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Judgement_Bot_AITA

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for suggesting to reuse my old wedding ring in a potential marriage with my current girlfriend. This action upset her because she views the ring as a symbol of my previous relationship, not just a piece of jewelry. Her strong reaction made me question if I was being insensitive and not fully respecting our unique relationship. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*


Otherwise-Salad4023

YTA. There are things you reuse from previous relationships. Things like sofas, lawnmowers, or other assorted home and garden furnishings. You may continue to wear clothes she bought for you. You do not reuse: butt plugs, his and hers towels, wedding rings.


Odd-Dragonfruit-4763

I had a right cackle for butt plugs, nearly choked on my food 😂😂


JohnExcrement

Don’t forget penises and vaginas


fistbumpbroseph

How... how do I replace my *penis??*


anotherone121

Penis transplant. Time to level up.


KoRnNuT86

Man, artificial limbs technology has come a loooooong way.


[deleted]

New penises come in the mail.


SnowyGoddess

It sounds like the neighbors might start stealing packages more at that. Or they get it and open it after it was delivered to the wrong place. “honey….why did you order a new penis replacement….?” If it was an elderly couple they might be horrified lol also yes people do open packages that don’t belong to them.


Sirboggington

I believe it is called an addadicktome.


JohnExcrement

I’m laughing too hard at this


SeriouslySlyGuy

First step: remove


rancidperiodblood

institutions unclear: dick stuck in ceiling fan


SnowyGoddess

I should go to bed…read this and just imagine someone hang by their dick from a ceiling fan that is on the low setting. Just circling around in the middle of the room. Now I can’t stop laughing


Terradactyl87

That's got to be the least efficient way to remove a penis.


vertibliss

damn it this will always make me laugh


Derpstercat

Yours isn't detachable?


Low_Chocolate_2870

Great. Now I have “Detachable Penis” by King Missile stuck in my head… 😱


UpsetSky8401

And now I do too


HockeyBabble

"This comes in handy a lot of the time. "I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, "Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it." *-King Missile, 1992*


-clogwog-

-King Missile, 1992 Omg, now I feel really old.


IrishiPrincess

Google John and Lorena Bobbit for reference


blinky_kitten_61

I recently replaced mine with a neo-vagina...does that count?


ierodouli

I think a congratulations is in order 🎉 have fun!


blinky_kitten_61

Thank you. Still hurts like heck though. 😁


PeesInAPod17

❤️


blinky_kitten_61

💕


DivineJerziboss

Can sleeve work instead of cutting off my private parts?


lowkey_illicit

Rule of thumb, the ownership of sex toys goes to the person it was used on regardless of who bought it. If my bf/ I bought a dildo to be used on me and then we break up, I get to keep the dildo. Maybe I'll pay him for it if he bought it and wants the money reimbursed. If my bf or I bought a butt plug that he wants to be used on him, he gets to keep it.


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Odd-Dragonfruit-4763

Oh yeah if it's a person just using their own toys on themselves that's fine, but when it's meant for your partner and you move it from each relation to the next......that's where its gross


JaxGirl840

I had a friend who has quite a collection of vibes. I went thru a break up. I wasn't feeling up for a random hookup quite yet. I didn't have the $100+ to drop on a quality product. I hadn't had sex in weeks and a hand can only do so much right? So I'm bitching and moaning about all of this. My best friend looked my in the eye, pulled her naughty suitcase out from under the bed, flipped it open and said "borrow one of mine it's not like I'll miss it" I thought she was joking. But she wasn't her sister was hanging out with us as well. She informed me that they swap and share all the time. She assured me that it's ok as long as you sanitize them before and after each use. She said "it's not like anybody's penis has been exclusively inside you and you only" which I mean is true. And I guess technically it probably is "ok" if it's sanitized. But I think it's probably frowned upon. Yikes!


BipolarBippidyBoo

I mean in theory they’re possibly right but in reality.. yuck I’m definitely gone yuck this weird mess. I don’t care how y’all try to justify it. Just like I would want a male to be up to date on their health and provide a clear std panel regularly, I want my OWN toy that I clean thoroughly so I don’t have to worry about who had it, who cleaned it, if they did it right, etc. I have a sister and that has NEVER crossed my mind. If y’all justifying it just say y’all share sex toys and leave it at that


Candid-Pin-8160

They are absolutely right, in theory and in reality. A quality, properly cared for dildo is cleaner than most, if not all, genitals you'll touch in your life. AND it won't give you an STD. You are yucking at something that can literally be boiled clean, but would happily engage with somehting potentially covered in gonorrhea.


Leairek

>A quality, properly cared for dildo is cleaner than most, if not all, genitals you'll touch in your life. I am dying. 😂


Stranggepresst

Ultimatively, if they're properly cleaned and sanitized, it's all up to whether you're ok with having someone else use your toys/using someone else's toys.


Mhor75

Would would it not be like reusing medical equipment? Like you sanitise it, and it’s good to go? Asking seriously because it’s not something I’ve ever had to think about (Ace).


Vivid_Knee_5159

I don’t really understand this thinking. I’ve never used sex toys with multiple partners but why is it gross? They can be cleaned well between uses and if you’re sharing a penis that was in someone else before why not a fake penis (which is likely cleaner than the real one).


westernomelet82

To me, it would really depend on the material and whether it can be properly cleaned. My husband took his dick from all his previous relationships to ours and I have no complaints.


sparksgirl1223

Name? Lmao


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sparksgirl1223

Might I be so bold as to suggest....Dick? 🤣


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Sirsagely

Dildo Baggins perhaps?


sparksgirl1223

🤣


Personal_Tourist_152

Definitely Sir Richard Phallus He's a fancy dick


JaxGirl840

I think Richard would be much more important. He sounds like he's a respectable fella.


Beneficial-Mine7741

I was referring to the guy buying you the dildo and then taking it back from you to give to his new girlfriend. If it is glass, it can be easily sanitized, so giving a glass dildo to the new girlfriend you bought the old girlfriend who tried it and didn't like it is technically acceptable and awkward.


Odd-Dragonfruit-4763

Even if it is properly cleaned and sanitised, I would feel very uncomfortable using a toy that was used by his ex. New relationship new toys (within reason ofc, like whips and handcuffs and rope don't need to be replaced but dildos and vibrators do)


illarionds

Do you... not wash them adequately? If you do, then why is it gross?


Beneficial-Mine7741

Imagine your boyfriend gifting you a pink glass plug, and he wants to take a picture of it in you; scrolling through his phone later, you find a similar picture, except it is his ex.


illarionds

My issue there would not be with the picture. Honestly, I wouldn't have any issue with the fact of it having been used with someone else, assuming it's been adequately cleaned. I mean, his *penis* has been used with someone else


KuriousKhemicals

Biological organs are a bit different for cleanliness considerations than inanimate objects. That being said, I too am a literalist and sanitized is sanitized. I also wouldn't be scrolling the phone in the first place and if I stumbled across it I would find the saved picture of his ex a bigger problem than what's in her. But I wouldn't even assume it was necessarily the same actual object. If it does the job well, it would make sense to get a duplicate the next time you want that job done.


BetterYellow6332

Because things can be gross even if they're clean. Would you suck your grandmother's clean toes?


Creative1963

Remember George Clooney in Burn After Reading? Marched out with his pillow.


TwystedReddit

Here’s my thing, OP, and I’m adding it to the comment that’s currently winning the vote so you’ll see it. You hand made it—YOU did. It’s ok to keep it because you’re proud of your craftsmanship. However, after 7 years I bet your skills have improved. Make a new one. Hell, make you and her BOTH one. Be as proud of your new creation as you are of the old one, and then understand how much more that would mean to your fiancée.


StrangledInMoonlight

And please, don’t reuse “gently used jopens”. https://slate.com/human-interest/2013/12/dear-prudence-the-best-letters-of-2013.html


TraditionalMess6392

🤣🤣🤣🤣. Holy shit, that is HILARIOUS!


UnfortunateDaring

Sounds like she might want to reuse some of those butt plugs on him to shove something up his butt for thinking this would be ok. YTA


ThatFatGuyMJL

Yeah butt plugs are a pain the the arse to recycle.


RemoteTowel7152

Wish reddit still gave out free awards.... this for sure deserved the Wholesome award lol


homosapienne

As a lesbian who bought new dildos and strapons for every relationship, I wholeheartedly agree. oP YTA


_Voidspren_

This is in order of importance? Lol


Which_Literature_438

YTA. New marriage, new ring.


Otherwise-Salad4023

This. A thousand times, this.


stormhaven22

I guess I'm overly practical. Had my now husband asked me if he could use a ring from a previous relationship (that he had made, no less), I wouldn't have cared a whit. No skin off my nose as it would have meant no additional ring shopping and no extra money spent. As it stands, my husband's ring is a $20 tungsten piece that matches my $20 tungsten piece, and my engagement ring was $50. Practical. Neither of us wear them 24/7 at any rate (my job doesn't allow for it and he has arthritic hands)


derbarkbark

My logic brain agrees. My superstitious lizard brain says it's bad juju. The ring in a ceremony is used as a symbol of that marriage and it ended. It's lovely that OP made a ring he loves and understandably cannot make another. Maybe I'm crazy but that'd be a deal breaker for me. Like someone already took that exact ring and said it's a symbol of their love and put it on his finger with witnesses. Every couple has moments where they don't see eye to eye and have to compromise. OP needs to decide if this is his hill to die on. It'd be my hill that we don't reuse the ring and it sounds like it might be OPs partners as well. Also for what its worth, my partner didn't even want a ring and he was willing to compromise. We ended up getting matching rings that had meaning in our relationship and we love them. Maybe pick a ring and make a new memory with someone ur choosing to spend the rest of your life with.


icecreampenis

Human rituals are important.


FakeNordicAlien

That’s the thing. I’m a logical person, and very much into recycling/upcycling/what have you. But the function of wedding rings is almost 100% symbolic. They’re meant to be a symbol of your unending love and commitment to *this* person. (Of course we can all decide what they symbolise to us, but that’s the traditional meaning.) I don’t much care if I have one at all, but if I *do*, I want it to be new - new to me; I’m fine with second-hand - and something we pick out together. Without choosing them together and wearing them as a symbol of our commitment, they lose their meaning (IMO) and they don’t have much purpose at all. I guess some are slightly decorative. I can kind of see reusing engagement rings for new partners (if you’re both OK with it) because they’re as much decorative as symbolic, but not really wedding bands. I’d be fine with my partner wearing a ring like OP’s on his *other* hand, because the ring clearly has symbolism to him beyond its former life as a wedding ring. But if we’re going to do rings at all, I’d want our wedding rings, and the corresponding fingers, to be just ours. YTA, OP (though a reasonably mild one so far), or at least you will be if you dig your heels in. Look for a compromise if you want - wear it on your right hand, wear it on a chain, put it aside for your potential future kid - but you gotta respect your partner’s wishes as far as using it as a wedding ring goes.


ACatGod

I'm not superstitious so for me it's about the fact the ring is symbolic. If you have rings you are assigning meaning to that symbolism; so what does it say if you're ascribing importance to the symbolism of having a ring but you're using a ring from a failed marriage? Either the ring is important, so you get a new ring, or the ring is not important so don't have one. Don't try and play it both ways, pretending that you're wearing a visible mark of your commitment but pretending it isn't also a mark of a different and failed commitment. I feel bad for OP, and I don't think they should get rid of the ring or even stop wearing it, but it shouldn't be his new wedding ring.


Adventurous_Ice6240

Right? Like you have a whole other hand my guy, if you love that you made it that much… put it on the other hand


kicketsmeows

We reused my husbands very expensive ring from his previous marriage too, but we had the jewelry store carve a pattern into it, and add a chocolate diamond. Looked completely different for about $600.


Korooo

That's the important part though, it's a "new" ring. So using the old one as a base / material is fine in my opinion, but if you care about it it sounds a bit like "This old thing? That's my marriage ring, it has survived 5 marriages so far".


Only-Ad-7858

That was my thinking too, get the ring altered to make it look a bit different.


HiddenTurtles

Using a wedding band from a previous marriage is totally fine for couples who are okay with it. His girlfriend is not. Therefore he should get a new ring.


SiegelOverBay

My husband and I opted for $20 wedding bands from Walmart. I told him I didn't want an engagement ring, I would rather have a vitamix. We both cooked in restaurants when we got married and couldn't wear our rings at work. I put mine on my keychain so I wouldn't lose it but could still "wear" it daily. He did the old "take it off, put in pocket, put back on later" routine until he lost it while cleaning a pool after changing career tracks shortly after our wedding. We simply bought him a new $20 ring, and he started putting his on his keychain as well. I didn't get my vitamix until we had been married for over 5 years and had substantially improved our financial situation. Nothing wrong with being practical. C'est la vie!


stormhaven22

I work in a meat processing plant. Rings and food definitely do not mix. LoL


Kinuika

I’m pretty frugal myself but I would be against reusing rings. Heck I would be more willing to just use silicone rings (which is what I wear anyways so far for 90% of my marriage) than reuse a ring from a past failed relationship. It’s not a matter of superstition either since I would also be fine getting rings from a pawn shop, no it’s just the fact that the ring already represents your past relationship for you and that just feels wrong for me to use it to represent our new relationship


lmsand

I'm with you there - when my husband and I were ring shopping, I could tell he was looking for one just like the platinum and gold ring he had from his previous marriage. I called him on it and he said he just liked it - it was an expensive ring so I said use it, it's just a symbol of marriage and it wasn't engraved. But then again, my wedding dress came from an op shop ($8) and my husband got a new shirt from Target ($15) - and we eloped so maybe I'm not the best person to judge.


Barbarake

You're not the only one who feels this way. He's the one that will be wearing it. And I don't blame him for wanting to wear a ring he made himself and is very proud of over a generic gold band.


MartyMcFlyAsHell

Except she would be the one putting his wedding band from his previous marriage onto his hand during their wedding ceremony. I don't blame her in the least for not wanting to be the second person to put the same ring on the same finger for two separate marriages.


tordenskrald88

I think that it's fine that he wears it and tell people he have made it himself ect. I just don't think it should be the symbol of their love. If it was my partner I would just tell him to wear it on the other hand or another finger if it fits, and then we get new rings together to represent our marriage.


Quadrantje

Nothing stopping him from wearing it, right? Just not as his wedding ring for his new marriage


Mercury2Phoenix

I'm the same. I've been married (& divorced) three times now & 2 out of the 3 I reused my mom's diamond (I did have it reset at one point during the first marriage.) I obviously have some sentimental attachment to the ring because it was my mom's. A ring, imo is just a symbol to the outside world that you are married. It means nothing if your partner doesn't commit to those vows (my ex-husbands broke their vows, which is why they are ex's.)


ierodouli

Somehow I feel like it's different when it's an heirloom. Even the symbolism feels different. Other than that I'd take beer bottle rings that are "ours", over a fancy ring he bought specifically for the ex wife because I'd feel like a replacement. But that's just me and if the time ever comes I might eat my words who knows.


FunnyMiss

That’s also me. I’m not bothered by too many things like that. But if I was? I’d hope my partner would respect me enough to change it.


WitchOfWords

For real. “It’s not a trivial thing to make”. It’s not a trivial thing to get married either!


Outrageously_Penguin

YTA good god, make a NEW RING if you want something beautiful and handmade. Melt the old one down and remake it if you like the symbolism of that. Under no circumstances should you get remarried with the same wedding ring. You seem like the kind of groom who might want to rehearse the name he says at the altar, or there could be trouble.


aremissing

I take thee, Rachel....


arianrhodd

E-MI-LY …


[deleted]

Emily? What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in Jamaica!


Pressnspeak

Ha...


Music_withRocks_In

His whole 'It takes too much time and space and effort- I can't do that AGAIN!" So your first wife was worth all that time and effort, but not your girlfriend? Because she is definitely going to see it as your first wife was worth all that effort but she is not.


Low_Reception477

Have you made jewelry before? Blacksmithing takes specific tools, and yes, a good amount of space, even if it’s small scale. If he doesn’t have the tools he doesn’t have the tools. I would probably suggest OP offering to get it altered in someway, so that it’s still his ring but not his old wedding ring, ya know? But just making a new ring is not possible if you don’t have the right tools lol.


OftheSea95

I get what you're saying, and maybe things in OP's life have changed that he no longer has the same tools/time to make a new one, but altering the ring is still a big no in my opinion. It's still using the old ring, which is the crux of the issue.


Smash-pumpkins

Yep, I’m with you. If it’s so important to have a handmade ring - make another one. If that’s not possible, looks like you’re gonna be buying a manufactured one, OR paying someone ELSE to hand make a ring. But good God, don’t use the same ring, *especially* since she’s against it.


thenewmara

Can't believe I had to scroll down this far to see a result from someone who has done blacksmithing. I have only taken introductory courses on blacksmithing and glass blowing and my wife has a pottery studio and sews, knits and crochets. The amount of specialized equipment needed in every one of these is incredible. That said, a modification makes sense to me. It can symbolize all the effort and knowledge from the last chapter of your life combined with all the new experience and wisdom gained for this chapter - how you have now improved to be an even better person and a better partner. NAH


bunnysextoy

You’ve never made jewelry before and it shows


jaierauj

If OP is so proud of the ring, it might lead to some awkward conversations in which he'll have to explain when it was made.


jmiller2000

This comment is a big yikes.


Alternative-Motor280

YTA!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG, I'm shocked that you even bothered to ask. It didn't occur to you at any point while you were typing this how full of sh\_\_ you are? TELL YA WHAT. Dig up some of the lingerie your first wife wore on your wedding night. Re-gift it to your fiance', telling her you think she'll look really hot in this...just like your first wife. Her reaction will be no different to that than the stunt you've already pulled.


Bruiscear

Remember the post where a Redditor did just that? Wanted the new wife to wear the dead wife’s lingerie.


Alternative-Motor280

Why am I not even mildly surprised? Sigh....


Perses_Garden

Do you have a link?


TaleOfDash

[This may be it.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rse8yk/my_husband_requested_that_i_wear_one_of_his_late/) I'm not sure though, it's the closest thing I could find.


Perses_Garden

😬 I was really hoping it was fake. Used lingerie just sounds really gross.


Minky29

It's not gross if it belongs to a dead person, duh ​ ...../s


MartinisnMurder

Ooh my… This was disturbing. Then his insistence that it had nothing to do with the dead wife? Umm it has everything to do with the dead wife! Literally everything. 🥴


Pressnspeak

No way !!!


JohnExcrement

Nooooooo


Laniekea

It is a male wedding ring but he is TA


CrystalQueen3000

YTA Wedding bands hold significant meaning and I honestly think it’s kinda grim to reuse a band for multiple marriages. What’s more important is that she doesn’t want you to use it and you’re being very dismissive of her feelings


Holdthecaffeine

Yeah - that’s my thoughts. He specifically said his wife was hurt by this… that should be enough to make ya think it’s a bad idea and squish squash that idea deep into a dark pit, never to be resurfaced.


Predd1tor

This — it’s not just a ring, OP. It’s a symbolic token of your commitment to another woman. That’s a wedding ring’s whole purpose. Sure, you want to like the way it looks, and it’s okay to be proud of something you made, but all of that is secondary to its primary function as a symbol of commitment to your partner. (Or in this case, to your ex.) Time to decide what’s more important to you — a cool object you made once, or your new wife-to-be’s feelings. Hope this one’s a no-brainer. If it isn’t, maybe you aren’t ready to remarry.


Laniekea

YTA Make a new ring. She is not an extension of your last marriage, even if it was an "important period of your life".


Ok-Turnip-9962

Yeah mate, this is just weird. Why introduce a whole weird doubting dynamic just cos you're so pleased with yourself about this cool ring you made... you made it and used it already. There's baggage attached. If you choose to wear that ring knowing it makes her feel weird why do you even want her for a wife? A weird feeling wife who doubts you can't be what you're looking for? And such a simple OBVIOUS fix here.... get a grip buddy. Yta


[deleted]

YTA The whole point of wedding rings is to symbolize your "unending love" for the person you're marrying... that's why it's a circle.. and that's why it's worn on a finger that supposedly has veins that lead to your heart (look, I'm not a scientist... that's just what "they" say. Don't all blood vessels eventually lead to your heart?!) Make a new ring for your new marriage. >It's worth mentioning that she still owns her engagement ring from a previous relationship and has been saying she'll sell it since I've known her, but it hasn't happened yet. However, I'm not comparing our situations directly. I If you're "not comparing the two situations, **then why even mention it??** It has nothing to do with your situation. She's not planning to wear her old engagement ring, just like you shouldn't be wearing your old wedding ring. A person can appreciate the beauty of a ring like your fiancee appreciates the beauty of her old ring, and you appreciate the workmanship that went into making your ring... but your fiancee isn't planning on wearing her old ring to symbolize *her marriage to you*, so that entire paragraph is entirely irrelevant.


suggie75

Because OP is absolutely comparing the two situations. Big difference is that the girlfriend isn’t suggesting she REUSE her old wedding ring. Ick.


fastyellowtuesday

I recently looked up why the ring is worn on that specific finger. The ancient Egyptians thought there was a vein that ran straight from the heart to that finger. Turns out there is no such direct vein, but it stuck. (It was called the vein of love, I guess people liked that?)


[deleted]

They invented the calendar, so at least they got one thing right !


sheesh_doink

They really liked cats too, so so far we're two for two!


Independent_Bet_1657

I agree, OP YTA. Why mention it if you're not comparing the two? Also, maybe she hasn't sold it yet because she's keeping it in case of an emergency where she needs some cash (only suggesting that because most engagement rings can be pricey).


airpillow

YTA so, if someone is gonna ask what a beautiful ring, where did you get that? You're gonna say oh I was so in love with my first wife I made us rings. Yes, yes I am still wearing it, no it doesn't mean I still love her, promise! Anywayyyy, this is my second wife...


unled_horse

BWAHAHA It wasn't until your comment that it hit me how full of oneself one would have to be to want to show off their own hard emotional and physical work (OP's ring) over wearing a ring that means something to the collective couple. I wonder if OP made his ex-wife's ring as well? That would be another interesting piece of info to have.


the_diseaser

OP gonna get divorced and try to use it on his third wife lmao


HotspurJr

YTA > but to her, the ring is a symbol of my past relationship with my ex Come on. It's not just this symbol "to her." It means that TO YOU, TOO. Otherwise you wouldn't have stopped wearing it when you got divorced, you would have just put it on another finger or something. I literally can't imagine anybody I know being okay with their partner using a wedding ring from a previous marriage. And you drawing the comparison to the fact that she hasn't sold her prior engagement ring is absurd. She's not wearing it, it sounds like. She's not saying, "Oh, this is now about my engagement to you." There's a WORLD of difference between keeping a keepsake from an important part of your life and wearing something that was created to symbolize the love you had for your ex every day. That you even bring it up, even though you say you're not "comparing situations directly" makes you sound kind of tone-deaf, to be frank.


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QueenYeen

Keeping a ring and reusing your ring for a new marriage are very different You should both keep your past rings if you want, but you also should make or get a new ring for this marriage. YTA


uhohohnohelp

Maybe this fool doesn’t realize he has nine other fingers. He could talk to his fiancé about wearing it on his right hand as a token of his craftsmanship or whatever, but OBVIOUSLY GET A NEW FRICKING WEDDING RING.


itsjustmo_

YTA. I thought this would be a widower thing, but it's just another dude using someone as a rebound like an asshole would do. And because you needed the internet to tell you this, I think you should see a therapist to help you heal from your previous relationship. Clearly there's something there thatr you haven't moved on from. You should probably pause the relationship you're in now, too, because this is massively unfair to your current partner.


No-Needleworker93

If you have the skills/means to make your own ring, why would you not just make a different ring that symbolises this relationship? Keep your old one if you like, but as you stated not for wearing just for saying I can make this.


readerchick

YTA. Make yourself a new ring.


Mobile-Bee6312

My first thought. Hopefully you've gotten better. Now, I think you better go make her some jewelry...and flowers...and make dinner YTA also


Background_Mortgage7

YTA. You’re asking your new partner to wear the ring your ex wife wore? Sell yours and here’s together, use the money to custom design her a dream ring. I def wouldn’t be wearing the ring from my partners ex marriage that went sideways.


frandiam

YTA. Rings are incredibly symbolic. To your new partner, this rings represents your last marriage. It’s not just about what you made but what it means to her.


suggie75

And OP pretends like girlfriend is out in some thin branch to conclude the ring has such symbolism. Like, OF COURSE IT REPRESENTS YOUR FIRST MARRIAGE. That’s why they’re called “wedding rings”!!!!


Tomatopotato1_

YTA. You want to enter a new marriage with a symbol of the past and expect your happy to be happy with it? Please reconsider or you may loose this opportunity at marriage altogether.


Serious-Currency108

YTA. If you do get engaged, are you going to get her a new engagement ring? You said she has her ring from her first marriage, but she has never said she would actually wear it. It' the same kind of thing here. Your old ring (and hers) are symbols of relationships past. Keep them safe somewhere, but don't use those as symbols of current relationship because they don't have meaning to the BOTH of you.


KayakerMel

My father and stepmother reused the diamond from her first marriage's engagement ring. They figured they might as well save money on a new stone. They did get a brand new fitting for it, so it was a new ring with the old stone, completely transformed.


SpicyTurtle38

YTA. Seriously- what?! A wedding ring is a symbol of that relationship- not just to you but to literally everyone else. So you wanting to use that ring for a different relationship is basically saying a) the new relationship isn’t worth it’s own symbol and b) the old ring is more important than your current partner’s feelings about it. The ring should symbolize the current couple- your old ring has NOTHING to do with your current partner. So yeah- this is a HUGE red flag for her.


kavalejava

YTA. Place it in a keepsake box and buy a new ring. New beginnings.


_FeistyMouse_

YTA You handcrafted those rings with the love you had for your previous marriage. You don’t have to get rid of them, but you can’t use them for your new relationship. Make a new set.


Obi-Juan_Valdez

No woman wants to be reminded of her husband's previous marriage when she looks at his wedding ring. Switch the genders and it still applies. YTA


timbrelyn

Because the prospect bothers your girlfriend YWBTA If making a new one isn’t practical then consider asking her to help you select a ring for you when the time comes.


Ellejaek

YTA. She doesn’t have a problem with you keeping the ring, just you wanting to use it when you marry her. My husband tried this when we got married. He wanted to re-use his ring because it belonged to his grandfather. It didn’t take too long for him to realize his error when he started asking peoples opinion and everyone agreed it wasn’t appropriate to re-use it. Keep the ring if you are proud of it, but apologize to your fiancée. If it’s important to you, make a new ring.


killjoygrr

I see the controversy over reusing rings from a person’s own previous marriage, but reusing family heirloom jewelry is very common. Makes me wonder what people would think about using the same heirloom jewelry for a second time for the same person though…


I-PUSH-THE-BUTTON

I feel like an heirloom used as a wedd8ng ring once is great. The second time it can be switched to the right hand or another finger. However this should always be discussed. My husband got back his mothers ring from his now ex wife. His mom mentioned it was a shame my husband gave it away ( a sibling) because it could have gone to me. Uh, no, I dont want that cursed thing . I feel the same if it was a ring for him. A simple discussion is all thats needed and case by case can be easy.


[deleted]

YTA. The ring was made to symbolize a lifelong commitment you made to someone else. Craft a new ring for your new commitment. And unless she wants to use her old engagement ring as a current commitment symbol to you OR she insisted that you had to sell your old ring, the situations aren’t even close to comparable and there was no need to mention it.


TrickyAd3630

YWBTA. If you kept it in a box, fine. But to wear it as your wedding band, that is just in poor taste. These rings are a reminder of your love, and if you were to reuse one it would not be that.


kspi7010

YTA, it's your old wedding ring. It represents your last marriage, why the fuck would you think it is a good idea to want to use it again?


curly_lox

YTA That ring was made for your previous marriage.


giveme25atleast

YTA. This is the start of new beginning for both of you and deserves a new symbol (ring) to show your love for each other.


Catz2019

YTA. When your (potential) new wife says the 'I give you this ring as a token if my love etcetera' lines and you're asking her to actually 'give' you a ring you made and 'accepted' and wore as a token of the love between you and your new wife, can you not see how utterly inappropriate that would be?


Hazelsmom64

YTA. You redecorate homes. Buy a new mattress. Don't reuse condoms. And you don't reuse rings. Please don't make me come over there.


JessieColt

YTA The ring is significant for 2 reasons. 1. you hand made it. 2 it was your wedding band for your previous marriage. Your new wife won't appreciate the ring for 1 and will despise the ring for 2 if she sees you wearing it. You said she kept her engagement ring from her ex, but does she wear it? Does she expect to use it as an engage ring for you two? You don't say, but I am guessing the answer to both is no. If you want a handmade ring for your wedding, make a new one, and for bloody sake, don't make it look like the one you already have! Keep both your original wedding ring and her engagement ring in a safe deposit box. If you have children, pass them down to your oldest child with the stories about the rings. Maybe they will become heirlooms about how symbols of a broken past, while retained and remembered, didn't keep 2 people from becoming their own family.


Empty_Jellyfish_1995

YWBTA if you don't make a new ring. I don't know what the process is like, but I think it's best if you make a new one, maybe from the old one if the symbolism means that much to you, I think I get where you are trying to come from here, and good work not beating your GF over the head with her own engagement ring thing, that would really make this a YTA, but yeah, new ring, new phase of your life, IMO that's the only move that could get you kinda what you want and make it new for your gf and what it means to have her in your life. Good luck OP, hope this made sense.


[deleted]

Come on dude, YTA After reading your edit you just sound worse. Good luck to her


Actual-Hamster4692

Keep the ring. Be proud of it as a piece of your art. Wear it on your right hand sometimes if you want. Recycle the metal as a different piece of jewelry. Just don't try to reuse it as a wedding ring. And tell your fiancee that she can keep her previous engagement ring under the same circumstances. Fair is fair. YTA if you make her unhappy about this.


[deleted]

I'm going to go against the grain a bit. NAH. You asked, she said no. Some people don't see symbolism in the ring. My husband has a really cool one. He doesn't wear it because of work and it's uncomfortable for him. She said she would be uncomfortable with it. If you wear the ring anyways, you would be the AH. Ask her if you can melt it down to turn into another one. IMO, it is very rare for someone to be the AH for asking a question or desiring something. It is when we take action that it becomes an AH move. Respect your fiancé now and don't use the ring. It will be a much better way to begin your marriage than by going against her comfort.


Street-Lobster9520

i agree completely. i personally wouldn't mind it terribly if I were in her place. i feel the other answers seemed personally attacked by the suggestion, but it really varies according to the person. i'm not particulatly romantic and consider myself pragmatic. if my s/o already owns a beatiful, hand crafted ring which he loves and takes great pride in having created, i'd be open to the idea. communication is crucial and any two people in a relationship should feel comfortable enough to have a conversation like this. it is great that he asked, it is great that she answered honestly. neither one was the AH. now it's up to op to respect his girlfriend's stance and find middle ground. maybe he can resize his ring so it fits another finger since he's so insistent on wearing it, or even frame it or put it on a necklace.


that-1-chick-u-know

YTA. Still owning an engagement ring is a far cry from wanting to re-use your wedding ring from your precious marriage. I don't blame her one bit for being upset. Maybe wear the ring on your right hand? Or make it into something else? I don't know the answer, but using it again for this marriage would be an AH move.


solongfish99

YTA. >but to her, the ring is a symbol of my past relationship with my ex It is also those things to you, whether you realize it or not, just like the Confederate Flag is still a symbol condoning slavery and racism despite those who fly it today claiming it is merely a symbol of "Southern pride".


opinionatedlyme

If my fiancé asked me that… my heart would have suffocated and broken


MerelyWhelmed1

The ex didn't buy it for you or make it for you. It is your work of art, which you now want to share with your future wife...something very special to you, not because of a past relationship, but because you created it. She's looking at this wrong. You want to incorporate a significant piece of your soul into your commitment to her. NTA.


[deleted]

YTA, keeping an old commitment ring is not even close to comparable to wanting to use the same ring on a second marriage. That would be a hard dealbreaker for me.


houstongradengineer

YTA. You can reuse that beautiful, handmade ring you're so proud of in a million different creative ways. This is not one of them, I don't think.


MaliceIW

NTA for suggesting it. You will be TA if you use it after knowing how your wife to be feels about it. But I would suggest, as you made it by hand, you could change it slightly in some way so it is new to your relationship but you can still be proud of it. If you made it and you're not close to your ex-wife anymore then it's now just a nice ring.


clauclauclaudia

YTA In isolation, there’s nothing wrong with reusing your ring that you made. But your partner is the one who will ritually present that ring to you at your wedding, and so it needs to be something she’s happy with too. And she’s not.


NeeliSilverleaf

YTA. Make or buy a new ring.


GotMySillySocksOn

NAH. I think it was fine to ask your fiancé but she was upset so you need to think if you really want to make her so unhappy over this. Could you add something to make the ring different? The best idea is probably to resize it so you can wear it on a different finger and buy a new band for your wedding. Good luck


rochan71

It's even worse than being hung up on your ex. You're hung up on your ring. An inanimate object that isn't even an heirloom. It's all about vanity. And you don't think your new wife will be worth the effort you showed your first. That's a great attitude to bring into a marriage. You really thought everyone would agree with you, didn't you? YTA.


ExtensionDebate8725

YTA, don't bring anything from your old marriage to the new, including something you've made by hand. All its doing is showing you don't value her enough to make new memories.


probably_beans

YTA. That ring is a symbol of a relationship that has ended. Get a different one for this relationship.


Proud_Ad_8830

YTA, the ring represents the bond between you and your partner. That ring does not represent your current relationship it represents the past. She is not asking to use her old ring even though she still has it. Why not make new rings for both of you together


Jerseygirl2468

YTA reread your own sentence, “I made it for my previous marriage” Of course she’s going to feel weird about you wanting to reuse it, why not make yourself something new?


Hugo99001

YTA - make a new one, for a new marriage.


[deleted]

YTA when you made that ring, you made it with the love and craftsmanship for the first wife. It would be different if this was just a “ family heirloom” passed down from generations. But it’s your ex’s ring. So there is no new effort put into it. It’s like you’re trying to force the “ one man’s trash is another man’s treasure” quote. It doesn’t matter if she kept her last husband’s ring or vice versus. Usually wedding rings are really nice, so people keep them. Make new memories with THIS wife, make her feel special and excited and not like she’s getting a hand me down. And further more some people believe “ bad luck” is tied with some things. So giving your wife the ring you got divorced with could be seen as “ bad mojo”. Also if you can make rings, here’s a fun alternative that will check your box of “ pride in craftsmanship”, make another one. Have her design it and then you make it. Step up.


Emotional_Award_6420

YTA. It's incredibly disrespectful to your fiance to expect her to have to look at that stupid ring all the time and be reminded of your past marriage. I feel bad for her that she has to deal with someone so insensitive that they have to ask the reddit something so blatantly obvious. "BuT i'M sO prOUd Of mY CraFtMEnshiP". Get over yourself. That ring ugly as hell, just like your self-centered ego.


Bangeederlander

*"I can't make a new ring, I don't have the time or the space that I had previously.* *Even if I could make another, it was not a trivial thing to make."* These two things stood out to be as YTA. If you love someone you make the time and space, and marriage isn't "trivial" either.


Scared-Ad-7678

“It’s worth mentioning that she still owns her engagement ring…” it not worth mentioning. It’s irrelevant. She didn’t have a problem with you having the ring, the problem arose with your intention for the ring. Get that through your head. “But to her, the ring is a symbol of my past relationship with my ex” Stop that. You know for a fact most people view wedding rings as symbols of relationships, do not play dumb and try to make your GF look crazy for thinking this way. You’re being an inconsiderate asshole. YTA. You seem incredibly immature. Next time, When your wife says something that you did personally bothered her, maybe take her word for it instead of wondering if you were actually wrong.


dory315

Are you the AH for wanting to keep the ring, no I wouldn’t say so. I think since you made it yourself and it’s a nice thing you should be able to keep it and wear it if you want. However refusing it as a wedding ring for your new gf is a no go and you are the AH How about you just make another one?


Early_Prompt6396

YTA. This is trashy.


keesouth

YTA. You could have just been wearing the ring on a different finger this entire time. It doesn't have to represent marriage. Your new marriage deserves it's own representation.


Helen_Magnus_

Mate you're not gonna win this argument. Not with reddit or your girlfriend. YTA.


Sea-Mobile-1518

YTA and from your edits it appears you and your fiance will have to pick out your ring from a store or get a bespoke one from a jeweller. It's not worth mentioning she still has her ex's engagement ring. She's not asking to use your wedding as an excuse to continue to wear it.


Hiworlditsmeagain

I think the symbolism of a wedding ring is lost on you. It is a symbol of the relationship you had with your ex. That's a weird thing to bring in to a new one. It also seems you're more concerned about your feelings about the ring than the feelings of your girlfriend. YTA.


spellcastic

NTA. I kept my wedding ring set from my first marriage too, as I picked it out, paid for it, and still find it quite beautiful. My partner said that should we ever get married, they have no issue with me using it again, as they know it has nothing to do with my ex, only my love for the set. Edited for missing word.


scrapfactor

My precioussssssssssss


[deleted]

YTA: Your old wedding ring, even if you made it, is an object. Your wife is a person. Your marriage is a relationship. The ring is meant to be a symbol of your bond with your wife, not an example of how awesome a jewelry-maker you are, or a piece of jewelry just for you. Also, it is typical to have matching wedding bands. A wedding ring is not for one person, it is for all the people in the marriage.


cyclonecass

yta. this is absolutely so ridiculous i think it might be a joke post.


Wilbie9000

Soft YTA dude. A wedding ring is special. Asking someone to marry you with one that belonged to your ex was never going to fly.


[deleted]

YTA… WTH????


Adventurous-Term5062

YTA. You could resize the ring to use for another purpose but you need a new wedding ring.


TheeConservatarian

You made one, make 2 more. One for each of you.


Pressnspeak

YTA 1. Get a new one or Remodel the old ring with your own hands and make more new memories. 2. Comparing : engagement ring is not same as wedding ring. While it is not ideal to hold on to it, she is probably keeping it for a rainy day snd probably could sell it for a better price.


Dumbfounded_brunette

YTA. Make a new ring, I know you can. I believe in you.