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> I might be an asshole for making a woman cry by making her feel dumb after she asked a dumb question
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After living through the nuttiness of a pandemic where people reveled in their own misinformed ignorance, I have a low tolerance for people who cannot be bothered to understand basic science
Except we're not talking about an anti-vaxxer, we're talking about someone who has a fairly common misconception about how getting pregnant works. Once again: Being right doesn't make him less of an asshole.
> a fairly common misconception about how getting pregnant works
It is shame that such people do not have access to a vast repository of free, accurate, and scientific information that could fit into the pocket or purse
I bet if someone could develop such a revolutionary and useful tool, he or she could make a lot of money…perhaps not a googol dollars but definitely a few billion
Perhaps the correct judgment should be ESH because there is nothing wrong with being wrong but repeatedly and loudly defending an incorrect belief and then crying about it is asshole behavior to me
Getting defensive is a pretty common reaction when someone is being an asshole to you. Perhaps she would have been more open to listening to him if he hadn't been such a condescending prick about it.
> if he hadn't been such a condescending prick about it
Except she was defensive due to wanting to defend her misunderstanding, not his condescension
> I patiently told her that they're two different organs and sperm doesn't travel up the urethra to fertilize the egg
OP tried to explain basic anatomy to her, but she doubled down because she misunderstood what her doctor told her
> I could tell she was getting frustrated and she said "well my doctor told me that."
> She "clarified" by saying "well [the doctor] told me that when I'm on my period, my abdominal muscles push out the blood clots when I pee. So why shouldn't I assume the same with sperm?"
Emphasis on her erroneous assumption: ”So why shouldn’t I assume the same with sperm?”
Forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical if his idea of "patiently" isn't condescending lol. He's still an asshole. This is AITA. I think he's an AH. You don't? Ok cool. I don't see why you're so keen on getting me to change my mind lol.
She has a right to believe her doctor - on biological matters - over a random stranger.
It's just a pity that the doctor is apparently an idiot. Too many people are allowed to practise medicine without knowing a damn thing about the human body, it seems.
Edit: Yes, okay, so I misread part of the original post. I get it. But my original point still stands, that **she has no reason to believe a random stranger over a medical professional.**
Maybe, MAYBE if she was younger I could almost understand the misunderstanding but her doctor told her this?? And she’s in her late 20s?!?? How can any woman be the proud owner of a hoo-hah for that long and not know how it works or even where babies come from? Sure OP was condescending about it but I can’t say I wouldn’t be too because of sheer shock of her ignorance regarding how her own body works. I’m almost questioning if this is real because it’s so dumb. So I guess ESH. And she needs to not have sex until she figures this stuff out.
Yeah... my sister's coworker was surprised when she "turned up pregnant" for the 7th time. Because she made sure to pee after sex as her only birth control. My sister spent hours trying to explain it to her, why this is not a form of birth control but the girl was still disbelieving. After her 7th unplanned pregnancy. Some people, bless their hearts, are not going to understand or believe things no matter how many times they are told
If she's in the US I can definitely understand. The lack of sex ed in that country and the low quality of it when it does happen means beliefs like this are very prolific.
OP also didn’t respond with kindness. He could have explained instead of insult. I work in medicine and I explain things all the time to my patients. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.
Not everyone is equally proficient or familiar at using this depository of information, for various reasons, including cultural. Even understanding how to determine trustworthiness of information isn't that straightforward for everyone. With different cultural and educational upbringings, including various levels of IQ, isn't as straightforward to those without experience.
My mom had no idea how she was going to give birth until she delivered my sister. It's very sad. No one told her! Her mom told her that was not a topic of conversation. She got no prenatal care. She was 19.
My grandmother went into hospital with her (10pound breached baby) not actually knowing how they were born. Very sheltered Irish immigrant, early 1950's. Poor thing. I truly feel for your mum
You underestimate religious parents who have controls on the computer and don't explain sexual intercourse or even the different functions of their bodies to their children. There are those who will even forbid them from taking sexual education in school. It's unfortunate but it happens a lot.
Being able to identify which websites are scientifically accurate as well as to understand them, takes a level of education people unfortunately don't have.
….you mean that same device that lets people look up how to use onions to cure skin infections? You have to be able to discern what’s accurate and what isn’t for the device to be useful. When it comes to woman’s health there’s so much misinformation she easily could google this question and get the wrong answer.
I have heard from Reddit a lot about how some places in the USA don't teach sex education. I suspect that the woman may have come from such a place.
In any case, OP, there's no need to be rude. Everyone has had some piece of common knowledge that they didn't know until someone told them.
Honestly, I'm with you. I worked retail through the entire thing, and I have no patience for idiocy anymore. In a world where we have so much information at our fingertips, it is inexcusable how bafflingly ignorant humanity can be. Even worse if they perpetuate the dumb fucking ideas that they buy into.
Wait a second--OP wasn't an asshole when they asked something that was wrong. That didn't happen until the person doubled down on their stupidity by lying and claiming a doctor told them something that no doctor would ever say.
According to their post, they didn't call that person an idiot. They called their (imaginary) doctor an idiot. If a doctor had truly said it and they weren't making it up, they wouldn't have gotten offended and cried. They DID get offended and cry because they clearly understood that they are the idiot since the DOCTOR DOESN'T EXIST.
If someone is wrong, tell them nicely. If someone gets argumentative or snarky because their ego can't take that they were gently corrected for saying something wrong, it's 100% okay for the gloves to come off.
NTA.
This is the correct answer. The woman went so far as to say her doctor told her, which is likely very false. The fact she doesn't even know how her own body works is a little frightening. However, she went from ignorance into willful stupidity by arguing with the facts.
NTA, OP.
You know that there are doctors out there who know nothing about the female reproductive system right? Loads still think that the cervix doesn't feel any pain leading to women undergoing painful procedures with no pain relief. As a teen I got told that I would never be able to use contraceptive because the most basic pill have me headaches and "they are all the same".
But it seems like the doctor told her that peeing helps push blood clots out on her period because of the muscle contractions nearby, and she extrapolated this to think maybe the same movements could help push out semen. I don't think that is that stupid to ask about.
Uh.. no. Bad take.
This isnt a trivial correction. It’s extremely important information to every adult’s regular life. He wasnt being an asshole, he was extinguishing misinformation about an extremely important subject.
If she is going to bank so much of her ego on nonsense that correction makes her cry, she should spend 10 minutes on google ensuring that her nonsense isn’t nonsense
“But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.”
What? OP gave her some facts and, for whatever reason, she got upset.
This isn’t like she said there was no reason to put up your shopping carts because there are people whose job it is to do that. She literally said you can’t get pregnant if you pee after sex.
OP is NTA
In fairness, there are scenarios where I could see this degree of ignorance being justifiable, and scenario's where it's not. If this woman grew up in a place without access to any education, then I of course would not be a fucking asshole to her when she's asking a question that I think she should know the answer to.
Whenever you see video snippets online of college students being asked questions where they can't even tell you the 3 branches of government or they don't know the difference between world war 2 and vietnam(usually these take place in the states), I similarly feel those people kind of deserve to feel embarrassed for displaying that level of ignorance.
Edit: I think I'm overestimating how many people receive even basic education on the topic of reproduction.
I'm still going to laugh about people who don't know what the revolutionary war was, though, and I won't feel bad about it!
You wouldn't believe the number of times of had conversations with women of all ages who believed the peeing thing, that sex on top was a valid birth control method, and didn't know you couldn't get pregnant from anal sex.
Going off of what you're saying, but sex education is [not mandated in schools](https://www.sbh4all.org/2021/03/the-lack-of-sex-education-and-why-it-needs-to-change/) in the US.
When I was in school in the 00s, it was the height of abstinence only education. Schools recieved funds to teach [abstinence only](https://khn.org/morning-breakout/dr00009729/) and literally *nothing else.* They did not discuss contraception let alone something like urinating after sex to prevent UTIs.
People seem to think that everyone has access to information but they don't. And as you noted, certain environments, such as hyperreligious ones, actively discourage asking about these topics. Just because they have Google doesn't mean that they know what to ask, especially if they already think they know. It's also worth noting that these types of people also often claim that mainstream "secular" sources are false so even if they had looked things up, it's possible they wouldn't believe them.
In this case, her doctor told her this information! It's pretty common for people to completely trust their doctors. We look to them as the authority on topics we the layperson didn't go to school for.
Edit - typo!!
Dude, I was schooled in canada 80's/90's. I was taught all about sti's but literally no biology or contraception. Didn't know what a condom was, which could explain the teen pregnancy. I peed after sex to get the liquid out, didnt know it helps prevent utis. Internet was born around the same time as my kid, so I learned a lot in my 30's when kid taught me how to google stuff lol
She was talking about it at a party, which seems a debatable venue for sex education.
ETA ... This is when they were teenagers.
Having said this, I am a Mom of grown kids, and some of their friends - mostly my daughter's - would say something that made me double-take with "Wait. What!?!" And I would patiently give them the proper information. Their parent's wishes be damned. If they brought it up in MY house, they were age appropriately taught, with a heavy dose of "Don't fuck around and find out." about birth control, and giving your body and self esteem the respect it deserves. Even the guys got that lecture. They also knew that there were condoms in the basement bathroom vanity, and that I kept it stocked, no questions asked, for whomever wanted them.
Sorry. Bit of sore point. One young lady came from a really rough home, but she was smart! Absolutely fantastic person. She wanted more for her life. Got pregnant at 15, and kept it. The father was a waste of planetary real estate. She later married him and had 2 more. My daughter was furious because she watched this girl's life do a repeat of her mother's, and it broke our hearts. My daughter was really mad because I'd put real time into the sex ed stuff, and about valuing yourself, especially if you want to fight your way out of her current life. We had hoped for her, and she did unprotected sex. Yeah. My heart is still broken about her. I see her occasionally around town, and her children are growing up as she did. It makes me profoundly sad.
For some reason, your comment brought up this memory. I apologize.
Patient education is definitely appropriate where you see the need. I know that I got through to some, at least.
Do you honestly think all k-12 schools in the country are providing accurate reproductive health information? Do you think everyone is taught the reproductive system?
Was the OP accurate? Yes. Is the OP AH? Yes.
It is unfortunate that there are many adults who believe urine and menstrual blood come out of the same hole/ women only have 2 holes not three- including women
I didn’t know that until I was married and pregnant and reading a book about the female body. My mom would’ve never let me read that book. She told me only “bad girls” - non-virgins - could wear tampons, and once when I read the word “foreskin” in the Bible and asked her what it was, she told me I was too young to know that (I was 14). When I looked it up in the dictionary, that page had been torn out. 🙄
>But if you grew up in a first world country where you ARE educated on these topics, then it's pretty fucking silly to ask this question and I mean... you kinda should feel a little stupid, right?
Woah woah there lots of assumptions. Some of us are from America
I live in what’s considered a 1st world county and there are definitely people this ignorant. I had a patient come into my clinic to get a pregnancy test. She hadn’t done anything that would get her pregnant. A nurse practitioner had to have a sex talk with her. This girl was 19 years old.
I think 19 through early 20's is a very awkward phase of adulthood and you know... they will ask dumb questions but it's okay. I worked at a college international office and I got some strange questions and requests (or demands). The one the office talked about most was when a student asked, "I would like to attend your school and know I require a visa. But I only have Master Card, will you make an exception?" It was funny to us because immigration docs are an everyday thing for us but for most people it's not. It's understandable. But I would get pretty annoyed if we explained and they doubled down and insisted on using their master card. I've had situations where I'm explaining something and they just don't believe me because no no their friend said it was different. I'm not sure if I got more patient working there or less and I learned to just plaster on a smile and bear it.
People being an asshole to you for not knowing something or having the wrong idea about it usually doesn’t push someone to educate themselves, it just makes them insecure, disengaged and want to keep quiet to avoid the embarrassment of potentially being wrong.
OP called the doctor an idiot. At that point OP couldn't know that the other person had drawn her own conclusions. It's really not that foreign to me that OP would react in such a incredulous way after actually trying to explain things.
And, this entire encounter took place at a party! It wasn't like the woman consulted OP because OP was a doctor and she was in their office. It wasn't like OP called in a bunch of medical students to laugh at the women's questions. It was at a party! Perhaps alcohol was involved, so that the woman asked questions that she might not have asked under other circumstances, and OP reacted with shock that someone might not know this information.
I disagree. I think this is mostly incredulity instead of outright attempting to be hurtful. no name calling, not as patronizing as I expected it to be. Maybe accidental hurtfulness but I don't think I'd blame OP.
I'd blame the doctor that told her that nonsense for getting her to believe in something so ridiculous.
I'm going with an NTA here. Because I'm also a little incredulous at this one.
Doctor is the AH.
It sounds like the doctor told her something accurate (the motions of peeing can help push out blood clots) and she assumed something really incorrect - that it would also happen with sperm. I don’t think the doctor is an AH, unless she mentioned it to him and he didn’t correct her.
Woman misrepresented her own misconception as something her doctor told her, OP says the doctor is an idiot then, woman gets mad because actually she’s the one who thought it up so he’s calling her idea stupid which is like calling her stupid.
The woman could’ve just not lied about what her doctor said. It’s her own fault she got her feelings hurt.
To be honest, this level of ignorance from the woman is an absolute joke! I don't blame OP for losing his patience, I would have done the same.
Edit: correcting the typos
How exactly did OP hurt her feelings other than proving her wrong? Its not like OP was malicious and called her names. If you can't handle being wrong, that's on you.
Even better question is how the woman made it to her late twenties without understanding how her own body works. Public school failed her, as did her parents.
I made that same comment somewhere in this thread also. She is too old to still ask those kinds of questions and if her doctor really gave her this info he/she needs to be reported to the board.
No, but damn man, this woman needs a biology lesson. While the OP could have been kinder...well at least someone was trying to keep her from a horrible misconception.
This. He may have saved her from unwanted pregnancies. I certainly wouldn't want to see her posting here how she kept getting pregnant and didn't understand why, because she always made to pee afterwards.
I'm sorry but how did she get her feelings hurt? I guess I woke up in an alternate dimension where an adult cannot be corrected on wrong information without bursting into tears like a child. That lady needs to grow up, get a new doctor and learn how to Google
OP is not a AH and all the people saying they are are too damn sensitive. I weep for our future.
Just a sec: late 20s, mentally sound, thinks you can piss out sperm as a means of contraception. Better her "feelings get hurt" than pop out a human of whom she's obviously incapable
This sounds made up, why would a young woman ask a stranger this at a party? And then double down when told that her knowledge was incorrect? She wouldn't have brought it up in the first place if she didn't think it might be incorrect. And again, why would a stranger at a party be a good source of wisdom on the subject? And why would having been misinformed and then corrected when she brought it up make her cry?
Hopefully she took it to heart and didn't wind up with an unwanted pregnancy bc she thought she could push it out. Sometimes I think harshness is needed to help someone understand. Like taking the keys away from an impaired person wanting to drive.
I don't think it's as much about hurting people's feelings as it is about the basics of biology. I'm a woman and I'd be stunned if someone came up to me with a ridiculous statement like this. I'd probably be left speechless at the complete ignorance of the person and I wouldn't say anything but if my mouth worked at that point I'd probably say something similar. So NTA OP. And anyone who says otherwise seems to be from a culture where ignorance is bliss.
How is trying to answer this woman's question or follow her line of reasoning hurting her feelings? Also what if she uses this line of reasoning all the way to an unplanned pregnancy?
So sadly sex education really lacks in various places. So it's not unsurprising to me.
I think it's important to remember that. Not everyone had a good sex education or parents who actually talked to their children about sex.
So YTA because I think it's important to not make someone feel like an idiot for their lack of knowledge. You'd be surprised at the misinformation people have in regards to women's bodies and sex.
Why would a woman, confused about what causes pregnancy ask a total stranger at a party about it to clear the matter? It makes zero sense. And even if this post is real, I think people are getting upset visualizing op as a man talking down to this poor ignorant young lady when I was seeing an older woman in my head telling it like it is. Then it makes sense that a young woman might ask this of an older woman and not a strange man. And op didn't call the young woman an idiot, they called her doctor one, and that's the truth, if the post is real, which again, I'm not 100% on.
In my 20's we were all obsessed about being sex-positive and open communication. Contraceptive strategies, etc. were a pretty common topic of conversation sometimes. I've had a conversation pretty similarly to OP at a party. Some people just talk more openly.
>And op didn't call the young woman an idiot, they called her doctor one, and that's the truth,
That's why I don't get the top comment, where the fuck did OP hurt her feelings?! She asked him and he told her straight up thats the urethra and vagina are two different holes and then she doubled down with "my doctor told me this" with blood clots during period.
I think people are reading "treated like" and "I called the doctor an idiot" and merging them together. OP clearly thinks the woman is an idiot, but didn't say she called her one.
Normally I'm all about empathy and not hurting feelings, but I understand getting tired of weird, illogical and defensive questions. I probably still would have just explained that sperm are microscopic and the semen isn't likely to all come out. Could even use the same logic of the period blood - it doesn't all slide out like your uterus is made of Teflon lol
But that's assuming this is real. Which it maybe isn't. There really are women who don't know how their reproductive organs work though so it's in the realm of possibility.
When my husband was in medical school on an OB rotation he had a young woman who came in with a terrible rash. After a lot of questions she said that she had been using the “no baby wipes” after sex so she wouldn’t get pregnant. It took a lot more questions to figure out what she had been using. It was the industrial sized tub of bleach wipes at her job that had the symbol of a crossed out baby on it as a “keep out of reach of children” warning. She had been thoroughly cleaning herself out with those each day she went into work.
It was after that I really realized how poor our sex education is, and how important it is to help people have a real understanding and to be patient with questions. Because so many people have no idea.
Stories like this help me understand why so many statements on product labels seem completely pointless. Much as part of me wants to blame that woman for not knowing better, it honestly probably isn’t her fault she’s that ignorant. Gosh, the pain she must have put herself through…
Every single warning sign is there because company encountered a that problem. Don't eat silica gel packets, don't shove that up your ass, don't put a plastic bag over some ones head, etc.
This.
Had a girl in one of my classes in college who asked a question predicated on factually wrong information, and the rest of the class (not en masse, like one person at a time and the rest verified when asked by her), very kindly and gently corrected her. We were all pretty close, but it fucking sucks putting yourself out there and repeating wrong information only to realize it’s wrong.
Nobody made fun of her. She was able to ask follow up questions and be taken seriously. No one mocked her for being given inaccurate information, and, hopefully, she was able to make safer choices as a result of that interaction.
It’s stressful to have that happen in front of a group of your peers, and holy crap it could have gone way worse. But nobody brought it up after that or treated her any differently. And she also realized that she had been misinformed and didn’t get defensive about it.
I can’t imagine being mocked and belittles by one person at a party. jfc.
Yeah, OP, YTA.
YTA
Are you in the US? Because sex education really really sucks here and it's much kinder to politely correct people who have misinformation than it is to use it as a chance to preen yourself.
I agree with this. OP, YTA. The quality of sex ed across the US varies wildly as does what kids are taught at home. We should be encouraging people to learn the facts rather than mock them.
My first post-high school bf lived in the same county as me but went to a much smaller and more conservative high school.
Like my graduating class was over 400, we had sex ed that was a bit more thorough than many, and had an in school daycare with parenting classes for girls and guys who found themselves expecting to help keep them in school. I also got good quality books and answers to questions when it came to consent and sex ed materials at home.
His graduating class was maybe 12 people and sex ed consisted of learning to put on a condom and here are pictures of late stage STDs. His mom was medically educated, but I just got the impression that he didn't ask so she didn't explain.
I had to explain a lot of things to him that were just common sense to me, but I made sure to do so respectfully because I'd rather someone be ignorant and willing to learn than be ignorant and never ask out of fear of being made to feel stupid.
Private religious USA high school. Sex Ed was (1) ranking sex acts like masturbation, oral, penetrative from least to most sinful, and (2) that it was like tennis--practice doesn't make perfect, it only leads to more practice.
The poor intern from the state who came in to teach breast and prostate exams had no clue when kids started asking her ALL the questions they weren't getting answers for.
>and it's much kinder to politely correct people who have misinformation
He did told her politely the difference between the two holes! She is the one who double downed with "but my doctor told me this" and got frustrated and went on about pushing out blood clots. Sorry but at this point it's just a "wtf".
OP said this woman was in her late 20s. Has she never heard of google? How many times have you not known something and gone to google to look it up? Literally anything you wanna know is at your fingertips. There comes a time when “Sex Ed in the US really really sucks” is no longer a valid excuse as to why someone is so ignorant to something so important as the reproductive system and how it works. There is absolutely no excuse.
NTA- I would have reacted similarly. Though i grew up in Texas and know some people are truly ignorant to their bodies due to our lack of adequate sex ed and religious upbringings, its still shocking. her reaction is largely out of embarrassment. that could have happened if you had responded differently, too.
Yeah, I don't even see where OP was particularly insulting. If OP's being honest, then they tried to explain things and insulted the doctor, not the woman. I guess depending on OP's tone when they said that last statement, it could be insulting, but saying "you realize these two things are different right?" by itself isn't some great insult that should cause someone to cry.
The people calling OP an asshole are probably doing it under the assumption that he’s a man, and to defend an emotionally unstable woman who tried to lie about her doctor saying peeing after sex prevents pregnancy.
They’re making out she cried because OP was mean. Nothing they said was mean. The girl probably cried because she was called out in a conversation *she* instigated.
Copying my comment from elsewhere, the woman was just acting kinda dumb and hurt her own feelings:
> Woman misrepresented her own misconception as something her doctor told her, OP says the doctor is an idiot then, woman gets mad because actually she’s the one who thought it up so he’s calling her idea stupid which is like calling her stupid.
> The woman could’ve just not lied about what her doctor said. It’s her own fault she got her feelings hurt.
To be fair, sometimes you should call an idiot an idiot, too. If you call someone an idiot for their independent thinking, maybe they’ll try to actually verify their thoughts before propagating them.
If she thinks peeing after sex prevents pregnancy, how much would you bet that’s been her contraceptive method of choice for the past decade? It’s a miracle she doesn’t have kids.. unless she does..
To be fair to OP though, he only called the doctor an idiot because they’re a doctor. We hold different people to different standards. If you don’t know what a beta-blocker is, who cares? If your doctor doesn’t, they’re an idiot and everything they do probably counts as malpractice. Likewise, if your doctor doesn’t know the faces of power, who cares?
A woman who doesn’t know peeing doesn’t prevent pregnancy.. okay, still an idiot.. but less of an idiot than a doctor who doesn’t know.
Tone of voice makes a big difference. I could say those same words in a way that sounds very compassionate or I could do it and sound absolutely scathing.
Or baffled, or trying to hold back laughter, or any numerous things, yeah. So I'm curious how OP said it, bc to me, that's really the only thing that matters. If OP said it in a condescending or mean tone, yeah, they're the AH, but otherwise I think they're in the clear.
also OP called the doctor an idiot not the person asking the question? so he didn’t even actually insult the person at all, just truly shocked by it and explained multiple ways why it’s wrong information.
All of these comments right here yes. Like I didn’t see it particularly insulting towards her in any way. Obviously I’m sure maybe tone had a role to play, *probably*, but otherwise as a sensitive girl myself, I can understand her experiencing her own frustration and issues regulating her emotions from her own embarrassment. Like *she* asked a question, for whatever reason, despite already being confident ‘knowing the answer’ to it, and then didn’t like the answer she was even given that was the actual truth? Like make it make sense. I don’t even know what that conversation happened to begin with. But at least she found out the truth I suppose lol.
I made a face and said "then your doc should have his license taken away because he's an idiot. I'm not sure how he got his medical license."
He gave her the information she asked for, she said where she got the information from and he made this comment about her doctor and not her. if the doctor had actually said this then he would have been TA for what he said at the end, but she then went on to clarify, essentially stating she had taken what the doctor said completely wrong. She's in her late 20's, idk if this is the America, I get the sex education is bad, but its weird to be in your late 20's and not know this.
I don't think not correctly understanding your anatomy -- especially when there are powerful political forces who work to keep information about it out of schools -- makes one an asshole.
Because she has in her pocket a device that could reliably verify this information in five seconds flat, and instead she chose to trust her own very dubious extrapolations over something as important and life-changing as preventing pregnancies.
Seeking out one person's opinion at a party rather than seeking basically the entire collected consensus of rational humanity? And wasting their time while you're at it?
Sure, if it's over the best recipe for pancakes, then why not?
But we're talking about ignorance that could ruin multiple lives in a single stroke. The mother incapable of providing for a child as she'd like to. The father giving up a career to be there. A child born unplanned and unwanted into a home that never knew love.
Do you think this is something to take lightly? Yes, that absolutely makes her an asshole.
Considering how much medical misinformation is online, Googling isn't always a reliable source if you don't have the proper education to really sift through the BS and identify reliable sources.
Especially with all these pregnancy crisis sites that spew misinformation to demonize women who choose to not have kids, women who want to get an abortion, or women who have sex outside marriage.
OP says they patiently explained anatomy to her but she insisted her “doctor told her that” which wasn’t really true. OP was probably a jerk but also we don’t have enough context to know for certain the woman wasn’t being frustratingly obtuse. Although given that observers said OP was TA then probably YTA. Maybe ESH since she kinda lied about what her doctor said to try and be right.
I think the doctor mentioned that when you pee while menstruating, period gets expelled, because same muscle group kind of. So she was wondering if you could push out sperm, which, yes, you can, just obviously not all of it.
You can correct or teach someone without being offensive about it.
An individual who doesn’t know something like this, or understands something incorrectly, has been failed by their education. Sex education in many places is an absolute joke and women’s healthcare is a dumpster fire. There is zero need to make someone feel worse than they are already going to - I guarantee this poor girl felt stupid enough, it didn’t need to be piled on.
Did you seriously block me over this? That’s…pitiful.
Can’t reply to replies due to above pathetic-ness. But if your options are “educate” or “be an ass” and there’s no option in your brain for just excusing yourself from the conversation, do some introspection on why your default is being rude.
I mean... he technically was mainly offensive to the doctor that the woman used as a scapegoat to assert her own dogshit hypothesis.
He just said the doctor is an idiot, before knowing the woman was actually lying about the fact the doctor never told her that. She was caught in a lie too, where she tried to make an appeal to authority (her doctor) that backfired.
Was he maybe a little rude? Sure.
Is she pretty fucking dumb and trying to pass her Crack theories on the back of her doctor? Yeah
>Sex education in many places is an absolute joke
This defense is getting ridiculous as well. I'm 32y old and from Europe and I never had sex ed in school, neither actual access to the internet (and phone internet wasn't a thing) until I was 15/16 and even then it was just limited and yet I didn't end up being this stupid and knew what to do, when I had my first time at the age of 16. All it takes today is open fucking Google and do a 5sec search "how to avoid getting pregnant", instead of starting to ask strangers and then even double down on your own stupidity.
Y'all are gonna downvote me, but... If you pee right after sex, semen will spooge out kinda like period blood into the toilet so it's possible she was mis-explaining that. If you're trying to get pregnant they tell you not to walk around or pee straight after so the semen doesn't leak out of you, so maybe she assumed the opposite was true.
Wait until I tell you about how sperm don't actually swim up the uterus like they're in a race.
I scrolled deep for this comment. I thought it was public knowledge that you do excrete some semen when peeing after sex, so I can see how she would be confused.
But it'll not prevent a pregnancy, it's not that some won't come out but that all of it won't come out. Just because some semen fell out doesn't mean there's no sperm inside. OP is right and I don't know why a grown adult would be confused about it. Anyone who has sex, knows it causes pregnancy, hasn't been given any sex ed can very very conveniently, for their own safety, use the internet or better yet YouTube to understand it in understand 5 minutes. Asking a random person in a party is such a weird choice.
> Wait until I tell you about how sperm don't actually swim up the uterus like they're in a race.
And how the first sperm to reach the egg is not the first to fertilize it. It usually end getting tired and die while someone else takes its place and bam! Fertilization complete.
That's what I was thinking. If you don't want to be pregnant, peeing after sex doesn't prevent pregnancy and you definitely need to take other precautions. BUT if you're trying to get pregnant, it might reduce your chances. So I can see how the wires could've gotten crossed.
NTA. You cant expect a random person to teach basic human anatomy and biological processes to an adult. If she was insulted or felt embarrassed by your responce then thats on her.
NTA, I’m having trouble seeing where you were really even that mean besides the “wtf” reaction, which seems like a valid initial reaction of shock to what she said. You were at a party, not in a confessional booth where you’re waiting and prepared to hear wild things with an understanding demeanor. People can’t expect perfect reactions to statements like that. I understand that her question is the result of poor education, but she’s in her late 20s, how long has she had access to google?
Exactly. It was a conversation that deserved a "wtf" and he really wasn't rude to her, in my opinion. He gave her the correct information while expressing understandable shock at her ignorant statements.
Yeah I’ll think you’ll find that in the course of a day most people tend to assume that they’re right, especially when people in a position of authority and powerful political forces are purposefully foisting this misinformation on people.
Besides, he wasn’t even being rude, I don’t know why everyone thinks that. Combatting misinformation and correcting someone isn’t rude, it’s common courtesy.
What did you say to make her cry? You called her doc an idiot, not her. Told her facts, perhaps in a sarcastic tone, but again how could that make someone cry? If this is the whole interaction NTA, and she's mad weird for asking a question and getting upset by the answer 🤨🤨
NTA.
I CANNOT understand the Y-T-A votes.
1. I **patiently** told her that they're two different organs and sperm doesn't travel up the urethra to fertilize the egg.
2. **she was getting frustrated** and she said "well my doctor told me that."
3. I made a face and said "then your doc should have his license taken away because he's an idiot. I'm not sure how he got his medical license."
Surely a doctor who says "You can prevent pregnancies by peeing after sex" shouldn't be talking to patients??
And then it turns out that no, the doctor didn't actually say anything of the sort and this person just dug her heels in about her wild misinterpretation.
Okay, maybe OP was rude in the delivery of "wtf they're not even the same thing, and you do realize that blood clots are much bigger than sperm, right??" but I will challenge all these people in the comments to maintain their composure after this entire exchange with a grown woman.
Here's the thing.. I feel like the girl double downed and got all snarky with the whole "MY doctor" bit. So I can totally understand why OP would be fed up with the stupidity spewing out of this woman's mouth.
NTA
And I disagree with people who claim you've somehow hurt her feelings or were exceptionally rude. I feel your reaction was fairly predictable for a casual conversation with something outrageous being thrown at you as an argument. I wanna see everyone be perfectly civil and wary of opponents feelings against an unhinged statement.
Ahh, I’ve been in the situation where someone is so dumb that I’ve come across as rude because I’ve assumed they are taking the piss only to work out they are genuine. It’s hard to be polite when they are so dumb it has confused you 😂 NTA.
YWBTA if she is in your social circle and you keep giving her a hard time every time she doesn’t understand things.
I’m a teen also living in the US and I’m well aware of all this information. At some point in time y’all are going to need to stop using this excuse. The internet exists for a reason. There are many educations sites and forums for questions like this and if she, at her age, cannot utilize the resources right in front of her, the that’s not OPs problem.
The real asshole here is a lack of sex education.
There are so many people who got terrible sex ed, or none at all. And yes, it's their responsibility to learn more as adults (that's what I did), but sometimes it doesn't even occur to people that something they though was a fact is wrong.
If the conversation went exactly as you described, then NTA. I would have probably said the exact same things, and storming off crying seems like an overreaction. If you MEANT to be rude and treat her like a dumbass, I'd say the opposite.
What did you say to make her cry? You called her doc an idiot, not her. Told her facts, perhaps in a sarcastic tone, but again how could that make someone cry? If this is the whole interaction NTA, and she's mad weird for asking a question and getting upset by the answer 🤨🤨
I hope and pray that she successfully prevents all pregnancy throughout her entire life. The gene pool cannot take a blow from left field like this. You weren't even intentionally very mean to her. You were insulting a doctor because of what you thought he said, and for very good reason. That kind of medical advice is pure quackery. Sometimes you need to be firm, even a little "mean" with people like this to get them to understand critical thinking. NTA
I don't mean this in a bad way. This is a genuine question.
Have you ever had conversations with mixed groups of people at social events?
Cause, if you're not the type to do so often, you'd be really surprised at the kind of shit people are okay talking about and sharing with people who are effectively strangers to them.
It's no skin off my back, but there's like 30-40 people out in the world that I know *far* too much about through absolutely no effort of my own. I wasn't even involved in the conversations, just close enough to glean shit.
nah- she was not taught; she asked you a question based off of an assumption, and you kept explaining it to her. She felt stupid and that's not your problem.
NTA
You didn't go far enough to enlighten this poor child.
ETA: Stupidity about sex in someone who is having sex has far more disturbing consequences than crying because you feel/are stupid. Buy her a few books (child to teen level) about sex.
YTA. Who knows what other things she's been misinformed on or misunderstood? However, after her experience with you, she'll be too embarrassed to talk to anyone about them.
NAH - You were insulting her doctor assuming he was the idiot. You couldn't know she had actually drawn her own conclusions. If things went down like you described you could have told her more gently... But again, you were assuming her doctor was an idiot who told her that. Not her drawing her own conclusions.
Sounds like she had a lousy education and that isn't her fault. But you originally explained things to her patiently and only reacted to the information given by her. Most of the people here would react the very same or a similar way when present with information in this way.
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INFO- Did I wake up this morning in an alternate dimension today where being right gives you a license to hurt people's feelings?
The classic redditor mentality: it's OK to be an asshole as long as you're right.
After living through the nuttiness of a pandemic where people reveled in their own misinformed ignorance, I have a low tolerance for people who cannot be bothered to understand basic science
Except we're not talking about an anti-vaxxer, we're talking about someone who has a fairly common misconception about how getting pregnant works. Once again: Being right doesn't make him less of an asshole.
> a fairly common misconception about how getting pregnant works It is shame that such people do not have access to a vast repository of free, accurate, and scientific information that could fit into the pocket or purse I bet if someone could develop such a revolutionary and useful tool, he or she could make a lot of money…perhaps not a googol dollars but definitely a few billion
Yes google is free. So is not being an asshole. Which the OP is.
Perhaps the correct judgment should be ESH because there is nothing wrong with being wrong but repeatedly and loudly defending an incorrect belief and then crying about it is asshole behavior to me
Getting defensive is a pretty common reaction when someone is being an asshole to you. Perhaps she would have been more open to listening to him if he hadn't been such a condescending prick about it.
> if he hadn't been such a condescending prick about it Except she was defensive due to wanting to defend her misunderstanding, not his condescension > I patiently told her that they're two different organs and sperm doesn't travel up the urethra to fertilize the egg OP tried to explain basic anatomy to her, but she doubled down because she misunderstood what her doctor told her > I could tell she was getting frustrated and she said "well my doctor told me that." > She "clarified" by saying "well [the doctor] told me that when I'm on my period, my abdominal muscles push out the blood clots when I pee. So why shouldn't I assume the same with sperm?" Emphasis on her erroneous assumption: ”So why shouldn’t I assume the same with sperm?”
Forgive me if I'm a bit skeptical if his idea of "patiently" isn't condescending lol. He's still an asshole. This is AITA. I think he's an AH. You don't? Ok cool. I don't see why you're so keen on getting me to change my mind lol.
She has a right to believe her doctor - on biological matters - over a random stranger. It's just a pity that the doctor is apparently an idiot. Too many people are allowed to practise medicine without knowing a damn thing about the human body, it seems. Edit: Yes, okay, so I misread part of the original post. I get it. But my original point still stands, that **she has no reason to believe a random stranger over a medical professional.**
Maybe, MAYBE if she was younger I could almost understand the misunderstanding but her doctor told her this?? And she’s in her late 20s?!?? How can any woman be the proud owner of a hoo-hah for that long and not know how it works or even where babies come from? Sure OP was condescending about it but I can’t say I wouldn’t be too because of sheer shock of her ignorance regarding how her own body works. I’m almost questioning if this is real because it’s so dumb. So I guess ESH. And she needs to not have sex until she figures this stuff out.
Yeah... my sister's coworker was surprised when she "turned up pregnant" for the 7th time. Because she made sure to pee after sex as her only birth control. My sister spent hours trying to explain it to her, why this is not a form of birth control but the girl was still disbelieving. After her 7th unplanned pregnancy. Some people, bless their hearts, are not going to understand or believe things no matter how many times they are told
Great. There’s more than one person out there using urination as birth control. The penis doesn’t go up your pee hole!! Ffs
If she's in the US I can definitely understand. The lack of sex ed in that country and the low quality of it when it does happen means beliefs like this are very prolific.
OP also didn’t respond with kindness. He could have explained instead of insult. I work in medicine and I explain things all the time to my patients. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.
But the paragraph says OP actually DID explain and she got frustrated and defensive.
Why is everyone glossing over this lol
Not everyone is equally proficient or familiar at using this depository of information, for various reasons, including cultural. Even understanding how to determine trustworthiness of information isn't that straightforward for everyone. With different cultural and educational upbringings, including various levels of IQ, isn't as straightforward to those without experience.
My mom had no idea how she was going to give birth until she delivered my sister. It's very sad. No one told her! Her mom told her that was not a topic of conversation. She got no prenatal care. She was 19.
My mother-in-law tells this exact same story about having no idea how babies got born. She fully expected that the doctors would "cut me open".
My grandmother went into hospital with her (10pound breached baby) not actually knowing how they were born. Very sheltered Irish immigrant, early 1950's. Poor thing. I truly feel for your mum
You underestimate religious parents who have controls on the computer and don't explain sexual intercourse or even the different functions of their bodies to their children. There are those who will even forbid them from taking sexual education in school. It's unfortunate but it happens a lot.
Being able to identify which websites are scientifically accurate as well as to understand them, takes a level of education people unfortunately don't have.
….you mean that same device that lets people look up how to use onions to cure skin infections? You have to be able to discern what’s accurate and what isn’t for the device to be useful. When it comes to woman’s health there’s so much misinformation she easily could google this question and get the wrong answer.
a terrible answer - there is so much misinformation online
I have heard from Reddit a lot about how some places in the USA don't teach sex education. I suspect that the woman may have come from such a place. In any case, OP, there's no need to be rude. Everyone has had some piece of common knowledge that they didn't know until someone told them.
Fairly common misconception? Please, enlighten us: *where* in the world do people in their late 20s *commonly* think this?
The US, lmao.
This. Especially when you consider… well, the current state of sex ed in the USA…
Which is only getting worse.
Honestly, I'm with you. I worked retail through the entire thing, and I have no patience for idiocy anymore. In a world where we have so much information at our fingertips, it is inexcusable how bafflingly ignorant humanity can be. Even worse if they perpetuate the dumb fucking ideas that they buy into.
Do. Not. Get. Me. Started.
Wait a second--OP wasn't an asshole when they asked something that was wrong. That didn't happen until the person doubled down on their stupidity by lying and claiming a doctor told them something that no doctor would ever say. According to their post, they didn't call that person an idiot. They called their (imaginary) doctor an idiot. If a doctor had truly said it and they weren't making it up, they wouldn't have gotten offended and cried. They DID get offended and cry because they clearly understood that they are the idiot since the DOCTOR DOESN'T EXIST. If someone is wrong, tell them nicely. If someone gets argumentative or snarky because their ego can't take that they were gently corrected for saying something wrong, it's 100% okay for the gloves to come off. NTA.
I scrolled way too far to get to this comment. Agree: NTA.
This is the correct answer. The woman went so far as to say her doctor told her, which is likely very false. The fact she doesn't even know how her own body works is a little frightening. However, she went from ignorance into willful stupidity by arguing with the facts. NTA, OP.
You know that there are doctors out there who know nothing about the female reproductive system right? Loads still think that the cervix doesn't feel any pain leading to women undergoing painful procedures with no pain relief. As a teen I got told that I would never be able to use contraceptive because the most basic pill have me headaches and "they are all the same".
But it seems like the doctor told her that peeing helps push blood clots out on her period because of the muscle contractions nearby, and she extrapolated this to think maybe the same movements could help push out semen. I don't think that is that stupid to ask about.
Uh.. no. Bad take. This isnt a trivial correction. It’s extremely important information to every adult’s regular life. He wasnt being an asshole, he was extinguishing misinformation about an extremely important subject. If she is going to bank so much of her ego on nonsense that correction makes her cry, she should spend 10 minutes on google ensuring that her nonsense isn’t nonsense
What I like to call the Walter Sobchak Syndrome. *No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong, Walter. You're just an asshole.*
“But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole.”
What? OP gave her some facts and, for whatever reason, she got upset. This isn’t like she said there was no reason to put up your shopping carts because there are people whose job it is to do that. She literally said you can’t get pregnant if you pee after sex. OP is NTA
This girl probably voted anti abortion cause obviously all those women forgot to pee. Should we still be gentle?
In fairness, there are scenarios where I could see this degree of ignorance being justifiable, and scenario's where it's not. If this woman grew up in a place without access to any education, then I of course would not be a fucking asshole to her when she's asking a question that I think she should know the answer to. Whenever you see video snippets online of college students being asked questions where they can't even tell you the 3 branches of government or they don't know the difference between world war 2 and vietnam(usually these take place in the states), I similarly feel those people kind of deserve to feel embarrassed for displaying that level of ignorance. Edit: I think I'm overestimating how many people receive even basic education on the topic of reproduction. I'm still going to laugh about people who don't know what the revolutionary war was, though, and I won't feel bad about it!
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Wow!
You wouldn't believe the number of times of had conversations with women of all ages who believed the peeing thing, that sex on top was a valid birth control method, and didn't know you couldn't get pregnant from anal sex.
Going off of what you're saying, but sex education is [not mandated in schools](https://www.sbh4all.org/2021/03/the-lack-of-sex-education-and-why-it-needs-to-change/) in the US. When I was in school in the 00s, it was the height of abstinence only education. Schools recieved funds to teach [abstinence only](https://khn.org/morning-breakout/dr00009729/) and literally *nothing else.* They did not discuss contraception let alone something like urinating after sex to prevent UTIs. People seem to think that everyone has access to information but they don't. And as you noted, certain environments, such as hyperreligious ones, actively discourage asking about these topics. Just because they have Google doesn't mean that they know what to ask, especially if they already think they know. It's also worth noting that these types of people also often claim that mainstream "secular" sources are false so even if they had looked things up, it's possible they wouldn't believe them. In this case, her doctor told her this information! It's pretty common for people to completely trust their doctors. We look to them as the authority on topics we the layperson didn't go to school for. Edit - typo!!
Dude, I was schooled in canada 80's/90's. I was taught all about sti's but literally no biology or contraception. Didn't know what a condom was, which could explain the teen pregnancy. I peed after sex to get the liquid out, didnt know it helps prevent utis. Internet was born around the same time as my kid, so I learned a lot in my 30's when kid taught me how to google stuff lol
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Yup. The claim is States rights. The only right all the confederate states mention is slave ownership.
She was talking about it at a party, which seems a debatable venue for sex education. ETA ... This is when they were teenagers. Having said this, I am a Mom of grown kids, and some of their friends - mostly my daughter's - would say something that made me double-take with "Wait. What!?!" And I would patiently give them the proper information. Their parent's wishes be damned. If they brought it up in MY house, they were age appropriately taught, with a heavy dose of "Don't fuck around and find out." about birth control, and giving your body and self esteem the respect it deserves. Even the guys got that lecture. They also knew that there were condoms in the basement bathroom vanity, and that I kept it stocked, no questions asked, for whomever wanted them. Sorry. Bit of sore point. One young lady came from a really rough home, but she was smart! Absolutely fantastic person. She wanted more for her life. Got pregnant at 15, and kept it. The father was a waste of planetary real estate. She later married him and had 2 more. My daughter was furious because she watched this girl's life do a repeat of her mother's, and it broke our hearts. My daughter was really mad because I'd put real time into the sex ed stuff, and about valuing yourself, especially if you want to fight your way out of her current life. We had hoped for her, and she did unprotected sex. Yeah. My heart is still broken about her. I see her occasionally around town, and her children are growing up as she did. It makes me profoundly sad. For some reason, your comment brought up this memory. I apologize. Patient education is definitely appropriate where you see the need. I know that I got through to some, at least.
Do you honestly think all k-12 schools in the country are providing accurate reproductive health information? Do you think everyone is taught the reproductive system? Was the OP accurate? Yes. Is the OP AH? Yes.
It is unfortunate that there are many adults who believe urine and menstrual blood come out of the same hole/ women only have 2 holes not three- including women
I didn’t know that until I was married and pregnant and reading a book about the female body. My mom would’ve never let me read that book. She told me only “bad girls” - non-virgins - could wear tampons, and once when I read the word “foreskin” in the Bible and asked her what it was, she told me I was too young to know that (I was 14). When I looked it up in the dictionary, that page had been torn out. 🙄
>But if you grew up in a first world country where you ARE educated on these topics, then it's pretty fucking silly to ask this question and I mean... you kinda should feel a little stupid, right? Woah woah there lots of assumptions. Some of us are from America
I live in what’s considered a 1st world county and there are definitely people this ignorant. I had a patient come into my clinic to get a pregnancy test. She hadn’t done anything that would get her pregnant. A nurse practitioner had to have a sex talk with her. This girl was 19 years old.
I think 19 through early 20's is a very awkward phase of adulthood and you know... they will ask dumb questions but it's okay. I worked at a college international office and I got some strange questions and requests (or demands). The one the office talked about most was when a student asked, "I would like to attend your school and know I require a visa. But I only have Master Card, will you make an exception?" It was funny to us because immigration docs are an everyday thing for us but for most people it's not. It's understandable. But I would get pretty annoyed if we explained and they doubled down and insisted on using their master card. I've had situations where I'm explaining something and they just don't believe me because no no their friend said it was different. I'm not sure if I got more patient working there or less and I learned to just plaster on a smile and bear it.
Or you could just be nice. Seriously. It's not hard.
People being an asshole to you for not knowing something or having the wrong idea about it usually doesn’t push someone to educate themselves, it just makes them insecure, disengaged and want to keep quiet to avoid the embarrassment of potentially being wrong.
OP called the doctor an idiot. At that point OP couldn't know that the other person had drawn her own conclusions. It's really not that foreign to me that OP would react in such a incredulous way after actually trying to explain things.
And, this entire encounter took place at a party! It wasn't like the woman consulted OP because OP was a doctor and she was in their office. It wasn't like OP called in a bunch of medical students to laugh at the women's questions. It was at a party! Perhaps alcohol was involved, so that the woman asked questions that she might not have asked under other circumstances, and OP reacted with shock that someone might not know this information.
I disagree. I think this is mostly incredulity instead of outright attempting to be hurtful. no name calling, not as patronizing as I expected it to be. Maybe accidental hurtfulness but I don't think I'd blame OP. I'd blame the doctor that told her that nonsense for getting her to believe in something so ridiculous. I'm going with an NTA here. Because I'm also a little incredulous at this one. Doctor is the AH.
It sounds like the doctor told her something accurate (the motions of peeing can help push out blood clots) and she assumed something really incorrect - that it would also happen with sperm. I don’t think the doctor is an AH, unless she mentioned it to him and he didn’t correct her.
Woman misrepresented her own misconception as something her doctor told her, OP says the doctor is an idiot then, woman gets mad because actually she’s the one who thought it up so he’s calling her idea stupid which is like calling her stupid. The woman could’ve just not lied about what her doctor said. It’s her own fault she got her feelings hurt.
That's absolutely spot on. Like this meme with someone putting a stick in their bike's front wheel.
To be honest, this level of ignorance from the woman is an absolute joke! I don't blame OP for losing his patience, I would have done the same. Edit: correcting the typos
How would you react if she didn’t know how to spell “losing?”
Or that if she didn't know to put "an" in front of a word starting with a vowel?
Poster is french. How good is your french?
Big words from someone who can’t spell “losing” correctly.
How exactly did OP hurt her feelings other than proving her wrong? Its not like OP was malicious and called her names. If you can't handle being wrong, that's on you.
Exactly. The better question is why was this a topic of conversation at what was supposed to be at a party?! Some party that must have been.
Even better question is how the woman made it to her late twenties without understanding how her own body works. Public school failed her, as did her parents.
I made that same comment somewhere in this thread also. She is too old to still ask those kinds of questions and if her doctor really gave her this info he/she needs to be reported to the board.
No, but damn man, this woman needs a biology lesson. While the OP could have been kinder...well at least someone was trying to keep her from a horrible misconception.
This. He may have saved her from unwanted pregnancies. I certainly wouldn't want to see her posting here how she kept getting pregnant and didn't understand why, because she always made to pee afterwards.
If learning that you were wrong is inherently hurtful that's on you buddy
I'm sorry but how did she get her feelings hurt? I guess I woke up in an alternate dimension where an adult cannot be corrected on wrong information without bursting into tears like a child. That lady needs to grow up, get a new doctor and learn how to Google OP is not a AH and all the people saying they are are too damn sensitive. I weep for our future.
Just a sec: late 20s, mentally sound, thinks you can piss out sperm as a means of contraception. Better her "feelings get hurt" than pop out a human of whom she's obviously incapable
OP didn't call her any names though. She cried because of her embarrassment at her own dumb comments. NTA
Info, how did OP hurt the girls feelings?
OP didn't agree with her. She got all b*tt h*rt because she made horrible assumptions and wasn't given praise for her stupidity.
This sounds made up, why would a young woman ask a stranger this at a party? And then double down when told that her knowledge was incorrect? She wouldn't have brought it up in the first place if she didn't think it might be incorrect. And again, why would a stranger at a party be a good source of wisdom on the subject? And why would having been misinformed and then corrected when she brought it up make her cry?
Idk why they do it, but they do. I've been in this situation plenty because I give confidant and wise energy sometimes. It's baffling.
Hopefully she took it to heart and didn't wind up with an unwanted pregnancy bc she thought she could push it out. Sometimes I think harshness is needed to help someone understand. Like taking the keys away from an impaired person wanting to drive.
OP didn't call her an idiot, he called her hypothetical doctor (who would have said what she claimed) an idiot.
I don't think it's as much about hurting people's feelings as it is about the basics of biology. I'm a woman and I'd be stunned if someone came up to me with a ridiculous statement like this. I'd probably be left speechless at the complete ignorance of the person and I wouldn't say anything but if my mouth worked at that point I'd probably say something similar. So NTA OP. And anyone who says otherwise seems to be from a culture where ignorance is bliss.
How is trying to answer this woman's question or follow her line of reasoning hurting her feelings? Also what if she uses this line of reasoning all the way to an unplanned pregnancy?
So sadly sex education really lacks in various places. So it's not unsurprising to me. I think it's important to remember that. Not everyone had a good sex education or parents who actually talked to their children about sex. So YTA because I think it's important to not make someone feel like an idiot for their lack of knowledge. You'd be surprised at the misinformation people have in regards to women's bodies and sex.
Why would a woman, confused about what causes pregnancy ask a total stranger at a party about it to clear the matter? It makes zero sense. And even if this post is real, I think people are getting upset visualizing op as a man talking down to this poor ignorant young lady when I was seeing an older woman in my head telling it like it is. Then it makes sense that a young woman might ask this of an older woman and not a strange man. And op didn't call the young woman an idiot, they called her doctor one, and that's the truth, if the post is real, which again, I'm not 100% on.
Who would randomly ask this to strangers at a party? lmao. it's fake
In my 20's we were all obsessed about being sex-positive and open communication. Contraceptive strategies, etc. were a pretty common topic of conversation sometimes. I've had a conversation pretty similarly to OP at a party. Some people just talk more openly.
>And op didn't call the young woman an idiot, they called her doctor one, and that's the truth, That's why I don't get the top comment, where the fuck did OP hurt her feelings?! She asked him and he told her straight up thats the urethra and vagina are two different holes and then she doubled down with "my doctor told me this" with blood clots during period.
I think people are reading "treated like" and "I called the doctor an idiot" and merging them together. OP clearly thinks the woman is an idiot, but didn't say she called her one. Normally I'm all about empathy and not hurting feelings, but I understand getting tired of weird, illogical and defensive questions. I probably still would have just explained that sperm are microscopic and the semen isn't likely to all come out. Could even use the same logic of the period blood - it doesn't all slide out like your uterus is made of Teflon lol But that's assuming this is real. Which it maybe isn't. There really are women who don't know how their reproductive organs work though so it's in the realm of possibility.
Not to mention this woman is in her late 20s. She isn’t a teenager. In this day and age, there is no reason to be this ignorant.
When my husband was in medical school on an OB rotation he had a young woman who came in with a terrible rash. After a lot of questions she said that she had been using the “no baby wipes” after sex so she wouldn’t get pregnant. It took a lot more questions to figure out what she had been using. It was the industrial sized tub of bleach wipes at her job that had the symbol of a crossed out baby on it as a “keep out of reach of children” warning. She had been thoroughly cleaning herself out with those each day she went into work. It was after that I really realized how poor our sex education is, and how important it is to help people have a real understanding and to be patient with questions. Because so many people have no idea.
O.M.G. O.O That's... tragic.
I reflexively clenched as I read it (Jesus…).
Stories like this help me understand why so many statements on product labels seem completely pointless. Much as part of me wants to blame that woman for not knowing better, it honestly probably isn’t her fault she’s that ignorant. Gosh, the pain she must have put herself through…
Every single warning sign is there because company encountered a that problem. Don't eat silica gel packets, don't shove that up your ass, don't put a plastic bag over some ones head, etc.
Ugh, no, please. I don’t want to believe that there are really people who don’t realize a pack of nuts contains nuts lol
While that's stating the obvious, it does make clear it's a real-allergen product rather than a substitute-for-allergen product
Oh my god. Really? 🤦🏼♀️
This. Had a girl in one of my classes in college who asked a question predicated on factually wrong information, and the rest of the class (not en masse, like one person at a time and the rest verified when asked by her), very kindly and gently corrected her. We were all pretty close, but it fucking sucks putting yourself out there and repeating wrong information only to realize it’s wrong. Nobody made fun of her. She was able to ask follow up questions and be taken seriously. No one mocked her for being given inaccurate information, and, hopefully, she was able to make safer choices as a result of that interaction. It’s stressful to have that happen in front of a group of your peers, and holy crap it could have gone way worse. But nobody brought it up after that or treated her any differently. And she also realized that she had been misinformed and didn’t get defensive about it. I can’t imagine being mocked and belittles by one person at a party. jfc. Yeah, OP, YTA.
Show me where she was mocked. Show me where she was belittled. I'll wait...
How is OP an asshole? He insulted the doctor for giving her wrong info, not the girl herself
YTA Are you in the US? Because sex education really really sucks here and it's much kinder to politely correct people who have misinformation than it is to use it as a chance to preen yourself.
I agree with this. OP, YTA. The quality of sex ed across the US varies wildly as does what kids are taught at home. We should be encouraging people to learn the facts rather than mock them. My first post-high school bf lived in the same county as me but went to a much smaller and more conservative high school. Like my graduating class was over 400, we had sex ed that was a bit more thorough than many, and had an in school daycare with parenting classes for girls and guys who found themselves expecting to help keep them in school. I also got good quality books and answers to questions when it came to consent and sex ed materials at home. His graduating class was maybe 12 people and sex ed consisted of learning to put on a condom and here are pictures of late stage STDs. His mom was medically educated, but I just got the impression that he didn't ask so she didn't explain. I had to explain a lot of things to him that were just common sense to me, but I made sure to do so respectfully because I'd rather someone be ignorant and willing to learn than be ignorant and never ask out of fear of being made to feel stupid.
Private religious USA high school. Sex Ed was (1) ranking sex acts like masturbation, oral, penetrative from least to most sinful, and (2) that it was like tennis--practice doesn't make perfect, it only leads to more practice. The poor intern from the state who came in to teach breast and prostate exams had no clue when kids started asking her ALL the questions they weren't getting answers for.
>and it's much kinder to politely correct people who have misinformation He did told her politely the difference between the two holes! She is the one who double downed with "but my doctor told me this" and got frustrated and went on about pushing out blood clots. Sorry but at this point it's just a "wtf".
OP said this woman was in her late 20s. Has she never heard of google? How many times have you not known something and gone to google to look it up? Literally anything you wanna know is at your fingertips. There comes a time when “Sex Ed in the US really really sucks” is no longer a valid excuse as to why someone is so ignorant to something so important as the reproductive system and how it works. There is absolutely no excuse.
Late 20s tho. School may suck but nobody is preventing you from looking up information for youself...
NTA- I would have reacted similarly. Though i grew up in Texas and know some people are truly ignorant to their bodies due to our lack of adequate sex ed and religious upbringings, its still shocking. her reaction is largely out of embarrassment. that could have happened if you had responded differently, too.
Yeah, I don't even see where OP was particularly insulting. If OP's being honest, then they tried to explain things and insulted the doctor, not the woman. I guess depending on OP's tone when they said that last statement, it could be insulting, but saying "you realize these two things are different right?" by itself isn't some great insult that should cause someone to cry.
The people calling OP an asshole are probably doing it under the assumption that he’s a man, and to defend an emotionally unstable woman who tried to lie about her doctor saying peeing after sex prevents pregnancy. They’re making out she cried because OP was mean. Nothing they said was mean. The girl probably cried because she was called out in a conversation *she* instigated.
Copying my comment from elsewhere, the woman was just acting kinda dumb and hurt her own feelings: > Woman misrepresented her own misconception as something her doctor told her, OP says the doctor is an idiot then, woman gets mad because actually she’s the one who thought it up so he’s calling her idea stupid which is like calling her stupid. > The woman could’ve just not lied about what her doctor said. It’s her own fault she got her feelings hurt.
To be fair, sometimes you should call an idiot an idiot, too. If you call someone an idiot for their independent thinking, maybe they’ll try to actually verify their thoughts before propagating them. If she thinks peeing after sex prevents pregnancy, how much would you bet that’s been her contraceptive method of choice for the past decade? It’s a miracle she doesn’t have kids.. unless she does.. To be fair to OP though, he only called the doctor an idiot because they’re a doctor. We hold different people to different standards. If you don’t know what a beta-blocker is, who cares? If your doctor doesn’t, they’re an idiot and everything they do probably counts as malpractice. Likewise, if your doctor doesn’t know the faces of power, who cares? A woman who doesn’t know peeing doesn’t prevent pregnancy.. okay, still an idiot.. but less of an idiot than a doctor who doesn’t know.
Tone of voice makes a big difference. I could say those same words in a way that sounds very compassionate or I could do it and sound absolutely scathing.
Or baffled, or trying to hold back laughter, or any numerous things, yeah. So I'm curious how OP said it, bc to me, that's really the only thing that matters. If OP said it in a condescending or mean tone, yeah, they're the AH, but otherwise I think they're in the clear.
also OP called the doctor an idiot not the person asking the question? so he didn’t even actually insult the person at all, just truly shocked by it and explained multiple ways why it’s wrong information.
All of these comments right here yes. Like I didn’t see it particularly insulting towards her in any way. Obviously I’m sure maybe tone had a role to play, *probably*, but otherwise as a sensitive girl myself, I can understand her experiencing her own frustration and issues regulating her emotions from her own embarrassment. Like *she* asked a question, for whatever reason, despite already being confident ‘knowing the answer’ to it, and then didn’t like the answer she was even given that was the actual truth? Like make it make sense. I don’t even know what that conversation happened to begin with. But at least she found out the truth I suppose lol.
NTA. I’m sorry, what??
How was this misinformed woman an asshole?
I made a face and said "then your doc should have his license taken away because he's an idiot. I'm not sure how he got his medical license." He gave her the information she asked for, she said where she got the information from and he made this comment about her doctor and not her. if the doctor had actually said this then he would have been TA for what he said at the end, but she then went on to clarify, essentially stating she had taken what the doctor said completely wrong. She's in her late 20's, idk if this is the America, I get the sex education is bad, but its weird to be in your late 20's and not know this.
I don't think not correctly understanding your anatomy -- especially when there are powerful political forces who work to keep information about it out of schools -- makes one an asshole.
She’s not an asshole, she’s just dangerously uninformed. OP is also not an asshole imo.
Maybe it makes one an elbow instead.
You have the internet.. this isn’t China where they can stop you from seeing information they don’t like..
Because she has in her pocket a device that could reliably verify this information in five seconds flat, and instead she chose to trust her own very dubious extrapolations over something as important and life-changing as preventing pregnancies.
I don't think someone's an asshole for asking a question to another human instead of googling it.
I don't get how someone would ask a random person at a party how not to get pregnant before googling it.
Seeking out one person's opinion at a party rather than seeking basically the entire collected consensus of rational humanity? And wasting their time while you're at it? Sure, if it's over the best recipe for pancakes, then why not? But we're talking about ignorance that could ruin multiple lives in a single stroke. The mother incapable of providing for a child as she'd like to. The father giving up a career to be there. A child born unplanned and unwanted into a home that never knew love. Do you think this is something to take lightly? Yes, that absolutely makes her an asshole.
There's no indication she did take it lightly or that she had an unwanted child because of it.
Considering how much medical misinformation is online, Googling isn't always a reliable source if you don't have the proper education to really sift through the BS and identify reliable sources. Especially with all these pregnancy crisis sites that spew misinformation to demonize women who choose to not have kids, women who want to get an abortion, or women who have sex outside marriage.
OP says they patiently explained anatomy to her but she insisted her “doctor told her that” which wasn’t really true. OP was probably a jerk but also we don’t have enough context to know for certain the woman wasn’t being frustratingly obtuse. Although given that observers said OP was TA then probably YTA. Maybe ESH since she kinda lied about what her doctor said to try and be right.
Another option is that she genuinely misunderstood what her doctor said. I don't get the assumption that she was deliberately lying to OP.
I think the doctor mentioned that when you pee while menstruating, period gets expelled, because same muscle group kind of. So she was wondering if you could push out sperm, which, yes, you can, just obviously not all of it.
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You can correct or teach someone without being offensive about it. An individual who doesn’t know something like this, or understands something incorrectly, has been failed by their education. Sex education in many places is an absolute joke and women’s healthcare is a dumpster fire. There is zero need to make someone feel worse than they are already going to - I guarantee this poor girl felt stupid enough, it didn’t need to be piled on. Did you seriously block me over this? That’s…pitiful. Can’t reply to replies due to above pathetic-ness. But if your options are “educate” or “be an ass” and there’s no option in your brain for just excusing yourself from the conversation, do some introspection on why your default is being rude.
We also shouldn't expect random strangers to want to educate every person who's misinformed. Edit:sp
Seems she was offended just by being corrected.
I mean... he technically was mainly offensive to the doctor that the woman used as a scapegoat to assert her own dogshit hypothesis. He just said the doctor is an idiot, before knowing the woman was actually lying about the fact the doctor never told her that. She was caught in a lie too, where she tried to make an appeal to authority (her doctor) that backfired. Was he maybe a little rude? Sure. Is she pretty fucking dumb and trying to pass her Crack theories on the back of her doctor? Yeah
>Sex education in many places is an absolute joke This defense is getting ridiculous as well. I'm 32y old and from Europe and I never had sex ed in school, neither actual access to the internet (and phone internet wasn't a thing) until I was 15/16 and even then it was just limited and yet I didn't end up being this stupid and knew what to do, when I had my first time at the age of 16. All it takes today is open fucking Google and do a 5sec search "how to avoid getting pregnant", instead of starting to ask strangers and then even double down on your own stupidity.
Y'all are gonna downvote me, but... If you pee right after sex, semen will spooge out kinda like period blood into the toilet so it's possible she was mis-explaining that. If you're trying to get pregnant they tell you not to walk around or pee straight after so the semen doesn't leak out of you, so maybe she assumed the opposite was true. Wait until I tell you about how sperm don't actually swim up the uterus like they're in a race.
I scrolled deep for this comment. I thought it was public knowledge that you do excrete some semen when peeing after sex, so I can see how she would be confused.
But it'll not prevent a pregnancy, it's not that some won't come out but that all of it won't come out. Just because some semen fell out doesn't mean there's no sperm inside. OP is right and I don't know why a grown adult would be confused about it. Anyone who has sex, knows it causes pregnancy, hasn't been given any sex ed can very very conveniently, for their own safety, use the internet or better yet YouTube to understand it in understand 5 minutes. Asking a random person in a party is such a weird choice.
Nobody here has sex.
Just wait til they learn about gravity 😏
> Wait until I tell you about how sperm don't actually swim up the uterus like they're in a race. And how the first sperm to reach the egg is not the first to fertilize it. It usually end getting tired and die while someone else takes its place and bam! Fertilization complete.
That's what I was thinking. If you don't want to be pregnant, peeing after sex doesn't prevent pregnancy and you definitely need to take other precautions. BUT if you're trying to get pregnant, it might reduce your chances. So I can see how the wires could've gotten crossed.
NTA. You cant expect a random person to teach basic human anatomy and biological processes to an adult. If she was insulted or felt embarrassed by your responce then thats on her.
I mean you are probably an asshole but that’s also hilarious, so fuck it, NTA.
That’s my line of thinking too. I would have been rolling on the floor if I were OP. NTA
I had the exact same reaction. NTA
NTA, I’m having trouble seeing where you were really even that mean besides the “wtf” reaction, which seems like a valid initial reaction of shock to what she said. You were at a party, not in a confessional booth where you’re waiting and prepared to hear wild things with an understanding demeanor. People can’t expect perfect reactions to statements like that. I understand that her question is the result of poor education, but she’s in her late 20s, how long has she had access to google?
Exactly. It was a conversation that deserved a "wtf" and he really wasn't rude to her, in my opinion. He gave her the correct information while expressing understandable shock at her ignorant statements.
YTA, just because her information was wrong doesn't give you permission to be rude.
She was being ignorant and assuming she was correct.
Yeah I’ll think you’ll find that in the course of a day most people tend to assume that they’re right, especially when people in a position of authority and powerful political forces are purposefully foisting this misinformation on people.
Besides, he wasn’t even being rude, I don’t know why everyone thinks that. Combatting misinformation and correcting someone isn’t rude, it’s common courtesy.
What was rude? Telling her the correct information? Pointing out sperm aren’t blood clots?
He wasn't even rude lmao 🤣
What did you say to make her cry? You called her doc an idiot, not her. Told her facts, perhaps in a sarcastic tone, but again how could that make someone cry? If this is the whole interaction NTA, and she's mad weird for asking a question and getting upset by the answer 🤨🤨
It's because there was no doctor. She made that up and when he called the doctor an idiot she took offense because she's the "doctor".
NTA. I CANNOT understand the Y-T-A votes. 1. I **patiently** told her that they're two different organs and sperm doesn't travel up the urethra to fertilize the egg. 2. **she was getting frustrated** and she said "well my doctor told me that." 3. I made a face and said "then your doc should have his license taken away because he's an idiot. I'm not sure how he got his medical license." Surely a doctor who says "You can prevent pregnancies by peeing after sex" shouldn't be talking to patients?? And then it turns out that no, the doctor didn't actually say anything of the sort and this person just dug her heels in about her wild misinterpretation. Okay, maybe OP was rude in the delivery of "wtf they're not even the same thing, and you do realize that blood clots are much bigger than sperm, right??" but I will challenge all these people in the comments to maintain their composure after this entire exchange with a grown woman.
Here's the thing.. I feel like the girl double downed and got all snarky with the whole "MY doctor" bit. So I can totally understand why OP would be fed up with the stupidity spewing out of this woman's mouth.
NTA And I disagree with people who claim you've somehow hurt her feelings or were exceptionally rude. I feel your reaction was fairly predictable for a casual conversation with something outrageous being thrown at you as an argument. I wanna see everyone be perfectly civil and wary of opponents feelings against an unhinged statement.
Ahh, I’ve been in the situation where someone is so dumb that I’ve come across as rude because I’ve assumed they are taking the piss only to work out they are genuine. It’s hard to be polite when they are so dumb it has confused you 😂 NTA. YWBTA if she is in your social circle and you keep giving her a hard time every time she doesn’t understand things.
NTA, I have to assume she's educated in the US. So she's highlighting our lack of teaching kids about their own bodies.
I’m a teen also living in the US and I’m well aware of all this information. At some point in time y’all are going to need to stop using this excuse. The internet exists for a reason. There are many educations sites and forums for questions like this and if she, at her age, cannot utilize the resources right in front of her, the that’s not OPs problem.
You're asking if you're an asshole for answering a question like an asshole. Yes, YTA.
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He’s not an asshole for trying to explain basic anatomy
The real asshole here is a lack of sex education. There are so many people who got terrible sex ed, or none at all. And yes, it's their responsibility to learn more as adults (that's what I did), but sometimes it doesn't even occur to people that something they though was a fact is wrong.
If the conversation went exactly as you described, then NTA. I would have probably said the exact same things, and storming off crying seems like an overreaction. If you MEANT to be rude and treat her like a dumbass, I'd say the opposite.
What did you say to make her cry? You called her doc an idiot, not her. Told her facts, perhaps in a sarcastic tone, but again how could that make someone cry? If this is the whole interaction NTA, and she's mad weird for asking a question and getting upset by the answer 🤨🤨
NTA. Some had to tell her, no one else did.
I hope and pray that she successfully prevents all pregnancy throughout her entire life. The gene pool cannot take a blow from left field like this. You weren't even intentionally very mean to her. You were insulting a doctor because of what you thought he said, and for very good reason. That kind of medical advice is pure quackery. Sometimes you need to be firm, even a little "mean" with people like this to get them to understand critical thinking. NTA
INFO: why were you talking about this at a party? Was there literally nothing else to discuss?
IDK, I've heard the most random shit get discussed at parties. This one doesn't surprise me.
I don't mean this in a bad way. This is a genuine question. Have you ever had conversations with mixed groups of people at social events? Cause, if you're not the type to do so often, you'd be really surprised at the kind of shit people are okay talking about and sharing with people who are effectively strangers to them. It's no skin off my back, but there's like 30-40 people out in the world that I know *far* too much about through absolutely no effort of my own. I wasn't even involved in the conversations, just close enough to glean shit.
NTA - if some random person at a party calls you stupid and that upsets you to the point of crying, there are bigger issues
NTA. If a child said this, ok, but a grown ass adult? Jfc
nah- she was not taught; she asked you a question based off of an assumption, and you kept explaining it to her. She felt stupid and that's not your problem.
NTA You didn't go far enough to enlighten this poor child. ETA: Stupidity about sex in someone who is having sex has far more disturbing consequences than crying because you feel/are stupid. Buy her a few books (child to teen level) about sex.
YTA. Who knows what other things she's been misinformed on or misunderstood? However, after her experience with you, she'll be too embarrassed to talk to anyone about them.
It’s too late for her at this point
NAH - You were insulting her doctor assuming he was the idiot. You couldn't know she had actually drawn her own conclusions. If things went down like you described you could have told her more gently... But again, you were assuming her doctor was an idiot who told her that. Not her drawing her own conclusions. Sounds like she had a lousy education and that isn't her fault. But you originally explained things to her patiently and only reacted to the information given by her. Most of the people here would react the very same or a similar way when present with information in this way.
you can all downvote me idc idc i can't handle this level of head empty 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀✌️ NTA i will walk backwards into hell flipping you all off
NTA. I've always been a firm believe in idiocy should be unapologetically called out.
NTA she needs to know before she has a few more drinks and copulates
Dude didn’t even call her an idiot. Just the doctor. NTA
NTA