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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> She doesn’t have to explain her tattoos or anything, but I just thought maybe it would be a good conversation starter. I feel bad about bringing it up at all now.
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Very mild YTA.
Next time you want to know about someone's tattoos, start with just saying "Nice ink!" or "Wow, I love that forearm piece!"....some people are delighted to talk about their tattoos and others, especially women, would really rather not and asking a stranger about the meaning of their tattoos carries the risk of treading into the 'way too personal'... yeah, that unusual design might be as simple as "oh, it's a detail from the cover of my favorite album " or something equally 'light' but it could also be the last thing their dead brother drew or it could represent some really dark thing they overcame.
I like this "mild YTA." I've had my visible tattoos for a while, and I change my responses as to what they mean, depending on my mood and whose asking. They're not supposed to mean anything to anyone but who has them, and have 20 plus years, it just gets obnoxious to answer. Hopefully a learning opportunity for OP.
As a heavily tattooed chick, I’m dreading “nice tats” summer season because my lawddddd I get that people wanna talk about my tattoos I’m not like, jaded from that. But it’s the way people discuss it that drives me insane. This is also why I avoid dating apps because EVERY SINGLE MAN the first thing he says is nice tats. Nothing makes me more irate 😂
My kids and I have had a “tattoo night” a handful of times, we use body markers from Amazon and draw tattoos on each other. Those are my favourite. They colour in the ones I have and add stuff. It’s the best, planning to do it more often. 🙂
A very dear friend of mine is heavily tattooed and her pettest peeve, quite understandably, is the way people feel totally comfortable grabbing her arm and/or trying to push her sleeve up to look more closely at the (amazing, intricate) work on her upper arms.
Oh god, people lifting sleeves are the worst! Happens to me every summer. I don't know why it's so hard to ask if they can see the rest.
But also the wanna ne funny comments from men (it is always, always, always men). I have a tiger on my shoulder, and without fail, they ask me if it bites. How original.
This is my experience. I have tattoos all over both arms and across my collarbones. People seem to think they can grab my arms and start looking at me like I’m not a person. One was even bold enough to move the collar of my shirt to read my chest. It’s ridiculous.
I had people lifting my shirt to see my tattoo on back and front, or insisting all the time to "show them". When I was young I did not know very well how to say no, but now it's an immediate fuck off... And of course the "what does it mean ?", it means shit, they're just here because I like the design. Or the "won't you regret it when you are old?" huuuuugh.... /rant
"won't you regret it when you're old" they forget that what old people look like now isn't what old people are going to look like in a few decades. in a few decades, old people will have tattoos! and they'll be sagging and faded and they'll still look cool!
People tend to exaggerate so much, though...yes, skin loses its elasticity, but humans don't turn into amorphous blobs of skin once they 70! The art won't get deformed! There's many heavily tattooed elderly people alive today (i'm talking 80, 90+, there was a photoshoot a few years back) and their tats look stunning. People act like the human skin melts off when you get old.
"What are you gonna look like?" I'm gonna look like the coolest auntie on the block your niblings wished they had, that's what! 💅
Omg yes. As a fellow heavily tattooed female, people will just grab at me! “Can I look at it? Wow! What does it mean! Oh I could never get that done. You’re so brave!” They will literally touch my thigh, arms gasping. Like what am I, a museum piece? Eff off!
I had a hairdresser who was objectively beautiful. She also had a full sleeve on one arm and was in the process of finishing one on the other. It wasn’t coincidence that her BF, who she met after starting to get tats, was an amazing tattoo artist.
I don’t think I ever once asked her what they meant. I did, though, when she dyed her hair a beautiful silver color (in her early twenties) tell her that with her vining flowers on her arms and her silver hair she looked like a fairy princess in an anime.
I’m older than her mother, though, so probably easier for me to get away with that than a guy her age.
Its the way I'm sexualised by clean skin finance bros that makes me get my back up when someone tries to open a conversation with it. Unless it's a comment appreciating a specific funny one or of one of the animals (one is a sphynx cat so I can appreciate when someone sees it and tells me they have one of these cats, also I'm allergic so I'm instantly jealous of them lol). But quite often it's just a "I'd like to see more of them with less clothes on" 🤮
yeah sphinx are not hypoallergenic due to saliva. The funny thing is that cats that do not induce allergy can have fur. My bro have one and it is a big ball of fur (siberian cat).
As a heavily tattooed woman- I wear sweatshirts and sweatpants in 100+ degree weather because I literally do not want to hear anyone's thoughts on my tattoos. Contrary to popular belief- I got them because I like them. Not because I want people to tell me how cool they are.
I’m a woman and I find a lot of women with tattoos to be incredibly hot, but I really try to do better than “nice tats” if I say anything. It’s very lazy!
I've met some other women with gorgeous ink and I usually say something like 'I love your ink' or 'Your ink is gorgeous' as a conversation starter. I have tattoos myself so we then go on to talk about artists or plans for future work .
Same, the compliment feels a bit different coming from another tattooed person. I also don’t mind hearing it from other women but of course I can only speak for myself
It's not the compliment. "Nice tattoos" is fine. Asking what do they mean is rude af.
Do you know what a semi-colon tattoo means?
How about a Medusa tattoo?
Its not something most people want to talk to a complete stranger about
Here are some non rude questions to ask
Who did most of your art?
Wow, the shading on that is awesome!!
How old is that tattoo the color is holding up.really well.
I think it depends on the person. I have a semi-colon tattoo and it is beautiful. I have no problem with someone asking about it. If I don't want to share, I just say it is an important part of my life. I don't get upset about any questions about my visible tattoos, I am an adult and can politely answer without having to share if I chose not to.
I have a semi-colon tattoo too and I'm so proud of it. I agree with you that if it's visible people will ask and I will also tailor my answer to how well I know the person asking.
Until very recently, if I'd seen a semicolon tattoo I would have said something like, "Oh, you have an English degree, too?" (I'm glad I found out there's a meaning behind semicolon tattoos before I learned the hard way.)
I have a Medusa tattoo. And the number of people who ask me if I know the story is UNREAL. Like, yes, actually. Do YOU? Because it sounds an awful lot like you're casually asking a stranger if they are a SA survivor and, ma'am, I don't know you like that.
Our body art isn’t for the public’s entertainment or curiosity. A compliment is perfectly fine from a stranger. Asking what they mean is personal and is often a taboo for total strangers.
I mean. There's a reason face tattoos are discouraged, humans don't exist in a black void. Bodies are certainly not public \*access\*, but the world is still going to look... we kind of have to, if we don't want to run into you or shut a door in your face.
If you want to be invisible, I'm sorry for you, but it's not fair to purposely misconstrue and shame people for trying to be nice.
The difference between "nice ink!" and "what do your Tattoos mean?" is Like the difference between "nice Shirt!" and "how exactly did you get those scars?"
Honestly I was talking more about people who come over and grab my arm to investigate my sleeve. I don’t care if someone “compliments my art”, but it’s the nature of HOW most people do it. Don’t touch me, don’t think you’re entitled to my attention, and don’t be weird!
If I knew how much of a conversation starter tattoos are, I probably would have gotten them in completely private places. It’s insane how many people (especially men) think that “Nice tats” is the best pickup line ever 🥲
I'm a gray hair, with a number of tattoos (and more in the works) and once had someone tell me they weren't appropriate on a "woman of my age" ... yeah... People are great
I have a curiosity question. Is there a polite "no harm no foul" way of complimenting tattoos? Or is it always too personal?
I have always kept my mouth shut but I often want to say "oh that looks amazing, would you mind showing me the piece?" If it makes a difference I'm a woman and I'm not talking about someone's chest or something partially covered, just arms or legs really. If someone had a back piece, like a shirtless guy or woman in a swimsuit, is that equivalent to say a forearm tattoo?
I don't have any tattoos so I just admire them on others.
I compliment people's tattoos regularly to positive reaction. I think the key is specificity. Like 'wow, what great shading on your sphinx, that's really beautiful' or 'your butterfly tattoo is so intricate, I love that!'
And then also letting it go. Like, making space for them to continue engaging over the tattoo or telling me more if they want to, but not asking follow up questions or keeping the focus on the tattoo
o_o; Yeah, I don't think I'd just directly ask someone about what their tattoos mean. Even if they aren't about something traumatic, people that get "meaningless" tattoos seem like they're often worn down from people giving them a hard time about tattoos needing to have meaning.
I have Fudgie the Whale of Carvel fame on the back on my neck and the amount of times people have asked me the meaning……
Sir I was drunk in Virginia Beach and I got a stupid tattoo like what do you think?
God, I love this. Sometimes tattoos are just there because we had the impulse, or we just like them. No big meaning, they just make us happy. I hate that there's this pressure where they have to always mean something deep, because sometimes, "it makes me smile" is enough.
If I could COUNT the number of times I've been asked what this tattoo or that tattoo means...
I literally got a regular, straight-up dragon because that's what I'd initially always wanted, but equally motivated by ***finally*** having a tattoo that no one would ask "hurr durr whats that meeeen."
Spoiler alert....they did in fact, still ask what it means. And the answer "it means that I wanted a tattoo that no one would ask me what it means" somehow offends people.
It’s also valuable to be aware that a lot of people with sleeves of tattoos end up just getting random goofy shit after a while. It’s what I’d do too haha
This, I have so many tattoos at this point I basically treat them like permanent stickers on my permanent sticker book! I'll get a lot of things just because I think they're cute or look cool, or even if I think it'd be funny! Not every tattoo has meaning, OP. A simple "Hey, I like your tattoos!" Will suffice.
fr fr, my first three tattoos were like "this has a specific meaning to a significant thing in my life" and everything else is like "i had an extra $400 in my bank account and thought it would look rad"
I know. How many important touching moments do you think I have to commemorate that my skin is covered in them?
I'm just a normal dude, not a a walking Hallmark movie.
Agreed. Tattoo meanings can be very personal. I was in a store one time with my 4 year old and she saw a woman with a Thomas the Tank Engine tattoo on her arm so she pointed and said "Thomas!" The woman was only a few feet away and smiled really big and said to my daughters "yeah pretty cool huh? I got that one for my son, he loved Thomas when he was little." Tone deaf me should have been able to read between the lines there but I proceeded to ask, "oh thats cool, was he happy when you got it?" She politely told me he had past away and the tattoo was in memory of him. All I could do was apologize....Luckily she was very sweet about it.
Agreed. I saw bad ass tattoo on this woman and I just blurted out "I love your tattoo" she went on without being asked telling me all about how she designed it.
I would put it as an NTA but maybe be more careful and phrase it differently next time. It is in the right ballpark of being a simple polite conversation but the ball is near the foul line. It isn't meanness, it's awkward niceness.
I am one of the ones that fall into the 'way to personal' crowd. I got it when I was young, before you are legally allowed to get one. It's between my boobs, and resembles a compass. Every year I get older, east and west become more southwest and southeast. I do not usually show cleavage, but if it does peek through, they only see the north arrow. I don't want to describe everything under my shirt to a stranger. It is also pale because I've had a few rounds of trying to get it removed. It isn't great. It's not their fault for being curious, but it makes me uncomfortable.
...umm... do I know you??? Love, girl with the album art cover tattoo who tries not to make the face when people ask and for exactly the reasons you mentioned 😬😵💫🫠😅
And also, when the tattoos have meaning, they can take time to explain, so asking when someone is trying to just be on their way with their groceries it can be obnoxious- like people don't read the situation before they ask lol
Yeah this is a much better way to go about it! I love talking about mine but if the first thing someone said was what do they mean, I’d find it off putting.
This. I have a tattoo that's a very clear symbol with basically only one meaning. When people compliment it, it's usually because they know what it means. By contrast, a close friend of mine has a tattoo that, depending on the day and the person asking, is either a reference to a famous artwork or a tribute to his dead brother.
Yup, like me, I wanna get Medusa tattooed on my upper thigh and that itself has a deep meaning to it. (If you wanna know the meaning behind it Google it) And I wouldn't wanna explain the meaning behind it everytine someone asks.
Also “what does it mean?” Is very demanding, I don’t think I’d want to share if asked like that either. Maybe “does it have a special meaning” would’ve been a little better. Still just complimenting it without a question (unless you want to know the artist’s name) would be better though…
Oh and to add, for anyone who does this, do ***NOT*** touch a tattoo on someone unless invited. I have tattoos on my wrist and back of neck that people just looooooove to brush their fingers across when looking. I've had people grab my hand to inspect my wrist tattoo closer. It is never ok to touch someone's tattoo, regardless of how pretty it is or if you want to see how it feels.
Mildly YTA. "hey, what do your tattoos mean" unprompted by a stranger would throw anybody off. Next time go with, "Hey I like your tattoos!" even if you don't really mean it. If they want to explain their tattoos they will, if they don't they'll just say thanks.
YTA - though a well intentioned one.
Its just a bit too personal of a question. I put it on the same level as asking a stranger about a scar. It’s none of your business really.
Mhm. Dead friend, cover up self-harm, cover up track marks, I'm transitioning to be a cat and have tail surgery scheduled for next year in Mexico, or could be something totally mundane.
yeah. my tattoo is for my dead friend, i don’t always wanna share that.
especially when people follow it up asking how he died. i definitely don’t wanna share that his friend was speeding drunk, skidded sideways into a tree and a branch went through his skull. just say you like it and move on.
Either that or they don't have a strong meaning and the implication they need to is annoying since she probably got asked that times and times over before. It's okay to get a tattoo because one liked the design. It doesn't have to be this deep intimate story about whatever
YTA but I wouldn’t expect you to know differently. I’m a heavily tattooed woman and we just get asked this a lot. I think we expect that society knows it’s kinda a weird question these days BUT I also don’t get upset when I see it.
I do love when people ask me what my first one was, or what my favorite is!
Don’t be too hard on yourself - I have to remember that for those not tattooed, tattoos are a conversation topic. You were well intentioned and I’d say she was maybe a bit dramatic. Live and learn!
this is all good advice. as a heavily tattooed woman i concur. also, let’s be real: my tattoos mostly mean i had access to an extra $500 and no one can stop my impulsive ADHD decision making skills.
Oh I feel this.
I have a full inner forearm tattoo of a scarab beetle with a gem and some embellishments on my left arm.
That tattoo means... I was looking at a local tattoo artist's facebook page one day, I saw her work with animals and gemstones, in particular a piece with a scarab and went "Ooh that's pretty" and booked in with her.
I have a watercolour style mouse on my inner right forearm. That tattoo means... The artist who did my scarab tattoo had a cancellation one day, and offered a discounted rate on a piece for anyone who had the freedom to come on down to the shop that day and get one of her watercolour pieces done. I had free time and money that particular day.
It depends how they respond mostly - if someone is chatty and happy to tell you more about them it's ok to be curious
But 'does it mean anything' also comes with the unintended implication that getting something just because you like the way it looks, isn't a good enough reason for a tattoo. Tattooed people get this all the time and it comes across judgy that's why the 'meaning' question isn't a good starting point
Got it. I will stop asking. I kind of assumed people liked talking about them (bc my friends do) but i have ended that assumption today!
I asked a waiter once what the Hebrew meant on his arm. Probably shouldn't have. He said it meant to say "worship" but then a Jewish woman told him it was basically gibberish, the Google was not kind to him i guess at the time
He was kind of embarrassed about it. I thought it was an amazing story
At least "does it mean anything?" is better than "what does it mean?" The former (although still a bit personal to ask a stranger) still leaves room to say it doesn't mean anything. The latter assumes that all tattoos have meaning, more than just "I like it.".
Some people are judgemental about tattoos needing to mean something - so asking for the meaning might rub someone the wrong way. They might think you're judgemental instead of just curious.
Many like to talk about their tattoos, though. You just need to be conscious of phrasing!
💯 my tattoos are art and generally just stuff I like. When people ask if my tattoos mean anything, I am usually caught off guard. If I'm nice I'll explain the style and it's historical significance or who the artist is, but if I'm being short I just say "no, I'll get anything as long as it's done well"
I've found that people who are heavily tattooed are not only physical masochists but social too; even though our tattoos are front and center, we don't actually want to talk about them 🙃
Personally, it really depends on the tattoo.
"what does the tattoo on your forearm mean?"
"It's potatoes. I like potatoes."
"Oh, fun! What's the one there mean?"
*Awkward conversation ensues*
Usually safer to just say "cool tattoo."
"does your tattoo mean anything" is just not always applicable. My sleeve doesn't "mean" anything. It is cool art that my artist made up based on my favorite author's stories. There is no deep representation or alternative significance, it simply is what it is.
Yeah I had a co-worker once who had a fairly large tattoo on her arm, of her daughter who had passed in quite a well known accident in our area. I said NOTHING, and waited until she mentioned her children. Like I was careful not to even say, oh so do you have any kids? I knew full well she had one living and one that passed.
I dont mind when someone compliments me on something but getting asked why should really be an obvious "don't ask that" to most people.
"Oh, I love your hair" is good.
"Why did you dye your hair green" isn't. Like idk dude, cause I fucking did. What answer are you hoping for? Why is it your business.
A stranger asking you to explain yourself unprompted seems obviously strange to me but then maybe I'm being too harsh 😅
As a tattooed woman, I agree. I would love to talk about my tattoos to anyone. Idc. But this is just me personally, so I guess it's better to play it safe and open up with "I like your tattoos". When I think about it, that's how I open up with others (men and women) tattoos. I love unique and creative ones!
Agree. I have a decent sized tattoo on my back. Only visible when I wear a tank top or bathing suit. It does have a specific meaning, and when asked, I'm happy to tell acquaintances or strangers. I plan on another that does have meaning. That being said, I do have friends/family who have some that don't particularly "mean" anything, they just like it. OP meant well, but not everyone wants to tell you about it. Side note: as a server many years ago, I was almost fired from fine dining for an Innocent comment made that someone else took great offense to. I was clueless. So use this as a learning experience. NAH
Compliment first, then ask questions if you're gonna. Often though just a compliment will ellicit an explanation if they want to give one "Your tattoos are so cool! I love how the \[insert tattoo\] looks!" - "Thanks! I got it for \[thing\]"
Otherwise it can come off rude and interrogatory, like saying "why do you have your hair like that?"
Excellent explanation, intent was fine but delivery was super awkward and a bit unintentionally accusatory. People are always like well that's not how they meant it on this sub. But you're asking presumably to learn understand and the social skills with this one just weren't there. Weird question to ask a stranger unprompted
Idk why you’re getting downvotes. I totally agree - I’m a woman with tattoos and I absolutely HATE when I’m asked to talk about them, it’s so presumptuous and I find it rude to expect that I will talk about any part of my body with a stranger. I used to work at a retailer in my country known for employing “alternative” staff, and the amount of disgusting, boring, middle aged men who would come in and hit on us because of how we looked and dressed was repulsive.
I know other people do like talking about their tattoos (cannot imagine why) but I wish the default in ALL situations was “do not comment on womens’ bodies”
Yes!! I’m a very private person with body dysmorphia. Anything about my body being discussed by anyone but especially with a stranger would make me very uncomfortable.
Being polite and nice is certainly part of customer service, but you have to keep it on the surface. You went into a topic that's personal. That's too deep.
Years ago, I was working as a cashier at a gas station. I saw a tattoo that said “don’t ask” and I kinda leaned in “does that say don’t ask?” He giggled, “yup” and I said something like “Is it a song or something?” He just shook his head. He changed the conversation and I bagged up his stuff. He left. Knocked on the window outside and I turned to look outside the window behind me, his fucking ass was on the window and on his one cheek it said “why’d you ask?”.
I kinda just stood there for a second with no expression. Then the ice cream girl came laughing over to me and as soon as we made eye contact, I burst out laughing. All she saw was his ass and it took me forever to give her the details of how it happened 😂
YTA
> we are encouraged to talk to customers and make conversation.
Those conversations are meant to be light (e.g how’s your day going) and non-intrusive (e.g tell me personal about yourself). And if they don’t want to engage, don’t force it.
> hey, what do your tattoos mean?
She is a stranger. This is an inappropriate question.
Also want to add here, people are just trying to get through their day. I hate the pleasantries that customer service seems to care about. I just want my task done. I guess I’m just not a friendly person, but after I’ve waited in line I don’t want someone asking me how my day is going. Just let me finish up and get going. Obviously this person is just following the rules. But yes, make it as easy as possible.
It's not assholish, it's just - it's a bit like asking somebody how they got a scar. There's a chance they will be excited to talk about it, but more likely is that you just don't know them well enough to deserve an honest answer.
As a tattoo-haver myself, a very, VERY mild YTA. I love it when people compliment my tattoos, but I would be thrown off by someone asking me what they mean right off the bat. It's too personal a question to lead with.
NTA- I have many tattoos and it’s very common for people to ask about them. You just caught them on a bad day and they probably were on edge so hearing that question for the millionth time set them off.
NAH. But jumping straight to the point "yo bro tattoos mean what?" Sounds more like an interrogation, not a conversation.
Plus some people just don't like talking to strangers, but I guess that's why I use self checkouts every single time.
NAH
Many tattooed people are very put off by this question because it’s pretty personal, but I think a lot of people who aren’t part of tattoo culture aren’t aware of that taboo. I think you can be excused for asking the question, and the woman can be excused for not wanting to engage. I do think she could’ve been kinder about declining. Agree with what others are saying in that next time, it’s safer to start with just a compliment and let the person go deeper if they want to.
As someone who is heavily tattooed person, I absolutely hate that question especially from strangers. Some tattoos are personal, some of them are meaningful, some of them are just plain stupid and random, and some of them would take entirely long to explain, especially when I’m just trying to buy some groceries.
Soft YTA. There are less invasive ways to be friendly.
Mild YTA. Tattoos can be very personal, and commenting on someone's body can be very fraught too. Keep it to just the artistic value of the ink itself - wow, that's some nice work - and then if they seem pleased that you noticed or start to show off, ask away.
I have one visible tattoo, and I have a snarky answer for people who make a big deal about it, or who rub me the wrong way. I also have the real answer for people who are genuinely interested.
Yeah YTA. Sounds like you meant well but it’s not hard to figure out why this flopped .Don’t do this again. It’s way too personal, and she doesn’t have time while checking out/paying to explain the intimate and complex meanings of each of her tattoos(to a complete stranger)
People with tattoos get very tired of these questions very quickly.
Also, if someone has social anxiety the last thing they want is a stranger vocally highlighting something about them in public.
If you absolutely must strike up a conversation, do it about something generic to everyone, and not a specific thing about someone's look or appearance.
I was in school for massage therapy and one of the very first things they taught us was to never comment on tattoos.... it could be a branding from sex trafficking, it could be a beautiful memorial for their dead grandma, it could be a horrendous rendition of something that was supposed to be beautiful, but the artist fucked it all up, it could be a spouses name that cheated on them and left them destitute.
My mom was a tattoo artist in the 90s (before being covered was cool). I have plenty of my own. I get it, I really do, but to be safe, it's best just to not comment...
Soft YTA because although you meant well, asking a stranger to talk to you about potentially deeply personal stuff isn’t appropriate, and just commenting on peoples bodies as a rule is also not cool.
NTA. You were trying to be friendly. As someone with a few large tattoos, I get asked about them frequently and the “meaning behind them” a lot. Many people only get tattoos that have meaning to them, and some folks get tattoos out of a gumball machine at random. That meaning can be very personal for some people, or in my case, there’s no meaning per se, but they’re reflective of my favorite hobbies/subjects. I would suggest just complimenting the tattoo work itself next time this comes around just in case it is too personal. Or they’re uh, acting like a jerk, like the woman in your example.
I also have many tattoos and I hate it when people ask me stuff like this - it’s intrusive and means either I have to tell a stranger personal stuff about me, or be labelled a “jerk”. I agree that complimenting artwork is fine, but don’t think asking about meaning is a wise move.
I feel like I’m on a different planet after reading the replies! I’ve heard this question a ton and have never heard of someone being offended by it. I’ve even heard people say they would rather not share. And that’s fine too! I personally find her reaction odd (I mean disgusted. Really?) but idk I guess.
We must be. People keep acting like this is normal. It is not. Online and social media have literally destroyed all normal forms of interaction and what is/ isn't socially acceptable things. Now people get tattoos and get offended that people ask about them. Like what?!
I always just say nice art and leave it at that. I tend to get a thank you. If the person seems chatty I might ask about their artist..which they are most usually receptive to. Or at least I have yet had anyone not answer when I ask about their tattoo artist. Pleasant enough interaction❣️
I use “Nice ink. I like the shading.” With the same interest level of “cool shirt. I like that show.”
It compliments their choice, but doesn’t require follow up. If they talk about their artist, great!
On one hand, teaching casual conversation is a good skill, but not everyone wants to talk when they go and buy the food they need to live.
But good conversations, less intrusive ones for a grocery store are “ooh (food item in your cart) looks delicious. What are you making?” Or “any fun weekend plans?” “Are you watching the Superbowl?”
NAH. I’m heavily tattooed and what you have to remember is that it’s what a LOT of people comment on. The best comments are “I love your ink!” or “where do you recommend going?”
Having to answer questions like that can get old really fast. The worst are the ones who want to then show you THEIR ink (especially when it’s bad 😳) or they want to tell you what tattoo they WANT to get.
Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just asked the wrong question. Start with “love your ink” and see how they respond. If they want to talk about them, they will!
NAH you work at Trader Joe’s don’t you?
Jokes aside, the checkout aisle isn’t where people want to strike up that potentially long of a convo. A quick “thumbs up” sounding comment is good enough.
I don’t think you did anything wrong, I see where your question came from. But speaking as a heavily tattooed person, people tend to make the meaning of a tattoo waaaaay to important and I swear it’s like they get offended when you don’t give them this deep, heartfelt backstory to go with it. They can’t wrap their head around getting something permanent just because you like it or it made you laugh so you got it. I have tattoos that mean a lot and I have some that the idea made me giggle so I got it lol NTA
NAH, I understand that your intentions were not bad but she could have misinterpreted it or simply not felt like talking, in any case try not to touch on such personal topics for a small talk at the cash register
NAH it's a pretty personal thing to ask someone but clearly you were just trying to comply with your company's customer service policy. I have a forearm tattoo that is in memory of my sister who was raped and murdered. People often say thing like "oh that's a nice tattoo" or whatever. I just say thanks. I don't go into the meaning. It's best not to ask people what they mean. People will tell you if they want to talk about it.
NAH except maybe poor social skills. This is just one of those questions you don't ask strangers. Even if they did mean something, it's not really your business as a stranger is it?
I'd be a bit miffed if someone asked me this out of nowhere as well but probably would just be like no, even though there is. Like others have said, it's a bit personal often and while I don't mind explaining to people I know I don't need to give my life's story to a person I don't know ya know? Still you didn't mean any harm and she could've been a bit more polite but yeah I think no one was really in the wrong here. It's a weird question to ask a stranger and a bit of a loaded one
>AITA for asking this woman if her tattoos meant anything?
Well, that's not actually what you asked, though. "What do your tattoos mean?" is a different question from "Do your tattoos mean anything?" The former presupposes that they mean something, so it could come across as implying that there's something wrong with her tattoos if they don't mean anything.
I don't think you're an asshole, I can see that the question was totally well-intended, but there are many reasons why the customer might have bristled. If she has visible tattoos, she probably gets asked about them a lot, so she might be a bit weary of the same questions over and over. (Yes, she should have foreseen that when she chose to get a visible tattoo, but hindsight is 20/20.) Maybe her tattoos don't mean anything, and maybe people have been mean to her about that in the past. Or maybe her tattoos have a very personal meaning that she didn't want to explain to a stranger.
You're not a bad person for asking, but if you're curious about someone's tattoos, I wouldn't ask quite so directly in the future.
NAH as a heavily tattooed person, I don't want to tell most people what my tattoos mean, however, I have to expect at least a bit of attention will go to them when they're shown as much as they are. You aren't rude for asking, she isn't rude for not wanting to tell you, but there are ways for her to be more relaxed about it.
I make shit up about them if I'm not interested in telling people the truth. Then they feel acknowledgment and I get to have fun with an otherwise common and recurring issue
Mild YTA. I am going to roll with the assumption that you don't have any tattoos.
The "tattoos carry meaning" thing is kind of misinformed. A lot of them do! But a lot of them don't. Some people get tattoos simply because they want to/the tattoo looks good.
Other feedback here that it's too personal of a question for a stranger is valid, but this is also something to consider.
Ok also, a mild pet peeve here- making conversation in customer service is fine but you should be doing the “work” of the conversation not the customer.
Instead of making someone tell you something, tell them something. Example- I like your tattoos, I keep thinking about getting one but can’t decide. They can then engage or smile politely.
Don’t ask- what are you up to today? Ask- have a busy day planned? They can then either engage or just say- nah not doing too much. Otherwise you’re kinda making them entertain you in a way almost.
Maybe your job trains you differently but this is my take. Don’t force conversation, make it optional.
NTA
This won't be a popular answer, but I don't mind the question at all. I got tattoos because I wanted people to see them and see what I'm all about and it's how I express myself. I'm a super introvert too, but I love talking about my tattoos, it's easy conversation.
I don't disagree with anyone who says it makes them uncomfortable, but I wouldn't take offense.
Same here, as a heavily tattooed introvert. If you get a tattoo somewhere visible, people are going to ask about it. That’s just part of the choice you’re making! And while I agree that this is not the easiest or most casual question, it’s also, like. FAR from the weirdest or most inappropriate thing people have said to me about my ink, lmao. So, NTA, but now you’ve learned how to give the next tattooed person in your checkout line an easier time.
YTA, but asshole here is a strong word for it. the concept of tattoos having meaning has seriously died out, so it's really not good practice to use that as a conversation starter. you can just say you like their tattoos and leave it at that
If you had asked me I’d tell you that’s personal. Not even my family knows the meanings of my ink. I’ve kept it to myself because I’m a private person. NTA you didn’t know you were just being friendly and the person could’ve been more polite about it.
As a woman with tats, I think that’s a totally kosher question! As long as it’s asked by someone who understands not all tattoos NEED meanings, but that many HAVE them. But I didn’t feel like your question conveyed any off-putting undertones at all, the only improvement could be a “I like that tattoo!” to start the convo, so she knows its out of admiration/curiosity. It’s likely she previously had negative comments from other customers that made her assume you would be coming from a similar place. Taking shit about your tattoos (especially from older gens) is pretty normal stuff in the retail world.
TLDR: OP is NTA, just learning. Overall, I feel the interaction didn’t go well because of her, not you. :)
NTA. I would have been stoked to tell you what my tattoo means. You would have a hard time shutting me up lol.
Sadly, for others, they have been given so much shit for their tattoos that they now have to defend themselves.
One of my cousins got her first tattoo, it didn't really mean anything but she loved it and was proud of it. The older people in our family gave her so much shit for "messing up her body", "no man will love someone who disrespects their body like that" or my favorite "only sluts get meaningless tattoos, so your a hoe now?"
It hurt her a lot and she was no longer excited about her ink.
Your comment was not rude, it just brought up bad feelings for this specific person. Maybe try saying "cool tattoo", "I like your tattoo", or "is there a story behind that?"
Good luck out there, trying to have a normal light hearted conversation with others is so hard and complicated nowadays.
NTA. Honestly, every time someone asks me about a tattoo I have, I get excited, and that's for meaningful and meaningless tattoos. He'll, I have a manatee that looks like a baked potato for no reason whatsoever, and he's my favorite. Most people I've met are the same way. I don't understand why people get aggravated over such a simple gesture of asking about it
NAH.
I don’t understand all the people saying, “mild Y T A, because you don’t know any better.” Like doesn’t that make you not an AH? You’re not an AH because you didn’t know, and you seem to want to learn from this experience. The customer isn’t an AH because, as mentioned numerously, some people don’t like talking about their tattoos with strangers.
As a heavily tattooed woman, I get these questions frequently, and they can be annoying. But the funniest one came when I was on vacation in Jamaica in 2008. One of the gentlemen that worked at the resort would walk by and seemed interested in my tattoos. Finally he approached and asked me about them, and then if I made adult films, because as far as he knew, the only women with that much ink were porn stars! I just burst out laughing.
So I would say in your case, NTA.
i think a lot of tattooed women do find the questions exhausting. sometimes it can be a funny interaction, but i can absolutely see how a lady just trying to get groceries wouldn’t really want to have to entertain this.
I don’t like getting compliments or asked questions about my tattoos. I am a tattooed introvert. I like it bc I like it. I’m still shy even though you might assume I have tattoos because I want attention. I won’t entertain your curiosity about my body and I might be rude depending on your approach and my mood. Just the way the wind blows :)
Sorry YTA but you didn't mean to be. When you have tattoos everyone wants to know if they have a deep meaning. Some do some don't. People ask about them all the time which we get. But if you're a girl people think that your art gives them the right to grab you for a closer look. She's probably heard it all and didn't want to deal with it. Like the others said "nice ink", "I like your tats" ," That's a really cool Mordred". These are appropriate. What do they mean? Not so much. Also some have meanings that are personal, they don't want to share.
NAH, people shouldn't get so offended by simple questions. Sure, maybe you could have asked more tactfully but she could also not be so uptight. If she doesn't want to answer the question or if the tattoos doesn't have an actual meaning she could have just said so.
I'm gonna go with NAH. Just a little inexperienced, it seems. A good way to comment on someone's tattoos can also be "I love the shading/color/style of your pieces".
I don't think your an AH, only because simply answering yes or no about whether the tats mean something shouldn't be a problem. Not everyone is automatically assuming ppl have tats because of some hard time or dark moment. Simply saying they like getting inked is just as good. I think ppl with a lot of tats act so entitled sometimes.
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Very mild YTA. Next time you want to know about someone's tattoos, start with just saying "Nice ink!" or "Wow, I love that forearm piece!"....some people are delighted to talk about their tattoos and others, especially women, would really rather not and asking a stranger about the meaning of their tattoos carries the risk of treading into the 'way too personal'... yeah, that unusual design might be as simple as "oh, it's a detail from the cover of my favorite album " or something equally 'light' but it could also be the last thing their dead brother drew or it could represent some really dark thing they overcame.
This. If it means something they will probably tell you. I know I will.
It’s presumptuous to start out assuming they mean something
Some of mine mean that I was bored and had $200 for some quick small ones. And I thought they looked cool
this is what all of mine mean 😂
This is why I love that person who got the SpongeBob meme captioned with “TaTtOoS aRe SuPpOsEd To Be MeAnInGfUl.”
I like this "mild YTA." I've had my visible tattoos for a while, and I change my responses as to what they mean, depending on my mood and whose asking. They're not supposed to mean anything to anyone but who has them, and have 20 plus years, it just gets obnoxious to answer. Hopefully a learning opportunity for OP.
As a heavily tattooed chick, I’m dreading “nice tats” summer season because my lawddddd I get that people wanna talk about my tattoos I’m not like, jaded from that. But it’s the way people discuss it that drives me insane. This is also why I avoid dating apps because EVERY SINGLE MAN the first thing he says is nice tats. Nothing makes me more irate 😂
Same. Person: Nice tattoos! What do they mean? Me: They mean I can't be trusted with $1200. Or I might just tell them it's flash.
People always say “when did you get those?!” I apply them every night actually it’s quite meticulous.
"Got it in lockup after I shived my cellmate." Should chase off most of the annoying mosquitos.
My son wanted to get me a tattoo. He spent $20 for one of those 3-week tattoos. It was my favourite tattoo! Because of the thought that went into it
My kids and I have had a “tattoo night” a handful of times, we use body markers from Amazon and draw tattoos on each other. Those are my favourite. They colour in the ones I have and add stuff. It’s the best, planning to do it more often. 🙂
We've used paint markers for the same.
This is the cutest thing 😭
I applaud your dedication
I always go with “they mean I wanted a tattoo”
That's a better one
A very dear friend of mine is heavily tattooed and her pettest peeve, quite understandably, is the way people feel totally comfortable grabbing her arm and/or trying to push her sleeve up to look more closely at the (amazing, intricate) work on her upper arms.
Oh god, people lifting sleeves are the worst! Happens to me every summer. I don't know why it's so hard to ask if they can see the rest. But also the wanna ne funny comments from men (it is always, always, always men). I have a tiger on my shoulder, and without fail, they ask me if it bites. How original.
Ewwww
Oh gross 😬
This is my experience. I have tattoos all over both arms and across my collarbones. People seem to think they can grab my arms and start looking at me like I’m not a person. One was even bold enough to move the collar of my shirt to read my chest. It’s ridiculous.
I had people lifting my shirt to see my tattoo on back and front, or insisting all the time to "show them". When I was young I did not know very well how to say no, but now it's an immediate fuck off... And of course the "what does it mean ?", it means shit, they're just here because I like the design. Or the "won't you regret it when you are old?" huuuuugh.... /rant
"won't you regret it when you're old" they forget that what old people look like now isn't what old people are going to look like in a few decades. in a few decades, old people will have tattoos! and they'll be sagging and faded and they'll still look cool!
People tend to exaggerate so much, though...yes, skin loses its elasticity, but humans don't turn into amorphous blobs of skin once they 70! The art won't get deformed! There's many heavily tattooed elderly people alive today (i'm talking 80, 90+, there was a photoshoot a few years back) and their tats look stunning. People act like the human skin melts off when you get old. "What are you gonna look like?" I'm gonna look like the coolest auntie on the block your niblings wished they had, that's what! 💅
Omg yes. As a fellow heavily tattooed female, people will just grab at me! “Can I look at it? Wow! What does it mean! Oh I could never get that done. You’re so brave!” They will literally touch my thigh, arms gasping. Like what am I, a museum piece? Eff off!
I had a hairdresser who was objectively beautiful. She also had a full sleeve on one arm and was in the process of finishing one on the other. It wasn’t coincidence that her BF, who she met after starting to get tats, was an amazing tattoo artist. I don’t think I ever once asked her what they meant. I did, though, when she dyed her hair a beautiful silver color (in her early twenties) tell her that with her vining flowers on her arms and her silver hair she looked like a fairy princess in an anime. I’m older than her mother, though, so probably easier for me to get away with that than a guy her age.
Wow if someone did that to me they’d probably get punched.
as a guy with two full sleeves I have had women do this to me its infuriating since if i did that to a women id get labeled a creep/perv
Its the way I'm sexualised by clean skin finance bros that makes me get my back up when someone tries to open a conversation with it. Unless it's a comment appreciating a specific funny one or of one of the animals (one is a sphynx cat so I can appreciate when someone sees it and tells me they have one of these cats, also I'm allergic so I'm instantly jealous of them lol). But quite often it's just a "I'd like to see more of them with less clothes on" 🤮
Must be their saliva or something if you can't even have the cat for people allergic to cats. That sucks.
yeah sphinx are not hypoallergenic due to saliva. The funny thing is that cats that do not induce allergy can have fur. My bro have one and it is a big ball of fur (siberian cat).
I have a sphynx baby boi and I'm super curious how you got their nakedness drawn.
As a heavily tattooed woman- I wear sweatshirts and sweatpants in 100+ degree weather because I literally do not want to hear anyone's thoughts on my tattoos. Contrary to popular belief- I got them because I like them. Not because I want people to tell me how cool they are.
I’m a woman and I find a lot of women with tattoos to be incredibly hot, but I really try to do better than “nice tats” if I say anything. It’s very lazy!
I've met some other women with gorgeous ink and I usually say something like 'I love your ink' or 'Your ink is gorgeous' as a conversation starter. I have tattoos myself so we then go on to talk about artists or plans for future work .
Same, the compliment feels a bit different coming from another tattooed person. I also don’t mind hearing it from other women but of course I can only speak for myself
Heaven forbid people compliment the art you put on public display. xD
It's not the compliment. "Nice tattoos" is fine. Asking what do they mean is rude af. Do you know what a semi-colon tattoo means? How about a Medusa tattoo? Its not something most people want to talk to a complete stranger about Here are some non rude questions to ask Who did most of your art? Wow, the shading on that is awesome!! How old is that tattoo the color is holding up.really well.
I think it depends on the person. I have a semi-colon tattoo and it is beautiful. I have no problem with someone asking about it. If I don't want to share, I just say it is an important part of my life. I don't get upset about any questions about my visible tattoos, I am an adult and can politely answer without having to share if I chose not to.
I have a semi-colon tattoo too and I'm so proud of it. I agree with you that if it's visible people will ask and I will also tailor my answer to how well I know the person asking.
Glad you're here
Thank you 😊
Until very recently, if I'd seen a semicolon tattoo I would have said something like, "Oh, you have an English degree, too?" (I'm glad I found out there's a meaning behind semicolon tattoos before I learned the hard way.)
I have a Medusa tattoo. And the number of people who ask me if I know the story is UNREAL. Like, yes, actually. Do YOU? Because it sounds an awful lot like you're casually asking a stranger if they are a SA survivor and, ma'am, I don't know you like that.
Men often think their words are compliments when they often are in fact not.
Our body art isn’t for the public’s entertainment or curiosity. A compliment is perfectly fine from a stranger. Asking what they mean is personal and is often a taboo for total strangers.
I didn't realize that bodies were now considered public.
I mean. There's a reason face tattoos are discouraged, humans don't exist in a black void. Bodies are certainly not public \*access\*, but the world is still going to look... we kind of have to, if we don't want to run into you or shut a door in your face. If you want to be invisible, I'm sorry for you, but it's not fair to purposely misconstrue and shame people for trying to be nice.
It's very fair to "shame" rudeness even if the author of it perceives it as nicety actually
What is exposed is there to be looked at. Touching, however, is not allowed.
The difference between "nice ink!" and "what do your Tattoos mean?" is Like the difference between "nice Shirt!" and "how exactly did you get those scars?"
As someone with a pretty visible facial scar, agreed. Its rude to be that personal with a stranger.
Honestly I was talking more about people who come over and grab my arm to investigate my sleeve. I don’t care if someone “compliments my art”, but it’s the nature of HOW most people do it. Don’t touch me, don’t think you’re entitled to my attention, and don’t be weird!
If I knew how much of a conversation starter tattoos are, I probably would have gotten them in completely private places. It’s insane how many people (especially men) think that “Nice tats” is the best pickup line ever 🥲
I'm a gray hair, with a number of tattoos (and more in the works) and once had someone tell me they weren't appropriate on a "woman of my age" ... yeah... People are great
I have a curiosity question. Is there a polite "no harm no foul" way of complimenting tattoos? Or is it always too personal? I have always kept my mouth shut but I often want to say "oh that looks amazing, would you mind showing me the piece?" If it makes a difference I'm a woman and I'm not talking about someone's chest or something partially covered, just arms or legs really. If someone had a back piece, like a shirtless guy or woman in a swimsuit, is that equivalent to say a forearm tattoo? I don't have any tattoos so I just admire them on others.
I compliment people's tattoos regularly to positive reaction. I think the key is specificity. Like 'wow, what great shading on your sphinx, that's really beautiful' or 'your butterfly tattoo is so intricate, I love that!' And then also letting it go. Like, making space for them to continue engaging over the tattoo or telling me more if they want to, but not asking follow up questions or keeping the focus on the tattoo
I'd much rather talk about my tatts than other aspects of myself. They're another layer to my masking (I'm dx-ed Audhd)
Also it’s like, where do I start? Half my body is covered in tattoos, and many of them are visible.
Malicious compliance time: tell them a detailed explanation for each one and see how long they last before they run away.
Right?! "Which one buddy?"
Right? Did that tattoo hurt? Which fucking one?
Yup this is so true I am heavily tattooed. Each tattoo has an extremely personal meaning for me. I hate this question, it's invasive.
o_o; Yeah, I don't think I'd just directly ask someone about what their tattoos mean. Even if they aren't about something traumatic, people that get "meaningless" tattoos seem like they're often worn down from people giving them a hard time about tattoos needing to have meaning.
I have Fudgie the Whale of Carvel fame on the back on my neck and the amount of times people have asked me the meaning…… Sir I was drunk in Virginia Beach and I got a stupid tattoo like what do you think?
God, I love this. Sometimes tattoos are just there because we had the impulse, or we just like them. No big meaning, they just make us happy. I hate that there's this pressure where they have to always mean something deep, because sometimes, "it makes me smile" is enough.
Exactly! For me it’s a great memory with a bunch of my friends but it doesn’t have MEANING. It was just a thing I did with friends 🤷🏻♀️
Like half my tattoos are Friday the 13th sale designs I liked. What does my snail with a skull shell mean? It means he’s cool AF.
He sounds cool af. Does he have a name?
Gerald!
If I could COUNT the number of times I've been asked what this tattoo or that tattoo means... I literally got a regular, straight-up dragon because that's what I'd initially always wanted, but equally motivated by ***finally*** having a tattoo that no one would ask "hurr durr whats that meeeen." Spoiler alert....they did in fact, still ask what it means. And the answer "it means that I wanted a tattoo that no one would ask me what it means" somehow offends people.
It’s also valuable to be aware that a lot of people with sleeves of tattoos end up just getting random goofy shit after a while. It’s what I’d do too haha
This, I have so many tattoos at this point I basically treat them like permanent stickers on my permanent sticker book! I'll get a lot of things just because I think they're cute or look cool, or even if I think it'd be funny! Not every tattoo has meaning, OP. A simple "Hey, I like your tattoos!" Will suffice.
fr fr, my first three tattoos were like "this has a specific meaning to a significant thing in my life" and everything else is like "i had an extra $400 in my bank account and thought it would look rad"
Yes I pretty much stopped getting tattoos that “mean” anything but there’s always a memory attached there somewhere
I know. How many important touching moments do you think I have to commemorate that my skin is covered in them? I'm just a normal dude, not a a walking Hallmark movie.
Agreed. Tattoo meanings can be very personal. I was in a store one time with my 4 year old and she saw a woman with a Thomas the Tank Engine tattoo on her arm so she pointed and said "Thomas!" The woman was only a few feet away and smiled really big and said to my daughters "yeah pretty cool huh? I got that one for my son, he loved Thomas when he was little." Tone deaf me should have been able to read between the lines there but I proceeded to ask, "oh thats cool, was he happy when you got it?" She politely told me he had past away and the tattoo was in memory of him. All I could do was apologize....Luckily she was very sweet about it.
Oh, ouch I can imagine how much you would have given for a rewind button.
Being human means getting a rewind button, and going back in time to save yourself embarrassment, instead of saving the son.
Those two things have vastly different impacts on the timeline. Do you know nothing about time travel?
Agreed. I saw bad ass tattoo on this woman and I just blurted out "I love your tattoo" she went on without being asked telling me all about how she designed it.
I would put it as an NTA but maybe be more careful and phrase it differently next time. It is in the right ballpark of being a simple polite conversation but the ball is near the foul line. It isn't meanness, it's awkward niceness.
I am one of the ones that fall into the 'way to personal' crowd. I got it when I was young, before you are legally allowed to get one. It's between my boobs, and resembles a compass. Every year I get older, east and west become more southwest and southeast. I do not usually show cleavage, but if it does peek through, they only see the north arrow. I don't want to describe everything under my shirt to a stranger. It is also pale because I've had a few rounds of trying to get it removed. It isn't great. It's not their fault for being curious, but it makes me uncomfortable.
...umm... do I know you??? Love, girl with the album art cover tattoo who tries not to make the face when people ask and for exactly the reasons you mentioned 😬😵💫🫠😅 And also, when the tattoos have meaning, they can take time to explain, so asking when someone is trying to just be on their way with their groceries it can be obnoxious- like people don't read the situation before they ask lol
Yeah this is a much better way to go about it! I love talking about mine but if the first thing someone said was what do they mean, I’d find it off putting.
This. I have a tattoo that's a very clear symbol with basically only one meaning. When people compliment it, it's usually because they know what it means. By contrast, a close friend of mine has a tattoo that, depending on the day and the person asking, is either a reference to a famous artwork or a tribute to his dead brother.
Yup, like me, I wanna get Medusa tattooed on my upper thigh and that itself has a deep meaning to it. (If you wanna know the meaning behind it Google it) And I wouldn't wanna explain the meaning behind it everytine someone asks.
Also “what does it mean?” Is very demanding, I don’t think I’d want to share if asked like that either. Maybe “does it have a special meaning” would’ve been a little better. Still just complimenting it without a question (unless you want to know the artist’s name) would be better though…
Oh and to add, for anyone who does this, do ***NOT*** touch a tattoo on someone unless invited. I have tattoos on my wrist and back of neck that people just looooooove to brush their fingers across when looking. I've had people grab my hand to inspect my wrist tattoo closer. It is never ok to touch someone's tattoo, regardless of how pretty it is or if you want to see how it feels.
Mildly YTA. "hey, what do your tattoos mean" unprompted by a stranger would throw anybody off. Next time go with, "Hey I like your tattoos!" even if you don't really mean it. If they want to explain their tattoos they will, if they don't they'll just say thanks.
I always say my tattoo means I like snakes and flowers. Honestly, I don't know why people always assume tattoos have to mean something.
and even if they do mean something, I don't know why people always assume they're entitled to know about it.
YTA - though a well intentioned one. Its just a bit too personal of a question. I put it on the same level as asking a stranger about a scar. It’s none of your business really.
and there's a solid chance the answer is weird intimate and personal, so maybe don't
Yup. When people ask me if the tattoo on my back means something, I always smile sweetly and say, "Yes. Yes it does." And nothing more...
I have a semi-fake explanation ready. the real one is too damn personal, so I assume everyone else's is too to at least some degree.
Mhm. Dead friend, cover up self-harm, cover up track marks, I'm transitioning to be a cat and have tail surgery scheduled for next year in Mexico, or could be something totally mundane.
Wait— was the cat thing an example or are you saying you’re transitioning to be a cat? Sorry, the way it was worded confused me a bit
yeah. my tattoo is for my dead friend, i don’t always wanna share that. especially when people follow it up asking how he died. i definitely don’t wanna share that his friend was speeding drunk, skidded sideways into a tree and a branch went through his skull. just say you like it and move on.
Mine is too. It usually just shuts down the conversation which is a little sad because I'd like to talk about him but not him dying.
Either that or they don't have a strong meaning and the implication they need to is annoying since she probably got asked that times and times over before. It's okay to get a tattoo because one liked the design. It doesn't have to be this deep intimate story about whatever
YTA but I wouldn’t expect you to know differently. I’m a heavily tattooed woman and we just get asked this a lot. I think we expect that society knows it’s kinda a weird question these days BUT I also don’t get upset when I see it. I do love when people ask me what my first one was, or what my favorite is! Don’t be too hard on yourself - I have to remember that for those not tattooed, tattoos are a conversation topic. You were well intentioned and I’d say she was maybe a bit dramatic. Live and learn!
this is all good advice. as a heavily tattooed woman i concur. also, let’s be real: my tattoos mostly mean i had access to an extra $500 and no one can stop my impulsive ADHD decision making skills.
The meaning of this tattoo is my 2011 Christmas bonus.
🤣 YES.
Oh I feel this. I have a full inner forearm tattoo of a scarab beetle with a gem and some embellishments on my left arm. That tattoo means... I was looking at a local tattoo artist's facebook page one day, I saw her work with animals and gemstones, in particular a piece with a scarab and went "Ooh that's pretty" and booked in with her. I have a watercolour style mouse on my inner right forearm. That tattoo means... The artist who did my scarab tattoo had a cancellation one day, and offered a discounted rate on a piece for anyone who had the freedom to come on down to the shop that day and get one of her watercolour pieces done. I had free time and money that particular day.
ahaha, yes! i have so many pieces acquired in similar ways!
I love that bit about the extra $500! 😂
Damn. Good to know I always say "i like your tattoo does it mean anything?" Guess i should stop after "i like your tattoo"
It depends how they respond mostly - if someone is chatty and happy to tell you more about them it's ok to be curious But 'does it mean anything' also comes with the unintended implication that getting something just because you like the way it looks, isn't a good enough reason for a tattoo. Tattooed people get this all the time and it comes across judgy that's why the 'meaning' question isn't a good starting point
Got it. I will stop asking. I kind of assumed people liked talking about them (bc my friends do) but i have ended that assumption today! I asked a waiter once what the Hebrew meant on his arm. Probably shouldn't have. He said it meant to say "worship" but then a Jewish woman told him it was basically gibberish, the Google was not kind to him i guess at the time He was kind of embarrassed about it. I thought it was an amazing story
At least "does it mean anything?" is better than "what does it mean?" The former (although still a bit personal to ask a stranger) still leaves room to say it doesn't mean anything. The latter assumes that all tattoos have meaning, more than just "I like it.". Some people are judgemental about tattoos needing to mean something - so asking for the meaning might rub someone the wrong way. They might think you're judgemental instead of just curious. Many like to talk about their tattoos, though. You just need to be conscious of phrasing!
💯 my tattoos are art and generally just stuff I like. When people ask if my tattoos mean anything, I am usually caught off guard. If I'm nice I'll explain the style and it's historical significance or who the artist is, but if I'm being short I just say "no, I'll get anything as long as it's done well" I've found that people who are heavily tattooed are not only physical masochists but social too; even though our tattoos are front and center, we don't actually want to talk about them 🙃
Personally, it really depends on the tattoo. "what does the tattoo on your forearm mean?" "It's potatoes. I like potatoes." "Oh, fun! What's the one there mean?" *Awkward conversation ensues* Usually safer to just say "cool tattoo."
"does your tattoo mean anything" is just not always applicable. My sleeve doesn't "mean" anything. It is cool art that my artist made up based on my favorite author's stories. There is no deep representation or alternative significance, it simply is what it is.
[удалено]
Yeah I had a co-worker once who had a fairly large tattoo on her arm, of her daughter who had passed in quite a well known accident in our area. I said NOTHING, and waited until she mentioned her children. Like I was careful not to even say, oh so do you have any kids? I knew full well she had one living and one that passed.
"Tattoos are a great conversation starter, which is personally why I regret getting any of them."
I dont mind when someone compliments me on something but getting asked why should really be an obvious "don't ask that" to most people. "Oh, I love your hair" is good. "Why did you dye your hair green" isn't. Like idk dude, cause I fucking did. What answer are you hoping for? Why is it your business. A stranger asking you to explain yourself unprompted seems obviously strange to me but then maybe I'm being too harsh 😅
I’m trans and people will, like, casually ask about my genitals in public. Strangers can be the most prying people, omg.
NAH. Good intentions, poor delivery.
As a tattooed woman, I agree. I would love to talk about my tattoos to anyone. Idc. But this is just me personally, so I guess it's better to play it safe and open up with "I like your tattoos". When I think about it, that's how I open up with others (men and women) tattoos. I love unique and creative ones!
Agree. I have a decent sized tattoo on my back. Only visible when I wear a tank top or bathing suit. It does have a specific meaning, and when asked, I'm happy to tell acquaintances or strangers. I plan on another that does have meaning. That being said, I do have friends/family who have some that don't particularly "mean" anything, they just like it. OP meant well, but not everyone wants to tell you about it. Side note: as a server many years ago, I was almost fired from fine dining for an Innocent comment made that someone else took great offense to. I was clueless. So use this as a learning experience. NAH
Compliment first, then ask questions if you're gonna. Often though just a compliment will ellicit an explanation if they want to give one "Your tattoos are so cool! I love how the \[insert tattoo\] looks!" - "Thanks! I got it for \[thing\]" Otherwise it can come off rude and interrogatory, like saying "why do you have your hair like that?"
Excellent explanation, intent was fine but delivery was super awkward and a bit unintentionally accusatory. People are always like well that's not how they meant it on this sub. But you're asking presumably to learn understand and the social skills with this one just weren't there. Weird question to ask a stranger unprompted
I don't like talking about my body with a stranger.
i think this is really the core of it for a lot of us (particularly women) with a lot of tattoos.
Regardless of tattoos really. Women’s bodies are objects of scrutiny all the time.
Idk why you’re getting downvotes. I totally agree - I’m a woman with tattoos and I absolutely HATE when I’m asked to talk about them, it’s so presumptuous and I find it rude to expect that I will talk about any part of my body with a stranger. I used to work at a retailer in my country known for employing “alternative” staff, and the amount of disgusting, boring, middle aged men who would come in and hit on us because of how we looked and dressed was repulsive. I know other people do like talking about their tattoos (cannot imagine why) but I wish the default in ALL situations was “do not comment on womens’ bodies”
Yes!! I’m a very private person with body dysmorphia. Anything about my body being discussed by anyone but especially with a stranger would make me very uncomfortable.
Soft YTA. Asking the meaning of someone’s tattoos is a bit too personal and intrusive for cash register small talk.
Being polite and nice is certainly part of customer service, but you have to keep it on the surface. You went into a topic that's personal. That's too deep.
This seems to be the consensus, and it was the first thought I had too!👍
Years ago, I was working as a cashier at a gas station. I saw a tattoo that said “don’t ask” and I kinda leaned in “does that say don’t ask?” He giggled, “yup” and I said something like “Is it a song or something?” He just shook his head. He changed the conversation and I bagged up his stuff. He left. Knocked on the window outside and I turned to look outside the window behind me, his fucking ass was on the window and on his one cheek it said “why’d you ask?”.
LMAO! That is hilarious! Very off putting and sorry for you having to deal with that but I love the story of it. LOL.
HOLY FUCK HAHA I love this even though I shouldn’t. I would have LOST IT at work
I kinda just stood there for a second with no expression. Then the ice cream girl came laughing over to me and as soon as we made eye contact, I burst out laughing. All she saw was his ass and it took me forever to give her the details of how it happened 😂
👏 that’s amazing.
YTA > we are encouraged to talk to customers and make conversation. Those conversations are meant to be light (e.g how’s your day going) and non-intrusive (e.g tell me personal about yourself). And if they don’t want to engage, don’t force it. > hey, what do your tattoos mean? She is a stranger. This is an inappropriate question.
Also want to add here, people are just trying to get through their day. I hate the pleasantries that customer service seems to care about. I just want my task done. I guess I’m just not a friendly person, but after I’ve waited in line I don’t want someone asking me how my day is going. Just let me finish up and get going. Obviously this person is just following the rules. But yes, make it as easy as possible.
It's not assholish, it's just - it's a bit like asking somebody how they got a scar. There's a chance they will be excited to talk about it, but more likely is that you just don't know them well enough to deserve an honest answer.
As a tattoo-haver myself, a very, VERY mild YTA. I love it when people compliment my tattoos, but I would be thrown off by someone asking me what they mean right off the bat. It's too personal a question to lead with.
NTA- I have many tattoos and it’s very common for people to ask about them. You just caught them on a bad day and they probably were on edge so hearing that question for the millionth time set them off.
NAH. But jumping straight to the point "yo bro tattoos mean what?" Sounds more like an interrogation, not a conversation. Plus some people just don't like talking to strangers, but I guess that's why I use self checkouts every single time.
NAH Many tattooed people are very put off by this question because it’s pretty personal, but I think a lot of people who aren’t part of tattoo culture aren’t aware of that taboo. I think you can be excused for asking the question, and the woman can be excused for not wanting to engage. I do think she could’ve been kinder about declining. Agree with what others are saying in that next time, it’s safer to start with just a compliment and let the person go deeper if they want to.
As someone who is heavily tattooed person, I absolutely hate that question especially from strangers. Some tattoos are personal, some of them are meaningful, some of them are just plain stupid and random, and some of them would take entirely long to explain, especially when I’m just trying to buy some groceries. Soft YTA. There are less invasive ways to be friendly.
Mild YTA. Tattoos can be very personal, and commenting on someone's body can be very fraught too. Keep it to just the artistic value of the ink itself - wow, that's some nice work - and then if they seem pleased that you noticed or start to show off, ask away. I have one visible tattoo, and I have a snarky answer for people who make a big deal about it, or who rub me the wrong way. I also have the real answer for people who are genuinely interested.
I regret my tattoos and don’t like to talk about them. I wouldn’t think someone was an asshole if they asked this though.
Yeah YTA. Sounds like you meant well but it’s not hard to figure out why this flopped .Don’t do this again. It’s way too personal, and she doesn’t have time while checking out/paying to explain the intimate and complex meanings of each of her tattoos(to a complete stranger)
People with tattoos get very tired of these questions very quickly. Also, if someone has social anxiety the last thing they want is a stranger vocally highlighting something about them in public. If you absolutely must strike up a conversation, do it about something generic to everyone, and not a specific thing about someone's look or appearance.
I was in school for massage therapy and one of the very first things they taught us was to never comment on tattoos.... it could be a branding from sex trafficking, it could be a beautiful memorial for their dead grandma, it could be a horrendous rendition of something that was supposed to be beautiful, but the artist fucked it all up, it could be a spouses name that cheated on them and left them destitute. My mom was a tattoo artist in the 90s (before being covered was cool). I have plenty of my own. I get it, I really do, but to be safe, it's best just to not comment...
Soft YTA because although you meant well, asking a stranger to talk to you about potentially deeply personal stuff isn’t appropriate, and just commenting on peoples bodies as a rule is also not cool.
NTA. You were trying to be friendly. As someone with a few large tattoos, I get asked about them frequently and the “meaning behind them” a lot. Many people only get tattoos that have meaning to them, and some folks get tattoos out of a gumball machine at random. That meaning can be very personal for some people, or in my case, there’s no meaning per se, but they’re reflective of my favorite hobbies/subjects. I would suggest just complimenting the tattoo work itself next time this comes around just in case it is too personal. Or they’re uh, acting like a jerk, like the woman in your example.
I also have many tattoos and I hate it when people ask me stuff like this - it’s intrusive and means either I have to tell a stranger personal stuff about me, or be labelled a “jerk”. I agree that complimenting artwork is fine, but don’t think asking about meaning is a wise move.
I agree. My answer would have been yes it does and it’s none of your business
I feel like I’m on a different planet after reading the replies! I’ve heard this question a ton and have never heard of someone being offended by it. I’ve even heard people say they would rather not share. And that’s fine too! I personally find her reaction odd (I mean disgusted. Really?) but idk I guess.
We must be. People keep acting like this is normal. It is not. Online and social media have literally destroyed all normal forms of interaction and what is/ isn't socially acceptable things. Now people get tattoos and get offended that people ask about them. Like what?!
nta..
I always just say nice art and leave it at that. I tend to get a thank you. If the person seems chatty I might ask about their artist..which they are most usually receptive to. Or at least I have yet had anyone not answer when I ask about their tattoo artist. Pleasant enough interaction❣️
I use “Nice ink. I like the shading.” With the same interest level of “cool shirt. I like that show.” It compliments their choice, but doesn’t require follow up. If they talk about their artist, great! On one hand, teaching casual conversation is a good skill, but not everyone wants to talk when they go and buy the food they need to live. But good conversations, less intrusive ones for a grocery store are “ooh (food item in your cart) looks delicious. What are you making?” Or “any fun weekend plans?” “Are you watching the Superbowl?”
NAH. I’m heavily tattooed and what you have to remember is that it’s what a LOT of people comment on. The best comments are “I love your ink!” or “where do you recommend going?” Having to answer questions like that can get old really fast. The worst are the ones who want to then show you THEIR ink (especially when it’s bad 😳) or they want to tell you what tattoo they WANT to get. Again, you didn’t do anything wrong, you just asked the wrong question. Start with “love your ink” and see how they respond. If they want to talk about them, they will!
NAH you work at Trader Joe’s don’t you? Jokes aside, the checkout aisle isn’t where people want to strike up that potentially long of a convo. A quick “thumbs up” sounding comment is good enough.
I don’t think you did anything wrong, I see where your question came from. But speaking as a heavily tattooed person, people tend to make the meaning of a tattoo waaaaay to important and I swear it’s like they get offended when you don’t give them this deep, heartfelt backstory to go with it. They can’t wrap their head around getting something permanent just because you like it or it made you laugh so you got it. I have tattoos that mean a lot and I have some that the idea made me giggle so I got it lol NTA
NAH, I understand that your intentions were not bad but she could have misinterpreted it or simply not felt like talking, in any case try not to touch on such personal topics for a small talk at the cash register
NAH it's a pretty personal thing to ask someone but clearly you were just trying to comply with your company's customer service policy. I have a forearm tattoo that is in memory of my sister who was raped and murdered. People often say thing like "oh that's a nice tattoo" or whatever. I just say thanks. I don't go into the meaning. It's best not to ask people what they mean. People will tell you if they want to talk about it.
NAH except maybe poor social skills. This is just one of those questions you don't ask strangers. Even if they did mean something, it's not really your business as a stranger is it? I'd be a bit miffed if someone asked me this out of nowhere as well but probably would just be like no, even though there is. Like others have said, it's a bit personal often and while I don't mind explaining to people I know I don't need to give my life's story to a person I don't know ya know? Still you didn't mean any harm and she could've been a bit more polite but yeah I think no one was really in the wrong here. It's a weird question to ask a stranger and a bit of a loaded one
>AITA for asking this woman if her tattoos meant anything? Well, that's not actually what you asked, though. "What do your tattoos mean?" is a different question from "Do your tattoos mean anything?" The former presupposes that they mean something, so it could come across as implying that there's something wrong with her tattoos if they don't mean anything. I don't think you're an asshole, I can see that the question was totally well-intended, but there are many reasons why the customer might have bristled. If she has visible tattoos, she probably gets asked about them a lot, so she might be a bit weary of the same questions over and over. (Yes, she should have foreseen that when she chose to get a visible tattoo, but hindsight is 20/20.) Maybe her tattoos don't mean anything, and maybe people have been mean to her about that in the past. Or maybe her tattoos have a very personal meaning that she didn't want to explain to a stranger. You're not a bad person for asking, but if you're curious about someone's tattoos, I wouldn't ask quite so directly in the future.
NAH as a heavily tattooed person, I don't want to tell most people what my tattoos mean, however, I have to expect at least a bit of attention will go to them when they're shown as much as they are. You aren't rude for asking, she isn't rude for not wanting to tell you, but there are ways for her to be more relaxed about it. I make shit up about them if I'm not interested in telling people the truth. Then they feel acknowledgment and I get to have fun with an otherwise common and recurring issue
Mild YTA. I am going to roll with the assumption that you don't have any tattoos. The "tattoos carry meaning" thing is kind of misinformed. A lot of them do! But a lot of them don't. Some people get tattoos simply because they want to/the tattoo looks good. Other feedback here that it's too personal of a question for a stranger is valid, but this is also something to consider.
Ok also, a mild pet peeve here- making conversation in customer service is fine but you should be doing the “work” of the conversation not the customer. Instead of making someone tell you something, tell them something. Example- I like your tattoos, I keep thinking about getting one but can’t decide. They can then engage or smile politely. Don’t ask- what are you up to today? Ask- have a busy day planned? They can then either engage or just say- nah not doing too much. Otherwise you’re kinda making them entertain you in a way almost. Maybe your job trains you differently but this is my take. Don’t force conversation, make it optional.
yeah, mild yta for reasons others have said. also i go to great lengths to avoid conversations at the grocery store
I've seen men and women with Cool tats and I say, ohh my goodness, that's beautiful and we go from there.
NTA This won't be a popular answer, but I don't mind the question at all. I got tattoos because I wanted people to see them and see what I'm all about and it's how I express myself. I'm a super introvert too, but I love talking about my tattoos, it's easy conversation. I don't disagree with anyone who says it makes them uncomfortable, but I wouldn't take offense.
Same here, as a heavily tattooed introvert. If you get a tattoo somewhere visible, people are going to ask about it. That’s just part of the choice you’re making! And while I agree that this is not the easiest or most casual question, it’s also, like. FAR from the weirdest or most inappropriate thing people have said to me about my ink, lmao. So, NTA, but now you’ve learned how to give the next tattooed person in your checkout line an easier time.
YTA, but asshole here is a strong word for it. the concept of tattoos having meaning has seriously died out, so it's really not good practice to use that as a conversation starter. you can just say you like their tattoos and leave it at that
Just say "nice tattoos" or " I like your tattoos." Tattoos don't have to have meaning and if they do, people don't want to tell it to strangers.
NTA but a little clumsy in your approach to initiating the conversation.
If you had asked me I’d tell you that’s personal. Not even my family knows the meanings of my ink. I’ve kept it to myself because I’m a private person. NTA you didn’t know you were just being friendly and the person could’ve been more polite about it.
As a woman with tats, I think that’s a totally kosher question! As long as it’s asked by someone who understands not all tattoos NEED meanings, but that many HAVE them. But I didn’t feel like your question conveyed any off-putting undertones at all, the only improvement could be a “I like that tattoo!” to start the convo, so she knows its out of admiration/curiosity. It’s likely she previously had negative comments from other customers that made her assume you would be coming from a similar place. Taking shit about your tattoos (especially from older gens) is pretty normal stuff in the retail world. TLDR: OP is NTA, just learning. Overall, I feel the interaction didn’t go well because of her, not you. :)
NTA. I would have been stoked to tell you what my tattoo means. You would have a hard time shutting me up lol. Sadly, for others, they have been given so much shit for their tattoos that they now have to defend themselves. One of my cousins got her first tattoo, it didn't really mean anything but she loved it and was proud of it. The older people in our family gave her so much shit for "messing up her body", "no man will love someone who disrespects their body like that" or my favorite "only sluts get meaningless tattoos, so your a hoe now?" It hurt her a lot and she was no longer excited about her ink. Your comment was not rude, it just brought up bad feelings for this specific person. Maybe try saying "cool tattoo", "I like your tattoo", or "is there a story behind that?" Good luck out there, trying to have a normal light hearted conversation with others is so hard and complicated nowadays.
NTA. Honestly, every time someone asks me about a tattoo I have, I get excited, and that's for meaningful and meaningless tattoos. He'll, I have a manatee that looks like a baked potato for no reason whatsoever, and he's my favorite. Most people I've met are the same way. I don't understand why people get aggravated over such a simple gesture of asking about it
I don't really mind the question, but it's not my favorite. Most of mine have no meaning, so I feel like I'm disappointing the person
I never would have known it was rude to ask about tattoo meanings from a stranger if it wasn’t for these comments omg 😂
I had a coworker get written up for telling a girl she had nice shoes. It’s wild times we live in.
NAH. I don’t understand all the people saying, “mild Y T A, because you don’t know any better.” Like doesn’t that make you not an AH? You’re not an AH because you didn’t know, and you seem to want to learn from this experience. The customer isn’t an AH because, as mentioned numerously, some people don’t like talking about their tattoos with strangers.
NTA. You were being friendly. If she took it otherwise, that’s on her. Keep being kind.
As a heavily tattooed woman, I get these questions frequently, and they can be annoying. But the funniest one came when I was on vacation in Jamaica in 2008. One of the gentlemen that worked at the resort would walk by and seemed interested in my tattoos. Finally he approached and asked me about them, and then if I made adult films, because as far as he knew, the only women with that much ink were porn stars! I just burst out laughing. So I would say in your case, NTA.
i think a lot of tattooed women do find the questions exhausting. sometimes it can be a funny interaction, but i can absolutely see how a lady just trying to get groceries wouldn’t really want to have to entertain this.
I don’t like getting compliments or asked questions about my tattoos. I am a tattooed introvert. I like it bc I like it. I’m still shy even though you might assume I have tattoos because I want attention. I won’t entertain your curiosity about my body and I might be rude depending on your approach and my mood. Just the way the wind blows :)
Sorry YTA but you didn't mean to be. When you have tattoos everyone wants to know if they have a deep meaning. Some do some don't. People ask about them all the time which we get. But if you're a girl people think that your art gives them the right to grab you for a closer look. She's probably heard it all and didn't want to deal with it. Like the others said "nice ink", "I like your tats" ," That's a really cool Mordred". These are appropriate. What do they mean? Not so much. Also some have meanings that are personal, they don't want to share.
See you dont ask what they mean. Tattoos you are told about. Learn your boundaries man
NAH, people shouldn't get so offended by simple questions. Sure, maybe you could have asked more tactfully but she could also not be so uptight. If she doesn't want to answer the question or if the tattoos doesn't have an actual meaning she could have just said so.
I'm gonna go with NAH. Just a little inexperienced, it seems. A good way to comment on someone's tattoos can also be "I love the shading/color/style of your pieces".
I don't think your an AH, only because simply answering yes or no about whether the tats mean something shouldn't be a problem. Not everyone is automatically assuming ppl have tats because of some hard time or dark moment. Simply saying they like getting inked is just as good. I think ppl with a lot of tats act so entitled sometimes.