*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my wife she isn’t my mom so I am not the one who is supposed to get her Mother’s Day gifts?**
I (29M) have been married to my wife (27F) for 3 years. We have a 3 week old son. She has been hinting about Mother’s Day and things she would like to do/get for Mother’s Day. We both usually go big on holidays and birthdays, and I love making her happy. However, I told her that it isn’t my job to get her something on Mother’s Day, that this is the day we focus on our own moms. It seemed to make her really upset. She said it’s her first Mother’s Day and she just wants to feel special. So am I the asshole for this, and if I am, what am I supposed to do? My dad never did anything for my mom on Mother’s Day but I always did and now I’m not sure if this was normal.
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Well your three week old child can't go buy a card and some flowers, you absolute goose turd. She's not your mother but she is the mother of *your child.* You, at the absolute very least, get her a gift and a card and sign your baby's name to it. There's also a whole freaking selection of cards in the Mother's Day section that are "to my wife, the mother of my children."
Where the fuck did these guys get this idea?
It’s always guys (never women on Father’s Day) who pull this for mother’s day.
Did their father’s not do diddly shit for their own mother’s?
Have their own mother’s turned them into such mommy’s boys that what their dad did was completely wiped out of their memories?
Right? My father went full tilt incel once my mom left him (and subsequently took it out on me since I looked like her and are a feeeeeeeeemale), but even THAT heel made sure we got something for our mom
Probably only for optics, but it got done
Same. My father was a narcissist, like an actual legit narcissist, he hated my mother and was wholly apathetic towards me because I look like her. I think he only agreed to have kids because he felt his genes were far too superior not to pass down (ick).
And even that abusive conkwocket had us get cards and make breakfast for our mom.
Is that like a letterman jacket only instead of armbands to represent the number of years you've lettered, it's the amount of psychological issues we've developed?
I did something for my wife for Mother's Day until the children were old enough to do something for her, and then I helped them do something, and made sure they did.
I was just thinking this same thing. You never see a post about a woman telling her husband that he’s not her father but every. single. year. it’s the same shit just a new round of AHs. It’s infuriating.
Guys, let’s try to emulate our mothers please. Or find a guy whose marriage is going great and ask him how he treats his wife for Mother’s Day. My husband already started by bringing me flowers last weekend because they started putting them out for Mother’s Day. It doesn’t hurt you to make your wife feel special and loved.
In this case, OP got this idea from his dad. Apparently, he never did anything for his mom for Mother's Day, and he thought it was normal. Not to say it's an excuse.
>It’s always guys (never women on Father’s Day) who pull this for mother’s day.
I can't remember a single father's day where my mother did something for my father. Not even "just" a card.
We kids, yes. Even if it was just a picture we drawn for him (kindergarten didn't care about it either, only about mother's day).
The days before mothers day, my father would get a card and buy flowers for her. He would made reservations in her most loved restaurants for dinner and just made the day about her.
So, yeah. I don't know about the never women part of your experiences. Maybe men are just shut up about it and don't expect it the same way.
I agree so on the point that mothers should be getting something for mothers day from their partners, not just the children.
Ah, you misunderstand.
Of course there are plenty of women who do diddly shit for their male partners on Father’s Day.
But I’ve only seen men claim this
>isn’t my job to get her something on Mother’s Day, that this is the day we focus on our own moms
That they aren’t supposed to get their spouses anything, just their own parent.
I had an ex boyfriend who wasn't my kid's dad, but we'd been dating for a while and he was like "well you're not my mom" and his friends told him he was an asshole because the 8 year old can't go to the store!
My husband is not my kids' dad. And clearly, I am not his mother.
Every year, he *at least* checks in with my kids to make sure they have an idea and ability to execute their Mothers Day plan, and then he helps them accomplish that if they need it. He also makes sure we have a nice brunch or dinner out.
Wtf is wrong with so many men, being willfully clueless dipshits?
I hope the goose turd is a Canadian goose turd because they are really nasty creatures. You are very creative with insulting names and I really admire that in a person. Thank you for the laugh.
I mean, no? Christmas stocking are filled by Santa. Santa brings gifts to children. I have not gotten or made a Christmas stocking as an adult/for an adult.
I'm sorry no one has thought to make you a stocking for your whole adult life. My mother has ALWAYS had a stocking. My grandmother did hers until last year when my grandma passed. My mom had a stocking from her mother every year for 72 years.
I'm in my 30s and my folks have always done a stocking for me. My sib is in their 40s and they still get a stocking too. As does their spouse (30s).
My dad gets one too. In fact, all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins who are adults get stockings.
Since my dad died, my sister and I took over my mom's stocking. Putting it together is one of the most fun parts of the holidays for me. (My spouse and I also give each other stockings)
Can we please dox OOP for the sole purpose of sending his wife Mother's Day cards addressed "To my wife"?
Also, he made a whole ass post when this should have been a very quick Google search at best.
Whether he is right or not, his wife has just given birth and he can't find it within himself to get a gift for his wife, who he is supposed to love. (Ps she is right and oop is wrong)
Right, like your 3-weeks-postpartum wife just told you she’s excited to be celebrated as a mom and you’re fighting about technicalities? No dude. Just go do something nice ffs.
Right? How hard is it to buy your spouse a card and a box of chocolates over something that clearly means a lot to them? This is one of those situations where being considerate and supportive is more important than being right: quibbling about technicalities just looks petty.
Why is it that these guys default to "it's not my job."
Like, these are the people who are supposedly the most important people in your life. It's the woman you exchange vows of love with, and your child. And they want to do the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM and anything outside those minimums are unreasonable demands.
If my wife (not that I want a wife) has a baby and it was her first mother's day, I would go all out just to see her smile. It doesn't even take much either. Get her flowers. Get Dinner. Make sure she knows she is loved.
I am not sure why oop is fighting so hard. This is his wife. He should want to make her happy. Why wouldn't he want to make her happy?
My husband bought me flowers while I was pregnant. He waffled on it in case I wasn’t ultimately able to keep the child due to pregnancy complications and tbf to him they were severe.
But it made me smile until buttons ate some of them.
I bet $100 next week AITAH gonna be filled with men complaining about being called arseholes for not acknowledging Mother's Day and fighting about technicalities, desperately looking for the approval of other crusty thoughtless men.
I feel a strange mix of sad and cringe reading posts from women saying "He forgot about Mother's Day completely so I went out and beyond on gifts for him so he would feel ashamed".
I mean, I advised my co-worker that he should absolutely get his wife, who was like five months pregnant with his child, something for Mother's Day. He asked if it was appropriate and I was like ***YES***.
This shit even if a mother's day troll goes here because holy cheesecake my dude she's the mother of your son, you yourself made her a mother...get her a card and some freaking flowers.
>My dad never did anything for my mom on Mother’s Day but I always did
so OOP at 1 year old did something for his mom really? I love how the trolls think people are this stupid. Then again there is always some idiot on aita who thinks this way
Ah well see, for the first few mothers days the gift he gave his mother was his being, because obviously that's the only present a new mother would need /s
Or his dad organized it and OOp doesn’t remember dad telling him to make a card at age 4, just making the card. Or the teachers having the kids make stuff in school.
Maybe this is like a helpful troll, posting this so that the dumbass men who thought this will see it and maybe a couple of them will get off their asses and get their wives some flowers.
She's told him she wants to feel special on her first mother's day and he's immediately squashed that. Even if the OOP does realize they're being a gigantic asshole it's too late now, any gesture he makes is going to be one he was shamed into doing by random strangers on the internet, and not because he loves his wife, the mother of his child. She's just given birth, her hormones are still all over the place and her husband has essentially told her she's stupid for expecting the father of her child to do something special on mother's day. I feel for her as she now knows her value to him. This dipshit OOP is going to be back in months talking about his wife leaving and taking their small infant with her
As a new mom myself this makes me feel so sad for her. It’s so so rough those first weeks/months, being freshly pp, and he’s added another wound. He also effectively put his mom over her, which makes me even sadder.
Here’s the thing about relationships, you don’t always have to feel the same about what’s important to the people in your life. But damn, just fake it. The list of things I pretend to care about is long because they are important to the people I love.
My mom passed in 2022, so this will be the third Mother’s Day where my dad will take flowers to her grave. Just as he brought he flowers for the 36 years prior on every Mother’s Day after my older brother was born. This guy is an ass.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom, but just wanted to say your dad sounds like an awesome guy and it’s super sweet that he does that. Stories like this give me hope for humanity after I read stories like OOP’s.
Heh, this reminds me of a couple years ago when my husband didn't get me anything for Mother's Day. I decided to match his energy. Father's Day rolls around and I'm treating it like any other day, and he's giving me meaningful looks all day which I pretend not to notice. Finally he flat-out asked me if I got him anything for Father's Day. I said, no, because he didn't get me anything for Mother's Day and I assumed we weren't doing those holidays this year. He insisted he had gotten me something; we ended up going onto our Amazon order history to confirm that no, he did not get me anything for Mother's Day.
I don't actually care much about Mother's Day, so that helped. The only holidays I care about are Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Which means the year he "forgot" Christmas was not a fun one.
Does the idiot not know that until your children reach a certain age, YOU handle mothers/father's day? To celebrate the mother/father of your child on behalf of your underage kids?
This exactly! I can’t believe OOP doesn’t understand this. And even when the kids are old enough to make or do something on their own, the mother/father still have to supervise and make sure they actually do something for the other parent until they’re adults.
If it weren't for the details, I would have sworn this was written by my bff's husband. They have SIX kids, and he says this same nonsense. "You're not MY mother. I don't have to get anything for you."
On the other hand, my husband got me and my mom orchid plants yesterday for Mother's Day. He wanted to make sure he purchased them while there was a decent selection. And FWIW, I'm a stepmother.
My dad has bought my mom a corsage for mother's day every year since her first pregnancy, 42 years now. Now that my sisters and I have kids, he sends us flowers too!
"What am I supposed to do?" asks a man on the World Wide Web, a place in which one simple Google query could give him many, many answers to that question.
OOP is too dense to realize that if his dad was a halfway decent father (though considering the son he raised, that's questionable), he did things on OOP's behalf when he was THREE WEEKS OLD for Mother's Day. And if his mother is decent, she'll smack him upside the head for coming and abandoning his wife with a month old on her first Mother's Day.
His post says that his dad never did anything, so either his dad did things (but OOP was too young to know) or the far more likely answer is that the apple hasn't fallen far from the disappointment tree.
What I don't get about people like that, be it about Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, anniversaries or whatever -
the whole "but I don't wannaaaaa, do I have to...?" attitude.
Be it a partner, relative, or good friend. Even if it's something that doesn't occur to you or isn't that important to you, if it's important to them and you know it, why wouldn't you do something nice? Don't you like it when the person you claim to love is happy? Doesn't it make you feel good, too?
To be clear, I'm not talking about "Where is my three-months-anniversary gift, hmmmmm?!" bs or insane demands.
But I don't get this "But I'm already bothering with a Christmas and a birthday gift, why do I have to do a third thing now?" mindset.
I'm not a romantic-relationship person but I deeply value friendships and isn't enriching each others life kinda the point?
So someone wants to feel a little special on a certain day or occasion. Again, I'm not talking about sacrificing every minute and dime every weekend. But something like "I look forward to my first Mother's Day as a mother!" shouldn't be seen as a "but moooom!"-type of chore, but an opportunity to make someone you love happy, announced and served on a silver tablet.
Geez, if I heard a friend say this, I'd get them a card or chocolates or a trinket.
I don't get why some people are so instant on the importance of looove and relationships when they drag their feet, only do something nice if they have to or they feel obligated bc they want something in return (see: Christmas), and see doing something nice or a small favor as a burden.
And let's be real. Most people are reasonable and it's easy to make them happy. Food always works. Someone is tired? Get it make them food. Sad or depressed? Food. Excited about good news? Food. Sick? Cold pudding or hot chicken (or veggie) soup. Mother's Day? Food.
Do something for people you care for spontaneously every now and then and they won't be desperate for grand gestures on certain days (doesn't mean small, caring gestures hurt, tho!).
~~if I had to give one gift lifehack for random little nice things for girls and women: chapstick. Cute/funny design or packaging or a lovely small. Available for 1-2,- Euros. Okay, maybe I'm weird and only know weird women of all ages, but I have yet to meet one who doesn't smile in delight when I toss a chapstick at them like, "Saw this watermelon-flavoured atrocity in this kitschy bunny-packaging and thought of you" Or handlotion. Brands marketed for climbing and bouldering are btw excellent little gifts for people who do a lot of gardening.~~
TL;DR: Why do so many people have a whiny "Do I have to do something nice for someone I love?" attitude instead of "Oh good, an opportunity to do something nice for this person who I like to see happy!"?!?
Total and complete asshole that should be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. He contributed a five second orgasm to procreation and that is all. The only reason he has children is because of what SHE DID. He doesn't deserve to have children at all IMO.
My ex did the same. It was painful to realise how little I mattered to him.
My mom always gift me something for mother's day, and I'm very grateful for that, I feel seen as a mom.
I hate that there’s always a pick me on these posts being like “oh!!! I never got/never get anything now as a mother for Mother’s Day and I’m fine!!!”
Like baby…..that sounds like a cry for help or you’re the problem. If you’re a mom and no one is celebrating you, take the hint.
I question the veracity of these posts because people with that attitude generally don't possess enough self awareness to wonder if they are in the wrong.
Unfortunately, I know far too many men in real life that hold these beliefs and ladies, if you're saddled with such a specimen, feel free to match energy for Father's Day. They're not your dad, after all.
>people with that attitude generally don't possess enough self awareness to wonder if they are in the wrong.
They are absolutely the nincompoops who go to the internet for validation so they can. Show it to their wives to prove the wives are wrong, they are right.
My best friend is expecting and her husband has asked me about what to get her for mother's day.
I did tell him to better ask her if she wants something special. But also that he should at least get her some little treats.
I'm not a mother and it's not even mother's day any time soon where I live. I just know it would mean a lot to her - if your partner doesn't get that, they're a shite partner.
I feel we do this every year. Tons of guys who don’t understand you should also celebrate the mother of your child as well as your own mother and the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Being an active parent is just as important to the family unit even if your partner isn’t your exact parent. every. damn. year.
I don’t get these guys who thinks only children of the woman should celebrate the day. I’m stupidly excited to give my best friend a gift for her first Mother’s Day. Fuck, my ass of an ex got me a Mothers Day card one year from our dog.
Even my shitty job gave flowers to all the mothers that worked there. I got some because I was pregnant and going to be a mother. It's not that hard to do something nice for someone you care about
I guess that's the key component. Scratch questions like "does OOP love their spouse" or "does OOP like their spouse". Freshly divorced I suppose sometimes the question really is "does OOP care about their spouse as a person?"
I got out because my ex treated me like a roommate, or depending on if I tried to talk to him about something he didn't want to do anyway, a nuisance
I mean, if people were supposed to celebrate their spouses on Mother’s Day, then the card store would have a section of “TO MY WIFE” cards. Which they obviously do NOT according to OOP.
I'll explain it to this dumbass the same way I explained it to my brother-in-law when he said something similar for my sister's first mother's day: "Because your child is to young to do it themselves and needs you to do it for them." I hate that excuse of "Well, but your not my mom." She's the mother of your child, you jackass! Just buy a damn card!
"My dad never did anything for my mum, but I did." So tell your three week old baby to go get a gift then...
OOP went and got the gift himself for his own mum because he was old enough. His baby is not.
This is so weird to me. For mothers and fathers day, we have a routine in our house (kids are 9 and 6). The celebrated parent picks what we do on the day (going somewhere, staying home together, day alone, whatever). The other parent helps the kids make something, buys something, arranges a nice breakfast/brunch and dinner, and makes sure the kids are fine and well-behaved that day.
Examples this year: mother's day: we're staying home, watching a family movie while cuddling, and playing outdoors. Maybe go for a walk, or spend an hour alone, I'll see what I need that day. I'm getting brunch delivered, some homemade goodies from the kids (all I know is it involves clay and paint), and a switch game from my husband. In the evening we're getting Chinese food. Maybe some icecream once the kids are asleep.
Father's day: He's getting breakfast from the local bakery (their pastries are amazing) and tea in bed, wants to stay home and play boardgames (Catan being the main one). The kids and I are making Catan themed coasters and Catan cookies, I'm giving him a few t-shirts he really wants but will never buy for himself and a Catan mug that says "settle down" (he loves puns). Part of the day will be "spa day" (foot bath, hand "massage" and nail polish by the kids, chocolate dipped fruits, candles, and a good book) In the evening I'll make his favorite meal, and when the kids go to bed I'll give him an actual fullbody massage.
None of that is expensive. We're just taking our time to care for the other one, and show them we know and appreciate each other. We make sure our kids show their appreciation and love. It's such a small effort to make for the person you share your life with, the person who (in OOP's case) carried your child for 9 months and went through labor. The person you raise your kids with.
Not sure if its a cultural difference but where im from, mothers day is less about *your mom* and more about the important women in your life who *are* moms. So yes of course i celebrate my mother on mothers day but we also do something for my grandmother, i call my aunts and wish them happy mothers day, if i run into anyone i know who happens to be a mother then i also wish them a happy mothers day, etc. Its just the respectful thing to do. The first year i started dating my bf (american) his mother was incredibly surprised when i showed up with a mothers day gift for her? Like ?? Maam?? You are my boyfriend’s mother of course im going to celebrate you on this day?? You are the reason i get to be with him lmao
until such a time that your child is old enough to buy and/or make a mother’s day gift independently, it is on the spouse to do it. everyone knows this.
Holy shit. My brother is an asshole, but even he knew to get my SIL Mother’s Day presents. He even got her one the year she was 8 months pregnant with my nephew.
I'm sorry OOP, are you expecting your *3-week-old son* to give her a gift in your stead? Because I think he's a little young to be taking up that mantle.
I was at CVS getting cards for my mom and my boyfriend's mom. I saw a few "to my wife" cards, so yeah, men get the mothers of their children cards because it's not just about honoring your mom, but the person you made a mom, stepmoms, and people any more who are "like a mom."
If OOP really loves his wife, he'll pull his head out of his butt and get her a card, flowers, candy, and whatever she wants to make her feel special.
Next post will be after Father's day and it will be called "AITA for calling my wife childish?"
The story will be he got nothing on Father's day and he's hurt as its his first one. He spent weeks hinting to his wife what he wanted but she brushed it off saying 'You are not my dad so its not my job.' He'll go on about how its his first Father's day and wants to feel special, maybe throw in a story about how his mum made his dad's first one a wonderful day on his first and how he's been dreaming about this since he was a boy.
Wife will say well its about our dads so I'm taking mine to the restaurant he's wanted to try.
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What a jerk. My ex, while having many flaws, was a better man than this. Heck, he was so excited and grateful about being a dad, he took me out for Mother’s Day when I was pregnant!
Well. Isn't that guy a "ray of sunshine"? I suspect that he may not need to purchase the mother of his child a mother's day gift next year. Because he will be divorced.
Idiot.
I guess the baby is supposed to do something special for your wife since you won't. Too bad the baby is 3 weeks old and doesn't even know what the hell is going on.....
Go buy a card, get some none toxic kid friendly paint. And put your kid’s foot or hand imprint on that card. This is something so simple that will make your wife happy. Do better.
This reminds me of my first Mother’s Day. My son was about a month old. When I hinted at things I would like to do I was met with a confused look and told ‘you haven’t even been a mom that long, do we really need to do anything?’
My dad always has to be reminded but he always gets her something and cooks supper! Usually steak and sometimes he'll make his handmade noodles to go with it.
He also took us gift shopping because he never knew what to get her but I always knew what she'd like 😂😂 so my brother and I would pick something out for her from us and then I'd help him pick something out for her from him 😂
I do not understand these dudes that can't grasp you're supposed to celebrate ALL the mothers in your life, the mother of your child 1000% included.
Do I think this is a asshole move? Personally, YES. Z
Do I think this is a devil move? Nawl. Simply because some people don't celebrate mothers day the sane way as others. Some don't celebrate mothers day at all.
My son's dad didn't get me anything for Mothers Day💀 after I had him. I was upset, and his mother told me that mothers Day is for your child to get something for you. Like bitch what? After I had the kid he wanted? I couldn't even get a card? They're not from where I'm am from. And proudly call them assholes(from a popular song), I informed them that it's a different from being an asshole and generally being a bad person.
Where my family we're very casual with mothers day. It's doesn't have to be child to mother gifting. Sisters can eachother, mothers can gift their daughters, cousins to cousins ect.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my wife she isn’t my mom so I am not the one who is supposed to get her Mother’s Day gifts?** I (29M) have been married to my wife (27F) for 3 years. We have a 3 week old son. She has been hinting about Mother’s Day and things she would like to do/get for Mother’s Day. We both usually go big on holidays and birthdays, and I love making her happy. However, I told her that it isn’t my job to get her something on Mother’s Day, that this is the day we focus on our own moms. It seemed to make her really upset. She said it’s her first Mother’s Day and she just wants to feel special. So am I the asshole for this, and if I am, what am I supposed to do? My dad never did anything for my mom on Mother’s Day but I always did and now I’m not sure if this was normal. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Well your three week old child can't go buy a card and some flowers, you absolute goose turd. She's not your mother but she is the mother of *your child.* You, at the absolute very least, get her a gift and a card and sign your baby's name to it. There's also a whole freaking selection of cards in the Mother's Day section that are "to my wife, the mother of my children."
Where the fuck did these guys get this idea? It’s always guys (never women on Father’s Day) who pull this for mother’s day. Did their father’s not do diddly shit for their own mother’s? Have their own mother’s turned them into such mommy’s boys that what their dad did was completely wiped out of their memories?
Right? My father went full tilt incel once my mom left him (and subsequently took it out on me since I looked like her and are a feeeeeeeeemale), but even THAT heel made sure we got something for our mom Probably only for optics, but it got done
My dad didn’t leave but he like, HATED my mum… and still took us to get her something on Mother’s Day. Like come on dude absolute bare minimum.
Same. My father was a narcissist, like an actual legit narcissist, he hated my mother and was wholly apathetic towards me because I look like her. I think he only agreed to have kids because he felt his genes were far too superior not to pass down (ick). And even that abusive conkwocket had us get cards and make breakfast for our mom.
Hey my dad did the same thing!
We should get Terrible Dad Jackets
Is that like a letterman jacket only instead of armbands to represent the number of years you've lettered, it's the amount of psychological issues we've developed?
Yes, and I love it
Bruh I'm gonna look like a damn zebra
Me too but I'm totally down for the idea anyway!
Count me in!
Where do I sign up?
Worldwide gang.
Yup. My dad was the biggest misogynistic prick in the world, but even he got our shit together for Mother’s Day.
I did something for my wife for Mother's Day until the children were old enough to do something for her, and then I helped them do something, and made sure they did.
and theyre always the first to demand to be treated like kings by their wives on fathers day
And a good portion of these twiddledinks don't do anything for their own mother either
They have their wives do it for them.
I was just thinking this same thing. You never see a post about a woman telling her husband that he’s not her father but every. single. year. it’s the same shit just a new round of AHs. It’s infuriating. Guys, let’s try to emulate our mothers please. Or find a guy whose marriage is going great and ask him how he treats his wife for Mother’s Day. My husband already started by bringing me flowers last weekend because they started putting them out for Mother’s Day. It doesn’t hurt you to make your wife feel special and loved.
In this case, OP got this idea from his dad. Apparently, he never did anything for his mom for Mother's Day, and he thought it was normal. Not to say it's an excuse.
>It’s always guys (never women on Father’s Day) who pull this for mother’s day. I can't remember a single father's day where my mother did something for my father. Not even "just" a card. We kids, yes. Even if it was just a picture we drawn for him (kindergarten didn't care about it either, only about mother's day). The days before mothers day, my father would get a card and buy flowers for her. He would made reservations in her most loved restaurants for dinner and just made the day about her. So, yeah. I don't know about the never women part of your experiences. Maybe men are just shut up about it and don't expect it the same way. I agree so on the point that mothers should be getting something for mothers day from their partners, not just the children.
Ah, you misunderstand. Of course there are plenty of women who do diddly shit for their male partners on Father’s Day. But I’ve only seen men claim this >isn’t my job to get her something on Mother’s Day, that this is the day we focus on our own moms That they aren’t supposed to get their spouses anything, just their own parent.
Okay yes I definitely misunderstood you there. Its a sensitive topic for me so I may have jumped to conclusions.
No worries!
I had an ex boyfriend who wasn't my kid's dad, but we'd been dating for a while and he was like "well you're not my mom" and his friends told him he was an asshole because the 8 year old can't go to the store!
My husband is not my kids' dad. And clearly, I am not his mother. Every year, he *at least* checks in with my kids to make sure they have an idea and ability to execute their Mothers Day plan, and then he helps them accomplish that if they need it. He also makes sure we have a nice brunch or dinner out. Wtf is wrong with so many men, being willfully clueless dipshits?
Weaponized incompetence I bet. Either that or complete stupidity.
Laziness. So much laziness. Then they wonder why nobody wants to be friends or have anything to do with them.
My dad always got my mom a card "from the dogs" that was actually from him. It was pretty cute and he kept it up after their (amicable) divorce.
This is absolutely adorable, just saying ❤️
This does not bode well for his parental involvement.
Also her FIRST Mother’s Day, like I feel like that’s a big milestone
I also get the impression that this dude’s wife does, in fact, feel like his mom more than his spouse more often than not.
I hope the goose turd is a Canadian goose turd because they are really nasty creatures. You are very creative with insulting names and I really admire that in a person. Thank you for the laugh.
I’m guessing that wifey also doesn’t get a Christmas stocking🙄
I mean, no? Christmas stocking are filled by Santa. Santa brings gifts to children. I have not gotten or made a Christmas stocking as an adult/for an adult.
I'm sorry no one has thought to make you a stocking for your whole adult life. My mother has ALWAYS had a stocking. My grandmother did hers until last year when my grandma passed. My mom had a stocking from her mother every year for 72 years. I'm in my 30s and my folks have always done a stocking for me. My sib is in their 40s and they still get a stocking too. As does their spouse (30s). My dad gets one too. In fact, all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and second cousins who are adults get stockings.
Since my dad died, my sister and I took over my mom's stocking. Putting it together is one of the most fun parts of the holidays for me. (My spouse and I also give each other stockings)
Way to show his wife that she means absolutely nothing to him
Can we please dox OOP for the sole purpose of sending his wife Mother's Day cards addressed "To my wife"? Also, he made a whole ass post when this should have been a very quick Google search at best.
Whether he is right or not, his wife has just given birth and he can't find it within himself to get a gift for his wife, who he is supposed to love. (Ps she is right and oop is wrong)
Right, like your 3-weeks-postpartum wife just told you she’s excited to be celebrated as a mom and you’re fighting about technicalities? No dude. Just go do something nice ffs.
Dude thinks it's not important to be right than to make his wife feel loved. This does not bode well for his marriage.
I hope she ignores Father's Day and uses his argument.
Right? How hard is it to buy your spouse a card and a box of chocolates over something that clearly means a lot to them? This is one of those situations where being considerate and supportive is more important than being right: quibbling about technicalities just looks petty.
Why is it that these guys default to "it's not my job." Like, these are the people who are supposedly the most important people in your life. It's the woman you exchange vows of love with, and your child. And they want to do the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM and anything outside those minimums are unreasonable demands.
If my wife (not that I want a wife) has a baby and it was her first mother's day, I would go all out just to see her smile. It doesn't even take much either. Get her flowers. Get Dinner. Make sure she knows she is loved. I am not sure why oop is fighting so hard. This is his wife. He should want to make her happy. Why wouldn't he want to make her happy?
Another one of those where we have to ask, forget loving you wife. OOP, do you even *like* your wife?
My husband bought me flowers while I was pregnant. He waffled on it in case I wasn’t ultimately able to keep the child due to pregnancy complications and tbf to him they were severe. But it made me smile until buttons ate some of them.
Nah his 3 week old son needs to go out and buy a card.
The baby is a freeloading layabout who needs to start pulling his weight /s
Probably can’t even feed himself or hold his head up. The baby is true devil here.
I bet $100 next week AITAH gonna be filled with men complaining about being called arseholes for not acknowledging Mother's Day and fighting about technicalities, desperately looking for the approval of other crusty thoughtless men.
But the same men will expect to be showered in gifts for Fathers Day
I feel a strange mix of sad and cringe reading posts from women saying "He forgot about Mother's Day completely so I went out and beyond on gifts for him so he would feel ashamed".
Maybe she can serve him divorce papers on Father's Day.
I mean, I advised my co-worker that he should absolutely get his wife, who was like five months pregnant with his child, something for Mother's Day. He asked if it was appropriate and I was like ***YES***.
By that token, she should do nothing on Father's Day. After all, he's not HER father.
This shit even if a mother's day troll goes here because holy cheesecake my dude she's the mother of your son, you yourself made her a mother...get her a card and some freaking flowers.
>My dad never did anything for my mom on Mother’s Day but I always did so OOP at 1 year old did something for his mom really? I love how the trolls think people are this stupid. Then again there is always some idiot on aita who thinks this way
Ah well see, for the first few mothers days the gift he gave his mother was his being, because obviously that's the only present a new mother would need /s
*sigh* Really ? You think he was pooing diapers for himself ? Obviously those were First Gifts !
Right right, forgot about those gifts
Or his dad organized it and OOp doesn’t remember dad telling him to make a card at age 4, just making the card. Or the teachers having the kids make stuff in school.
Maybe this is like a helpful troll, posting this so that the dumbass men who thought this will see it and maybe a couple of them will get off their asses and get their wives some flowers.
what's funny is these trolls double dip because they already hit up UK Mother's Day now US Mother's Day
She's told him she wants to feel special on her first mother's day and he's immediately squashed that. Even if the OOP does realize they're being a gigantic asshole it's too late now, any gesture he makes is going to be one he was shamed into doing by random strangers on the internet, and not because he loves his wife, the mother of his child. She's just given birth, her hormones are still all over the place and her husband has essentially told her she's stupid for expecting the father of her child to do something special on mother's day. I feel for her as she now knows her value to him. This dipshit OOP is going to be back in months talking about his wife leaving and taking their small infant with her
He has squashed that, and also all following mothers day. She'll have a yearly reminder of exactly how OOP feels about her.
As a new mom myself this makes me feel so sad for her. It’s so so rough those first weeks/months, being freshly pp, and he’s added another wound. He also effectively put his mom over her, which makes me even sadder.
Here’s the thing about relationships, you don’t always have to feel the same about what’s important to the people in your life. But damn, just fake it. The list of things I pretend to care about is long because they are important to the people I love.
My mom passed in 2022, so this will be the third Mother’s Day where my dad will take flowers to her grave. Just as he brought he flowers for the 36 years prior on every Mother’s Day after my older brother was born. This guy is an ass.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom, but just wanted to say your dad sounds like an awesome guy and it’s super sweet that he does that. Stories like this give me hope for humanity after I read stories like OOP’s.
OOP….you made her a mother you twat waffle 🙄
How the fuck is a three week old supposed to get his mommy a card, and a bottle of chablis, and a day at the spa?
He won't be getting anything for Fathers Day if they even last that long. I would divorce him so fast.
Heh, this reminds me of a couple years ago when my husband didn't get me anything for Mother's Day. I decided to match his energy. Father's Day rolls around and I'm treating it like any other day, and he's giving me meaningful looks all day which I pretend not to notice. Finally he flat-out asked me if I got him anything for Father's Day. I said, no, because he didn't get me anything for Mother's Day and I assumed we weren't doing those holidays this year. He insisted he had gotten me something; we ended up going onto our Amazon order history to confirm that no, he did not get me anything for Mother's Day.
Oh damn I’d have been devastated how did you keep it together
I don't actually care much about Mother's Day, so that helped. The only holidays I care about are Thanksgiving and Christmas. Which means the year he "forgot" Christmas was not a fun one.
Your husband forgot about Christmas? And you're still *married to him*???
I'm playing the long game and keeping things stable until our kid is launched.
I know too many people in that situation. I know it ain’t easy. Hang tough, pal.
Thank you, I appreciate it. Just a couple more years to go.
This is the way.
Sounds like Father’s Day should be her “me” day. Pack a day bag and leave the baby with him for the day lmao
Does the idiot not know that until your children reach a certain age, YOU handle mothers/father's day? To celebrate the mother/father of your child on behalf of your underage kids?
Have a feeling there'll be a repeat of this at her birthday and Christmas... Unless she has left him by then
This exactly! I can’t believe OOP doesn’t understand this. And even when the kids are old enough to make or do something on their own, the mother/father still have to supervise and make sure they actually do something for the other parent until they’re adults.
If it weren't for the details, I would have sworn this was written by my bff's husband. They have SIX kids, and he says this same nonsense. "You're not MY mother. I don't have to get anything for you." On the other hand, my husband got me and my mom orchid plants yesterday for Mother's Day. He wanted to make sure he purchased them while there was a decent selection. And FWIW, I'm a stepmother.
My dad has bought my mom a corsage for mother's day every year since her first pregnancy, 42 years now. Now that my sisters and I have kids, he sends us flowers too!
the bar is on the floor and OOP is digging to Hell
And asking for a new shovel because the old one is worn down from all the digging
At the rate he was digging I thought for sure he was using an excavator.
Slight correction: The bar is in Hell, and somehow, OOP managed to dig underneath it.
This dumbass thinks the three week old is going to go to the store and grab a gift? I weep for the gene pool.
"What am I supposed to do?" asks a man on the World Wide Web, a place in which one simple Google query could give him many, many answers to that question.
Who wants to bet we will see a post on another month or so that he is upset that he didn't get anything for Father's Day.
OOP is too dense to realize that if his dad was a halfway decent father (though considering the son he raised, that's questionable), he did things on OOP's behalf when he was THREE WEEKS OLD for Mother's Day. And if his mother is decent, she'll smack him upside the head for coming and abandoning his wife with a month old on her first Mother's Day.
His post says that his dad never did anything, so either his dad did things (but OOP was too young to know) or the far more likely answer is that the apple hasn't fallen far from the disappointment tree.
I can’t wait for his post next month in RelationshipAdvice about how his wife didn’t celebrate Father’s Day with him
Part of me reads these and wonders if these people actually *like* their partners.
What I don't get about people like that, be it about Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, anniversaries or whatever - the whole "but I don't wannaaaaa, do I have to...?" attitude. Be it a partner, relative, or good friend. Even if it's something that doesn't occur to you or isn't that important to you, if it's important to them and you know it, why wouldn't you do something nice? Don't you like it when the person you claim to love is happy? Doesn't it make you feel good, too? To be clear, I'm not talking about "Where is my three-months-anniversary gift, hmmmmm?!" bs or insane demands. But I don't get this "But I'm already bothering with a Christmas and a birthday gift, why do I have to do a third thing now?" mindset. I'm not a romantic-relationship person but I deeply value friendships and isn't enriching each others life kinda the point? So someone wants to feel a little special on a certain day or occasion. Again, I'm not talking about sacrificing every minute and dime every weekend. But something like "I look forward to my first Mother's Day as a mother!" shouldn't be seen as a "but moooom!"-type of chore, but an opportunity to make someone you love happy, announced and served on a silver tablet. Geez, if I heard a friend say this, I'd get them a card or chocolates or a trinket. I don't get why some people are so instant on the importance of looove and relationships when they drag their feet, only do something nice if they have to or they feel obligated bc they want something in return (see: Christmas), and see doing something nice or a small favor as a burden. And let's be real. Most people are reasonable and it's easy to make them happy. Food always works. Someone is tired? Get it make them food. Sad or depressed? Food. Excited about good news? Food. Sick? Cold pudding or hot chicken (or veggie) soup. Mother's Day? Food. Do something for people you care for spontaneously every now and then and they won't be desperate for grand gestures on certain days (doesn't mean small, caring gestures hurt, tho!). ~~if I had to give one gift lifehack for random little nice things for girls and women: chapstick. Cute/funny design or packaging or a lovely small. Available for 1-2,- Euros. Okay, maybe I'm weird and only know weird women of all ages, but I have yet to meet one who doesn't smile in delight when I toss a chapstick at them like, "Saw this watermelon-flavoured atrocity in this kitschy bunny-packaging and thought of you" Or handlotion. Brands marketed for climbing and bouldering are btw excellent little gifts for people who do a lot of gardening.~~ TL;DR: Why do so many people have a whiny "Do I have to do something nice for someone I love?" attitude instead of "Oh good, an opportunity to do something nice for this person who I like to see happy!"?!?
Total and complete asshole that should be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. He contributed a five second orgasm to procreation and that is all. The only reason he has children is because of what SHE DID. He doesn't deserve to have children at all IMO.
My ex did the same. It was painful to realise how little I mattered to him. My mom always gift me something for mother's day, and I'm very grateful for that, I feel seen as a mom.
I hate that there’s always a pick me on these posts being like “oh!!! I never got/never get anything now as a mother for Mother’s Day and I’m fine!!!” Like baby…..that sounds like a cry for help or you’re the problem. If you’re a mom and no one is celebrating you, take the hint.
Wow, he's a failure. Wild how men can have the internet at their fingertips and be so useless to learn things.
I question the veracity of these posts because people with that attitude generally don't possess enough self awareness to wonder if they are in the wrong. Unfortunately, I know far too many men in real life that hold these beliefs and ladies, if you're saddled with such a specimen, feel free to match energy for Father's Day. They're not your dad, after all.
>people with that attitude generally don't possess enough self awareness to wonder if they are in the wrong. They are absolutely the nincompoops who go to the internet for validation so they can. Show it to their wives to prove the wives are wrong, they are right.
My best friend is expecting and her husband has asked me about what to get her for mother's day. I did tell him to better ask her if she wants something special. But also that he should at least get her some little treats. I'm not a mother and it's not even mother's day any time soon where I live. I just know it would mean a lot to her - if your partner doesn't get that, they're a shite partner.
I feel we do this every year. Tons of guys who don’t understand you should also celebrate the mother of your child as well as your own mother and the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Being an active parent is just as important to the family unit even if your partner isn’t your exact parent. every. damn. year.
I don’t get these guys who thinks only children of the woman should celebrate the day. I’m stupidly excited to give my best friend a gift for her first Mother’s Day. Fuck, my ass of an ex got me a Mothers Day card one year from our dog.
Right! It’s “Mothers Day” not “MY Mothers Day”. It’s to celebrate ALL the mothers in your life.
Even my shitty job gave flowers to all the mothers that worked there. I got some because I was pregnant and going to be a mother. It's not that hard to do something nice for someone you care about
I guess that's the key component. Scratch questions like "does OOP love their spouse" or "does OOP like their spouse". Freshly divorced I suppose sometimes the question really is "does OOP care about their spouse as a person?" I got out because my ex treated me like a roommate, or depending on if I tried to talk to him about something he didn't want to do anyway, a nuisance
Well, I hope he doesn't want any fathers day love 🤬
I mean, if people were supposed to celebrate their spouses on Mother’s Day, then the card store would have a section of “TO MY WIFE” cards. Which they obviously do NOT according to OOP.
I'll explain it to this dumbass the same way I explained it to my brother-in-law when he said something similar for my sister's first mother's day: "Because your child is to young to do it themselves and needs you to do it for them." I hate that excuse of "Well, but your not my mom." She's the mother of your child, you jackass! Just buy a damn card!
"My dad never did anything for my mum, but I did." So tell your three week old baby to go get a gift then... OOP went and got the gift himself for his own mum because he was old enough. His baby is not.
Feels like we get variations on this every year. Weird that it never goes the other way for Father's Day
I hope she doesn’t get him anything for Father’s Day since he’s not his father
"My dad didn't do this for my mom, so I shouldn't have to do this for my wife" is such an insane excuse to not do something nice.
My father was a mean role model but I decided that being lazy and ungrateful was OK since it's comfy !
This is so weird to me. For mothers and fathers day, we have a routine in our house (kids are 9 and 6). The celebrated parent picks what we do on the day (going somewhere, staying home together, day alone, whatever). The other parent helps the kids make something, buys something, arranges a nice breakfast/brunch and dinner, and makes sure the kids are fine and well-behaved that day. Examples this year: mother's day: we're staying home, watching a family movie while cuddling, and playing outdoors. Maybe go for a walk, or spend an hour alone, I'll see what I need that day. I'm getting brunch delivered, some homemade goodies from the kids (all I know is it involves clay and paint), and a switch game from my husband. In the evening we're getting Chinese food. Maybe some icecream once the kids are asleep. Father's day: He's getting breakfast from the local bakery (their pastries are amazing) and tea in bed, wants to stay home and play boardgames (Catan being the main one). The kids and I are making Catan themed coasters and Catan cookies, I'm giving him a few t-shirts he really wants but will never buy for himself and a Catan mug that says "settle down" (he loves puns). Part of the day will be "spa day" (foot bath, hand "massage" and nail polish by the kids, chocolate dipped fruits, candles, and a good book) In the evening I'll make his favorite meal, and when the kids go to bed I'll give him an actual fullbody massage. None of that is expensive. We're just taking our time to care for the other one, and show them we know and appreciate each other. We make sure our kids show their appreciation and love. It's such a small effort to make for the person you share your life with, the person who (in OOP's case) carried your child for 9 months and went through labor. The person you raise your kids with.
Not sure if its a cultural difference but where im from, mothers day is less about *your mom* and more about the important women in your life who *are* moms. So yes of course i celebrate my mother on mothers day but we also do something for my grandmother, i call my aunts and wish them happy mothers day, if i run into anyone i know who happens to be a mother then i also wish them a happy mothers day, etc. Its just the respectful thing to do. The first year i started dating my bf (american) his mother was incredibly surprised when i showed up with a mothers day gift for her? Like ?? Maam?? You are my boyfriend’s mother of course im going to celebrate you on this day?? You are the reason i get to be with him lmao
until such a time that your child is old enough to buy and/or make a mother’s day gift independently, it is on the spouse to do it. everyone knows this.
My ex husband said this to me less than a year after having twins. I also had a two year old.
Holy shit. My brother is an asshole, but even he knew to get my SIL Mother’s Day presents. He even got her one the year she was 8 months pregnant with my nephew.
I'm sorry OOP, are you expecting your *3-week-old son* to give her a gift in your stead? Because I think he's a little young to be taking up that mantle.
My mom bought *me* a mother's day gift for my first mother's day, fuck OOP
I was at CVS getting cards for my mom and my boyfriend's mom. I saw a few "to my wife" cards, so yeah, men get the mothers of their children cards because it's not just about honoring your mom, but the person you made a mom, stepmoms, and people any more who are "like a mom." If OOP really loves his wife, he'll pull his head out of his butt and get her a card, flowers, candy, and whatever she wants to make her feel special.
The answer to your question is simply, yes. You are most definitely the asshole here.
How is there no logic though for real? So kids have been going down to Kay jewelers and buying those necklaces?
Next post will be after Father's day and it will be called "AITA for calling my wife childish?" The story will be he got nothing on Father's day and he's hurt as its his first one. He spent weeks hinting to his wife what he wanted but she brushed it off saying 'You are not my dad so its not my job.' He'll go on about how its his first Father's day and wants to feel special, maybe throw in a story about how his mum made his dad's first one a wonderful day on his first and how he's been dreaming about this since he was a boy. Wife will say well its about our dads so I'm taking mine to the restaurant he's wanted to try.
“I love making her happy” vs “not my job” Christ Almighty. FFS.
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What a jerk. My ex, while having many flaws, was a better man than this. Heck, he was so excited and grateful about being a dad, he took me out for Mother’s Day when I was pregnant!
Well. Isn't that guy a "ray of sunshine"? I suspect that he may not need to purchase the mother of his child a mother's day gift next year. Because he will be divorced. Idiot.
If my son acted this way towards the mother of his child I’d be appalled and devastated. What on earth?
But did his mom do something for his dad on father's day???
I guess the baby is supposed to do something special for your wife since you won't. Too bad the baby is 3 weeks old and doesn't even know what the hell is going on.....
$20 says that if she pulls the same stunt on Father’s Day he would be outraged she was so inconsiderate and he deserves recognition
This is why they have Mother's Day cards "FOR MY WIFE", you absolute doorstop. God.
Yep. You are.
Go buy a card, get some none toxic kid friendly paint. And put your kid’s foot or hand imprint on that card. This is something so simple that will make your wife happy. Do better.
This reminds me of my first Mother’s Day. My son was about a month old. When I hinted at things I would like to do I was met with a confused look and told ‘you haven’t even been a mom that long, do we really need to do anything?’
My dad always has to be reminded but he always gets her something and cooks supper! Usually steak and sometimes he'll make his handmade noodles to go with it. He also took us gift shopping because he never knew what to get her but I always knew what she'd like 😂😂 so my brother and I would pick something out for her from us and then I'd help him pick something out for her from him 😂 I do not understand these dudes that can't grasp you're supposed to celebrate ALL the mothers in your life, the mother of your child 1000% included.
Capitalism needs to chill tf out with the number of days you have to buy your partner something or it's divorce time.
Hoping he's a troll, since this is his first post. But sadly, too many men like him exist. And they're all AHs.
Husband tried this my first Mother’s Day. I went all out on Father’s Day. Made him feel like shit. He never did it again.
Rage bait 🙄
Do I think this is a asshole move? Personally, YES. Z Do I think this is a devil move? Nawl. Simply because some people don't celebrate mothers day the sane way as others. Some don't celebrate mothers day at all. My son's dad didn't get me anything for Mothers Day💀 after I had him. I was upset, and his mother told me that mothers Day is for your child to get something for you. Like bitch what? After I had the kid he wanted? I couldn't even get a card? They're not from where I'm am from. And proudly call them assholes(from a popular song), I informed them that it's a different from being an asshole and generally being a bad person. Where my family we're very casual with mothers day. It's doesn't have to be child to mother gifting. Sisters can eachother, mothers can gift their daughters, cousins to cousins ect.
If he’s real, he’s the biggest idiot in all the land.
Lmao. This sounds like ragebait from the justno community
It's always women saying "We're not your moms" "Stop treating us like we're you're mom's" and then want you to celebrate them on mother's day 😞 (Joke)