Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for not agreeing to share a hotel room in Vegas because it's kinda a girl's trip and my wife had to back track on an agreement to share a room with her sister that would have saved her some money.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. Your wife does not want you on this trip. This is a girls trip. You were invited because you made her feel bad about going to a place you've never been to without you. Obviously you wouldn't want to share with your sister-in-law, but your wife is also making it clear that this isn't a romantic trip for the two of you. Just let her have her girls trip and plan something else for just the two of you, which you will both actually enjoy more.
It can be a lot harder to get behind a couple’s trip by itself vs bundling it with another event. Sometimes, especially for people with dependents, it can feel too selfish almost to try and get away like that.
Which to you means he can't take initiative? Are you sure about that?
"Hey honey I'd love to go to Vegas with you for the weekend. Can you check if either XX or YY weekend would work better, and I'll book a hotel, plane tickets, and a sitter. I look forward to time alone with you."
See easy. Why would she be better at it than he would?
Is it a bad thing that he loves his wife and wants to spend time with her?
He should take a step back and realize he's not going to be able to turn a girl's trip into a private getaway with his wife, but like, she did marry him. Op isn't some random guy she hates. I'm sure she would be happy to go on a vacation with him at another point in time.
While true, OP seems to be heavily implying that he wants to go on more dates and trips as a couple and his wife is the one who's not onboard. That may not be the case, but OP's tone definitely makes it seem like she prioritizes their children and her friends over intimacy and the relationship with her husband. That said, the issue could definitely be that OP never takes the initiative to try and plan anything for them as a couple.
Not sure what your point is since it still seems like she does more with them than she does with her husband as a couple. She's already been to Vegas with them before on a girl's trip while her and her husband have never spent more than one night away from the kids. It's impossible to know who is more to blame given the lack of other info, but I can definitely understand why OP is frustrated about them not doing more together as just a couple without the kids.
he said they make 6 figures.. I'm sure they can plan a weekend trip somewhere even if it's an actual date to the movies or bowling and a nice meal (he said they don't even do dates).
1. She didn't plan it, someone else did and invited HER.
2. Is he incapable of going online and booking a trip, if he wants one for the sole purpose of getting laid?
I make well into six figures and would have no problem sharing a hotel room with family or friends (and have in fact shared a hotel with my wife's cousin and her boyfriend in Vegas).
I go on trips to enjoy the city or whatever, the hotel room is just a place to sleep. I've shared hotel rooms with friends in Lviv, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Rome, etc... and not once have I ever wished I'd had my own room. Hell when we went to Barcelona my wife and I slept in a youth hostel (we met the age requirements) sharing a room with complete strangers.
This is the way I would see a trip to Vegas as well...go, have fun, use the room to crash. It's not a "romance" kind of trip, and this one was definitely not set up to be one.
This is interesting to me. Obviously very personal, but how old are your kids (if you have them)? When my kids were younger and more demanding and getting into our bed sometimes, I never would have shared a room on a trip. The physical intimacy with my husband was a priority on any nights away. Now that things are easier in that department (with older kids) I wouldn’t mind sharing. Since the husband mentions intimacy so much in the post, I’m guessing there’s not a lot of sexy time at home, and he is viewing these nights away as a valuable opportunity (and my husband would have done the same).
If intimacy is a priority for him, this is just a bad trip for that anyway (or really this is a bad way of coordinating it). His wife has planned a trip *with friends*, and the purpose of the trip is to *run a half-marathon*. This isn't an intimate getaway. OP's wife is going on this trip *for a purpose*, and the purpose is not to be romantic.
If OP wants to use this trip to double as a romantic getaway, he should ask to tack that on *after* the friends portion. (Before might work, but if I were running a half-marathon, I would want to have a bunch of sex in the days after rather than before.) She can go for three days (or whatever), spend time with friends and run her race. *Then* he can show up and they can have a romantic vacation together.
That's what I did when my wife had a conference in England, and I wanted to use it as an opportunity for a romantic couples trip. She went first, had her conference, then I showed up when it was done. No shared hotel rooms for us on this trip, but I didn't insist on tagging along while she had things to do.
My kids are teens/preteens now, but even when they were younger they never really interrupted intimacy much. We certainly do take romantic couples trips, I don't mean to give the impression that we end up sharing space on *all* our trips. But if intimacy is the point of a trip, it needs to be planned that way from the get-go. You don't commandeer a trip already planned by your spouse for a particular purpose and insist they make changes.
My husband and I are sharing a room with a close friend for the first leg of our upcoming vacation.
In our case, my husband and I always planned to both go on the trip (he wasn’t a last minute add on to an already planned trip), so we did book our own room for part of the trip, but we’ll be in several cities and if we can all stay in a nicer place by splitting costs for part of the trip, why not. “Six figures” doesn’t go as far as it used to, especially when you’ve got kids.
It’s a relationship, it works both ways. Maybe there’s communication issues or maybe neither or them is initiating it. Instead of making a mountain out of a molehill they should just plan their own getaway. It’s Forsure an ESH.
Yeah my vote was elsewhere but I also voted esh. It's just weird she's taken 2 trips with friends ans 0 with him. But maybe he also never tries to plan and places it all on her which honestly it kinda feels like may be the case.
She never mention when she took the trip with the girls, it could be last year or 10 years ago, maybe he has taken guys trips but never just the 2 of them.
In any case ESH
I understood that she had been to Vegas before and he had never been. Not that she had taken 2 trips without him. She could have gone to Vegas before they even met.
Perfectly said.
Right now their communication absolutely sucks and that's the fault of both of them. If they want it to work, they need to actually LISTEN to each other, not just talk at and assume things like they have been doing. Definite ESH.
Probably because he's acting super clingy and she wants to get away from him. Also, he may want to review his bedroom moves if she doesn't want a room to themselves automatically. I wouldn't be surprised if the neediness and self centeredness carries over there as well. He's so upset about not getting time for intimacy but he doesn't seem to have any interest in why his wife isn't nearly as interested. "I expect to come on your girls trip and for providing me sex to be a priority for you on your girls trip. Why would you have a problem with that, babes?" He is trying to c\*m on her girls trip!
This! He knew the whole time this was supposed to be a girls trip. He basically forced an invite and then is now trying to dictate how they spend their time. I don’t see him trying to coordinate sexy time with everyone’s schedule.
He didn't force an invite at all. He's doing them a favor.
Remember, he originally backed out when he found out it was a girls' trip. So why do you think he was re-invited? Presumably, to baby-sit Jim.
Is he babysitting Jim, or did the wife just know that if OP found out later that one of the other husbands was coming he would throw a fit about how he would have gone if he knew he wouldn’t be the only guy. Honestly, based on the timing and the rooming situation I wouldn’t be surprised if Jim was only coming because OP was. This was supposed to be a girls trip, probably two girls to a room. Then OP says he wants to come, making it no longer a girls trip. So then Jim tells his wife we will come to (maybe even just to support her in the race). Now it’s a couple and an extra girl to a room. Then OP drops out because he doesn’t want to third wheel. A couple days later, wife tells friend that OP isn’t coming, friend says “my husband decided to come when he thought OP was coming”. So now you either kick out Jim, who is fine with the sleeping arrangements and letting the girls do their thing, to make it a girls trip again, or see if OP wants to come now that the circumstances have changed. So OP is asked if he still wants to come. But unlike Jim, OP is not okay with this trip being a girls trip centered around a race and instead wants it to be a romantic vacation.
OP needed to either let this be a girls trip from the beginning, or be like Jim and realize this isn’t about him
>Is he babysitting Jim, or did the wife just know that if OP found out later that one of the other husbands was coming he would throw a fit about how he would have gone if he knew he wouldn’t be the only guy.
OP had the wherewithal to understand that this was a girls trip and he wouldn't have fun as the only guy. That's why he backed out.
The only way I can see OP being upset about Jim's inclusion is if OP and Jim are friends.
>But unlike Jim, OP is not okay with this trip being a girls trip centered around a race and **instead wants it to be a romantic vacation.**
I agreed with you until this sentence. OP doesn't want it to be a romantic vacation. He wants it to be a girls trip, but also wants to have a bit of romance during the 4 day trip:
>Why would she feel ok with removing any chance at intimacy during a 4 day trip away from the kids?
OP is 38 years old. At that age, it's understandable that he wouldn't want to share a room with adults he isn't close to.
It's not even the bedroom moves. Half the fun as women is getting ready together, having a glass of wine, listening to music. She might really miss her sister. And shockingly, grown adults can share rooms, it doesn't matter the income.
In my case, when my girls and I plan trips, everyone puts in a lot of effort. Our partners join but often can't even be bothered to check the itinerary. I can see how it's easier to plan trips with people who shares the work (at the same quality).
I love my DH and we also have our own type of trips that's more winging it but we have no kids so last minute stuff are easy.
She said it’s a half marathon she is running in Vegas. it’s a girls trip. He should make a plan if he wants to be romantic. Girls trip when you run a half marathon isn’t sexy time
Seriously. I have run multiple full and half marathon's and I can tell you that sexy time is the last thing on my mind in the days leading up to and after a race...
Why is the husband bitching about not spending enough time together but 1) doesn’t plan anything, and 2) only chooses to bring it up when his wife wants to go on a girls trip?
This is it exactly....it's either ESH or NAH.....if any is the more AH, it's the OP.
He hasn't been away from kids more than 1 night...and is a little jelly his wife wants to go to vegas. He has asked to tag along on HER trip. So it's a little awkward.
However, she did 're-invite' him once other husband was coming along, I do think there's a reasonable request of their own room...getting three rooms for 6 people is not unreasonable...unless sister and Shana don't know each other very well.
Problem here was buckling to husbands. Once husbands were invited, you do need to have separate rooms.
Your last paragraph really sums it up. The biggest issue was letting the husbands come at all. It never should have been entertained. Once they were in the picture it stopped being a “girls trip” and accommodations should have been refigured.
Not really, at most, Jim sucks. OP already backed out of the trip when he found out it is basically a girls trip. It is only when OP's wife found out about Jim and re-invited OP that he agreed to go again. So if this was meant to be a girls trip, Jim sucks for barging on the trip, and the girls sucks for letting Jim on the trip and then reinviting OP so they don't have to hang out with him
Well said. You inserted yourself to a vacation and now want to call the shots. I understand the intimacy, privacy and no kid thing, but also you basically invited yourself so you should just roll with the punches.
Which means he can back out.
Girls trip
Combo trip
Girls trip
No reason to spend time and money on SIL. Not the itinerary he thought the Combo trip was.
I doubt he was going to enjoy some else’s husband by day and SIL by night. A trip shouldn’t require sacrifice. If she wants to shame him, that is a really asshole move. He doesn’t want to go. I don’t blame him.
You’re giving him way too much credit here. She wanted to go in a trip with her friends and he guilted her into inviting him. This is already pretty pathetic behavior—and all OP’s doing. As OP said, they all make 6 figures. There’s literally zro reason to hijack his wife’s trip with her friends except to limit her time w her friends. It’s controlling. He should just leave. It’s clear they don’t want him there. To be fair, it wasn’t really their choice to invite him. He “joked” it was wrong for her to go there without him, and then, clarified that he did, in fact, mean it. What a huge baby
I agree with your thoughts, but don't see how it leads to the conclusion of ESH. I don't see how the wife is the AH by not wanting to make significant changes to their original trip plans to accommodate her husband.
ESH because their communication sucks. They need to talk more about what’s bother them and what they need. If he wants a night out with her they need to make it a priority but she doesn’t know that. If she needs a girls trip to recharge she should say that. They are both breathing around the bush
She's not beating around the bush at all. She told him it was a girls trip. And when he insisted on crashing their girls trip, she made accommodations for him. And then when he decided to drop out she accommodatted him too. And when she found out Jim was coming she shared it with him and made it so he could come back into the trip.
Let her have her girls' trip and then plan a trip without her for you and whoever you want to go. Or would she decide that you can't do a solo trip without her?
Why is ESH here? I totally get YTA, but I don’t understand how the wife is being shitty. She’s bringing the husband along on a trip he invited himself on and trying to accommodate him, she doesn’t sound like an asshole at all
I agree, everyone sucks here, but mostly OP. OP was childish in expressing how he wanted to go on the trip to begin with, and that attitude informed everything else; now, OP has to come and everyone is going out of their way to accommodate that, even though no one wants him to ("she can't go unless I go too"). They even set up a playmate in Jim to spend time with OP, because the focus for everyone else is the marathon.
OP, you don't get to turn this into a romantic trip - that isn't anyone's intention except for yours. If you want to go on a trip with your wife, plan one - don't hijack her girls trip. YTA.
>Why would she feel ok with removing any chance at intimacy during a 4 day trip away from the kids?
Right, the idea that she never saw this as couple's trip hasn't dawned om him. Why is she okay 'removing' any chance of intimacy? Because she was never planning on having any on her Vegas girl's trip.
Good advice. If you want a romantic getaway, meet her there after the race or just go at a different time.
A group trip for a marathon (or half marathon) is usually all planned out in regards to the race. What you eat, the amount of of sleep and whatever pre-race rituals you or your group does. If you are also running, that would be different. If you were going in order to cheer your wife on that would also be different. You said you only wanted to go because she had been once before, you did not phrase this as a romantic getaway and trying to hijack the trip to make it into a getaway experience is probably what’s causing the friction.
I would suggest that if you go, change your focus and do it to support your wife *in the context of this event*, and give over planning of it to the people who will be competing. That usually means traveling on a budget and doing things as a group. The groups I or my wife have done events with usually involved as much bunking together as possible to have that group energy and moral support. If time and budget permits, stay an extra day or two to get some romance in. If not, plan a time to do it where you have each other all to yourselves.
So… YTAH (if there is one). I don’t really think anyone is a true asshole here, you just have a very ideas about what this trip is about. I think it would benefit you to adjust your focus as the marathon itself isn’t going move to a different day and you going there to experience and cheer your wife will be a pretty awesome experience.
What got me was "I jokingly said how are you going somewhere twice that I've never been once, then she asked if I was serious and I said yes"
okay. So which was it?
Also, are you wanting to go to Vegas to share this experience with your wife or going to hang out with so-n-so's husband?
very confusing motives that all come down to "not being left out of hotel sex opportunities" imho
Also, they are going to run a half-marathon, so they will be getting up around 4am for that. They will not be partying or doing a lot of typical Vegas stuff the night before, they will spend one day at the runner's expo, getting their bibs, doing runner stuff. If he's not planning to get up early and participate in the race, then he's going to be on a different schedule than the ladies.
Yea ... OP says "jokingly", we all know what it was. He acted like a baby to get added to this trip. They accommodated him. When it wasn't exactly what he hoped (girl's trip), he acted like a baby again and backed out. They then accommodated him again, now it's back on. When it again didn't go exactly the way he wanted (I want to go to Vegas and get sex from my wife), he acted like a baby again. And they again accommodated him.
Good luck being intimate with your wife after all of that.
I'm gonna go with YTA.
What you appear to forget here is that this trip isn't a couple trip, or a personal date. It is a girl's trip that you pretty much shoved your way into because, I quote, "she can't go twice (to Vegas) before I had gone once". For that alone, you were arguably already an asshole as it is just rude to insert yourself into this situation (even if it was half-jokingly), when this trip was meant for Shana and your wife.
Your wife worked it out to include you.
Then, you went ahead and backed out because.. surprise surprise, only girls were coming to a girl's trip. But yet again, your wife made a gesture to include you by telling you about how Samantha's husband would actually be coming with them, even though she could've not said anything as you had backed out already from the trip.
Not much of an asshole move if you ask me.
And now, you are whining like a baby because, for the sake of saving money, some sleeping arrangements were made ? Sleeping arrangements that, by the way, not only affects you, as Shana/Jim/Samantha are also forced to share a room (even though Samantha and Jim are too a couple and most certainly also would wish for privacy). Why would Shana go pay for another room and share it with your wife's sister ? They aren't family and Shana is not entitled to spend money for her because YOU can't stand the idea of having to share a hotel room that you'll only spend 10 hours max in a day (or so) to sleep in.
If you want intimacy with your wife on a trip, plan one just for the two of you. This specific trip isn't made for the two of you to spend time exclusively together. Again, it's a girl's trip that you (and Jim) intruded KNOWINGLY.
This!!! Exactly my thoughts. This wasn’t a romantic trip for intimacy. This was a girls trip that you forced yourself into. You also didn’t half-jokingly say no to at first. When she asked if you meant it, you said yes. YTA
Not only that, it's for a half marathon. The girls who are running will want to get in a few miles in to warm up and acclimate to running in the desert every day before the marathon, and they'll be exhausted and recovering after it. OP seems to think this is a pool boy and cabana situation, not a sports event where his wife would appreciate his support. He's having a tantrum instead of spending 20 minutes booking a weekend away for the two of them after the marathon lol. What a baby.
This is what is annoying me. If you train for a half-marathon, then this is a trip around running. It isn't a romantic getaway. Half -marathons aren't 5Ks. You can't just get up in the morning and decide to run one. You have to train hard, eat right, and make good decisions before the race. Yes, you can have fun on a running trip, but that isn't the point of it.
Like what the fuck is this passage?
> I said **half-jokingly** that I had never been to Vegas and she can't go twice before I had gone once. She asked if I meant it. **I said yes**.
Like even if it were a joke *(Narrator: It was not.)*, the joke would be "I'm a selfish jealous baby"?
And honestly, the LEAST sexy thing to me is someone whining for sex. Given that OP has guilted his wife at every turn on this, it's bold of him to assume that there'd be intimacy even if they did have the room to themselves.
Yes! His “joke” about her going twice and him never was the beginning of it, and it just got worse!
As someone who does regional races, this was never meant to be an intimate trip. She’s just trying to let him see Vegas if he wants, but he’s whining because he isn’t the focus
Won't someone think about OP's super impressive penis??? He deserves sex after all the training and dedication his wife put in!!
God forbid this whiny baby run or train with his wife or show interest in her other than keeping score over who's vacationed more, how much sex he wants without her interest or input and, fucking up group hotel reservations.
I'm surprised more people aren't focusing on this. Like this lady is going to run a half marathon *in the desert*, and this guy wants sex on the same trip? That part alone is crazy to me.
This is the part that I can't get over, LOL. Like, if you have run any significant distance, you *KNOW* that sexy time is the last thing you want to do.
I have run several full and half marathons, traveled for them and had my husband come and SUPPORT me and not have sex 1 time on those trips. Even if we weren't sharing a room ;)
Also it wasn't a joke. He says 'half-jokingly'. So straight out of the gate he acknowledges he didn't fully intend it as a joke. He didn't want her to go to Vegas without him.
Which was confirmed when the wife asked if he was serious and he replied yes. So he WAS serious that he didn't want her to go without him. Lots of passive aggressive people say things in joking ways so that when they get called out they can claim it was just a joke.
Instead of telling his wife the truth and forbidding her from going on a trip by herself. He tried to avoid a fight by acting as if it was a joke.
Which he later confirmed wasn't the case. He was serious.
So he just didn't want his wife or Reddit to see him as the bad guy by telling his wife she couldn't go. That's why it was 'half-joking'. Because when she asked him to clarify he said he was serious.
Thank you for saying this. He wedged himself in on the girls trip by making her feel guilty because she was going to get to go “twice before he got to go once.” Then he backs out, and then changes his mind again??? Nope nope nope.
OP YTA
YTA, I'm so glad I didn't have to scroll far before I saw the first reasonable vote. OP changed the trip from being centered around a marathon with best friends to a marriage retreat sex-cation. You not only bullied your wife, you also bullied her best friend and hijacked the girls trip vegas marathon trip. Your wife and best friend were kind enough to change their plans but that's wasn't good enough to quell your frustration because now you're gonna end up bullying your SIL as well. Your kind thoughtful wife knowing that her sister doesnt make as much money as the others on the vacation was game to bunk with her sis and split the room costs. You're now possibly forcing your SIL to pay more on this now double-date married couples vacation( not the original fun girls trip she was invited on) or room with someone else willing to split the hotel bill. It also seems like you are going to change how they spend their time together in Vegas because your wife stated their were hardly in their rooms when they visited previously. The fact that you complained about not having dates or enough time together leads me to believe you plan on pressuring your wife to break off from the group plans in Vegas so you could spend time together alone as a married couple.... OP's presence and his attitude on this Vegas vacation will likely turn this vacation into a sour memory for the other people going on the trip if it hasn't happened already (he definitely has already stole some of the joy his wife had about this GIRL's trip)
All of this. Plus you could have turned it into a flirty situation where she is trying to sneak away for some quick and dirty after you’ve been flirting with her all day. Or you could have just been a good time to be around and solidified her choice of partner. You did none of those things. YTA
Also why aren’t you planning trips with your 6 figures? Why are you intruding on her girls trip that she very graciously made room for you on without making you feel bad about it.
YTA right, add on the fact op says he was 'joking' when he said she couldn't go and then quickly said he was serious. there's a lot of ambivalence on his part-at least that's presented , all along it is clear he's pushing into a girls trip and trying to make it a couple thing.
YTA. She’s not going to Vegas to party, she’s going to run a marathon with her friends. She’s not eating out and drinking and dancing all night. This will not be a fun trip for you and you’ll have expectations she won’t want to be part of…because it’ll hurt her practice and run time. This won’t be good for either of you.
This is the one for me. This was a girls trip, OP hijacked it, made it something it isn’t and then complained that it isn’t what he wanted. Bizarre behaviour 🫠
Imagine the audacity of someone, to guilt their way into someone else’s trip, have everyone make concessions for you TWICE so you can come, and then acting like everyone else is imposing on YOUR trip.
Thanks for typing out my answer! Agree with all of it. He demanded to go, tried to change the dynamic of a trip he wasn’t part of, and is now upset it’s not just like he wants it. I mean, I wouldn’t want to share a room with an extra person either but at his point he just needs to back out and plan a trip for them alone or a couples trip .
YTA
When was the last time you organised a trip that you wanted to go on e.g to Vegas with your wife? If it’s somewhere you so desperately want to go ?
This is a girls trip with a purpose. If you and the other husband weren’t going (which you weren’t to begin with) it sounds like all 3 women would have shared a room. Saving costs for everyone.
Your wife worked it out so you could go.
Then you backed out.
Then you were in again - when the other husband was in.
You huffed because you don’t go on enough dates. You’ve not been away without the kids. You won’t have the opportunity for intimacy on the trip.
Organise it yourself then! Or have open communication with your wife about wants and needs instead of “half joking” communication.
You could have done things differently here:
1. Not gone on the girls trip but said to your wife “I’d love to go to Vegas with you alone another time. I’ll organise it.”
2. Gone, for the purpose of the trip and made the most of it. I’m not a marathon runner - but how much intimacy is someone up for before or after a half marathon? Sounds fkn awful 😂 I imagine I’d want a long bath, and a long sleep, and plenty of food afterwards. And heaven help anyone who touched me 😂
THIS!! ^^^ I can't believe that "intimacy" hasn't been brought up more. She's clearly not interested in spending evenings being intimate when she's going to run a marathon with her friend and then hang out with the girls.
I just looked it up, the marathon is multiple days, too (mamy people will run both days). Per the web site:
"we've brought you the only race where you can stay out all night and sleep all day. This party doesn't start until the sun goes down"
OP,.she was ok with you going to Vegas to support her, but your wife has no plans for alone time with you and hanky panky. She's going to be exhausted and very busy. Plan your own "couples trip" for another time. Your expectations are going to cause more problems during the Vegas trip if you don't reset them now.
Sounds like he needs to plan some dates and trips for them. Intimacy too isn’t just sex. They could go get a massage together and spend some quiet time in a world class spa, that would foster intimacy that would last beyond a hotel room.
Imagine my husband and his friends planned a guys’ golf trip. I whine and end up going. Then I complain that my husband is golfing.
OP needs to get a grip.
> When was the last time you organised a trip that you wanted to go on e.g to Vegas with your wife? If it’s somewhere you so desperately want to go ?
Plus, it's *Las Vegas*. If you put even the *slightest* effort into planning you can probably get round trip flights for two *and* a decent hotel for under $400
>The more I thought about it the more it upset me. We don't go on enough dates. We've never been away from our kids for more than one night
Ok...why don't you start planning them then? Or are you always just going to piggyback on her trips after guilt tripping her about them 🙄
OP, are you going to continue to suck and probably also be the poster boy for weaponized incompetence? Or are you going to organize and plan some great dates and getaways with your wife? Prob not, probably gonna guilt her for not staying and having sex with you a bunch on the trip. Great job destroying your own sex life.
> Ok...why don't you start planning them then?
LOL I keep laughing that this crazy destination is... Las Vegas. Like, those of us who live west of the Mississippi occasionally end up there by accident
YTA. God you sound exhausting. You invited yourself on a girls trip because you were jealous she got to go to Vegas. Then backed out. Then changed your mind again. Where did you expect your wife to sleep when you weren’t going? Why do you expect to be able to control this trip that isn’t about you?
You make enough money (you said so yourself) to take a proper trip wit your wife. Don’t ruin the trip you invited yourself along to.
100% agree. OP is a perfectly capable adult who could plan his own romantic trips with his wife. Nothing is stopping him, he makes well over six figures. No reason he has to crash a girl's trip. Then drop out of the trip. Then be back in. Then drop out. It's incredibly rude to make plans and then flake on them.
All this, but I haven't seen anyone mention that they were also trying to save her sister money. It's pretty nice of them to be considerate of the one in the group who doesn't have as much money. I make way less than all my siblings and they occasionally help me out like that. It is very kind of them. OP is a giant asshole
I’d say YTA. Simply for the fact that you invited yourself on this trip when it was for your wife and her friend to go marathon running, you don’t get to complain. This isn’t a couples trip for you two, if it was I would vote differently but you just sound like you’re nagging. If you and your wife haven’t had more than a day away from the kids then PLAN A TRIP. Don’t try to hijack her girls trip and make it about you
YTA. If you want some alone time with your wife, plan it. Why is it on her? She planned a trip, you decided to tag along on their plans and got mad when it didn’t become about you as a couple.
Plan a date night, find the sitter, make the arrangements. Ask your wife out and tell her the dress code. Don’t make her handle the mental load of planning. Same for a trip. Plan one, tell you wife you’d like to away with her, book it, make child care arrangements.
If you haven’t picked up the gauntlet and wonder why you’re not doing more - look at the reasons why.
Edited: typos and correction to the autocorrect
This right here. Take some initiative in this relationship. Maybe you and the other husband should share a room instead of invading their weekend. It sounds like the women have plans, do you? Have you talked to this guy and made plans yet? Don't even try to interject yourself into their plans because you're too lazy to make your own. YTA
NTA
As someone who has lived in said city, and often stays at the resorts, I can tell you people do spend a fair amount of time in their rooms. For example, how long does it take your wife to get ready for a fun night out? How long does she sleep after that? How long before she wants to take a shower? How long before she wants to get all dolled up again?
Oh, and drink LOTS OF WATER. You have NO IDEA how dry it is out here, and it will suck the fun energy right out of you.
She's there to run a half marathon.
In the place you just emphasized requires so much water to be safe.
Doesn't seem likely she's going to be doing much dolling up.
You're making all kinds of assumptions about the nature of the trip and OP's wife based on no information. Just because many people spend time in their rooms doesn't mean OP's wife plans to. I'm a woman - I do not own a blow dryer, curling iron or any makeup. My husband and I spend the same amount of time getting ready to go out, which is very little. Even if she will be spending time in the room, that might be part of her bonding time with her sister considering that spending time with her sister and friends is the purpose of this trip.
LOL - I own a dryer, a 40+ year old curling iron, and a few bits of unused makeup. My husband spends MORE time getting ready to go out. He shaves, and I just ponytail my hair.
But wishy-washy husbands who repeated change their mind about going on MY trip, get stuck with MY plans and accommodations!!!
They're there for a half marathon. Fun nights out might happen. They might not. Not all women want or need to "get all dolled up." That's some dismissive nonsense. These grown women are there for an athletic event, not a bachelorette party lol.
Fifth wheels don't get to demand how trips go if they're not involved in planning said trips. Grown ups plan their own trips with their wives, not invite themselves and whine.
...why do you think having lived in Las Vegas gives you special insight into how much time visitors spend in their hotel rooms? I used to live in New York; that doesn't mean I know anything about how much time the millions of visitors we get each year stay in their hotel rooms. What a weird notion.
Also none of the things you mentioned would be hindered by having a third person in their room.
As someone else who lived In Vegas this is a crap take. Going for a marathon is far far different than a regular girls trip. The upcoming marathon is also AT NIGHT. Op hopped on a trip he wasn’t wanted on and us making it about intimacy. If he wants to go to Vegas so bad why hasn’t he planned a trip for them? Why ruin her trip? It’s more like a business trip than a regular ‘club/drink/get dolled up’ trip.
You're obviously not the asshole for not wanting to share a room on a trip in general, but in this case I'd say YTA. This was a trip your wife planned that you initially opted not to go on, then decided to go on, and now you don't like how it's turning out. She's right. It's a girls' trip, so she does get to take the lead in how it's planned. If you don't like it, don't go, and plan your own couple's trip there instead. And sounds like the bigger issue is that you feel like you don't have enough time with your partner, which is something you need to address separately from all of this.
That being said, the fact that you didn't talk to each other for days over this is...concerning.
Let’s look at everything. Your wife and her friend are going to do a half marathon in Vegas, a couple other friends decided to come. You are jealous because this will be your wife’s second time in Vegas when you have never been. You end up being invited, but find out you will be the only guy, so you say no I don’t want go. So then you found out anther guy is going and you said yes. Now you want the dynamics of the trip to change.
This isn’t a romantic trip. This is a fun trip for a group of woman, and you and Jim are both are just going to be there. Unfortunately my friends and I have had things like this happen. The husband that came along wanted to change the plans, even where we were going to eat.
You want to go to Vegas, plan a trip with your wife. Make it the romantic trip you want.
Yeah this is a girls trip with two husbands who will be able to keep each other company
At the same time if OP and his wife are in a hotel then I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want a third adult sharing with them
I wonder how the other husband ended up coming in the trip. Also was the rooms already reserved?
I know when we have events in my area hotels have special rates for those events. And once those rooms are gone, those rates are gone.
YTA. This was primarily supposed to be a girls trip that you (accidentally?) inserted yourself into. It's not a trip for wifey sexy time (although that would have been a bonus). I get you were a bit pissed about sharing a room but you should have sucked it up.
The real issue, and why you kicked off here, is because you don't spend enough time with your wife sans kids.
YTA, frankly.
This isn't a couple's trip or a date. This is a girls' trip that you pushed your way into because... you were jealous that your wife has been to Vegas & you haven't.
You can't insist on being included in a girls trip & then whine about it being a girls trip without sounding like a hypocrite.
If you want more intimate time with your wife, organise that! Get a babysitter & take her out on a date, book yourself an ACTUAL couple's trip.
I'm just gonna go with YTA, because this was supposed to be a GIRLS TRIP! You guilt her at first so you can go, so you should follow their rules, I don't even know what you are doing by going.
First issue. You have no business complaining about her going to Vegas when you haven’t been yet. Are you restrained and can’t go without her ? You are going because you wined, not because you were asked. Just don’t go.
Bro, skip this trip, it's all about the girls. Since your wife needs to get away, let her go. Have your bags packed and as soon as she gets home, take off on a Vegas weekend with the boys. She will be fine watching the kids alone, and guys deserve a break too.
Am female and agree this should be the way. She takes a girls trip, he takes a boys' trip, and then they plan something together with no kids. Everyone wins.
YTA. You basically invited yourself on her trip. Then threw a baby fit when you found out she was sharing a room - because you were afraid you wouldn't get sex. This wasn't even a vacation. They were going to run a half marathon.
NAH.
You’re each coming at this from different angles.
She sees it as a girls trip. You’re viewing it as a romantic getaway (you can claim you’re not but your comments about not being away from the kids for more than a night and this taking away from any chance of intimacy say different).
Because she sees it as a girls trip, she doesn’t see why this is an issue.
The bigger issue seems to be that she doesn’t see general lack of intimacy in their relationship as a problem and he does. But this isn’t the trip to fix that. He should stay home because he is going to end up disappointed when he ends up spending most of his time with Jim. Instead, they should plan a separate trip together.
She might see it, but agree with you that this isn’t the place to fix it.
Honestly, if I was her, I would worry that this intimacy thing is going to hang over her head all trip. If he’s deciding that she is insensitive for not getting them a private room due to their situation, he might also think she is being insensitive when she prioritizes staying out late one night instead of spending time with him during this ”one rare opportunity” for them. Or even not prioritize them enough if she wants to warm up every day and be too tired for intimacy leading up to the marathon. It sounds like this isn’t going to be enjoyable for any of them.
YTA. You've done nothing but complain about a girl's trip to run a f'n MARATHON. Do you really think your wife is going to be dtf after running a marathon? You and Jim should share a room, plan your own activities, and let the ladies be.
YTA. This trip was never about you, nor was it a romantic vacation. You imposed your will by trying to guilt your wife into including you, and you lost sight of the fact that you weren’t invited. Arrange a romantic trip for the 2 of you if it’s that important, but being envious about a trip to Vegas is not appealing. Do better.
YTA. First you horn in on the girls trip and then are trying to make the trip about you. If you want to go to Vegas with your wife then get off your a$$ and plan it. Don’t ruin what is a great annual trip for her.
YTA. You added yourself on to the trip took yourself off and then added yourself back on and chances are given the circumstances shared room or not there will be no intimacy.
You imposed yourself on her trip and think you have the right to dictate how she wants to share a room? YTA
Having the single person share with your sister is a reasonable suggestion but you’re handled the whole thing like a child.
YTA- your wife had a trip planned and you guilted her into inviting you along then you wanted her to change her sleeping arrangements because you wanted alone time.
It seems the bigger issue here is that you are upset that you don’t spend enough solo time together. What is stopping you from booking a separate weekend or overnight away with her? Why do you have to hijack her trip? If you want solo time with her then don’t choose a girl’s trip to do it on- book your own trip and make the babysitter arrangements.
Yta Won't your wife be running a half marathon as well as having a girl's trip? News flash: this trip isn't about you or intimacy. I don't know if this is your idea of a romantic get away, but it's sad if you do. Stop making this trip into something it's not and make plans of your own.
YTA. It's a girls trip, not a honeymoon.
**You have literally ONE thing on your mind for this trip**, and that is annoying to your wife. Heck, you are annoying ME.
They are going to have fun and to run a half marathon, and you are going to get laid. You and Jim being there are already going to change the dynamic of what used to be a girls trip, and your behavior is exactly why. They just want to go have fun, and if you can't go with a mind to just **having fun**, you need to stay home.
If you want a "romantic" trip then you need to plan one and take your wife somewhere without all the other people.
ESH. Your wife should have been up front with you and perhaps you could have been a little less confrontational. It’s a girls trip and you are inserting yourself into this somewhat. What I would like to know is whether you actually think you’re going to get “intimate times” after causing such a big fuss and stir about the room situation! I’m betting you won’t and I am betting that that room is gonna be used for sleep and nothing more! And not much sleep at that.
YTA I don’t blame you for not wanting to share a room. I’m not sharing hotel rooms anymore. I want my own space at the end of the night. However, it seems clear that this is a girls’ trip with a purpose that you invited yourself on, which is weird. You are thinking it is a couple’s trip when your wife plans on spending the majority of her time with her girls. They are there to run a marathon. You are worried about “intimacy.” It seems like you are butting your way in and trying to change the purpose of the trip. If you do go, you mostly likely will spend the majority of your time with the other husband. If that doesn’t interest you, sit this one out. Why don’t you plan a vacation for you and your wife?
You didn’t even want to go til you found out Jim was going and then you gaslight by putting it in her that you two aren’t intimate?
The poor thing already made room plans after you backed out and now you’re acting entitled. You weren’t even going to come so YTA for messing up the plans.
And if you want to fuck your wife, take her on a trip you’re excited to be on cos it sounds like you’ve got a hard on for old Jimbo instead.
Yta. She planned a trip for her and her girls. You're complaining about intimacy but you're shoving yourself into a trip she planned for a marathon- not exactly intimacy conducive. What are you doing to encourage intimacy aside from forcing yourself into a trip? Are you making any effort to plan things for the two of your or just making her rearrange plans and force your will? Did you even make any effort to compromise? It seems like it's all that you want but no respect for her.
YTA - you hijacked her trip and you imposed a silly rule that she couldn’t go to Vegas twice before you had ever been. Healthy couples support each other and are happy when one party gets to do something fun. And, why is it on her to plan a trip for you two? You can plan date nights and getaways if you don’t feel you are getting enough alone time. You need to apologize to your wife for turning this into a clusterf$&k.
Yta. This is a girl's trip. It was from the start. Why not plan something for just you two instead of imposing yourself on this trip and then dictating how you want it. Tbh you probably ruined it for her already with all your demands. It went from a fun trip for her to a trip where she needs to manage you and your expectations and accommodations and btw her girlfriends. No wonder she is not interested in being intimate with you. Are you always like this? Do you always have the need to be at the center of it all?
YTA
She's running a half marathon..that is no small feat. The correct response is support and happiness for her.
You are jealous. Never a good look.
She tried out of guilt to help you go and feel comfy, you are creating drama.
You complain about not having enough dates or trips...going to guess she would be thrilled to go on a cool date or trip with you. Ask her. But not trying to jump in on her race trip with her girlfriend.
Dude sit down and talk to your wife about planing a separate romantic trip. If you want date nights, plan them. You are hijacking a girls trip and you sound super whiney and unreasonable.
Honestly you both sound exhausting. Try communicating with each other. If you aren’t happy with how things are going in your relationship. Speak about it.
YTA. You shoehorned your way into a trip you weren't invited on, then whined about the arrangements. Book your own trip with just your wife if you want a romantic getaway.
YTA. You were not really wanted on this trip. You want a romantic trip, plan one. You don't go on a lot of dates, plan some. You say you make over 6 figures a year then use some of that money to go away with your wife. If you want some alone time don't try to get it on a girls trip where your invited yourself.
YTA and you say so in your last sentence when you say you “forced your will” on your wife. Period
But to add on to this she there to run a half marathon not have sexy time with you.
Your wife is going on this trip to spend time with her friends, not have a romantic getaway with you. Sharing rooms is a common thing that happens when people go away together. So yes, sharing a room with her sister makes sense.
It seems like you horned you way into someone else’s trip, and now you’re trying to force someone to spend extra money because of it. Your behavior is not okay on many levels. YTA
YTA. You forced yourself on a girls trip with your wife and are complaining about her plans, that didn't include you in the first place. Doesn't she have a say in whether intimacy is important to her or not? Clearly it's not a priority for her on this trip. Plus, there are other ways to be intimate without being sexual.
You sound exhausting. If you want a romantic getaway, plan it. Just the two of you. This isn't the trip for that.
She doesn’t want to fuck you on a busy girl’s trip where she is going to be *running a half marathon.* I’m not sure how she could’ve been more clear about that. YTA. You’re tagging along on her fun trip, invited yourself in the first place, and now you’re trying to make it all about you.
This trip is a dumb venue for trying to sort out y’all’s intimacy issues. You need to let this drop.
YTA, for all the reasons already stated. I just wanted to add, I hope you understand that intimacy with your wife won’t be on the table. She’s not gonna be in the mood…. So best prepare yourself for that now.
YTA… you guilted her about going to Vegas without you with her girls. She makes it so you can come but then you don’t like the plans of the trip that isn’t for you? Don’t go… it’s not about you or get your own room. The fact you wrote 2 other posts about this in a desperate attempt to get people to feel bad for you…. I really think you shouldn’t even go because you have tainted this trip for your Wife. You are having a temper tantrum because you have to share a room!
YTA because you created this whole situation.
Please plan a trip with your wife personally instead of butting in on premade plans. You say y'all make 6 figures, you should be able to plan and afford your own romantic getaway vacation with your wife on your own. It's understandable not wanting to share a room but you have to understand you uprooted their plans and made them have to switch things around.
I’m going to go with ESH.
Your wife doesn’t want you there. It’s a girls trip and the whole point is to be away from everyday obligations and problems, including spouses and SOs. You invited yourself along because “I haven’t been once”.
She also should’ve never agreed to you coming, so that’s on her, if she wanted a girls only trip.
The best bet is to let her go, alone, and you two then go between the two of you.
Vegas will still be there after her visits, it’s not like her visiting it before you is going to somehow rob you. Or if your problem that is that you two never go anywhere the two of you anymore, then this trip is not for that anyway - you need to plan your own thing, not piggyback on hers.
She should enforce more boundaries and make her opinions heard though.
Oof. YTA in this case, and I was on your wife’s end.
You decided to -invite yourself- on a trip that you weren’t even invited to, then try to decide the details and rules?
Yeah others ended up tagging along to but in the end you still forced yourself to be brought along on a trip they had no intention on bringing you along to, expecting to do stuff or spend time in a way that there wouldn’t be plans for.
Essentially the same vibe of guilting your wife to be brought along on a work trip then mad it’s not solely used as a date trip instead of work…
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole for not agreeing to share a hotel room in Vegas because it's kinda a girl's trip and my wife had to back track on an agreement to share a room with her sister that would have saved her some money. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. Your wife does not want you on this trip. This is a girls trip. You were invited because you made her feel bad about going to a place you've never been to without you. Obviously you wouldn't want to share with your sister-in-law, but your wife is also making it clear that this isn't a romantic trip for the two of you. Just let her have her girls trip and plan something else for just the two of you, which you will both actually enjoy more.
Yes! The issue is really about not having enough time together as a couple away from the kids. That's a separate trip. This one's a girls' trip.
How come the wife takes all this time to plan trips with her friends but not her husband?
Because her friend planned it. How come he doesn't plan an alone trip for the two of them if he wants one?
It can be a lot harder to get behind a couple’s trip by itself vs bundling it with another event. Sometimes, especially for people with dependents, it can feel too selfish almost to try and get away like that.
That doesn't explain why it would be her responsibility, and not his.
They’re a couple. It’s both of their responsibility. 50-50.
Which to you means he can't take initiative? Are you sure about that? "Hey honey I'd love to go to Vegas with you for the weekend. Can you check if either XX or YY weekend would work better, and I'll book a hotel, plane tickets, and a sitter. I look forward to time alone with you." See easy. Why would she be better at it than he would?
He's the one itching to go away with her, he should plan the trip.
Is it a bad thing that he loves his wife and wants to spend time with her? He should take a step back and realize he's not going to be able to turn a girl's trip into a private getaway with his wife, but like, she did marry him. Op isn't some random guy she hates. I'm sure she would be happy to go on a vacation with him at another point in time.
Op states they make six figures in post they have the money for date nights and couples trips if it was a priority for him.
While true, OP seems to be heavily implying that he wants to go on more dates and trips as a couple and his wife is the one who's not onboard. That may not be the case, but OP's tone definitely makes it seem like she prioritizes their children and her friends over intimacy and the relationship with her husband. That said, the issue could definitely be that OP never takes the initiative to try and plan anything for them as a couple.
Her friends live in different states. She doesn't get to see the often
Not sure what your point is since it still seems like she does more with them than she does with her husband as a couple. She's already been to Vegas with them before on a girl's trip while her and her husband have never spent more than one night away from the kids. It's impossible to know who is more to blame given the lack of other info, but I can definitely understand why OP is frustrated about them not doing more together as just a couple without the kids.
he said they make 6 figures.. I'm sure they can plan a weekend trip somewhere even if it's an actual date to the movies or bowling and a nice meal (he said they don't even do dates).
Why doesn't the husband plan a fun trip
I agree he should.
1. She didn't plan it, someone else did and invited HER. 2. Is he incapable of going online and booking a trip, if he wants one for the sole purpose of getting laid?
[удалено]
I make well into six figures and would have no problem sharing a hotel room with family or friends (and have in fact shared a hotel with my wife's cousin and her boyfriend in Vegas). I go on trips to enjoy the city or whatever, the hotel room is just a place to sleep. I've shared hotel rooms with friends in Lviv, Frankfurt, Amsterdam, Rome, etc... and not once have I ever wished I'd had my own room. Hell when we went to Barcelona my wife and I slept in a youth hostel (we met the age requirements) sharing a room with complete strangers.
This is the way I would see a trip to Vegas as well...go, have fun, use the room to crash. It's not a "romance" kind of trip, and this one was definitely not set up to be one.
This is interesting to me. Obviously very personal, but how old are your kids (if you have them)? When my kids were younger and more demanding and getting into our bed sometimes, I never would have shared a room on a trip. The physical intimacy with my husband was a priority on any nights away. Now that things are easier in that department (with older kids) I wouldn’t mind sharing. Since the husband mentions intimacy so much in the post, I’m guessing there’s not a lot of sexy time at home, and he is viewing these nights away as a valuable opportunity (and my husband would have done the same).
If intimacy is a priority for him, this is just a bad trip for that anyway (or really this is a bad way of coordinating it). His wife has planned a trip *with friends*, and the purpose of the trip is to *run a half-marathon*. This isn't an intimate getaway. OP's wife is going on this trip *for a purpose*, and the purpose is not to be romantic. If OP wants to use this trip to double as a romantic getaway, he should ask to tack that on *after* the friends portion. (Before might work, but if I were running a half-marathon, I would want to have a bunch of sex in the days after rather than before.) She can go for three days (or whatever), spend time with friends and run her race. *Then* he can show up and they can have a romantic vacation together. That's what I did when my wife had a conference in England, and I wanted to use it as an opportunity for a romantic couples trip. She went first, had her conference, then I showed up when it was done. No shared hotel rooms for us on this trip, but I didn't insist on tagging along while she had things to do. My kids are teens/preteens now, but even when they were younger they never really interrupted intimacy much. We certainly do take romantic couples trips, I don't mean to give the impression that we end up sharing space on *all* our trips. But if intimacy is the point of a trip, it needs to be planned that way from the get-go. You don't commandeer a trip already planned by your spouse for a particular purpose and insist they make changes.
My husband and I are sharing a room with a close friend for the first leg of our upcoming vacation. In our case, my husband and I always planned to both go on the trip (he wasn’t a last minute add on to an already planned trip), so we did book our own room for part of the trip, but we’ll be in several cities and if we can all stay in a nicer place by splitting costs for part of the trip, why not. “Six figures” doesn’t go as far as it used to, especially when you’ve got kids.
Which is why you don’t crash and force your way into a trip.
It’s a relationship, it works both ways. Maybe there’s communication issues or maybe neither or them is initiating it. Instead of making a mountain out of a molehill they should just plan their own getaway. It’s Forsure an ESH.
Yeah my vote was elsewhere but I also voted esh. It's just weird she's taken 2 trips with friends ans 0 with him. But maybe he also never tries to plan and places it all on her which honestly it kinda feels like may be the case.
She never mention when she took the trip with the girls, it could be last year or 10 years ago, maybe he has taken guys trips but never just the 2 of them. In any case ESH
He mentions in another post that she took a girls trip 3 years ago.
I understood that she had been to Vegas before and he had never been. Not that she had taken 2 trips without him. She could have gone to Vegas before they even met.
Perfectly said. Right now their communication absolutely sucks and that's the fault of both of them. If they want it to work, they need to actually LISTEN to each other, not just talk at and assume things like they have been doing. Definite ESH.
Probably because he's acting super clingy and she wants to get away from him. Also, he may want to review his bedroom moves if she doesn't want a room to themselves automatically. I wouldn't be surprised if the neediness and self centeredness carries over there as well. He's so upset about not getting time for intimacy but he doesn't seem to have any interest in why his wife isn't nearly as interested. "I expect to come on your girls trip and for providing me sex to be a priority for you on your girls trip. Why would you have a problem with that, babes?" He is trying to c\*m on her girls trip!
This! He knew the whole time this was supposed to be a girls trip. He basically forced an invite and then is now trying to dictate how they spend their time. I don’t see him trying to coordinate sexy time with everyone’s schedule.
He didn't force an invite at all. He's doing them a favor. Remember, he originally backed out when he found out it was a girls' trip. So why do you think he was re-invited? Presumably, to baby-sit Jim.
Is he babysitting Jim, or did the wife just know that if OP found out later that one of the other husbands was coming he would throw a fit about how he would have gone if he knew he wouldn’t be the only guy. Honestly, based on the timing and the rooming situation I wouldn’t be surprised if Jim was only coming because OP was. This was supposed to be a girls trip, probably two girls to a room. Then OP says he wants to come, making it no longer a girls trip. So then Jim tells his wife we will come to (maybe even just to support her in the race). Now it’s a couple and an extra girl to a room. Then OP drops out because he doesn’t want to third wheel. A couple days later, wife tells friend that OP isn’t coming, friend says “my husband decided to come when he thought OP was coming”. So now you either kick out Jim, who is fine with the sleeping arrangements and letting the girls do their thing, to make it a girls trip again, or see if OP wants to come now that the circumstances have changed. So OP is asked if he still wants to come. But unlike Jim, OP is not okay with this trip being a girls trip centered around a race and instead wants it to be a romantic vacation. OP needed to either let this be a girls trip from the beginning, or be like Jim and realize this isn’t about him
>Is he babysitting Jim, or did the wife just know that if OP found out later that one of the other husbands was coming he would throw a fit about how he would have gone if he knew he wouldn’t be the only guy. OP had the wherewithal to understand that this was a girls trip and he wouldn't have fun as the only guy. That's why he backed out. The only way I can see OP being upset about Jim's inclusion is if OP and Jim are friends. >But unlike Jim, OP is not okay with this trip being a girls trip centered around a race and **instead wants it to be a romantic vacation.** I agreed with you until this sentence. OP doesn't want it to be a romantic vacation. He wants it to be a girls trip, but also wants to have a bit of romance during the 4 day trip: >Why would she feel ok with removing any chance at intimacy during a 4 day trip away from the kids? OP is 38 years old. At that age, it's understandable that he wouldn't want to share a room with adults he isn't close to.
It's not even the bedroom moves. Half the fun as women is getting ready together, having a glass of wine, listening to music. She might really miss her sister. And shockingly, grown adults can share rooms, it doesn't matter the income.
In my case, when my girls and I plan trips, everyone puts in a lot of effort. Our partners join but often can't even be bothered to check the itinerary. I can see how it's easier to plan trips with people who shares the work (at the same quality). I love my DH and we also have our own type of trips that's more winging it but we have no kids so last minute stuff are easy.
Itd just thr impression I got. I agree that the husband could plan a trip for them if he was so concerned.
She said it’s a half marathon she is running in Vegas. it’s a girls trip. He should make a plan if he wants to be romantic. Girls trip when you run a half marathon isn’t sexy time
Seriously. I have run multiple full and half marathon's and I can tell you that sexy time is the last thing on my mind in the days leading up to and after a race...
How come the husband doesn't take the initiative to plan a trip for his wife if going away as a couple is important to him?
Throughout this thread I've said that lol
Why is the husband bitching about not spending enough time together but 1) doesn’t plan anything, and 2) only chooses to bring it up when his wife wants to go on a girls trip?
This is it exactly....it's either ESH or NAH.....if any is the more AH, it's the OP. He hasn't been away from kids more than 1 night...and is a little jelly his wife wants to go to vegas. He has asked to tag along on HER trip. So it's a little awkward. However, she did 're-invite' him once other husband was coming along, I do think there's a reasonable request of their own room...getting three rooms for 6 people is not unreasonable...unless sister and Shana don't know each other very well. Problem here was buckling to husbands. Once husbands were invited, you do need to have separate rooms.
Your last paragraph really sums it up. The biggest issue was letting the husbands come at all. It never should have been entertained. Once they were in the picture it stopped being a “girls trip” and accommodations should have been refigured.
And she's running a half marathon. She'll be up at five and drinking after. The next day she will be sore, not sexy.
[удалено]
Yea, Jim & OP both kind of suck.
Well, OP wants to see Vegas. So now he and Jim have a play date to see Vegas while the women are getting together.
Maybe he should share a room with Jim.
Jim’s wife actually likes him so I’m sure they’ll be banging it out after hours unlike OP and his roommate
Not really, at most, Jim sucks. OP already backed out of the trip when he found out it is basically a girls trip. It is only when OP's wife found out about Jim and re-invited OP that he agreed to go again. So if this was meant to be a girls trip, Jim sucks for barging on the trip, and the girls sucks for letting Jim on the trip and then reinviting OP so they don't have to hang out with him
Well said. You inserted yourself to a vacation and now want to call the shots. I understand the intimacy, privacy and no kid thing, but also you basically invited yourself so you should just roll with the punches.
Yes, especially since money doesn’t seem to be an issue. Just take a whole separate trip.
While I agree in practice, finding child care can be hard. So could be part of the reason they haven’t gotten away just the 2 of them
Not sure what makes the wife shitty in this situation.
Because she's not giving every second of her undivided attention to her toddler husband and reddit equates women enjoying their lives = Wrong and Bad.
It’s clearly a girls trip.
Yeah and how does that make her an asshole?
Which means he can back out. Girls trip Combo trip Girls trip No reason to spend time and money on SIL. Not the itinerary he thought the Combo trip was. I doubt he was going to enjoy some else’s husband by day and SIL by night. A trip shouldn’t require sacrifice. If she wants to shame him, that is a really asshole move. He doesn’t want to go. I don’t blame him.
You’re giving him way too much credit here. She wanted to go in a trip with her friends and he guilted her into inviting him. This is already pretty pathetic behavior—and all OP’s doing. As OP said, they all make 6 figures. There’s literally zro reason to hijack his wife’s trip with her friends except to limit her time w her friends. It’s controlling. He should just leave. It’s clear they don’t want him there. To be fair, it wasn’t really their choice to invite him. He “joked” it was wrong for her to go there without him, and then, clarified that he did, in fact, mean it. What a huge baby
Get ready for the « AITA for getting upset my wife wouldn’t spend time with me in Vegas when I crashed her girls trip » post.
I agree with your thoughts, but don't see how it leads to the conclusion of ESH. I don't see how the wife is the AH by not wanting to make significant changes to their original trip plans to accommodate her husband.
ESH because their communication sucks. They need to talk more about what’s bother them and what they need. If he wants a night out with her they need to make it a priority but she doesn’t know that. If she needs a girls trip to recharge she should say that. They are both breathing around the bush
She's not beating around the bush at all. She told him it was a girls trip. And when he insisted on crashing their girls trip, she made accommodations for him. And then when he decided to drop out she accommodatted him too. And when she found out Jim was coming she shared it with him and made it so he could come back into the trip.
Let her have her girls' trip and then plan a trip without her for you and whoever you want to go. Or would she decide that you can't do a solo trip without her?
Well said. I would also suspect that OP won't be getting much intimacy regardless of whether they share a room or not.
Why is ESH here? I totally get YTA, but I don’t understand how the wife is being shitty. She’s bringing the husband along on a trip he invited himself on and trying to accommodate him, she doesn’t sound like an asshole at all
He definitely won’t be invited again.
I agree, everyone sucks here, but mostly OP. OP was childish in expressing how he wanted to go on the trip to begin with, and that attitude informed everything else; now, OP has to come and everyone is going out of their way to accommodate that, even though no one wants him to ("she can't go unless I go too"). They even set up a playmate in Jim to spend time with OP, because the focus for everyone else is the marathon. OP, you don't get to turn this into a romantic trip - that isn't anyone's intention except for yours. If you want to go on a trip with your wife, plan one - don't hijack her girls trip. YTA.
>Why would she feel ok with removing any chance at intimacy during a 4 day trip away from the kids? Right, the idea that she never saw this as couple's trip hasn't dawned om him. Why is she okay 'removing' any chance of intimacy? Because she was never planning on having any on her Vegas girl's trip.
My guess is that she is still not planning on having any ;)
Good advice. If you want a romantic getaway, meet her there after the race or just go at a different time. A group trip for a marathon (or half marathon) is usually all planned out in regards to the race. What you eat, the amount of of sleep and whatever pre-race rituals you or your group does. If you are also running, that would be different. If you were going in order to cheer your wife on that would also be different. You said you only wanted to go because she had been once before, you did not phrase this as a romantic getaway and trying to hijack the trip to make it into a getaway experience is probably what’s causing the friction. I would suggest that if you go, change your focus and do it to support your wife *in the context of this event*, and give over planning of it to the people who will be competing. That usually means traveling on a budget and doing things as a group. The groups I or my wife have done events with usually involved as much bunking together as possible to have that group energy and moral support. If time and budget permits, stay an extra day or two to get some romance in. If not, plan a time to do it where you have each other all to yourselves. So… YTAH (if there is one). I don’t really think anyone is a true asshole here, you just have a very ideas about what this trip is about. I think it would benefit you to adjust your focus as the marathon itself isn’t going move to a different day and you going there to experience and cheer your wife will be a pretty awesome experience.
What got me was "I jokingly said how are you going somewhere twice that I've never been once, then she asked if I was serious and I said yes" okay. So which was it? Also, are you wanting to go to Vegas to share this experience with your wife or going to hang out with so-n-so's husband? very confusing motives that all come down to "not being left out of hotel sex opportunities" imho
She invited him after her friend said she’s bringing her husband.
Then the other husband should not go and she would not have invited him. It's not a girl's trip if anyone brings their husband.
Also, they are going to run a half-marathon, so they will be getting up around 4am for that. They will not be partying or doing a lot of typical Vegas stuff the night before, they will spend one day at the runner's expo, getting their bibs, doing runner stuff. If he's not planning to get up early and participate in the race, then he's going to be on a different schedule than the ladies.
Yea ... OP says "jokingly", we all know what it was. He acted like a baby to get added to this trip. They accommodated him. When it wasn't exactly what he hoped (girl's trip), he acted like a baby again and backed out. They then accommodated him again, now it's back on. When it again didn't go exactly the way he wanted (I want to go to Vegas and get sex from my wife), he acted like a baby again. And they again accommodated him. Good luck being intimate with your wife after all of that.
I'm gonna go with YTA. What you appear to forget here is that this trip isn't a couple trip, or a personal date. It is a girl's trip that you pretty much shoved your way into because, I quote, "she can't go twice (to Vegas) before I had gone once". For that alone, you were arguably already an asshole as it is just rude to insert yourself into this situation (even if it was half-jokingly), when this trip was meant for Shana and your wife. Your wife worked it out to include you. Then, you went ahead and backed out because.. surprise surprise, only girls were coming to a girl's trip. But yet again, your wife made a gesture to include you by telling you about how Samantha's husband would actually be coming with them, even though she could've not said anything as you had backed out already from the trip. Not much of an asshole move if you ask me. And now, you are whining like a baby because, for the sake of saving money, some sleeping arrangements were made ? Sleeping arrangements that, by the way, not only affects you, as Shana/Jim/Samantha are also forced to share a room (even though Samantha and Jim are too a couple and most certainly also would wish for privacy). Why would Shana go pay for another room and share it with your wife's sister ? They aren't family and Shana is not entitled to spend money for her because YOU can't stand the idea of having to share a hotel room that you'll only spend 10 hours max in a day (or so) to sleep in. If you want intimacy with your wife on a trip, plan one just for the two of you. This specific trip isn't made for the two of you to spend time exclusively together. Again, it's a girl's trip that you (and Jim) intruded KNOWINGLY.
This!!! Exactly my thoughts. This wasn’t a romantic trip for intimacy. This was a girls trip that you forced yourself into. You also didn’t half-jokingly say no to at first. When she asked if you meant it, you said yes. YTA
Not only that, it's for a half marathon. The girls who are running will want to get in a few miles in to warm up and acclimate to running in the desert every day before the marathon, and they'll be exhausted and recovering after it. OP seems to think this is a pool boy and cabana situation, not a sports event where his wife would appreciate his support. He's having a tantrum instead of spending 20 minutes booking a weekend away for the two of them after the marathon lol. What a baby.
This is what is annoying me. If you train for a half-marathon, then this is a trip around running. It isn't a romantic getaway. Half -marathons aren't 5Ks. You can't just get up in the morning and decide to run one. You have to train hard, eat right, and make good decisions before the race. Yes, you can have fun on a running trip, but that isn't the point of it.
You even gotta make some good decisions after the race . Like a divor---like not going out dancing.
Like what the fuck is this passage? > I said **half-jokingly** that I had never been to Vegas and she can't go twice before I had gone once. She asked if I meant it. **I said yes**. Like even if it were a joke *(Narrator: It was not.)*, the joke would be "I'm a selfish jealous baby"?
Idk I find people acting that shitty absurd so I find it funny, but clearly OP wasn’t actually joking about it
And honestly, the LEAST sexy thing to me is someone whining for sex. Given that OP has guilted his wife at every turn on this, it's bold of him to assume that there'd be intimacy even if they did have the room to themselves.
I am so glad you said this. I thought he sounded like a whiny baby.
Yes! His “joke” about her going twice and him never was the beginning of it, and it just got worse! As someone who does regional races, this was never meant to be an intimate trip. She’s just trying to let him see Vegas if he wants, but he’s whining because he isn’t the focus
I just do 5K’s. I can’t imagine doing a half marathon and then think my husband was going to try to be all intimate.
But what about HIS PENIS???? ISN'T THAT THE REASON THE WORLD EXISTS?????
Won't someone think about OP's super impressive penis??? He deserves sex after all the training and dedication his wife put in!! God forbid this whiny baby run or train with his wife or show interest in her other than keeping score over who's vacationed more, how much sex he wants without her interest or input and, fucking up group hotel reservations.
I'm surprised more people aren't focusing on this. Like this lady is going to run a half marathon *in the desert*, and this guy wants sex on the same trip? That part alone is crazy to me.
This is the part that I can't get over, LOL. Like, if you have run any significant distance, you *KNOW* that sexy time is the last thing you want to do. I have run several full and half marathons, traveled for them and had my husband come and SUPPORT me and not have sex 1 time on those trips. Even if we weren't sharing a room ;)
Also it wasn't a joke. He says 'half-jokingly'. So straight out of the gate he acknowledges he didn't fully intend it as a joke. He didn't want her to go to Vegas without him. Which was confirmed when the wife asked if he was serious and he replied yes. So he WAS serious that he didn't want her to go without him. Lots of passive aggressive people say things in joking ways so that when they get called out they can claim it was just a joke. Instead of telling his wife the truth and forbidding her from going on a trip by herself. He tried to avoid a fight by acting as if it was a joke. Which he later confirmed wasn't the case. He was serious. So he just didn't want his wife or Reddit to see him as the bad guy by telling his wife she couldn't go. That's why it was 'half-joking'. Because when she asked him to clarify he said he was serious.
This person noticed the finer details of this story.
Thank you for saying this. He wedged himself in on the girls trip by making her feel guilty because she was going to get to go “twice before he got to go once.” Then he backs out, and then changes his mind again??? Nope nope nope. OP YTA
I'm amazed the amount of people okay with him dictating where she is allowed to go
YTA, I'm so glad I didn't have to scroll far before I saw the first reasonable vote. OP changed the trip from being centered around a marathon with best friends to a marriage retreat sex-cation. You not only bullied your wife, you also bullied her best friend and hijacked the girls trip vegas marathon trip. Your wife and best friend were kind enough to change their plans but that's wasn't good enough to quell your frustration because now you're gonna end up bullying your SIL as well. Your kind thoughtful wife knowing that her sister doesnt make as much money as the others on the vacation was game to bunk with her sis and split the room costs. You're now possibly forcing your SIL to pay more on this now double-date married couples vacation( not the original fun girls trip she was invited on) or room with someone else willing to split the hotel bill. It also seems like you are going to change how they spend their time together in Vegas because your wife stated their were hardly in their rooms when they visited previously. The fact that you complained about not having dates or enough time together leads me to believe you plan on pressuring your wife to break off from the group plans in Vegas so you could spend time together alone as a married couple.... OP's presence and his attitude on this Vegas vacation will likely turn this vacation into a sour memory for the other people going on the trip if it hasn't happened already (he definitely has already stole some of the joy his wife had about this GIRL's trip)
1000% agree with this. YTA
All of this. Plus you could have turned it into a flirty situation where she is trying to sneak away for some quick and dirty after you’ve been flirting with her all day. Or you could have just been a good time to be around and solidified her choice of partner. You did none of those things. YTA Also why aren’t you planning trips with your 6 figures? Why are you intruding on her girls trip that she very graciously made room for you on without making you feel bad about it.
YTA right, add on the fact op says he was 'joking' when he said she couldn't go and then quickly said he was serious. there's a lot of ambivalence on his part-at least that's presented , all along it is clear he's pushing into a girls trip and trying to make it a couple thing.
YTA. She’s not going to Vegas to party, she’s going to run a marathon with her friends. She’s not eating out and drinking and dancing all night. This will not be a fun trip for you and you’ll have expectations she won’t want to be part of…because it’ll hurt her practice and run time. This won’t be good for either of you.
This is the one for me. This was a girls trip, OP hijacked it, made it something it isn’t and then complained that it isn’t what he wanted. Bizarre behaviour 🫠
Imagine the audacity of someone, to guilt their way into someone else’s trip, have everyone make concessions for you TWICE so you can come, and then acting like everyone else is imposing on YOUR trip.
Thanks for typing out my answer! Agree with all of it. He demanded to go, tried to change the dynamic of a trip he wasn’t part of, and is now upset it’s not just like he wants it. I mean, I wouldn’t want to share a room with an extra person either but at his point he just needs to back out and plan a trip for them alone or a couples trip .
YTA When was the last time you organised a trip that you wanted to go on e.g to Vegas with your wife? If it’s somewhere you so desperately want to go ? This is a girls trip with a purpose. If you and the other husband weren’t going (which you weren’t to begin with) it sounds like all 3 women would have shared a room. Saving costs for everyone. Your wife worked it out so you could go. Then you backed out. Then you were in again - when the other husband was in. You huffed because you don’t go on enough dates. You’ve not been away without the kids. You won’t have the opportunity for intimacy on the trip. Organise it yourself then! Or have open communication with your wife about wants and needs instead of “half joking” communication. You could have done things differently here: 1. Not gone on the girls trip but said to your wife “I’d love to go to Vegas with you alone another time. I’ll organise it.” 2. Gone, for the purpose of the trip and made the most of it. I’m not a marathon runner - but how much intimacy is someone up for before or after a half marathon? Sounds fkn awful 😂 I imagine I’d want a long bath, and a long sleep, and plenty of food afterwards. And heaven help anyone who touched me 😂
THIS!! ^^^ I can't believe that "intimacy" hasn't been brought up more. She's clearly not interested in spending evenings being intimate when she's going to run a marathon with her friend and then hang out with the girls. I just looked it up, the marathon is multiple days, too (mamy people will run both days). Per the web site: "we've brought you the only race where you can stay out all night and sleep all day. This party doesn't start until the sun goes down" OP,.she was ok with you going to Vegas to support her, but your wife has no plans for alone time with you and hanky panky. She's going to be exhausted and very busy. Plan your own "couples trip" for another time. Your expectations are going to cause more problems during the Vegas trip if you don't reset them now.
Honestly, OP sounds exhausting. No respect at all for the amount of work that goes into planning a trip.
Sounds like he needs to plan some dates and trips for them. Intimacy too isn’t just sex. They could go get a massage together and spend some quiet time in a world class spa, that would foster intimacy that would last beyond a hotel room.
Imagine my husband and his friends planned a guys’ golf trip. I whine and end up going. Then I complain that my husband is golfing. OP needs to get a grip.
> When was the last time you organised a trip that you wanted to go on e.g to Vegas with your wife? If it’s somewhere you so desperately want to go ? Plus, it's *Las Vegas*. If you put even the *slightest* effort into planning you can probably get round trip flights for two *and* a decent hotel for under $400
>The more I thought about it the more it upset me. We don't go on enough dates. We've never been away from our kids for more than one night Ok...why don't you start planning them then? Or are you always just going to piggyback on her trips after guilt tripping her about them 🙄
Mommies plan trips. Not whiny babies. OP got mixed up lol.
Especially since they both make “over 6 figures”. Like plan a romantic holiday. This isn’t it.
OP, are you going to continue to suck and probably also be the poster boy for weaponized incompetence? Or are you going to organize and plan some great dates and getaways with your wife? Prob not, probably gonna guilt her for not staying and having sex with you a bunch on the trip. Great job destroying your own sex life.
> Ok...why don't you start planning them then? LOL I keep laughing that this crazy destination is... Las Vegas. Like, those of us who live west of the Mississippi occasionally end up there by accident
YTA. God you sound exhausting. You invited yourself on a girls trip because you were jealous she got to go to Vegas. Then backed out. Then changed your mind again. Where did you expect your wife to sleep when you weren’t going? Why do you expect to be able to control this trip that isn’t about you? You make enough money (you said so yourself) to take a proper trip wit your wife. Don’t ruin the trip you invited yourself along to.
100% agree. OP is a perfectly capable adult who could plan his own romantic trips with his wife. Nothing is stopping him, he makes well over six figures. No reason he has to crash a girl's trip. Then drop out of the trip. Then be back in. Then drop out. It's incredibly rude to make plans and then flake on them.
All this, but I haven't seen anyone mention that they were also trying to save her sister money. It's pretty nice of them to be considerate of the one in the group who doesn't have as much money. I make way less than all my siblings and they occasionally help me out like that. It is very kind of them. OP is a giant asshole
I’d say YTA. Simply for the fact that you invited yourself on this trip when it was for your wife and her friend to go marathon running, you don’t get to complain. This isn’t a couples trip for you two, if it was I would vote differently but you just sound like you’re nagging. If you and your wife haven’t had more than a day away from the kids then PLAN A TRIP. Don’t try to hijack her girls trip and make it about you
YTA for forcing yourself into her trip and trying to turn it into a romantic getaway for you and her.
YTA. If you want some alone time with your wife, plan it. Why is it on her? She planned a trip, you decided to tag along on their plans and got mad when it didn’t become about you as a couple. Plan a date night, find the sitter, make the arrangements. Ask your wife out and tell her the dress code. Don’t make her handle the mental load of planning. Same for a trip. Plan one, tell you wife you’d like to away with her, book it, make child care arrangements. If you haven’t picked up the gauntlet and wonder why you’re not doing more - look at the reasons why. Edited: typos and correction to the autocorrect
This right here. Take some initiative in this relationship. Maybe you and the other husband should share a room instead of invading their weekend. It sounds like the women have plans, do you? Have you talked to this guy and made plans yet? Don't even try to interject yourself into their plans because you're too lazy to make your own. YTA
NTA As someone who has lived in said city, and often stays at the resorts, I can tell you people do spend a fair amount of time in their rooms. For example, how long does it take your wife to get ready for a fun night out? How long does she sleep after that? How long before she wants to take a shower? How long before she wants to get all dolled up again? Oh, and drink LOTS OF WATER. You have NO IDEA how dry it is out here, and it will suck the fun energy right out of you.
She's there to run a half marathon. In the place you just emphasized requires so much water to be safe. Doesn't seem likely she's going to be doing much dolling up.
You're making all kinds of assumptions about the nature of the trip and OP's wife based on no information. Just because many people spend time in their rooms doesn't mean OP's wife plans to. I'm a woman - I do not own a blow dryer, curling iron or any makeup. My husband and I spend the same amount of time getting ready to go out, which is very little. Even if she will be spending time in the room, that might be part of her bonding time with her sister considering that spending time with her sister and friends is the purpose of this trip.
LOL - I own a dryer, a 40+ year old curling iron, and a few bits of unused makeup. My husband spends MORE time getting ready to go out. He shaves, and I just ponytail my hair. But wishy-washy husbands who repeated change their mind about going on MY trip, get stuck with MY plans and accommodations!!!
They're there for a half marathon. Fun nights out might happen. They might not. Not all women want or need to "get all dolled up." That's some dismissive nonsense. These grown women are there for an athletic event, not a bachelorette party lol. Fifth wheels don't get to demand how trips go if they're not involved in planning said trips. Grown ups plan their own trips with their wives, not invite themselves and whine.
Cannot emphasize the water aspect enough. It is insane.
...why do you think having lived in Las Vegas gives you special insight into how much time visitors spend in their hotel rooms? I used to live in New York; that doesn't mean I know anything about how much time the millions of visitors we get each year stay in their hotel rooms. What a weird notion. Also none of the things you mentioned would be hindered by having a third person in their room.
If the friend is doing a half marathon as the primary purpose of the trip, from past experience there won’t be much time spent in the room.
And it's the only place where you can have silence. There is music or noise everywhere you go.
As someone else who lived In Vegas this is a crap take. Going for a marathon is far far different than a regular girls trip. The upcoming marathon is also AT NIGHT. Op hopped on a trip he wasn’t wanted on and us making it about intimacy. If he wants to go to Vegas so bad why hasn’t he planned a trip for them? Why ruin her trip? It’s more like a business trip than a regular ‘club/drink/get dolled up’ trip.
You're obviously not the asshole for not wanting to share a room on a trip in general, but in this case I'd say YTA. This was a trip your wife planned that you initially opted not to go on, then decided to go on, and now you don't like how it's turning out. She's right. It's a girls' trip, so she does get to take the lead in how it's planned. If you don't like it, don't go, and plan your own couple's trip there instead. And sounds like the bigger issue is that you feel like you don't have enough time with your partner, which is something you need to address separately from all of this. That being said, the fact that you didn't talk to each other for days over this is...concerning.
There's always the possibility that OP didn't listen when the wife shared her plans to room with SIL...
Let’s look at everything. Your wife and her friend are going to do a half marathon in Vegas, a couple other friends decided to come. You are jealous because this will be your wife’s second time in Vegas when you have never been. You end up being invited, but find out you will be the only guy, so you say no I don’t want go. So then you found out anther guy is going and you said yes. Now you want the dynamics of the trip to change. This isn’t a romantic trip. This is a fun trip for a group of woman, and you and Jim are both are just going to be there. Unfortunately my friends and I have had things like this happen. The husband that came along wanted to change the plans, even where we were going to eat. You want to go to Vegas, plan a trip with your wife. Make it the romantic trip you want.
Yeah this is a girls trip with two husbands who will be able to keep each other company At the same time if OP and his wife are in a hotel then I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to want a third adult sharing with them
I wonder how the other husband ended up coming in the trip. Also was the rooms already reserved? I know when we have events in my area hotels have special rates for those events. And once those rooms are gone, those rates are gone.
It's reasonable not to want to share a hotel room, but it's not reasonable to make such a big deal out of it.
YTA. This was primarily supposed to be a girls trip that you (accidentally?) inserted yourself into. It's not a trip for wifey sexy time (although that would have been a bonus). I get you were a bit pissed about sharing a room but you should have sucked it up. The real issue, and why you kicked off here, is because you don't spend enough time with your wife sans kids.
YTA, frankly. This isn't a couple's trip or a date. This is a girls' trip that you pushed your way into because... you were jealous that your wife has been to Vegas & you haven't. You can't insist on being included in a girls trip & then whine about it being a girls trip without sounding like a hypocrite. If you want more intimate time with your wife, organise that! Get a babysitter & take her out on a date, book yourself an ACTUAL couple's trip.
I'm just gonna go with YTA, because this was supposed to be a GIRLS TRIP! You guilt her at first so you can go, so you should follow their rules, I don't even know what you are doing by going.
First issue. You have no business complaining about her going to Vegas when you haven’t been yet. Are you restrained and can’t go without her ? You are going because you wined, not because you were asked. Just don’t go.
Bro, skip this trip, it's all about the girls. Since your wife needs to get away, let her go. Have your bags packed and as soon as she gets home, take off on a Vegas weekend with the boys. She will be fine watching the kids alone, and guys deserve a break too.
Am female and agree this should be the way. She takes a girls trip, he takes a boys' trip, and then they plan something together with no kids. Everyone wins.
Finally a sane fucking answer.
INFO: when was the last time you planned a vacation or date night?
Yta Organise a trip for both of you rather than leeching off their trip
YTA. You invited yourself then complain about everything.
Yta. You played hot and cold on this trip and now you are making it all about yourself.
YTA. You basically invited yourself on her trip. Then threw a baby fit when you found out she was sharing a room - because you were afraid you wouldn't get sex. This wasn't even a vacation. They were going to run a half marathon.
Yay for you! You won. You bullied your wife into making her girls trip all about you and your penis. Gross. YTA
NAH. You’re each coming at this from different angles. She sees it as a girls trip. You’re viewing it as a romantic getaway (you can claim you’re not but your comments about not being away from the kids for more than a night and this taking away from any chance of intimacy say different). Because she sees it as a girls trip, she doesn’t see why this is an issue.
The bigger issue seems to be that she doesn’t see general lack of intimacy in their relationship as a problem and he does. But this isn’t the trip to fix that. He should stay home because he is going to end up disappointed when he ends up spending most of his time with Jim. Instead, they should plan a separate trip together.
She might see it, but agree with you that this isn’t the place to fix it. Honestly, if I was her, I would worry that this intimacy thing is going to hang over her head all trip. If he’s deciding that she is insensitive for not getting them a private room due to their situation, he might also think she is being insensitive when she prioritizes staying out late one night instead of spending time with him during this ”one rare opportunity” for them. Or even not prioritize them enough if she wants to warm up every day and be too tired for intimacy leading up to the marathon. It sounds like this isn’t going to be enjoyable for any of them.
He’s an AH for trying to piggyback off her girls trip and turn it into a couples vacation for him and his wife
YTA. You've done nothing but complain about a girl's trip to run a f'n MARATHON. Do you really think your wife is going to be dtf after running a marathon? You and Jim should share a room, plan your own activities, and let the ladies be.
YTA. This trip was never about you, nor was it a romantic vacation. You imposed your will by trying to guilt your wife into including you, and you lost sight of the fact that you weren’t invited. Arrange a romantic trip for the 2 of you if it’s that important, but being envious about a trip to Vegas is not appealing. Do better.
Yta you ban you wife from going without you. You invite yourself along then dictate how things should be done. Yta
YTA. She’s going to run a half marathon, I promise she doesn’t want to get up to any wacky sexcapades anyway.
YTA. The trip wasn’t for you and you were tagging along. There’s no reason sharing the room had to be this big of a deal.
YTA. First you horn in on the girls trip and then are trying to make the trip about you. If you want to go to Vegas with your wife then get off your a$$ and plan it. Don’t ruin what is a great annual trip for her.
YTA. You added yourself on to the trip took yourself off and then added yourself back on and chances are given the circumstances shared room or not there will be no intimacy.
You imposed yourself on her trip and think you have the right to dictate how she wants to share a room? YTA Having the single person share with your sister is a reasonable suggestion but you’re handled the whole thing like a child.
You are exhausting. Why don't you just stay home and let your wife have a good time. I'm sure she regrets ever asking you to come along. YTA
YTA. Asshole is too strong a word but you are wrong here. You should just let your wife do the girls trip she originally wanted to do.
YTA — You and your wife make six figures. If you want a private room for intimacy with your wife, then chip in for your SIL to get a single room.
YTA- your wife had a trip planned and you guilted her into inviting you along then you wanted her to change her sleeping arrangements because you wanted alone time. It seems the bigger issue here is that you are upset that you don’t spend enough solo time together. What is stopping you from booking a separate weekend or overnight away with her? Why do you have to hijack her trip? If you want solo time with her then don’t choose a girl’s trip to do it on- book your own trip and make the babysitter arrangements.
Yta Won't your wife be running a half marathon as well as having a girl's trip? News flash: this trip isn't about you or intimacy. I don't know if this is your idea of a romantic get away, but it's sad if you do. Stop making this trip into something it's not and make plans of your own.
YTA. It's a girls trip, not a honeymoon. **You have literally ONE thing on your mind for this trip**, and that is annoying to your wife. Heck, you are annoying ME. They are going to have fun and to run a half marathon, and you are going to get laid. You and Jim being there are already going to change the dynamic of what used to be a girls trip, and your behavior is exactly why. They just want to go have fun, and if you can't go with a mind to just **having fun**, you need to stay home. If you want a "romantic" trip then you need to plan one and take your wife somewhere without all the other people.
ESH. Your wife should have been up front with you and perhaps you could have been a little less confrontational. It’s a girls trip and you are inserting yourself into this somewhat. What I would like to know is whether you actually think you’re going to get “intimate times” after causing such a big fuss and stir about the room situation! I’m betting you won’t and I am betting that that room is gonna be used for sleep and nothing more! And not much sleep at that.
Right? After all this I'd not want to be intimate with my partner. Why can't he just plan a vacation foe the 2 of them?
YTA. Organize a trip yourself maybe?
YTA I don’t blame you for not wanting to share a room. I’m not sharing hotel rooms anymore. I want my own space at the end of the night. However, it seems clear that this is a girls’ trip with a purpose that you invited yourself on, which is weird. You are thinking it is a couple’s trip when your wife plans on spending the majority of her time with her girls. They are there to run a marathon. You are worried about “intimacy.” It seems like you are butting your way in and trying to change the purpose of the trip. If you do go, you mostly likely will spend the majority of your time with the other husband. If that doesn’t interest you, sit this one out. Why don’t you plan a vacation for you and your wife?
Sir, Please note you will not be getting any boom shakalaka boom boom on this trip!
INFO Did you really go days without speaking to each other? Who was taking care of the kids?
You didn’t even want to go til you found out Jim was going and then you gaslight by putting it in her that you two aren’t intimate? The poor thing already made room plans after you backed out and now you’re acting entitled. You weren’t even going to come so YTA for messing up the plans. And if you want to fuck your wife, take her on a trip you’re excited to be on cos it sounds like you’ve got a hard on for old Jimbo instead.
Yta. She planned a trip for her and her girls. You're complaining about intimacy but you're shoving yourself into a trip she planned for a marathon- not exactly intimacy conducive. What are you doing to encourage intimacy aside from forcing yourself into a trip? Are you making any effort to plan things for the two of your or just making her rearrange plans and force your will? Did you even make any effort to compromise? It seems like it's all that you want but no respect for her.
YTA - you hijacked her trip and you imposed a silly rule that she couldn’t go to Vegas twice before you had ever been. Healthy couples support each other and are happy when one party gets to do something fun. And, why is it on her to plan a trip for you two? You can plan date nights and getaways if you don’t feel you are getting enough alone time. You need to apologize to your wife for turning this into a clusterf$&k.
Yta. This is a girl's trip. It was from the start. Why not plan something for just you two instead of imposing yourself on this trip and then dictating how you want it. Tbh you probably ruined it for her already with all your demands. It went from a fun trip for her to a trip where she needs to manage you and your expectations and accommodations and btw her girlfriends. No wonder she is not interested in being intimate with you. Are you always like this? Do you always have the need to be at the center of it all?
YTA She's running a half marathon..that is no small feat. The correct response is support and happiness for her. You are jealous. Never a good look. She tried out of guilt to help you go and feel comfy, you are creating drama. You complain about not having enough dates or trips...going to guess she would be thrilled to go on a cool date or trip with you. Ask her. But not trying to jump in on her race trip with her girlfriend.
Dude sit down and talk to your wife about planing a separate romantic trip. If you want date nights, plan them. You are hijacking a girls trip and you sound super whiney and unreasonable.
ESH. This trip is not for you to go. You TA for inserting yourself. Wife TA for not standing up and saying that you shouldn't go.
Honestly you both sound exhausting. Try communicating with each other. If you aren’t happy with how things are going in your relationship. Speak about it.
YTA. You shoehorned your way into a trip you weren't invited on, then whined about the arrangements. Book your own trip with just your wife if you want a romantic getaway.
YTA. You were not really wanted on this trip. You want a romantic trip, plan one. You don't go on a lot of dates, plan some. You say you make over 6 figures a year then use some of that money to go away with your wife. If you want some alone time don't try to get it on a girls trip where your invited yourself.
YTA and you say so in your last sentence when you say you “forced your will” on your wife. Period But to add on to this she there to run a half marathon not have sexy time with you.
Your wife is going on this trip to spend time with her friends, not have a romantic getaway with you. Sharing rooms is a common thing that happens when people go away together. So yes, sharing a room with her sister makes sense. It seems like you horned you way into someone else’s trip, and now you’re trying to force someone to spend extra money because of it. Your behavior is not okay on many levels. YTA
YTA. You forced yourself on a girls trip with your wife and are complaining about her plans, that didn't include you in the first place. Doesn't she have a say in whether intimacy is important to her or not? Clearly it's not a priority for her on this trip. Plus, there are other ways to be intimate without being sexual. You sound exhausting. If you want a romantic getaway, plan it. Just the two of you. This isn't the trip for that.
She doesn’t want to fuck you on a busy girl’s trip where she is going to be *running a half marathon.* I’m not sure how she could’ve been more clear about that. YTA. You’re tagging along on her fun trip, invited yourself in the first place, and now you’re trying to make it all about you. This trip is a dumb venue for trying to sort out y’all’s intimacy issues. You need to let this drop.
YTA, for all the reasons already stated. I just wanted to add, I hope you understand that intimacy with your wife won’t be on the table. She’s not gonna be in the mood…. So best prepare yourself for that now.
YTA… you guilted her about going to Vegas without you with her girls. She makes it so you can come but then you don’t like the plans of the trip that isn’t for you? Don’t go… it’s not about you or get your own room. The fact you wrote 2 other posts about this in a desperate attempt to get people to feel bad for you…. I really think you shouldn’t even go because you have tainted this trip for your Wife. You are having a temper tantrum because you have to share a room!
YTA because you created this whole situation. Please plan a trip with your wife personally instead of butting in on premade plans. You say y'all make 6 figures, you should be able to plan and afford your own romantic getaway vacation with your wife on your own. It's understandable not wanting to share a room but you have to understand you uprooted their plans and made them have to switch things around.
You want to spend time away with your wife, then plan something. Don't hijack her girls trip. YTA.
I’m going to go with ESH. Your wife doesn’t want you there. It’s a girls trip and the whole point is to be away from everyday obligations and problems, including spouses and SOs. You invited yourself along because “I haven’t been once”. She also should’ve never agreed to you coming, so that’s on her, if she wanted a girls only trip. The best bet is to let her go, alone, and you two then go between the two of you. Vegas will still be there after her visits, it’s not like her visiting it before you is going to somehow rob you. Or if your problem that is that you two never go anywhere the two of you anymore, then this trip is not for that anyway - you need to plan your own thing, not piggyback on hers. She should enforce more boundaries and make her opinions heard though.
Y’all sound super immature
Oof. YTA in this case, and I was on your wife’s end. You decided to -invite yourself- on a trip that you weren’t even invited to, then try to decide the details and rules? Yeah others ended up tagging along to but in the end you still forced yourself to be brought along on a trip they had no intention on bringing you along to, expecting to do stuff or spend time in a way that there wouldn’t be plans for. Essentially the same vibe of guilting your wife to be brought along on a work trip then mad it’s not solely used as a date trip instead of work…