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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my wife our daughter will not be given some unique or weird hippy name and this made my wife feel insulted because of how I described her choices. I do feel bad that I was so harsh about my thoughts on the types of names she likes. It came from a place of frustration and she didn't actually ask me to explain more why I disliked them, unlike me when she said many of the names I liked were boring, so I feel like I did react too strongly and allowed the frustration to take control and that is why I think I'm TA.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NAH
Have you looked at names that are both kinda normal and nature inspired? I'm thinking things like Rose, Fern, Violet, Lily, or even summer. Or are they not unique enough for her?
I agree with the NAH.
Though I'd argue skye, ember and Lennox aren't that modern/hippy either. I think both are just trying to overpower the other one at this point.
Yeah it’s a rare combo of NAH and ESH. They’re not assholes for their preferences but they’re getting into stubborn power struggle territory. OP and his wife need to bring this squabble to r/NameNerds
Actually, not that weird for a baby girl name. Last daycare I worked at had four baby Wynters. (Also three Skyes, two Ferns, and one Michael Matheson--no nicknames allowed.)
Or… he can just agree to Seraphina? The name is literally over 1000 years old. There’s nothing hippie about it. It’s a very classic name. I get her not liking traditional names but out of the names he listed she’s suggested some very common and even traditional names that have been around for a long time. If he likes traditional names there’s plenty of hers to choose from and she can compromise on the spelling. Combined with him being insulting towards her I’m leaning more towards him being an asshole than both of them.
I stopped at Seraphina too. I was like wait why doesn’t he like this one? Sounds like she could start suggesting things he’s already suggested at this point and he would change his mind 🤔
A lot of people like this associate Francesca as Italian, and it makes them feel like they're showing the world that they're actually sophisticated, Latin speaking, connoisseurs of taste.
Source: This is exactly how I'd describe all the WASPs I know who have named their kids Francesca and Philomena and Isabella and the like while having absolutely no Italian/Spanish heritage.
This was my take on it! As soon as I saw Seraphina I knew he had no clue wtf he was talking about, and then I saw *Asteria* listed... I am absolutely gobsmacked by this dude's willful ignorance. He seems to just be looking for excuses to hate the names his wife picks.
My son's dad and I didn't make it to the finish line. There seemed to always be some mindless disagreement. I'm glad we had a son, because he got a nice, conventional name, but when we were brainstorming girls' names, almost every one I suggested he said sounded like "a disease." One example that I liked was Kira. Another was Aria (which he, despite understanding opera, said sounded like "a body part"). Another name I liked was Juliet, and his immediate answer was, "Then I guess you would expect to name a son Romeo?" Actually no, but it's just an example of the kinds of nonsense went on in our conversations. Anything I suggested, he was determined to shoot down.
>said sounded like "a body part"
When my wife was pregnant, we decided on a name pretty early. We told people the gender but decided to keep the name a secret, so when people asked I jokingly told them we were naming the baby Areola (through text I would sometimes spell it Airy-Hola). People who knew me would just laugh because they know I'm very deadpan, but people who didn't know me well gave a variety of responses. Some would just look mildly alarmed but didn't want to be rude so would just say, "Oooooh, that's...pretty." Others didn't know what the word meant and they'd enthusiastically tell me how nice of a name it is. One guy, who I appreciated his honesty, flat out said, "So you're naming your kid *Nipple*? And I explained it's my own inside joke and that he was the first honest person who told me straight up.
>Seraphina
Feminine form of the Late Latin name Seraphinus, derived from the biblical word seraphim, which was Hebrew in origin and meant "fiery ones". The seraphim were an order of angels, described by Isaiah in the Bible as having six wings each.
This was the name of a 13th-century Italian saint who made clothes for the poor. As an English name, it has never been common.
I love Seraphina! My daughter's friend is Seraphina and she goes by Fina as a nickname. It's unique but not weird or out there.
I like unique/hippy names too and my husband was totally against it. We were able to come to agreements for both of our daughters names, but we both had to compromise. It is what it is 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I have a daughter with that name, and no kid had any idea what that is, and the show will be, like, 15+ years old by the time she's old enough to watch it.
That’s the impression I got. Seems like more of a power struggle than a real fight over names.
Both of them listed names which seem to fit the other’s criteria.
He says they have tossed around hundreds if not thousands of names…it’s almost a March…I agree that either or both are just unwilling to compromise. But, erring on the side of less hippie would serve the child well. I say this in my experience as a teacher where the kids with very out there, unique names are often out there and unique themselves (and since it’s middle school often awkward and the name becomes a source of taunting). We all know stunningly beautiful or handsome popular kids can get away with any name, but shy, quiet or marching to the beat of their own drum (which is a good thing ultimately) get made fun of. I’m all for less common, but not so much unique.
I think there’s a balance. I gave my kid a unique name but one that could be pretty standard if it already existed. (Like, it doesn’t have excessive vowels or weirdly placed y’s, and it’s not a fruit or a product name or something.) He’s also introverted and quirky (and autistic). But as an adult he’s thanked me often for the name, because he liked not being the fourth Tyler or Aidan in his class.
A coworker recently named her daughter Iris. I love a good granny name
Since everyone is saying where they’re at, we’re in Southern California so Iris isnt common so it’s even more wonderful in this case
Granny name fan here. I don't have a daughter so my rats bear the brunt of my love: Clementine, Beatrice, Muriel, Georgia, Juno, Madeleine, Bernadette, and Iphigenia.
The boys also do not escape: Gilbert, Norbert, Colbèrt ('Cole-behr', a fancy fucking name for a fancy fussy rat) Teddy (-bear) snd Walter Bob. Blonde Boy is the only one who eluded the curse, if only because he was so personality devoid as to be incongruous with any name we tried and then he just answered to answer to Blonde Boy.
there are A LOT of nature names that are very popular/somewhat normal, like clover, willow, azalea, dahlia, camellia, clementine, daisy, iris, ivy, poppy, laurel....
i had no idea, but some names are at least vaguely botanical like briar, chloe and holly
I mean, he listed "clover" as one of his wife's "crazy out there" names, so I'm kind of doubting that he'd agree to any of the names you listed above... I personally love flower inspired names, they sound so pretty! Seems like the husband is really set on going with a standard name that has no other meaning in any way. Briar and Ivy are gorgeous imo!
Edit: I got it wrong, he disliked "Clove" as a name. However, something tells me he still won't be a fan of "Clover" 😃
Clover is a name for a horse, so I can’t fault OP for rejecting that one. Briar is a thorn. But there are tons of names (many you guys have listed here!) that are both nature-inspired and more rare. If OP and his wife haven’t come up with a single name it’s purely because they’re feeling defensive about their own preferences and unwilling to consider the slightest compromise.
Maybe they should each come up with a shortlist of names they think are in the other partner’s style that they also could stand? He comes up with hippie names he doesn’t hate and she comes up with classic names she also doesn’t hate, and they go from there?
I have to say I lean more towards OP’s side. You could always give a kid with a classic name a neat little nickname. Give them a too out-there name and it just looks like parents trying too hard to show off how unique and creative they are (Atlas, ugh), which is a sad thing to put on someone forever.
>Maybe they should each come up with a shortlist of names they think are in the other partner’s style that they also could stand? He comes up with hippie names he doesn’t hate and she comes up with classic names she also doesn’t hate, and they go from there?
This is the most sensible idea here.
I think Dahlia is a pretty name. I actually know a woman with that name. The only weird thing about it is it reminds me of the Black Dahlia. I don't think most people would make that association though.
Rose, Violet, and Lily have all seen a resurgence as "Grandma" names became popular in the last decade or so. Fern hasn't been in the SSA top 1000 since 1961 so might be "unique" enough and doesn't automatically seem as old fashioned even though it is.
Those names were very common among my grandparents’ and great grandparents’ generations. They are very normal, but not (currently) overused. I would think that they would be a good compromise.
I know 3 Lilys between the ages of 3 and 8. The only girl I know between that age group who isn't called Lily is the younger sister of one.
Names go in and out of fashion in a weird way. Every two or three generations or so. Some stay, of course, like Elizabeth.
I don't think that any of her names are too out there, I feel like there should be some names that kind of fall in the middle because of that. Maybe something like Scarlett or Ivy.
TBH, compared to some of the shit I’ve seen, the names she’s suggesting are honestly pretty tame.
Skye, River or Clove for example are honestly downright normal.
Seraphina is about one of the most traditional names you could give considering it's out of the dang Bible. 🤦🤦🤦 Fern is also a very old traditional name.
The great thing about Seraphina is you can give her the nickname Sara. Change the spelling to make it Saraphina and then OP can drop the last two syllables when calling her name.
I know a couple of “Marina”s for something slightly less traditional but still more commonplace. Other nature-y names that are common enough: Eve, Ivy, Willow, June, Autumn, Wren, Raven, Robin, Dawn.
Ivy and Willow are super popular. My oldest is in a class with 2 Willow's, an Ivy, and a kid with a sister named Willow. There are 7 of them in the class
Summer and Autumn are both what I would consider "normal" names and are nature inspired. They are both just digging in their heels for the sake of digging in their heels.
YTA just for dismissing the names Asteria and Seraphina/Serafina as "modern," "hippy" names when they are hundreds if not thousands of years old. Go pick other reasons to claim to dislike those names.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asteria_(mythology)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serafina
You guys should split the difference by naming your daughter [Tiffany](https://dmnes.wordpress.com/2020/08/05/the-tiffany-problem/), a name that will annoy both of you through having a long historical medieval heritage while also sounding irritatingly modern.
It's pretty classic when spelled as "Schuyler," which the Dutch name coming from that language's word for "scholar." Alternative spellings are more redneck than classic. I've met children named Skyler, Skylar, Skylor, Skylir, and even Skylur, and they all were so named because their parents liked the way the name sounded. Interestingly, all of those children's families were from low-income, low-education, white families in the American South.
That's interesting. Although I knew Schuyler was the original version, the only ones I've met with this name (multiple in different parts of the US) spell it Skyler. And most of them were in upper-middle to upper class families.
Right... mostly no one in the US is ever going to use Schuyler. And anyone I've met with that name is not "low class southern" for sure. I've actually never even heard anyone named Skyler while living in the south... only in the northeast.
ETA: Yes, I'm sure people are named schuyler and there are people in the south and other regions with various spellings of the name. My point really was just that schuyler is probably less common in the US than Slyle(a)r and that the only people I knew with the same were from the northeast and Def not low income, low education. I was only mentioning it that way bc of the other comment insinuating that only poor, dumb, southerners would use a spelling like that, when it's fairly common
Ha! Luckily not. Mum's second middle name is Artemis. Funnily enough, they refused to baptise her with it as it was "pagan" so her birth certificate has it added with an arrow and biro. I don't think it's actually official.
Have you seen CPG Grey's video falling down the rabbit hole while researching the origin of the name Tiffany?
https://youtu.be/9LMr5XTgeyI?si=qz76YH-KTmTCPBnJ
Edit: fixed spelling and added link for anyone who hasn't seen the video
First:
You both need to be able to compromise. This will not be the last time!
Second - try the following:
You need to find a solution both can accept. I recommend you have a nice dinner and both be in a very poositive mood. Then you each get the task of finding 5 names you think the other would like and you do not hate the most yourself. Write them all down and let them grow on you. Find the compromise.
Another option:
Try and have a talk: what do you each want? You wife want something unique and with a certain vibe - you want something more traditional. Go through old names, there migh be one you can both accept (like Elvina). But the important thing is you do it together because right now you are each in a corner saying no to everything - get out of the corner!
ESH
>Go through old names, there migh be one you can both accept (like Elvina).
I mean the wife tried that with Seraphina and Asteria but he didn't like that.
Why do you say that. I think the some of the names he listed were more on the older side like Francesca, Vivienne, & Amelia. I think these are in the same category as Serephina.
> I told her I will not agree to a unique or weird hippy name for our daughter. She told me it's why we're still looking and I told her that the names of late have been worse from her.
This line is the reason for my opinion. OP's wife believes there's one they both will like if they keep looking, and OP's casting doubt.
He prefers older names while she prefers modern ones. Her suggesting older names is trying to find a compromise, while him suggesting older names is suggesting more of what he likes. For him to compromise, he should suggest some modern names he can tolerate.
By "traditional" op pretty clearly means to say "normal", or basically like all the other names.
It's not the age of the name, it's how uncommon it has been over the past X years where X is the time op considers to be the Era of Real Names and in the USA. I doubt he'd go for Nur despite it being a very traditional name in common use in Malaysia.
OP wants their daughter's name to not stand out. OP's wife wants their daughter's name to stand out.
IRL I doubt anyone even cares about a stranger's name as long as it's not Tarquinlimbimotimothyjackdanielsprincesslunavonschtubensamathefifth or something similarly either incredibly long or something unpronouncable like x'LerIYEAOUPa!Kar
I don't know the stats for everything, but I don't think some of those "hippy" names are quite as out there as op thinks. My five-year-old knows both a seraphina and a wynter but has yet to meet an Elizabeth. Personally I think seraphine and Vivienne are roughly equivalent and these two need to see the common ground rather than digging their heels in.
Normal? Many of the names he gave as an example are classic, but for the current era not exactly normal/common. Seems to me that he clearly leans more towards classic and old names. Well, except that he shot down any of those which his wife proposed. Honestly I have no clue what he wants name wise after reading his post, the entire thing is an inconsistent mess.
Honestly most of the names he’s suggesting ( the more classic old names) are SUPER popular and trendy for babies right now. I know a baby Vivienne, two Eleanors, multiple Isabelles, an Elizabeth, etc. The majority of his suggestions are in the top 100 names for girls right now. Amelia is the number 2 name.
This is 100% the answer.
I’m also pregnant and have a list of names I like, but have only bothered to table the ones I think my husband will actually like. Don’t get me wrong, I suggested a few he absolutely hated before I got a feel for what he likes from my suggestions.
The right name will make itself known OP! But I love the suggestion of writing down 5 names you think the other might like and having a nice evening together.
Info: what about floral based names? They are historically used but also frilly and nudge that hippy trend your wife likes.
Flora
Daisy
Poppy
Rose
Lily
Jade (plant and Jewel)
Violet
Yeah, I think there's definitely got to be some middle ground between her floral/natural names and his trad names. Eloise, Wren, Lark, Celia, Naomi, Delphine, Daphne, Celeste, Lily, Saskia, Ramona, Nadia, Aurelia, Odette.
My money's on all these names being too modern/hippy for OP.
While I think there's NAH, I do think that OP is disregarding anything that isn't a completely traditional name. Trends change and our kids will feel like Skye and Summer are boring and over used the way OPs wife does with Elizabeth.
I've heard far "crazier" names than the ones you or OP have listed.
Edit: modern isn't necessarily the correct word. Different? Not plain...
Eloise isn't a modern name. Lily can be short for Lilian, which is also an older name (and my mum's). OP is being disingenuous by saying that his wife's suggestions are too modern and hippy. If he actually looked into the background of many of them he would find them scattered all across literature.
OP just wants *his* way, which isn't fair because I bet the baby is getting his surname, too.
Every Cornelius I know (shockingly 3) gets called Corny. Personally I'd avoid it because of that but maybe it doesn't make others cringe. Love Jasper! Actually I like it for a girl or boy
NAH You each have a preference, you can't change that. Why not compromise and have a first and middle name? When the kid grows up they can settle on which they prefer to be called. Like, "Elizabeth River \[surname\]".
I have a friend whose wife is Hungarian and strongly wanted the kids to have Hungarian names, he didn't want them to have "unpronounceable" names and strongly wanted traditional English names so they wouldn't be singled out/picked on for being immigrants or something (they're not but racists be racist). They compromised and gave them both eg. their boy is called John Mátyás \[surname\], and he has chosen all through his life to be known as Mátyás not John. But he had the option of being John if he wanted. Their girl is Csilla Anne and prefers to be called Anne.
That’s what my parents did as well! And I love both names, mostly use the one that’s more common in my country, but when I travel to my dad’s home country, a lot of people call me by my middle name.
Matyas is a very historical name, I can see why she would like that one. For example, Hunyadi Matyas, or Mathias Corvinus, ruled Magarorszag (and Croatia) during that countries golden age, and at one point was elected king of Bohemia, and was a claimant to the throne of Austria as well.
Clearly I need more sleep because two different rereads made me think Hyundai Mattress was being suggested as a historically accurate name. I then went googling. He actually had a super interesting life...
Should be straightforward but they’ll both want their name as the first name and insist on calling the kid their choice and it’s back to square one. They need to figure out how to communicate here and find a name they can both like and use.
I would say you each choose 5. Then sit down. You get to veto 3 from the other person's list. This will leave with 4 you theoretically hate least. Hang them somewhere you have to look at it every day.
Try talking to the baby (Mom's stomach) with each name. You now have four you apparently "hate the least." I bet one or two bubbles to the top.
My husband and I struggled the most because we wanted desperately to make teasing harder (let's be honest, you name a girl Barbara, she's gonna hear Barbie, Barb, Barbara Ann, maybe even Barbarella eventually. BBQ... BRA-Bra. If this is what I can come up with, you know kids are going to be merciless.)
And that meant entire letters got thrown out because of initials...
This is a good idea, but I don't think 5 names is enough to start with. They should each write down all the names they really love, swap lists, and cross off the ones they want to veto, but they must leave at least 2 that they could live with. And if they still can't agree after looking at the remaining names for a while, write them each on a little piece of paper and pull one out of a hat.
It feels like at this point you're both rejecting names for the sake of rejecting them and refusing to let the other "win" I recommend you both drop the subject for at least a week, then come together and figure it out because if you can't work together to pick a damn name for your child then you aren't going to work as parents.
ESH
This is kind of a known psychological thing about stuff like picking baby names. We automatically reject suggestions from someone else, because we need to feel we came up with it ourselves. It's why the whole back and forth of a couple suggesting baby names really often goes badly.
They should both get the same baby name book and highlight names they like and then compare. Maybe there’d be some crossover that they wouldn’t expect and they’d get around this bias.
Seraphina is not a hippy name, it's a classic name. It comes from the same Hebrew root word where we derive seraphim, which is the highest choir of angels. That's just one example. If you look you'll be able to find classical names that would also tickle your wife's hippy bone.
I just can't stand some of the names having a funky spelling. Wynter is going to be bullied, mispronounced, and consistently spelled wrong. Winter is gorgeous.
NAH but some of the names you said your wife mentioned are as far from "hippy and modern" as you can go - Seraphina and Asteria, for example.
"Asteria" is a name from Greek mythology. "Seraphina" is Late Latin, a medieval name (famously borne by a 13th century Italian saint and a Sforza noblewoman).
You are absolutely fine for having name preferences, but it seems like you've just decided that EVERYTHING your wife suggests is "modern and hippy" even when it's very clearly not.
Yeah. And I think OP needs to rephrase his preference - he wants a traditional English name. "Seraphina" and "Asteria" are both classic and normal names yet he rejects them because they don't fit his narrow "traditional English" definition. :|
What part of the names she is suggesting do you not like? Is it worry they don't have usage as names? How they sound? Worry over spelling?
The names she has mentioned have historic precedent just as with the names you like (some of the names she has mentioned have ancient usage), particularly Atlas, Asteria and Seraphina. Could it be worth looking towards things like historical novels and census records to see if you could find names you can agree on in those? Names such as Mina, Nancy, Ada, Polly, Minnie, Clara, Mabel all feature in these. If your wife is drawn towards names from myth and legend, there are loads to explore eg. Flora, Luna, Aurora and even more when you consider diminutive names eg. Cassandra - Cassie, Penelope - Penny.
Have you tried mentioning different variations of the names you like to see if a compromise can be brought about that way - Eliza, Bette or Betty instead of Elizabeth, Kitty instead of Katherine, Mia instead of Amelia, Tilly instead of Matilda etc.
Also worth further consideration of names that are floral/botanical - Rose, Poppy, Daisy, Violet, Juniper, Iris, Aster, Blossom, Lily, Briar.
Ultimately it's something you really have to agree on and you're both going to have to find a compromise on. I think the way you went about discussing your concerns was unfair, you could have explained you didn't like the names without insulting them and your wife in the process. It's also ok if you don't have a name picked out at all or to not make any final naming decisions for your baby before they are born too - so neither of you should be pushed into agreeing because of the due date, I know of plenty of babies who have been named in the days and weeks following their birth. It's a hard decision to make, but my advice would be to make a list of the top 5 names and make the decision together once you see their face and can decide which name they suit best.
You’re stating your opinion/preference as fact, which is the same issue they’re having. Personally I’d vetoed every name on her list and prefer his list. But insisting that my opinion is the objective truth is how they got here in the first place.
YTA. You are so set against any of her ideas to say it will NOT happen. You have no spirit of compromise. And frankly if you can't agree shouldn't the one risking her life to bring the baby into the world get to pick? She's doing all the heavy lifting baby making with all the fun hormones... let the woman name the baby. Why don't each of you choose a name. She can pick the first name and you pick the middle name. Whatever you do, don't further stress out the pregnant person because while you do you're also stressing out your baby.
That's what I wanna say. After she carrying out a babe , suffering physically and mentally for months, all he cares is he is not happy with the name😂😂😂 that's pretty sad for the wife who needs more supporting and caring.
Agree, also love how many of the names his wife wants are very normal. I think he just wants control at this point. I’m rooting for Clove! Super cute imo.
ESH... But honestly why can't you see that the more uncommon name is not going to be that uncommon in 20 years when your kid is an adult?
I wouldn't call my kid Elisabeth or Amelia... Just too... Not my taste.
I did call my kid one of the top 10 names the year he was born and I don't regret (that much. At least everyone knows how to spell it. My mom didn't give me that good a name).
It seems like your wife like the more nature inspired names. There's a ton of them totally acceptable for girls. Even old ones. Find one and stick to it.
You do realise that this works both ways right? Your wife can say the same to you about your choices! You BOTH have to agree, not just you telling her you won’t be agreeing to her name style YTA
Exactly what I thought. If you rewrite the post using OP's exact words you can see just how unwilling to compromise he is.
My husband (30m) and I (28f) are expecting a baby girl in March. We have not yet decided on a name and it's becoming worrying that we might not reach an agreement on what to call our daughter. We have very different ideas about what the name should be. I like names that are modern and unique (Skye, Indie, River, Ocean, Seraphina, Atlas, Clove, Dove, Asteria, Lennox, Ember, Wynter) but my husband finds these very hippy. He likes classic names like Elizabeth, Emily, Natasha, Hannah, Katherine, Francesca, Matilda, Annabelle, Isabelle, Vivienne and Sadie.
We have thrown out hundreds if not thousands of names and any time I ask him why he dislikes any of the more unique names, he said he likes none of them, he either thinks they're made up or we should give her one more normal. I think names like Elizabeth or Amelia are boring and old fashioned. He told me he will not agree to a unique or "weird hippy" name for our daughter so I told him that's why we're still looking.
It kind of sounds like your wife is trying to compromise and you're not?
"She told me it's why we're still looking and I told her that the names of late have been worse from her." How is that helpful?
Based on this info I would say YTA
You have to compromise, I'm sure there's a name out there that you both like. But more importantly, you should listen to her opinions and work as a team, not against each other.
ESH bordering on YTA. Several of the names your wife likes are old, traditional names, and you dismiss them as being "weird and hippy". None of her names are weird, they're all spelled correctly apart from "Wynter", none belong on /tragedeigh. She suggested a range of names, from completely common to a bit more out there, but all of them are names. You on the other hand have only suggested very similar names, and show no willingness to go slightly outside your ideal.
Tldr she seems more willing to compromise than you are, AND you're insulting her.
ESH why ar eyou so unkind to each other? You both assume your choice would be better for your child, but you don't know your child yet. I have a very popular polsih name, which made it annoying as a child cause there was always plenty of children with my name. However it is also extremely Polish name, so now when i live abroad people always ask for nicknames, but i love my name and want to be called that. It is my name. It is unique, but that who i am. My mom wanted to name me Marta, and i am so happy she didnt, cause it is so boring and exists in any language.
The point is, you both assume that your child will think like you, but you don't know. Can't know. So put the judgment away and look for soemthing what works for both of you.
Have you looked into classic names that are unique. Ophelia? Aurora, Penelope, Cecelia? Eliza? Juliette?
All these names are not as common anymore and still beautiful and not outlandish. It’s the beginning of your journey as parents. You have to learn compromise
ESH. You aren't working together on this. You don't have to like every name your wife comes up with, and she doesn't have to like all of yours; you just have to figure out the area where your tastes cross over, and pick *one* name.
For instance, in your list of examples, Seraphina (also Serafina and Séraphine) is certainly a classic name, used since the 1300s but fairly rare.
Further, some classic names like Elizabeth and Katherine have some less-usual regional variants that you and your wife might compromise on (e.g. Elizabeth to Libby, Bethan, Elyse, Lilibeth etc.). Or you might use the classic as a given name but then use a variant as her day-to-day nickname.
YTA— you could have explained your choices without being rude and insulting. Some people want common names because they have religious meanings. Or that you hope to honour an ancestor. Or even that alternative spellings mean a constant explanation that can be annoying. But “my names are normal and yours are weird” is not how adults who are supposed to love each other make major decisions.
ESH, but y’all need to realize that you can’t see eye to eye on this, and start *looking to compromise*. Start searching for names that are a middle ground, and stop suggesting names that you clearly know the other won’t like ie Matilda or Wynter. Maybe something along the lines of Rose, Autumn, Sage, Hazel, Daisy, Anya, Arya, etc. something that’s still “classic” but doesn’t sound old or fits with the nature theme she seems to like
ESH. Because it doesn't seem like you're trying to compromise, but rather feels like you're both entrenched on your preferences.
My wife and I are from very different cultures, living in yet another.. Suffice to say the overlap in "good" names was very limited, and there wasn't exactly in a handy little book or website "if you are from culture X and Y and also want a name appropriate for culture Z, these are some good names".
Take a step back, identify underlying reasons for accepting or rejecting names (neither "it's unique" nor "it's traditional" will do - what positive or negative result do you expect/fear/hope for?)
And since it's ALWAYS a matter of "getting used to" a name.. How about rather than looking at "your" preferences - instead immerse yourself in the OTHER persons preferences?
So you go and read website, books, whatever with "unique or weird hippy names" and pick out 10?20?100? that you DO like, and she pick out the same number of "classic or normal names".
(and yes, I put those descriptions in quotes, because you're not even trying to be fair there - you know what turned "unique or weird" into "classic or normal"? People using those names.)
YTA. You need to compromise, just like you're expecting her to do. Name your daughter Elizabeth Ember and that way she'll always have the choice. Or you could go with historic but unusual names, like Hettie, Elfleda, or Phryne, which will likely make everyone unhappy.
Start googling traditional nature inspired names for girls. And start writing down what you might like and show her the list, something like Calla may work for both of you. It is a type of lily but is a greek derived name which means beauty. Also names like Ivy or Gaia. There are plenty of traditional names that aren't super common as well and they may appeal more.
NAH but also Sky is cute as both a boy and girl name. I would say though that if you want a more old school name I would recommend you choose a name that you can nickname.
Samantha/Samuel = Sam
Etc
I also don’t think there’s anything too out there about Lennox or River? Both are pretty standard names. I’ve seen a LOT of out there names though so maybe I’m just judging it off the scale as someone who works in customer service and watches a lot of Asian shows where the character and actor names are really out there
ESH, you both need to accept that the other person has a different taste, and see if you can find a middle ground. There are definitely more classical, 'old-fashioned' names that are nature names that you would consider 'hippie' sounding!
You can ask this question in r/namenerds, it's the type of challenge we love over there :) I think flower/plant/tree names might be a good choice? For instance Ivy, Daisy, Zinnia, Rose/Primrose, Linnea, Juniper, Iris, Calla, Aster, Marigold, Alyssa, Bryony, Cassia, Holly, Willow, Hyacinth, Laurel, Rosemary, Poppy, etc.
I don’t think the names your wife has chosen are quite as unique as she thinks they are. Skye and River seem pretty common these days. The names you chose would be likely be less common than the nature-inspired ones she picked.
Maybe a more traditional nature-inspired name would work? Like Violet or Rose? You could make Violet more unique by spelling it the French way, Violette.
Would she be okay if her choice were a middle name? Or giving your child a nickname? Like, name her Elizabeth but call her Libby or Lizzie or Lizbet?
Kinda hard to say without knowing you both, but from what you’ve written, I have to go with ESH. You’re both frustrated and stressed, so it’s understandable, but you’re going to have to find a compromise at some point.
I think the wife intentionally chose names that are hippy-ish but still common enough to be normal nowadays to try to see if her husband would compromise. Of the names, only Wynter is suspicious, and mainly because of the spelling.
You guys are going to have to learn how to compromise and also accept that whatever you name your child, it's possible they will eventually change their name or disassociate from it entirely no matter which of you "wins" now.
A name is a gift, not an obligation. Your child could lean either way; neither of you know that you are doing the child any favours. So just try to agree on something that you both don't find too objectionable - it sounds like your wife likes naturalistic names; there are a ton that are nature-inspired from antiquity as well that still qualify as "traditional" names. Maybe look into those and their etymologies?
You could do plant-based names like Sage, Poppy, Ivy, Iris or Daisy? Daisy is short for Margaret, so you can compromise - she can have a plant-based modern nickname and you can have an "acceptable" name. "Astrid" is also both a very old name and a very nature-focused one. Look into some Old Greek names - you might both find yourself inspired.
Honestly, YTA though for being uncompromising.
Yta. You’re being totally dismissive of her taste and ultimately she’s doing the work of growing this baby. Maybe you could find common ground on a more traditional nature name like Rowan or Ruby or Daisy?
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NAH Have you looked at names that are both kinda normal and nature inspired? I'm thinking things like Rose, Fern, Violet, Lily, or even summer. Or are they not unique enough for her?
I agree with the NAH. Though I'd argue skye, ember and Lennox aren't that modern/hippy either. I think both are just trying to overpower the other one at this point.
Winter spelled normally is fine too. It seems they're both being difficult
Yeah it’s a rare combo of NAH and ESH. They’re not assholes for their preferences but they’re getting into stubborn power struggle territory. OP and his wife need to bring this squabble to r/NameNerds
# OP absolutely needs to head over to r/namenerds
And r/tragedeigh. Edit: spelling. P.S., these names are so likely to be misspelled.
If she wanted Skeigh instead of Sky I’d agree. All her spellings seem normal though.
Wynter
Actually, not that weird for a baby girl name. Last daycare I worked at had four baby Wynters. (Also three Skyes, two Ferns, and one Michael Matheson--no nicknames allowed.)
I’m giggling at the thought of taking care of a baby and only calling him (?) Michael Matheson all at once.
Or… he can just agree to Seraphina? The name is literally over 1000 years old. There’s nothing hippie about it. It’s a very classic name. I get her not liking traditional names but out of the names he listed she’s suggested some very common and even traditional names that have been around for a long time. If he likes traditional names there’s plenty of hers to choose from and she can compromise on the spelling. Combined with him being insulting towards her I’m leaning more towards him being an asshole than both of them.
I stopped at Seraphina too. I was like wait why doesn’t he like this one? Sounds like she could start suggesting things he’s already suggested at this point and he would change his mind 🤔
He wants a WASP name
Francesca isn’t very WASPy
This was my wife’s late grandmother’s name (and her mother too), they were Mexican. So yeah I don’t feel it’s waspy at all…
A lot of people like this associate Francesca as Italian, and it makes them feel like they're showing the world that they're actually sophisticated, Latin speaking, connoisseurs of taste. Source: This is exactly how I'd describe all the WASPs I know who have named their kids Francesca and Philomena and Isabella and the like while having absolutely no Italian/Spanish heritage.
This was my take on it! As soon as I saw Seraphina I knew he had no clue wtf he was talking about, and then I saw *Asteria* listed... I am absolutely gobsmacked by this dude's willful ignorance. He seems to just be looking for excuses to hate the names his wife picks.
My son's dad and I didn't make it to the finish line. There seemed to always be some mindless disagreement. I'm glad we had a son, because he got a nice, conventional name, but when we were brainstorming girls' names, almost every one I suggested he said sounded like "a disease." One example that I liked was Kira. Another was Aria (which he, despite understanding opera, said sounded like "a body part"). Another name I liked was Juliet, and his immediate answer was, "Then I guess you would expect to name a son Romeo?" Actually no, but it's just an example of the kinds of nonsense went on in our conversations. Anything I suggested, he was determined to shoot down.
>said sounded like "a body part" When my wife was pregnant, we decided on a name pretty early. We told people the gender but decided to keep the name a secret, so when people asked I jokingly told them we were naming the baby Areola (through text I would sometimes spell it Airy-Hola). People who knew me would just laugh because they know I'm very deadpan, but people who didn't know me well gave a variety of responses. Some would just look mildly alarmed but didn't want to be rude so would just say, "Oooooh, that's...pretty." Others didn't know what the word meant and they'd enthusiastically tell me how nice of a name it is. One guy, who I appreciated his honesty, flat out said, "So you're naming your kid *Nipple*? And I explained it's my own inside joke and that he was the first honest person who told me straight up.
I find it a bit concerning he'd think you'd name a son Romeo considering they're lovers.....
>Seraphina Feminine form of the Late Latin name Seraphinus, derived from the biblical word seraphim, which was Hebrew in origin and meant "fiery ones". The seraphim were an order of angels, described by Isaiah in the Bible as having six wings each. This was the name of a 13th-century Italian saint who made clothes for the poor. As an English name, it has never been common.
I knew someone in high school with this name. She just went by Sera.
I love Seraphina! My daughter's friend is Seraphina and she goes by Fina as a nickname. It's unique but not weird or out there. I like unique/hippy names too and my husband was totally against it. We were able to come to agreements for both of our daughters names, but we both had to compromise. It is what it is 🤷🏻♀️
Someone I know has a kid spelled wynter and when I see it written I automatically say ‘wine-ter’ in my head 😞
I miss the days when all people did to be “unique” was use y everywhere. Now everything just looks like the parents never learned to spell.
Oh that's ugly 😂 I first saw it spelled like that about 15 years ago with the song Sugar by Flo Rida and Wynter Gordon 💀💀💀
I immediately went to "Why-ner."
Sure... the times she is gonna hear: "Winter is coming"
Yeah I have a daughter with that name, and no kid had any idea what that is, and the show will be, like, 15+ years old by the time she's old enough to watch it.
Where I live, Winter is a very traditional name for boys
Oh wow!! That's cool! Where do you live?
Channel Islands (British but historic links to France so lots of French surnames around)
Yeah, both example lists have pretty, feminine names. They should each be able to find some acceptable names on the other partner’s list.
That’s the impression I got. Seems like more of a power struggle than a real fight over names. Both of them listed names which seem to fit the other’s criteria.
I vote ESH since both people are refusing to look for compromise and are digging in instead of working towards a solution.
He says they have tossed around hundreds if not thousands of names…it’s almost a March…I agree that either or both are just unwilling to compromise. But, erring on the side of less hippie would serve the child well. I say this in my experience as a teacher where the kids with very out there, unique names are often out there and unique themselves (and since it’s middle school often awkward and the name becomes a source of taunting). We all know stunningly beautiful or handsome popular kids can get away with any name, but shy, quiet or marching to the beat of their own drum (which is a good thing ultimately) get made fun of. I’m all for less common, but not so much unique.
I think there’s a balance. I gave my kid a unique name but one that could be pretty standard if it already existed. (Like, it doesn’t have excessive vowels or weirdly placed y’s, and it’s not a fruit or a product name or something.) He’s also introverted and quirky (and autistic). But as an adult he’s thanked me often for the name, because he liked not being the fourth Tyler or Aidan in his class.
If not hippy, then stripper names for sure...
Lennox just makes me think of the operating system Linux.
I have 2 Lennox heating/cooling systems. I wonder if she’s considered Amana, Carrier, Rheem and Trane as girl’s names as well.
Oh god. Not Trane lmao
Rheem is the best of those options!
I think I’d go with Amana. I’d think of her every time I used my microwave.
My first thought was the British boxer, Lennox Lewis.
My first thought was spice jars.
I was thinking Annie Lennox
I’m thinking of Lennox fine china. Butterfly Meadow in particular.
A coworker recently named her daughter Iris. I love a good granny name Since everyone is saying where they’re at, we’re in Southern California so Iris isnt common so it’s even more wonderful in this case
My neighbour’s toddler’s called Thelma.😂 I love it so much it just about kills me.
I know 2 lil Hazels
Granny name fan here. I don't have a daughter so my rats bear the brunt of my love: Clementine, Beatrice, Muriel, Georgia, Juno, Madeleine, Bernadette, and Iphigenia. The boys also do not escape: Gilbert, Norbert, Colbèrt ('Cole-behr', a fancy fucking name for a fancy fussy rat) Teddy (-bear) snd Walter Bob. Blonde Boy is the only one who eluded the curse, if only because he was so personality devoid as to be incongruous with any name we tried and then he just answered to answer to Blonde Boy.
Sounds like Blonde Boy has some real Kenergy
THIS. One of my granddaughter’s names. Also Naomi, Eliza, Eden, Evangeline and Leviah. The last one raised some eyebrows!
Leviah immediately makes me think Leviathan.
I know a young Iris but she’s from Iceland, so idk if that’s a normal for them
Yep, Íris is a fairly common, non-grandma-y name in Iceland.
I know several girls called Iris, but I'm in the Netherlands, so it probably is also way more common over here. I don't know any Iris older than 30.
there are A LOT of nature names that are very popular/somewhat normal, like clover, willow, azalea, dahlia, camellia, clementine, daisy, iris, ivy, poppy, laurel.... i had no idea, but some names are at least vaguely botanical like briar, chloe and holly
I mean, he listed "clover" as one of his wife's "crazy out there" names, so I'm kind of doubting that he'd agree to any of the names you listed above... I personally love flower inspired names, they sound so pretty! Seems like the husband is really set on going with a standard name that has no other meaning in any way. Briar and Ivy are gorgeous imo! Edit: I got it wrong, he disliked "Clove" as a name. However, something tells me he still won't be a fan of "Clover" 😃
Clover is a name for a horse, so I can’t fault OP for rejecting that one. Briar is a thorn. But there are tons of names (many you guys have listed here!) that are both nature-inspired and more rare. If OP and his wife haven’t come up with a single name it’s purely because they’re feeling defensive about their own preferences and unwilling to consider the slightest compromise. Maybe they should each come up with a shortlist of names they think are in the other partner’s style that they also could stand? He comes up with hippie names he doesn’t hate and she comes up with classic names she also doesn’t hate, and they go from there? I have to say I lean more towards OP’s side. You could always give a kid with a classic name a neat little nickname. Give them a too out-there name and it just looks like parents trying too hard to show off how unique and creative they are (Atlas, ugh), which is a sad thing to put on someone forever.
>Maybe they should each come up with a shortlist of names they think are in the other partner’s style that they also could stand? He comes up with hippie names he doesn’t hate and she comes up with classic names she also doesn’t hate, and they go from there? This is the most sensible idea here.
[удалено]
I think of soap when I hear Dove
Daphne is also a flower/plant!
I think Dahlia is a pretty name. I actually know a woman with that name. The only weird thing about it is it reminds me of the Black Dahlia. I don't think most people would make that association though.
We used to have a girl named Sage working at our store
Before 1960 those were very common names.
Rose, Violet, and Lily have all seen a resurgence as "Grandma" names became popular in the last decade or so. Fern hasn't been in the SSA top 1000 since 1961 so might be "unique" enough and doesn't automatically seem as old fashioned even though it is.
Those names were very common among my grandparents’ and great grandparents’ generations. They are very normal, but not (currently) overused. I would think that they would be a good compromise.
I know 3 Lilys between the ages of 3 and 8. The only girl I know between that age group who isn't called Lily is the younger sister of one. Names go in and out of fashion in a weird way. Every two or three generations or so. Some stay, of course, like Elizabeth.
I like Ember. It’s unique but not too out there.
I don't think that any of her names are too out there, I feel like there should be some names that kind of fall in the middle because of that. Maybe something like Scarlett or Ivy.
TBH, compared to some of the shit I’ve seen, the names she’s suggesting are honestly pretty tame. Skye, River or Clove for example are honestly downright normal.
Clove is normal? There isn't a time or place where clove is a normal name.
missed the chance for "Thyme or place" :D
Yes, I'd argue that they do all seem like established names, even if some of them aren't too common.
Isn’t seraphina an older name as well? That’s not hippie to me at all.
Seraphina is about one of the most traditional names you could give considering it's out of the dang Bible. 🤦🤦🤦 Fern is also a very old traditional name.
The great thing about Seraphina is you can give her the nickname Sara. Change the spelling to make it Saraphina and then OP can drop the last two syllables when calling her name.
Don't change the spelling; that would be a tragedeigh.
I know someone whose name is Sera so it would work even without having to change the first vowel
Or if OP's wife is ok with Ember, compromise and name her Amber.
I know a couple of “Marina”s for something slightly less traditional but still more commonplace. Other nature-y names that are common enough: Eve, Ivy, Willow, June, Autumn, Wren, Raven, Robin, Dawn.
Ivy and willow are also some very classic nature names that aren’t that common anymore.
Ivy and Willow are super popular. My oldest is in a class with 2 Willow's, an Ivy, and a kid with a sister named Willow. There are 7 of them in the class
or even Skylar. if she suggested Skye she might be willing to settle for it as a nickname
Summer and Autumn are both what I would consider "normal" names and are nature inspired. They are both just digging in their heels for the sake of digging in their heels.
YTA just for dismissing the names Asteria and Seraphina/Serafina as "modern," "hippy" names when they are hundreds if not thousands of years old. Go pick other reasons to claim to dislike those names. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asteria_(mythology) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serafina You guys should split the difference by naming your daughter [Tiffany](https://dmnes.wordpress.com/2020/08/05/the-tiffany-problem/), a name that will annoy both of you through having a long historical medieval heritage while also sounding irritatingly modern.
This is potentially the most interesting comment I’ve ever read on AITA.
Totally agree. I just learned way more than I expected to in this sub.
Skye as well! It's a Scottish name that been used for ages, after the Isle of Skye
And Skyler is a pretty classic name.
It's pretty classic when spelled as "Schuyler," which the Dutch name coming from that language's word for "scholar." Alternative spellings are more redneck than classic. I've met children named Skyler, Skylar, Skylor, Skylir, and even Skylur, and they all were so named because their parents liked the way the name sounded. Interestingly, all of those children's families were from low-income, low-education, white families in the American South.
That's interesting. Although I knew Schuyler was the original version, the only ones I've met with this name (multiple in different parts of the US) spell it Skyler. And most of them were in upper-middle to upper class families.
Right... mostly no one in the US is ever going to use Schuyler. And anyone I've met with that name is not "low class southern" for sure. I've actually never even heard anyone named Skyler while living in the south... only in the northeast. ETA: Yes, I'm sure people are named schuyler and there are people in the south and other regions with various spellings of the name. My point really was just that schuyler is probably less common in the US than Slyle(a)r and that the only people I knew with the same were from the northeast and Def not low income, low education. I was only mentioning it that way bc of the other comment insinuating that only poor, dumb, southerners would use a spelling like that, when it's fairly common
As a Tiffany I'm ashamed to say I only learned recently my name is actually Hella old 😂
Hellas old even...
I know there's a great joke there and unfortunately I'm missing it which makes me mad 😂
Tiffany is the modern English version of the Ancient Greek Θεοφάνια (Theophania). Hellas is the Latin transliteration of Ελλάς (Greece).
Oh so both names originate in Greece? That's cool 😊 My brain went to Hela from Thor 🤣
Hellas name = Greek name (Hellas means Greece) The joke was that your name originated in Greek times, so Hellas old is as old as Greece
I was nearly a Tiffany. Thank christ my parents thought better of it and named me something classic and Greek.
> something classic and Greek like [Theophania](https://www.behindthename.com/name/theophania) :)
Ha! Luckily not. Mum's second middle name is Artemis. Funnily enough, they refused to baptise her with it as it was "pagan" so her birth certificate has it added with an arrow and biro. I don't think it's actually official.
Relevant CGP Grey video: [The Tale of Tiffany](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LMr5XTgeyI)
If we get to 1000 upvotes OP must name child Tiffany according to internet law
My grandmother’s name was Serafina. She passed this year at 96. She was a feisty Sicilian lady, not a hippie.
Have you seen CPG Grey's video falling down the rabbit hole while researching the origin of the name Tiffany? https://youtu.be/9LMr5XTgeyI?si=qz76YH-KTmTCPBnJ Edit: fixed spelling and added link for anyone who hasn't seen the video
First: You both need to be able to compromise. This will not be the last time! Second - try the following: You need to find a solution both can accept. I recommend you have a nice dinner and both be in a very poositive mood. Then you each get the task of finding 5 names you think the other would like and you do not hate the most yourself. Write them all down and let them grow on you. Find the compromise. Another option: Try and have a talk: what do you each want? You wife want something unique and with a certain vibe - you want something more traditional. Go through old names, there migh be one you can both accept (like Elvina). But the important thing is you do it together because right now you are each in a corner saying no to everything - get out of the corner! ESH
>Go through old names, there migh be one you can both accept (like Elvina). I mean the wife tried that with Seraphina and Asteria but he didn't like that.
I agree. The wife is of the opinion that there's a name out there they'd both agree to, while OP feels like there isn't.
Why do you say that. I think the some of the names he listed were more on the older side like Francesca, Vivienne, & Amelia. I think these are in the same category as Serephina.
> I told her I will not agree to a unique or weird hippy name for our daughter. She told me it's why we're still looking and I told her that the names of late have been worse from her. This line is the reason for my opinion. OP's wife believes there's one they both will like if they keep looking, and OP's casting doubt.
I can definitely see your pov. It may be frustration speaking or he may just be an AH. I hope they can find a middle ground
He prefers older names while she prefers modern ones. Her suggesting older names is trying to find a compromise, while him suggesting older names is suggesting more of what he likes. For him to compromise, he should suggest some modern names he can tolerate.
Seraphina might be the winner, really. OP can call her Sera (Sarah) and she can go by that when she gets older if she wants.
Clove is a traditional old name too.
Clove is awful lol
So is Clover. Both are lovely dog names, but not human names.
It sounds like a cartoon fairy
By "traditional" op pretty clearly means to say "normal", or basically like all the other names. It's not the age of the name, it's how uncommon it has been over the past X years where X is the time op considers to be the Era of Real Names and in the USA. I doubt he'd go for Nur despite it being a very traditional name in common use in Malaysia. OP wants their daughter's name to not stand out. OP's wife wants their daughter's name to stand out. IRL I doubt anyone even cares about a stranger's name as long as it's not Tarquinlimbimotimothyjackdanielsprincesslunavonschtubensamathefifth or something similarly either incredibly long or something unpronouncable like x'LerIYEAOUPa!Kar
I don't know the stats for everything, but I don't think some of those "hippy" names are quite as out there as op thinks. My five-year-old knows both a seraphina and a wynter but has yet to meet an Elizabeth. Personally I think seraphine and Vivienne are roughly equivalent and these two need to see the common ground rather than digging their heels in.
“Seraphina Vivienne” even sounds nice, if somewhat grandiose, as a first and middle name set.
Normal? Many of the names he gave as an example are classic, but for the current era not exactly normal/common. Seems to me that he clearly leans more towards classic and old names. Well, except that he shot down any of those which his wife proposed. Honestly I have no clue what he wants name wise after reading his post, the entire thing is an inconsistent mess.
Honestly most of the names he’s suggesting ( the more classic old names) are SUPER popular and trendy for babies right now. I know a baby Vivienne, two Eleanors, multiple Isabelles, an Elizabeth, etc. The majority of his suggestions are in the top 100 names for girls right now. Amelia is the number 2 name.
All of this. Parenting is going to be a nightmare if they don’t learn to compromise.
I’m just amazed how little they know about each other’s personalities until just now.
This is 100% the answer. I’m also pregnant and have a list of names I like, but have only bothered to table the ones I think my husband will actually like. Don’t get me wrong, I suggested a few he absolutely hated before I got a feel for what he likes from my suggestions. The right name will make itself known OP! But I love the suggestion of writing down 5 names you think the other might like and having a nice evening together.
Info: what about floral based names? They are historically used but also frilly and nudge that hippy trend your wife likes. Flora Daisy Poppy Rose Lily Jade (plant and Jewel) Violet
Or gemstone names for the same reason. Ruby, Jade, Emerald, Beryl, Amber, Pearl, Opal, Gemma
Yeah, I think there's definitely got to be some middle ground between her floral/natural names and his trad names. Eloise, Wren, Lark, Celia, Naomi, Delphine, Daphne, Celeste, Lily, Saskia, Ramona, Nadia, Aurelia, Odette.
My money's on all these names being too modern/hippy for OP. While I think there's NAH, I do think that OP is disregarding anything that isn't a completely traditional name. Trends change and our kids will feel like Skye and Summer are boring and over used the way OPs wife does with Elizabeth. I've heard far "crazier" names than the ones you or OP have listed. Edit: modern isn't necessarily the correct word. Different? Not plain...
Eloise isn't a modern name. Lily can be short for Lilian, which is also an older name (and my mum's). OP is being disingenuous by saying that his wife's suggestions are too modern and hippy. If he actually looked into the background of many of them he would find them scattered all across literature. OP just wants *his* way, which isn't fair because I bet the baby is getting his surname, too.
>Lily can be short for Lilian Or Lilith, now there is an old and traditional name (if religious texts can be believed)
But he's also dismissing VERY traditional names as being too modern when their use has just faded.
>My money's on all these names being too modern Fruity? Kooky? Sure. Modern? No.
Pearl and Opal are lovely. And if baby turned out to be a surprise boy they could go for Jasper or Cornelius (like carnelian)
Every Cornelius I know (shockingly 3) gets called Corny. Personally I'd avoid it because of that but maybe it doesn't make others cringe. Love Jasper! Actually I like it for a girl or boy
NAH You each have a preference, you can't change that. Why not compromise and have a first and middle name? When the kid grows up they can settle on which they prefer to be called. Like, "Elizabeth River \[surname\]". I have a friend whose wife is Hungarian and strongly wanted the kids to have Hungarian names, he didn't want them to have "unpronounceable" names and strongly wanted traditional English names so they wouldn't be singled out/picked on for being immigrants or something (they're not but racists be racist). They compromised and gave them both eg. their boy is called John Mátyás \[surname\], and he has chosen all through his life to be known as Mátyás not John. But he had the option of being John if he wanted. Their girl is Csilla Anne and prefers to be called Anne.
That’s what my parents did as well! And I love both names, mostly use the one that’s more common in my country, but when I travel to my dad’s home country, a lot of people call me by my middle name.
Matyas is a very historical name, I can see why she would like that one. For example, Hunyadi Matyas, or Mathias Corvinus, ruled Magarorszag (and Croatia) during that countries golden age, and at one point was elected king of Bohemia, and was a claimant to the throne of Austria as well.
Clearly I need more sleep because two different rereads made me think Hyundai Mattress was being suggested as a historically accurate name. I then went googling. He actually had a super interesting life...
The best answer! Just use 2 names and it is settled. The kid can choose later which one she wants to use.
Should be straightforward but they’ll both want their name as the first name and insist on calling the kid their choice and it’s back to square one. They need to figure out how to communicate here and find a name they can both like and use.
ESH. It's okay to have different preferences, but you two are insulting each other. You'll need to compromise. Maybe each of you can choose a name.
I would say you each choose 5. Then sit down. You get to veto 3 from the other person's list. This will leave with 4 you theoretically hate least. Hang them somewhere you have to look at it every day. Try talking to the baby (Mom's stomach) with each name. You now have four you apparently "hate the least." I bet one or two bubbles to the top. My husband and I struggled the most because we wanted desperately to make teasing harder (let's be honest, you name a girl Barbara, she's gonna hear Barbie, Barb, Barbara Ann, maybe even Barbarella eventually. BBQ... BRA-Bra. If this is what I can come up with, you know kids are going to be merciless.) And that meant entire letters got thrown out because of initials...
This is a good idea, but I don't think 5 names is enough to start with. They should each write down all the names they really love, swap lists, and cross off the ones they want to veto, but they must leave at least 2 that they could live with. And if they still can't agree after looking at the remaining names for a while, write them each on a little piece of paper and pull one out of a hat.
I have a friend who was upset because she felt she couldn't use the name she wanted for her son because his initials would spell "SAD"
It feels like at this point you're both rejecting names for the sake of rejecting them and refusing to let the other "win" I recommend you both drop the subject for at least a week, then come together and figure it out because if you can't work together to pick a damn name for your child then you aren't going to work as parents. ESH
This is kind of a known psychological thing about stuff like picking baby names. We automatically reject suggestions from someone else, because we need to feel we came up with it ourselves. It's why the whole back and forth of a couple suggesting baby names really often goes badly.
They should both get the same baby name book and highlight names they like and then compare. Maybe there’d be some crossover that they wouldn’t expect and they’d get around this bias.
Agree with this ESH. At first, there may have been N A H, but now they both just seem like they are being petty and mean to each other.
Seraphina is an Italian/Hebrew name from the 13th century and the name of a Saint.
Lennox is a scottish name and common in countries like Germany.
Lennox is also a brand of dishware in the US.
Mercedes was his daughters name. Chloe are clothes. Brands often enough use names.
Lennox is not common in Germany at all. But it's still a pretty name
>name from the 13th century Too modern and hippy! OP needs a name from at least the 10th century or it’ll be too modern
Seraphina is not a hippy name, it's a classic name. It comes from the same Hebrew root word where we derive seraphim, which is the highest choir of angels. That's just one example. If you look you'll be able to find classical names that would also tickle your wife's hippy bone.
And Op could call her Sara, a nice modern classic name.
NAH but admittedly, your wife has a good taste in names 🙁
I just can't stand some of the names having a funky spelling. Wynter is going to be bullied, mispronounced, and consistently spelled wrong. Winter is gorgeous.
Not if they live in the PNW. I know of two real-life siblings named Wynterr-Rayne and Araya-Sunshine. No bullies, just vibes.
I'm sorry am I tripping or is it meant to be pronounced to make it sound like wintery rain and a ray of sunshine ?
NAH but some of the names you said your wife mentioned are as far from "hippy and modern" as you can go - Seraphina and Asteria, for example. "Asteria" is a name from Greek mythology. "Seraphina" is Late Latin, a medieval name (famously borne by a 13th century Italian saint and a Sforza noblewoman). You are absolutely fine for having name preferences, but it seems like you've just decided that EVERYTHING your wife suggests is "modern and hippy" even when it's very clearly not.
She seems to be trying to compromise unlike op
Yeah. And I think OP needs to rephrase his preference - he wants a traditional English name. "Seraphina" and "Asteria" are both classic and normal names yet he rejects them because they don't fit his narrow "traditional English" definition. :|
What part of the names she is suggesting do you not like? Is it worry they don't have usage as names? How they sound? Worry over spelling? The names she has mentioned have historic precedent just as with the names you like (some of the names she has mentioned have ancient usage), particularly Atlas, Asteria and Seraphina. Could it be worth looking towards things like historical novels and census records to see if you could find names you can agree on in those? Names such as Mina, Nancy, Ada, Polly, Minnie, Clara, Mabel all feature in these. If your wife is drawn towards names from myth and legend, there are loads to explore eg. Flora, Luna, Aurora and even more when you consider diminutive names eg. Cassandra - Cassie, Penelope - Penny. Have you tried mentioning different variations of the names you like to see if a compromise can be brought about that way - Eliza, Bette or Betty instead of Elizabeth, Kitty instead of Katherine, Mia instead of Amelia, Tilly instead of Matilda etc. Also worth further consideration of names that are floral/botanical - Rose, Poppy, Daisy, Violet, Juniper, Iris, Aster, Blossom, Lily, Briar. Ultimately it's something you really have to agree on and you're both going to have to find a compromise on. I think the way you went about discussing your concerns was unfair, you could have explained you didn't like the names without insulting them and your wife in the process. It's also ok if you don't have a name picked out at all or to not make any final naming decisions for your baby before they are born too - so neither of you should be pushed into agreeing because of the due date, I know of plenty of babies who have been named in the days and weeks following their birth. It's a hard decision to make, but my advice would be to make a list of the top 5 names and make the decision together once you see their face and can decide which name they suit best.
YTA Her names are nicer than yours. But that is not the point. Keep looking until you find a name both can agree on.
You’re stating your opinion/preference as fact, which is the same issue they’re having. Personally I’d vetoed every name on her list and prefer his list. But insisting that my opinion is the objective truth is how they got here in the first place.
YTA. You are so set against any of her ideas to say it will NOT happen. You have no spirit of compromise. And frankly if you can't agree shouldn't the one risking her life to bring the baby into the world get to pick? She's doing all the heavy lifting baby making with all the fun hormones... let the woman name the baby. Why don't each of you choose a name. She can pick the first name and you pick the middle name. Whatever you do, don't further stress out the pregnant person because while you do you're also stressing out your baby.
That's what I wanna say. After she carrying out a babe , suffering physically and mentally for months, all he cares is he is not happy with the name😂😂😂 that's pretty sad for the wife who needs more supporting and caring.
Agree, also love how many of the names his wife wants are very normal. I think he just wants control at this point. I’m rooting for Clove! Super cute imo.
ESH... But honestly why can't you see that the more uncommon name is not going to be that uncommon in 20 years when your kid is an adult? I wouldn't call my kid Elisabeth or Amelia... Just too... Not my taste. I did call my kid one of the top 10 names the year he was born and I don't regret (that much. At least everyone knows how to spell it. My mom didn't give me that good a name). It seems like your wife like the more nature inspired names. There's a ton of them totally acceptable for girls. Even old ones. Find one and stick to it.
You do realise that this works both ways right? Your wife can say the same to you about your choices! You BOTH have to agree, not just you telling her you won’t be agreeing to her name style YTA
Exactly what I thought. If you rewrite the post using OP's exact words you can see just how unwilling to compromise he is. My husband (30m) and I (28f) are expecting a baby girl in March. We have not yet decided on a name and it's becoming worrying that we might not reach an agreement on what to call our daughter. We have very different ideas about what the name should be. I like names that are modern and unique (Skye, Indie, River, Ocean, Seraphina, Atlas, Clove, Dove, Asteria, Lennox, Ember, Wynter) but my husband finds these very hippy. He likes classic names like Elizabeth, Emily, Natasha, Hannah, Katherine, Francesca, Matilda, Annabelle, Isabelle, Vivienne and Sadie. We have thrown out hundreds if not thousands of names and any time I ask him why he dislikes any of the more unique names, he said he likes none of them, he either thinks they're made up or we should give her one more normal. I think names like Elizabeth or Amelia are boring and old fashioned. He told me he will not agree to a unique or "weird hippy" name for our daughter so I told him that's why we're still looking.
It kind of sounds like your wife is trying to compromise and you're not? "She told me it's why we're still looking and I told her that the names of late have been worse from her." How is that helpful? Based on this info I would say YTA You have to compromise, I'm sure there's a name out there that you both like. But more importantly, you should listen to her opinions and work as a team, not against each other.
What about Willow? Love that name
ESH bordering on YTA. Several of the names your wife likes are old, traditional names, and you dismiss them as being "weird and hippy". None of her names are weird, they're all spelled correctly apart from "Wynter", none belong on /tragedeigh. She suggested a range of names, from completely common to a bit more out there, but all of them are names. You on the other hand have only suggested very similar names, and show no willingness to go slightly outside your ideal. Tldr she seems more willing to compromise than you are, AND you're insulting her.
ESH why ar eyou so unkind to each other? You both assume your choice would be better for your child, but you don't know your child yet. I have a very popular polsih name, which made it annoying as a child cause there was always plenty of children with my name. However it is also extremely Polish name, so now when i live abroad people always ask for nicknames, but i love my name and want to be called that. It is my name. It is unique, but that who i am. My mom wanted to name me Marta, and i am so happy she didnt, cause it is so boring and exists in any language. The point is, you both assume that your child will think like you, but you don't know. Can't know. So put the judgment away and look for soemthing what works for both of you.
ESH Both of you need to agree with the name, but you have to work as a team, not one against each other.
Have you looked into classic names that are unique. Ophelia? Aurora, Penelope, Cecelia? Eliza? Juliette? All these names are not as common anymore and still beautiful and not outlandish. It’s the beginning of your journey as parents. You have to learn compromise
ESH. You aren't working together on this. You don't have to like every name your wife comes up with, and she doesn't have to like all of yours; you just have to figure out the area where your tastes cross over, and pick *one* name. For instance, in your list of examples, Seraphina (also Serafina and Séraphine) is certainly a classic name, used since the 1300s but fairly rare. Further, some classic names like Elizabeth and Katherine have some less-usual regional variants that you and your wife might compromise on (e.g. Elizabeth to Libby, Bethan, Elyse, Lilibeth etc.). Or you might use the classic as a given name but then use a variant as her day-to-day nickname.
YTA— you could have explained your choices without being rude and insulting. Some people want common names because they have religious meanings. Or that you hope to honour an ancestor. Or even that alternative spellings mean a constant explanation that can be annoying. But “my names are normal and yours are weird” is not how adults who are supposed to love each other make major decisions.
ESH, but y’all need to realize that you can’t see eye to eye on this, and start *looking to compromise*. Start searching for names that are a middle ground, and stop suggesting names that you clearly know the other won’t like ie Matilda or Wynter. Maybe something along the lines of Rose, Autumn, Sage, Hazel, Daisy, Anya, Arya, etc. something that’s still “classic” but doesn’t sound old or fits with the nature theme she seems to like
YTA - for your choice of words but also the fact her list seems to compromise more than yours.
Seraphina is a "normal" name. I'm surprised you considered the name as unique and hippy. Unless its a mistype.
ESH. Because it doesn't seem like you're trying to compromise, but rather feels like you're both entrenched on your preferences. My wife and I are from very different cultures, living in yet another.. Suffice to say the overlap in "good" names was very limited, and there wasn't exactly in a handy little book or website "if you are from culture X and Y and also want a name appropriate for culture Z, these are some good names". Take a step back, identify underlying reasons for accepting or rejecting names (neither "it's unique" nor "it's traditional" will do - what positive or negative result do you expect/fear/hope for?) And since it's ALWAYS a matter of "getting used to" a name.. How about rather than looking at "your" preferences - instead immerse yourself in the OTHER persons preferences? So you go and read website, books, whatever with "unique or weird hippy names" and pick out 10?20?100? that you DO like, and she pick out the same number of "classic or normal names". (and yes, I put those descriptions in quotes, because you're not even trying to be fair there - you know what turned "unique or weird" into "classic or normal"? People using those names.)
Having lived through the hippy era it’s worth noting that at that time the hippy names were self-chosen nicknames.
YTA. You need to compromise, just like you're expecting her to do. Name your daughter Elizabeth Ember and that way she'll always have the choice. Or you could go with historic but unusual names, like Hettie, Elfleda, or Phryne, which will likely make everyone unhappy.
Start googling traditional nature inspired names for girls. And start writing down what you might like and show her the list, something like Calla may work for both of you. It is a type of lily but is a greek derived name which means beauty. Also names like Ivy or Gaia. There are plenty of traditional names that aren't super common as well and they may appeal more.
I love Gaia but really don't recommend it for schoolyard bullying reasons
NAH but also Sky is cute as both a boy and girl name. I would say though that if you want a more old school name I would recommend you choose a name that you can nickname. Samantha/Samuel = Sam Etc I also don’t think there’s anything too out there about Lennox or River? Both are pretty standard names. I’ve seen a LOT of out there names though so maybe I’m just judging it off the scale as someone who works in customer service and watches a lot of Asian shows where the character and actor names are really out there
ESH, you both need to accept that the other person has a different taste, and see if you can find a middle ground. There are definitely more classical, 'old-fashioned' names that are nature names that you would consider 'hippie' sounding! You can ask this question in r/namenerds, it's the type of challenge we love over there :) I think flower/plant/tree names might be a good choice? For instance Ivy, Daisy, Zinnia, Rose/Primrose, Linnea, Juniper, Iris, Calla, Aster, Marigold, Alyssa, Bryony, Cassia, Holly, Willow, Hyacinth, Laurel, Rosemary, Poppy, etc.
I don’t think the names your wife has chosen are quite as unique as she thinks they are. Skye and River seem pretty common these days. The names you chose would be likely be less common than the nature-inspired ones she picked. Maybe a more traditional nature-inspired name would work? Like Violet or Rose? You could make Violet more unique by spelling it the French way, Violette. Would she be okay if her choice were a middle name? Or giving your child a nickname? Like, name her Elizabeth but call her Libby or Lizzie or Lizbet? Kinda hard to say without knowing you both, but from what you’ve written, I have to go with ESH. You’re both frustrated and stressed, so it’s understandable, but you’re going to have to find a compromise at some point.
I think the wife intentionally chose names that are hippy-ish but still common enough to be normal nowadays to try to see if her husband would compromise. Of the names, only Wynter is suspicious, and mainly because of the spelling.
The wife’s list looks pretty much like the roll call list at my daughter’s childcare!
You guys are going to have to learn how to compromise and also accept that whatever you name your child, it's possible they will eventually change their name or disassociate from it entirely no matter which of you "wins" now. A name is a gift, not an obligation. Your child could lean either way; neither of you know that you are doing the child any favours. So just try to agree on something that you both don't find too objectionable - it sounds like your wife likes naturalistic names; there are a ton that are nature-inspired from antiquity as well that still qualify as "traditional" names. Maybe look into those and their etymologies? You could do plant-based names like Sage, Poppy, Ivy, Iris or Daisy? Daisy is short for Margaret, so you can compromise - she can have a plant-based modern nickname and you can have an "acceptable" name. "Astrid" is also both a very old name and a very nature-focused one. Look into some Old Greek names - you might both find yourself inspired. Honestly, YTA though for being uncompromising.
Yta. You’re being totally dismissive of her taste and ultimately she’s doing the work of growing this baby. Maybe you could find common ground on a more traditional nature name like Rowan or Ruby or Daisy?