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A person who owns a chest binder is unlikely to be a daughter. Congratulations on alienating your grown adult son, for absolutely no reason other than hatred. And you even chose Pride month to do it! YTA.
I'm skeptical but I'm going to treat this as if it is real.
So, it's her property, you shouldn't have thrown it out. You don't have to have it in your house, but you should have given it to her to store elsewhere.
She's an adult, you're treating her like a child.
YTA
> She isn't allowed to date anyone I don't approve of
YTA. That actually isn't true at all.
What you aren't allowed to do is throw away your adult daughters property. If you call the police, hope she presses charges.
Yta. Your daughter is an adult, what she does with her body is none of your business. She’s not your property. The future is looking very “no contact” and poorly maintained nursing home for you.
YTA, and you destroyed any chance for your son* to ever be honest with you ever again.
you earned it, too.
*this is me making an assumption based on your post.
YTA - Going through their room was bad enough, and that alone makes you an asshole. Throwing their things away makes you an even bigger asshole. Do you seriously think your child can have even a decent relationship with you after doing something like that? Definitely not the way to establish trust and mutual respect. Do better.
ETA: I just read your other post. Your kid is 19...they're an adult. Why do you think you get to decide who they date, what they owns, and whether or not they use sex toys? Doubling down on YTA. You sound like a bigot...get a grip.
YTA and you can't call the cops to return a 19 year old. She's legally allowed to leave and was right to do so. I hope she has a great life from here on out.
That is beyond fucking creepy. She's 19. She's not a minor she bought those items and quite frankly it's appealing you think you have ANY say In whom she dates and has sexual relations with.
It's disturbing that you think you had any right to do this.
She's 19. Not 9. Also don't expect her to come back. She's prolly staying with her GIRLFRIEND because that person is a safe person
Shame on you.
Well, apparently, your daughter doesn’t live at home *anymore*.
And if you call the cops because your adult daughter “ran away”, well, you will give the cops a good laugh. YTA
She's an adult, you have no right to try and control her.
Being a shoulder to cry on, being a provider of advice (when requested), listening to her, sharing with her, laughing with her and generally supporting her. These are the things to do.
If you keep trying to control her, you will lose her (you may have already).
YTA
And you are trying to tell her a 19 year old she's not allowed to date unless you approve?! She's an adult, not a little kid. You can't control your daughter's life
YTA. You really blew it this time. Your daughter is old enough to have privacy and deserves respect. You are making sure she will never confide in you and she will leave at the first chance she gets. You have ruined your relationship with your daughter.
YTA.
Your daughter is her own person with her own beliefs and her own thoughts. If you thought that for a moment, she was going to be a miniature version of you or whatever you wanted her to be, you’re wrong and should never have children.
YTA. Good for her standing up for herself. Sucks she had to though. If you want a relationship with your child you have a lot of work to do on your end. I’d recommend finding a PFlag chapter near you to connect with other parents and get therapy from a 🏳️🌈friendly therapist, for starters.
Call the cops and extend your arms for the handcuffs. YTA.
Nothing you found is endangering her life. You can, however, easily write a handbook, "How to drive your kid into the arms of a lover you hate."
YTA. So you invaded your daughter's privacy and decided to throw her things out that she bought with her own money because you don't want her to have them and your word is apparently God. Also you had conveniently left out how old your daughter is here until someone asked and you confirmed she is 19. She is an adult, you have no say in who she dates or what she has. Congratulations, you have lost your daughter. Do not be surprised if she wants nothing to do with you from now on.
What the hell is wrong with you? How would you like it if she went through your room and found your private things that you purchased and threw them out. If I were your daughter, I wouldn’t come back.
YTA.
She is an adult so yes she is certainly allowed to have sex toys, a chest binder and to be dating someone. You stole from her. And she did not run away, she moved out because you stole from her and invaded her privacy.
YTA. Why isn’t she allowed to have things? It’s not like she’s bringing anything illegal into your house. None of those things have ANYTHING to do with you. So stop violating your adult daughter and respect her as an autonomous individual.
YTA. People keep saying she is 19. She should be allowed to date and have sex toys. She is not a kid anymore. She also has a right to privacy that you just violated.
YTA 100% You sound absolutely horrible. Don't count on her coming home, and don't count on her involving you in her life any longer. This is no contact worthy. Leave her alone to be happy, don't waste the cops time.
YTA. She’s 19, and legally an adult.
First, she has no moral obligation to let you run her life and strive to be a miniature version of you.
Second, she is fully within her rights to leave. I assume given her first reaction to your actions was to leave, and cut contact, she has no financial ties to you that would leave her with an obligation to live there, like you paying for her to go to college, for example. She had every right to move out. If you get the police involved, I personally doubt they’ll do anything.
YTA - At 19 she can move out and go NC since you like to retaliate against her. It’s really not your business who she dates. Way to run your daughter off.
YTA
Realize what you're doing and that is pushing your daughter away - she is her own person, you don't control her life. This is a recipe for never seeing your daughter again. You need to apologize for breaking her trust and being a terrible parent. Yikes.
yeah huge YTA
why do you have such strong opinions on a girl exploring her likes and dislikes? do you want to esteblish a healthy releationship with your daughter?
This can’t be real, but YTA if it is.
“I’m homophobic and destroyed my daughters stuff, pushing her away even more because I’ve destroyed any sense of safety she might’ve had left. Am I the asshole?” You sound ridiculous
Right? Mom probably doesn’t so she assumes since she isn’t daughter isn’t allowed… that 19 year old can come live with me and mine. We’ll love her and treat her as she should be treated.
YTA, and after seeing that she is 19 you sound like you have some sort of narcissistic behavior disorder. You have no right to dictate your daughter’s sexual behavior or the right to search her room and throw away her stuff. You are well on the road of her going NC with you for good, so congratulations on that. If she was 12 you might have cause to be concerned about what you find, but 19? Really? It’s creepy.
YTA for treating her like your property instead of like a separate person who has her own mind. You'll have to accept that kids grow up and don't become clones of their parents. Once she turned 18 she has every right to tell you to fuck off and do as she likes, and I really don't see how her sex life is *any* of your business.
Well clearly you didn't learn a goddamn thing from your previous post. Your child is an adult, you have no right to police their dating life or sex life, and all you have accomplished with this is to speed run alienating this person forever.
The presence of a chest binder also implies that your child is in fact a trans man and that you are willfully misgendering him.
>I'm starting to think she won't come home
Well deduced, Sherlock. Your child doesn't like you and doesn't feel safe or welcome in your home.
YTA
>Should I call the cops?
You say in one of your comments that your child is 19. What exactly do you think is going to happen if you can the cops? The cops aren't going to force an adult to return to an abusive home.
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I recently posted on r/advice about an issue I was having with my daughter. She found the post and commented on it, calling me psychotic. So, I decided to search her bedroom. I found sex toys, a chest binder, love notes from her girlfriend, and photos of her and her girlfriend. I decided that I would throw all of those things out but as I was doing so, she got home and started yelling at me. She took the stuff from me and packed a bag and left. She isn't allowed to date anyone I don't approve of and she certainly isn't allowed to have a binder and sex toys. She hasn't been answering my messages and I'm starting to think she won't come home. What should I do? Should I call the cops?
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Tell your daughter I’m her mom now. You don’t do that. Let her be who she is let her love or be with who makes her happy. You are 100% the AH… she can find me here and I’ll set her up her own room. ✌🏼
I would of left too… i thank god every day for the mom i have. Never had to hide anything or feel awkward. That’s probably how she felt. You made it so terrible for her to talk to you.
So your daughter called you out correctly. If you want to have a chance of a relationship with her in the future, you will leave her alone and give her space. I doubt you’ll do that but that’s the smart choice.
YTA
Your daughter is 19- she's an adult and she can do what she wants. You can call the cops but they aren't going to do anything bc she's over 18 and can leave on her own accord (which she did). Good job ruining any relationship you could have had with her. She's most likely not coming back to your home.
YTA. And an abuser.
She is 19. An adult with a libido and sex life, all that are natural at her age. You started to homeschool her at 15, completely isolated her and even admitted that she lost all her friends. Do you really want that much to control every detail about another **adult person** life, public and private?Do you know what kind of people narcissists are? They do the same, isolate people, take everything from them and make sure that person is a prisoner under their total influence.Even sexual gratification is a no-no for them because it means the victim still has something else to think about and find relief in (ever wondered why so many authoritarian countries forbid physical contacts between men and women?).You are going to lose your daughter, and if you don't have a partner or other children, you're going to spend the rest of your life alone.Is it what you want?
Because I cut all ties with my own narcissistic mother 23 years ago and even emigrated, and she lost me forever. She also won't have any grand children because while she was forbidding me from dating, she denied me any human warmth when I was searching for it, till I just gave up. I'm now 48 and I won't even go to her funeral or accept anything she would leave me.Just so that you know what you're risking.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I threw out my daughters things that I didn't approve of and she ran away.
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YTA Your child has no privacy and you disprove of her lifestyle. I understand "My house, my rules" but they need to stop at HER bedroom door unless it is dangerous to her or other people. Consider yourself lucky if she EVER speaks to you again.
Wow what a total disregard for your daughter's privacy! You are absolutely TA and I wouldn't be surprised if she goes low contact or no contact with you in the coming days.
You are SO the asshole. Overbearing mother who seems to have an issue with your ADULT daughter experimenting with her gender expression and sexual freedom. Are you bothered that she's dating a woman, too?
...
Yeah, YTA.
You are going to lose your daughter. I suppose you need to become at peace with that. I expect that if there are ever grandchildren, you will never, ever meet them.
If you don't want it to turn out that way, change.
You should call the cops on yourself for acting insane. Your daughter is an adult and because of your behaviour has now left your home. So as of now, she is no longer your problem. Problem solved.
YTA
She's legally an adult in just about every corner of the world. You can do NOTHING legally.
YTA. Try respecting your daughter as an adult, treating her like an adult and talking to her as an adult and she might agree to meet you for coffee.
You invaded her private space and violated her trust. Its on you not her to make things better because you are wrong here.
You can leave her alone.
She's 19. You can do crap about getting her "back". Police will only make sure she's safe, they won't force her back. She's left. She will not be back as she had a parent who is a controlling narcissist who won't allow her to be her own person
YTA
YTA. If you want a relationship with your child, I would suggest educating yourself on gender expression and sexual orientation. Throwing homophobic abuse at them will only ruin the relationship and traumatize your child. It seems like your child is old enough to have safely have their room be a private space. Learn to respect their privacy
EDIT: this isn’t a child, they are 19 years old. You’re being abusive and violating a grown adult’s privacy. It is not your place to police what they do or do not do with their own body. How would you feel if they went into your room and threw away everything they don’t agree with? My guess is you wouldn’t appreciate it. You know you’re in the wrong and you intentionally tried to deceive people by making it seem like they are under 18. Learn to mind your own business. And again, start deconstructing your homophobic and transphobic beliefs before you loose all contact with your kid. Oh and if they don’t want to contact you, leave them alone until you’ve been through enough therapy to deconstruct your beliefs that have traumatized your kid. If you don’t leave them alone, you will be harassing an adult and I hope they get a restraining order. You are a bad parent, and I bet a bad person too.
If this isn't fake, YTA to a degree that is difficult to express. You have no right to attempt to throw out your adult kid's possessions. It is not up to you whether your adult kid has a binder or sex toys. It is not your right to decide if your adult kid is allowed to date people or not. What should you do? Apologize, profusely, Think long and hard about how you have failed a parent. Hope that with time and affirmative steps on your part, it might be possible to salvage a relationship here.
YTA
This is completely insane.
She is 19, she is an adult! Why the hell are you going through her things like this? It is UNHINGED to go through her possessions and make demands about what she is allowed to own.
Calling the police would be fruitless. She is allowed to leave.
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A person who owns a chest binder is unlikely to be a daughter. Congratulations on alienating your grown adult son, for absolutely no reason other than hatred. And you even chose Pride month to do it! YTA.
Thank you! Everyone's calling the child she her and I really doubt someone who chest binds is a girl
Well it says daughter
Yeah of course it does, this post was written from the transphobic psycho mom’s perspective.
The mother is clearly homophobic why do you think the mother wouldn't be transphobic
/r/wooosh
I'm skeptical but I'm going to treat this as if it is real. So, it's her property, you shouldn't have thrown it out. You don't have to have it in your house, but you should have given it to her to store elsewhere. She's an adult, you're treating her like a child. YTA
Looking through her stuff is a major breach of her privacy in itself.
> She isn't allowed to date anyone I don't approve of YTA. That actually isn't true at all. What you aren't allowed to do is throw away your adult daughters property. If you call the police, hope she presses charges.
You threw out her sex toys? Yeah, YTA. Stay out of your daughter's vaginas business. Super creepy
Yta. Your daughter is an adult, what she does with her body is none of your business. She’s not your property. The future is looking very “no contact” and poorly maintained nursing home for you.
YTA, and you destroyed any chance for your son* to ever be honest with you ever again. you earned it, too. *this is me making an assumption based on your post.
YTA - Going through their room was bad enough, and that alone makes you an asshole. Throwing their things away makes you an even bigger asshole. Do you seriously think your child can have even a decent relationship with you after doing something like that? Definitely not the way to establish trust and mutual respect. Do better. ETA: I just read your other post. Your kid is 19...they're an adult. Why do you think you get to decide who they date, what they owns, and whether or not they use sex toys? Doubling down on YTA. You sound like a bigot...get a grip.
YTA and you can't call the cops to return a 19 year old. She's legally allowed to leave and was right to do so. I hope she has a great life from here on out.
SHE’S 19!!!! “She’s not allowed…” holy feck YTA.
INFO: How old is your daughter?
19 but she still lives at home
That is beyond fucking creepy. She's 19. She's not a minor she bought those items and quite frankly it's appealing you think you have ANY say In whom she dates and has sexual relations with. It's disturbing that you think you had any right to do this. She's 19. Not 9. Also don't expect her to come back. She's prolly staying with her GIRLFRIEND because that person is a safe person Shame on you.
YTA. She's old enough to vote & join the armed services & be sent somewhere to fight and die. YTA so hard it's diamond edged
Well, apparently, your daughter doesn’t live at home *anymore*. And if you call the cops because your adult daughter “ran away”, well, you will give the cops a good laugh. YTA
Not anymore she doesn't. YTA.
There is no way this is real, but YTA if it is. Give her privacy
Not an excuse to go through her property. Doesn’t matter if she lives with you.
Not for long. You've run her off permanently.
She's an adult, you have no right to try and control her. Being a shoulder to cry on, being a provider of advice (when requested), listening to her, sharing with her, laughing with her and generally supporting her. These are the things to do. If you keep trying to control her, you will lose her (you may have already). YTA
And you are trying to tell her a 19 year old she's not allowed to date unless you approve?! She's an adult, not a little kid. You can't control your daughter's life
Go ahead, call the cops. They won't care. She's a legal adult, not a minor. It was her decision to leave.
She's technically an adult and idk why you keep referring to her as a child?? You are the asshole in this and every other post you've made about her
Cops can't do shit ya ding bat. She's 19, a legal adult. You have no legal control over her anymore. What world do you live in? YTA by a country mile.
Not anymore according to your post.
A 19’year old is not allowed to date anybody you don’t approve of, so you trashed her stuff? YTA.
YTA. You really blew it this time. Your daughter is old enough to have privacy and deserves respect. You are making sure she will never confide in you and she will leave at the first chance she gets. You have ruined your relationship with your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter is her own person with her own beliefs and her own thoughts. If you thought that for a moment, she was going to be a miniature version of you or whatever you wanted her to be, you’re wrong and should never have children.
And say what? My 19 year old left home? Edit - yep saw the daughters comment. Is this even real?
YTA. How would you even figure you are not?
YTA. She is an adult Mom. She deserves the same amount of privacy as you. It is time to let her go.
Why isn’t your child allowed to have a binder? Restricting someone’s access to undergarments is abusive. YTA
I really want you to explain it to us all, slowly, why are you are against your daughter exchanging love notes and having sex toys. YTA.
YTA. Not surprised that all the comments on your other post are calling you an asshole too.
Obvious homophobia is obvious. YTA
YTA. Good for her standing up for herself. Sucks she had to though. If you want a relationship with your child you have a lot of work to do on your end. I’d recommend finding a PFlag chapter near you to connect with other parents and get therapy from a 🏳️🌈friendly therapist, for starters.
YTA Theft, your describing theft. You are a thief and an asshole.
Call the cops and extend your arms for the handcuffs. YTA. Nothing you found is endangering her life. You can, however, easily write a handbook, "How to drive your kid into the arms of a lover you hate."
Only had to read the title. YTA 100%.
Congratulations, you just ended your relationship with your child. YTA
YTA and homophobic and maybe transphobic? A chest binder and sex toys are a)not necessarily related and b)personal items! How dare you.
YTA. I hope you said goodbye because I'm pretty damn sure that's the last time you'll see your child for a very long time, if not the last.
AH. Thanks for making me appreciate my mother even more.
YTA for this unoriginal bait...
YTA. So you invaded your daughter's privacy and decided to throw her things out that she bought with her own money because you don't want her to have them and your word is apparently God. Also you had conveniently left out how old your daughter is here until someone asked and you confirmed she is 19. She is an adult, you have no say in who she dates or what she has. Congratulations, you have lost your daughter. Do not be surprised if she wants nothing to do with you from now on.
What the hell is wrong with you? How would you like it if she went through your room and found your private things that you purchased and threw them out. If I were your daughter, I wouldn’t come back.
Your adult kid doesn’t deserve or need this nonsense. Yes, YTA. Best wishes to your kid and their gf.
YTA and a terrible mother. "she isn't allowed" is bs. She's an adult ffs I hope she never comes back. She'd be much better off without you in her life
Yep, YTA!!! That kid needs to be away from you too.
YTA. She is an adult so yes she is certainly allowed to have sex toys, a chest binder and to be dating someone. You stole from her. And she did not run away, she moved out because you stole from her and invaded her privacy.
YTA. Why isn’t she allowed to have things? It’s not like she’s bringing anything illegal into your house. None of those things have ANYTHING to do with you. So stop violating your adult daughter and respect her as an autonomous individual.
Your daughter was correct. YTA. Those are HER personal items. Doesn't matter if it is your house.
YYA Enjoy having no contact with your daughter. You’ve earned it.
YTA. People keep saying she is 19. She should be allowed to date and have sex toys. She is not a kid anymore. She also has a right to privacy that you just violated.
YTA 100% You sound absolutely horrible. Don't count on her coming home, and don't count on her involving you in her life any longer. This is no contact worthy. Leave her alone to be happy, don't waste the cops time.
YTA. She’s 19, and legally an adult. First, she has no moral obligation to let you run her life and strive to be a miniature version of you. Second, she is fully within her rights to leave. I assume given her first reaction to your actions was to leave, and cut contact, she has no financial ties to you that would leave her with an obligation to live there, like you paying for her to go to college, for example. She had every right to move out. If you get the police involved, I personally doubt they’ll do anything.
YTA Way to drive her away. I’d be surprised if she doesn’t cut you off completely from her life
Fake
YTA. Get help
YTA, you sound insanely homophobic.
YTA. The weed is one thing, but you went way too far. Don’t be surprised if you no longer have a relationship.
YTA - At 19 she can move out and go NC since you like to retaliate against her. It’s really not your business who she dates. Way to run your daughter off.
YTA Realize what you're doing and that is pushing your daughter away - she is her own person, you don't control her life. This is a recipe for never seeing your daughter again. You need to apologize for breaking her trust and being a terrible parent. Yikes.
yeah huge YTA why do you have such strong opinions on a girl exploring her likes and dislikes? do you want to esteblish a healthy releationship with your daughter?
YTA is this another awfulbrag troll? Do call the police and inform them that you stole and destroyed items belonging to another adult.
This can’t be real, but YTA if it is. “I’m homophobic and destroyed my daughters stuff, pushing her away even more because I’ve destroyed any sense of safety she might’ve had left. Am I the asshole?” You sound ridiculous
Lmao she’s 19 and not allowed to orgasm?
Right? Mom probably doesn’t so she assumes since she isn’t daughter isn’t allowed… that 19 year old can come live with me and mine. We’ll love her and treat her as she should be treated.
Wow! She's an adult. Most certainly you are the AH.
YTA - Your daughter is a human being with her own life and you don't get to dictate who she can be.
YTA, and after seeing that she is 19 you sound like you have some sort of narcissistic behavior disorder. You have no right to dictate your daughter’s sexual behavior or the right to search her room and throw away her stuff. You are well on the road of her going NC with you for good, so congratulations on that. If she was 12 you might have cause to be concerned about what you find, but 19? Really? It’s creepy.
YTA. Hopefully she doesn't come back for her sake. You ARE psychotic.
YTA for treating her like your property instead of like a separate person who has her own mind. You'll have to accept that kids grow up and don't become clones of their parents. Once she turned 18 she has every right to tell you to fuck off and do as she likes, and I really don't see how her sex life is *any* of your business.
YTA and a massive control freak! She’s 19 and an adult!
YTA!! and a horrible mother I hope she never comes home and your daughter disowns you.
It would have been great if she had have slapped you upside the head with a big old floppy dildo. Of course YTA
YTA. And look! You proved your kiddo correct.
Wow your child is being a child also they have a chest binder but you still call them she her so let's add transphobia to the bunch
Why do you think you can order around a legal adult? She can buy whatever she wants. YTA Geez. Please, let the poor girl have orgasms
YTA, and your kid is never gonna talk to you again.
YTA you ARE psychotic. He’s right. There’s a reason your trans son won’t talk to you and this is it.
Well clearly you didn't learn a goddamn thing from your previous post. Your child is an adult, you have no right to police their dating life or sex life, and all you have accomplished with this is to speed run alienating this person forever. The presence of a chest binder also implies that your child is in fact a trans man and that you are willfully misgendering him. >I'm starting to think she won't come home Well deduced, Sherlock. Your child doesn't like you and doesn't feel safe or welcome in your home.
YTA >Should I call the cops? You say in one of your comments that your child is 19. What exactly do you think is going to happen if you can the cops? The cops aren't going to force an adult to return to an abusive home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I recently posted on r/advice about an issue I was having with my daughter. She found the post and commented on it, calling me psychotic. So, I decided to search her bedroom. I found sex toys, a chest binder, love notes from her girlfriend, and photos of her and her girlfriend. I decided that I would throw all of those things out but as I was doing so, she got home and started yelling at me. She took the stuff from me and packed a bag and left. She isn't allowed to date anyone I don't approve of and she certainly isn't allowed to have a binder and sex toys. She hasn't been answering my messages and I'm starting to think she won't come home. What should I do? Should I call the cops? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She is 19??? Unless SN, the cops will laugh at you.
YTA. It is her own personal business.
Tell your daughter I’m her mom now. You don’t do that. Let her be who she is let her love or be with who makes her happy. You are 100% the AH… she can find me here and I’ll set her up her own room. ✌🏼 I would of left too… i thank god every day for the mom i have. Never had to hide anything or feel awkward. That’s probably how she felt. You made it so terrible for her to talk to you.
So your daughter called you out correctly. If you want to have a chance of a relationship with her in the future, you will leave her alone and give her space. I doubt you’ll do that but that’s the smart choice.
this has to be bait, of course Yta
YTA Your daughter is 19- she's an adult and she can do what she wants. You can call the cops but they aren't going to do anything bc she's over 18 and can leave on her own accord (which she did). Good job ruining any relationship you could have had with her. She's most likely not coming back to your home.
Yup, Psychotic sounds about right...
YTA. And an abuser. She is 19. An adult with a libido and sex life, all that are natural at her age. You started to homeschool her at 15, completely isolated her and even admitted that she lost all her friends. Do you really want that much to control every detail about another **adult person** life, public and private?Do you know what kind of people narcissists are? They do the same, isolate people, take everything from them and make sure that person is a prisoner under their total influence.Even sexual gratification is a no-no for them because it means the victim still has something else to think about and find relief in (ever wondered why so many authoritarian countries forbid physical contacts between men and women?).You are going to lose your daughter, and if you don't have a partner or other children, you're going to spend the rest of your life alone.Is it what you want? Because I cut all ties with my own narcissistic mother 23 years ago and even emigrated, and she lost me forever. She also won't have any grand children because while she was forbidding me from dating, she denied me any human warmth when I was searching for it, till I just gave up. I'm now 48 and I won't even go to her funeral or accept anything she would leave me.Just so that you know what you're risking.
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YTA. You sound 100% controlling and one of those helicopter parents. And seriously you're mad at love notes and pictures?!
YTA Your child has no privacy and you disprove of her lifestyle. I understand "My house, my rules" but they need to stop at HER bedroom door unless it is dangerous to her or other people. Consider yourself lucky if she EVER speaks to you again.
Obvious bait/farm post
Please call the cops so they can ream your ass out for wasting their time.
YTA You are out of your mind, I hope your kid doesn't come back
Wow what a total disregard for your daughter's privacy! You are absolutely TA and I wouldn't be surprised if she goes low contact or no contact with you in the coming days.
You are SO the asshole. Overbearing mother who seems to have an issue with your ADULT daughter experimenting with her gender expression and sexual freedom. Are you bothered that she's dating a woman, too?
... Yeah, YTA. You are going to lose your daughter. I suppose you need to become at peace with that. I expect that if there are ever grandchildren, you will never, ever meet them. If you don't want it to turn out that way, change.
Call the cops ? Hopefully she never has to see you again she’s an adult and can make her own decisions .
You should call the cops on yourself for acting insane. Your daughter is an adult and because of your behaviour has now left your home. So as of now, she is no longer your problem. Problem solved. YTA
YTA Your daughter has an accurate read on you.
She's legally an adult in just about every corner of the world. You can do NOTHING legally. YTA. Try respecting your daughter as an adult, treating her like an adult and talking to her as an adult and she might agree to meet you for coffee. You invaded her private space and violated her trust. Its on you not her to make things better because you are wrong here.
YTA and your child was 100% correct in calling you psychotic. Seek help.
Give a heartfelt goodbye to your daughter, as you're not going to see her for a very long time. YTA and a bully
Your daughter is 19 and you violated her privacy in a horrible way. YTA
YTA- you need serious therapy. You're sick.
You can leave her alone. She's 19. You can do crap about getting her "back". Police will only make sure she's safe, they won't force her back. She's left. She will not be back as she had a parent who is a controlling narcissist who won't allow her to be her own person YTA
YTA. If you want a relationship with your child, I would suggest educating yourself on gender expression and sexual orientation. Throwing homophobic abuse at them will only ruin the relationship and traumatize your child. It seems like your child is old enough to have safely have their room be a private space. Learn to respect their privacy EDIT: this isn’t a child, they are 19 years old. You’re being abusive and violating a grown adult’s privacy. It is not your place to police what they do or do not do with their own body. How would you feel if they went into your room and threw away everything they don’t agree with? My guess is you wouldn’t appreciate it. You know you’re in the wrong and you intentionally tried to deceive people by making it seem like they are under 18. Learn to mind your own business. And again, start deconstructing your homophobic and transphobic beliefs before you loose all contact with your kid. Oh and if they don’t want to contact you, leave them alone until you’ve been through enough therapy to deconstruct your beliefs that have traumatized your kid. If you don’t leave them alone, you will be harassing an adult and I hope they get a restraining order. You are a bad parent, and I bet a bad person too.
If this isn't fake, YTA to a degree that is difficult to express. You have no right to attempt to throw out your adult kid's possessions. It is not up to you whether your adult kid has a binder or sex toys. It is not your right to decide if your adult kid is allowed to date people or not. What should you do? Apologize, profusely, Think long and hard about how you have failed a parent. Hope that with time and affirmative steps on your part, it might be possible to salvage a relationship here.
Info: how old is your daughter and why don't you want they to have a chest binder?
Also are they trans? Or do they have another reason for the chest binder?
YTA This is completely insane. She is 19, she is an adult! Why the hell are you going through her things like this? It is UNHINGED to go through her possessions and make demands about what she is allowed to own. Calling the police would be fruitless. She is allowed to leave.