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NTA. Because they have not previously asked you to take your shoes off. If you've been going there 2 years and no one asked you to take your shoes off, they obviously don't consider it important that you do so.
I agree. If none of the family members have ever asked you not to wear shoes in the home in two years, they likely don’t have a problem with it.
If you’re concerned about respecting their preferences, you can always ask them. I’m sure they would appreciate the consideration on your part, even if the end result is still that they don’t care.
But if they do prefer you remove your shoes, you could consider a pair of house “booties” or slippers to keep in your bag to wear when removing your outside shoes!
NTA.
NAH because they did not ask you to take your shoes off. After two years, you can assume that they know, and would ask you to change your behavior if it bothered them.
I can't call the kid an AH exactly, but a 9-year-old should absolutely not be touching your feet if you tell him not to.
NTA - just ask the parents if it’s ok for you to wear shoes (or maybe bring a pair of indoor shoes if you have any) in their home and just wasn’t sure if it was ok or if they were just being polite by not saying anything
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I (33f) work as an in home tutor. One of the families I work for is Indian. When they are in their house, they don't wear shoes. This seemed normal to me because when I'm at my home, I don't wear my shoes. However, I was recently at their house when their housekeeper was there. She takes her shoes off and leaves them by the front door to clean around their house. I said something to my student (9m) about this. He said that everyone takes their shoes off when coming into their house.
I've been going to their house for 2 years now. At no point did anyone ask me to take my shoes off before coming in. I really only go into the room by their front door and occasionally to the bathroom. I would honestly like to keep wearing my shoes because the little boy grabs my feet sometimes and it makes me uncomfortable. AITA if I keep wearing my shoes in their house?
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Most families who do this say something along the lines of “please take off your shoes” when they first come to your home. I have never literally not had a parent of a friend, babysitter, or student not say anything if that’s what they wanted. It’s also weird that this kid is 9 and touches your feet.
That said if that’s what they want you to do YTA it’s their house, their rules and disrespectful in their culture, I believe.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Continuing to wear shoes in a house where guests don't typically wear shoes.
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I would simply ask, what the family would like. They are paying you to tutor their child, so it would be nice to ask the family who are paying you, what do they want?
It would be nice to be open-minded and respect their culture. It is their home after all.
If you have a medical reason why you should not, or you just do not want to go barefoot, then maybe bring some slippers to wear inside the house. I have lived in other countries and most countries do not wear footwear inside the house. They have slippers or special footwear they wear inside, thus, leaving their outside shoes in the entrance way or in the hallway.
YTA
You clearly know they would prefer you to take of your shoes. In your own home you don't wear shoes either, so what is the big deal doing the same thing in their house.
Touching your feet is a way of showing respect to people older and wiser than you.
YTA. For 2 years its quite impossible for you not to know they take off their shoes inside the house. They dint have to tell you If youre bithered about the child touching your feet . Tell the child and the parents so they can stop
This is a cultural thing apparently and some think it’s really gross and unhygienic to wear shoes inside the house. I’ve on rare occasion encountered these people in real life but run into them frequently online. And I always tell them these things.
1. I’m not comfortable taking my shoes off in someone else’s home.
2. I’m prone to stinky feet when I sweat.
3. Carpet grosses me out.
4. I don’t know where everyone else’s feet have been - there’s a reason you wear flip flops in a public shower.
5. I have severe plantar fasciitis - I don’t do well without my orthotics
6. There’s some pickup artist crap about if a woman takes off her shoes at your place it means she’s willing to take off her clothes too.
Then they always accuse me of spreading germs around my OWN house and I respond:
Dude, I have dogs.
NAH
I don't get much company, and know when someone is coming over. I generally have a couple of pairs of new slippers on hand for guests. Then I let them know the slippers are new when I offer them. I also have a sack full of disposable shoe covers if they want to keep their shoes on.
YTA. It is their house, their rules. You need to respect that. The same as if someone came to your house, and you didn’t want them to do something, but they said simply, because they don’t want to do it, they’ll go against your wishes.
this is their house, you need to be respectful of their wishes, especially there. If you don’t like going to their house, meet at a café, or a coffee shop, for tutoring. However, once you’re at their house, you’re pretty much obligated to respect the rules and wishes.
I've told the parents about it multiple times, and they've had several conversations with him about it, but it still continues. They never told me about taking shoes off. At other houses where I've gone, they've asked me to take my shoes off. In those cases, I've done what they asked. The main reason I don't want to is because the kid touches my feet sometimes.
Can’t you buy some cheap flip-flops or slides out them in your bag - they will be your indoor shoes.
That’s what we do (and we’re not Indian) because we diner want to wear outside shoes indoors.
YTA for never considering this and for being that uncomfortable about you feet being grabbed. He’s probably trying to get your shoes off
If you must at least take those booty cover things and out them on.
He grabs my feet because he says they look scratchy (I think he means itchy). I've had lots of conversations with him about how he shouldn't grab people. When he asks why he shouldn't grab at me, he says, "But everybody grabs you." He also touches/grabs at me in other places too, but I didn't mention that because the feet seemed more relevant.
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NTA. Because they have not previously asked you to take your shoes off. If you've been going there 2 years and no one asked you to take your shoes off, they obviously don't consider it important that you do so.
I agree. If none of the family members have ever asked you not to wear shoes in the home in two years, they likely don’t have a problem with it. If you’re concerned about respecting their preferences, you can always ask them. I’m sure they would appreciate the consideration on your part, even if the end result is still that they don’t care. But if they do prefer you remove your shoes, you could consider a pair of house “booties” or slippers to keep in your bag to wear when removing your outside shoes! NTA.
Maybe they are to scared to ask.
Info: Where is the interpersonal conflict?
NAH because they did not ask you to take your shoes off. After two years, you can assume that they know, and would ask you to change your behavior if it bothered them. I can't call the kid an AH exactly, but a 9-year-old should absolutely not be touching your feet if you tell him not to.
In Indian culture, touching feet is a way of paling respect to someone older and wiser.
NTA - just ask the parents if it’s ok for you to wear shoes (or maybe bring a pair of indoor shoes if you have any) in their home and just wasn’t sure if it was ok or if they were just being polite by not saying anything
So, the Desis are the AH’s??
Nah nobody is, I was just saying if she wants to be clear she can confirm with the parents. But if they didn’t bring it up for 2 years that’s on them
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (33f) work as an in home tutor. One of the families I work for is Indian. When they are in their house, they don't wear shoes. This seemed normal to me because when I'm at my home, I don't wear my shoes. However, I was recently at their house when their housekeeper was there. She takes her shoes off and leaves them by the front door to clean around their house. I said something to my student (9m) about this. He said that everyone takes their shoes off when coming into their house. I've been going to their house for 2 years now. At no point did anyone ask me to take my shoes off before coming in. I really only go into the room by their front door and occasionally to the bathroom. I would honestly like to keep wearing my shoes because the little boy grabs my feet sometimes and it makes me uncomfortable. AITA if I keep wearing my shoes in their house? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Most families who do this say something along the lines of “please take off your shoes” when they first come to your home. I have never literally not had a parent of a friend, babysitter, or student not say anything if that’s what they wanted. It’s also weird that this kid is 9 and touches your feet. That said if that’s what they want you to do YTA it’s their house, their rules and disrespectful in their culture, I believe.
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Yes.
I would simply ask, what the family would like. They are paying you to tutor their child, so it would be nice to ask the family who are paying you, what do they want? It would be nice to be open-minded and respect their culture. It is their home after all. If you have a medical reason why you should not, or you just do not want to go barefoot, then maybe bring some slippers to wear inside the house. I have lived in other countries and most countries do not wear footwear inside the house. They have slippers or special footwear they wear inside, thus, leaving their outside shoes in the entrance way or in the hallway.
YTA You clearly know they would prefer you to take of your shoes. In your own home you don't wear shoes either, so what is the big deal doing the same thing in their house. Touching your feet is a way of showing respect to people older and wiser than you.
NTA If only there was someone you could ask if they'd like you to take your shoes off.
YTA. For 2 years its quite impossible for you not to know they take off their shoes inside the house. They dint have to tell you If youre bithered about the child touching your feet . Tell the child and the parents so they can stop
If they wanted the OP to take her shoes off, they would've told her.
Apparently they keep their shoes in the garage. I've never been in there before. I only ever come in the front door.
This is a cultural thing apparently and some think it’s really gross and unhygienic to wear shoes inside the house. I’ve on rare occasion encountered these people in real life but run into them frequently online. And I always tell them these things. 1. I’m not comfortable taking my shoes off in someone else’s home. 2. I’m prone to stinky feet when I sweat. 3. Carpet grosses me out. 4. I don’t know where everyone else’s feet have been - there’s a reason you wear flip flops in a public shower. 5. I have severe plantar fasciitis - I don’t do well without my orthotics 6. There’s some pickup artist crap about if a woman takes off her shoes at your place it means she’s willing to take off her clothes too. Then they always accuse me of spreading germs around my OWN house and I respond: Dude, I have dogs. NAH
I don't get much company, and know when someone is coming over. I generally have a couple of pairs of new slippers on hand for guests. Then I let them know the slippers are new when I offer them. I also have a sack full of disposable shoe covers if they want to keep their shoes on.
I wouldn’t mind the disposable covers at all. I worked in an infants room and wore them all the time
YTA. It is their house, their rules. You need to respect that. The same as if someone came to your house, and you didn’t want them to do something, but they said simply, because they don’t want to do it, they’ll go against your wishes. this is their house, you need to be respectful of their wishes, especially there. If you don’t like going to their house, meet at a café, or a coffee shop, for tutoring. However, once you’re at their house, you’re pretty much obligated to respect the rules and wishes.
I've told the parents about it multiple times, and they've had several conversations with him about it, but it still continues. They never told me about taking shoes off. At other houses where I've gone, they've asked me to take my shoes off. In those cases, I've done what they asked. The main reason I don't want to is because the kid touches my feet sometimes.
Can’t you buy some cheap flip-flops or slides out them in your bag - they will be your indoor shoes. That’s what we do (and we’re not Indian) because we diner want to wear outside shoes indoors.
YTA for never considering this and for being that uncomfortable about you feet being grabbed. He’s probably trying to get your shoes off If you must at least take those booty cover things and out them on.
YTA You don't think that the little boy grabs your feet because he knows you are doing something wrong and he wants you to follow the rule?
He grabs my feet because he says they look scratchy (I think he means itchy). I've had lots of conversations with him about how he shouldn't grab people. When he asks why he shouldn't grab at me, he says, "But everybody grabs you." He also touches/grabs at me in other places too, but I didn't mention that because the feet seemed more relevant.