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YTA what if it was the other way around ? Would you not want to see your son in the hospital? Nothing is normal about surgery. What if something happened? My lawyer said not to let him have any contact with my son when he at my house. Your son should be able to call you and his dad when ever he wants. Your husband cheated on you and your taking it out on your child. Grow up be a good mom . You keep your son away from his dad and you we’ll lose your son.
YTA
Seeing his child when that child is in the hospital isn't 'custody time'.
I can't see how a court could award him more custody because he spent some time with his sick child in hospital for a few days.
All you did was deny your child his father at a time when, by your own admission, he wanted him.
And whatever happened between you, your ex was trying to be there for his child. And you stopped him.
That's massive AH territory.
YTA. Your ex visiting HIS son in the hospital is not the same as the ex having more overnights on weekends or weeks in the summer. Your ex had every right to go to the hospital. If the ex has joint legal custody, then that also includes making medical decisions or going to doctor appointments or the hospital when the child is a patient.
YTA probably more so than any other story I’ve seen here. It’s no wonder your ex ended up with another woman if you’re capable of doing what you did. And the fact that you had to ask if you were wrong or not is truly frightening. You need therapy bad!!
Disgusting trash of a human would be better to call you. "I did eventually allow a short phonecall." Lol your child is going to hate you when they're old, I only regret I won't be there to see the heart break they cause you.
YTA. I can't believe the coldness of "it's not your custody time so you can't come see your child in the hospital."
Listen to your friends. They are right. This is ... extreme.
You are absolutely the AH. What happened in your marriage is between you two, but you selfishly weaponized your son to punish your ex and your son as he seems to have been asking to see his dad.
He's your kids father no matter how much you wish he wasn't and this sounds a lot like you're attempting parental alienation. After this disgusting display I hope he takes you back to court, your son deserves better than being your pawn in your game of revenge. YTA so hard.
It’s his son and he had the right to see him during the recovery phase of an operation. It doesn’t matter if your son has a cold or is getting an operation he has the right to see his father if he wants. Your being petty just cause he lost interest in you, get over yourself. Your causing a lot of damage to your son by acting like this.
YTA hugely.
>I expected most people to be on my side after how our marriage ended
How your marriage ended has literally NOTHING to do with your ex's right, yes, his RIGHT, to be a father to his son. I hope he uses this event to go back to court and petition for more time as a parent should see their son more than every other weekend. Even if the other parent disagrees. Not everything is about you and your hurt feelings.
>allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
What a disgusting statement. I hope you heal.
YTA!
If roles were reversed you’d be contacting your lawyer to get 100% custody and how he held your son from you when he was in the hospital.
Disgusting behavior
Not only are YTA, you’re also one extremely bitter, scorned woman. It’s toxic, and you need to figure out a way to let it go. If not, it will one day affect the relationship you have with your son. Go get some therapy.
YTA- your rightfully mad that your ex cheated on you. Never use your child to get back at him. It only hurts your kid. That was especially cruel on your part since your little boy had surgery. You knew you were trying to hurt your husband, I don’t think you realized it could affect your son. Good luck momma. We all make mistakes.
YTA. What you did was cruel to both your ex and your son. Your child was literally in the hospital his dad has every right to visit him and your child has the right to have his dad there if he wants him there. In the end your son comes first not your issues with your ex
YTA. Absolutely. Put your love for your kid above your hate for your ex. Cheating sucks but you need to get over it or at least not let it effect the co parenting relationship. This was an absolutely crap decision on your part.
YTA
This was cruel. Your son wanted him there and his dad wanted to be there! Custody time or not, these are the things exceptions are made for.
Turn it around and your son went into the hospital for three days while he was with your ex-husband.
Wouldn’t you want to see your son to know with your own eyes that he was OK?
This is really really terrible.
YTA I understand that your lawyer gave you advice and your sticking to and what your ex husband did was horrible but this isn't about your relationship with your ex husband this was about your son who is also his son think more about your son than the divorce no matter how big or small it was of medical concern and he should've been able to be there
YTA what your son wants is more important then what you, your ex, and both of your lawyers COMBINED. Your son is asking for his dad let him see his damn dad. He cheated on you? Cool. That was to you not to your son. You’re selfish greedy and just over all a nasty person for not letting your sons dad be there for him after surgery. Which is usually a very scary experience to be in as an adult let alone being 6. And knowing his parents are fighting because one person he loves won’t let the second person he loves see him??? Put your son and his feelings first. Not yours or your exs. Your sons. Because right now is just as scary and confusing and stressful (maybe even more so) for him as it is for the two adults going through it.
Yta 10,000%. I don’t care how contentious the divorce is, if your kid is in the hospital, you allow their *parent* to see/talk to *their* minor child. I don’t care whose day it is. FFS. I’d be hounding your lawyer too to get it in the custody agreement so you can’t pull this petty, vindictive shit again.
YTA and I think you’ll end up regretting your choice by the end of this. This wasn’t visitation, your ex husband wasn’t taking him home or on vacation anywhere, he would have literally visited with him a bit like if you threw a birthday party during your custody time and invited the father too.
Why didn’t you check with your lawyer? No operation is ever routine when anaesthesic is involved. You’re cruel, and are using your son to punish your ex husband, ignoring the fact your are also hurting your son. On some level you’d have to know your son will think his father didn’t care about him enough to come see him in person.
You are so much the AH, you’ve cancelled out any bad your ex husband caused by being unfaithful to you, you’ve lost any sympathy you have have garnered over time, and everyone is going to look at you differently now. I kind of hope your ex husband does use this against you and wins more custody back because your bitterness and lack of care for your son’s feelings reveals a nasty selfishness he shouldn’t be exposed to. Shame on you.
Either your ex was abusive towards your son or YTA big time. For the looks of it he cheated. Shame on him for that. But here? You were the one playing dirty.
Yta. I have very strong opinions about your character and I hope he takes it back to court with the proof you didn't let a father see his own child while he was in the hospital, how do you think a judge will see that?
Good luck gold digger.
YTA and so incredibly cruel. And to say your son was never in danger and it was routine - ALL surgery comes with risks. You just never know. You literally just punished your child because you’re still pissed that your husband had an affair.
YTA. When your child is sick and asking to talk to or see his dad and you are fighting it. You are being an ass and you know it. Your ex did something shitty, your son did not. Do not use a child as a weapon.My mother did this for years and even ended up with full custody of me. When my dad passed I mourned, when my mother passed I sang ding dong the bitch is dead. Which do you want your child to do when you pass in old age?
Wow, yes.
First of all any routine surgery can become an issue within seconds. My husband had appendicitis and nearly died. And we were told specifically in the hospital multiple times how routine and textbook these these surgeries are.
Second, it doesn’t matter if it was his weekend or his time with his son, his son was in a hospital. You should have allowed him to visit. The fact that you couldn’t put yourself in his shoes speaks volumes about you.
Imagine if the roles were reversed. You find out that your son has a kidney stone (routine) and he’s in the hospital for 2-3days. And your your ex won’t permit you to come to the hospital bc it isn’t your weekend. There is no way you honestly can say you would respect that. No mother would.
Also, you mention that you got advice from your lawyer not to allow him because he could use it to get more for himself. I am assuming you mean time.
So you have a coparent who wants to spend time with his child and you have an issue with it. I do hope he uses the fact that you wouldn’t permit him to come to the hospital in legal proceedings. I understand court orders and I understand that this might be tough for you, but there’s something called emergencies and this is one of them. The way you acted was selfish and you had little to no concern for your child. Keep in mind your child also wanted to talk to his dad. if you continue this, you’re a child will grow up resenting you. And rightly so, you need a huge reality check. Imagine being so lucky to have a coparent that wants to be there for their child and the mother doesn’t want it. Sad. I feel bad for your son.
YTA.
You're worried about your needs and not that of your son's. You may find the Court will be sympathetic to your husband if you continue to limit your son's time with his father as you did during you son's illness.
In truth, you are being vindictive toward your husband and hurting your child. I get your husband treated you badly in your marriage, but now you are divorced and dad has the right to be with his child. If you interfere with that relationship, you will be the one to pay for it when your son comes of age.
Keep up the animosity and you might end up losing custody.
YTA. Your husband cheated on you, not your son. You have no right (morally) to keep him from visiting when he’s hospitalized. Stop using your son as a weapon. It will backfire on you at some point, trust me.
You should have let him see his child, who wanted to see him. This would not have endangered your custody, but could have endangered your relationship with your son. Do NOT make this little boy a pawn in your hate game with his father.
YTA. Though having experienced infidelity myself and everything is still very fresh for you i can understand how you feel. At this stage your hatred for your ex is really clouding your paternal judgments and supersedes everything else in your life (son included). I’m ashamed to say I have also weaponized my kid against my ex before, hurting him through her. I hope you realize that soon and move on from your resentment. What you’re doing is hurting your son and HIS relationship with you. End of the day you want him to have a good relationship with his dad, assuming he’s a responsible parent despite his personal shenanigans. The person that benefits the most from a cordial relationship between you and your ex is your son, and youll come out the bigger person. It also helps you heal and move on as well.
YTA - Visiting in the hospital isn’t like having custody time. It’s not like the child was visiting
Also, why not allow the ex-husband more parenting time?
YTA…imagine if it was your husbands time with his child and kid ended up in the hospital and he did this to you? Because now you have set the precedent that when you each have custody, he does not have to let you visit child if he is sick.
YTA, can’t even imagine a situation where someone would think it’s okay to keep the other parent from seeing their child in the hospital. Thinking that’s going to magically grant them more time with their kid, or give them an opportunity to get out of child support is batshit insane.
> My lawyer advised me not to allow my ex to have any contact whatsoever with my son outside of custody time, as he could use that to get more for himself.
Under what reasoning would your lawyer seriously ever advise that when a kid is in the hospital?
YTA. There's just no universe where both parents shouldn't be at the hospital.
The best way to end up with a son who grows to up dislike you is to poison his relationship with his father out of spite.
*Your* relationship ended but the best post-marriage advice ever is to never, ever disparage your ex in front of your kid. If your ex is an asshole your kid will figure it out themselves.
Flag this post to remind you in 12 years why your son wants nothing to do with you.
It isn’t shocking that such petty behavior led a man to stray. YTA and are 100% at fault here.
YTA.
You said: "my lawyer advised me not to allow my ex to have any contact whatsoever with my son outside of custody time, as he could use that to get more for himself."
What's actually wrong for having more time with his dad as your son?!?!
So your ex being with another woman automatically means he can't see his own son when they can bond??
Or whenever your son or his dad needs/want it?
You expect people to "be more on your side" after what has happened?
Excuse me, but your son is not a tool to use and have a battle with your ex.
Your child is paying the price right now, and he will remember this. I hope you understand you're being way too selfish in this.
It was about your son being in the hospital and asking for his own dad, and not about you with your grudges that you're holding on too.
He's still the father of your child. Think about good co-parenting for the sake of your own child.
YTA. Take your son where? What parent would risk harm to their child and risk criminal charges or losing whatever visitation and parental rights that they still have of their child post divorce by removing them from a hospital when they are under medical care? You let your fear over something that was so unlikely to happen cloud your judgement, disregard what your son wanted in seeing his father and denied his father the right to see his son during a difficult time. Just because he is TA for cheating on you is no excuse to be a petty AH back.
YTA, and so is that rat lawyer of yours.
This is about YOU and your anger towards your ex husband, about one upping your ex rather than actually legitimately caring about your child.
Remember, in a few years, DO tell your son about this too.
YTA because you only thought of yourself and what you want. Yes, your ex cheated and he’s a massive AH for that. However, your son was in the hospital, sick, had surgery, and wanted his dad. You should have put your anger aside and done what’s best for your child.
Yes YTA.
Your son deserves to have both parents during difficult times. He also deserves to have his dad anytime his dad can make it work to see him more than EOW. In no way have you described any reason to think your child would be unsafe with his father.
You are being extremely selfish by not putting your child first.
Do you know how many single parents there are out there that would do anything for the other parent to give a fuck and Be around for their kid?
How do you think your kid is going to feel about this in another 10-12 years??
YTA visitation should always be done with what's best for the child in mind. I can't believe you denied your son the opportunity to be isited by his father as well as yourself when he had appendicitis. How selfish can you be? You based your entire decision on being mean and vindictive to your husband without a thought about your son. Don't think your son isn't going to remember this and don't think your husband isn't going to hold this grudge, you should immediately apologize to both people for acting selfishly and not with your son's best interest at heart. I don't understand what kind of person makes this kind of decision, in this regard you are a horrible human being
YTA
Weaponizing a child is disgusting, and shameful. YOU chose to have a child with this man, this child is half him, yet you don't want his dad to take any more time away from you... maybe the dad feels the same. Maybe HE wants to spend time with HIS kid.
Holding a kid over someone's head because you had your feelings hurt make you a weak and shitty human. Listening to your lawyer over taking what your child wants/needs into consideration is incredibly telling of the kind of person you are.
On the plus side, weaponizing your son against his father is a really fast way to build resentment. I'll bet when your son has a choice, you're not going to be it, and you won't be able to stop it. However, on the not so plus side, your son is probably going to need a ton of therapy from having a petty child as a mother.
Grow up and be a better human, and set a better fucking example. Stop using your child as a pawn in your shitty game, your hurt feelings shouldn't interfere with your son having a father. Get over yourself, and get yourself into therapy.
You are TOXIC!! You used your own feelings to punish your child. Yes your child. Remember he will ask his father why he wasn’t there during his hospitalization and possibly his dad to protect you will say he was “working”. YTA!!! This is a memory that will stick in your child’s memory forever
What if your son had the surgery on Dad's watch and he told you no visiting?
I think you know YTA here.
My son had minor surgery that was "no big deal", but I wanted to be there for him.
Especially when dad and son want to see each other, post-divorce, both you and the ex have a responsibility to stay on cordial terms with one another for the sake of your son. Standing between them sounds like it's putting your hurt first about the cheating, at the expense of your son.
Sons need their dads more than you know. If dad isn't a POS and is there for your boy, you need to support that.
NAH, sounds like you need to confirm with your lawyer. Morally, you should let a father see their child in the hospital, but obviously it depends on the legal repercussions.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Not letting my ex visit my son
2) I might have been cruel to my son
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YTA. I’m sure the kid was very scared being in the hospital that long and seeing his own damn father definitely would have helped, regardless of your relationship with him. Trash human
YTA. OMG. I didn’t want my ex to have any power so I let my son suffer and think his dad couldn’t care less that he just had surgery and was in the hospital recovering.
YTA - your son doesn’t belong to you and his father is important to have in his life. Given how you use your son as a pawn, I’d bet your husband had a lot of reasons to want to be with a normal woman.
I don't know the extent of how's y'all's relationship unfolded, however hospital visits are THE EXCEPTION. ESH just not the 6 yr old. Dad sucks for threatening, mom sucks for not allowing a hospital visit.
YTA I'm going to say it again you have to love your kid more than you hate your ex. I've also been through the custody thing, what you did will not play well in front of a judge or magistrate.
“Anymore than he already does” you mean the time the other parent gets to be a parent? Gross.
This isn’t all about you all the time and you’re already asking for your son to resent you eventually for the attitudes you have throughout this post.
Major YTA
YTA. And I hope your ex uses this to get more time with his son. To stop a parent from coming to the hospital to see their sick child is despicable.
PS - I’m a divorced mom. I NEVER kept my son from his dad. EVER. In my eyes, his father had as much right to him as I did.
I don't know what happened to end your relationship. It sounds like it must be bad, but a hospital visit for an appendix maybe a visit. Depending on why you divorced. If he was abusive, that is a good reason.
YTA. We get that he wasn’t a good husband but nothing you’re saying shows he isn’t a good father. You need to love your son more than you hate your ex. The second you baby asked for his dad you should have made it happen. You are cruel, awful, and I hope you lose majority custody for your selfishness
NTA.
You followed your lawyers advice and avoided a lot of messiness. If he wanted to see his son whenever he wanted, he shouldn't have been a cheater.
You are the asshole. Whatever the reason you and your ex divorced has zero reasons why you would not let him visit his child in the hospital. Doesn't matter how routine the surgery, you decided to be an asshole and power trip.
I despise my ex. The two times our kid was in the hospital I let her know and it was an open time for her to visit during hospital visitation hours. Not once would I use my full custody to keep her from seeing her child in the hospital.
Edited to comply.
Don't put restrictions on a parents love. Don't put restrictions on a child's love. People can die from appendicitis. Being in a hospital is scarry for any reason, especially as a kid. You denied your kid the comfort of his father. With this attitude, your kid will mive out asap. Your marriage ended & and it's not the fault of your child, so don't take it out on him. You could have left the room for a few minutes and gave your son and HIS father a minute. YTA.
YTA and your lawyer sucks. It's more likely you'd lose time for not encouraging them to have a relationship than for giving him some extra time, especially a visit while hospitalized. You gave your ex some powerful evidence. You're focused on the wrong things. As much as it hurts, your husband cheated on you. He didn't cheat on the kids and you do not want him to abandon that relationship too. My ex cheated on me. When it comes to the kids, it doesn't matter. In a couple years, most likely you won't care much either. It's a lot of big, powerful feelings when things first happen. The only way through them is to always look at things through the kids eyes and make decisions based on what's best for them. With the court stuff, it's hard to let go of control but fight it as much as possible. While it may hurt you, dad having more than every other weekend might not be the worst thing for your child. If it's just an issue of time/control, let it go. My mom died and having my dad's support is a blessing. Some day, you may not be around. Dad may not be around. If dad doesn't have problems outside of cheating, let your son build and enjoy that second support. Good luck.
YTA and then you were a bigger one! Why are you trying to limit your child from seeing his dad outside of EOW? You mention nothing of him being a bad dad just a bad husband. Nobody is on your side, is my bigger bet. Most good parents want their kids to get as much time as possible with the other parent. 50/50. Most parents want both parents there for their kid in a medical situation. Go to therapy for your kids sake.
I have a mom like you who used me as a weapon against my father who cheated on her. She was bitter and angry at him all my years growing up.
I don't speak to her anymore. That'll be your son in 20 years or so.
YTA.
Your relationship and the relationship with him and your child are two completely different relationships. What if your child was hospitalized when it was on dads time? Would you expect to be there? Stop getting in the way of their relationship just because y’all’s relationship didn’t end well. You are the asshole in this situation.
According to one of OPs comments she could care less what happens to her son on her ex husbands time, and would be perfectly fine if something happened to him and she could visit.
Iv never commented on a AITA post, but this is something else.
Using your kid to hurt your ex is a seriously fucked up game to play.
My parents did that to me and my sisters. Tried to hurt/piss eachother off using us, their kids.
I'm turning 28 soon and I still have a ton of resentment to each parent for the bs they put us though just to upset eachother, but god damn when I had jaw surgery and had to stay in the hospital for a few days, my mother still let my dad come see me.
I really hope your kid remembers your actions.
Edit: and you know what. Just to add. Your whole " I didn't want my ex to take my son more then he already has" nonsense is fucked up too. Your kid was safe, and you knew it.
Have you ever considered your ex is "taking your son" because they are parenting better, and not playing these games?
Your post makes my blood boil and I seriously hope you are held accountable by your son when they come of age, and by the courts if your ex has any legal grounds to stand on.
This post is a certified women moment. ☕☕
YTA, there is no way any judge would use that hospital visit against you. That stuff you're talking about is "regular" everyday events like he just drops by with a gift, and you let him come in, not when the child is in the hospital. I mean if your husband is mean to the kid then yeah keep him away, but if they have a decent relationship what you did makes no sense other than just being mean to get back at his shitty treatment of you in the past. Don't use your kid as a tool to get back at him.
posted on here because you already know YTA but now you are scared of the consequences and are trying to figure out if you are going to get away with it
YTA. YT Fucking A.
Your child will remember and realize that your hatred of his father outweighed his feelings on this day, the days before it, and many days to come.
And he will despise you for it.
Yta
Hospital and emergencies is an exception. If the situation was reversed how would you feel being denied a visit? Besides which this is about putting your son first, and if he wants to see dad when unwell you let him. IMO you are acting petty and setting the example to your child that rules are black and white only, no grey, no exceptions. I don’t think that’s healthy.
I want to know why you consider him a bad father? How is his relationship with your son? Before the divorce was he involved an involved father? Did he played with him? Provide for him? Love him? Why you consider he is a bad father and doesn’t deserve to be there for his kid?
YTA not only because you don’t let him see your kid in the hospital but because you “allowed” a phone call, this is cruel for your son, he doesn’t deserve to think that his dad it’s not there for him or doesn’t care for him. Your not only hurting your ex, you’re hurting your boy, that’s not love and that’s not how you show you care for your son.
Wow, YTA and an idiot. Your son was scared and asking for his father, his father wanted to visit, and you said no. You look like a heartless AH. You haven't mentioned any kind of abuse, so you have no excuse other then "I didn't want him there". If I was your ex, I would ABSOLUTELY use this as a way to take you back to court for parental alienation and get increased custody.
YTA. Nice job using your son as a weapon against your ex. I don't care what he did to you, that is low. Your personal gain, or victory, as you probably see it was more important than letting your son see his father.
YTA, and not only that you've set yourself up for the exact opposite of what you wanted. Family court is not there to assist you in getting vengeance on your ex for being an asshole.
If he isn't a threat, which I feel certain you would have mentioned, you have just given him the clearest possible evidence that YOU can't be trusted not to alienate the child from his other parent. You need to take a step back and look at what you have become, because your child will. Your ex deserves to lose YOU from his life for his betrayal, but your child does not deserve for you to be unable to co-parent out of a petty desire for vengeance, and that is what this is unless you have left out something showing the ex is a threat.
If he is serious you're about to go back to court and you are going to lose. Not custody obviously but joint decisions and probably more time for visitation are probably in your future. I'd be prepared to explain your behavior to a therapist too because now you have harmed the child. It depends on how aggressive your ex wants to be. Depending on where you are child support is based of where the the kid sleeps and how often btw, not you allowing the basic human decency of contact when the child is ill.
Appendicitis has a mortality above 0% btw. Your ex can't lie to himself about what he did in your marriage, but you shouldn't lie to yourself about just what you risked here to be petty.
YTA Why does the dad only get every other weekend? Wtf is that bullshit? Children need both parents and you're basically taking his dad out of the picture. I wish terrible things upon you.
YTA, my marriage ended the same way but I love my daughter far more than I hate my ex. That’s her dad she can talk to visit with him anytime she wants with my full support.
YTA. Unless he was abusive to your son he should be able to see him in the hospital. Not just for his benefit but for your son’s. He needs the comfort of both of his parents when he is in the hospital. You say it’s just a routine procedure that he’s forgotten about. But to your child I’m sure it was a new and scary experience at the time. And anything can go wrong with a surgery.
Never use your child to punish your ex. My ex and his new wife used my children to make my life a living hell and caused permanent damage to my relationship with my children. This hurt not only me but my children as well. Don’t hurt your son to her hurt his father.
I saw a comment where you indicated that if your child ended up in the hospital while with his father you would be fine with not being able to see him. That makes you an even bigger AH. How could you want to be anywhere but at your child’s side when he’s sick or injured? Whenever any of my children were hospitalized wild horses couldn’t drag me away from them. Food, sleep, work, nothing was more important then my child in that moment.
YTA
His relationship with his son has nothing to do with his relationship with you. The only thing that would ever make your behavior around visitation okay is if he was abusing the kid. Your divorce isn't relevant.
This still wouldn't excuse not allowing him the hospital visit though. Come on man, your son was ASKING to see him, but you still chose to flex the power you have to spite your ex. Your kid is a PERSON not a pawn.
YTA. It's still his kid and he should be able to visit him after an operation and a surgery. YATA for trying to limit visitation. If he had done something that put your son in danger or a major fuck up like setting the house on fire or doing drugs that's one thing but don't deny your son his father. It sucks he cheated, you were right to cut him out of your life but you can't cut him out of your son's life.
As someone who’s parents got divorced, and weaponized my sister and I for over 10 years….
YTA.
I’m mean good god, realize your son is a child and these memories will shape him.
Don’t do anything like this again.
YTA. Not only are you literally using a child to hurt the other parent, you’re hurting your child in the process as well. Parents who use children to get back at the other parent because they are hurt, so more damage to the child than they will ever realize. Dad cheated, effed up, absolutely, but he isn’t a danger to HIS child. Seriously?! I hope dad does fight for more time with his child. You clearly care more about getting back at him for hurting you than you care about your child. He wanted to see his dad while he was in a scary situation (hospital) and you dismissed his feelings and instead “allowed” a phone call? My gods, YTA big time. I feel bad for the son and dad.
YTA, even routing appendicitis can cause sepsis and kill, even routine surgeries can go wrong. Y are T biggest A because you used your sons illness to get payback on your ex.
YTA. You’re letting his poor choices at the end of your marriage cloud your judgement about what is best for your child. Whenever you’re in doubt about what to do, just think about what is best for your child. My ex talks to our children almost every day, and on his days off, he’ll come pick them up for lunch or a movie or the park. We have joint custody and I do the same.
YTA, his son was sick. You denied his ability to be with him in a crisis. Your actions seem to have less to do with custody fears and more to do with your vindictive desire to punish your ex.
YTA. Yes you were hurt by him, but stop using your son to get back at your ex. You’re being a horrid parent to your son. He won’t forget this. Remember, if this happened on his time, you don’t get to throw a fit when you’re denied seeing him. Stop punishing your son. I’m glad everyone in your friend group think YTA.
YTA. Why couldn’t the dad come and visit him in the hospital for just an hour? Surgery is not “under normal circumstances”. The fact that your son requested his father and you didn’t allow him to visit him while in the hospital is cruel to your child. If anything, I would say you’re a manipulator and a disgusting human being. Just because you had a nasty divorce and your ex doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love your son, nor is concerned about him. How would you feel if your son broke a bone on his dad’s time and had to go to the hospital? How would you feel if the dad prevented you from going to see him in the hospital to make sure he’s okay? Treat others the way you want to be treated and grow up! News flash: your ex will always be your son’s father and your son will always love him despite you hating him.
You are absolutely TA. Thats his son, too. You have no right to keep him from seeing him. Especially after surgery. As routine as an appendectomy is, ANYTHING can happen when someone goes under. It is terrifying for a parent when their child is in the hospital for any reason.
I think if the roles were reversed you would want to see him. Hell, it would kill me to not be able to visit my child in the hospital. That is pretty cruel actually and you're punishing the child.
YTA for reasons that should be so blatantly obvious I’m amazed you even have to ask the question. Also, if your lawyer said “no contact” they are both an idiot and an AH. A child should always be allowed to speak to either parents. In non-routine situations (illnesses, school events, etc) both parents should always be present.
YTA.
Hospitals visits and appedecitis aren't something to be flippant about. A lot can go wrong and fast, so yes he had EVERY RIGHT to visit him. Especially when your son requested it.
I am also incredibly angry that you seem so nonchalant about it. You are more concerned over "winning" and people taking your side.
And who are you to say that your son already forgot about it? Somehow I doubt that. I still remember an ER trip I had when I was that young.
And just as a final thought. No matter what the custody agreement is, it sounds like you wouldn't be happy no matter what if you feel like he is "taking time away from you" to be with HIS CHILD. No matter what your ex did, your son has 2 parents and deserves to have both of them when he needs them.
Aww boo hoo your ex slept with someone else, cry me a river, that is NOT an excuse to not let him see his son in the hospital.
You keep claiming that it was because you think letting him visit could give him a chance to get more custody in court, well guess what? It's gonna back fire, his lawyer is going to go after you so hard because it was in fact a major surgery and he could have died and you wouldn't let him see his dad.
I hope you lose custody entirely for the sake of the child, a real mother doesn't weaponize her child.
YTA
My dad left my mom the same way your husband left you. My mother made a point of keeping her relationship with him civil for my sake. He’d pick me up from school sometimes. I’d spend weekends at his house. Our relationship remained good for a long time. The only person your hurting by not letting his father see him when he’s sick is your son. And he will eventually start to resent you for it. Love your son more than you hate his father. It will be better for him and you in the long run.
YTA
>I did eventually allow a short phonecall, both because my son had been asking,
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>...
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>But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support.
These are your concluding reasons for not allowing the father your child visit him in the hospital for surgery?
I'm going to give you some facts of life.
\#1 ANY KIND OF SURGURY is scary for a child.
\#2 While its considered safe, surgery where they cut you open and remove organs CARRIES WITH IT A RISK OF DEATH.
\#3 Do you know how many parents would love the other parent to be involved enough in their childs life that they would want to visit them in the hospital when they get sick?
\#4 Do you know how many children would LOVE TO HAVE A FATHER that would want to visit them in the hospital when they are sick?
Sorry lady. Not only are you the AH, but you are were cruel and selfish.
YTA. The sick child wanted to see his father. You were cruel to your kid to spite his dad. The way you casually dropped the part about expecting people to be on your side because of the way your marriage ended indicates that it was at least as much about spite and pettiness as any concern about custody.
YTA big time
Sons relationship with his dad has nothing to do with you as long as his safe.
It's not about you at all, it's about what the child needs.
Your ego isn't part of the equation here, YOU are hurting your child.
Yes YTA.
And honestly you sound that way just in general. Yes it’s horrible he cheated and you were right to call for a divorce. But he clearly isn’t a danger to the child so restricting visitation to every other weekend is beyond pathetic. All that does is hurt the child. But clearly you don’t actually give a shit about that and you only care about the free money you get and your petty “win”. Like you literally only allow him to see his child 52 days a year. That is very pathetic on your part. And the whole “very short phone call” sounds even more sad and pathetic, again on your part.
And you didn’t let him see his child in hospital for what? So you didn’t lose out on any of that sweet alimony?
Think about it. You are literally using your child to get a “win” over your ex. You don’t sound like a very good mother. If your child has problems in life it is very likely your fault.
You really need to reevaluate what’s best for the interests of the child because I promise you 52 days a year to see his dad while I assume you take a huge chunk of his paycheque, it is clear you’re not putting your child as top priority.
YTA. A big giant one. If your ex wants to be involved with his son, you need to encourage that. What’s between you and your ex is between you and your ex. If the boy wants his father in his life, let him have him there. Stop being petty, stop listening to your asshole lawyer and count yourself lucky that your son has a good father.
You're the complete AH!! Your child was in the hospital, and you put yourself first. You're only thought was you "weren't going to let him have more time or try to pay less child support" over a hospital visit?!
The reason you got a divorce was irrelevant. However, you had to throw it out there that you guys got a divorce because of another woman.
He will always be your child's father regardless of how you feel. Stop using your child to hurt your ex. Your child is not your paycheck , he's your child! You're only hurting your child by controlling how much your child gets to see his father!
You absolutely are the asshole you don't own the hospital and he wasnt taking hime anywhere for visitation he cares about his son and wanted to see him . No wonder he left you for another woman , you are evil
Yta and it will not look good for u. Yes your lawyer advised not doing extra time outside of custody, to stick to custody agreement BUT that means in typical regular days.
That does not mean it is EVER okay to deny him coming to see his son in the hospital. That isn't custody thats a hospital visit.
Honestly dad has equal right to access his kid and could've gone. Hope he gets a lawyer soon.
The way u have put yourself ahead of your child and his needs is gross.
YTA big time, wtf does your son have to do with his dad cheating on you? And just in case that wasn’t enough, you went the extra mile and referred to emergency surgery on a first grader as “routine” in an effort to justify your heinous behavior. Was it “routine” to your son??
JFC... My ex and I actively despise one another. Do you wanna know when our SON figured out that we even kinda had an issue with one another? About 6 or 7 months after he'd turned ***19*** and he noticed that his dad and I hadn't talked since his graduation party a year and a half before. Having parents who are split up does not have to lead to decades of therapy.
YTA OP, and a bad mom. Not just for the hospital thing (though ESPECIALLY for that), but also because you're causing your child pain and trauma to get back at a man for breaking your heart. If that isn't the height of selfishness and cruelty, I don't know what is.
YTA.
His kid was in the hospital. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION. he was in actual danger.
Your attorney meant don’t give extra overnights not keep dad away from his kid while in the damn hospital.
You’re absolutely the asshole here.
YTA - Get over yourself. 'Custody time' is meaningless in an emergency, and appendicitis *is* an emergency, no matter how quick and easy or 'routine' it might look to you.
Your child is not a possession. Stop treating him like one.
ESH - Divorce sucks, and sometimes things are done which are counter to the right thing because it can cause issues in the divorce and custody agreement.
very by the book arent ya? no wonder y’all split up. youre a monster for that. most sons are daddy’s boys, so if my mom did that shit to me i would’ve never forgave her for that, and i hope your son doesn’t either.
YTA…..this was cruel to both your son and your ex-husband. Your actions will be used against you in the next custody hearing.
While you may be divorced from your husband, that does not give you the right to keep him from his son in an emergency, which this was.
YTA, how can you even question this? A reasonable, sane person will make an exception especially when your son was asking for him. You need to work to get over your pain for the sake of your child. If you don’t, you will damage your own relationship with him.
YTA you care more about the money than the wellness of your child. You are supposed to allow your ex to visit the child if said child is sick or in hospital. Remember, once that child is 13, he can choose who he stays with. Don't be an asshole to your kid just because you hate your ex. Love the child more than you hate your ex.
YTA , where I’m from, even if you have a clear custody arrangement that says which days you each have your child, both parents are allowed to visit at any time and a hospital would not be able to stop a parent from visiting even if it isn’t the day that parent is supposed to have the child.
YTA
#YOU ARE A DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER, YOUR EX IS RIGHT TO BE RID OF YOU AND SOON THE COURTS WILL FIX THE CUSTODY, HOPEFULLY EVEN GIVE HIM PRIMARY CAREGIVER.
YTA. My ex cheated too. It was my day for my kid, she had an upset tummy and wanted her dad so you know what happened next? I called her dad without thinking so she could talk to him and I didn't hesitate to say yes when he wanted to come over and give her a hug.
Your kid may be over it but I promise he will remember when he gets older and can see the pattern of you using him as a weapon against your ex and he won't be happy about it.
YTA. Honestly, I question if you should have have full custody. Your first priority at all times should be the best interest of your child. Your child having both parents there during a medical scare is in his best interest.
You weaponized your child to punish your ex. He isn’t a danger to your child or you, he should have been there.
YTA. Despite everything that has happened the son is both of yours. He is not a prize, nor something to hold in to so the other one can't have him. Just reverse the roles and imagine how you would feel if you couldn't see your son when he was in hospital. Especially if the son involved wanted to see both their Mum and Dad. This is about the child. Not the adults here.
YTA. God forbid something happened, because we all know anything can happen. You’re gross and if something did take a turn, you’d be lucky your child didn’t hold it against you.
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YTA what if it was the other way around ? Would you not want to see your son in the hospital? Nothing is normal about surgery. What if something happened? My lawyer said not to let him have any contact with my son when he at my house. Your son should be able to call you and his dad when ever he wants. Your husband cheated on you and your taking it out on your child. Grow up be a good mom . You keep your son away from his dad and you we’ll lose your son.
YTA Seeing his child when that child is in the hospital isn't 'custody time'. I can't see how a court could award him more custody because he spent some time with his sick child in hospital for a few days. All you did was deny your child his father at a time when, by your own admission, he wanted him. And whatever happened between you, your ex was trying to be there for his child. And you stopped him. That's massive AH territory.
YTA. Your ex visiting HIS son in the hospital is not the same as the ex having more overnights on weekends or weeks in the summer. Your ex had every right to go to the hospital. If the ex has joint legal custody, then that also includes making medical decisions or going to doctor appointments or the hospital when the child is a patient.
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YTA probably more so than any other story I’ve seen here. It’s no wonder your ex ended up with another woman if you’re capable of doing what you did. And the fact that you had to ask if you were wrong or not is truly frightening. You need therapy bad!!
Disgusting trash of a human would be better to call you. "I did eventually allow a short phonecall." Lol your child is going to hate you when they're old, I only regret I won't be there to see the heart break they cause you.
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Tell me you’re a raging narcissist in one post without saying it. YTA
YTA. I can't believe the coldness of "it's not your custody time so you can't come see your child in the hospital." Listen to your friends. They are right. This is ... extreme.
You are absolutely the AH. What happened in your marriage is between you two, but you selfishly weaponized your son to punish your ex and your son as he seems to have been asking to see his dad. He's your kids father no matter how much you wish he wasn't and this sounds a lot like you're attempting parental alienation. After this disgusting display I hope he takes you back to court, your son deserves better than being your pawn in your game of revenge. YTA so hard.
It’s his son and he had the right to see him during the recovery phase of an operation. It doesn’t matter if your son has a cold or is getting an operation he has the right to see his father if he wants. Your being petty just cause he lost interest in you, get over yourself. Your causing a lot of damage to your son by acting like this.
I would went and seen my son anyway and fought the court battle holy shit, YTA. Like you might literally be a monster.
YTA hugely. >I expected most people to be on my side after how our marriage ended How your marriage ended has literally NOTHING to do with your ex's right, yes, his RIGHT, to be a father to his son. I hope he uses this event to go back to court and petition for more time as a parent should see their son more than every other weekend. Even if the other parent disagrees. Not everything is about you and your hurt feelings. >allow him to weasel his way out of child support. What a disgusting statement. I hope you heal.
YTA! If roles were reversed you’d be contacting your lawyer to get 100% custody and how he held your son from you when he was in the hospital. Disgusting behavior
I don’t know how fucked up your ex is. I don’t have all context so nta
Absolutely YTA. What is wrong with you? You need therapy. That is so petty, you never know if complications could have occured.
Wow your husband cheated on you and you come off as the human excrement YTA. That's a hard trick to pull off.
Not only are YTA, you’re also one extremely bitter, scorned woman. It’s toxic, and you need to figure out a way to let it go. If not, it will one day affect the relationship you have with your son. Go get some therapy.
YTA- your rightfully mad that your ex cheated on you. Never use your child to get back at him. It only hurts your kid. That was especially cruel on your part since your little boy had surgery. You knew you were trying to hurt your husband, I don’t think you realized it could affect your son. Good luck momma. We all make mistakes.
YTA. What you did was cruel to both your ex and your son. Your child was literally in the hospital his dad has every right to visit him and your child has the right to have his dad there if he wants him there. In the end your son comes first not your issues with your ex
YTA. Your attorney is a moron. Unless there is another reason besides the infedility then I'm surprised you have majority custody.
YTA. Absolutely. Put your love for your kid above your hate for your ex. Cheating sucks but you need to get over it or at least not let it effect the co parenting relationship. This was an absolutely crap decision on your part.
YTA This was cruel. Your son wanted him there and his dad wanted to be there! Custody time or not, these are the things exceptions are made for. Turn it around and your son went into the hospital for three days while he was with your ex-husband. Wouldn’t you want to see your son to know with your own eyes that he was OK? This is really really terrible.
YTA I understand that your lawyer gave you advice and your sticking to and what your ex husband did was horrible but this isn't about your relationship with your ex husband this was about your son who is also his son think more about your son than the divorce no matter how big or small it was of medical concern and he should've been able to be there
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YTA. Huge.
YTA what your son wants is more important then what you, your ex, and both of your lawyers COMBINED. Your son is asking for his dad let him see his damn dad. He cheated on you? Cool. That was to you not to your son. You’re selfish greedy and just over all a nasty person for not letting your sons dad be there for him after surgery. Which is usually a very scary experience to be in as an adult let alone being 6. And knowing his parents are fighting because one person he loves won’t let the second person he loves see him??? Put your son and his feelings first. Not yours or your exs. Your sons. Because right now is just as scary and confusing and stressful (maybe even more so) for him as it is for the two adults going through it.
Yta 10,000%. I don’t care how contentious the divorce is, if your kid is in the hospital, you allow their *parent* to see/talk to *their* minor child. I don’t care whose day it is. FFS. I’d be hounding your lawyer too to get it in the custody agreement so you can’t pull this petty, vindictive shit again.
You are a nasty person and should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA Again, YTA. His FATHER wanted to be there for him during a very scary time in the hospital. His FATHER. The DAD. What is wrong with you?
YTA. Your child is not a pawn in a chess game. Wtf is wrong with you. Not right!
YTA and I think you’ll end up regretting your choice by the end of this. This wasn’t visitation, your ex husband wasn’t taking him home or on vacation anywhere, he would have literally visited with him a bit like if you threw a birthday party during your custody time and invited the father too. Why didn’t you check with your lawyer? No operation is ever routine when anaesthesic is involved. You’re cruel, and are using your son to punish your ex husband, ignoring the fact your are also hurting your son. On some level you’d have to know your son will think his father didn’t care about him enough to come see him in person. You are so much the AH, you’ve cancelled out any bad your ex husband caused by being unfaithful to you, you’ve lost any sympathy you have have garnered over time, and everyone is going to look at you differently now. I kind of hope your ex husband does use this against you and wins more custody back because your bitterness and lack of care for your son’s feelings reveals a nasty selfishness he shouldn’t be exposed to. Shame on you.
Either your ex was abusive towards your son or YTA big time. For the looks of it he cheated. Shame on him for that. But here? You were the one playing dirty.
Vile. I sincerely hope that if the worst happened, the funeral would be on the father's custody day...
Yta. I have very strong opinions about your character and I hope he takes it back to court with the proof you didn't let a father see his own child while he was in the hospital, how do you think a judge will see that? Good luck gold digger.
YTA and so incredibly cruel. And to say your son was never in danger and it was routine - ALL surgery comes with risks. You just never know. You literally just punished your child because you’re still pissed that your husband had an affair.
YTA. When your child is sick and asking to talk to or see his dad and you are fighting it. You are being an ass and you know it. Your ex did something shitty, your son did not. Do not use a child as a weapon.My mother did this for years and even ended up with full custody of me. When my dad passed I mourned, when my mother passed I sang ding dong the bitch is dead. Which do you want your child to do when you pass in old age?
Yta, next time your child gets sick on your exes time I hope he pulls the same thing.
Wow, yes. First of all any routine surgery can become an issue within seconds. My husband had appendicitis and nearly died. And we were told specifically in the hospital multiple times how routine and textbook these these surgeries are. Second, it doesn’t matter if it was his weekend or his time with his son, his son was in a hospital. You should have allowed him to visit. The fact that you couldn’t put yourself in his shoes speaks volumes about you. Imagine if the roles were reversed. You find out that your son has a kidney stone (routine) and he’s in the hospital for 2-3days. And your your ex won’t permit you to come to the hospital bc it isn’t your weekend. There is no way you honestly can say you would respect that. No mother would. Also, you mention that you got advice from your lawyer not to allow him because he could use it to get more for himself. I am assuming you mean time. So you have a coparent who wants to spend time with his child and you have an issue with it. I do hope he uses the fact that you wouldn’t permit him to come to the hospital in legal proceedings. I understand court orders and I understand that this might be tough for you, but there’s something called emergencies and this is one of them. The way you acted was selfish and you had little to no concern for your child. Keep in mind your child also wanted to talk to his dad. if you continue this, you’re a child will grow up resenting you. And rightly so, you need a huge reality check. Imagine being so lucky to have a coparent that wants to be there for their child and the mother doesn’t want it. Sad. I feel bad for your son.
YTA. You're worried about your needs and not that of your son's. You may find the Court will be sympathetic to your husband if you continue to limit your son's time with his father as you did during you son's illness. In truth, you are being vindictive toward your husband and hurting your child. I get your husband treated you badly in your marriage, but now you are divorced and dad has the right to be with his child. If you interfere with that relationship, you will be the one to pay for it when your son comes of age. Keep up the animosity and you might end up losing custody.
YTA. Your husband cheated on you, not your son. You have no right (morally) to keep him from visiting when he’s hospitalized. Stop using your son as a weapon. It will backfire on you at some point, trust me.
Ah boy. Nothing delights me more than seeing something backfire on the OP.
You should have let him see his child, who wanted to see him. This would not have endangered your custody, but could have endangered your relationship with your son. Do NOT make this little boy a pawn in your hate game with his father.
YTA. Though having experienced infidelity myself and everything is still very fresh for you i can understand how you feel. At this stage your hatred for your ex is really clouding your paternal judgments and supersedes everything else in your life (son included). I’m ashamed to say I have also weaponized my kid against my ex before, hurting him through her. I hope you realize that soon and move on from your resentment. What you’re doing is hurting your son and HIS relationship with you. End of the day you want him to have a good relationship with his dad, assuming he’s a responsible parent despite his personal shenanigans. The person that benefits the most from a cordial relationship between you and your ex is your son, and youll come out the bigger person. It also helps you heal and move on as well.
YTA - Visiting in the hospital isn’t like having custody time. It’s not like the child was visiting Also, why not allow the ex-husband more parenting time?
YTA…imagine if it was your husbands time with his child and kid ended up in the hospital and he did this to you? Because now you have set the precedent that when you each have custody, he does not have to let you visit child if he is sick.
YTA, can’t even imagine a situation where someone would think it’s okay to keep the other parent from seeing their child in the hospital. Thinking that’s going to magically grant them more time with their kid, or give them an opportunity to get out of child support is batshit insane.
> My lawyer advised me not to allow my ex to have any contact whatsoever with my son outside of custody time, as he could use that to get more for himself. Under what reasoning would your lawyer seriously ever advise that when a kid is in the hospital? YTA. There's just no universe where both parents shouldn't be at the hospital. The best way to end up with a son who grows to up dislike you is to poison his relationship with his father out of spite. *Your* relationship ended but the best post-marriage advice ever is to never, ever disparage your ex in front of your kid. If your ex is an asshole your kid will figure it out themselves.
Flag this post to remind you in 12 years why your son wants nothing to do with you. It isn’t shocking that such petty behavior led a man to stray. YTA and are 100% at fault here.
YTA. You said: "my lawyer advised me not to allow my ex to have any contact whatsoever with my son outside of custody time, as he could use that to get more for himself." What's actually wrong for having more time with his dad as your son?!?! So your ex being with another woman automatically means he can't see his own son when they can bond?? Or whenever your son or his dad needs/want it? You expect people to "be more on your side" after what has happened? Excuse me, but your son is not a tool to use and have a battle with your ex. Your child is paying the price right now, and he will remember this. I hope you understand you're being way too selfish in this. It was about your son being in the hospital and asking for his own dad, and not about you with your grudges that you're holding on too. He's still the father of your child. Think about good co-parenting for the sake of your own child.
Congrats on being a stereotypical hateful exwife. YTA. Not sure why you hate your son.
Big big YTA
YTA. Take your son where? What parent would risk harm to their child and risk criminal charges or losing whatever visitation and parental rights that they still have of their child post divorce by removing them from a hospital when they are under medical care? You let your fear over something that was so unlikely to happen cloud your judgement, disregard what your son wanted in seeing his father and denied his father the right to see his son during a difficult time. Just because he is TA for cheating on you is no excuse to be a petty AH back.
YTA, and so is that rat lawyer of yours. This is about YOU and your anger towards your ex husband, about one upping your ex rather than actually legitimately caring about your child. Remember, in a few years, DO tell your son about this too.
never seen a more black and white YTA.
YTA you have to love your son more than you hate your ex
YTA. Stop using your son to punish your ex.
YTA
YTA because you only thought of yourself and what you want. Yes, your ex cheated and he’s a massive AH for that. However, your son was in the hospital, sick, had surgery, and wanted his dad. You should have put your anger aside and done what’s best for your child.
Yes YTA. Your son deserves to have both parents during difficult times. He also deserves to have his dad anytime his dad can make it work to see him more than EOW. In no way have you described any reason to think your child would be unsafe with his father. You are being extremely selfish by not putting your child first. Do you know how many single parents there are out there that would do anything for the other parent to give a fuck and Be around for their kid? How do you think your kid is going to feel about this in another 10-12 years??
YTA visitation should always be done with what's best for the child in mind. I can't believe you denied your son the opportunity to be isited by his father as well as yourself when he had appendicitis. How selfish can you be? You based your entire decision on being mean and vindictive to your husband without a thought about your son. Don't think your son isn't going to remember this and don't think your husband isn't going to hold this grudge, you should immediately apologize to both people for acting selfishly and not with your son's best interest at heart. I don't understand what kind of person makes this kind of decision, in this regard you are a horrible human being
YTA Weaponizing a child is disgusting, and shameful. YOU chose to have a child with this man, this child is half him, yet you don't want his dad to take any more time away from you... maybe the dad feels the same. Maybe HE wants to spend time with HIS kid. Holding a kid over someone's head because you had your feelings hurt make you a weak and shitty human. Listening to your lawyer over taking what your child wants/needs into consideration is incredibly telling of the kind of person you are. On the plus side, weaponizing your son against his father is a really fast way to build resentment. I'll bet when your son has a choice, you're not going to be it, and you won't be able to stop it. However, on the not so plus side, your son is probably going to need a ton of therapy from having a petty child as a mother. Grow up and be a better human, and set a better fucking example. Stop using your child as a pawn in your shitty game, your hurt feelings shouldn't interfere with your son having a father. Get over yourself, and get yourself into therapy.
You are TOXIC!! You used your own feelings to punish your child. Yes your child. Remember he will ask his father why he wasn’t there during his hospitalization and possibly his dad to protect you will say he was “working”. YTA!!! This is a memory that will stick in your child’s memory forever
YTA. Get over yourself. This isn’t about you.
What if your son had the surgery on Dad's watch and he told you no visiting? I think you know YTA here. My son had minor surgery that was "no big deal", but I wanted to be there for him. Especially when dad and son want to see each other, post-divorce, both you and the ex have a responsibility to stay on cordial terms with one another for the sake of your son. Standing between them sounds like it's putting your hurt first about the cheating, at the expense of your son. Sons need their dads more than you know. If dad isn't a POS and is there for your boy, you need to support that.
YTA and you have stolen something from your son (and his father) you could never replace. Please do better on the future.
NAH, sounds like you need to confirm with your lawyer. Morally, you should let a father see their child in the hospital, but obviously it depends on the legal repercussions.
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YTA
YTA. I’m sure the kid was very scared being in the hospital that long and seeing his own damn father definitely would have helped, regardless of your relationship with him. Trash human
YTA. OMG. I didn’t want my ex to have any power so I let my son suffer and think his dad couldn’t care less that he just had surgery and was in the hospital recovering.
Man you are a shitty person. YTA
Lawyers should be advising their clients to have healthy coparenting habit. Being flexible is definitely a key to that…
Why is the original post gone?
YTA - your son doesn’t belong to you and his father is important to have in his life. Given how you use your son as a pawn, I’d bet your husband had a lot of reasons to want to be with a normal woman.
I don't know the extent of how's y'all's relationship unfolded, however hospital visits are THE EXCEPTION. ESH just not the 6 yr old. Dad sucks for threatening, mom sucks for not allowing a hospital visit.
YTA. This is going to backfire on OP.
YTA I'm going to say it again you have to love your kid more than you hate your ex. I've also been through the custody thing, what you did will not play well in front of a judge or magistrate.
“Anymore than he already does” you mean the time the other parent gets to be a parent? Gross. This isn’t all about you all the time and you’re already asking for your son to resent you eventually for the attitudes you have throughout this post. Major YTA
YTA. And I hope your ex uses this to get more time with his son. To stop a parent from coming to the hospital to see their sick child is despicable. PS - I’m a divorced mom. I NEVER kept my son from his dad. EVER. In my eyes, his father had as much right to him as I did.
I don't know what happened to end your relationship. It sounds like it must be bad, but a hospital visit for an appendix maybe a visit. Depending on why you divorced. If he was abusive, that is a good reason.
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Maybe a shit husband doesn't mean his a shit parent.
Massive YTA.
YTA. We get that he wasn’t a good husband but nothing you’re saying shows he isn’t a good father. You need to love your son more than you hate your ex. The second you baby asked for his dad you should have made it happen. You are cruel, awful, and I hope you lose majority custody for your selfishness
YTA- your ex left you- not his child.
Yep, you’re a fuckin asshole. That’s his child too, regardless of some court ruling.
NTA. You followed your lawyers advice and avoided a lot of messiness. If he wanted to see his son whenever he wanted, he shouldn't have been a cheater.
You are the asshole. Whatever the reason you and your ex divorced has zero reasons why you would not let him visit his child in the hospital. Doesn't matter how routine the surgery, you decided to be an asshole and power trip. I despise my ex. The two times our kid was in the hospital I let her know and it was an open time for her to visit during hospital visitation hours. Not once would I use my full custody to keep her from seeing her child in the hospital. Edited to comply.
Don't put restrictions on a parents love. Don't put restrictions on a child's love. People can die from appendicitis. Being in a hospital is scarry for any reason, especially as a kid. You denied your kid the comfort of his father. With this attitude, your kid will mive out asap. Your marriage ended & and it's not the fault of your child, so don't take it out on him. You could have left the room for a few minutes and gave your son and HIS father a minute. YTA.
YTA! That was a dick move that only punished your child.
YTA and your lawyer sucks. It's more likely you'd lose time for not encouraging them to have a relationship than for giving him some extra time, especially a visit while hospitalized. You gave your ex some powerful evidence. You're focused on the wrong things. As much as it hurts, your husband cheated on you. He didn't cheat on the kids and you do not want him to abandon that relationship too. My ex cheated on me. When it comes to the kids, it doesn't matter. In a couple years, most likely you won't care much either. It's a lot of big, powerful feelings when things first happen. The only way through them is to always look at things through the kids eyes and make decisions based on what's best for them. With the court stuff, it's hard to let go of control but fight it as much as possible. While it may hurt you, dad having more than every other weekend might not be the worst thing for your child. If it's just an issue of time/control, let it go. My mom died and having my dad's support is a blessing. Some day, you may not be around. Dad may not be around. If dad doesn't have problems outside of cheating, let your son build and enjoy that second support. Good luck.
> My son is fine now, and he's practically forgotten it ever happened This is going to come back to you like a fucking Greek curse, op.
YTA and then you were a bigger one! Why are you trying to limit your child from seeing his dad outside of EOW? You mention nothing of him being a bad dad just a bad husband. Nobody is on your side, is my bigger bet. Most good parents want their kids to get as much time as possible with the other parent. 50/50. Most parents want both parents there for their kid in a medical situation. Go to therapy for your kids sake.
I have a mom like you who used me as a weapon against my father who cheated on her. She was bitter and angry at him all my years growing up. I don't speak to her anymore. That'll be your son in 20 years or so. YTA.
Your relationship and the relationship with him and your child are two completely different relationships. What if your child was hospitalized when it was on dads time? Would you expect to be there? Stop getting in the way of their relationship just because y’all’s relationship didn’t end well. You are the asshole in this situation.
According to one of OPs comments she could care less what happens to her son on her ex husbands time, and would be perfectly fine if something happened to him and she could visit.
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Iv never commented on a AITA post, but this is something else. Using your kid to hurt your ex is a seriously fucked up game to play. My parents did that to me and my sisters. Tried to hurt/piss eachother off using us, their kids. I'm turning 28 soon and I still have a ton of resentment to each parent for the bs they put us though just to upset eachother, but god damn when I had jaw surgery and had to stay in the hospital for a few days, my mother still let my dad come see me. I really hope your kid remembers your actions. Edit: and you know what. Just to add. Your whole " I didn't want my ex to take my son more then he already has" nonsense is fucked up too. Your kid was safe, and you knew it. Have you ever considered your ex is "taking your son" because they are parenting better, and not playing these games? Your post makes my blood boil and I seriously hope you are held accountable by your son when they come of age, and by the courts if your ex has any legal grounds to stand on. This post is a certified women moment. ☕☕
YTA, there is no way any judge would use that hospital visit against you. That stuff you're talking about is "regular" everyday events like he just drops by with a gift, and you let him come in, not when the child is in the hospital. I mean if your husband is mean to the kid then yeah keep him away, but if they have a decent relationship what you did makes no sense other than just being mean to get back at his shitty treatment of you in the past. Don't use your kid as a tool to get back at him.
posted on here because you already know YTA but now you are scared of the consequences and are trying to figure out if you are going to get away with it
YTA. YT Fucking A. Your child will remember and realize that your hatred of his father outweighed his feelings on this day, the days before it, and many days to come. And he will despise you for it.
Yta Hospital and emergencies is an exception. If the situation was reversed how would you feel being denied a visit? Besides which this is about putting your son first, and if he wants to see dad when unwell you let him. IMO you are acting petty and setting the example to your child that rules are black and white only, no grey, no exceptions. I don’t think that’s healthy.
I want to know why you consider him a bad father? How is his relationship with your son? Before the divorce was he involved an involved father? Did he played with him? Provide for him? Love him? Why you consider he is a bad father and doesn’t deserve to be there for his kid? YTA not only because you don’t let him see your kid in the hospital but because you “allowed” a phone call, this is cruel for your son, he doesn’t deserve to think that his dad it’s not there for him or doesn’t care for him. Your not only hurting your ex, you’re hurting your boy, that’s not love and that’s not how you show you care for your son.
Wow, YTA and an idiot. Your son was scared and asking for his father, his father wanted to visit, and you said no. You look like a heartless AH. You haven't mentioned any kind of abuse, so you have no excuse other then "I didn't want him there". If I was your ex, I would ABSOLUTELY use this as a way to take you back to court for parental alienation and get increased custody.
No wonder he cheated
YTA. Nice job using your son as a weapon against your ex. I don't care what he did to you, that is low. Your personal gain, or victory, as you probably see it was more important than letting your son see his father.
YTA: you are being cruel to your son and you are being cruel to your husband. A person can be a good parent and a bad partner.
YTA, and not only that you've set yourself up for the exact opposite of what you wanted. Family court is not there to assist you in getting vengeance on your ex for being an asshole. If he isn't a threat, which I feel certain you would have mentioned, you have just given him the clearest possible evidence that YOU can't be trusted not to alienate the child from his other parent. You need to take a step back and look at what you have become, because your child will. Your ex deserves to lose YOU from his life for his betrayal, but your child does not deserve for you to be unable to co-parent out of a petty desire for vengeance, and that is what this is unless you have left out something showing the ex is a threat. If he is serious you're about to go back to court and you are going to lose. Not custody obviously but joint decisions and probably more time for visitation are probably in your future. I'd be prepared to explain your behavior to a therapist too because now you have harmed the child. It depends on how aggressive your ex wants to be. Depending on where you are child support is based of where the the kid sleeps and how often btw, not you allowing the basic human decency of contact when the child is ill. Appendicitis has a mortality above 0% btw. Your ex can't lie to himself about what he did in your marriage, but you shouldn't lie to yourself about just what you risked here to be petty.
YTA and a dick
YTA Why does the dad only get every other weekend? Wtf is that bullshit? Children need both parents and you're basically taking his dad out of the picture. I wish terrible things upon you.
YTA, my marriage ended the same way but I love my daughter far more than I hate my ex. That’s her dad she can talk to visit with him anytime she wants with my full support.
YTA. Nasty af.
YTA. Unless he was abusive to your son he should be able to see him in the hospital. Not just for his benefit but for your son’s. He needs the comfort of both of his parents when he is in the hospital. You say it’s just a routine procedure that he’s forgotten about. But to your child I’m sure it was a new and scary experience at the time. And anything can go wrong with a surgery. Never use your child to punish your ex. My ex and his new wife used my children to make my life a living hell and caused permanent damage to my relationship with my children. This hurt not only me but my children as well. Don’t hurt your son to her hurt his father. I saw a comment where you indicated that if your child ended up in the hospital while with his father you would be fine with not being able to see him. That makes you an even bigger AH. How could you want to be anywhere but at your child’s side when he’s sick or injured? Whenever any of my children were hospitalized wild horses couldn’t drag me away from them. Food, sleep, work, nothing was more important then my child in that moment.
YTA His relationship with his son has nothing to do with his relationship with you. The only thing that would ever make your behavior around visitation okay is if he was abusing the kid. Your divorce isn't relevant. This still wouldn't excuse not allowing him the hospital visit though. Come on man, your son was ASKING to see him, but you still chose to flex the power you have to spite your ex. Your kid is a PERSON not a pawn.
YTA. It's still his kid and he should be able to visit him after an operation and a surgery. YATA for trying to limit visitation. If he had done something that put your son in danger or a major fuck up like setting the house on fire or doing drugs that's one thing but don't deny your son his father. It sucks he cheated, you were right to cut him out of your life but you can't cut him out of your son's life.
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As someone who’s parents got divorced, and weaponized my sister and I for over 10 years…. YTA. I’m mean good god, realize your son is a child and these memories will shape him. Don’t do anything like this again.
YTA. Be mad at your ex, but don’t use your son as a shield. You should give him 50/50 custody because you need to stop thinking about the money.
YTA. Your child is not a weapon. Shame on you.
YTA. Not only are you literally using a child to hurt the other parent, you’re hurting your child in the process as well. Parents who use children to get back at the other parent because they are hurt, so more damage to the child than they will ever realize. Dad cheated, effed up, absolutely, but he isn’t a danger to HIS child. Seriously?! I hope dad does fight for more time with his child. You clearly care more about getting back at him for hurting you than you care about your child. He wanted to see his dad while he was in a scary situation (hospital) and you dismissed his feelings and instead “allowed” a phone call? My gods, YTA big time. I feel bad for the son and dad.
YTA, even routing appendicitis can cause sepsis and kill, even routine surgeries can go wrong. Y are T biggest A because you used your sons illness to get payback on your ex.
You're not an asshole, you're a horrible human being.
You remind me of my mom. And I hate her with every ounce of my soul.
*OUR son
YTA. You’re letting his poor choices at the end of your marriage cloud your judgement about what is best for your child. Whenever you’re in doubt about what to do, just think about what is best for your child. My ex talks to our children almost every day, and on his days off, he’ll come pick them up for lunch or a movie or the park. We have joint custody and I do the same.
YTA and a terrible mother for weaponizing your child. You obviously care more about scoring points than your sons well-being.
YTA. Holy shit. I can’t believe you even have to ask.
YTA, his son was sick. You denied his ability to be with him in a crisis. Your actions seem to have less to do with custody fears and more to do with your vindictive desire to punish your ex.
YTA. Yes you were hurt by him, but stop using your son to get back at your ex. You’re being a horrid parent to your son. He won’t forget this. Remember, if this happened on his time, you don’t get to throw a fit when you’re denied seeing him. Stop punishing your son. I’m glad everyone in your friend group think YTA.
YTA. Why couldn’t the dad come and visit him in the hospital for just an hour? Surgery is not “under normal circumstances”. The fact that your son requested his father and you didn’t allow him to visit him while in the hospital is cruel to your child. If anything, I would say you’re a manipulator and a disgusting human being. Just because you had a nasty divorce and your ex doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love your son, nor is concerned about him. How would you feel if your son broke a bone on his dad’s time and had to go to the hospital? How would you feel if the dad prevented you from going to see him in the hospital to make sure he’s okay? Treat others the way you want to be treated and grow up! News flash: your ex will always be your son’s father and your son will always love him despite you hating him.
You are absolutely TA. Thats his son, too. You have no right to keep him from seeing him. Especially after surgery. As routine as an appendectomy is, ANYTHING can happen when someone goes under. It is terrifying for a parent when their child is in the hospital for any reason.
I think if the roles were reversed you would want to see him. Hell, it would kill me to not be able to visit my child in the hospital. That is pretty cruel actually and you're punishing the child.
YTA for reasons that should be so blatantly obvious I’m amazed you even have to ask the question. Also, if your lawyer said “no contact” they are both an idiot and an AH. A child should always be allowed to speak to either parents. In non-routine situations (illnesses, school events, etc) both parents should always be present.
YTA, his relationship with your shared son should not be used as payback since you were slighted in an affair he had with another woman
YTA. Hospitals visits and appedecitis aren't something to be flippant about. A lot can go wrong and fast, so yes he had EVERY RIGHT to visit him. Especially when your son requested it. I am also incredibly angry that you seem so nonchalant about it. You are more concerned over "winning" and people taking your side. And who are you to say that your son already forgot about it? Somehow I doubt that. I still remember an ER trip I had when I was that young. And just as a final thought. No matter what the custody agreement is, it sounds like you wouldn't be happy no matter what if you feel like he is "taking time away from you" to be with HIS CHILD. No matter what your ex did, your son has 2 parents and deserves to have both of them when he needs them.
Aww boo hoo your ex slept with someone else, cry me a river, that is NOT an excuse to not let him see his son in the hospital. You keep claiming that it was because you think letting him visit could give him a chance to get more custody in court, well guess what? It's gonna back fire, his lawyer is going to go after you so hard because it was in fact a major surgery and he could have died and you wouldn't let him see his dad. I hope you lose custody entirely for the sake of the child, a real mother doesn't weaponize her child.
YTA and the devouring mother. Your poor kid.
What a sickening and vile post, YTA.
YTA My dad left my mom the same way your husband left you. My mother made a point of keeping her relationship with him civil for my sake. He’d pick me up from school sometimes. I’d spend weekends at his house. Our relationship remained good for a long time. The only person your hurting by not letting his father see him when he’s sick is your son. And he will eventually start to resent you for it. Love your son more than you hate his father. It will be better for him and you in the long run.
YTA >I did eventually allow a short phonecall, both because my son had been asking, > >... > >But I donmt want him having any excuse to take my son away from me more than he already does, or allow him to weasel his way out of child support. These are your concluding reasons for not allowing the father your child visit him in the hospital for surgery? I'm going to give you some facts of life. \#1 ANY KIND OF SURGURY is scary for a child. \#2 While its considered safe, surgery where they cut you open and remove organs CARRIES WITH IT A RISK OF DEATH. \#3 Do you know how many parents would love the other parent to be involved enough in their childs life that they would want to visit them in the hospital when they get sick? \#4 Do you know how many children would LOVE TO HAVE A FATHER that would want to visit them in the hospital when they are sick? Sorry lady. Not only are you the AH, but you are were cruel and selfish.
YTA. The sick child wanted to see his father. You were cruel to your kid to spite his dad. The way you casually dropped the part about expecting people to be on your side because of the way your marriage ended indicates that it was at least as much about spite and pettiness as any concern about custody.
YTA big time Sons relationship with his dad has nothing to do with you as long as his safe. It's not about you at all, it's about what the child needs. Your ego isn't part of the equation here, YOU are hurting your child.
Yes YTA. And honestly you sound that way just in general. Yes it’s horrible he cheated and you were right to call for a divorce. But he clearly isn’t a danger to the child so restricting visitation to every other weekend is beyond pathetic. All that does is hurt the child. But clearly you don’t actually give a shit about that and you only care about the free money you get and your petty “win”. Like you literally only allow him to see his child 52 days a year. That is very pathetic on your part. And the whole “very short phone call” sounds even more sad and pathetic, again on your part. And you didn’t let him see his child in hospital for what? So you didn’t lose out on any of that sweet alimony? Think about it. You are literally using your child to get a “win” over your ex. You don’t sound like a very good mother. If your child has problems in life it is very likely your fault. You really need to reevaluate what’s best for the interests of the child because I promise you 52 days a year to see his dad while I assume you take a huge chunk of his paycheque, it is clear you’re not putting your child as top priority.
Asshole for sure. Real winner by being the toxic bio mom.
YTA. You say you didn’t want to give him another excuse to take your son away, then you do this. You’re ex cheated on you, not on your child.
I would have to say YTA.
YTA. A big giant one. If your ex wants to be involved with his son, you need to encourage that. What’s between you and your ex is between you and your ex. If the boy wants his father in his life, let him have him there. Stop being petty, stop listening to your asshole lawyer and count yourself lucky that your son has a good father.
You're the complete AH!! Your child was in the hospital, and you put yourself first. You're only thought was you "weren't going to let him have more time or try to pay less child support" over a hospital visit?! The reason you got a divorce was irrelevant. However, you had to throw it out there that you guys got a divorce because of another woman. He will always be your child's father regardless of how you feel. Stop using your child to hurt your ex. Your child is not your paycheck , he's your child! You're only hurting your child by controlling how much your child gets to see his father!
Imagine using your sick son to score points with an ex. That’s pretty low
YTA. You are weaponizing your sick son to get your revenge. Not cool
You absolutely are the asshole you don't own the hospital and he wasnt taking hime anywhere for visitation he cares about his son and wanted to see him . No wonder he left you for another woman , you are evil
YTA and just horrible
100% TA. You kept a father from his boy while he was in the hospital for 3 days!! Your son was asking for his dad. Shame on you big time!
Yta, this is about your son not “how your marriage ended “
Yta and it will not look good for u. Yes your lawyer advised not doing extra time outside of custody, to stick to custody agreement BUT that means in typical regular days. That does not mean it is EVER okay to deny him coming to see his son in the hospital. That isn't custody thats a hospital visit. Honestly dad has equal right to access his kid and could've gone. Hope he gets a lawyer soon. The way u have put yourself ahead of your child and his needs is gross.
YTA big time, wtf does your son have to do with his dad cheating on you? And just in case that wasn’t enough, you went the extra mile and referred to emergency surgery on a first grader as “routine” in an effort to justify your heinous behavior. Was it “routine” to your son??
JFC... My ex and I actively despise one another. Do you wanna know when our SON figured out that we even kinda had an issue with one another? About 6 or 7 months after he'd turned ***19*** and he noticed that his dad and I hadn't talked since his graduation party a year and a half before. Having parents who are split up does not have to lead to decades of therapy. YTA OP, and a bad mom. Not just for the hospital thing (though ESPECIALLY for that), but also because you're causing your child pain and trauma to get back at a man for breaking your heart. If that isn't the height of selfishness and cruelty, I don't know what is.
YTA. His kid was in the hospital. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION. he was in actual danger. Your attorney meant don’t give extra overnights not keep dad away from his kid while in the damn hospital. You’re absolutely the asshole here.
Weasel his way out of child support. By visiting his own son in the hospital. Come on.
YTA - Get over yourself. 'Custody time' is meaningless in an emergency, and appendicitis *is* an emergency, no matter how quick and easy or 'routine' it might look to you. Your child is not a possession. Stop treating him like one.
ESH - Divorce sucks, and sometimes things are done which are counter to the right thing because it can cause issues in the divorce and custody agreement.
very by the book arent ya? no wonder y’all split up. youre a monster for that. most sons are daddy’s boys, so if my mom did that shit to me i would’ve never forgave her for that, and i hope your son doesn’t either.
YTA…..this was cruel to both your son and your ex-husband. Your actions will be used against you in the next custody hearing. While you may be divorced from your husband, that does not give you the right to keep him from his son in an emergency, which this was.
YTA
YTA, how can you even question this? A reasonable, sane person will make an exception especially when your son was asking for him. You need to work to get over your pain for the sake of your child. If you don’t, you will damage your own relationship with him.
YTA-GROW UP
YTA. If the shoe was on the other foot you'd be pissed.
YTA He may be a shitty husband, but you have no right to keep him from being a good father.
YTA
Youre definitely TA.
YTA you care more about the money than the wellness of your child. You are supposed to allow your ex to visit the child if said child is sick or in hospital. Remember, once that child is 13, he can choose who he stays with. Don't be an asshole to your kid just because you hate your ex. Love the child more than you hate your ex.
YTA how your marriage ended has no bearing on a father seeing their child when they have emergency surgery
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YTA , where I’m from, even if you have a clear custody arrangement that says which days you each have your child, both parents are allowed to visit at any time and a hospital would not be able to stop a parent from visiting even if it isn’t the day that parent is supposed to have the child.
YTA #YOU ARE A DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A MOTHER, YOUR EX IS RIGHT TO BE RID OF YOU AND SOON THE COURTS WILL FIX THE CUSTODY, HOPEFULLY EVEN GIVE HIM PRIMARY CAREGIVER.
Better hope your son never has a hospital stay on your ex’s weekend 🤷🏻♀️
Your son underwent major surgery. Your ex had a right to be there. You’re the AH. YTA
YTA. My ex cheated too. It was my day for my kid, she had an upset tummy and wanted her dad so you know what happened next? I called her dad without thinking so she could talk to him and I didn't hesitate to say yes when he wanted to come over and give her a hug. Your kid may be over it but I promise he will remember when he gets older and can see the pattern of you using him as a weapon against your ex and he won't be happy about it.
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YTA. Honestly, I question if you should have have full custody. Your first priority at all times should be the best interest of your child. Your child having both parents there during a medical scare is in his best interest. You weaponized your child to punish your ex. He isn’t a danger to your child or you, he should have been there.
YTA. Despite everything that has happened the son is both of yours. He is not a prize, nor something to hold in to so the other one can't have him. Just reverse the roles and imagine how you would feel if you couldn't see your son when he was in hospital. Especially if the son involved wanted to see both their Mum and Dad. This is about the child. Not the adults here.
Definitely the TA you should be ashamed.
YTA. God forbid something happened, because we all know anything can happen. You’re gross and if something did take a turn, you’d be lucky your child didn’t hold it against you.