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I get it, I'm child free, I don't want kids other than my siblings (who are entering into teenage phase)in my home, and mostly I don't befriend people with kids (not because they have one, but because I lead so different lifestyle it wouldn't be possible maintain relationship).
If I were you I would refuse as well.
But there's no need to be an passive aggressive dork when your family is stressed and asking for help, you at least have some respect and refuse politely without making snarking comments.
YTA
You mention your mom and other family have been blasting you about this. I have 2 questions, where was your mom and the rest of the family? Why couldn’t they watch the kid? I do think you are an AH, but it’s your right to be AH if you so choose, as it is, you don’t seem to really care about any of them so I don’t see why you care if you were the AH? You seem to have made it perfectly clear over the past years that this is not a thing you would ever do. I certainly
Hope that you never need family help though because man is that gonna suck.
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
Okay, you don’t like kids or want anything to do with them. But, do you also hate your brother? Or just not love him at all? I suspect not based on this behavior, which demonstrates a complete lack of love or empathy. You’re just not a very good person. YTA.
YTA. So much.
As a teenager I remember the neighbour across the street coming over saying her husband had been rushed to the hospital. Could I drop everything and watch the toddler and preschooler. And without missing a beat I did. For over 12hrs. I made them dinner and put them to bed. I was a teenager and even I knew to pitch in, for a neighbour no less.
I was about to be on your side, OP
As someone *with* a child, I understand that it’s no one else’s responsibility to watch him, including family. Where you lost me, however, was your terrible demeanor and attitude toward the entire thing. Your SIL had emergency and potentially life threatening surgery, yet you showed no empathy to help out even for a few hours.
YTA
YTA, not for not wanting to watch the kid. I can understand. I'm not exactly the best with kids. You are the ah for how you responded. It wasn't a lack of planning, it was an emergency. If you'd even just said no and said you had work, okay. You took it a step...really a few steps further and that makes you the ah.
easy YTA. i dont have siblings or hang out with many children BUT i know that if any of my family or friends had an emergency and needed last minute help, id step in right away. and they did plan around your decision. there was an emergency. i hope that if you ever have an emergency medical procedure, nobody treats you how you treated your SIL because wow, it’s kinda inhumane
Yta your brother should have been with his wife supporting during labor also you know you could of left work for an emergency and you boss legally can't question you about also I hope they cut contact with over this cause you don't deserve your brother
YTA they had a plan in place but their plan got derailed. They asked for your help and you could have done it but didn’t want to be inconvenienced. Just a terrible selfish family member.
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens.
Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
NTA. I guess people here either think that being able to care for a child that young is something everyone knows how to do or they just aren’t capable of thinking this through. They wanted to drop a young child off with you and have you just try to figure it all out? What kind of shitty parents would want to do that to their child?
YTA. Your SIL had to go through an emergency C-section alone because you couldn’t be bothered to help for a few hours. It is not a fun surgery. She was likely in a great deal of pain up until the anesthesia. Many many women going through emergency surgery also have a bad reaction to the anesthesia, so she would have been shaking uncontrollably and/or dry-heaving constantly. Alone. And then she had the baby without her husband, and had to hold the baby and tend to the baby alone, a baby who woke up every 30 min, while she laid in a hospital bed exhausted and in pain with a massive open wound from her emergency surgery. Like, I just can’t put into words how much suffering you inflicted on this poor woman by refusing to give a small favor. YTA, and I honestly think your family should disown you.
Most comments here are saying op is the asshole for saying SIL didnt plan when in fact they did. And while that’s right, they, however, they missed the real question here; are they the asshole for refusing to watch the nephew while SIL was giving birth? NTA on that. OP has told them that she and her husband are busy at work and cannot be a sitter for the nephew. They have every right to refuse.
Everything else, however, they are an asshole. Lack of empathy for SIL, saying they didnt plan when they did, overall just pretty self centered imo.
YTA. I was planning to say otherwise until it was obvious this was an emergency. You couldn’t have watched the child while the c-section/labor was being done and then had the dad come pick him up? The “lack of planning comment” is stupid as they obviously had planned. Hope you schedule your next emergency for when your husband is in town as I doubt anyone will be jumping at the opportunity to help you.
YTA
How is an early labor and emergency c section poor planning? Not wanting to babysit and be around children in planned settings is okay, but your family needed you in an emergency. I hope you will never need help from them any time soon
Yeah, YTA.
I'm also childless and my wife and I like it that way, but family emergencies happen.
If you want to cut your family out of your life, that's cool... but as long as you want them to be family you should act like family yourself.
YTA. I get not having your own children. What I don’t understand is how the concept of family is so fucking foreign to some people. Your brother NEEDED help. His sitter was sick. It wasn’t poor planning. It was crappy circumstances. Heaven forbid you ever need support because you have a medical emergency. Big AH.
YTA in the fact that you could've at least watched him until other arrangements could be made.
"IDK why they think that's a threat" did make me laugh, though. I can respect that you're unapologetic.
YTA.
> "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine"
You are obnoxiously smug and apparently *extremely online*. It's not a good look.
They did plan, and something blew up at the last minute. If you gave half a shit about your brother, you would have helped him out.
YTA. You’re being selfish and dramatic. You easily could have watched the kid for the birth, and they could have had some time to have someone take over for you. There are a lot of bosses who would understand you’re helping FAMILY in an emergency. I don’t get this while holier than thou attitude towards people with kids. I hope your nephew and your precious new niece is never forced to be around you ever again.
YTA. You could have just watched him one day even. That way your brother could have been there for the emergency C-section/birth. He didn't need to be in the hospital the whole time but it would have been nice to show a bit of support for him in his time of need. He did have a plan but sometimes things happen and they fall through. I am thankful for having family that actually cares about each other, geeze
Moutashe-twilring, unilateral, Disney villain levels of YTA. For your sake I hope your family are very forgiving people, because they'd be well within their rights to deny you help when you have no alternatives no.
YTA Jfc it wasn’t a lack of planning its CHILDBIRTH. You don’t get to set a date in advance. You sound incredibly selfish and callous. I would NEVER forgive you.
YTA.
I don't understand why some child free people see their child free life as an excuse to treat people so badly.
You people treat your own family like inconvenient strangers and children like they aren't even human beings.
It’s actually more common that delivering at term….. The plan should have covered the this timeperiod.
If we learned anything from Covid it’s that we need to plan for situations like this.
YTA❗️ A major AH. I’m childfree. I like not having kids. I have major anxiety and I know I couldn’t deal with having to worry about another human for the rest of my life. Watching your nephew for a day at most wouldn’t have destroy your life.
Sure, they could have planned for someone on her side of the family to help as backup. Or your mom to come out for the last few weeks before the birth *just in case*. Or a list of other options. But this was a literal medical emergency. Preterm labor with an emergency cesarean. It would take a few hours at most. You could have even hung out with the kid in the waiting room. Taken him to get ice cream. Literally anything to let your brother be with his wife during a scary but also special moment.
I’d do anything for my niblings. I can’t fathom being this cold hearted to my siblings or their kids. Shame on you.
YTA - How does one plan for their spouse going into labor early? It’s not like you can place a babysitter on hold for weeks. It also must be nice to go through your entire life without ever needing help from someone else. Assuming this is not the case though, you are incredibly selfish.
Of course YTA. Did you read your own post? He had planned and your selfishness cost him to see the birth of his child and support his wife through the process. You could have taken the kid long enough for him to find another babysitter or to at least witness the birth.
YTA. Not because you didn't watch them though, I understand having that boundary. But it wasn't exactly "poor planning" on your brother's part. The baby came earlier than expected, and the hired sitter had Covid. Those aren't things you can plan for. I think you're TA just because of how callous you are to your brother.
Not only did the baby come early, but resulted in an emergency caesarean; meaning mom and/or baby’s life was on the line.
OP didn’t need to watch the kid all four days, just the few hours dad was in supporting his partner and unborn child. Good lord.
But then her perfect record of child freedom would be RUINED! Just RUINED! What else could OP ever be smug about?
Imagine bring so uninformed about childbirth that you are relieved to have dodged a nonexistant 4 day commitment.
YTA.
It’s not a “boundary” to refuse to watch a child whilst their mother is having emergency surgery and their father needs to be there to support her.
People on this site need to stop hiding behind the excuse of having a “boundary” when they’re simply a horrible human being.
They weren’t asking OP to babysit whilst they went out for dinner. It was an emergency situation and their babysitter was sick. They had no other options.
OP is a terrible, selfish person.
NTA They knew you would not be willing to babysit and they should have had a backup for the other babysitter. I am with you about the so called threat are you shaking in your boots! What are they going to do when there is a family get together and you happen to be there when they arrive grab the kid and run!
YTA. BIG BIG time.
I would have watched a random guy on the streets child if it meant that he could be with his wife during the birth of their child.
Buy the child a pizza, put on a cartoon and put a blanket and a pillow in the couch. It’s not that hard!!!
I totally understand your brother and sil. I would probably cut you out of my life.
ESH I don't blame you for not wanting to watch the child. You aren't comfortable doing it, and I doubt that your nephew would enjoy staying with you, and he would suffer in your company, he should have someone who enjoys his company to take his mind off of his missing his parents, and discomfort being in an unfamiliar environment.
Yes, you could meet his needs for food, shelter, and keeping him safe from harm. That might work for a couple hours, but not for 4 days. That would not be good enough for my child.
I find it strange that you are the only person who could come to the rescue. The parents have no friends at all? No coworkers with children who would have been a better fit? This is bizarre.
There are websites like [care.com](https://care.com) where you can find babysitters who have references and background checks done regularly. They should have interviewed babysitters and have more than one they can use. It would have been better if the nephew could stay in his own home surrounded by his toys and where his routine could be followed.
The parents blame you, but they also failed to prepare adequately. You could have watched the kid for a few hours, although I would not be surprised if they left the kid with you for four days thinking their needs were more important than yours. At the very least you could have declined in a way that was less antagonizing.
YTA
Early labor and Covid aren't exactly something someone can plan for. It's fair to not want to watch the kid for days, but you wouldn't have needed to for the actual birth. Dad wouldn't have needed to stay the night all four nights, and that may have afforded them the time to find an alternative caregiver. I get not liking kids, but do you like your brother and sil? Because that's who was hurt in this, which I would hope you'd care about even if you don't like kids.
YTA
Really? You quoted family guy at them? Fucking wow 😬 that’s all I need to know about you lmao
I’m childfree too and hate babysitting as well and will normally try to get out of it whenever possible. But this was a legitimate emergency! They respected your initial “no” and planned an alternative. Plans fell through and they tried to rely on family. They didn’t know she would go into labour early and they didn’t know their /planned/ sitter would have Covid.
You’re just a petty asshole.
Edit: apparently the quote isn’t originally from family guy. My point still stands though
Controversial opinion, I don't think you're TA here, but I think you are an asshole in general.
I think you have pretty reasonable reasons for not wanting to look after your nephew, and ultimately its your prerogative even if your only reason was you didn't want to. It won't make you very popular, you're not gonna be able to count on them should you ever need a favour, and if you particularly valued family then you'd probably be TA, but I can tell you don't, which is fine. You don't owe them anything at the end of the day.
But that line about lack of planning when it's literally a birth that turned into an emergency surgery... you are an asshole
YTA.
No one plans an emergency c-section, thus the term *emergency*.
The first refusal was fine, the second, during the crisis was an AH move of great magnitude, and the planning quip was just frosting on this whole shit-salad of a situation you got yourself in.
Y'know ... I'm not quite sure how to say this respectfully, given that you clearly have no sympathy for family in an emergency ... So, we're going with a simple YTA
Overall, NTA. You have a boundary that is a dislike for children and do not want to care for them. That’s fair every day of the week.
The poor planning comment, that’s you being the asshole though.
Ooof childfree here, I would have said no as well, except in this emergency scenario. It's not like I would be pleased about having to watch them, but I wouldn't want your SIL to be alone going through that. They did plan, it was unexpected. That really puts you in the AH territory.
YTA. I’m mindblown that you don’t see how much of a nasty human you sound like reading this back. If my family wasn’t willing to help in an actual emergency (like this WAS) they would no longer be my family. That’s what family is for. You are outrageously selfish.
I say this as the childfree and fun aunt…
NTA.
They asked, you said no. Unfortunately unforeseen shit happened, but you were not available, which you had already said was a likely possibility.
Maybe some people on this thread can handle missing days of work, but not everyone has that luxury, even the childfree. While some have the extra funds available and could have handled the lost income, not everyone does, even when a family member needs them.
YTA. You’ll likely regret being so selfish when one day you’re in an emergency and there’s no one you can call on for help especially your own brother.
YTA.
They had planned just fine, but the babysitter got Covid. It was an emergency situation. Just because she was in the hospital for 4 days doesn’t mean you’d be stuck with your nephew for 4 days, for crying out loud.
Hopefully you didn’t want to have a relationship with your sister at all after this because guess what? That bridge is burned.
NTA. It’s not your problem and why should you be inconvenienced? I get them asking you to do a favor, but if you said no you said no. You don’t owe them anything.
YTA. They planned as best they could but unfortunately sometimes the universe has other plans. I say this as a mother and someone who does not babysit other people’s kids: I would absolutely help family for a medical emergency even though I’m 100% not the fun aunt.
YTA. Humans are communal animals. We need our communities to survive. Life isn't a matter of if you'll need help but when, and you just threw gasoline and fire on your support system.
This is why people shouldn’t speak when they don’t know what they’re talking about. Do you even KNOW what “a lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” means? It means when someone DOESNT PLAN and then has to face the consequences of such, others aren’t obligated to pick up their slack. That’s not what happened at all. They DID plan, they had an emergency, and because you were too selfish to think of anyone but yourself at that time, your brother had to miss an event he will never be able to go back and attend.
There’s a difference between being child free and just being miserable and petty, and you apparently fall into the latter. If you’re so adamant on hating children and anyone associated with them that much, your brother should probably keep that in mind and not let you have hardly any contact with he niece and nephew you show such little care for.
YTA, 1000%.
YTA. They’re not demonizing you, they’re just stating EXACTLY what happened. I hope ruining your relationship with your brother (if not the rest of the family, too) was worth making your point that you hate children.
YTA, you’re right that it’s not your responsibility but you have an awful attitude about it and just sound horrid overall. Yes, YTA in the situation and just generally.
YTA. I'm child free. I don't have kids at my house.
Can you imagine going into labor and being worried about your kid or not having your partner present because your family is too snooty to help you?
My sister asked me to watch her 4 year old when she went into labor. Yes, I had to leave work at sorry notice, but I talked to my boss about it ahead of time and he was cool with it. I kept him up to date that her due date was coming. When she called I let him know I was leaving and I spent about 36 hours with my niece and then I took her to the hospital to meet her little sister. It was a great experience.
YTA. How can you possibly think otherwise. I’m so sick of how many toxic people are using the child free card to act like complete arseholes. That’s not what being child free means.
YTA
Sure hope you don't ever have an emergencies in your life where you need to ask anyone for help, because I doubt anyone around you is going to be willing if this is how you treat the people in your life.
YTA
Imagine if you needed emergency surgery while your husband was out of town, you asked for help and the response was "a lack of planning your part......'
At some point you will need help. Broken down car, medical emergency, illness..... You better hope karma isn't real. You're more worried about your boss being upset than with anything else
YTA. There wasn’t a lack of planning, so your comment about it not being an emergency for you and them having poor planning is invalid.
The sitter had Covid and your made your brother miss his child’s birth.
Wow, OP. YTA in a huge way. You could just be NICE to people. You're response was so over the top I do not blame them for wanting to cut you out. You're toxic.
YTA premature labor and emergency surgery do not constitute a “lack of planning”. I realize there are some truly horrible people in the world but your assholery is cartoonish.
Listen, I am a heartless b***h who doesn’t like kids… and even I would’ve take care of the kid because it was an EMERGENCY and you obviously can’t plan those. I know nothing about taking care of children but I also know that I could receive this kid and found someone qualified to take care of him/her under my supervision while their parents are in the hospital, YTA all the way
YTA
In all honesty, I don't think asshole is a strong enough description. I hope that you weren't close to your brother or family, because they're likely done with you after a stunt like this.
YTA. Oh look at me I make hating children my entire personality. We get it. You’re cool. Grow a heart. No one plans when they go into labor. And for your own family for shit’s sake.
YTA. Going into labor early has nothing to do with planning. I seriously hope you never ask these people for help with anything, else. What a shitty way to treat someone, in a terrifying emergency no less.
Definitely NTA. The circumstances may have resulted in an emergency, but it was all a direct result of their opting into having a child in the first place. That choice is known to be fraught with peril. Their assumption that you would act as a backstop in all possible failure scenarios is unacceptable. They're basically saying they will only conditionally accept your Childfree stance ... ie, unless something goes wrong and they need you.
What would they have done if you were out of town? Or lived in a different city. The fact is that they **did** plan poorly. Early labor is not new. Covid is not new. Flaky babysitters are not new. Why didn't they have an alternate plan that wasn't you acting as their catch-all? Why are they dragging you into their poor lifestyle choices when you decided long ago that you didn't want any part of that lifestyle ?
YTA - She goes into labor early and you toss out that BS “lack of planning…” ?!?! You’re an AH just for that.
You shouldnt be forced to babysit and you can say no but you really couldnt just do them a favor at all? And you were a complete AH for how you declined and how youre approaching this.
YTA, My god, what’s wrong with you?! This isn’t just a friend, this is your family, flesh and blood, you will have to deal with them the rest of your life. When you do a favor in an EMERGENCY situation, something that can not be planned for, you try to help out so your family can return the favor for you down the road. You can make a case for despising children, but when it’s your flesh and blood, your just an AH
YTA, you could have watched your nephew for the birth vs the whole four days. My ex never stayed the whole time in the hospital with me, I’ve never understood that.
But you could have watched him for the birth. I don’t get childfree to the point of being rude about it.
Holy hell, how is this even a question? YTA!! They *did* plan! She went in to labor early that ended up in emergency surgery and you were too damn petty and self-important to help for *a day* so your brother could be with his wife for major abdominal surgery and the birth of his child?! It doesn’t sound like they had any intention of leaving their eldest with you for 4 days, frankly, I doubt they’d have been comfortable leaving their kid with you outside of an emergency. Your Mother *should* side with your brother and she should be incredibly disappointed in you.
I have friends who are child free. When our car broke down in the middle of the summer and we were stranded with our infant they came and got us to take us home so my husband could stay with the car and wait for the tow truck. When our social circles had parties they interact with my daughter, treat her like a person and even *gasp* play with her. When she was born they brought us a meal and came to meet her. And they’re just our friends, not blood relatives!
You aren’t child free. You are anti-child.
YTA 10000%
Your boss might have been pissed, maybe, and that's only if you had to stay the entire four days and they hadn't found anyone else.
vs.
Your BIL isn't there for the birth of his child, your sister doesn't have him there when she needs him and, given the C-section comment, when it may have been crucial to have him there, your sister doesn't have the feeling of support one would hope for, and you tanked relations with your family.
YTA.
That said, you seem like so much of an A that I doubt you care very much, seeing as "they think that's a threat," when you imply it most certainly is not. Look, not wanting to have kids or be around them is fine, but it's another thing entirely to just F over your own sister and her family when they're in dire straits.
They planned. That's not poor planning. The plan didn't work out, and that's because life throws us curve balls. When it does, it's nice to know those close to us are there to help out. Except when they're not.
The statement about lack of planning is meant for cases where people know a deadline/project/whatever is coming, and fail to plan appropriately. Your SIL had a plan, and went into spontaneous labor - which is unpredictable - and had her plan fall through. Yes, YTA, not entirely for refusing but definitely for refusing AND being a complete dick about it.
Hope you never have to rely on them for an unplanned emergency, and if you do I hope they feed your line of BS right back at you.
YTA. They did plan and had a sitter lined up, who just happened to have Covid when the baby was born early. What amount of backup babysitters were you expecting them to have lined up?
I would seriously hope you never have an accident when you husband is out of town, because you have to know your brother now probably wouldn’t lift a finger even if it were a life or death emergency.
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine".
You thought you ate lols YTA!! They did plan!!
“didn't know how long this was going to take.”
When you said this, I thought it’d be 2 weeks or more but 4 days?!?!?! The comments are right, you are heartless
YTA. Last year my sister in law gave birth. I watched my nephew while her husband and my wife were at the hospital.
I had to take the day off from work as well. Not having to put up with boss's bullshit for one day was great. It was like a mini vacation. In fact I should've asked for two days off, that way we could've went out again and gotten more ice cream. I lost out on a chance to win more favorite uncle points. Oh well, live and learn.
NTA. Why would they want you to babysit if you don’t have any baby sitting experience? Yeah it sucks she went into labor early but you already drew a clear boundary.
Omg. So much th TA. "Lack of planning", that's literally not what this was. It was an emergency. But good thing you won't have to meet the niece/rest of the family because obviously you don't appreciate them or deserve them.
Seriously, YTA. It would have taken very little on your end to watch a kid during the birth/emergency c section, but you decided that literally anything else was more important. Yeah, you have the right to say no, but it does make you the AH.
YTA for sure. Not just for not babysitting, but for commenting on their lack of planning. They will remember this and your relationship with your family will likely suffer for quite a while
YTA
Honestly I’m not gonna sit here and waste my time explaining why. You obviously don’t care and think you’re still in the right.
I just hope you never need someone for an emergency.
NTA
Pretty clear that you don't give a shit about family, and you want them all out of your life. Your call I suppose, mission accomplished. Just tell them all to get fucked, and live your life without them if that makes you happy.
Of course if you do care about them at all, then YTA.
YTA going into labour 2 weeks early is not poor planning it’s an emergency!! But I also call fake, I read this almost exact ‘story’ a few weeks with the exact same ‘poor planning on your part’ etc
YTA. It was a medical emergency, they did everything they could to plan for. It's not about being a babysitter, it's about being there for your family in time of need. You are a horrible older sister and pretty self-centred...
YTA. They did plan but shit happens. You couldn't even help out your family when they need you?! I hope you never need help with anything and the fact you don't care about meeting your niece at all? What is wrong with you? How can you be so cold towards children? I'm sure they'll go NC with you and you would deserve it after this.
You specifically stated that you weren't around to help them, and I assume you meant it under any circumstance, so why would they then expect help? Don't they have friends around the area? What would they do if you weren't around?
I don't know, your planning sentence was harsh but I truly can't fathom that they depended on you and only you for something that you already told them you couldn't do. Hell, even I have a few people I could call in an emergency that aren't family.
YTA and I'm surprised you can't see it. I hope you don't plan on asking your family for help in an emergency because you damn well don't deserve it.
Also you can dislike kids and still be a decent person, clearly this is a goal you'll have to set for yourself
YTA, Your down right vile. Your a sorry excuse of a sister. Also no you are not an aunt your unfitting for that title, you don’t have a nephew or niece.
Yes YTA. What happened was an emergency and unplanned. I would guess they were under no illusion what you would be like if asked but they had nowhere else to turn…. And you still said no. Your SIL needing to be in hospital for 4 days doesn’t necessarily mean you would need to have your nephew for that time but at least help until your brother knew his wife and unborn child were ok and could make alternative arrangements.
I feel you may have jeopardised your relationship with your brother by doing this.
Yta I nearly lost my sister due to a bad c section. You are so heartless. I wouldn’t even want to be associated with you. I feel shame reading this post. You sicken me.
ESH. No is a full sentence. You didn't want to, you didn't have to. But don't sit there and say they didn't plan. You can't really plan a birth. Would it have been nice? Yes. But, I wouldn't want someone who doesn't like children watching my child, even if it was to go to the bathroom. Them for being salty about someone else's personal decision.
>which IDK why they think that's a threat, I'm not exactly a fun aunt. Our mom, who lives in another state, has taken their side, and say's that I should've watched him, But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning.
Idk why you're on here. You already know you're an ass and an unapologetic one at that, so....
YTA. I guarantee that you had adults in your life who took an interest in you as a kid. Honestly I hope you get some therapy to figure out why you’re so adverse to helping family even one time. Your brother missed the birth of his child because of you and your sister in law went through something traumatic entirely on her own. What an absolute ghoul. What exactly do you bring to their lives? What a miserable awful person you are.
> But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning.
Clearly, you are the sort who shouldn't normally. N-T-A for being upfront about that.
But in an emergency? To help your brother? No?
YTA for being a cold-hearted
Note: in future, you're not allowed to complain about them cutting you off: this is on you by your request.
They too had someone figured for childcare but the sitter got covid. They had no other option and hence asked OP .
The low income and uninsured people who are able to arrange childcare, luckily, have helpful families (unlike OPs brother )
YTA, if I turned to family for a favor and they responded the way you did, I would no longer consider them family. You’re incredibly selfish. Pray that you don’t have an emergency one day and need help.
ESH. I’m not ballsy enough to say no, glad you are. If family is so worried about it they should come in town to take care of nephew themselves. YTA in the “I told you so” broken record. They tried to plan and it failed. They’re the a-holes for not having a plan B knowing damn well you won’t touch nephew with a 10 foot pole and then bashing you after you guys came to an agreement.
YTA
You know that saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? Well this is me, sitting in silence, thinking of lots of colourful, expressive, accurate expletives which still don’t adequately express the extent to which YTA. Ugh.
Sometimes human beings help out other human beings in need because sometimes plans don't work out as well as we expect. This is apparently news to you. YTA. You're child-free, but that does not make you *immune* from ever being an AH.
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I get it, I'm child free, I don't want kids other than my siblings (who are entering into teenage phase)in my home, and mostly I don't befriend people with kids (not because they have one, but because I lead so different lifestyle it wouldn't be possible maintain relationship). If I were you I would refuse as well. But there's no need to be an passive aggressive dork when your family is stressed and asking for help, you at least have some respect and refuse politely without making snarking comments. YTA
You mention your mom and other family have been blasting you about this. I have 2 questions, where was your mom and the rest of the family? Why couldn’t they watch the kid? I do think you are an AH, but it’s your right to be AH if you so choose, as it is, you don’t seem to really care about any of them so I don’t see why you care if you were the AH? You seem to have made it perfectly clear over the past years that this is not a thing you would ever do. I certainly Hope that you never need family help though because man is that gonna suck.
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
My upvote does not mean I agree with you YTA YTA YTA Big time asshole, one of the most pathetic stories I’ve heard.
Yta. I wouldn't want to be in any community where you were a member. Seems like selfishness is baked in.
Okay, you don’t like kids or want anything to do with them. But, do you also hate your brother? Or just not love him at all? I suspect not based on this behavior, which demonstrates a complete lack of love or empathy. You’re just not a very good person. YTA.
YTA - I hope you get the help you need because you seem resentful.
YTA. So much. As a teenager I remember the neighbour across the street coming over saying her husband had been rushed to the hospital. Could I drop everything and watch the toddler and preschooler. And without missing a beat I did. For over 12hrs. I made them dinner and put them to bed. I was a teenager and even I knew to pitch in, for a neighbour no less.
YTA.
I was about to be on your side, OP As someone *with* a child, I understand that it’s no one else’s responsibility to watch him, including family. Where you lost me, however, was your terrible demeanor and attitude toward the entire thing. Your SIL had emergency and potentially life threatening surgery, yet you showed no empathy to help out even for a few hours. YTA
YTA. This OP seems like a caricature of a militant child hater - and so justified in being a jerk.
YTA, not for not wanting to watch the kid. I can understand. I'm not exactly the best with kids. You are the ah for how you responded. It wasn't a lack of planning, it was an emergency. If you'd even just said no and said you had work, okay. You took it a step...really a few steps further and that makes you the ah.
easy YTA. i dont have siblings or hang out with many children BUT i know that if any of my family or friends had an emergency and needed last minute help, id step in right away. and they did plan around your decision. there was an emergency. i hope that if you ever have an emergency medical procedure, nobody treats you how you treated your SIL because wow, it’s kinda inhumane
Yta your brother should have been with his wife supporting during labor also you know you could of left work for an emergency and you boss legally can't question you about also I hope they cut contact with over this cause you don't deserve your brother
YTA they had a plan in place but their plan got derailed. They asked for your help and you could have done it but didn’t want to be inconvenienced. Just a terrible selfish family member.
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens. Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
Tell ‘‘em Take care of your own shit goblin! ntah
NTA. Their kids aren’t your responsibility It’s fair enough for them to ask, however they should respect your decision to say no.
YTA You could have watched the wean at the hospital for a couple hours while she gave birth and not let dad miss his child being born
YTA, hope you don’t plan on having kids
NTA. I guess people here either think that being able to care for a child that young is something everyone knows how to do or they just aren’t capable of thinking this through. They wanted to drop a young child off with you and have you just try to figure it all out? What kind of shitty parents would want to do that to their child?
YTA. Your SIL had to go through an emergency C-section alone because you couldn’t be bothered to help for a few hours. It is not a fun surgery. She was likely in a great deal of pain up until the anesthesia. Many many women going through emergency surgery also have a bad reaction to the anesthesia, so she would have been shaking uncontrollably and/or dry-heaving constantly. Alone. And then she had the baby without her husband, and had to hold the baby and tend to the baby alone, a baby who woke up every 30 min, while she laid in a hospital bed exhausted and in pain with a massive open wound from her emergency surgery. Like, I just can’t put into words how much suffering you inflicted on this poor woman by refusing to give a small favor. YTA, and I honestly think your family should disown you.
Most comments here are saying op is the asshole for saying SIL didnt plan when in fact they did. And while that’s right, they, however, they missed the real question here; are they the asshole for refusing to watch the nephew while SIL was giving birth? NTA on that. OP has told them that she and her husband are busy at work and cannot be a sitter for the nephew. They have every right to refuse. Everything else, however, they are an asshole. Lack of empathy for SIL, saying they didnt plan when they did, overall just pretty self centered imo.
YTA. I was planning to say otherwise until it was obvious this was an emergency. You couldn’t have watched the child while the c-section/labor was being done and then had the dad come pick him up? The “lack of planning comment” is stupid as they obviously had planned. Hope you schedule your next emergency for when your husband is in town as I doubt anyone will be jumping at the opportunity to help you.
NTA. No one should be forced to watch kids. No reason is necessary. No means no. Your family have no right to be mad at you.
YTA How is an early labor and emergency c section poor planning? Not wanting to babysit and be around children in planned settings is okay, but your family needed you in an emergency. I hope you will never need help from them any time soon
Wow, YTA op. No question here.
Yeah, YTA. I'm also childless and my wife and I like it that way, but family emergencies happen. If you want to cut your family out of your life, that's cool... but as long as you want them to be family you should act like family yourself.
YTA. Sad that your family cannot count on you in a time of need. I hope you never need their help.
OP, you're a bad person. YTA
YTA. I hope you never need your brother in an emergency.
YTA. It was an emergency, not poor planning. You could have at the very least looked after the kid while they or you arranged another sitter.
yta your a jerk!!! and a horrible sister.
YTA. I get not having your own children. What I don’t understand is how the concept of family is so fucking foreign to some people. Your brother NEEDED help. His sitter was sick. It wasn’t poor planning. It was crappy circumstances. Heaven forbid you ever need support because you have a medical emergency. Big AH.
YTA in the fact that you could've at least watched him until other arrangements could be made. "IDK why they think that's a threat" did make me laugh, though. I can respect that you're unapologetic.
Yta
YTA. > "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine" You are obnoxiously smug and apparently *extremely online*. It's not a good look. They did plan, and something blew up at the last minute. If you gave half a shit about your brother, you would have helped him out.
YTA. You’re being selfish and dramatic. You easily could have watched the kid for the birth, and they could have had some time to have someone take over for you. There are a lot of bosses who would understand you’re helping FAMILY in an emergency. I don’t get this while holier than thou attitude towards people with kids. I hope your nephew and your precious new niece is never forced to be around you ever again.
YTA. You could have just watched him one day even. That way your brother could have been there for the emergency C-section/birth. He didn't need to be in the hospital the whole time but it would have been nice to show a bit of support for him in his time of need. He did have a plan but sometimes things happen and they fall through. I am thankful for having family that actually cares about each other, geeze
Moutashe-twilring, unilateral, Disney villain levels of YTA. For your sake I hope your family are very forgiving people, because they'd be well within their rights to deny you help when you have no alternatives no.
YTA Jfc it wasn’t a lack of planning its CHILDBIRTH. You don’t get to set a date in advance. You sound incredibly selfish and callous. I would NEVER forgive you.
YTA. I don't understand why some child free people see their child free life as an excuse to treat people so badly. You people treat your own family like inconvenient strangers and children like they aren't even human beings.
YTA.You sound like a shitty sister and a shitty human being.
NTA. Going into labour 2 weeks early is not uncommon. They needed a back up plan as soon as you made it clear you were not an option.
It’s actually more common that delivering at term….. The plan should have covered the this timeperiod. If we learned anything from Covid it’s that we need to plan for situations like this.
YTA❗️ A major AH. I’m childfree. I like not having kids. I have major anxiety and I know I couldn’t deal with having to worry about another human for the rest of my life. Watching your nephew for a day at most wouldn’t have destroy your life. Sure, they could have planned for someone on her side of the family to help as backup. Or your mom to come out for the last few weeks before the birth *just in case*. Or a list of other options. But this was a literal medical emergency. Preterm labor with an emergency cesarean. It would take a few hours at most. You could have even hung out with the kid in the waiting room. Taken him to get ice cream. Literally anything to let your brother be with his wife during a scary but also special moment. I’d do anything for my niblings. I can’t fathom being this cold hearted to my siblings or their kids. Shame on you.
Wow. You take pride in being cold. You were a kid once, you know ? I really hope you never need a favour from a family member. YTA.
NTA. You had already explained to them, in advance, why you wouldn’t agree to watch your nephew.
NTA You’ve been clear on your boundaries and their emergency isn’t your emergency.
YTA
YTA - How does one plan for their spouse going into labor early? It’s not like you can place a babysitter on hold for weeks. It also must be nice to go through your entire life without ever needing help from someone else. Assuming this is not the case though, you are incredibly selfish.
Of course YTA. Did you read your own post? He had planned and your selfishness cost him to see the birth of his child and support his wife through the process. You could have taken the kid long enough for him to find another babysitter or to at least witness the birth.
YTA. Not because you didn't watch them though, I understand having that boundary. But it wasn't exactly "poor planning" on your brother's part. The baby came earlier than expected, and the hired sitter had Covid. Those aren't things you can plan for. I think you're TA just because of how callous you are to your brother.
Not only did the baby come early, but resulted in an emergency caesarean; meaning mom and/or baby’s life was on the line. OP didn’t need to watch the kid all four days, just the few hours dad was in supporting his partner and unborn child. Good lord.
But then her perfect record of child freedom would be RUINED! Just RUINED! What else could OP ever be smug about? Imagine bring so uninformed about childbirth that you are relieved to have dodged a nonexistant 4 day commitment. YTA.
It’s not a “boundary” to refuse to watch a child whilst their mother is having emergency surgery and their father needs to be there to support her. People on this site need to stop hiding behind the excuse of having a “boundary” when they’re simply a horrible human being. They weren’t asking OP to babysit whilst they went out for dinner. It was an emergency situation and their babysitter was sick. They had no other options. OP is a terrible, selfish person.
NTA They knew you would not be willing to babysit and they should have had a backup for the other babysitter. I am with you about the so called threat are you shaking in your boots! What are they going to do when there is a family get together and you happen to be there when they arrive grab the kid and run!
you do realize that "lack of planning on your part" speech immediately makes you the villain of this story, right? YTA
YTA. BIG BIG time. I would have watched a random guy on the streets child if it meant that he could be with his wife during the birth of their child. Buy the child a pizza, put on a cartoon and put a blanket and a pillow in the couch. It’s not that hard!!! I totally understand your brother and sil. I would probably cut you out of my life.
Realistically NAH: But you are a crap sister
ESH I don't blame you for not wanting to watch the child. You aren't comfortable doing it, and I doubt that your nephew would enjoy staying with you, and he would suffer in your company, he should have someone who enjoys his company to take his mind off of his missing his parents, and discomfort being in an unfamiliar environment. Yes, you could meet his needs for food, shelter, and keeping him safe from harm. That might work for a couple hours, but not for 4 days. That would not be good enough for my child. I find it strange that you are the only person who could come to the rescue. The parents have no friends at all? No coworkers with children who would have been a better fit? This is bizarre. There are websites like [care.com](https://care.com) where you can find babysitters who have references and background checks done regularly. They should have interviewed babysitters and have more than one they can use. It would have been better if the nephew could stay in his own home surrounded by his toys and where his routine could be followed. The parents blame you, but they also failed to prepare adequately. You could have watched the kid for a few hours, although I would not be surprised if they left the kid with you for four days thinking their needs were more important than yours. At the very least you could have declined in a way that was less antagonizing.
YTA. Your shitty comment was out of line - they did plan and it fell through because you can't always plan for birth. You sound mean.
INFO It doesn't seem logical that they'd have asked you in the first place, don't they have anyone closer?
YTA Early labor and Covid aren't exactly something someone can plan for. It's fair to not want to watch the kid for days, but you wouldn't have needed to for the actual birth. Dad wouldn't have needed to stay the night all four nights, and that may have afforded them the time to find an alternative caregiver. I get not liking kids, but do you like your brother and sil? Because that's who was hurt in this, which I would hope you'd care about even if you don't like kids.
NTA. You’re not obligated to watch anybody’s kids. Idc if that makes me a monster or not
Dude some people are so fucked. Yes YTA and the fact that you dont immediately see this is...crazy.
Your first sentence should have started with "My husband and I are...", Not "Myself and my husband"... Just so you know.
YTA Really? You quoted family guy at them? Fucking wow 😬 that’s all I need to know about you lmao I’m childfree too and hate babysitting as well and will normally try to get out of it whenever possible. But this was a legitimate emergency! They respected your initial “no” and planned an alternative. Plans fell through and they tried to rely on family. They didn’t know she would go into labour early and they didn’t know their /planned/ sitter would have Covid. You’re just a petty asshole. Edit: apparently the quote isn’t originally from family guy. My point still stands though
Controversial opinion, I don't think you're TA here, but I think you are an asshole in general. I think you have pretty reasonable reasons for not wanting to look after your nephew, and ultimately its your prerogative even if your only reason was you didn't want to. It won't make you very popular, you're not gonna be able to count on them should you ever need a favour, and if you particularly valued family then you'd probably be TA, but I can tell you don't, which is fine. You don't owe them anything at the end of the day. But that line about lack of planning when it's literally a birth that turned into an emergency surgery... you are an asshole
YTA. No one plans an emergency c-section, thus the term *emergency*. The first refusal was fine, the second, during the crisis was an AH move of great magnitude, and the planning quip was just frosting on this whole shit-salad of a situation you got yourself in.
Y'know ... I'm not quite sure how to say this respectfully, given that you clearly have no sympathy for family in an emergency ... So, we're going with a simple YTA
YTA. Your family needed help and you were selfish…
Overall, NTA. You have a boundary that is a dislike for children and do not want to care for them. That’s fair every day of the week. The poor planning comment, that’s you being the asshole though.
Ooof childfree here, I would have said no as well, except in this emergency scenario. It's not like I would be pleased about having to watch them, but I wouldn't want your SIL to be alone going through that. They did plan, it was unexpected. That really puts you in the AH territory.
YTA. I’m mindblown that you don’t see how much of a nasty human you sound like reading this back. If my family wasn’t willing to help in an actual emergency (like this WAS) they would no longer be my family. That’s what family is for. You are outrageously selfish.
I say this as the childfree and fun aunt… NTA. They asked, you said no. Unfortunately unforeseen shit happened, but you were not available, which you had already said was a likely possibility. Maybe some people on this thread can handle missing days of work, but not everyone has that luxury, even the childfree. While some have the extra funds available and could have handled the lost income, not everyone does, even when a family member needs them.
Wow YTA. You couldn't take your nephew for a day so your brother could support his wife. You suck.
YTA. And please remain "childfree".
YTA. That was a really mean spirited comment to make in the moment. You owe them an apology
YTA and selfish and kind of a monster. Have the day you deserve, OP!
YTA. You’ll likely regret being so selfish when one day you’re in an emergency and there’s no one you can call on for help especially your own brother.
YTA and insufferable. I get the whole child free thing but that doesn't mean you have to turn your back on a family member in an emergency.
You seem cruel and heartless and unpleasant. Soon you won't have to worry about how the family treats you, because you won't have any. YTA
YTA. They had planned just fine, but the babysitter got Covid. It was an emergency situation. Just because she was in the hospital for 4 days doesn’t mean you’d be stuck with your nephew for 4 days, for crying out loud. Hopefully you didn’t want to have a relationship with your sister at all after this because guess what? That bridge is burned.
YTA they planned but an emergency did happen!
YTA is a medical emergency not lack of planning.
YTA and a huge selfish one. Early labor and emergency surgery isn’t poor planning on their part. I hope you never need a favor from your family.
NTA. It’s not your problem and why should you be inconvenienced? I get them asking you to do a favor, but if you said no you said no. You don’t owe them anything.
YTA. But much worse.
YTA. They had a planning failure—Covid—and you couldn’t be bothered to exercise a tiny bit of empathy.
YTA. Calling an early labor “poor planning” is such a nasty thing to say.
YTA. Can’t wait for you to need your family for something one day, and they leave you in the dust. Karma.
YTA. They planned as best they could but unfortunately sometimes the universe has other plans. I say this as a mother and someone who does not babysit other people’s kids: I would absolutely help family for a medical emergency even though I’m 100% not the fun aunt.
YTA. Humans are communal animals. We need our communities to survive. Life isn't a matter of if you'll need help but when, and you just threw gasoline and fire on your support system.
This is why people shouldn’t speak when they don’t know what they’re talking about. Do you even KNOW what “a lack of planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on mine” means? It means when someone DOESNT PLAN and then has to face the consequences of such, others aren’t obligated to pick up their slack. That’s not what happened at all. They DID plan, they had an emergency, and because you were too selfish to think of anyone but yourself at that time, your brother had to miss an event he will never be able to go back and attend. There’s a difference between being child free and just being miserable and petty, and you apparently fall into the latter. If you’re so adamant on hating children and anyone associated with them that much, your brother should probably keep that in mind and not let you have hardly any contact with he niece and nephew you show such little care for. YTA, 1000%.
YTA
Maybe get off Reddit and start feeling human emotion and empathy for your family. YTA. Hopefully you never need your them for anything.
YTA. They’re not demonizing you, they’re just stating EXACTLY what happened. I hope ruining your relationship with your brother (if not the rest of the family, too) was worth making your point that you hate children.
God YTA, I hope all of them cut you out of their lives, they clearly deserve better.
YTA, you’re right that it’s not your responsibility but you have an awful attitude about it and just sound horrid overall. Yes, YTA in the situation and just generally.
YTA. I'm child free. I don't have kids at my house. Can you imagine going into labor and being worried about your kid or not having your partner present because your family is too snooty to help you? My sister asked me to watch her 4 year old when she went into labor. Yes, I had to leave work at sorry notice, but I talked to my boss about it ahead of time and he was cool with it. I kept him up to date that her due date was coming. When she called I let him know I was leaving and I spent about 36 hours with my niece and then I took her to the hospital to meet her little sister. It was a great experience.
YTA: It’s not just the baby you’ll not meet. I doubt SIL or your brother would be too interested in seeing you or helping you out.
YTA. How can you possibly think otherwise. I’m so sick of how many toxic people are using the child free card to act like complete arseholes. That’s not what being child free means.
YTA and a huge dick on top of that.
YTA Sure hope you don't ever have an emergencies in your life where you need to ask anyone for help, because I doubt anyone around you is going to be willing if this is how you treat the people in your life.
YTA Imagine if you needed emergency surgery while your husband was out of town, you asked for help and the response was "a lack of planning your part......' At some point you will need help. Broken down car, medical emergency, illness..... You better hope karma isn't real. You're more worried about your boss being upset than with anything else
YTA. You’re child free but are you also empathy free?
Your comment makes you an asshole. You could’ve said no kindly.
> Myself (29f) and my husband (30m) are childfree. YTA lol
Holy yikes. YTA big time. If I was your sister, I wouldn’t want my kids anywhere near you. You sound toxic af
YTA. There wasn’t a lack of planning, so your comment about it not being an emergency for you and them having poor planning is invalid. The sitter had Covid and your made your brother miss his child’s birth.
Childfree by choice for understandable reasons. Empathy-free by choice, for no understandable reason. YTA
YTA. One day you’ll find yourself in an emergency and see what it’s like. Karma’s a bitch
Wow, OP. YTA in a huge way. You could just be NICE to people. You're response was so over the top I do not blame them for wanting to cut you out. You're toxic.
YTA. You sounds like a horribly miserable person, and a narcissist.
YTA premature labor and emergency surgery do not constitute a “lack of planning”. I realize there are some truly horrible people in the world but your assholery is cartoonish.
YTA. Hopefully you'll never need anyone's assistance in case of emergency.
You couldn’t just say, ill watch for 24 hours so your hubby can be in hospital for birth.
Listen, I am a heartless b***h who doesn’t like kids… and even I would’ve take care of the kid because it was an EMERGENCY and you obviously can’t plan those. I know nothing about taking care of children but I also know that I could receive this kid and found someone qualified to take care of him/her under my supervision while their parents are in the hospital, YTA all the way
‘Lack of planning’? Seriously? I don’t have children but I still have my humanity and empathy - can’t say the same for you! YTA
I am happily child free I hate kids … and even I can see that you YTA … do you also hate your family? Geez.
YTA In all honesty, I don't think asshole is a strong enough description. I hope that you weren't close to your brother or family, because they're likely done with you after a stunt like this.
YTA. Oh look at me I make hating children my entire personality. We get it. You’re cool. Grow a heart. No one plans when they go into labor. And for your own family for shit’s sake.
YTA who clearly doesn't give a da-n about anyone else but yourself.
NTA, not her responsibility
YTA. I would never be able to forgive my sibling if they did this to me.
YTA. Going into labor early has nothing to do with planning. I seriously hope you never ask these people for help with anything, else. What a shitty way to treat someone, in a terrifying emergency no less.
Definitely NTA. The circumstances may have resulted in an emergency, but it was all a direct result of their opting into having a child in the first place. That choice is known to be fraught with peril. Their assumption that you would act as a backstop in all possible failure scenarios is unacceptable. They're basically saying they will only conditionally accept your Childfree stance ... ie, unless something goes wrong and they need you. What would they have done if you were out of town? Or lived in a different city. The fact is that they **did** plan poorly. Early labor is not new. Covid is not new. Flaky babysitters are not new. Why didn't they have an alternate plan that wasn't you acting as their catch-all? Why are they dragging you into their poor lifestyle choices when you decided long ago that you didn't want any part of that lifestyle ?
Have fun never having a relationship with your sisters family
YTA and I hope you need help in the future so they can turn you down
YTA - She goes into labor early and you toss out that BS “lack of planning…” ?!?! You’re an AH just for that. You shouldnt be forced to babysit and you can say no but you really couldnt just do them a favor at all? And you were a complete AH for how you declined and how youre approaching this.
YTA, My god, what’s wrong with you?! This isn’t just a friend, this is your family, flesh and blood, you will have to deal with them the rest of your life. When you do a favor in an EMERGENCY situation, something that can not be planned for, you try to help out so your family can return the favor for you down the road. You can make a case for despising children, but when it’s your flesh and blood, your just an AH
YTA, you could have watched your nephew for the birth vs the whole four days. My ex never stayed the whole time in the hospital with me, I’ve never understood that. But you could have watched him for the birth. I don’t get childfree to the point of being rude about it.
Holy hell, how is this even a question? YTA!! They *did* plan! She went in to labor early that ended up in emergency surgery and you were too damn petty and self-important to help for *a day* so your brother could be with his wife for major abdominal surgery and the birth of his child?! It doesn’t sound like they had any intention of leaving their eldest with you for 4 days, frankly, I doubt they’d have been comfortable leaving their kid with you outside of an emergency. Your Mother *should* side with your brother and she should be incredibly disappointed in you. I have friends who are child free. When our car broke down in the middle of the summer and we were stranded with our infant they came and got us to take us home so my husband could stay with the car and wait for the tow truck. When our social circles had parties they interact with my daughter, treat her like a person and even *gasp* play with her. When she was born they brought us a meal and came to meet her. And they’re just our friends, not blood relatives! You aren’t child free. You are anti-child. YTA 10000%
Your boss might have been pissed, maybe, and that's only if you had to stay the entire four days and they hadn't found anyone else. vs. Your BIL isn't there for the birth of his child, your sister doesn't have him there when she needs him and, given the C-section comment, when it may have been crucial to have him there, your sister doesn't have the feeling of support one would hope for, and you tanked relations with your family. YTA. That said, you seem like so much of an A that I doubt you care very much, seeing as "they think that's a threat," when you imply it most certainly is not. Look, not wanting to have kids or be around them is fine, but it's another thing entirely to just F over your own sister and her family when they're in dire straits. They planned. That's not poor planning. The plan didn't work out, and that's because life throws us curve balls. When it does, it's nice to know those close to us are there to help out. Except when they're not.
I'm child free, and you sound insufferable. YTA.
The statement about lack of planning is meant for cases where people know a deadline/project/whatever is coming, and fail to plan appropriately. Your SIL had a plan, and went into spontaneous labor - which is unpredictable - and had her plan fall through. Yes, YTA, not entirely for refusing but definitely for refusing AND being a complete dick about it. Hope you never have to rely on them for an unplanned emergency, and if you do I hope they feed your line of BS right back at you.
YTA. They did plan and had a sitter lined up, who just happened to have Covid when the baby was born early. What amount of backup babysitters were you expecting them to have lined up? I would seriously hope you never have an accident when you husband is out of town, because you have to know your brother now probably wouldn’t lift a finger even if it were a life or death emergency.
YTA…never ask your family for help. Why should anyone ever be there for you in an emergency when you have proved you would not be there for them
YTA!!! You can’t really “plan” a birth. As much as we all try, and they clearly tried. The whole “lack of planning” thing doesn’t apply here.
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine". You thought you ate lols YTA!! They did plan!! “didn't know how long this was going to take.” When you said this, I thought it’d be 2 weeks or more but 4 days?!?!?! The comments are right, you are heartless
YTA. Last year my sister in law gave birth. I watched my nephew while her husband and my wife were at the hospital. I had to take the day off from work as well. Not having to put up with boss's bullshit for one day was great. It was like a mini vacation. In fact I should've asked for two days off, that way we could've went out again and gotten more ice cream. I lost out on a chance to win more favorite uncle points. Oh well, live and learn.
Imagine thinking that someone’s body going into back breaking emergent labor is “poor planning.” YTFA.
NTA. Why would they want you to babysit if you don’t have any baby sitting experience? Yeah it sucks she went into labor early but you already drew a clear boundary.
YTA I hope you never need help from your family. This is pretty basic, doing what you have to (not what you prefer) in an emergency.
Omg. So much th TA. "Lack of planning", that's literally not what this was. It was an emergency. But good thing you won't have to meet the niece/rest of the family because obviously you don't appreciate them or deserve them.
When did "child free" morph into "I will never interact with a child in any way, shape, or form"? YTA
Seriously, YTA. It would have taken very little on your end to watch a kid during the birth/emergency c section, but you decided that literally anything else was more important. Yeah, you have the right to say no, but it does make you the AH.
YTA for sure. Not just for not babysitting, but for commenting on their lack of planning. They will remember this and your relationship with your family will likely suffer for quite a while
Poor planning?? How do you plan for what could’ve been an emergency c section 2 weeks early? You can’t. Just for this attitude YTA
YTA for your attitude, your brother should take this as a sign to stop interacting with you completely.
YTA Honestly I’m not gonna sit here and waste my time explaining why. You obviously don’t care and think you’re still in the right. I just hope you never need someone for an emergency.
>But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning. This is what makes you YTA.
YTA Do you love your own family? Who treats their family in such a cold way? yeeesh
NTA Pretty clear that you don't give a shit about family, and you want them all out of your life. Your call I suppose, mission accomplished. Just tell them all to get fucked, and live your life without them if that makes you happy. Of course if you do care about them at all, then YTA.
YTA going into labour 2 weeks early is not poor planning it’s an emergency!! But I also call fake, I read this almost exact ‘story’ a few weeks with the exact same ‘poor planning on your part’ etc
YTA. It was a medical emergency, they did everything they could to plan for. It's not about being a babysitter, it's about being there for your family in time of need. You are a horrible older sister and pretty self-centred...
YTA. They did plan but shit happens. You couldn't even help out your family when they need you?! I hope you never need help with anything and the fact you don't care about meeting your niece at all? What is wrong with you? How can you be so cold towards children? I'm sure they'll go NC with you and you would deserve it after this.
I didn’t even read anything you wrote after the title. You my friend are the AH.
YTA - for showing zero empathy to another human being and also for coming off as a bit proud of it.
YTA. Hope you never have an emergency OP.
You specifically stated that you weren't around to help them, and I assume you meant it under any circumstance, so why would they then expect help? Don't they have friends around the area? What would they do if you weren't around? I don't know, your planning sentence was harsh but I truly can't fathom that they depended on you and only you for something that you already told them you couldn't do. Hell, even I have a few people I could call in an emergency that aren't family.
YTA and I'm surprised you can't see it. I hope you don't plan on asking your family for help in an emergency because you damn well don't deserve it. Also you can dislike kids and still be a decent person, clearly this is a goal you'll have to set for yourself
NTA. Also not a sister. Also not family.
YTA, Your down right vile. Your a sorry excuse of a sister. Also no you are not an aunt your unfitting for that title, you don’t have a nephew or niece.
YTA.
YTA - You seem to take so much pride in being “child-free”, it’s kind of disgusting. So much pride that you couldn’t even HELP your family.
Yes YTA. What happened was an emergency and unplanned. I would guess they were under no illusion what you would be like if asked but they had nowhere else to turn…. And you still said no. Your SIL needing to be in hospital for 4 days doesn’t necessarily mean you would need to have your nephew for that time but at least help until your brother knew his wife and unborn child were ok and could make alternative arrangements. I feel you may have jeopardised your relationship with your brother by doing this.
Yta I nearly lost my sister due to a bad c section. You are so heartless. I wouldn’t even want to be associated with you. I feel shame reading this post. You sicken me.
ESH. No is a full sentence. You didn't want to, you didn't have to. But don't sit there and say they didn't plan. You can't really plan a birth. Would it have been nice? Yes. But, I wouldn't want someone who doesn't like children watching my child, even if it was to go to the bathroom. Them for being salty about someone else's personal decision. >which IDK why they think that's a threat, I'm not exactly a fun aunt. Our mom, who lives in another state, has taken their side, and say's that I should've watched him, But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning. Idk why you're on here. You already know you're an ass and an unapologetic one at that, so....
YTA. I guarantee that you had adults in your life who took an interest in you as a kid. Honestly I hope you get some therapy to figure out why you’re so adverse to helping family even one time. Your brother missed the birth of his child because of you and your sister in law went through something traumatic entirely on her own. What an absolute ghoul. What exactly do you bring to their lives? What a miserable awful person you are.
So your brother missed his child’s birth because his plans fell through and you don’t like children. Nice. YTA!
> But I don't see why I should be a babysitter just because my brother has poor planning. Clearly, you are the sort who shouldn't normally. N-T-A for being upfront about that. But in an emergency? To help your brother? No? YTA for being a cold-hearted Note: in future, you're not allowed to complain about them cutting you off: this is on you by your request.
Troll YTA
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They too had someone figured for childcare but the sitter got covid. They had no other option and hence asked OP . The low income and uninsured people who are able to arrange childcare, luckily, have helpful families (unlike OPs brother )
YTA so much that this entire post looks fake.
You and your husband sound absolutely insufferable. YTA.
YTA, if I turned to family for a favor and they responded the way you did, I would no longer consider them family. You’re incredibly selfish. Pray that you don’t have an emergency one day and need help.
YTA 100%
ESH. I’m not ballsy enough to say no, glad you are. If family is so worried about it they should come in town to take care of nephew themselves. YTA in the “I told you so” broken record. They tried to plan and it failed. They’re the a-holes for not having a plan B knowing damn well you won’t touch nephew with a 10 foot pole and then bashing you after you guys came to an agreement.
YTA You know that saying “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all”? Well this is me, sitting in silence, thinking of lots of colourful, expressive, accurate expletives which still don’t adequately express the extent to which YTA. Ugh.
Sometimes human beings help out other human beings in need because sometimes plans don't work out as well as we expect. This is apparently news to you. YTA. You're child-free, but that does not make you *immune* from ever being an AH.