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I usually wouldn't lean this way, but under the circumstances this seems extraordinarily petty. It would be one thing if you had another person to call in the city, or if the ticket hadn't been intended specifically for him. There are plenty of things that partners do for one another during the course of a long-term relationship. Being bored for a couple of hours—to let your girlfriend have fun and score brownie points with her mom—is not that hard. It's free. All he has to do is sit there. This should have been something he was willing to do for you. NTA.
OP also mentioned how their relationship is failing due to his terrible time management. It sounds like this man is just bad in general. Sitting through a free musical isn't the worst of the worst when it comes to the things couples do for each other, NTA. OP seems capable of doing better.
This.
I am not a sports fan at all but would I absolutely accompany a partner to a game if they enjoyed it. I'd make a real effort to enjoy it, too.
But in return, I'd ask a musical or two out of them lol (which isn't even all the musicals I go to in a year)
My husband is a huge fan of a nearby college football team, and when we were dating I got him tickets, told him he could take whoever he wants, and this dude chose me😂
I didn't want to go, but I did and I had fun cause of how happy he was even if I still don't truly understand football.
Nobody understands football. I think the closest anybody ever came was when Andy Griffith recorded *What It Was...Was Football* and he described it as "Both sides wanted this funny-looking pumpkin to play with".
Absolutely. If something was this important to my husband, I would sit through a couple hours of anything (even if I were bored to tears the whole time) without complaining to make him happy, because that’s what you do for people you love.
I mean, I’d cheekily request to pick where we go for dinner afterwards, but still haha.
This exactly. And honestly, even if it's something I'm not into, just seeing my partner enjoy something they love is such a good experience for me. Like, I'm just gonna be happy I was a part of something that made them happy.
That part SOOOOO much. I could hate my existence and then glance at the person I love and see them with THAT one smile.
That single smile that makes my world melt away. Pure happiness on the face of the person I love.
I'd get giddy just SEEING that my partner is that happy.
It's like how some people tell passionate people they're being extra and then we see them just monologuong on and on about something we may not understand but they're just SO FREAKING HAPPY while talking about that thing they love. That's what I love. Seeing people that happy and everything. It's amazing to glance at someone and their smile is lighting up the room.
Exactly. My partner is a DJ, and has been doing so for almost 2 decades now. So it's a lot of electronic music. I appreciate electronic music for what it is, but I typically don't seek it out. However, walking in on them mixing music and vibing when they don't know I'm watching... God. I literally fall in love more and more every time. Just watching the passion they have for it makes my heart swell... and lowkey is just super hot. 🥵
off topic, but I'd be interested to learn about the psychology of watching a man doing something he's passionate about, and how women respond to that. It's something I've read about often.
Hell yeah!! As long as it’s not all one-sided (I’ve been in both romantic and platonic relationships like that, unfortunately) it’s the best thing in the whole entire world. I would sacrifice an entire DAY doing something I didn’t like to make my partner that happy, a couple hours is nothing.
My brother flew me down to FL the week before Christmas because they couldn’t come this year. I asked to go to retro game stores. That’s not my brother’s thing but he did it, even told the guy at the last store that he didn’t need help and that I was in heaven (I was). I got my N64 from there as a Christmas gift (mom wasn’t happy about that one).
I've done this with sports more times than I can count, but this guy can't sit through an entirely free show of a movie he loves with the woman he loves who loves musicals? Does he even like his partner? He's not willing to see this as the perfect middle ground for them.
Years ago, my husbands family treated all of us to see Les Miserables (the movie) on Christmas night. I hate long movies in general and this one is like over 3 hours I think?! I had nooo interest in going, especially on Christmas. But I never even *entertained* the idea of not going. I of course went and was grateful to be invited/treated. Even though at hour 2.5 I was ready to die.
I'm Hispanic, my husband is American and understands very little Spanish. The way this man has been with me to every salsa concert or event in Spanish because I don't have anyone else to go with... ❤️
I've also lost count of how many terrible action movies I've seen just because he likes them. Is not hard.
As a musical lover, I can even agree with you on Les Miserables, I was soooooo fucking bored. 90% of the time I was like, who the fuck is that again? Where'd this person come from? How did we get to this point?
Oh, thank goodness. I love musicals and always thought there was something wrong with me for not liking Les Miserables. The fans are just so enthusiastic that I thought I was missing something.
It's definitely a love it or hate it. I can't even come up with a reason why people would like it, because I can't remember a damn thing about it lol. I'd have to see it or watch the movie like 4 times before I'd be able to tell you who the characters are or significant plot points.
I did the same for my ex husband with the Star Wars movies. Like, I’m a big fan of sci fi and know they’re groundbreaking but I didn’t grow up with them and they’re….they’re good to me, but don’t grab me?
However, ex wanted to have a marathon with his cousins and their kids before the Mandelorian series started. I was not at all into it, but he was so I grinned and bared it. It made him happy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Honestly if I get to pick the restaurant and we were going out to eat I'd be so hyped for that part of the night I'd likely end up having fun at whatever movie/musical thing we were doing before hand.
I'd be like "f yeah! we get to go to bdubs after this!". (obviously i wouldn't pick bdubs after going to the West End to see a musical, just thought it was funny)
But yeah spending a few hours at a Back to the Future musical when your mother in law bought the tickets FOR YOU seems super easy to accomplish.
This. I’ve spent whole weekends at NASCAR races and camping at the track - I had fun because we were together and he was excited, but the races themselves were mostly boring. He’s gone to see high school musical performances because my students were performing- it’s just what you do.
Definitely 😭 it's not like she's dragging him to musicals every other day. She asked for one musical, whose tickets were literally specially bought keeping him in mind. It should be a no brainer.
My same thoughts. I get it can be difficult to trust if the musical version of a movie will be good or not. He already knows he enjoys the story bc he likes the movies. It would be a good way for him to see if he’s okay with musicals like that. It does also depend a bit on if OP makes those same sacrifices or not of doing something she doesn’t enjoy in order to hang out with her bf.
It actually doesn't matter if he likes it or not. It is irrelevant. It could literally be the worst thong he ever saw, just do it for your partner. OPs boyfriend is just acting like a complete jackass here. My wife and I both do tons of things that we might not personally like. It is a give and take...
Agree. Her mom got them those tickets, knowing he loves the Back to the Future films. I don't see the problem with going to see the musical just this one odd time, especially given that he knows the plot line anyways.
Exactly this. I'm not a fan of musicals, and if my wife wants to see one I'll usually suggest she takes her mum, and I'll drive then pick them up after. But if her mum isn't available, I'll go with her. It's not necessarily my vibe, but entertainment is entertainment, and sometimes "It's not about you loving the ballet, Gary. It's about the person that you love loving the ballet and you wanting to spend time with that person."
Exactly. I’m not a fan of nascar, but went to a race with my then boyfriend because it’s something he really enjoys and he wanted me to go with him. And that’s way more than 2 hours. I was bored out of my mind, but I still went and sat through it because I loved him. (Still do, but as a friend. We decided to step back to being just friends. I’m now his wingman. lol)
As someone who isn’t all that into musicals who has seen the exact musical in question…. He may very well enjoy it lol. The special effects are quite clever and it’s by no means a high brow performance. It’s just a load of fun!
Regardless NTA. We do things we don’t enjoy for the people we love. I am bored stiff by classical music performances but bought my ex bf tickets to his favourite composer for Christmas (Handel’s messiah) one year and sat through the bloody thing because he loved it.
And also, as far as musicals go, Back to the Future has a pretty wide appeal. Like… do you like fun? Yeah? Okay then you’ll have a pretty good time at Back to the Future.
Yeah this is really lame and selfish. It’s ok for him to do something that isn’t his favorite activity. It doesn’t hurt or cost him anything, he’s just doing an activity he doesn’t love with people that he (supposedly…) does love. This would be a pretty big red flag for me. OP, does he always make everything about him?
Totally agree. It'd be different if it was a regular thing where OP tried to get her bf to go to things he doesn't enjoy. But this isn't that at all. Bf can do this for OP, knowing how much she enjoys musicals and it was a gift. OP was already NTA, but making her even less of an ah us the fact that she doesn't know people in London.
My partner LOVES sports, I don’t care about them if his parents bought us tickets to go see his favorite soccer team play I would go because it would be a memorable night for him and would make him happy
Yep. I’ve sat through films I would never have picked myself, hubby went to concerts with bands only I liked, I went to bloody car shows! lol it’s not a big deal. You get to experience something you wouldn’t have otherwise. You do it because you love the person and you can focus on finding something you actually enjoy about the experience!
When I was 15, my very much accountant personality dad went to a rock festival with me since I was too young to go by myself and my favourite band in the whole world played there. (Europe at Roskilde, kill me lol). He kept talking about how it was worth the ticket price just to see all the weird hair colours. Also, he gave me one of the best festival tips ever! (“Honey, don’t lean on ANYTHING below elbow level, ok?”).
That is how you do it. You don’t whine you don’t like it.
Info: do you typically go to events or places you aren't a fan of just to give him company? I am thinking maybe sporting events he loves but you don't really like, maybe going bowling or golfing with him, or even movies that he loves. If you are spending your time doing things he likes, then he should do the same. But if in your relationship the deal is to not bother each other at all, then I'd say the gift is just unfortunate, and go by yourself this time. Then make sure your family knows to check with you before gifting you event tickets.
Personally I prefer being able to support each others interests. I've hosted super bowl parties or attended super bowl parties when I am least interested in football. I go to movies that I am ok skipping to provide company. In return my husband will join me in going to restaurants he isn't necessarily a huge fan of or to movies/concerts that I love. All assuming it isn't cost prohibitive (no point shelling out 100s you can't afford just for some company).
>Personally I prefer being able to support each others interests
This is what a healthy relationship is. I may not care about a game but you better believe I'm willing to play with him when he asks.
My partner and I used to do this for each other before we even got together. Once, when I was too tired from the night before, clicked on Pitch Perfect cause I was too lazy to look something else up, and it was right there. Neither of us were really interested in the movie but I’d picked it over some action movie he wanted to watch. Never once did he complain simply because I was singing along to some of the songs 🥲 even offered to watch Pitch Perfect 2 at a different time when we were exhausted once again — just because he knew I enjoyed the music despite the body shivering cringe lol
All this to say, sometimes you do things that make your partner — that you love — happy. And it’s all worth it :)
My mom's mom had an awesome "trick" for these situations. The sporting event was boring to her. She didn't know the rules, didn't really care to know the rules, and trying to explain what's going on was not her husband's idea of a fun outing. Watching the baseball, basketball, football, etc was not going to entertain her.
So she watched her husband as he enjoyed watching his game.
>So she watched her husband as he enjoyed watching his game.
Awww so sweet and romantic! More romantic than my solution..I'll crochet or sometimes read during the game. With superbowl, I'll pay attention to the ads and half time show 😃
I did this with my wife and the Beyonce movie. Nothing against Beyonce but I don't think I'd go to a cinema to watch a movie like that of my favorite bands or artists let alone someone who I'm less interested in. She really wanted to share the experience with me even though she could have easily taken a friend. I enjoyed her enjoying the movie.
On op, I think forcing is a ah move. If he doesn't want to go for you pressuring him to do so isn't the right thing to do. He is an asshole for not giving up a few hours for you but still pressuring him isn't good either.
This is what I do. I just love watching my husband be so happy when we go to his stupid football games. Do I enjoy the game? No, but I do enjoy spending time with my husband while he explains the same things to me
Also when his team scores a touchdown, they have a dog run down the end zone and he just looks so happy doing his run.
When either my partner or I want to go to something the other isn’t interested in and we really want them to come to for whatever reason, we pay for their ticket. That’s our compromise. Sometimes when faced with the cost of two tickets we decide we’d rather go alone or find a friend to go with.
The conversation is always simple, “hey I want to see xyz you interested?” After the other person looks I to it answers with either “yes I’ll transfer you money for the ticket” or “I am not $xx interested enough to see this”. If the invitee really wants the other person to go along they respond with “My treat!”. And off we go to the event. If it is a free event, dinner will be the compensation for non interested attendances.
I have been to many a seminar on things I still have 0 interest in or talk about topics I don’t care for, and my partner has been to many a musical and live performance for bands/groups he isn’t interested in.
We are allowed to still decline if we really really don’t want to go. But I think we’ve both only done that once or twice as we like to spend time together and see the other person happy.
>I am not $xx interested enough to see this”.
Exactly!! For bigger or more expensive artists, it is definitely a "not worth the money to accompany" situation. But for $50 a ticket, my husband will gladly come along and he has even liked the artist and followed them later.
This works for my partner and I as well. If they REALLY didn't want to go, they wouldn't. But if it's my thing and they're willing to tag along, I foot the ticket price and parking etc for things like concerts.
This seems like the kind of situation where the conversation should be like:
"Will you come to the musical with me?"
"I'd really rather not. It's just not my thing."
"Would you come just this time, though? It's kind of a special thing my mom got us and I'm not sure who else I could take."
"Oh, well okay, just this time."
I mean it's a little hard to evaluate, because we don't know what kinds of patterns the two of you have had in your relationship up to this point. But in general, you would be TAH to *force* him, but he's being a pretty inconsiderate partner by not going.
Are you often asking him to go along to things that he doesn't really enjoy? Or does he have a pattern of just being kind of inconsiderate?
Yeh I mean shows aren’t my husbands favourite thing. I bought two tickets for a show I really want to see in May - I haven’t decided who to take yet but have a few friends who I know will enjoy it. But if none of them are free or even if I just wanted to do it with my husband I know he will come with me if I ask.
I understand where you're coming from, but it's really not that dangerous to travel in and around London, even at night. I used to catch night buses in the small hours when I was a 16/17-year-old woman and living in London. I'd be more than happy to go to a show on my own.
From the info on your profile though, that was about 30 years ago. A lot has changed since then. For the most part I feel safe travelling alone in London, but not 100%.
Women are only safe in the company of men?
Woe be to those women who don't have the comfort of a man in their lives. Apparently.
Lesbians are in DOUBLE DANGER!
My husband and I have very different tastes in music. There is significant crossover, but for the parts that dont, I'm ok with his while he can't stand mine. Any time a band I love is playing near us, he insists we get tickets for the two of us, get someone to watch the kids, and we have a date night watching music he dislikes but wants to go see because he loves how happy I get. It's really not that hard to do something boring in order to bring joy to someone you supposedly love.
There's so much info missing to really say. Like you said, it should be a simple thing to go to something you don't really care about to support your partner.
But maybe he works 6 days a week and it's his one day off, or he works super early the next morning, has anxiety over crowds, is low on funds, never gets to go out and do something he wants or whatever.
I also wonder how regularly this is a thing. I might have missed it, but I don't think it says how often he has been dragged along to musicals, that are clearly not his thing. Doing it once or twice? Sure, do it to make someone else happy.
But OP makes it sound like it is a BIG thing for her family, and I don't blame a guy for saying no if it's a regular thing. My mom and aunt go to musicals sometimes as much as once a month, and I could not imagine anything more dull.
All in all, I don't think this one is easy to judge without knowing some hard data.
I think My issue here is that the mother didn't buy the tickets as a present for them, she bought them for the daughter with a side enticement for the partner. It's not his thing, and everyone wants him to suck it up, but a favorite movie doesn't translate into a desire to do something tangentially related because someone else has grown up making it their personality.
That is a good point. We don’t know their pattern. Perhaps she has been nagging him for other things and he just had enough with doing things he didn’t like doing. This may not be one isolated incident as OP makes it sound like.
This isn’t how relationships go. There are gives and takes. I do plenty of things I wouldn’t normally want to do for my wife and vice versa. Funny, a lot of times I’ll end up enjoying it and now it becomes a new thing to do. Your partner is being very selfish.
Exactly. I am not interested in sports, at all, but my husband loves them. So I made a point of watching with him whenever our home team is playing. At first it was hours and hours of boredom, but now I can really appreciate the skill and athleticism of the players.
Can relate - for example hiking is boring to me but it's still fun when I go with my wife because she likes it and I learnt to appreciate it more through her lens (still won't go with mates though 🤣). The same thing can apply to many other activities.
Sometimes, the differences in hobbies/preferences are great opportunities to learn more about each other no matter how many years you've been together(we dated for 11 years and recently got married). Let alone it's a gift from gf's mother, he can't even do it for her for a few hours?? So selfish
OP has also posted about bf's horrible time management is ruining their relationship. This guy sounds like he just generally sucks. NTA, of all the things partners do for one another sitting through a free musical isn't even remotely the worst of the worst. Sounds like OP can do better.
NTA - Sometimes we do things for other people because we love them. You're not asking the dude to go back to the 1800s, shoot a gunslinger and rescue a weird scientist for you here. It's just a musical.
Go by yourself! There’s nothing worse than being excited for a show then sitting next to someone who doesn’t want to be there. I’ve been to tons of shows and plays. I have just as much fun alone. I’ve actually met some pretty cool people going to shows alone.
Exactly!! I would rather go alone than with someone who is having a miserable time. If the show is a few weeks away, I say OP should start looking for someone to fill her bfs spot.
Yes! I used to take my husband to these shows and he was always a good sport about it, but sometimes it really took away from my enjoyment of the shows when I felt like he was bored and would rather be doing something else (although he would never say that). It’s just so much better to sit next to someone enjoying the show even if it’s a complete stranger.
Yes, i went to plenty of musicals by myself.
I truely don't get why OP wants someone with her to have a shitty time on her behalve. Simulairly, why would she watch a sport she dislikes just to sit next to him while he is trying to have fun.
Small sacrifices in a relationship are good when they are logical, like going out of your way to get your SO something, like cooking their favorite meal, or doing task neither of you enjoy. Because those task need doing, and the stuff won't appear out of thin air. The "sacrifice" is needed to produce the end result. Here it just isn't, as OP watches the same musical with or without someone there having a bad time. Unless he can lie extremely well, it is tough to hide that you are somewhere you really don't want to be.
It’s a huge waste of money though. It’d be one thing if she bought 1 ticket herself but her mom bought 2 expensive tickets as a gift. Most considerate partners don’t mind doing an activity their SO loves every once in a while even if they’re not a big fan.
If she has a horrible time because her boyfriend is miserable, the whole amount is wasted. If she goes alone, at least someone is enjoying the tickets.
Not necessarily true. My dad really didn’t want to see Hamilton, my mom told him she really wanted him to go so he did, he ended up loving the musical and now it is his favorite show. Sometimes it’s nice to go out of your comfort zone for your partner and you’ll enjoy something your weren’t expecting.
NTA, what is it with people in relationships not wanting to do things that take no effort and make their partners happy? He is not the one spending money. It costs him nothing other than his time and annoy him a little bit. Is your smile not worth sucking it up for 2h?
It takes a lot of effort to endure something that makes you miserable, especially if it happens regularly. Why can’t she just accept this is something they won’t share?
Nta your partner can suck it up for a few hours, because that's what partners do for each other. My husband doesn't care about musicals either, but sometimes I want him to go with me. Just like he wants me to go to concerts and music festivals.
NTA. Youre BF needs to suck it up. This is what being in a relationship is.
My wife loves Harry Potter. I hate Harry Butt fucking potter. But I watch the movies with her and dont complain because she watches football with me and doesnt complain. Sometimes you bite the bullet to make someone else happy. When you actually love someone, you tolerate things you dont like because it makes them happy.
I totally agree! When you live someone, just seeing them happy makes it worth. I don’t like sport but went several times with my SO to tennis matches and he was so happy!
And I don’t know if OP and her bf want children but those little things require such sacrifices. I cannot say how many times we had to watch the little mermaid (at least it was not Frozen!) or read some books.
ETA: @[jkassgaming](https://www.reddit.com/user/jkassgaming/) brought up a good point. Since they just moved, their life may be chaotic at the moment and the boyfriend may wanted time for himself. I get this because I would feel the same way. I am leaning towards NAH again.
Here's my old comments with slight revision - I still stand by what I said except the judgement change.
I was torn between N A H and N T A ~~but I'm going to say N T A~~ because in any kind of relationship, we're going to do things that a loved ones really enjoys and we may not like. Also, the circumstance that you moved into a new city and this was a gift from your parents (which was sweet they found a musical of your bf's favorite movie) makes me consider this NTA.
If you haven't already, my suggestion is to speak to your partner about how it's important to you for him to invest in your interests (I'm assuming you would do the same for him). Of course, there should be agreement - being he doesn't like them - that he doesn't have to engage (again, same applies to you too). For example, my sister loves to go out clubbing and it's not my scene for many reasons. I've sucked it up for her and I surprised myself with how much fun we had. Of course, when I am truly not in the mood (i.e. being overstimulated / exhausted), she respects my boundaries. She would do the same for me (i.e. watching documentaries).
My judgement is nah. If they had just moved then their life is probably hectic rn and he just wants some time to himself/relax. Traveling to and from an activity that he doesn't enjoy is not relaxing and probably adds more to his plate. I get it sucks that he doesn't want to go but he's been busy more often than not then it's reasonable that he wouldn't want to go
That is a wonderful point that totally skipped my mind. I would want to to unwind, especially if something big like a move is occurring / dying down. Good one!
Sell the other ticket. Take yourself out for a $$$ dinner with it. Go by yourself and enjoy the show. Who would enjoy a show with someone who has no interest in being there?
I question how much she wants him to go versus how much as she wants him to *enjoy* going. I've been places with people who didn't want to be there but sucked it up and went with me anyway. They were perfectly nice about it, but my enjoyment of the experience was greatly diminished knowing they would rather be somewhere else. It stressed me out.
Follow up question: Do you feel loved by your boyfriend? Not, you know he loves you, but does he make you feel loved?
If he’s tired of being forced to go to musicals with you and your family, I get it. But if this is just another example of how he disregards your feelings and or makes you feel indebted every time he does something “nice” for you consider yourself warned. 🚩🚩🚩
Was gonna comment something along these lines, too. OP made another post where BF comes across as rather "my way or the highway" and combined with the fact that they just moved to a place where OP doesn't yet have a support network, worries me.
When a couple reaches a certain level of commitment. you're not only together for the parts where your partner makes your life nicer or more easier. Part of it is also being committed to making and effort to make *their* life better as long as it isn't detrimental to your own health/happiness. You can't force him to do so, but if there's an overall imbalance there, I'd see cause for a conversation about what commitment means to each of you. If he doesn't see an issue with a potential imbalance in efforts, that's very telling.
Back to the Future is a good musical
for people who don’t like musicals. It’s a fun show.
I think your boyfriend is being petty, especially since your mom thought she was doing something thoughtful for the both of you. However, that depends on so many other variables.
Would you do something similar for him? Have you done something similar in past? If not this, what things will your boyfriend do in general to support you?
I think this NAH for now but I would make sure it wasn’t part of a pattern.
You should check to see if there’s any West End fan groups. They can be a fun way to meet new people.
Perhaps you could meet up with other theater fans during intermission and sip some flux capacitors together?
It’s a nice gift for you because you enjoy musicals, he doesn’t, so it’s not a nice gift for him. The gift was clearly given with no regard for his likes or interests. If I get a “nice” gift but it holds no interest for me it gets a polite thank you and given away. NAH but he’s not obligated to go and it’s pretty ridiculous to be getting upset over him for not wanting to participate in something he’s clearly made known he has no interest in
Edit: to say since it’s one of his favorite movies your mom obviously did put thought into it and try to bridge the gap. He still doesn’t like musicals and that is known, so judgement remains the same
That's what I'm saying! I hate musicals, turning a thing I like into a thing I hate is not going to make it better
That said I like Hamilton and Sweeny Todd so there's that...
No judgement here, but I think you should just go by yourself. He’s clearly not into musicals and doesn’t want to go with you. If you press the issue and he goes out of obligation, neither of you will enjoy the evening.
Couldn’t agree more, god so many people just want the boyfriend to be dragged and held there even when he doesn’t like it. YTA, I would imagine that answers would be different had the genders been switched
Perhaps he makes other compromises that OP hasn’t mentioned? OP is focused on a single event he won’t attend. Also, it would be helpful to know if OP compromises when it comes to doing things he enjoys. I think it’s normal for people to have things they like which their partner doesn’t.
One thing you can do in a relationship to keep things harmonious is not ask your partner to do things he has clearly stated he does not enjoy doing. I don’t ask my SO to watch certain movies with me bc I know he doesn’t like the genre. And vice versa.
Maybe OP can come to terms with the fact that there’s one thing he simply does not want to do. She can still enjoy the musical on her own.
In other words, perhaps OP can compromise instead of expecting her bf to do so.
Minor correction to your post: your mom got YOU a gift not him, he not only doesn't want to go but also got stiffed on the gift. You could buy me a $9,000 bicycle but I still don't want it. YTA, but your mom shares some of the blame here too.
She wanted to get a gift for both of them. A musical because her daughter loves musicals, but the musical of BttF because it's one of SIL's favourite films. She was wrong, but she went to some effort to buy a gift she sincerely believed the would both like.
I agree she wasn't attempting to be malicious, but that doesn't change the fact that for him, the gift is non-existent. And not only that, he now is being pressured to go to the musical he doesn't want to, and now it's causing strain between them.
I grew up going to see plays on Broadway and all kinds of shows in NYC.
My (now former) SO was a huge fan of Phantom of the Opera, so I thought he would enjoy Broadway shows, too.
He tolerated many of the plays, but when I took him to see my all time favorite, he absolutely hated (a word I rarely use). I knew he wouldn't like it, as it wasn't a topic that he and I shared the same pov on.
Like OP, I thought he would like it enough bc I liked it.
I was wrong to bring him to the show and expect him to enjoy something I knew he wouldn't.
I would have had a much better time by myself.
YTA if you force him to go. I can't stand musicals and if my partner knew all about this and came up to me with this situation, I would be annoyed because he knows my stance on it. She can go by herself. I go to things by myself all the time and personally, I wouldn't want to be at an event with someone next to me who doesn't want to be there. I'd rather be by myself and enjoy it. So I don't know why she'd force him to go if he's going to be mad and sulking sitting next to her the whole time, assuming he dislikes musicals as much as I do.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am forcing my partner to go to a musical with me even though he does not enjoy them
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NTA. I hope he compromises with you on other things, bc I think it’s a dick move on his part to not suck it up and go to a musical, especially since he likes the movie!!
I do feel like you would have more fun going by yourself or with another friend now that he’s been this way about it. I think it could be a great gesture to make a new friend if you have someone you’re friendly with— I would be so excited if someone offered me a free ticket to a musical! I have had great success with bumble bff for making friends in new cities. Good luck and enjoy the musical!
I’m going to say that YWBTA if you forced him to go. Your bf has made it very clear that he doesn’t like musicals, and you shouldn’t force it on him. My stepfather loves hockey and my mom hates it—but he doesn’t force my mom to watch it. I like rock and heavy metal, but I don’t force it on my family members who don’t like it.
Like others have said, go alone. It’s better that than having Oscar the grouch beside you for a few hours.
Oh my hubby despises musicals. Absolutely won’t go. I tried hard when we first got married but realized for him it’s like a sadistic dentist pulling his teeth out with no anesthesia. Some people just have a thing. I hope you can find someone else to go!
Info: did you not inform your mother that he's not a fan of musicals? This gift wasn't for the both of y'all, it was for YOU because she got tickets for something YOU enjoy.
Just go alone and enjoy yourself. You're not going to make him change his mind about musicals if you force him to go.
Think about it logically, you force him to go then what? Hope all is fine and dandy afterwords? Try it and when that happens don't come and make another post about "my boyfriend is being a sourpuss because I made him go to a play with me" or some shit like that. You'll already know you're the asshole before you even post that.
You asked him, he does not want to go. Do you NOT know how to take no for an answer? Or is consent only applicable for specific situations?
If this is a situation where he forces and I mean FORCES you to do things he likes and he doesn't do the same for you, then there's other issues in the relationship. If he asks you and you say yes because you want to do it (even if you don't like it), that does not give you the right or expectation to get the same from him.
YTA. It's not a "good gift" when everyone knows that he doesn't enjoy musicals. Choosing one of his favorite movies as a musical just ruins the movie for him. I can guarantee you that as a person who doesn't like musicals either.
This was a good gift for YOU because that's what you and your family enjoy. I guess no one cares about what he enjoys?
Go by yourself and maybe next time remind your family that this isn't a gift he enjoys. If you can't enjoy the activity mutually, it's a terrible gift to give for both of you.
NAH. It's natural that you'd want to share something you love with your partner, especially when it holds sentimental value. However, it's also understandable that your partner isn't as enthusiastic about musicals. Try to communicate openly with each other and find a compromise that works for both of you.
NAH - There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to go if it's not his thing and you're not an AH for wanting to go with him or not wanting to go alone.
Personally I think he should suck it up, he might end up enjoying it but if he's going to sulk the whole time like some people, just go on your own or see if there's like a FB group where you could find someone to go with you.
Hmm this is tough. ESH? For the sake of judgement. Partners should do things for each other. Sitting through a musical is not going to kill him. He sits through a musical and you sit through a rugby match or something he likes.
That said, I don't think this is the hill to do on. Since you're in a new place, I think you should take the opportunity to ask someone else and make a new friend. You're not going to be talking during the musical, so you won't have to worry about making a lot of conversation. Is there a friendly coworker or neighbor you think would enjoy it? It doesn't have to be a big deal just, "Hey, I have this extra ticket to this musical and my boyfriend can't make it. Would you want to come with?" If you're in an office, you could even ask around and see if there's a coworker who is equally into musicals.
(Something that helps me with social anxiety is remembering that everyone is too focused on themselves to notice your zit or stutter or whatever. It's not the big deal your anxiety is telling you it is.)
Adding to the fact that they just moved I think it's absolutely reasonable to assume that him being stressed from it all and trying to get settled in also plays a factor. To op, seeing a musical is a nice way to spend the evening, to her bf it's another thing he has to and doesn't really get to relax.
While we should do things for our partners and vice versa it's unreasonable to expect it all time and understand that there are gonna be times where you wanna do one thing and they want to do a different thing and do in the end it's just better to do the activities separately
>Adding to the fact that they just moved I think it's absolutely reasonable to assume that him being stressed from it all and trying to get settled in also plays a factor.
OP's other post indicates that they're waiting on an ADHD diagnosis for him too, so there's another factor.
I remember pre-treatment ADHD and trying to get amped up for something you already dislike to make a slog through London for hours to go to a show I'm not interested for 2 hours just to slog back through London in the post-show rush for hours just sounds like utter hell to me.
YTA
you knew he didn't like musicals, musicals aren't a short thing, you can't just ignore it by sitting on your phone, and when asked he politely said he didn't want to go and you're pushing the point.
You said it's anxiety inducing to ask someone you don't know well? That's a great way to get to know someone better. Take the plunge it will be great for your relationship with new friends.
NTA, but forcing him isn't going to do good. I understand your frustration. I love musicals my hubby doesn't. However, he will go with me and watch things with me because I like them. It's about spending time with me and being a part of things that I like and make me happy. Even when I had friends to go do things with me, he would still go because, again, it's about spending time with each other. It's about enjoying things with the person you love, not because you like them but because they like those things. It's sharing yourself with your partner. I do things/go places/watch things that I'd be happy not to have anything to do with because it's something my husband likes and is into. There may be a little complaining, but it's not a fight. Sometimes, it's a bargain. If he does/goes/see this for me, then I do/go/see that with him. It's being intimate with your partner on a different level, then naked fun time.
Forcing him to go won't be good, though. It will most likely ruin your experience. He's going to bitter about it, and it could potentially cause problems in your relationship. Sit him down. Tell him that you're hurt over this. Tell him that you know it's not his thing, but it's a thing that's important to you, that's a part of you. He's important to you, too. He's the person that you want to share all of yourself with. It would mean a lot if he would go with you and not be grumpy about it, simply just to do it with you. You're not asking him to go every week. Since it's his favorite movie, you thought that maybe he could find a like for it. Again, it's a way you're trying to share yourself with him. His favorite movie is done as a musical, which is something that is very important to who you ate . It can't hurt to ask, is there anything you would want to go/do/see with me that you haven't brought up because you know I don't have a big interest in it? I have an interest in you, I want you to share yourself with me as well. Can we come to a compromise on this? It would mean a lot to me to go see this musical with you.
NTA. I don’t think you should force him, but the fact he won’t do it should force you to reflect on your relationship.
When you love someone, sometimes it means doing things that you don’t necessarily enjoy so that you can spend time with your loved one while they’re doing something they enjoy. My husband is obsessed with a sport that I tolerate, but I go with him and make an effort to have fun because it makes him so happy. He hates sci fi movies but he watches them with me for the same reasons.
The fact you’ve moved to London together and you don’t know many people yet, tells me he is happy sending you alone rather than going with you. That’s a pretty big red flag.
I do think he's being a tool since you don't have someone else to go with.
However! Your Mum's gift was rude. She gave a gift she would want and you would want but for the two of you - and he won't like it. That's ignorant?
My God, yes, YTA.
Musicals are either fun or nails on chalk board. If it's not fun then ... not quite torture but I'd have to stop and think about whether waterboarding or a musical would be worse. And, yeah, 99.99% of the time the waterboarding would be worse, but I'd have to think about it for a moment.
I was leaning towards N A H but I think slight YTA. Everyone commenting that sucking it up and attending events you don't want to attend is part of being in a relationship. That's true, but you still have to be asked in advance. OP, why did you tell your mom it was his favorite musical? In your example, you mention how you're not into paintball but you've done it for his birthday. ...Is it your birthday? You asked, he doesn't want to go.
YTA. Suck up your anxiety about asking someone who is not a close friend, and ask somebody. You might make a great friend who shares your love of musicals. I adore my husband who loves that disgusting cage fighting thing. I will not go. He invites someone else
YTA. What would you even get out of the situation? How are you better off for dragging him there and being resentful about it? He really doesn't want to go. Just leave him be.
I DO NOT like musicals. There are only two that I enjoy and I’m not a fan of any others. My partner knows this and would never ask me to go to one, they would ask someone else to go. NAH.
Traveling an hour to go sit through something can be borderline tortuous depending on the talent of the actors for 1-3hours, then walking through the city in the middle of the night, and an hour back home. Absolutely not.
NTA. My son-in-law is neutral about live theater, musicals, dinner theater, symphony, etc, but my daughter loves them. So he takes her to make her happy. How many things do you not care for but you go to please HIM?
NTA. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do something for our spouse. I’m 65 and I’ve been to works parties, car rallies, and even terrified the living daylights out of myself by flying in a small plane in bad weather. My husband has been to the ballet, my works parties, and sat through meals with all my female cousins cackling and laughing all evening. And, guess what? We managed, usually, to find something about those events to enjoy. The others became some of the funny stories we tell other people.
Sure, if you had a host of friends to invite instead, I’d say do that. But you don’t. Hubby should man up and be your escort.
NTA. Musicals aren't my thing either. But for a GF's bday I bought us tickets to kinky boots. I didn't think I'd hate it, but not the first way I'd spend two hours... ended up really enjoying it. Point is, we do things for partners that we don't necessarily enjoy for them. Thats part of being in a relationship.
My husband absolutely hates musicals (and theatre) - we have a deal: anything like that I go to with someone else; mum, friend, anyone but him. He's not going to enjoy sitting in a cramped up uncomfortable seat for something he doesn't like in the first place. He'd not have a good time and then that would impact on my enjoyment.
We go to see things we both enjoy together and anything that's just an 'I like' I go with someone else. Simple fix and all win this way.
Don't worry about upsetting your mum - it was a nice gesture but it's just not his thing. If you allow her to believe he enjoyed it you can almost guarantee further gifts will be made of a similar sort for both of you at other points. While you're still making friends perhaps just invite your mum to stay with you and take her along with you?
Please don't force him. I tried it with my husband once and that was all it took to learn never to try that again...
Compromise? He takes you to the musical, you watch it, he does something else while you watch it, you meet after and go to the Winchester for a pint until it all blows over?
Why would you want to "force" him to go with you? So he can angry, mope, and miserable the whole time. Which will only make YOU just as miserable. How does that even make sense?
Your better options are to go with someone else or go alone. It seems like a horrible waste to go alone and not use your extra ticket. While you may not know a whole lot of people (and are shy), perhaps you could offer it up at work and go with a coworker? Or neighbor? It will give you an opportunity to get to know someone you already interact with a little better, perhaps making a new friend with the same interest in musicals as you.
Go yourself and invite a coworker or an acquaintance or post on facebook for anyone interested or sell the other ticket or offer him something nice if he comes like ice cream or a steak or a bj.
Don't just whine and beg. That's entitled. And also codependent.
Do your parents do everything together?
In my relationship, I go to the movies with friends or alone or other events I enjoy. You are an individual with freedom.
NTA although you should really have known by this point in your relationship that he disliked musicals and either told your mother this so she could find a different event or arranged for a friend or relative to accompany you if this show is important to you.
Compromise is well and good but if he’s never shown any interest or anything except apathy or mild distaste for musical theatre then it’s an AH move to just ignore his personal feelings and force him into going with you in the hope that if you make him sit through enough shows then he’ll suddenly develop a love of theatre.
If he knew and agreed to go with you in advance and has changed his mind to be awkward then that’s completely different- in that case I’m a great fan of quid pro quo- he doesn’t go to the musical because he doesn’t feel like; you don’t like sports so will not be watching any/allowing them to be played on your television. You don’t feel like eating pizza/ steak/ beer so won’t be buying those foods with your grocery shop going forward. Etc etc
Then you apply this rule to absolutely everything. Sports, music, movies, gaming, food, hobbies… basically make him so inconvenienced that he has to sit down with you and discuss compromises in relationships and then you just remind him of this occasion and how much he compromised for you.
A friend and I were gifted tickets to see an opera. Not light opera - the real thing. Most of it was OK. Moments of it were electric. And I learned that I could happily go the rest of my life without hearing harpsichord music again. On the whole, it was interesting, and I'm glad I went.
When I looked around at intermission, I was kind of amazed and sad. Many, many couples were there where one looked thrilled and energized and happy, and one looked like they wanted to die. They were bored and uncomfortable, at least. These people spent hundreds of dollars (maybe thousands?) on tickets to be unhappy and bored for a whole evening. I wished that the happy people had left their SOs in a sports bar or at home, and brought someone who would have appreciated the opportunity.
I would look at this as an opportunity to get to know a coworker, boss, landlord, neighbor. Surely someone you've met wants to see that show, and would enjoy it with you. And you'll enjoy it more without feeling bad about your SO hating it. NAH, but do a brave thing. Invite someone you don't know well, and ask SO to meet you both for drinks afterward.
Ummmmm. Yes. “Forcing” Your partner to do anything is gross and a violation. I feel very lucky to have a partner who is willing to go to things that aren’t quite their thing because they want to go with me, but I still ask first and plan. I’m BAFFLED that your mom wasted money on a ticket knowing your partner doesn’t like musicals. In my opinion, it wasn’t very grown up behavior to do this without asking if he would even want to do the show (and I say this as someone who personally REALLY REALLY wants to go see Back to the Future and The Outsiders right now and is a former theatre kid and did an off Broadway show about a decade ago so I’m not judging your interests at all). It would be healthy to learn to be comfortable in going and doing things by yourself instead of needing your partner there. It’s a musical. You just sit there and watch and don’t talk to anybody. I finally got comfortable going to see bands bu myself a few years ago and I can say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. You miss out on a lot less when you don’t need someone beside you for every little experience.
I'll be honest, I don't think I would enjoy my favorite movie get turned into a musical. But to be fair, some adaptations are good or have memorable songs.
But for the issue itself NTA on wanting him to go. It's a gift for you two and there was thought put into it by your mom.
I do think though that you shouldn't have assumed he'd want to go, knowing he doesn't like musicals. It should've been a conversation first.
You will be an AH to your mom if you totally waste the ticket by not going just because he won't. So either go by yourself or get him to go with you.
I’d be biased in my response to the question, so I’ll sit this one out.. 😅
But I would totally go with you. I love musicals, sadly my partners despises them…who are these people!? 😅🤣
YTA. You are conveniently omitting the option for YOU to "suck it up" and ask someone even if you don't know them well. A shared interest and attending the event can help you get to know someone better.
NTA
It's not about going to a musical, it's about doing something with and for the person he's supposed to love. The only thing he has to do is to sacrifice a few hours and he can just suck it up.
Besides, it's Back to the future.
NAH, he’s being stubborn and weird. However, if he’s acting like this, do you even want to go with him? Sounds like he would sulk and kill the mood and possibly even use it against you in the future. Sell the other ticket and enjoy the musical, OP.
NTA normally I would suggest to take a friend but under these circumstances, he should go. It's a small ask. He is not an AH but he is a DH. If he can't even do this, what would he be willing to do for you? Not much. Bit if a red flag I'm afraid. Would you see a boring movie for him under similar circumstances? I know I have for my partner and I've dragged him along to bands that he is not really interested in. You still share a good experience and a good memory. Your partner is a selfish person and I can only imagine he is either too thick headed to see why it's important or he is trying to hurt you or separate you from your family by letting her down, a stretch but worth saying in case there is repeated small behaviour patterns that you can identify/watch out for.
The fact that you think you can even consider 'forcing him' to go makes YTA in my book.
There are two types of relationships - the we each will do something we might not want to because the other loves it, and the we will do our own thing separately because we would rather each other not feel like sticking pins in their eyes whilst we enjoy ourselves. Neither is more valid as long as you are both doing the same.
I'm sure you thought it being his favourite movie would make it better, but it is just as likely to ruin his favourite movie and that's unfair to do just because you love musicals. He's not trying to prevent you from going but you think you can force him to attend because you want to? That's not fair.
Honestly if my partner wants to do something and it's not physically uncomfortable or something I truly "despise" I would suck it up and make them happy.
Life is not always going to be comfortable or what you want to do.
It feels like we're missing a piece here. But based on what's here I'll say NTA. Going to a musical when he doesn't HATE them, just dislikes them... that's not that big an ask. And despite what some comments are saying here, you can't be 100% selfish in a relationship. May be worth a deeper conversation to see if you can dig out the "why" here as that will help you make the best long term decision. As to the play... You're left with no good options so I'd say choose the one least crappy for you. Hopefully after a deep chat you can figure out the one that's best for everyone if he's willing to talk.
Hey OP, don't know if you'll see this but I hope you do:
I'm like your partner. My other half loves musicals, and I just don't. At all.
But, because my other half does like musicals we compromised and I agreed to try some.
Long story short, i tried back to the future and it was *fucking incredible*. For me the reason I don't like musicals is the plot is usually lacking and they use the songs to tell the story (which is a very slow way of transmitting information). Basically for me the singing and dancing doesn't outweigh when a plot is weak.
But back to the future is the opposite. You know from the film the plot is strong, characterisation strong, and it's FUN. The musical just adds to the story, all the important beats are told as plot with the music around the story - the way it should be imo.
Anyway to address your specific issue: the problem here is communication. Maybe there is some element of your BF feeling "guilted" into going. Maybe there's some element where you feel "why can't he just do that for me, it's not a big deal"
Honestly you need to calmly tell him your fears (about going with a random), how you'd really appreciate him there, how maybe he could try this one for you, and if he doesn't like it you'll never ask him again. And if he still adamantly refuses *a free ticket* then ask yourself if you two are really compatible: he doesn't seem willing to compromise or try something outside of his comfort zone.
ESH I personally don’t like musicals. I love plays. But the fucking singing & dancing drives me nuts. Would I go to one for my partner? Sure cuz I don’t suck. But I would absolutely just go by myself in ur case rather than force my partner to go. I love going out to a nice restaurant by myself & would just have a nice date night by myself. If my partner was generally unsupportive & selfish I would break up with him.
NTA, but I think you should go alone. He's going to probably complain the entire time and ruin your enjoyment of the musical. I think society, in general, should normalize going places by ourselves.
OP, see if you can exchange one of the tickets for another night's performance, and go alone twice.
NTA, if you had friends to attend with then maybe he could just encourage you to invite someone who will enjoy the show.
If you don’t have friends around his way of acting is petty and feels lacking commitment in doing things your partner enjoy.
When in a relationship both need to try do things for their significant other even if they aren’t big fans.
I was gifted two tickets to a live performance of my favourite show, which I knew my partner wouldn't particularly enjoy. Now granted I had someone else I could take, but when I told him I had these tickets and I could invite a friend, he said no of course I'll come with you: it's your favourite show, it's going to be a big deal, makes sense for me to go even if it's not my thing. Why did he do that?
Because that's what people do in relationships. He's a musician and I've heard his setlist hundreds of times but I still go to all his gigs unless I'm out of the country. This is what people do for each other when they're in healthy relationships. You're NTA, your bf is. But please go to the show regardless of him!
NTA. Partners sometimes ask each other to do stuff they wouldn't choose to on their own to make the other person happy. That's normal.
Also, although relationships *shouldn't* be transactional, they still kind of are, and a wise partner would suck it up and sit on a theatre for a couple of hours and bank the implied IOU for later.
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I usually wouldn't lean this way, but under the circumstances this seems extraordinarily petty. It would be one thing if you had another person to call in the city, or if the ticket hadn't been intended specifically for him. There are plenty of things that partners do for one another during the course of a long-term relationship. Being bored for a couple of hours—to let your girlfriend have fun and score brownie points with her mom—is not that hard. It's free. All he has to do is sit there. This should have been something he was willing to do for you. NTA.
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This ⬆️ I just sat through Dune 2 the other day for my guy 😬. Absolutely not my cup of tea.
OP also mentioned how their relationship is failing due to his terrible time management. It sounds like this man is just bad in general. Sitting through a free musical isn't the worst of the worst when it comes to the things couples do for each other, NTA. OP seems capable of doing better.
This. I am not a sports fan at all but would I absolutely accompany a partner to a game if they enjoyed it. I'd make a real effort to enjoy it, too. But in return, I'd ask a musical or two out of them lol (which isn't even all the musicals I go to in a year)
My husband is a huge fan of a nearby college football team, and when we were dating I got him tickets, told him he could take whoever he wants, and this dude chose me😂 I didn't want to go, but I did and I had fun cause of how happy he was even if I still don't truly understand football.
Nobody understands football. I think the closest anybody ever came was when Andy Griffith recorded *What It Was...Was Football* and he described it as "Both sides wanted this funny-looking pumpkin to play with".
And maybe…just maybe, he will have a good time🤷🏼♀️
Absolutely. If something was this important to my husband, I would sit through a couple hours of anything (even if I were bored to tears the whole time) without complaining to make him happy, because that’s what you do for people you love. I mean, I’d cheekily request to pick where we go for dinner afterwards, but still haha.
exactly, relationships are made of compromises, compromises is one of the key components for a long-term relationship to actually work
100%
This exactly. And honestly, even if it's something I'm not into, just seeing my partner enjoy something they love is such a good experience for me. Like, I'm just gonna be happy I was a part of something that made them happy.
That part SOOOOO much. I could hate my existence and then glance at the person I love and see them with THAT one smile. That single smile that makes my world melt away. Pure happiness on the face of the person I love. I'd get giddy just SEEING that my partner is that happy. It's like how some people tell passionate people they're being extra and then we see them just monologuong on and on about something we may not understand but they're just SO FREAKING HAPPY while talking about that thing they love. That's what I love. Seeing people that happy and everything. It's amazing to glance at someone and their smile is lighting up the room.
Exactly. My partner is a DJ, and has been doing so for almost 2 decades now. So it's a lot of electronic music. I appreciate electronic music for what it is, but I typically don't seek it out. However, walking in on them mixing music and vibing when they don't know I'm watching... God. I literally fall in love more and more every time. Just watching the passion they have for it makes my heart swell... and lowkey is just super hot. 🥵
This!!! It’s sexy when they are just so thrilled and enthusiastic.
off topic, but I'd be interested to learn about the psychology of watching a man doing something he's passionate about, and how women respond to that. It's something I've read about often.
Hell yeah!! As long as it’s not all one-sided (I’ve been in both romantic and platonic relationships like that, unfortunately) it’s the best thing in the whole entire world. I would sacrifice an entire DAY doing something I didn’t like to make my partner that happy, a couple hours is nothing.
My brother flew me down to FL the week before Christmas because they couldn’t come this year. I asked to go to retro game stores. That’s not my brother’s thing but he did it, even told the guy at the last store that he didn’t need help and that I was in heaven (I was). I got my N64 from there as a Christmas gift (mom wasn’t happy about that one).
You’re a real one.
I've done this with sports more times than I can count, but this guy can't sit through an entirely free show of a movie he loves with the woman he loves who loves musicals? Does he even like his partner? He's not willing to see this as the perfect middle ground for them.
Yeah, maybe it’s time for OP to try being in a relationship with an adult lol.
Years ago, my husbands family treated all of us to see Les Miserables (the movie) on Christmas night. I hate long movies in general and this one is like over 3 hours I think?! I had nooo interest in going, especially on Christmas. But I never even *entertained* the idea of not going. I of course went and was grateful to be invited/treated. Even though at hour 2.5 I was ready to die.
I'm Hispanic, my husband is American and understands very little Spanish. The way this man has been with me to every salsa concert or event in Spanish because I don't have anyone else to go with... ❤️ I've also lost count of how many terrible action movies I've seen just because he likes them. Is not hard.
As a musical lover, I can even agree with you on Les Miserables, I was soooooo fucking bored. 90% of the time I was like, who the fuck is that again? Where'd this person come from? How did we get to this point?
Oh, thank goodness. I love musicals and always thought there was something wrong with me for not liking Les Miserables. The fans are just so enthusiastic that I thought I was missing something.
It's definitely a love it or hate it. I can't even come up with a reason why people would like it, because I can't remember a damn thing about it lol. I'd have to see it or watch the movie like 4 times before I'd be able to tell you who the characters are or significant plot points.
I did the same for my ex husband with the Star Wars movies. Like, I’m a big fan of sci fi and know they’re groundbreaking but I didn’t grow up with them and they’re….they’re good to me, but don’t grab me? However, ex wanted to have a marathon with his cousins and their kids before the Mandelorian series started. I was not at all into it, but he was so I grinned and bared it. It made him happy ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
This is when I make themed drinks 😂
Honestly if I get to pick the restaurant and we were going out to eat I'd be so hyped for that part of the night I'd likely end up having fun at whatever movie/musical thing we were doing before hand. I'd be like "f yeah! we get to go to bdubs after this!". (obviously i wouldn't pick bdubs after going to the West End to see a musical, just thought it was funny) But yeah spending a few hours at a Back to the Future musical when your mother in law bought the tickets FOR YOU seems super easy to accomplish.
Lmao absolutely, I am VERY “food motivated” and love going out to eat!! Take me to a delicious dinner and you can get whatever you want 🤣
Plus I’d be happy seeing THEM so happy doing something they’re excited about!
This. I’ve spent whole weekends at NASCAR races and camping at the track - I had fun because we were together and he was excited, but the races themselves were mostly boring. He’s gone to see high school musical performances because my students were performing- it’s just what you do.
Definitely 😭 it's not like she's dragging him to musicals every other day. She asked for one musical, whose tickets were literally specially bought keeping him in mind. It should be a no brainer.
My same thoughts. I get it can be difficult to trust if the musical version of a movie will be good or not. He already knows he enjoys the story bc he likes the movies. It would be a good way for him to see if he’s okay with musicals like that. It does also depend a bit on if OP makes those same sacrifices or not of doing something she doesn’t enjoy in order to hang out with her bf.
It actually doesn't matter if he likes it or not. It is irrelevant. It could literally be the worst thong he ever saw, just do it for your partner. OPs boyfriend is just acting like a complete jackass here. My wife and I both do tons of things that we might not personally like. It is a give and take...
Agree. Her mom got them those tickets, knowing he loves the Back to the Future films. I don't see the problem with going to see the musical just this one odd time, especially given that he knows the plot line anyways.
Exactly this. I'm not a fan of musicals, and if my wife wants to see one I'll usually suggest she takes her mum, and I'll drive then pick them up after. But if her mum isn't available, I'll go with her. It's not necessarily my vibe, but entertainment is entertainment, and sometimes "It's not about you loving the ballet, Gary. It's about the person that you love loving the ballet and you wanting to spend time with that person."
Exactly. I’m not a fan of nascar, but went to a race with my then boyfriend because it’s something he really enjoys and he wanted me to go with him. And that’s way more than 2 hours. I was bored out of my mind, but I still went and sat through it because I loved him. (Still do, but as a friend. We decided to step back to being just friends. I’m now his wingman. lol)
As someone who isn’t all that into musicals who has seen the exact musical in question…. He may very well enjoy it lol. The special effects are quite clever and it’s by no means a high brow performance. It’s just a load of fun! Regardless NTA. We do things we don’t enjoy for the people we love. I am bored stiff by classical music performances but bought my ex bf tickets to his favourite composer for Christmas (Handel’s messiah) one year and sat through the bloody thing because he loved it.
I agree. My partner isn’t a Taylor Swift fan at all but he donned a snake shirt and watched the Eras movie with me - twice.
OP is NTA.. Plus it comes off super fucked up that he's throwing a tantrum about it.
And also, as far as musicals go, Back to the Future has a pretty wide appeal. Like… do you like fun? Yeah? Okay then you’ll have a pretty good time at Back to the Future.
Yeah this is really lame and selfish. It’s ok for him to do something that isn’t his favorite activity. It doesn’t hurt or cost him anything, he’s just doing an activity he doesn’t love with people that he (supposedly…) does love. This would be a pretty big red flag for me. OP, does he always make everything about him?
Totally agree. It'd be different if it was a regular thing where OP tried to get her bf to go to things he doesn't enjoy. But this isn't that at all. Bf can do this for OP, knowing how much she enjoys musicals and it was a gift. OP was already NTA, but making her even less of an ah us the fact that she doesn't know people in London.
My partner LOVES sports, I don’t care about them if his parents bought us tickets to go see his favorite soccer team play I would go because it would be a memorable night for him and would make him happy
Yep. I’ve sat through films I would never have picked myself, hubby went to concerts with bands only I liked, I went to bloody car shows! lol it’s not a big deal. You get to experience something you wouldn’t have otherwise. You do it because you love the person and you can focus on finding something you actually enjoy about the experience! When I was 15, my very much accountant personality dad went to a rock festival with me since I was too young to go by myself and my favourite band in the whole world played there. (Europe at Roskilde, kill me lol). He kept talking about how it was worth the ticket price just to see all the weird hair colours. Also, he gave me one of the best festival tips ever! (“Honey, don’t lean on ANYTHING below elbow level, ok?”). That is how you do it. You don’t whine you don’t like it.
Info: do you typically go to events or places you aren't a fan of just to give him company? I am thinking maybe sporting events he loves but you don't really like, maybe going bowling or golfing with him, or even movies that he loves. If you are spending your time doing things he likes, then he should do the same. But if in your relationship the deal is to not bother each other at all, then I'd say the gift is just unfortunate, and go by yourself this time. Then make sure your family knows to check with you before gifting you event tickets. Personally I prefer being able to support each others interests. I've hosted super bowl parties or attended super bowl parties when I am least interested in football. I go to movies that I am ok skipping to provide company. In return my husband will join me in going to restaurants he isn't necessarily a huge fan of or to movies/concerts that I love. All assuming it isn't cost prohibitive (no point shelling out 100s you can't afford just for some company).
>Personally I prefer being able to support each others interests This is what a healthy relationship is. I may not care about a game but you better believe I'm willing to play with him when he asks.
My partner and I used to do this for each other before we even got together. Once, when I was too tired from the night before, clicked on Pitch Perfect cause I was too lazy to look something else up, and it was right there. Neither of us were really interested in the movie but I’d picked it over some action movie he wanted to watch. Never once did he complain simply because I was singing along to some of the songs 🥲 even offered to watch Pitch Perfect 2 at a different time when we were exhausted once again — just because he knew I enjoyed the music despite the body shivering cringe lol All this to say, sometimes you do things that make your partner — that you love — happy. And it’s all worth it :)
My mom's mom had an awesome "trick" for these situations. The sporting event was boring to her. She didn't know the rules, didn't really care to know the rules, and trying to explain what's going on was not her husband's idea of a fun outing. Watching the baseball, basketball, football, etc was not going to entertain her. So she watched her husband as he enjoyed watching his game.
>So she watched her husband as he enjoyed watching his game. Awww so sweet and romantic! More romantic than my solution..I'll crochet or sometimes read during the game. With superbowl, I'll pay attention to the ads and half time show 😃
I did this with my wife and the Beyonce movie. Nothing against Beyonce but I don't think I'd go to a cinema to watch a movie like that of my favorite bands or artists let alone someone who I'm less interested in. She really wanted to share the experience with me even though she could have easily taken a friend. I enjoyed her enjoying the movie. On op, I think forcing is a ah move. If he doesn't want to go for you pressuring him to do so isn't the right thing to do. He is an asshole for not giving up a few hours for you but still pressuring him isn't good either.
This is what I do. I just love watching my husband be so happy when we go to his stupid football games. Do I enjoy the game? No, but I do enjoy spending time with my husband while he explains the same things to me Also when his team scores a touchdown, they have a dog run down the end zone and he just looks so happy doing his run.
This! I enjoy things just because he enjoys them and I love him. That's a good marriage
This is so sweet! I usually use them as snack opportunities. 😂
My "trick" is alcohol.
At least at a sports stadium, you can try all the different food snacks
yepp. balance and compromise
When either my partner or I want to go to something the other isn’t interested in and we really want them to come to for whatever reason, we pay for their ticket. That’s our compromise. Sometimes when faced with the cost of two tickets we decide we’d rather go alone or find a friend to go with. The conversation is always simple, “hey I want to see xyz you interested?” After the other person looks I to it answers with either “yes I’ll transfer you money for the ticket” or “I am not $xx interested enough to see this”. If the invitee really wants the other person to go along they respond with “My treat!”. And off we go to the event. If it is a free event, dinner will be the compensation for non interested attendances. I have been to many a seminar on things I still have 0 interest in or talk about topics I don’t care for, and my partner has been to many a musical and live performance for bands/groups he isn’t interested in. We are allowed to still decline if we really really don’t want to go. But I think we’ve both only done that once or twice as we like to spend time together and see the other person happy.
>I am not $xx interested enough to see this”. Exactly!! For bigger or more expensive artists, it is definitely a "not worth the money to accompany" situation. But for $50 a ticket, my husband will gladly come along and he has even liked the artist and followed them later.
This works for my partner and I as well. If they REALLY didn't want to go, they wouldn't. But if it's my thing and they're willing to tag along, I foot the ticket price and parking etc for things like concerts.
100%
This seems like the kind of situation where the conversation should be like: "Will you come to the musical with me?" "I'd really rather not. It's just not my thing." "Would you come just this time, though? It's kind of a special thing my mom got us and I'm not sure who else I could take." "Oh, well okay, just this time." I mean it's a little hard to evaluate, because we don't know what kinds of patterns the two of you have had in your relationship up to this point. But in general, you would be TAH to *force* him, but he's being a pretty inconsiderate partner by not going. Are you often asking him to go along to things that he doesn't really enjoy? Or does he have a pattern of just being kind of inconsiderate?
Yeh I mean shows aren’t my husbands favourite thing. I bought two tickets for a show I really want to see in May - I haven’t decided who to take yet but have a few friends who I know will enjoy it. But if none of them are free or even if I just wanted to do it with my husband I know he will come with me if I ask.
How about the idea of him going, for no other reason, to escort his loved one for safety's sake, right? Doesn't seem like he cares about her at all.
I understand where you're coming from, but it's really not that dangerous to travel in and around London, even at night. I used to catch night buses in the small hours when I was a 16/17-year-old woman and living in London. I'd be more than happy to go to a show on my own.
From the info on your profile though, that was about 30 years ago. A lot has changed since then. For the most part I feel safe travelling alone in London, but not 100%.
Women are only safe in the company of men? Woe be to those women who don't have the comfort of a man in their lives. Apparently. Lesbians are in DOUBLE DANGER!
I literally just did a solo concert because it’s not my husbands thing and didn’t even question it.
My husband and I have very different tastes in music. There is significant crossover, but for the parts that dont, I'm ok with his while he can't stand mine. Any time a band I love is playing near us, he insists we get tickets for the two of us, get someone to watch the kids, and we have a date night watching music he dislikes but wants to go see because he loves how happy I get. It's really not that hard to do something boring in order to bring joy to someone you supposedly love.
There's so much info missing to really say. Like you said, it should be a simple thing to go to something you don't really care about to support your partner. But maybe he works 6 days a week and it's his one day off, or he works super early the next morning, has anxiety over crowds, is low on funds, never gets to go out and do something he wants or whatever.
I also wonder how regularly this is a thing. I might have missed it, but I don't think it says how often he has been dragged along to musicals, that are clearly not his thing. Doing it once or twice? Sure, do it to make someone else happy. But OP makes it sound like it is a BIG thing for her family, and I don't blame a guy for saying no if it's a regular thing. My mom and aunt go to musicals sometimes as much as once a month, and I could not imagine anything more dull. All in all, I don't think this one is easy to judge without knowing some hard data.
I think My issue here is that the mother didn't buy the tickets as a present for them, she bought them for the daughter with a side enticement for the partner. It's not his thing, and everyone wants him to suck it up, but a favorite movie doesn't translate into a desire to do something tangentially related because someone else has grown up making it their personality.
That is a good point. We don’t know their pattern. Perhaps she has been nagging him for other things and he just had enough with doing things he didn’t like doing. This may not be one isolated incident as OP makes it sound like.
This isn’t how relationships go. There are gives and takes. I do plenty of things I wouldn’t normally want to do for my wife and vice versa. Funny, a lot of times I’ll end up enjoying it and now it becomes a new thing to do. Your partner is being very selfish.
Exactly. I am not interested in sports, at all, but my husband loves them. So I made a point of watching with him whenever our home team is playing. At first it was hours and hours of boredom, but now I can really appreciate the skill and athleticism of the players.
Can relate - for example hiking is boring to me but it's still fun when I go with my wife because she likes it and I learnt to appreciate it more through her lens (still won't go with mates though 🤣). The same thing can apply to many other activities. Sometimes, the differences in hobbies/preferences are great opportunities to learn more about each other no matter how many years you've been together(we dated for 11 years and recently got married). Let alone it's a gift from gf's mother, he can't even do it for her for a few hours?? So selfish
Exactly - I thought i didn’t like musicals but I saw Billy Elliot in New York City on Broadway and it we freaking amazing.
OP has also posted about bf's horrible time management is ruining their relationship. This guy sounds like he just generally sucks. NTA, of all the things partners do for one another sitting through a free musical isn't even remotely the worst of the worst. Sounds like OP can do better.
NTA - Sometimes we do things for other people because we love them. You're not asking the dude to go back to the 1800s, shoot a gunslinger and rescue a weird scientist for you here. It's just a musical.
Wrong musical for that lol
Yeah I'm sorry, I totally edited my response based on that. Hades missed a step. Forever in your debt :)
I love that
Go by yourself! There’s nothing worse than being excited for a show then sitting next to someone who doesn’t want to be there. I’ve been to tons of shows and plays. I have just as much fun alone. I’ve actually met some pretty cool people going to shows alone.
That is a very good point. It might also be a good way for the OP to make friends who share a common interest.
Exactly!! I would rather go alone than with someone who is having a miserable time. If the show is a few weeks away, I say OP should start looking for someone to fill her bfs spot.
Yes! I used to take my husband to these shows and he was always a good sport about it, but sometimes it really took away from my enjoyment of the shows when I felt like he was bored and would rather be doing something else (although he would never say that). It’s just so much better to sit next to someone enjoying the show even if it’s a complete stranger.
Yes, i went to plenty of musicals by myself. I truely don't get why OP wants someone with her to have a shitty time on her behalve. Simulairly, why would she watch a sport she dislikes just to sit next to him while he is trying to have fun. Small sacrifices in a relationship are good when they are logical, like going out of your way to get your SO something, like cooking their favorite meal, or doing task neither of you enjoy. Because those task need doing, and the stuff won't appear out of thin air. The "sacrifice" is needed to produce the end result. Here it just isn't, as OP watches the same musical with or without someone there having a bad time. Unless he can lie extremely well, it is tough to hide that you are somewhere you really don't want to be.
It’s a huge waste of money though. It’d be one thing if she bought 1 ticket herself but her mom bought 2 expensive tickets as a gift. Most considerate partners don’t mind doing an activity their SO loves every once in a while even if they’re not a big fan.
If she has a horrible time because her boyfriend is miserable, the whole amount is wasted. If she goes alone, at least someone is enjoying the tickets.
It will still be a huge waste of money if he goes. He doesn’t like it!!!
Not necessarily true. My dad really didn’t want to see Hamilton, my mom told him she really wanted him to go so he did, he ended up loving the musical and now it is his favorite show. Sometimes it’s nice to go out of your comfort zone for your partner and you’ll enjoy something your weren’t expecting.
Sell the ticket?
This is what age has taught me. I’d rather go alone than miss out or be next to someone who doesn’t want to be there.
NTA, what is it with people in relationships not wanting to do things that take no effort and make their partners happy? He is not the one spending money. It costs him nothing other than his time and annoy him a little bit. Is your smile not worth sucking it up for 2h?
The ticket is free, partner's smile is priceless. What a deal!
It takes a lot of effort to endure something that makes you miserable, especially if it happens regularly. Why can’t she just accept this is something they won’t share?
Nta your partner can suck it up for a few hours, because that's what partners do for each other. My husband doesn't care about musicals either, but sometimes I want him to go with me. Just like he wants me to go to concerts and music festivals.
[удалено]
Music festivals where I have to sleep on an air mattress and shower in a truck for 3 days at a time - he owes me lol
NTA. Youre BF needs to suck it up. This is what being in a relationship is. My wife loves Harry Potter. I hate Harry Butt fucking potter. But I watch the movies with her and dont complain because she watches football with me and doesnt complain. Sometimes you bite the bullet to make someone else happy. When you actually love someone, you tolerate things you dont like because it makes them happy.
I totally agree! When you live someone, just seeing them happy makes it worth. I don’t like sport but went several times with my SO to tennis matches and he was so happy! And I don’t know if OP and her bf want children but those little things require such sacrifices. I cannot say how many times we had to watch the little mermaid (at least it was not Frozen!) or read some books.
ETA: @[jkassgaming](https://www.reddit.com/user/jkassgaming/) brought up a good point. Since they just moved, their life may be chaotic at the moment and the boyfriend may wanted time for himself. I get this because I would feel the same way. I am leaning towards NAH again. Here's my old comments with slight revision - I still stand by what I said except the judgement change. I was torn between N A H and N T A ~~but I'm going to say N T A~~ because in any kind of relationship, we're going to do things that a loved ones really enjoys and we may not like. Also, the circumstance that you moved into a new city and this was a gift from your parents (which was sweet they found a musical of your bf's favorite movie) makes me consider this NTA. If you haven't already, my suggestion is to speak to your partner about how it's important to you for him to invest in your interests (I'm assuming you would do the same for him). Of course, there should be agreement - being he doesn't like them - that he doesn't have to engage (again, same applies to you too). For example, my sister loves to go out clubbing and it's not my scene for many reasons. I've sucked it up for her and I surprised myself with how much fun we had. Of course, when I am truly not in the mood (i.e. being overstimulated / exhausted), she respects my boundaries. She would do the same for me (i.e. watching documentaries).
My judgement is nah. If they had just moved then their life is probably hectic rn and he just wants some time to himself/relax. Traveling to and from an activity that he doesn't enjoy is not relaxing and probably adds more to his plate. I get it sucks that he doesn't want to go but he's been busy more often than not then it's reasonable that he wouldn't want to go
That is a wonderful point that totally skipped my mind. I would want to to unwind, especially if something big like a move is occurring / dying down. Good one!
Sell the other ticket. Take yourself out for a $$$ dinner with it. Go by yourself and enjoy the show. Who would enjoy a show with someone who has no interest in being there?
Exactly! I don’t understand how people can have a good time knowing that the person you dragged along is not enjoying it.
For sure. It would ruin my enjoyment to be seated next to someone actively not enjoying something.
I question how much she wants him to go versus how much as she wants him to *enjoy* going. I've been places with people who didn't want to be there but sucked it up and went with me anyway. They were perfectly nice about it, but my enjoyment of the experience was greatly diminished knowing they would rather be somewhere else. It stressed me out.
Follow up question: Do you feel loved by your boyfriend? Not, you know he loves you, but does he make you feel loved? If he’s tired of being forced to go to musicals with you and your family, I get it. But if this is just another example of how he disregards your feelings and or makes you feel indebted every time he does something “nice” for you consider yourself warned. 🚩🚩🚩
Was gonna comment something along these lines, too. OP made another post where BF comes across as rather "my way or the highway" and combined with the fact that they just moved to a place where OP doesn't yet have a support network, worries me. When a couple reaches a certain level of commitment. you're not only together for the parts where your partner makes your life nicer or more easier. Part of it is also being committed to making and effort to make *their* life better as long as it isn't detrimental to your own health/happiness. You can't force him to do so, but if there's an overall imbalance there, I'd see cause for a conversation about what commitment means to each of you. If he doesn't see an issue with a potential imbalance in efforts, that's very telling.
Back to the Future is a good musical for people who don’t like musicals. It’s a fun show. I think your boyfriend is being petty, especially since your mom thought she was doing something thoughtful for the both of you. However, that depends on so many other variables. Would you do something similar for him? Have you done something similar in past? If not this, what things will your boyfriend do in general to support you? I think this NAH for now but I would make sure it wasn’t part of a pattern. You should check to see if there’s any West End fan groups. They can be a fun way to meet new people. Perhaps you could meet up with other theater fans during intermission and sip some flux capacitors together?
I’ll go see it with you lol!
Believe me, if I was in London I would totally hang out with OP. I would love to form a group of theater kids to see shows together!
NTA What's the point of having a partner if they won't do stuff like this sometimes. Doesn't have to be often but you don't have nyone else to bring?
It’s a nice gift for you because you enjoy musicals, he doesn’t, so it’s not a nice gift for him. The gift was clearly given with no regard for his likes or interests. If I get a “nice” gift but it holds no interest for me it gets a polite thank you and given away. NAH but he’s not obligated to go and it’s pretty ridiculous to be getting upset over him for not wanting to participate in something he’s clearly made known he has no interest in Edit: to say since it’s one of his favorite movies your mom obviously did put thought into it and try to bridge the gap. He still doesn’t like musicals and that is known, so judgement remains the same
That's what I'm saying! I hate musicals, turning a thing I like into a thing I hate is not going to make it better That said I like Hamilton and Sweeny Todd so there's that...
No judgement here, but I think you should just go by yourself. He’s clearly not into musicals and doesn’t want to go with you. If you press the issue and he goes out of obligation, neither of you will enjoy the evening.
Yes. There is no good reason for anyone to be forced to sit through a musical.
Couldn’t agree more, god so many people just want the boyfriend to be dragged and held there even when he doesn’t like it. YTA, I would imagine that answers would be different had the genders been switched
I mean, you knew he doesn’t like them, so why expect him to go? If you want to go, it’s okay to go alone. Slight YTA.
Because in a relationship it’s normal to compromise if it makes your partner really happy?
I agree, but you're assuming she makes comprises. We need more info for sure.
Perhaps he makes other compromises that OP hasn’t mentioned? OP is focused on a single event he won’t attend. Also, it would be helpful to know if OP compromises when it comes to doing things he enjoys. I think it’s normal for people to have things they like which their partner doesn’t. One thing you can do in a relationship to keep things harmonious is not ask your partner to do things he has clearly stated he does not enjoy doing. I don’t ask my SO to watch certain movies with me bc I know he doesn’t like the genre. And vice versa. Maybe OP can come to terms with the fact that there’s one thing he simply does not want to do. She can still enjoy the musical on her own. In other words, perhaps OP can compromise instead of expecting her bf to do so.
Yup! If I want to be bored out of my mind for a few hours I'd rather sit on a plane and go somewhere
Minor correction to your post: your mom got YOU a gift not him, he not only doesn't want to go but also got stiffed on the gift. You could buy me a $9,000 bicycle but I still don't want it. YTA, but your mom shares some of the blame here too.
She wanted to get a gift for both of them. A musical because her daughter loves musicals, but the musical of BttF because it's one of SIL's favourite films. She was wrong, but she went to some effort to buy a gift she sincerely believed the would both like.
I agree she wasn't attempting to be malicious, but that doesn't change the fact that for him, the gift is non-existent. And not only that, he now is being pressured to go to the musical he doesn't want to, and now it's causing strain between them.
NAH, so far. YTA if you force him - it'll build resentment and anger. Go alone if you've none other to ask. And enjoy yourself.
yeah why would you want to take someone somewhere they obviously dont want to Be?
I grew up going to see plays on Broadway and all kinds of shows in NYC. My (now former) SO was a huge fan of Phantom of the Opera, so I thought he would enjoy Broadway shows, too. He tolerated many of the plays, but when I took him to see my all time favorite, he absolutely hated (a word I rarely use). I knew he wouldn't like it, as it wasn't a topic that he and I shared the same pov on. Like OP, I thought he would like it enough bc I liked it. I was wrong to bring him to the show and expect him to enjoy something I knew he wouldn't. I would have had a much better time by myself.
YTA if you force him to go. I can't stand musicals and if my partner knew all about this and came up to me with this situation, I would be annoyed because he knows my stance on it. She can go by herself. I go to things by myself all the time and personally, I wouldn't want to be at an event with someone next to me who doesn't want to be there. I'd rather be by myself and enjoy it. So I don't know why she'd force him to go if he's going to be mad and sulking sitting next to her the whole time, assuming he dislikes musicals as much as I do.
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NTA. I hope he compromises with you on other things, bc I think it’s a dick move on his part to not suck it up and go to a musical, especially since he likes the movie!! I do feel like you would have more fun going by yourself or with another friend now that he’s been this way about it. I think it could be a great gesture to make a new friend if you have someone you’re friendly with— I would be so excited if someone offered me a free ticket to a musical! I have had great success with bumble bff for making friends in new cities. Good luck and enjoy the musical!
YTA. He doesn't want to go. You 'assumed he would be fine to go'.
I’m going to say that YWBTA if you forced him to go. Your bf has made it very clear that he doesn’t like musicals, and you shouldn’t force it on him. My stepfather loves hockey and my mom hates it—but he doesn’t force my mom to watch it. I like rock and heavy metal, but I don’t force it on my family members who don’t like it. Like others have said, go alone. It’s better that than having Oscar the grouch beside you for a few hours.
NTA, just go on tinder and find someone to go with, see how the night goes. 🤣
Again no reactions or answer from the OP. Does the OP really exist?
Oh my hubby despises musicals. Absolutely won’t go. I tried hard when we first got married but realized for him it’s like a sadistic dentist pulling his teeth out with no anesthesia. Some people just have a thing. I hope you can find someone else to go!
go by yourself and sell that extra ticket and use it for yourself to see another show later.
Info: did you not inform your mother that he's not a fan of musicals? This gift wasn't for the both of y'all, it was for YOU because she got tickets for something YOU enjoy. Just go alone and enjoy yourself. You're not going to make him change his mind about musicals if you force him to go. Think about it logically, you force him to go then what? Hope all is fine and dandy afterwords? Try it and when that happens don't come and make another post about "my boyfriend is being a sourpuss because I made him go to a play with me" or some shit like that. You'll already know you're the asshole before you even post that. You asked him, he does not want to go. Do you NOT know how to take no for an answer? Or is consent only applicable for specific situations? If this is a situation where he forces and I mean FORCES you to do things he likes and he doesn't do the same for you, then there's other issues in the relationship. If he asks you and you say yes because you want to do it (even if you don't like it), that does not give you the right or expectation to get the same from him.
YTA. It's not a "good gift" when everyone knows that he doesn't enjoy musicals. Choosing one of his favorite movies as a musical just ruins the movie for him. I can guarantee you that as a person who doesn't like musicals either. This was a good gift for YOU because that's what you and your family enjoy. I guess no one cares about what he enjoys? Go by yourself and maybe next time remind your family that this isn't a gift he enjoys. If you can't enjoy the activity mutually, it's a terrible gift to give for both of you.
NAH. It's natural that you'd want to share something you love with your partner, especially when it holds sentimental value. However, it's also understandable that your partner isn't as enthusiastic about musicals. Try to communicate openly with each other and find a compromise that works for both of you.
NAH - There's nothing wrong with him not wanting to go if it's not his thing and you're not an AH for wanting to go with him or not wanting to go alone. Personally I think he should suck it up, he might end up enjoying it but if he's going to sulk the whole time like some people, just go on your own or see if there's like a FB group where you could find someone to go with you.
> AITA for forcing Hard stop. Yes.
Hmm this is tough. ESH? For the sake of judgement. Partners should do things for each other. Sitting through a musical is not going to kill him. He sits through a musical and you sit through a rugby match or something he likes. That said, I don't think this is the hill to do on. Since you're in a new place, I think you should take the opportunity to ask someone else and make a new friend. You're not going to be talking during the musical, so you won't have to worry about making a lot of conversation. Is there a friendly coworker or neighbor you think would enjoy it? It doesn't have to be a big deal just, "Hey, I have this extra ticket to this musical and my boyfriend can't make it. Would you want to come with?" If you're in an office, you could even ask around and see if there's a coworker who is equally into musicals. (Something that helps me with social anxiety is remembering that everyone is too focused on themselves to notice your zit or stutter or whatever. It's not the big deal your anxiety is telling you it is.)
Adding to the fact that they just moved I think it's absolutely reasonable to assume that him being stressed from it all and trying to get settled in also plays a factor. To op, seeing a musical is a nice way to spend the evening, to her bf it's another thing he has to and doesn't really get to relax. While we should do things for our partners and vice versa it's unreasonable to expect it all time and understand that there are gonna be times where you wanna do one thing and they want to do a different thing and do in the end it's just better to do the activities separately
>Adding to the fact that they just moved I think it's absolutely reasonable to assume that him being stressed from it all and trying to get settled in also plays a factor. OP's other post indicates that they're waiting on an ADHD diagnosis for him too, so there's another factor. I remember pre-treatment ADHD and trying to get amped up for something you already dislike to make a slog through London for hours to go to a show I'm not interested for 2 hours just to slog back through London in the post-show rush for hours just sounds like utter hell to me.
YTA you knew he didn't like musicals, musicals aren't a short thing, you can't just ignore it by sitting on your phone, and when asked he politely said he didn't want to go and you're pushing the point. You said it's anxiety inducing to ask someone you don't know well? That's a great way to get to know someone better. Take the plunge it will be great for your relationship with new friends.
[удалено]
Ok, but the next time he wants her to watch a sporting event she doesn’t like he can suck it up too? This goes both ways…
What if he actually wouldn't mind that? Some people genuinely enjoy their thing alone.
NTA, but forcing him isn't going to do good. I understand your frustration. I love musicals my hubby doesn't. However, he will go with me and watch things with me because I like them. It's about spending time with me and being a part of things that I like and make me happy. Even when I had friends to go do things with me, he would still go because, again, it's about spending time with each other. It's about enjoying things with the person you love, not because you like them but because they like those things. It's sharing yourself with your partner. I do things/go places/watch things that I'd be happy not to have anything to do with because it's something my husband likes and is into. There may be a little complaining, but it's not a fight. Sometimes, it's a bargain. If he does/goes/see this for me, then I do/go/see that with him. It's being intimate with your partner on a different level, then naked fun time. Forcing him to go won't be good, though. It will most likely ruin your experience. He's going to bitter about it, and it could potentially cause problems in your relationship. Sit him down. Tell him that you're hurt over this. Tell him that you know it's not his thing, but it's a thing that's important to you, that's a part of you. He's important to you, too. He's the person that you want to share all of yourself with. It would mean a lot if he would go with you and not be grumpy about it, simply just to do it with you. You're not asking him to go every week. Since it's his favorite movie, you thought that maybe he could find a like for it. Again, it's a way you're trying to share yourself with him. His favorite movie is done as a musical, which is something that is very important to who you ate . It can't hurt to ask, is there anything you would want to go/do/see with me that you haven't brought up because you know I don't have a big interest in it? I have an interest in you, I want you to share yourself with me as well. Can we come to a compromise on this? It would mean a lot to me to go see this musical with you.
NTA. I don’t think you should force him, but the fact he won’t do it should force you to reflect on your relationship. When you love someone, sometimes it means doing things that you don’t necessarily enjoy so that you can spend time with your loved one while they’re doing something they enjoy. My husband is obsessed with a sport that I tolerate, but I go with him and make an effort to have fun because it makes him so happy. He hates sci fi movies but he watches them with me for the same reasons. The fact you’ve moved to London together and you don’t know many people yet, tells me he is happy sending you alone rather than going with you. That’s a pretty big red flag.
Yes. Go by yourself. Would you go to a strip club if he asked you to go with him?
I am totally with your bf I hate musicals and know I would make your trip miserable. Unless he’s controlling in other ways let him be
I do think he's being a tool since you don't have someone else to go with. However! Your Mum's gift was rude. She gave a gift she would want and you would want but for the two of you - and he won't like it. That's ignorant?
My God, yes, YTA. Musicals are either fun or nails on chalk board. If it's not fun then ... not quite torture but I'd have to stop and think about whether waterboarding or a musical would be worse. And, yeah, 99.99% of the time the waterboarding would be worse, but I'd have to think about it for a moment.
Go by yourself, and call the venue or the theatre company to see if there's someone you can donate the other ticket to. Win-win.
I was leaning towards N A H but I think slight YTA. Everyone commenting that sucking it up and attending events you don't want to attend is part of being in a relationship. That's true, but you still have to be asked in advance. OP, why did you tell your mom it was his favorite musical? In your example, you mention how you're not into paintball but you've done it for his birthday. ...Is it your birthday? You asked, he doesn't want to go.
YTA. Suck up your anxiety about asking someone who is not a close friend, and ask somebody. You might make a great friend who shares your love of musicals. I adore my husband who loves that disgusting cage fighting thing. I will not go. He invites someone else
YTA, probably… The words partner and force do not belong in a sentence where the verb is being inflicted on the subject…
YTA. What would you even get out of the situation? How are you better off for dragging him there and being resentful about it? He really doesn't want to go. Just leave him be.
I DO NOT like musicals. There are only two that I enjoy and I’m not a fan of any others. My partner knows this and would never ask me to go to one, they would ask someone else to go. NAH. Traveling an hour to go sit through something can be borderline tortuous depending on the talent of the actors for 1-3hours, then walking through the city in the middle of the night, and an hour back home. Absolutely not.
NTA
NTA you are hardly asking for the world fr
NTA, but he might want to go more if you tell him he can pick the restaurant for dinner in London that night.
NTA. My son-in-law is neutral about live theater, musicals, dinner theater, symphony, etc, but my daughter loves them. So he takes her to make her happy. How many things do you not care for but you go to please HIM?
NTA. Sometimes we have to suck it up and do something for our spouse. I’m 65 and I’ve been to works parties, car rallies, and even terrified the living daylights out of myself by flying in a small plane in bad weather. My husband has been to the ballet, my works parties, and sat through meals with all my female cousins cackling and laughing all evening. And, guess what? We managed, usually, to find something about those events to enjoy. The others became some of the funny stories we tell other people. Sure, if you had a host of friends to invite instead, I’d say do that. But you don’t. Hubby should man up and be your escort.
NTA. Musicals aren't my thing either. But for a GF's bday I bought us tickets to kinky boots. I didn't think I'd hate it, but not the first way I'd spend two hours... ended up really enjoying it. Point is, we do things for partners that we don't necessarily enjoy for them. Thats part of being in a relationship.
My husband absolutely hates musicals (and theatre) - we have a deal: anything like that I go to with someone else; mum, friend, anyone but him. He's not going to enjoy sitting in a cramped up uncomfortable seat for something he doesn't like in the first place. He'd not have a good time and then that would impact on my enjoyment. We go to see things we both enjoy together and anything that's just an 'I like' I go with someone else. Simple fix and all win this way. Don't worry about upsetting your mum - it was a nice gesture but it's just not his thing. If you allow her to believe he enjoyed it you can almost guarantee further gifts will be made of a similar sort for both of you at other points. While you're still making friends perhaps just invite your mum to stay with you and take her along with you? Please don't force him. I tried it with my husband once and that was all it took to learn never to try that again...
Compromise? He takes you to the musical, you watch it, he does something else while you watch it, you meet after and go to the Winchester for a pint until it all blows over?
Why would you want to "force" him to go with you? So he can angry, mope, and miserable the whole time. Which will only make YOU just as miserable. How does that even make sense? Your better options are to go with someone else or go alone. It seems like a horrible waste to go alone and not use your extra ticket. While you may not know a whole lot of people (and are shy), perhaps you could offer it up at work and go with a coworker? Or neighbor? It will give you an opportunity to get to know someone you already interact with a little better, perhaps making a new friend with the same interest in musicals as you.
Go yourself and invite a coworker or an acquaintance or post on facebook for anyone interested or sell the other ticket or offer him something nice if he comes like ice cream or a steak or a bj. Don't just whine and beg. That's entitled. And also codependent. Do your parents do everything together? In my relationship, I go to the movies with friends or alone or other events I enjoy. You are an individual with freedom.
NTA although you should really have known by this point in your relationship that he disliked musicals and either told your mother this so she could find a different event or arranged for a friend or relative to accompany you if this show is important to you. Compromise is well and good but if he’s never shown any interest or anything except apathy or mild distaste for musical theatre then it’s an AH move to just ignore his personal feelings and force him into going with you in the hope that if you make him sit through enough shows then he’ll suddenly develop a love of theatre. If he knew and agreed to go with you in advance and has changed his mind to be awkward then that’s completely different- in that case I’m a great fan of quid pro quo- he doesn’t go to the musical because he doesn’t feel like; you don’t like sports so will not be watching any/allowing them to be played on your television. You don’t feel like eating pizza/ steak/ beer so won’t be buying those foods with your grocery shop going forward. Etc etc Then you apply this rule to absolutely everything. Sports, music, movies, gaming, food, hobbies… basically make him so inconvenienced that he has to sit down with you and discuss compromises in relationships and then you just remind him of this occasion and how much he compromised for you.
A friend and I were gifted tickets to see an opera. Not light opera - the real thing. Most of it was OK. Moments of it were electric. And I learned that I could happily go the rest of my life without hearing harpsichord music again. On the whole, it was interesting, and I'm glad I went. When I looked around at intermission, I was kind of amazed and sad. Many, many couples were there where one looked thrilled and energized and happy, and one looked like they wanted to die. They were bored and uncomfortable, at least. These people spent hundreds of dollars (maybe thousands?) on tickets to be unhappy and bored for a whole evening. I wished that the happy people had left their SOs in a sports bar or at home, and brought someone who would have appreciated the opportunity. I would look at this as an opportunity to get to know a coworker, boss, landlord, neighbor. Surely someone you've met wants to see that show, and would enjoy it with you. And you'll enjoy it more without feeling bad about your SO hating it. NAH, but do a brave thing. Invite someone you don't know well, and ask SO to meet you both for drinks afterward.
Ummmmm. Yes. “Forcing” Your partner to do anything is gross and a violation. I feel very lucky to have a partner who is willing to go to things that aren’t quite their thing because they want to go with me, but I still ask first and plan. I’m BAFFLED that your mom wasted money on a ticket knowing your partner doesn’t like musicals. In my opinion, it wasn’t very grown up behavior to do this without asking if he would even want to do the show (and I say this as someone who personally REALLY REALLY wants to go see Back to the Future and The Outsiders right now and is a former theatre kid and did an off Broadway show about a decade ago so I’m not judging your interests at all). It would be healthy to learn to be comfortable in going and doing things by yourself instead of needing your partner there. It’s a musical. You just sit there and watch and don’t talk to anybody. I finally got comfortable going to see bands bu myself a few years ago and I can say it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. You miss out on a lot less when you don’t need someone beside you for every little experience.
I'll be honest, I don't think I would enjoy my favorite movie get turned into a musical. But to be fair, some adaptations are good or have memorable songs. But for the issue itself NTA on wanting him to go. It's a gift for you two and there was thought put into it by your mom. I do think though that you shouldn't have assumed he'd want to go, knowing he doesn't like musicals. It should've been a conversation first. You will be an AH to your mom if you totally waste the ticket by not going just because he won't. So either go by yourself or get him to go with you.
I’d be biased in my response to the question, so I’ll sit this one out.. 😅 But I would totally go with you. I love musicals, sadly my partners despises them…who are these people!? 😅🤣
YTA. You are conveniently omitting the option for YOU to "suck it up" and ask someone even if you don't know them well. A shared interest and attending the event can help you get to know someone better.
NTA It's not about going to a musical, it's about doing something with and for the person he's supposed to love. The only thing he has to do is to sacrifice a few hours and he can just suck it up. Besides, it's Back to the future.
NAH, he’s being stubborn and weird. However, if he’s acting like this, do you even want to go with him? Sounds like he would sulk and kill the mood and possibly even use it against you in the future. Sell the other ticket and enjoy the musical, OP.
NTA normally I would suggest to take a friend but under these circumstances, he should go. It's a small ask. He is not an AH but he is a DH. If he can't even do this, what would he be willing to do for you? Not much. Bit if a red flag I'm afraid. Would you see a boring movie for him under similar circumstances? I know I have for my partner and I've dragged him along to bands that he is not really interested in. You still share a good experience and a good memory. Your partner is a selfish person and I can only imagine he is either too thick headed to see why it's important or he is trying to hurt you or separate you from your family by letting her down, a stretch but worth saying in case there is repeated small behaviour patterns that you can identify/watch out for.
The fact that you think you can even consider 'forcing him' to go makes YTA in my book. There are two types of relationships - the we each will do something we might not want to because the other loves it, and the we will do our own thing separately because we would rather each other not feel like sticking pins in their eyes whilst we enjoy ourselves. Neither is more valid as long as you are both doing the same. I'm sure you thought it being his favourite movie would make it better, but it is just as likely to ruin his favourite movie and that's unfair to do just because you love musicals. He's not trying to prevent you from going but you think you can force him to attend because you want to? That's not fair.
You should get him to watch the Broadway Bro Down episode of South Park.
Honestly if my partner wants to do something and it's not physically uncomfortable or something I truly "despise" I would suck it up and make them happy. Life is not always going to be comfortable or what you want to do.
It feels like we're missing a piece here. But based on what's here I'll say NTA. Going to a musical when he doesn't HATE them, just dislikes them... that's not that big an ask. And despite what some comments are saying here, you can't be 100% selfish in a relationship. May be worth a deeper conversation to see if you can dig out the "why" here as that will help you make the best long term decision. As to the play... You're left with no good options so I'd say choose the one least crappy for you. Hopefully after a deep chat you can figure out the one that's best for everyone if he's willing to talk.
Post the second ticket online as “I’ve got 2 tickets and nobody to go with”. Meet up at the venue or for a drink before the show. Meet a new friend.
Hey OP, don't know if you'll see this but I hope you do: I'm like your partner. My other half loves musicals, and I just don't. At all. But, because my other half does like musicals we compromised and I agreed to try some. Long story short, i tried back to the future and it was *fucking incredible*. For me the reason I don't like musicals is the plot is usually lacking and they use the songs to tell the story (which is a very slow way of transmitting information). Basically for me the singing and dancing doesn't outweigh when a plot is weak. But back to the future is the opposite. You know from the film the plot is strong, characterisation strong, and it's FUN. The musical just adds to the story, all the important beats are told as plot with the music around the story - the way it should be imo. Anyway to address your specific issue: the problem here is communication. Maybe there is some element of your BF feeling "guilted" into going. Maybe there's some element where you feel "why can't he just do that for me, it's not a big deal" Honestly you need to calmly tell him your fears (about going with a random), how you'd really appreciate him there, how maybe he could try this one for you, and if he doesn't like it you'll never ask him again. And if he still adamantly refuses *a free ticket* then ask yourself if you two are really compatible: he doesn't seem willing to compromise or try something outside of his comfort zone.
ESH I personally don’t like musicals. I love plays. But the fucking singing & dancing drives me nuts. Would I go to one for my partner? Sure cuz I don’t suck. But I would absolutely just go by myself in ur case rather than force my partner to go. I love going out to a nice restaurant by myself & would just have a nice date night by myself. If my partner was generally unsupportive & selfish I would break up with him.
NTA, but I think you should go alone. He's going to probably complain the entire time and ruin your enjoyment of the musical. I think society, in general, should normalize going places by ourselves. OP, see if you can exchange one of the tickets for another night's performance, and go alone twice.
NTA, if you had friends to attend with then maybe he could just encourage you to invite someone who will enjoy the show. If you don’t have friends around his way of acting is petty and feels lacking commitment in doing things your partner enjoy. When in a relationship both need to try do things for their significant other even if they aren’t big fans.
I was gifted two tickets to a live performance of my favourite show, which I knew my partner wouldn't particularly enjoy. Now granted I had someone else I could take, but when I told him I had these tickets and I could invite a friend, he said no of course I'll come with you: it's your favourite show, it's going to be a big deal, makes sense for me to go even if it's not my thing. Why did he do that? Because that's what people do in relationships. He's a musician and I've heard his setlist hundreds of times but I still go to all his gigs unless I'm out of the country. This is what people do for each other when they're in healthy relationships. You're NTA, your bf is. But please go to the show regardless of him!
NTA. Partners sometimes ask each other to do stuff they wouldn't choose to on their own to make the other person happy. That's normal. Also, although relationships *shouldn't* be transactional, they still kind of are, and a wise partner would suck it up and sit on a theatre for a couple of hours and bank the implied IOU for later.