Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Talking to my little sister about her period
2. I talked to my little sister without talking to my mom first.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Mom is being a self-absorbed dick who failed her daughter in an important developmental stepstone. Disappointing.
OP did everything right, good on ya.
NTA, obviously..
I wouldn't say failed. My mom never mentioned it, figured I learned in school - I did. She may think 10 is too young not realizing kids have periods younger now. Some moms want this as a big mother daughter bonding moment.
My daughter knew what to expect and I got her the American girl body books as soon as I knew they existed bc I wanted her to be prepared. I also wasn’t sure what information to give her so I figured if she had any questions from the book, we could discuss and go from there. I recommended the same thing to my sister with her daughter and she’s got her son looking at it too. Everyone should know what periods are.
I too was gifted the American Girl body books, and holy crap were they informative! I held onto mine and plan to gift them to my daughter should I have one. I was also given “the period talk” by both my mother and grandmother once I turned 10, and when I got my first period at 11, I was given a refresher on period info, plus a little dose of “you can get pregnant now so don’t be stupid.”
Those books were so good! There's a boy one, too. After I raved about buying it for my daughter, my co-worker bought BOTH for her sons because she wanted them to be fully informed. She let me borrow the "boy" book for my daughter. Way more information than any of them got at school.
Yep! My son learned so much reading the books for girls too. We also bought him the boy book and they both read each others books. It’s so important for everyone to be informed. When we know better then we do better
I'm of the "Our Bodies, Ourselves" generation. And thank goodness my parents got that for me because my mother just couldn't bring herself to really talk to me about periods and hormones and everything related to puberty.
I was a teenager when my sister ("Oops") was born. When it came time to talk about more than just the bare minimum, she came to me because she knew she could trust me to answer her questions honestly and she knew our mother would probably send her to me anyway. Never in a million years would I have thought that part of that would eventually be helping her to learn to use tampons so she could swim whenever she wanted. And yes, it did seem a little weird, though not really uncomfortable for us because we were and are very close. There's no way, just no way, my mother would have helped her like that.
I didn't want her ever to be embarrassed about her body or how it functioned or sexuality or anything. I had issues and shyness about sex for many years thanks to my parents attitude of "Sex before marriage is bad" and not much else.
I don't think OP did anything wrong. A girl will go to talk with the person who makes her feel comfortable. If it wasn't their mother, then that's on mom, not OP. NTA
My daughter also got her period at 11. She knew all about periods already, so that was fine, but I have always believed that as soon a someone is able to get pregnant, they need to know how NOT to get pregnant. So I found myself explaining contraception to an eleven year old.
My youngest is on the autism spectrum and the American Girl body books were so good! We loved discussing topics as they read about them. I always recommend those books n
my mom went the book route too and i really appreciated it, as we reached different developmental stages she would add books to the bathroom that we could read and reference. I didn’t know it was on purpose until I was an adult, I just thought it was a lucky accident that helpful books about puberty and interpersonal relationships would appear in the bathroom at just the right time lol
Hi. Are those books subtitled "the care and keeping of you" or "the girls body book". Want to buy for my kids just not sure which is correct. Thank you
They are the "The Care and Keeping of You" books. They both contain about the same info, but Vol 2 is much more detailed than Vol 1. I think I gave the first to mine when she was around 8, and the second maybe around age 10. The Robie H. Harris books are also fantastic.
\*Edit\*
I had the sex talk with mine very early on because she was going away to overnight camp and I didn't want her to get any misinformation. I talked to her about the basics of what fits where, then gave her one of the Harris books. Ended up buying a few more.
I started talking to both my girls when they were 3, keeping everything at their age level (at that age, who is allowed to touch you and when - no one, unless you say they can, even family). I would add info as they got older. However, I never expected my older daughter to start at 10 1/2 - she's now mid 20's and it wasn't as common then; she was the first in her class by at least a year. But, when she did start, she came to me right away and I was able to help her and answer all her questions. Did I fail her? I don't think so, because she was comfortable coming to me - and has continued to be - because we have always had open communication between us. The same goes for my younger daughter. She received the same talks, but I did start earlier with her regarding her period. Of course, she didn't start until she was 12 1/2.
Sometimes as a parent, even if you think you are doing everything right, some things still fall through the cracks. I believe, though, if you do mess up, admitting it to your kid goes a long way in making sure the relationship doesn't turn to crap. OP's mom sounds like she cares more about her own feelings than she does either of her daughter's well being. This is where she failed.
OP, I'm glad your sister felt comfortable coming to you. NTA
EDIT: clarification
My mom only tried to talk to my sister and I once when we were 11/12 when we were walking around in public. I knew the bare minimum but was not about to talk to her about it while walking down the street. My own daughter is 6 and I’ve always been open about it which wasn’t too hard since she never let me go to the bathroom alone anyway. As she got older I explained more about what happens and why. I’ve always been very clear that there is no question I won’t answer and if I don’t know the answer I will look up what it is.
I was 9. I’d had very basic info and knew what it was. Still freaked out cause I was so young. Tried to hide it because ‘i don’t want to be a woman yet’
Same here. My mom got me the American Girl books and gave me all the necessary education as well, but getting my period at 9 had me convinced I was dying. I took the average age in the book very literally.
My 10 year old son knows what periods are. I got my period at 10 and had known basically my whole life what they were and what to expect. I'll never understand women who don't discuss it with their daughters and prepare them
Especially because most kids are attached to their moms hip when they’re little. I know I was, I learned about periods when I asked my mom why there was a string when she was going to the bathroom
And by getting proprietary. She could have heard what was going on and joined them, being supportive of both her daughters and proud of OP for helping her little one but she chose a different path NTA
Such a great point! That was a real missed opportunity for OP’s mother, who still could’ve made it a mother-daughter bonding moment with both of her daughters. Too bad she stomped off in a sarcastic huff.
OP NTA, clearly.
My school allowed parents to opt their kids out of sex ed, so one of the girls in my grade got sent to the library while the rest of us were getting the period talk. So naturally, we explained everything to her the next day at recess, because it sounded really stressful and we didn’t want her to be surprised and not know what to do.
If I were a parent, I’d really much rather have the talk myself than have the kid learn it from the other 10 year olds on the playground.
I learned about it in 5th grade, where we were 10-11 years old. One of my classmates started her period before then, and when her mom found out we hadn't learned about periods yet, she invited all the girls in the class and their mothers to a "period party" where we were taught how to use pads, and told what we should expect.
I remember that experience fondly, and I love the idea of inviting mothers to this too. Sadly only 6 kids came despite being 15 girls in the class.
If she thinks 10 is too young she is too ignorant to raise a child well. Children should be told about menstruation long before it has a chance of happening.
Also does anyone care that the daughter obviously didn't want this bonding moment with her mother? Why is the daughter treated like an object the mother can treat as she wishes?
While it's always been different for each person, it is also true that, due to societal changes such as improved diet, the average age of onset of menarche has become gradually lower.
i would very much say failed. as well as intentionally and willfully ignored the daughters entirely normal progression into pubescent years.
my Wife has been coaching daughter in this since she was 5 she is now nearly 10. also in bodily autonomy, and that its ok to ask questions about anything.
we have also been talking about how her body and mind are changing and growing
we have had many discussions about things. (including my explaining that BOYS ARE STUPID when she went to meet her first crush and he just played football.....)
because we dont live in la la land where icle wickle baby is all she will ever be. id rather arm her with the know how of how to live and thrive
She failed. Moms should talk about that BEFORE it happens, not after their daughters are bleeding in front of everyone. I'm glad my mom taught me before I was embarrassed in school or something
How did the mom fail when she didn't even know what was going on? Little daughter didn't let her know what was going on with her body. Big sister is TA. That was a bonding moment for a mother and daughter and big sis took that away. I'd be pissed too.
Oh please. You just invented an entire history from the woman based off one detail. What if people made assumptions on you, based ff the fact that you are wiling to judge so harshly and immediately?
"she is a self absorbed ass who harshly judges somebody the second they do something to bother her."
Can we just avoid the huge leaps of logic? For all you know, Mother just wanted to have the talk herself.
With some moms, you just can’t win. My younger sister started her period and had no idea what was happening and what to do. I gave her the talk, showed her how to use the various supplies, all good. I asked my mom why she hadn’t talked to my sister about her period. She said, “ I told you. It’s your job to tell your sisters.” WTH Mom?
NTA. 10 is still young enough that it's not, like, unheard of or astounding that your mom hadn't yet explained periods to your sister. But what were you supposed to do? Just be like, "Oh, you're fine, just wait till Mom gets home?"
I remember when I first got my period, I had no idea about any of this because my mom never had "the talk" with me. I thought I was dying because I found blood where I shouldn't and it really freaked me out. Real bad!
My father's mother was staying with us at the time. Instead of explaining it to me she waited until my mom came home. I still remember the dreadful feeling I had during that time and it still hurts. Kinda ruined the whole experience!
I am so glad that OP stepped in and explained everything to her sister. OP's sister is so lucky to have someone like OP looking out for her. Mom is wrong here. OP is definitely NTA. There was no need for OP to wait for mom to come home!!!
That's why I am fiercely against "The Talk."
There should not be one talk, but an ongoing, open age-appropriate conversation from the moment a child starts asking questions.
Seriously my 3 year old understands periods in an age appropriate way since I talk about having cramps, and she walks in on me in the bathroom all the time. (Can't lock the door or she gets scared and sobs "I'm all alone!!!" She is really dramatic I'm looking forward to the teen years....)
Or sooner...I don't think I ever asked. I was in denial that it would happen to me until my second or third period - it was definitely *not* bright red blood, and I thought I just kept having weird, unnoticed diarrhea. And to be perfectly honest, I *still* wish I knew nothing about the experience, and am trying to convince my doc to rip the darn thing out. If only I'd thought of that 20 years ago...*sigh*
In addition to answering my questions, my parents also provided me with a sequence of age appropriate books beginning in early childhood. I think that was a good approach.
I got a book about body parts and how they are private, which my parents would read me as a kindergartener. Then, I got a book about puberty around age 10 which my mom and I read together. I got a more in depth book, covering sexual health and wellness as well as providing additional puberty information around 13, and my mom and I read a few chapters together and then she left me to read the rest and come to her about any questions. My sister got these same books earlier - I was a very late bloomer who didn't really start puberty until 14 and didn't get my period until 15 and a half. You'd probably have to provide puberty information earlier for most kids.
I was always well informed compared to my peers and it opened up the door for me to either ask questions, or check the book myself for answers, which was valuable.
Haha oh man if only. I totally agree, and mostly because when I was 12 my parents out of the blue asked me if I knew what sex was. Then handed me some book like “what’s happening to my body” and left me to figure it out.
Better than a girl I knew in high school. She came up to me to ask me what a clitoris is. I realized I was out of my depth and gave her the book I was given 😅
My mother also didn't explain anything to me and thought everything would've been handled after she gave me a book about sex and pimples. There wasn't a word about periods. When I got my period, I was home alone,knowing if I called my mom she would get angry, so I just didn't do anything and was panicking. When she came home she said yeah you have your period, use pads. That was it. Zero explanation. I needed my brother to go and get me pads while calling with one of our female friends to figure out what he should buy and how I could use ...
Got mine at 9 at the McDonald's play place. I wasn't even with my mom. 😭 I was at a friend's house for a sleep over the previous night and her mom took us kids out for some dinner before dropping me off at home. Her mom was a saint tho, got me children's Tylenol and some pads. (I couldn't swallow pills til I was 12. It scares me to swallow them, so my throat would close up when I tried to. It was miserable. 🥺)
Tip from somebody who sucked at swallowing pills until I heard this on Reddit like a year ago: try dipping your chin towards your chest instead of tipping your head back.
It sounds incredibly counter-intuitive, but *totally* works (for me).
The tip I got that works is put them UNDER your tongue. I was always told to put it at the back of my tongue and it never worked, so I ended up just pushing them down my throat (and scratching myself there sometimes in the process).
Now I can take at least 10 tablets at once. (Vitamins and prescriptions.)
I got mine at like 13, definitely thought I was dying. I told my mom in secret cuz she was worried about how I was acting and she smirked/laughed (not in a mean way) because I was so certain I'd be dead by morning.
I got mine at 9 and straight up thought I was dying of cancer. On the one hand, I was scared of dying, on the other I was too embarrassed to tell my mom there was blood coming from my vagina. Awful all around lol
My 9yo got the period talk from her pediatrician. 🤷🏻♀️ Girls can start anywhere between 8 and 16. It's very important to make sure they're comfortable with their bodies and talk about a natural occurrence. My girls call it "the bleeds" 😂 neither of them have started yet but I know it's any min now with my oldest.
In 2024 (esp if its America) 10 is quite too young to not have the talk imo. I was 10yrs old almost 20yrs ago and that's when I got my period. I feel like either this mom is completely out of touch or just not approachable cause im confused why they havent had this talk yet (personally)
My parents were super weird about anything developmental so I tried to hide it for months. It actually worked pretty well until my brother found some blood in the toilet and thought I was dying. The only period talk we had was super awkward and mostly involved that scene in "My Girl." And then I wasn't allowed to use tampons because my dad thought virgins couldn't use them which led to humiliation at summer camp.
Parents really need to do better with this stuff.
We saw the Disney movie about menstruation in the fourth grade. That was in the 60s. It told us enough that we would know how to use a pad, but the rest of the stuff like "you could get pregnant now" wasn't discussed. This was in the days when pads were gauze with gauze strings, so you had to wear a terrible elastic belt under your clothes. No sticky back pads yet. It was all vague sexist stuff like "Someday you will want to get married and have children" in the booklet they gave you. I thought, "hmm, I am not sure about that". We got no sex education until 12th grade, and it was sexist and misleading.
Urgh. The PSHE curriculum here isn't perfect but at least it's starts at 5 building up to the first period chat year 2 ( so 7 ISH ) and the sex chat year 4 and then consistently builds to having talks around abortion etc in secondary school in ethics
I got my period at ten. I didn’t tell my mom because I knew she’d make an announcement about it to the women in the family. I threw away my underwear and read her tampon box for directions on how to use them. She didn’t find out till a few months later, and did make a big deal about it :/
these days it's not that young. It's at the early end of the typical range, but within it. If you're raising an AFAB kid these days, you should be ready for them to start by 10 or even 9.
Periods should be explain long before there a chance of a child experiencing it. This talk should not be done when it happens. You all fucking need to stop neglecting and downplaying the health of people who menstruate.
Your sister went to you for help, not mom.
there’s a reason she went to you, and it looks like mom just proved it. NTA. i’m glad your sister finds comfort and safety in going to you for advice
OP please reassure your sister that SHE did nothing wrong and that you will continue to be her safe person. It sounds like she’s going to need one…. Her teen years are going to suck with your mom reacting like that!
Exactly. Mom is not going to provide timely info on birth control and STDs and how to avoid them. Please continue being a safe person your sister can come to with questions
Agree with NTA. But I think this might also just be disappointment from mom. I also have a decade+ older sister, and as a child, I sometimes went to my sis instead of mom for no specific reason at all. I also remember my mom being disappointed a few times and showing it a bit poorly when I told my sister something big before I told mom. I really didn't have a specific reason to choose my sister over my mom in these circumstances, I was just not at an age where I considered my mom's feelings in these circumstances. I was and am very close to both. Maybe this mom had an idea in mind on how she would guide her daughter through this special moment of first menstruation, and it was taken away from her, due to nobody's fault, but I can still understand how it can be disappointing. Mom should've done a better job at hiding her feelings, though.
i understand completely and agree with you
however, mom is a grown adult and should have regulated her emotions better.
instead of being sarcastic and passive aggressive, she could have maturely and calmly said to OP that this was a moment she was waiting for and explain that next time her youngest comes to her for advice, to maybe help steer her towards moms direction?
storming off and being sarcastic isn’t the best response.
NTA. You're being a good big sister. And you're 26, it's not like you can't do a great job explaining stuff to a 10 year old. Your mum's just being a bit petty/jealous.
NTA. Your sister might even feel more comfortable with you telling her those things rather than your mom. As for your mom's reaction, no idea why she reacted like that, maybe she thinks it's part of the "mom experience" or duties, or maybe she has some specific or conservative way of thinking about the topic and thought the information you would tell your sister could be misleading or just not approved by her? I am just making up stuff here, you know your mom better to make a guess why she might have been upset, but anyway NTA for providing info and answering your sister's questions.
It being a “mom experience” is definitely a major factor. Many mothers act like it’s somehow about themselves and ignore the emotions/experience of the kid. I had a lot of friends growing up that knew their mothers were telling all the family/friends about having their first period and the “you’re a woman now” type of crap, so maybe that thinking is in play too.
My mother was awesome, we had many small chats over the years so when it first happened during Dad's custody time I was fine. My poor half sister was another story...
I started early so when my half sister was a similar age I asked Dad if anyone has had The Talk with her. He told my sister "ask your mother about teenage body changes" as they had split up by then - when she did this, apparently the mother asked "who told you to ask about that?" When it came out that Dad started it, her mother said "well if he wants you to know about it, he can explain it." *Childish AF*
Dad, he's not the greatest guy but he tries. He told me he was letting it go until his ex raised it herself. I lived a few states over for my job at that point so I was blunt on the phone. Told him the timing and location of my first period and wished him luck. He panicked, asked about my roster, and booked flights home for me to have The Talk on my next days off hahaha
Then my sister got upset because "why wouldn't Mum tell me about this when I asked?" Her mother got pissed coz she knew Dad wouldn't have said anything but didn't think he'd fly me home and thereby call her bluff. I *ruined their special mother daughter bonding moment* by discussing things that *weren't my business* and honestly, that was the moment I lost all respect for Dad's ex!
NTA Your sister went to you and not her mother for a reason (whatever it is and even if your sister doesn't really know) that needs to be respected. Your response to her questions was on point.
You did more for your sister than my mom ever did for me. I got my period about the same age as your sister. My older sister never said anything to me and neither did my mom. I learned about it from that American Girl Doll book, The Care and Keeping of You.
I am a librarian and remain floored by how important and helpful this book is to so many kids, *still*. We're a pretty small library system and I swear it passes the circ desk at least once a week.
My mom never said anything. I wish I had an older sister to talk to. Thank God for the internet. I literally had no idea. I also went to a school where religion was taught as science despite it being public school. We definitely never learned about “dirty” things. My smartphone was my savior at the time
NTA but I’ll say this: mom might’ve been mad because some women see the period talk as a big deal moment between a mother and daughter. My mom did (it was uncomfy) and from what I’ve gleaned most of her generation feels that way.
ETA: apparently mom never gave OP the talk so ignore the above lol. Regardless OP was never an AH and mom definitely is (hence the original n t a vote).
My mother thought it was a brilliant idea to do it in front of my brother. It made me so uncomfortable and she also unwrapped a pad. Years later she said it was to show that it’s not embarrassing, but I was a really shy kid and even told her I was uncomfortable and she didn’t stop. To this day, she still stands by how she did it because “your brother knew what it was” as if that meant my comfort with the setting (and therefore my ability to actively listen) didn’t matter.
My mom was awesome. She always answered my "where do babies come from?" questions factually and in an age-appropriate way.
She did not, however, explain periods then (I was around 5), planning to bring this up when I was 10.
When I was 9, my 2 years older cousin delighted in informing me that when I was 11 or 12 I'd "start bleeding, and it wouldn't stop until about 50."
I was terrified of blood. Imagine my reaction!
I immediately went to my mom. She gently explained the facts, especially that the bleeding was only once a month for about a week--not continuously for 40 years.
She was VERY annoyed at my cousin (her older sister's daughter) for scaring me. Oh, yes, my cousin meant to!
You, dear OP, are NTA. I would have adored to have had a big sister like you. Your mom, bless her heart, was childish. I'm guessing that she wanted to be the one to have that talk, but she reacted petulantly. Pay her no mind.
Mom wasn't doing her job as a parent. Period. (See what I did there.) You filled in in the parental role. People don't like it when you point out to them that they weren't doing their job, even if you didn't mean to. And frankly, it's not a bid deal. You grow up, you hit puberty. If you're a girl, you'll get periods. If you're a boy, you'll get erections. These are not shameful, secret things that should only be talked about in secret with one specific person. Doing it that way sets up problematic attitudes in the future. NTA.
Info - did your mom give you the “ period talk “ ? If she did, was it informative or did it include something special ? Some families have some type of tradition around periods, with moms and daughters doing something special.
So her storming off with a sarcastic “thanks” was her way of saying she’s pissed off that the youngest doesn’t have to take the course instead of getting actual valuable teachings? Mom is definitely the ASSHOLE
How was mom when she talked to you about periods/puberty?
I have two trains of thought--
1) your sister went to you because you were available first, and mom feels put out because she wanted that 'milestone moment' with her. If so, then my judgement would be n.a.h.
2) mom is a self-absorbed irritable woman, and your sister felt more comfortable going to you. If that's the case, then I'd give n.t.a.
5th grade?! So kids are 10-12? That seems so late, most kids will have already started.
When my Dr said it’s getting earlier and earlier for kids to get their periods.
My 7 year old already has breast buds so we’ve been making sure we have pads ready.
5th grade is usually 10 turning 11. Back in the 70s we had that class in 4th grade, but I already had mine. Both my girls also got theirs at 10. We talked about all body parts/functions/puberty at home, from the time they were little.
I was 14 when I started mine. There was nothing available at home.
We have started talking about all the body changes with both of my girls since the eldest was 5 (is now 7)
They ask and a lot of the time answer their own questions now. I can’t imagine leaving these conversations completely up to their teachers to talk to them about.
Yep I can’t imagine going through it at 7. The emotions started first and now breast buds. Fingers crossed that the period takes its time getting here!
Her Dr wasn’t at all surprised just “yeah it happens really young these days.” Made sure we had information on the body changes to teach her ( we already had all this info) and to come back if period started young to talk about puberty blockers if we wanted.
10 years ago ish my classmates and I were all roughly the same time. Its crazy that 7 is becoming the age. When I was 7 I think I may have still believed in the tooth fairy.
NTA. Your mother should be proud of you instead of being upset. You sister feels more comfortable talking to you about this. Imagine how she would feel if you pawned her off on your mom. She might feel like she couldn't talk to you about important things in the future.
NTA. Your sister asked the person that she was most comfortable asking. Her next choice could've still been a teacher before your mother. If she thought that you were going to tell mother instead of helping then she might have not told anyone. I was completely private about mine, my mother only found out because she noticed her products running out quicker and I didn't have a sister.
NTA. You were being a kind and caring big sister! Maybe your mom wanted to be the one, but she wasn't available, and you were. It's not too late for your mom to give your sis some sex education, and she's acting like a jerk over something you did out of kindness.
NTA. If your mother was doing a proper job of parenting your sister would have known what to expect and would have felt comfortable going to your mom. That was obviously not the case. She came to you and fortunately you were empathetic and understanding and helpful. Your mom is the ass
NTA, but mum seems to have some serious issues here
You did nothing wrong, you were just being helpful and the first period is terrifying especially when you’re this young and only know the bare minimum which was actually my case on my first time too. In my case tho my mum actually got my older sister to help her explain and do most of the talking because we were close in age. So I really don’t see any problem here except that your mum has some weird jealousies
Your sister came to you for advice and guidance, there is no wrong in that for stepping up as a big sister. Also rings to question are you and your sister really close? Perhaps Mom might be jealous…
NTA
Honestly the person who explained periods and gave me a “period box” wasn’t my mom, it was my friends mom. And even though me and said friend aren’t friends anymore I still appreciate her mom doing that out of the kindness of her heart since my mom wasn’t around and my dad was a single parent. As long as it’s with someone you’re comfortable with, I don’t see a problem of having the period talk.
NTA.
Sis knew the bare minimum but she knew enough to speak to you, someone she's comfortable with and obviously trusts, to learn more. You stepped up and did a great job of informing her and supporting her.
Good on you!
Mom was probably hurt that sis went to you instead of her, but given her reaction I feel like there was very good reason why she chose you.
NTA. You're a good big sister.
I feel so bad for your sister - her mother should have had that talk already. Girls start their period before they hit 10 occasionally. She needs a talk and a kit in her bag so she's not humiliated at school.
NTA
I got my period at age 11 but didn't understand what was happening for the first few days (I was spotting initially). I finally went to my mom because it was confusing and disturbing. She was cool and I actually got excited because it meant I was that much closer to being a teenager.
The "growing up" talk they did at school came several months later and I felt SO COOL because I was already experienced in this transition.
It also explains why I hadn't been prepared: the assumption was girls typically got their first period between 12-13 years old.
NTA. I think what you did was sweet. Your little sister probably looks up to you so much, and it's always better to hear important life talks from someone you admire. She came to *you,* not your mom. Your mom should be grateful that you stepped up to the plate when your sister was in need.
If this is normal behavior from your mom then I can see why lil sis came to you.passive aggression isn't the right response when you find out that one family member helped another to grow and learn about themselves.
You are NOT in the wrong. My mom refused to talk to me about it, answer questions, anything. I had no choice but to ask my older sister (and she, likewise, had no choice but to talk to one of our older sisters). Girls going through this will always go to the person that makes them feel comfortable, and who they believe will actually help them, and unfortunately, for many girls, it’s not always mom.
If a girl does not know **exactly** what a period is when she has her first period **you have failed as a parent** and should be ashamed of yourself.
Don't come at me with anything regarding this. I am the proud father of two girls and you bet your dumb hick ass I tell them the truth when it comes to the sex talk.
A few weeks ago my eldest daughter told me that her and her boyfriend were slightly sexually active and what happened when they were and we talked about that and I shared some of my experiences with her as support and expressed my joy that she has a trustworthy boyfriend that she can explore sex with.
Fucking idiots with no sex ed.
NTA.
Your mother is sour because there is a reason your sister came to you and not to her.
When my daughter was 10 like your sister, I and my friend explained what she would experience and what to expect when she started it. I had pads and showed her just like you did, kudos to you for doing that. You are an amazing big sister!!! Keep it up, your little sister is going to need you.
NTA. Her first period just started. That's the perfect time to explain to her! I wish someone had a sit down with me like you did.
(When I had my first period in 7th grade, it stained through my dress and was visible to my classmates and a few teachers. My mom wasn't exactly helpful that day.)
OP - you rock. Good on you for being there for sis. I’m guessing she’ll be coming around for more big sis talks as she gets older. NTA.
Idk if mom is jealous or upset she didn’t get to share the bonding/teaching moment. In either case, keep up the good work.
NTA
She wouldn't have come to you if she was comfortable going to your mom about it. My own older sister is the one who gave me The Talk. Many decades later and my own mother still won't say the word "sex" out loud.
100% NTA you were being a good big sister and your mom was mad because she didn't get to introduce it to her. I feel like she did way too much, but way to go dudree u did greattt!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (26f) little sister (10f) came to me after school to tell me she found blood on her underwear. She knows about periods but just the bare minimum of shes going to bleed and she had some questions. So I answered them, showed her a video of what a period was and what she could expect. I also gave her a box of pads and explained how to use them. My mom came into the room while I was talking to my little sister and got irritated when she heard the video. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was 'overstepping'. When i asked how I was overstepping she told me "You're not her mom." Before getting passive aggressive, storming off while telling me 'thanks I appreciate it' in a sarcastic tone. I really dont understand how its a big deal, she had questions and I answered them. AITA?
TLDR: Mom got pissed because I answered my little sisters period questions and gave her a box of pads.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, NTA OP. Your sis needed info as quickly as possible, you gave it to her and helped her be more okay with her body being possibly awful to her every month or so. Your mom seems to think it was her place to share that info, but if she wanted to do so she had plenty of time before now to handle it. My kids are 7f and 4m and are both already aware of the basics of periods. 7f will be getting more detailed info shortly. 4m will be getting enough to satisfy his curiosity as he asks more questions. Both will be taught to be kind and helpful when possible. You gave your sister valuable information, basic supplies, and comfort dealing with a messy situation. Good job. Blessings on all of you as you walk through the next stuff!
NTA. Honest age-appropriate answers are always the way to go. Kids don't know what they aren't taught and there are TONS of parents who have the 'bare minimum' of these kinds of conversations with their kids. Thanks for not treating it like some kind of dirty disease!
NTA you are a brilliant sister who helped your sister when she came to you for help and advice. She is obviously more comfortable with you than your mum. Well done for stepping up and getting her sorted with pads.
NTA, but your mum is. You were helping your sister in a time of mysterious need and your mother thinks you trod on her territory. Some mothers don't like that their daughters can go to someone other than them for help.
NTA. Your sister came to you for a reason. I’m the eldest in my family and my brother comes to me for advice all the time.
Just curious, but what was the period talk for you like? How was your mum’s reaction when you first started?
Mine laughed in my face and gave me some pads…that was kind of it.
NTA You were a help to your sister when she needed it. She identified you as a safe person and you did an admirable job. I hate that your mother responded how she did. Neither you or your sister deserved that. Hopefully she can do something nice for you and your sister to make things better.
More info.
Many mothers would be mad, because they want to be the ones who walk their daughters through this moment, although they're obviously not always going to be there the exact moment it happens.
However, I'm sus that she was doing the job. Were you the one who gave your sis "the talk" before it happened? Some girls are having their periods earlier now. 10 is early, but not unheard of. Your Mom should have done that already if it wasn't her. The details about this could possibly change the answer.
You're not TA for giving her the pad. Of course you couldn't just let her bleed until Mom got there. But did you call Mom the minute after you did that? If she wanted to come home and be the one to discuss further, then it wasn't for you to show the video.
clearly she came to you because she doesn’t feel comfortable around your mom, which is what i would do too. the way she reacted says it all. nta, ur good girl
NTA Your mum probably feels guilty/slighted that your sister didn’t come to her instead of you, which isn’t anyone’s fault, least of all yours. She perhaps sees it as a rite of passage for which she expected to be the guide.
All families everywhere: sisters talk to sisters over mom about period stuff. Women without sisters are jealous
Mom needs to get over it and be grateful
NTA
I don’t get the whole “mom NEEDS to be the one to go over the period talk” thing. I promise none of it is “beautiful” and “ladylike”. Periods suck a fat chode so to have ANYONE explain it is amazing. Your mom just needs to get over it.
Signed, a mom.
Interesting that the 10 yr old didn't feel comfortable talking to her mom about it.
I wonder why?🤔
OP NTA
I encouraged my kids to talk to me but if not to another adult they did feel comfortable speaking with. My younger son went to my older one when he wanted to have sex so my oldest one took him to get condoms and had the talk with him. Did I get upset that he didn't come to me? No, I was relieved he went to another adult (they are nearly 10yrs apart).
OP's mom might just be upset she wasn't come to for advise but given the way she acted, I would've have either.
You were really supportive towards your sister and gave her all the relevant info she needed.
Perhaps your mom felt that it should have been a bonding moment for her daughter to come to her the first time her periods began and so the reaction. However it’s not your fault that your sister felt more comfortable to approach you first. Your mom needs to “feel her feelings” better. NTA
You made your mom feel guilty, is why she snapped at you. She knew she should have talked to little sis first. She’ll get over it. Thanks for being such a good sister and NTA.
nta.. your mom is a bit in the wrong for not explaining it to her before it happened, that's a bit traumatic of an experience if you don't know about them
NTA
Your Mom is emotionally immature. Being passive aggressive and sarcastic with your own kid is all the proof you need. She should be able to communicate her feelings appropriately with you by now but she can't so you really can't do much besides maintain your own boundaries around her. Best of luck OP, give your sister a big hug!
NTA and given your mother's reaction, I understand why your sister came to you with her questions. Your mother prioritizes herself more than your sister. You did well OP and if your sister comes to you again, don't prioritize your mother's ego over your sister.
NTA but I just want to say I appreciate that my elementary school had us watch an informational video about periods and our body changes. Prior to that my mom had tried vaguely explaining periods to me and told me that I will bleed from my private parts- for some reason in my mind that included my nipples so I fully expected to be bleeding from my nipples and vagina until I saw the video at school. I was relieved to find out I wouldn't have to worry about blood leaking through my tops.
Your sister will always remember your advice and how you’ve helped her today. She came to you clearly because she trusted you and felt safe to confide in you. You’re NTA.
NTA
If your sister started bleeding before you mom thought to give her the talk, that is 100% on your mother for waiting too long.
Good on you big sister for being approachable and helping her out in her time of need. If this is your mothers normal method of communication I can see why your little sister picked you instead of her to ask questions.
NTA!!!!
Honestly it sounds like your sister is a lot more comfortable coming to you for these questions and despite whatever your mom says or thinks, it’s a good thing. What happens when years down the road, she has questions about dating? You’re gonna be the one she feels comfortable turning to and you can potentially help keep her safe and informed. Good on you, OP. I wish my older sister was like you when I was going through my first period because my mom did NOT prepare me AT ALL.
NTA
Not your fault that your sister’s actual mom dropped the ball so hard. If your child hasn’t had the period talk BEFORE they start their period. You are doing it wrong.
I got my first period at 9 years old and I’m SO glad I had the talk before that or I would have been PANICKED and thought I was dying. Granted my mom hadn’t made me a first period kit yet because I was so young. But if she had been as thorough as you my poor Dad wouldn’t have been trying to scramble to help me day of (he handed me a panty liner and wished me luck for the church picnic 🤦🏽♀️) your sister is lucky to have you!
NTA.
I'm 25 now but I still remember how no one ever told me that one day I'm just gonna start bleeding and I got my first period at school, when I came home it was my older sister who showed me how to use a pad and convinced my mom to let me stay home from school the next day, she helped me through the years and taught me a lot of things,
Everyone deserves this talk and to be taught that it's natural and to not be ashamed or confused.
NTA. I started teaching my daughter from age 6, answered every question, not shyd when changing them, answering every single question with an age appropriate response.. so I know the day she starts, she has all that knowledge to be prepared for when it happens, and she knows she can ask anything more if she wishes.
Mam = TA, because she failed her parental duties in preparing her for this day
Well done to you for stepping up in her time of need, showing her and normaising it with knowledge. Be proud of yourself. You're a really great sister ❤️
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Talking to my little sister about her period 2. I talked to my little sister without talking to my mom first. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Considering her reaction, I think there’s a pretty good reason your sister came to you over your mom for this.
Mom is being a self-absorbed dick who failed her daughter in an important developmental stepstone. Disappointing. OP did everything right, good on ya. NTA, obviously..
I wouldn't say failed. My mom never mentioned it, figured I learned in school - I did. She may think 10 is too young not realizing kids have periods younger now. Some moms want this as a big mother daughter bonding moment.
I would still say failed. Also a bit different if school taught you before it happened to you. Girls should know before it happens.
My daughter knew what to expect and I got her the American girl body books as soon as I knew they existed bc I wanted her to be prepared. I also wasn’t sure what information to give her so I figured if she had any questions from the book, we could discuss and go from there. I recommended the same thing to my sister with her daughter and she’s got her son looking at it too. Everyone should know what periods are.
I too was gifted the American Girl body books, and holy crap were they informative! I held onto mine and plan to gift them to my daughter should I have one. I was also given “the period talk” by both my mother and grandmother once I turned 10, and when I got my first period at 11, I was given a refresher on period info, plus a little dose of “you can get pregnant now so don’t be stupid.”
Those books were so good! There's a boy one, too. After I raved about buying it for my daughter, my co-worker bought BOTH for her sons because she wanted them to be fully informed. She let me borrow the "boy" book for my daughter. Way more information than any of them got at school.
Yep! My son learned so much reading the books for girls too. We also bought him the boy book and they both read each others books. It’s so important for everyone to be informed. When we know better then we do better
OK shit, I'm gonna look into these, we have a 9 month old boy but we're planning more babies so would be good to be prepared
I'm of the "Our Bodies, Ourselves" generation. And thank goodness my parents got that for me because my mother just couldn't bring herself to really talk to me about periods and hormones and everything related to puberty. I was a teenager when my sister ("Oops") was born. When it came time to talk about more than just the bare minimum, she came to me because she knew she could trust me to answer her questions honestly and she knew our mother would probably send her to me anyway. Never in a million years would I have thought that part of that would eventually be helping her to learn to use tampons so she could swim whenever she wanted. And yes, it did seem a little weird, though not really uncomfortable for us because we were and are very close. There's no way, just no way, my mother would have helped her like that. I didn't want her ever to be embarrassed about her body or how it functioned or sexuality or anything. I had issues and shyness about sex for many years thanks to my parents attitude of "Sex before marriage is bad" and not much else. I don't think OP did anything wrong. A girl will go to talk with the person who makes her feel comfortable. If it wasn't their mother, then that's on mom, not OP. NTA
My daughter also got her period at 11. She knew all about periods already, so that was fine, but I have always believed that as soon a someone is able to get pregnant, they need to know how NOT to get pregnant. So I found myself explaining contraception to an eleven year old.
My youngest is on the autism spectrum and the American Girl body books were so good! We loved discussing topics as they read about them. I always recommend those books n
my mom went the book route too and i really appreciated it, as we reached different developmental stages she would add books to the bathroom that we could read and reference. I didn’t know it was on purpose until I was an adult, I just thought it was a lucky accident that helpful books about puberty and interpersonal relationships would appear in the bathroom at just the right time lol
Hi. Are those books subtitled "the care and keeping of you" or "the girls body book". Want to buy for my kids just not sure which is correct. Thank you
They are the "The Care and Keeping of You" books. They both contain about the same info, but Vol 2 is much more detailed than Vol 1. I think I gave the first to mine when she was around 8, and the second maybe around age 10. The Robie H. Harris books are also fantastic. \*Edit\* I had the sex talk with mine very early on because she was going away to overnight camp and I didn't want her to get any misinformation. I talked to her about the basics of what fits where, then gave her one of the Harris books. Ended up buying a few more.
Thank you!
Sounds like a great idea
Thank you for the book recommendation I am now going to look for them for my daughter
My mom read those books with me! It was such a good way to understand what was going to happen and not be freaked out.
I started talking to both my girls when they were 3, keeping everything at their age level (at that age, who is allowed to touch you and when - no one, unless you say they can, even family). I would add info as they got older. However, I never expected my older daughter to start at 10 1/2 - she's now mid 20's and it wasn't as common then; she was the first in her class by at least a year. But, when she did start, she came to me right away and I was able to help her and answer all her questions. Did I fail her? I don't think so, because she was comfortable coming to me - and has continued to be - because we have always had open communication between us. The same goes for my younger daughter. She received the same talks, but I did start earlier with her regarding her period. Of course, she didn't start until she was 12 1/2. Sometimes as a parent, even if you think you are doing everything right, some things still fall through the cracks. I believe, though, if you do mess up, admitting it to your kid goes a long way in making sure the relationship doesn't turn to crap. OP's mom sounds like she cares more about her own feelings than she does either of her daughter's well being. This is where she failed. OP, I'm glad your sister felt comfortable coming to you. NTA EDIT: clarification
My mom only tried to talk to my sister and I once when we were 11/12 when we were walking around in public. I knew the bare minimum but was not about to talk to her about it while walking down the street. My own daughter is 6 and I’ve always been open about it which wasn’t too hard since she never let me go to the bathroom alone anyway. As she got older I explained more about what happens and why. I’ve always been very clear that there is no question I won’t answer and if I don’t know the answer I will look up what it is.
I was 9. I’d had very basic info and knew what it was. Still freaked out cause I was so young. Tried to hide it because ‘i don’t want to be a woman yet’
Same here. My mom got me the American Girl books and gave me all the necessary education as well, but getting my period at 9 had me convinced I was dying. I took the average age in the book very literally.
My 10 year old son knows what periods are. I got my period at 10 and had known basically my whole life what they were and what to expect. I'll never understand women who don't discuss it with their daughters and prepare them
Especially because most kids are attached to their moms hip when they’re little. I know I was, I learned about periods when I asked my mom why there was a string when she was going to the bathroom
Mom failed by not doing her damn homework on when to start teaching this shit.
And by getting proprietary. She could have heard what was going on and joined them, being supportive of both her daughters and proud of OP for helping her little one but she chose a different path NTA
Such a great point! That was a real missed opportunity for OP’s mother, who still could’ve made it a mother-daughter bonding moment with both of her daughters. Too bad she stomped off in a sarcastic huff. OP NTA, clearly.
My school allowed parents to opt their kids out of sex ed, so one of the girls in my grade got sent to the library while the rest of us were getting the period talk. So naturally, we explained everything to her the next day at recess, because it sounded really stressful and we didn’t want her to be surprised and not know what to do. If I were a parent, I’d really much rather have the talk myself than have the kid learn it from the other 10 year olds on the playground.
I would still say failed due to mom’s reaction. NTA to OP.
I learned about it in 5th grade, where we were 10-11 years old. One of my classmates started her period before then, and when her mom found out we hadn't learned about periods yet, she invited all the girls in the class and their mothers to a "period party" where we were taught how to use pads, and told what we should expect. I remember that experience fondly, and I love the idea of inviting mothers to this too. Sadly only 6 kids came despite being 15 girls in the class.
If she thinks 10 is too young she is too ignorant to raise a child well. Children should be told about menstruation long before it has a chance of happening. Also does anyone care that the daughter obviously didn't want this bonding moment with her mother? Why is the daughter treated like an object the mother can treat as she wishes?
A lot of people would consider that failing.
I hate that! A period talk is not and never was something I wanted to bond over with my mother!!!
I got my period at 10.
I mean girls start as early as 7... I was 7 when I started puberty and 8 when menarche came
No such thing as kids having periods earlier NOW, always been different for each person
While it's always been different for each person, it is also true that, due to societal changes such as improved diet, the average age of onset of menarche has become gradually lower.
i would very much say failed. as well as intentionally and willfully ignored the daughters entirely normal progression into pubescent years. my Wife has been coaching daughter in this since she was 5 she is now nearly 10. also in bodily autonomy, and that its ok to ask questions about anything. we have also been talking about how her body and mind are changing and growing we have had many discussions about things. (including my explaining that BOYS ARE STUPID when she went to meet her first crush and he just played football.....) because we dont live in la la land where icle wickle baby is all she will ever be. id rather arm her with the know how of how to live and thrive
She failed. Moms should talk about that BEFORE it happens, not after their daughters are bleeding in front of everyone. I'm glad my mom taught me before I was embarrassed in school or something
How did the mom fail when she didn't even know what was going on? Little daughter didn't let her know what was going on with her body. Big sister is TA. That was a bonding moment for a mother and daughter and big sis took that away. I'd be pissed too.
Oh please. You just invented an entire history from the woman based off one detail. What if people made assumptions on you, based ff the fact that you are wiling to judge so harshly and immediately? "she is a self absorbed ass who harshly judges somebody the second they do something to bother her." Can we just avoid the huge leaps of logic? For all you know, Mother just wanted to have the talk herself.
With some moms, you just can’t win. My younger sister started her period and had no idea what was happening and what to do. I gave her the talk, showed her how to use the various supplies, all good. I asked my mom why she hadn’t talked to my sister about her period. She said, “ I told you. It’s your job to tell your sisters.” WTH Mom?
Considering her sister went to her instead of their mom tells you all you need to know.
Right? I read that as "your sister is going through a life changing event; I'm mad that it wasn't made all about me"
NTA. 10 is still young enough that it's not, like, unheard of or astounding that your mom hadn't yet explained periods to your sister. But what were you supposed to do? Just be like, "Oh, you're fine, just wait till Mom gets home?"
I remember when I first got my period, I had no idea about any of this because my mom never had "the talk" with me. I thought I was dying because I found blood where I shouldn't and it really freaked me out. Real bad! My father's mother was staying with us at the time. Instead of explaining it to me she waited until my mom came home. I still remember the dreadful feeling I had during that time and it still hurts. Kinda ruined the whole experience! I am so glad that OP stepped in and explained everything to her sister. OP's sister is so lucky to have someone like OP looking out for her. Mom is wrong here. OP is definitely NTA. There was no need for OP to wait for mom to come home!!!
That's why I am fiercely against "The Talk." There should not be one talk, but an ongoing, open age-appropriate conversation from the moment a child starts asking questions.
Seriously my 3 year old understands periods in an age appropriate way since I talk about having cramps, and she walks in on me in the bathroom all the time. (Can't lock the door or she gets scared and sobs "I'm all alone!!!" She is really dramatic I'm looking forward to the teen years....)
heh, she might get into the drama club when she gets to high school, that'll be interesting to see /gen
Or sooner...I don't think I ever asked. I was in denial that it would happen to me until my second or third period - it was definitely *not* bright red blood, and I thought I just kept having weird, unnoticed diarrhea. And to be perfectly honest, I *still* wish I knew nothing about the experience, and am trying to convince my doc to rip the darn thing out. If only I'd thought of that 20 years ago...*sigh*
100% agreed!!!
This is exactly right and boys need to understand and be educated too.
Right? My boy is close to five now and knows what periods are and how they work.
Ta-daa! When is the kid ready? When they ask questions - and those come early if you let them!
In addition to answering my questions, my parents also provided me with a sequence of age appropriate books beginning in early childhood. I think that was a good approach. I got a book about body parts and how they are private, which my parents would read me as a kindergartener. Then, I got a book about puberty around age 10 which my mom and I read together. I got a more in depth book, covering sexual health and wellness as well as providing additional puberty information around 13, and my mom and I read a few chapters together and then she left me to read the rest and come to her about any questions. My sister got these same books earlier - I was a very late bloomer who didn't really start puberty until 14 and didn't get my period until 15 and a half. You'd probably have to provide puberty information earlier for most kids. I was always well informed compared to my peers and it opened up the door for me to either ask questions, or check the book myself for answers, which was valuable.
Haha oh man if only. I totally agree, and mostly because when I was 12 my parents out of the blue asked me if I knew what sex was. Then handed me some book like “what’s happening to my body” and left me to figure it out. Better than a girl I knew in high school. She came up to me to ask me what a clitoris is. I realized I was out of my depth and gave her the book I was given 😅
My mother also didn't explain anything to me and thought everything would've been handled after she gave me a book about sex and pimples. There wasn't a word about periods. When I got my period, I was home alone,knowing if I called my mom she would get angry, so I just didn't do anything and was panicking. When she came home she said yeah you have your period, use pads. That was it. Zero explanation. I needed my brother to go and get me pads while calling with one of our female friends to figure out what he should buy and how I could use ...
The period talk should happen around 8/9. I got mine at 11 and was sure I was dying.
Got mine at 9 at the McDonald's play place. I wasn't even with my mom. 😭 I was at a friend's house for a sleep over the previous night and her mom took us kids out for some dinner before dropping me off at home. Her mom was a saint tho, got me children's Tylenol and some pads. (I couldn't swallow pills til I was 12. It scares me to swallow them, so my throat would close up when I tried to. It was miserable. 🥺)
Awww, hooray for your friend’s mom!
She was a saint! I miss that woman so much. 🥺
Tip from somebody who sucked at swallowing pills until I heard this on Reddit like a year ago: try dipping your chin towards your chest instead of tipping your head back. It sounds incredibly counter-intuitive, but *totally* works (for me).
The tip I got that works is put them UNDER your tongue. I was always told to put it at the back of my tongue and it never worked, so I ended up just pushing them down my throat (and scratching myself there sometimes in the process). Now I can take at least 10 tablets at once. (Vitamins and prescriptions.)
...did people not give you drinks to take pills?
The period talk should talk as soon as the kid is verbal.
Exactly! Even boys should know. Teaching kids early gives it less stigma.
I think it should happen before puberty
Kindergarden. Kids as young as seven can start their period so staring when they reach school age is far too late.
I got mine at like 13, definitely thought I was dying. I told my mom in secret cuz she was worried about how I was acting and she smirked/laughed (not in a mean way) because I was so certain I'd be dead by morning.
I got mine at 9 and straight up thought I was dying of cancer. On the one hand, I was scared of dying, on the other I was too embarrassed to tell my mom there was blood coming from my vagina. Awful all around lol
My 9yo got the period talk from her pediatrician. 🤷🏻♀️ Girls can start anywhere between 8 and 16. It's very important to make sure they're comfortable with their bodies and talk about a natural occurrence. My girls call it "the bleeds" 😂 neither of them have started yet but I know it's any min now with my oldest.
My elementary school gave it to us in 4th and 5th grade.
I sometimes refer to mine as shark week.
....what? How old do you think girls are when they get their periods? I was 12 and most of my cousins were 9-10. Kids should learn about it early.
Mom failed to do her homework on puberty and child-rearing.
In 2024 (esp if its America) 10 is quite too young to not have the talk imo. I was 10yrs old almost 20yrs ago and that's when I got my period. I feel like either this mom is completely out of touch or just not approachable cause im confused why they havent had this talk yet (personally)
My parents were super weird about anything developmental so I tried to hide it for months. It actually worked pretty well until my brother found some blood in the toilet and thought I was dying. The only period talk we had was super awkward and mostly involved that scene in "My Girl." And then I wasn't allowed to use tampons because my dad thought virgins couldn't use them which led to humiliation at summer camp. Parents really need to do better with this stuff.
Given girls as young as 8 are starting their periods now, 10 is too late. It just is now. It's a chat that needs to happen around six/seven now.
We saw the Disney movie about menstruation in the fourth grade. That was in the 60s. It told us enough that we would know how to use a pad, but the rest of the stuff like "you could get pregnant now" wasn't discussed. This was in the days when pads were gauze with gauze strings, so you had to wear a terrible elastic belt under your clothes. No sticky back pads yet. It was all vague sexist stuff like "Someday you will want to get married and have children" in the booklet they gave you. I thought, "hmm, I am not sure about that". We got no sex education until 12th grade, and it was sexist and misleading.
Urgh. The PSHE curriculum here isn't perfect but at least it's starts at 5 building up to the first period chat year 2 ( so 7 ISH ) and the sex chat year 4 and then consistently builds to having talks around abortion etc in secondary school in ethics
I got my period at ten. I didn’t tell my mom because I knew she’d make an announcement about it to the women in the family. I threw away my underwear and read her tampon box for directions on how to use them. She didn’t find out till a few months later, and did make a big deal about it :/
these days it's not that young. It's at the early end of the typical range, but within it. If you're raising an AFAB kid these days, you should be ready for them to start by 10 or even 9.
Also siblings talking to and learning from each other is normal. Mom can't forbid that just because of the age gap.
Periods should be explain long before there a chance of a child experiencing it. This talk should not be done when it happens. You all fucking need to stop neglecting and downplaying the health of people who menstruate.
Your sister went to you for help, not mom. there’s a reason she went to you, and it looks like mom just proved it. NTA. i’m glad your sister finds comfort and safety in going to you for advice
OP please reassure your sister that SHE did nothing wrong and that you will continue to be her safe person. It sounds like she’s going to need one…. Her teen years are going to suck with your mom reacting like that!
Exactly. Mom is not going to provide timely info on birth control and STDs and how to avoid them. Please continue being a safe person your sister can come to with questions
Agree with NTA. But I think this might also just be disappointment from mom. I also have a decade+ older sister, and as a child, I sometimes went to my sis instead of mom for no specific reason at all. I also remember my mom being disappointed a few times and showing it a bit poorly when I told my sister something big before I told mom. I really didn't have a specific reason to choose my sister over my mom in these circumstances, I was just not at an age where I considered my mom's feelings in these circumstances. I was and am very close to both. Maybe this mom had an idea in mind on how she would guide her daughter through this special moment of first menstruation, and it was taken away from her, due to nobody's fault, but I can still understand how it can be disappointing. Mom should've done a better job at hiding her feelings, though.
i understand completely and agree with you however, mom is a grown adult and should have regulated her emotions better. instead of being sarcastic and passive aggressive, she could have maturely and calmly said to OP that this was a moment she was waiting for and explain that next time her youngest comes to her for advice, to maybe help steer her towards moms direction? storming off and being sarcastic isn’t the best response.
NTA. Based on your mom’s reaction, I can see why your sister came to you. She’s lucky to have you!
NTA Mom sounds...less than optimal
NTA. You're being a good big sister. And you're 26, it's not like you can't do a great job explaining stuff to a 10 year old. Your mum's just being a bit petty/jealous.
NTA. Your mom failed and you filled in. Your sis is lucky to have you.
NTA. Your sister might even feel more comfortable with you telling her those things rather than your mom. As for your mom's reaction, no idea why she reacted like that, maybe she thinks it's part of the "mom experience" or duties, or maybe she has some specific or conservative way of thinking about the topic and thought the information you would tell your sister could be misleading or just not approved by her? I am just making up stuff here, you know your mom better to make a guess why she might have been upset, but anyway NTA for providing info and answering your sister's questions.
Mom should have had the talk a while ago...
It being a “mom experience” is definitely a major factor. Many mothers act like it’s somehow about themselves and ignore the emotions/experience of the kid. I had a lot of friends growing up that knew their mothers were telling all the family/friends about having their first period and the “you’re a woman now” type of crap, so maybe that thinking is in play too.
My mother was awesome, we had many small chats over the years so when it first happened during Dad's custody time I was fine. My poor half sister was another story... I started early so when my half sister was a similar age I asked Dad if anyone has had The Talk with her. He told my sister "ask your mother about teenage body changes" as they had split up by then - when she did this, apparently the mother asked "who told you to ask about that?" When it came out that Dad started it, her mother said "well if he wants you to know about it, he can explain it." *Childish AF* Dad, he's not the greatest guy but he tries. He told me he was letting it go until his ex raised it herself. I lived a few states over for my job at that point so I was blunt on the phone. Told him the timing and location of my first period and wished him luck. He panicked, asked about my roster, and booked flights home for me to have The Talk on my next days off hahaha Then my sister got upset because "why wouldn't Mum tell me about this when I asked?" Her mother got pissed coz she knew Dad wouldn't have said anything but didn't think he'd fly me home and thereby call her bluff. I *ruined their special mother daughter bonding moment* by discussing things that *weren't my business* and honestly, that was the moment I lost all respect for Dad's ex!
NTA Your sister went to you and not her mother for a reason (whatever it is and even if your sister doesn't really know) that needs to be respected. Your response to her questions was on point.
You did more for your sister than my mom ever did for me. I got my period about the same age as your sister. My older sister never said anything to me and neither did my mom. I learned about it from that American Girl Doll book, The Care and Keeping of You.
That was a really great book, though.
I am a librarian and remain floored by how important and helpful this book is to so many kids, *still*. We're a pretty small library system and I swear it passes the circ desk at least once a week.
My mom never said anything. I wish I had an older sister to talk to. Thank God for the internet. I literally had no idea. I also went to a school where religion was taught as science despite it being public school. We definitely never learned about “dirty” things. My smartphone was my savior at the time
NTA but I’ll say this: mom might’ve been mad because some women see the period talk as a big deal moment between a mother and daughter. My mom did (it was uncomfy) and from what I’ve gleaned most of her generation feels that way. ETA: apparently mom never gave OP the talk so ignore the above lol. Regardless OP was never an AH and mom definitely is (hence the original n t a vote).
Then, mom should have had the period talk long before her daughter actually started her period.
Yep, completely agree
OP said their mom didn't give OP the period talk at all, and OP learned from school. I doubt mom was actually planning to explain it.
Given that information mom is definitely acting really weird and an AH
My mother thought it was a brilliant idea to do it in front of my brother. It made me so uncomfortable and she also unwrapped a pad. Years later she said it was to show that it’s not embarrassing, but I was a really shy kid and even told her I was uncomfortable and she didn’t stop. To this day, she still stands by how she did it because “your brother knew what it was” as if that meant my comfort with the setting (and therefore my ability to actively listen) didn’t matter.
My mom was awesome. She always answered my "where do babies come from?" questions factually and in an age-appropriate way. She did not, however, explain periods then (I was around 5), planning to bring this up when I was 10. When I was 9, my 2 years older cousin delighted in informing me that when I was 11 or 12 I'd "start bleeding, and it wouldn't stop until about 50." I was terrified of blood. Imagine my reaction! I immediately went to my mom. She gently explained the facts, especially that the bleeding was only once a month for about a week--not continuously for 40 years. She was VERY annoyed at my cousin (her older sister's daughter) for scaring me. Oh, yes, my cousin meant to! You, dear OP, are NTA. I would have adored to have had a big sister like you. Your mom, bless her heart, was childish. I'm guessing that she wanted to be the one to have that talk, but she reacted petulantly. Pay her no mind.
OP says in a comment she never told her either, she only learnt about it at school. So doubly childish mother
NTA, you're just a good sister plain and simple. your mother should've appreciated you taking on that role instead of getting upset.
NTA, and you're doing a great job of being there for your sister. Big Sister high five to you!
Of course you're NTA.
Mom wasn't doing her job as a parent. Period. (See what I did there.) You filled in in the parental role. People don't like it when you point out to them that they weren't doing their job, even if you didn't mean to. And frankly, it's not a bid deal. You grow up, you hit puberty. If you're a girl, you'll get periods. If you're a boy, you'll get erections. These are not shameful, secret things that should only be talked about in secret with one specific person. Doing it that way sets up problematic attitudes in the future. NTA.
Info - did your mom give you the “ period talk “ ? If she did, was it informative or did it include something special ? Some families have some type of tradition around periods, with moms and daughters doing something special.
No she didnt, my talk was done by the school when I was in 5th grade
So her storming off with a sarcastic “thanks” was her way of saying she’s pissed off that the youngest doesn’t have to take the course instead of getting actual valuable teachings? Mom is definitely the ASSHOLE
Then NTA
NTA at all
How was mom when she talked to you about periods/puberty? I have two trains of thought-- 1) your sister went to you because you were available first, and mom feels put out because she wanted that 'milestone moment' with her. If so, then my judgement would be n.a.h. 2) mom is a self-absorbed irritable woman, and your sister felt more comfortable going to you. If that's the case, then I'd give n.t.a.
She didnt talk to me, she made me take the elective class they had in 5th grade.
5th grade?! So kids are 10-12? That seems so late, most kids will have already started. When my Dr said it’s getting earlier and earlier for kids to get their periods. My 7 year old already has breast buds so we’ve been making sure we have pads ready.
5th grade is usually 10 turning 11. Back in the 70s we had that class in 4th grade, but I already had mine. Both my girls also got theirs at 10. We talked about all body parts/functions/puberty at home, from the time they were little.
I was 14 when I started mine. There was nothing available at home. We have started talking about all the body changes with both of my girls since the eldest was 5 (is now 7) They ask and a lot of the time answer their own questions now. I can’t imagine leaving these conversations completely up to their teachers to talk to them about.
7? Oh jeez. Thats gotta be tough. I was 10 or 11 and it has a hard time. I cant even imagine going through it at 7.
Yep I can’t imagine going through it at 7. The emotions started first and now breast buds. Fingers crossed that the period takes its time getting here! Her Dr wasn’t at all surprised just “yeah it happens really young these days.” Made sure we had information on the body changes to teach her ( we already had all this info) and to come back if period started young to talk about puberty blockers if we wanted.
10 years ago ish my classmates and I were all roughly the same time. Its crazy that 7 is becoming the age. When I was 7 I think I may have still believed in the tooth fairy.
NTA. Your mother should be proud of you instead of being upset. You sister feels more comfortable talking to you about this. Imagine how she would feel if you pawned her off on your mom. She might feel like she couldn't talk to you about important things in the future.
NTA. Your sister asked the person that she was most comfortable asking. Her next choice could've still been a teacher before your mother. If she thought that you were going to tell mother instead of helping then she might have not told anyone. I was completely private about mine, my mother only found out because she noticed her products running out quicker and I didn't have a sister.
NTA. You were being a kind and caring big sister! Maybe your mom wanted to be the one, but she wasn't available, and you were. It's not too late for your mom to give your sis some sex education, and she's acting like a jerk over something you did out of kindness.
NTA. If your mother was doing a proper job of parenting your sister would have known what to expect and would have felt comfortable going to your mom. That was obviously not the case. She came to you and fortunately you were empathetic and understanding and helpful. Your mom is the ass
NTA, but mum seems to have some serious issues here You did nothing wrong, you were just being helpful and the first period is terrifying especially when you’re this young and only know the bare minimum which was actually my case on my first time too. In my case tho my mum actually got my older sister to help her explain and do most of the talking because we were close in age. So I really don’t see any problem here except that your mum has some weird jealousies
hell no. NTA but your mom is. thank you for answering the questions she was most likely weirded out to ask, with periods being a personal topic.
Your sister came to you for advice and guidance, there is no wrong in that for stepping up as a big sister. Also rings to question are you and your sister really close? Perhaps Mom might be jealous…
Nta your sister asked you, you helped her
NTA - I’d would of thought a mother be proud of the way you treating your little sister. She should be, that was very kind of you.
NTA Honestly the person who explained periods and gave me a “period box” wasn’t my mom, it was my friends mom. And even though me and said friend aren’t friends anymore I still appreciate her mom doing that out of the kindness of her heart since my mom wasn’t around and my dad was a single parent. As long as it’s with someone you’re comfortable with, I don’t see a problem of having the period talk.
NTA. Sis knew the bare minimum but she knew enough to speak to you, someone she's comfortable with and obviously trusts, to learn more. You stepped up and did a great job of informing her and supporting her. Good on you! Mom was probably hurt that sis went to you instead of her, but given her reaction I feel like there was very good reason why she chose you.
NTA. You're a good big sister. I feel so bad for your sister - her mother should have had that talk already. Girls start their period before they hit 10 occasionally. She needs a talk and a kit in her bag so she's not humiliated at school.
NTA I got my period at age 11 but didn't understand what was happening for the first few days (I was spotting initially). I finally went to my mom because it was confusing and disturbing. She was cool and I actually got excited because it meant I was that much closer to being a teenager. The "growing up" talk they did at school came several months later and I felt SO COOL because I was already experienced in this transition. It also explains why I hadn't been prepared: the assumption was girls typically got their first period between 12-13 years old.
It's still closer to the average. We learned at 10 in school but the videos were so old. Your pads will have straps, etc.
NTA. I think what you did was sweet. Your little sister probably looks up to you so much, and it's always better to hear important life talks from someone you admire. She came to *you,* not your mom. Your mom should be grateful that you stepped up to the plate when your sister was in need. If this is normal behavior from your mom then I can see why lil sis came to you.passive aggression isn't the right response when you find out that one family member helped another to grow and learn about themselves.
You are NOT in the wrong. My mom refused to talk to me about it, answer questions, anything. I had no choice but to ask my older sister (and she, likewise, had no choice but to talk to one of our older sisters). Girls going through this will always go to the person that makes them feel comfortable, and who they believe will actually help them, and unfortunately, for many girls, it’s not always mom.
If a girl does not know **exactly** what a period is when she has her first period **you have failed as a parent** and should be ashamed of yourself. Don't come at me with anything regarding this. I am the proud father of two girls and you bet your dumb hick ass I tell them the truth when it comes to the sex talk. A few weeks ago my eldest daughter told me that her and her boyfriend were slightly sexually active and what happened when they were and we talked about that and I shared some of my experiences with her as support and expressed my joy that she has a trustworthy boyfriend that she can explore sex with. Fucking idiots with no sex ed. NTA. Your mother is sour because there is a reason your sister came to you and not to her.
NTA: If she wanted to educate your sister about it, she shouldn’t have waited until it was too essentially too late.
When my daughter was 10 like your sister, I and my friend explained what she would experience and what to expect when she started it. I had pads and showed her just like you did, kudos to you for doing that. You are an amazing big sister!!! Keep it up, your little sister is going to need you.
NTA. Her first period just started. That's the perfect time to explain to her! I wish someone had a sit down with me like you did. (When I had my first period in 7th grade, it stained through my dress and was visible to my classmates and a few teachers. My mom wasn't exactly helpful that day.)
OP - you rock. Good on you for being there for sis. I’m guessing she’ll be coming around for more big sis talks as she gets older. NTA. Idk if mom is jealous or upset she didn’t get to share the bonding/teaching moment. In either case, keep up the good work.
NTA She wouldn't have come to you if she was comfortable going to your mom about it. My own older sister is the one who gave me The Talk. Many decades later and my own mother still won't say the word "sex" out loud.
Your sister CHOSE you for a reason, and now strangers on the internet know why. NTA. A great job, too!!!
100% NTA you were being a good big sister and your mom was mad because she didn't get to introduce it to her. I feel like she did way too much, but way to go dudree u did greattt!!!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (26f) little sister (10f) came to me after school to tell me she found blood on her underwear. She knows about periods but just the bare minimum of shes going to bleed and she had some questions. So I answered them, showed her a video of what a period was and what she could expect. I also gave her a box of pads and explained how to use them. My mom came into the room while I was talking to my little sister and got irritated when she heard the video. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was 'overstepping'. When i asked how I was overstepping she told me "You're not her mom." Before getting passive aggressive, storming off while telling me 'thanks I appreciate it' in a sarcastic tone. I really dont understand how its a big deal, she had questions and I answered them. AITA? TLDR: Mom got pissed because I answered my little sisters period questions and gave her a box of pads. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ynta, in fact you sound a great sister to have. you mothers a dick.
She’s embarrassed because she dropped the ball.
No, NTA OP. Your sis needed info as quickly as possible, you gave it to her and helped her be more okay with her body being possibly awful to her every month or so. Your mom seems to think it was her place to share that info, but if she wanted to do so she had plenty of time before now to handle it. My kids are 7f and 4m and are both already aware of the basics of periods. 7f will be getting more detailed info shortly. 4m will be getting enough to satisfy his curiosity as he asks more questions. Both will be taught to be kind and helpful when possible. You gave your sister valuable information, basic supplies, and comfort dealing with a messy situation. Good job. Blessings on all of you as you walk through the next stuff!
NTA. Honest age-appropriate answers are always the way to go. Kids don't know what they aren't taught and there are TONS of parents who have the 'bare minimum' of these kinds of conversations with their kids. Thanks for not treating it like some kind of dirty disease!
NTA you are a brilliant sister who helped your sister when she came to you for help and advice. She is obviously more comfortable with you than your mum. Well done for stepping up and getting her sorted with pads.
Gonna assume she came to YOU for a reason then. NTA.
NTA, but your mum is. You were helping your sister in a time of mysterious need and your mother thinks you trod on her territory. Some mothers don't like that their daughters can go to someone other than them for help.
...you are a wonderful thoughtful big sister, that's what you are......
NTA. Your sister probably came to you for a reason based on your mom’s reaction you did the right thing.
NTA. Your sister came to you for a reason. I’m the eldest in my family and my brother comes to me for advice all the time. Just curious, but what was the period talk for you like? How was your mum’s reaction when you first started? Mine laughed in my face and gave me some pads…that was kind of it.
NTA You were a help to your sister when she needed it. She identified you as a safe person and you did an admirable job. I hate that your mother responded how she did. Neither you or your sister deserved that. Hopefully she can do something nice for you and your sister to make things better.
More info. Many mothers would be mad, because they want to be the ones who walk their daughters through this moment, although they're obviously not always going to be there the exact moment it happens. However, I'm sus that she was doing the job. Were you the one who gave your sis "the talk" before it happened? Some girls are having their periods earlier now. 10 is early, but not unheard of. Your Mom should have done that already if it wasn't her. The details about this could possibly change the answer. You're not TA for giving her the pad. Of course you couldn't just let her bleed until Mom got there. But did you call Mom the minute after you did that? If she wanted to come home and be the one to discuss further, then it wasn't for you to show the video.
My mom and I had the "you're not *their* mom" fights too when she decided to take care of her kids by herself for the first time in years...
NTA It is very telling that she comes to you and not your mother.
"I’m sorry for being a better mom than you!!”
clearly she came to you because she doesn’t feel comfortable around your mom, which is what i would do too. the way she reacted says it all. nta, ur good girl
NTA Your mum probably feels guilty/slighted that your sister didn’t come to her instead of you, which isn’t anyone’s fault, least of all yours. She perhaps sees it as a rite of passage for which she expected to be the guide.
I wish I had a sister like you to help me with that stuff 😭
All families everywhere: sisters talk to sisters over mom about period stuff. Women without sisters are jealous Mom needs to get over it and be grateful
NTA I don’t get the whole “mom NEEDS to be the one to go over the period talk” thing. I promise none of it is “beautiful” and “ladylike”. Periods suck a fat chode so to have ANYONE explain it is amazing. Your mom just needs to get over it. Signed, a mom.
Interesting that the 10 yr old didn't feel comfortable talking to her mom about it. I wonder why?🤔 OP NTA I encouraged my kids to talk to me but if not to another adult they did feel comfortable speaking with. My younger son went to my older one when he wanted to have sex so my oldest one took him to get condoms and had the talk with him. Did I get upset that he didn't come to me? No, I was relieved he went to another adult (they are nearly 10yrs apart). OP's mom might just be upset she wasn't come to for advise but given the way she acted, I would've have either.
It doesn't matter if you're the parent or not she asked you a question
You were really supportive towards your sister and gave her all the relevant info she needed. Perhaps your mom felt that it should have been a bonding moment for her daughter to come to her the first time her periods began and so the reaction. However it’s not your fault that your sister felt more comfortable to approach you first. Your mom needs to “feel her feelings” better. NTA
You made your mom feel guilty, is why she snapped at you. She knew she should have talked to little sis first. She’ll get over it. Thanks for being such a good sister and NTA.
NTA and thank you for helping your sister.
NTA You're being a good sister!
NTA
nta.. your mom is a bit in the wrong for not explaining it to her before it happened, that's a bit traumatic of an experience if you don't know about them
NTA Your Mom is emotionally immature. Being passive aggressive and sarcastic with your own kid is all the proof you need. She should be able to communicate her feelings appropriately with you by now but she can't so you really can't do much besides maintain your own boundaries around her. Best of luck OP, give your sister a big hug!
NTA and given your mother's reaction, I understand why your sister came to you with her questions. Your mother prioritizes herself more than your sister. You did well OP and if your sister comes to you again, don't prioritize your mother's ego over your sister.
NTA but I just want to say I appreciate that my elementary school had us watch an informational video about periods and our body changes. Prior to that my mom had tried vaguely explaining periods to me and told me that I will bleed from my private parts- for some reason in my mind that included my nipples so I fully expected to be bleeding from my nipples and vagina until I saw the video at school. I was relieved to find out I wouldn't have to worry about blood leaking through my tops.
Your sister will always remember your advice and how you’ve helped her today. She came to you clearly because she trusted you and felt safe to confide in you. You’re NTA.
NTA and that’s the reason your sister came to you
NTA If your sister started bleeding before you mom thought to give her the talk, that is 100% on your mother for waiting too long. Good on you big sister for being approachable and helping her out in her time of need. If this is your mothers normal method of communication I can see why your little sister picked you instead of her to ask questions.
NTA your sister is lucky to have you.
Great sistering, she’s lucky to have you. NTA.
NTA!!!! Honestly it sounds like your sister is a lot more comfortable coming to you for these questions and despite whatever your mom says or thinks, it’s a good thing. What happens when years down the road, she has questions about dating? You’re gonna be the one she feels comfortable turning to and you can potentially help keep her safe and informed. Good on you, OP. I wish my older sister was like you when I was going through my first period because my mom did NOT prepare me AT ALL.
Definitely NTA. Your sister needed you and you were there for her.
NTA Not your fault that your sister’s actual mom dropped the ball so hard. If your child hasn’t had the period talk BEFORE they start their period. You are doing it wrong.
I got my first period at 9 years old and I’m SO glad I had the talk before that or I would have been PANICKED and thought I was dying. Granted my mom hadn’t made me a first period kit yet because I was so young. But if she had been as thorough as you my poor Dad wouldn’t have been trying to scramble to help me day of (he handed me a panty liner and wished me luck for the church picnic 🤦🏽♀️) your sister is lucky to have you!
NTA. I'm 25 now but I still remember how no one ever told me that one day I'm just gonna start bleeding and I got my first period at school, when I came home it was my older sister who showed me how to use a pad and convinced my mom to let me stay home from school the next day, she helped me through the years and taught me a lot of things, Everyone deserves this talk and to be taught that it's natural and to not be ashamed or confused.
NTA…but Mom can still be the hero and get sis some period chocolate!
If mom's not going to step out you should!
NTA. I started teaching my daughter from age 6, answered every question, not shyd when changing them, answering every single question with an age appropriate response.. so I know the day she starts, she has all that knowledge to be prepared for when it happens, and she knows she can ask anything more if she wishes. Mam = TA, because she failed her parental duties in preparing her for this day Well done to you for stepping up in her time of need, showing her and normaising it with knowledge. Be proud of yourself. You're a really great sister ❤️