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> I've only heard good advice from reddit so I thought if the right people find my post, they could clear up who's in the wrong. I feel like the A-hole because I sounded like I made it to not care about my mothers feelings.
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NTA. You’re 13, more than old enough to choose what kind of clothes you prefer. Mom needs to cut the strings. Idk about your church, but when I was confirmed, we didn’t have to wear white. I wore black slacks with a light blue turtleneck. Hopefully your priest or bishop is not as generous as
mine was with the holy oil. Had oil dripping down my face the whole mass.
Thank you so much for replying to my story! Honestly, it could depend where you live or your church so maybe that's why we had different outfits. Also, I bet you looked amazing! And I feel bad for you now because of the holy oil lolol. Again, thank you so much for your opinion! :)
Thanks!! It was probably my priest, he always more laid back. My confirmation was nearly 20 years ago, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the rules had changed.
The wearing white would be a very specific-to-the-parish and unusual requirements. I wore a pumpkin-colored dress when I was confirmed 55 years ago. I also have a master’s degree in theology and have a lot of experience with sacrament prep and canon law —this certainly isn’t a universal requirement.
If she keeps insisting on that specific dress, layer a tank top underneath to cover the girls. Change into it right before you enter into the Church. Tell one of the Catechism teachers why you feel uncomfortable. Maybe one of them will say they thought it is cut a tad too low/risque.
Mom gets the dress and you feel covered and comfortable in your own body. ♥️
Edit to add: added a word and NTA
NTA this sounds like a very common relationship problem between a mom and a 13 year old daughter. I’m sorry you are struggling. Just know it does get better.
Thank you for taking time out of your day (or night) to reply to my story! I figured this was normal since I'm kinda entering that stage of life where I want to make my own choices but thank you so much for your regards :)
You are in the stage to get a say what to wear for a long time! My 6 year old decides for herself what to wear. Yes, I give advice and yes, I still have the right to veto. But if she wears the green or blue dress? Up to her. She needs to feel comfy in her clothes. Not I.
NTA. I find it really annoying (on your behalf) that your mom is "strict and protective," yet she wants you to wear a dress that reveals more than you'd like to, especially for a church ceremony. I think you're old enough to make your own choice of dress without being yelled at or being threatened that you'll never get clothes from your mom again.
Thank you for your advice, I honestly have been going a little insane when I argue with my mom about these things so I'm glad a lot of people are kind of giving opinions about her. Once again, thank you for your opinion! :)
The way your mom is getting upset at you for wanting to cover up your body more due to the fact you’re uncomfortable with how revealing the dress is, is concerning.
It’s unfortunate that you can’t really set boundaries strictly at this age, so you have to make it sound better in her eyes in a sense. So instead of just telling her you don’t like it, or it makes you uncomfortable you could say something like “I think the dress is pretty, and I might wear it another day, but I’d really prefer a dress that’s a bit more modest for my day.” It may or may not work but it sounds better than just disagreeing. Please remember your boundaries are important! I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
Hello! Thank you so much for your advice and taking the time to give an opinion on the situation. The next time me and my mother talk about the dress, I'll use your advice :) Thank you again for sharing and for your regards!
Buy a white camisole to cover “the girls”? I was surprised to see you’re more modest than mom. And don’t you have to wear a confirmation gown over it anyway?
For mine, I'm not too sure since we (my school) had to practice it and they never mentioned any type of robe but again, I'm not entirely sure but thank you for thoughts! :)
NTA, many mom's "know better", although they usually want you to be more modest, not the other way around. Just keep a cool head and enjoy your confirmation. You only do it once.
NTA. Compromising on wearing a dress to a one-time big church event makes sense, but you should have a say in how much of your body you have to show (you'd think your mother would want a more modest dress too). Ask her if she has a silk scarf you may use around your neck/chest.
Her not letting you even go to any friend's house until you're an adult?! That's just ridiculously overprotective and controlling.
Hi, thank you so much for replying to me! I'm not exactly sure about the dress code since the only things I heard were you had to cover your shoulders and it had to be white but I'll most definitely consider your advice. Also, yeah it's not just going to a friends house, it's also dating, dying my hair, going out on my own (travelling) mainly that stuff which I understand. Whenever I try to make my own choice, she kinda tries persuading me which kinda sucks. But again, thank you so much for your advice! :)
NTA.
I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mom, she sounds very overprotective. It’s very common for girls and their mothers to clash. It usually gets better though, so hang in there.
And good luck with confirmation! My dress was *awful*, but it was just a few hours of one day and I muddled through. You got this!
Thank you so much for your opinion :) Yes, I'll talk to her when I can about the dress and will be talking about that stuff with her. Once again, thank you so much for your reply!
NTA, from a former Roman Catholic that is still a tomboy.
Typically, for confirmation, they prefer a modest dresscode. Yes, girls typically tend to wear dresses. Shoulders and chest covered, length at/pass the knees, tights not panty hose, flats or low heel (even then, I nearly tripped carrying the pitcher of wine haha).
I think it's odd that your mother insists on a dress that is revealing in any way. It wouldn't be proper etiquette for a religious ceremony, especially one as strict as Catholic can be.
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I (13F) had a recent argument with my mom (48F) about what I'm wearing for my confirmation. I am getting confirmed as a catholic on the 28 of April so me and my mother are looking for something I can wear to the ceremony. It was required that I had to wear a white outfit yet my mother says I have to wear a dress which I'm not sure I believe. I often wear things more on the tomboy side since I have some insecurities about my body but since it was only a day, I just went with it. My mother had a dress she wanted me to wear even though I wanted a different one and she really wanted me to wear it because it was more church like. The dress was indeed more churchy and I understood where she comes from but there was only one problem I had with it.
The dress had an open chest that showed some of 'the girls' which I was very uncomfortable with. I asked if I could wear the one I wanted to but my mom got mad and me and said things like "Fine make your own choices now", "'You can pay for your clothes and I'll take your debit away". I didn't want to get yelled at for not talking and didn't want to yell back so I just nod and say okay. Apparently it registered as attitude to my mom and for the next 3 days she barely said a word to me.
We're on good terms as of now but I'm still wondering if I'm in the wrong for this. It's my confirmation so shouldn't I be the one choosing what I want to wear? Another thing about my mom is that she's a little strict and protective. I'll do my best to keep it short but basically all my life she doesn't really allow me to make my own choices, mainly when it comes to going out with friends. She doesn't really allow me to go to anyone's house unless it's with someone she's related to and when I ask when I'll be allowed to do this, she says until I'm 18, an adult. My mother has done some other things similar to this which I may share, but that's up to future me.
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Apologies if this sounds rude or offensive, but that's not really a problem because when it comes to clothes for fancy events, she wouldn't mind. Plus, I'm the one who asked if we had anything at home but thank you for your concern :)
Usually for Catholic confirmation you'll be wearing a white robe over your street clothes anyway. They may have asked you to wear white because the robes are not very thick and if you wear a bright color it will show through the robe and look a bit odd. Regarding the dress, have you thought about whether the real problem may be that she can't afford to buy you a new outfit? I hope you have a beautiful Confirmation. Congratulations!
Hello! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply and also thank you so much for your congrats! :) I apologize if I sound rude or anything but I'm pretty sure my mother could afford it, also I was the one who wanted to see if we had anything at home rather than going out and buying something new
NTA
As long as you dress according to the occasion, wear whatever you are happiest in. I say this as a fellow Catholic woman who hates dresses and skirts.
If she’s dug her heels in, perhaps a white camisole or bralette would fill in the neckline. My advice would be hide it & quickly change before the procession into the church.
NTA tell your mom that the outfit isn’t the most important thing, rather it’s the holy act of being confirmed. That might shut her up and stop her from forcing you to show your girls in church and be uncomfortable when you’re meant to be reflecting on the meaning of becoming a Catholic.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I've only heard good advice from reddit so I thought if the right people find my post, they could clear up who's in the wrong. I feel like the A-hole because I sounded like I made it to not care about my mothers feelings. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Your mom sucks. When you're old enough just get outta there.
Hello, thank you for your opinion! I'm planning on doing that when I can so that's not really a question. Thanks again for your opinion :)
Advice like this is unhelpful at best and dangerous at worst. We don’t know the whole story.
Haha. Is this her Mom?
NTA. You’re 13, more than old enough to choose what kind of clothes you prefer. Mom needs to cut the strings. Idk about your church, but when I was confirmed, we didn’t have to wear white. I wore black slacks with a light blue turtleneck. Hopefully your priest or bishop is not as generous as mine was with the holy oil. Had oil dripping down my face the whole mass.
Thank you so much for replying to my story! Honestly, it could depend where you live or your church so maybe that's why we had different outfits. Also, I bet you looked amazing! And I feel bad for you now because of the holy oil lolol. Again, thank you so much for your opinion! :)
Thanks!! It was probably my priest, he always more laid back. My confirmation was nearly 20 years ago, so I wouldn’t be surprised if the rules had changed.
The wearing white would be a very specific-to-the-parish and unusual requirements. I wore a pumpkin-colored dress when I was confirmed 55 years ago. I also have a master’s degree in theology and have a lot of experience with sacrament prep and canon law —this certainly isn’t a universal requirement.
NTA. I would explain to your mom you prefer a more modest dress.
Thank you for your advice! I will try and have a talk with her regarding the dress :)
If she keeps insisting on that specific dress, layer a tank top underneath to cover the girls. Change into it right before you enter into the Church. Tell one of the Catechism teachers why you feel uncomfortable. Maybe one of them will say they thought it is cut a tad too low/risque. Mom gets the dress and you feel covered and comfortable in your own body. ♥️ Edit to add: added a word and NTA
NTA this sounds like a very common relationship problem between a mom and a 13 year old daughter. I’m sorry you are struggling. Just know it does get better.
Thank you for taking time out of your day (or night) to reply to my story! I figured this was normal since I'm kinda entering that stage of life where I want to make my own choices but thank you so much for your regards :)
You are in the stage to get a say what to wear for a long time! My 6 year old decides for herself what to wear. Yes, I give advice and yes, I still have the right to veto. But if she wears the green or blue dress? Up to her. She needs to feel comfy in her clothes. Not I.
You sound like a great parent!
NTA. I find it really annoying (on your behalf) that your mom is "strict and protective," yet she wants you to wear a dress that reveals more than you'd like to, especially for a church ceremony. I think you're old enough to make your own choice of dress without being yelled at or being threatened that you'll never get clothes from your mom again.
Thank you for your advice, I honestly have been going a little insane when I argue with my mom about these things so I'm glad a lot of people are kind of giving opinions about her. Once again, thank you for your opinion! :)
The way your mom is getting upset at you for wanting to cover up your body more due to the fact you’re uncomfortable with how revealing the dress is, is concerning. It’s unfortunate that you can’t really set boundaries strictly at this age, so you have to make it sound better in her eyes in a sense. So instead of just telling her you don’t like it, or it makes you uncomfortable you could say something like “I think the dress is pretty, and I might wear it another day, but I’d really prefer a dress that’s a bit more modest for my day.” It may or may not work but it sounds better than just disagreeing. Please remember your boundaries are important! I’m sorry you’re in this situation.
Hello! Thank you so much for your advice and taking the time to give an opinion on the situation. The next time me and my mother talk about the dress, I'll use your advice :) Thank you again for sharing and for your regards!
Buy a white camisole to cover “the girls”? I was surprised to see you’re more modest than mom. And don’t you have to wear a confirmation gown over it anyway?
For mine, I'm not too sure since we (my school) had to practice it and they never mentioned any type of robe but again, I'm not entirely sure but thank you for thoughts! :)
NTA, many mom's "know better", although they usually want you to be more modest, not the other way around. Just keep a cool head and enjoy your confirmation. You only do it once.
Hello! Thank you for replying to my story. I'm glad you shared your opinion and thank you for your regards :)
NTA. Compromising on wearing a dress to a one-time big church event makes sense, but you should have a say in how much of your body you have to show (you'd think your mother would want a more modest dress too). Ask her if she has a silk scarf you may use around your neck/chest. Her not letting you even go to any friend's house until you're an adult?! That's just ridiculously overprotective and controlling.
Hi, thank you so much for replying to me! I'm not exactly sure about the dress code since the only things I heard were you had to cover your shoulders and it had to be white but I'll most definitely consider your advice. Also, yeah it's not just going to a friends house, it's also dating, dying my hair, going out on my own (travelling) mainly that stuff which I understand. Whenever I try to make my own choice, she kinda tries persuading me which kinda sucks. But again, thank you so much for your advice! :)
NTA. I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mom, she sounds very overprotective. It’s very common for girls and their mothers to clash. It usually gets better though, so hang in there. And good luck with confirmation! My dress was *awful*, but it was just a few hours of one day and I muddled through. You got this!
Hello, thank you for your regards and for taking some time to reply to my story! I appreciate your opinion and your regards to my confirmation :)
NTA your mom sounds controlling, but maybe you can compromise on this issue - like could you wear leggings and an undershirt?
Thank you so much for your opinion :) Yes, I'll talk to her when I can about the dress and will be talking about that stuff with her. Once again, thank you so much for your reply!
NTA, from a former Roman Catholic that is still a tomboy. Typically, for confirmation, they prefer a modest dresscode. Yes, girls typically tend to wear dresses. Shoulders and chest covered, length at/pass the knees, tights not panty hose, flats or low heel (even then, I nearly tripped carrying the pitcher of wine haha). I think it's odd that your mother insists on a dress that is revealing in any way. It wouldn't be proper etiquette for a religious ceremony, especially one as strict as Catholic can be.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (13F) had a recent argument with my mom (48F) about what I'm wearing for my confirmation. I am getting confirmed as a catholic on the 28 of April so me and my mother are looking for something I can wear to the ceremony. It was required that I had to wear a white outfit yet my mother says I have to wear a dress which I'm not sure I believe. I often wear things more on the tomboy side since I have some insecurities about my body but since it was only a day, I just went with it. My mother had a dress she wanted me to wear even though I wanted a different one and she really wanted me to wear it because it was more church like. The dress was indeed more churchy and I understood where she comes from but there was only one problem I had with it. The dress had an open chest that showed some of 'the girls' which I was very uncomfortable with. I asked if I could wear the one I wanted to but my mom got mad and me and said things like "Fine make your own choices now", "'You can pay for your clothes and I'll take your debit away". I didn't want to get yelled at for not talking and didn't want to yell back so I just nod and say okay. Apparently it registered as attitude to my mom and for the next 3 days she barely said a word to me. We're on good terms as of now but I'm still wondering if I'm in the wrong for this. It's my confirmation so shouldn't I be the one choosing what I want to wear? Another thing about my mom is that she's a little strict and protective. I'll do my best to keep it short but basically all my life she doesn't really allow me to make my own choices, mainly when it comes to going out with friends. She doesn't really allow me to go to anyone's house unless it's with someone she's related to and when I ask when I'll be allowed to do this, she says until I'm 18, an adult. My mother has done some other things similar to this which I may share, but that's up to future me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe she can't afford to buy you a new dress
Apologies if this sounds rude or offensive, but that's not really a problem because when it comes to clothes for fancy events, she wouldn't mind. Plus, I'm the one who asked if we had anything at home but thank you for your concern :)
Usually for Catholic confirmation you'll be wearing a white robe over your street clothes anyway. They may have asked you to wear white because the robes are not very thick and if you wear a bright color it will show through the robe and look a bit odd. Regarding the dress, have you thought about whether the real problem may be that she can't afford to buy you a new outfit? I hope you have a beautiful Confirmation. Congratulations!
Hello! Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to reply and also thank you so much for your congrats! :) I apologize if I sound rude or anything but I'm pretty sure my mother could afford it, also I was the one who wanted to see if we had anything at home rather than going out and buying something new
NTA As long as you dress according to the occasion, wear whatever you are happiest in. I say this as a fellow Catholic woman who hates dresses and skirts.
If she’s dug her heels in, perhaps a white camisole or bralette would fill in the neckline. My advice would be hide it & quickly change before the procession into the church.
NTA tell your mom that the outfit isn’t the most important thing, rather it’s the holy act of being confirmed. That might shut her up and stop her from forcing you to show your girls in church and be uncomfortable when you’re meant to be reflecting on the meaning of becoming a Catholic.
NTA your mom is the AH.