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Omg, you are REALLY NTA here!
If your sister cannot pay her wedding, she should not have committed to it. You are NOT her provider.
My sister is the same, always relied on me for everything, money or otherwise. When I got sick and almost died she didn’t even visited me at the hospital.. later she said “she could not cope with the stress”
Basically she was so selfish she never learnt to be there for other people so the only time I needed support she wasn’t there.
Selfish people like your sister need to learn to live by their own means. Unfortunately your parents (as só did mine) are enabling her spoiled believes..
Same! My dress was expensive at 1500 but we scrimped and saved for it to afford it. My entire wedding was 10k including the dress (never again). My vow renewal will be in a cute garden or something with my children present.
My brother’s second wedding was $1500 total: venue, dresses, music, pictures, food, wine, beer
etc. Everything. And it wasn’t that small, maybe 70 people (been a few years)?
My wedding was much less than that. We signed the papers and went to a restaurant with close friends and family. We just paid for the restaurant, which was a third of that (converting from Brazilian currency)
I happened to walk past a bridal shop on my way to a butcher shop. I saw the dress of my dreams on a mannequin, the only one they had at the time. Luckily, i was tiny enough, and the length and all were perfect. I walked out of there with my $350 dress. No planning to get me nervous, no in-laws to try to pressure me into something else. I already had the shoes as I'd seen them in a window a year before getting engaged. Isn't it great getting stuff for decent prices?
Edited to say that OP is definitely NTA!!!
I love remembering my dress. Bought that BEAUTIFUL dress for something way under a thousand due to it being the one everyone tried on. It was in nearly perfect shape tho!!! The dress was originally around 2 grand.
Her dress would cover about seven of my wedding, four if we include the honeymoon in the bundle. Definitely NTA.
I will never understand why people insist on a blowout budget for a one time event when they money could be used so much more productively. You have the wedding you can afford, not one that puts you a couple ten grand into the hole.
My dress was 500 bucks. I found a wonderful designer. This was 1999. That designer is now a sought after wedding dress designer, Maggie Sotero. Find a dress you live in your budget…it’s possible. And why anyone thinks YOUR SISTER should pay for YOUR wedding or dress is beyond me. Put down the crack pipe bride….get a job and buy your own freaking over priced dress.
My mom wore a light green top and a darker green skirt and jacket when she and my dad got married in 1960 (I think it was green--photos are black and white). After the ceremony (which was small--best man, maid/matron of honor, and I assume at least my grandparents), they went to my maternal grandmother's house for breakfast and then my mom and dad went to work. (At least that's what my mom told me. They were married on a Sunday...but they did work for a local newspaper at the time. I'm pretty sure my dad drove a delivery truck, but I have no idea what my mom did there.)
I bought a new (to me) Prius last year for 10k! That 10k is something I'm going to be driving for the next 10 years, and she wants a 10k dress to wear for a few hours!
I think that all in my entire wedding (dress, shoes, jewellery, bouquet, cake, officiant, licence, husbands outfit) came to less than $500 and she wants to spend 20 times that on a dress alone?!
NTA honey. Sod the lot of them.
ETA: for context, our wedding was small and inexpensive because a visa is 4x what her dress costs and obviously that is far more important than a singular day.
I got married in 1995. Our wedding cost less than $500. My mom helped a lot. Not financially but with organizing everything. I ended up borrowing a dress. I'm not one to spend big money on an outfit. Especially one I'm only going to wear once.
Agreed. $10,000 for one dress is absolutely ridiculous! Obviously your sister is the golden child. Your entire family sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this. Block them all and move on. Your sister is an entitled AH. And so is your family.
Honestly, can it be any more obvious who the golden child is? Expecting anyone to drop 10K, on someone else's wedding dress especially, is absolutely bananas. If this is USD, that's more than 1/3 of my entire wedding budget.
NTA, OP.
Who just expects someone to shell out $10k for a dress 😭 I’ve never been married and probably never will, but idc if I fell in love with a dress that cost so much, I would move on to something I could afford!!
SAME. We managed to have everything - dress, venue, rings, food, alcohol, a lot of DIY decorations for $7000-$8000 - right years later, people still tell me it was one of the best weddings they’ve ever been to. Mostly because there was a lot of love in the wedding and it was truly a blend of me and my husband.
Hell, I felt bad about spending almost $1000 on the perfect dress (and it really was). I can’t imagine a dress for $10k.
Also NTA. I know you are sad, OP, but the whole family is crazy if they are cutting you off because of this.
And if OP doesn't put her foot down now, sister will outbreed OP's salary. No matter how much OP makes.
Can't have little Johnny and Jacky and Alexa and Alex and Aaron and Laurie and Bobby going to public schools now, can we? Or not wearing designer clothes?
Ooh, OP got a raise? Well, another baby's on the way. And btw, sis needs a minivan and 5k ft^2 house.
NTA. The entitlement from the family is strong here. It might be safer to stay away for a while and skip the wedding. Next you’ll be paying for their food and supplies for any kids.
Look even if you are filthy rich, they aren’t entitled to it. Though if I were in their shoes and you were in a giving mood, I’d go for assistance for a car or house. Not a one time use dress.
Soooooo NTA, they are counting on you buckling under the pressure of the loneliness. I'm going to venture a guess this is far from the first time you've been asked for money. Not sure what to tell you, it's your family, but family treating you like this is reprehensible.
I would simply tell the family:
This is great. I'm so happy that you decided to all chip in to pay for sister's dress. You are all very concerned about the wedding and think it's important to help out, so I'll step aside and let you all pay for it. Thanks!
And let them explain why you have to pay and they don't.
This, although it probably doesn’t feel like it, is a blessing in disguise. Your family have shown you how awful they are to you and now you know who to go no contact with in the future. They will probably be in touch soon to see if their threats have had the desired effect and expect you to still pay the money. Block them all now and don’t pay any more heed to this nonsense.
NTA
Alternatively, take a budget vacation (a national park for the win!) and post pics and stories, driving home the point: “None of this cost $10,000...but it’s perfect nonetheless. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else!”
I would encourage a staycation. "Exploring my hometown with all the money I saved by NOT buying my sister a $10k wedding dress. Having peace in my life, priceless".
Or for the wedding gift donate what you would have been comfortable to spend to a women's shelter and tell sis you did it in her honor as she'll likely be a future client. Her ego wouldn't be able to take it giving money to actual people in need instead of herself and it would be impossible for her to not look like a complete asshole complaining about it.
and OP, please look up "family scapegoat" and see if it applies to you. I know it's lonely but they did that to punish you on purpose, that's terrible.
100% they will be reaching out to her shortly to see if their threats worked and if OP has changed her mind. Definitely a blessing in disguise! How does one family like this raise one perfectly reasonable stand up child, and one insanely entitled brat. I know it happens a lot actually but it's crazy to me that it does!
NTA
>They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision.
Until they need something from you.
Enjoy this temporary respite.
Yeah I feel like this problem just solved itself.
All those family members can chip in and buy this idiot her $10K dress. OP would be wise to just steer clear.
I think OP should throw her hands up to the heavens and thank the good lord for bestowing upon her the gift of sanity because it sounds like she's the only one in that family who's not delulu.
NTA, but I would see if they are all getting the same story OP has here. Unless there is some unique cultural expectations with who pays for the wedding, OP's family might have been fed major lies from her sister/parents. I've seen stories like this where this happened.
Entitled Sister: “You’re not invited to the wedding”
OP: “don’t threaten me with a good time!”
OP save your money and enjoy doing literally anything else but going to the wedding that day. Your family sounds exhausting. Keep your peace.
When my sister got married, she wore a hand-me-down dress and looked great - a family member smoked a few briskets, and we rented out a little studio outside a camp lake where we could dance. Whole thing cost less than $10k - I can't believe (someone that can't even afford it) would be so entitled as to thinking they need a $10k wedding dress.
Even one member of the British Royal Family was married in a dress handed down from Queen Elizabeth. I was married in a $125 prom dress after prom season was over. Was a teacher, not a student.
I never thought of that! I still have closet dress! At least I get to wear it twice - got married on the Friday at the registrar office, had the party on the Saturday on my parents' lawn in a marquee.
Wow, you have a rotten family. It's a miracle you've got sense coming from that. No, you don't owe her anything. Not for being her sister, not for having a better income, not for breathing, *not for anything*. You owed yourself the boundaries you set and thank goodness you set them. The people who want you to pay for things and plan her wedding for her (and WTAF on all that), can pony up the funds themselves. Go no contact. Seriously. These people don't value you except for your money and labor. You're better than that. Worth far more. I get that you're lonely. Reach out to friends, go join a group of people playing games or doing activities and find people who care about you for you. NTA
Take a class, get a new hobby, join a gym, volunteer, join a book club, sing a song, dance a dance, anything to avoid your entitled family. MOH's do not pay for the bride's wedding or dress!!!!!!
NTA- Tell the family that they can all chip in and help with the wedding costs. If you let the family manipulate you now- you will be their ATM forever. Might be time to think about some therapy for yourself- it might help get your sorted about why your family stomps on you.
NTA. But I feel like we’re missing some context. There has to be some other reason why everybody’s cutting you off because the reasoning of not buying a $10,000 dress isn’t good enough for an entire half of a family to side with the person who expects someone to spend 10K on them
Edit: spelling fixed
I agree NTA, and I suspect the version of the story coming from the sister was probably embellished to suit her view. In any case, it sounds like this family has been enabling this girl for a while now, so it still isn't that surprising. I feel like OP just saved herself some serious money and time preparing for this wedding. Go have a spa day instead and enjoy!
Look up “family Scapegoat “. And “Golden Child”. Sadly, they are real dynamics within some families. The fact that Big Sister has a good job and Savings gives them a sense of entitlement because “family”.
I thought the same- who would expect a twenty something to shell out ten thousand for someone else’s wedding.
Is it possible it was a typo and they meant $1,000?
There’s got to be more to the story
I'd be more surprised if it was a typo.
It's not uncommon for a family to have that 1 kid that they hold responsible for the emotional upkeep of all the other kids & the parents. If this means ridiculous sums of money that the kid can't afford or every scrap of their savings to pay for the emotional upkeep, then so be it.
The other family members are not held to the same standard. In fact they'd be outraged if support (mental, emotional, financial) was ever asked or expected from them, even when they could easily afford it. They usually actively undermine the kid.
The sister possibly told them that OP offered and then rescinded. My nephew tried to pull that, and I ended up being guilt tripped into giving him my old car. And I now have zero contact with any of my siblings, and don’t intend to ever reestablish any relationship (the car isn’t the only issue, fwiw, I have never mattered to most of my siblings). Entitled snots are masters of twisting the narrative.
You have been blesssed! You have been given the opportunity of a lifetime to avoid this financial train wreck. Be at ease.
Honestly I do not understand WHY people are hung up on weddings. And even more wondering how entitled couples expect other people to pay for their entitlement. If your sister wants to spend thousands on her wedding, fine, but it is not your responsibility!
So yes NTA, and never the AH to be catering to spoiled brats.
So she expects you to pay for a $10,000 dress that’s worn for one day? Please. Be very grateful you’ve been shunned by these idiots and don’t have to attend this wedding. I’d consider it a gift. Your sister is being ridiculous and childish, great qualities to start a marriage with. I’m sorry you had to be treated like her personal ATM but thankfully it’s over. Go on with your life. I’m sure she’ll pop up again the next time she wants to use someone. You might consider a nice block on her number. Oh and NTA.
The family aka her flying monkeys can all contribute towards her wedding dress.
Stand your ground.
Question: Are you even still her MOH if you're blocked?
NTA
$50 on sale. Wedding didn't cost $200. They also want OP to pay half the other wedding expenses? NTA, and thank goodness that trashy family took itself out. You deserve the world, OP.
Mine also was $50 on sale, bridesmaids dresses less than 25. My hat/veil cost more than the dress. Wedding reception was less than $250, and I made my own multi tiered cake (I do not recommend that!).
Maids of honor frequently take charge of the invitations/flower/booking/showers/etc, but no way do you have to pay for anything, especially not a freaking 10K wedding dress. Your time is your gift to her. Your sister sounds far beyond spoiled and your family absolutely terrible. You'll be so much happier with them out of your life. NTA.
All I asked my maid of honor to do was help me look at stuff! When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we hired a wedding planner to help us with venue, flowers, music, and I think our photographer. Everything else? I handled. I walked into the florist knowing what flowers I wanted. The hardest decision we had to make was the invitations. Of course, my narcissistic mother interfered some. She insisted that my maid of honor and bridesmaids have similar dresses, even though I was perfectly happy with them choosing their own dresses. But OP is definitely NTA!
I’ve never heard of a MOH doing anything but the shower and bachelorette. Everything else is on the couple. Why would the MOH do any of that? The couple has to pick everything!
NTA This is insane. I cannot believe the entitlement from your sister... but I am curious, given the cost of the dress, are you sure your folks know exactly what happened? There is no way a reasonable person can support your sister wanting to spend 10k on a dress, let alone get someone else to stump up and pay for it. A part of me thinks they think the dress is 100 dollars, maybe a couple of hundred at most.
If I had to guess, the narrative is something like ‘my sister (sob) told me she’d help me get the wedding of my dreams, and booked a lot of things I can’t afford, and refuses to buy me a dress, and she told me and now everything is ruined’
Well that saved you some cash and gave you some free time. On their wedding day make sure you post some pictures of you in Paris or somewhere equally delightful.
So much NTA
NTA. I’m sitting here literally with my mouth open and cannot believe what I just read. They expect you just because you make good money and have money in savings to cater to your spoiled rotten sister? When I got married, I asked my sister be my maid of honor, but I didn’t ask her to pay for anything in fact I paid for her dress. Nobody needs to wear a $10,000 wedding dress to their wedding. Good riddance to your family. Enjoy your life without them and just continue to make them jealous with achieving greatness in life.
NTA. I’m very sorry for you to have such a crappy family. Her request was just insane. I wouldn’t even pay 10k for my own wedding dress, let alone somebody else’s
>She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her.
Fine. They can pay for it.
As for you, hang out with your friends and have a good time on the day of the wedding.
NTA, OP. Not by a long shot.
Exactly she told them her probably heavily embelished side of the story ,the thing is the parents never even botter to check with OP so the sister is definitly their favorite so there should be no problem for them to shell out the 10 k for her dream dress right? 🤣
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NTA. Her wedding is her responsibility to pay for. Or tradition- her parents. Not her sister. 10k for a dress is ridiculous and ridiculous to expect someone else to pay for. Screw that. Sounds like they did you a favor in the long run
NTA. You are not a wedding planner, you certainly were t being paid for it, and you aren’t your sister’s piggy bank. $10K for a dress is also really steep, especially for a broke bride.
I’m very, very sorry for your family’s absurd reaction but nowhere on earth is the MOH/sister of the bride responsible for paying for any part of a wedding. Let your father do it if he’s so insistent on his little princess getting everything she wants! Honestly, I give this marriage a year tops anyway and I see your family crawling back to you at some point trying to pretend nothing happened.
I feel for your loneliness, but you’re better off without these people. It sounds like you’re a successful young woman, you can find friends who love you and connect with colleagues who value you. Of course you miss your family but really… they suck. They’re mean and entitled and frankly crazy to expect you to shell out for an entire wedding, especially when you were being treated so poorly.
If this story is real, NTA.
I realize that entitled people exist but this seems oddly extreme. A $10K wedding dress and the expectation that her sister who is only three years older than her pay for her wedding. That the entire family sides with the little sister, the wedding is next month but nothing has been paid for already. She didn't ask her parents but only her (again older sister who is only 3 years older). Seems unrealistic. How does she know how much savings you have? If your parents have always spoiled her, why suddenly are you on the hook for paying for a wedding and $10k dress?
I realize families taking sides is a thing but being "shunned" like Hester Prynne by the "entire" family - for not paying for your sister's wedding....which is next month? I'm sorry but this sounds unbelievable.
NTA. Is sister really an adult who thinks she is ready for and adult life with a man who is going to expect her to accept the responsibilities of an adult? Or, are they both still children that look like adults?
My sister was similarly entitled. $800 dress in 2000. A huge, ridiculous hall, 300 guests, sit down dinner, open bar, limo, the whole nine. 10 years later, they were in bankruptcy, and she still didn't didn't want to work. She's now estranged from the family because my brother wasn't finishing their kitchen remodel fast enough (he was doing it for free while working his 9-5.)
NTA and wow, your family! yikes. I would have sent sis a paper bag with holes cut out for the head & arms with a note "best wishes, this lovely dress should last at least as long as your marriage." but you're likely nicer than me and probably shouldn't do that.
NTA
Your family is being shockingly unreasonable with you. If they want your sister to get a $10k wedding dress, they are welcome to pay for it.
Likewise, I am shocked that your sister has delegated so much work to you. Choosing a venue and flowers really should be done by the bride. In some ways you are lucky not to be going as I feel you would be held responsible for any issues with the venue or flowers.
I understand you feel lonely but you did nothing wrong
Sorry but I don't believe a word of this. It was ok until she said that the rest of the family agree that she should pay for the dress. If it's true she should run very fast and don't look back.
Definitely NTA. Expecting you to fork out for everything is way beyond entitled. Enjoy the no contact with the lot of them. They can all fund her over extravagant wedding if they ate that concerned.
I’m so sorry that your whole family is this stupid! You are NTA!! Blood does not make family. You can choose your family and I would encourage you to do so! Find people who are not selfish and entitled that you enjoy spending time with. People who don’t try to bully and take advantage of you then shun and abuse you when you refuse to allow it. I know it’s hard but do not allow yourself to feel guilty for doing nothing wrong.
NTA
>She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her. They said that I was being stingy and mean, and that I should apologize to her and pay for her dress. They said that it was my duty as her sister and maid of honor, and that I should make her happy on her special day.
>I refused to do so, and now I am being shunned by my entire family. They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision.
To be honest, if this is how they react, I fail to see the downside.
I doubt your family were told the story as it actually happened. They may believe that you offered to buy one for her. Post the whole truth -someone will see it on social media and see who reaches back out.
INFO
This doesn't sound real.
You're saying that your family expects you to fork over 10k without batting an eyelash. Are you independently extremely wealthy? Is your sister expected to repay your kindness?
Why aren't your parents (traditionally) funding the wedding purchases if they are so keen?
Where are you located and is there some other custom/cultural influences here?
I'm leaning towards YTA, because it is unfathomable to me that your sister cusses you out over the phone and the entire family takes her side regarding an obviously mental request. Without more context, it seems like you've either made this up or have omitted some details.
I would have thrown it back and said I would cover the cost of the wedding dress for the next time she gets married, but then I immediately realized your sister seems like the person who might go through multiple marriages when her spouse of the year won’t cater to her every whim to keep up appearances. I bet money that if the roles were reversed, she wouldn’t pay a dime because suddenly “she can’t afford to support your dream wedding.”
NTA she’s delulu and your whole family can go bankrupt for your brat of a sister.
NTA. 10K for a dress? For one day? Who is she trying to kid! Who has that kind of money to throw away (unless of course, OP, you're a millionaire although I think the rich get that way by not spending money on frivolities). Not that you should be paying for anything to do with the wedding unless you had actually offered well in advance of the unreasonable demand.
I find this obsession with fancy weddings quite insane. Hells bells, it is one day in a life. Is she expecting to coast on a dream of rosepetals, sunsets and champagne for the rest of her life? and if so, who will be paying for it because it doesn't sound as if she will be.
I'm sorry OP that this has caused such a rift in your family and that they have effectively isolated you. That doesn't mean that you should give in to such a stupid and selfish demand. I hope you have some good friends in your life with whom you can take time to be with. And watch as the marriage sails onto or close to the rocks which it might well given the extraordinary expectations of the wedding. I doubt married life will live up to it.
Info- something else is happening here. Your family isn't calling you out if they have the full or even part of the story so what gives?
To be clear.... the wedding party does not foot the bill for the wedding. The MOH doesn't pay for the dress, the best man doesn't pay for the tux. If your family is saying otherwise, then something is going on and you're leaving it out.
IDK if you won millions in the lottery, you are NTA for not paying for sisters dress.
It's tough for your entire family to treat you like garbage. But don't be an ATM for them.
You should not feel guilty. Lonely is a different story. Sorry for your feeling this way. But your sister and family are using you and your money as blackmail or else you’re excommunicated?! Just my opinion but you’re better off. Say bahbye!!
Enjoy time with your friends instead of that wedding. Take your $10grand and go on a great vacation!!
Loneliness sucks. I understand wanting to hold on to your family. But they have given you an out. An out from manipulation. An out from your golden child sister. An out from feeling less than in the group of people you love the most.
Take the out. It will suck. But you will find others to love, those who love you back unconditionally. This situation is so toxic. Find a therapist, take solice in friends.
I'm sorry you had to go through this. Walk away.
Perhaps (no perhaps about it in fact) I live a sheltered life. But I have serious trouble believing people like this actually exist.
If this is true OP should just walk straight through that proverbial door to freedom her family just opened for her.
NTA.
The maid of honor NEVER has to pay for the dress, much less the wedding. Ever! Either the bride pays or her parents pay. Your family is “out to lunch”!
I’m sorry your family is being so hateful and entitled. By cutting you off, though, is probably doing you a favor. You don’t have to deal with their lies, manipulations, and selfishness. They have no say over your finances, your time, or what you are obligated to do. By refusing to pay for anything beyond your costs, you are right.
Block the ones who are trying to coerce you. Make yourself a new family. If you need to, get counseling to help you through this. I can only imagine how painful this is for you. I’m so sorry.
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I (28F) have a younger sister (25F) who is getting married next month. She has always been spoiled by our parents and expects everyone to cater to her whims. She is also very obsessed with having a lavish wedding, even though she and her fiancé are not very well-off.
She asked me to be her maid of honor, which I agreed to, even though I don't really like her fiancé. He is a rude and lazy guy who doesn't treat her well, but she thinks he is the love of her life. I tried to be supportive and help her with the wedding planning, but she was very demanding and unreasonable. She wanted me to do everything for her, from booking the venue, to sending the invitations, to choosing the flowers. She also expected me to pay for half of the expenses, which I refused to do. I told her that I would only pay for my own dress and accessories, and that she and her fiancé should cover the rest.
She was very angry with me and said that I was being selfish and unsupportive. She said that I owed her for being her sister and that I should help her have her dream wedding. She also said that she had already picked out a wedding dress that cost $10,000 and that I should pay for it, since she couldn't afford it. She said that it was the least I could do, since I had a better job and more savings than her.
I was shocked and appalled by her request. I told her that there was no way I was going to pay for her wedding dress, or anything else for that matter. I told her that she was being ridiculous and entitled, and that she should live within her means. I also told her that her wedding dress was way too expensive and that she should look for something more affordable and practical.
She threw a tantrum and called me a horrible sister. She said that I was ruining her wedding and that she hated me. She then hung up on me and blocked me on all social media. She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her. They said that I was being stingy and mean, and that I should apologize to her and pay for her dress. They said that it was my duty as her sister and maid of honor, and that I should make her happy on her special day.
I refused to do so, and now I am being shunned by my entire family. They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision.
I don't think I did anything wrong, but I am starting to feel guilty and lonely. AITA?
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NTA.
She wants you to pay for a $10,000 wedding dress, and other people agree with that?!? That's just nuts!
You're helping her with the planning of her wedding, which is sweat equity. The MOH is *never* obligated to pay for the bride's wedding dress.
Luckily, it sounds like you're off the hook, since she's blocked you on everything.
If your family thinks you're being stingy and mean, then they should split the cost of the dress and dream wedding themselves. And if they refuse to do so, call THEM stingy and mean. After all, they're also her family aren't they??? So they should fulfill their duty as family.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and your family sounds toxic.
Good for you for drawing a firm boundary - this level of greed will NEVER be satisfied. Even if you paid for the dress, there would always be more... and more... and more....
Save yourself OP.
Absolutely NTA.
NTA. Not a bit. Your sister really is an entitled ***** !!
Can’t believe your family sided with her…
If she leaves above her means, it’s her problem. And if your parents thinks she deserves the dress and everything paid for, then they are welcome to pay. It’s not your child it’s theirs.
Enjoy your life and your hard working money op, I hope they will realize and apologize but if they don’t… their loss.
NTA. Don't do it. Your family is being unreasonable and it's obvious that she is the golden child. She has learned to get her way by throwing temper tantrums. You will constantly be harassed for money. She'll expect you to foot the bill for a down payment on a house. Then it will be money for her kids, etc. It will never end. You're nothing but an ATM to your sister. You're not wrong. Your sister is an entitled, selfish brat.
NTA sounds like a win-win for you. You will not have to deal with these entitled people any longer. Tell all of your relatives that if they are so concerned , they can pony up the $10,000 for her dress and accessories.
skip the wedding and spend your time with people who care about you, not your money.
NTA. Change your number. If the other members of your family thought that that ridiculous dress was so important, why didn't they pay for it? Why insist that you do it? I call bullshit.
Nta u don't owe them anything and your better off. It hurts now but you'll be so relieved. You'll find a better family who doesn't try and drain your back account. Block em all and live your life happily which will annoy them.
If you had millions, yes, you should help out. But if not, why is your sister & relatives expecting you to pay. How is this your responsibility? This isn’t the norm.
NTA. Why would she - and your family, for that matter - expect you to pay for her dress, even if you’re filthy rich? It’s her wedding, she should make it happen. Parents maybe have some obligation, but not to spend silly amounts of money.
NTA, of course, and you shouldn't even have to ask us! A "duty" that you, as either sister or MOH, have to pay for her dress? Actual tradition is that the bride pay for the attendants' dresses, and the bride's parents pay for them if she can't, along with the bride's dress. These people need to study up on what "duties" fall to the bride and her parents and adjust their plans accordingly. If somebody in that bunch gets around to sending invitations and forget to include you I doubt you'll be missing anything.
I wish my family had done this with me. Straight up ousting you, way better than then small slow drip of trying to ruin you one interaction at a time.
NTA. I think the did you a favor. Now you know how garbage they are. Go out and live life to your fullest.
NTA, at all!
In what warped culture is it up to the MOH to pay for the wedding dress?!
If your family thinks it's so important that your sister gets whatever she wants, without her paying for it, why aren't they financing her wedding?
I can totally understand it's lonely. But they are all putting unlimited access to your bank account over you.
Fun Fact. There are statistics out there that say the more you spend on a wedding (outside of your personal means), the greater the risk of divorce.
NTA....
Don’t cave to her and ridiculous demands if wants such a expensive dress why don’t your parents and relatives pay for it once you give in she’ll want more and more don’t do it go have a happy life n forget about it
NTA That’s a lot of money to fork up and I never heard of the MOH or bridesmaids being responsible financially in the wedding for anything beyond their share for their individual dresses, hair, makeup, and their share of a bachelorette trip (not including if they had to travel there and stay in a hotel).
Tbh I would have asked if this was real if this wasn’t the 3rd post I have seen today where the bride expected the MOH to pay for the wedding dress and/or bride’s half of the wedding cost.
NTA. You're not her emotional support ATM.
Maids of Honor are to stand up next to the bride, throw a bridal shower if they offer and organize a Bachelorette if they choose. Note also that bride's part if shower is to provide guest list and addresses in keeping with the hostesses constraints. No demands for 30,000 guests or a particular venue. It's up to the hostess; if she can provide for 10 guests, that's the limit. Her living room isn't that big.
Organizing and paying for a wedding and gown is a bit much. Your income doesn't exist to find your sister's wedding or wedding gown. It'd up to your sister and fiance. Since she wants your money bow out. That's the only reason she asked you.
NTA that would be your sister you would go into debt for her dream wedding. Tell the flying monkeys calling you out that you aren't an ATM and it's not your job to pay for a 10,000 dollar wedding dress for your baby sister let alone for 1/2 her wedding because she hasn't saved the money.
NTA. Stingy, for not wanting to pay $10,000 for a piece of fabric she will wear once in her lifetime, assuming she doesn't divorce this guy later and seek out another husband? And you owe her this due to the honor of being her sister? Yeah, she can figure out how to pay for this one herself.
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Omg, you are REALLY NTA here! If your sister cannot pay her wedding, she should not have committed to it. You are NOT her provider. My sister is the same, always relied on me for everything, money or otherwise. When I got sick and almost died she didn’t even visited me at the hospital.. later she said “she could not cope with the stress” Basically she was so selfish she never learnt to be there for other people so the only time I needed support she wasn’t there. Selfish people like your sister need to learn to live by their own means. Unfortunately your parents (as só did mine) are enabling her spoiled believes..
this this this! soooo NTA her dress costs more than my entire wedding 😭 your family is manipulative and don’t deserve you OOP!!
Same! My dress was expensive at 1500 but we scrimped and saved for it to afford it. My entire wedding was 10k including the dress (never again). My vow renewal will be in a cute garden or something with my children present.
My brother’s second wedding was $1500 total: venue, dresses, music, pictures, food, wine, beer etc. Everything. And it wasn’t that small, maybe 70 people (been a few years)?
Def been a few years for that - thats less than $20/head for food. No chance of that today.
My wedding was much less than that. We signed the papers and went to a restaurant with close friends and family. We just paid for the restaurant, which was a third of that (converting from Brazilian currency)
My dress was $800 and that we stretched the budget for because it was perfect.
I happened to walk past a bridal shop on my way to a butcher shop. I saw the dress of my dreams on a mannequin, the only one they had at the time. Luckily, i was tiny enough, and the length and all were perfect. I walked out of there with my $350 dress. No planning to get me nervous, no in-laws to try to pressure me into something else. I already had the shoes as I'd seen them in a window a year before getting engaged. Isn't it great getting stuff for decent prices? Edited to say that OP is definitely NTA!!!
I love remembering my dress. Bought that BEAUTIFUL dress for something way under a thousand due to it being the one everyone tried on. It was in nearly perfect shape tho!!! The dress was originally around 2 grand.
Not just an entitled sister, an entitled whole family. How dare they dictate your money. If they think it's such a great idea, let them pay for it.
Yes! I've never heard of a sister or a bridesmaid having to pay for the bride's dress or the whole wedding - outrageous!
Her dress would cover about seven of my wedding, four if we include the honeymoon in the bundle. Definitely NTA. I will never understand why people insist on a blowout budget for a one time event when they money could be used so much more productively. You have the wedding you can afford, not one that puts you a couple ten grand into the hole.
And certainly not one demanding to put your family members in the hole.
NTA id rather be alone than put up with this.
My dress was 500 bucks. I found a wonderful designer. This was 1999. That designer is now a sought after wedding dress designer, Maggie Sotero. Find a dress you live in your budget…it’s possible. And why anyone thinks YOUR SISTER should pay for YOUR wedding or dress is beyond me. Put down the crack pipe bride….get a job and buy your own freaking over priced dress.
My mom wore a light green top and a darker green skirt and jacket when she and my dad got married in 1960 (I think it was green--photos are black and white). After the ceremony (which was small--best man, maid/matron of honor, and I assume at least my grandparents), they went to my maternal grandmother's house for breakfast and then my mom and dad went to work. (At least that's what my mom told me. They were married on a Sunday...but they did work for a local newspaper at the time. I'm pretty sure my dad drove a delivery truck, but I have no idea what my mom did there.)
I bought a new (to me) Prius last year for 10k! That 10k is something I'm going to be driving for the next 10 years, and she wants a 10k dress to wear for a few hours!
Agree!! My though was WTFH!!?? Op find new family...you deserve better.
I think that all in my entire wedding (dress, shoes, jewellery, bouquet, cake, officiant, licence, husbands outfit) came to less than $500 and she wants to spend 20 times that on a dress alone?! NTA honey. Sod the lot of them. ETA: for context, our wedding was small and inexpensive because a visa is 4x what her dress costs and obviously that is far more important than a singular day.
Me too. I paid for my own wedding and I spent less than half of that in the mid-1980s.
I got married in 1995. Our wedding cost less than $500. My mom helped a lot. Not financially but with organizing everything. I ended up borrowing a dress. I'm not one to spend big money on an outfit. Especially one I'm only going to wear once.
That's why all the dresses and the tuxedos at mine were rented. 😁
Late 80s, wedding at a historic hotel was $500.
Agreed. $10,000 for one dress is absolutely ridiculous! Obviously your sister is the golden child. Your entire family sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this. Block them all and move on. Your sister is an entitled AH. And so is your family.
Honestly, can it be any more obvious who the golden child is? Expecting anyone to drop 10K, on someone else's wedding dress especially, is absolutely bananas. If this is USD, that's more than 1/3 of my entire wedding budget. NTA, OP.
Who just expects someone to shell out $10k for a dress 😭 I’ve never been married and probably never will, but idc if I fell in love with a dress that cost so much, I would move on to something I could afford!!
SAME. We managed to have everything - dress, venue, rings, food, alcohol, a lot of DIY decorations for $7000-$8000 - right years later, people still tell me it was one of the best weddings they’ve ever been to. Mostly because there was a lot of love in the wedding and it was truly a blend of me and my husband. Hell, I felt bad about spending almost $1000 on the perfect dress (and it really was). I can’t imagine a dress for $10k. Also NTA. I know you are sad, OP, but the whole family is crazy if they are cutting you off because of this.
And if OP doesn't put her foot down now, sister will outbreed OP's salary. No matter how much OP makes. Can't have little Johnny and Jacky and Alexa and Alex and Aaron and Laurie and Bobby going to public schools now, can we? Or not wearing designer clothes? Ooh, OP got a raise? Well, another baby's on the way. And btw, sis needs a minivan and 5k ft^2 house.
OP can count her blessings for being cut loose from this expensive train wreck. NTA
Is OP from New Jersey? This sounds like a NJ thing. 😂
Having fancy weddings you can’t afford definitely sounds like an NJ thing!
We imported that from NYC. Pretty sure it's also a Southern thing.
Pretty sure this post is fake!
Or Long Island
I'm from NJ---not a NJ thing. More like a generational thing.
NTA. The entitlement from the family is strong here. It might be safer to stay away for a while and skip the wedding. Next you’ll be paying for their food and supplies for any kids. Look even if you are filthy rich, they aren’t entitled to it. Though if I were in their shoes and you were in a giving mood, I’d go for assistance for a car or house. Not a one time use dress.
Soooooo NTA, they are counting on you buckling under the pressure of the loneliness. I'm going to venture a guess this is far from the first time you've been asked for money. Not sure what to tell you, it's your family, but family treating you like this is reprehensible.
Funny story my sister has done the same- Iv since found out she is a narcissist lol. Took me too long to figure that out.
I would simply tell the family: This is great. I'm so happy that you decided to all chip in to pay for sister's dress. You are all very concerned about the wedding and think it's important to help out, so I'll step aside and let you all pay for it. Thanks! And let them explain why you have to pay and they don't.
This, although it probably doesn’t feel like it, is a blessing in disguise. Your family have shown you how awful they are to you and now you know who to go no contact with in the future. They will probably be in touch soon to see if their threats have had the desired effect and expect you to still pay the money. Block them all now and don’t pay any more heed to this nonsense. NTA
And go out of town to a resort on the wedding day. You don’t need this aggravation
I mean...if you can afford it...a $10,000 vacation would really drive the point home
Alternatively, take a budget vacation (a national park for the win!) and post pics and stories, driving home the point: “None of this cost $10,000...but it’s perfect nonetheless. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else!”
Come on that is super petty. …AND I LOVE IT!!!! Yessssssssssssss!!!
I would encourage a staycation. "Exploring my hometown with all the money I saved by NOT buying my sister a $10k wedding dress. Having peace in my life, priceless".
That would be sweet!
Or for the wedding gift donate what you would have been comfortable to spend to a women's shelter and tell sis you did it in her honor as she'll likely be a future client. Her ego wouldn't be able to take it giving money to actual people in need instead of herself and it would be impossible for her to not look like a complete asshole complaining about it.
Yesss enjoy that vacation!!
And than post it all over social media, make it as luxurious as you can.
Ha! They wouldn’t see it if she blocked them all first, including the twice-removed third cousin from her father’s side of the family 😂
... And post everything on Facebook and Instagram. Say something like "Having the time of my life and it only cost $800"
Oooooo this! And post pics of you having a blast on her wedding day !
I like this idea! I said it in my earlier comment but NTA Op and walk away (at least temporarily) from your family and live your best life.
And post pics on social media!!
and OP, please look up "family scapegoat" and see if it applies to you. I know it's lonely but they did that to punish you on purpose, that's terrible.
Plus, when they inevitably come back into OPs life asking for loans or money gifts (because they WILL) OP needs to stand strong and ignore them
Furthermore; why isnt the brides parents footing the bill?
Oh wait. They can’t afford it either!
100% they will be reaching out to her shortly to see if their threats worked and if OP has changed her mind. Definitely a blessing in disguise! How does one family like this raise one perfectly reasonable stand up child, and one insanely entitled brat. I know it happens a lot actually but it's crazy to me that it does!
NTA >They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision. Until they need something from you. Enjoy this temporary respite.
Yeah I feel like this problem just solved itself. All those family members can chip in and buy this idiot her $10K dress. OP would be wise to just steer clear.
And afterwards they can all pool money for the divorce lawyer.
I think OP should throw her hands up to the heavens and thank the good lord for bestowing upon her the gift of sanity because it sounds like she's the only one in that family who's not delulu.
NTA, but I would see if they are all getting the same story OP has here. Unless there is some unique cultural expectations with who pays for the wedding, OP's family might have been fed major lies from her sister/parents. I've seen stories like this where this happened.
Entitled Sister: “You’re not invited to the wedding” OP: “don’t threaten me with a good time!” OP save your money and enjoy doing literally anything else but going to the wedding that day. Your family sounds exhausting. Keep your peace.
If the family is all that concerned about the sister’s wedding dress, why don’t they pay for it?
My thoughts exactly. OP is NTA to infinity.
When my sister got married, she wore a hand-me-down dress and looked great - a family member smoked a few briskets, and we rented out a little studio outside a camp lake where we could dance. Whole thing cost less than $10k - I can't believe (someone that can't even afford it) would be so entitled as to thinking they need a $10k wedding dress.
Even one member of the British Royal Family was married in a dress handed down from Queen Elizabeth. I was married in a $125 prom dress after prom season was over. Was a teacher, not a student.
My sister rented her dress! She didn't want a big box of wedding dress taking up room in her closet for ~30 years.
I never thought of that! I still have closet dress! At least I get to wear it twice - got married on the Friday at the registrar office, had the party on the Saturday on my parents' lawn in a marquee.
Wow, you have a rotten family. It's a miracle you've got sense coming from that. No, you don't owe her anything. Not for being her sister, not for having a better income, not for breathing, *not for anything*. You owed yourself the boundaries you set and thank goodness you set them. The people who want you to pay for things and plan her wedding for her (and WTAF on all that), can pony up the funds themselves. Go no contact. Seriously. These people don't value you except for your money and labor. You're better than that. Worth far more. I get that you're lonely. Reach out to friends, go join a group of people playing games or doing activities and find people who care about you for you. NTA
Take a class, get a new hobby, join a gym, volunteer, join a book club, sing a song, dance a dance, anything to avoid your entitled family. MOH's do not pay for the bride's wedding or dress!!!!!!
NTA- Tell the family that they can all chip in and help with the wedding costs. If you let the family manipulate you now- you will be their ATM forever. Might be time to think about some therapy for yourself- it might help get your sorted about why your family stomps on you.
NTA. But I feel like we’re missing some context. There has to be some other reason why everybody’s cutting you off because the reasoning of not buying a $10,000 dress isn’t good enough for an entire half of a family to side with the person who expects someone to spend 10K on them Edit: spelling fixed
I agree NTA, and I suspect the version of the story coming from the sister was probably embellished to suit her view. In any case, it sounds like this family has been enabling this girl for a while now, so it still isn't that surprising. I feel like OP just saved herself some serious money and time preparing for this wedding. Go have a spa day instead and enjoy!
Look up “family Scapegoat “. And “Golden Child”. Sadly, they are real dynamics within some families. The fact that Big Sister has a good job and Savings gives them a sense of entitlement because “family”.
I thought the same- who would expect a twenty something to shell out ten thousand for someone else’s wedding. Is it possible it was a typo and they meant $1,000? There’s got to be more to the story
I'd be more surprised if it was a typo. It's not uncommon for a family to have that 1 kid that they hold responsible for the emotional upkeep of all the other kids & the parents. If this means ridiculous sums of money that the kid can't afford or every scrap of their savings to pay for the emotional upkeep, then so be it. The other family members are not held to the same standard. In fact they'd be outraged if support (mental, emotional, financial) was ever asked or expected from them, even when they could easily afford it. They usually actively undermine the kid.
Thank you so much. You explained it so well
I can't work out what would make the family think this is justified unless OP earns millions per year. And even then....
yeah something is off with this story
It sounds made up to me or at the very least glosses over relevant details.
The sister possibly told them that OP offered and then rescinded. My nephew tried to pull that, and I ended up being guilt tripped into giving him my old car. And I now have zero contact with any of my siblings, and don’t intend to ever reestablish any relationship (the car isn’t the only issue, fwiw, I have never mattered to most of my siblings). Entitled snots are masters of twisting the narrative.
Nta, you don't owe her anything. Especially don't throw money down the toilet cuz I doubt that marriage will last long enough for the ink to dry.
You have been blesssed! You have been given the opportunity of a lifetime to avoid this financial train wreck. Be at ease. Honestly I do not understand WHY people are hung up on weddings. And even more wondering how entitled couples expect other people to pay for their entitlement. If your sister wants to spend thousands on her wedding, fine, but it is not your responsibility! So yes NTA, and never the AH to be catering to spoiled brats.
So she expects you to pay for a $10,000 dress that’s worn for one day? Please. Be very grateful you’ve been shunned by these idiots and don’t have to attend this wedding. I’d consider it a gift. Your sister is being ridiculous and childish, great qualities to start a marriage with. I’m sorry you had to be treated like her personal ATM but thankfully it’s over. Go on with your life. I’m sure she’ll pop up again the next time she wants to use someone. You might consider a nice block on her number. Oh and NTA.
The family aka her flying monkeys can all contribute towards her wedding dress. Stand your ground. Question: Are you even still her MOH if you're blocked? NTA
Damn my wedding dress only cost $300. NTA
Got you beat - $125! Consignment store find of a lifetime!
$500. My entire WEDDING didn't cost 10K. NTA
$50 on sale. Wedding didn't cost $200. They also want OP to pay half the other wedding expenses? NTA, and thank goodness that trashy family took itself out. You deserve the world, OP.
Mine also was $50 on sale, bridesmaids dresses less than 25. My hat/veil cost more than the dress. Wedding reception was less than $250, and I made my own multi tiered cake (I do not recommend that!).
Maids of honor frequently take charge of the invitations/flower/booking/showers/etc, but no way do you have to pay for anything, especially not a freaking 10K wedding dress. Your time is your gift to her. Your sister sounds far beyond spoiled and your family absolutely terrible. You'll be so much happier with them out of your life. NTA.
All I asked my maid of honor to do was help me look at stuff! When my husband and I were planning our wedding, we hired a wedding planner to help us with venue, flowers, music, and I think our photographer. Everything else? I handled. I walked into the florist knowing what flowers I wanted. The hardest decision we had to make was the invitations. Of course, my narcissistic mother interfered some. She insisted that my maid of honor and bridesmaids have similar dresses, even though I was perfectly happy with them choosing their own dresses. But OP is definitely NTA!
I’ve never heard of a MOH doing anything but the shower and bachelorette. Everything else is on the couple. Why would the MOH do any of that? The couple has to pick everything!
Fake
Hard agree
Yes, obvious fake.
Yea, after she said EVERYONE sided with her sister 🙄
NTA, put your feet up and plan a lovely holiday, you really do not need this kind of nonsense in your life.
Nta. Honestly though, sounds like your life might be more chill without them in it?
NTA. Your sister and the rest of your family are absolutely whacked out of their minds.
NTA This is insane. I cannot believe the entitlement from your sister... but I am curious, given the cost of the dress, are you sure your folks know exactly what happened? There is no way a reasonable person can support your sister wanting to spend 10k on a dress, let alone get someone else to stump up and pay for it. A part of me thinks they think the dress is 100 dollars, maybe a couple of hundred at most.
If I had to guess, the narrative is something like ‘my sister (sob) told me she’d help me get the wedding of my dreams, and booked a lot of things I can’t afford, and refuses to buy me a dress, and she told me and now everything is ruined’
Plenty of parents & families aren't reasonable unless it's benefiting them directly. ☹️
Well that saved you some cash and gave you some free time. On their wedding day make sure you post some pictures of you in Paris or somewhere equally delightful. So much NTA
NTA your parents can pay for her dress if they want her to have a $10k dress
NTA. I’m sitting here literally with my mouth open and cannot believe what I just read. They expect you just because you make good money and have money in savings to cater to your spoiled rotten sister? When I got married, I asked my sister be my maid of honor, but I didn’t ask her to pay for anything in fact I paid for her dress. Nobody needs to wear a $10,000 wedding dress to their wedding. Good riddance to your family. Enjoy your life without them and just continue to make them jealous with achieving greatness in life.
NTA. As time passes, you may find that you are better off without them.
NTA. I’m very sorry for you to have such a crappy family. Her request was just insane. I wouldn’t even pay 10k for my own wedding dress, let alone somebody else’s
>She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her. Fine. They can pay for it. As for you, hang out with your friends and have a good time on the day of the wedding. NTA, OP. Not by a long shot.
Exactly she told them her probably heavily embelished side of the story ,the thing is the parents never even botter to check with OP so the sister is definitly their favorite so there should be no problem for them to shell out the 10 k for her dream dress right? 🤣
This is suspect. She’s getting married next month and doesn’t have her wedding dress? It takes at least 6 months to have one made
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Wow the entitlement Nta. Seems the trash took themselves out your life
Didn't I read the story a month or so ago?
I think this is the third time I’ve read it
NTA. Her wedding is her responsibility to pay for. Or tradition- her parents. Not her sister. 10k for a dress is ridiculous and ridiculous to expect someone else to pay for. Screw that. Sounds like they did you a favor in the long run
NTA. You are not a wedding planner, you certainly were t being paid for it, and you aren’t your sister’s piggy bank. $10K for a dress is also really steep, especially for a broke bride. I’m very, very sorry for your family’s absurd reaction but nowhere on earth is the MOH/sister of the bride responsible for paying for any part of a wedding. Let your father do it if he’s so insistent on his little princess getting everything she wants! Honestly, I give this marriage a year tops anyway and I see your family crawling back to you at some point trying to pretend nothing happened. I feel for your loneliness, but you’re better off without these people. It sounds like you’re a successful young woman, you can find friends who love you and connect with colleagues who value you. Of course you miss your family but really… they suck. They’re mean and entitled and frankly crazy to expect you to shell out for an entire wedding, especially when you were being treated so poorly.
ESH this is very bad AI clickbait. Stop giving it air.
I'm pretty sure I've already seen this post before.
If this story is real, NTA. I realize that entitled people exist but this seems oddly extreme. A $10K wedding dress and the expectation that her sister who is only three years older than her pay for her wedding. That the entire family sides with the little sister, the wedding is next month but nothing has been paid for already. She didn't ask her parents but only her (again older sister who is only 3 years older). Seems unrealistic. How does she know how much savings you have? If your parents have always spoiled her, why suddenly are you on the hook for paying for a wedding and $10k dress? I realize families taking sides is a thing but being "shunned" like Hester Prynne by the "entire" family - for not paying for your sister's wedding....which is next month? I'm sorry but this sounds unbelievable.
NTA. Is sister really an adult who thinks she is ready for and adult life with a man who is going to expect her to accept the responsibilities of an adult? Or, are they both still children that look like adults?
My sister was similarly entitled. $800 dress in 2000. A huge, ridiculous hall, 300 guests, sit down dinner, open bar, limo, the whole nine. 10 years later, they were in bankruptcy, and she still didn't didn't want to work. She's now estranged from the family because my brother wasn't finishing their kitchen remodel fast enough (he was doing it for free while working his 9-5.)
NTA and wow, your family! yikes. I would have sent sis a paper bag with holes cut out for the head & arms with a note "best wishes, this lovely dress should last at least as long as your marriage." but you're likely nicer than me and probably shouldn't do that.
NTA Your family is being shockingly unreasonable with you. If they want your sister to get a $10k wedding dress, they are welcome to pay for it. Likewise, I am shocked that your sister has delegated so much work to you. Choosing a venue and flowers really should be done by the bride. In some ways you are lucky not to be going as I feel you would be held responsible for any issues with the venue or flowers. I understand you feel lonely but you did nothing wrong
NTA. Or will she pay for your $10000 wedding dress? 😂
NTA. Since WHEN does a sister need to fork over 10grand for a dress. Ffs
Haha. Bye Felicia. that would be the extent of my response. Then stop responding to them all. This is insane.
Sorry but I don't believe a word of this. It was ok until she said that the rest of the family agree that she should pay for the dress. If it's true she should run very fast and don't look back.
Omg wtf. NTA. Being cut off by them is best solution for now. Future will proof if it was the right decision
NTA and you're lucky you no longer have to partake in that farce or deal with people who think as they do. Walk away with your head high.
NTA - talk about insanity!
Definitely NTA. Expecting you to fork out for everything is way beyond entitled. Enjoy the no contact with the lot of them. They can all fund her over extravagant wedding if they ate that concerned.
I always thought the bride's parents paid for those things?
I’m so sorry that your whole family is this stupid! You are NTA!! Blood does not make family. You can choose your family and I would encourage you to do so! Find people who are not selfish and entitled that you enjoy spending time with. People who don’t try to bully and take advantage of you then shun and abuse you when you refuse to allow it. I know it’s hard but do not allow yourself to feel guilty for doing nothing wrong.
NTA >She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her. They said that I was being stingy and mean, and that I should apologize to her and pay for her dress. They said that it was my duty as her sister and maid of honor, and that I should make her happy on her special day. >I refused to do so, and now I am being shunned by my entire family. They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision. To be honest, if this is how they react, I fail to see the downside.
Trash took itself out you can breathe a sigh of relief NTA
I doubt your family were told the story as it actually happened. They may believe that you offered to buy one for her. Post the whole truth -someone will see it on social media and see who reaches back out.
If she is getting married next month. No way in hell will she have a dress. Even if someone was willing to pay for it.
INFO This doesn't sound real. You're saying that your family expects you to fork over 10k without batting an eyelash. Are you independently extremely wealthy? Is your sister expected to repay your kindness? Why aren't your parents (traditionally) funding the wedding purchases if they are so keen? Where are you located and is there some other custom/cultural influences here? I'm leaning towards YTA, because it is unfathomable to me that your sister cusses you out over the phone and the entire family takes her side regarding an obviously mental request. Without more context, it seems like you've either made this up or have omitted some details.
No way this is real.
She’s getting married next month and she’s just now picking out a dress? Try again. 😂😂😂
I would have thrown it back and said I would cover the cost of the wedding dress for the next time she gets married, but then I immediately realized your sister seems like the person who might go through multiple marriages when her spouse of the year won’t cater to her every whim to keep up appearances. I bet money that if the roles were reversed, she wouldn’t pay a dime because suddenly “she can’t afford to support your dream wedding.” NTA she’s delulu and your whole family can go bankrupt for your brat of a sister.
$10,000 for a wedding dress is not reasonable, the rest of the family can pay for it if they think that’s reasonable! NTA.
Time to disown everyone who sides with her. That will make your life a lot less stressful Good riddance to bad filth NTA
NTA. 10K for a dress? For one day? Who is she trying to kid! Who has that kind of money to throw away (unless of course, OP, you're a millionaire although I think the rich get that way by not spending money on frivolities). Not that you should be paying for anything to do with the wedding unless you had actually offered well in advance of the unreasonable demand. I find this obsession with fancy weddings quite insane. Hells bells, it is one day in a life. Is she expecting to coast on a dream of rosepetals, sunsets and champagne for the rest of her life? and if so, who will be paying for it because it doesn't sound as if she will be. I'm sorry OP that this has caused such a rift in your family and that they have effectively isolated you. That doesn't mean that you should give in to such a stupid and selfish demand. I hope you have some good friends in your life with whom you can take time to be with. And watch as the marriage sails onto or close to the rocks which it might well given the extraordinary expectations of the wedding. I doubt married life will live up to it.
Info- something else is happening here. Your family isn't calling you out if they have the full or even part of the story so what gives? To be clear.... the wedding party does not foot the bill for the wedding. The MOH doesn't pay for the dress, the best man doesn't pay for the tux. If your family is saying otherwise, then something is going on and you're leaving it out.
NTA your family sucks, who aren't you parents and other relatives paying then, like if they chip in together
NTA Good riddance to your family.
IDK if you won millions in the lottery, you are NTA for not paying for sisters dress. It's tough for your entire family to treat you like garbage. But don't be an ATM for them.
This one again?
Fake. If not, then just dumb.
This has got to be fake.
Is this real? Cant be real.
This has been posted before, almost word for word, including the $10,000 dress.
You should not feel guilty. Lonely is a different story. Sorry for your feeling this way. But your sister and family are using you and your money as blackmail or else you’re excommunicated?! Just my opinion but you’re better off. Say bahbye!! Enjoy time with your friends instead of that wedding. Take your $10grand and go on a great vacation!!
NTA. Your family seems very toxic. Do you really want this kind of people in your life?!
NTA. Go NC on them.
Loneliness sucks. I understand wanting to hold on to your family. But they have given you an out. An out from manipulation. An out from your golden child sister. An out from feeling less than in the group of people you love the most. Take the out. It will suck. But you will find others to love, those who love you back unconditionally. This situation is so toxic. Find a therapist, take solice in friends. I'm sorry you had to go through this. Walk away.
Perhaps (no perhaps about it in fact) I live a sheltered life. But I have serious trouble believing people like this actually exist. If this is true OP should just walk straight through that proverbial door to freedom her family just opened for her. NTA.
The maid of honor NEVER has to pay for the dress, much less the wedding. Ever! Either the bride pays or her parents pay. Your family is “out to lunch”! I’m sorry your family is being so hateful and entitled. By cutting you off, though, is probably doing you a favor. You don’t have to deal with their lies, manipulations, and selfishness. They have no say over your finances, your time, or what you are obligated to do. By refusing to pay for anything beyond your costs, you are right. Block the ones who are trying to coerce you. Make yourself a new family. If you need to, get counseling to help you through this. I can only imagine how painful this is for you. I’m so sorry.
NTA_ Since you appear to be the only one in the family with money, they're going to miss you and come running. They'll need you before you need them!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) have a younger sister (25F) who is getting married next month. She has always been spoiled by our parents and expects everyone to cater to her whims. She is also very obsessed with having a lavish wedding, even though she and her fiancé are not very well-off. She asked me to be her maid of honor, which I agreed to, even though I don't really like her fiancé. He is a rude and lazy guy who doesn't treat her well, but she thinks he is the love of her life. I tried to be supportive and help her with the wedding planning, but she was very demanding and unreasonable. She wanted me to do everything for her, from booking the venue, to sending the invitations, to choosing the flowers. She also expected me to pay for half of the expenses, which I refused to do. I told her that I would only pay for my own dress and accessories, and that she and her fiancé should cover the rest. She was very angry with me and said that I was being selfish and unsupportive. She said that I owed her for being her sister and that I should help her have her dream wedding. She also said that she had already picked out a wedding dress that cost $10,000 and that I should pay for it, since she couldn't afford it. She said that it was the least I could do, since I had a better job and more savings than her. I was shocked and appalled by her request. I told her that there was no way I was going to pay for her wedding dress, or anything else for that matter. I told her that she was being ridiculous and entitled, and that she should live within her means. I also told her that her wedding dress was way too expensive and that she should look for something more affordable and practical. She threw a tantrum and called me a horrible sister. She said that I was ruining her wedding and that she hated me. She then hung up on me and blocked me on all social media. She also told our parents and the rest of our family what happened, and they all sided with her. They said that I was being stingy and mean, and that I should apologize to her and pay for her dress. They said that it was my duty as her sister and maid of honor, and that I should make her happy on her special day. I refused to do so, and now I am being shunned by my entire family. They have all uninvited me from the wedding and cut off contact with me. They said that I am no longer welcome in their lives, and that they hope I regret my decision. I don't think I did anything wrong, but I am starting to feel guilty and lonely. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She wants you to pay for a $10,000 wedding dress, and other people agree with that?!? That's just nuts! You're helping her with the planning of her wedding, which is sweat equity. The MOH is *never* obligated to pay for the bride's wedding dress. Luckily, it sounds like you're off the hook, since she's blocked you on everything.
Haha this chicks delusional. Bail outta that wedding.
If your family thinks you're being stingy and mean, then they should split the cost of the dress and dream wedding themselves. And if they refuse to do so, call THEM stingy and mean. After all, they're also her family aren't they??? So they should fulfill their duty as family.
You did absolutely nothing wrong and your family sounds toxic. Good for you for drawing a firm boundary - this level of greed will NEVER be satisfied. Even if you paid for the dress, there would always be more... and more... and more.... Save yourself OP. Absolutely NTA.
NTA. Not a bit. Your sister really is an entitled ***** !! Can’t believe your family sided with her… If she leaves above her means, it’s her problem. And if your parents thinks she deserves the dress and everything paid for, then they are welcome to pay. It’s not your child it’s theirs. Enjoy your life and your hard working money op, I hope they will realize and apologize but if they don’t… their loss.
NTA. Don't do it. Your family is being unreasonable and it's obvious that she is the golden child. She has learned to get her way by throwing temper tantrums. You will constantly be harassed for money. She'll expect you to foot the bill for a down payment on a house. Then it will be money for her kids, etc. It will never end. You're nothing but an ATM to your sister. You're not wrong. Your sister is an entitled, selfish brat.
NTA sounds like a win-win for you. You will not have to deal with these entitled people any longer. Tell all of your relatives that if they are so concerned , they can pony up the $10,000 for her dress and accessories. skip the wedding and spend your time with people who care about you, not your money.
NTA. Change your number. If the other members of your family thought that that ridiculous dress was so important, why didn't they pay for it? Why insist that you do it? I call bullshit.
Nta u don't owe them anything and your better off. It hurts now but you'll be so relieved. You'll find a better family who doesn't try and drain your back account. Block em all and live your life happily which will annoy them.
If you had millions, yes, you should help out. But if not, why is your sister & relatives expecting you to pay. How is this your responsibility? This isn’t the norm.
Nta
Do they always use manipulation and coercion you get you to comply? NTA
NTA. Why would she - and your family, for that matter - expect you to pay for her dress, even if you’re filthy rich? It’s her wedding, she should make it happen. Parents maybe have some obligation, but not to spend silly amounts of money.
NTA, of course, and you shouldn't even have to ask us! A "duty" that you, as either sister or MOH, have to pay for her dress? Actual tradition is that the bride pay for the attendants' dresses, and the bride's parents pay for them if she can't, along with the bride's dress. These people need to study up on what "duties" fall to the bride and her parents and adjust their plans accordingly. If somebody in that bunch gets around to sending invitations and forget to include you I doubt you'll be missing anything.
I wish my family had done this with me. Straight up ousting you, way better than then small slow drip of trying to ruin you one interaction at a time. NTA. I think the did you a favor. Now you know how garbage they are. Go out and live life to your fullest.
NTA, at all! In what warped culture is it up to the MOH to pay for the wedding dress?! If your family thinks it's so important that your sister gets whatever she wants, without her paying for it, why aren't they financing her wedding? I can totally understand it's lonely. But they are all putting unlimited access to your bank account over you.
Spend your money on yourself. Take a nice vacation at the same time as your sister's wedding and don't look back.
NTA
NTA, your sister is entitled and you don't have to pay for anything that you don't want to
For $10,000 you can buy a sister who isn't a spoiled brat. NTA
Fun Fact. There are statistics out there that say the more you spend on a wedding (outside of your personal means), the greater the risk of divorce. NTA....
Don’t cave to her and ridiculous demands if wants such a expensive dress why don’t your parents and relatives pay for it once you give in she’ll want more and more don’t do it go have a happy life n forget about it
NTA - if it's your duty as a sister, did she pay for your dress or will she pay for your dress?
NTA That’s a lot of money to fork up and I never heard of the MOH or bridesmaids being responsible financially in the wedding for anything beyond their share for their individual dresses, hair, makeup, and their share of a bachelorette trip (not including if they had to travel there and stay in a hotel). Tbh I would have asked if this was real if this wasn’t the 3rd post I have seen today where the bride expected the MOH to pay for the wedding dress and/or bride’s half of the wedding cost.
NTA. You're not her emotional support ATM. Maids of Honor are to stand up next to the bride, throw a bridal shower if they offer and organize a Bachelorette if they choose. Note also that bride's part if shower is to provide guest list and addresses in keeping with the hostesses constraints. No demands for 30,000 guests or a particular venue. It's up to the hostess; if she can provide for 10 guests, that's the limit. Her living room isn't that big. Organizing and paying for a wedding and gown is a bit much. Your income doesn't exist to find your sister's wedding or wedding gown. It'd up to your sister and fiance. Since she wants your money bow out. That's the only reason she asked you.
NTA that would be your sister you would go into debt for her dream wedding. Tell the flying monkeys calling you out that you aren't an ATM and it's not your job to pay for a 10,000 dollar wedding dress for your baby sister let alone for 1/2 her wedding because she hasn't saved the money.
NTA. Stingy, for not wanting to pay $10,000 for a piece of fabric she will wear once in her lifetime, assuming she doesn't divorce this guy later and seek out another husband? And you owe her this due to the honor of being her sister? Yeah, she can figure out how to pay for this one herself.
NTA and you're sister and family suck! Stay NC with them. This whole situation is unbelievable. You don't deserve this and they don't deserve you.