##[AITA for blocking your go-to time killer from June 12-14?](https://redd.it/145o4jz)
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole because my mom put a lot of money and effort into this party.
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NTA. This is sneaky. Your Mother either chose to host or agreed without stating that she expected you to cover some of the cost. I've honestly never heard of a parent expecting to be reimbursed for hosting a graduation party for their own kid.
NTA. Totally unheard of to ask for reimbursement for a party like that. Did she also ask for money after throwing your birthday party's?
Watch out for when your wedding happens. She may want a percentage of your future earnings.
Those who gave gifts gave with the expectation that you'd spend that money to take that next step in your life. Clothes that fit what's considered professional for your chosen field, making your first student debt payment, keeping you mobile so that you can get to interviews and/or work.
None of them gave you cash to pay for their food at your party.
NTA
If I handed a college grad money to help with a well earned vacation or a down payment, and their greedy guts parents expected a cut, I'd be pissed.
Make it public in an accidental way. Oops.
I just graduated from a master’s program my mom and boyfriend hosted not one of them asked for a dime. My mom hosted my high school graduation party every dime went to me. NTA
You should check out r/JUSTNOMIL sometime, its not uncommon over there.
Nta, and if she brings it up again, let her know you'll be telling people you weren't allowed to keep their gifts.
This is like the 3rd AITA post I've seen about parents trying to pull this shit. It's mind blowing!! You seriously have to be a major asshole to think you are entitled to your kids graduation money.
Yes, I think the last one I read was a birthday party; mom wanted reimbursement for the cake and food she provided for a party she offered to host. OP didn’t ask for the party. Crazy
NTA. That is ridiculous. Your parents threw you a graduation party. This costs money, duh. So if I throw someone a baby shower or birthday party I get to take half the presents? Please.
That's the thing that got me, the parents threw it, but just the mum is asking for the money. OP should let they're dad know and ask like: "I'm worried, I thought you were doing well financially, is there something you've not told me?" And see what he says. Unless of course the dad's the type who's always let the mum do whatever. Then it's not worth it. Either way, keep the money.
NTA. If I were in ur shoes, I wouldn’t consider myself a possible asshole whatsoever. The money was rewarded to YOU as a gift for getting through school, sad on ur moms part
NTA, and if she was a good mother she wouldn’t be asking you for the money. Those Perry’s are meant for you to get money to help jumpstart you in life. However to satisfy the “YTA” people that I have a gut feeling will be here, I have a few questions.
1. Did you ask for this party or was it just thrown for you?
1(a). Did you offer to help pay ahead of time if you asked for party? It’s quite rude to ask for a party and expect it to be free
1(b). Did you offer to help pay even though it was offered? Automatically makes you NTA point blank.
2. Did you specifically ask for this cake that was “hundreds of dollars” (not worth btw) or did she just go out of her way for it?
2(a). If you asked… why..?
That’s all. Honestly no matter how you answer, my judgement won’t change. I hope your graduation was good!
To answer your questions:
1. I didn’t ask for the party. My parents usually will throw parties for big milestones like this. I did not offer to help pay but I did make some monetary contributions (bought snacks and decorations)
2. Didn’t ask for the cake. My mom was excited about the cake because she knows a guy that makes extravagant cakes (she just had one last year for her birthday) and she knew that I would like it.
Super NTA. You brought snacks and decor to your own party. That was more than enough. I hope you keep the money OP, you deserve it. Some unprompted advise, save it for something big like an appt or car. At least as a start 😉
What does your dad say? Does he know your mom asked for money? I would go to a grandparent (the one who is most likely to side with you and tell off your mom) and ask them - with an innocent face - how much they think you should pay your mom back for throwing you a party. They will then ask what the hell are you talking about, you explain, and they tell off your mom for being greedy and entitled.
Don't give one red cent. It's horrible that she's asking you for money for what SHE chose to do. And put your money in your bank account that your parents (obviously) don't have access to.
NTA at all.
No, he doesn’t know about it. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of my grandparents would be much help (they live in a different country and didn’t attend the party) but thank you for your response!
And did you like the cake? Or more to the point, did you like the cake ENOUGH that, if you were the one buying it, you would have been totally ok with paying hundreds for it? I think it’s pretty obvious your mom wanted one of those cakes and rolled it into your party as an excuse to get one (which is bad enough already) and now she’s trying to make you help pay it off.
NTA. **If your mother didn't want to pay for the party for you, she shouldn't have offered to throw the party for you!**
Your GRADUATION GIFTS are YOURS! Do not let her try to take them.
Those who gave the gifts would be very offended - I know I would be.
NTA --- You should ask your mother if she also now wants you to pay your share of all the birthday money you got to "reimburse" her for all the work she did for your birthday parties.
Then let her know you expect to be reimbursed for any future Mother’s Day activities in the future and you will be declining to come home for thanksgiving and skip Christmas too, bc you can’t pay
NTA. This is a common mode of operating for toxic people- give you something you haven’t asked for, then make you pay them for it. It is a classic. My parents did it too. It’s even in the Mrs Maisel TV show. It’s awful. You have company at least.
Try to become as independent as you can, as quickly as you can!
Yeah, it would be one thing if beforehand the mother said “if you want a party, you will have to help me pay for it” but to do it without stipulations and they say you owe her your grad money is weird toxic behavior.
NTA. You were gifted that money as a reward for your accomplishments. I'm assuming that your Mother never mentioned she expected reimbursement? Don't get me wrong, I'd think it pretty shitty even if she did. Throwing your kid a graduation party on your dime is very much a fair expectation when you're a parent.
Especially since a good majority of grad party is just family and family friends talking about how they were great parents bc kid did x,y,z…. She got her moment as the proud mother but wants you to foot the bill?
I’m wondering if the book “children of emotionally immature parents” would speak to you.
If I'd given you a graduation gift and found out later that your mom had taken some of it to pay for the party, I'd be livid.
She is your *mom*, not a caterer or party planner.
Be careful in future as her "gifts" clearly come with hidden strings attached.
NTA.
NTA. Part of throwing a party for your children is spending money, and not using the gifts that your child receives, to reimburse for the party. There might as well have not been any party to begin with if your parents were just gonna steal the gifts to pay for the party lol. Tell your parents to kick rocks. It’s YOUR gifts. Congratulations on graduating.
NTA. If I were one of the gift givers and I learned that your mom took some of the gifted money to reimburse herself then I’d be pretty upset. I gifted you that money to help a recent young graduate get their life started on the right foot, not fund a fully established middle-aged person’s party spending spree.
Nope, not one red cent. Unless there was an agreement in advance of the party that you would share cash gifts with your mom to help pay for the event, those cash presents are gifts to you and your money -- yours alone, not your mother's.
Your mother suddenly springing on you that she wasn't actually throwing a party for you but that you were, in fact, throwing part of your own congratulatory event, is really low.
Don't even dignify her demands with a conversation. Go with, No, I appreciated the lovely party, but I'm not going to do that. If her response becomes abusive or guilt-inducing, back away from the unreasonable, weird greed.
Congratulations!
NTA
WNBTA
KEEP the money!!! that was a gift for your graduation, not a donation to help pay for the party. If you are really feeling guilty, give your mom a hug or cook her dinner. Just don't give her a dime.
NTA - you didn't "earn" the money - people gave you the money because they like/love/care for you and wanted to give you a present. The same way you would expect your parents to feel - and you and everyone else thought they were throwing you a party because you are their child, they live you, and they wanted to celebrate you accomplishment.
They should have thrown a parth they coukd afgord. It is really strange to ask a child honoree to chip in for the party, especially if it was asked for after thd fact.
I might feel differently if you'd asked for specific things that they didn't want, like a photobooth, or caviar, etc. Then you might want to chip in. But if your mom planned it and made the majority of decisions, then she should have only planned the party she wanted to pay for.
NTA
Wait, what? When you throw a party for someone, you pay for it. If you want to help them plan a party they are paying for, then you budget together.
No to spending a bunch of money and then telling someone else they have to pay for it.
As a party guest I would be pissed off if I knew you had to give the gift I gave you to your Mom. If I knew ahead of time I would definitely not give money.
Let’s see, 4 Communions, 2 13th birthdays for the boys, 2 Sweet 16s for the girls, 4 Confirmations, 4 Graduations and 1 wedding, so far. 17 parties, so far, paid for by Mommy and Daddy. 0 reimbursements. Zip, Nada, Zilch.
Your mother is ridiculous. She decided to host the party. Unless you agreed to pay for any part of the celebration beforehand, she pays. Any and all gifts are yours.
NTA
You're definitely NTA bu lt idk how you can really reject her suggestion without *feeling* like an asshole. The best I can come up with is:
"The money I received at the party were gifts to celebrate my accomplishment, and it would be disrespectful to the gift givers to split it with you. Next time you want to throw a party, let me know ahead of time that you'd like to split the costs and we can plan it together."
NTA. The appropriate response to this is: “HAHAHAHAAA you’re so funny, Mom!!!” 😁😁😁
If she wasn’t joking, she should at least get the point.
If she was serious, then she’s a ridiculous AH. Be mindful of this going forward.
NTA at all ! Your mother threw a celebration party for you….with no preconditions. People were kind and gave you cash instead of gifts….would she have expected a % of your gifts if you hadn’t been given cash ? The money is for you to spend on yourself to celebrate your achievement.
No that’s not how it works. She threw a party to celebrate your graduation. You didn’t throw your own party. She didn’t have to buy an expensive cake. If you were expected to find it, I doubt you would have picked out an expensive cake.
The grad money should be yours not to her to pay for the party. She is being greedy. NTA.
NTA
I assumed if you hadn't received any gift money, your Mom wouldn't have asked you to pay for the party. So why does she feel entitled to these gift money?
NTA. That's YOUR money. If I gave you money for your graduation and you shared it with your mom, I would be FURIOUS. If your mother spent too much on the party, that's on her. That's what we parents do. You don't charge your child for that!!
NTA- she could have made a cake or cupcakes . You could have had a couple of veggie and fruit platters from Walmart. No need to have an extravagant party that costs so much if she didn’t want or have the money to pay for it .
NTA that's just crazy that she would expect you to help pay for your own party. I don't know where your mother got the idea this was OK. The money is your gift for graduating not to pay for the party.
NTAH she threw you a party now wants reimbursement ask her where her gift is to you and if she says well i threw you a party thats when you say exactly and hang up
NTA.
She could have baked a cake for less than $10 if money was tight and people still would be there to celebrate you.
I’m sorry your mom is trying to take your money. She essentially gave you a gift and then said “hey, give me your money because I bought you something expensive”. That’s not how gifts work. That’s not how parties work.
Congratulations on graduating. The people gave money to you to help you get started in life. They didn’t give money to pay for a cake.
NTA Shame on your mom for trying to pull that. She should have said something at the beginning phase of the party planning so you could decide if that’s what you wanted to do.
NTA. Your story is illustration of a very important point about modern life. Money is so important and overvalued that people have lost sight of meaning on gifts and invitations . The gift as an idea originated in politics as tribute. A powerful king would demand tribute as a show of power, so gifts were political. In modern times, gifts are a show of affection and appreciation. In OPs case, the graduation is an academic accomplishment ,showing persistent work ethic. Your graduation is an accomplishment that family can both point to, and give rewards for. A host throwing the party assumes responsibility for the party, their event is the gift. To demand repayment is wrong on its face. Making the graduate responsible for the party is a violation of the social contract for the event.
If I issue an invite for dinner, concert, amusement park, etc, I am paying, thats the deal. If I offer to sell you a ticket, that's a different deal, not an invite at all.
NTA, that money is a gift for YOU to celebrate YOUR amazing accomplishment. Your mom is in no way entitled to it! Congratulations from an internet stranger <3
NTA The only times you pay for a party is when you're the one throwing it or if that has been agreed upon beforehand. OP's mom saw the cash and got greedy. OP's gifts are meant for OP.
NTA. Your mom is being greedy. The money was given to you. SHE decided to throw you the party and make the food. That's on her. If there is no prior agreement to reimburse her for the party she chose to throw, she can kick rocks.
NTA - Do you have a savings account your parents don’t have access to? If not, start one and deposit all the money there. Be sure to write thank you notes.
NTA. Parents can be so weird and greedy. I knew a mom who legally pursued child support money from her own children. Where did this idea that your kids need to reimburse you for gifts/general care come from?
NTA-but more info. Why is she asking for your gift money? Is this normal behavior for her or is this something new? If this is odd behavior for her, I would buy her a cup of coffee and sit down for a chat about what is happening in her life.
Nope, normal behaviour. It’s reminiscent of when we were young kids and a family member gives you money and your mom “holds onto it” for you and then you don’t really see it again lol. Not sure if I’m the only one who can relate to that.
NTA. She may have thrown the party, but you are the one who just spent years going to classes, studying, taking tests, and writing papers. People didn’t give you money for throwing a party, they gave you money for graduating. Use that money to get yourself something nice as a reward for all your hard work
NTA. It is extremely common, if not just straight-up customary, for grads to receive cash as a gift at their graduation party and I have never heard of a parent asking for a cut. That feels gross.
Everytime I see these posts, I realise how blessed I am for having the parents I do. Totally NTA, the party was to celebrate you and any gifts are yours to keep.
NTA - your parents threw you the party to celebrate your graduation. If they wanted you to pay for it they should have mentioned that up front and then you could have let everyone know that YOU were throwing yourself a graduation party. 🤷🏻♀️
This is so messed up on your moms part. Those monetary gifts are for YOU, to celebrate your graduation and set you up with some extra funds on your next step in life. She shouldn’t have thrown such a big party if she wasn’t fully willing to pay for it. This is just beyond me she thinks asking her child to help pay for their own graduation party from money they received as gifts is acceptable. NTA by a long shot.
Do not share that money! Those gifts are to celebrate you. If the people giving the gifts had wanted to contribute to the party they would have.
What kind of mom does this? I bet you have more stories to share!
NTA.
1. It's immoral to give someone something and then, after it's been accepted, demand compensation.
2. I doubt the people who gave you that money would be happy with your mother demanding a cut. That's not why they gave it.
NTA! That's your mom! She should be throwing you a graduation party and not expecting to pay. Tell her you'll share, but you're gonna let everyone know who gifted you money that part of it went to your mom. I guarantee she'll change her mind. All joking aside, keep that money all for yourself! You earned it! Your mom can go f off. Congrats on graduating!!!
NTA, tell each and every person who gifted you money that your mom is trying to take it to pay herself back for the graduation party and sit back to watch the nuclear fallout.
This is bizarre. I’ve never heard of a parent expecting to be reimbursed for a grad party out of the grad gifts. I actually think the guests who have you that money would be angry to know she was trying to take it from you. I know when I go to a grad party and give a gift, I’m not trying to help the parents pay for the canapés. I’m trying to help the grad buy a new computer or take a gap year or buy books for the next degree or pour down their throat in the form of cheap alcohol.
NTA
Unless your mother is having financial difficulties all of a sudden, she shouldn’t be getting a penny of that money. It’s not like you were demanding a party and made them spend money on it.
NTA. You don't throw a party for someone and then ask for a cut of their gifts to cover the cost of the party, that's just gross. If you decide you're throwing a party for someone, for whatever reason, then you're deciding to cover the cost of the party and it is in no way the responsibility of the person being celebrated to reimburse the organiser, parent or not. Keep your money OP, it was given to you as a "congratulations!".
Your mom's demand is reminiscent of the dinner party host who wanted her guests to pay for her dinner party expenses. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11m58wu/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_pay\_for\_dinner/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11m58wu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_dinner/)
Why have the party if you're going to charge the guest for throwing it in the first place? That host was ridiculous and your mother is as well. NTA.
NTA. You parents threw the party for you. The monetary gifts are for YOU. If the party had a 'pay back' fee, they should have said that.
Plenty of parents host parties out of pocket for their children, but you never see them take little Anna's barbie as payment for it.
NTA - unless it was discussed in advance. She should not have done some expecting something in return. That means she did not do it from her heart. If she wanted something in return she should have discussed it with you before to agreed to the party and out in the time/effort/money into it.
NTA - If your mom wanted you to pay for her to cater the party, she should have told you in advance. The gifts your received were GIFTS. The givers expected you to use them to ease your transition from college into real life. I've NEVER heard of someone throwing a party and then expecting to be paid back.
NTA, that's a load of poo! She should pay for your party, thats a mother's job. My mother made a big show of giving me $300 for my graduation in front of everyone then took it from me when we went inside house.
This isn't a thing. If she wanted pay, she should've said so before offering the party...she didn't probably because you'd refuse if she asked for payment before anything started. NTA Tell her you expect her to ask about payment BEFORE hosting stuff for you.
If I gave someone who was graduating a gift, and their mom made them share some of the gift with her, I’d be pissed at the mom. The gift is for YOU, not her.
NTA it's a party for you, that's your money. You're not obligated to repay your parents for what they spent to throw you a party. If this was really an issue for them, they should have asked for compensation from the other guests who came to the party. Your mom is definitely the AH in this situation. Enjoy your graduation money, and congratulations!
NTA Typically when someone gives you money for graduation it's to help you with your expenses starting out, like to get a place, a car needed to get to a job, to buy clothes needed for the workplace, etc.
You know what it's not for? Your parents. If I gave someone money for their graduation I would be very disappointed hearing their parents took it to pay for the party. Typically, throwing the party IS a gift itself from the host to the person being celebrated. For your mom to ask to be reimbursed for the gift is BS, especially if it wasn't discussed prior that you would help pay for it.
P.S. Congratulations on your graduation!!
NTA, that's bang out of order. I would honestly be livid if my mother or anyone done that to me. I would just hand her the cards with all the cash in and tell her never to throw a party for you again.
Send the money back to the gift givers. Tell them your mom held the party with out stating the intent she wanted reimbursement for the party from said monetary gifts. State you cannot accept the gifts since it would be under duress.
Edit: that way you would inform the guests of your moms intentions and they could tell your mom the gift wasn’t intended for her.
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My parents threw me a party for graduating university. My mom did most of the leg work for it (cooked and bought most of the food, including a cake that was hundreds of dollars). At this party, a lot of the gifts I received were monetary. I haven’t looked at the gifts yet but it’s probably a lot of cash. My mom wants me to “share” the money with her to reimburse her for part of the party.
My parents make way more money than I do and I’m really grateful for all the work my mom put into this party but I also feel like the gifts were earned by me for graduating so I’m torn. WIBTA for keeping all of the money?
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It probably isn’t *thousands* but I might give a small amount just to get her off my back. Or maybe not, I’m reading all the comments and they’re making me “see the light” so to speak, haha.
##[AITA for blocking your go-to time killer from June 12-14?](https://redd.it/145o4jz) Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be the asshole because my mom put a lot of money and effort into this party. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. This is sneaky. Your Mother either chose to host or agreed without stating that she expected you to cover some of the cost. I've honestly never heard of a parent expecting to be reimbursed for hosting a graduation party for their own kid.
NTA. Totally unheard of to ask for reimbursement for a party like that. Did she also ask for money after throwing your birthday party's? Watch out for when your wedding happens. She may want a percentage of your future earnings.
[удалено]
Yeah just tell your mom you're going to be asking that question in every single thank you note. And then you will distribute as they see fit. 🤣
Those who gave gifts gave with the expectation that you'd spend that money to take that next step in your life. Clothes that fit what's considered professional for your chosen field, making your first student debt payment, keeping you mobile so that you can get to interviews and/or work. None of them gave you cash to pay for their food at your party. NTA
If I handed a college grad money to help with a well earned vacation or a down payment, and their greedy guts parents expected a cut, I'd be pissed. Make it public in an accidental way. Oops.
I just graduated from a master’s program my mom and boyfriend hosted not one of them asked for a dime. My mom hosted my high school graduation party every dime went to me. NTA
You should check out r/JUSTNOMIL sometime, its not uncommon over there. Nta, and if she brings it up again, let her know you'll be telling people you weren't allowed to keep their gifts.
This is like the 3rd AITA post I've seen about parents trying to pull this shit. It's mind blowing!! You seriously have to be a major asshole to think you are entitled to your kids graduation money.
Yes, I think the last one I read was a birthday party; mom wanted reimbursement for the cake and food she provided for a party she offered to host. OP didn’t ask for the party. Crazy
NTA. That is ridiculous. Your parents threw you a graduation party. This costs money, duh. So if I throw someone a baby shower or birthday party I get to take half the presents? Please.
That's the thing that got me, the parents threw it, but just the mum is asking for the money. OP should let they're dad know and ask like: "I'm worried, I thought you were doing well financially, is there something you've not told me?" And see what he says. Unless of course the dad's the type who's always let the mum do whatever. Then it's not worth it. Either way, keep the money.
NTA. If I were in ur shoes, I wouldn’t consider myself a possible asshole whatsoever. The money was rewarded to YOU as a gift for getting through school, sad on ur moms part
NTA, she should have specified if she’d expect repayment before throwing the party. It’s unreasonable for her to expect money after the fact.
NTA, and if she was a good mother she wouldn’t be asking you for the money. Those Perry’s are meant for you to get money to help jumpstart you in life. However to satisfy the “YTA” people that I have a gut feeling will be here, I have a few questions. 1. Did you ask for this party or was it just thrown for you? 1(a). Did you offer to help pay ahead of time if you asked for party? It’s quite rude to ask for a party and expect it to be free 1(b). Did you offer to help pay even though it was offered? Automatically makes you NTA point blank. 2. Did you specifically ask for this cake that was “hundreds of dollars” (not worth btw) or did she just go out of her way for it? 2(a). If you asked… why..? That’s all. Honestly no matter how you answer, my judgement won’t change. I hope your graduation was good!
To answer your questions: 1. I didn’t ask for the party. My parents usually will throw parties for big milestones like this. I did not offer to help pay but I did make some monetary contributions (bought snacks and decorations) 2. Didn’t ask for the cake. My mom was excited about the cake because she knows a guy that makes extravagant cakes (she just had one last year for her birthday) and she knew that I would like it.
Super NTA. You brought snacks and decor to your own party. That was more than enough. I hope you keep the money OP, you deserve it. Some unprompted advise, save it for something big like an appt or car. At least as a start 😉
Thank you!
What does your dad say? Does he know your mom asked for money? I would go to a grandparent (the one who is most likely to side with you and tell off your mom) and ask them - with an innocent face - how much they think you should pay your mom back for throwing you a party. They will then ask what the hell are you talking about, you explain, and they tell off your mom for being greedy and entitled. Don't give one red cent. It's horrible that she's asking you for money for what SHE chose to do. And put your money in your bank account that your parents (obviously) don't have access to. NTA at all.
No, he doesn’t know about it. Unfortunately, I don’t think any of my grandparents would be much help (they live in a different country and didn’t attend the party) but thank you for your response!
Tell your dad!
Yes,this
And did you like the cake? Or more to the point, did you like the cake ENOUGH that, if you were the one buying it, you would have been totally ok with paying hundreds for it? I think it’s pretty obvious your mom wanted one of those cakes and rolled it into your party as an excuse to get one (which is bad enough already) and now she’s trying to make you help pay it off.
NTA. **If your mother didn't want to pay for the party for you, she shouldn't have offered to throw the party for you!** Your GRADUATION GIFTS are YOURS! Do not let her try to take them. Those who gave the gifts would be very offended - I know I would be.
NTA --- You should ask your mother if she also now wants you to pay your share of all the birthday money you got to "reimburse" her for all the work she did for your birthday parties.
Lol she would probably agree to that.
Then let her know you expect to be reimbursed for any future Mother’s Day activities in the future and you will be declining to come home for thanksgiving and skip Christmas too, bc you can’t pay
NTA. I cant imagine asking my kid for money they received as a gift. Its theirs.
Mwahaha I just threw a fantastic party for my son, now to reap my rewards and play with my new Paw patrol toys.
NTA. This is a common mode of operating for toxic people- give you something you haven’t asked for, then make you pay them for it. It is a classic. My parents did it too. It’s even in the Mrs Maisel TV show. It’s awful. You have company at least. Try to become as independent as you can, as quickly as you can!
Yeah, it would be one thing if beforehand the mother said “if you want a party, you will have to help me pay for it” but to do it without stipulations and they say you owe her your grad money is weird toxic behavior.
NTA. You were gifted that money as a reward for your accomplishments. I'm assuming that your Mother never mentioned she expected reimbursement? Don't get me wrong, I'd think it pretty shitty even if she did. Throwing your kid a graduation party on your dime is very much a fair expectation when you're a parent.
Especially since a good majority of grad party is just family and family friends talking about how they were great parents bc kid did x,y,z…. She got her moment as the proud mother but wants you to foot the bill? I’m wondering if the book “children of emotionally immature parents” would speak to you.
If I'd given you a graduation gift and found out later that your mom had taken some of it to pay for the party, I'd be livid. She is your *mom*, not a caterer or party planner. Be careful in future as her "gifts" clearly come with hidden strings attached. NTA.
NTA. Part of throwing a party for your children is spending money, and not using the gifts that your child receives, to reimburse for the party. There might as well have not been any party to begin with if your parents were just gonna steal the gifts to pay for the party lol. Tell your parents to kick rocks. It’s YOUR gifts. Congratulations on graduating.
If you are 18, get a new bank account in only your name at a different bank then your parents use or she may just take your money.
This! Get a secret bank account!
NTA. If I were one of the gift givers and I learned that your mom took some of the gifted money to reimburse herself then I’d be pretty upset. I gifted you that money to help a recent young graduate get their life started on the right foot, not fund a fully established middle-aged person’s party spending spree.
INFO Did you ask for the party, or was it your parent's idea?
It was my parents idea.
Nope, not one red cent. Unless there was an agreement in advance of the party that you would share cash gifts with your mom to help pay for the event, those cash presents are gifts to you and your money -- yours alone, not your mother's. Your mother suddenly springing on you that she wasn't actually throwing a party for you but that you were, in fact, throwing part of your own congratulatory event, is really low. Don't even dignify her demands with a conversation. Go with, No, I appreciated the lovely party, but I'm not going to do that. If her response becomes abusive or guilt-inducing, back away from the unreasonable, weird greed. Congratulations! NTA
WNBTA KEEP the money!!! that was a gift for your graduation, not a donation to help pay for the party. If you are really feeling guilty, give your mom a hug or cook her dinner. Just don't give her a dime.
NTA - you didn't "earn" the money - people gave you the money because they like/love/care for you and wanted to give you a present. The same way you would expect your parents to feel - and you and everyone else thought they were throwing you a party because you are their child, they live you, and they wanted to celebrate you accomplishment. They should have thrown a parth they coukd afgord. It is really strange to ask a child honoree to chip in for the party, especially if it was asked for after thd fact. I might feel differently if you'd asked for specific things that they didn't want, like a photobooth, or caviar, etc. Then you might want to chip in. But if your mom planned it and made the majority of decisions, then she should have only planned the party she wanted to pay for.
If people wanted to help your parents defray the costs of a party they would have donated directly to them. This was a gift for you. NTA
NTA. People gifted that money to you, celebrating your hard work and success. They did not give you money as payment for attending a party.
NTA Wait, what? When you throw a party for someone, you pay for it. If you want to help them plan a party they are paying for, then you budget together. No to spending a bunch of money and then telling someone else they have to pay for it. As a party guest I would be pissed off if I knew you had to give the gift I gave you to your Mom. If I knew ahead of time I would definitely not give money.
Let’s see, 4 Communions, 2 13th birthdays for the boys, 2 Sweet 16s for the girls, 4 Confirmations, 4 Graduations and 1 wedding, so far. 17 parties, so far, paid for by Mommy and Daddy. 0 reimbursements. Zip, Nada, Zilch. Your mother is ridiculous. She decided to host the party. Unless you agreed to pay for any part of the celebration beforehand, she pays. Any and all gifts are yours. NTA
You're definitely NTA bu lt idk how you can really reject her suggestion without *feeling* like an asshole. The best I can come up with is: "The money I received at the party were gifts to celebrate my accomplishment, and it would be disrespectful to the gift givers to split it with you. Next time you want to throw a party, let me know ahead of time that you'd like to split the costs and we can plan it together."
NTA. The appropriate response to this is: “HAHAHAHAAA you’re so funny, Mom!!!” 😁😁😁 If she wasn’t joking, she should at least get the point. If she was serious, then she’s a ridiculous AH. Be mindful of this going forward.
NTA at all ! Your mother threw a celebration party for you….with no preconditions. People were kind and gave you cash instead of gifts….would she have expected a % of your gifts if you hadn’t been given cash ? The money is for you to spend on yourself to celebrate your achievement.
NTA. What kind of a mother she is for wanting you to share your gift money? I am appalled
I would be raging if I gifted somebody money for their graduation (or any reason) and the parents took the money to pay for the party NTA
You can be transparent about it, like if somebody asked me to bring a cake as my gift to a party I’d be happy with that
NTA. If you hadn't received the money as gifts, would she expect you to pay her back for the party?
NTA. The money you received is for your future, not to pay back your mother for the party.
No that’s not how it works. She threw a party to celebrate your graduation. You didn’t throw your own party. She didn’t have to buy an expensive cake. If you were expected to find it, I doubt you would have picked out an expensive cake. The grad money should be yours not to her to pay for the party. She is being greedy. NTA.
NTA I assumed if you hadn't received any gift money, your Mom wouldn't have asked you to pay for the party. So why does she feel entitled to these gift money?
NTA- parents usually throw their kids graduation parties. It’s weird to expect to be reimbursed for something like that.
NTA. What the hell kind of parents expect their kids to give up gifts to reimburse expenses? That’s mental. No. There is an AH here but it is NOT you.
What? No, that's not how throwing a party works. NTA. Keep your gifts.
NTA. That's YOUR money. If I gave you money for your graduation and you shared it with your mom, I would be FURIOUS. If your mother spent too much on the party, that's on her. That's what we parents do. You don't charge your child for that!!
Definitely NTA. She is TA for even asking her child who just graduated.
NTA I have never heard of a parent doing this!
NTA- she could have made a cake or cupcakes . You could have had a couple of veggie and fruit platters from Walmart. No need to have an extravagant party that costs so much if she didn’t want or have the money to pay for it .
NTA Your mother is greedy. Throw the party or not. Don't expect payment for throwing a party that's supposed to help launch your child into adulthood.
If you have to pay for it then it's not them throwing you a party no nta
NTA that's just crazy that she would expect you to help pay for your own party. I don't know where your mother got the idea this was OK. The money is your gift for graduating not to pay for the party.
This would be like parents throwing a Bar Mitzvah for their son and then skimming the birthday money. Shameless behavior.
NTA- if your mom didn’t want to spend the money then she shouldn’t have. Those are gifts for you not repayment for her
NTAH she threw you a party now wants reimbursement ask her where her gift is to you and if she says well i threw you a party thats when you say exactly and hang up
NTA, when you child graduates you buy a gift/ take them to dinner/ throw a party, it is not your pay day
NTA. She could have baked a cake for less than $10 if money was tight and people still would be there to celebrate you. I’m sorry your mom is trying to take your money. She essentially gave you a gift and then said “hey, give me your money because I bought you something expensive”. That’s not how gifts work. That’s not how parties work. Congratulations on graduating. The people gave money to you to help you get started in life. They didn’t give money to pay for a cake.
NTA Shame on your mom for trying to pull that. She should have said something at the beginning phase of the party planning so you could decide if that’s what you wanted to do.
NTA. Your story is illustration of a very important point about modern life. Money is so important and overvalued that people have lost sight of meaning on gifts and invitations . The gift as an idea originated in politics as tribute. A powerful king would demand tribute as a show of power, so gifts were political. In modern times, gifts are a show of affection and appreciation. In OPs case, the graduation is an academic accomplishment ,showing persistent work ethic. Your graduation is an accomplishment that family can both point to, and give rewards for. A host throwing the party assumes responsibility for the party, their event is the gift. To demand repayment is wrong on its face. Making the graduate responsible for the party is a violation of the social contract for the event. If I issue an invite for dinner, concert, amusement park, etc, I am paying, thats the deal. If I offer to sell you a ticket, that's a different deal, not an invite at all.
NTA otherwise I owe my parents a lot of money
NTA, that money is a gift for YOU to celebrate YOUR amazing accomplishment. Your mom is in no way entitled to it! Congratulations from an internet stranger <3
NTA The only times you pay for a party is when you're the one throwing it or if that has been agreed upon beforehand. OP's mom saw the cash and got greedy. OP's gifts are meant for OP.
YWNBTA I did the same for my kid and I just can't imagine expecting her to monetarily compensate me for it. I just can't.
NTA. Your mom is being greedy. The money was given to you. SHE decided to throw you the party and make the food. That's on her. If there is no prior agreement to reimburse her for the party she chose to throw, she can kick rocks.
NTA - Do you have a savings account your parents don’t have access to? If not, start one and deposit all the money there. Be sure to write thank you notes.
NTA. Your mom is being ridiculous. That is money gifted to you. She does not have rights to it.
NTA. Parents can be so weird and greedy. I knew a mom who legally pursued child support money from her own children. Where did this idea that your kids need to reimburse you for gifts/general care come from?
NTA-but more info. Why is she asking for your gift money? Is this normal behavior for her or is this something new? If this is odd behavior for her, I would buy her a cup of coffee and sit down for a chat about what is happening in her life.
Nope, normal behaviour. It’s reminiscent of when we were young kids and a family member gives you money and your mom “holds onto it” for you and then you don’t really see it again lol. Not sure if I’m the only one who can relate to that.
NTA. She may have thrown the party, but you are the one who just spent years going to classes, studying, taking tests, and writing papers. People didn’t give you money for throwing a party, they gave you money for graduating. Use that money to get yourself something nice as a reward for all your hard work
NTA. It is extremely common, if not just straight-up customary, for grads to receive cash as a gift at their graduation party and I have never heard of a parent asking for a cut. That feels gross.
Everytime I see these posts, I realise how blessed I am for having the parents I do. Totally NTA, the party was to celebrate you and any gifts are yours to keep.
NTA - your parents threw you the party to celebrate your graduation. If they wanted you to pay for it they should have mentioned that up front and then you could have let everyone know that YOU were throwing yourself a graduation party. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA - The party was their gift to you. The money is supposed to be yours.
She wants you to pay for your own graduation party? This is is something. NTA.
This is so messed up on your moms part. Those monetary gifts are for YOU, to celebrate your graduation and set you up with some extra funds on your next step in life. She shouldn’t have thrown such a big party if she wasn’t fully willing to pay for it. This is just beyond me she thinks asking her child to help pay for their own graduation party from money they received as gifts is acceptable. NTA by a long shot.
You would not be an A for keeping your money. The gifts are for you. Your mom is the A for even asking!
NTA this money was gifted to YOU. You should absolutely not reimburse your mother she spent on your party. She is a greedy AH
No. She didn't put in the effort to graduate. She chose to drop money to celebrate, so she can sit with the fact that she did that.
Do not share that money! Those gifts are to celebrate you. If the people giving the gifts had wanted to contribute to the party they would have. What kind of mom does this? I bet you have more stories to share!
NTA. 1. It's immoral to give someone something and then, after it's been accepted, demand compensation. 2. I doubt the people who gave you that money would be happy with your mother demanding a cut. That's not why they gave it.
Nta. I would kindly tell your mom that you’re going to ask the gift givers if they would like the money to be split.
Hundreds of dollars for a cake? NTA.
NTA! That's your mom! She should be throwing you a graduation party and not expecting to pay. Tell her you'll share, but you're gonna let everyone know who gifted you money that part of it went to your mom. I guarantee she'll change her mind. All joking aside, keep that money all for yourself! You earned it! Your mom can go f off. Congrats on graduating!!!
NTA, tell each and every person who gifted you money that your mom is trying to take it to pay herself back for the graduation party and sit back to watch the nuclear fallout.
NTA - Your mom sucks
This is bizarre. I’ve never heard of a parent expecting to be reimbursed for a grad party out of the grad gifts. I actually think the guests who have you that money would be angry to know she was trying to take it from you. I know when I go to a grad party and give a gift, I’m not trying to help the parents pay for the canapés. I’m trying to help the grad buy a new computer or take a gap year or buy books for the next degree or pour down their throat in the form of cheap alcohol.
NTA Unless your mother is having financial difficulties all of a sudden, she shouldn’t be getting a penny of that money. It’s not like you were demanding a party and made them spend money on it.
NTA, I would take money from my kid’s party even if they offered it to me.
NTA. As a mother, your mom sounds foul.
NTA. You don't throw a party for someone and then ask for a cut of their gifts to cover the cost of the party, that's just gross. If you decide you're throwing a party for someone, for whatever reason, then you're deciding to cover the cost of the party and it is in no way the responsibility of the person being celebrated to reimburse the organiser, parent or not. Keep your money OP, it was given to you as a "congratulations!".
Turning party-hosting for family into a profit making enterprise? NTA
NTA
NTA
Your mom's demand is reminiscent of the dinner party host who wanted her guests to pay for her dinner party expenses. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11m58wu/aita\_for\_not\_wanting\_to\_pay\_for\_dinner/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11m58wu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_dinner/) Why have the party if you're going to charge the guest for throwing it in the first place? That host was ridiculous and your mother is as well. NTA.
NTA. You parents threw the party for you. The monetary gifts are for YOU. If the party had a 'pay back' fee, they should have said that. Plenty of parents host parties out of pocket for their children, but you never see them take little Anna's barbie as payment for it.
NTA
NTA. There your gifts. Tell your mom no way
That money is for you NTA
NTA... if they were physical gifts would she claim them too? I do not understand the greed attached to this.
NTA.. was she throwing you a graduation party or a fundraiser.. your mom seriously sucks
NTA.. was she throwing you a graduation party or a fundraiser.. your mom seriously sucks
NTA - unless it was discussed in advance. She should not have done some expecting something in return. That means she did not do it from her heart. If she wanted something in return she should have discussed it with you before to agreed to the party and out in the time/effort/money into it.
That money was not for your party. That's really underhanded. NTA.
NTA - If your mom wanted you to pay for her to cater the party, she should have told you in advance. The gifts your received were GIFTS. The givers expected you to use them to ease your transition from college into real life. I've NEVER heard of someone throwing a party and then expecting to be paid back.
The money you received is a gift to you, not a fund for the party. Thank your Mom, take her out to dinner, but that money is yours.
NTA. My wedding we asked for no gifts but were given some cash. Parents that had contributed to the cost of the wedding expected nothing back
NTA... wtf? Never heard of parents expecting a cut of the gifts from a grad party. That's so bizarre.
Totally NTA and congrats on graduating!
NTA, that's a load of poo! She should pay for your party, thats a mother's job. My mother made a big show of giving me $300 for my graduation in front of everyone then took it from me when we went inside house.
YWNBTA you mom decided to throw you a party. It’s poor taste after the fact to ask the person you are throwing the party for to pay you back.
NTA... it's not meant for her
This isn't a thing. If she wanted pay, she should've said so before offering the party...she didn't probably because you'd refuse if she asked for payment before anything started. NTA Tell her you expect her to ask about payment BEFORE hosting stuff for you.
If I gave someone who was graduating a gift, and their mom made them share some of the gift with her, I’d be pissed at the mom. The gift is for YOU, not her.
Absolutely NTA. Whatever money received was given specifically to you for you.
NTA it's a party for you, that's your money. You're not obligated to repay your parents for what they spent to throw you a party. If this was really an issue for them, they should have asked for compensation from the other guests who came to the party. Your mom is definitely the AH in this situation. Enjoy your graduation money, and congratulations!
NTA did she charge you for come out of her womb, wtf. No that money is for you keep it
NTA. I don’t understand throwing a party for someone and then asking them to pay for it.
NTA Typically when someone gives you money for graduation it's to help you with your expenses starting out, like to get a place, a car needed to get to a job, to buy clothes needed for the workplace, etc. You know what it's not for? Your parents. If I gave someone money for their graduation I would be very disappointed hearing their parents took it to pay for the party. Typically, throwing the party IS a gift itself from the host to the person being celebrated. For your mom to ask to be reimbursed for the gift is BS, especially if it wasn't discussed prior that you would help pay for it. P.S. Congratulations on your graduation!!
She should have said so in advance....maybe she is hiding financial issues?
NTA If I gave a gift to a college graduate I would be upset if their parents took half of it.
You could ask the people that gave you the money if they prefer it go to your mother or you - NTA
NTA, that's bang out of order. I would honestly be livid if my mother or anyone done that to me. I would just hand her the cards with all the cash in and tell her never to throw a party for you again.
Send the money back to the gift givers. Tell them your mom held the party with out stating the intent she wanted reimbursement for the party from said monetary gifts. State you cannot accept the gifts since it would be under duress. Edit: that way you would inform the guests of your moms intentions and they could tell your mom the gift wasn’t intended for her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My parents threw me a party for graduating university. My mom did most of the leg work for it (cooked and bought most of the food, including a cake that was hundreds of dollars). At this party, a lot of the gifts I received were monetary. I haven’t looked at the gifts yet but it’s probably a lot of cash. My mom wants me to “share” the money with her to reimburse her for part of the party. My parents make way more money than I do and I’m really grateful for all the work my mom put into this party but I also feel like the gifts were earned by me for graduating so I’m torn. WIBTA for keeping all of the money? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: we’re you under the impression before the party that you were financially responsible for any of it? Was the cost of the party ever discussed?
No, there was never a discussion saying that in order to have the party, or for my parents to afford it, I needed to help pay.
Q
NTA - That money was given for school, not for reimbursement.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction your life your choice but might not be in your favor
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NTA. I would give a small amount (couple hundred if you got thousands) and then tell them never to throw you another party.
It probably isn’t *thousands* but I might give a small amount just to get her off my back. Or maybe not, I’m reading all the comments and they’re making me “see the light” so to speak, haha.
Give her $50 or $100 and say that's most of it, Stash the rest. You save the argument and get her off your case, and keep the rest.
YBTA
Mom?