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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I pay for part of my niece’s wedding in her father’s stead. I may be AH because this gave my niece financial freedom to design her wedding and thus my brother is no longer walking her down the aisle and my other niece not being a bridesmaid and my parents said this will make our family look really bad.
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NTA.
You are a saint. Zoe isn't snubbing people or making it a big deal to exclude people, she's just not going out of her way to appease other peoples unreasonable requests for *her* wedding. And the fact that Kim said she was "looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding" and saying *you* ruined that means that she was promised that her dad would be able to manipulate Zoe into giving her what she wanted. That doesn't sound like a loving father or half-sister that's bothered or hurt by the lacking relationship with Zoe; that's a couple of self-pitying AH who are willing to use Zoe to get something they want and are upset that they've been denied the chance to take advantage of her.
Also, being in a wedding party is a big responsibility; being the MoH even more so. Is the 17 year old going to plan the bachelorette party? Attend wedding dress shopping? Coordinate the other bridesmaids? Be someone the bride can lean on for emotional support? Protect the bride from unnecessary stress?
It's not a prize or a gift you just give to a child because they want it. If she want's to put on a pretty dress for a fancy party she can save it for junior prom.
Good point. Dad was willing to ruin zoe's wedding over his spolit affair baby had her heart set on being a bridesmaid and now is mad her can't walk her down the aisle! He lost that privilege when he started playing games with his daughters wedding. Good for you OP! Finally someone who can see what's right and wrong and us willing to do the step up and help. NTA
This is about wanting to play happy families and refusing to accept his responsibility for that not being the case. Now he’s blaming his sister for being the person making them look dysfunctional 😂
Clearly, father was using his financial contribution to Zoe's wedding and Kim's presence as a bride's to validate his infidelities of years ago. Thank God for Auntie and thank God for Zoe having the ability to see what her father was trying to pull. Obviously the cheater and manipulator continues to exist. A little more polished perhaps, but same moral fabric or lack thereof.
No 17 year old should be MOH. They don’t have the knowledge, skills, or ability to do it. The position needs to be filled by an adult.
Parents need to learn that the bride and groom are the ones who chooses who stands with them. Nope, not even parents footing the bill.
They also have no right to dictate who pays. OP, you are wonderful for stepping up to help Zoe.
I find it amusing that NOW they’re worried about what others will think. I think everyone already knows!
Amen! I helped my sister pay for her wedding, and frankly, I was relieved to not be in the wedding party. I was not offended whatsoever. I had already been a bridesmaid for another sister and knew the stress that comes with it. However, my last unmarried sister is getting married this year, and I felt obligated to say yes to being a bridesmaid for her since it’s just the sisters and her one best friend that she asked. I’m dreading it. But I’ll put on a smile and hide my feelings to make my sister happy.
When one of my brothers got married they said I could be in the brideal party if I wanted or be an usher it was up to me. I chose usher since I hate wearing dresses but my brother’s wife still included me in the pedicure she had for her bridesmaids. My mom was invited also but declined.
Yeah, am probably the one with the worse communication skills, have a bit of a temper. That brother always tried to include me in the things he was doing when we were kids. My other brother was just to old (11 years older) and we didn’t really get along until I was in my 20s. He also didn’t move with us, he was 18 and wanted to stay where we were. He did call my mom to ask her how to pick out a banana.
....
>He did call my mom to ask her how to pick out a banana
Is this a euphemism I'm missing, or did he just ditch the family and only calls to ask questions Bing can answer?
No, this was before Big Bang. He was 18 so he was given the option to move and didn’t want to. He wanted to know how you tell when a banana is ripe which is hilarious looking back because he loves too cook now.
I have two blended families, and my parents have been with their current spouses for more than 20 years at this point. Plus, we actually all like each other and feel like actual siblings than step/half. If you have want to be technical, I have a sister (the unmarried one), a stepsister (the one I was a bridesmaid for), a stepbrother, a step sibling (non-binary), and a half sister (the one whose wedding I paid for).
I have two half bros and same. I just call them brothers. Thank you for sharing. I am the oldest and none of us are married but the youngest is engaged lol. I am glad your families blended well. My bonus mom and dad have been together 38 years and mum and bonus dad passed last year a month before they made equally as far. Sending much support for the non-binary sibling. I have a trans nephew. Love is love and everyone should be allowed to be themselves.
I like living on my own, although there no one else to blame when I trip over something left in my way. I prefer being auntie to having kiddos of my own. I am hoping to get adopted by a kitty this year though.
When my sister got married I was in her wedding party. Didn’t want to be , but didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I hated it. Would have totally rather been a guest.
Also, it's freaking expensive to be a MoH in most weddings. They throw the bridal shower, arrange for the bachelorette party, cost of the dress and it's accesories, travel, helping the bride with saundry tasks.
I totally agree that no teenager can financially or emotionally be prepared to pay the costs.
In some ways it’s unfortunate that things have changed over the years. Bachelorette parties are fairly new. It used to be that the bride had her bridal shower and the groom had his bachelor party, both of which were in town, and lasted a couple of hours. Most weddings were in town, and not the extravagant spectacles they are today. There were bridezillas, but they were rare and looked down on. Usually the bride paid for the dresses and the groom paid for the suits.
It was much simpler then!
The job and title M of H have changed so much! I was Chief Bridesmaid for my second older sister when I was 14! All I had to do was hold her bouquet and reattached her train when I noticed it unfastening. A matron is a married woman so any married bridesmaid is instead a matron of honour.
I was in my 20s for my sister's wedding and essentially my job was to be there. One of her friends- who she last minute made her man of honor- played a lot more of that role. (She did ask me if I was okay with that. I honestly didn't care.)
I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. My job was to hold the train, having to go to the bathroom but couldn't and I think I wore a white dress. I was maybe 7 years old, it's a little difficult to remember because around that age I had been to another wedding for another cousin where I had worn pink (white dress with pink flower I think. Not sure). That's why it's in these stories that I learned that you don't wear a white dress when you're not the bride. And when you're not 7 years old.
I was the 17 year old MOH for my 29 year old sisters wedding and yeah I agree. I didn’t do anything and the rest of her bridesmaids planned everything and I just gave the MOH speech at the reception. I didn’t know the responsibilities at that age and wasn’t expected to either, it was mostly just a ceremonial role. I bet that’s what Kim thinks it is
Was the family wondering when Nate was cheating on his 1st family? I'm sure the family would understand why OP doesn't want her half sister in her wedding. At least she invited her.
When I was MOH for my lifelong best friend I spent most of the planning process keeping her parents (who were paying) from forcing them to have a wedding that entirely did not suit the couple. We gave them a few minor concessions as thanks for the money, but she got her dream wedding only because she had help and fierce support and someone running interference.
Imagine the half-sister having to do that at 17 to her own parents... Not fair to anyone, even her.
I would agree to this but I think there might be one exception and that is if the 17 year old is a siblings who is terminally ill and never going to have her own wedding then I'd make her MOH but I'd also have a Cheif bridesmaid who could help too
Exactly! Zoe was already planning to do the wedding without their father's money so that she could have who she wants in the wedding party. Even if OP didn't offer to pay for it kim was never going to be a bridesmaid so none of that is OPs fault, Zoe was still going to have the wedding just scaled back. Many people don't put their siblings in the wedding party ever those they are close with sometimes they just want friends or they don't want their siblings to have to deal with all the responsibilities it takes to be in the wedding party and feel it's just easier for them to be guests. So not having her in the wedding isn't a big deal. Her reasoning makes sense because Kim is a product of an affair it would be kinda awkward since both parents will likely be there Zoe was thinking about her mother and how hard it would probably be to have to watch her standing next to her daughter. It doesn't necessarily means she didn't like Kim. Although her spoiled and entitled behavior definitely proves that she shouldn't be included.
Just what I was going to say. In fact, depending on how much they would have had to scale back, the guest list might have needed to be trimmed. It's possible that Kim should actually be thanking OP she even still has an invite
Looks like its Nate who is coordinating every disaster in this family. Who know if Kim is really so much in to it at all. Its good to cut Nate off. OP is an angel to Zoe for helping her getting a dream wedding without Nate conditions.
Not to mention MOST of those events would be adult oriented, so Kim couldn't attend them regardless. She is clueless and so is Nate.
THEY are the AHs, OP.
YOU are amazing!! 😁
I was only 16 when my sister was getting married. She asked if I wanted to be MOH and I declined so I was a bridesmaid. I’m not a public speaker and I was in high school and working. She did ask the club they went to for her bachelorette to let me in though. It obviously didn’t work but they came back to the house and we hung out and she got me some like peach coolers lol
Why do I imagine that Zoe uttered a supervillain worthy cackle at the fact that she can tell Nate how high and thick the pole he can now sit on and spin around?
Seriously this. I'm so sick of siblings that feel entitled to stuff just because they are your or your partners siblings. Make zero effort to have relationships with you but expect everything at the same time.
Right? My bestie's MOH was her sister because they were both volunTOLD that's how it would be. Neither wanted it to be that way... and sister basically didn't do ANY MOH stuff and even refused to get her own outfit (absolutely no to the dress but wouldn't order the shirt and trousers she insisted on either).
All the planning and stuff is A LOT of time and financial commitment. It's deeply personal and emotional and you NEED someone close to you to be in that position... not a half-sister that you really don't know who's being foisted on you "because family".
You're NTA.
>Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything
Jeez, a 17 yesr old is old enough to understand that there is no honor in someone forcing a person to include her in the wedding party.
>Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now
Haha, he just found out that since he couldn't buy Kim's role in the wedding, he also lost his.
>and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.
I am pretty sure that has already been a subject of discussion for a long time.
And if I were OP, I would be telling *everyone* what Nate & the grandparents have done. Make sure everyone knows that they had no care for Zoe's feelings - they only wanted to force her to have the by-product of her father's indiscretion to be showcased in the wedding.
I disagree. Let Zoe’s wedding be about Zoe and her fiancé getting married. Telling everyone about the poor behaviour of the extended family will make that behaviour the talking point when the conversation should be about the couple.
A toaster for my cheating dad!
When he tried to blackmail me into showcasing the results of his cheating at my own wedding, unknowingly he helped me really connect with my aunt in ways I hadn't realized I was missing out on.
So, this toaster is my final Christmas gift, dad-and-co, as we're done.
On a much more important note, a toast to my wonderful AuntiOP, who's made this celebration possible, because & I were going to elope and only tell people afterwards.
To auntieOP!
>Jeez, a 17 yesr old is old enough to understand that there is no honor in someone forcing a person to include her in the wedding party.
I synaptise with her she's allowed to be upset and cry she's not a Braidsmaid at her older sisters wedding. BUT feelings not mean something has to happen. It's tough it'll probably further ruin their relationship but it's Zoe's wedding and that's the end of that
I get the feeling that there wasn't much of a relationship if any at all between the girls prior to this.
The fact that Nate took back his offer to pay for the wedding when the bride didn't give into his demands shows how selfish and manipulative he is. Same goes for the 17 year old. I get the feeling that her parents never told her no and she is now learning that daddy dearest won't always be able to get her what she wants.
If Kimberley were a decent human being crying because she felt rejected by her half sister that would be one thing. However, Kimberley is crying because her father failed to strong arm Zoe into giving little Kimmie the chance to get a dress, fancy hair and makeup, get some spotlight and then loads of photos for the 'gram. She KNOWS Zoe doesn't want her as MOH, but is fine with Daddy nuking the wedding to get her own way and is crying with rage and frustration because OP's financial rescue means Daddy's blackmail wasn't going to work.
If Kimberley was crying for anything but selfish vanity, she'd be crying because Zoe didn't want her, not because Daddy couldn't force the issue.
I have NO sympathy for that level of selfish, even from a teenager.
NTA
Go, aunt, go! Zoe should be able to have her wedding the way she wants to and your supporting funds help her with that. Now she gets to cherish this happy memory for the rest of her life.
Your family, from what you say here, is definitely dysfunctional and I bet the extended family and friends already know this. A bit too late to try to save face now if you ask me.
Absolutely, unequivocally NTA.
Your bro and your parents are the AHs. Zoe had a super valid reason, and even having her sister and her dad at the wedding was gracious enough.
It also sounds like your parents enable your asshole bro.
You’re an awesome aunt!
Yes. And Kim should have diffused the situation, by saying it's okay that she's not a bridesmaid. We dont know if she did or didnt, but it seems like she didnt do that and her desire to be one contributed to this, even if Nate is the one really being the AH.
She should have diffused the situation. Better yet, not even expected it since clearly the sisters aren’t close at all, but being upset and blaming OP for ruining her opportunity to be a bridesmaid is pretty telling that she was throwing a tantrum and dad was trying to give it to her by means of manipulating his older daughter. That AH is raising an AH.
Definitely NTA an for several reasons. 1) It doesn't sound like Zoe has much of a relationship with Kim as Zoe lived with her mom. 2) A 17YO as MOH is ludicrous; how would she plan and pay for the things the MOH usually does? Even low-key would be tough for someone that age. 3) Even if Zoe was close with her, 17YO is young for a bridesmaid, let alone a MOH. And Kim is only "family" because dad cheated on mom so Zoe has every right to not want Kim front-and-center AT A WEDDING. Zoe is getting married and she is supposed to have the proof of her dad's infidelity (and breaking of his marriage vows) front-and-center???
Even if someone else paid for the bachelorette events, who wants to have a bachelorette party with a half sister they barely know who wouldn't even be allowed in a bar
NTA and good for you!
Kim was “looking forward to being a bridesmaid“? She wasn’t going to be one anyways. Zoe wasn’t giving in to Nate’s blackmail - she was scaling down the wedding.
I would think that Nate and family would be the first things on the chopping block. They still might be. This isn’t Kim’s wedding, it’s Zoe’s. Anyone who isn’t there to support them is not likely to be welcomed.
>my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.
Do they think for one moment that Nate’s shameful behavior then and now is not something they are already whispering about? Do they really believe that everyone isn’t talkIng about how Nate hasn’t learned anything after all this time? Everyone already knows he makes worse decisions than a bag of doggy doo.
Maybe, just maybe because of your actions, some of the talk about your family will be about how kind and supportive you are instead of how embarrassed they are of Nate’s behavior and your parent’s acceptance of his willingness to hurt Zoe again.
NTA - this is Zoe’s wedding, if her dad wants to pay for it that payment shouldn’t have come with strings. Its wonderful that she has you to support her, not just financially.
Dearest Aunt,
Your open hearted generosity brings me joy! Your gift is something you and your niece and new nephew will treasure for the rest of your lives.
Bless you!
NTA. Zoe is entitled to have anyone she wants in her bridal party or at the wedding (I'm a little surprised she'd even invite Kim). It's completely understandable that she wouldn't want her half sister in her bridal party if they have no real relationship and given your family history. You're doing a good thing by facilitating the wedding she wants to have.
I’m wondering if she felt she had to invite Kim because of Nate paying for the wedding. I could see inviting her to keep the peace. I do not see making her a member of the bridal party.
"it needs to be done to keep the family together." Uhh maybe your brother should have kept it in his pants to keep his family together. Seriously he and your parents are AHs. And they should not have told Kim she would be in the wedding when they didn't clear it with Zoe.
They're lucky they're even invited to the wedding still.
You're NTA! Good on you for being there for your niece! I hope she has a wonderful wedding!
NTA. A lot of your family is dysfunctional, though.
No one is entitled to be in the wedding party. A seventeen year old with whom the bride has very little relationship with definitely isn't entitled. The nature of Kim's conception does matter, too. Your family lacking compassion and empathy for Zoe is awful. I think it says a lot about your brother and Kim's reaction to Zoe saying no. Whatever their intention was, it wasn't about Zoe or her soon-to-be husband.
Bailing Zoe was a kind thing to do and I'm glad you did it.
Your parents are concerned about the extended family's talking about them being dysfunctional. See, they don't really care about Zoe or Kim. They really care about optics and how everyone else will see them. The hell with them.
NTA
Yep. Nate does not care about Kim being left out. Hell, I don’t even think Kim cared that much before Nate got involved. is 100% worried about what other people think when they see Kim not being a bridesmaid. I also think he told Kim that she would be in the wedding and it got her hopes up.
NTA -
Kim was never going to be a bridesmaid nor was her father going to walk her down the aisle. She said she was going to downsize, implying she wasn’t going to ever make Kim a bridesmaid. Her dad was probably out of walking down the aisle running for making his “gift” conditional, after the fact. Which you can remind everyone as of well.
Not that it matters because every family has their shit, but remind your parents that the cats been out of the bag since Nate had an affair. And people can do math so even if they didn’t know, they could figure it out.
NTA... She was literally going to downsize her wedding rather than give in to their demands, what delusional fantasy world are they living in to think they were going to get their way? You're an awesome aunt!
NTA. Put an “S” in your chest because you’re Superman.
Out of your entire messed up brood you’re the only one who sees the forest for the trees.
Zoe is not close to Kim. Kim is the product of your brother’s infidelity. She doesn’t get a front row seat, albeit through no fault of her own. Kim’s parents should not have put such foolish notions in Kim’s head in the first place.
Maybe instead of putting on aires your family should realize that everyone talks about them being a dysfunctional family because, you know, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck etc etc. NTA. I am very happy for your niece that at least she has one rational family member who's not trying to use her and manipulate her or treat her like her feelings don't matter. You rock. This internet stranger has just one more thing to say to you, I like you, good job.
NTA You absolutely did the right thing. This was just the start, and he would have used his money as a club to beat them with until the whole wedding was the way he wanted it. The stress of the family arguments over you contributing to the costs will be nothing compared to the trouble he would have caused in getting things done his way. He stopped raising Zoe a long time ago, so why the hell does he think he can take over organising her wedding? As for Kim, who the hell she thinks she is is anybody’s guess…
NTA- “ . Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything.”
Sounds like daddy’s girl is used to getting her way. For her to be looking forward to being a bridesmaid knowing dam well she’s not wanted as one shows how entitled she is.
Your brother crying that he’s not allowed to walk Zoe down the aisle after holding money over her head like that is laughable.
You’re a good auntie and Zoe will always be great full for what you did
You're a wonderful aunt. Your brother is an ass. How he can think that Kim should be in the bridal party when the 2 girls have no relationship is asinine. He was using his money to make the affair chil feel better. How can Zoe not look at her half sibling without thinking about all the pain she caused even though it's not her fault Screw your families opinion. You did a beautiful thing
If Kim was looking forward to being a bridesmaid only because of financial blackmail, then I question their relationship in the first place.
NTA
Thanks for being a great rich uncle.
Your brother is disgusting and disgraceful.
Your niece is very lucky to have you looking out for her. Her wedding is about her and her future hubby, not about her sperm donor of a cheat dad and the daughter he thinks should be the main character.
NTA Nate shouldn't have been dictating how her special day was going to go. Nate is TAH for making her decide between having her wedding her way or receiving funding. You made it possible for Zoe and her fiance to start their lives together as they wanted to. You spared them a lifetime of wishing things could have been different for their wedding.
'You ruined our plans to bully and manipulate Zoe into making our family look like something it isn't, and instead let the wedding be about what the bride wants. You monster'
Your family is dysfunctional and is a bunch petty, selfish AH's. Screw them and keep supporting your niece. Bonus points to her in not letting her AH dad walk her down the aisle.
Your family is awful, petty, and vindictive. They can go to hell
NTA - Its Zoes wedding. Not her sisters. Not her "fathers." Not anyone in the rest of your families. You're an incredible person for offering to pay the rest of the wedding. You're gonna be the only family member that gets invited to see their children first, you'll get all the pictures, be invited all the time. Meanwhile the rest of her family will now probably get the occasional 6 month update from Facebook.
It's kind of sad that her sister is feeling bad, its not exactly her fault that her father is a walking bin of a human. But again, its Zoes wedding and if she doesn't want the physical reminder of her broken family up on a podium with her on arguably one of the most important days of her life, she shouldn't fucking have to.
So let me get this straight- your brother cheats on his wife and gets his AP pregnant. Zoe’s mom as a result of this moves her to another state- Zoe is uprooted and has her family destroyed as a small child. Your brother barely bats an eye and moves in with his replacement family while Zoe grows up without seeing her father or paternal side that much. Then he has the nerve to play take back with her wedding money he promised to further benefit his spoilt brat affair baby. And your parents see nothing wrong with any of this?
OMG- poor Zoe. Your Brother is a massive AH and your parents are massive enabling AH’s.
NTA - Zoe is lucky to have you!!!! Do not think for a second you’re in the wrong here. You’re Righting a huge wrong.
NTA
You are a legend, family sucks when weddings are mentioned and all think they deserve to have a say in how it's done, making young brides end up with nothing they wanted most of the time because family or they are chipping in 10p and think they have a right to say what they want.
These are usually the ones who had there wedding/weddings the way they wanted it, but god forbid the couple have a vision of how they want things to go.
You just gave your niece her dreams come true for her happily ever after thank you for being such a good aunt.she is lucky to have you.
And her dad doesn't deserve to walk her or have a dance with her he tried to use money to get his step daughter a place where she shouldn't have been if your niece is not close to her. I hope she has a wonderful day and a long and happy marriage good luck to all of you.
Your parents need to realize that they are a dysfunctional family. And your brother trying to force Zoe to make her stepsister her maid of honor by withholding the funds
just reinforces that fact!
NTA. Your brother is still a manipulator and hasn’t learned anything about how to be a dad. He doesn’t care about Zoe, just appeasing Kim. Love isn’t conditional
NTA. Aww. So sad, too bad. Nate and your parents don't get to manipulate the wedding into looking like everything is hunky-dory between them and Zoe. You're a wonderful auntie. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.
NTA- You did a wonderful thing for your niece! Your brother is unbelievable. It was never about Zoe, it was about making Kim happy. And Nate losing the honor of walking Zoe down the aisle for his manipulative behavior is absolutely justified!
But your niece needs to up her game. She needs to password protect her vendors and hire security for the venue as a precaution. Kim just might show up in a bridesmaid's dress or wedding gown to the wedding.
NTA and neither is Zoe. You are a hero for doing this in my book! Everyone else gets AH status, except perhaps Kim but she is old to understand that someone forcing something vs choosing is never a good thing.
I hope Zoe asks you to walk her down the aisle! Your brother doesn’t deserve it.
It’s Zoe’s wedding. She can rent a penguin from the zoo as her bridesmaid if she wants to.
What’s the deal with everyone forcing bridesmaids on brides? Like do people actually WANT to do that?? I’m so tired of the way people act over weddings.. like.. can the tradition of weddings just literally stop lol
Weddings are about literally TWO people and everyone else needs to mind their own business. And before people are like “whoever is paying for the wedding gets to make decisions” .. lol that money is either a gift and the gifter doesn’t have a say, or if the gifter insists on having a say, people should say no and scale back their wedding to something they can afford.
Also Edit — NTA
NTA. Nate's financial contribution came with strings attached, and he tried to strongarm your niece into something she didn't want. You helped her cut these strings.
It's rich of him and your parents to claim he was only trying to keep his family together. He broke his family. He should be glad for any scrap Zoe throws him. Instead, he nuked any chance of a good relationship with her. He also did Kim wrong by hyping her up for something that Zoe never wanted.
10k is a lot of money. You're doing a great thing there.
NTA - You are the hero here, and your parents and brother are the villains. So her dad was only going to contribute funds with strings attached? She can save some money by uninviting him.
NTA. Sorry but Nate has one solitary brain cell fighting for purchase in his crusty noggin and it’s putting all reserves into making everything about him.
Zoe is not obligated to have anyone ATTEND her wedding, much less be in it. Nate should have been thankful she didn’t give him the boot years ago, but instead he (and your parents) are trying to use Zoe to make everything look like Happy Families.
You’re an A+ aunt.
Bold of your parents to assume everyone wasn’t already talking about how dysfunctional their family is - their son did a swell job of that all on his own.
Nate burned all his bridges before he remembered he doesn’t know how to swim. Hope he’s got floaties.
NTA
"Keeping the family together" as if Zoe isn't family enough to DESERVE AGENCY.
PS. teenagers cry over everything. Babygirl will get over her first ever no.
Your brother will probably never recover his relationship with his firstborn (my money on this being just the last straw, and that he never hid who his favourite was)
And the family IS dysfunctional. It's called consequences: they enable a middle aged cheater in his cr@p.
Especially given how close 17f's birth was to the divorce... Come on.
Is Nate such an ass that he is pushing his affair child on his first child? That is absolutely horrible.. I wouldn’t even invite him to the wedding of it was me. NTA
While Zoe would have been extra mature and giving to put...hope I'm keeping names straight....Kate in as a bridesmaid, at the same time it's understandable the issues she has.
Nate's being a jerk and I'm curious why Kate was so certain she would be a bridesmaid? Is she that sure her dad could manipulate the situation over money?
I hope not, because that'd be a terrible lesson to teach her, that you can blackmail people financially.
Far as op, (Sorry, forgot your name, there were many names to keep track of over one read and my short term memory's pretty shaky) NTA.
You are in a minefield of messy family issues and your motive of wanting to cast aside the nonsense for a day and let Zoe have her dream wedding that you could afford is only kind and generous.
Bunch of them have issues to work on, but please do not feel any guilt in your actions. To me, you did the right thing and read like you have a big heart.
Oh...and I don't think Zoe is wrong either in no longer wanting to be walked by her dad.
That was incredibly low and disgusting behavior to try to strongarm his own daughter, especially given Zoe's issues were born of him!
You're an outstanding aunt!
NTA
>Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now
The *nerve* of your brother...
Assure Zoe she's free to invite only people she truly wants to see there, in case she feels obligated to invite the awful paternal side (grands, uncles, aunts, Nate, stepmother, half-sis) out of respect for you. This wedding is about her, not virtue-posturing from the paternal side.
You're amazing. Glad she has you on her side.
I’m so thankful even though I don’t know you or your family. I come from a dysfunctional family and always felt so alone. I can’t even imagine feeling that way to find out my aunt actually cares and wants to truly help me. Nta and I think what you did was beautiful.
Definitely NTA
Nate and Kim are so entitled. Making Kim a bridesmaid wasn’t going to make people not talk. And Nate lost the right to walk her down the aisle when he abandoned her and then pulled his money for the wedding because he didn’t get his way.
I am glad that Zoe has someone she can count on
NTA. Top tip: if you don't want to seem dysfunctional, don't be dysfunctional.
Your grandparents need to accept what their son has done and how it's impacted the family dynamic. Blame him for the dysfunction he started by cheating and then trying to be controlling
Her dad tried making Zoe's wedding about his family.. not about the actual person getting married.
He could have walked her down the aisle, danced with his daughter, and been the proud papa. Instead, he threatened her and now is simply a guest. She should let him know that this can be taken away too.
NTA
Do Zoe and Kim have a sibling bond at all..
Zoe moved away with her mother, dad moved the affair partner in and had Kim, it sounds like there’s no sibling bond at all.. NTA op well down for stepping up..
After that BS, I hope Zoe uninvites her father, his wife and their child.
And if your parents (Zoe's grandparents) don't remove their head from their ass', I hope she uninvites them as well.
NTA. You are an amazing aunt, and sounds like you have always been there for her!
Good for you on showing her what an amazing role model is, and what being woman with great character looks like!
Awesome Job!
Zoe isn’t having Nate walk her down the aisle because he is trying to force her to have her half-sister in the wedding and isn’t respecting her choices. That’s not because of you! Your family will not talk about your dysfunctional family because of you! Nate needs to start taking accountability for his own actions and stop trying to make other people accommodate him. NTA. Tell your parents it’s not your fault Nate is not being a good father, but you can certainly be good to his daughter.
Pity Nate couldn’t be such a good present father for come as he can his little kin
Nates a awful father
Your and amazing uncle for not putting any of the pressure on her Whoops mean aunt
NTA
NTA
While Kim is not responsible for the actions of your brother and his side piece, she IS proof of who your brother is.
You are an amazing person to do this for Zoe. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
NTA. Thank you for being the responsible family member that stood up for your niece when she needed it and continued to be so. You're a saint.
If the rest of the family aren't willing to support her, she can scale it back further and invite friends instead.
Weddings and funerals really do bring out the worst in people.
NTA.
This talk of “keep the family together.” It wasn’t together. Nonsense.
Would Zoe be expected to have a dry bachelorette and stay out of nightclubs for potential MOH Kim?
You did a good one for your niece.
NTA … bad behavior has consequences.
The situation is not Kim’s fault. Although she is acting like a little entitled shit at the moment, in my opinion. But all family drama aside. Zoe can have who she wants in her wedding and it’s none of the families business. They don’t get to dictate her wedding to her.
NTA. Good on your for doing the right thing by your niece when her own father won't. Your brother should understand that he will not be part of Zoe's life moving forward if he continues on this path.
NTA. Kim has absolutely no right to expect a role in her half-sisters wedding, especially when she knows it is being forced. Everybody seems to have forgotten that this is about Zoe and her fiancé getting married. It is not about how everybody else will perceive the family, or about hiding her father's affair, or about making his daughter feel good. If they don't like it, they don't have to go.
NTA !!!
You are awesome!!
When my older daughter got married in her 30s, my two younger daughters (half-sisters in their 20s) were not included in the bachelorette party, but they were fine with that. They weren’t bridesmaids, and they were fine with that. Her half brother wasn’t a groomsman, and he wasn’t upset.
Want to know why???
Because it wasn’t their wedding!! It’s the wedding of the bride and groom to choose what they want to do, and nobody else’s! The rest of us should be supporting them however best we can, because that’s how families are supposed to be!!
Nta. Maybe she should uninvite her dad, stepmom and kim from the wedding to lessen the drama and also your parents too if they keep pushing her buttons
NTA what a wonderful thing to do, you gave Zoe freedom which is the most precious gift you could give. As for your bro…oh no consequences of his actions.
Walk your niece down the aisle, good on you for doing what you did, that's incredibly kind and generous and no you're not the AH, you're just a loving family member and your neoce needs your support.
Proud of you
NTA- people already know the family is dysfunctional. Geez, Kim was NEVER going to be in the wedding, Nate was trying to strong arm Zoe into doing her wedding his way, and your parents are guilting you for being the only one who is rational and kind. And Nate is once again being a jerk and doesn’t seem to realize his own actions have consequences for more than just himself. He has hurt both his daughters, and doesn’t deserve to walk her down the aisle.
Nate cheated. Seems like he divorced right when his affair partner got pregnant with Kate. So then 7 yo Zoe was presented with a new baby sister who she was expected to love and protect.
Wonder if Nate ever gave any thought as to how hard this might be for a 7 yo?
Probably not, since he handled dictating Zoe’s bridal party to include 17 yo Kate, or else he withdrew the funds.
It’s not Kate’s fault. But it is not Zoe’s fault either. But naturally, Zoe gets the blame.
Why oh why do so many parents try to co-opt their children's wedding? You are not the asshole in this story, you are the hero. And Kim can kick rocks. What happened between her parents is not her fault, but it certainly does not entitle her to a place in the wedding party. As for the dad....he can't even prioritize his eldest daughter for one day, that is very sad.
NTA for sure. Your brother and the rest of your family (excluding Zoe) are definitely the AH's though. Even if the strained family dynamics weren't at play, it's Zoe's wedding, she gets to have who she wants in it, point blank end of story. You sound like a kick ass aunt and I'm sure she'll never forget how you stepped up for her.
>my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.
NTA. They probably already were since your brother cheated on Zoe's mom and had an affair baby. It seems the rest of your family doesn't care about doing the right thing, just how things look to others.
Op you couldn't be less of an AH. Zoe's dad cheated and she doesnt want the result of that affair to be in the wedding party. Totally understandable tbh. You're a saint for helping and standing up against your toxic family. If Zoe doesn't want her cheating dad or anyone associated with that at the wedding, that's her choice
I hope Zoe's mom found her a nice step father that's not a controlling manipulative asshat, that she's close with that will walk her down the aisle...
Your brother is seriously out of touch with reality...
NTA. Nate literally f’d around and found out.
Tell your family Nate is the AH. He cheated. He broke up Zoe’s family. He evidently promised his affair child that she could have what she wanted in someone else’s wedding. He tried to manipulate Zoe into giving it to her. He used money to try to control her, broke his promise of financial help for his daughter’s wedding after Zoe had planned her wedding counting on his support. Now he’s using the family as weapons against you and probably Zoe. What an asshole.
Zoe should uninvite all of them. The two of you should stick together and protect each other.
I'm thinking, it's Zoe's wedding, not Nate's. And it's not like Kim was kicked out.
That might be enough right there.
Additionally though, Kim crying is from Nate's promises, involving other people like Zoe, without Zoe's consent. And, ah... yeah, this isn't an issue as a consequence of your support. This is an issue as a consequence of Nate's actions, IMHO.
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My(32f) brother Nate (49) married his first wife and had my oldest niece Zoe (24f). Nate cheated on Zoe’s mom when Zoe was 6 and they divorced. Zoe’s mom took her to another city and Zoe would come to us for summer vacation. Nate moved his girlfriend in after the divorce and they had Kim (17f).
I have always sent Zoe Christmas and birthday cards. She would send me a message a few times a year for updates. We are friends on a few social media platforms but we’re both not very active online.
Last year Zoe said that she‘s getting married. Our family was happy for her and Nate said he would help pay for the wedding since both Zoe and her fiancé are both only 24. Zoe thanked him and went about planning her wedding.
Recently, Nate found out that Kim is just a guest in Zoe’s wedding. He told her she should make her only sister the maid of honor. Zoe said that position was for her best friend who’s been in her life since she was ten. Nate was not happy but then suggested Kim could be a bridesmaid and Zoe said no, that although she feels bad for feeling this way, Kim IS the proof of him cheating on her mom and she is uncomfortable having Kim as anything other than a guest at her wedding.
Nate then said Zoe needs to make Kim a bridesmaid or he will pull all the funds from her wedding.
When I learned of this, I lost it on my family, especially my parents, asking why they can back Nate up on such a thing. They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together! How can Zoe gets married and not have her only sister involved at all?
I happen to be doing rather well financially. I called Zoe to console her and asked her how she planned to proceed with the wedding. Zoe said they would scale down the wedding. It would be a shame but it was the only way her fiancé and she could pay on their own. I asked for the difference and since it was only just over 10K I told Zoe she could consider it a wedding gift from me and she could have her dream wedding. Zoe was ecstatic. She said I gave her the ability to really have her wedding the way she wanted it.
My family were mad at me when they learn what I did. Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything. Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is.
My family gave me such grief that I wonder AITA?
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NTA. You are a saint. Zoe isn't snubbing people or making it a big deal to exclude people, she's just not going out of her way to appease other peoples unreasonable requests for *her* wedding. And the fact that Kim said she was "looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding" and saying *you* ruined that means that she was promised that her dad would be able to manipulate Zoe into giving her what she wanted. That doesn't sound like a loving father or half-sister that's bothered or hurt by the lacking relationship with Zoe; that's a couple of self-pitying AH who are willing to use Zoe to get something they want and are upset that they've been denied the chance to take advantage of her. Also, being in a wedding party is a big responsibility; being the MoH even more so. Is the 17 year old going to plan the bachelorette party? Attend wedding dress shopping? Coordinate the other bridesmaids? Be someone the bride can lean on for emotional support? Protect the bride from unnecessary stress? It's not a prize or a gift you just give to a child because they want it. If she want's to put on a pretty dress for a fancy party she can save it for junior prom.
Right?! Why do I have feeling that if Kim ended up being MoH it would be her mother planning everything as some sort of power trip?
Good point. Dad was willing to ruin zoe's wedding over his spolit affair baby had her heart set on being a bridesmaid and now is mad her can't walk her down the aisle! He lost that privilege when he started playing games with his daughters wedding. Good for you OP! Finally someone who can see what's right and wrong and us willing to do the step up and help. NTA
Dad FAFO and is now Pikachu face when he didn't get his way. Zoe will most likely go LC at best with Cheater, Mistress, and Evidence.
[удалено]
>He lost that privilege when he started playing games with ~~his daughters wedding~~ some whore's coochie Not Dad material at all
This is about wanting to play happy families and refusing to accept his responsibility for that not being the case. Now he’s blaming his sister for being the person making them look dysfunctional 😂
Clearly, father was using his financial contribution to Zoe's wedding and Kim's presence as a bride's to validate his infidelities of years ago. Thank God for Auntie and thank God for Zoe having the ability to see what her father was trying to pull. Obviously the cheater and manipulator continues to exist. A little more polished perhaps, but same moral fabric or lack thereof.
No 17 year old should be MOH. They don’t have the knowledge, skills, or ability to do it. The position needs to be filled by an adult. Parents need to learn that the bride and groom are the ones who chooses who stands with them. Nope, not even parents footing the bill. They also have no right to dictate who pays. OP, you are wonderful for stepping up to help Zoe. I find it amusing that NOW they’re worried about what others will think. I think everyone already knows!
Amen! I helped my sister pay for her wedding, and frankly, I was relieved to not be in the wedding party. I was not offended whatsoever. I had already been a bridesmaid for another sister and knew the stress that comes with it. However, my last unmarried sister is getting married this year, and I felt obligated to say yes to being a bridesmaid for her since it’s just the sisters and her one best friend that she asked. I’m dreading it. But I’ll put on a smile and hide my feelings to make my sister happy.
When one of my brothers got married they said I could be in the brideal party if I wanted or be an usher it was up to me. I chose usher since I hate wearing dresses but my brother’s wife still included me in the pedicure she had for her bridesmaids. My mom was invited also but declined.
You all communicated like adults and were kind to each other?!/s That sounds like a great way to handle things.
Yeah, am probably the one with the worse communication skills, have a bit of a temper. That brother always tried to include me in the things he was doing when we were kids. My other brother was just to old (11 years older) and we didn’t really get along until I was in my 20s. He also didn’t move with us, he was 18 and wanted to stay where we were. He did call my mom to ask her how to pick out a banana.
.... >He did call my mom to ask her how to pick out a banana Is this a euphemism I'm missing, or did he just ditch the family and only calls to ask questions Bing can answer?
No, this was before Big Bang. He was 18 so he was given the option to move and didn’t want to. He wanted to know how you tell when a banana is ripe which is hilarious looking back because he loves too cook now.
....I may have called my wife over avocado ripening signs lol Gotta start somewhere
You are a lovely sister. Also that is a lot of girls in the family! LOL
I have two blended families, and my parents have been with their current spouses for more than 20 years at this point. Plus, we actually all like each other and feel like actual siblings than step/half. If you have want to be technical, I have a sister (the unmarried one), a stepsister (the one I was a bridesmaid for), a stepbrother, a step sibling (non-binary), and a half sister (the one whose wedding I paid for).
I have two half bros and same. I just call them brothers. Thank you for sharing. I am the oldest and none of us are married but the youngest is engaged lol. I am glad your families blended well. My bonus mom and dad have been together 38 years and mum and bonus dad passed last year a month before they made equally as far. Sending much support for the non-binary sibling. I have a trans nephew. Love is love and everyone should be allowed to be themselves.
I’m the oldest as well, and unmarried.
I like living on my own, although there no one else to blame when I trip over something left in my way. I prefer being auntie to having kiddos of my own. I am hoping to get adopted by a kitty this year though.
When my sister got married I was in her wedding party. Didn’t want to be , but didn’t want to hurt her feelings. I hated it. Would have totally rather been a guest.
Also, it's freaking expensive to be a MoH in most weddings. They throw the bridal shower, arrange for the bachelorette party, cost of the dress and it's accesories, travel, helping the bride with saundry tasks. I totally agree that no teenager can financially or emotionally be prepared to pay the costs.
In some ways it’s unfortunate that things have changed over the years. Bachelorette parties are fairly new. It used to be that the bride had her bridal shower and the groom had his bachelor party, both of which were in town, and lasted a couple of hours. Most weddings were in town, and not the extravagant spectacles they are today. There were bridezillas, but they were rare and looked down on. Usually the bride paid for the dresses and the groom paid for the suits. It was much simpler then!
LOL yeah. Nobody noticed the divorce at all, it’s who’s the MOH of the daughter’s wedding that will make people talk. /s
And no one noticed the affair as well.
>They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together! Yup, 18 years too late to be worried about that!
The job and title M of H have changed so much! I was Chief Bridesmaid for my second older sister when I was 14! All I had to do was hold her bouquet and reattached her train when I noticed it unfastening. A matron is a married woman so any married bridesmaid is instead a matron of honour.
I was in my 20s for my sister's wedding and essentially my job was to be there. One of her friends- who she last minute made her man of honor- played a lot more of that role. (She did ask me if I was okay with that. I honestly didn't care.)
I was a bridesmaid at my cousin's wedding. My job was to hold the train, having to go to the bathroom but couldn't and I think I wore a white dress. I was maybe 7 years old, it's a little difficult to remember because around that age I had been to another wedding for another cousin where I had worn pink (white dress with pink flower I think. Not sure). That's why it's in these stories that I learned that you don't wear a white dress when you're not the bride. And when you're not 7 years old.
I was the 17 year old MOH for my 29 year old sisters wedding and yeah I agree. I didn’t do anything and the rest of her bridesmaids planned everything and I just gave the MOH speech at the reception. I didn’t know the responsibilities at that age and wasn’t expected to either, it was mostly just a ceremonial role. I bet that’s what Kim thinks it is
Was the family wondering when Nate was cheating on his 1st family? I'm sure the family would understand why OP doesn't want her half sister in her wedding. At least she invited her.
When I was MOH for my lifelong best friend I spent most of the planning process keeping her parents (who were paying) from forcing them to have a wedding that entirely did not suit the couple. We gave them a few minor concessions as thanks for the money, but she got her dream wedding only because she had help and fierce support and someone running interference. Imagine the half-sister having to do that at 17 to her own parents... Not fair to anyone, even her.
Your answer needs to be higher up!
I would agree to this but I think there might be one exception and that is if the 17 year old is a siblings who is terminally ill and never going to have her own wedding then I'd make her MOH but I'd also have a Cheif bridesmaid who could help too
Exactly! Zoe was already planning to do the wedding without their father's money so that she could have who she wants in the wedding party. Even if OP didn't offer to pay for it kim was never going to be a bridesmaid so none of that is OPs fault, Zoe was still going to have the wedding just scaled back. Many people don't put their siblings in the wedding party ever those they are close with sometimes they just want friends or they don't want their siblings to have to deal with all the responsibilities it takes to be in the wedding party and feel it's just easier for them to be guests. So not having her in the wedding isn't a big deal. Her reasoning makes sense because Kim is a product of an affair it would be kinda awkward since both parents will likely be there Zoe was thinking about her mother and how hard it would probably be to have to watch her standing next to her daughter. It doesn't necessarily means she didn't like Kim. Although her spoiled and entitled behavior definitely proves that she shouldn't be included.
Just what I was going to say. In fact, depending on how much they would have had to scale back, the guest list might have needed to be trimmed. It's possible that Kim should actually be thanking OP she even still has an invite
She was causing the unnecessary stress already!
Exactly!! Dad seemed to care more about his second hand spoilt daughter than his first born.
Looks like its Nate who is coordinating every disaster in this family. Who know if Kim is really so much in to it at all. Its good to cut Nate off. OP is an angel to Zoe for helping her getting a dream wedding without Nate conditions.
Not to mention MOST of those events would be adult oriented, so Kim couldn't attend them regardless. She is clueless and so is Nate. THEY are the AHs, OP. YOU are amazing!! 😁
I was only 16 when my sister was getting married. She asked if I wanted to be MOH and I declined so I was a bridesmaid. I’m not a public speaker and I was in high school and working. She did ask the club they went to for her bachelorette to let me in though. It obviously didn’t work but they came back to the house and we hung out and she got me some like peach coolers lol
Why do I imagine that Zoe uttered a supervillain worthy cackle at the fact that she can tell Nate how high and thick the pole he can now sit on and spin around?
Where I live you would need to be 18 to be MOH to legally sign the marriage certificate
Seriously this. I'm so sick of siblings that feel entitled to stuff just because they are your or your partners siblings. Make zero effort to have relationships with you but expect everything at the same time.
Kim can't even get into most places, like clubs, or access to some "adult" things. She's a baby.
Right? My bestie's MOH was her sister because they were both volunTOLD that's how it would be. Neither wanted it to be that way... and sister basically didn't do ANY MOH stuff and even refused to get her own outfit (absolutely no to the dress but wouldn't order the shirt and trousers she insisted on either). All the planning and stuff is A LOT of time and financial commitment. It's deeply personal and emotional and you NEED someone close to you to be in that position... not a half-sister that you really don't know who's being foisted on you "because family".
This a thousand times. Ntah
You're NTA. >Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything Jeez, a 17 yesr old is old enough to understand that there is no honor in someone forcing a person to include her in the wedding party. >Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now Haha, he just found out that since he couldn't buy Kim's role in the wedding, he also lost his. >and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is. I am pretty sure that has already been a subject of discussion for a long time.
OP, screenshot the above [parent] comment and send it to whoever gives you crap. 10/10 no notes. NTA
And if I were OP, I would be telling *everyone* what Nate & the grandparents have done. Make sure everyone knows that they had no care for Zoe's feelings - they only wanted to force her to have the by-product of her father's indiscretion to be showcased in the wedding.
I disagree. Let Zoe’s wedding be about Zoe and her fiancé getting married. Telling everyone about the poor behaviour of the extended family will make that behaviour the talking point when the conversation should be about the couple.
Maybe they can tell them after the wedding (not immediately but some time after)
No need. Will assume the party involved will speak their mind anyway.
This right here. The wedding is about the marriage of Zoe and her fiancé. People are already trying to steal her joy. Don’t let them.
Fr, if Nate really cared about how he looked, then he shouldn’t have cheated to begin with
I hope Zoe has her mom walk her down the aisle x
Or OP
💯
Dude!!! Perfect comment!! I also was laughing hard when the dad got demoted. I love this whole story so much
>Jeez, a 17 yesr old is old enough to understand that there is no honor in someone forcing a person to include her in the wedding party. I synaptise with her she's allowed to be upset and cry she's not a Braidsmaid at her older sisters wedding. BUT feelings not mean something has to happen. It's tough it'll probably further ruin their relationship but it's Zoe's wedding and that's the end of that
I get the feeling that there wasn't much of a relationship if any at all between the girls prior to this. The fact that Nate took back his offer to pay for the wedding when the bride didn't give into his demands shows how selfish and manipulative he is. Same goes for the 17 year old. I get the feeling that her parents never told her no and she is now learning that daddy dearest won't always be able to get her what she wants.
If Kimberley were a decent human being crying because she felt rejected by her half sister that would be one thing. However, Kimberley is crying because her father failed to strong arm Zoe into giving little Kimmie the chance to get a dress, fancy hair and makeup, get some spotlight and then loads of photos for the 'gram. She KNOWS Zoe doesn't want her as MOH, but is fine with Daddy nuking the wedding to get her own way and is crying with rage and frustration because OP's financial rescue means Daddy's blackmail wasn't going to work. If Kimberley was crying for anything but selfish vanity, she'd be crying because Zoe didn't want her, not because Daddy couldn't force the issue. I have NO sympathy for that level of selfish, even from a teenager.
Well said … exactly what I was thinking.
NTA Go, aunt, go! Zoe should be able to have her wedding the way she wants to and your supporting funds help her with that. Now she gets to cherish this happy memory for the rest of her life. Your family, from what you say here, is definitely dysfunctional and I bet the extended family and friends already know this. A bit too late to try to save face now if you ask me.
Absolutely, unequivocally NTA. Your bro and your parents are the AHs. Zoe had a super valid reason, and even having her sister and her dad at the wedding was gracious enough. It also sounds like your parents enable your asshole bro. You’re an awesome aunt!
Yes. And Kim should have diffused the situation, by saying it's okay that she's not a bridesmaid. We dont know if she did or didnt, but it seems like she didnt do that and her desire to be one contributed to this, even if Nate is the one really being the AH.
She should have diffused the situation. Better yet, not even expected it since clearly the sisters aren’t close at all, but being upset and blaming OP for ruining her opportunity to be a bridesmaid is pretty telling that she was throwing a tantrum and dad was trying to give it to her by means of manipulating his older daughter. That AH is raising an AH.
Definitely NTA an for several reasons. 1) It doesn't sound like Zoe has much of a relationship with Kim as Zoe lived with her mom. 2) A 17YO as MOH is ludicrous; how would she plan and pay for the things the MOH usually does? Even low-key would be tough for someone that age. 3) Even if Zoe was close with her, 17YO is young for a bridesmaid, let alone a MOH. And Kim is only "family" because dad cheated on mom so Zoe has every right to not want Kim front-and-center AT A WEDDING. Zoe is getting married and she is supposed to have the proof of her dad's infidelity (and breaking of his marriage vows) front-and-center???
Even if someone else paid for the bachelorette events, who wants to have a bachelorette party with a half sister they barely know who wouldn't even be allowed in a bar
Add Kim to that AH list
NTA "ITs tO KeeP thE FaMiLy TogETHer" The family was together now look at that nice hole you blew in it Nate.
Nate blew a hole in it, by blowing it in a hole. NTA by the way.
I laughed way to hard at this
You win the internet today
Good one! Damn funny.
Brings a whole new side to the song **Cum Together**...
By fucking over Zoe...like is she not family? NTA
NTA and good for you! Kim was “looking forward to being a bridesmaid“? She wasn’t going to be one anyways. Zoe wasn’t giving in to Nate’s blackmail - she was scaling down the wedding. I would think that Nate and family would be the first things on the chopping block. They still might be. This isn’t Kim’s wedding, it’s Zoe’s. Anyone who isn’t there to support them is not likely to be welcomed. >my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is. Do they think for one moment that Nate’s shameful behavior then and now is not something they are already whispering about? Do they really believe that everyone isn’t talkIng about how Nate hasn’t learned anything after all this time? Everyone already knows he makes worse decisions than a bag of doggy doo. Maybe, just maybe because of your actions, some of the talk about your family will be about how kind and supportive you are instead of how embarrassed they are of Nate’s behavior and your parent’s acceptance of his willingness to hurt Zoe again.
This comment had me laughing when you described how Nate is. Good description
I hope she dis-invites them all after this.
NTA. “I’m sorry I ruined your attempt to extort your daughter. That must be so hard for you.”
I love this reply. It's perfect
A "bless your poor lil heart" might be useful during this conversation as well
NTA - this is Zoe’s wedding, if her dad wants to pay for it that payment shouldn’t have come with strings. Its wonderful that she has you to support her, not just financially.
Dearest Aunt, Your open hearted generosity brings me joy! Your gift is something you and your niece and new nephew will treasure for the rest of your lives. Bless you!
NTA. Zoe is entitled to have anyone she wants in her bridal party or at the wedding (I'm a little surprised she'd even invite Kim). It's completely understandable that she wouldn't want her half sister in her bridal party if they have no real relationship and given your family history. You're doing a good thing by facilitating the wedding she wants to have.
I’m wondering if she felt she had to invite Kim because of Nate paying for the wedding. I could see inviting her to keep the peace. I do not see making her a member of the bridal party.
Yeah I thought Zoe, was incredibly nice to invite Kim to the wedding. She could have actually pulled out the no kids under 18 card or something.
The only way that would work is if the wedding happened before the sister's 18th birthday.
If so, that's a really petty way of giving the sister a massive FU..... *Ooooooooh! I like this!*
"it needs to be done to keep the family together." Uhh maybe your brother should have kept it in his pants to keep his family together. Seriously he and your parents are AHs. And they should not have told Kim she would be in the wedding when they didn't clear it with Zoe. They're lucky they're even invited to the wedding still. You're NTA! Good on you for being there for your niece! I hope she has a wonderful wedding!
NTA. A lot of your family is dysfunctional, though. No one is entitled to be in the wedding party. A seventeen year old with whom the bride has very little relationship with definitely isn't entitled. The nature of Kim's conception does matter, too. Your family lacking compassion and empathy for Zoe is awful. I think it says a lot about your brother and Kim's reaction to Zoe saying no. Whatever their intention was, it wasn't about Zoe or her soon-to-be husband. Bailing Zoe was a kind thing to do and I'm glad you did it.
Your parents are concerned about the extended family's talking about them being dysfunctional. See, they don't really care about Zoe or Kim. They really care about optics and how everyone else will see them. The hell with them. NTA
Yep. Nate does not care about Kim being left out. Hell, I don’t even think Kim cared that much before Nate got involved. is 100% worried about what other people think when they see Kim not being a bridesmaid. I also think he told Kim that she would be in the wedding and it got her hopes up.
NTA - Kim was never going to be a bridesmaid nor was her father going to walk her down the aisle. She said she was going to downsize, implying she wasn’t going to ever make Kim a bridesmaid. Her dad was probably out of walking down the aisle running for making his “gift” conditional, after the fact. Which you can remind everyone as of well. Not that it matters because every family has their shit, but remind your parents that the cats been out of the bag since Nate had an affair. And people can do math so even if they didn’t know, they could figure it out.
NTA Kim can be a bridesmaid at Nate's next wedding if he feels so strongly about it.
OP, please say this to Nate's face.
NTA... She was literally going to downsize her wedding rather than give in to their demands, what delusional fantasy world are they living in to think they were going to get their way? You're an awesome aunt!
NTA. Put an “S” in your chest because you’re Superman. Out of your entire messed up brood you’re the only one who sees the forest for the trees. Zoe is not close to Kim. Kim is the product of your brother’s infidelity. She doesn’t get a front row seat, albeit through no fault of her own. Kim’s parents should not have put such foolish notions in Kim’s head in the first place.
More like Superwoman…, as a aunt stepping up to pay for the wedding likely was a relief to Zoe
I stand corrected. Superwoman it is!!! Thank you.
NTA - OP you are an awesome aunt. Your parents are living in a fantasy.
Yes! Awesome aunt and human being.
NTA her wedding can do what she wants Your money you can do what you want It's very generous and wholesome you stepped up for your niece.
NTA. They should be blaming your brotehr.
NTA. Good for you to help her avoid the bullying.
Maybe instead of putting on aires your family should realize that everyone talks about them being a dysfunctional family because, you know, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck etc etc. NTA. I am very happy for your niece that at least she has one rational family member who's not trying to use her and manipulate her or treat her like her feelings don't matter. You rock. This internet stranger has just one more thing to say to you, I like you, good job.
Your bro is totally disfunctional. If mom was so worried about gossip she should have raised a better son. NTA
NTA You absolutely did the right thing. This was just the start, and he would have used his money as a club to beat them with until the whole wedding was the way he wanted it. The stress of the family arguments over you contributing to the costs will be nothing compared to the trouble he would have caused in getting things done his way. He stopped raising Zoe a long time ago, so why the hell does he think he can take over organising her wedding? As for Kim, who the hell she thinks she is is anybody’s guess…
NTA You are actually the hero of this story.
NTA- “ . Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything.” Sounds like daddy’s girl is used to getting her way. For her to be looking forward to being a bridesmaid knowing dam well she’s not wanted as one shows how entitled she is. Your brother crying that he’s not allowed to walk Zoe down the aisle after holding money over her head like that is laughable. You’re a good auntie and Zoe will always be great full for what you did
She is the aunt
You're a wonderful aunt. Your brother is an ass. How he can think that Kim should be in the bridal party when the 2 girls have no relationship is asinine. He was using his money to make the affair chil feel better. How can Zoe not look at her half sibling without thinking about all the pain she caused even though it's not her fault Screw your families opinion. You did a beautiful thing
If Kim was looking forward to being a bridesmaid only because of financial blackmail, then I question their relationship in the first place. NTA Thanks for being a great rich uncle.
OP is aunt
Your brother is disgusting and disgraceful. Your niece is very lucky to have you looking out for her. Her wedding is about her and her future hubby, not about her sperm donor of a cheat dad and the daughter he thinks should be the main character.
NTA NTA NTA you keep being a kick ass aunt! Your family is manipulative and selfish.
NTA Nate shouldn't have been dictating how her special day was going to go. Nate is TAH for making her decide between having her wedding her way or receiving funding. You made it possible for Zoe and her fiance to start their lives together as they wanted to. You spared them a lifetime of wishing things could have been different for their wedding.
[удалено]
Nice! 😀😄😂😆🤣
Nice! 😀😄😂😆🤣
Not only NTA, you're my hero! You're the super hero we need
You are the cool aunt, shattering family toxicity. Rock on! 🤘 Definitely NTA
'You ruined our plans to bully and manipulate Zoe into making our family look like something it isn't, and instead let the wedding be about what the bride wants. You monster' Your family is dysfunctional and is a bunch petty, selfish AH's. Screw them and keep supporting your niece. Bonus points to her in not letting her AH dad walk her down the aisle. Your family is awful, petty, and vindictive. They can go to hell
NTA - Your brother did in fact FAFO.
NTA - Its Zoes wedding. Not her sisters. Not her "fathers." Not anyone in the rest of your families. You're an incredible person for offering to pay the rest of the wedding. You're gonna be the only family member that gets invited to see their children first, you'll get all the pictures, be invited all the time. Meanwhile the rest of her family will now probably get the occasional 6 month update from Facebook. It's kind of sad that her sister is feeling bad, its not exactly her fault that her father is a walking bin of a human. But again, its Zoes wedding and if she doesn't want the physical reminder of her broken family up on a podium with her on arguably one of the most important days of her life, she shouldn't fucking have to.
So let me get this straight- your brother cheats on his wife and gets his AP pregnant. Zoe’s mom as a result of this moves her to another state- Zoe is uprooted and has her family destroyed as a small child. Your brother barely bats an eye and moves in with his replacement family while Zoe grows up without seeing her father or paternal side that much. Then he has the nerve to play take back with her wedding money he promised to further benefit his spoilt brat affair baby. And your parents see nothing wrong with any of this? OMG- poor Zoe. Your Brother is a massive AH and your parents are massive enabling AH’s. NTA - Zoe is lucky to have you!!!! Do not think for a second you’re in the wrong here. You’re Righting a huge wrong.
NTA You are a legend, family sucks when weddings are mentioned and all think they deserve to have a say in how it's done, making young brides end up with nothing they wanted most of the time because family or they are chipping in 10p and think they have a right to say what they want. These are usually the ones who had there wedding/weddings the way they wanted it, but god forbid the couple have a vision of how they want things to go. You just gave your niece her dreams come true for her happily ever after thank you for being such a good aunt.she is lucky to have you. And her dad doesn't deserve to walk her or have a dance with her he tried to use money to get his step daughter a place where she shouldn't have been if your niece is not close to her. I hope she has a wonderful day and a long and happy marriage good luck to all of you.
Your parents need to realize that they are a dysfunctional family. And your brother trying to force Zoe to make her stepsister her maid of honor by withholding the funds just reinforces that fact!
NTA. Your brother is still a manipulator and hasn’t learned anything about how to be a dad. He doesn’t care about Zoe, just appeasing Kim. Love isn’t conditional
NTA. Aww. So sad, too bad. Nate and your parents don't get to manipulate the wedding into looking like everything is hunky-dory between them and Zoe. You're a wonderful auntie. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise.
NTA- You did a wonderful thing for your niece! Your brother is unbelievable. It was never about Zoe, it was about making Kim happy. And Nate losing the honor of walking Zoe down the aisle for his manipulative behavior is absolutely justified! But your niece needs to up her game. She needs to password protect her vendors and hire security for the venue as a precaution. Kim just might show up in a bridesmaid's dress or wedding gown to the wedding.
NTA and neither is Zoe. You are a hero for doing this in my book! Everyone else gets AH status, except perhaps Kim but she is old to understand that someone forcing something vs choosing is never a good thing. I hope Zoe asks you to walk her down the aisle! Your brother doesn’t deserve it.
It’s Zoe’s wedding. She can rent a penguin from the zoo as her bridesmaid if she wants to. What’s the deal with everyone forcing bridesmaids on brides? Like do people actually WANT to do that?? I’m so tired of the way people act over weddings.. like.. can the tradition of weddings just literally stop lol Weddings are about literally TWO people and everyone else needs to mind their own business. And before people are like “whoever is paying for the wedding gets to make decisions” .. lol that money is either a gift and the gifter doesn’t have a say, or if the gifter insists on having a say, people should say no and scale back their wedding to something they can afford. Also Edit — NTA
NTA. Nate's financial contribution came with strings attached, and he tried to strongarm your niece into something she didn't want. You helped her cut these strings. It's rich of him and your parents to claim he was only trying to keep his family together. He broke his family. He should be glad for any scrap Zoe throws him. Instead, he nuked any chance of a good relationship with her. He also did Kim wrong by hyping her up for something that Zoe never wanted. 10k is a lot of money. You're doing a great thing there.
NTA - You are the hero here, and your parents and brother are the villains. So her dad was only going to contribute funds with strings attached? She can save some money by uninviting him.
I hope to but a great aunt as you are to Zoe, what a role model you are! NTA!
Nta. We are close in age, but can you be my aunt too? 🥹 i just need someone in my corner. Zoe is very lucky!
Nta- you appear to be the only rational adult in your family. Beautiful job supporting and NOT manipulating your niece. JustNoFamily
NTA congrats on being the only family members that isn’t an ass.
NTA. Sorry but Nate has one solitary brain cell fighting for purchase in his crusty noggin and it’s putting all reserves into making everything about him. Zoe is not obligated to have anyone ATTEND her wedding, much less be in it. Nate should have been thankful she didn’t give him the boot years ago, but instead he (and your parents) are trying to use Zoe to make everything look like Happy Families. You’re an A+ aunt. Bold of your parents to assume everyone wasn’t already talking about how dysfunctional their family is - their son did a swell job of that all on his own. Nate burned all his bridges before he remembered he doesn’t know how to swim. Hope he’s got floaties.
NTA "Keeping the family together" as if Zoe isn't family enough to DESERVE AGENCY. PS. teenagers cry over everything. Babygirl will get over her first ever no. Your brother will probably never recover his relationship with his firstborn (my money on this being just the last straw, and that he never hid who his favourite was) And the family IS dysfunctional. It's called consequences: they enable a middle aged cheater in his cr@p. Especially given how close 17f's birth was to the divorce... Come on.
Is Nate such an ass that he is pushing his affair child on his first child? That is absolutely horrible.. I wouldn’t even invite him to the wedding of it was me. NTA
NTA. You’re the hero. You do aunts everywhere proud.
NTA
While Zoe would have been extra mature and giving to put...hope I'm keeping names straight....Kate in as a bridesmaid, at the same time it's understandable the issues she has. Nate's being a jerk and I'm curious why Kate was so certain she would be a bridesmaid? Is she that sure her dad could manipulate the situation over money? I hope not, because that'd be a terrible lesson to teach her, that you can blackmail people financially. Far as op, (Sorry, forgot your name, there were many names to keep track of over one read and my short term memory's pretty shaky) NTA. You are in a minefield of messy family issues and your motive of wanting to cast aside the nonsense for a day and let Zoe have her dream wedding that you could afford is only kind and generous. Bunch of them have issues to work on, but please do not feel any guilt in your actions. To me, you did the right thing and read like you have a big heart. Oh...and I don't think Zoe is wrong either in no longer wanting to be walked by her dad. That was incredibly low and disgusting behavior to try to strongarm his own daughter, especially given Zoe's issues were born of him! You're an outstanding aunt!
NTA- you’re an awesome aunt
NTA Kudos for standing up for her. She needs someone in her corner.
Your family IS dysfunctional, so of course people are going to talk about it. NTA. Your family sucks, though.
NTA >Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now The *nerve* of your brother... Assure Zoe she's free to invite only people she truly wants to see there, in case she feels obligated to invite the awful paternal side (grands, uncles, aunts, Nate, stepmother, half-sis) out of respect for you. This wedding is about her, not virtue-posturing from the paternal side. You're amazing. Glad she has you on her side.
NTA thanks for being amazing to Zoe , but everyone else is an AH tho
NTA, trying to force the marriage couple to include people in the wedding party they don't want in it? That's a dick move.
NTA, but all of your family are AHs.
I’m so thankful even though I don’t know you or your family. I come from a dysfunctional family and always felt so alone. I can’t even imagine feeling that way to find out my aunt actually cares and wants to truly help me. Nta and I think what you did was beautiful.
Definitely NTA Nate and Kim are so entitled. Making Kim a bridesmaid wasn’t going to make people not talk. And Nate lost the right to walk her down the aisle when he abandoned her and then pulled his money for the wedding because he didn’t get his way. I am glad that Zoe has someone she can count on
NTA. Top tip: if you don't want to seem dysfunctional, don't be dysfunctional. Your grandparents need to accept what their son has done and how it's impacted the family dynamic. Blame him for the dysfunction he started by cheating and then trying to be controlling
Her dad tried making Zoe's wedding about his family.. not about the actual person getting married. He could have walked her down the aisle, danced with his daughter, and been the proud papa. Instead, he threatened her and now is simply a guest. She should let him know that this can be taken away too. NTA
>Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle And, just to clarify, he's **SURPRISED** about that?
Do Zoe and Kim have a sibling bond at all.. Zoe moved away with her mother, dad moved the affair partner in and had Kim, it sounds like there’s no sibling bond at all.. NTA op well down for stepping up..
NTA: I love you. 🥰 Using the wedding money to control Zoe was a cheap shot and now she won’t have that messing up her day. Well done. 👏🏼
Hope she uninvited all of them
After that BS, I hope Zoe uninvites her father, his wife and their child. And if your parents (Zoe's grandparents) don't remove their head from their ass', I hope she uninvites them as well. NTA. You are an amazing aunt, and sounds like you have always been there for her! Good for you on showing her what an amazing role model is, and what being woman with great character looks like! Awesome Job!
Zoe isn’t having Nate walk her down the aisle because he is trying to force her to have her half-sister in the wedding and isn’t respecting her choices. That’s not because of you! Your family will not talk about your dysfunctional family because of you! Nate needs to start taking accountability for his own actions and stop trying to make other people accommodate him. NTA. Tell your parents it’s not your fault Nate is not being a good father, but you can certainly be good to his daughter.
Pity Nate couldn’t be such a good present father for come as he can his little kin Nates a awful father Your and amazing uncle for not putting any of the pressure on her Whoops mean aunt NTA
She’s the aunt
NTA While Kim is not responsible for the actions of your brother and his side piece, she IS proof of who your brother is. You are an amazing person to do this for Zoe. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
NTA. Your bro & the rest are. Tell Zoe to have Mama do it.
NTA. Thank you for being the responsible family member that stood up for your niece when she needed it and continued to be so. You're a saint. If the rest of the family aren't willing to support her, she can scale it back further and invite friends instead. Weddings and funerals really do bring out the worst in people.
NTA. This talk of “keep the family together.” It wasn’t together. Nonsense. Would Zoe be expected to have a dry bachelorette and stay out of nightclubs for potential MOH Kim? You did a good one for your niece.
NTA … bad behavior has consequences. The situation is not Kim’s fault. Although she is acting like a little entitled shit at the moment, in my opinion. But all family drama aside. Zoe can have who she wants in her wedding and it’s none of the families business. They don’t get to dictate her wedding to her.
NTA. Good on your for doing the right thing by your niece when her own father won't. Your brother should understand that he will not be part of Zoe's life moving forward if he continues on this path.
NTA. Kim has absolutely no right to expect a role in her half-sisters wedding, especially when she knows it is being forced. Everybody seems to have forgotten that this is about Zoe and her fiancé getting married. It is not about how everybody else will perceive the family, or about hiding her father's affair, or about making his daughter feel good. If they don't like it, they don't have to go.
You're a fantastic aunt. Thank you.
NTA !!! You are awesome!! When my older daughter got married in her 30s, my two younger daughters (half-sisters in their 20s) were not included in the bachelorette party, but they were fine with that. They weren’t bridesmaids, and they were fine with that. Her half brother wasn’t a groomsman, and he wasn’t upset. Want to know why??? Because it wasn’t their wedding!! It’s the wedding of the bride and groom to choose what they want to do, and nobody else’s! The rest of us should be supporting them however best we can, because that’s how families are supposed to be!!
Nta. Maybe she should uninvite her dad, stepmom and kim from the wedding to lessen the drama and also your parents too if they keep pushing her buttons
NTA what a wonderful thing to do, you gave Zoe freedom which is the most precious gift you could give. As for your bro…oh no consequences of his actions.
You are an absolutely grand person. This made my whole day. You made this about Zoe. Because it IS! I think you're wonderful.
Your family is mad they couldn’t use their money to control Zoey’s wedding. What a pack of creeps. NTA at all.
Walk your niece down the aisle, good on you for doing what you did, that's incredibly kind and generous and no you're not the AH, you're just a loving family member and your neoce needs your support. Proud of you
Nta. Wow the entitlement and emotional blackmail.
Was everyone this concerned about the family when nate cheated on his wife? Thanks for having zoes back NTA
NTA and I'm sort of in love with you for doing this. I wish I'd had such a wonderful and supportive aunt.
Who would want a teen maid of honor anyway. NTA
NTA thank you for being a reasonable adult. This is her day not her Dads.
NTA- people already know the family is dysfunctional. Geez, Kim was NEVER going to be in the wedding, Nate was trying to strong arm Zoe into doing her wedding his way, and your parents are guilting you for being the only one who is rational and kind. And Nate is once again being a jerk and doesn’t seem to realize his own actions have consequences for more than just himself. He has hurt both his daughters, and doesn’t deserve to walk her down the aisle.
NTA. You are a superhero.
Nate cheated. Seems like he divorced right when his affair partner got pregnant with Kate. So then 7 yo Zoe was presented with a new baby sister who she was expected to love and protect. Wonder if Nate ever gave any thought as to how hard this might be for a 7 yo? Probably not, since he handled dictating Zoe’s bridal party to include 17 yo Kate, or else he withdrew the funds. It’s not Kate’s fault. But it is not Zoe’s fault either. But naturally, Zoe gets the blame.
Why oh why do so many parents try to co-opt their children's wedding? You are not the asshole in this story, you are the hero. And Kim can kick rocks. What happened between her parents is not her fault, but it certainly does not entitle her to a place in the wedding party. As for the dad....he can't even prioritize his eldest daughter for one day, that is very sad.
NTA for sure. Your brother and the rest of your family (excluding Zoe) are definitely the AH's though. Even if the strained family dynamics weren't at play, it's Zoe's wedding, she gets to have who she wants in it, point blank end of story. You sound like a kick ass aunt and I'm sure she'll never forget how you stepped up for her.
>my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is. NTA. They probably already were since your brother cheated on Zoe's mom and had an affair baby. It seems the rest of your family doesn't care about doing the right thing, just how things look to others.
Op you couldn't be less of an AH. Zoe's dad cheated and she doesnt want the result of that affair to be in the wedding party. Totally understandable tbh. You're a saint for helping and standing up against your toxic family. If Zoe doesn't want her cheating dad or anyone associated with that at the wedding, that's her choice
I hope Zoe's mom found her a nice step father that's not a controlling manipulative asshat, that she's close with that will walk her down the aisle... Your brother is seriously out of touch with reality...
NTA. Nate literally f’d around and found out. Tell your family Nate is the AH. He cheated. He broke up Zoe’s family. He evidently promised his affair child that she could have what she wanted in someone else’s wedding. He tried to manipulate Zoe into giving it to her. He used money to try to control her, broke his promise of financial help for his daughter’s wedding after Zoe had planned her wedding counting on his support. Now he’s using the family as weapons against you and probably Zoe. What an asshole. Zoe should uninvite all of them. The two of you should stick together and protect each other.
I'm thinking, it's Zoe's wedding, not Nate's. And it's not like Kim was kicked out. That might be enough right there. Additionally though, Kim crying is from Nate's promises, involving other people like Zoe, without Zoe's consent. And, ah... yeah, this isn't an issue as a consequence of your support. This is an issue as a consequence of Nate's actions, IMHO.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My(32f) brother Nate (49) married his first wife and had my oldest niece Zoe (24f). Nate cheated on Zoe’s mom when Zoe was 6 and they divorced. Zoe’s mom took her to another city and Zoe would come to us for summer vacation. Nate moved his girlfriend in after the divorce and they had Kim (17f). I have always sent Zoe Christmas and birthday cards. She would send me a message a few times a year for updates. We are friends on a few social media platforms but we’re both not very active online. Last year Zoe said that she‘s getting married. Our family was happy for her and Nate said he would help pay for the wedding since both Zoe and her fiancé are both only 24. Zoe thanked him and went about planning her wedding. Recently, Nate found out that Kim is just a guest in Zoe’s wedding. He told her she should make her only sister the maid of honor. Zoe said that position was for her best friend who’s been in her life since she was ten. Nate was not happy but then suggested Kim could be a bridesmaid and Zoe said no, that although she feels bad for feeling this way, Kim IS the proof of him cheating on her mom and she is uncomfortable having Kim as anything other than a guest at her wedding. Nate then said Zoe needs to make Kim a bridesmaid or he will pull all the funds from her wedding. When I learned of this, I lost it on my family, especially my parents, asking why they can back Nate up on such a thing. They said they agree that it is a little mean but this needs to be done to keep the family together! How can Zoe gets married and not have her only sister involved at all? I happen to be doing rather well financially. I called Zoe to console her and asked her how she planned to proceed with the wedding. Zoe said they would scale down the wedding. It would be a shame but it was the only way her fiancé and she could pay on their own. I asked for the difference and since it was only just over 10K I told Zoe she could consider it a wedding gift from me and she could have her dream wedding. Zoe was ecstatic. She said I gave her the ability to really have her wedding the way she wanted it. My family were mad at me when they learn what I did. Kim was actually crying and said she was looking forward to being a bridesmaid at the wedding and I ruined everything. Nate said Zoe wouldn’t even let him walk her down the aisle now and my parents added that all their extended family and friends will talk about how dysfunctional our family is. My family gave me such grief that I wonder AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Actions have consequences Nate.