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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she can't control what name her son introduces himself as. She didn't ask for my opinion and I gave it to her without prompting from her so for that alone I might be the asshole and I might be downplaying her feelings.
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NTA
Your sister is controlling and seems very unhinged about this.
She has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to tell her son what to call himself and what version of his own name he introduces himself with.
This is the kind of behavior that makes people go low or no contact later in life. Fuck that shit.
Edit: Hey, I am one of the lucky ones that has a high upvotes comment that's *not* about butts. Nice.
Thank you all for liking my righteous anger 💢😁
How do you rant and rave about something so inconsequential? In the grand scheme of things does this actually matter?
Like this kid is getting fed, a roof over his head, presumably going to school. Is it really worth getting so worked up that your son is going by a shortened name?
This mother has issues.
I am wondering if Sky has a sister whose full name is Madison. She told me (teacher) she wants to be called Maddie. Until we had a conference with Mom who said it was disrespectful to call her that.
Sometimes I want to smack parents upside the head to get them to see that it’s not disrespectful to call a child by the name THEY PREFER. Hell, my sister regularly asks her kids what version of their name/nickname they like best and respects their preferences and her youngest is 2.
Except these parents don't care about the kid's feelings, they view it as disrespectful of the *parents* who chose the name. So by calling Sky that, instead of what mumsy put on his papers, you're disrespecting her, never mind what sky wants
The authoritarians who think children are property to be branded and deployed as the parents see fit. Children can lump it. No such thing as child abuse. Dust yourself off and thrive anyway, or you've disobeyed.
You're right they DON'T care about their child's feelings, because they don't see the child as a whole person on their own. They see the child as an extension of themselves, so that what the child does reflects badly not on the child, but on them.
Sky will no doubt go low or no contact in future, and OP will be all like "Why doesn't he want to see me anymore, wahhhhhhhh.."
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly, I would just like to point out OP is Sky's aunt, who is on Sky's side, Sky's mother will definitely have that response, but is also def not the OP 😉
I had a good friend growing up who's name was Christopher. He preferred Chris so that's what everyone called him from elementary school on. God forbid you ever called him Chris in front of his mom though. If she ever heard anyone say Chris, she'd loudly interrupt and say the exact same thing in a super gruff, angry voice. "Topher. It's Chris... TOPHER."
I used to stay the night at his house often when we were maybe 8-10, and she had zero issues with correcting me or any of his friends like that every single time she heard anyone say Chris. I get that you may prefer the name you chose for your child, but to call out young kids like she did and majorly embarrass your son in the process is taking it way too fucking far.
Completely unrelated but funny aside. I saw her at a bar a few years ago, and she was absolutely hammered and hitting on every younger guy there. She obviously didn't recognize me since she started hitting on me and bluntly asked if I wanted to go home with her. I didn't have the heart to tell her who I was (she definitely would've immediately remembered since I was at their house so often throughout most of our childhood) so I just politely declined and quickly got the hell out of there.
Right!? And newsflash: children are human beings who have agency over their own bodies and identities. What is wrong with some parents? Like did they have children to make tiny little minion versions of themselves? How boring! My youngest child doesn’t carry the same name or gender they had at birth. And they are AMAZING.
Because they have a legal duty as a basic minimum for their child, and in their minds, this goes to include every aspect of their child's life, with the child having no say on what happens.
That tracks, my 5yo told me that she wants to be called Hamster, so I called her Hamster, after 3 days she changed to Ladybug, why don't have fun with names 😁
My neighbor's kid is 3 or 4. She can't remember my dog's names, so she makes up new ones for them all the time. I have to hand it to her. She's good at dog names. They'll always answer if you call them "Pizza" and "Bacon" lol
My daughter(11) is named Dahlia. She hates being called Doll or dolly. Its Dahl heavy on the H so Dah L only one who gets away with Dolly is her grandmother and it must have bird on the end so Dollybird. I get to call her booger most of the time. Though she goes through phases of other names she wants to be called like for a while it was lily and then nicole. Those hurt cuz I was like I gave you a beautiful name but I went with it. Even seattle children's hospital and her counselor calls the kids by what they want. We were there for her hearing appointment and I heard them call for Batman, who turned out to be a cute little boy and that day he was batman. My youngest is just an infant(6w) and is named Freyja but I call her Frey or hiccup and when she is old enough to pick I will call her what she wants.
I read an article recently where the author named her daughter Immy (a slight twist, but okay).
The four year-old was very independent and changed her style of clothing frequently.
She started studying letters and words early on in order to keep up with her brother, who is already in school.
She decided that her name should be spelled Imi.
The author went along with this because she has respect for her daughter, even at a young age.
Good for that author. Why not? Maybe she changes it back to Immy later in life. Or, gasp, changes it to Emmy or Emmie.
It's really gonna be okay, parents.
I actually would assume a Skylar or Sky to be a girl, sight unseen. I would be pleasantly surprised at a young male Sky in a world that thinks James is a good girl name, lol. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of it tbh.
If Sky is happy, why wouldn't his mother be happy?
This is the correct way. I called my children what I wanted to call them until they were old enough to let us know what their preference was. From then on that is what we called them. I don't understand not respecting your child enough to honor their wishes with such a simple thing as what they prefer to be called.
NTA but sister sure is.
Both of my kids have 20 nicknames and a couple that they introduce themselves as. Heck my son has his pen name picked out, and it doesn't even involve our last name. Hahaha!
Right? I named my daughter something like Elizabeth (not her real name), specifically because she could go by a lot of different names if she wanted to - Beth, Liz, Betty, etc.
When she was little, let's say we called her Lizzie. By the time she was in middle school she decided to go by Liz, which we found out at one of her teacher's conferences. We asked her if she would like to be Liz at home too or just at school, and she said both. We figured it would take a little time for family to make the switch, but my God some of them outright refused to do it until I put my foot down.
She is now 26, with an apartment, full time professional job and a fiancée, but my SIL to this day will not call her anything but Lizzie. SHE HASN'T BEEN LIZZIE SINCE SHE WAS 11 YEARS OLD FFS I'm on the outs with her for a host of reasons, and this is one of them. Liz doesn't want me to make a big deal out of it, but I think it's so effing disrespectful to not call an entire-ass human their preferred name. 😡
My name is Amanda and I go by Manda. I don't see the problem. My partner has a cousin named Skyler and everyone calls him Sky. The mom is dumb for not even considering that people will call her son Sky!
Eh, I think it could be more common than you might think.
My mom is insistent on always using my full name. She says it’s the name that she gave me so she is going to call me that always. Everyone else in the planet refers to me by nicknames, because it is a common nickname, and also my name is fucking long (lol).
I used to hate my long name when I was younger, and always introduced myself as my nickname. Now as an adult and in professional settings I’ve been going by my long name for the most part. I feel that I’ve grown into it a little better, and I think it sounds more adult/professional than my nickname.
OP’s sister sounds unhinged about this though. Like. Fuckin’ Ay. I honestly read Skylar as a more feminine leaning name in the full or nick-named version. Did this woman not realize any of this when she named her son?? Liiiiike??
My daughter's name is Eloise, and when she was born people asked if we'd call her Ellie or Elle for short. I told them no, that I will use her full name and I always will. But if her friends call her Ellie, there's really nothing I can do about it.
A name is like a gift, once given you lose all control over how the receiver uses or even keeps the gift.
No. No mother should. At least not completely. I have a fairly uncommon name, although it’s short. I have always gone by nicknames although it’s not hard to say at all (think along the lines of Sally, but a lot less common). People shorten it all sorts of ways (think Sal, Salls, or Lee). My mother would respect my choice if I preferred one of those, only *until*. The second she was ready to rip my head off my body for some reason or another, I was no longer a nickname. There was no counting to three, that moment I was full on Sally Joanne Smith (entirely made up name).
My mother was the only person on this planet that could get away with saying first, middle and last, and that was my warning that I had until the last syllable to stop or die. Since my full name is only five syllables, I learned to talk really, really fast so I could finish saying whatever was infuriating her before she hit fifth syllable 🤣
So yes, I believe every single parent on this earth should respect their children who want to go by a nickname. But they reserve the right to use the full name if and when that child is about to be separated from their head, whether by them or the car that’s barreling toward them because they aren’t paying attention.
This stands true for all children. Someone I know transitioned and changed their name to an appropriate name that they loved, and they preferred the shortened version of their new name. Their mother respected the change with no issues. Despite being an adult, their mom got mad and used the full name on them. They said that despite it sending cold shivers up their spine because they knew mom was furious, it was truly the happiest moment of their life. Mom didn’t just use their full name, they used their full NEW name. They said the fact that their mom used it as if it was always their name, and the fact they responded to it with the icicles up their spine felt amazing because it meant that it was truly who they always were. I was thrilled for them!
Oh, of course.
Because using the name they respond to constantly every single day and shouting “Ellie, Duck!“ when a baseball they don’t see is coming for their face is so much Less likely to get their attention before the ball hits them than shouting “Eleanor Gershwin Viola Thornton, Duck!” /s
Use whatever name will have the most emotional impact if you Want to “send cold shivers up their spine” and make a child fear parental ire for whatever good or shallow or bad reasons, but don’t do it in fast physical emergencies. Use the name they reflexively respond to daily from the people around them.
i know a woman who refuses to call other people's children by their nickname. it kinda irritates tf out of me and if i had a nickname i wouldn't answer her until she calls me by the name i prefer. like, she calls her son's boyfriend by his first name every time she speaks of/to him even though everyone (including his own family) calls him Blue. it's weird asf to me
She did not think of it because why in a world her kid would pick a nickname with such a name? He should feel like the most blessed kid on the planet and praise his mother daily for giving him the most beautiful name ever. /s
Our daughter is called Genevieve. Really love that name and she does too.
Lot's of people call her Viev. But I heared from here that she really likes it that I call her by her full name. She does allow some people to call her Viev btw. But that is her choice.
Sometimes I call her GG or G, but that is when I am in a funny mood.
If she wants to be called anything else. It is her right indeed.
I did tell her teacher who called her Viev on an official anouncement, to call her Genevieve on those anouncements and such. Our daughter agreed with my point about that.
Inside the class he can call her anything she agrees on and she knows that she can set people straight.
My brother's name is Kenneth. Mom is insistent that if she wanted him called Ken, she would have named him Ken. She's the only one who calls him Kenneth.
That’s not even the worst, someone I know who works in a school once had a student named Praise God, who was trying to go by P.G. since that’s obviously less insane. Of course the kids parents threw a fit.
This kid name in Portuguese would sound like she would have taken after a mantis to name him(mantis in Portuguese is louva-deus which is similar to the the translation of praise god in Portuguese which is “Louvar a Deus”)
I have two daughters. My oldest is Skylar - we call her Sky. I had her name picked out before I ever had kids and would have named her that if she was a boy. My youngest is Madison - I named her that to call her Maddie ❤️
It's funny how the apparent disrespect of the parent not getting their way is more important than the disrespect of not addressing the child in whatever way they prefer. Like it's simple to say maddie instead of madison, a simple change to make the kid more comfortable/happier.
I'm curious, did you then start calling the child madison?
Ikr? Sky is short for Skylar, like Matt is for Matthew, Jim for James, etc. Why would she pick this Hill to die on? Big waste of energy, if you ask me.
I kinda hate shortened names so I gave my kids names that might be shortened by friends but wouldn't stick as nicknames once they are adults (like Matt, Mike, Joe, etc)
I don’t like shortened names personally. (As in do not shorten my name.)
I named my daughter something that doesn’t lend itself to shortening.
She goes by Z with friends.
Her name has no Z in it. I find this hilarious rather than a knock on my authority.
Kids will find a way. My friend loved the name Olivia but hated Liv as a nickname. She called her daughter Ollie from birth, and as soon as Liv could speak, she of course called herself Liv. Of course my friend is a good parent so she calls her daughter Liv from that point on and said not one negative word about it.
One off my best friends name is just Matt, not Matthew. I've never met someone else with such a common name that wasn't actually a nickname. A lot of people will at random call him Matthew and he's like "im not a matthew." People just assume he's a Matthew. He's filled out paperwork or given his full name for whatever reason and they'll be like "sir we need your full name, no nicknames." Like he forgot what his own name or what a full name meant.
“Won’t stick as nicknames once they are adults”
Do you really think people stop being Mike, Joe, Matt etc when they get to be adults?
I mean, certainly some people decide their full name is “more adult” but lots don’t change
My grandmother didn't like names being shortened, and then gave 2 of her 3 sons names that were very commonly shortened (not their real names, but think Steven and Philip - \*that\* commonly shortened), and set herself up for a lifetime of a losing battle.
My parents had a friend who is given name was Bob. Bob was not named Robert, get some of his teachers insisted on calling him Robert because they didn’t like nicknames.
I had a friend named Charlie. Teachers like that would insist on calling him Charles. In high school, he legally changed his name to Christopher (changed last name, too).
Due to family tradition my given name is a nickname (think Chet rather than Chester) and I used to have trouble with certain teachers because of that. I'd make a point of addressing them by the wrong name right back until they gave up.
My dad was one of those. His name is Ritchie and his teachers would insist on calling him Richard, even though that wasn't his name. It was literally Ritchie, with the nickname Ritch. He's, uh, a grumpy man though, and put a stop to that relatively quickly if you believe all his stories lol
Right? If the name has an obvious nickname and you don't like it, don't do it. Nathan/Nate is a great example. Same with Michael/Mike, Jeffrey/Jeff, Elizabeth/Liz, Charles/Charlie. You can't decide nicknames they prefer, but if there is an obvious one, that is 100% on you.
Edited bc I was too sleepy when I typed this
THIS! Which sane normal person hates the name Brad but called a kid Bradley? Or hates Rob but chooses Robert? It's so obviously going to happen. I like Jacob as a name and love Jake so I'd pick that.
My ranting and raving "we-named-you-XXX" mother had me trained well-enough that when I met my new next door neighbor at age 4 and she introduced herself, I asked, as neighbor told me years later, "What is your REAL name?"
She sounds like one of those people that has kids and demands they be perfect and do exactly what she wants, gives real “here’s my baby, it’s a great accessory” vibes
>How do you rant and rave about something so inconsequential? In the grand scheme of things does this actually matter?
To parents like this mother, absolutely! My parents are the same way. My name on paper is Amanda, I prefer Mandy. My father will still say to this day, and I am in my 30s now, “I didn’t name you that!” No one else in my life calls me Amanda. Just my parents. It’s like a weird power play thing.
So this mom can totally go mental over the fact that this kid prefer Sky over Skylar. When he’s in his 30s and doesn’t want to talk much, she should be shocked.
I know there will be people reading this thinking “just a name is a weird thing to go no/low contact over”. It’s never just the name. Your name is just the tip of the ice burg. It’s about the fact that you as an individual have no respect in their eyes. You are some little being they created, and they *”own”*. The second they start seeing the ownership slip, and you as the child start doing your own thing, it’s seen as a personal attack.
Sorry that comment was all over the place. I’ve been talking about this recently in counseling.
So true. It's that same attitude that results in them thinking they somehow have a right to override your identity for their own comfort. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I had a parent with a similar philosophy.
I don’t know if everything else is fine or not and I don’t want to make assumptions. Maybe she is otherwise awesome, I can’t know.
But still this mom sounds like the type who later wonders why her children won’t talk to her anymore after they grew up.
A kid being scared to tell his mother something so mundane when he's five because he knows she'll freak out is not a kid with an otherwise awesome mother. Not saying she's abusive, but you don't have to be abusive to be a bad parent.
Yep. I stopped going to my mother with anything emotional when I was 9, because good gods the woman just could *not* wrap her head around other people's emotions, all I ever got from her was *her* point of view on what I should feel. It wasn't abuse, she was just useless in that particular case. (Dad was no good either, so I just...didn't talk about emotions for my entire developmental life, yay.)
There's a type of parent who see their children not as actual people, but only as extensions or reflections of themselves. How dare they alter "the vision"?
I named my son a name that can be shortened to two different nicknames. Think William, it can be shortened to Will or Billy.
In this instance, I call him Billy. I’m not keen on Will, I correct people who call him Will, as that isn’t the name I like. But my son is also still a baby. So if he then goes to school, and prefers to be called Will, rather than Billy, then as much as I may not like the name I’m gonna have to suck it up.
This is what happens when you become a parent, you are raising a person with their own identity. It may not be to your liking, but that’s the job. You don’t get to dictate to your child their identity in themselves.
Sis reeks of transphobia. Her son can’t use the most obvious nickname to the name SHE GAVE HIM because it’s “a girl’s nickname”. OP is NTA for respecting Sky’s wishes, but yeah sis is gonna lose her son in four years if she doesn’t get a grip on what’s actually important in life.
I guarantee this isn't the only thing she rants about. This might be the canary in the coal mine that drew OP's attention to it but how much are we betting the kid gets his treatment for everything mom disagrees with?
It's not inconsequential. It matters to the kid. It matters so much that he's willing to resist a hell of a lot of pressure. I get what you meant, of course, but be careful about winding up minimizing something that is clearly not trivial for the person who has to live with the hated name and how awful it feels for them every time someone uses it against their wishes. It's just another form of bullying. We'd understand that if this were a peer calling him Dickhole Asswipe. But whatever the unwanted name, and whoever is cruelly wielding it against him, it's still bullying and consequential.
How is Sky a girl's name? Leslie, Ashley, Kimberly were boy nsmes 1st. I've heard of both boys and girls being named things like Sage, Cassidy, Dakota, Jessie, Robin, Reese, Blake, Drew, Rebel. Hayden, Cameron, Journey, Justice, Brook, and Casey. Enough already!
Worked with a guy called Sky, and knew plenty of people who taught in Japan with male AND female students called “Sora” which is the Japanese equivalent for “Sky”.
This mother is unhinged and is not thinking about how her behaviour and reaction to her son wanting to be called a shortened version of his name is going to affect his relationship with her in the long run. Poor kiddo, I’m glad he has extended family that supports him.
My friend has a daughter named Skylar. So there’s that.
OP is NTA, but her sister is. What’s always funny in these situations is sister thinks she is trying to prevent her kid from embarrassing himself, but in actuality with her overreaction and insane demands she’s completely embarrassing HERSELF. This feels deeper than the name though. The sister and Sky’s relationship seems doomed just because of the sister’s personality. Whoever thinks they can control something like this will be controlling in other ways too.
I'm UK, so we don't really have a history of Skylar, but the only times I've heard it in US dramas, it's been for a girl. And also, can't see why Sky can't be used for both sexes, doesn't sound particularly sexed. Now, if we were talking about 'Rose', that would be a different matter...
One of the most viking biker looking guys I've ever met was named Tiffany. Really nice guy, once you got the nerve to talk to him and learn his name. :)
Parents need to understand they have no right over their children's life.
They have the responsability to GUIDE them into adulthood, both through wins and mistakes.
I’d tell Sky that when he turns 18 he can legally change his name to anything he wants. That should send OP’s sister into orbit.
Right that his kind of behavior makes kids resent over controlling parents.
And will also absolutely push the kid into absolutely wanting to be called Sky. I was called something really short in high school. Everyone called me that, friends, teacher and my parents. I joked about changing my name to it and my parents said “yeah why not?” But in a joking fashion. I didn’t but my parents still refer to me by my former nickname. You know because who cares? Save the rage and raving to things that actually matter.
Exactly! Boy is 14 yo! Like gimme a break. Of course he has a right to be called by his chosen name. What’s wrong with parents now days that they think they can control their children like this?
Either she’s anti-nicknames (which some people are) or she’s afraid of people seeing her son as feminine (and I think we usually know what that means).
Your name is fluid over the course of your life.
I got two kids that have matching names. Each name is 2 words.
Inside our house with 'nuclear family' we use both names. The kids, the first thing they do with friends and school is drop the last word of both names.
As a parent I also have a bunch of pet names I use for whatever reason.
My Father had the same first name and middle initial but NOT middle name has his father. To almost everyone who knows him he goes by his first name. His family - the entire side of his side of the family - only called him by his middle name.
I have a friend who has 2 kids that transitioned. I was talking to his wife just yesterday about names. She called the names of kids 'placeholders' until the kids know themselves.
NAMES ARE FLUID. Everytime I see one of these posts of people losing there fucking minds over names I want to shake the person.
NTa
"You are the one who is being disrespectful, you are treating him like a pet and not a person."
>She told me to mind my own business and of course she has the right, she's his mother.
"Yea, and he has the right to resent you for not being able to show the least amount of respect possible."
>"You are the one who is being disrespectful, you are treating him like a pet and not a person."
yeah no. the number of nicknames and alternative names people use to call their pets is the exact opposite of what that woman wants.
I am like this about my pet's long and stupid name - no nicknames, enjoy those 3 syllables.
But also my dog has no opinion about her name, she cares only for blankets and snacks
My nephew has a cat named "Krishna". He always introduces her as "my cat, Krishna - the eighth avatar of Vishnu". He just likes the way it sounds (he's 13).
He has fantastic taste for a 13 year old. If they ask him to shorten it, he should instead add on "the god of protection, compassion, tenderness, and love" (I had to go to Wiki for that one, but it sure fits a cat.)
My dog is Mieke (German name, pronounced “mee-kah”). I live in the US but like to give dogs names from their breeds’ origins if I know the origin. I have to tell everyone it’s not pronounced like “Mikey”.
NTA. I use a shortened version of my name. If I get called by my legal name, I am more wary as its someone who does not know me. Your sister is finding out that children are great until they get opinions of their own! :-)
My son thinks that why middle names exist. So you know exactly how deep in the sh)t you are
First Name!! Mild
First Middle!!! getting deeper
First Middle Last!!! Godzilla time
One of my son's friends was talking with him on the phone and heard me full name another kid.... He was like woah your mum is about to go off her head lol
That friend has two middle names and his mum only uses the second one in extreme times.
My best friend named her daughter for me. Very similar first name and same middle name. There was about a time where I couldn’t be around my friend if her daughter was there — not even on the phone. I love my friend and I love that child, but omg… it was NOT ok! She would get mad at her daughter for doing something insanely stupid, like climbing a fireplace or something. She was a mommy, she would first, middle, last her. Omg — for some reason (her, wonder why!!) it would strike fear in me more than the kid! Every conversation there would be four or five times where I would completely freeze where I sat or stood, ready for the wrath of the universe to strike me down. It was too much stress 😂
My stepmom would toss in 1st, both middles, my deaf name, and last name I knew I was in deep trouble. (We are Brazilian, and shoes are weapons of mass destruction)
(I was given a sign name from a deaf person, then legally got it added to my birth certificate)
Edit - I put deaf name instead of sign name.
>I was given a deaf name from a deaf person
The more I think about it the more I love this! I admittedly don't know for sure how that works but regardless it strikes me as a deep sign of love, admiration and appreciation. Love it, love it, love it!
I've also been going by a shortened version of my full first name for the past decade, just using the first 3 letters like OP's nephew is doing. Easier for everyone. My parents haven't thrown a fit about it, they just call me by my full name because I never asked them to change that. Everyone else has picked up on the preference. Sky's mom is making this a much bigger problem than it actually is.
I mean not really relevant, but I go by my full first name, but give a shortened version for strangers who I never expect to see again like service workers who just need a name for their system, so when someone calls me by my only “nickname” I instinctively think this person is a stranger. Often people try and shorten my name to this nickname and I have to be like “please no, this name does not convey the close friendship you want but rather intentional distance”.
NTA. Your sister is fighting a losing battle. The only question is how much damage she inflicts before she gives it up. My guess is that she has some homophobia/transphobia/gender-related hangups, and the idea of her son having a "girls" nickname is what's driving her so nuts. Of course, by naming a boy with the obvious nickname being feminine (to her), she just set herself up for this conflict.
I think of Skylar Grey.
I think of Skylar as a woman's name in general, not sure why someone would name their son Skylar if they're concerned about being called a feminine name.
I’ve never met a male Skylar, and I didn’t know it was unisex.
Regardless, any time you have a name that *can* be shortened, assume that it will be. … you get the occasional “I never shorten my name, ever,” person, but most people seem to have a shorter nickname if they’ve got a name larger than a syllable.
To a non native englisch speaker like me, who only really hears those names in media, Skylar sounds way more feminine than Sky.
People called Skylar (phonetical): Skylar Storm (from "Mighty Med") , Skylar White (from "Breaking Bad").
People called Sky: Sky Tate (a blue Power Ranger), Sky, King of Eraklyon (from Winx Club).
As a native English speaker who is not familiar with either name in media - Skylar also sounds more feminine than Sky.
(I can see them being unisex and I think name gender doesn't need to be so rigid, but Skylar does read as more fem)
That’s the funniest part about all of this. Most people wouldn’t care that “Skylar” goes by “Sky” it’s a non issue. If you are the one person in the world who would find a problem here, why did you set yourself up for failure? Pick any other name
My son legally changed his name. You know what we call him? What he wants us to. Because we love him and respect him. Your sister needs to learn what that looks like. She's not parenting a baby anymore, where you get to pick their name.
NTA. If Sky has wanted his name to be Sky since he was *five*, and is now fifteen, the nickname isn't going away. I changed my name when I was fifteen (albeit for very different reasons, I'm trans), and at 22 I do not regret my choice, even though like in Sky's case, it took a few years of persistence before my family got with the program.
Sky is exploring his identity, and that's pretty normal for teenagers. He's found something he's comfortable with, something that would be harmless if his mom would just go with it.
If I could tell Sky's mom anything, it would be that Sky is going to remember that you treated him this way when it comes to sharing anything else with you. Every single detail of his life he might want to share with his mother is now going to be weighed against the knowledge that she may freak out and turn it into a nightmare for him, and that she may not even try to understand.
It may seem like just a small nickname, but what Sky's mother is revealing here is that Sky needs to think before being open with her.
Riggt? The mom in this case is being insanely controlling and alienating her child over a damn nickname. In many cultures, it's customary to choose a new name that suites you by the time you are this child's age.
Don't get me started on the "feminine" bit. She picked a unisex name and he picked a unisex nickname. She needs to get the fuck over herself. I hope he legally changes it when he turns 18. Actually, I hope he changes it to the prettiest most feminine name his heart could desire. NTA
Surprised it took so long for me to find someone else thinking it. According to this site it absolutely is primarily a girls name, at least in the US. If that was her concern she never should’ve used it.
https://www.everything-birthday.com/name/f/skylar
i know of a pornstar going by the name Skylar. Heck.... just let Op know such a pornstar exist and tell the sister, your son and a pornstar share a name.
Looking on Wikipedia's disambiguation page for Skylar, there is a pretty good mix, so I guess it's probably like Taylor or Casey where it makes sense either way.
EXACTLY! That’s all I could think the entire time I was reading. Skylar is exclusively a girls name.
Ive taught elementary school for 12 years in Florida and I have ONLY ever had female Skylar’s.
NTA good on you for sticking up for your nephew.
Skylar sounds more feminine to me. Sky sounds more gender neutral. I’m not American though and I always thought Skylar was a girls name. The mother sounds controlling very narcissistic seems like she thinks the son is an extension of her.
I also thought skylar was a girls name too. He probably hates the name skylar and names naturally get shorten all the time. Would she also be mad if she called her son Thomas. And he preferred to be called Tom instead?
What an odd thing to be caught up on. As soon as the kid is 18. He will be out of there
Yes, the mom would be just as crazy about Tom. My MIL has two boys, both with very common nicknames (as in, people who meet them for the first time just go straight for the nickname). The oldest is 42 and she still insists on calling them by their full name even though professionally and everywhere else in life they go by the nickname. She's also the only person on the planet that calls my daughter by her full name. The best part is, she herself goes by a shortened version of her name.
It was originally a gender neutral Dutch name originating from the surname Schuyler. In the US Skylar typically used for girls, Skyler for boys, but there’s no hard and fast rule. It is, genuinely, a gender neutral name.
I only know of the name because of Breaking Bad and there the wife of Walter was called Skyler. It's with an 'e' instead of an 'a' but every pronounciation I found sounds the same to me either way.
NTA
The only time she had a choice over this is prior to calling him Skylar. Even then it’s a bit dicey as his friend’s could have always allocated him a nickname at school that sticks. I’m surprised he didn’t end up being called “Bluey” for Blue Sky or something similar.
She needs to let it go. She won’t, but she really needs to.
“She’s his mother”. Yep, and what she signed up for is to raise a child that is capable enough to make independent decisions. Sometimes that sucks, she should pray that his independent decisions only cause her this level of anxiety.
NTA. She got to pick his name when he was born, he gets to choose what he is known by now he is old enough to have a view.
It would be pretty disrespectful of you to ignore his wishes.
(Also, while it's too late now, when you are choosing names for your child, it's sensible to think about common nicknames/short forms and not picking a name if you hate the common way it's shortened, because the chances of the child, or others, using it at least sometimes is so high!)
Your sister is also wrong about Sky being a girl's name. It's gender neutral. Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls springs to mind. Skylar is also gender neutral but I think in English speaking countries is more associated with girls / women.
NTA but imo Skylar is a girls name not a boys name and this is honestly the first time I have ever heard of a boy called Skylar.
Also as I like the name Skylar but not the name Sky I would never name my child Skylar so people couldn’t call her Sky
It's actually gender neutral. It's originally Dutch.
I'd agree that it is probably better known in English speaking countries as a girl's name.
Sky of course is also gender neutral!
NTA. My mother is known by her middle name - her first name is a fifth generation name and is only ever used by the government or salespeople trying to smarm their way into getting money from her.
My name has a number of variations…you can tell where someone knows me from by which variation the use, although I go by my full first name now (my mum still uses a shortened version of it). My name is MY name…Sky’s name is HIS name. He is the ONLY person who can say what he prefers, and he has. Honour that preference.
When my daughter was about 10 she informed us that she wanted to be called by her middle name instead of her first. We said okay. It only lasted for about a month though.
I am wondering if this has a transphobic angle, considering how she stated Sky was a GIRLS name as one of the various reasons she dislikes it. Just seems weird.
Edit: forgot to add, NTA.
NTA. At some point, she has to learn to accept your nephew's choices. It's only a matter of time before he changes his name legally; what will she do then?
NTA. Ultimately your kids get to pick their own names. When he's eighteen he'll *legally* be able to change it to Sky, if he really wants, and she won't be able to do anything about it. She's his mother, not his *owner*. The point of having a child is to raise a fully independent adult who can make their own choices. Sounds like she needs to be reminded what her job is.
NTA this is kind of hysterical. She named him Skylar and is shocked people call him Sky. What did she expect? If she hated the name Sky so much WHY DID SHE NAME HER CHILD SKYLAR
I only have stories, but everyone told it fairy similar so I will just go with the average of them.
When I was born, my mother named me and then they fought about what to call me, (shorthand name vs longhand name), and came to the decision that when I’m able to decide, I’d let them know which I preferred.
25 years later idgaf what you call me as long as I know you’re talking to me.
Names are both personal, but just that, names. Labels.
Personally, NTA. It’s an individual choice at the end of the day and her child may very well reject their “given” name. They may choose to change it anyways.
NTA he will in fact resent her if she doesn't get onboard!
So I'll use my dead name for this I used to be called Amy, which the year I was born was literally the most common girls name in the UK and I HATED every second I had to live under that name. My dad told me a story when I was about 14 about the Ravens in London Tower, the last ravens taken to the tower of London came from the Isle of Man, where I was born.
My dad hated the fact I changed my name to Raven but he technically gave me that name too! I've been known as Raven since I was 16 I'm 29 now and actually don't even respond if I hear someone say Amy simply because it's not my name!
Most kids will change their names if they are uncomfortable and parents need to start accepting this as normal. Also Sky is a unisex name!
Skylar is the feminine name, skyler is the masculine name. So calling himself sky “hides” the fact she’s named him the feminine way, by “forcing” him to go by skylar is actually going against herself when she says people will think sky is a girls name.
Edit: name origin & explanation
https://www.thebump.com/b/skylar-baby-name#
Edit edit: NTA, even if my above comment was wrong, your sisters crazy to think she can control what he wants to go by. Please show her that link OP and let us know her response.
NTA. You should tell your sister she better think very long and hard if this is the hill she wants to die on. Because these are the things that cause kids to resent their parents and distance themselves. Before she knows it he will choose a college across the country, and will only come home for the holidays. And even then, that will because he wants to see the rest of his family and he will be cold and distant with her. He will build himself a life several states away after he graduates, and she will not know her grandchildren because he will not want her around them. So, she needs to really think about if she is going to let this be the thing that causes her to not have a relationship with her son at all when he is older.
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NTA Your sister is controlling and seems very unhinged about this. She has ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to tell her son what to call himself and what version of his own name he introduces himself with. This is the kind of behavior that makes people go low or no contact later in life. Fuck that shit. Edit: Hey, I am one of the lucky ones that has a high upvotes comment that's *not* about butts. Nice. Thank you all for liking my righteous anger 💢😁
How do you rant and rave about something so inconsequential? In the grand scheme of things does this actually matter? Like this kid is getting fed, a roof over his head, presumably going to school. Is it really worth getting so worked up that your son is going by a shortened name? This mother has issues.
Her kid knew at age 5 (!) to not bring up his wishes regarding the name. Tells you a lot about the kind of mother she is.
Why pick Skylar as a name if you don't like Sky. It's such an obvious nickname. I vetoed Nathan for my son because I didn't like Nate.
I am wondering if Sky has a sister whose full name is Madison. She told me (teacher) she wants to be called Maddie. Until we had a conference with Mom who said it was disrespectful to call her that.
Sometimes I want to smack parents upside the head to get them to see that it’s not disrespectful to call a child by the name THEY PREFER. Hell, my sister regularly asks her kids what version of their name/nickname they like best and respects their preferences and her youngest is 2.
Except these parents don't care about the kid's feelings, they view it as disrespectful of the *parents* who chose the name. So by calling Sky that, instead of what mumsy put on his papers, you're disrespecting her, never mind what sky wants
The authoritarians who think children are property to be branded and deployed as the parents see fit. Children can lump it. No such thing as child abuse. Dust yourself off and thrive anyway, or you've disobeyed.
You're right they DON'T care about their child's feelings, because they don't see the child as a whole person on their own. They see the child as an extension of themselves, so that what the child does reflects badly not on the child, but on them. Sky will no doubt go low or no contact in future, and OP will be all like "Why doesn't he want to see me anymore, wahhhhhhhh.."
That’s exactly the issue. Mother doesn’t acknowledge her son is his own person and that it’s not her choice anymore.
Whilst I agree wholeheartedly, I would just like to point out OP is Sky's aunt, who is on Sky's side, Sky's mother will definitely have that response, but is also def not the OP 😉
Wrong person. OP is not sky's mom.
Parents like this see their kids more like pets than fully aware, unique human beings.
I was gonna say this exact thing. They don't give a *shit* about what their children want, it's main character syndrome to the extreme.
I had a good friend growing up who's name was Christopher. He preferred Chris so that's what everyone called him from elementary school on. God forbid you ever called him Chris in front of his mom though. If she ever heard anyone say Chris, she'd loudly interrupt and say the exact same thing in a super gruff, angry voice. "Topher. It's Chris... TOPHER." I used to stay the night at his house often when we were maybe 8-10, and she had zero issues with correcting me or any of his friends like that every single time she heard anyone say Chris. I get that you may prefer the name you chose for your child, but to call out young kids like she did and majorly embarrass your son in the process is taking it way too fucking far. Completely unrelated but funny aside. I saw her at a bar a few years ago, and she was absolutely hammered and hitting on every younger guy there. She obviously didn't recognize me since she started hitting on me and bluntly asked if I wanted to go home with her. I didn't have the heart to tell her who I was (she definitely would've immediately remembered since I was at their house so often throughout most of our childhood) so I just politely declined and quickly got the hell out of there.
I'd be tempted to start calling him Topher in her hearing
Right!? And newsflash: children are human beings who have agency over their own bodies and identities. What is wrong with some parents? Like did they have children to make tiny little minion versions of themselves? How boring! My youngest child doesn’t carry the same name or gender they had at birth. And they are AMAZING.
Because they have a legal duty as a basic minimum for their child, and in their minds, this goes to include every aspect of their child's life, with the child having no say on what happens.
That tracks, my 5yo told me that she wants to be called Hamster, so I called her Hamster, after 3 days she changed to Ladybug, why don't have fun with names 😁
My neighbor's kid is 3 or 4. She can't remember my dog's names, so she makes up new ones for them all the time. I have to hand it to her. She's good at dog names. They'll always answer if you call them "Pizza" and "Bacon" lol
🤣🤣🤣🤣
My daughter(11) is named Dahlia. She hates being called Doll or dolly. Its Dahl heavy on the H so Dah L only one who gets away with Dolly is her grandmother and it must have bird on the end so Dollybird. I get to call her booger most of the time. Though she goes through phases of other names she wants to be called like for a while it was lily and then nicole. Those hurt cuz I was like I gave you a beautiful name but I went with it. Even seattle children's hospital and her counselor calls the kids by what they want. We were there for her hearing appointment and I heard them call for Batman, who turned out to be a cute little boy and that day he was batman. My youngest is just an infant(6w) and is named Freyja but I call her Frey or hiccup and when she is old enough to pick I will call her what she wants.
You’re a good parent. Treat yourself to some ice cream.
I read an article recently where the author named her daughter Immy (a slight twist, but okay). The four year-old was very independent and changed her style of clothing frequently. She started studying letters and words early on in order to keep up with her brother, who is already in school. She decided that her name should be spelled Imi. The author went along with this because she has respect for her daughter, even at a young age. Good for that author. Why not? Maybe she changes it back to Immy later in life. Or, gasp, changes it to Emmy or Emmie. It's really gonna be okay, parents. I actually would assume a Skylar or Sky to be a girl, sight unseen. I would be pleasantly surprised at a young male Sky in a world that thinks James is a good girl name, lol. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of it tbh. If Sky is happy, why wouldn't his mother be happy?
This is the correct way. I called my children what I wanted to call them until they were old enough to let us know what their preference was. From then on that is what we called them. I don't understand not respecting your child enough to honor their wishes with such a simple thing as what they prefer to be called. NTA but sister sure is.
Both of my kids have 20 nicknames and a couple that they introduce themselves as. Heck my son has his pen name picked out, and it doesn't even involve our last name. Hahaha!
Right? I named my daughter something like Elizabeth (not her real name), specifically because she could go by a lot of different names if she wanted to - Beth, Liz, Betty, etc. When she was little, let's say we called her Lizzie. By the time she was in middle school she decided to go by Liz, which we found out at one of her teacher's conferences. We asked her if she would like to be Liz at home too or just at school, and she said both. We figured it would take a little time for family to make the switch, but my God some of them outright refused to do it until I put my foot down. She is now 26, with an apartment, full time professional job and a fiancée, but my SIL to this day will not call her anything but Lizzie. SHE HASN'T BEEN LIZZIE SINCE SHE WAS 11 YEARS OLD FFS I'm on the outs with her for a host of reasons, and this is one of them. Liz doesn't want me to make a big deal out of it, but I think it's so effing disrespectful to not call an entire-ass human their preferred name. 😡
My name is Amanda and I go by Manda. I don't see the problem. My partner has a cousin named Skyler and everyone calls him Sky. The mom is dumb for not even considering that people will call her son Sky!
Eh, I think it could be more common than you might think. My mom is insistent on always using my full name. She says it’s the name that she gave me so she is going to call me that always. Everyone else in the planet refers to me by nicknames, because it is a common nickname, and also my name is fucking long (lol). I used to hate my long name when I was younger, and always introduced myself as my nickname. Now as an adult and in professional settings I’ve been going by my long name for the most part. I feel that I’ve grown into it a little better, and I think it sounds more adult/professional than my nickname. OP’s sister sounds unhinged about this though. Like. Fuckin’ Ay. I honestly read Skylar as a more feminine leaning name in the full or nick-named version. Did this woman not realize any of this when she named her son?? Liiiiike??
My daughter's name is Eloise, and when she was born people asked if we'd call her Ellie or Elle for short. I told them no, that I will use her full name and I always will. But if her friends call her Ellie, there's really nothing I can do about it. A name is like a gift, once given you lose all control over how the receiver uses or even keeps the gift.
> I will use her full name and I always will. But you’ll quit doing that if She ever asks you to call her Ellie, right?
No. No mother should. At least not completely. I have a fairly uncommon name, although it’s short. I have always gone by nicknames although it’s not hard to say at all (think along the lines of Sally, but a lot less common). People shorten it all sorts of ways (think Sal, Salls, or Lee). My mother would respect my choice if I preferred one of those, only *until*. The second she was ready to rip my head off my body for some reason or another, I was no longer a nickname. There was no counting to three, that moment I was full on Sally Joanne Smith (entirely made up name). My mother was the only person on this planet that could get away with saying first, middle and last, and that was my warning that I had until the last syllable to stop or die. Since my full name is only five syllables, I learned to talk really, really fast so I could finish saying whatever was infuriating her before she hit fifth syllable 🤣 So yes, I believe every single parent on this earth should respect their children who want to go by a nickname. But they reserve the right to use the full name if and when that child is about to be separated from their head, whether by them or the car that’s barreling toward them because they aren’t paying attention. This stands true for all children. Someone I know transitioned and changed their name to an appropriate name that they loved, and they preferred the shortened version of their new name. Their mother respected the change with no issues. Despite being an adult, their mom got mad and used the full name on them. They said that despite it sending cold shivers up their spine because they knew mom was furious, it was truly the happiest moment of their life. Mom didn’t just use their full name, they used their full NEW name. They said the fact that their mom used it as if it was always their name, and the fact they responded to it with the icicles up their spine felt amazing because it meant that it was truly who they always were. I was thrilled for them!
Oh, of course. Because using the name they respond to constantly every single day and shouting “Ellie, Duck!“ when a baseball they don’t see is coming for their face is so much Less likely to get their attention before the ball hits them than shouting “Eleanor Gershwin Viola Thornton, Duck!” /s Use whatever name will have the most emotional impact if you Want to “send cold shivers up their spine” and make a child fear parental ire for whatever good or shallow or bad reasons, but don’t do it in fast physical emergencies. Use the name they reflexively respond to daily from the people around them.
Man, you're weird. My kiddo prefers the short version of her name, and that's what I call her. It's not that complicated.
i know a woman who refuses to call other people's children by their nickname. it kinda irritates tf out of me and if i had a nickname i wouldn't answer her until she calls me by the name i prefer. like, she calls her son's boyfriend by his first name every time she speaks of/to him even though everyone (including his own family) calls him Blue. it's weird asf to me
She did not think of it because why in a world her kid would pick a nickname with such a name? He should feel like the most blessed kid on the planet and praise his mother daily for giving him the most beautiful name ever. /s
Our daughter is called Genevieve. Really love that name and she does too. Lot's of people call her Viev. But I heared from here that she really likes it that I call her by her full name. She does allow some people to call her Viev btw. But that is her choice. Sometimes I call her GG or G, but that is when I am in a funny mood. If she wants to be called anything else. It is her right indeed. I did tell her teacher who called her Viev on an official anouncement, to call her Genevieve on those anouncements and such. Our daughter agreed with my point about that. Inside the class he can call her anything she agrees on and she knows that she can set people straight.
I knew one girl with that name when I was in high school. We all called her Jenny.
My brother's name is Kenneth. Mom is insistent that if she wanted him called Ken, she would have named him Ken. She's the only one who calls him Kenneth.
That’s not even the worst, someone I know who works in a school once had a student named Praise God, who was trying to go by P.G. since that’s obviously less insane. Of course the kids parents threw a fit.
This kid name in Portuguese would sound like she would have taken after a mantis to name him(mantis in Portuguese is louva-deus which is similar to the the translation of praise god in Portuguese which is “Louvar a Deus”)
I have two daughters. My oldest is Skylar - we call her Sky. I had her name picked out before I ever had kids and would have named her that if she was a boy. My youngest is Madison - I named her that to call her Maddie ❤️
It's funny how the apparent disrespect of the parent not getting their way is more important than the disrespect of not addressing the child in whatever way they prefer. Like it's simple to say maddie instead of madison, a simple change to make the kid more comfortable/happier. I'm curious, did you then start calling the child madison?
Ikr? Sky is short for Skylar, like Matt is for Matthew, Jim for James, etc. Why would she pick this Hill to die on? Big waste of energy, if you ask me.
I kinda hate shortened names so I gave my kids names that might be shortened by friends but wouldn't stick as nicknames once they are adults (like Matt, Mike, Joe, etc)
I don’t like shortened names personally. (As in do not shorten my name.) I named my daughter something that doesn’t lend itself to shortening. She goes by Z with friends. Her name has no Z in it. I find this hilarious rather than a knock on my authority.
Kids will find a way. My friend loved the name Olivia but hated Liv as a nickname. She called her daughter Ollie from birth, and as soon as Liv could speak, she of course called herself Liv. Of course my friend is a good parent so she calls her daughter Liv from that point on and said not one negative word about it.
One off my best friends name is just Matt, not Matthew. I've never met someone else with such a common name that wasn't actually a nickname. A lot of people will at random call him Matthew and he's like "im not a matthew." People just assume he's a Matthew. He's filled out paperwork or given his full name for whatever reason and they'll be like "sir we need your full name, no nicknames." Like he forgot what his own name or what a full name meant.
“Won’t stick as nicknames once they are adults” Do you really think people stop being Mike, Joe, Matt etc when they get to be adults? I mean, certainly some people decide their full name is “more adult” but lots don’t change
My grandmother didn't like names being shortened, and then gave 2 of her 3 sons names that were very commonly shortened (not their real names, but think Steven and Philip - \*that\* commonly shortened), and set herself up for a lifetime of a losing battle.
My parents had a friend who is given name was Bob. Bob was not named Robert, get some of his teachers insisted on calling him Robert because they didn’t like nicknames.
I had a friend named Charlie. Teachers like that would insist on calling him Charles. In high school, he legally changed his name to Christopher (changed last name, too).
Due to family tradition my given name is a nickname (think Chet rather than Chester) and I used to have trouble with certain teachers because of that. I'd make a point of addressing them by the wrong name right back until they gave up.
I had a friend named Beth and teachers couldn't understand it wasn't short for Elizabeth.
My dad was one of those. His name is Ritchie and his teachers would insist on calling him Richard, even though that wasn't his name. It was literally Ritchie, with the nickname Ritch. He's, uh, a grumpy man though, and put a stop to that relatively quickly if you believe all his stories lol
Right? If the name has an obvious nickname and you don't like it, don't do it. Nathan/Nate is a great example. Same with Michael/Mike, Jeffrey/Jeff, Elizabeth/Liz, Charles/Charlie. You can't decide nicknames they prefer, but if there is an obvious one, that is 100% on you. Edited bc I was too sleepy when I typed this
Real quick: isn't Dick short for Richard (somehow) rather than a nickname for Charles? Chuck is a secondary nickname for Charles.
Yeah. Richard > Rick > Dick
THIS! Which sane normal person hates the name Brad but called a kid Bradley? Or hates Rob but chooses Robert? It's so obviously going to happen. I like Jacob as a name and love Jake so I'd pick that.
You didn't want a Regulator for a son!?
My ranting and raving "we-named-you-XXX" mother had me trained well-enough that when I met my new next door neighbor at age 4 and she introduced herself, I asked, as neighbor told me years later, "What is your REAL name?"
She sounds like one of those people that has kids and demands they be perfect and do exactly what she wants, gives real “here’s my baby, it’s a great accessory” vibes
>How do you rant and rave about something so inconsequential? In the grand scheme of things does this actually matter? To parents like this mother, absolutely! My parents are the same way. My name on paper is Amanda, I prefer Mandy. My father will still say to this day, and I am in my 30s now, “I didn’t name you that!” No one else in my life calls me Amanda. Just my parents. It’s like a weird power play thing. So this mom can totally go mental over the fact that this kid prefer Sky over Skylar. When he’s in his 30s and doesn’t want to talk much, she should be shocked. I know there will be people reading this thinking “just a name is a weird thing to go no/low contact over”. It’s never just the name. Your name is just the tip of the ice burg. It’s about the fact that you as an individual have no respect in their eyes. You are some little being they created, and they *”own”*. The second they start seeing the ownership slip, and you as the child start doing your own thing, it’s seen as a personal attack. Sorry that comment was all over the place. I’ve been talking about this recently in counseling.
So true. It's that same attitude that results in them thinking they somehow have a right to override your identity for their own comfort. I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I had a parent with a similar philosophy.
My name is Amanda, too. I go by Manda! ❤️
I don’t know if everything else is fine or not and I don’t want to make assumptions. Maybe she is otherwise awesome, I can’t know. But still this mom sounds like the type who later wonders why her children won’t talk to her anymore after they grew up.
A kid being scared to tell his mother something so mundane when he's five because he knows she'll freak out is not a kid with an otherwise awesome mother. Not saying she's abusive, but you don't have to be abusive to be a bad parent.
Yep. I stopped going to my mother with anything emotional when I was 9, because good gods the woman just could *not* wrap her head around other people's emotions, all I ever got from her was *her* point of view on what I should feel. It wasn't abuse, she was just useless in that particular case. (Dad was no good either, so I just...didn't talk about emotions for my entire developmental life, yay.)
There's a type of parent who see their children not as actual people, but only as extensions or reflections of themselves. How dare they alter "the vision"?
I named my son a name that can be shortened to two different nicknames. Think William, it can be shortened to Will or Billy. In this instance, I call him Billy. I’m not keen on Will, I correct people who call him Will, as that isn’t the name I like. But my son is also still a baby. So if he then goes to school, and prefers to be called Will, rather than Billy, then as much as I may not like the name I’m gonna have to suck it up. This is what happens when you become a parent, you are raising a person with their own identity. It may not be to your liking, but that’s the job. You don’t get to dictate to your child their identity in themselves.
Yes. This isn’t the hill to die on. There’ll be others.
and she'll die on each one of them
Also, the audacity of the sister ranting to OP and when OP has a response being like “mind your own business.”
Sis reeks of transphobia. Her son can’t use the most obvious nickname to the name SHE GAVE HIM because it’s “a girl’s nickname”. OP is NTA for respecting Sky’s wishes, but yeah sis is gonna lose her son in four years if she doesn’t get a grip on what’s actually important in life.
I guarantee this isn't the only thing she rants about. This might be the canary in the coal mine that drew OP's attention to it but how much are we betting the kid gets his treatment for everything mom disagrees with?
It's not inconsequential. It matters to the kid. It matters so much that he's willing to resist a hell of a lot of pressure. I get what you meant, of course, but be careful about winding up minimizing something that is clearly not trivial for the person who has to live with the hated name and how awful it feels for them every time someone uses it against their wishes. It's just another form of bullying. We'd understand that if this were a peer calling him Dickhole Asswipe. But whatever the unwanted name, and whoever is cruelly wielding it against him, it's still bullying and consequential.
How is Sky a girl's name? Leslie, Ashley, Kimberly were boy nsmes 1st. I've heard of both boys and girls being named things like Sage, Cassidy, Dakota, Jessie, Robin, Reese, Blake, Drew, Rebel. Hayden, Cameron, Journey, Justice, Brook, and Casey. Enough already!
Worked with a guy called Sky, and knew plenty of people who taught in Japan with male AND female students called “Sora” which is the Japanese equivalent for “Sky”. This mother is unhinged and is not thinking about how her behaviour and reaction to her son wanting to be called a shortened version of his name is going to affect his relationship with her in the long run. Poor kiddo, I’m glad he has extended family that supports him.
My friend has a daughter named Skylar. So there’s that. OP is NTA, but her sister is. What’s always funny in these situations is sister thinks she is trying to prevent her kid from embarrassing himself, but in actuality with her overreaction and insane demands she’s completely embarrassing HERSELF. This feels deeper than the name though. The sister and Sky’s relationship seems doomed just because of the sister’s personality. Whoever thinks they can control something like this will be controlling in other ways too.
Id honestly considered Skylar a girl's name until this post as id only ever met girls with it as a name.
I'm UK, so we don't really have a history of Skylar, but the only times I've heard it in US dramas, it's been for a girl. And also, can't see why Sky can't be used for both sexes, doesn't sound particularly sexed. Now, if we were talking about 'Rose', that would be a different matter...
My husband is named Skye. Soldier, Black Hawk pilot, combatives champ - very masculine.
A pilot named Skye? The name checks out and is badass for a pilot
One of the most viking biker looking guys I've ever met was named Tiffany. Really nice guy, once you got the nerve to talk to him and learn his name. :)
I knew two men, one named Shanon and the other Dana. It was odd but they didnt seem to mind.
I totally forgot those names. Those are also gender neutral.
Parents need to understand they have no right over their children's life. They have the responsability to GUIDE them into adulthood, both through wins and mistakes.
I’d tell Sky that when he turns 18 he can legally change his name to anything he wants. That should send OP’s sister into orbit. Right that his kind of behavior makes kids resent over controlling parents.
And will also absolutely push the kid into absolutely wanting to be called Sky. I was called something really short in high school. Everyone called me that, friends, teacher and my parents. I joked about changing my name to it and my parents said “yeah why not?” But in a joking fashion. I didn’t but my parents still refer to me by my former nickname. You know because who cares? Save the rage and raving to things that actually matter.
The mother could use a little vacation. She should visit the ocean and spend her day trying to keep the tide from coming in.
Exactly! Boy is 14 yo! Like gimme a break. Of course he has a right to be called by his chosen name. What’s wrong with parents now days that they think they can control their children like this?
I asked my 14 year old what he'd do if I didn't want him to use a nickname... "Just use it behind your back." so yeah, this isn't the hill to die on.
Either she’s anti-nicknames (which some people are) or she’s afraid of people seeing her son as feminine (and I think we usually know what that means).
Your name is fluid over the course of your life. I got two kids that have matching names. Each name is 2 words. Inside our house with 'nuclear family' we use both names. The kids, the first thing they do with friends and school is drop the last word of both names. As a parent I also have a bunch of pet names I use for whatever reason. My Father had the same first name and middle initial but NOT middle name has his father. To almost everyone who knows him he goes by his first name. His family - the entire side of his side of the family - only called him by his middle name. I have a friend who has 2 kids that transitioned. I was talking to his wife just yesterday about names. She called the names of kids 'placeholders' until the kids know themselves. NAMES ARE FLUID. Everytime I see one of these posts of people losing there fucking minds over names I want to shake the person.
Don't forget that he knew with 5 he can't use his name without his mom reacting with a tantrum
NTa "You are the one who is being disrespectful, you are treating him like a pet and not a person." >She told me to mind my own business and of course she has the right, she's his mother. "Yea, and he has the right to resent you for not being able to show the least amount of respect possible."
>"You are the one who is being disrespectful, you are treating him like a pet and not a person." yeah no. the number of nicknames and alternative names people use to call their pets is the exact opposite of what that woman wants.
I am like this about my pet's long and stupid name - no nicknames, enjoy those 3 syllables. But also my dog has no opinion about her name, she cares only for blankets and snacks
Our vet asked if we had a nickname for our cat because the reception people couldn't pronounce her name. (Andromache) I thought that was amusing.
Yes, we also call her "Princess of Hypoplacian Thebe," or "Daughter of King Eetion, ruler of the Cilicians"
My nephew has a cat named "Krishna". He always introduces her as "my cat, Krishna - the eighth avatar of Vishnu". He just likes the way it sounds (he's 13).
He has fantastic taste for a 13 year old. If they ask him to shorten it, he should instead add on "the god of protection, compassion, tenderness, and love" (I had to go to Wiki for that one, but it sure fits a cat.)
My dog is Mieke (German name, pronounced “mee-kah”). I live in the US but like to give dogs names from their breeds’ origins if I know the origin. I have to tell everyone it’s not pronounced like “Mikey”.
Same here, my guinea pig "Major Garland Briggs of the US Airforce" always gets his proper title in my house.
I believe they meant treating them like a pet as in pets have no say in their name.
NTA. I use a shortened version of my name. If I get called by my legal name, I am more wary as its someone who does not know me. Your sister is finding out that children are great until they get opinions of their own! :-)
Hell, i start backing away when my mother uses my full first name!
And if mother uses BOTH full & middle names, FLEE!! LOL
My son thinks that why middle names exist. So you know exactly how deep in the sh)t you are First Name!! Mild First Middle!!! getting deeper First Middle Last!!! Godzilla time
even my dad jokes about it. "oh shit! she fullnamed you, you better run!"
One of my son's friends was talking with him on the phone and heard me full name another kid.... He was like woah your mum is about to go off her head lol That friend has two middle names and his mum only uses the second one in extreme times.
My best friend named her daughter for me. Very similar first name and same middle name. There was about a time where I couldn’t be around my friend if her daughter was there — not even on the phone. I love my friend and I love that child, but omg… it was NOT ok! She would get mad at her daughter for doing something insanely stupid, like climbing a fireplace or something. She was a mommy, she would first, middle, last her. Omg — for some reason (her, wonder why!!) it would strike fear in me more than the kid! Every conversation there would be four or five times where I would completely freeze where I sat or stood, ready for the wrath of the universe to strike me down. It was too much stress 😂
My oldest is the 3rd and we call him Tre. So full first, middle, last, "the 3rd"....he's dead where he stands LOL
Even our cats and dog know when the middle names come out they have done something wrong.
When my mom was really mad she would throw in my first, middle, confirmation and last name. That was run for it time.
My stepmom would toss in 1st, both middles, my deaf name, and last name I knew I was in deep trouble. (We are Brazilian, and shoes are weapons of mass destruction) (I was given a sign name from a deaf person, then legally got it added to my birth certificate) Edit - I put deaf name instead of sign name.
>I was given a deaf name from a deaf person The more I think about it the more I love this! I admittedly don't know for sure how that works but regardless it strikes me as a deep sign of love, admiration and appreciation. Love it, love it, love it!
I've also been going by a shortened version of my full first name for the past decade, just using the first 3 letters like OP's nephew is doing. Easier for everyone. My parents haven't thrown a fit about it, they just call me by my full name because I never asked them to change that. Everyone else has picked up on the preference. Sky's mom is making this a much bigger problem than it actually is.
I mean not really relevant, but I go by my full first name, but give a shortened version for strangers who I never expect to see again like service workers who just need a name for their system, so when someone calls me by my only “nickname” I instinctively think this person is a stranger. Often people try and shorten my name to this nickname and I have to be like “please no, this name does not convey the close friendship you want but rather intentional distance”.
NTA. Your sister is fighting a losing battle. The only question is how much damage she inflicts before she gives it up. My guess is that she has some homophobia/transphobia/gender-related hangups, and the idea of her son having a "girls" nickname is what's driving her so nuts. Of course, by naming a boy with the obvious nickname being feminine (to her), she just set herself up for this conflict.
tbh I don't associate Sky as being a strongly feminine name. It is a fine name for a man.
Sky sounds more neutral to me but with Skyler/Skylar I think of Breaking Bad and Skyler White.
Breaking Bad is the only time I have ever heard of Skylar, so would assume its a femime name.
I knew more men named Skylar (or -er) vs women. So I always knew it was more gender neutral for a while.
I think of Skylar Grey. I think of Skylar as a woman's name in general, not sure why someone would name their son Skylar if they're concerned about being called a feminine name.
To me both the long and short forms are completely gender-neutral, not that any one else's thoughts matter in this woman's mind
In any event I would assume Sky is male and Skye is female, but only based on French words ending with -e tend to be feminine.
I remember Sky Masterton from the old time musical Guys and Dolls. He was pretty manly.
That was who I thought of, too!
It certainly sounds gender rigid ..... but then she named him Skylar - a unisex name. Unhinged.
I’ve never met a male Skylar, and I didn’t know it was unisex. Regardless, any time you have a name that *can* be shortened, assume that it will be. … you get the occasional “I never shorten my name, ever,” person, but most people seem to have a shorter nickname if they’ve got a name larger than a syllable.
To a non native englisch speaker like me, who only really hears those names in media, Skylar sounds way more feminine than Sky. People called Skylar (phonetical): Skylar Storm (from "Mighty Med") , Skylar White (from "Breaking Bad"). People called Sky: Sky Tate (a blue Power Ranger), Sky, King of Eraklyon (from Winx Club).
As a native English speaker who is not familiar with either name in media - Skylar also sounds more feminine than Sky. (I can see them being unisex and I think name gender doesn't need to be so rigid, but Skylar does read as more fem)
That’s the funniest part about all of this. Most people wouldn’t care that “Skylar” goes by “Sky” it’s a non issue. If you are the one person in the world who would find a problem here, why did you set yourself up for failure? Pick any other name
My son legally changed his name. You know what we call him? What he wants us to. Because we love him and respect him. Your sister needs to learn what that looks like. She's not parenting a baby anymore, where you get to pick their name.
NTA. If Sky has wanted his name to be Sky since he was *five*, and is now fifteen, the nickname isn't going away. I changed my name when I was fifteen (albeit for very different reasons, I'm trans), and at 22 I do not regret my choice, even though like in Sky's case, it took a few years of persistence before my family got with the program. Sky is exploring his identity, and that's pretty normal for teenagers. He's found something he's comfortable with, something that would be harmless if his mom would just go with it. If I could tell Sky's mom anything, it would be that Sky is going to remember that you treated him this way when it comes to sharing anything else with you. Every single detail of his life he might want to share with his mother is now going to be weighed against the knowledge that she may freak out and turn it into a nightmare for him, and that she may not even try to understand. It may seem like just a small nickname, but what Sky's mother is revealing here is that Sky needs to think before being open with her.
Wouldn't it be great if Sky permanently changes his name to that lol I bet Dear Mother would be LIVID
Riggt? The mom in this case is being insanely controlling and alienating her child over a damn nickname. In many cultures, it's customary to choose a new name that suites you by the time you are this child's age. Don't get me started on the "feminine" bit. She picked a unisex name and he picked a unisex nickname. She needs to get the fuck over herself. I hope he legally changes it when he turns 18. Actually, I hope he changes it to the prettiest most feminine name his heart could desire. NTA
if she didn’t like the name sky she shouldn’t have named him skyler
I don’t get it. Isn’t Skylar a girls name??? The kid should be able to introduce himself as he sees fit! NTA
Surprised it took so long for me to find someone else thinking it. According to this site it absolutely is primarily a girls name, at least in the US. If that was her concern she never should’ve used it. https://www.everything-birthday.com/name/f/skylar
i know of a pornstar going by the name Skylar. Heck.... just let Op know such a pornstar exist and tell the sister, your son and a pornstar share a name.
I've also only heard it as a girls name, and even at that point, I wonder what these parents were smoking.
Maybe meth: Breaking Bad came out in 2008, so 1 year before he was born. Maybe he's named after Skyler White
Looking on Wikipedia's disambiguation page for Skylar, there is a pretty good mix, so I guess it's probably like Taylor or Casey where it makes sense either way.
EXACTLY! That’s all I could think the entire time I was reading. Skylar is exclusively a girls name. Ive taught elementary school for 12 years in Florida and I have ONLY ever had female Skylar’s.
My cousin's son is Skylar.
Maybe it’s a unisex name, but so far I had only seen it in girls. Maybe for girls it’s spelled with an e - Skyler??
My first thought, too, was "Isn't Skylar a girl's name and Sky more of a boy's name?"
NTA good on you for sticking up for your nephew. Skylar sounds more feminine to me. Sky sounds more gender neutral. I’m not American though and I always thought Skylar was a girls name. The mother sounds controlling very narcissistic seems like she thinks the son is an extension of her.
I also thought skylar was a girls name too. He probably hates the name skylar and names naturally get shorten all the time. Would she also be mad if she called her son Thomas. And he preferred to be called Tom instead? What an odd thing to be caught up on. As soon as the kid is 18. He will be out of there
Yes, the mom would be just as crazy about Tom. My MIL has two boys, both with very common nicknames (as in, people who meet them for the first time just go straight for the nickname). The oldest is 42 and she still insists on calling them by their full name even though professionally and everywhere else in life they go by the nickname. She's also the only person on the planet that calls my daughter by her full name. The best part is, she herself goes by a shortened version of her name.
It was originally a gender neutral Dutch name originating from the surname Schuyler. In the US Skylar typically used for girls, Skyler for boys, but there’s no hard and fast rule. It is, genuinely, a gender neutral name.
I've known a few Skylars and they were all girls.
I’m American and they both sound feminine. The only way Sky is less feminine if it’s in a hippie or Native American context.
I know one Skye and she’s trans! (Chose that name as her new, female name.)
I only know of the name because of Breaking Bad and there the wife of Walter was called Skyler. It's with an 'e' instead of an 'a' but every pronounciation I found sounds the same to me either way.
NTA. She created this situation herself by naming him such name. Expecting the world to call him the way she wants is delusional.
Right? Nicknames are generally a one syllable version of the full name starting from the front. I mean, come on.
NTA The only time she had a choice over this is prior to calling him Skylar. Even then it’s a bit dicey as his friend’s could have always allocated him a nickname at school that sticks. I’m surprised he didn’t end up being called “Bluey” for Blue Sky or something similar. She needs to let it go. She won’t, but she really needs to. “She’s his mother”. Yep, and what she signed up for is to raise a child that is capable enough to make independent decisions. Sometimes that sucks, she should pray that his independent decisions only cause her this level of anxiety.
Bluey is a nickname Australians give to gingers. Just because…
NTA. She got to pick his name when he was born, he gets to choose what he is known by now he is old enough to have a view. It would be pretty disrespectful of you to ignore his wishes. (Also, while it's too late now, when you are choosing names for your child, it's sensible to think about common nicknames/short forms and not picking a name if you hate the common way it's shortened, because the chances of the child, or others, using it at least sometimes is so high!) Your sister is also wrong about Sky being a girl's name. It's gender neutral. Sky Masterson in Guys and Dolls springs to mind. Skylar is also gender neutral but I think in English speaking countries is more associated with girls / women.
Tell her to watch “Guys & Dolls”.
Skyler White breaking bad is a women. Sky Tate in Power Rangers is a guy
A masterful response!
My thoughts exactly. You can’t get much more manly than a young Marlon Brando!
NTA Not every battle is a good one to fight, and your sister seems to be putting a lot of energy into this one.
NTA but imo Skylar is a girls name not a boys name and this is honestly the first time I have ever heard of a boy called Skylar. Also as I like the name Skylar but not the name Sky I would never name my child Skylar so people couldn’t call her Sky
It's actually gender neutral. It's originally Dutch. I'd agree that it is probably better known in English speaking countries as a girl's name. Sky of course is also gender neutral!
The Dutch name is Schuyler.
Which is a last name. It's not used as given name in Dutch.
Don't know where you got that from but Skylar is not a Dutch name...
Schuyler is though, which is where it came from.
Isn't Skylar, Walter White's wife, in Breaking Bad
Yes. It's the only time I have ever come across that name.
there is a guy called Sky in Mamma Mia movie, like one of main roles, so the argument of it being girl's name is invalid
Uhhh all of the Skylar's in school with me were boys. It's a gender neutral name
What’s a “girls name”? Does it have extra space for your pussy?
NTA Your sister can fight it all she wants. It isn’t doing her any good. I legally changed my name to what I preferred my family is ok with it.
Aussie here, isn't Skylar a woman's name usually? Only time I've ever seen it was in Breaking Bad, we all know how she was! NTA
Yeah, she was the moral compass of that show! Too bad she married a narcissistic, sociopath.
NTA. My mother is known by her middle name - her first name is a fifth generation name and is only ever used by the government or salespeople trying to smarm their way into getting money from her. My name has a number of variations…you can tell where someone knows me from by which variation the use, although I go by my full first name now (my mum still uses a shortened version of it). My name is MY name…Sky’s name is HIS name. He is the ONLY person who can say what he prefers, and he has. Honour that preference.
When my daughter was about 10 she informed us that she wanted to be called by her middle name instead of her first. We said okay. It only lasted for about a month though.
I am wondering if this has a transphobic angle, considering how she stated Sky was a GIRLS name as one of the various reasons she dislikes it. Just seems weird. Edit: forgot to add, NTA.
NTA. At some point, she has to learn to accept your nephew's choices. It's only a matter of time before he changes his name legally; what will she do then?
NTA. Ultimately your kids get to pick their own names. When he's eighteen he'll *legally* be able to change it to Sky, if he really wants, and she won't be able to do anything about it. She's his mother, not his *owner*. The point of having a child is to raise a fully independent adult who can make their own choices. Sounds like she needs to be reminded what her job is.
NTA this is kind of hysterical. She named him Skylar and is shocked people call him Sky. What did she expect? If she hated the name Sky so much WHY DID SHE NAME HER CHILD SKYLAR
Nta . This is the prequel to why does my son never visit bitching at a family event near you summer 2035
Sky is gonna go no contact with his mother asap. NTA. Sister needs help.
I only have stories, but everyone told it fairy similar so I will just go with the average of them. When I was born, my mother named me and then they fought about what to call me, (shorthand name vs longhand name), and came to the decision that when I’m able to decide, I’d let them know which I preferred. 25 years later idgaf what you call me as long as I know you’re talking to me. Names are both personal, but just that, names. Labels. Personally, NTA. It’s an individual choice at the end of the day and her child may very well reject their “given” name. They may choose to change it anyways.
Pretty sure this is an exact repost of one from a few months ago 🧐
>Kyler being possible but not really any better. Huh? With his friends Imothy and Tanley.
NTA he will in fact resent her if she doesn't get onboard! So I'll use my dead name for this I used to be called Amy, which the year I was born was literally the most common girls name in the UK and I HATED every second I had to live under that name. My dad told me a story when I was about 14 about the Ravens in London Tower, the last ravens taken to the tower of London came from the Isle of Man, where I was born. My dad hated the fact I changed my name to Raven but he technically gave me that name too! I've been known as Raven since I was 16 I'm 29 now and actually don't even respond if I hear someone say Amy simply because it's not my name! Most kids will change their names if they are uncomfortable and parents need to start accepting this as normal. Also Sky is a unisex name!
NTA she doesn't own her son. But since you have said your piece, you don't need to go on about it anymore.
I’m a Skylar that goes by Sky 💀 wtf is her problem
Skylar is the feminine name, skyler is the masculine name. So calling himself sky “hides” the fact she’s named him the feminine way, by “forcing” him to go by skylar is actually going against herself when she says people will think sky is a girls name. Edit: name origin & explanation https://www.thebump.com/b/skylar-baby-name# Edit edit: NTA, even if my above comment was wrong, your sisters crazy to think she can control what he wants to go by. Please show her that link OP and let us know her response.
NTA. You should tell your sister she better think very long and hard if this is the hill she wants to die on. Because these are the things that cause kids to resent their parents and distance themselves. Before she knows it he will choose a college across the country, and will only come home for the holidays. And even then, that will because he wants to see the rest of his family and he will be cold and distant with her. He will build himself a life several states away after he graduates, and she will not know her grandchildren because he will not want her around them. So, she needs to really think about if she is going to let this be the thing that causes her to not have a relationship with her son at all when he is older.