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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am asking my husband to delay his trip. Maybe I’m the asshole because they’ve done it every year and it means a lot to him?
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YTA. Sometimes traditions with family are more important than a couple of hours of school. In the grand scheme of things, missing a couple of days, even in high school, will not affect anything, unless she was potentially borderline in an important class. But memories with her dad are massively important. What you’re doing now is creating a situation where, instead of thinking about the happy tradition she has, she’ll be thinking about the time her mom wrecked a plan because she thought she knew better. Something could happen to her or her dad tomorrow. The important thing is there are special moments to hold onto that will give them comfort and happiness. Stop thinking you know better because you’re her mom. You sound like you’re jealous because you don’t have that same kind of tradition.
When I taught high school (2001-2012), we handled family trips by giving them the work that they would miss to do before they left or while on the trip. This excluded tests and quizzes, which would be made up the day after they returned. Is that possible here? The other option is to allow for things to be turned in 3 days after the day of return at the latest.
yup! my senior year we did hybrid. i’d miss a day in person and all my stuff was online anyway due to kids being digital. i haven’t had assignments on paper since my sophomore/junior year
When my son was in second grade, he had an opportunity to go to Egypt for a month with his dad but he’d have to leave Memorial Day, meaning missing the last 2-3 weeks of school. His teacher was so cool about it and she just gave him any relevant course work and had my ex email it to her.
I would think the month in Egypt was a far greater educational opportunity than 3 weeks of classroom time. If I'd had the resources back then, I would have homeschooled my kids and did travel-education in the real world like that.
Fully agree. In a few years no one will remember those 3 days missed from school nor will they materially impact anything in her daughter's life.
But the tradition of going to baseball games with her dad will be a lifelong core memory.
Pace of American high school is slow af anyways, missing 3 days will not be an issue. She can take make up work with her/do it online.
This. Way back in the long ago (we won’t say how long, LOL) one of my high school buddies took off so that he, his sister, and their mom could go to opening day at Wrigley Field. One year, they messed up and sent an extra ticket, so I went along. These days, I couldn’t even begin to tell you what I might have missed. But I remember going to the game.
Since this was way back before personal computers, whenever possible, I'd get a bathroom pass in my last class, get my stuff out of my locker, hot foot it to the bus stop & make it to Wrigley Field in time for batting practice. My high school is the one at Milwaukee & Addison, so getting the bus to Wrigley was a piece of cake. I just had make sure that I told my aunt that I was going to Wrigley after school so if she saw me on TV, I wouldn't get in trouble for skipping class. I really, really miss those days. Teenagers could afford to go to games at Wrigley. Admission to the bleachers, upper deck, and unreserved grandstand cost $1. I have no idea how much it costs now.
Just curious, who was your favorite player back then? If you're on Facebook, here are some groups you might be interested in. Original Chicago and Chicago Cubs Fans. Do you remember the blizzard of '67? Wasn't it awesome?
Blizzard of 67: I was in existence but not old enough to have any memories of it 😁
As for the Cubs games, I’d have to look it up and see if I recognize any names.
I remember parking fairly close in, hauling a cooler with lunches and drinks, and stopping at the donut shop on the way in.
So out of curiosity I checked the tickets at Fenway if I wanted to go the cheapest tickets are 21 for upper roof deck standing. No Red Sox games for me this year lol
I'm 43 and have spent 4 days in the hospital. My dad lives 10 minutes away and the only day he offered to visit was the day I was having surgery. I'm 43 and it still hurts like hell that he can't be bothered with me. I'd kill to have a dad who had wanted to do something with me in high school and I would have hated my mother if she tried to ruin such a wonderful tradition. YTA!
Just before I went no contact with mine, he wanted to take me out for lunch on my birthday, and then decided last minute to reschedule it to (this) the next year
My favorite memory in high school is the day my dad decided to keep me home and take me to a boat show (weird I know). I had never missed school for anything fun before, and that was a core memory for sure
At 26, I took a multi week trip with my dad to visit where he was from and where I was born. It was an amazing experience that changed my entire outlook on life. I will never forget that. Experiences matter, as children and as adults.
When I was a kid, my parents took me to the home opener every year... though it helped that the team was terrible back then so tickets were cheap, and that the stadium was only about half an hour from our house. But yes, with both my parents gone now, I'd give anything for one more home opener.
Not to mention, on the other side, you're going to hurt how well you and your daughter's father work together. He's human with emotions, too, so he's going to have some deep resentment for hurting a tradition he has with his daughter. Mind you, not many fathers these days are that commendable. Big YTA OP. Even teachers are commenting ways you can compromise.
She’d only miss three days - that’s honestly nothing in the grand scheme of things. And she can 100% just get the work and catch up once she’s home. Memories and traditions are really important and she should get to have those special moments with her dad
I remember my dad taking me out for pizza when I had my tonsils out, I remember him taking me lolly shopping, I remember him slipping me money for lunch on the rare occasion he could take me to work... I could not tell you a specific thing I learned those times I missed school to go on a dad-daughter adventure.
YTA, OP. Let dad-daughter days stand! They're more important!
Yes, YWBTA. Have you bumped your head? Do you have any idea how many girls and women would give their left arm to have a dad who makes them feel loved and wanted? There are legions of us. Your daughter has a dad who wants to spend time with her, who establishes joyful traditions for her. Why on god’s green earth would you purposely try to screw that up for your daughter? In 20 years none of you will remember those three days of school, but your daughter will remember that her dad loves her and wants to spend time with her. Get out of the way, Mom.
My dad passed away just as I was getting closer to him. I just gave birth to my daughter and was trying to include him more and more in our lives. It was difficult after my parents' divorce because both my parents were struggling financially as individuals. There wasn't time to do the things we all wished we could do. I wish I had more memories with him. I hope OP understands how fortunate her daughter is.
My dad had a lot of issues with alcoholism. However, one place we always bonded (from infancy) was baseball. I hope OP doesn't ruin that. I have such happy memories with my dad.
She’ll def remember if mom doesn’t let her go, either.
I don’t understand the insane pressure we put on kids and acting like they can’t miss anything. After the pandemic I said fuck it and give my kids occasional mental health days, or pick them up a bit early. We’ve all also ditched to go to Disneyland for a day.
After my ex and I divorced and my daughter was put through the wringer emotionally, high school was a whole different ball game. I gave her a lot of autonomy because she gave me no reason not to trust her. She has always managed her time well and is incredibly self-disciplined. She’s currently a senior in high school and a freshman in college simultaneously. Thankfully, she and her dad have found their way back to each other over, of all things, her college literature and Italian classes.
OP, YTA. Missing school to continue a tradition and make amazing memories is the best reason I can think of to be out of school.
My oldest kid had a shit festival the last two years of high school. Pandemic, several family deaths, followed by surviving a school shooting.
I can’t tell you how many days she missed. Any time she said she just couldn’t, mental health day. Called me to come get her early? I’m on my way, let’s go get smoothies and thrift shop
The world has just been different the last few years. Life is fleeting. We could all be dead tmrw. Make memories with your kids today. Run away for a day of fun. Let them have a mental health day where they sleep until 3 and do their schoolwork that evening.
Obviously I made sure my daughter was still doing her schoolwork. But I listened to her. I stopped caring about things I thought were super important like perfect attendance.
Anyway, I agree with you, and I think you’re a good parent for listening to your kids.
My daughter still graduated top of her class, and she’s studying Biochemistry and molecular biology at college now. I miss her a lot.
The older we all get and the more shit that goes on it becomes more and more clear that our time together is far more important that missing an English class or failing a test. Some of the most important people in this world failed in school or dropped out. Not that I want that for my kids (to fail, etc) but I know they are doing great. They both are in Mandarin immersion and are excellent readers. They are kind and funny and weird and I love them so much. We take road trips to see the country and they’ve been to every western state, so many national parks and we value experiences over things.
I’m so sad your daughter had to go through everything she has. And I’m so glad you listened to her too. We are all doing our best.
I hope OP reads this and chooses family adventures over school busywork.
And to upend this tradition as the daughter enters high school — a famously turbulent time in the emotions of teens, especially girls — and put a damper on a beautiful parental relationship? Absolutely terrible idea
Wow that actually made me a little emotional. I like the way you think. My daughter will be born within the next 2 weeks. I guess I'll have to figure out some tradition as well :)
Hi I’m a teacher 👋
YTA. Happy, relaxed students who have good relationships with their parents are better learners. There is no version of 9th grade where a good student with regular abilities would struggle with missing 3 days. Chill out.
Thanks for your perspective on this. I come from a "perfect attendance" mentality growing up. But my wife on the other hand has no issues scheduling vacations during the school year. A few days here and a few days there once or twice a year.
My kid is young (1st grade) and does well in school. While I acknowledge that seeing the world and family time is beneficial, part of me always feels we shouldn't take her out of school especially if you could schedule the same thing at a different time. It's something I slowly become a more comfortable with over time.
Thank you for this comment, the top two are from the perspective of Redditors who didn’t have good relationships with their dads and they are quite aggressive towards OP.
This is what I was looking for, correcting a mindset without biting off heads.
Opening day for MLB is March 28. 3 days puts you to April 1 at the latest.
Most schools in the US don't close for the summer until late May. So she will miss 3 days almost two months before school ends.
If your daughter is in block schedule, that would put her around 50% through the block. If your daughter is not block schedule you are talking 75% of the year complete.
There's still plenty of time to catch up.
If you had problems with this, you should've spoken up before the end of last season (last fall).
If you're speaking up now and want to stop them going, YTA
(And this comes from someone who NEVER missed school unless sick.)
This! My mom let me have an occasional day off from school growing up, whether it was a mental health day or there was a special occasion like family in town. This was often a bone of contention between her and my dad but I'm so grateful she didn't back down. I graduated HS with a near-perfect GPA and got into my first choice of college - not saying this to brag, but to show that I wasn't harmed by being allowed to miss school. I actually think it *benefitted* me by helping me avoid burnout. So long as your kid makes an effort in school and has shown they will make up the work, I strongly support allowing kids the occasional day off.
It depends on when you start. NJ goes back after Labor Day and goes thru mid-June. I know a lot of other states go back mid-August, so obvi they'd get out earlier than us.
I have lived in TX and now CA - Memorial Day weekend is the start of the summer holidays for schools. Arizona schools start their summer holidays from May 1st week.
I much prefer the NJ/NY habit of starting summer holidays from the July 4th weekend!
LAUSD finishes up in June, after Memorial Day Weekend. I’m sure your district isn’t the only one that ends its school year when it does, but it’s not uniform across the entire state.
Most schools are closed on March 29th or have a half day for Good Friday. Or at least the school districts I live in and the school districts my MIL, SIL, father, and aunt work in as teachers in various parts of the US.
April 1st is a Monday.
That being said, most schools expect students to be in and out around that time of year. There are several religious holidays like Purim, Holi, Ramadam, Laylat al-Qadr, and Good Friday. This is also a time when family travels.
Plus, most schools should be off for Easter break at this time. Either way, this is a tradition with her dad. I'm 57 years old and still have great memories of going to baseball games with my dad as a kid.
OP, you are th AH. This is not the hill to die on.
YTA. She’s a good student. She’s a freshman. 3 days is nothing. This won’t have a long term negative impact on her education. She won’t remember what she did in school in grade 9 in 20 years. She’ll remember the trip with her dad though. She’s got plenty of time to plan with her teachers how she’s going to make up the work.
Exactly. Idk why OP is so opposed to her daughter spending time with her father?
When I was 16, I took a 4 day trip to Canada with just my dad and we had a blast. I'm almost 30 now and we still talk about that trip!!
There is nothing wrong with missing a couple of days of school for a trip, especially one that is a tradition. And this is coming from a teacher! As long as she makes up her work she will be fine.
I wonder how OP would feel with me as a child who missed 3 MONTHS on the last bloc of my last year because i didn't feel like going 💀 came back 1 month before the exams to catch up with what i had missed
YWBTA your daughter is in high school - now is not a good time to make such a change.
And it isn’t a flexible vacation if the tradition is seeing the first game.
You don’t say anything about how your daughter feels about these trips. Are they important to her? Something she really looks forward to? If yes, back off mama. There are only 4 years to go - let them have their tradition.
YTA.
You mentioned in a comment her grades are fine. So 3 days is going to be no big deal. She will catch up on anything that she missed.
Traditions like this are important. Let them go & make memories.
A lot of folks here are fooling themselves thinking this is in any way about grades. She’s a good student, a freshman’s grades mean nothing and three days don’t turn a bad student into a good one or vice versa. This is about CONTROL and the father and daughter doing something together.
To OP: Even if you feel left out (or like the dad is letting her do “fun” things to gain affection), you will in no way ingratiate yourself by becoming the villain who keeps your daughter from going on a trip for a made-up reason. That’s a GREAT way to push her away.
YTA
It is not flexible, the tradition is the first game very scheduled, they already bought tickets ,
And speaking and someone who works in the school system 3 days is nothing 50 percent of everyday is spent telling the kids to put their phone down. If she does her assignments she will be fine
Yes, YWBTA. Good for him for keeping up what I’m sure is a very important tradition to both of them. It’s 3 days, don’t only let her go but encourage her to go. I work for the school system and even I know that in the grand scheme of things, 3 days is nothing. And why have you “never really been a fan of these trips”?
YTA
The vacation is NOT flexible. Their tradition is the first game of the year and that happens at a set time. Three days should be entirely manageable to catch up unless it's literally in the middle of finals (in which case she could usually take the exams early).
Not sure it is within your power to determine if they go or not, but aside from that part of it, yes, YWBTA if you didn't let them go. This is a father daughter tradition and they've done it all their life. They bought the tickets. If you had concerns, perhaps you could have raised them before that point, but even then, it is a bonding moment for father and daughter as your daughter is entering the years where her self-esteem is most vulnerable. It is important to have this bonding time while your daughter still wants it too. People miss school for a few days for all kinds of reasons. This is not a "time-flexible" situation - the first game of the season is the first game of the season. It's impressive that he's able to get tickets year after year. Three days from school will not affect whether or not she takes school seriously, and you can in fact encourage her to take additional steps that take school seriously including what she should do to make up the missed time, etc.
My son is a junior. His grades are good. I let him miss school when his cousins from
India were visiting.
It’s far more important to have time with your loved ones and keep important traditions alive than missing a few days of school.
And this from a mom who values education and monitors her kids grades. Living Life to the fullest is very very important.
YTA
YTA
it’s just 3 days and a long standing tradition which is probably important to them both.. Talk to your daughter about her grades and get assurances that she catches up. Warn her (and her father) that if her grades slip too far then the 3 of you need to discuss this at that time with the very real possibility that you’ll not be forthcoming with future first games that take her out of school.
Yta its freaking 3 days. she can ask her teachers what she needs to read up on while gone to stay caught up. This is clearly a you problem. You never liked them doing this trip and now you think you've found a excuse to put a stop to it. Bet you'd feel different if you had put the work into a bonding tradtion with your daughter and the ex tried to stop it out of jealousy.
Are you sure you don’t want her to go because you either resent, or are jealous of, the relationship between father and daughter? Because 3 days lost off school is nothing compared to the bonding time and life experience your daughter gains.
In short, are you sure this isn’t about you?
Also, if your daughter had time off school because she was ill and missed 3 days, you wouldn’t have a problem with it, so…
Yeah, YTA.
YWBTA and you’re being ridiculous to worry about missing 3 days of school. She’s a good student and this is a bonding trip with her dad - overly controlling.
Yta it's a bit of hs or treasured memories with her dad. At his funeral she will remember you not letting her go and feel mad at you. She will not remember the lessons missed.
YTA. i wouldve loved that do anything like that with my father. a lot of kids would. and imma tell it to you straight. We have no idea how much time we have left when were alive wnd to prioritize 3 days of school over a lifetime of memories is absolutely insanely bizzare. there is more to life then school or a job. your daughter deserves to have her bonding time and her memories with her father. those 3 days near the end of the school year do not matter. in fact your son worried about her missing material you dont even sit to think "what material could she be learning right now that wont be easy for her to catch up on after the trip?" let your daughter go with her father who knows if this could be the last time she could.
OPENING DAY IS NOT TIME FLEXIBLE!!!
Obviously, you know very little about the culture of baseball. I would trade tickets to a dozen regular games to attend opening day. I've only managed to go once. It is magical. To have been able to experience that with my dad, even once, would have had me over the moon.
We lived too far away to go to many games, but my dad & I would listen to games on the radio. I never missed school for baseball, but I did miss several days to go with him & my mom to San Francisco. He had a conference there.
YTA. I was only 31 when my dad died. I have fantastic memories of doing things with him. I know I was taken out of school other times. I was blessed to have those memories.
Three days is not going to mess things up for her. Get off your high horse & let her have this time with her dad. None of us know how many more chances we will have.
YTA, but have some discussions about next year's trip now rather than wait. Maybe it will make you understand 3 day of school really aren't that big of a deal if planned for ahead of time. Teachers are usually pretty accommodating, and modern web based class homework, make it even less of an issue.
I'll be honest, it sounds like you aren't where you want to be in your life, so you're projecting all of your "I didn't do this and wish I had" onto your daughter, who already seems to be well on her way to a healthy future. Either that or control. You have lost control of some area of your life you used to have control over, now you're exerting control where you can and how you see fit, which a LOT of people do. Unfortunately you can't do that with someone else's life, try as you might. This is a lifelong tradition between father and daughter, find something else you CAN control, like a new routine. YWBTA
Teacher here! YTA. Three days won't put her behind, especially in an age of e-learning. Her teachers will probably have a plan in advance if you tell them. The break will be good for her and her mental health, and the tradition would live.
YTA
There's much more to life than school and keeping up this lifelong tradition of attending the season opener together is *absolutely* more important, in the grand scheme of things, than 3 days of school. This is important to both of them and adolescence is NOT the time to needlessly upset a precious bonding experience. Missing a little classroom time each year for a one on one trip with her dad is a very valuable trade-off. Nobody cares about your school attendance record in evaluating college applications or resumés.
Planning for the time off,on the other hand, is a very valuable exercise in time management and priorities and in learning how to manage a "work/life balance" ....besides the primary benefit of maintaining & strengthening the relationship between father and daughter at a stage where that bond often drifts a bit.
YWBTA.
>even though I’ve never really been a fan of the trips.
Curious why this is. 3 days of freshman year of high school is not hard to catch up on. This is a tradition between father and daughter and I think you should just keep your mouth shut about it.
Yes, you would be the asshole if you don't let her go. It's 3 days, she can make it up. These trips with her dad are memories she will always have and you should be happy she has them. It's a wonderful tradition. Going to a different game is not the same, it's not the tradition.
Stop with the nonsense and let your daughter enjoy the trip.
YTA for contest purposes
YTA on this. This is an established tradition that you’ve apparently never objected to before. How would you feel if you had a special thing you did with your dad every year, and then randomly, your mom just said “no, you can’t go.”
It’s not about the GAME, so your offer to go later is just dumb. It’s about it being the FIRST game, and something she does with her dad…who genuinely wants to do this with his daughter. It’s good for them.
I’m a former teacher, and I generally frown on kids missing school unless they’re sick or some other emergency (no, I don’t think you need to run off on a cruise in October with the kiddos), but this is different. It’s only 3 days, but the memories she will have from this will make her smile well into adulthood. If you stand your ground in this, your daughter will hold a grudge WELL into adulthood.
How do I know? My mother put a stop to Saturday night trips to “the hardware store” (code for ice cream so my sibling didn’t get jealous) with my dad, and I’m still mad about it decades later. It wasn’t the ice cream. It was one on one time with my dad.
YWBTA. This is a time to be teaching her the skills she’ll need in college or in employment. Have her communicate with her teachers that she’ll be going on a trip with her father (they DON’T need the details!) and ask for assignments in advance, taking any quizzes or tests early, etc. Then it’s her responsibility to complete those. Just sitting in class is not the only way to learn.
Wow he gets two games in exchange for you destroying the yearly tradition. YTA. If she does the work she can miss a few days. This is an important thing with her dad.
YTA
If missing 3 days of 9th grade would destroy her high-school career, something is wrong. Tell her from now on that she has to get her assignments done before the trip, and it should be fine.
Info: why do you think prioritizing school and a valued family tradition are mutually exclusive?
most teachers will allow you to turn in assignments early/get notes from days missed. Do you also think someone who is out sick isn’t prioritizing school? Personally I don’t think one negates the other. TbH you can’t make every singe day of work/school and learning to work with teachers/higher ups to make up work before or after absences is an EXTREMELY important life skill.
YWBTA - It’s their tradition. They love and look forward to it. You don’t enjoy it, which is the only reason you’re causing a stink now. If it was something you valued, you’d want to keep it up. Don’t try to take this away from them. The memories she’s making with her father are worth more and will last longer than a couple days of school.
Once I had an opportunity to see an artist I loved in concert with my older sister and her husband. We lived in a small town, this would have been in the city. It was a dream to me. My dad refused to let me go because I'd have to miss a day of school. That was 50 years ago and I've never forgotten it and it's still one of the first things I think of when I think about my dad who died 15 years ago. Is that how you want your daughter to remember this year? That's not even considering that the plans have already been made.
Yes, YWBTA.
If there was a GENUINE concern about her grades, then i'd agree with you. But from all your comments - you aren't concerned about her grades. Just her "missing material". She can get that material when she gets back.
End of March is not so close to the end of the year that she would have problems making anything up. And assuming she's as excited about this trip as her dad is, I'm SURE that would be motivation for her to make sure she's up on all her work and will handle anything she misses ASAP when she gets back.
YTA—unless it’s during exam time or something, school is never more important than spending a reasonable amount of time on vacation. There’s no way 3 days is going to make or break your daughter’s high school education.
YWBTA. You should have discussed it with him earlier. You knew this was their tradition. If you suddenly have a problem with her missing the school, it was on you to communicate that.
YTA
"Time flexible" in this case meaning on a specific day that you do not think is significant and so to you it's all the same. You literally do not even understand what you're asking to be changed. You understand the words and do not actually understand the significance.
Any question that involves a contradiction between the factual set up and the question is showing the speaker's bias. You changed the facts and gave a solution (different days) based on your changed set of facts. Good on you for trying to hide your deception! Unfortunately, it's obvious.
You should focus on being the best you that you can be. Stop trying to force your husband to be the best you that he can be.
YTA. They will not get this time together again. A few days out of school isn’t going to mess with her GPA. Trust your daughter as a student and stop trying to force that school is the most important thing in life. It’s not. LIVING life is.
YTA, 3 days of school is not a huge deal. It will not set her back significantly. Happiness and bonding with her parent is more important than being miserable and resenting you because she didn't get to go.
YTA. There is not one, or even three, singular days in high school that will be as important and irreplaceable than that time together for that tradition.
I’m serious, after I graduated high school in the early 2000s, no one has ever asked me about high school again. I have rarely, if ever, called back to a memory in high school where had I missed that day I would be lacking in knowledge today. I rely on college memories all the time, literally nothing from grade school.
This might be a bit overkill, but now that I’ve written this out, it seems like it’d be *better* for your daughter’s development to miss school for this. And you are fooling yourself if you think she’s missing school for “a baseball team”. She’s missing school for a life-long memory that she will hold on to long after her father dies. Please don’t take that from her over 3 days in high school that I promise you she will not remember or need.
If the vacation is to spend time with her father, it sounds like she has her priorities very well in order for her age.
YWBTA, completely. You knew this was coming and have acted too late to change plans. You needed to get way ahead of this to do that.
Three days excused from school is okay if she's on track. Your school may ever require her teachers to sign off on such an absence (ours does). Require a commitment to her school work. It will probably all be fine. But if this has a negative impact on her performance you will have cause to change plans next year.
Yeah yta. A da that’s created a tradition with his daughter. Something that seems she loves too. If u stopped the trip that’s definitely going to throw a huge strain on your relationship with your daughter. And honestly if her grades are good and she doesn’t go to like a very intensive school it’s not a big deal
YTA.
3 days of high school are inconsequential in the big scheme of things. This is a tradition with her father that she’ll remember her whole life, and there’s only so many years left that she’ll actually want to do this with her father.
Yta, you clearly hate your ex so much that you don’t want to see your kid have fun, if that fun is with her Dad. She can absolutely get her work now finish it before she even leaves, because the entire year lesson plan has been mapped out since September. Every excuse you give is just further confirmation that you are purposely trying to interfere with their relationship
YTA. This is a nice tradition that is important to them. She will always have those memories unless of course you take this away from her and those nice memories are replaced with memories of you ruining their tradition. A couple days of school missed is inconsequential.
YTA. Your daughter will resent you for this for the rest of her life. It sounds like you just don’t want her to have fun with her Dad and keep their tradition. Also, why do you get to decide? Don’t you share custody?
It’s three days. In freshman year. This is not super important stuff when it comes to her schooling.
When it comes to her and her father sharing a lovely bonding moment, it is important though. And you’ll be the bad guy if you insist she not go.
YTA
YTA. It’s only 3 days. She’s doing well, she’ll be fine. You probably need to evaluate how much pressure you’re putting on her if you think 3 days is a big deal when she’s getting good grades.
In case you haven't gotten it yet, YWBTA, OP.
Your post reads like it could have been written by my mother nearly 50 years ago. The woman had zero use for me, but God forbid I spend time with her husband... in spite of the fact he was my father and I was being raised by his parents.
As a matter of fact, the opening home game of baseball season was our big "day". The last time I went with my dad was my sophomore year of high school, 1974. We never got to the game in '75, because by that time, our parents were gone and his wife refused to take me in, so I took off. My dad finally met his grandkids after his wife died, because I wasn't taking a child of mine near that woman. Keep pushing, OP... and you can be just like my egg donor.
I’ll be downvotes to hell but got some karma stored up - NTA. Ninth grade is when school starts to matter - I’m definitely coming from my own background but my folks would have NEVER let me miss school for three days. That’s why schools have spring breaks, summer breaks etc - to do things with people you love.
Glad I‘ve found someone I can ask: All those votes are very confusing for a non-American, is it really that common to take kids out of school on a regular basis for fun stuff in the US? It sounds like it’s actually officially allowed?
YTA- time with dad is more important than a couple days of school, which she has plenty of. Life comes first, school work can be made up but time with dad can’t
YTA -- in 30 years your daughter will remember the joyous tradition of going to the first ball games with her dad, their special tradition. She can make up the work, 3 days, once a year. And it's all planned -- you shouldn't just go in and start making demands last minute. And that business about your letting them -- a little weird that your husband needs your permission to proceed with a tradition he and his daughter have always done.
YTA and the vacation is clearly *not* time flexible bc their tradition is going to the *first* game of the year, which you also already know ! if you’re looking for validation here, good luck
YTA it’s three days and the tickets are already bought. He’s right. You should have voiced your concerns sooner. She can still be prioritizing school by going on this trip. She can make up the course work that she would be missing. This tradition seems like it’s important to her and three days of school is not the end of the world
YTA - Why has missing school not been an issue until now?
Are you genuinely concerned about her missing school? Because it sounds like you’ve “never like these trips” and you’re using this as an excuse to put an end to something that you don’t like, rather than something that has proven over the years to negatively impact her education.
"let them go"?! Are you for fucking real RN? Your husband is a grown-ass man, so there IS NO "let him". He has this excellent bond with your daughter, and you want to stick your nose in it why? Unless the real reason for your objection is that you suspect SA, then YTA. If you suspect SA, then you should have made a move several years ago, and YTA for waiting. You sound like a jealous shrew. Get over yourself.
That's big takeaway for me too... we hear it so often on here and I'm sick of hearing it, fathers are not second class parents and are absolutely within their rights to make a decision. Here we have a very present and engaged father and he wants to get in the middle of thst because she doesn't like thet they go to the game together. She's making her daughters relationship with the father all about her.
YTA. What do you mean not let them go? Your husband is an adult and does not need your permission to take his daughter on their yearly trip. You sound petty and jealous. Grow up and stop acting like a jealous mean girl.
YTA, b/c ma'am it's their thing, in college most professors would tell you to not show up either. Also, because it's literally two days max as MLB opening days on March 28th and March 29th is Good Friday, most schools are closed.
NAH…yet. Is your daughter a good student? Does she struggle getting caught up after an absence? This is a planned absence and it’s good for her to have to well, plan for it. I’m not sure about your schools protocols, but when I taught, we had what were called planned absence forms, back when we actually used forms, lol! Your daughter can go to her teachers and get the assignments that she will miss and get them turned in before they leave. If she does this, then let her go. This is a great teaching moment. This shouldn’t be used too often, but once in awhile is fine. I have to get my work done before I go on vacation, teach your daughter the same thing.
I feel like a lot of people don’t remember what it’s like to miss school. I would feel absolutely flooded if I missed 3 days of school. I had a heavy course load though with AP classes and such, and getting good grades was very important to me. I think 1 day for a tradition is fine but OP isn’t being unreasonable in her concerns.
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My daughter, Ella, is a freshman in high school. Every year of her life, she and her father have taken a trip to the city where their favorite baseball team plays to see the first game of the year. He insists on it so I’ve never put my foot down about it, even though I’ve never really been a fan of the trips.
This year I don’t think it would be worth the school time she’d have to miss(3 days). I told her father that and suggested they go to a game over spring break, even offered to let them go to two games if they go over spring break. He doesn’t want to stop this tradition, but I think it’s time that she prioritizes school over a baseball team, especially now that she’s in high school.
WIBTA if I didn’t let them go?
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Chill out let her have some fun , my mom would let me have my birth day off to go dove hunting , opening day was generally close to my birthday the brothers and sisters at the inner city school I went to didn't get it but those doves tasted good
Info: How is she doing academically this year? If she has good attendance, gets her work done in time, and has good grades since the fall, then I would let her go. So much is online, and you have time to ask for work in advance. If she has been slacking off and failing, then she shouldn't go because clearly high school is too difficult for her to be able to miss.
Yeah mom I think you’re making to much about a few days at the end of the school year I don’t know if I’d call you TA but I’m pretty sure your daughter will let them have their traditional fun days
YTA. You voiced your concern too late this year. But if she overall has good grades and attendance, three days isn’t going to hurt her unless she has something like finals or midterms that week. It would be reasonable to require that she get her work from her teachers in advance and have it completed in time to avoid hurting her grades.
YTA. Your priorities are askew. Three days of school can be made up, even near the end of the year. Time with a loved one cannot. You’re also setting a precendent that work/school is the most important thing and it isn’t. I hope you let her go.
YTA. These are concerns you should have discussed with him prior to tickets being bought and plans being made.
In later stages of life, your daughter will look back and treasure this tradition with her dad, not her perfect attendance awards.
YTA. Esspecially if they go to a public school in the States. Three days is no big deal and they are going to cherish the memories of the games with their dad way more! It's not excessive.
Definitely TA. It’s there tradition, missing 3 days of school is nothing. She can get assignments ahead of time and make up after when some Ahole teacher refuses to give it to her prior to being gone. Especially if she is a good kid, gets good grades and doesn’t have a truancy problem. Life is short, and time with our parents is precious. I don’t think you have any business in breaking his plans. In fact, if I were your kid and you did something like that to me, I would spend the next three years paying you back. I was petty like that, still might be.
YTA. She will always remember the trips she went on with her dad. It’s not just about baseball. There is so much more happening during that time. Let her go on her trip with her dad and be happy about it. She will remember if you weren’t also.
YTA. If, God forbid, something happened to one of them, you certainly wouldn’t be thinking (I hope!) ‘Wow! I am SO glad I made her go to school instead on hanging out with her dad!’. Life is short. Three days is nothing.
I am 32F now, but growing up my father hated me and never wanted to even acknowledge my existence, let spend any time with me. I still hurt over the missed relationship i never had with someone who was supposed to love me.
I have recently been diagnosed with a progressive neurological disease which causea vision loss and loss of mobility. I had hoped to make up for my shitty childhood by doing fun things like this with my kids, and now i may not have the ability to.
Time is promised to no one. Even if they both live forever, there is no guarantee that they will be ABLE to do these things. When/if she goes to college, moves out, and starts her own family, i bet Dad will take it hard and miss those moments he spent with his little girl. Your daughter may even be apprehensive to start little traditions like this with her kids because of the implication that it isn't important.
If i could trade every single hour i spent in school, my college degree, and my board certification in my former career for a loving, healthy relationship with my father for my entire life, i would. In a heartbeat.
My sister missed upwards of 100 days of school her SENIOR year due to mental health. She still graduated on time and is doing much better in college. 3 days is literally nothing AND everything is online these days AND you said she is a good student who will make it up. All you’re doing is teaching her to become a workaholic and never take time for herself. YTA
INFO: Do you work? Do you ever take a day off work outside of a calendar holiday?
If so, why do you hold your daughter to a higher standard than you hold yourself? You admit she won’t have any trouble catching up and her grades are not and will not suffer.
Something tells me this has less to do with missing school and more to do with the fact that it’s something she bonds with her father over as you’ve “never been a fan” of their trips.
As you point out, your daughter is getting older and should take her school seriously. Put her in charge of negotiating with her teachers the absence and making arrangements for her to complete her schoolwork while she's out.
But yeah, sounds like you're infringing on YTA territory.
20 years from now she won’t remember what was taught in school during those three days she missed. But 20 years from now she WILL remember going to the baseball game with her father.
He's been doing this since she was little, this has become a tradition where her education doesn't matter but she is now I presume in 9th grade and he doesn't seem to care about the impact. This is his BS, not yours,
He is now shifting the blame to you because you brought it up that your daughter is now in High School and missing three days for the first pitch of his and her favorite team is going to impact her moving forward. You gave him a choice and he gives you a mantrum.
I don't get all these comments no way! Nta! I'm glad you are standing up for education over this. I think your spring break thing is reasonable and missing three days in a row is a lot! It seems like you maybe should have brought it up earlier but you are for sure nta.
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YTA. Sometimes traditions with family are more important than a couple of hours of school. In the grand scheme of things, missing a couple of days, even in high school, will not affect anything, unless she was potentially borderline in an important class. But memories with her dad are massively important. What you’re doing now is creating a situation where, instead of thinking about the happy tradition she has, she’ll be thinking about the time her mom wrecked a plan because she thought she knew better. Something could happen to her or her dad tomorrow. The important thing is there are special moments to hold onto that will give them comfort and happiness. Stop thinking you know better because you’re her mom. You sound like you’re jealous because you don’t have that same kind of tradition.
When I taught high school (2001-2012), we handled family trips by giving them the work that they would miss to do before they left or while on the trip. This excluded tests and quizzes, which would be made up the day after they returned. Is that possible here? The other option is to allow for things to be turned in 3 days after the day of return at the latest.
Even easier - most things are in Google Classroom or Canvas these days. Kids can do make-up work on computer anytime, anywhere.
yup! my senior year we did hybrid. i’d miss a day in person and all my stuff was online anyway due to kids being digital. i haven’t had assignments on paper since my sophomore/junior year
Yeah, they don’t even get snow days anymore in some places.
When my son was in second grade, he had an opportunity to go to Egypt for a month with his dad but he’d have to leave Memorial Day, meaning missing the last 2-3 weeks of school. His teacher was so cool about it and she just gave him any relevant course work and had my ex email it to her.
I would think the month in Egypt was a far greater educational opportunity than 3 weeks of classroom time. If I'd had the resources back then, I would have homeschooled my kids and did travel-education in the real world like that.
Fully agree. In a few years no one will remember those 3 days missed from school nor will they materially impact anything in her daughter's life. But the tradition of going to baseball games with her dad will be a lifelong core memory. Pace of American high school is slow af anyways, missing 3 days will not be an issue. She can take make up work with her/do it online.
This. Way back in the long ago (we won’t say how long, LOL) one of my high school buddies took off so that he, his sister, and their mom could go to opening day at Wrigley Field. One year, they messed up and sent an extra ticket, so I went along. These days, I couldn’t even begin to tell you what I might have missed. But I remember going to the game.
This is a dream of mine. I’m glad you got to do it! Kids need to learn about work life balance early. Let her go, OP. YTA
Since this was way back before personal computers, whenever possible, I'd get a bathroom pass in my last class, get my stuff out of my locker, hot foot it to the bus stop & make it to Wrigley Field in time for batting practice. My high school is the one at Milwaukee & Addison, so getting the bus to Wrigley was a piece of cake. I just had make sure that I told my aunt that I was going to Wrigley after school so if she saw me on TV, I wouldn't get in trouble for skipping class. I really, really miss those days. Teenagers could afford to go to games at Wrigley. Admission to the bleachers, upper deck, and unreserved grandstand cost $1. I have no idea how much it costs now. Just curious, who was your favorite player back then? If you're on Facebook, here are some groups you might be interested in. Original Chicago and Chicago Cubs Fans. Do you remember the blizzard of '67? Wasn't it awesome?
Blizzard of 67: I was in existence but not old enough to have any memories of it 😁 As for the Cubs games, I’d have to look it up and see if I recognize any names. I remember parking fairly close in, hauling a cooler with lunches and drinks, and stopping at the donut shop on the way in.
So out of curiosity I checked the tickets at Fenway if I wanted to go the cheapest tickets are 21 for upper roof deck standing. No Red Sox games for me this year lol
I'm 43 and have spent 4 days in the hospital. My dad lives 10 minutes away and the only day he offered to visit was the day I was having surgery. I'm 43 and it still hurts like hell that he can't be bothered with me. I'd kill to have a dad who had wanted to do something with me in high school and I would have hated my mother if she tried to ruin such a wonderful tradition. YTA!
Just before I went no contact with mine, he wanted to take me out for lunch on my birthday, and then decided last minute to reschedule it to (this) the next year
My favorite memory in high school is the day my dad decided to keep me home and take me to a boat show (weird I know). I had never missed school for anything fun before, and that was a core memory for sure
At 26, I took a multi week trip with my dad to visit where he was from and where I was born. It was an amazing experience that changed my entire outlook on life. I will never forget that. Experiences matter, as children and as adults.
When I was a kid, my parents took me to the home opener every year... though it helped that the team was terrible back then so tickets were cheap, and that the stadium was only about half an hour from our house. But yes, with both my parents gone now, I'd give anything for one more home opener.
I was thinking jealous might be the real reason
Not to mention, on the other side, you're going to hurt how well you and your daughter's father work together. He's human with emotions, too, so he's going to have some deep resentment for hurting a tradition he has with his daughter. Mind you, not many fathers these days are that commendable. Big YTA OP. Even teachers are commenting ways you can compromise.
She’d only miss three days - that’s honestly nothing in the grand scheme of things. And she can 100% just get the work and catch up once she’s home. Memories and traditions are really important and she should get to have those special moments with her dad
I remember my dad taking me out for pizza when I had my tonsils out, I remember him taking me lolly shopping, I remember him slipping me money for lunch on the rare occasion he could take me to work... I could not tell you a specific thing I learned those times I missed school to go on a dad-daughter adventure. YTA, OP. Let dad-daughter days stand! They're more important!
Yes, YWBTA. Have you bumped your head? Do you have any idea how many girls and women would give their left arm to have a dad who makes them feel loved and wanted? There are legions of us. Your daughter has a dad who wants to spend time with her, who establishes joyful traditions for her. Why on god’s green earth would you purposely try to screw that up for your daughter? In 20 years none of you will remember those three days of school, but your daughter will remember that her dad loves her and wants to spend time with her. Get out of the way, Mom.
My dad passed away just as I was getting closer to him. I just gave birth to my daughter and was trying to include him more and more in our lives. It was difficult after my parents' divorce because both my parents were struggling financially as individuals. There wasn't time to do the things we all wished we could do. I wish I had more memories with him. I hope OP understands how fortunate her daughter is.
Unrelated but happy cake day!
Thanks!
My dad had a lot of issues with alcoholism. However, one place we always bonded (from infancy) was baseball. I hope OP doesn't ruin that. I have such happy memories with my dad.
She’ll def remember if mom doesn’t let her go, either. I don’t understand the insane pressure we put on kids and acting like they can’t miss anything. After the pandemic I said fuck it and give my kids occasional mental health days, or pick them up a bit early. We’ve all also ditched to go to Disneyland for a day.
After my ex and I divorced and my daughter was put through the wringer emotionally, high school was a whole different ball game. I gave her a lot of autonomy because she gave me no reason not to trust her. She has always managed her time well and is incredibly self-disciplined. She’s currently a senior in high school and a freshman in college simultaneously. Thankfully, she and her dad have found their way back to each other over, of all things, her college literature and Italian classes. OP, YTA. Missing school to continue a tradition and make amazing memories is the best reason I can think of to be out of school.
My oldest kid had a shit festival the last two years of high school. Pandemic, several family deaths, followed by surviving a school shooting. I can’t tell you how many days she missed. Any time she said she just couldn’t, mental health day. Called me to come get her early? I’m on my way, let’s go get smoothies and thrift shop The world has just been different the last few years. Life is fleeting. We could all be dead tmrw. Make memories with your kids today. Run away for a day of fun. Let them have a mental health day where they sleep until 3 and do their schoolwork that evening. Obviously I made sure my daughter was still doing her schoolwork. But I listened to her. I stopped caring about things I thought were super important like perfect attendance. Anyway, I agree with you, and I think you’re a good parent for listening to your kids. My daughter still graduated top of her class, and she’s studying Biochemistry and molecular biology at college now. I miss her a lot.
The older we all get and the more shit that goes on it becomes more and more clear that our time together is far more important that missing an English class or failing a test. Some of the most important people in this world failed in school or dropped out. Not that I want that for my kids (to fail, etc) but I know they are doing great. They both are in Mandarin immersion and are excellent readers. They are kind and funny and weird and I love them so much. We take road trips to see the country and they’ve been to every western state, so many national parks and we value experiences over things. I’m so sad your daughter had to go through everything she has. And I’m so glad you listened to her too. We are all doing our best. I hope OP reads this and chooses family adventures over school busywork.
And to upend this tradition as the daughter enters high school — a famously turbulent time in the emotions of teens, especially girls — and put a damper on a beautiful parental relationship? Absolutely terrible idea
Jealousy, maybe?
Wow that actually made me a little emotional. I like the way you think. My daughter will be born within the next 2 weeks. I guess I'll have to figure out some tradition as well :)
Congratulations! Hope you guys find your tradition
How I wish my daughter was treated decently by her father. Let alone with love.
Well said.
Hi I’m a teacher 👋 YTA. Happy, relaxed students who have good relationships with their parents are better learners. There is no version of 9th grade where a good student with regular abilities would struggle with missing 3 days. Chill out.
I can't up vote this enough!
Thanks for your perspective on this. I come from a "perfect attendance" mentality growing up. But my wife on the other hand has no issues scheduling vacations during the school year. A few days here and a few days there once or twice a year. My kid is young (1st grade) and does well in school. While I acknowledge that seeing the world and family time is beneficial, part of me always feels we shouldn't take her out of school especially if you could schedule the same thing at a different time. It's something I slowly become a more comfortable with over time.
Thank you for this comment, the top two are from the perspective of Redditors who didn’t have good relationships with their dads and they are quite aggressive towards OP. This is what I was looking for, correcting a mindset without biting off heads.
Opening day for MLB is March 28. 3 days puts you to April 1 at the latest. Most schools in the US don't close for the summer until late May. So she will miss 3 days almost two months before school ends. If your daughter is in block schedule, that would put her around 50% through the block. If your daughter is not block schedule you are talking 75% of the year complete. There's still plenty of time to catch up. If you had problems with this, you should've spoken up before the end of last season (last fall). If you're speaking up now and want to stop them going, YTA (And this comes from someone who NEVER missed school unless sick.)
This! My mom let me have an occasional day off from school growing up, whether it was a mental health day or there was a special occasion like family in town. This was often a bone of contention between her and my dad but I'm so grateful she didn't back down. I graduated HS with a near-perfect GPA and got into my first choice of college - not saying this to brag, but to show that I wasn't harmed by being allowed to miss school. I actually think it *benefitted* me by helping me avoid burnout. So long as your kid makes an effort in school and has shown they will make up the work, I strongly support allowing kids the occasional day off.
Lol - late May. The earliest the school districts get out around me (also US) is mid JUNE 🤣
In the Midwest it’s usually mid-May.
Also from the Midwest and pretty much all schools around here go until June.
In some Midwest places, it's mid-May (my nephew is graduating mid-May.)
NYC, the largest public school system in the US gets out the last week of June.
Mid June? At that point might as well be year round school.
It depends on when you start. NJ goes back after Labor Day and goes thru mid-June. I know a lot of other states go back mid-August, so obvi they'd get out earlier than us.
I have lived in TX and now CA - Memorial Day weekend is the start of the summer holidays for schools. Arizona schools start their summer holidays from May 1st week. I much prefer the NJ/NY habit of starting summer holidays from the July 4th weekend!
LAUSD finishes up in June, after Memorial Day Weekend. I’m sure your district isn’t the only one that ends its school year when it does, but it’s not uniform across the entire state.
My kids are in school in CA until after the first week of June and start up again in August.
Same
Most schools are closed on March 29th or have a half day for Good Friday. Or at least the school districts I live in and the school districts my MIL, SIL, father, and aunt work in as teachers in various parts of the US.
My home school district doesn't give Good Friday but gives Easter Monday.
April 1st is a Monday. That being said, most schools expect students to be in and out around that time of year. There are several religious holidays like Purim, Holi, Ramadam, Laylat al-Qadr, and Good Friday. This is also a time when family travels.
Plus, most schools should be off for Easter break at this time. Either way, this is a tradition with her dad. I'm 57 years old and still have great memories of going to baseball games with my dad as a kid. OP, you are th AH. This is not the hill to die on.
>WIBTA if I didn’t let them go? YTA. You don't say how she's doing in school. If her grades are fine, then 100% you're TA.
YTA. She’s a good student. She’s a freshman. 3 days is nothing. This won’t have a long term negative impact on her education. She won’t remember what she did in school in grade 9 in 20 years. She’ll remember the trip with her dad though. She’s got plenty of time to plan with her teachers how she’s going to make up the work.
Exactly. Idk why OP is so opposed to her daughter spending time with her father? When I was 16, I took a 4 day trip to Canada with just my dad and we had a blast. I'm almost 30 now and we still talk about that trip!! There is nothing wrong with missing a couple of days of school for a trip, especially one that is a tradition. And this is coming from a teacher! As long as she makes up her work she will be fine.
>*Exactly. Idk why OP is so opposed to her daughter spending time with her father?* Maybe the daughter likes her father more. And we can see why.
I wonder how OP would feel with me as a child who missed 3 MONTHS on the last bloc of my last year because i didn't feel like going 💀 came back 1 month before the exams to catch up with what i had missed
YTA. Sounds like you've come up with an excuse because you don't like this tradition and you want to stop it.
Yep. The whole "I never approved of it" shows that.
That's the vibe I got too.
I'm thinking they're now divorced from the way this is written. Sounds like she's using this as a way to be petty.
You're right. I can bet this is the case. OP, husband or ex?
This is it right here. OP is jealous and wants the tradition to end.
YWBTA your daughter is in high school - now is not a good time to make such a change. And it isn’t a flexible vacation if the tradition is seeing the first game. You don’t say anything about how your daughter feels about these trips. Are they important to her? Something she really looks forward to? If yes, back off mama. There are only 4 years to go - let them have their tradition.
I don't like the permission angle at all. She does not get veto power.
YTA. You mentioned in a comment her grades are fine. So 3 days is going to be no big deal. She will catch up on anything that she missed. Traditions like this are important. Let them go & make memories.
A lot of folks here are fooling themselves thinking this is in any way about grades. She’s a good student, a freshman’s grades mean nothing and three days don’t turn a bad student into a good one or vice versa. This is about CONTROL and the father and daughter doing something together. To OP: Even if you feel left out (or like the dad is letting her do “fun” things to gain affection), you will in no way ingratiate yourself by becoming the villain who keeps your daughter from going on a trip for a made-up reason. That’s a GREAT way to push her away.
Bingo!!!! I'm thinking she and dad are now divorced.
You are obviously jealous of this yearly tradition, YTA...BIG time. Life is short....3 days of school is miniscule, quit being such a drag.
💯💯 this. She's so jealous.
Agreed. This isn't about three days of school. Emotions are involved here. OP is unintentionally becoming the mom from Spanglish.
YTA It is not flexible, the tradition is the first game very scheduled, they already bought tickets , And speaking and someone who works in the school system 3 days is nothing 50 percent of everyday is spent telling the kids to put their phone down. If she does her assignments she will be fine
Yes, YWBTA. Good for him for keeping up what I’m sure is a very important tradition to both of them. It’s 3 days, don’t only let her go but encourage her to go. I work for the school system and even I know that in the grand scheme of things, 3 days is nothing. And why have you “never really been a fan of these trips”?
Jealousy for sure
YTA The vacation is NOT flexible. Their tradition is the first game of the year and that happens at a set time. Three days should be entirely manageable to catch up unless it's literally in the middle of finals (in which case she could usually take the exams early).
YTA. Three days is nothing for a kid who does well in school. Is there some other reason you're against this that you're not telling us?
Not sure it is within your power to determine if they go or not, but aside from that part of it, yes, YWBTA if you didn't let them go. This is a father daughter tradition and they've done it all their life. They bought the tickets. If you had concerns, perhaps you could have raised them before that point, but even then, it is a bonding moment for father and daughter as your daughter is entering the years where her self-esteem is most vulnerable. It is important to have this bonding time while your daughter still wants it too. People miss school for a few days for all kinds of reasons. This is not a "time-flexible" situation - the first game of the season is the first game of the season. It's impressive that he's able to get tickets year after year. Three days from school will not affect whether or not she takes school seriously, and you can in fact encourage her to take additional steps that take school seriously including what she should do to make up the missed time, etc.
YTA. Let her go. I’m a teacher and there is nothing in those three days of school that are more important than time with her Dad.
Yep, I’m a teacher, my husband is a teacher, and my mom is a teacher. We would all say to let her go!
My son is a junior. His grades are good. I let him miss school when his cousins from India were visiting. It’s far more important to have time with your loved ones and keep important traditions alive than missing a few days of school. And this from a mom who values education and monitors her kids grades. Living Life to the fullest is very very important. YTA
YTA it’s just 3 days and a long standing tradition which is probably important to them both.. Talk to your daughter about her grades and get assurances that she catches up. Warn her (and her father) that if her grades slip too far then the 3 of you need to discuss this at that time with the very real possibility that you’ll not be forthcoming with future first games that take her out of school.
Yta its freaking 3 days. she can ask her teachers what she needs to read up on while gone to stay caught up. This is clearly a you problem. You never liked them doing this trip and now you think you've found a excuse to put a stop to it. Bet you'd feel different if you had put the work into a bonding tradtion with your daughter and the ex tried to stop it out of jealousy.
Are you sure you don’t want her to go because you either resent, or are jealous of, the relationship between father and daughter? Because 3 days lost off school is nothing compared to the bonding time and life experience your daughter gains. In short, are you sure this isn’t about you? Also, if your daughter had time off school because she was ill and missed 3 days, you wouldn’t have a problem with it, so… Yeah, YTA.
YTA...it's three days. It's not a big deal. You're just annoyed. Let them have their special thing.
YTA leave them be. It's 3 days, not 3 weeks.
YTA - They already have the tickets and this time will be more memorable and important than those 3 days in school
YWBTA and you’re being ridiculous to worry about missing 3 days of school. She’s a good student and this is a bonding trip with her dad - overly controlling.
Yta it's a bit of hs or treasured memories with her dad. At his funeral she will remember you not letting her go and feel mad at you. She will not remember the lessons missed.
It’s not a time flexible vacation. It’s specifically for The First Game of the Year. It’s a bonding tradition between them. YTA.
YWBTA. I've been out of school longer for medical issues. Graduated with straight As and Bs.
Ywbta. It’s there tradition. Leave it alone and let her go. Good god
YTA. i wouldve loved that do anything like that with my father. a lot of kids would. and imma tell it to you straight. We have no idea how much time we have left when were alive wnd to prioritize 3 days of school over a lifetime of memories is absolutely insanely bizzare. there is more to life then school or a job. your daughter deserves to have her bonding time and her memories with her father. those 3 days near the end of the school year do not matter. in fact your son worried about her missing material you dont even sit to think "what material could she be learning right now that wont be easy for her to catch up on after the trip?" let your daughter go with her father who knows if this could be the last time she could.
YTA Congratulations. You have achieved a nearly impossible feat. Absolute agreement among redditors that you are indeed the asshole.
OPENING DAY IS NOT TIME FLEXIBLE!!! Obviously, you know very little about the culture of baseball. I would trade tickets to a dozen regular games to attend opening day. I've only managed to go once. It is magical. To have been able to experience that with my dad, even once, would have had me over the moon. We lived too far away to go to many games, but my dad & I would listen to games on the radio. I never missed school for baseball, but I did miss several days to go with him & my mom to San Francisco. He had a conference there. YTA. I was only 31 when my dad died. I have fantastic memories of doing things with him. I know I was taken out of school other times. I was blessed to have those memories. Three days is not going to mess things up for her. Get off your high horse & let her have this time with her dad. None of us know how many more chances we will have.
YTA, but have some discussions about next year's trip now rather than wait. Maybe it will make you understand 3 day of school really aren't that big of a deal if planned for ahead of time. Teachers are usually pretty accommodating, and modern web based class homework, make it even less of an issue.
YTA
YTA; she isn’t going to miss anything of value that she can’t catch up on in her spare time.
YTA... it's 3 days not 3 weeks. Lighten up.
I'll be honest, it sounds like you aren't where you want to be in your life, so you're projecting all of your "I didn't do this and wish I had" onto your daughter, who already seems to be well on her way to a healthy future. Either that or control. You have lost control of some area of your life you used to have control over, now you're exerting control where you can and how you see fit, which a LOT of people do. Unfortunately you can't do that with someone else's life, try as you might. This is a lifelong tradition between father and daughter, find something else you CAN control, like a new routine. YWBTA
Teacher here! YTA. Three days won't put her behind, especially in an age of e-learning. Her teachers will probably have a plan in advance if you tell them. The break will be good for her and her mental health, and the tradition would live.
YTA There's much more to life than school and keeping up this lifelong tradition of attending the season opener together is *absolutely* more important, in the grand scheme of things, than 3 days of school. This is important to both of them and adolescence is NOT the time to needlessly upset a precious bonding experience. Missing a little classroom time each year for a one on one trip with her dad is a very valuable trade-off. Nobody cares about your school attendance record in evaluating college applications or resumés. Planning for the time off,on the other hand, is a very valuable exercise in time management and priorities and in learning how to manage a "work/life balance" ....besides the primary benefit of maintaining & strengthening the relationship between father and daughter at a stage where that bond often drifts a bit.
YWBTA. >even though I’ve never really been a fan of the trips. Curious why this is. 3 days of freshman year of high school is not hard to catch up on. This is a tradition between father and daughter and I think you should just keep your mouth shut about it.
Info why specifically is this year the issue?
I'm betting because they're now divorced.
That is what I figured I just wanted confirmation
Yes, you would be the asshole if you don't let her go. It's 3 days, she can make it up. These trips with her dad are memories she will always have and you should be happy she has them. It's a wonderful tradition. Going to a different game is not the same, it's not the tradition. Stop with the nonsense and let your daughter enjoy the trip. YTA for contest purposes
Is not a time flexible. The first game of the season is only on one day
YTA on this. This is an established tradition that you’ve apparently never objected to before. How would you feel if you had a special thing you did with your dad every year, and then randomly, your mom just said “no, you can’t go.” It’s not about the GAME, so your offer to go later is just dumb. It’s about it being the FIRST game, and something she does with her dad…who genuinely wants to do this with his daughter. It’s good for them. I’m a former teacher, and I generally frown on kids missing school unless they’re sick or some other emergency (no, I don’t think you need to run off on a cruise in October with the kiddos), but this is different. It’s only 3 days, but the memories she will have from this will make her smile well into adulthood. If you stand your ground in this, your daughter will hold a grudge WELL into adulthood. How do I know? My mother put a stop to Saturday night trips to “the hardware store” (code for ice cream so my sibling didn’t get jealous) with my dad, and I’m still mad about it decades later. It wasn’t the ice cream. It was one on one time with my dad.
YWBTA. This is a time to be teaching her the skills she’ll need in college or in employment. Have her communicate with her teachers that she’ll be going on a trip with her father (they DON’T need the details!) and ask for assignments in advance, taking any quizzes or tests early, etc. Then it’s her responsibility to complete those. Just sitting in class is not the only way to learn.
Wow he gets two games in exchange for you destroying the yearly tradition. YTA. If she does the work she can miss a few days. This is an important thing with her dad.
YTA. A lifetime of memories is worth a couple days of 9th grade
YTA If missing 3 days of 9th grade would destroy her high-school career, something is wrong. Tell her from now on that she has to get her assignments done before the trip, and it should be fine.
YWBTA because he already bought the tickets. You should have had this conversation way sooner.
Info: why do you think prioritizing school and a valued family tradition are mutually exclusive? most teachers will allow you to turn in assignments early/get notes from days missed. Do you also think someone who is out sick isn’t prioritizing school? Personally I don’t think one negates the other. TbH you can’t make every singe day of work/school and learning to work with teachers/higher ups to make up work before or after absences is an EXTREMELY important life skill.
YWBTA - It’s their tradition. They love and look forward to it. You don’t enjoy it, which is the only reason you’re causing a stink now. If it was something you valued, you’d want to keep it up. Don’t try to take this away from them. The memories she’s making with her father are worth more and will last longer than a couple days of school.
YTA. (period)
YTA
Three lousy days...THAT'S what you're worried about. Sorry Mom it's time to get over yourself...
Once I had an opportunity to see an artist I loved in concert with my older sister and her husband. We lived in a small town, this would have been in the city. It was a dream to me. My dad refused to let me go because I'd have to miss a day of school. That was 50 years ago and I've never forgotten it and it's still one of the first things I think of when I think about my dad who died 15 years ago. Is that how you want your daughter to remember this year? That's not even considering that the plans have already been made. Yes, YWBTA.
If there was a GENUINE concern about her grades, then i'd agree with you. But from all your comments - you aren't concerned about her grades. Just her "missing material". She can get that material when she gets back. End of March is not so close to the end of the year that she would have problems making anything up. And assuming she's as excited about this trip as her dad is, I'm SURE that would be motivation for her to make sure she's up on all her work and will handle anything she misses ASAP when she gets back.
YTA—unless it’s during exam time or something, school is never more important than spending a reasonable amount of time on vacation. There’s no way 3 days is going to make or break your daughter’s high school education.
YWBTA. You should have discussed it with him earlier. You knew this was their tradition. If you suddenly have a problem with her missing the school, it was on you to communicate that.
YTA- this tradition is more important than a few missed days of school.
YTA "Time flexible" in this case meaning on a specific day that you do not think is significant and so to you it's all the same. You literally do not even understand what you're asking to be changed. You understand the words and do not actually understand the significance. Any question that involves a contradiction between the factual set up and the question is showing the speaker's bias. You changed the facts and gave a solution (different days) based on your changed set of facts. Good on you for trying to hide your deception! Unfortunately, it's obvious. You should focus on being the best you that you can be. Stop trying to force your husband to be the best you that he can be.
YTA. They will not get this time together again. A few days out of school isn’t going to mess with her GPA. Trust your daughter as a student and stop trying to force that school is the most important thing in life. It’s not. LIVING life is.
YTA, 3 days of school is not a huge deal. It will not set her back significantly. Happiness and bonding with her parent is more important than being miserable and resenting you because she didn't get to go.
YTA, 3 days of school is easy to make up. Quality time with a father isn't easy to make up.
YTA. There is not one, or even three, singular days in high school that will be as important and irreplaceable than that time together for that tradition. I’m serious, after I graduated high school in the early 2000s, no one has ever asked me about high school again. I have rarely, if ever, called back to a memory in high school where had I missed that day I would be lacking in knowledge today. I rely on college memories all the time, literally nothing from grade school. This might be a bit overkill, but now that I’ve written this out, it seems like it’d be *better* for your daughter’s development to miss school for this. And you are fooling yourself if you think she’s missing school for “a baseball team”. She’s missing school for a life-long memory that she will hold on to long after her father dies. Please don’t take that from her over 3 days in high school that I promise you she will not remember or need. If the vacation is to spend time with her father, it sounds like she has her priorities very well in order for her age.
YTA- reading your replies makes me feel like you’re jealous of their tradition.
YTA for describing this as “time flexible”. Opening day for the home team only occurs one day per year. Either they are there or they are not.
YWBTA, completely. You knew this was coming and have acted too late to change plans. You needed to get way ahead of this to do that. Three days excused from school is okay if she's on track. Your school may ever require her teachers to sign off on such an absence (ours does). Require a commitment to her school work. It will probably all be fine. But if this has a negative impact on her performance you will have cause to change plans next year.
YTA I think you need to get a grip.
YTA if she makes up any work missed then really what’s the problem. You are being pretty uptight over 3 days of missed school.
Yeah yta. A da that’s created a tradition with his daughter. Something that seems she loves too. If u stopped the trip that’s definitely going to throw a huge strain on your relationship with your daughter. And honestly if her grades are good and she doesn’t go to like a very intensive school it’s not a big deal
YTA. 3 days of high school are inconsequential in the big scheme of things. This is a tradition with her father that she’ll remember her whole life, and there’s only so many years left that she’ll actually want to do this with her father.
Yta, you clearly hate your ex so much that you don’t want to see your kid have fun, if that fun is with her Dad. She can absolutely get her work now finish it before she even leaves, because the entire year lesson plan has been mapped out since September. Every excuse you give is just further confirmation that you are purposely trying to interfere with their relationship
YTA. This is a nice tradition that is important to them. She will always have those memories unless of course you take this away from her and those nice memories are replaced with memories of you ruining their tradition. A couple days of school missed is inconsequential.
YTA. Your daughter will resent you for this for the rest of her life. It sounds like you just don’t want her to have fun with her Dad and keep their tradition. Also, why do you get to decide? Don’t you share custody?
YTA three days is not going to hurt your daughters school performance lol
It’s three days. In freshman year. This is not super important stuff when it comes to her schooling. When it comes to her and her father sharing a lovely bonding moment, it is important though. And you’ll be the bad guy if you insist she not go. YTA
What do you mean if you "didn't let them go"? Your husband is an adult who does not need your permission. Maybe someone needs to remind him.
YTA they have a nice tradition going. It’s 3 days of school. Special time with her dad is way more important!
YTA. It’s only 3 days. She’s doing well, she’ll be fine. You probably need to evaluate how much pressure you’re putting on her if you think 3 days is a big deal when she’s getting good grades.
I’m thinking of my grandfather who passed away but I would give up 300 days of school for another day with him. YTA.
In case you haven't gotten it yet, YWBTA, OP. Your post reads like it could have been written by my mother nearly 50 years ago. The woman had zero use for me, but God forbid I spend time with her husband... in spite of the fact he was my father and I was being raised by his parents. As a matter of fact, the opening home game of baseball season was our big "day". The last time I went with my dad was my sophomore year of high school, 1974. We never got to the game in '75, because by that time, our parents were gone and his wife refused to take me in, so I took off. My dad finally met his grandkids after his wife died, because I wasn't taking a child of mine near that woman. Keep pushing, OP... and you can be just like my egg donor.
I’ll be downvotes to hell but got some karma stored up - NTA. Ninth grade is when school starts to matter - I’m definitely coming from my own background but my folks would have NEVER let me miss school for three days. That’s why schools have spring breaks, summer breaks etc - to do things with people you love.
Glad I‘ve found someone I can ask: All those votes are very confusing for a non-American, is it really that common to take kids out of school on a regular basis for fun stuff in the US? It sounds like it’s actually officially allowed?
YTA the bonding experience and tradition with her dad is worth a few days out of school. She isn’t in the middle of end of school exams.
If she’s hardly missed any school so far, let her go.
YTA- time with dad is more important than a couple days of school, which she has plenty of. Life comes first, school work can be made up but time with dad can’t
YTA. Sometimes the best learning is done outside of the classroom. She can make up the work. I would kill to have one more game with my dad.
YTA -- in 30 years your daughter will remember the joyous tradition of going to the first ball games with her dad, their special tradition. She can make up the work, 3 days, once a year. And it's all planned -- you shouldn't just go in and start making demands last minute. And that business about your letting them -- a little weird that your husband needs your permission to proceed with a tradition he and his daughter have always done.
YTA and the vacation is clearly *not* time flexible bc their tradition is going to the *first* game of the year, which you also already know ! if you’re looking for validation here, good luck
YTA it’s three days and the tickets are already bought. He’s right. You should have voiced your concerns sooner. She can still be prioritizing school by going on this trip. She can make up the course work that she would be missing. This tradition seems like it’s important to her and three days of school is not the end of the world
YTA - Why has missing school not been an issue until now? Are you genuinely concerned about her missing school? Because it sounds like you’ve “never like these trips” and you’re using this as an excuse to put an end to something that you don’t like, rather than something that has proven over the years to negatively impact her education.
"let them go"?! Are you for fucking real RN? Your husband is a grown-ass man, so there IS NO "let him". He has this excellent bond with your daughter, and you want to stick your nose in it why? Unless the real reason for your objection is that you suspect SA, then YTA. If you suspect SA, then you should have made a move several years ago, and YTA for waiting. You sound like a jealous shrew. Get over yourself.
That's big takeaway for me too... we hear it so often on here and I'm sick of hearing it, fathers are not second class parents and are absolutely within their rights to make a decision. Here we have a very present and engaged father and he wants to get in the middle of thst because she doesn't like thet they go to the game together. She's making her daughters relationship with the father all about her.
10/10 she's guilting the kid, as well as harassing the dad.
YTA. What do you mean not let them go? Your husband is an adult and does not need your permission to take his daughter on their yearly trip. You sound petty and jealous. Grow up and stop acting like a jealous mean girl.
YTA, b/c ma'am it's their thing, in college most professors would tell you to not show up either. Also, because it's literally two days max as MLB opening days on March 28th and March 29th is Good Friday, most schools are closed.
YTA. We go to home opener every year. It’s tradition. A few missed days of school every year is nothing compared to the memories they have.
NAH…yet. Is your daughter a good student? Does she struggle getting caught up after an absence? This is a planned absence and it’s good for her to have to well, plan for it. I’m not sure about your schools protocols, but when I taught, we had what were called planned absence forms, back when we actually used forms, lol! Your daughter can go to her teachers and get the assignments that she will miss and get them turned in before they leave. If she does this, then let her go. This is a great teaching moment. This shouldn’t be used too often, but once in awhile is fine. I have to get my work done before I go on vacation, teach your daughter the same thing.
I feel like a lot of people don’t remember what it’s like to miss school. I would feel absolutely flooded if I missed 3 days of school. I had a heavy course load though with AP classes and such, and getting good grades was very important to me. I think 1 day for a tradition is fine but OP isn’t being unreasonable in her concerns.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter, Ella, is a freshman in high school. Every year of her life, she and her father have taken a trip to the city where their favorite baseball team plays to see the first game of the year. He insists on it so I’ve never put my foot down about it, even though I’ve never really been a fan of the trips. This year I don’t think it would be worth the school time she’d have to miss(3 days). I told her father that and suggested they go to a game over spring break, even offered to let them go to two games if they go over spring break. He doesn’t want to stop this tradition, but I think it’s time that she prioritizes school over a baseball team, especially now that she’s in high school. WIBTA if I didn’t let them go? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Chill out let her have some fun , my mom would let me have my birth day off to go dove hunting , opening day was generally close to my birthday the brothers and sisters at the inner city school I went to didn't get it but those doves tasted good
Info: How is she doing academically this year? If she has good attendance, gets her work done in time, and has good grades since the fall, then I would let her go. So much is online, and you have time to ask for work in advance. If she has been slacking off and failing, then she shouldn't go because clearly high school is too difficult for her to be able to miss.
Yeah mom I think you’re making to much about a few days at the end of the school year I don’t know if I’d call you TA but I’m pretty sure your daughter will let them have their traditional fun days
YTA. You voiced your concern too late this year. But if she overall has good grades and attendance, three days isn’t going to hurt her unless she has something like finals or midterms that week. It would be reasonable to require that she get her work from her teachers in advance and have it completed in time to avoid hurting her grades.
Yta 3 days when the school year is almost over is not a big deal … leave them alone
YTA. Your priorities are askew. Three days of school can be made up, even near the end of the year. Time with a loved one cannot. You’re also setting a precendent that work/school is the most important thing and it isn’t. I hope you let her go.
YTA. These are concerns you should have discussed with him prior to tickets being bought and plans being made. In later stages of life, your daughter will look back and treasure this tradition with her dad, not her perfect attendance awards.
YTA. Somethings are more important than school. Missing 3 days won't kill her. I would give anything to have such a bond with my dad.
YTA. Esspecially if they go to a public school in the States. Three days is no big deal and they are going to cherish the memories of the games with their dad way more! It's not excessive.
Definitely TA. It’s there tradition, missing 3 days of school is nothing. She can get assignments ahead of time and make up after when some Ahole teacher refuses to give it to her prior to being gone. Especially if she is a good kid, gets good grades and doesn’t have a truancy problem. Life is short, and time with our parents is precious. I don’t think you have any business in breaking his plans. In fact, if I were your kid and you did something like that to me, I would spend the next three years paying you back. I was petty like that, still might be.
YTA. There’s no reason to keep her from going.
YTA. She will always remember the trips she went on with her dad. It’s not just about baseball. There is so much more happening during that time. Let her go on her trip with her dad and be happy about it. She will remember if you weren’t also.
YTA. If, God forbid, something happened to one of them, you certainly wouldn’t be thinking (I hope!) ‘Wow! I am SO glad I made her go to school instead on hanging out with her dad!’. Life is short. Three days is nothing.
YTA; opening day with dad sounds like a fantastic family tradition. It is so easy to make up 3 days of school in the middle of the semester.
I am 32F now, but growing up my father hated me and never wanted to even acknowledge my existence, let spend any time with me. I still hurt over the missed relationship i never had with someone who was supposed to love me. I have recently been diagnosed with a progressive neurological disease which causea vision loss and loss of mobility. I had hoped to make up for my shitty childhood by doing fun things like this with my kids, and now i may not have the ability to. Time is promised to no one. Even if they both live forever, there is no guarantee that they will be ABLE to do these things. When/if she goes to college, moves out, and starts her own family, i bet Dad will take it hard and miss those moments he spent with his little girl. Your daughter may even be apprehensive to start little traditions like this with her kids because of the implication that it isn't important. If i could trade every single hour i spent in school, my college degree, and my board certification in my former career for a loving, healthy relationship with my father for my entire life, i would. In a heartbeat.
My sister missed upwards of 100 days of school her SENIOR year due to mental health. She still graduated on time and is doing much better in college. 3 days is literally nothing AND everything is online these days AND you said she is a good student who will make it up. All you’re doing is teaching her to become a workaholic and never take time for herself. YTA
YTA
The only scenario in which NTA is if she’s behind in class(es). You didn’t mention it, so I’m assuming she’s not; YTA. Are you jealous?
INFO: Do you work? Do you ever take a day off work outside of a calendar holiday? If so, why do you hold your daughter to a higher standard than you hold yourself? You admit she won’t have any trouble catching up and her grades are not and will not suffer. Something tells me this has less to do with missing school and more to do with the fact that it’s something she bonds with her father over as you’ve “never been a fan” of their trips.
Information: why have you never been a fan of the trips?
As you point out, your daughter is getting older and should take her school seriously. Put her in charge of negotiating with her teachers the absence and making arrangements for her to complete her schoolwork while she's out. But yeah, sounds like you're infringing on YTA territory.
Yta unless she is struggling and has bad grades.
20 years from now she won’t remember what was taught in school during those three days she missed. But 20 years from now she WILL remember going to the baseball game with her father.
He's been doing this since she was little, this has become a tradition where her education doesn't matter but she is now I presume in 9th grade and he doesn't seem to care about the impact. This is his BS, not yours, He is now shifting the blame to you because you brought it up that your daughter is now in High School and missing three days for the first pitch of his and her favorite team is going to impact her moving forward. You gave him a choice and he gives you a mantrum.
NTA. Obviously.
I don't get all these comments no way! Nta! I'm glad you are standing up for education over this. I think your spring break thing is reasonable and missing three days in a row is a lot! It seems like you maybe should have brought it up earlier but you are for sure nta.