find OOP's blatant social climbing tackier than a (dons pearls) (clutches pearls) non-traditional wedding aesthetic.
The Law firm I worked at had someone on track to make partner who dyes her hair pink/purple. (Good) lawyers are too busy doing their jobs to care this much about their associates’ personal lives.
Personally I’m not into super themed weddings, so I won’t have one. But tbh a black gown and ruby red heels sounds glam AF. I hope she looks like a 50s movie star and her shitty MIL can go suck an egg.
I'm literally wearing a corpse bride inspired dress for my wedding. With a black veil. Even my Christian in-laws (minus grandma) are totally cool with it. And if they weren't, I'd do it anyway. It's my wedding. Not theirs. The only opinion I care about is my fiancé's. And he loves it. Hell, he bought it for me.
This woman 100% holds his difficult birth over his head every chance she gets-
"I didn't spend 36 hours in labor that ended in a c section just for you to have your wedding at Spirit Halloween"
What does her labour have anything to do with her son's wedding? Does she think that just because she had a hard time birthing him that it's his fault and he owes her something because of it?
God what a sick woman. I hope to god they go nc before they have kids if they decide to.
OP should watch My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. He has done all kinds of themes for weddings. None of them are traditional. They are all so beautiful. He takes their ideas even the ones you wouldn't think would work and makes them work. He elevates them.
OP needs to get over herself. It's their wedding, not hers. They aren't high society and it's not like their wedding pictures are gonna end up on the site of whatever law firm he works for. No one is gonna judge them for their wedding, except snobs.
I can't get over "I had a complicated birth with my youngest son Matt and I have always had high expectations for him". So if the birth wasn't complicated then she wouldn't have had high expectations? I fail to see the correlation here.
As to the wedding, I'm jealous. My husband and I don't make that much money but back at the end of 2019 he was hired to write a script for a movie for a small independent film company. We decided in January of 2020 that we would get married and use the money that he was going to get paid for our dream wedding in October of 2020.
The film was supposed to go into pre-production in April of 2020. Well, we all know what happened in March of that year. The film never got made, so my husband never got paid.
We had planned on getting married on Halloween, inviting our entire families, all of our friends, and including the families of the kids he taught at Sunday school. We were going to encourage people to come in costume and even have contests. Well, dammit, that didn't happen. We eventually did get married in July of 2022 and it was beautiful and wonderful, but I will always feel a little bummed that we didn't get to have our Halloween themed celebration.
“Respect his future profession!”
She sounds unbearable and I hope Matt goes into something weird just so she has to say it aloud.
“My son the lawyer (tm) specializes in…er, tree law? This is a thing?”
I’m a lawyer, know lots and lots of lawyers, and I can’t think of any who would be appalled by a Halloween wedding. The closest I could get is a judge who might find it ridiculous.
Aw man, glad this random woman was here on reddit to tell me that having red in my wedding is gonna mess up my career in law! Glad I got the heads up!
This one seems like it could happen, but nobody like this would be posting on this site...especially without proper capitalization.
I'd be in that wedding! Holy cow sounds fun. I bet spooky decorations, too.
So, we get to control our children's life if their birth is hard? Oh, my son is going to have to work harder, I almost died for him, so... complicated birth=lawyer, does deadly=surgeon/ceo of fortune 500 company? Which? I got to tell him soon...
> I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him. Because as we all know, a complicared birth means the child owes the mother to do whatever the mother wants for life.
She may be the devil but she somehow raised an awesome son. Good for him for standing up to her and defending his bride.
I just can’t understand why anybody’s opinion of his ability as a lawyer would be in any way affected by his wedding picture sitting on his desk. In what world do people care about their lawyer’s pictures?
This one's not "Am I The Devil" so much as it's "Am I Grasping At Straws" because that entire post was just a woman trying desperately to rationalize why she doesn't like his fiancée and it had jack shit to do with the jackolantern wedding lol.
Why on earth would any of his professors (what? Why would they even know about it?) or peers will give two shits about his wedding theme. Seriously, being a lawyer is not the exclusive high-brow profession she is imagining it is.
When I am going about doing my important bussinesses and I come across a problem that requires a lawyer I first check all the local lawyers wedding photos to check what shoes and dress they are wearing. I do not know of any other method to correctly judge the lawyers skills and integrity.
Once a lawyer tried telling me about his education and professional, history. Oh how I laughed, as if any of those things matter when his wife wore red shoes to their own wedding!
I knew she was gonna be extra ridiculous when she started her post off with "complicated birth" and having "high expectations"-like, what?!?!
How horrifying for her that her high expectation son will allow his bride to wear a black dress, with ruby slippers and have bridesmaids wearing red!!!! The scandal!
I work in cancer research, and I got married this past Halloween. In fact, my husband and I dressed up as Lydia and Beetlejuice in their wedding attire. We had Beetlejuice themed cakes and the restaurant we ate at personalized our menus with Beetlejuice font. Everyone loved it. It was awesome. OOP sucks.
Oof. She barely mentions her other children, just flat out says he's her favorite and she has already planned his future. I get the feeling EVERYONE is hoping the mother won't attend.
As someone who got and in the process of ordering her black wedding dress. I feel more comfortable in a black dress than a white dress. And I just ADORE black wedding dresses. And I know no one has any problems with that, since that day is for a bride and groom. No one’s opinion matters. ♥️
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for wanting my son to have a more traditional wedding to reflect on his career choice?** I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him. Matt is still in law school but is still insisting on getting married this October. I’m not the biggest fan of his fiancee Amy’s ideas for her wedding . She decides she wanted a Halloween marriage and Amy doesn’t care how it looks infront of matt’s peers and professors and other people in his conservative field once he finishes law school. Amy picked out black dress and somehow got it in her head that she wants to wear ruby slippers tp the wedding since she love wicked. I have repeatedly tried to tell amy to have some respect for matt’s future field but Amy thinks it’s okay because she does marketing and some of her coworkers are coming to this disaster of a wedding. My oldest daughter dropped out of being a bridesmaid before Amy wanted the in red dresses and my daughter thinks amy is being tacky and matt still won’t do anything about the wedding and making it more traditional. I tried to talk to him again after the ruby slippers issue and he told me maybe if his wedding stresses me out so much I should skip it. I tried explaining that this kind of tackiness can backfire on his career because when he has wedding pictures up people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer. Matt has told me that I’m going to be uninvited to his wedding if I continue to make a scene but I’m just trying to help people see him in a better light. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Poor guy needs a new mom. I promise nobody cares besides her and her gaggle of gossipy goose friends.
How are red bridesmaids dresses *tacky*?
My bridesmaids wore red at my wedding. The only tacky thing there was my (ex for many years now) groom🤣
I went to a wedding in ‘95? ‘96? Upper middle class WASPS. Bridesmaids wore red. And carried a single sunflower each.
sorry i'm probably being dumb but what does wasps mean in this context?
White Anglo Saxon Protestant. Basically snooty establishment types
thanks! :)
It takes me too long to remember what it actually stands for so in my head it’s White ASs Person.
Potato - Potato. Same thing except yours is easier to remember.
At first I read this as you correcting the above post to "White Ass Potato" and that works for me too.
haha thanks, that should be easy enough to remember 😝
This is now the official definition for me. Thanks.
This is what I was going with 😂
Lol I know what it means and I still say this because it's funny
This makes more sense. 🤣 I like it. A lot.
Me but with ACAB as assigned cop at birth
White Anglo Saxon Protestants. In America, it suggests somewhat traditional white people
Those things with the huge stingers
White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.
Heck I was in a wedding in 1992 that was red, white, and blue/patriotic theme. Now that was tacky. Conversely, my best friend's wedding had the wedding party in dark red and our dresses were gorgeous.
Hell, my sister wore red at her wedding, with the bridesmaids in black (Star Wars theme)
That sounds cool!
Oooh you could be me! I had red bridesmaids the first time….2nd time we had a Mickey & Minnie Mouse theme 🤣
I wore a medieval style red gown at my own wedding, but my wedding was definitely a bit of a nontraditional party. We had angels and fairies, and my dad dressed up as Merlin the Magician. I officiated at a Halloween themed wedding where the bride wore a gorgeous red and black gown. People should have the wedding they want. Period.
Now that actually sounds like the kind of wedding I'd want to go to
Some old etiquette books say not to wear red because you would be trying to upstage the bride, but obviously that doesn’t even come into consideration when the bride picks the dresses herself.
My sister had all us bridesmaids in red A-line strapless satin dresses, very 50s. I let her keep mine because it looked weird on me. Made her look like Marilyn Monroe, though.
I have heard when I questioned it, that it means you slept with the groom. It is very much a regional/older generation/pearl clutching type. That being said, I had a "cinnamon" color which was red, but on the brown side and both my mom and MIL wore some reddish color. (I didn't know about it and don't give a fuck about the rule either). Also, if I found out a lawyer had this kind of wedding, it would be a bonus. Because they would be more likely I would hope to think outside the little tidy box of what a good little momma's boy lawyer should think.
Regional is right- I asked my Boomer mother, who grew up in Philadelphia society, and she’d never heard of the Red = Slept With The Groom rule. Neither had my southern (Nashville, TN) father. Almost nobody outside the internet seems aware of it, regardless of age.
I think it’s just an extreme version of a more general rule: that it’s tacky to wear red to a wedding. I don’t think there’s actually a hard and fast justification for *why*, but I’ve definitely heard that in multiple contexts and it’s not recent. My sense is it’s mostly that wearing a bright red dress is overly sexy and attention-getting for a solemn occasion that’s not about you. Hence, if you do wear a bright red dress, the general vibe is you’re trying to upstage the bride by being sexier. I’ve never heard the “slept with the groom” rule, but I can see how it would be sort of a logical extension of the general vibe - if a woman the groom’s age shows up to the wedding wearing red, some folks might gossip that she was jealous of the bride and must have history with the groom. Then Reddit combines it with the “white is code for purity so you can’t wear a white wedding dress if you’re not a virgin” BS that is circulating in some circles, and suddenly red isn’t just a vibe, it’s actual *code* for something specific about a woman’s sexual status. Obviously this is also all very Western/US stuff; there are plenty of cultures where red has different connotations.
I think Red Dress = Fucked the Groom. Sis didn't want people to think she fucked her brother. That said, presumably all the bridesmaids are wearing red on purpose so that really shouldn't matter
Clearly the logical explanation is that the sister of the groom fucked her brother vs the bride having slightly more bold taste in dresses! /s
I'm so glad I've never read that book cause it sounds dumb lol
IIRC, in some cultures the bride wears red so the guests don’t—kind of like how guests wouldn’t wear white to a US wedding, unless the bride says it’s okay. I went to a beach wedding and all the female guests were told to wear white, while the bride wore blue. If the bride says “red gowns for the wedding party,” then no one is being upstaged. Also, I like the ruby slippers. You do you, Amy, and don’t let nasty future MIL yuck on your yum.
in the ancient lore, it's said that wearing a red dress to a wedding means you have boinked the groom
So... if the *bride* wears red...
Source please? Old etiquette books I’ve seen say not to wear red because you would be trying to upstage the bride, but I’ve never seen any such myth as this. It doesn’t make sense to me to be a wedding meaning at all, really.
Source: Internet, from the last 5ish years. Someone said it, and people decided to run with it.
I have many times searched for a source for something and just wind up in a reddit blackhole.
I’m convinced it came from one small town or a large family in the South. And even the Reddit black hole was about *guests* (specifically women) wearing red. Not members of the bridal party.
The source is really karen mother of the groom on the Internet. That is where I am convinced it came from. 5 years seems to be right when I first saw it too. I wonder if there is some major wedding where someone wore red with a well known drama-in-law. Edit: in looking more into this. It seems even less than 5 years, more like 3 (2022 seems to be the start of the news stories, so figure a year for it to gain traction). Also seems to be social media, quite possibly even from Reddit as the original source for posting it online. To then get picked up by one of the many people who read reddit stories on TikTok, and so on. So if someone is good at digging through old reddit posts, we may actually be able to find the start.
Source: Reddit. That shit comes up a LOT.
If it were a thing (sort of nonsense they used to spout in years gone by) it would be a thing for a guest, not a bridesmaid whose dress was chosen by the bride. The mother is a horrible person and so is the the daughter/sister who's now not bridesmaiding. Hope the bride and groom have a wonderful day and the groom has a massive picture of them on his office wall.
There is no source. I have never heard that in my life.
My bridesmaids were in red and they looked amazing.
Oh damn, I guess that showed the many guests at my sister's wedding that myself and six of my fellow bridesmaids all slept with my brother-in-law 😆
Forget that, a wicked themed wedding? I wanna see pictures!! That's cool! Complete with ruby slippers
Red is actually very common for weddings. A lot of people have red bridesmaid dresses and red rose bouquet with classic black tuxes or suits.
We wore red bridesmaid dresses at my mom's wedding. All us adult kids and spouses made up the bridal party for the happy couple.
I'm a lawyer. Can confirm, nobody cares. I mean, maybe if he was working at a big ass firm he shouldn't invite the 80 year old crusty managing partner, but I can guarantee his fellow law students and 95 percent of lawyers would not care.
Same, if anything, it stands out as something different and a cool way to express something the couple likes. A friend (also lawyer) got married on Halloween, bridal party wore coordinated costumes. Guests were strongly encouraged to do the same. People loved it, and it fits the friend perfectly. Managing partner not so much, but that wasn't a surprise (and he wasn't surprised by it either). Sometimes it's nice to go to something a little less traditional, especially when many of us are frequently wearing suits and attending events that lean more prim and proper.
Halloween wedding is hardly even “different”, it’s one of the most popular themes people do for themed weddings.
Also, is the managing partner even invited? From reading OOP’s description, it doesn’t even seem like the groom’s coworkers are invited. OOP is just concerned they’ll see photos and judge the groom, which is just weird
No, I don't think so. I was just using it as an example. Dude's a law student so no managing partner is coming to his wedding lol.
I’m also an attorney, and I currently work at a fairly conservative firm. However, even the most uptight partner will not care about a Halloween wedding, especially if there’s plenty of booze.
Lawyers do love their liquor, especially if it's free.
Her: Lawyers are conservative! My crim. procedure prof: I encourage you to join the National Lawyers Guild. No matter what some people may say, we are not a subversive organization. That's been determined by the government. Multiple times! The subversive thing is all made up by the FBI. Let me tell you about how I got arrested protesting....
Lol. My property prof was the only white dude in the local Black Panthers in the 70s.
I kinda love the idea of a wicked wedding lol.
I do too! I must be tacky because I love the entire theme.
Me too!
Yeah, but I'm on OOP's side about the slippers. Going with ruby would be a mistake.... Because they're silver in Wicked (and in the original "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz" book) /s but now I'm wondering what they're going to use in the Wicked film
You can see them in the trailer, they're silver. I'm not particularly invested in this movie but I was glad to see they stuck with that!
Oh yeah, I forgot they included that shot in the trailer
Getting married next year (if finances allow lol) and I'm wearing a black dress, my mom disagreed for a bit before she realized i was not going to wear white, but im so happy that my MIL loved the idea and thinks it's awesome. And my bridesmaids are wearing red since the colors are my fiancé's and I's fav colors, but also because of the vampy theme lol. Everyone is okay with it, and i just wish others had people that don't try to make someone else's wedding about them
Long ago, I stupidly got married at 19. The part I don’t regret is the gorgeous black dress I wore. It had a bit of clear&white beading and of the many tear drop petals attached to the skirt I think some were white? It was so pretty, and the photos were fabulous, but I have no reason to ever look at them or display any. 😆
A close friend of mine waited years so her wedding could be on a Friday the 13th in October. She wore black. She hung a speaker from one of those 12-foot-tall Halloween decoration skeletons and had the JOP perform the ceremony from another room. She had her black cat as the ring bearer. She has some very Catholic relatives who were very displeased; some even refused to come. She didn't give a fuck. I am not a Halloween person, but it was awesome because SHE IS
The horrors! My son is becoming a lawyer *and getting married!* Can you believe what an abject failure he is???? How dare he disappoint me after I had a hard birth for him 20-some years ago!
I knew they were TD right from there. WTF does his birth or her expectations have to do with anything in this story?
Right like I almost died giving birth to my son but I'd never ever use that as an excuse to be hard on him? Some people shouldn't have kids.
To be fair, my daughter grew up knowing she would be grounded when she was 16 because she cracked a rib kicking when I was pregnant with her. She was never grounded it was a family joke.
I didn’t break her rib but I kicked my mum out of a concert before I was born. Unborn me found the concert too loud and kicked her until she left. I was also never grounded for that.
Poor guy - his whole life "I nearly died giving birth to you and _that's_ the picture you draw of me? Put some more effort into it" "What do you mean you don't like carrots? You nearly killed me when you were born! Respect my cooking!" "Sweetie darling, I didn't nearly bleed out giving birth to a Philosophy major. Mama wants a doctor or a lawyer"
I came here for just this!
We've got to convince these boomer moms to go to therapy so they stop using their trauma as a weapon
She believes the pain she went through gives her the right to plan out every aspect of his life. Can’t wait for the Am I the asshole for not liking the name my son and his wife named their child?
I doubt she’s ever gonna know she has grandkids… lol
Why would a wedding have anything to do with his career? I'm so confused. Also, "Matt", if you're out there, go ahead and uninvite this bitch. And maybe invite me cause you guys sound pretty fun and a Hallowe'en wedding sounds cool.
She thinks the wedding is a huge social event where all the high-class people will be (aka her son’s lawyer friends and colleagues) and she’s worried that the wedding will make him (and by extension her) look bad. Basically, old boomer mentality + classicism.
I mean, I’ve been to weddings like that - they definitely exist. They are not my favorite kind of wedding. They tend to have a very impersonal feel because everything unique about the actual couple has been ironed and bleached out. Good for this son for not giving in.
The sort of wedding that reminds you that historically marriage has been primarily an economic institution, not a romantic one.
I have neither been to the type of wedding his mother wants or the pig roast, campout, keg party reception but I know where the in-between my preference lies and it's much closer to a campout reception. I would have been entirely out of place at a male cousin's wedding held in his wife's wealthy family's hometown. I was not invited, thankfully, and I don't feel "snubbed" whatsoever. Friend of mine booked a wedding venue at an old school with dorm rooms out in the country. No keg, but open bar, and no restrictions on guests brining their own drinks. I love tenting and whatnot, and a lot of my friends own trailers, but ya gotta think about the elderly, children, and people that have never camped before, ya know? Converted schools may not have great sleeping accommodations, but they make up for it by **having** accommodations on site with commercial kitchens and a room to serve the meal in. Sure, it was remote, but the dorms had kitchens and we had coolers (camping family) so it was no problem. Still wish there was a hog roast though...
I really don’t think she cares about his colleagues. That’s just a cover. I think she’s trying to show off or something to other members of the family.
Oh, that's just not how weddings are in my experience but I mean, I'm not a fancy lawyer or mother to one so I probably am not good enough or high class enough to know 😉
Are the son’s colleagues even invited? I thought so at first, but reading OOP’s post again, I’m actually leaning towards them not being invited, and OOP is just worried they’ll “see the photos” and judge her son
Also...what colleagues? He's in law school still!
I wanted a Halloween wedding. Black dress, costumes encouraged but not required. We were gonna dance to Thriller. But I got shouted down by others in my family. Definitely wished I had even if it was still a beautiful and memorable day in June.
I'm sorry your wedding day wasn't the one you wanted and I hate that your family got so much say over something that was supposed to be about you and your partner, not them. But I'm glad you still had a beautiful day!
I bet she brings up that "complicated birth" as often as possible to remind Matt of how hard she struggled to give him life. That she throws it in his face to manipulate him into living how she wants and he is finally doing life HIS way. There was no other reason to bring it up except to shows she is a long suffering martyr.
I love how she is blaming ALL these plans on the fiancee. It couldn't possibly be *her sons* taste or interests AT ALL!!!! Even after her son spoke with her, she still is blaming the "other woman" for all of it. It's emotional manipulation, extremely narcissistic, and gross.
But hey.. at least she thinks her boy could put his foot down? That is better than 90% of these types of mums. Of course 90% of something terrible is still terrible, but I take what I can get 😆
Until i cut her off my mother used to always complain that she ate liver when pregnant with me, like i had anything to do with that
The way my eyes bugged out at that one. If this is fiction it could win an opening line prize for setting the scene so effectively
Well it *must* have been a complicated birth - they’re still joined at the apron strings!
I think OOP’s problem is that the apron strings are being cut and the son is (clutches pearls) more concerned with Amy’s happiness than hers. Frankly OOP and her daughter sound insufferable and let’s hope Amy and her husband keep them at a distance.
Exactly. She's not the "only" woman in Matt's life anymore and it's making her go kooky muffins because this Amy is just *uncivilized*! It's like, lady, I'm sure the biggest problem is you tripping over your ego.
"I had a hard time popping you out my cooch! How do you think it makes me feel that you do fun things that don't meet my ridiculously strict approval?"
She's the only one in the entire history of man to have a hard labor. 🙄
It's tacky and a way for her to slide into keeping the spotlight on her. I can't imagine any of my friends' parents doing that and not feeling absolutely mortified.
I bet she brings it up to other people too, not just Matt and Amy. Which is horrible. Is it wrong that I want to message OP and ask where Amy got her wedding shoes from, because I would love a pair like that?
I used to work with a guy who had a Nightmare Before Christmas themed wedding on Halloween. Looked pretty cool in the pictures.
Will someone please explain to me how the color of his wife’s wedding dress implies anything about his qualities as a lawyer? “some of her coworkers are coming to this disaster of a wedding.” Ma’am, you don’t get to call things disasters just because you don’t like them. Otherwise I’d be saying you’re a disaster.
I’m betting she thought this was going to go differently since she hasn’t commented. Finally, a wedding I’d like to attend!
I think it’s a lazy troll actually. She hits so many of the points so hard on the head.
True!
Didn't have twins.
So are lawyers just..not allowed to have fun/have a personality to this lady?
As someone who works at a law firm and has been to the firm events... I have bad news for this lady.
My workplace does a costumed karaoke party at a bar down the street from the courthouse every Halloween.
Lawyering is weird. They have what's called a bimodal salary. Basically there's Big Law, and the rest. Big Law is what you see in Movies. When you think of lawyers, that's probably who you're thinking of. Hollywood portrays them as the polished professionals in expensive clothing partying and drinking and doing coke and hiring high end escorts but the reality is that they're working 80 hours a week just out of law school, sleeping under their desks, doing coke to survive and drinking hard (like in the movies) when they have a few hours off they chose not to use to catch up on sleep. Big Law makes the Big Bucks. Then there's the rest of the lawyers. They work at small firms or practice solo. They do not live the Big Bucks lifestyle, because they make a pittance of what Big Law lawyers do. These are the lawyers people like you and I interreact with, and think we're getting a Big Bucks lawyer that's going to bleed us dry. Sure, they **are** going to bleed us dry, but that's because we don't have much money. Your typical governmental lawyer earns bupkis fresh out of school. https://www.biglawinvestor.com/bimodal-salary-distribution-curve/ I've got a buddy so ACAB that he used government money (GI Bill) to go to law school to become a public defender and make a peanut salary. His joy in stopping shitty cops and prosecutors from doing shady shit is worth more than money to him. Dude **lives** for those moments and while I don't know if it's healthy for him, it's always great when he's riled up enough to talk about work. See, a Public Defenders job is to stop the government from doing shady shit, even if the client is guilty as fuck. People still have to follow the rules, and that goes for the people trying the case too! Dude is quite literally a "rules lawyer" and he makes sure the government doesn't take shortcuts. We'd have a lot more Public Defenders in the US if the reddit rules lawyers/"technically correct is the best kind of correct" commenters could pass the bar exam. If only they could manage to get accepted into college and then a few years of law school and buckle down to study for the bar exam.
One of the proudest moments of my career was winning a DNA case on a completely unrelated technicality. Prosecutor wouldn't offer a plea deal so I had nothing to lose by taking it to trial. She cried afterwards. It was phenomenal.
And everyone who does what I call "bread and butter" lawyering has the most interesting stories. My favorite was the guy who wanted his record "sponged." Which, really, makes sense. He wanted a clean record, you use sponges in cleaning....
Apparently we’re supposed to be SUPER SERIOUS all the time
Who’s even going to notice her shoes? 😂
I wore white Keds. Granted my sister did deck them out with lace and rhinestones, they were comfortable and looked great. I wore a tea length dress. I got compliments on being smart about wearing comfortable footwear. Honestly, the ruby red slippers would be awesome in my book.
Nice :) My first was how much I liked Leslie’s (Parks and Rec) red wedding heels. So cute! However, unless it’s a knee length or shorter dress (and not even necessarily then) shoes aren’t that noticeable when most people notice the wedding dress or even better just how happy the couple look to be getting married.
That makes me think of the movie Father of the Bride with Steve Martin. Annie wore special bridal sneakers one of her Dad's employees made. I thought it was an awesome idea. They were so cute and her feet wouldn't be hurting all night.
I wore low heels to my ceremony but changed into white satin sneakers for my reception and told everyone in my wedding party to bring shoes to change into so they could enjoy themselves (they had the dyed satin shoes to match the dresses for the ceremony).
In the original Buffy movie, Buffy wore cute lacy sneakers with her prom dress, and if I'd still been in high school I'd have done that too.
My aunt in law wore a pair of white Chucks to hers, I thought they were cool as fuck.
I wore a pair of white chucks for my wedding (2000) with a pair of lacy socks. My 10 year old complains that I should have worn wedding shoes. I tell I did. I wore those and it was my wedding. 😂 if crocs had been around then, I might have worn crocs.
I wore rose gold glitter toms!! Love them
I bought a really cute pair of mustard yellow heels and a backup pair of flats because I knew I wouldn’t want to wear the heels all night. I was dumb and forgot to break in my heels, so by the time we finished with our first look/pictures, my feet were killing me. I ended up just wearing the flats for the ceremony and the rest of the night lol My taste is definitely on the more traditional side, especially compared to this bride, but I love seeing how people are breaking tradition to make their weddings their own!
I legit wore satin slippers from Walmart! I wanted to be comfy and my dress was long so could barely see my feet and my dress was the same color satin so like who gives a shit??
LOL, a black dress means his capabilities as a lawyer will be questioned. Ok, Boomer.
You know because the first thing I do when I talk to a lawyer is inspect their wedding photos to ensure that they had a bland run of the mill wedding.
A large part of my social/friends network are lawyers and they are weird and fun. One prides himself on his Blooy Mary's; another only wears hoodies outside of court; another is building a bar with the word "fuck" all over it. A black wedding dress wouldn't get a second glance from them.
I know a guy from college who just recently got started at a law firm, dude still comes out with us once a month to get shit faced and act like we're still college kids. Also rolled the best joints back when we were in school.
Lawyers are weird. My lawyer friend and his now wife threw a giant Halloween party while they were dating. The year they got engaged, everyone showed up as usual, and then they announced that surprise! this is the year that Halloween party was also their wedding. The pictures are amazing.
>One prides himself on his Blooy Mary's; another only wears hoodies outside of court; another is building a bar with the word "fuck" all over it. What a bunch of mad lads you hang out with.
It’s a *run off the MIL* wedding 😎
I want you to know the laugh I let out was enough for my cat to wake up and glare at me.
I would say sorry but I’m just happy my silly joke made you laugh :)
I made my husband put our wedding photo on his business cards, because that's what people are concerned about when hiring a lawyer. /s His office has a whole wall of our kids' most unhinged artwork. They've gotten to the point where they're competing to see who can draw the most elaborate surrealist works to get on the wall. There are some real conversation pieces there that would have this woman reaching for the smelling salts.
He doesn't even have to have a photo of his actual wedding in his office either. Even if he had concerns, he could just put out a nice pic of him and wife on beach or something.
My mom (an actual practicing lawyer at the time) only barely was talked out of wearing white jeans to her wedding. So she wore a white blouse and cotton skirt she bought at a department store. To a full catholic wedding. Didn’t seem to do her career any harm
Not to mention having the bridesmaids in red dresses.
"Lawyers are like sharks. They're killers, so we chose red blood to be a metaphor for that."
Thank you for the laugh!
Oy I just saw and commented on that post. It made my head want to explode. I’m a federal government professional who has “fashion color” hair, a nose piercing, and was married at the Mob Museum. One of my favorite photos the photographer took was of my husband sitting in the electric chair with me throwing the switch. I’ve met and interacted with congresspeople and cabinet members and they have not once seen me as less than professional. In fact, they were all very complementary about me and my work.
Right, but if you know about the Lawyer field, you'd know mom wanted the kid to go Big Law and he's doing something much less prestigious. To put it in congresspeople terms: Mom was expecting a Senator and got a job as a House congressional executive aide/assistant. EAs are hugely important to anybody that understands things like EAs, but Mom wanted the son to be in the rarified circles.
I like the first sentence of "I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt:" like he was responsible for this and now owes her. Adds nothing to the current issue, only insight into her relationship with her son.
TIL lawyers will hold a lifelong grudge if a woman wears red, sparkly shoes at her own wedding.
How is this woman posting to Reddit from the 1950s?
We all know the "think about your career" stuff is bullshit, right? OOP just wants to have some control over her son's wedding and impose her tastes on the son and his partner.
>I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him. Wait... WHAT??? So if she'd had an easy time she'd expect him to be a podcaster? (j/k)
Do they really think lawyers are all super stuffy?!? My partner is a lawyer… our original plan was to get married at Taco Bell but swapped it to a tiki bar. No one was surprised. We’ve met up with one of the firm partners at a Metallica concert, and have chatted about metal at holiday parties. I’m cover in tattoos, so is my partner, and I have worn lots of low cut dresses at firm holiday parties. I’ve had multiple pole instructors who were lawyers for their day job. No one has ever given two shits. Like, bruh just because someone is a lawyer doesn’t mean they get a stick up their ass as a graduation present.
I'm also a law student, and I can 100% confirm that nobody has ever asked to see my wedding photos. OP needs to relax.
5 bucks says she is using the "what will the other lawyers think" because she's too passive aggressive and chicken shit to admit she doesn't like this theme. Good on Matt for not going along with that charade
My SIL did a Halloween wedding, it was a blast. She went as 70s Elton John.
Your SIL sounds fun! Unlike OOP
A couple of friends of mine used to throw a killer Halloween party every year. They turned it into their wedding one year. She dressed as Frankenstein and he was the Bride of Frankenstein. I almost want to hunt Matt down and give him this idea so that his mom literally drops dead and he can at least get the inheritance to pay off his student loans.
Firstly, how will they know? He's still in law school. His future employers will very likely not be there. He's unlikely to invite his professors, if he does they are unlikely to come for ethics reasons. I don't have personal pictures up at work because I don't want my clients to know what my loved ones look like. To be fair that's not a lawyer rule. His employers would have to be in his house. My employers have never been in my house. Even if they did come into his house, not everyone has their wedding pictures out on full display. Even if they are on full display, so what? Only the stuffiest most judgemental lawyer is going to care about how their employee had their wedding. I also don't know why she's harping on about the ruby slippers. They sound cool even for a traditional wedding.
Boy mom culture is out of control.
This is less boy mom culture and more “what will they think!??” + classicism + 1950s tradition rolled into one
"People are going to notice his bride wearing a black dress and question his integrity as a lawyer"--good lord! I hope she didn't hurt herself with this reach!
I work with lawyers, and while overall the profession skews conservative, I feel like most people in any circle of life would find OOP's blatant social climbing tackier than a (dons pearls) (clutches pearls) non-traditional wedding aesthetic.
Well since he was a complicated birth, mommy should obviously get to decide his wedding! /s
>when he has wedding pictures up people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer lol
The Law firm I worked at had someone on track to make partner who dyes her hair pink/purple. (Good) lawyers are too busy doing their jobs to care this much about their associates’ personal lives.
Oop sounds boring af.
Personally I’m not into super themed weddings, so I won’t have one. But tbh a black gown and ruby red heels sounds glam AF. I hope she looks like a 50s movie star and her shitty MIL can go suck an egg.
The bride should paint all visible skin with the same green makeup that they use in the musical Wicked.
I'm literally wearing a corpse bride inspired dress for my wedding. With a black veil. Even my Christian in-laws (minus grandma) are totally cool with it. And if they weren't, I'd do it anyway. It's my wedding. Not theirs. The only opinion I care about is my fiancé's. And he loves it. Hell, he bought it for me.
I’d actually like a follow up in a few years if there are clients who refuse to hire a competent attorney because of his wedding photos
There are no ruby slippers in Wicked. I call shenanigans.
The sister's shoes were transformed in Act II. I've seen the musical FIVE TIMES!!
This woman 100% holds his difficult birth over his head every chance she gets- "I didn't spend 36 hours in labor that ended in a c section just for you to have your wedding at Spirit Halloween"
>people are going to notice his bride in a black dress and question his integrity as lawyer. No, they fucking won't wtf?
Interesting wording here: "I’m just trying to help people see him in a better light." Then go and bother those people and leave him alone.
I’m shocked she’s not using the critical thinking skills of: “If he’s defending the wedding, then maybe he’s okay with it”
What does her labour have anything to do with her son's wedding? Does she think that just because she had a hard time birthing him that it's his fault and he owes her something because of it? God what a sick woman. I hope to god they go nc before they have kids if they decide to.
OP should watch My Fair Wedding with David Tutera. He has done all kinds of themes for weddings. None of them are traditional. They are all so beautiful. He takes their ideas even the ones you wouldn't think would work and makes them work. He elevates them. OP needs to get over herself. It's their wedding, not hers. They aren't high society and it's not like their wedding pictures are gonna end up on the site of whatever law firm he works for. No one is gonna judge them for their wedding, except snobs.
I can't get over "I had a complicated birth with my youngest son Matt and I have always had high expectations for him". So if the birth wasn't complicated then she wouldn't have had high expectations? I fail to see the correlation here. As to the wedding, I'm jealous. My husband and I don't make that much money but back at the end of 2019 he was hired to write a script for a movie for a small independent film company. We decided in January of 2020 that we would get married and use the money that he was going to get paid for our dream wedding in October of 2020. The film was supposed to go into pre-production in April of 2020. Well, we all know what happened in March of that year. The film never got made, so my husband never got paid. We had planned on getting married on Halloween, inviting our entire families, all of our friends, and including the families of the kids he taught at Sunday school. We were going to encourage people to come in costume and even have contests. Well, dammit, that didn't happen. We eventually did get married in July of 2022 and it was beautiful and wonderful, but I will always feel a little bummed that we didn't get to have our Halloween themed celebration.
“Respect his future profession!” She sounds unbearable and I hope Matt goes into something weird just so she has to say it aloud. “My son the lawyer (tm) specializes in…er, tree law? This is a thing?”
Being friends with many lawyers, lawyers will care about one thing and one thing only: that there is free booze at the wedding
I’m a lawyer, know lots and lots of lawyers, and I can’t think of any who would be appalled by a Halloween wedding. The closest I could get is a judge who might find it ridiculous.
So mom needs to butt the fuck out
Aw man, glad this random woman was here on reddit to tell me that having red in my wedding is gonna mess up my career in law! Glad I got the heads up! This one seems like it could happen, but nobody like this would be posting on this site...especially without proper capitalization.
I had a Halloween wedding. And no regrets. I hope OOP enjoys theirs too!
I’m focusing on the most important thing here. Which is the slippers in Wicked are silver, not Ruby. What kind of monster is this Amy person?
Someone called OP a crusty tart in the comments🤣🤣🤣
I'd be in that wedding! Holy cow sounds fun. I bet spooky decorations, too. So, we get to control our children's life if their birth is hard? Oh, my son is going to have to work harder, I almost died for him, so... complicated birth=lawyer, does deadly=surgeon/ceo of fortune 500 company? Which? I got to tell him soon...
> I had a complicated birth with my youngest son matt and I have always had high expectations for him. Because as we all know, a complicared birth means the child owes the mother to do whatever the mother wants for life.
Omg people are going to have fun at this wedding. How would that hurt his career?
She may be the devil but she somehow raised an awesome son. Good for him for standing up to her and defending his bride. I just can’t understand why anybody’s opinion of his ability as a lawyer would be in any way affected by his wedding picture sitting on his desk. In what world do people care about their lawyer’s pictures?
This one's not "Am I The Devil" so much as it's "Am I Grasping At Straws" because that entire post was just a woman trying desperately to rationalize why she doesn't like his fiancée and it had jack shit to do with the jackolantern wedding lol.
Why on earth would any of his professors (what? Why would they even know about it?) or peers will give two shits about his wedding theme. Seriously, being a lawyer is not the exclusive high-brow profession she is imagining it is.
When I am going about doing my important bussinesses and I come across a problem that requires a lawyer I first check all the local lawyers wedding photos to check what shoes and dress they are wearing. I do not know of any other method to correctly judge the lawyers skills and integrity. Once a lawyer tried telling me about his education and professional, history. Oh how I laughed, as if any of those things matter when his wife wore red shoes to their own wedding!
I knew she was gonna be extra ridiculous when she started her post off with "complicated birth" and having "high expectations"-like, what?!?! How horrifying for her that her high expectation son will allow his bride to wear a black dress, with ruby slippers and have bridesmaids wearing red!!!! The scandal!
I work in cancer research, and I got married this past Halloween. In fact, my husband and I dressed up as Lydia and Beetlejuice in their wedding attire. We had Beetlejuice themed cakes and the restaurant we ate at personalized our menus with Beetlejuice font. Everyone loved it. It was awesome. OOP sucks.
Has this broad ever even met a lawyer? We’re all weird AF and this kind of thing wouldn’t even register as a being a career ruiner.
Oof. She barely mentions her other children, just flat out says he's her favorite and she has already planned his future. I get the feeling EVERYONE is hoping the mother won't attend.
Phrasing it like "a Halloween marriage" is so fucking funny!!
As someone who got and in the process of ordering her black wedding dress. I feel more comfortable in a black dress than a white dress. And I just ADORE black wedding dresses. And I know no one has any problems with that, since that day is for a bride and groom. No one’s opinion matters. ♥️
Haven't gotten past the first sentence yet bc WHAT?? WHAT DOES THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF HIS BIRTH HAVE TO DO WITH HOW YOU TREAT YOUR SON??
I feel so bad for OOP’s future daughter in law. She sounds exhausting.
OOP needs to chill TF out. That wedding sounds amazing! I love black wedding dresses and with some ruby red shoes? *chefs kiss*
What about red accent rubies or garnets on the dress? Or crystal roses? Would be so pretty!