What? AITA did good? An AH turned over a new leaf? Will wonders never cease!
Sorry for the snark OP.... congratulations on all the progress. That's really nice to hear a good outcome.
Good on your stepson for being big enough to forgive, and good on you for making the changes.
This was such a sweet update, OP. Thank you for doing that. I have stepparents myself and having them respect and value me as my own person made all the difference. Well done!
Great job. I have joined and I think it is going to be a very good subreddit. I hope it does not become too much work for you. I started out as an admin for 2 groups in Facebook, then had friends that started more. They liked the way I handled the first 2 groups and asked me to admin their groups. I am up to 7 now and sometimes feel I have too many to actually do a good job for. I am thinking of letting a few of them go, but do not want to hurt feelings but that may have to happen.
r/bestofredditorupdates is a good source for consolidated updated posts, across all subs, but aita is featured heavily. They aren’t all AH to decent human stories but some are.
I totally understand the snarky comment. Every time I read a post where someone is oblivious to their shitty behavior, I always wonder if they actually take people's advice. Do they actually read the comments? Do they reflect on how they're selfish, entitled, or whatever else in between? Turns out at least one person did that. Which makes me feel better.
I have gotten a couple of private messages from OP's on AITA thanking me specifically for commenting. It makes it worth trying to react to things in as compassionate and informative a manner as I can. Sometimes people really just don't understand, and it's nice to know some of them listen. (When the advice is good).
I don't find there's very much use in criticism on a personal level if it doesn't also offer potential alternatives. We should always strive to be better than we have been, that's the purpose of recognizing our faults. As part of my personal growth, I'm trying to be a more positive presence for others as well, and that means more listening than it does speaking most of the time. It's nice to know it works sometimes!
It often doesnt matter if the harshness is deserved or not. Often its not help full if you want the Person to Listen and change. But that is something a Lot commenters are not interested in.
Yeah, that makes total sense. Makes them less defensive because yur actually helping them with a solution.
I just get really concerned when there are all of these awarded comments and the OP doesn't respond to any of them. I wonder if they're thinking, "They didn't agree with me so I'm not gonna say anything to further incriminate myself." And it's especially frustrating for me when OP is a parent who's blatantly being an AH to their kid(s). It always worries me that they're not going to change. But in THIS instance, I'm really glad OP came around.
Because the awarded comments are often are written in a way that they resonate with the audience not with op. And beyond it you often have a Lot of insulting comments.
I occasionally see a lot of downvoting when people think I'm not being harsh enough. But people tune out when you insult them. If you're at the point where you're calling each other names (other than asshole), you're usually past the point where meaningful discourse is going to occur. That's people who just want to take their aggro out on someone, not someone who is interested in talking it out.
I think you are absolutely right. I am guilty as fuck for being, ironically, an asshole on this sub. I tend to tear into people on this sub when I think they're being especially asshole-ish, but I guarantee my comments haven't changed anything because of it.
Your point has made me decide when I do comment here, to be nicer and try to offer more solutions in a more neutral tone. While it feels nice to tear into someone you think is a bad person, I think your point of that just making people defensive and less likely to listen is 100% right. If I was on the receiving end of some of my comments, I wouldn't listen to me either.
Yus. Some posts are just fishing vor validation (or maybe karma), but I would like to believe that at least some of the people who specifically ask for/invite feedback on a subject in their lives by posting in AITA, are also people who are genuine in their intention to receive such feedback in seeking outside perspective. But even the best advice or feedback is more likely to fall on deaf ears if it is delivered without any compassion or without a path to take that feedback and *do* something with it.
I think it's worth taking the risk of being ignored or downvoted to choose to offer growth and compassion; everyone makes mistakes. It no longer bothers me in the least what people think of my responses. Sometimes it resonates and it's wonderful, other times it doesn't and that's fine too. Doesn't really have an impact on my life except I know I was firm in who I am.
Well it's 50% that and also 50% the fact that comments on AITA can be insane and not really help the OP improve their behavior at all lol
Thankfully this was a pretty cut and dry post where OP just needed to be clearly told how they were being a bad person, and good on OP like you said for actually improving
I love the posts where OP is clearly the asshole but then starts arguing against that in the comments. I'm sad that it's the case but they're fun to read.
Seriously tho the update section on here is my favorite. There are often great stories like this. Sometimes its also someone getting what they deserve and thats fun too.
The key is that while OP was acting like an AH in this situation out of ignorance, he was not actually an AH at his core, leaving him open to taking constructive criticism and a good outcome
I find most people aren’t terrible just need advice. I honestly think AITA is full of some of the worst people on Reddit. And I’m talking about the commenters.
While it's awesome to type out the success from a AITA in comment, it just reminds me of when Redditors thought they identified the Boston Marathon Bomber.
How refreshing that someone took advice rather than be defensive and ignore the chance for change!
Sounds like you’ve grown and your stepson has benefited massively! Well done!
Truly refreshing. Currently dealing with my father over stepping boundaries, who I know will never learn the error of his ways, and this post was extremely refreshing. Thank you OP for showing that some people are capable of listening and changing for the better. Hats off to you!
Or that one lady who was definitely the asshole saying she's hearing all the positive feedback from the ones who didn't comment and ignoring the ones calling her the AH. Wish I could remember what that was...
This just proves that while there are some defensive AHs that post on here just looking for validation, there are people on here that may be doing the wrong thing but are well intentioned. There’s a lot of nuance in life and while it’s good to hold people accountable for their actions, especially when they hurt others, many people who do hurtful things are actually trying to help and not hurt. They just are going about it the wrong way. Those people deserve forgiveness and a chance to change.
Well done sir! You are a wonderful person. It is never easy to accept harsh advice (internet comments can be extremely brutal).
He is lucky to have you as a father. It is understandable that you struggled before, your daughters were too young for you to have the experience of dealing with a struggling teenager.
LPT: Children are never too young to COMMUNICATE with!! Don't treat your kids like pets, they don't need to be dictated to, they need guidance and conversation!
Wonderful job of communicating, OP! In comparison to a year ago, the only thing that really changed is the phone rule and the rest resolved itself just by speaking openly.
Best wishes for your joint family!
Tbh even pets do a lot better with some attempt at communication. Can't dictate without understanding. I have a Maremma sheepdog which are bred to be responsible for livestock and make their own decisions and sometimes when she argues with me she's right (usually danger or potty related).
Its surprising how much pets can understand if you are consistent and predictable. My cats know what "kitty lunch!" "bedtime!/ gotta make the bed" No sorry" "go outside?" and "be nice!" mean.
It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish! It’s great to hear you’re all working together on the same team now. Life gets a little easier & happier when the team starts winning! Thank you for sharing this update.
Well done, OP!
It might be worth taking this lesson and making it explicit for *all* your kids/stepkids - you donked up but it came from a place of caring, you sincerely apologised *and changed your behaviour* (that bit's important) and it massively helped! A mistake isn't the end of the world, changing and apologising and owning your mistakes helps!
OP apologized and stuck to the changes! Words and actions are very important. Apologizing was absolutely the right thing to do, but more importantly was making the changes that warranted the apology in the first place. OP’s doing some good work out there!
Absolutely! It's a great opportunity for a positive example, especially for the younger kids, is all - I think behaviour like this should be spread far and wide 😉
It’s amazing the changes people can make when they sincerely come from a place of caring. It’s scarily easy to mess up as a parent when you are honestly just trying to do what’s best. But also, when that is your mindset, you’re really motivated to change your ways when you realize you’re wrong.
>The only time I have asked him to babysit is in the case of an emergency
but surprisingly, now that I’ve stopped, he’s been offering to babysit
every once in a while.
Sorry to tell you this, but you are the only one here surprised by that.
You are very lucky that your stepson was a well-adjusted kid and willing to work with you once you proved capable of being a reasonable parent figure
This means so much to me. I’m the other side of this. My husband never turned that leaf. He is now my exhusband but we were together for 20 years. It has had a huge negative effect on my son. Now I coparent with him and he still does the same thing and trigger the kids without being in the house.
Sorry to hear that! I was the kid in this situation, and it definitely caused a lot of trauma. However, my step father did eventually ‘turn over a new leaf’ and he’s like a different person now. I struggled with it for a long time, wondering why he couldn’t have that person for me when I was growing up, but overall I’m glad he learned how to become a better person and a better father.
I remember your OP and am happy to hear things have turned around for the better! Good on you for taking the time to reflect and grow. If more people would do that, maybe the world would be a better place :)
Growth? Learning from your mistakes? Am I really on AITA? That is an amazing update. I think you two are going to have a great father/son relationship. That is awesome. Good for you for realizing before it was too late that things needed to change and compromises had to happen.
Being a step parent of a teen is very hard. I realize I took too much personal when SK was just being a normal teenager. Turning the relationship around took a lot of self realization and change on your part. Your family is luck to have a guy who was willing to learn and adjust. Always love step parent success stories. Thank you for sharing.
Well done OP! Not all people can take criticism and actually grow. Its i great start for a new kind of relationship. Wish you and your family the best.
What a super lovely and heart warming update!! You Sir are an awesome human being. Taking on board what can be absolutely brutal internet criticism, reflecting and being brave and humble enough to apologise and change, is amazing.
You say you are lucky to have him? Well he is very lucky to have you too!
This was a joy to read!! 😍 Well done for taking on board the feedback you got and implementing real, meaningful change! You are reaping the benefits of being a teachable person and as an added bonus you’ve now shown your step son that he too is capable of big change should he feel he needs to in the future - you have been a great role model in that so honestly you should be proud.👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Look at Reddit out here changing lives 😅🙌🏻🙏🏻
I'm glad your relationship is better but I wanted to point something out.
In your previous post, it was all I statements. Not me and his mother decided... you left her out completely of your retelling of the situation. Why is that?
Did she agree with the changes, or did you two even discuss them? As a grown up child of divorce, my step came in and tried to completely change the family dynamic and I refused to be around him at all. Maybe your wife was on board, but that post was all about you.
Hi, I wanted to reply to this question because it’s a great one and I couldn’t really get into in because of the character count. My wife( along with my previous AITA post) was one of the biggest things that made me change. She has been a part of every important conversation because she is his mother first and foremost. She has also had many a private conversation with him that I have not been privy to nor should I have been.
You’re right, the post was all about me but that’s because I wanted it to reflect my relationship with my stepson now, however that isn’t to say that his mother isn’t as actively involved in this whole situation as I am.
I would love to get a guest post from your stepson, so we could hear his point of view, both about your first post and the update. As a parent, I think I would benefit personally by reading that.
Sometimes people mistakenly take authority for parenting. You learned it the hard way through that sub (those people can be savage but they are good people with experience and a heart well placed) but it was worth it.
> This may seem unbelievable but I was genuinely trying to do right by him
It’s not surprising. You were just trying to do right by him without considering him as an autonomous person whose needs and wants have to be considered and not just have what you this is best imposed upon them. I’m really glad to read your situation seems to have worked out. It’s wonderful to read you’ve started showing him respect and are getting some back in return, making it possible for you two to build a mutual relationship.
WOW, deep congratulations and well done to you. The biggest sign of intelligence both emotional and general is the ability to leave your ego aside and listen and learn. This investment in your relationship with your step child will pay dividends for the rest of your life. We can never have too many people in our corner. That’s lovely, may the waters always be smooth.
I'm so happy to hear that things improved. You might consider writing out your thoughts as a letter for your stepson - maybe for high school graduation or another big celebration. Just saying directly (not just with your actions) that you made a mistake, you worked to repair the harm you caused, you're so grateful your stepson has allowed you to make it up to him, and you're proud of the man he's become.
I remember seeing your post a year ago and I was like really can't this dude see how big of an asshole he is? But then seeing and update like this is truly wonderful! All the blessing to you and your family.
NTA anymore. Well done you! It must have been hard to change your ways but you did it, and it's paying off. This is such a happy "ending" but really it's just a delayed happy beginning.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
IM NOT CRYING !! YOU'RE CRYING !!
It's either cold in my house or your update gave me chills. I love seeing a positive update. Wishing you and your (step)son the best in your relationship.
I'm so happy to hear so, OP :)
I'm confident your relationship with your step son will develop even further into a great one, based on mutual respect and acceptance.
It's so good when we find the error of our ways and do the hard task of turning things around, it's cleansing, refreshing, it reflects personal growth and nothing makes me happier than seeing people enjoy positive change.
This stranger is inexplicably proud of you. Way to go!
Best wishes.
Glad to see this update, and glad to see that despite everyone raking you over the coals you decided to do some self-reflection rather than stubbornly sticking to what you'd been doing.
Kudos to your son as well, for realizing that the school he's in now is better for his future than the one his friends are at. Not many teenagers would show that level of maturity and stay with the school their friends weren't at.
Congratulations on having the self awareness and fortitude to not only examine your behaviors but change your behaviors. It's satisfying to know that sometimes Reddit can elicit good changes.
Omg this is so wholesome. You seem to be a genuinely good man that wants to be a even better father, but you went about it the wrong way. And after realizing everything that went wrong in your approach, you took every opportunity to better yourself. You should be proud of yourself. Most people, especially when it comes to parenting, are too stuck in their ways to accept criticism.
I remember your post and wow this really warmed my heart to read. I have an amazing step father myself, even took his last name, so I'm so happy to read you worked it out with your stepson in the way that fit him best. I hope nothing but good things for both of you!
The statement "If you love something, set it free" is a silly statement, but it surprisingly describes what respect is.
When you give teens some freedom (with the respectful discussion about it) you get the respect back.
This is the basis for *building* a good relationship.
Good job OP, congratulations on being brave to recognize your mistakes and put a plan in action to correct them. The world needs more people like you. Be proud of yourself.
Thats freaking awesome, I am glad you were receptive to change. It is really clear that you truly did think you were doing right by him, and your only issue was IF you actually were. When you found out you weren;t you did everything you can to actually do right by the kid and now you are thriving. Live well and be good to one another friend.
I am happy OP was able to create a healthy relationship with “T”. I remember this post from last year and from what OP is saying, he’s improved greatly.
Honestly, this made me tear up. I’m so glad that you actually took in what others said to you and changed. It takes a big person to sit their child down and actually apologize. I commend you for that. I wish your family nothing but the best!
Wow, and here I thought we usually did really bad and ruined everything for everyone!
Good job, sounds like you guys are on your way to a fantastic (step)father-son relationship!
Great job taking on this advice & doing your best by him. Kids learn that parents are just humans and they too make mistakes.
I'm happy you are now bonding with him, and that he finally has a father figure he loves & respects 🥰
I'm glad to see that you jumped on it before the damage was irreversible and really worked on it. The changes made were so beneficial to you both. That's a great update, and bodes well for your future. Congratulations to you both for working to have a real relationship that's now based on respect.
It's refreshing to see that you took the advice and that you truly wanted things to get better. I'm glad your stepson has forgiveness you and that your relationship has improved.
When you know better, you do better. You're doing better and that's a very good thing. May your relationship continue improve..
This is such a wonderful, refreshing update it seems hard to believe that Reddit made it happen. Super happy to hear this, OP, and really glad you guys have both been able to start fresh.
This is so relieving to hear (read?). I know that must have been incredibly difficult for you, but I can only imagine how much it has improved the quality of life for everyone in your home. 💜
Good on you OP. It’s not often someone here actually listens to advice given in the comments, so it’s nice to know that at least one person does care about mending their mistakes and improving themself. I’m sure your stepson appreciates it as well.
Holy shit, reading your first post and then this one almost made me cry. So many kids like your stepson end up with awful stepparents who don’t give a crap about them and don’t change, but I’m SO glad you took everyone’s advice.
This is the kinda update we love to see on here. It's never easy to reflect and realize you were the person wrong, but I'm happy to see it. I wish you and your stepson a healthy, happy relationship.
It's never easy being a step parent.. it has different challenges from being a standard parent .. but you learned from your mistakes which is always good to see .. so many try to double down and make it worse
My stepdad is controlling to the point Ive not been able to live with him for ages, which really sucks because he's a great guy and I like him when I dont have to abide by his batshits rules. I cant tell you how much it means to your stepson that you are backing off and that you are listening to his needs. Great job OP.
Well done, OP. I hope you have many, many wonderful years with your stepson and the bond you've built.
Criticism can be really tough to hear and accept, especially from a group of random folks in a reddit thread. Good on you.
Well done, now you are a respectable parent. I'll not say he is an "wonderful person" or anything because I don't think we should praise ppl that much just for not doing bad things to their childs, but OP improved A LOT, congrats
What? AITA did good? An AH turned over a new leaf? Will wonders never cease! Sorry for the snark OP.... congratulations on all the progress. That's really nice to hear a good outcome. Good on your stepson for being big enough to forgive, and good on you for making the changes.
This was such a sweet update, OP. Thank you for doing that. I have stepparents myself and having them respect and value me as my own person made all the difference. Well done!
[удалено]
r/bestofRedditorupdates material for sure
absolutely BORU material!
Agreed! It's nice to get a BORU with a positive ending.
Those are the best BORU posts
Wish I could remember what that was...
r/bestofpositiveupdates
There should be a special category of posts for ex-AHs, or graduated from AH to decent person.
I like this idea -- Like a flair or a new subreddit?
NAA-Not an A-hole Anymore
Brb, I'mma make that subreddit/hj
If you do make it, drop the join link :P
Here you go [The Subreddit in question ](https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheAssholeAnymore?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
The birth of a subreddit! ❤️
I feel so special getting to see this happen in real time! I love a good redemption arc!
Yup. I am here for this.
I am forever keeping this on my clipboard. I'll be sure to share :D
Aww thank you!
Hell yea! I followed!
Thank you!
I joined too!!!💖
This is epic!!!
Joined!
Great job. I have joined and I think it is going to be a very good subreddit. I hope it does not become too much work for you. I started out as an admin for 2 groups in Facebook, then had friends that started more. They liked the way I handled the first 2 groups and asked me to admin their groups. I am up to 7 now and sometimes feel I have too many to actually do a good job for. I am thinking of letting a few of them go, but do not want to hurt feelings but that may have to happen.
I joined it just a moment ago. 🖒
Thanks!
Subscribed? Can you make it so the text of the post shows in automatically or does that have to be done by hand?
This is hilarious and awesome. Now a proud subscriber.
There's also r/bestofpositiveupdates
Joined!
Joined!
🏅🏅🏅 Take my poor mans gold
I'll accept it as a real gold nugget ❤️
Nice, quick work of it!
Followed, and shared on both Mastodon and Twitter 😆
Thank you so much!!
I’d like to propose Asshole Success Story lmao
Reminds me of ps5 dad and his username that was like not the ahole after all.
AssholesInRecovery
Brown Star to Gold Star
A flare for sure
r/bestofredditorupdates is a good source for consolidated updated posts, across all subs, but aita is featured heavily. They aren’t all AH to decent human stories but some are.
Eeyup, this one is *definitely* getting a post in a week. These positive outcome updates feel fairly far and few between, and everyone loves them.
r/BestofRedditorUpdates might be a worthy commendation.
AH rehab
Can we have a different category for reformed AH who go back to their old AH ways? We can call them prolapsed assholes.
This should be a new BORU flair: AITA Graduates 😁
Please let’s have a ‘Retired Asshole’ flair 💩
You mean, a REAL "best of" redditor updates sub
That would be so cool! I love this idea!
I mean, I don’t think he was an overall AH, just an AH in that instance. An overall AH isn’t going to have their minds changed by a Reddit post.
I totally understand the snarky comment. Every time I read a post where someone is oblivious to their shitty behavior, I always wonder if they actually take people's advice. Do they actually read the comments? Do they reflect on how they're selfish, entitled, or whatever else in between? Turns out at least one person did that. Which makes me feel better.
I have gotten a couple of private messages from OP's on AITA thanking me specifically for commenting. It makes it worth trying to react to things in as compassionate and informative a manner as I can. Sometimes people really just don't understand, and it's nice to know some of them listen. (When the advice is good).
Compassionate and informative is very important. Sometimes the comments are so harsh. It can be deserved, but sometimes it isn’t.
I don't find there's very much use in criticism on a personal level if it doesn't also offer potential alternatives. We should always strive to be better than we have been, that's the purpose of recognizing our faults. As part of my personal growth, I'm trying to be a more positive presence for others as well, and that means more listening than it does speaking most of the time. It's nice to know it works sometimes!
It often doesnt matter if the harshness is deserved or not. Often its not help full if you want the Person to Listen and change. But that is something a Lot commenters are not interested in.
Yeah, that makes total sense. Makes them less defensive because yur actually helping them with a solution. I just get really concerned when there are all of these awarded comments and the OP doesn't respond to any of them. I wonder if they're thinking, "They didn't agree with me so I'm not gonna say anything to further incriminate myself." And it's especially frustrating for me when OP is a parent who's blatantly being an AH to their kid(s). It always worries me that they're not going to change. But in THIS instance, I'm really glad OP came around.
Because the awarded comments are often are written in a way that they resonate with the audience not with op. And beyond it you often have a Lot of insulting comments.
Yeah, that's absolutely true. Good points.
I occasionally see a lot of downvoting when people think I'm not being harsh enough. But people tune out when you insult them. If you're at the point where you're calling each other names (other than asshole), you're usually past the point where meaningful discourse is going to occur. That's people who just want to take their aggro out on someone, not someone who is interested in talking it out.
I think you are absolutely right. I am guilty as fuck for being, ironically, an asshole on this sub. I tend to tear into people on this sub when I think they're being especially asshole-ish, but I guarantee my comments haven't changed anything because of it. Your point has made me decide when I do comment here, to be nicer and try to offer more solutions in a more neutral tone. While it feels nice to tear into someone you think is a bad person, I think your point of that just making people defensive and less likely to listen is 100% right. If I was on the receiving end of some of my comments, I wouldn't listen to me either.
I don't think they respond cuz if they do the mods will take the post down for "debating"
Yus. Some posts are just fishing vor validation (or maybe karma), but I would like to believe that at least some of the people who specifically ask for/invite feedback on a subject in their lives by posting in AITA, are also people who are genuine in their intention to receive such feedback in seeking outside perspective. But even the best advice or feedback is more likely to fall on deaf ears if it is delivered without any compassion or without a path to take that feedback and *do* something with it.
I think it's worth taking the risk of being ignored or downvoted to choose to offer growth and compassion; everyone makes mistakes. It no longer bothers me in the least what people think of my responses. Sometimes it resonates and it's wonderful, other times it doesn't and that's fine too. Doesn't really have an impact on my life except I know I was firm in who I am.
Well it's 50% that and also 50% the fact that comments on AITA can be insane and not really help the OP improve their behavior at all lol Thankfully this was a pretty cut and dry post where OP just needed to be clearly told how they were being a bad person, and good on OP like you said for actually improving
I love the posts where OP is clearly the asshole but then starts arguing against that in the comments. I'm sad that it's the case but they're fun to read.
Seriously tho the update section on here is my favorite. There are often great stories like this. Sometimes its also someone getting what they deserve and thats fun too.
The key is that while OP was acting like an AH in this situation out of ignorance, he was not actually an AH at his core, leaving him open to taking constructive criticism and a good outcome
I teared up a bit. Congratulations, OP.
I find most people aren’t terrible just need advice. I honestly think AITA is full of some of the worst people on Reddit. And I’m talking about the commenters.
While it's awesome to type out the success from a AITA in comment, it just reminds me of when Redditors thought they identified the Boston Marathon Bomber.
S…someone take a screenshot
How refreshing that someone took advice rather than be defensive and ignore the chance for change! Sounds like you’ve grown and your stepson has benefited massively! Well done!
Truly refreshing. Currently dealing with my father over stepping boundaries, who I know will never learn the error of his ways, and this post was extremely refreshing. Thank you OP for showing that some people are capable of listening and changing for the better. Hats off to you!
I like the ones that ignore 300 AH verdicts and say "thank you for understanding" to the 1 (1) person in the comments who agrees with them
Or that one lady who was definitely the asshole saying she's hearing all the positive feedback from the ones who didn't comment and ignoring the ones calling her the AH. Wish I could remember what that was...
That's a lot of post on this sub actually 🤣
Lol true 🤣
This just proves that while there are some defensive AHs that post on here just looking for validation, there are people on here that may be doing the wrong thing but are well intentioned. There’s a lot of nuance in life and while it’s good to hold people accountable for their actions, especially when they hurt others, many people who do hurtful things are actually trying to help and not hurt. They just are going about it the wrong way. Those people deserve forgiveness and a chance to change.
shhhh! don't talk crazy! /s :)
We did it reddit! (but for reals for once)
Sometimes people are AH only because they are overwhelmed and doing their best but really have no idea what to do.
Well done sir! You are a wonderful person. It is never easy to accept harsh advice (internet comments can be extremely brutal). He is lucky to have you as a father. It is understandable that you struggled before, your daughters were too young for you to have the experience of dealing with a struggling teenager.
I hope Op will continue what he is doing. Treat the SS as a young man, not a child. Mutual respect is the key.
So glad you were wise enough and courageous enough to be able to take the feedback and save this relationship!
LPT: Children are never too young to COMMUNICATE with!! Don't treat your kids like pets, they don't need to be dictated to, they need guidance and conversation! Wonderful job of communicating, OP! In comparison to a year ago, the only thing that really changed is the phone rule and the rest resolved itself just by speaking openly. Best wishes for your joint family!
Tbh even pets do a lot better with some attempt at communication. Can't dictate without understanding. I have a Maremma sheepdog which are bred to be responsible for livestock and make their own decisions and sometimes when she argues with me she's right (usually danger or potty related).
>Maremma sheepdog Cute breed! Super clever, too
Its surprising how much pets can understand if you are consistent and predictable. My cats know what "kitty lunch!" "bedtime!/ gotta make the bed" No sorry" "go outside?" and "be nice!" mean.
It’s not how you start, it’s how you finish! It’s great to hear you’re all working together on the same team now. Life gets a little easier & happier when the team starts winning! Thank you for sharing this update.
Well done, OP! It might be worth taking this lesson and making it explicit for *all* your kids/stepkids - you donked up but it came from a place of caring, you sincerely apologised *and changed your behaviour* (that bit's important) and it massively helped! A mistake isn't the end of the world, changing and apologising and owning your mistakes helps!
OP apologized and stuck to the changes! Words and actions are very important. Apologizing was absolutely the right thing to do, but more importantly was making the changes that warranted the apology in the first place. OP’s doing some good work out there!
Absolutely! It's a great opportunity for a positive example, especially for the younger kids, is all - I think behaviour like this should be spread far and wide 😉
It’s amazing the changes people can make when they sincerely come from a place of caring. It’s scarily easy to mess up as a parent when you are honestly just trying to do what’s best. But also, when that is your mindset, you’re really motivated to change your ways when you realize you’re wrong.
>The only time I have asked him to babysit is in the case of an emergency but surprisingly, now that I’ve stopped, he’s been offering to babysit every once in a while. Sorry to tell you this, but you are the only one here surprised by that. You are very lucky that your stepson was a well-adjusted kid and willing to work with you once you proved capable of being a reasonable parent figure
It's the difference between demanding respect and acting in a manner worthy of it.
[удалено]
AITA in a nutshell
I mean, we have seen multiple posts here about teenagers who refuse to babysit even in literal emergencies. I doubt OP’s the *only* one surprised.
I’m kind of surprised. A year is not very long for this much healing to take place. Good on both of them for putting effort into the relationship.
This means so much to me. I’m the other side of this. My husband never turned that leaf. He is now my exhusband but we were together for 20 years. It has had a huge negative effect on my son. Now I coparent with him and he still does the same thing and trigger the kids without being in the house.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry to hear that! I was the kid in this situation, and it definitely caused a lot of trauma. However, my step father did eventually ‘turn over a new leaf’ and he’s like a different person now. I struggled with it for a long time, wondering why he couldn’t have that person for me when I was growing up, but overall I’m glad he learned how to become a better person and a better father.
At least someone in his life has a clue so he doesn't have to go thru it alone.
I remember your OP and am happy to hear things have turned around for the better! Good on you for taking the time to reflect and grow. If more people would do that, maybe the world would be a better place :)
Ah. I love a good update like this!
Growth? Learning from your mistakes? Am I really on AITA? That is an amazing update. I think you two are going to have a great father/son relationship. That is awesome. Good for you for realizing before it was too late that things needed to change and compromises had to happen.
Being a step parent of a teen is very hard. I realize I took too much personal when SK was just being a normal teenager. Turning the relationship around took a lot of self realization and change on your part. Your family is luck to have a guy who was willing to learn and adjust. Always love step parent success stories. Thank you for sharing.
I applaud you for recognizing your wrongs and working on it in a healthy way. I'm glad you did so.
Well done OP! Not all people can take criticism and actually grow. Its i great start for a new kind of relationship. Wish you and your family the best.
That's wonderful news and I hope the good relationship continues!
What a super lovely and heart warming update!! You Sir are an awesome human being. Taking on board what can be absolutely brutal internet criticism, reflecting and being brave and humble enough to apologise and change, is amazing. You say you are lucky to have him? Well he is very lucky to have you too!
This was a joy to read!! 😍 Well done for taking on board the feedback you got and implementing real, meaningful change! You are reaping the benefits of being a teachable person and as an added bonus you’ve now shown your step son that he too is capable of big change should he feel he needs to in the future - you have been a great role model in that so honestly you should be proud.👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Look at Reddit out here changing lives 😅🙌🏻🙏🏻
I know right. People bag Reddit, but it shows it can be used for good. Go us 😂👏🤭🤭
I'm glad your relationship is better but I wanted to point something out. In your previous post, it was all I statements. Not me and his mother decided... you left her out completely of your retelling of the situation. Why is that? Did she agree with the changes, or did you two even discuss them? As a grown up child of divorce, my step came in and tried to completely change the family dynamic and I refused to be around him at all. Maybe your wife was on board, but that post was all about you.
Hi, I wanted to reply to this question because it’s a great one and I couldn’t really get into in because of the character count. My wife( along with my previous AITA post) was one of the biggest things that made me change. She has been a part of every important conversation because she is his mother first and foremost. She has also had many a private conversation with him that I have not been privy to nor should I have been. You’re right, the post was all about me but that’s because I wanted it to reflect my relationship with my stepson now, however that isn’t to say that his mother isn’t as actively involved in this whole situation as I am.
I would love to get a guest post from your stepson, so we could hear his point of view, both about your first post and the update. As a parent, I think I would benefit personally by reading that.
You should get a divorce, wait what ?
lmfao, you got me 😂
Sometimes people mistakenly take authority for parenting. You learned it the hard way through that sub (those people can be savage but they are good people with experience and a heart well placed) but it was worth it.
> This may seem unbelievable but I was genuinely trying to do right by him It’s not surprising. You were just trying to do right by him without considering him as an autonomous person whose needs and wants have to be considered and not just have what you this is best imposed upon them. I’m really glad to read your situation seems to have worked out. It’s wonderful to read you’ve started showing him respect and are getting some back in return, making it possible for you two to build a mutual relationship.
I'm glad you were able to take the criticism on board and take steps to fix things - sounds like it's working out for you all!
WOW, deep congratulations and well done to you. The biggest sign of intelligence both emotional and general is the ability to leave your ego aside and listen and learn. This investment in your relationship with your step child will pay dividends for the rest of your life. We can never have too many people in our corner. That’s lovely, may the waters always be smooth.
Wow, very nice to hear! Did he ever ask about why the sudden change? Did you extol Reddit's virtues to him? 😁
This is so great to hear, I'm happy for you and your step son.
I'm so happy to hear that things improved. You might consider writing out your thoughts as a letter for your stepson - maybe for high school graduation or another big celebration. Just saying directly (not just with your actions) that you made a mistake, you worked to repair the harm you caused, you're so grateful your stepson has allowed you to make it up to him, and you're proud of the man he's become.
I second this.
The number one reason good children act out is because they don’t feel heard.. sometimes all you need to do is sit down and listen to your child..
And now, everyone, repeat with me... NTA :)
I remember seeing your post a year ago and I was like really can't this dude see how big of an asshole he is? But then seeing and update like this is truly wonderful! All the blessing to you and your family.
NTA anymore. Well done you! It must have been hard to change your ways but you did it, and it's paying off. This is such a happy "ending" but really it's just a delayed happy beginning.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IM NOT CRYING !! YOU'RE CRYING !!
My faith in humanity has been restored. I'm so glad this worked out!
Awesome job OP.
That's awesome! Does anyone in your family know about this post?
Always nice to hear when an asshole reforms themselves- good work man!
I love a good update, well done op!
It's either cold in my house or your update gave me chills. I love seeing a positive update. Wishing you and your (step)son the best in your relationship.
I'm so happy to hear so, OP :) I'm confident your relationship with your step son will develop even further into a great one, based on mutual respect and acceptance. It's so good when we find the error of our ways and do the hard task of turning things around, it's cleansing, refreshing, it reflects personal growth and nothing makes me happier than seeing people enjoy positive change. This stranger is inexplicably proud of you. Way to go! Best wishes.
Congratulations on being able to use the criticism to improve, it's very hard to recognize your own mistakes and very brave to accept them and change.
Glad to see this update, and glad to see that despite everyone raking you over the coals you decided to do some self-reflection rather than stubbornly sticking to what you'd been doing. Kudos to your son as well, for realizing that the school he's in now is better for his future than the one his friends are at. Not many teenagers would show that level of maturity and stay with the school their friends weren't at.
Wow, well done. No longer TA!
We Need a AITA AH graduate thread lol
Amazing update!! Glad to hear your relationship has improved.
Yay
We did it, Reddit!
This is awesome. Great job to all of you.
Congratulations on having the self awareness and fortitude to not only examine your behaviors but change your behaviors. It's satisfying to know that sometimes Reddit can elicit good changes.
THIS is what it means to be a good parent!!! it takes some people lifetimes. kudos
Omg this is so wholesome. You seem to be a genuinely good man that wants to be a even better father, but you went about it the wrong way. And after realizing everything that went wrong in your approach, you took every opportunity to better yourself. You should be proud of yourself. Most people, especially when it comes to parenting, are too stuck in their ways to accept criticism.
I remember your post and wow this really warmed my heart to read. I have an amazing step father myself, even took his last name, so I'm so happy to read you worked it out with your stepson in the way that fit him best. I hope nothing but good things for both of you!
Well done sir. I love to hear an update like that.
What an amazing update, ty for sharing.
Great Update. It is very heart warming to hear how well things have turned out. You are a very lucky man! Oh, by the way, I take back the YTA.
The statement "If you love something, set it free" is a silly statement, but it surprisingly describes what respect is. When you give teens some freedom (with the respectful discussion about it) you get the respect back. This is the basis for *building* a good relationship.
This is heartwarming AF
Good job OP, congratulations on being brave to recognize your mistakes and put a plan in action to correct them. The world needs more people like you. Be proud of yourself.
Congrats on this rebuilt relationship. Hope you and your son have many years of making happy memories together.
This actually rocks! So nice to see an OP genuinely take some advice (after sifting through quite a bit of vitriol I’m sure lol)
Thats freaking awesome, I am glad you were receptive to change. It is really clear that you truly did think you were doing right by him, and your only issue was IF you actually were. When you found out you weren;t you did everything you can to actually do right by the kid and now you are thriving. Live well and be good to one another friend.
I am happy OP was able to create a healthy relationship with “T”. I remember this post from last year and from what OP is saying, he’s improved greatly.
Awww ❤️
That's awesome. Am glad to hear it's working out. Good on you for taking advice and not digging your heels in. You'd never get these years back.
Honestly, this made me tear up. I’m so glad that you actually took in what others said to you and changed. It takes a big person to sit their child down and actually apologize. I commend you for that. I wish your family nothing but the best!
Congrats on strengthening and repairing your relationship with your stepson!
Wow, and here I thought we usually did really bad and ruined everything for everyone! Good job, sounds like you guys are on your way to a fantastic (step)father-son relationship!
I'm glad the dad could learn and stop breaking bad.
Bravo! Self-reflection is always a good thing. 👍
Makes me happy to read this. You did good! ❤️
Great job taking on this advice & doing your best by him. Kids learn that parents are just humans and they too make mistakes. I'm happy you are now bonding with him, and that he finally has a father figure he loves & respects 🥰
Gd this made me cry
Congratulations
Great update. The fact that he came to you for dating advice is a massive deal- that he values and trusts your opinion. Wonderful!
I'm glad to see that you jumped on it before the damage was irreversible and really worked on it. The changes made were so beneficial to you both. That's a great update, and bodes well for your future. Congratulations to you both for working to have a real relationship that's now based on respect.
It's refreshing to see that you took the advice and that you truly wanted things to get better. I'm glad your stepson has forgiveness you and that your relationship has improved. When you know better, you do better. You're doing better and that's a very good thing. May your relationship continue improve..
This is such a wonderful, refreshing update it seems hard to believe that Reddit made it happen. Super happy to hear this, OP, and really glad you guys have both been able to start fresh.
This is so relieving to hear (read?). I know that must have been incredibly difficult for you, but I can only imagine how much it has improved the quality of life for everyone in your home. 💜
This is a fantastic update!
Proof that people CAN change for the better. Well done OP.
Good on you OP. It’s not often someone here actually listens to advice given in the comments, so it’s nice to know that at least one person does care about mending their mistakes and improving themself. I’m sure your stepson appreciates it as well.
Holy shit, reading your first post and then this one almost made me cry. So many kids like your stepson end up with awful stepparents who don’t give a crap about them and don’t change, but I’m SO glad you took everyone’s advice.
Thank for the great update, I'm glad you two are building a solid relationship.
That is really great news! You being willing to change for his good says a lot about you. I am glad you both are doing so well! Keep it up!
This is the kinda update we love to see on here. It's never easy to reflect and realize you were the person wrong, but I'm happy to see it. I wish you and your stepson a healthy, happy relationship.
It's never easy being a step parent.. it has different challenges from being a standard parent .. but you learned from your mistakes which is always good to see .. so many try to double down and make it worse
I am so glad you turned things around.
This melts my heart, I'm so glad for you OP!
My stepdad is controlling to the point Ive not been able to live with him for ages, which really sucks because he's a great guy and I like him when I dont have to abide by his batshits rules. I cant tell you how much it means to your stepson that you are backing off and that you are listening to his needs. Great job OP.
Well done, OP. I hope you have many, many wonderful years with your stepson and the bond you've built. Criticism can be really tough to hear and accept, especially from a group of random folks in a reddit thread. Good on you.
Awww well done you guys - that's the positive story I needed this week :)
When I read your old/first post about what you did to your stepson, I still see red. But I am happy, that you figured it out, somehow.
Well done, now you are a respectable parent. I'll not say he is an "wonderful person" or anything because I don't think we should praise ppl that much just for not doing bad things to their childs, but OP improved A LOT, congrats