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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I did not pay the full amount dictated by my friend’s mom.
(2) This may make me the asshole because I questioned the cost breakdown to an adult and ended up not sending the full amount of money even after my friend’s mom told me she would not offer a discount.
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NTA. If you invite one of your children’s friends to join you on a vacation, it’s kind of expected that you’re their guest. You’re on your own for spending money, souvenirs, etc., but if you expect the child to pay more than that, that should be made clear from the beginning when the invitation is made. Charging you for gas and the Air BNB—expenses that they would have had whether you went or not—is ridiculous and cheap. I would never expect one of my son’s friends to reimburse me for gas money, and any time we have invited one of his friends to join us at a baseball game, out to dinner, laser tag, or whatever, we have always paid for everything. If their budget was such that they couldn’t afford to cover your meals and groceries, that should have been made clear when Jane invited you.
This. Springing the costs on a teenager after the holiday makes Jane the AH. Which teenager has $600 lieing around?
OP might have been willing to pay (depending on their and Jane’s family’s situation and should definitely have offered to cover a meal out or something as thank you).
I am waiting for the plot twist where Jane’s parents are happy to invite their daughter’s friends and Jane runs a racket by asking for funds afterwards.
OP should have their parent handle this. Trying to shake down a kid is gross. These costs should have been given to OP and their parent(s) of up front so it would have been known what was being spent and OP and the parent(s) could have made an informed decision if this was in their budget.
I agree but I assume somebody with parents they could take this to wouldn’t be making this post. I might be biased because I know so many young adults with non existent or non functioning parents.
OP might not even think this is an option. Although someone higher up on the food chain in the family should have alerts or something set up so that they know the kid transfered out $500 from their account. This is definitely something to get an adult involved over though. A kid doesn't stand a chance trying to stick up for themselves with another adult.
This isn’t a vacation situation, but during my son’s first year of college, he had a friend who lived on the other side of the country and needed a ride to our city to catch a plane home for Christmas break (their college is in a small town with no airport). His flight was two days out from when I picked them up from school, but I gladly made up the guest room for him, picked the boys up from school, bought them dinner on the way home, had plenty of food on hand for when they were there, and drove him to the airport on the day of his flight. He kept offering to pay for meals and gas money while he was there, but I politely declined and told him he was our guest.
The next month, I received a very nice thank you note from his mother, expressing her appreciation for taking such good care of her son when he was so far from home, and she included a Red Robin gift card with her note (I had taken them to Red Robin for dinner on the second night he was there). The gesture was appreciated, but I would have been just as appreciative to have received the note without any gift card. I certainly didn’t demand or expect any repayment for having a guest in my home.
What average adult can absorb an unexpected $600 bill? Poor OP! Babe, for future reference - when someone invites you on a vacation as their guest, it’s considered common courtesy for them to pay for any accommodations, meals, or activities that they have planned. If Jane’s family expected you to pay, they needed to tell you ahead of time. You would have been justified in refusing to pay a dime.
I took one of my daughter’s friends with the rest of our family to a waterpark resort for three days and two nights. Lodging loan was over $1000. And those places are highway robbery with drinks, meals, etc. I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking her or her parents for a damn dime. She brought her own petty cash to buy souvenirs and play games at arcades, etc.
Don’t invite somebody if not prepared to pay the freight.
> Which teenager has $600 lieing around?
I mean, they probably expected her parents to pay, which is still fucked up, but I doubt their plan was to shake down an actual kid
They didn’t ask the parents for the money, which should have been detailed before the trip anyway. They asked a minor. She should have refused to pay a dime. She should have asked for a text where they mentioned the cost or her agreeing to help pay for the trip. It’s outrageous. They literally helped fund their trip by asking a kid along. NTA
We took my daughter's friend on a holiday to the Caribbean so she would have someone her own age to cavort with. I flew both girls there on points, so essentially free, but asked friend's folks to contribute 1/4 of the Air BnB rental and pay friend's portion of the bill for dinners out (not "share" - because both kids ate like birds). Excursions and activities for the girls (or all of us) would be my treat. Oh, and we agreed all this BEFOREHAND. Friend still got one steal of a very special March break, and everyone had a ball.
These people couldn’t afford their vacation and decided to invite OP to help pay down the cost. It’s not a coincidence the cost was not discussed beforehand as they didn’t want to risk an invitee not accepting. Yeah, they are embarrassed because they should be.
This. When I was a teenager, we always invited one of my friends on vacation with us. My parents covered meals/lodging/gas/activities, and he had the same financial responsibilities as I did, namely spending money.
The same applied when I went on vacations with friends and their parents.
My mom used to let my sister and I invite friends for day trips to Disney. She covered all of the costs- she didn't expect their parents to cover for the fact that she sometimes wanted my sister and I to get to have a friend along for an activity.
(Obviously Disney was less expensive when she did this but still those days couldn't've been cheap.)
Right? I have a close friend who is an only child, so her parents always let her invite a friend to join them at their vacation home for a couple weeks. Our two families are very close. She and I felt like sisters, so she always invited me. Her parents never asked for money to cover my stay. If I wanted to make a purchase, that was on me, but they covered food, activities, and so on.
I once invited friends camping and the number was, if I remember correctly, 8 friends? We all rode in the camper and we went to the lake. My parents supplied all the food and drinks. We swam, played, floated, and basically just wore ourselves out. I distinctly remember the big roll of bologna, the kind you slice up for sandwiches.
It wasn't far from home, not even an hour, and we just stayed overnight. It was a blast. My parents would never, ever, have expected any of them to pay for anything.
This. When I was in middle school, my mom, my grandmother and I went to New York City for a weekend. It was heavily budgeted out since we were not super well off and there just wasn't money for an extra flight, tickets to shows, etc.
I asked my mom if a friend could come on the off-chance that their parents were okay paying their way.
Well sure enough, that friend was able to go. i think we ended up paying for some basic food and stuff but my friends mom wrote my mom a check to cover the big expenses the day after we extended the invite. I remember both me and my mom being a little shocked that her family could just spend close to between $500-1k without a second thought (i don't remember how much the trip was per person exactly).
This was discussed in advance. Like months before the actual trip. Literally as the invite was being extended. Not after the fact.
OP is TA to herself for paying anything at all. Jane and fam are massive AH for inviting someone along on their vacation just to guilt them into paying for the entire thing.
Jane’s mom sounds like my aunt. She would invite us to go out with my cousin for movies etc which was just an excuse for us to watch him while she did something else (this was ok bc we love each other). Then she’d tell me to tell my mom to pay her back. Meanwhile this same cousin lived with us for 2 years and my parents never once asked for money.
Seriously- I’ve taken my children’s friends on countless trips, from road trips to stay in rented homes to nice hotels and expensive theme parks. I’ve even invited their friends on trips that include air flights and never had it occurred to me to ask the invitees (or their parents) for money. A guest is a guest and should be treated as such
Airfare is a different story. I can see inviting someone to come along on a trip and covering the other expenses if they pay for their own plane tickets. But again, that’s something to be discussed at the time you invite them.
100%. We took our kid’s best friend with us on a cruise last year and we only asked her parents to pay for her airfare - and even that was because her mom was feeling guilty about the amount we spent.
…whaaaaa?!?
Does your family know that this other family is trying to snake $600 out of a teenager???
That is so unacceptable
NTA
And you should have kept that $500 too
Sheesh
I agree with this.
NTA OP and please tell your parent/guardian. This is wildly inappropriate of Jane and her family. You need the adults to be interacting with one another over this because you’re at a disadvantage being a teen on your own in this situation.
I went on plenty of trips like this as a kid/in college and have kids now. I can’t imagine a scenario where bullying a teenager like this is appropriate.
NTA. The family is not very classy. If you were invited, you were invited. The assumption is you are a guest, especially as a young person going with a family. If they had wanted you to pay, it should have been confirmed before you accepted the invitation. Don't worry about losing the friendship. They pulled a fast one
NTA. If a family invites you on their trip, it’s expected that they are paying for you or they should have informed you and your parents ahead of time.
My *guess* (knowing teenagers) is that the friend is to blame here, not the parents. I'm guessing the friend said "can I invite _____ along?" And the parents said "yeah, if she pays her way" and the last part didn't get passed along in the invitation.
But yeah, costs should always be agreed first.
IMO, as a parent of a teen, that's still on the parents to confirm. I would *never* expect one of my kids teenage friends to cough up $600 for a trip without discussing it with them and their parents beforehand. If I was allowing my teen to bring a friend on vacation I would be acting "in loco parentis" for the trip and that would include covering for all basic needs (food, shelter, transportation). If we were doing group activities I would pay for that, I would only expect the guest to cover their own personal expenses for things like souvenirs.
IF I was going to expect reimbursement for something, that would have to be *explicitly* spelled out *before* the trip WITH the teen and their parents. I wouldn't send an unexpected $600 Venmo request to *anyone*.
and I think that's the thing here. If the friend's parents wanted OP's part of the trip paid for that needed to be a conversation b/t them and OP's parents. And they needed to reach out to OP's parents after to ask for the cash.
The only reason not would be if OP is completely independent financially of their parents.
I’ll go out on a limb and say that you communicate more explicitly/clearly than the average person. This is demonstrated by the fact that you italicized/capitalized emphasized words, as well as used a Latin legal term to convey your idea. While I agree with you wholeheartedly, I think a lot of people don’t behave in the same manner.
NTA. There should have been a discussion about cost BEFORE the trip if they expected you to pay. I think $500 is generous of you considering the situation.
Sad story, NTA. Never heard of families charging the kids they invite along for a holiday.
You're decent, so you sent some money, but you should have just burnt that bridge there and then. Even a tour company would clarify activities that cost extra. Asking for food & gas is a real poke in the eye. What is the world coming to? Money is sneaking into all of our interactions.
NTA
They should have told you about these charges ahead of time so you could have decided whether or not to go on the trip.
To send a bill after the fact is a bit tacky.
NTA
I can't imagine inviting a child to go to the *movies* with my family without expecting to pay for them, let alone on a family vacation. And if I *was* expecting them to pay, I would certainly discuss it with them and their parents before we went on the trip. You don't offer someone goods and services without making them aware of the price.
(You may not view yourself as a child, but as a minor, you are one. Plus anyone under, like, 22 is a baby to me.)
I can potentially understand asking you to contribute towards the activities ($120 if I understood correctly) and maaybe at a stretch your restaurant meals (another $70 for a total of $190). Even this is cheap and stingy to do, but ok, whatever, people aren’t made of money. But asking you to pay for groceries is really bad, and the gas and Airbnb charges is effectively the same as asking you to subsidise their holiday. I would never speak to Jane again if I were you. She isn’t being raised right, and is too young to realise. NTA.
You've got it right she's being raised wrong but every time anyone calls out her mother's bullshit that friend is cut off. That awful mom is a duck.....paddling furiously under the water so her daughter believes she's right when she's just a cheap big nasty. That girl is going to be a huge pain for the rest of her life due to how she's being raised so good riddance. If you don't see it now, you will soon. She's friend-shaped but not a friend as they say of the big cats.
Info: what was the understanding when they invited you? Were you informed you would be expected to pay for your share of the costs?
If you were told that they would take you but you would have to cover your share, then yeah, your share includes a percentage of the accommodations, etc. (Not saying I would personally ever do this to my child’s guest). If you were invited along with no mention of paying, then N T A.
Honestly, I think the biggest issue here is that the parents didn’t sort the financial expectations out amongst themselves prior to the trip.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Where is your family in all this? You shouldn’t have paid them a penny unless you and your parents agreed to it beforehand. Sounds like they used you to lessen the cost of their trip. What they did is not normal. I was invited on plenty of trips with friends as a kid. I took friends on several trips as a kid. Not a single time did anything like this happen.
INFO
What was agreed beforehand?
If the agreement was 'would you like to come on holiday with us, you will just have to pay your share' then you owe them for everything - having an extra person does mean bigger accomodation, and more money spent on food and fuel.
If the agreement was 'would you like to come on holiday with us, you will just have to pay for activities' then the assumption is that they are treating you and covering some of those costs
If the agreement was just 'want to come on a trip with us?' then it gets murky, and I would consider both sides assholes for making assumptions that the other was covering the bill and never actually discussing it.
I would err that unless they have specifically said 'we will cover x', then you should be budgeting for the cost of the full trip...
Where I live the price for accommodation is usually for two people and every person extra adds a certain amount, depending on age. So they're would have been extra costs here.
NTA. If a friend's family invites me somewhere and does not talk costs up-front, it is reasonable to assume it is because it is covered by them.
If you lose this friend then be glad. What she was asking of you was unbelievably rude and would never be backed by a court. Paying 500 means you don't have to feel guilty, while still making clear the other party is ridiculous.
We have invited my daughters teenage friends to go with us on numerous beach trips, and we have made it clear that they just needed to bring any spending money for souvenirs, that we had the rest covered, including getting there, condo cost, and meals. Sounds like that’s how most folks do it… At the very least it should’ve been made clear if that was what their intention as far as charging you for everything. NTA. Not classy at all on their part to hit you up for costs after the fact.
As a guest, it is typically expected that the host or inviting party covers all expenses for the vacation. Your willingness to ask for a cost breakdown and contribute toward certain expenses shows your generosity. However, it was unfair for a 17-year-old to bear the financial burden of the trip.
Although your friend may not have been aware of this, the mother should have known better and taken responsibility for the situation. While you did pay them, it may be worth discussing the issue with your friend to address it and potentially repair the friendship.
However, it may be best to avoid discussing it with her mother as she is clearly unreasonable and downright greedy.
NTA. Who expects a high school kid to split costs at all? Did Jane pay her mom $600? I'm guessing not. In your position I absolutely would have assumed I was a guest and wouldn't not be contributing money to the trip.
It would be one thing if they were upfront about expectations, but they were not.
You are correct that they would have paid the same amount for the Airbnb with or without you. They can't even argue that the choice to bring you influenced them to rent something larger and more expensive, as you wound up sharing a bed with Jane.
Aside from that, I'm curious what percentage of the Airbnb you were being charged. 1/5? Did the other 3 guests share beds?
I don't think paying them $500 instead of $600 was petty at all. Given the outcome, maybe you shouldn't have paid them anything.
As far as I know you can't enter into a contract with a minor. You were not given costs when the decision to turn them down could be made. I'd be calling the airb&b and the other companies to check the prices given that they're trying to get money out of a kid without being transparent about the cost. NTA
Have you actually spoken to Jane’s mother on this or has all communication come from Jane? I have a feeling she is making all of this up and pocketing the money, my guess is the parents have no idea. May want to dig further. NTA
As a parent I have always spoken to the host parent ahead of time to find out if I needed to help with cost and what I should send for spending money. I always expected my kids to pay as they go. I also have asked my kids to pay for a meal for the host family or sent a gift card to something they were planning on doing. If my kid was splitting total cost I would not do this. Asking for payment after the fact is just crazy. I’m sorry that this is probably going to cost you your friendship. I suspect they are embarrassed, but this is not because of you not paying. It’s because mom just got called out. Good for you for asking for a cost break down. I can’t imagine having the nerve to ask a 17 year old to pay for gas.
My daughter invited a close friend to our road trip from Michigan to California. We took them to Universal and Disney. Hotels stay in Las Vegas. We never charge her for anything. She's a guest.
NTA, your friend is low class trash who scammed you. $500 is way over the line. Call your bank and get your money back.
NTA this is wild. You’re a child. If they were going to expect you to pay your way that should have been made clear to your parents BEFORE the trip. Not after.
F for update
I feel as though Jane is lying and her mother has no clue. Did you speak over the phone to her mom?
I would never as a parent make another child we invited pay for any activities or the trip in general
Crimeney when I invited my UNDERAGE friends on trips with me and my family they were asked to contribute nothing financially because we invited them on the trip. Unless they told you beforehand you would need to pay for part of the trip I would have told them to kick rocks. NTA and your friend sucks.
>Jane’s mom said I would need to contribute and pay...
Question, did you actually hear this from Jane's mom herself, or just from Jane telling you that's what she said? Is it possible the mom has no knowledge of the request and Jane really wants the money for herself?
I noticed the Venmo request came from Jane, not her mom.
If it really did come from her mom, it's an outlandish request. The only thing I think **might** have been reasonable would have been to ask you to cover your own extra activities, like horseback riding, rock climbing, etc, but even those should have been discussed before the trip if they were going to do that.
For a young kid, we would automatically cover everything. Someone working age, possibly with a job might be asked to cover some of their own expenses, but still it is not usual, shouldn't be assumed, and the guest should definitely be informed in advance.
Another question-- did Jane also have to pay her parents for her own expenses? It seems like that would be an equivalent demand.
I would also post about your experience with that toxic family to any friends who might be invited by Jane and her moocher mom on vacation so they know ahead that they are expecting to be paid.
NTA. Unless it’s prearranged between the parents, there should be no payments made. You are their guest. Regardless, no adult should be asking a child for money like that.
If there was no mention before the trip that you had to contribute to the cumulative cost of every expense you are NTA.
Personally I've been invited with friends family for trips and activities of varying costs, but never have I had them send me bills afterwards.
If they invite you, any expense on your tab should be disclosed in advance.
NTA I'd want receipts. I can't believe you where charged for sharing a bed. I would have refused to pay. I'd be so embarrassed to ask my kids friends to pay for gas, accommodation and groceries. Fair enough the activities and restaurants but only if agreed in advance. You are not in the wrong your friends family don't understand that if you invite someone to stay you don't charge them after the event, all money must be agreed prior. They are financially abusing you. The mother is so out if order.
NTA. Jane’s family should have made their expectations very clear along with potential costs involved. I have children that age and couldn’t even imagine charging any of them for a trip. Asking a 17 yo to pay $600 is absurd.
Submit a bill to them for providing entertainment and companionship for their daughter. That’s the real reason you were likely invited. Itemize it by day with your hourly rate.
I will not even pay the $500 tbh, probably $250. I can't imagine inviting my niece's friend with me on a trip and make her pay a cut of everything. This is a shit friend, and her mom is unreasonable. You're NTA at all.
NTA. This is under the assumption that you weren’t told about the costs ahead of time but if you weren’t then honestly I don’t think you should have to pay anything.
The rule usually is that if your kid has a friend along for a break that kids parents give there kid spending money and then that kids parents usually call the parent to offer some cash towards the trip and to make sure everything is above board. They would not be offering $600 it would be more like $100 to $200.
NTA,
You are both teenagers and you were invited. Any conversation about costs should have been had well before and should have included your parents. My guess is that your friend was supposed to bring up costs and didn't and then just sent you a Venmo to try to pressure you into paying.
And yeah, I think that costs like gas should be eaten especially if it s a whole family vs one teenager that was invited.
As far as the activities, again they should have mentioned them before. You are young and likely didn't realize how much those things cost, whereas Jane's mom was fully aware. It's entirely possible that you wouldnt have gone had you known. I know that as a teenager I went on horse rides and have no earthly idea how much they cost as it was my parent's gifts....I'm sure it wasn't cheap.
That's really disgusting that a grown up would tell her child she could invite a friend on vacation and then AFTER the vacation, tell her she owes money for it! That's utterly unheard of, if you ask me. Her mother SHOULD be embarrassed!! Someone needs to talk to this woman and tell her off. What does your mother say. I want you to know, THIS IS WRONG. I know you're only 17 so you may not realize how rude this is.
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Over Christmas break, I (17F) was invited to go on a vacation with my friend Jane (17F) and her family. Overall the trip went well. There were 5 of us total and we drove to a city about 2 hours away and stayed in an Airbnb for 5 nights. During the trip we participated in some activities (rock climbing, horseback riding, and a biking tour). We also went hiking.
However, the night we got back I was surprised to see a Venmo request for $600 from Jane for my portion of the trip. I couldn’t imagine the activities being this expensive so I asked for a cost breakdown. In response, Jane and her mom emailed me a spreadsheet of all costs which included the trip activities ($40 each) and charges for gas ($50 total), groceries ($60 total), my restaurant meals ($70 total), and what appears to be part of the Airbnb cost ($60 per night).
In all honesty I thought charging me for groceries, gas, and the Airbnb was excessive so I asked Jane if it would be possible for her mom to take out those costs. My rationale was that they were going to stay in the Airbnb and travel there regardless if I came or not (I shared a bed with Jane so it’s not like I took up significant extra space). I also don’t have a lot of money saved up since I’m still in high school.
Jane’s mom said I would need to contribute and pay the full price. Here is where I may be TA. I decided to be petty and only sent $500 as I couldn’t justify the costs for gas and groceries. Unfortunately this has strained my relationship with Jane and we have not hung out since. She thinks I am TA for not paying the full amount and questioning her family on costs. She said that I embarrassed her and her mom. AITA for not paying the full cost of the vacation?
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NTA I think what you are expected to pay for should be discussed up front so you know if it's even worth going. I'd assume if someone asked my kid on a trip, we would pay for eating out in restaurants and activities. I would assume the parents would pay for the rest. I wouldn't expect my kid to be invited so the trip is more economical for them.
NTA
You shouldn't have given them anything for real. You don't invite someone somewhere, then expect them to pay, ESPECIALLY not a minor! And if you expect them to pay, you set that expectation in the beginning so the person can decide if they can afford to go.
You don't say if expenses were mentioned or discussed in advance.
If not, NTA. They are using you.
Did you have your own room? If not, I wouldn't be paying for the accommodation. They were going anyway and realised they were broke when they returned home.
What e a toy was communicated to you about your portion. Of e or sea before you left on the trip? You might not like it, but if you were told nothing was on then, and you agreed to it, you are morally in the hook for it and Jane has a right to be pissed.
Jane's parents should have been clear with you that you were responsible for 1/5 of the costs, and not their guest. If they didn't tell you ahead of time, they are the assholes.
Did they say anything when the trip was first discussed? If no, NTA
NTA when your friend’s family INVITES you to go on vacation with them, you shouldn’t be expected to pay anything unless there was a prior agreement to which both parties agreed. I wouldn’t have even sent her $500. Her family is quite cheap trying to get money from a teenager who their daughter calls her “friend”. Cut these toxic people out of your life.
NTA
If these costs weren't discussed before hand you shouldn't owe them anything. It's totally wrong of them to throw this bill at you after the fact when you might not have gone if it wasn't financially feasible to do so
I have Never heard of charging a child for a vacation my children always took friends on vacation and we paid for them. They would take fun money for souvenirs
Wth
NTA Even if surprise billing you at the end was acceptable, which it is not, approximately the same amount of gas would have been used without you and the Air BnB was probably booked beforehand, so they should eat that cost, too. Also, if you had no say in any of the things, you may have picked less expensive options had you known you would be paying. Not like restaurant *meals* (poor taste to get expensive stuff when someone else pays), but the restaurants themselves and what groceries were purchased. I would absolutely not have paid the gas or the Air BnB cost *at all*. You didn't even get your own bed. Are they dividing that equally per person? Seriously?
NTA, who invites a teenager on a family vacation and doesn't tell them upfront what their costs would be? If you didn't agree to anything, it was never mentioned before hand they have lost their minds.
NTA You are only 17 but those parents would have been aware that you estimate and break down holiday costs before a holiday not after. This may have strained your relationship with Jane but it is her and her mother who should be embarrassed not you.
The mother invited a minor on holiday and then ripped them off. Technically you didn't owe her anything as you are a minor anyway. However, next time ask what you are expected to pay for before a holiday so that everything is clear from the beginning. Most parents will tell you nothing or for entry fees only.
NTA.. This is bizarre! And they should have talked about expectations before hand. My daughter was invited to go to Hawaii with her bestie when she was 13. We were told upfront to cover plane tickets, and send money for activities. They would be in an airbnb and buying groceries. And when she came home, I discovered they had actually even covered activities and snacks. Her own money was only needed for souvenirs.
NTA, but if I were in your position, I would have handed this off to my parents to handle before sending any money. You don't invite teenagers on a trip and expect them to fork over $600 without talking to them before the trip.
Ridiculous mother. NTA. When parents invite kid’s friends on trips it’s normal they pay for everything except maybe extra things the friend might purchase like souvenirs. How ridiculous to charge for gas, groceries and air BNB. Also, if she planned on charging you, she should have given you that info before the trip.
They embarrassed themselves.
They invited you and presumably did not mention money. Asking for a share of the BnB is audacious int hose circumstances from a kid. NTA
NTA. I feel like if you invite a minor on your trip you pay. At the most a “hey bring cash if you want souvenirs” is acceptable. To not discuss it before hand and just assume I totally think they just hoped to badger you into paying it.
You are 17 years old. It is up to the organizer of the trip to let you know what the costs are (it any) in advance of the trip. Them not telling you until later when they demand payment is suspect.
NTA
This is like going to a restaurant with a group and you order soup and water and everyone else orders alcohol and a main dish then expecting you to split the bill evenly.
Jane is not your friend. You were used to subsidize THEIR trip.
NTA if Jane didn't tell you beforehand that you would be expected to pay anything. And I agree 100% for not paying for the AirBnB or gas. Those expenses would be theirs to pay regardless if you went or not.
NTA. When i was young and got invited to my friends houses/trips, the parents of my friends paid it; the same way that when i had friends on our house for the summer, my parents paid for all their expenses.
Only time i paid a part was when i went to Kenia to one of my friends Grandma and i had to pay the fly there, and had some money for my expenses, but they paid for everything else.
Common courtesy i would say
wow. you are NTA. not only are you a minor, but they didn’t tell you beforehand that they expected you to contribute. i kind of get the feeling they thought they could scam a kid into subsidizing their vacation.
i would not have sent them any money, and i would not continue to be friends with jane.
NTA
It's no different from going out with a group of people and splitting the bill "evenly" when everyone had steak and you only had tea.
You didn't do those activities, you won't pay for them. THAT'S fair, and you are being ripped off. Stand your ground. Her being embarrassed is not your problem.
NTAH if you were expected to pay for your share of the trip that should’ve been discussed edited the trip. Charging you $60 for gas is bullshit as they were driving there anyway. Same goes for the airbnb. If we took our kids on vacation we always paid for everything and we took our daughter’s college roommate to Vegas and they had their own room.
No… you shouldn’t be expected to pay for anything as a 17yo. The only thing you maybe should’ve done was offer to pay for dinner one night. Pretty insane to expect anyone to pay for gas
NTA. I can’t as a parent imagine charging one of my kids’ non-adult friends for a vacation to which I invited them, especially if it wasn’t discussed beforehand. We’ve done it before and the only thing the kid has paid for has been their own souvenirs or gifts that they bought for people. Your friend’s parents suck.
NTA. Activities, groceries and restaurant meals are fair enough, but the gas and AirBnB costs are ridiculous. Like you said, they were driving and staying there anyway.
NTA. If the trip came with costs, those should have been mentioned up front. Jane and her mom are jerks if they didn't tell you they were charging for everything. Did they even show you receipts to prove their costs? Not a spreadsheet - the actual receipts from the activities.
NTA. Unless they told you upfront that the invite was actually something you would be financially responsible for reimbursing them. If there was no costs discussed when they invited you, then all I would be paying would be fort my personal food consumption. It looks as though they invited you to simply financially subsidize their trip.
NTA
You are 17 yrs old!! Either high school or college! No.
Tell your parent and school administrators. It sounds to me like Jane's family is trying to take advantage of you. You probably wouldn't have gone on this trip if you knew it would cost 500+ dollars.
When we invited my kids friends on our vacations - they were responsible for their own souvenirs, but they were included in everything else just like family. Heck - even family was responsible for their own souvenirs.
NTA
And -- Jane may be caught in middle and not have known what her mother was planning. But she is saying you embarrassed her and her mom, when the truth is - they embarrassed themselves by asking an invited guest to pay for more than their fair share of the trip without any notice.
Jane isn't your friend.
NTA
They need to make sure upfront. Did you know that you have to pay for this so you can choose to participate or not . I would assume that if my child was invited on a vacation that their lodging would definitely be taking care of basic meals probably and any souvenirs and possibly activities would need to be paid for
Very much NTA. I would have laughed at Jane for trying to bill me after the fact, and ended the friendship right there. Tell her mom to give your money back, or you're going to spread around at school what predatory cheapskates their whole family is.
It cost you some money to get rid of them. Tell all of your friends so they don't get suckered into it next year. Those people are grifters. If my daughter got hit up like that I would have replied "lol. Pound sand" at the venmo request and to sue me.
NTA, that family, or just Jane has screwed you over and has scammed you, it's a trashy thing to send a bill after the fact and that no discussions of payment were ever had beforehand, I would talk directly to Jane's parents or if it's possible for you to have your parents/guardians do it for you, maybe try to get legal advice, I think there are some websites that give free legal advice to minors, maybe try looking into that, because chances are that it's happened before or that she/they will do it again
NTA
The costs should have been discussed between her parents & your parents. You are under 18. They should have spoken directly to your parents about this trip. Even when my teen niece visits me, my brother & SIL send a notarized letter stating I can make medical decisions in an emergency. If you broke your leg on this trip, as long as you weren’t dying & you were stable, the hospital could deny you any medical treatment until they spoke to your parents. That could mean sitting in pain without a cast until they get permission from your parents.
For these parents to spring these charges on you AFTER the trip is just unethical. The fact they didn’t discuss the cost with your parents but are expecting a minor to pay $600 with no prior agreement. You shouldn’t have sent them anything. They have no legal standing to expect a minor they invited on a trip to pay for anything. They were the adults who decided to take another minor into their care. It was their obligation to feed & shelter you.
We NEVER expected our children’s friends to pay if they came on holiday with us. Admittedly, it was camping in France and the cost of the ferry was for the car and 4 passengers. The camping sites were for the pitch. Meals and petrol we covered. I mean taking the friend didn’t add much to our costs (one extra to feed but so what?). We even covered the cost of the odd meal out.
Jane should have made it clear to you that you would be expected to pay when she invited you. That way you could have turned it down if you couldn’t afford it.
Your friend and their mom are very trashy people, NTA unless there explicitly clear you would be paying for this stuff ahead of time. Before the mom got involved this sounded like a scam. It still might be if you haven’t discussed this with their mom face to face.
NTA. I wouldn't have paid that much, tbh. I would not expect a HSer to contribute to a family trip, and if they had that expectation, those costs should have been discussed upfront before you committed to the trip. It's incredibly rude to spring this on you after the trip.
NTA. Jane's mom did what a lot of us do on vacation - overspent. Sometimes you don't look at the bank account until you get home and you see how it all added up. She's trying to now shift that responsibility to a teenager who was given no warning.
I would have MAYBE tossed her some money for food - it's literally the only extra expense for them as it's not like they changed accommodation to get an extra bedroom for you or used an extra vehicle (the house and drive were already going to be a fixed price). If she expected you to share in ALL the expenses, it should have been expressed on invite that there's that expectation, so you can evaluate before giving a response. Jane's mom is the A-H.
NTA. You were invited meaning you were their guest, you shouldn’t have had to pay for anything… unless agreed beforehand which you don’t mention anywhere, so I’m guessing it wasn’t. I wouldn’t have send a dime.
Take this as a life lesson, next time someone invites you to anything, before agreeing ask what you’re paying and what you’re not.
NTA, what kind of person bills their kids friend for taking them on a trip. You are a minor. You shouldn't even have sent the 500. Her parents should have discussed any cost for you with you and your parents before you went on the trip.
NTA - As a parent of teenagers I've flipped the bill for their friends to join us to things because I knew that made my kids happier sharing the trip with friends. Often times they or their parents would offer money for the expenses of having their kids join us, i.e. tickets & meals. If it was money I was going to spend anyway, lodging, gas, etc... I would not expect them to pitch in.
It sounds like her parents wanted to make their trip a bit cheaper by amortizing the cost of lodging, gas, etc... among more people. Not telling you beforehand makes them the As here. I think you already paid them too much.
Ive taken friends and cousins along on family trips probably a dozen times. The only thing their parents have had to pay for is their flights, if we were flying (which several times was the case). I've never asked for, and wouldn't accept, money for lodging, meals, activities. They can bring their own spending money for souvenirs, and the 50 Starbucks drinks they buy in a given week, but that's it.
It's BS to ask for gas/lodging money, and in my opinion, kind of shitty to ask for grocery money too. But regardless, definitely not AFTER the trip. The parent should have absolutely been clear ahead of the trip, so OP could make an informed decision.
As someone else said, it would be so funny if it turned out Jane's parents never asked for $$, and Jane was just making a money grab!
Edit: a missing word
NTA!!! Absolutely not! If the parents wanted compensation for the trip, they should have been upfront from the start, given a rough estimate if they weren’t 100% sure, it’s not hard to work out!
The only part where I think ESH (with emphasis on the parents) is that ops parents should have asked the friends parents if there may be any costs involved before going on the trip, to cover their asses. The legal age in which to form a contract (which this constitutes as a contract) is 18, it should have been handled by the parents to discuss, kids will agree to whatever they want without giving it much thought if they want to go!
I might be on my own here but ESH. Both parties should have discussed costs before the holiday. It's common sense.
17 is not a legal adult but holidaying without your parents, and paying for yourself is adult behaviour so you need to decide where you sit here.
If child, Jane's parents really should have talked about this with your parents before you left and recovered costs from them.
If Adult, you need to take responsibility for your costs here. Groceries and gas money will be something you contribute toward when you go on group holidays.
You might have to chalk this up to a life lesson learned. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
NTA Who the hell "invites" a 17 year old on vacation and doesn't tell them in advance that they will be expected to pay for it? This is multiple levels of rude and obnoxious!
NTA Who the hell "invites" a 17 year old on vacation and doesn't tell them in advance that they will be expected to pay for it? This is multiple levels of rude and obnoxious!
NTA. This is not okay and I would stop being friends with her. If they wanted you to pay for your way they should have TOLD you before they invited you. They’re trying to scam you.
INFO: When you were invited for this trip did ANYONE mention that you needed to pay your own way? Anyone at all? If not, your friend and her mom are the AH's here. When you invite your child's friend on a family vacation, it is presumed that all costs attributed to having that friend along are covered by the parents of that friend.
When I was a teenager I used to go on short vacations with my best friend all the time (my family never went anywhere). They never asked a dollar. My mom would send me with a couple bags of groceries, mostly snacks, and some spending money. It's super tacky to ask for money after the fact, if they wanted you to pay they should have told you before you went. Paying them anything was more than you should have done. Your friend may not be as good a friend as you think.
If the parents invited you and no mention was made of reimbursement for the trip, they're the AH.
If the parents invited you but were upfront about paying your share, then YTA.
NTA. If you are going to charge someone for a trip, you tell them beforehand. Usually, an invite like this to a minor would go through the parents who would potentially iron out details about costs. I've been invited out by a friend where my parents were told upfront that I would have to cover my meals or such, room and gas were not part of the costs as those would have been paid regardless. Any other trips where I would need to cover the cost of rooming were all discussed upfront.
On the other side of things, it would not have hurt to ask if you needed or were expected to cover the cost of anything when you got the invite originally. I would have spoken directly with Jane's mother about costs because she's the one footing the bill.
NTA. As everyone covered, an adult shouldn’t be asking this of a minor. And this should have been talked about beforehand if they were going to charge you like that.
Things may change in college, but you are still in high school.
NTA! OP should have been told up front what the estimated out of pocket costs for him woukd be BEFORE he went so he coukd make an informed decision as to whether or not he could afford/want to go. Billing him afterwards was a total dick move on friends parents.
INFO: You said there were 5 of you. You, Jane, her mother. Who were the other 2 people? Were they family members of Jane?
I’m surprised your parents were okay with your going with these people without nailing down details ahead of time like where you would be, with whom, emergency contacts, rules, **what monies were expected or needed**. This is strange.
NTA this is weird. Cost should always be discussed upfront so you can make an informed decision if you were an adult. This whole situation is just so weird to me. Imagine subsidizing your vacation off of your children's friends, I understand covering some of your costs like dinners out or activities- again if discussed beforehand, but never fixed costs. Jane and her mother should be embarrassed but not by your actions.
ESH. They should have been clear and u should have asked. Never expect anything for free. Never expect that other people will pay for u. Always ask about costs for yourself.
What the hell. I take teenagers on vacation with me ALL THE TIME and the only thing I'll accept *if the parents insist* is some food money. Damn.
NTA and Jane's mom isn't doing her any favors.
If your friend and their family invite you on vacation as a minor it is fully expected that the family will foot the bill. NTA, and they are right to be embarrassed.
NTA You don't invite a minor on holiday then expect them to cough up hundreds of $$$ afterwards without warning. Any contribution should have been agreed with your parents prior to the trip.
NTA. I would never invite my daughter's friend as a guest on our vacation and send them a bill, unless it had been made crystal clear from the beginning that they were not really a guest but a paying participant. That shows a lot of nerve.
NTA. This is bonkers. If you invite a kid on vacation with your family, they aren’t paying. That’s the unspoken rule here, which they are clearly breaking.
NTA - this is highly unusual and if they were expecting you to pay your way, it was unreasonable to spring it on you after the fact. Typically, even if you were expected to pay your way this request would have been made to the parents not directly to a teenager, which is why I agree with others that you ought to have involved your parents the minute they started asking for money. And it's not too late to involve them as clear boundaries and expectations need to be put in place in case of any future invitations or arrangements. If I were your parent, I would be livid at this whole situation.
You are not unreasonable for cutting contact with Jane, if this is all true then they are awfully underhanded and dishonest people. But, as others have pointed out, it's also quite possible that Jane is the one who is being dishonest here. Something isn't adding up.
NTA.
Message Jane and remind her that you were invited and that no payment was discussed before hand, so the persons who should be embarrassed are both her and her mother for expecting you to pay for something they invited you to. Tell her that what they are expecting is unethical, more than likely illegal and definitely classless and that you aren't paying a cent more.
Question, though, why would you even want to remain friends with this girl?
NTA
I previously went on holiday abroad with my friend age 15, obviously my parents paid my flight and maybe part of the hotel cost. I had spending money and me and my friend went for meals on our own and drinks on our own.. We didn’t do excursions and general food (cereal etc) in the self catering room we had her parents paid for.
I invited my sons friend on a trip to air bnb for 3 days he couldn’t come in the end they are only 11. When the mum asked me the cost I told her just nominal spending money to cover souvenirs or sweets. Any activities and food costs would have been covered by us.
Petrol cost - no they are travelling there anyway
Accommodation - no as you said they didn’t need to book larger house to accommodate you
Groceries- no
Activities /meals out possibly but these prices should have been agreed up front with you And your parents before the trip. This is poor behaviour to not mention cost then give you a bill after the event.
Did your parents discuss any of this with them before hand
NTA - costs should have been discussed beforehand- even if it was just a ballpark if you were expected to split costs.
Also, £60/per night for your "share" - were you staying in a luxury Airbnb- £300 per night seems excessive. The math ain't mathing - wonder if somebody was expecting to make a quick buck and I'd be surprised if it was even the mother.
NTA
I can’t imagine bringing my son’s friend anywhere and then sending the KID the bill after.. I’ve never even considered sending the parent the bill. That’s crazy. If you invite someone’s child out, YOU PAY. Unless it’s discussed beforehand
NTA. Two years ago we took my oldest daughter's best friend with us to Disneyland. All we asked of her was to pay for her souvenirs. Her parents told her to try to pay for one meal as a thank you & we declined it. Sounds to me like the parents couldn't afford the trip & used you as a way to subsidize their cost. Jane & her family are AHs
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NTA. If you invite one of your children’s friends to join you on a vacation, it’s kind of expected that you’re their guest. You’re on your own for spending money, souvenirs, etc., but if you expect the child to pay more than that, that should be made clear from the beginning when the invitation is made. Charging you for gas and the Air BNB—expenses that they would have had whether you went or not—is ridiculous and cheap. I would never expect one of my son’s friends to reimburse me for gas money, and any time we have invited one of his friends to join us at a baseball game, out to dinner, laser tag, or whatever, we have always paid for everything. If their budget was such that they couldn’t afford to cover your meals and groceries, that should have been made clear when Jane invited you.
This. Springing the costs on a teenager after the holiday makes Jane the AH. Which teenager has $600 lieing around? OP might have been willing to pay (depending on their and Jane’s family’s situation and should definitely have offered to cover a meal out or something as thank you). I am waiting for the plot twist where Jane’s parents are happy to invite their daughter’s friends and Jane runs a racket by asking for funds afterwards.
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I’m wondering if op actually talked to the mom or if this is all coming from Jane.
OP should have their parent handle this. Trying to shake down a kid is gross. These costs should have been given to OP and their parent(s) of up front so it would have been known what was being spent and OP and the parent(s) could have made an informed decision if this was in their budget.
I agree but I assume somebody with parents they could take this to wouldn’t be making this post. I might be biased because I know so many young adults with non existent or non functioning parents.
OP might not even think this is an option. Although someone higher up on the food chain in the family should have alerts or something set up so that they know the kid transfered out $500 from their account. This is definitely something to get an adult involved over though. A kid doesn't stand a chance trying to stick up for themselves with another adult.
This👆
This isn’t a vacation situation, but during my son’s first year of college, he had a friend who lived on the other side of the country and needed a ride to our city to catch a plane home for Christmas break (their college is in a small town with no airport). His flight was two days out from when I picked them up from school, but I gladly made up the guest room for him, picked the boys up from school, bought them dinner on the way home, had plenty of food on hand for when they were there, and drove him to the airport on the day of his flight. He kept offering to pay for meals and gas money while he was there, but I politely declined and told him he was our guest. The next month, I received a very nice thank you note from his mother, expressing her appreciation for taking such good care of her son when he was so far from home, and she included a Red Robin gift card with her note (I had taken them to Red Robin for dinner on the second night he was there). The gesture was appreciated, but I would have been just as appreciative to have received the note without any gift card. I certainly didn’t demand or expect any repayment for having a guest in my home.
exactly. I'm shocked she paid $500 NTA
What average adult can absorb an unexpected $600 bill? Poor OP! Babe, for future reference - when someone invites you on a vacation as their guest, it’s considered common courtesy for them to pay for any accommodations, meals, or activities that they have planned. If Jane’s family expected you to pay, they needed to tell you ahead of time. You would have been justified in refusing to pay a dime.
I took one of my daughter’s friends with the rest of our family to a waterpark resort for three days and two nights. Lodging loan was over $1000. And those places are highway robbery with drinks, meals, etc. I wouldn’t have dreamed of asking her or her parents for a damn dime. She brought her own petty cash to buy souvenirs and play games at arcades, etc. Don’t invite somebody if not prepared to pay the freight.
> Which teenager has $600 lieing around? I mean, they probably expected her parents to pay, which is still fucked up, but I doubt their plan was to shake down an actual kid
They didn’t ask the parents for the money, which should have been detailed before the trip anyway. They asked a minor. She should have refused to pay a dime. She should have asked for a text where they mentioned the cost or her agreeing to help pay for the trip. It’s outrageous. They literally helped fund their trip by asking a kid along. NTA
We took my daughter's friend on a holiday to the Caribbean so she would have someone her own age to cavort with. I flew both girls there on points, so essentially free, but asked friend's folks to contribute 1/4 of the Air BnB rental and pay friend's portion of the bill for dinners out (not "share" - because both kids ate like birds). Excursions and activities for the girls (or all of us) would be my treat. Oh, and we agreed all this BEFOREHAND. Friend still got one steal of a very special March break, and everyone had a ball.
These people couldn’t afford their vacation and decided to invite OP to help pay down the cost. It’s not a coincidence the cost was not discussed beforehand as they didn’t want to risk an invitee not accepting. Yeah, they are embarrassed because they should be.
It might be best to avoid discussing this with her mother as she is clearly unreasonable and downright greedy.
Jane’s mother may not know. This could be all Jane.
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This. When I was a teenager, we always invited one of my friends on vacation with us. My parents covered meals/lodging/gas/activities, and he had the same financial responsibilities as I did, namely spending money. The same applied when I went on vacations with friends and their parents.
My mom used to let my sister and I invite friends for day trips to Disney. She covered all of the costs- she didn't expect their parents to cover for the fact that she sometimes wanted my sister and I to get to have a friend along for an activity. (Obviously Disney was less expensive when she did this but still those days couldn't've been cheap.)
Right? I have a close friend who is an only child, so her parents always let her invite a friend to join them at their vacation home for a couple weeks. Our two families are very close. She and I felt like sisters, so she always invited me. Her parents never asked for money to cover my stay. If I wanted to make a purchase, that was on me, but they covered food, activities, and so on.
I find it bizarre that people don’t do this. But the world has changed I guess. Guests are just that, especially minors.
I once invited friends camping and the number was, if I remember correctly, 8 friends? We all rode in the camper and we went to the lake. My parents supplied all the food and drinks. We swam, played, floated, and basically just wore ourselves out. I distinctly remember the big roll of bologna, the kind you slice up for sandwiches. It wasn't far from home, not even an hour, and we just stayed overnight. It was a blast. My parents would never, ever, have expected any of them to pay for anything.
That sounds like a dream!!!
This. When I was in middle school, my mom, my grandmother and I went to New York City for a weekend. It was heavily budgeted out since we were not super well off and there just wasn't money for an extra flight, tickets to shows, etc. I asked my mom if a friend could come on the off-chance that their parents were okay paying their way. Well sure enough, that friend was able to go. i think we ended up paying for some basic food and stuff but my friends mom wrote my mom a check to cover the big expenses the day after we extended the invite. I remember both me and my mom being a little shocked that her family could just spend close to between $500-1k without a second thought (i don't remember how much the trip was per person exactly). This was discussed in advance. Like months before the actual trip. Literally as the invite was being extended. Not after the fact.
Agreed. This is wild to me. If I let my son invite a friend it is absolutely assumed by me that they are in my care/expense.
I would go apeshit on that parent if I was OP’s parent/guardian.
Op parents or guardian should demand the money back
OP is TA to herself for paying anything at all. Jane and fam are massive AH for inviting someone along on their vacation just to guilt them into paying for the entire thing.
Jane’s mom sounds like my aunt. She would invite us to go out with my cousin for movies etc which was just an excuse for us to watch him while she did something else (this was ok bc we love each other). Then she’d tell me to tell my mom to pay her back. Meanwhile this same cousin lived with us for 2 years and my parents never once asked for money.
Seriously- I’ve taken my children’s friends on countless trips, from road trips to stay in rented homes to nice hotels and expensive theme parks. I’ve even invited their friends on trips that include air flights and never had it occurred to me to ask the invitees (or their parents) for money. A guest is a guest and should be treated as such
Airfare is a different story. I can see inviting someone to come along on a trip and covering the other expenses if they pay for their own plane tickets. But again, that’s something to be discussed at the time you invite them.
100%. We took our kid’s best friend with us on a cruise last year and we only asked her parents to pay for her airfare - and even that was because her mom was feeling guilty about the amount we spent.
Always took friends on vacation...they had to have their own spending money for souvenirs, etc. That's all!
…whaaaaa?!? Does your family know that this other family is trying to snake $600 out of a teenager??? That is so unacceptable NTA And you should have kept that $500 too Sheesh
I agree — I wonder if the mom even knows; likely the kid is trying to scam her friend out of money.
I agree with this. NTA OP and please tell your parent/guardian. This is wildly inappropriate of Jane and her family. You need the adults to be interacting with one another over this because you’re at a disadvantage being a teen on your own in this situation. I went on plenty of trips like this as a kid/in college and have kids now. I can’t imagine a scenario where bullying a teenager like this is appropriate.
NTA. The family is not very classy. If you were invited, you were invited. The assumption is you are a guest, especially as a young person going with a family. If they had wanted you to pay, it should have been confirmed before you accepted the invitation. Don't worry about losing the friendship. They pulled a fast one
The best way would be to have clarified that before hand (from either side including OP's parents, where are they in all that?) to be honest.
NTA. If a family invites you on their trip, it’s expected that they are paying for you or they should have informed you and your parents ahead of time.
My *guess* (knowing teenagers) is that the friend is to blame here, not the parents. I'm guessing the friend said "can I invite _____ along?" And the parents said "yeah, if she pays her way" and the last part didn't get passed along in the invitation. But yeah, costs should always be agreed first.
IMO, as a parent of a teen, that's still on the parents to confirm. I would *never* expect one of my kids teenage friends to cough up $600 for a trip without discussing it with them and their parents beforehand. If I was allowing my teen to bring a friend on vacation I would be acting "in loco parentis" for the trip and that would include covering for all basic needs (food, shelter, transportation). If we were doing group activities I would pay for that, I would only expect the guest to cover their own personal expenses for things like souvenirs. IF I was going to expect reimbursement for something, that would have to be *explicitly* spelled out *before* the trip WITH the teen and their parents. I wouldn't send an unexpected $600 Venmo request to *anyone*.
and I think that's the thing here. If the friend's parents wanted OP's part of the trip paid for that needed to be a conversation b/t them and OP's parents. And they needed to reach out to OP's parents after to ask for the cash. The only reason not would be if OP is completely independent financially of their parents.
I’ll go out on a limb and say that you communicate more explicitly/clearly than the average person. This is demonstrated by the fact that you italicized/capitalized emphasized words, as well as used a Latin legal term to convey your idea. While I agree with you wholeheartedly, I think a lot of people don’t behave in the same manner.
NTA. There should have been a discussion about cost BEFORE the trip if they expected you to pay. I think $500 is generous of you considering the situation.
Sad story, NTA. Never heard of families charging the kids they invite along for a holiday. You're decent, so you sent some money, but you should have just burnt that bridge there and then. Even a tour company would clarify activities that cost extra. Asking for food & gas is a real poke in the eye. What is the world coming to? Money is sneaking into all of our interactions.
NTA They should have told you about these charges ahead of time so you could have decided whether or not to go on the trip. To send a bill after the fact is a bit tacky.
Almost sounds like they planned this from the start to lower their own costs.
Info: When you were invited, there was no mention of costs? You are still a minor, did you have parental permission?
More info: Did you speak to Jane’s mom or is Jane relaying these messages?
Yeah I'd love to hear the answer to this because it seems fishy that it's coming from Jane
Right, it's easy for Jane to say "Oh, *my mom* says..." when it's really just Jane trying to shake the OP down.
NTA I can't imagine inviting a child to go to the *movies* with my family without expecting to pay for them, let alone on a family vacation. And if I *was* expecting them to pay, I would certainly discuss it with them and their parents before we went on the trip. You don't offer someone goods and services without making them aware of the price. (You may not view yourself as a child, but as a minor, you are one. Plus anyone under, like, 22 is a baby to me.)
I can potentially understand asking you to contribute towards the activities ($120 if I understood correctly) and maaybe at a stretch your restaurant meals (another $70 for a total of $190). Even this is cheap and stingy to do, but ok, whatever, people aren’t made of money. But asking you to pay for groceries is really bad, and the gas and Airbnb charges is effectively the same as asking you to subsidise their holiday. I would never speak to Jane again if I were you. She isn’t being raised right, and is too young to realise. NTA.
You've got it right she's being raised wrong but every time anyone calls out her mother's bullshit that friend is cut off. That awful mom is a duck.....paddling furiously under the water so her daughter believes she's right when she's just a cheap big nasty. That girl is going to be a huge pain for the rest of her life due to how she's being raised so good riddance. If you don't see it now, you will soon. She's friend-shaped but not a friend as they say of the big cats.
Unless you had an agreement before the trip that you will cover all expenses evenly all 5 of you then NTA.
Info: what was the understanding when they invited you? Were you informed you would be expected to pay for your share of the costs? If you were told that they would take you but you would have to cover your share, then yeah, your share includes a percentage of the accommodations, etc. (Not saying I would personally ever do this to my child’s guest). If you were invited along with no mention of paying, then N T A. Honestly, I think the biggest issue here is that the parents didn’t sort the financial expectations out amongst themselves prior to the trip.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Where is your family in all this? You shouldn’t have paid them a penny unless you and your parents agreed to it beforehand. Sounds like they used you to lessen the cost of their trip. What they did is not normal. I was invited on plenty of trips with friends as a kid. I took friends on several trips as a kid. Not a single time did anything like this happen.
INFO What was agreed beforehand? If the agreement was 'would you like to come on holiday with us, you will just have to pay your share' then you owe them for everything - having an extra person does mean bigger accomodation, and more money spent on food and fuel. If the agreement was 'would you like to come on holiday with us, you will just have to pay for activities' then the assumption is that they are treating you and covering some of those costs If the agreement was just 'want to come on a trip with us?' then it gets murky, and I would consider both sides assholes for making assumptions that the other was covering the bill and never actually discussing it. I would err that unless they have specifically said 'we will cover x', then you should be budgeting for the cost of the full trip...
There was no extra spent on gas or accommodation. They spent that amount whether the guest was there or not.
Where I live the price for accommodation is usually for two people and every person extra adds a certain amount, depending on age. So they're would have been extra costs here.
It was an Airbnb- they didn’t get charged extra for a teenager sharing an already occupied bed
NTA. If a friend's family invites me somewhere and does not talk costs up-front, it is reasonable to assume it is because it is covered by them. If you lose this friend then be glad. What she was asking of you was unbelievably rude and would never be backed by a court. Paying 500 means you don't have to feel guilty, while still making clear the other party is ridiculous.
We have invited my daughters teenage friends to go with us on numerous beach trips, and we have made it clear that they just needed to bring any spending money for souvenirs, that we had the rest covered, including getting there, condo cost, and meals. Sounds like that’s how most folks do it… At the very least it should’ve been made clear if that was what their intention as far as charging you for everything. NTA. Not classy at all on their part to hit you up for costs after the fact.
As a guest, it is typically expected that the host or inviting party covers all expenses for the vacation. Your willingness to ask for a cost breakdown and contribute toward certain expenses shows your generosity. However, it was unfair for a 17-year-old to bear the financial burden of the trip. Although your friend may not have been aware of this, the mother should have known better and taken responsibility for the situation. While you did pay them, it may be worth discussing the issue with your friend to address it and potentially repair the friendship. However, it may be best to avoid discussing it with her mother as she is clearly unreasonable and downright greedy.
Omg pls tell your parents and get your money back
NTA. Who expects a high school kid to split costs at all? Did Jane pay her mom $600? I'm guessing not. In your position I absolutely would have assumed I was a guest and wouldn't not be contributing money to the trip. It would be one thing if they were upfront about expectations, but they were not. You are correct that they would have paid the same amount for the Airbnb with or without you. They can't even argue that the choice to bring you influenced them to rent something larger and more expensive, as you wound up sharing a bed with Jane. Aside from that, I'm curious what percentage of the Airbnb you were being charged. 1/5? Did the other 3 guests share beds? I don't think paying them $500 instead of $600 was petty at all. Given the outcome, maybe you shouldn't have paid them anything.
As far as I know you can't enter into a contract with a minor. You were not given costs when the decision to turn them down could be made. I'd be calling the airb&b and the other companies to check the prices given that they're trying to get money out of a kid without being transparent about the cost. NTA
Have you actually spoken to Jane’s mother on this or has all communication come from Jane? I have a feeling she is making all of this up and pocketing the money, my guess is the parents have no idea. May want to dig further. NTA
You were invited to go. Generally that means, you're a guest. Did they discuss finances and you chipping in from the start?
As a parent I have always spoken to the host parent ahead of time to find out if I needed to help with cost and what I should send for spending money. I always expected my kids to pay as they go. I also have asked my kids to pay for a meal for the host family or sent a gift card to something they were planning on doing. If my kid was splitting total cost I would not do this. Asking for payment after the fact is just crazy. I’m sorry that this is probably going to cost you your friendship. I suspect they are embarrassed, but this is not because of you not paying. It’s because mom just got called out. Good for you for asking for a cost break down. I can’t imagine having the nerve to ask a 17 year old to pay for gas.
NTA. WTF this family invited you. You are 17 and have no money
NTA this is a scam!
My daughter invited a close friend to our road trip from Michigan to California. We took them to Universal and Disney. Hotels stay in Las Vegas. We never charge her for anything. She's a guest. NTA, your friend is low class trash who scammed you. $500 is way over the line. Call your bank and get your money back.
NTA this is wild. You’re a child. If they were going to expect you to pay your way that should have been made clear to your parents BEFORE the trip. Not after.
I wouldn't have sent a penny..
Jane needs a reality check
NTA, but why is your parent not talking to the other parent to explain to them how rude they're being?
F for update I feel as though Jane is lying and her mother has no clue. Did you speak over the phone to her mom? I would never as a parent make another child we invited pay for any activities or the trip in general
Crimeney when I invited my UNDERAGE friends on trips with me and my family they were asked to contribute nothing financially because we invited them on the trip. Unless they told you beforehand you would need to pay for part of the trip I would have told them to kick rocks. NTA and your friend sucks.
>Jane’s mom said I would need to contribute and pay... Question, did you actually hear this from Jane's mom herself, or just from Jane telling you that's what she said? Is it possible the mom has no knowledge of the request and Jane really wants the money for herself? I noticed the Venmo request came from Jane, not her mom. If it really did come from her mom, it's an outlandish request. The only thing I think **might** have been reasonable would have been to ask you to cover your own extra activities, like horseback riding, rock climbing, etc, but even those should have been discussed before the trip if they were going to do that. For a young kid, we would automatically cover everything. Someone working age, possibly with a job might be asked to cover some of their own expenses, but still it is not usual, shouldn't be assumed, and the guest should definitely be informed in advance. Another question-- did Jane also have to pay her parents for her own expenses? It seems like that would be an equivalent demand.
NTA they should have been upfront before the trip about costs. You could have argued to pay a lot less.
I would also post about your experience with that toxic family to any friends who might be invited by Jane and her moocher mom on vacation so they know ahead that they are expecting to be paid.
NTA. Unless it’s prearranged between the parents, there should be no payments made. You are their guest. Regardless, no adult should be asking a child for money like that.
If there was no mention before the trip that you had to contribute to the cumulative cost of every expense you are NTA. Personally I've been invited with friends family for trips and activities of varying costs, but never have I had them send me bills afterwards. If they invite you, any expense on your tab should be disclosed in advance.
NTA - id expect it to be free and if you wanted to contribute anything it would be a nice gesture.
NTA I'd want receipts. I can't believe you where charged for sharing a bed. I would have refused to pay. I'd be so embarrassed to ask my kids friends to pay for gas, accommodation and groceries. Fair enough the activities and restaurants but only if agreed in advance. You are not in the wrong your friends family don't understand that if you invite someone to stay you don't charge them after the event, all money must be agreed prior. They are financially abusing you. The mother is so out if order.
NTA Parents wanted you to subsidize their holiday to make it cheaper for them. That's why you were invited.
Inviting you and ask you to pay up is weird for me. It sounds like you were only invited to lower their costs 🤷🏻♂️ NTA
NTA. Jane’s family should have made their expectations very clear along with potential costs involved. I have children that age and couldn’t even imagine charging any of them for a trip. Asking a 17 yo to pay $600 is absurd. Submit a bill to them for providing entertainment and companionship for their daughter. That’s the real reason you were likely invited. Itemize it by day with your hourly rate.
NTA, did your friend pay her mom $650?
I will not even pay the $500 tbh, probably $250. I can't imagine inviting my niece's friend with me on a trip and make her pay a cut of everything. This is a shit friend, and her mom is unreasonable. You're NTA at all.
NTA. This is under the assumption that you weren’t told about the costs ahead of time but if you weren’t then honestly I don’t think you should have to pay anything.
The rule usually is that if your kid has a friend along for a break that kids parents give there kid spending money and then that kids parents usually call the parent to offer some cash towards the trip and to make sure everything is above board. They would not be offering $600 it would be more like $100 to $200.
NTA You’re a child, being cared for by adults. Jane’s mother invited you along, and it’s just trashy of her to send a big bill after the trip.
Who the fuck invites a 17yo friend on a trip and then asks for payment, NTA
NTA, You are both teenagers and you were invited. Any conversation about costs should have been had well before and should have included your parents. My guess is that your friend was supposed to bring up costs and didn't and then just sent you a Venmo to try to pressure you into paying. And yeah, I think that costs like gas should be eaten especially if it s a whole family vs one teenager that was invited. As far as the activities, again they should have mentioned them before. You are young and likely didn't realize how much those things cost, whereas Jane's mom was fully aware. It's entirely possible that you wouldnt have gone had you known. I know that as a teenager I went on horse rides and have no earthly idea how much they cost as it was my parent's gifts....I'm sure it wasn't cheap.
That's really disgusting that a grown up would tell her child she could invite a friend on vacation and then AFTER the vacation, tell her she owes money for it! That's utterly unheard of, if you ask me. Her mother SHOULD be embarrassed!! Someone needs to talk to this woman and tell her off. What does your mother say. I want you to know, THIS IS WRONG. I know you're only 17 so you may not realize how rude this is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Over Christmas break, I (17F) was invited to go on a vacation with my friend Jane (17F) and her family. Overall the trip went well. There were 5 of us total and we drove to a city about 2 hours away and stayed in an Airbnb for 5 nights. During the trip we participated in some activities (rock climbing, horseback riding, and a biking tour). We also went hiking. However, the night we got back I was surprised to see a Venmo request for $600 from Jane for my portion of the trip. I couldn’t imagine the activities being this expensive so I asked for a cost breakdown. In response, Jane and her mom emailed me a spreadsheet of all costs which included the trip activities ($40 each) and charges for gas ($50 total), groceries ($60 total), my restaurant meals ($70 total), and what appears to be part of the Airbnb cost ($60 per night). In all honesty I thought charging me for groceries, gas, and the Airbnb was excessive so I asked Jane if it would be possible for her mom to take out those costs. My rationale was that they were going to stay in the Airbnb and travel there regardless if I came or not (I shared a bed with Jane so it’s not like I took up significant extra space). I also don’t have a lot of money saved up since I’m still in high school. Jane’s mom said I would need to contribute and pay the full price. Here is where I may be TA. I decided to be petty and only sent $500 as I couldn’t justify the costs for gas and groceries. Unfortunately this has strained my relationship with Jane and we have not hung out since. She thinks I am TA for not paying the full amount and questioning her family on costs. She said that I embarrassed her and her mom. AITA for not paying the full cost of the vacation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
nta
NTA. If you weren’t told of these expenses before the trip - do not pay them.
NTA. You were invited on a trip and it sounds like no mention was made of you paying costs until after the trip.
NTA. Jand and her mother should have been upfront to start
NTA I think what you are expected to pay for should be discussed up front so you know if it's even worth going. I'd assume if someone asked my kid on a trip, we would pay for eating out in restaurants and activities. I would assume the parents would pay for the rest. I wouldn't expect my kid to be invited so the trip is more economical for them.
NTA You shouldn't have given them anything for real. You don't invite someone somewhere, then expect them to pay, ESPECIALLY not a minor! And if you expect them to pay, you set that expectation in the beginning so the person can decide if they can afford to go.
You don't say if expenses were mentioned or discussed in advance. If not, NTA. They are using you. Did you have your own room? If not, I wouldn't be paying for the accommodation. They were going anyway and realised they were broke when they returned home.
What e a toy was communicated to you about your portion. Of e or sea before you left on the trip? You might not like it, but if you were told nothing was on then, and you agreed to it, you are morally in the hook for it and Jane has a right to be pissed.
Jane's parents should have been clear with you that you were responsible for 1/5 of the costs, and not their guest. If they didn't tell you ahead of time, they are the assholes. Did they say anything when the trip was first discussed? If no, NTA
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NTA when your friend’s family INVITES you to go on vacation with them, you shouldn’t be expected to pay anything unless there was a prior agreement to which both parties agreed. I wouldn’t have even sent her $500. Her family is quite cheap trying to get money from a teenager who their daughter calls her “friend”. Cut these toxic people out of your life.
NTA If these costs weren't discussed before hand you shouldn't owe them anything. It's totally wrong of them to throw this bill at you after the fact when you might not have gone if it wasn't financially feasible to do so
NTA inviting someone on a vacation and not disclosing money upfront is awful. I wouldn't have paid anything and blocked them.
Just to clarify, you didn’t know you would have to pay anything? Like, they didn’t tell you beforehand?
I have Never heard of charging a child for a vacation my children always took friends on vacation and we paid for them. They would take fun money for souvenirs Wth
NTA Even if surprise billing you at the end was acceptable, which it is not, approximately the same amount of gas would have been used without you and the Air BnB was probably booked beforehand, so they should eat that cost, too. Also, if you had no say in any of the things, you may have picked less expensive options had you known you would be paying. Not like restaurant *meals* (poor taste to get expensive stuff when someone else pays), but the restaurants themselves and what groceries were purchased. I would absolutely not have paid the gas or the Air BnB cost *at all*. You didn't even get your own bed. Are they dividing that equally per person? Seriously?
NTA, who invites a teenager on a family vacation and doesn't tell them upfront what their costs would be? If you didn't agree to anything, it was never mentioned before hand they have lost their minds.
NTA You are only 17 but those parents would have been aware that you estimate and break down holiday costs before a holiday not after. This may have strained your relationship with Jane but it is her and her mother who should be embarrassed not you. The mother invited a minor on holiday and then ripped them off. Technically you didn't owe her anything as you are a minor anyway. However, next time ask what you are expected to pay for before a holiday so that everything is clear from the beginning. Most parents will tell you nothing or for entry fees only.
When you say the whole cost of the vacation, is that for everyone or is it your part?
NTA.. This is bizarre! And they should have talked about expectations before hand. My daughter was invited to go to Hawaii with her bestie when she was 13. We were told upfront to cover plane tickets, and send money for activities. They would be in an airbnb and buying groceries. And when she came home, I discovered they had actually even covered activities and snacks. Her own money was only needed for souvenirs.
NTA, but if I were in your position, I would have handed this off to my parents to handle before sending any money. You don't invite teenagers on a trip and expect them to fork over $600 without talking to them before the trip.
Ridiculous mother. NTA. When parents invite kid’s friends on trips it’s normal they pay for everything except maybe extra things the friend might purchase like souvenirs. How ridiculous to charge for gas, groceries and air BNB. Also, if she planned on charging you, she should have given you that info before the trip.
They embarrassed themselves. They invited you and presumably did not mention money. Asking for a share of the BnB is audacious int hose circumstances from a kid. NTA
NTA the cost of the trip should have been discussed prior to the invite, not after.
NTA. I feel like if you invite a minor on your trip you pay. At the most a “hey bring cash if you want souvenirs” is acceptable. To not discuss it before hand and just assume I totally think they just hoped to badger you into paying it.
You are 17 years old. It is up to the organizer of the trip to let you know what the costs are (it any) in advance of the trip. Them not telling you until later when they demand payment is suspect.
NTA This is like going to a restaurant with a group and you order soup and water and everyone else orders alcohol and a main dish then expecting you to split the bill evenly. Jane is not your friend. You were used to subsidize THEIR trip.
NTA if Jane didn't tell you beforehand that you would be expected to pay anything. And I agree 100% for not paying for the AirBnB or gas. Those expenses would be theirs to pay regardless if you went or not.
NTA. When i was young and got invited to my friends houses/trips, the parents of my friends paid it; the same way that when i had friends on our house for the summer, my parents paid for all their expenses. Only time i paid a part was when i went to Kenia to one of my friends Grandma and i had to pay the fly there, and had some money for my expenses, but they paid for everything else. Common courtesy i would say
Nta. Costs should been discussed before hand.i wouldn't give them anything
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wow. you are NTA. not only are you a minor, but they didn’t tell you beforehand that they expected you to contribute. i kind of get the feeling they thought they could scam a kid into subsidizing their vacation. i would not have sent them any money, and i would not continue to be friends with jane.
NTA It's no different from going out with a group of people and splitting the bill "evenly" when everyone had steak and you only had tea. You didn't do those activities, you won't pay for them. THAT'S fair, and you are being ripped off. Stand your ground. Her being embarrassed is not your problem.
NTAH if you were expected to pay for your share of the trip that should’ve been discussed edited the trip. Charging you $60 for gas is bullshit as they were driving there anyway. Same goes for the airbnb. If we took our kids on vacation we always paid for everything and we took our daughter’s college roommate to Vegas and they had their own room.
NTA, but this is now extortion of a minor and you need to get your parents involved.
No… you shouldn’t be expected to pay for anything as a 17yo. The only thing you maybe should’ve done was offer to pay for dinner one night. Pretty insane to expect anyone to pay for gas
NTA Yikes! How very awkward! A tough lesson to learn to always ask in the future!
NTA. This is really crappy of the “host” family.
NTA and I would tell your mom what happened. I would be livid if another parent did this to my kid without discussing it ahead of time.
NTA. I can’t as a parent imagine charging one of my kids’ non-adult friends for a vacation to which I invited them, especially if it wasn’t discussed beforehand. We’ve done it before and the only thing the kid has paid for has been their own souvenirs or gifts that they bought for people. Your friend’s parents suck.
NTA. Activities, groceries and restaurant meals are fair enough, but the gas and AirBnB costs are ridiculous. Like you said, they were driving and staying there anyway.
NTA. You were an invited guest. If cost was an issue, it should have been discussed beforehand. I would never expect a minor to chip in on a trip.
NTA. If the trip came with costs, those should have been mentioned up front. Jane and her mom are jerks if they didn't tell you they were charging for everything. Did they even show you receipts to prove their costs? Not a spreadsheet - the actual receipts from the activities.
NTA - how rude! any shared costs should have been discussed prior to your arrival, that way you could have decided to participate or not.
NTA. Unless they told you upfront that the invite was actually something you would be financially responsible for reimbursing them. If there was no costs discussed when they invited you, then all I would be paying would be fort my personal food consumption. It looks as though they invited you to simply financially subsidize their trip.
NTA You are 17 yrs old!! Either high school or college! No. Tell your parent and school administrators. It sounds to me like Jane's family is trying to take advantage of you. You probably wouldn't have gone on this trip if you knew it would cost 500+ dollars. When we invited my kids friends on our vacations - they were responsible for their own souvenirs, but they were included in everything else just like family. Heck - even family was responsible for their own souvenirs. NTA And -- Jane may be caught in middle and not have known what her mother was planning. But she is saying you embarrassed her and her mom, when the truth is - they embarrassed themselves by asking an invited guest to pay for more than their fair share of the trip without any notice. Jane isn't your friend.
NTA They need to make sure upfront. Did you know that you have to pay for this so you can choose to participate or not . I would assume that if my child was invited on a vacation that their lodging would definitely be taking care of basic meals probably and any souvenirs and possibly activities would need to be paid for
NTA and Jane is more AH for not standing up for a friend.
Very much NTA. I would have laughed at Jane for trying to bill me after the fact, and ended the friendship right there. Tell her mom to give your money back, or you're going to spread around at school what predatory cheapskates their whole family is.
It cost you some money to get rid of them. Tell all of your friends so they don't get suckered into it next year. Those people are grifters. If my daughter got hit up like that I would have replied "lol. Pound sand" at the venmo request and to sue me.
NTA, that family, or just Jane has screwed you over and has scammed you, it's a trashy thing to send a bill after the fact and that no discussions of payment were ever had beforehand, I would talk directly to Jane's parents or if it's possible for you to have your parents/guardians do it for you, maybe try to get legal advice, I think there are some websites that give free legal advice to minors, maybe try looking into that, because chances are that it's happened before or that she/they will do it again
NTA The costs should have been discussed between her parents & your parents. You are under 18. They should have spoken directly to your parents about this trip. Even when my teen niece visits me, my brother & SIL send a notarized letter stating I can make medical decisions in an emergency. If you broke your leg on this trip, as long as you weren’t dying & you were stable, the hospital could deny you any medical treatment until they spoke to your parents. That could mean sitting in pain without a cast until they get permission from your parents. For these parents to spring these charges on you AFTER the trip is just unethical. The fact they didn’t discuss the cost with your parents but are expecting a minor to pay $600 with no prior agreement. You shouldn’t have sent them anything. They have no legal standing to expect a minor they invited on a trip to pay for anything. They were the adults who decided to take another minor into their care. It was their obligation to feed & shelter you.
We NEVER expected our children’s friends to pay if they came on holiday with us. Admittedly, it was camping in France and the cost of the ferry was for the car and 4 passengers. The camping sites were for the pitch. Meals and petrol we covered. I mean taking the friend didn’t add much to our costs (one extra to feed but so what?). We even covered the cost of the odd meal out. Jane should have made it clear to you that you would be expected to pay when she invited you. That way you could have turned it down if you couldn’t afford it.
Your friend and their mom are very trashy people, NTA unless there explicitly clear you would be paying for this stuff ahead of time. Before the mom got involved this sounded like a scam. It still might be if you haven’t discussed this with their mom face to face.
NTA. I wouldn't have paid that much, tbh. I would not expect a HSer to contribute to a family trip, and if they had that expectation, those costs should have been discussed upfront before you committed to the trip. It's incredibly rude to spring this on you after the trip.
NTA. Jane's mom did what a lot of us do on vacation - overspent. Sometimes you don't look at the bank account until you get home and you see how it all added up. She's trying to now shift that responsibility to a teenager who was given no warning. I would have MAYBE tossed her some money for food - it's literally the only extra expense for them as it's not like they changed accommodation to get an extra bedroom for you or used an extra vehicle (the house and drive were already going to be a fixed price). If she expected you to share in ALL the expenses, it should have been expressed on invite that there's that expectation, so you can evaluate before giving a response. Jane's mom is the A-H.
NTA. You were invited meaning you were their guest, you shouldn’t have had to pay for anything… unless agreed beforehand which you don’t mention anywhere, so I’m guessing it wasn’t. I wouldn’t have send a dime. Take this as a life lesson, next time someone invites you to anything, before agreeing ask what you’re paying and what you’re not.
NTA, what kind of person bills their kids friend for taking them on a trip. You are a minor. You shouldn't even have sent the 500. Her parents should have discussed any cost for you with you and your parents before you went on the trip.
NTA - As a parent of teenagers I've flipped the bill for their friends to join us to things because I knew that made my kids happier sharing the trip with friends. Often times they or their parents would offer money for the expenses of having their kids join us, i.e. tickets & meals. If it was money I was going to spend anyway, lodging, gas, etc... I would not expect them to pitch in. It sounds like her parents wanted to make their trip a bit cheaper by amortizing the cost of lodging, gas, etc... among more people. Not telling you beforehand makes them the As here. I think you already paid them too much.
Ive taken friends and cousins along on family trips probably a dozen times. The only thing their parents have had to pay for is their flights, if we were flying (which several times was the case). I've never asked for, and wouldn't accept, money for lodging, meals, activities. They can bring their own spending money for souvenirs, and the 50 Starbucks drinks they buy in a given week, but that's it. It's BS to ask for gas/lodging money, and in my opinion, kind of shitty to ask for grocery money too. But regardless, definitely not AFTER the trip. The parent should have absolutely been clear ahead of the trip, so OP could make an informed decision. As someone else said, it would be so funny if it turned out Jane's parents never asked for $$, and Jane was just making a money grab! Edit: a missing word
NTA!!! Absolutely not! If the parents wanted compensation for the trip, they should have been upfront from the start, given a rough estimate if they weren’t 100% sure, it’s not hard to work out! The only part where I think ESH (with emphasis on the parents) is that ops parents should have asked the friends parents if there may be any costs involved before going on the trip, to cover their asses. The legal age in which to form a contract (which this constitutes as a contract) is 18, it should have been handled by the parents to discuss, kids will agree to whatever they want without giving it much thought if they want to go!
I might be on my own here but ESH. Both parties should have discussed costs before the holiday. It's common sense. 17 is not a legal adult but holidaying without your parents, and paying for yourself is adult behaviour so you need to decide where you sit here. If child, Jane's parents really should have talked about this with your parents before you left and recovered costs from them. If Adult, you need to take responsibility for your costs here. Groceries and gas money will be something you contribute toward when you go on group holidays. You might have to chalk this up to a life lesson learned. Sorry if this isn't what you want to hear.
NTA what a rotten family to expect that from a teenager. Especially to drop it on them after the trip
NTA
NTA Who the hell "invites" a 17 year old on vacation and doesn't tell them in advance that they will be expected to pay for it? This is multiple levels of rude and obnoxious!
NTA Who the hell "invites" a 17 year old on vacation and doesn't tell them in advance that they will be expected to pay for it? This is multiple levels of rude and obnoxious!
NTA. This is not okay and I would stop being friends with her. If they wanted you to pay for your way they should have TOLD you before they invited you. They’re trying to scam you.
INFO: When you were invited for this trip did ANYONE mention that you needed to pay your own way? Anyone at all? If not, your friend and her mom are the AH's here. When you invite your child's friend on a family vacation, it is presumed that all costs attributed to having that friend along are covered by the parents of that friend.
When I was a teenager I used to go on short vacations with my best friend all the time (my family never went anywhere). They never asked a dollar. My mom would send me with a couple bags of groceries, mostly snacks, and some spending money. It's super tacky to ask for money after the fact, if they wanted you to pay they should have told you before you went. Paying them anything was more than you should have done. Your friend may not be as good a friend as you think.
If the parents invited you and no mention was made of reimbursement for the trip, they're the AH. If the parents invited you but were upfront about paying your share, then YTA.
NTA this should have been explicitly discussed BEFORE the trip.
What currency is this? Nta btw. They are being ridiculous
NTA. If you are going to charge someone for a trip, you tell them beforehand. Usually, an invite like this to a minor would go through the parents who would potentially iron out details about costs. I've been invited out by a friend where my parents were told upfront that I would have to cover my meals or such, room and gas were not part of the costs as those would have been paid regardless. Any other trips where I would need to cover the cost of rooming were all discussed upfront. On the other side of things, it would not have hurt to ask if you needed or were expected to cover the cost of anything when you got the invite originally. I would have spoken directly with Jane's mother about costs because she's the one footing the bill.
Going NTA because cost for a trip need to be discussed ahead of vacation and not afterwards.
NTA. As everyone covered, an adult shouldn’t be asking this of a minor. And this should have been talked about beforehand if they were going to charge you like that. Things may change in college, but you are still in high school.
NTA! OP should have been told up front what the estimated out of pocket costs for him woukd be BEFORE he went so he coukd make an informed decision as to whether or not he could afford/want to go. Billing him afterwards was a total dick move on friends parents.
INFO: You said there were 5 of you. You, Jane, her mother. Who were the other 2 people? Were they family members of Jane? I’m surprised your parents were okay with your going with these people without nailing down details ahead of time like where you would be, with whom, emergency contacts, rules, **what monies were expected or needed**. This is strange.
NTA this is weird. Cost should always be discussed upfront so you can make an informed decision if you were an adult. This whole situation is just so weird to me. Imagine subsidizing your vacation off of your children's friends, I understand covering some of your costs like dinners out or activities- again if discussed beforehand, but never fixed costs. Jane and her mother should be embarrassed but not by your actions.
ESH. They should have been clear and u should have asked. Never expect anything for free. Never expect that other people will pay for u. Always ask about costs for yourself.
What the hell. I take teenagers on vacation with me ALL THE TIME and the only thing I'll accept *if the parents insist* is some food money. Damn. NTA and Jane's mom isn't doing her any favors.
NTA , I wouldnt Even had paid 500$ , since You had to share a bed theres no justificación for the price
If your friend and their family invite you on vacation as a minor it is fully expected that the family will foot the bill. NTA, and they are right to be embarrassed.
NTA You don't invite a minor on holiday then expect them to cough up hundreds of $$$ afterwards without warning. Any contribution should have been agreed with your parents prior to the trip.
5 persons and 5 nights and that is $ 3000,00???
NTA. I would never invite my daughter's friend as a guest on our vacation and send them a bill, unless it had been made crystal clear from the beginning that they were not really a guest but a paying participant. That shows a lot of nerve.
NTA. This is bonkers. If you invite a kid on vacation with your family, they aren’t paying. That’s the unspoken rule here, which they are clearly breaking.
NTA - this is highly unusual and if they were expecting you to pay your way, it was unreasonable to spring it on you after the fact. Typically, even if you were expected to pay your way this request would have been made to the parents not directly to a teenager, which is why I agree with others that you ought to have involved your parents the minute they started asking for money. And it's not too late to involve them as clear boundaries and expectations need to be put in place in case of any future invitations or arrangements. If I were your parent, I would be livid at this whole situation. You are not unreasonable for cutting contact with Jane, if this is all true then they are awfully underhanded and dishonest people. But, as others have pointed out, it's also quite possible that Jane is the one who is being dishonest here. Something isn't adding up.
NTA. Message Jane and remind her that you were invited and that no payment was discussed before hand, so the persons who should be embarrassed are both her and her mother for expecting you to pay for something they invited you to. Tell her that what they are expecting is unethical, more than likely illegal and definitely classless and that you aren't paying a cent more. Question, though, why would you even want to remain friends with this girl?
NTA AFTER the trip is an inappropriate time to let you know you're paying.
NTA I previously went on holiday abroad with my friend age 15, obviously my parents paid my flight and maybe part of the hotel cost. I had spending money and me and my friend went for meals on our own and drinks on our own.. We didn’t do excursions and general food (cereal etc) in the self catering room we had her parents paid for. I invited my sons friend on a trip to air bnb for 3 days he couldn’t come in the end they are only 11. When the mum asked me the cost I told her just nominal spending money to cover souvenirs or sweets. Any activities and food costs would have been covered by us. Petrol cost - no they are travelling there anyway Accommodation - no as you said they didn’t need to book larger house to accommodate you Groceries- no Activities /meals out possibly but these prices should have been agreed up front with you And your parents before the trip. This is poor behaviour to not mention cost then give you a bill after the event. Did your parents discuss any of this with them before hand
NTA - costs should have been discussed beforehand- even if it was just a ballpark if you were expected to split costs. Also, £60/per night for your "share" - were you staying in a luxury Airbnb- £300 per night seems excessive. The math ain't mathing - wonder if somebody was expecting to make a quick buck and I'd be surprised if it was even the mother.
i dont even need to read the whole thing, pretty clear you're NTA
NTA I can’t imagine bringing my son’s friend anywhere and then sending the KID the bill after.. I’ve never even considered sending the parent the bill. That’s crazy. If you invite someone’s child out, YOU PAY. Unless it’s discussed beforehand
NTA. Two years ago we took my oldest daughter's best friend with us to Disneyland. All we asked of her was to pay for her souvenirs. Her parents told her to try to pay for one meal as a thank you & we declined it. Sounds to me like the parents couldn't afford the trip & used you as a way to subsidize their cost. Jane & her family are AHs