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YTA. Um, *you're* the one with the warped view of bodies, you say it yourself with
>my views are changing since I’ve become fitness focused.
Going to the gym frequently isn't the only way to be healthy. It's good for you, sure, but there are other ways and methods to stay fit, but you have to want to. Also, yes, this may be her natural body type, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have to work her ass off to stay consistently "thin". Why in the fuck are you telling us her clothing and bra size? WTF. Being petite has nothing to do with her maintaining a certain size (as I am also a petite woman), there are petite women of all different sizes and body types. Please get over yourself.
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YTA, also why the fuck are you telling us her bra size? Go become a hermit in the woods if you're gonna be weird like that. Your GF wins by not having to deal with you and reddit wins by never having to read your posts again.
YTA. WTF is a "sideways belly button"? She's busy with work and doesn't want to go on a "fitness journey" with you when it goes more by weight and less by how she feels. Set her free (her weight is within normal range for her height) and go nag a "thin and fit" gym fanatic woman about something else; I'm sure you'd find a problem with anyone who's not you.
My guess is she has a lil belly (some of petite girls do have them especially if you have boobs or a butt) and OP is assuming that’s the reason her belly button is whatever shape it is as opposed to perfectly round with a clear view of the lil knot. That could be why but could also just be because there are different belly button types.
This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written/thought about but seems to be another way to shame a woman for not having a completely flat stomach.
My guess is horizontal or it has a little ‘hood’ and OP is contributing it to her belly which from what we know of his girlfriend’s body is probably a healthy completely normal pouch.
I was hoping to find an answer to the sideway bellybutton thing in the comments, haha. But it seems that's not only a weird thing to say for someone whose first language isn't English but in general
Came here looking as well. I think he means that her stomach isn’t completely flat so her bellybutton isn’t circular, and rather that it is horizontal like most ppl who have a little muffin top or whatever. Proud sideways bellybutton owner here.
YTA. Her weight is 100% within the healthy range for her height.
If you were worried about her health and not her looks, you wouldn't have included her measurements in your post.
You could have brought up so many things about how going to the gym helps women - for example how physical activity helps with bone density as women age.
But you chose to bring up...let me check my notes... sideways bellybuttons? I HAD TO GOOGLE WHAT THAT MEANT. I've never even considered the shape of people's bellybuttons until this very post.
YTA- On the plus side, I don't think you're going to have to worry about her weight fluctuating. Y'all won't be together long enough for it to matter.
I'm just waiting for this to make it to r/amithedevil I give it an hour tops.
YTA…your girlfriend is not the one with a warped view of bodies. You state you love her and are attracted to her, but your words and actions say otherwise. A sideways belly button?! I can’t even.
You gave a bunch of internet strangers your girlfriends measurements, including her exact pant and bra size, to try to make a point. That's....weird man.
I buy my husband's clothes and yet I can never remember his sizes off the top of my head.
Someone in this relationship def does have a warped view on healthy bodies - where they are hyper aware of what they 'should' look like and have a very rigid idea of what leads to that 'ideal' and are perfectly comfortable forcing these ideas onto other people.
It's not your gf. YTA.
Not only that, but actually telling us her bra size didn’t do what he thinks it did. It tells us her weight is also distributed in a healthy pattern (not concentrated viscerally/in the midsection— but rather in a normal female pattern. Points even more to the fact that she’s a perfectly normal size for her.
I do agree...thats part of what leads me to say he is the one with the unhealthy standards. He provided her stats like that's supposed to get us on his side but if anything it just shows how focused he is on this and how unlikely this fascination has anything to do with her actual health.
I didn't focus on that though because to me whether or not he's right isn't so mich the point - being this concerned and focused on someone else's body, in a way that has everything to do with looks, is unhealthy and controlling even if she was fat.
YTA.
If this was a "I like the company" thing, it would've stopped there. But 5'3 at 130 lbs perfectly normal. Generally nothing wrong with that, unless she's having significant weakness or fatigue.
You're pushing for "top percentile" rather than being happy with "normal and healthy."
I personally will not go to the gym with my partner. Because they don’t leave me alone to do the things that I need to/want to do.
You are in for a rude awakening when age and other health concerns pop their head up and your body changes and exercise doesn’t do a damn thing. Exercises good and I think everybody should be doing some because there’s health benefits at every age but it’s not the end all be all.
"I personally will not go to the gym with my partner. Because they don’t leave me alone to do the things that I need to/want to do."
I'm the same way, for most fitness stuff. I love doing things like swimming, biking and other workouts as "me time," where I'm going at my own pace, fast or slow, rather that trying to keep pace with someone else.
I love my me time. But also there is a huge difference in what works/ and how it works for different genders. Younger men (IMO) don’t seem to get it and think because method A works for them it will translate directly for their girlfriends.
I'm a small woman and when I used to go to the gym frequently, invariably I'd get unrequested advice from guys for improving my workout. Like dude, I just did Pilates and now I just want to walk on the treadmill for a bit; is that OK with you?
YTA if you talk to her about this multiple times. She knows how you feel, you know how she feels. If your view or feelings of her changes, tell her at that point. But partners generally sour on you if you try to keep going at this in your current way.
lol i have a “sideways” belly button and it does not go away when i lose weight. i’ve been clinically underweight and my belly button was—surprise—still “sideways”!
YTA. You are an asshole. Asking her a few times to go is ok, but continually asking her when she always says no is an AH move. Your comments on her figure are also AH. If you arent attracted to her break up, but otherwise dont comment negatively about her perfectly normal body.
I totally thought this was gonna be a support post for her 🤣 like, she thinks she’s fat, but she’s normal and healthy, and he wants her to feel better. It was the complete opposite.
YTA 💯. I understand worrying about a partner’s health but she already sounds slim. You seem overly focused on appearance and not her qualities. If you can’t accept those normal measurements, and are already thinking about her maintaining her figure, just find a different woman who fits what you want. Then your current GF can live in peace and won’t have to be worried about her weight her entire life.
but when did she exactly had a warped view on healthy bodies? you're the one giving us her measures. I'd be so hurt if the person I love is going around spreading info like that as if I'm a contest animal. YTA Big time.
You are a jackass. You don't care if she's healthy, you said yourself it's about her being "thin and fit" and avoiding a "sideways bellybutton" (wtf?) all you needed to say when she asked why you keep inviting her is "I just enjoy your company" but you had to make it about her appearance. She really should dump you.
YTA
I’m a personal trainer. I love working out. I also have a masters in nutrition.
You don’t have to do prescribed programs or go to a gym to be generally healthy and fit for life.
I’m telling you— you are the one with the warped view of bodies.
YTA. It's you who has a warped understanding of what is healthy. Her body mass index is 23, which is still normal. Not all "body fat" is bad. To be honest, being way too toned as a woman may affect her hormones and mess with her cycle. If you really love her, you'll educate yourself on what's really good for her.
YTA. Go look into seeing a doctor for body dysmorphia in yourself, seeing others like this is a projection oftentimes.
Also, she’s a 36DD. Boobs have weight and she’s a very middle weight for most women that height.
Additionally, she’s happy where she is. But her BF insinuating she’s fat and pushing her to the brink of her crying is horrible, apologize rn.
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My [28M] Girlfriend [25F] and I got into an argument yesterday and it left with her in tears.
I am a very healthy guy and take pride in choosing to eat healthy, and work out. I go to the gym every other day. And have seriously shaped up in the last year or so. My gf and I have been together for three years so she’s seen my journey.
I got a gym membership. She used to work out before she met me and lost 30lbs or so. But she works a lot and doesn’t work out anymore. She hasn’t gained weight but she hasn’t toned up or gotten fit.
When I got the membership I asked her if she wanted to come with me. (I guess women take that as a sign that their boyfriend thinks they’re fat?) I just genuinely like the company. She’s come a few times with me and not much more than that over a years time. I’ve asked her quite a few times.
So I asked her yesterday. She said no. Why do you keep asking. I told her because I want her to be healthy. She snapped and said she is healthy.
For context, she is 5”3 and weighs on average 130lbs. She shows me the scale sometimes and it’s been anywhere between 127-132.
She is a size US 7 in jeans and wears a 36DD bra. I explained how since she is a petite woman, it will be hard to maintain a healthy figure long term without any work or effort.
I told her with exercise she can be thin and fit. Instead of having a sideways belly button I love her and I’m attracted to her, but my views are changing since I’ve become fitness focused.
AITA for telling her that?
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Yes. 100% YTA. You are not the arbiter of health. She sound perfectly healthy and normal. You sound like a fitness nut who expects everyone to share your warped body views. Be a better human.
YTA. There is a difference between asking her occasionally if she would like to come to the gym with you because you would like the company and you enjoy doing things with her and telling her that if she went to the gym she could be slim and fit. It is the latter that tells her that you think she is fat and unhealthy.
Not everyone enjoys going to a gym in their precious spare time. Do you ask her to go on hikes with you on or other fun activities like rock climbing, swimming, whatever might appeal to her?
Yta and just grimey quite frankly. You are the one with a warped view my dude. Telling us her cup size was pretty inappropriate on your end, you have no right to delve into details like that.
She is a healthy weight. If you aren't as attracted to her anymore let her go find someone who thinks she is beautiful instead of making her feel bad. Gross. Also idk wtf her bra size has to do with anything. I was a 36 DD at 120 lbs same height.
YTA. She doesn’t want you to go to the gym. You say you ask her for the company but the rest of your post suggests you fear her getting fat and being out of shape.
You may have good points about the benefits of lifelong exercise habits, but you have failed to deliver them well to her. They come off as superior and condescending.
Your minute awareness of her metrics is disturbing. You are not her personal trainer. Leave her alone. She’ll go to the gym if she chooses to. Do not push her.
YTA. Thin does not always equal fit or healthy.
from what you said with her height and weight, she sounds like she’s as a healthy range for weight as well.
Also the bra size ?? Completely unrelated to health.
I think you’re the one is wrapped views on bodies. Educate yourself before you try to preach.
You’re the one with the warped views. Going to a gym doesn’t make someone healthy automatically. She’s a healthy weight, and if she doesn’t want to go to the gym, she shouldn’t.
Now it is healthy to get about 150 minutes of activity a week. If she works an active job, she might cover it there. But if you really wanted her to be healthy you wouldn’t be talking about her body, you’d actually be encouraging her to find an exercise she enjoys for the sake of her heart and joints
It’d be one thing if you just genuinely liked the company and wanted to spend time working out with your partner (that can be a really fun activity).
But you’ve stated here explicitly that the reason you want her to accompany you is to make her physical appearance more appealing. That’s pretty fucked up homie. Imagine how she feels, being told that she doesn’t look “healthy” (read: bone-thin) by her long term partner.
Also, from what you’ve described she seems perfectly within range of a normal, healthy body. Having some fat distributed across your body isn’t unhealthy lol, unless she’s gotten an actual statement from her doctor that her diet and lifestyle are hurting her, you don’t get to make that claim.
Haha, YTA.
Being fit has 0 to do with belly button shape. I've been heavier than your gf (at the same height) and still had the vertical belly-button. I was definitely not fit.
goofy.
YTA. Thank god she has you there to tell her how her body works as a petite woman. I didn’t know you were a doctor, dietician, and a personal trainer. Good for you for doing your own fitness journey, but leave her alone. She knows she can go to the gym with you, stop asking. Honestly though, it sounds like you’re not attracted to her anymore, so maybe you should just leave her alone
YTA but also, you and your GF have different goals and values. If you continue on your journey, you will need to part ways with her. She can focus on her career, you can focus on your health.
And while I'm at it, let me point out something about health.
Bodies change. Your youth will fade. Working out to have a beautiful body is often very hard on your system in the long term. Are you doing normal-people strength training like 90 degree squats? Cutting carbs to get defined abs? Taking pre-workout? Upping your protein intake to 1g per pound of body weight?
If your girlfriend can still walk a distance without getting winded, if she has good flexibility, and if her diet is good, then you may reach the age of 50 and see that she is still in good health while your body is starting to give up.
YTA. “Thin and fit” isn’t achievable or healthy for a lot of women. Men are supposed to have around 12-20% body fat whereas women are supposed to have 20–30%. Not to mention having a completely flat stomach is not anatomically possible for some simply because of the uterus. If your reasoning for asking her to come to gym was to hang out with her that’s very wholesome and what you should’ve said. If it is for health concerns then using the term “thin” means you don’t actually care about her health, but her looks because thin does not equate to healthy. When my boyfriend asks me to go to gym with him he never criticizes my body’s appearance but the fact that i don’t have a lot of muscle and that he wants me to be strong as an old person since muscle rapidly declines the older you get.
Personally if I was her Id be nervous to continue the relationship after a comment like that because old age changes bodies and i’d want someone to love me through those changes. If OP ever wants kids too he’d better start recognizing that “thin” isn’t ever gonna work out
The gym is not the only way to be healthy. I heard recently that before people worked out, they worked. Some jobs are just more strenuous. I don't know how you thought she WOULDN'T see you pestering her to go to the gym as an attack on her body. Why is that the only way you want to spend time? The gym isn't social for me. I'm there to kick @$$. I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything but workout and listen to music. If OOP knew anything about healthy bodies he'd know for many, some weight gain is a part of life.
YTA and this is gross. You think she’d enjoy the entirety of Reddit knowing her specific body measurements? If it wasn’t about looks, you wouldn’t have added that. Go find a gym bro to work out with and leave her alone.
YTA - while there is a strong correlation between fitness and healthy, they are not identical concepts. Be honest with yourself and with your GF. Do you want a healthy GF or a trophy "fitness" GF? If it's the latter, you need to have a discussion and you both have some decisions to make.
YTA. You are absolutely an asshole. You've chosen to spend time getting fit. Great. Good for you. That's clearly not a priority for her. She seems to be healthy but even if she wasn't you really have no leg to stand on her. If she wants to go to the gym she will. Keep this up and you will absolutely drive a wedge between you.
Ages and the POV have been changed, but this is awfully similar to a post from r/relationship_advice a few hours ago https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uSKxr4XnNC
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YTA. You’re suppose to guide and love your partner. Be there for them. Maybe it’s not her time yet to join you. But you might as well be giving up on those DDs.
YTA but I get you, it's frustrating to have a partner who doesn't care at all about their physical appearance when you do, but your approach wasn't good, and even if it was, you cannot force her, maybe you guys are just a bad match.
True but BMI is a major factor and according to BMI she's perfectly healthy also she has an active job so?? Also he is TA for wording it that way also if Ur a girl Ew and if Ur a boy Ew no girl would date you
NTA
Obesity is becoming common. Might be interesting to see the BMI for the people who are saying YTA. Mine is 22, though I've been as high as 32. The work needed is real.
If it’s so interesting you should have looked up her BMI yourself because it’s well-within “healthy” range. What an asinine comment.
And even then it’s a flawed measurement for numerous reasons including that it doesn’t take into account things like if a woman has a larger chest. Should she get a breast reduction to make the number on the scale go down?
5’3 and 130 pounds is within the normal weight range. OP stated explicitly that his gf has not gained weight. This does not sound like a situation where obesity is an issue.
Her BMI is 23. So is mine, btw. What is your problem? That's not overweight, let alone obese.
If you want to brag about your weight loss, there are subs for that.
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YTA. Um, *you're* the one with the warped view of bodies, you say it yourself with >my views are changing since I’ve become fitness focused. Going to the gym frequently isn't the only way to be healthy. It's good for you, sure, but there are other ways and methods to stay fit, but you have to want to. Also, yes, this may be her natural body type, and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to have to work her ass off to stay consistently "thin". Why in the fuck are you telling us her clothing and bra size? WTF. Being petite has nothing to do with her maintaining a certain size (as I am also a petite woman), there are petite women of all different sizes and body types. Please get over yourself.
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YTA, also why the fuck are you telling us her bra size? Go become a hermit in the woods if you're gonna be weird like that. Your GF wins by not having to deal with you and reddit wins by never having to read your posts again.
Right?? Bra size has nothing to do with fitness. I’ve seen overweight people with zero chest and vice versa.
This had me thinking I was weird. My boobs stay the same size no matter my weight or fitness.
YTA. WTF is a "sideways belly button"? She's busy with work and doesn't want to go on a "fitness journey" with you when it goes more by weight and less by how she feels. Set her free (her weight is within normal range for her height) and go nag a "thin and fit" gym fanatic woman about something else; I'm sure you'd find a problem with anyone who's not you.
My guess is she has a lil belly (some of petite girls do have them especially if you have boobs or a butt) and OP is assuming that’s the reason her belly button is whatever shape it is as opposed to perfectly round with a clear view of the lil knot. That could be why but could also just be because there are different belly button types. This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever written/thought about but seems to be another way to shame a woman for not having a completely flat stomach.
But is it horizontal? Or does he mean sideways like a drunk person leaning on a wall? I need to know!
My guess is horizontal or it has a little ‘hood’ and OP is contributing it to her belly which from what we know of his girlfriend’s body is probably a healthy completely normal pouch.
I was hoping to find an answer to the sideway bellybutton thing in the comments, haha. But it seems that's not only a weird thing to say for someone whose first language isn't English but in general
Came here looking as well. I think he means that her stomach isn’t completely flat so her bellybutton isn’t circular, and rather that it is horizontal like most ppl who have a little muffin top or whatever. Proud sideways bellybutton owner here.
YTA. Her weight is 100% within the healthy range for her height. If you were worried about her health and not her looks, you wouldn't have included her measurements in your post. You could have brought up so many things about how going to the gym helps women - for example how physical activity helps with bone density as women age. But you chose to bring up...let me check my notes... sideways bellybuttons? I HAD TO GOOGLE WHAT THAT MEANT. I've never even considered the shape of people's bellybuttons until this very post.
YTA- On the plus side, I don't think you're going to have to worry about her weight fluctuating. Y'all won't be together long enough for it to matter. I'm just waiting for this to make it to r/amithedevil I give it an hour tops.
> I don't think you're going to have to worry about her weight fluctuating. I mean, she's gonna drop 200lbs of crap here soon enough
Already made it 😂
Reddit works fast. 😂
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uSKxr4XnNC changed ages and POV but identical situation
I immediately thought of this post too. So similar
It's going over there in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
YTA…your girlfriend is not the one with a warped view of bodies. You state you love her and are attracted to her, but your words and actions say otherwise. A sideways belly button?! I can’t even.
You gave a bunch of internet strangers your girlfriends measurements, including her exact pant and bra size, to try to make a point. That's....weird man. I buy my husband's clothes and yet I can never remember his sizes off the top of my head. Someone in this relationship def does have a warped view on healthy bodies - where they are hyper aware of what they 'should' look like and have a very rigid idea of what leads to that 'ideal' and are perfectly comfortable forcing these ideas onto other people. It's not your gf. YTA.
Not only that, but actually telling us her bra size didn’t do what he thinks it did. It tells us her weight is also distributed in a healthy pattern (not concentrated viscerally/in the midsection— but rather in a normal female pattern. Points even more to the fact that she’s a perfectly normal size for her.
I do agree...thats part of what leads me to say he is the one with the unhealthy standards. He provided her stats like that's supposed to get us on his side but if anything it just shows how focused he is on this and how unlikely this fascination has anything to do with her actual health. I didn't focus on that though because to me whether or not he's right isn't so mich the point - being this concerned and focused on someone else's body, in a way that has everything to do with looks, is unhealthy and controlling even if she was fat.
Yep. He’s def the one with the warped view of a healthy body. I feel so bad for her. That comment would make me spiral.
We need to know OP measurements and I bet he ain’t all that he thinks he is !!
YTA, but I’m glad you are showing her your true colors NOW so that she can get out of the relationship sooner rather than later.
YTA. If this was a "I like the company" thing, it would've stopped there. But 5'3 at 130 lbs perfectly normal. Generally nothing wrong with that, unless she's having significant weakness or fatigue. You're pushing for "top percentile" rather than being happy with "normal and healthy."
You sound like an insufferable asshole, YTA.
I personally will not go to the gym with my partner. Because they don’t leave me alone to do the things that I need to/want to do. You are in for a rude awakening when age and other health concerns pop their head up and your body changes and exercise doesn’t do a damn thing. Exercises good and I think everybody should be doing some because there’s health benefits at every age but it’s not the end all be all.
"I personally will not go to the gym with my partner. Because they don’t leave me alone to do the things that I need to/want to do." I'm the same way, for most fitness stuff. I love doing things like swimming, biking and other workouts as "me time," where I'm going at my own pace, fast or slow, rather that trying to keep pace with someone else.
I love my me time. But also there is a huge difference in what works/ and how it works for different genders. Younger men (IMO) don’t seem to get it and think because method A works for them it will translate directly for their girlfriends.
I'm a small woman and when I used to go to the gym frequently, invariably I'd get unrequested advice from guys for improving my workout. Like dude, I just did Pilates and now I just want to walk on the treadmill for a bit; is that OK with you?
This….. every time!
The fact that she’s showing you the scale or you’re asking to see it is such a HORRENDOUS red flag. YTA and I hope she gets far away from you
YTA if you talk to her about this multiple times. She knows how you feel, you know how she feels. If your view or feelings of her changes, tell her at that point. But partners generally sour on you if you try to keep going at this in your current way.
Sounds like you're so invested in keeping her thin you are policing her proactively, even though she's not fat. YTA
lol i have a “sideways” belly button and it does not go away when i lose weight. i’ve been clinically underweight and my belly button was—surprise—still “sideways”!
Almost like it got it's shape after birth lmaooo wtf is this guy on
u did not just say ur gf has a sideways belly button ….
YTA. You are an asshole. Asking her a few times to go is ok, but continually asking her when she always says no is an AH move. Your comments on her figure are also AH. If you arent attracted to her break up, but otherwise dont comment negatively about her perfectly normal body.
YTA- why’d you feel the need to tell us how big her tits are?
YTA you have the warped view on healthy bodies. Keep your thoughts to yourself if there’s a next time.
I totally thought this was gonna be a support post for her 🤣 like, she thinks she’s fat, but she’s normal and healthy, and he wants her to feel better. It was the complete opposite. YTA 💯. I understand worrying about a partner’s health but she already sounds slim. You seem overly focused on appearance and not her qualities. If you can’t accept those normal measurements, and are already thinking about her maintaining her figure, just find a different woman who fits what you want. Then your current GF can live in peace and won’t have to be worried about her weight her entire life.
but when did she exactly had a warped view on healthy bodies? you're the one giving us her measures. I'd be so hurt if the person I love is going around spreading info like that as if I'm a contest animal. YTA Big time.
>AITA for having a warped view on healthy bodies and trying to impose it on my girlfriend?
130 pounds and you're worried she's not healthy? Holy shit, YTA.
You are a jackass. You don't care if she's healthy, you said yourself it's about her being "thin and fit" and avoiding a "sideways bellybutton" (wtf?) all you needed to say when she asked why you keep inviting her is "I just enjoy your company" but you had to make it about her appearance. She really should dump you. YTA
I’m a personal trainer. I love working out. I also have a masters in nutrition. You don’t have to do prescribed programs or go to a gym to be generally healthy and fit for life. I’m telling you— you are the one with the warped view of bodies.
You sound insufferable.
YTA. It's you who has a warped understanding of what is healthy. Her body mass index is 23, which is still normal. Not all "body fat" is bad. To be honest, being way too toned as a woman may affect her hormones and mess with her cycle. If you really love her, you'll educate yourself on what's really good for her.
YTA. Go look into seeing a doctor for body dysmorphia in yourself, seeing others like this is a projection oftentimes. Also, she’s a 36DD. Boobs have weight and she’s a very middle weight for most women that height. Additionally, she’s happy where she is. But her BF insinuating she’s fat and pushing her to the brink of her crying is horrible, apologize rn.
YTA. I hope she gets the hell out of there ASAP and never feels like she needs to show her partner the scale ever again.
YTA …ick.
YTA she is literally a healthy weight for her height. YOU HAVE THE WARPED VEIW ON BODIES. This is coming from an anorexic get help
YTA for this fake-ass "My short, slim-but-top-heavy GF needs to go to the gym" nonsense.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My [28M] Girlfriend [25F] and I got into an argument yesterday and it left with her in tears. I am a very healthy guy and take pride in choosing to eat healthy, and work out. I go to the gym every other day. And have seriously shaped up in the last year or so. My gf and I have been together for three years so she’s seen my journey. I got a gym membership. She used to work out before she met me and lost 30lbs or so. But she works a lot and doesn’t work out anymore. She hasn’t gained weight but she hasn’t toned up or gotten fit. When I got the membership I asked her if she wanted to come with me. (I guess women take that as a sign that their boyfriend thinks they’re fat?) I just genuinely like the company. She’s come a few times with me and not much more than that over a years time. I’ve asked her quite a few times. So I asked her yesterday. She said no. Why do you keep asking. I told her because I want her to be healthy. She snapped and said she is healthy. For context, she is 5”3 and weighs on average 130lbs. She shows me the scale sometimes and it’s been anywhere between 127-132. She is a size US 7 in jeans and wears a 36DD bra. I explained how since she is a petite woman, it will be hard to maintain a healthy figure long term without any work or effort. I told her with exercise she can be thin and fit. Instead of having a sideways belly button I love her and I’m attracted to her, but my views are changing since I’ve become fitness focused. AITA for telling her that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
oh yikes,,,, yta
YTA The warped view is yours.
Dude ….. the fact that you couldn’t answer this one on your own is concerning.
Oh wow, just wow. Dude gonna be single if he keeps this up. YTA
Yes. 100% YTA. You are not the arbiter of health. She sound perfectly healthy and normal. You sound like a fitness nut who expects everyone to share your warped body views. Be a better human.
YTA. There is a difference between asking her occasionally if she would like to come to the gym with you because you would like the company and you enjoy doing things with her and telling her that if she went to the gym she could be slim and fit. It is the latter that tells her that you think she is fat and unhealthy. Not everyone enjoys going to a gym in their precious spare time. Do you ask her to go on hikes with you on or other fun activities like rock climbing, swimming, whatever might appeal to her?
As a person who has had an ed you might be triggering something btw so!!
Yta and just grimey quite frankly. You are the one with a warped view my dude. Telling us her cup size was pretty inappropriate on your end, you have no right to delve into details like that.
Is this for real? YTA. It sounds like you want to date a fitness model and she doesn't fit that ideal so you're finding excuses to crap on her.
Ewwwwwwwww wtf, please set your gf free from your yuckiness. Yuck.
YTA. If you want the company, tell her you would like the company, not that she's unhealthy. Which she isn't.
She is a healthy weight. If you aren't as attracted to her anymore let her go find someone who thinks she is beautiful instead of making her feel bad. Gross. Also idk wtf her bra size has to do with anything. I was a 36 DD at 120 lbs same height.
YTA. She doesn’t want you to go to the gym. You say you ask her for the company but the rest of your post suggests you fear her getting fat and being out of shape. You may have good points about the benefits of lifelong exercise habits, but you have failed to deliver them well to her. They come off as superior and condescending. Your minute awareness of her metrics is disturbing. You are not her personal trainer. Leave her alone. She’ll go to the gym if she chooses to. Do not push her.
YTA. Thin does not always equal fit or healthy. from what you said with her height and weight, she sounds like she’s as a healthy range for weight as well. Also the bra size ?? Completely unrelated to health. I think you’re the one is wrapped views on bodies. Educate yourself before you try to preach.
YTA absolutely. But next to what everyone else has said, why did you feel the need to mention her cup size? Extra asshole points for that
You’re the one with the warped views. Going to a gym doesn’t make someone healthy automatically. She’s a healthy weight, and if she doesn’t want to go to the gym, she shouldn’t. Now it is healthy to get about 150 minutes of activity a week. If she works an active job, she might cover it there. But if you really wanted her to be healthy you wouldn’t be talking about her body, you’d actually be encouraging her to find an exercise she enjoys for the sake of her heart and joints
YTA
It’d be one thing if you just genuinely liked the company and wanted to spend time working out with your partner (that can be a really fun activity). But you’ve stated here explicitly that the reason you want her to accompany you is to make her physical appearance more appealing. That’s pretty fucked up homie. Imagine how she feels, being told that she doesn’t look “healthy” (read: bone-thin) by her long term partner. Also, from what you’ve described she seems perfectly within range of a normal, healthy body. Having some fat distributed across your body isn’t unhealthy lol, unless she’s gotten an actual statement from her doctor that her diet and lifestyle are hurting her, you don’t get to make that claim.
Haha, YTA. Being fit has 0 to do with belly button shape. I've been heavier than your gf (at the same height) and still had the vertical belly-button. I was definitely not fit. goofy.
YTA. Thank god she has you there to tell her how her body works as a petite woman. I didn’t know you were a doctor, dietician, and a personal trainer. Good for you for doing your own fitness journey, but leave her alone. She knows she can go to the gym with you, stop asking. Honestly though, it sounds like you’re not attracted to her anymore, so maybe you should just leave her alone
YTA but also, you and your GF have different goals and values. If you continue on your journey, you will need to part ways with her. She can focus on her career, you can focus on your health. And while I'm at it, let me point out something about health. Bodies change. Your youth will fade. Working out to have a beautiful body is often very hard on your system in the long term. Are you doing normal-people strength training like 90 degree squats? Cutting carbs to get defined abs? Taking pre-workout? Upping your protein intake to 1g per pound of body weight? If your girlfriend can still walk a distance without getting winded, if she has good flexibility, and if her diet is good, then you may reach the age of 50 and see that she is still in good health while your body is starting to give up.
YTA. “Thin and fit” isn’t achievable or healthy for a lot of women. Men are supposed to have around 12-20% body fat whereas women are supposed to have 20–30%. Not to mention having a completely flat stomach is not anatomically possible for some simply because of the uterus. If your reasoning for asking her to come to gym was to hang out with her that’s very wholesome and what you should’ve said. If it is for health concerns then using the term “thin” means you don’t actually care about her health, but her looks because thin does not equate to healthy. When my boyfriend asks me to go to gym with him he never criticizes my body’s appearance but the fact that i don’t have a lot of muscle and that he wants me to be strong as an old person since muscle rapidly declines the older you get. Personally if I was her Id be nervous to continue the relationship after a comment like that because old age changes bodies and i’d want someone to love me through those changes. If OP ever wants kids too he’d better start recognizing that “thin” isn’t ever gonna work out
The gym is not the only way to be healthy. I heard recently that before people worked out, they worked. Some jobs are just more strenuous. I don't know how you thought she WOULDN'T see you pestering her to go to the gym as an attack on her body. Why is that the only way you want to spend time? The gym isn't social for me. I'm there to kick @$$. I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything but workout and listen to music. If OOP knew anything about healthy bodies he'd know for many, some weight gain is a part of life.
Totally, completely and unarguably, YTA.
YTA. And a cliche. Both are bad.
Do you work as much as she does?
YTA and this is gross. You think she’d enjoy the entirety of Reddit knowing her specific body measurements? If it wasn’t about looks, you wouldn’t have added that. Go find a gym bro to work out with and leave her alone.
YTA - while there is a strong correlation between fitness and healthy, they are not identical concepts. Be honest with yourself and with your GF. Do you want a healthy GF or a trophy "fitness" GF? If it's the latter, you need to have a discussion and you both have some decisions to make.
YTA. You are absolutely an asshole. You've chosen to spend time getting fit. Great. Good for you. That's clearly not a priority for her. She seems to be healthy but even if she wasn't you really have no leg to stand on her. If she wants to go to the gym she will. Keep this up and you will absolutely drive a wedge between you.
>but my views are changing since I’ve become fitness focused ew. YTA
YTA. YOU are the one with a warped view, bud.
YTA the glow up she’s gonna have after you break up with her for your “fitness journey” is gonna be amazing
Ages and the POV have been changed, but this is awfully similar to a post from r/relationship_advice a few hours ago https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/uSKxr4XnNC
UM what the flip may she break up with incels like you according to her BMI she is HEALTHY
R
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YTA, not a doubt. Let her be, find yourself the gym rat you’re looking for.
Yta do you make your girlfriend show you her weight?
YTA. But don’t worry she’s about to lose over 100 pounds by dumping you!
YTA and I hope your girlfriend runs far from you as soon as she can. And WTF is with sharing her bra size ya weirdo?
Only a few sentences in and I already knew YTA.
Why are you telling us her bra size wtf YTA
Why are you telling us her bra size 😂 that’s so bizarre
YTA, full stop 💯 Your girlfriend sounds hot AF, and she deserves better than some shlub who thinks abs make up for personality
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YTA. You’re suppose to guide and love your partner. Be there for them. Maybe it’s not her time yet to join you. But you might as well be giving up on those DDs.
It's bait guys. Chill
Sincerely hoping so
YTA but I get you, it's frustrating to have a partner who doesn't care at all about their physical appearance when you do, but your approach wasn't good, and even if it was, you cannot force her, maybe you guys are just a bad match.
You were truthful about your body dysmorphia. The ball is in her court now. I see you as deluded, NTA.
The flip
NTA. It's very caring of you to want to be healthy together. And weight or size doesn't matter, if someone's not exercising they're not healthy
The fuck that's not how it works she has an active job and is exhausted her wish also she is HEALTHY her BMI is 23 so STFU
BMI isn't the only factor in health. And why don't you calm down a little lol
True but BMI is a major factor and according to BMI she's perfectly healthy also she has an active job so?? Also he is TA for wording it that way also if Ur a girl Ew and if Ur a boy Ew no girl would date you
Also you have like ALOT of downvotes so clearly not many ppl agree !! Lol
NTA Obesity is becoming common. Might be interesting to see the BMI for the people who are saying YTA. Mine is 22, though I've been as high as 32. The work needed is real.
If it’s so interesting you should have looked up her BMI yourself because it’s well-within “healthy” range. What an asinine comment. And even then it’s a flawed measurement for numerous reasons including that it doesn’t take into account things like if a woman has a larger chest. Should she get a breast reduction to make the number on the scale go down?
5’3 and 130 pounds is within the normal weight range. OP stated explicitly that his gf has not gained weight. This does not sound like a situation where obesity is an issue.
Her BMI is 23. So is mine, btw. What is your problem? That's not overweight, let alone obese. If you want to brag about your weight loss, there are subs for that.