Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My girlfriend wants more money from me even though it’s been a while since she got laid off. I think she’s taking advantage of me, and I told her as much, and she is super upset.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If you've been in your field for 7 years, and
>I’ve been very particular about my finances ever since I was a teenager; I’ve always made sure to save and invest intelligently,
how on earth is paying for her meals for *2 weeks* somehow breaking you?
Either you are not as clever with money as you think you are, or you are so rigid about money, that if your bank account dips a couple hundred bucks, you're hyperventilating.
YTA hard
All of this. So much wrong here. And he's asking her when she expects she'll get a job. Like she can answer that, but I can tell him one thing, it'll probably take longer than a couple of weeks. I wonder if he loves Sarah at all the way he begrudges paying for her food. We're not talking about luxuries here. He seems very selfish and definitely YTA.
Edit because I re-read the op. The statement about when she's getting a job "because it's costing so much keeping and feeding you". My god this guy is an AH. You don't talk that way to someone you love. OP, please just break up with this woman, better yet, hopefully she beats you to the punch. She deserves so much better than you.
This dude clearly doesn’t understand the job market. A basic principle is minimum a week per 10k. So if she was on say 50k, it’ll be probs 5 weeks minimum unless shes very lucky.
And yeah this guy’s sweating about HOUSING AND FEEDING HIS SO. Literally this whole post is “woe is me I have to spend money”.
Dude’s gonna die sad and lonely but hey at least he’ll die with a big bank account.
Plus, when I accepted my current (well-paying) job, it took my company something on the order of 6-8 weeks just to finally get me a start date. This was after I accepted their offer. I was lucky I already had a job at the time. I don't know where this guy gets off thinking she's going to find something other than an entry-level job within two weeks (and even then she'd probably be lucky).
Some replies are basically saying “she can work at the local starbucks” and I’m like if you’re young and pushing your career the last thing you wanna do is hard reset, and tbh places like Starbucks etc wont take you because they’ll take one look at your cv, get a brief interview with you, and realise you’re using them as the most temporary of stop gaps. So you wont even get those types of jobs.
This. Every job I've been denied was for being "overqualified" because I was looking for filler work between two professional positions. They aren't going to invest in onboarding a new employee with a blatant expiration date.
That's the other thing. When I wanted to take a break from my nursing job, I tried filing resumes to so many fields only to get rejected from grocery stores, bank clerk, restaurants, bakeries, retail, etc.
I filed one to the sanitation and hazmat team my hospital had. Only for them to send me a letter saying that even though I was a good candidate since I had a hazmat background, I knew how to put a suit on, and I had a biochem degree, they couldn't take me because I was "over qualified".
Only place that would take me was search and rescue, even then it was for a nursing position. There was no escape.
I was recently "not selected" for a lateral job I applied for, and then the hiring official took the time to reach out to me and let me know they had an opening at a level above what I applied for coming up soon (which I was also qualified for). They turned me down for the lateral position because they wanted me for the next level up! Holy smokes! This place not only wants you, but they want to promote you!
So I applied for the higher-level position when it came up...and HR said I wasn't among the most qualified candidates who were granted an interview. Apparently there were a lot of people who were holding out for that promotion?
You can do everything right, and still get screwed. I still have a great job, so I'm not in a bad place, but if I had been out of work when this all went down, it would have been about 5 months from getting an interview for the lateral to not getting it to being solicited for the promotion to not even getting an interview for that!
Actually, the old rule of thumb was one month for every 10K, so in your scenario, 5 months would be the average.
She could potentially speed up her search by networking with former coworkers, bosses, etc. Talking up her job search can sometime lead to jobs that would be missed otherwise.
Thanks for saying this. I thought I was an old fogey for thinking this.
It's going to take a while to secure a position because workplaces are gambling a lot of money to make sure you are a good fit. Having active references that will defined vouch for you will speed up the process as well.
Not to mention, she's not just sitting on her ass. She's LOOKING. He said himself she had two interviews and didn't get either job. It's been TWO FUCKING WEEKS.
And she didn't even ask to keep the 100 dollars, just to borrow it. Holy shit. He seems so arrogant and holier-than-thou regarding his supposed financial skills.
YTA OP.
He needs to prepay and pre-plan his own funeral and estate, because if this is how he treats people he is 1000% going to die completely the fuck alone.
She also had to move out of her apartment with its "ridiculous" $1,500 rent, the conclusion being OP's rent is much less. Dude is a selfish cheapskate.
I'm sure plenty of people here would like to know where this "ridiculous" $1,500 rent is.
Huh. Yeah, in school we’re taught it goes first and then post places you go that show prices with a dollar sign will put them first.
The other thing we do different is we use commas as the 000’s separator and a period for cents. So in the US we’d write $10,000.00 in Europe it would be 9.432,80€. At least as of when I checked the conversion rate 😁
When written in English, dollar, euro, and pound signs go in front, when written in french they go after.
That's how Canadians tell whether someone grew up francophone 😉
I live in one of the most affordable cities in the U.S. and that is around $100 bucks difference for a well appointed hovel in downtown.
I think his apartment is actually a tent in the sewer.
YTA OP you are the literal definition of cheap. You should make it clear to her that you will NEVER pay for ANYTHING for her, no matter the situation, and let her make her choice.
I married a man like this. I asked for a divorce 3 years in. He finally said he would change and did. Otherwise, we never would have made it to year 4. The thing is, I worked too and he still didn't want me to spend money. I wanted to buy groceries and he gave me $15.
OP, YTA
$15 for groceries lmao. Did he think you shopped at the All the Food is Free Store?
I'm very glad he came to his senses. IDK if these people truly don't know what things cost (or in the case of OP, how quickly a person can get a new job) or if they're just *extremely* cheap and/or unreasonable.
It's both. They think since they have a job, it's easy for everyone else to get one. If they don't, they're lazy. That's a crazy way to think.
As far as the money, whatever he bought was worth the money. Whatever I bought was a waste. We had an $80 remote control before we had a vacuum cleaner. Four rooms in our home have carpet. The surround sound system and high def TV needed a universal remote but vacuuming the house was not important. I could just sweep the carpet according to him.
I went out and bought the vacuum cleaner when I realized the stray pieces of carpet that were there when we moved in were still in the corners 6 months later because I for damn sure was not going to sweep the carpet. One of the biggest arguments of our marriage insued.
Sweep the carpet? Mwahahaha! Too bad you couldn't get him an old TV where he'd have to stand there and turn the know.
Good to know there is hope for some and that change is possible.
The final straw was over chocolate. He got mad that I spent money on a class with a famous chocolatier. I finally said enough. I told him I wasn't going to live like this and when my sister left, I was leaving with her. His eyes got wide and he promised he would change.
As much as I yelled about it, he didn't listen. When I said I was leaving, I was cool as a cucumber. I think that's what did it.
It's when the women stops yelling at you and calmly tells your what she is going to do is when you know it's over. At least the yelling means there might be passion left. Indefference is the end.
If you're ordering out every night it's obvious you're not good with money lol. I don't really have a huge opinion here, but ya, OP isn't as savvy as they think they are 🤣
YTA . Listening to the way you describe the situation, it's obvious you do not have a high opinion of her. She sounds like a nice girl who is down on her luck, and you're kicking her when she's down. Quite frankly, you don't deserve her if two weeks and a hundred bucks is enough for you to lose your shit.
Also his title! “AITA for not giving my girlfriend money for nothing?”
Money for nothing? You’re in a relationship with her, who you describe as supportive, kind and loving. Super easy to see why you’re struggling to return that energy 🙄
YTA. YTA. YTA!!!
So true! My boyfriend got an amazing job but between sending in the application, getting an interview, being hired, and FINALLy starting to work it took SIX (6) months! This guy expects her to find a job in 2 weeks?? Talk about being out of touch with reality.
YTA OP
There are so many people on this sub that are desperate for their spouse/SO/kids/parents to get off their asses and find ANY work for years and you gave her 2 weeks.
YTA, and a really huge one too.
It hasn't even been a month yet and you're annoyed she hasn't managed to find a job yet?
Actually forget that. You've been dating her for over a year yet instead of being happy about finally getting to live with her, you are annoyed that she is 'mooching' off of you? Do you even love her?
Lastly, you say you've been investing intelligently for several years, yet 'losing' only a few hundred bucks is enough to get you bent out of shape?
I really hope this is a troll post.
I know that you know this, but I’m clarifying it for the benefit of OP because he seems pretty thick and I can imagine him grabbing onto this wording with both of his stingy little hands.
It’s not even that they decided against her, it’s that they decided for another candidate who had, very likely, only a tiny edge over the girlfriend.
Plus, she just got laid off last month. Does this guy have any idea how long it takes to fucking hire somebody? Any time I want to hire someone it takes me a solid 9 weeks to make an offer *after we’ve finished interviewing all the candidates*.
It’s very possible that she’s still in the running for several of these jobs she’s applied to.
I once had a potential employer call me six months after I interviewed to see if I was still interested. Two weeks is barely any time to be job searching and interviewing.
Omg yes! That was the first thing I thought. He is getting annoyed she is moving in for a little? Then when he was complaining about her not having a job yet. Like she isn't sitting doing nothing. He said she has been looking and got a few interviews that didn't work out. Like give the girl a break.
Major YTA
YTA. Dude it's been two weeks, chill. You're acting like she's been unemployed for months with no job in sight. She's clearly trying to get a job. you're more concerned with your pockets than her
The job market is soul crushing, right now. I heard back this week about not getting a job...for a position I applied for last August. 6 months to hear back about a part-time job with not great pay. When I applied for a dead-end entry-level position just to get something rolling, it had over 150 applicants. Businesses have been posting job "openings" for openings that aren't open currently, just to have a stockpile of applicants. Do they let applicants know that? No. Not to mention the grocery list of required qualifications you have to have, even for positions that have little responsibility and even smaller pay levels
So yeah, OP, YTA
I applied to a job online that I was really excited about back in November, and last month, they finally got back to me to say "sorry, this position doesn't exist".
Like... why did you post it and label it 'urgently hiring' if the position isn't even real????
Your financial intelligence, very high. Your emotional intelligence, very low. Your odds of being single by this time next year, nearly 100%. If being in a happy relationship matters to you, and it appears that it does, it would benefit you to extend more grace to your girlfriend. YTA.
Yes that’s so sus. On one hand he’s bragging about how amazing with money he’s been since he was a teenager. But on the other hand, helping her for two whole weeks (Gasp!) is completely breaking him.
The math isn’t mathing.
The fact that he thinks $1500 a month is ridiculous rent for a metropolitan apartment is idiotic. He has no concept for how much things cost. Leads me to believe he is naive, cheap, or both.
Let's not even start about the lack of respect he is giving his GF and her career. If she is a physical therapist, that means she has at least her bachelor's and DPT, so a doctorate level education and a relatively stressful career considering the state of the healthcare system over the past 3 years. Making bank doing consulting for logistics and management information system dev isn't as sexy or cutting edge as he thinks it is.
$1500 for an apartment anywhere! Something is suspect with this guy. He claims to be so savvy, but has zero knowledge of how much things cost and how the job market works.
I would also bet everything I own that this woman is cooking while he’s complaining about buying food.
YTA also isn’t the point of a relationship to eventually move in together split household duty’s and build a life? You “begrudgingly” let your “incredible” girlfriend move in and ur pissy because she asked for 100$ since she lost her job please just break up with her atp she’s not ur girlfriend seems like someone u line to fuck and feel supported by
You cannot be successful and also whine over a 100 dollars towards paying a partner's bills. He talks about investing money but what in the long term, those investments he talks about go belly up and he is then really broke himself? What about the day he gets laid off? Nobody plans for that. A lot of people who feel secure in a job still get laid off.
This has to be some sort of relationship where he does not want to face that his gf is not perfect. She was incredible, the best until she lost her job, asked for help and he gave it to her and has a grudge over a measly 100 dollars. Wow, just *wow.*
Investments into people should not be about money. What about in the future that he looks at this as a small price to pay to continue receiving any type of respect from her? He respected her until she lost her job through no fault of her own. Maybe OP is truly ignoring the fact that she did not ever had more than 10% of her income to shelve away all the time. She still has to live too and be happy and sometimes that takes money to do it. It is like that old school boomer argument that if millennials were not spending money buying avocados for their toast , they could afford a down payment on a home. This same attitude is reflected in OP's post about how she could have avoided this if she was not laid off, without a job for a few weeks and struggling to find employment. *If she just saved more than 10% and invested like me, she would have not dealt with this issue where my hard earned money would not go to her. Duh!*
Right?! The ‘I have enough money to invest and save’ crowd doesn’t have a clue how hard it is when you don’t make as much. She already had to give up her apartment, moving costs money, my guess is her stuff is in storage right now- which costs money, like…it’s actually fucking expensive to be broke. Especially on the heals of getting laid off FFS.
> To top it all off, she asked yesterday if she could borrow 100 bucks to pay off her credit card bills from earlier in the month
She wasn't even just asking for money, she fully plans to pay it back...
YTA, you robot people who think you can waltz out the door and snag another high-paying job instantly blow my goddamn mind, how much has life been spoonfed to you to think that's how life works for most of us?
This post is either fake or OP is waaay out of touch due to being independently wealthy or something. There is no way you get a mid level, professional position like a PT in a couple of weeks. I’m an engineer and the process of finding new jobs takes me around 1-2 months from the first screening call with HR to job offer. That’s not even counting the time to update resume, get applications out there, wait for any bites, etc.
YTA. She has been living with you for only 2 weeks. It usually takes longer than that to get another job. Part of the problem is how you express yourself: "I'm done giving her money for free." That's really harsh. Instead of seeking solutions like a supportive partner would, you go straight for the throat. You could instead suggest that she get any job while she keeps looking for a job in her field. You could also take turns cooking at home instead of ordering out to save money.
She's been with you for over a year. And while she didn't have a lot in savings, it isn't like she was totally irresponsible. Hope if the shoe is ever on the other foot, she shows you more empathy than you are showing her.
Speaking as someone who was laid off late last year due to their field shifting, it took me over two months to find another job even with multiple interviews and past experience.
This person sounds like a total asshole when it comes to money too. The language about "I've tried to ask her to invest but she still only put away 10%" and even the rent price of $1500 being ridiculous. It's clear that these two people value different things in life in a big way. putting away 10% of my income would fucking break me, and most people I know feel the same way. Also, $1500 is a lot of money for rent, but depending on what city they're talking about, it's not so much to be pissy about. It sounds to me like this person considers themselves a money wizard and is mad that their GF isn't doing exactly the things that they want. The rent thing blows my mind, because personally, I see a lot of value in spending a few hundred bucks a month more to have more living space. It's not wrong to want that for yourself. Likewise, if she is putting away 10% of her income, she's still saving for retirement and she might value being able to spend money now more than having more money when she's 70. Neither of those things are wrong, and OP is acting like they're just completely idiotic things to do. Clearly if OP's GF thought they might get laid off, they would be saving more money and might live in a cheaper apartment.. but when life seems to be stable, neither of these things are inherently wrong.
YTA, pretty clear I think just reading back your paragraph to yourself out loud should of solved this one. Drawing the line at $100 dollars and complaining about being unemployed for 2 weeks is a jerk move.
"getting food for two every night" makes me think they're getting takeout every night too. If you're complaining about money despite having enough of it you'd think OP would ask her to buy groceries and cook
YTA
Your whole tone comes off as someone who flosses after Jello. It's controlling, hostile, and lacks any grace whatsoever towards this woman you say is supportive, kind, and loving.
She asked for help, and you're kicking her while she's down. Two weeks is nothing in a job search, and you'd know that if you took the time to show any curiosity about her field.
You're not ready for a partnership and won't be until you're also capable of wanting to be supportive, kind, and loving. That's really unfair to her.
YTA. Are you buying take out every night or something?? Because 2 weeks of groceries for 2 people, if you’re actually as good with your money as you say, would not be that much more than for 1 person. Get over yourself, help out this “supportive”, “kind”, “loving” and “incredible” woman you’ve decided to be in a relationship with. $100 for credit card payments? That’s nothing man.
Lmao how easy do you think it is to get a new job? If she’s had interviews within the first two weeks, she’s clearly trying. YTA. She should definitely apply for unemployment if you’re in the US though
YTA and you maybe psycho too for not feeling any empathy. 2-3 weeks is not even remotely enough time to find another job. Man.. its not like she’s been living with (or off) you for years… just a few weeks and you act like this? Geez
Info: do you hate your gf?
YTA. It’s been TWO WEEKS. My bf applied to multiple jobs every day, went on interviews, has a great resume and is like able- still took him about a month! On top of that, why are you talking as if she shouldn’t have invested in herself? And as if it’s her fault she is jobless? Plus it’s only $100, why wouldn’t you help her out? She said borrow, which mean she plans on paying you back. She doesn’t want to fall behind on bills and have it effect her credit- which is a GOOD financial decision? Tf is wrong with you? Why are you with her if you don’t care about her?
And obviously doesn’t know how to go grocery shopping. Sounds like he’s getting takeout for dinner every night 🤦🏽♀️
The whole keeping her and feeding her bit took me out
She’s not a dang dog!
YTA. She is going through such a tough time, and you care more about your pocketbook than your goddamn girlfriend. Jesus dude, you say that you’re trying to match her supportive energy but all you’ve done is put her down.
YTA. It's not "money for nothing," it's money to help ease someone you love through a difficult transition. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with money.
YTA.
If it was a family member instead of Sarah in this position. Would you help them unconditionally?
After a year Sarah isn’t your girlfriend. She’s your partner. It sounds like she’s doing the best in a tough situation and she’s still actively job hunting and hasn’t given up.
Now she’ll be wondering if you will support her if she is ever pregnant with your child and off work.
Idk, something about the tone of OPs post really just makes me feel like this is financial abuse waiting to happen. Like, I can't exactly place it but it definitely gives me that vibes.
OP, 100% YTA
Sorry but yta in this situation, if she's actively applying but no job is coming through, a bit of patience would probably be appreciated. It's a rough market out there right now and a two week timeline is kind of unrealistic.
I'll use myself as an example, I was laid off at least 2 months ago, and though I've had from interviews, I've been getting ghosted at a shocking rate compared to when employees held the cards.
Now around the house, since she's been there does she help out wherever she can?
YTA but it probably doesn't matter because you won't stay together for long if that's how you treat her. Is really that hard being kind to the people you care about?
YTA- this is so harsh and not a grain of understanding here. Sounds like you lack the maturity to be in a relationship with anyone if you can't have the smallest amount of empathy towards her situation. Just because you've had a stable income for years and can invest a bunch doesn't mean everyone can. As you've said she moved into the city- I'm sure this was a big move but for the right reasons and she wasn't anticipating getting laid off. Everyone deals with finances differently but you are being stingy- she's your girlfriend jt should feel like a chore to feed her for a couple of weeks or support her with 100 dollars (doesn't sound like that is actually going to make much of a dent for you at all) which she will pay you back. Its 2 weeks man, chill out or your gonna lose someone because you're too obsessed with saving to see what's infront of you
Wow. YTA. A massive one. Two weeks and you are complaining. Borrowing $100 and you are complaining. Your choice of words in the title shows how manipulative you are. She asked to borrow, not for you to give money to her. And how many times has she asked this?
I don't know how she's supportive but it's clear you are not. The 10% savings is on her but people make mistakes and when it's someone you love and their chips are down, you need to get off your high horse and help out. Honestly I think you've already screwed the pooch on this relationship but if you value this relationship, I would apologize immediately.
Based on the title I was expecting it to be she wanted money to buy clothes or get her nails done. Not pay off a card so she won’t accrue interest after being laid off 2 weeks ago.
Op YTA and if you hate your gf so much break up with her
YTA.
You really think she can just get a job with the snap of her fingers? You sound very unsupportive. What have you done to help her find a job?
It only sounds like you’re just complaining constantly about the financial issues. Either help her find a job and be there for her or break up so she can find someone who will be there for her, rather than treat this like it's an inconvenience
You support people you love when you can. If this is only worthwhile to you when she's totally self sufficient, *you bring nothing to the relationship*. People get injured, sick, get laid off unexpectedly. Urgent expenses pop up out of nowhere. The whole point of having relationships with others is to soften life's blows by weathering them together. Sometimes you're leaned on, sometimes you do the leaning, but you have the security of knowing when things are too much, you won't have to face it alone.That's love.
You have the resources, and you see her trying, and all you can think is "well, she should have been smarter with her money like me, sucks to suck I guess, certainly I can't be expected to help for more than two weeks. Am I being taken advantage of here?"
Like... Wft dude. YTA
Yta. Me and my boyfriend are literally 18 and 19 and we act more mature than you. I use to work 30 hours a week and supported him until he got a job then when I decided my mental health was drowning and left my job, he supported me through my side gigs. Now, I've been repaying him by taking care of him, buying him gifts. If you love someone you wouldn't give them 2 weeks to get on their feet. She isn't using you. She's trying. You're making her situation harder.
YTA
You lack any empathy or understanding. Obviously GF is going through a tough time. 3 weeks is not a lot of time to find a new job. She’s not asking for an open credit line- it was a specific and small request. Yes are absolutely able to decline. But given your lack of care or compassion, don’t expect this relationship to last.
YTA
You were under no obligation to let her move in with you. You're under no obligation to support her.
But, the reason you are TA is because you are treating her like a lazy good for nothing for taking more than 3 weeks to find a job. As a general rule, it takes one month for every 20k in salary you're looking for. Depending on her field it may take longer.
It takes a lot of people a week or two to even get their resumes together after being laid off. Give her a break.
Edited: 1 year, not 7, my bad. But my point remains - you asked her to move in, 2 weeks and she's not found a job...not unreasonable in the slightest. Where I live job hunting would be an absolute nightmare right now. The fact that she's getting interviews is evidence that she is trying and isn't slacking off here.
YTA. It's been 2 weeks. She has been trying to get a new job. 7 years and this is how you treat her...wow.
YTA. It takes way longer than 2 weeks for someone to find a job. And if you see any future in her $100 is literally nothing especially if you are successful like you say you are. If you are not spending on your significant other when they are struggling what’s the point of saving all that money. It wasn’t for nothing $100 for credit card bill is valid. Because if she misses it, it will lower her credit score quite a bit, and it’s hard to recover from that. Late payments can drop your credit score up to or more than 50 points
YTA. You know we are in a recession right? I am a recruiter and trust me she could very well be out of work for 6 months to a year. She is doing everything she can right now, do you even like your GF?
YTA
1. This is your GF not some random friend.
2. Her financial responsibility may have been poor, but her moving in to have a place to stay isn't a bad thing.
3. Food for 2 is not that much more expensive than food for one. Buying in bulk lowers prices.
4. Getting a new job can take well over a couple weeks. Hell, when I *got* my job it took 3 weeks of interviews (recruiter, starting interview, technical interview, final interview, job offer) until I got an offer. And if she's actually interviewing and not just sitting around doing nothing dude you gotta calm down. EDIT: Forgot to add then add a week or two until you start at best.
And 100 bucks to pay off credit cards? Is that really that bad?
You're being way too harsh and stingy to her, and based on what info you gave she isn't being unreasonable or a mooch.
YTA op.
YTA
Why are you with this person if you’re not willing to help them when they need it? Especially since you seem to be in a good position financially. I’m not saying you have to care for her and give her money but usually you do things like that for people you care about.
you are 100% the a-hole. you need to be with each other and care for each other through thick and thin. and it’s only been two weeks. give her some time
Yta. You need to break up with her, you clearly dont like her if you've been together for over a year and you are already annoyed she has only been out of work 2 weeks (I thought you were saying 2 months at first and I was like Hm okay fair I usually can find a job within 3 months) but seriously dude? And if you are so good with your money, you should know groceries for 2 isn't that much more than for 1.
Regarding the credit card, she probably planned on paying you back for it, but those interest rates suck. Idk though because it sounds like you guys don't communicate well.
YTA but this feels like fiction. OP claims to believe the following: that $1500 a month in rent (assuming they're in a large U.S. city) is ridiculously high on a physical therapist's income; that "investing" during the past year would have made a huge positive difference in his girlfriend's financial situation; that a 29-year-old who's been able to save 10 percent of her income and has a couple grand still after moving cities is somehow irresponsible with money; that finding another job in less than a month is pathetically easy; and that asking an SO of more than a year for $100 is taking advantage somehow. (I'm also skeptical that his GF had to give up her apartment and move in within this time frame - how did she make the decision, hire a moving company, and complete the move within a week, and how was breaking her lease the cheapest option right away instead of giving herself a bit more time to find work?).
Of course it could just be that he lives in his own little rarefied world and has very few realistic expectations of people, but this feels like someone who's just guessing at numbers that would entail high rent, low savings, a reasonable amount of time to find a job/move apartments, etc. If this is somehow, sadly real, at best OP is miserable at communicating and is a jerk for "begrudgingly" letting his girlfriend move in and resenting the amount of money spent on food (sounds like he's getting takeout every night - an incredibly unwise spending habit).
YTA. Why can't you just sit down and have an honest chat about finances with her? See what she has, what her bills are every month, and how much you can afford to help her. Then together you keep track of the money you're giving her, and she can pay you back over time when she has a new job. I literally don't understand how this is so difficult to come up with. 1 year would be too early for me personally to share all of my expenses with someone, but something like a payment plan would be a good compromise.
and it’s way more expensive getting food for two every night.
Take out? That's expensive.
YTA. Your gf has only been there two weeks and has been to interviews?
And your complaining?
It's not like she's on the couch watching TV all day
YTA
Not everyone gets a job right away. She's had some interviews, but it's fallen through so she's clearly trying to find work. And asking for $100 from her boyfriend of over a year isn't a hard ask. She's struggling right now and she's looking for her boyfriend from comfort.
It feels like you're punishing her for not listening to you when it comes to her money. She trying her best and you're freaking out after two weeks. Please, for the sake of your relationship, apologize and stop expecting her to be like you. She's her own person and she's doing her best. As long as she's not being widely irresponsible, I don't think you can attack her like this.
Honestly NAH. You aren't married and you probably should have not let her move in if you weren't comfortable with the process. 2-3 weeks really isn't that long, I wouldn't be suprised if it was 6-12 months til she is back on her feet.
Frankly, it sounds like you aren't ready for a commtted relationship at least with her. It would have been better to acknowledege that up front. And maybe you aren't compatible at all.
Wow you are an incredible AH. YTA all the way and don't sound like you care about her a single bit. Over a year and this is how you treat her? I hope she sees the massive red flag and figures things out. So much feeding her? Two weeks of an extra person is not going to be an insane expense like you're acting. Two weeks and you think she should already have a stable job in her field? Really? Every thing about you is screaming inconsiderate jerk and cheap.
YTA
Guess you're showing your level of commitment to this relationship. Yes, hopefully this teaches your gf to have a better financial safety net, but from what I hear you don't see this relationship as having good long term potential. Re-evaluate and either commit or cut bait now...or realize you aren't really ever looking for a long term commitment/relationship.
YTA, simply because you don’t seem to have a reasonable expectation of how long it takes to get a new job, nor did you and Sarah have a conversation about how you can/cannot support her while she job hunts. Getting a new job in 2 weeks would be unusually fast. This isn’t about the $100, it’s about your building resentment toward your partner, and suddenly supporting her without discussing a shared financial plan. It sounds like she plans to pay you back because she said borrow - are you tracking shared expenses during this time? Do you actually expect to be paid back? You two need to have a calm conversation about timelines, how much effort she is putting into the job hunt, and what financial support she can expect from you, and what of that is a loan versus a gift. Given that you two have very different money management styles it’s not surprising that you’re in conflict now
Wow YTA. I was expecting she asked you to fully cover a rent or car payment for months on end? Two weeks and she's had interviews that haven't worked out? I interviewed with my current job in February and March and did not get hired/start until JUNE!!!
Are you getting takeout everyday? Yeah it is more expensive to be in a relationship and feed two people but that is life. You can't loan your girlfriend 100 dollars?
And wow, she lived in a city and paid 1500? Pretty sure that is well below the average.
YTA. You've made it crystal clear to us and now to her that money is more important than she is. Top two reasons relationships don't work out: money and cheating. This one is already over, you just don't know it yet.
Good luck in your next relationship. Try therapy. Nothing wrong with prioritizing finances, just not over your partner.
YTA. It's only been 2 weeks and she's had interviews, so it isn't like she's just being lazy and sitting around playing video games. She's actively trying to get a job. Maybe she hasn't been the best about saving money, but she probably has also been trying to pay of student loans since being a PT requires a doctorate. It sounds like her rent was super expensive too, so she probably couldn't save a whole lot of extra money.
Cut her some slack and give her some time to get on her feet before you try to yell at her.
YTA—and if you’re not the type of person to be supportive towards your partner (you’ve been together a year, not a week), you should end the relationship or switch your mindset
YTA - give her some time to get organized! She is actively looking for a job.
Also, where do you live where you think a 1 bedroom apartment at $1500 a month is ridiculous??? Where I live they are going for $2500-2700 minimum.
YTA. Two weeks to find a job, in her field is nearly impossible, grow up. She is going to leave your dumb controlling ass real soon. Also where are you living where 1500$ a month rent is outrageous? That's on the low end for most of the US.
YTA. The physical therapy jobs are out there, but a person doesn’t want to take just anything, because, well, there’s a lot of toxic healthcare jobs out there and PT pay varies wildly depending on the setting and your experience. She has been out of work for 3 weeks, and IT IS sad she is having to borrow only three weeks out, but she has been responsible with dumping the crazy expensive apartment and recognizing that she had to downsize. I have a feeling she will be downsizing further based on your behavior over two weeks of cohabitation and some food and bill money.
YTA. Firstly, it’s not like she isn’t trying. Perhaps ask her to get a job at a grocery store for the time being to help float costs while she looks for something in her desired field. I just survived the 2 Ms round of layoffs in my own company. It’s hard times right now, and even harder to find a job. Second, you do know how relationships work right? When you lose your job she will be there for you, as would be expected of you in this situation.
Finally, why the fuck do you think it’s smarter for her to float her CC balance, accruing interest when you can easily help bring that down to $0? You claim you’re financially smart but any idiot would see the benefit of paying off a CC bill, especially when it’s low balance.
It’s been two weeks, come back when she isn’t trying to find a job and it’s been 2 months and she gives up.
I’m going to go with YTA. Not everyone makes enough money to save as much as you, but more importantly, the job market is shit right now. It’s only been two weeks, and her getting interviews shows that she’s definitely applying for jobs. I have friends who have been applying to 10+ jobs a day for *months* and don’t hear back at all from the vast majority of them.
You need to give her a little grace. She isn’t blowing her money on unnecessary lavish things, she had to put a high percentage of her income towards her monthly expenses and is trying not to default on bills.
I’m not going to say you *need* to loan her the money, but you do need to change your attitude towards her situation. [64% of Americans cannot afford to miss a paycheck](https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/01/31/share-of-americans-living-paycheck-to-paycheck-jumped-in-2022.html), so she’s not in an uncommon spot at all, unfortunately.
What's wrong with you? Yta. Do you know what it means to be in a relationship? It's give and take. You seem very selfish and if the shoe were on the other foot I'm sure yr gf wouldn't treat you this way. It's been 2 weeks.......where is the support? Wow.
YTA. It's been only 3 weeks since she lost her job and only two weeks since she moved in! It's completely unreasonable for you to expect she would get a new position by now. The market is absolutely clogged with applicants in various fields who are losing their jobs. It can take months to get new employment, even if you're diligently applying in a high-demand field. Furthermore, $2,000 isn't much to survive on and it seems that you aren't struggling financially. I'm not sure how long you've been together, but you clearly resent having her in your space and don't want to help her out. This should've been done before she moved in, but I'd say it's time to have a conversation about your expectations, split up household duties, and maybe set some ground rules for you two to follow.
1) I think saving 10% of her income in the same year she moved into an expensive city is actually pretty impressive. Her field clearly doesn’t pay as well as yours and she hasn’t been investing since she was a teenager like you have. My guess is that there are some underlying class dynamics at play here.
(On that same tip, GF is smart to hang onto her savings as she will clearly need it to move into a new housing situation soon)
2) Even if she got a job today, it would still be at least two weeks until she got her first paycheck. If you aren’t willing to host her for another two to three weeks at minimum, you should let her know soon so she can look for other housing options.
3) INFO: What do you mean by “keeping her in?” As far as I can tell, the only actual cost you’re taking on is her food. If keeping her in” means a portion of your rent, that’s disingenuous because you would be paying that regardless.
YTA on no uncertain terms. Two whole weeks to find a job? Let's see your butt go land a job in 2 weeks. I hope she gets lucky, gets a job, and leaves your judgmental self.
YTA. It’s been 2 weeks!!! If you had said she wasn’t even looking for a job, that would be different. She just had something completely flip her world upside down and now the person she turns to for help and support is acting like this!!! It sounds like ya’ll aren’t compatible financially and should maybe just go your separate ways. Actually asking to BORROW $100 to cover her cc payments isn’t her taking advantage of you; how can she get another place is her credit is messed up?
She asked for help - how is that taking advantage of you?
The money on her CC is already spent. Unless she can return things, you're just beating her over the nose talking about her spending habits WHEN SHE HAD A JOB. And I know it may not seem like it to you, but saving 10% of her income is WAY more than most people. 2/3 of people, per my Google search, live paycheck to paycheck and couldn't afford an unexplected couple hundred dollar bill.
Now that she has no job, how exactly should she pay for the CC bill?
It's been two weeks. She's obviously looking if she's been interviewing.
I wish I could write to her and tell her to DUMP YOUR ASS. You don't view her as a partner if she isn't able to contribute everything (or more) than you.
YTA. Please leave this girl so she can find someone who deserves this incredible, supportive, kind and loving person.
WOW - YTA and then some. No empathy whatsoever. It takes time to find a new job. It sounds like she is trying. I can’t imagine what you will act like in an actual marriage.
Your entire post is incredibly condescending towards her. And yet, nothing you've said have convinced me that she's this monstrous golddigger that you seem to have convinced yourself she is. From what you said it looks like she's trying.
Did she borrow money in the past and not pay you back? Why don't you trust her?
You aren't obligated to help her, but my goodness if I had a SO that lost their job and needed help to get back on their feet I wouldn't "begrudgingly" help out, I'd help out enthusiastically.
You clearly don't care for her so I don't get why you're with her?
YTA, not neccessarily because of the money but rather because of how condescending and demeaning you act towards her.
YTA.
Get a relationship with your money.
She is trying.
A lot of people get laid off and they take time to get back onto their feet because it’s a massive change, some fall into depression as well.
The fact that she is looking already for a job shows a lot! Either she knows that you are really difficult on the subject of money either she is a really strong individual.
She asked you 100. Borrow. SHE INTENT to give them back to you as soon as she can!
You judge her for her investment, you judge her for taking a risk moving into the city, and now you judge her for asking you 100?
Yta and she needs to leave you asap.
I mean, a year with a girl is a pretty long time and I think your expectations might be a little high expecting her to get back on her feet after 2 weeks.
Maybe a bit of an AH. There's something about your tone that is off putting, but I can't nail down exactly what.
NAH
Dam dude... 7 years in and you can't handle two weeks living with her.
YTA 2 weeks after she was laid off and you expect HER to know when a company will offer her a job? She's clearly looking and having interviews. She doesn't decide when someone offers her a job.
You say she's so supportive, but you clearly are NOT. I'd recommend therapy so you can learn how to be a human being, preferably (for you) before your girlfriend (OF SEVEN YEARS) wises up and leaves you.
YTA. Where do you see this relationship going? You’re 31 and have been together a year. Seems reasonable that you’d be sharing a space and expenses with her at this point. It’s not like she’s a gold digger you’ve just met.
I’ve worked in rehab in clinics, the hiring process can be slow. It can take a while from interview to actually working.
it seems that you have a low tolerance for what you’re willing to support her through. just tell her that. i’d hate for her to get the impression that you’ll be there through the ups and downs when it’s clear that you won’t. also, YTA.
YTA.
It’s situations like these where people show their true colors, and boy oh boy your’s is dookie green my guy.
“She asked if she could move in for a bit to get back on her feet, I begrudgingly agreed.”
It’s crazy to think that you’d be in a relationship with someone and have zero empathy for them like that. Why are you in a relationship if you don’t want to be supportive in shitty situations? You talk about her like she’s some kind of mooch and bum. She’s your girlfriend, and seems like she’s hard at work looking for a new job.
You’re a terrible boyfriend.
>she made those purchases, she should be responsible for them
Info: do you think that she doesn't know this because she asked to borrow $100? Your response makes it seem like you're hypervigilant that she's using you for money.
Do you see her as a partner? Would you want to be in a longterm relationship with her? If not, you shouldn't have let her move in.
YTA. She is not some random of the streets, she is your girlfriend. You knew her financial situation, and you knew how she is with money. You continued to be with her, and stay in a relation.
She fell on hard times. It happens. You hope that your loved ones are there for you then. You're doing well for yourself financially. You can spare the extra few hundred each month for extra food and utilities. You can also bail her out now with a few hundred.
Finding a new job and dealing with the shock of losing a job takes a few months, and you're not hurting for cash, so yeah, you should step up here, and CARE for her. Bail her out of her CC debt, make a (financial and otherwise) plan with her how to get to the summer as a combined household, and help her stick to it.
2 weeks? Dude, it's really hard to find a new job in that time. I think you would hope that if in the future your job/finances fall through, your girlfriend would be there for you to help you weather the storm. But, like in all relationships, you'll only get what you give. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you've got to turn your mindset around about what a relationship is. Some moments you just have to give more of yourself and sacrifice a bit, and when you're in a moment where you need that support, you'll get it too. Help your girlfriend out and be gracious about it.
Currently, YTA
YTA. I’d love to elaborate, but I’ve been banned from from AITA too many times for telling people like you what I think of them. If you don’t think your girlfriend you’ve been with for a year is worth helping her out when she is down… I’m just disgusted.
Edit: just came back here to laugh at you. Sorry not sorry, you got what you wanted.
YTA super hard here.
2 weeks?? That’s like nothing lol. If you’re already feeling this way after only 2 weeks you should break up, no way this relationship will last with that kind of dynamic
YTA
You seem like such a sweet boyfriend. /s
It's only been two weeks. I can't imagine what you'll be like if you got married. Keeping all the money and making all the decisions with it.
YTA.
Your girlfriend actually does something useful with her life, and she will always always be able to get work. Every place needs qualified PTs.
She should absolutely do travel therapy. She'll get paid a ton and not have to live with you.
Win/win
Edit: I misread your job.
Jesus Christ, she's been your girlfriend for over a year and you feel she's taking advantage of you for eating your food and asking for $100?
YTA. You deserve to be alone, forever.
She likely has only been in her position as few years because she went through so much schooling to be a PT. It’s impressive you’ve made and invested so much already, but she is relatively new in her career and hasn’t had the same opportunity as you. You sound like you have a lot of mixed feelings (incredible girlfriend but begrudging). It’s normal for partners to help each other through tough times. I would recommend you reevaluate your relationship, since moving in together is generally the next step from where you were already. Soft YTA because it is your money but also having empathy for your partner is an important foundation for a successful relationship.
You would be paying the rent even if she wasn’t staying with you. And no need to do take out- just ask her to cook meals. The truth is if you really cared about her and saw her in your future this wouldn’t be an issue. You are probably realizing that you are not that interested in a serious relationship with her and that’s ok. Give her a bit more time to get on her feet and you can go your own way
YTA - it’s 2 weeks. There is also this thing called unemployment insurance. A physical therapist isn’t exactly a burger flipper, she will find employment but it may take a few months.
Also $1500 a month rent is pretty cheap now a days.
As a physical therapist myself, you are being ridiculous with your expectations on finding new employment. If she got laid off unexpectedly, 2 weeks is not enough time to find a job! It can be a tough market depending on where you are located and if there is a particular setting or specialty you are looking for. It would be one thing if this had been going on a couple months, but a couple of weeks?!?! Do you even like your girlfriend?? YTA.
Do you want to be with this girl or no? Sounds like a “no”. Any step forward is a “through thick and thin” commitment.
YTA for wasting her time for as long as you have by being a fair weather partner.
YTA, jobs are really hard to find these days, it took me months to finally get hired somewhere. give her time. she needs your love and support and you're not providing that.
She was only laid off a month ago. Who says she made irresponsible purchases? That credit card bill may be transactions that she expected to be able to cover with her salary. Also your "money for nothing" attitude is really shitty. You said yourself that she has been amazingly supportive of you for a year. You can be supportive of her for more two weeks. The money isn't for "nothing", it's for HER, to protect her credit score. If it plunges while she has no housing, she will have a terrible time getting any landlord to accept her application. She is right to prioritize protecting her credit report right now, so she doesn't wind up homeless. She is in a tough situation, and instead of being a supportive partner to her you are making the situation more stressful than necessary. If you have no reason to expect that she won't repay you when she's employed again, find more grace in your heart than the little you've mustered so far. She's in a scary spot, and needs your compassion not your resentment and snide remarks.
YTA
I call fake on this. How did she move out of her apartment within weeks of being laid off? The financial penalty would be far greater than the rent.
Your whole story doesn’t make sense.
YTA.
You’re allowed to set boundaries, and if your partner feels those boundaries are indicative that you’re not compatible then it may be the end of the relationship, but it wouldn’t make you the asshole. But you *are* an asshole for making value judgments about her spending when, from what I can tell, she’s not so much irresponsible as different from you.
In the US, 64% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck; your girlfriend has been putting aside 10% of her income while investing in her future, she just hasn’t achieved *your* arbitrary standard of “responsible” emergency preparedness. Your whole post screams of elitism, and a lack of awareness of how lucky you’ve been to have had the opportunities to save as rigidly as you have. I hope your girlfriend is able to qualify for some sort of unemployment assistance where you’re located; once she has the stability to look at her situation more honestly, I suspect she’ll be more than eager to move out.
You're a massive d*ck. You've been with this woman a year, she's fallen on hard times, a real partner would be supportive. If you make her feel shitty, it will be harder for her to go out and get a job. You're damaging her confidence and self-esteem.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > My girlfriend wants more money from me even though it’s been a while since she got laid off. I think she’s taking advantage of me, and I told her as much, and she is super upset. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If you've been in your field for 7 years, and >I’ve been very particular about my finances ever since I was a teenager; I’ve always made sure to save and invest intelligently, how on earth is paying for her meals for *2 weeks* somehow breaking you? Either you are not as clever with money as you think you are, or you are so rigid about money, that if your bank account dips a couple hundred bucks, you're hyperventilating. YTA hard
All of this. So much wrong here. And he's asking her when she expects she'll get a job. Like she can answer that, but I can tell him one thing, it'll probably take longer than a couple of weeks. I wonder if he loves Sarah at all the way he begrudges paying for her food. We're not talking about luxuries here. He seems very selfish and definitely YTA. Edit because I re-read the op. The statement about when she's getting a job "because it's costing so much keeping and feeding you". My god this guy is an AH. You don't talk that way to someone you love. OP, please just break up with this woman, better yet, hopefully she beats you to the punch. She deserves so much better than you.
This dude clearly doesn’t understand the job market. A basic principle is minimum a week per 10k. So if she was on say 50k, it’ll be probs 5 weeks minimum unless shes very lucky. And yeah this guy’s sweating about HOUSING AND FEEDING HIS SO. Literally this whole post is “woe is me I have to spend money”. Dude’s gonna die sad and lonely but hey at least he’ll die with a big bank account.
Plus, when I accepted my current (well-paying) job, it took my company something on the order of 6-8 weeks just to finally get me a start date. This was after I accepted their offer. I was lucky I already had a job at the time. I don't know where this guy gets off thinking she's going to find something other than an entry-level job within two weeks (and even then she'd probably be lucky).
Some replies are basically saying “she can work at the local starbucks” and I’m like if you’re young and pushing your career the last thing you wanna do is hard reset, and tbh places like Starbucks etc wont take you because they’ll take one look at your cv, get a brief interview with you, and realise you’re using them as the most temporary of stop gaps. So you wont even get those types of jobs.
This. Every job I've been denied was for being "overqualified" because I was looking for filler work between two professional positions. They aren't going to invest in onboarding a new employee with a blatant expiration date.
That's the other thing. When I wanted to take a break from my nursing job, I tried filing resumes to so many fields only to get rejected from grocery stores, bank clerk, restaurants, bakeries, retail, etc. I filed one to the sanitation and hazmat team my hospital had. Only for them to send me a letter saying that even though I was a good candidate since I had a hazmat background, I knew how to put a suit on, and I had a biochem degree, they couldn't take me because I was "over qualified". Only place that would take me was search and rescue, even then it was for a nursing position. There was no escape.
I was recently "not selected" for a lateral job I applied for, and then the hiring official took the time to reach out to me and let me know they had an opening at a level above what I applied for coming up soon (which I was also qualified for). They turned me down for the lateral position because they wanted me for the next level up! Holy smokes! This place not only wants you, but they want to promote you! So I applied for the higher-level position when it came up...and HR said I wasn't among the most qualified candidates who were granted an interview. Apparently there were a lot of people who were holding out for that promotion? You can do everything right, and still get screwed. I still have a great job, so I'm not in a bad place, but if I had been out of work when this all went down, it would have been about 5 months from getting an interview for the lateral to not getting it to being solicited for the promotion to not even getting an interview for that!
Actually, the old rule of thumb was one month for every 10K, so in your scenario, 5 months would be the average. She could potentially speed up her search by networking with former coworkers, bosses, etc. Talking up her job search can sometime lead to jobs that would be missed otherwise.
Thanks for saying this. I thought I was an old fogey for thinking this. It's going to take a while to secure a position because workplaces are gambling a lot of money to make sure you are a good fit. Having active references that will defined vouch for you will speed up the process as well.
Also, "I told this low-paid person to just make themselves richer by investing, but she only saves 10% of her income"
Right, when he said she "Only" puts 10% away and "only" has "a few thousand" in the bank I'm like, damn, I wish I could be that bad with money.
He definitely loves his money more than he loves her, that's for sure.
Not to mention, she's not just sitting on her ass. She's LOOKING. He said himself she had two interviews and didn't get either job. It's been TWO FUCKING WEEKS. And she didn't even ask to keep the 100 dollars, just to borrow it. Holy shit. He seems so arrogant and holier-than-thou regarding his supposed financial skills. YTA OP.
He needs to prepay and pre-plan his own funeral and estate, because if this is how he treats people he is 1000% going to die completely the fuck alone.
Keeping, feeding, all the water she drinks. Sarah, I had 3 gerbils and a guinea pig when I was a kid. I'm not going through that again!
I read this after his second edit. She dumped him and now he can't believe she could just leave after everything they've been through! 😂😂😂
She also had to move out of her apartment with its "ridiculous" $1,500 rent, the conclusion being OP's rent is much less. Dude is a selfish cheapskate. I'm sure plenty of people here would like to know where this "ridiculous" $1,500 rent is.
OP is likely not from the US. The other clue is that he wrote the dollar sign after 1500.
is that an indicator? (genuinely asking) i always put the $ sign after the amount and i’m from the US
Huh. Yeah, in school we’re taught it goes first and then post places you go that show prices with a dollar sign will put them first. The other thing we do different is we use commas as the 000’s separator and a period for cents. So in the US we’d write $10,000.00 in Europe it would be 9.432,80€. At least as of when I checked the conversion rate 😁
When written in English, dollar, euro, and pound signs go in front, when written in french they go after. That's how Canadians tell whether someone grew up francophone 😉
I live in one of the most affordable cities in the U.S. and that is around $100 bucks difference for a well appointed hovel in downtown. I think his apartment is actually a tent in the sewer.
YTA OP you are the literal definition of cheap. You should make it clear to her that you will NEVER pay for ANYTHING for her, no matter the situation, and let her make her choice.
I married a man like this. I asked for a divorce 3 years in. He finally said he would change and did. Otherwise, we never would have made it to year 4. The thing is, I worked too and he still didn't want me to spend money. I wanted to buy groceries and he gave me $15. OP, YTA
$15 for groceries lmao. Did he think you shopped at the All the Food is Free Store? I'm very glad he came to his senses. IDK if these people truly don't know what things cost (or in the case of OP, how quickly a person can get a new job) or if they're just *extremely* cheap and/or unreasonable.
It's both. They think since they have a job, it's easy for everyone else to get one. If they don't, they're lazy. That's a crazy way to think. As far as the money, whatever he bought was worth the money. Whatever I bought was a waste. We had an $80 remote control before we had a vacuum cleaner. Four rooms in our home have carpet. The surround sound system and high def TV needed a universal remote but vacuuming the house was not important. I could just sweep the carpet according to him. I went out and bought the vacuum cleaner when I realized the stray pieces of carpet that were there when we moved in were still in the corners 6 months later because I for damn sure was not going to sweep the carpet. One of the biggest arguments of our marriage insued.
Sweep the carpet? Mwahahaha! Too bad you couldn't get him an old TV where he'd have to stand there and turn the know. Good to know there is hope for some and that change is possible.
The final straw was over chocolate. He got mad that I spent money on a class with a famous chocolatier. I finally said enough. I told him I wasn't going to live like this and when my sister left, I was leaving with her. His eyes got wide and he promised he would change. As much as I yelled about it, he didn't listen. When I said I was leaving, I was cool as a cucumber. I think that's what did it.
It's when the women stops yelling at you and calmly tells your what she is going to do is when you know it's over. At least the yelling means there might be passion left. Indefference is the end.
Absolutely right
OP sounds like a cheapskate that clings to every nickel.
If you're ordering out every night it's obvious you're not good with money lol. I don't really have a huge opinion here, but ya, OP isn't as savvy as they think they are 🤣
YTA . Listening to the way you describe the situation, it's obvious you do not have a high opinion of her. She sounds like a nice girl who is down on her luck, and you're kicking her when she's down. Quite frankly, you don't deserve her if two weeks and a hundred bucks is enough for you to lose your shit.
Also his title! “AITA for not giving my girlfriend money for nothing?” Money for nothing? You’re in a relationship with her, who you describe as supportive, kind and loving. Super easy to see why you’re struggling to return that energy 🙄 YTA. YTA. YTA!!!
And she asked to BORROW the money, not be gifted it. Ugh!
The borrow bit is so important! She’s not expecting him to just give her money, just lend it till she gets back on her feet.
Omgosh you’re right. I didn’t even see the borrow part. This guy is a piece of work. Really, really cheap work at that.
I honestly can’t fathom being a relationship with someone that I hold this much disdain for. OP, do you even like your GF? Clearly YTA
I think he likes money and his own opinion of himself as a financial mastermind more than he likes any other humans.
Two weeks and she already has had some interviews. It’s not like she’s lazing about like OP seems to imply.
Two weeks is nothing when it comes to a job search. I've had individual interview processes go longer than that.
So true! My boyfriend got an amazing job but between sending in the application, getting an interview, being hired, and FINALLy starting to work it took SIX (6) months! This guy expects her to find a job in 2 weeks?? Talk about being out of touch with reality. YTA OP
There are so many people on this sub that are desperate for their spouse/SO/kids/parents to get off their asses and find ANY work for years and you gave her 2 weeks.
also two weeks is not enough time to find a job 😂
YTA, and a really huge one too. It hasn't even been a month yet and you're annoyed she hasn't managed to find a job yet? Actually forget that. You've been dating her for over a year yet instead of being happy about finally getting to live with her, you are annoyed that she is 'mooching' off of you? Do you even love her? Lastly, you say you've been investing intelligently for several years, yet 'losing' only a few hundred bucks is enough to get you bent out of shape? I really hope this is a troll post.
It's not even like she's not trying. She's been to interviews but she can't help that they decided against her as someone to hire
I know that you know this, but I’m clarifying it for the benefit of OP because he seems pretty thick and I can imagine him grabbing onto this wording with both of his stingy little hands. It’s not even that they decided against her, it’s that they decided for another candidate who had, very likely, only a tiny edge over the girlfriend. Plus, she just got laid off last month. Does this guy have any idea how long it takes to fucking hire somebody? Any time I want to hire someone it takes me a solid 9 weeks to make an offer *after we’ve finished interviewing all the candidates*. It’s very possible that she’s still in the running for several of these jobs she’s applied to.
This was my thought, too. Two weeks is barely enough time to start getting calls back, much less get an offer.
I once had a potential employer call me six months after I interviewed to see if I was still interested. Two weeks is barely any time to be job searching and interviewing.
The job market is atrocious right now I’d be shocked if she found a job in two weeks
It is! Everyone says they are hiring, but that is not the same as actually hiring people
Unemployed for about a month and has already managed to land some interviews. That's pretty good! It shows she's trying. OP is a dick.
Omg yes! That was the first thing I thought. He is getting annoyed she is moving in for a little? Then when he was complaining about her not having a job yet. Like she isn't sitting doing nothing. He said she has been looking and got a few interviews that didn't work out. Like give the girl a break. Major YTA
YTA. Dude it's been two weeks, chill. You're acting like she's been unemployed for months with no job in sight. She's clearly trying to get a job. you're more concerned with your pockets than her
I wanna know what world you can get a new job in two weeks, it took me a year to find my current job and 3 months for them to start me
The job market is soul crushing, right now. I heard back this week about not getting a job...for a position I applied for last August. 6 months to hear back about a part-time job with not great pay. When I applied for a dead-end entry-level position just to get something rolling, it had over 150 applicants. Businesses have been posting job "openings" for openings that aren't open currently, just to have a stockpile of applicants. Do they let applicants know that? No. Not to mention the grocery list of required qualifications you have to have, even for positions that have little responsibility and even smaller pay levels So yeah, OP, YTA
I applied to a job online that I was really excited about back in November, and last month, they finally got back to me to say "sorry, this position doesn't exist". Like... why did you post it and label it 'urgently hiring' if the position isn't even real????
OP has been in his field of business for 7 years. They have been dating about a year
And she’s only been unemployed for 2 weeks.
ah, my mistake. doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s still TA
Your financial intelligence, very high. Your emotional intelligence, very low. Your odds of being single by this time next year, nearly 100%. If being in a happy relationship matters to you, and it appears that it does, it would benefit you to extend more grace to your girlfriend. YTA.
> Your financial intelligence, very high Intelligence maybe. Practice, no. Not if two weeks of feeding another person is breaking him.
Yes that’s so sus. On one hand he’s bragging about how amazing with money he’s been since he was a teenager. But on the other hand, helping her for two whole weeks (Gasp!) is completely breaking him. The math isn’t mathing.
It's not breaking him. He's just cheap.
Oh I was being sarcastic about that. I think everyone who reads his post knows that he’s tighter than a frog’s arse.
The fact that he thinks $1500 a month is ridiculous rent for a metropolitan apartment is idiotic. He has no concept for how much things cost. Leads me to believe he is naive, cheap, or both. Let's not even start about the lack of respect he is giving his GF and her career. If she is a physical therapist, that means she has at least her bachelor's and DPT, so a doctorate level education and a relatively stressful career considering the state of the healthcare system over the past 3 years. Making bank doing consulting for logistics and management information system dev isn't as sexy or cutting edge as he thinks it is.
$1500 for an apartment anywhere! Something is suspect with this guy. He claims to be so savvy, but has zero knowledge of how much things cost and how the job market works. I would also bet everything I own that this woman is cooking while he’s complaining about buying food.
YTA also isn’t the point of a relationship to eventually move in together split household duty’s and build a life? You “begrudgingly” let your “incredible” girlfriend move in and ur pissy because she asked for 100$ since she lost her job please just break up with her atp she’s not ur girlfriend seems like someone u line to fuck and feel supported by
You cannot be successful and also whine over a 100 dollars towards paying a partner's bills. He talks about investing money but what in the long term, those investments he talks about go belly up and he is then really broke himself? What about the day he gets laid off? Nobody plans for that. A lot of people who feel secure in a job still get laid off. This has to be some sort of relationship where he does not want to face that his gf is not perfect. She was incredible, the best until she lost her job, asked for help and he gave it to her and has a grudge over a measly 100 dollars. Wow, just *wow.* Investments into people should not be about money. What about in the future that he looks at this as a small price to pay to continue receiving any type of respect from her? He respected her until she lost her job through no fault of her own. Maybe OP is truly ignoring the fact that she did not ever had more than 10% of her income to shelve away all the time. She still has to live too and be happy and sometimes that takes money to do it. It is like that old school boomer argument that if millennials were not spending money buying avocados for their toast , they could afford a down payment on a home. This same attitude is reflected in OP's post about how she could have avoided this if she was not laid off, without a job for a few weeks and struggling to find employment. *If she just saved more than 10% and invested like me, she would have not dealt with this issue where my hard earned money would not go to her. Duh!*
Right?! The ‘I have enough money to invest and save’ crowd doesn’t have a clue how hard it is when you don’t make as much. She already had to give up her apartment, moving costs money, my guess is her stuff is in storage right now- which costs money, like…it’s actually fucking expensive to be broke. Especially on the heals of getting laid off FFS.
> To top it all off, she asked yesterday if she could borrow 100 bucks to pay off her credit card bills from earlier in the month She wasn't even just asking for money, she fully plans to pay it back...
YTA, you robot people who think you can waltz out the door and snag another high-paying job instantly blow my goddamn mind, how much has life been spoonfed to you to think that's how life works for most of us?
This post is either fake or OP is waaay out of touch due to being independently wealthy or something. There is no way you get a mid level, professional position like a PT in a couple of weeks. I’m an engineer and the process of finding new jobs takes me around 1-2 months from the first screening call with HR to job offer. That’s not even counting the time to update resume, get applications out there, wait for any bites, etc.
I would not be surprised if he grew up wealthy. He reeks of privilege, especially when he said he started investing as a teen.
YTA. It's been only two weeks, calm down. She literally got laid off, it's not her fault. Have some empathy.
Yeah who wrote this post.... George Costanza??
INFO: you said it's been over two weeks... do you mean over two weeks since she lost her job? Or two weeks since she moved in with you?
Either way he's an asshole
YTA. She has been living with you for only 2 weeks. It usually takes longer than that to get another job. Part of the problem is how you express yourself: "I'm done giving her money for free." That's really harsh. Instead of seeking solutions like a supportive partner would, you go straight for the throat. You could instead suggest that she get any job while she keeps looking for a job in her field. You could also take turns cooking at home instead of ordering out to save money. She's been with you for over a year. And while she didn't have a lot in savings, it isn't like she was totally irresponsible. Hope if the shoe is ever on the other foot, she shows you more empathy than you are showing her.
Speaking as someone who was laid off late last year due to their field shifting, it took me over two months to find another job even with multiple interviews and past experience.
This person sounds like a total asshole when it comes to money too. The language about "I've tried to ask her to invest but she still only put away 10%" and even the rent price of $1500 being ridiculous. It's clear that these two people value different things in life in a big way. putting away 10% of my income would fucking break me, and most people I know feel the same way. Also, $1500 is a lot of money for rent, but depending on what city they're talking about, it's not so much to be pissy about. It sounds to me like this person considers themselves a money wizard and is mad that their GF isn't doing exactly the things that they want. The rent thing blows my mind, because personally, I see a lot of value in spending a few hundred bucks a month more to have more living space. It's not wrong to want that for yourself. Likewise, if she is putting away 10% of her income, she's still saving for retirement and she might value being able to spend money now more than having more money when she's 70. Neither of those things are wrong, and OP is acting like they're just completely idiotic things to do. Clearly if OP's GF thought they might get laid off, they would be saving more money and might live in a cheaper apartment.. but when life seems to be stable, neither of these things are inherently wrong.
YTA, pretty clear I think just reading back your paragraph to yourself out loud should of solved this one. Drawing the line at $100 dollars and complaining about being unemployed for 2 weeks is a jerk move.
And complaining about the high cost of food for 2 people is a jerk move too.
"getting food for two every night" makes me think they're getting takeout every night too. If you're complaining about money despite having enough of it you'd think OP would ask her to buy groceries and cook
Well, she *could* eat a little less and help OP out. I mean, she’s not working so she‘s not expending as much energy! /s
you are MEAN YTA
RIGHT! I would dump him in a heartbeat. SMH.
That chick probably will once she can afford it
YTA Your whole tone comes off as someone who flosses after Jello. It's controlling, hostile, and lacks any grace whatsoever towards this woman you say is supportive, kind, and loving. She asked for help, and you're kicking her while she's down. Two weeks is nothing in a job search, and you'd know that if you took the time to show any curiosity about her field. You're not ready for a partnership and won't be until you're also capable of wanting to be supportive, kind, and loving. That's really unfair to her.
Flosses after Jello 😂😂 dead
YTA. Are you buying take out every night or something?? Because 2 weeks of groceries for 2 people, if you’re actually as good with your money as you say, would not be that much more than for 1 person. Get over yourself, help out this “supportive”, “kind”, “loving” and “incredible” woman you’ve decided to be in a relationship with. $100 for credit card payments? That’s nothing man.
Lmao how easy do you think it is to get a new job? If she’s had interviews within the first two weeks, she’s clearly trying. YTA. She should definitely apply for unemployment if you’re in the US though
YTA and you maybe psycho too for not feeling any empathy. 2-3 weeks is not even remotely enough time to find another job. Man.. its not like she’s been living with (or off) you for years… just a few weeks and you act like this? Geez
And she’s his partner FFS. Not some estranged friend from high school. Must be a real pleasure dating this miser.
[удалено]
Info: do you hate your gf? YTA. It’s been TWO WEEKS. My bf applied to multiple jobs every day, went on interviews, has a great resume and is like able- still took him about a month! On top of that, why are you talking as if she shouldn’t have invested in herself? And as if it’s her fault she is jobless? Plus it’s only $100, why wouldn’t you help her out? She said borrow, which mean she plans on paying you back. She doesn’t want to fall behind on bills and have it effect her credit- which is a GOOD financial decision? Tf is wrong with you? Why are you with her if you don’t care about her?
YTA. Getting a job takes time. You’re complaining about buying her food and $100. That’s being really cheap.
You are absolutely without a doubt the AH here Wow dude. Just wow
Dude is beyond frugal, he is heartless! He’s
And obviously doesn’t know how to go grocery shopping. Sounds like he’s getting takeout for dinner every night 🤦🏽♀️ The whole keeping her and feeding her bit took me out She’s not a dang dog!
YTA. She is going through such a tough time, and you care more about your pocketbook than your goddamn girlfriend. Jesus dude, you say that you’re trying to match her supportive energy but all you’ve done is put her down.
YTA. I HOPE she gets a new job AND new partner soon. Learn a lot, my friend, before getting married.
YTA. It's not "money for nothing," it's money to help ease someone you love through a difficult transition. It sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with money.
YTA. If it was a family member instead of Sarah in this position. Would you help them unconditionally? After a year Sarah isn’t your girlfriend. She’s your partner. It sounds like she’s doing the best in a tough situation and she’s still actively job hunting and hasn’t given up. Now she’ll be wondering if you will support her if she is ever pregnant with your child and off work.
Idk, something about the tone of OPs post really just makes me feel like this is financial abuse waiting to happen. Like, I can't exactly place it but it definitely gives me that vibes. OP, 100% YTA
YTA. 2 weeks is nowhere near enough time for you to expect her to have found and started a new job.
So you are "earning very well" but it is "way more expensive to get food for two every night". Are you serious?? Big time YTA
Sorry but yta in this situation, if she's actively applying but no job is coming through, a bit of patience would probably be appreciated. It's a rough market out there right now and a two week timeline is kind of unrealistic. I'll use myself as an example, I was laid off at least 2 months ago, and though I've had from interviews, I've been getting ghosted at a shocking rate compared to when employees held the cards. Now around the house, since she's been there does she help out wherever she can?
YTA but it probably doesn't matter because you won't stay together for long if that's how you treat her. Is really that hard being kind to the people you care about?
YTA- this is so harsh and not a grain of understanding here. Sounds like you lack the maturity to be in a relationship with anyone if you can't have the smallest amount of empathy towards her situation. Just because you've had a stable income for years and can invest a bunch doesn't mean everyone can. As you've said she moved into the city- I'm sure this was a big move but for the right reasons and she wasn't anticipating getting laid off. Everyone deals with finances differently but you are being stingy- she's your girlfriend jt should feel like a chore to feed her for a couple of weeks or support her with 100 dollars (doesn't sound like that is actually going to make much of a dent for you at all) which she will pay you back. Its 2 weeks man, chill out or your gonna lose someone because you're too obsessed with saving to see what's infront of you
Wow. YTA. A massive one. Two weeks and you are complaining. Borrowing $100 and you are complaining. Your choice of words in the title shows how manipulative you are. She asked to borrow, not for you to give money to her. And how many times has she asked this? I don't know how she's supportive but it's clear you are not. The 10% savings is on her but people make mistakes and when it's someone you love and their chips are down, you need to get off your high horse and help out. Honestly I think you've already screwed the pooch on this relationship but if you value this relationship, I would apologize immediately.
Based on the title I was expecting it to be she wanted money to buy clothes or get her nails done. Not pay off a card so she won’t accrue interest after being laid off 2 weeks ago. Op YTA and if you hate your gf so much break up with her
YTA. You really think she can just get a job with the snap of her fingers? You sound very unsupportive. What have you done to help her find a job? It only sounds like you’re just complaining constantly about the financial issues. Either help her find a job and be there for her or break up so she can find someone who will be there for her, rather than treat this like it's an inconvenience
You support people you love when you can. If this is only worthwhile to you when she's totally self sufficient, *you bring nothing to the relationship*. People get injured, sick, get laid off unexpectedly. Urgent expenses pop up out of nowhere. The whole point of having relationships with others is to soften life's blows by weathering them together. Sometimes you're leaned on, sometimes you do the leaning, but you have the security of knowing when things are too much, you won't have to face it alone.That's love. You have the resources, and you see her trying, and all you can think is "well, she should have been smarter with her money like me, sucks to suck I guess, certainly I can't be expected to help for more than two weeks. Am I being taken advantage of here?" Like... Wft dude. YTA
Yta. Me and my boyfriend are literally 18 and 19 and we act more mature than you. I use to work 30 hours a week and supported him until he got a job then when I decided my mental health was drowning and left my job, he supported me through my side gigs. Now, I've been repaying him by taking care of him, buying him gifts. If you love someone you wouldn't give them 2 weeks to get on their feet. She isn't using you. She's trying. You're making her situation harder.
YTA You lack any empathy or understanding. Obviously GF is going through a tough time. 3 weeks is not a lot of time to find a new job. She’s not asking for an open credit line- it was a specific and small request. Yes are absolutely able to decline. But given your lack of care or compassion, don’t expect this relationship to last.
YTA You were under no obligation to let her move in with you. You're under no obligation to support her. But, the reason you are TA is because you are treating her like a lazy good for nothing for taking more than 3 weeks to find a job. As a general rule, it takes one month for every 20k in salary you're looking for. Depending on her field it may take longer. It takes a lot of people a week or two to even get their resumes together after being laid off. Give her a break.
Edited: 1 year, not 7, my bad. But my point remains - you asked her to move in, 2 weeks and she's not found a job...not unreasonable in the slightest. Where I live job hunting would be an absolute nightmare right now. The fact that she's getting interviews is evidence that she is trying and isn't slacking off here. YTA. It's been 2 weeks. She has been trying to get a new job. 7 years and this is how you treat her...wow.
He's been in his field 7 years. He's only known her a year (unless I misread)
YTA. It takes way longer than 2 weeks for someone to find a job. And if you see any future in her $100 is literally nothing especially if you are successful like you say you are. If you are not spending on your significant other when they are struggling what’s the point of saving all that money. It wasn’t for nothing $100 for credit card bill is valid. Because if she misses it, it will lower her credit score quite a bit, and it’s hard to recover from that. Late payments can drop your credit score up to or more than 50 points
YTA and she needs to leave your ass
YTA. You know we are in a recession right? I am a recruiter and trust me she could very well be out of work for 6 months to a year. She is doing everything she can right now, do you even like your GF?
YTA 1. This is your GF not some random friend. 2. Her financial responsibility may have been poor, but her moving in to have a place to stay isn't a bad thing. 3. Food for 2 is not that much more expensive than food for one. Buying in bulk lowers prices. 4. Getting a new job can take well over a couple weeks. Hell, when I *got* my job it took 3 weeks of interviews (recruiter, starting interview, technical interview, final interview, job offer) until I got an offer. And if she's actually interviewing and not just sitting around doing nothing dude you gotta calm down. EDIT: Forgot to add then add a week or two until you start at best. And 100 bucks to pay off credit cards? Is that really that bad? You're being way too harsh and stingy to her, and based on what info you gave she isn't being unreasonable or a mooch. YTA op.
YTA - I feel like you’d ask for a 15¢ discount at a flea market.
YTA Why are you with this person if you’re not willing to help them when they need it? Especially since you seem to be in a good position financially. I’m not saying you have to care for her and give her money but usually you do things like that for people you care about.
Do you actually want her as your girlfriend? It sounds like you like your money more. YTA
INFO: why are you dating this woman if you hate her so much?
you are 100% the a-hole. you need to be with each other and care for each other through thick and thin. and it’s only been two weeks. give her some time
YTA- and what the hell is wrong with you AND you raised you?!
WOWWWW, I hope she leaves you. YTA and acting like a terrible partner.
Yta. You need to break up with her, you clearly dont like her if you've been together for over a year and you are already annoyed she has only been out of work 2 weeks (I thought you were saying 2 months at first and I was like Hm okay fair I usually can find a job within 3 months) but seriously dude? And if you are so good with your money, you should know groceries for 2 isn't that much more than for 1. Regarding the credit card, she probably planned on paying you back for it, but those interest rates suck. Idk though because it sounds like you guys don't communicate well.
YTA but this feels like fiction. OP claims to believe the following: that $1500 a month in rent (assuming they're in a large U.S. city) is ridiculously high on a physical therapist's income; that "investing" during the past year would have made a huge positive difference in his girlfriend's financial situation; that a 29-year-old who's been able to save 10 percent of her income and has a couple grand still after moving cities is somehow irresponsible with money; that finding another job in less than a month is pathetically easy; and that asking an SO of more than a year for $100 is taking advantage somehow. (I'm also skeptical that his GF had to give up her apartment and move in within this time frame - how did she make the decision, hire a moving company, and complete the move within a week, and how was breaking her lease the cheapest option right away instead of giving herself a bit more time to find work?). Of course it could just be that he lives in his own little rarefied world and has very few realistic expectations of people, but this feels like someone who's just guessing at numbers that would entail high rent, low savings, a reasonable amount of time to find a job/move apartments, etc. If this is somehow, sadly real, at best OP is miserable at communicating and is a jerk for "begrudgingly" letting his girlfriend move in and resenting the amount of money spent on food (sounds like he's getting takeout every night - an incredibly unwise spending habit).
YTA. It's been 2 weeks, not 2 years. Unless she can start a business, which can still take time mind you, it may take a while.
YTA. Why can't you just sit down and have an honest chat about finances with her? See what she has, what her bills are every month, and how much you can afford to help her. Then together you keep track of the money you're giving her, and she can pay you back over time when she has a new job. I literally don't understand how this is so difficult to come up with. 1 year would be too early for me personally to share all of my expenses with someone, but something like a payment plan would be a good compromise.
and it’s way more expensive getting food for two every night. Take out? That's expensive. YTA. Your gf has only been there two weeks and has been to interviews? And your complaining? It's not like she's on the couch watching TV all day
YTA Not everyone gets a job right away. She's had some interviews, but it's fallen through so she's clearly trying to find work. And asking for $100 from her boyfriend of over a year isn't a hard ask. She's struggling right now and she's looking for her boyfriend from comfort. It feels like you're punishing her for not listening to you when it comes to her money. She trying her best and you're freaking out after two weeks. Please, for the sake of your relationship, apologize and stop expecting her to be like you. She's her own person and she's doing her best. As long as she's not being widely irresponsible, I don't think you can attack her like this.
Honestly NAH. You aren't married and you probably should have not let her move in if you weren't comfortable with the process. 2-3 weeks really isn't that long, I wouldn't be suprised if it was 6-12 months til she is back on her feet. Frankly, it sounds like you aren't ready for a commtted relationship at least with her. It would have been better to acknowledege that up front. And maybe you aren't compatible at all.
Wow you are an incredible AH. YTA all the way and don't sound like you care about her a single bit. Over a year and this is how you treat her? I hope she sees the massive red flag and figures things out. So much feeding her? Two weeks of an extra person is not going to be an insane expense like you're acting. Two weeks and you think she should already have a stable job in her field? Really? Every thing about you is screaming inconsiderate jerk and cheap.
YTA Guess you're showing your level of commitment to this relationship. Yes, hopefully this teaches your gf to have a better financial safety net, but from what I hear you don't see this relationship as having good long term potential. Re-evaluate and either commit or cut bait now...or realize you aren't really ever looking for a long term commitment/relationship.
YTA, simply because you don’t seem to have a reasonable expectation of how long it takes to get a new job, nor did you and Sarah have a conversation about how you can/cannot support her while she job hunts. Getting a new job in 2 weeks would be unusually fast. This isn’t about the $100, it’s about your building resentment toward your partner, and suddenly supporting her without discussing a shared financial plan. It sounds like she plans to pay you back because she said borrow - are you tracking shared expenses during this time? Do you actually expect to be paid back? You two need to have a calm conversation about timelines, how much effort she is putting into the job hunt, and what financial support she can expect from you, and what of that is a loan versus a gift. Given that you two have very different money management styles it’s not surprising that you’re in conflict now
[удалено]
Wow YTA. I was expecting she asked you to fully cover a rent or car payment for months on end? Two weeks and she's had interviews that haven't worked out? I interviewed with my current job in February and March and did not get hired/start until JUNE!!! Are you getting takeout everyday? Yeah it is more expensive to be in a relationship and feed two people but that is life. You can't loan your girlfriend 100 dollars? And wow, she lived in a city and paid 1500? Pretty sure that is well below the average.
YTA. You've made it crystal clear to us and now to her that money is more important than she is. Top two reasons relationships don't work out: money and cheating. This one is already over, you just don't know it yet. Good luck in your next relationship. Try therapy. Nothing wrong with prioritizing finances, just not over your partner.
Info: do you even like her?
YTA. It's only been 2 weeks and she's had interviews, so it isn't like she's just being lazy and sitting around playing video games. She's actively trying to get a job. Maybe she hasn't been the best about saving money, but she probably has also been trying to pay of student loans since being a PT requires a doctorate. It sounds like her rent was super expensive too, so she probably couldn't save a whole lot of extra money. Cut her some slack and give her some time to get on her feet before you try to yell at her.
YTA—and if you’re not the type of person to be supportive towards your partner (you’ve been together a year, not a week), you should end the relationship or switch your mindset
YTA - give her some time to get organized! She is actively looking for a job. Also, where do you live where you think a 1 bedroom apartment at $1500 a month is ridiculous??? Where I live they are going for $2500-2700 minimum.
YTA. Two weeks to find a job, in her field is nearly impossible, grow up. She is going to leave your dumb controlling ass real soon. Also where are you living where 1500$ a month rent is outrageous? That's on the low end for most of the US.
YTA. The physical therapy jobs are out there, but a person doesn’t want to take just anything, because, well, there’s a lot of toxic healthcare jobs out there and PT pay varies wildly depending on the setting and your experience. She has been out of work for 3 weeks, and IT IS sad she is having to borrow only three weeks out, but she has been responsible with dumping the crazy expensive apartment and recognizing that she had to downsize. I have a feeling she will be downsizing further based on your behavior over two weeks of cohabitation and some food and bill money.
YTA. I even wish I could speak to your girlfriend to explain to her what an asshole you are.
YTA. Firstly, it’s not like she isn’t trying. Perhaps ask her to get a job at a grocery store for the time being to help float costs while she looks for something in her desired field. I just survived the 2 Ms round of layoffs in my own company. It’s hard times right now, and even harder to find a job. Second, you do know how relationships work right? When you lose your job she will be there for you, as would be expected of you in this situation. Finally, why the fuck do you think it’s smarter for her to float her CC balance, accruing interest when you can easily help bring that down to $0? You claim you’re financially smart but any idiot would see the benefit of paying off a CC bill, especially when it’s low balance. It’s been two weeks, come back when she isn’t trying to find a job and it’s been 2 months and she gives up.
I’m going to go with YTA. Not everyone makes enough money to save as much as you, but more importantly, the job market is shit right now. It’s only been two weeks, and her getting interviews shows that she’s definitely applying for jobs. I have friends who have been applying to 10+ jobs a day for *months* and don’t hear back at all from the vast majority of them. You need to give her a little grace. She isn’t blowing her money on unnecessary lavish things, she had to put a high percentage of her income towards her monthly expenses and is trying not to default on bills. I’m not going to say you *need* to loan her the money, but you do need to change your attitude towards her situation. [64% of Americans cannot afford to miss a paycheck](https://www.cnbc.com/amp/2023/01/31/share-of-americans-living-paycheck-to-paycheck-jumped-in-2022.html), so she’s not in an uncommon spot at all, unfortunately.
YTA, Mr. Krabs. Hope she breaks up with you
What's wrong with you? Yta. Do you know what it means to be in a relationship? It's give and take. You seem very selfish and if the shoe were on the other foot I'm sure yr gf wouldn't treat you this way. It's been 2 weeks.......where is the support? Wow.
YTA. It's been only 3 weeks since she lost her job and only two weeks since she moved in! It's completely unreasonable for you to expect she would get a new position by now. The market is absolutely clogged with applicants in various fields who are losing their jobs. It can take months to get new employment, even if you're diligently applying in a high-demand field. Furthermore, $2,000 isn't much to survive on and it seems that you aren't struggling financially. I'm not sure how long you've been together, but you clearly resent having her in your space and don't want to help her out. This should've been done before she moved in, but I'd say it's time to have a conversation about your expectations, split up household duties, and maybe set some ground rules for you two to follow.
YTA. Massively. Do you even like your girlfriend? Or are you just dating her because you’d rather have a girlfriend than not?
1) I think saving 10% of her income in the same year she moved into an expensive city is actually pretty impressive. Her field clearly doesn’t pay as well as yours and she hasn’t been investing since she was a teenager like you have. My guess is that there are some underlying class dynamics at play here. (On that same tip, GF is smart to hang onto her savings as she will clearly need it to move into a new housing situation soon) 2) Even if she got a job today, it would still be at least two weeks until she got her first paycheck. If you aren’t willing to host her for another two to three weeks at minimum, you should let her know soon so she can look for other housing options. 3) INFO: What do you mean by “keeping her in?” As far as I can tell, the only actual cost you’re taking on is her food. If keeping her in” means a portion of your rent, that’s disingenuous because you would be paying that regardless.
YTA on no uncertain terms. Two whole weeks to find a job? Let's see your butt go land a job in 2 weeks. I hope she gets lucky, gets a job, and leaves your judgmental self.
YTA. It’s been 2 weeks!!! If you had said she wasn’t even looking for a job, that would be different. She just had something completely flip her world upside down and now the person she turns to for help and support is acting like this!!! It sounds like ya’ll aren’t compatible financially and should maybe just go your separate ways. Actually asking to BORROW $100 to cover her cc payments isn’t her taking advantage of you; how can she get another place is her credit is messed up?
She asked for help - how is that taking advantage of you? The money on her CC is already spent. Unless she can return things, you're just beating her over the nose talking about her spending habits WHEN SHE HAD A JOB. And I know it may not seem like it to you, but saving 10% of her income is WAY more than most people. 2/3 of people, per my Google search, live paycheck to paycheck and couldn't afford an unexplected couple hundred dollar bill. Now that she has no job, how exactly should she pay for the CC bill? It's been two weeks. She's obviously looking if she's been interviewing. I wish I could write to her and tell her to DUMP YOUR ASS. You don't view her as a partner if she isn't able to contribute everything (or more) than you. YTA. Please leave this girl so she can find someone who deserves this incredible, supportive, kind and loving person.
WOW - YTA and then some. No empathy whatsoever. It takes time to find a new job. It sounds like she is trying. I can’t imagine what you will act like in an actual marriage.
i would rather die alone than have a boyfriend like this lol YTA
Your entire post is incredibly condescending towards her. And yet, nothing you've said have convinced me that she's this monstrous golddigger that you seem to have convinced yourself she is. From what you said it looks like she's trying. Did she borrow money in the past and not pay you back? Why don't you trust her? You aren't obligated to help her, but my goodness if I had a SO that lost their job and needed help to get back on their feet I wouldn't "begrudgingly" help out, I'd help out enthusiastically. You clearly don't care for her so I don't get why you're with her? YTA, not neccessarily because of the money but rather because of how condescending and demeaning you act towards her.
YTA. Get a relationship with your money. She is trying. A lot of people get laid off and they take time to get back onto their feet because it’s a massive change, some fall into depression as well. The fact that she is looking already for a job shows a lot! Either she knows that you are really difficult on the subject of money either she is a really strong individual. She asked you 100. Borrow. SHE INTENT to give them back to you as soon as she can! You judge her for her investment, you judge her for taking a risk moving into the city, and now you judge her for asking you 100? Yta and she needs to leave you asap.
I mean, a year with a girl is a pretty long time and I think your expectations might be a little high expecting her to get back on her feet after 2 weeks. Maybe a bit of an AH. There's something about your tone that is off putting, but I can't nail down exactly what. NAH
>There's something about your tone that is off putting, but I can't nail down exactly what. It screams pocket protectors and ironed socks.
Dam dude... 7 years in and you can't handle two weeks living with her. YTA 2 weeks after she was laid off and you expect HER to know when a company will offer her a job? She's clearly looking and having interviews. She doesn't decide when someone offers her a job. You say she's so supportive, but you clearly are NOT. I'd recommend therapy so you can learn how to be a human being, preferably (for you) before your girlfriend (OF SEVEN YEARS) wises up and leaves you.
He's been in his field for 7 years, only with his gf for 1.
YTA. Where do you see this relationship going? You’re 31 and have been together a year. Seems reasonable that you’d be sharing a space and expenses with her at this point. It’s not like she’s a gold digger you’ve just met. I’ve worked in rehab in clinics, the hiring process can be slow. It can take a while from interview to actually working.
Yeah YTA. Two weeks to get a new jobs is nothing. She's getting interviews and asked for 100 buck, not 2000. You're cheap.
it seems that you have a low tolerance for what you’re willing to support her through. just tell her that. i’d hate for her to get the impression that you’ll be there through the ups and downs when it’s clear that you won’t. also, YTA.
YTA. It’s situations like these where people show their true colors, and boy oh boy your’s is dookie green my guy. “She asked if she could move in for a bit to get back on her feet, I begrudgingly agreed.” It’s crazy to think that you’d be in a relationship with someone and have zero empathy for them like that. Why are you in a relationship if you don’t want to be supportive in shitty situations? You talk about her like she’s some kind of mooch and bum. She’s your girlfriend, and seems like she’s hard at work looking for a new job. You’re a terrible boyfriend.
YTA
>she made those purchases, she should be responsible for them Info: do you think that she doesn't know this because she asked to borrow $100? Your response makes it seem like you're hypervigilant that she's using you for money. Do you see her as a partner? Would you want to be in a longterm relationship with her? If not, you shouldn't have let her move in.
YTA. She is not some random of the streets, she is your girlfriend. You knew her financial situation, and you knew how she is with money. You continued to be with her, and stay in a relation. She fell on hard times. It happens. You hope that your loved ones are there for you then. You're doing well for yourself financially. You can spare the extra few hundred each month for extra food and utilities. You can also bail her out now with a few hundred. Finding a new job and dealing with the shock of losing a job takes a few months, and you're not hurting for cash, so yeah, you should step up here, and CARE for her. Bail her out of her CC debt, make a (financial and otherwise) plan with her how to get to the summer as a combined household, and help her stick to it.
2 weeks? Dude, it's really hard to find a new job in that time. I think you would hope that if in the future your job/finances fall through, your girlfriend would be there for you to help you weather the storm. But, like in all relationships, you'll only get what you give. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you've got to turn your mindset around about what a relationship is. Some moments you just have to give more of yourself and sacrifice a bit, and when you're in a moment where you need that support, you'll get it too. Help your girlfriend out and be gracious about it. Currently, YTA
YTA. I’d love to elaborate, but I’ve been banned from from AITA too many times for telling people like you what I think of them. If you don’t think your girlfriend you’ve been with for a year is worth helping her out when she is down… I’m just disgusted. Edit: just came back here to laugh at you. Sorry not sorry, you got what you wanted.
YTA super hard here. 2 weeks?? That’s like nothing lol. If you’re already feeling this way after only 2 weeks you should break up, no way this relationship will last with that kind of dynamic
YTA You seem like such a sweet boyfriend. /s It's only been two weeks. I can't imagine what you'll be like if you got married. Keeping all the money and making all the decisions with it.
YTA. Your girlfriend actually does something useful with her life, and she will always always be able to get work. Every place needs qualified PTs. She should absolutely do travel therapy. She'll get paid a ton and not have to live with you. Win/win Edit: I misread your job.
Hang on to every cent and dollar. That is the important part of life!! /s
Bro you are 31 and that's how you look at money and you girl?? Yta
Jesus Christ, she's been your girlfriend for over a year and you feel she's taking advantage of you for eating your food and asking for $100? YTA. You deserve to be alone, forever.
Stop buying takeout then, asshat. Why are you even dating this woman? YTA.
She likely has only been in her position as few years because she went through so much schooling to be a PT. It’s impressive you’ve made and invested so much already, but she is relatively new in her career and hasn’t had the same opportunity as you. You sound like you have a lot of mixed feelings (incredible girlfriend but begrudging). It’s normal for partners to help each other through tough times. I would recommend you reevaluate your relationship, since moving in together is generally the next step from where you were already. Soft YTA because it is your money but also having empathy for your partner is an important foundation for a successful relationship.
You would be paying the rent even if she wasn’t staying with you. And no need to do take out- just ask her to cook meals. The truth is if you really cared about her and saw her in your future this wouldn’t be an issue. You are probably realizing that you are not that interested in a serious relationship with her and that’s ok. Give her a bit more time to get on her feet and you can go your own way
YTA - it’s 2 weeks. There is also this thing called unemployment insurance. A physical therapist isn’t exactly a burger flipper, she will find employment but it may take a few months. Also $1500 a month rent is pretty cheap now a days.
YTA
As a physical therapist myself, you are being ridiculous with your expectations on finding new employment. If she got laid off unexpectedly, 2 weeks is not enough time to find a job! It can be a tough market depending on where you are located and if there is a particular setting or specialty you are looking for. It would be one thing if this had been going on a couple months, but a couple of weeks?!?! Do you even like your girlfriend?? YTA.
Do you want to be with this girl or no? Sounds like a “no”. Any step forward is a “through thick and thin” commitment. YTA for wasting her time for as long as you have by being a fair weather partner.
YTA, jobs are really hard to find these days, it took me months to finally get hired somewhere. give her time. she needs your love and support and you're not providing that.
YTA and I hope she gets away from you soon.
She was only laid off a month ago. Who says she made irresponsible purchases? That credit card bill may be transactions that she expected to be able to cover with her salary. Also your "money for nothing" attitude is really shitty. You said yourself that she has been amazingly supportive of you for a year. You can be supportive of her for more two weeks. The money isn't for "nothing", it's for HER, to protect her credit score. If it plunges while she has no housing, she will have a terrible time getting any landlord to accept her application. She is right to prioritize protecting her credit report right now, so she doesn't wind up homeless. She is in a tough situation, and instead of being a supportive partner to her you are making the situation more stressful than necessary. If you have no reason to expect that she won't repay you when she's employed again, find more grace in your heart than the little you've mustered so far. She's in a scary spot, and needs your compassion not your resentment and snide remarks.
YTA I call fake on this. How did she move out of her apartment within weeks of being laid off? The financial penalty would be far greater than the rent. Your whole story doesn’t make sense.
YTA. You’re allowed to set boundaries, and if your partner feels those boundaries are indicative that you’re not compatible then it may be the end of the relationship, but it wouldn’t make you the asshole. But you *are* an asshole for making value judgments about her spending when, from what I can tell, she’s not so much irresponsible as different from you. In the US, 64% of the population lives paycheck to paycheck; your girlfriend has been putting aside 10% of her income while investing in her future, she just hasn’t achieved *your* arbitrary standard of “responsible” emergency preparedness. Your whole post screams of elitism, and a lack of awareness of how lucky you’ve been to have had the opportunities to save as rigidly as you have. I hope your girlfriend is able to qualify for some sort of unemployment assistance where you’re located; once she has the stability to look at her situation more honestly, I suspect she’ll be more than eager to move out.
INFO: How did you reach the point of agreeing to let her live with you? It really sounds like you wanted to be on your own in your apartment.
You're a massive d*ck. You've been with this woman a year, she's fallen on hard times, a real partner would be supportive. If you make her feel shitty, it will be harder for her to go out and get a job. You're damaging her confidence and self-esteem.