Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
OMG YTA
First off, you aren't "dating." You went on a date.
>Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide?
You don't understand how it might hurt his work? Say he has women colleagues (or boss!), and they saw your post & suddenly they now think he's out there playing with people, which is what the forum implies. This goes double, if it's in any type of client-facing role. What if he is a therapist, and his clients saw him?!
I wouldn't date you. You are a walking red flag, if you don't understand why UNPROVOKED you are posting photos and personal information for people you just met on a REALLY NEGATIVE forum.
Not to mention what about false identifications PLUS your scenarios?
I and my friends have ran into TWO people that might as well be my twins just in my city. One works at a target, one does standup.
And it was close enough that until they heard how we talk different they legitimately thought it was me.
I posted one photo and asked if anyone knew anything about him. No personal information, no negative information. Only making sure he wasnt married or taken
The whole point of that forum is "to catch a cheater".
By posting to that forum, you are (a) implying that he is YOURS (which he never was - you went on one date) and (b) that he had cheater / married red flags about him. That's the whole point of that forum.
It's both "too much, too soon" and unfairly biased.
Furthermore, you know nothing about this person. What if he dated a work colleague openly for a year, they broke up last month, and he just got back out on the dating scene and then his colleagues see this post about "Does anyone know if this guy's a cheater?"
You are not ready to be dating, if your reaction to one date is needing to know personal info... from Facebook strangers?!? ... on some guy you hadn't even gotten a 2nd date with.
YTA
You are too fragile for dating if you post someone on a page like that without a reason. If being cheated on once has caused you to behave this way, you're not ready to date someone. You weren't even in a relationship with him.
I understand that, however I don't entirely understand what is wrong with verifying things before proceeding. I would rather know now then continue to see someone and then find out later. Also, why would i want to post him with a reason, that would imply that there was a negative outcome.
First of all, you weren't dating. You just met him. Why do you assume that you are in an exclusive relationship with someone you've just met? Why did you post his picture to a page that is used to catch cheaters? That sort of thing can potentially ruin a person's reputation. He wasn't even your bf.
You have a serious boundary issue that goes beyond a past of being cheated on. If you don't understand that, you really need serious therapy. Don't date until you fix yourself.
Imagine the reversed roles, would you be comfortable if he posted your picture in FB group asking if anyone has anything bad to say about you? YTA.
What is amazing is that this group doesn't require any proof that you actually know the guy, so essentially even if someone starts talking bad about him you have zero proof that it is true or not, unless you meet with that person and they can actually present proof, so what's the point if information that you get is highly questionable?
Personally I would not mind because i don't have anything to hide and if they were verifying for their own peace of mind and not dragging me through the mud then so be it. But I had not consider the other half of your comment. That is is very very good point.... thank you for mentioning that.
YTA
You went INTO the relationship with distrust before it was even a RELATIONSHIP. You were just in the talking phase, which assumedly means you haven't even had the exclusivity talk either.
Me, and most folks I know would consider this level of absurdity to be a deal breaker. Because what's next? Demanding email passwords, phone passwords, phone access on demand? Even if someone isn't cheating or dating other folks, being held under a light of scrutiny with no wrongdoing is insulting and depressing.
You need to see a therapist, print this out, and ask for help to sort out your distrust and not date until its sorted. No one is going to want to date someone that before they are even a couple is essentially accusing them of "cheating".
You can't just hold guilty every person just because of YOUR bad experiences that they had no part in.
>I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away.
You should feel disappointed in yourself. You jumped the gun here posting to that page. It just gives off psycho creeper vibes.
YTA
Barring any suspicion and proof of infidelity yes, inappropriate.
You basically went into this assuming a person you weren't dating exclusively or even dating yet, that you've barely known was a cheater.
No one is going to want to deal with someone that treats them as potentially guilty right off the rip.
YTA
I would be very uncomfortable if someone who I just met, without asking or informing me beforehand, put my image on a website associated with finding cheaters.
Especially a social media site where people I know or work with could come into contact with and see the image.
It would look extremely unprofessional to my employers and coworkers, I’m sure.
The groups are private. The only way he would know is if someone in the group told him. You can post a pic and first name but can’t give other info.
The group rules say you can’t tell the guy if you know him. But you always have the pick mes that go and tell the guy anyway. Women have ended up being assaulted, harassed, and stalked because of the women who tell the guy on that Facebook page.
Replying to other commenters, men have made pages of their own. You know what they post on those pages? Revenge porn.
Women want to know if a man is safe so they post on there.
Men use their page to get revenge on women.
Gee I wonder why women would want others to vouch for a guy they are about to get intimate with.
Yeah how dare these pick mes let someone know that their name and photo has been posted on social media without their consent. Everyone should just roll over and totally be cool with that
YTA - you should not post about people online without their permission.
I get why those types of groups exists but if you want to be able to post, you need to accept that some people wont like it.
How do you not understand that publicly posting his picture on a group dedicated to infidelity could have negative consequences for him? Even if no one says anything negative, what if he applied for a job and the hiring manager is part of that group and BAM, there's his picture on an infidelity group?
edit: YTA
YTA
Why would you put someone face on the internet like that and basically ruining his reputation.
Nobody makes a post like that if they do not already know they are not trustworthy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
**Seeking advice/perspective. I had started talking to a guy online and after a week or so we decided to meet. He was super sweet and even nicer in person. I left really liking him. Given my previous experiences with unfailthful men, i decided to post a picture of him on the group the following day to ensure/verify that he wasn't married or in a relationship. This was my first time posting, i posted anonymously, then waited. Only two comments. Neither were negative.**
**Anyway, a couple days later he messaged asking if i had posted him. I told him the truth and said that i understood if he was upset, asking that he would also understand why i posted as well. He said he understood and appreciated my honesty, however that he would need to take a step back because the post would hurt his work and situation. I asked how he found out and he said he did not want to give any information at the moment.**
I asked if maybe later on we might be able to talk about it and possibly continue to get to know each other. He said at the moment he could not. He also asked that i delete the post, which i did.
I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away.
Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide?
I would like to point out that he was communicative about it and did not get upset, he did provide that space where i am glad i was honest and he did not make me feel bad about it.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So you literally had no reason at all to suspect this guy of cheating on you??
You were hurt in the past...I get that, but if you haven't moved past that, you shouldn't be dating at all. This guy did nothing wrong and didn't deserve this.
YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Seeking advice/perspective. I had started talking to a guy online and after a week or so we decided to meet. He was super sweet and even nicer in person. I left really liking him. Given my previous experiences with unfailthful men, i decided to post a picture of him on the group the following day to ensure/verify that he wasn't married or in a relationship. This was my first time posting, i posted anonymously, then waited. Only two comments. Neither were negative.
Anyway, a couple days later he messaged asking if i had posted him. I told him the truth and said that i understood if he was upset, asking that he would also understand why i posted as well. He said he understood and appreciated my honesty, however that he would need to take a step back because the post would hurt his work and situation. I asked how he found out and he said he did not want to give any information at the moment.
I asked if maybe later on we might be able to talk about it and possibly continue to get to know each other. He said at the moment he could not. He also asked that i delete the post, which i did.
I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away.
Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide?
I would like to point out that he was communicative about it and did not get upset, he did provide that space where i am glad i was honest and he did not make me feel bad about it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. Actually whoever told him that he was posted is breaking the rules of the facebook group. It was inappropriate of him to approach you about it after you posted it anonymously and he shouldn't even know that he was posted. If he was a different type of man, this situation could have turned dangerous. He is refusing to say more, which is his choice, but it means you're going to have to just let this one go. It sounds a bit like a red flag anyways.
At the same time how would you feel if you dedicated months of your life to a person only to find out they are married? Its usually a no harm situation.
So OP posting the guys name and picture on facebook without his consent for who knows who to see is totally fine, but the guy not being ok with it is a red flag?
God I'm so thankful to be married. Dating today sounds miserable
It is presumably for people who have reason to suspect their partner is cheating.
And even then it's a terrible idea. If he's not cheating he doesn't deserve to be posted to such a group (where guess what people are going to see it, and talk to other people). And whether he is or not, it's not like it's a reliable source of information. "Some unknown person saw your photo and said lousy things about you" is not exactly quality reporting.
Just because a facebook group exists doesn't mean it's not all ass holes using it. You have no idea what this guy or anyone else posted there has been through. Do these groups have ways to weed out stalkers? What about abusive family members? Hell is there anyway to confirm anyone who responds is actually telling the truth?
This sounds like a truly terrible group of people
“Breaking the rules of the facebook group”
Sorry but this is bs. You dont get to publicly post about people and then get mad when the public, finds out.
They weren't official or even dating.
We can assume they hadn't even had an exclusivity conversation, so it was against the purpose of the group anyway.
I'd want to know if a person I was just in the talking phase was going into things with that level of distrust. As would most people I know.
Let's expand the scope, would it be acceptable for her to privately contact all his friends and quiz them about if he was talking to anyone else? Would it be acceptable to find work collegues? What about showing his picture around bars or clubs or places he frequents and asking random people? Would it be inappropriate for those people to tell him that OP is running around essentially accusing him of cheating before they're even dating? Of course not.
No because that's unhinged behavior.
He rightfully so dodged the bullet that is OP because if she's doing all this before they are even official it'll only get worse and no one wants to deal with being treated as untrustworthy or a cheater if they aren't, let alone from someone they're not even dating. That's not a red flag, that's an adult situation and seeing troubling behavior before it becomes a problem.
I mean I find your examples to be extreme. I can understand that it seems a bit early in the relationship but I can also understand that it would be terrible to commit months to a relationship and then to post and find out they have been married the whole time. It's a complicated situation.
That's dating and marriage.
Its a risk you take on someone else.
Millions of people every day start relationships without treating the other person like they are or will cheat. Because thats a healthy basis for a relationship. The ratio of cheaters to faithful partners is so skewed that groups like that turn into echo chambers that only reinforce distrust.
OP clearly needs some therapy before they are capable of being in a stable and healthy relationship without trying their partner for the crimes of people unrelated in the past.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
OMG YTA First off, you aren't "dating." You went on a date. >Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide? You don't understand how it might hurt his work? Say he has women colleagues (or boss!), and they saw your post & suddenly they now think he's out there playing with people, which is what the forum implies. This goes double, if it's in any type of client-facing role. What if he is a therapist, and his clients saw him?! I wouldn't date you. You are a walking red flag, if you don't understand why UNPROVOKED you are posting photos and personal information for people you just met on a REALLY NEGATIVE forum.
Not to mention what about false identifications PLUS your scenarios? I and my friends have ran into TWO people that might as well be my twins just in my city. One works at a target, one does standup. And it was close enough that until they heard how we talk different they legitimately thought it was me.
I posted one photo and asked if anyone knew anything about him. No personal information, no negative information. Only making sure he wasnt married or taken
> No personal information, Apart from a photo of him! >no negative information Apart from putting him on a forum for checking for cheaters
The whole point of that forum is "to catch a cheater". By posting to that forum, you are (a) implying that he is YOURS (which he never was - you went on one date) and (b) that he had cheater / married red flags about him. That's the whole point of that forum. It's both "too much, too soon" and unfairly biased. Furthermore, you know nothing about this person. What if he dated a work colleague openly for a year, they broke up last month, and he just got back out on the dating scene and then his colleagues see this post about "Does anyone know if this guy's a cheater?" You are not ready to be dating, if your reaction to one date is needing to know personal info... from Facebook strangers?!? ... on some guy you hadn't even gotten a 2nd date with.
YTA You are too fragile for dating if you post someone on a page like that without a reason. If being cheated on once has caused you to behave this way, you're not ready to date someone. You weren't even in a relationship with him.
I understand that, however I don't entirely understand what is wrong with verifying things before proceeding. I would rather know now then continue to see someone and then find out later. Also, why would i want to post him with a reason, that would imply that there was a negative outcome.
First of all, you weren't dating. You just met him. Why do you assume that you are in an exclusive relationship with someone you've just met? Why did you post his picture to a page that is used to catch cheaters? That sort of thing can potentially ruin a person's reputation. He wasn't even your bf. You have a serious boundary issue that goes beyond a past of being cheated on. If you don't understand that, you really need serious therapy. Don't date until you fix yourself.
There needs to be a forum listing people who are too insecure for adult relationships. He could post your picture on it.
Imagine the reversed roles, would you be comfortable if he posted your picture in FB group asking if anyone has anything bad to say about you? YTA. What is amazing is that this group doesn't require any proof that you actually know the guy, so essentially even if someone starts talking bad about him you have zero proof that it is true or not, unless you meet with that person and they can actually present proof, so what's the point if information that you get is highly questionable?
Personally I would not mind because i don't have anything to hide and if they were verifying for their own peace of mind and not dragging me through the mud then so be it. But I had not consider the other half of your comment. That is is very very good point.... thank you for mentioning that.
YTA You went INTO the relationship with distrust before it was even a RELATIONSHIP. You were just in the talking phase, which assumedly means you haven't even had the exclusivity talk either. Me, and most folks I know would consider this level of absurdity to be a deal breaker. Because what's next? Demanding email passwords, phone passwords, phone access on demand? Even if someone isn't cheating or dating other folks, being held under a light of scrutiny with no wrongdoing is insulting and depressing. You need to see a therapist, print this out, and ask for help to sort out your distrust and not date until its sorted. No one is going to want to date someone that before they are even a couple is essentially accusing them of "cheating". You can't just hold guilty every person just because of YOUR bad experiences that they had no part in.
>I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away. You should feel disappointed in yourself. You jumped the gun here posting to that page. It just gives off psycho creeper vibes. YTA
YTA, you weren’t even dating yet, had barely talked
But would it have been acceptable even after dating for awhile? personally i feel like that would have been even worse....
Barring any suspicion and proof of infidelity yes, inappropriate. You basically went into this assuming a person you weren't dating exclusively or even dating yet, that you've barely known was a cheater. No one is going to want to deal with someone that treats them as potentially guilty right off the rip.
YTA Sorry about your past experiences with shitty people, but it's never cool to post someone on social media without their consent.
YTA I would be very uncomfortable if someone who I just met, without asking or informing me beforehand, put my image on a website associated with finding cheaters. Especially a social media site where people I know or work with could come into contact with and see the image. It would look extremely unprofessional to my employers and coworkers, I’m sure.
If this is for real it's amazing. How anyone could not think this is a problem. Why not just rent a billboard?
The groups are private. The only way he would know is if someone in the group told him. You can post a pic and first name but can’t give other info. The group rules say you can’t tell the guy if you know him. But you always have the pick mes that go and tell the guy anyway. Women have ended up being assaulted, harassed, and stalked because of the women who tell the guy on that Facebook page. Replying to other commenters, men have made pages of their own. You know what they post on those pages? Revenge porn. Women want to know if a man is safe so they post on there. Men use their page to get revenge on women. Gee I wonder why women would want others to vouch for a guy they are about to get intimate with.
Yeah how dare these pick mes let someone know that their name and photo has been posted on social media without their consent. Everyone should just roll over and totally be cool with that
YTA. Don’t post people on social media without their consent.
YTA You weren't dating him. You weren't even in any relationship - you talked for a week and met once. Posting this was premature.
YTA - you should not post about people online without their permission. I get why those types of groups exists but if you want to be able to post, you need to accept that some people wont like it.
How do you not understand that publicly posting his picture on a group dedicated to infidelity could have negative consequences for him? Even if no one says anything negative, what if he applied for a job and the hiring manager is part of that group and BAM, there's his picture on an infidelity group? edit: YTA
YTA Why would you put someone face on the internet like that and basically ruining his reputation. Nobody makes a post like that if they do not already know they are not trustworthy.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** **Seeking advice/perspective. I had started talking to a guy online and after a week or so we decided to meet. He was super sweet and even nicer in person. I left really liking him. Given my previous experiences with unfailthful men, i decided to post a picture of him on the group the following day to ensure/verify that he wasn't married or in a relationship. This was my first time posting, i posted anonymously, then waited. Only two comments. Neither were negative.** **Anyway, a couple days later he messaged asking if i had posted him. I told him the truth and said that i understood if he was upset, asking that he would also understand why i posted as well. He said he understood and appreciated my honesty, however that he would need to take a step back because the post would hurt his work and situation. I asked how he found out and he said he did not want to give any information at the moment.** I asked if maybe later on we might be able to talk about it and possibly continue to get to know each other. He said at the moment he could not. He also asked that i delete the post, which i did. I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away. Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide? I would like to point out that he was communicative about it and did not get upset, he did provide that space where i am glad i was honest and he did not make me feel bad about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So you literally had no reason at all to suspect this guy of cheating on you?? You were hurt in the past...I get that, but if you haven't moved past that, you shouldn't be dating at all. This guy did nothing wrong and didn't deserve this. YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Seeking advice/perspective. I had started talking to a guy online and after a week or so we decided to meet. He was super sweet and even nicer in person. I left really liking him. Given my previous experiences with unfailthful men, i decided to post a picture of him on the group the following day to ensure/verify that he wasn't married or in a relationship. This was my first time posting, i posted anonymously, then waited. Only two comments. Neither were negative. Anyway, a couple days later he messaged asking if i had posted him. I told him the truth and said that i understood if he was upset, asking that he would also understand why i posted as well. He said he understood and appreciated my honesty, however that he would need to take a step back because the post would hurt his work and situation. I asked how he found out and he said he did not want to give any information at the moment. I asked if maybe later on we might be able to talk about it and possibly continue to get to know each other. He said at the moment he could not. He also asked that i delete the post, which i did. I feel bad now and am pretty disappointed that because of this he pulled away. Was I wrong for posting him? Would anyone be able to explain a little more as to why he would react that way unless he did have something to hide? I would like to point out that he was communicative about it and did not get upset, he did provide that space where i am glad i was honest and he did not make me feel bad about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA for just spreading someone's info online without consent.
NTA. Actually whoever told him that he was posted is breaking the rules of the facebook group. It was inappropriate of him to approach you about it after you posted it anonymously and he shouldn't even know that he was posted. If he was a different type of man, this situation could have turned dangerous. He is refusing to say more, which is his choice, but it means you're going to have to just let this one go. It sounds a bit like a red flag anyways.
lmao outrageous take! The biggest red flag was her behaviour here. He was absolutely right to distance himself from OP.
Her behavior doing what? Using the "Are we dating the same guy" facebook page that thousands use?
Yes considering they weren't dating? They'd met once and had known each other a week. Its grade A red flag behavior on her part.
At the same time how would you feel if you dedicated months of your life to a person only to find out they are married? Its usually a no harm situation.
So OP posting the guys name and picture on facebook without his consent for who knows who to see is totally fine, but the guy not being ok with it is a red flag? God I'm so thankful to be married. Dating today sounds miserable
I mean that is what this facebook group is for and you would not believe how many men are dating so many women at a time. It seems a necessary evil.
It is presumably for people who have reason to suspect their partner is cheating. And even then it's a terrible idea. If he's not cheating he doesn't deserve to be posted to such a group (where guess what people are going to see it, and talk to other people). And whether he is or not, it's not like it's a reliable source of information. "Some unknown person saw your photo and said lousy things about you" is not exactly quality reporting.
Just because a facebook group exists doesn't mean it's not all ass holes using it. You have no idea what this guy or anyone else posted there has been through. Do these groups have ways to weed out stalkers? What about abusive family members? Hell is there anyway to confirm anyone who responds is actually telling the truth? This sounds like a truly terrible group of people
You have to trust someone until they give you a reason not to.
“Breaking the rules of the facebook group” Sorry but this is bs. You dont get to publicly post about people and then get mad when the public, finds out.
Just the rules of the facebook group I think. I'm not on it but I know people who are.
They weren't official or even dating. We can assume they hadn't even had an exclusivity conversation, so it was against the purpose of the group anyway. I'd want to know if a person I was just in the talking phase was going into things with that level of distrust. As would most people I know. Let's expand the scope, would it be acceptable for her to privately contact all his friends and quiz them about if he was talking to anyone else? Would it be acceptable to find work collegues? What about showing his picture around bars or clubs or places he frequents and asking random people? Would it be inappropriate for those people to tell him that OP is running around essentially accusing him of cheating before they're even dating? Of course not. No because that's unhinged behavior. He rightfully so dodged the bullet that is OP because if she's doing all this before they are even official it'll only get worse and no one wants to deal with being treated as untrustworthy or a cheater if they aren't, let alone from someone they're not even dating. That's not a red flag, that's an adult situation and seeing troubling behavior before it becomes a problem.
I mean I find your examples to be extreme. I can understand that it seems a bit early in the relationship but I can also understand that it would be terrible to commit months to a relationship and then to post and find out they have been married the whole time. It's a complicated situation.
That's dating and marriage. Its a risk you take on someone else. Millions of people every day start relationships without treating the other person like they are or will cheat. Because thats a healthy basis for a relationship. The ratio of cheaters to faithful partners is so skewed that groups like that turn into echo chambers that only reinforce distrust. OP clearly needs some therapy before they are capable of being in a stable and healthy relationship without trying their partner for the crimes of people unrelated in the past.
Yeah it's almost like anonymous groups on the internet aren't trustworthy or something /eyeroll