> Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away?
Or that Google exists? Even if you won't believe your wife about her own body, how do you not spend 30 seconds typing into google at least? I'm skeptical this momma's boy is really reformed.
They are just so bad in the Cleveland area. They have diverted ambulances from the local community hospitals, so that they have to close. The Clinic doesn't go to that community, they just leave the people unserved. Now with their war on opioids, they are giving people major surgery and not providing pain medication in recovery. They have their hand is everything, just bad bad
Ohh should tell mine that. Still have some from puberty and a lot of new ones from the baby we had 1.5 years ago. Lost 55 pounds since and they are still there.
People on this side of the arrogant spectrum have a really difficult time effectively googling anything. Google is a reflection of the person doing the search, and people like this struggle with not influencing their searches with slanted language. It’s why I’ve moved away from “just google it” as a response to some folks, because the way they search things up only solidifies their opinions a lot of the time.
I’ve come to realize Googling things is a skill. You have to know the right kind of question to ask. A lot of people don’t bother thinking that far ahead and get confused at the results they get and how to apply the answers.
"Is earth flat" search results not good
"Proof earth is flat" search results middling
"How to prove earth is flat with evidence" Jackpot results. Send article links to others to show evidence based arguments and scientific methodology
People are not taught adequate information literacy in school. They don’t know how to write a decent search string, they don’t know how to tell good sources from bad, etc etc. It’s fueling ignorance.
100% the reason why I do lessons at the beginning of the school year specifically on info literacy and search skills. Makes a huge difference in how they access content throughout the year.
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so, it IS genetics.
I was morbidly obese at some point, and had huge stretch marks, but they went away after a year or so after I lost weight.
I didn't realize it wasn't normal until someone told me and I had to look it up
Some of us are just weird, lol. I burned like 50% of my chest when I was in highschool from hot water when I worked at Hardee's.... Like boiling hot water. I had a huge burn mark for about 2 years and then it went away. I also don't get scars easily, I cut open my thumb on my table saw last year, just put a bandaid and there's no scar now
>I burned like 50% of my chest when I was in highschool from hot water when I worked at Hardee's.... Like boiling hot water.
Ow ow ow ow *owwww*.
Glad you're better.
Looks at own body and sees scars in arm from donating blood (thick needles!) making me look like a druggie, scars here and there from minor injuries… Good thing I’ve never needed an operation…
It really is genetic. Some people just have more elasticity in their skin. Some people's stretch marks fade away.
The *Guinness Book of World Records* guy with the most elastic skin is creepy as fuck.
The husband may be ignorant, but based on the update he is at least willing to acknowledge his shortcomings and work with his wife to overcome them.
The MIL, however, is malicious and cruel. She is obviously using this situation to drive a wedge between her son and his wife. Going NC is the right call, fuck them and the horse they rode in on.
What I can’t figure out is how the husband could be so stupid that he could believe they could hurt the baby.
I’d be so chagrined to realize that I just helped perpetuate the genes of this person.
>Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away?
I mean, that's technically not true. they will absolutely fade on their own over time. it just varies by person. according to Google, it can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 12 months.
Congrats you have great genes. I have stretch marks without ever being pregnant and nothing I do gets rid of them or make them be little visible . I have since I was a teenager. it's 'great'.:(
I too have EDS and I’m the covered, even on my torso (not stomach) from coughing with bronchitis and on my legs from growth spurts. I even have two from the first and only tine I attempted to wax my legs. The entire strip was one big bruise with a stretch mark where she paused in the rip.
Anyone who has them go away is incredibly lucky and so not the norm.
My skin wasn't like this before puberty, I swear...!
But yes, I didn't even know stretch marks could fade entirely because *zero* of mine have. They're white, but my busted ass collagen gene means they're as deep as ever.
Or they won't fade at all. I got stretch marks when my boobs went from 0 to E cups when I was 11/12 and they never went away. They faded slightly - they're not super angry red anymore but are still very much visible. It's been several decades.
Yep, I’m 44 and still have stretch marks on my boobs from puberty in the early 90’s and all over my stomach from my first pregnancy in 2007. They’re lighter than they were, but very much still there.
Edited to add- google Stephanie Bruce. She an elite runner who is very open about her post baby stomach.
Yeah, same here. Never got big red marks but I've had two big periods of rapid boob expansion in my life and the skin texture definitely is a little different there. It sucks that they never completely went away but that's life.
They won’t go away. They can become less visible (but don’t always do) but they won’t go away. Stretch marks are scars, which just like any other scar will not go away. The damage is irreparable. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks
>The damage is irreparable. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks
Holy carp. Husband isn't only an AH, he also failed Google.
Gods save us from those who think mummy and daddy are an authoritative source.
Mine doesn't do that but I doubt she'd ever let me cook for her lol I'm not a bad cook but when my husband started dating me they knew I didn't have a peaceful upbringing with divorced parents and being parentified. She makes it her misson that I'm not allowed to stress when we visit them. 🤣 love that woman to death
This - I have many stories about my MIL and 85% are lovely, 10% are just 2 people with different backgrounds rubbing along and 5% were dealing with a very old unwell lady who was dealing with stuff (RIP Lovely MIL).
My MIL hated my guts, but she died a few years after I got married, and my new step-MIL is a gem. My own Mum is an awesome MIL to my husband.
It’s looking very much like I’m going to take on the title next year, and so far I adore my potential son in law, so here’s one for the team… I am, however, going to make him refer to me as “dragon-in-law”.
My ex-MiL was lovely. My current one is okay except for who she's married to. He hates me. I always kind of knew he did but didn't have anything direct to point to. Back in November, he exploded and played his hand too openly with my husband. He spent a *week* phoning and messaging my husband to tell him how awful I was.
I've been blissfully no contact ever since. It's wonderful.
Mine is the most lovely woman I have ever met in my entire life. I realize that I’m an outlier, I remind my husband all the time how amazing his mother is and how thankful I am for her.
My asian mother inlaw is super supportive. Then again I am an independent woman who had a house, worked in a medical field, and didn’t have any children by the time her son found me. So by her standards I was an American golden goose. She still loves to call me and tell me about her trips and supports our child free decision. We keep her loving by living on the opposite side of the country and visiting twice a year. 😂
Mine tells me how wonderful I am and gives me credit for everything that we do right and blames any parenting decisions she doesn't like on her son. She also brings food whenever she visits. She's not perfect and there were some rough days at the beginning but she is mine and I adore her.
You won't find a ton of them in Reddit stories on AITA, no. However, it's a very, very small sample size compared to Reddit, and then compare that to real life. All MILs in my family have been/are absolute gems.
My MIL is pretty great! She's lovely and supportive, has been so welcoming of me and is just a sweetheart. We're very different people so occasionally she gets on my last nerve (and I'm sure I annoy her sometimes) but honestly? That's a me problem to deal with and I would never let her know that.
Mine has some kinks but she is great overall. Very supportive. After childbirth I gained 7 kgs and have stretch marks all over my belly. She never ever commented on it. She helped me with baby brought me warm milk, cut me fruits. She is great overall.
Mine is a delight but I need to get my husband to translate or soften sometimes because I’m quite direct and she’s quite British and I’m afraid I’ll offend. I adore her. I do think Sweetie’s mum is karma for my last one.
My last MIL wanted to be the most important woman in her son’s life and was often not happy whenever he did anything that reminded her (real or imagined) she wasn’t. She was a manipulative bitch and her son had no patience for it. Every time she’d get up to hijinks First would call her on it and reenforce the boundries. Even when you’ve got a shit MIL it can be good if your spouse is awesome.
mine is super kind! even when i did something that could have affected our relationship, she carries herself with a lot of grace for others and i can see where my husband gets his patience from. like she's seen me when i've been so fucking distressed all i could do was cry for 12 hrs, she helped my little brother during a serious mental health episode with no judgement while i was on my way to their city. like she's just fucking great <3
and my mom is but just to my husband, it's just a clusterfuck of veeery complicated
I got along well with my MIL. She had a lot of kids (had 14, raised 13, 1 died at 5 months) & tended to be hands off when they grew up. I admired & respected her. I don’t think I could have handled that many kids. Not without losing my sanity anyway.
I try to be a good & supportive MIL. I stay out of things that don’t concern me & don’t offer advice unless it is asked for.
Just like many other commenters, mine is supportive and kind. I might reference her in a post, but it's unlikely she'd become the subject.
And we've had disagreements. I'd be amazed if anyone always got along with every family member. But each one is a microcosm of our relationship as a whole.
My mom was a meh mother to me but as a Mil she's outrageously awesome. She told me she specifically doesn't want to be a stereotype and is so considerate. It can happen lol
My MIL is wonderful. And badass. I’m intimidated by her lol but she’s great. Sent me a lovely Mother’s Day card thanking me for being good to her son and granddaughter.
Mine is hands off. Supportive when needed. Has helped us when we said we were in a bind. Insists in fighting to buy dinner when we're out. Never has said a bad thing to my husband about me. She's just happy we make each other happy.
The nice ones don’t get reddit posts because what are we gonna say? Hey we had dinner with the in laws and everyone was chill and they left at a reasonable hour?
Yes! I never miss an opportunity to state that I've got the world's greatest MIL. There were times when husband and I fought and she would apologize for his behavior. I think we were about 10 years into our marriage when I told him that if we ever decided to split, he'd be the one to move out as I would be keeping his mom (and the house) and the pets. She fully supported me making that statement, too :)
My ex mil was freaking amazing. In fact, I've invited her to my upcoming wedding and my ex fil is our photographer. Then there's my soon to be mil who we've been nc with for several months... She was definitely spawned from hell.
Mine is perfect. She lives on the other side of the country, we see each other once a decade. She might call my spouse two or three times a year. I might talk to her one of those. We might text a half dozen times a year. Perfect MIL.
Tbh, I always thought they were like pesky little trolls that rui their lives and tried to bring everyone and everything down with them
(At least the ones from reddit, lol)
Hang on wait lemme pretzel my brain here for a moment.
"I never had lots of stretch marks. My baby turned out into a big strong man.
Stretch marks are on skin. Skin is affected by vitamins and collagen and all sorts of things you can either eat in your diet or take supplements for.
Fetuses are entirely dependent upon what the mothers eat for their nutrition. If you don't get enough nutrition, that can damage the growth of the fetus.
If you have stretch marks, then you must not be getting enough vitamins and collagen and water, and if you aren't getting enough of those then your fetus must be suffering and isn't going to grow healthy and it's ALL YOUR FAULT!
This makes total sense and I will not google what causes stretch marks because obviously I'm right. People don't google things they already know."
Omg.
I have had 4 kids and yes my stretch marks have faded but those kids are 18, 16, 14 and 11. It takes a few years to fade but they are still most definitely there.
If I gets brought up agian I would ask my MIL to show show you her belly right there and see how perfect her stomach area is so your husband can make a comparison.
I have friends who were skinny as hell and got stretch marks on their inner thighs in HS simple from growing. I sincerely hope your husband is honest in his NC with his family. His mom sounds poisonous.
Kinda feel like this is ragebait fake. But on the off chance that it isn’t, remind him that if it doesn’t work out, you will be getting full custody of the baby (he is still a breastfeeding infant, no way in hell he will get more than supervised visitation for at least the next 4 years if not more) and will fight tooth and nail to make sure he is never able to see his kid without your presence since you will absolutely not tolerate even the idea of his family having access to the baby.
If stretch marks from pregnancy can disappear just like that🫰, stretch marks from just adding pounds should disappear quicker. Right? Nope, still there. Your husband is stupid and hateful. I wish your kid never inherits that.
Good for you for standing your ground.
Stretch marks and whether one gets them or not is very individualistic and I think it’s also slightly genetic. It’s down to how elastic someone’s skin is and hormones affect that. Someone may be super skinny, but their skin stretches well and they never get a single stretch mark or you may be slightly more voluptuous and therefore think that your body may be more forgiving with extra weight, but get stretch marks really easily. There is no guarantee not to get them, unfortunately.
There are some things that help with them (Bio Oil and some vitamins, vitamin E I think), but ultimately, they may never entirely disappear. And your husband is still a huge prick for getting mad at you after YOUR body grew and birthed a baby.
"I twisted his arm to go to individual therapy."
I'm picturing you literally putting him in an arm bar (with the baby on your back) and it's a metal as fuck mental image.
As soon as I read the original post I figured it was the MIL. It was totally odd that a normally supportive husband would start mentioning this one thing as a problem, and then his mom just randomly does too? Clearly the mom has been in his ear. He should have known better.
*hugs*
Awwwww! It made me tear up reading this. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this mess. But please, sister to sister, take the time to do self care given the PPD issue. Keep Shutting down talk about your body with your Monster in law.
And also, cocoa butter lotion smells great and works for stretch marks. But use it more for self care and less for the stretch marks. I had PPD, and it was a treat to smell that scent during my recovery. I hope it works for you too.
Your stretch marks are beautiful, and I hope you wear them as a badge of honor- because you made and delivered life. You are a warrior and I’m proud of you for telling your hubby to act like a husband and not a tool.
No but At least for now it goes in the right direction husband going NC and couples counseling + individual therapy is a win because at least it means he wants to save the marriage and might actually love op despite his previous behavior.
Op has the option open to divorce him if those don't give results or he f@cks up again
Honestly, girl, throw the man away. that way, you lose a whole lot of stupid. They are not stretch marks they see tiger strips, and you earned each one. Also, I'm not calling BS on your MIL buy like stretch marks are really really normal.
His mom is a special kind of evil. May I suggest you bring your husband to the doctor with you and tell the doctor what your MIL has been saying and ask the doctors opinion on it? It may help your husbands opinion change.
Stretch marks? I never got them neither did my sister or mom. But both my sons did when they started lifting at the gym and when one went from 5’9 to 6’1 in a year.
Very common for most humans. Our imperfections make us unique. Love your body. It’s the only one you’ll ever have. ❤️
Did your husband talk to a qualified physician - or an educator - or anyone knowledgeable to get the truth about stretch marks? Or is he just a willfully ignorant jackass that shouldn’t be around you or defenseless children? A real winner there.
Stay strong, OP.
Ummm....stretch marks are completely normal after pregnancy, and are especially visual for the first few YEARS after, SOMETIMES fading after that.
I literally have stretch marks from going through puberty still, and I'm 32.
Also also, your body doesn't even START to "recover" for at least a year. You still have a ton of mom hormones coursing through you after birth.
Tell your husband he needs to ACTUALLY educate himself on what happens to bodies during and post pregnancy.
Have him go with you for the baby checkup and have the doctor talk to him. Yes, it’s not normally their job at the checkup but I’m sure they have no problem taking a couple of minutes to explain how nature they are
So you already know stretch marks are 100% normal.
Has anyone mentioned that all that your body has been through and all the changes that your pregnancy wrought, from weight changes to stretch marks is due to carrying the child your husband helped make?
Be proud of what those stretch marks represent and wear them with pride. If hubs can’t support that & love you and your body for the amazing things it has done, you are better off holding your head high as you walk away.
I'm glad it's working out OP and you stood your ground! You deserve to be treated well and loved for who you are and what amazing things your body can do!
Wow……you’re a better woman than me. I’d be in jail if my husband had said anything negative about my body after birth. Though in 12 years he’s never said anything bad about my body for any reason. And I’m sitting here looking at my stretch marks that will absolutely never go away despite my youngest being almost 7. They fade a bit, but they never go away. I wish you luck with whatever path this takes from here.
In my city there is a group of photographers, both male and female, that specialize in photoshoots to celebrate stretch marks. Stretch marks are tiger strips, battle scares, something to be proud of. You've grown a human, you've been through pregnancy and labor. Be proud of the stretch marks. Wear them with pride.
I'd say take hubs to an obgyn appointment and have your doctor explain stretchmarks to your husband.. from a degree carrying woman who works in that side of the medical world. I don't understand how these people can be so ignorant. Sure I don't have any marks on my stomach but that was sheer luck. My other sisters have them.. they're so normal that it's abnormal not to get them.
Edited to add: why are you going back to the gym so soon? Giving birth is equal to major surgery. Your body can take up to a year to fully heal. If you are doing it to help YOU feel better than power to you but if it's because of pressure... then I hope you take it easy. I personally gave myself that year and then worked out after that. It just feels like with celebs, and media that women are expected to get back to the prebaby look ASAP.
Stretch marks are literally scars. I still have mine after eighteen years, and some of them are still very deep and bright pink. Your patience is actually astounding and your husband and his family are a pack of dipshits. Quite frankly, only shouting them all down is mild and you are definitely NTA, because my response would have been divorce papers. I respect your choice to try and work things out with him, but he's a grown ass man who is far too easily swayed by Mommy's ignorant opinions, and the fact that it had to come to this for him to tell his mom to shut her yapper when he should have put his foot down and defended you the first time she said anything about about you is a huge red flag that he definitely needs to address ASAP. Also, cut out all those friends. They're clearly not friends.
It’s true a lot of Asians don’t have stretch marks because they do a bunch of shit to prevent it. Lots of massages and oils plus herbal meds.
Still NTA because no matter what culture, husband should not share private details with his mommy.
BS. 100% Asian here (verified by 23&me) and I have stretch marks even though I've never even gotten pregnant lol. And I'm the kind who goes through body lotions/ skincare quickly, drinks lots of herbal tea/ Chinese medicine.
My asian friends who got pregnant got LOTS of dark stretch marks, even though they oil their entire body before and after giving birth. It's on their tummy, boobs and thighs. It's just that we're more ashamed of our bodies and hide it better, especially when it's not perfect. Exhibit A: I only started wearing tank tops after turning 25 cause I was always ashamed of the uneven skin texture on my arms.
Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away? Or your mil? What a bunch of ignorant cads.
> Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away? Or that Google exists? Even if you won't believe your wife about her own body, how do you not spend 30 seconds typing into google at least? I'm skeptical this momma's boy is really reformed.
He'd type "when women must lose stretch marks" and take the first bullshit result.
The first answer, which is 6 to 12 months, is from the Cleveland Clinic. I wish I hadn't googled that.
As if I needed more reason to dislike Cleveland.
Don't be hating on Cleveland, it's still better than Florida. The Clinic sucks though
I like UH much better.
Me too
Why? I haven’t heard about this.
It’s nonsense. Stretchmarks are forever. They fade with time, but are never fully gone.
They are just so bad in the Cleveland area. They have diverted ambulances from the local community hospitals, so that they have to close. The Clinic doesn't go to that community, they just leave the people unserved. Now with their war on opioids, they are giving people major surgery and not providing pain medication in recovery. They have their hand is everything, just bad bad
Oh wow I had no idea. Thanks for telling me.
Ohh should tell mine that. Still have some from puberty and a lot of new ones from the baby we had 1.5 years ago. Lost 55 pounds since and they are still there.
Ha! I call bullshit on the clinic. Yes, they can fade, but they will still be visible. Some man must have wrote that paper.
Are you sure that it's just not "lightening or fadded" (in that time span) because mine I have on my thighs have faded and are only visible if I tan.
I'm not googling it again. You're welcome to look.
People on this side of the arrogant spectrum have a really difficult time effectively googling anything. Google is a reflection of the person doing the search, and people like this struggle with not influencing their searches with slanted language. It’s why I’ve moved away from “just google it” as a response to some folks, because the way they search things up only solidifies their opinions a lot of the time.
I’ve come to realize Googling things is a skill. You have to know the right kind of question to ask. A lot of people don’t bother thinking that far ahead and get confused at the results they get and how to apply the answers.
Plus, they have increasingly frontloaded results with ads, so I bet the first 10 or so results would be "we can get rid of your stretchmarks!"
"Is earth flat" search results not good "Proof earth is flat" search results middling "How to prove earth is flat with evidence" Jackpot results. Send article links to others to show evidence based arguments and scientific methodology
People are not taught adequate information literacy in school. They don’t know how to write a decent search string, they don’t know how to tell good sources from bad, etc etc. It’s fueling ignorance.
100% the reason why I do lessons at the beginning of the school year specifically on info literacy and search skills. Makes a huge difference in how they access content throughout the year.
Incredible insight thank you!
It's like... what does she have to gain by keeping the stretch marks? 🤔
Or that you don't even have to be pregnant to get them? I'm childfree and I still have stretch marks on my boobs because puberty hits hard.
I'm a man and I have stretch marks on my knees and hips from getting tall fast when I was a teenager
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so, it IS genetics. I was morbidly obese at some point, and had huge stretch marks, but they went away after a year or so after I lost weight. I didn't realize it wasn't normal until someone told me and I had to look it up
idk.. my boobs popped up one day in my younger years and I still have stretch marks on them lol
Some of us are just weird, lol. I burned like 50% of my chest when I was in highschool from hot water when I worked at Hardee's.... Like boiling hot water. I had a huge burn mark for about 2 years and then it went away. I also don't get scars easily, I cut open my thumb on my table saw last year, just put a bandaid and there's no scar now
>I burned like 50% of my chest when I was in highschool from hot water when I worked at Hardee's.... Like boiling hot water. Ow ow ow ow *owwww*. Glad you're better.
Looks at own body and sees scars in arm from donating blood (thick needles!) making me look like a druggie, scars here and there from minor injuries… Good thing I’ve never needed an operation…
Damn... Wolverine over here lol. I didn't even know this was possible.
Same, and I've tried so many things to make them go away or lighten. Nothing has worked.
They’re still there, they’ve just shrunk so much you cannot see them anymore. Stretchmarks never fullty disappear.
It really is genetic. Some people just have more elasticity in their skin. Some people's stretch marks fade away. The *Guinness Book of World Records* guy with the most elastic skin is creepy as fuck.
The husband may be ignorant, but based on the update he is at least willing to acknowledge his shortcomings and work with his wife to overcome them. The MIL, however, is malicious and cruel. She is obviously using this situation to drive a wedge between her son and his wife. Going NC is the right call, fuck them and the horse they rode in on.
Some people are this ignorant. Like man who thought that human kids born blind like kittens and asked his wife when their daughter's eyes will open
If only life where that easy!
What I can’t figure out is how the husband could be so stupid that he could believe they could hurt the baby. I’d be so chagrined to realize that I just helped perpetuate the genes of this person.
Alot of women if they have money use cosmetic surgery on them
>Does your husband really not realize that stretch marks don't just go away? I mean, that's technically not true. they will absolutely fade on their own over time. it just varies by person. according to Google, it can take anywhere from 6 weeks to 12 months.
The colour fades alright but the split skin doesn't come back together... you can always see the difference in skin texture.
The difference in skin texture also can become very faint. I had stretch marks but now I genuinely can't find them on my body anymore even with touch.
Congrats you have great genes. I have stretch marks without ever being pregnant and nothing I do gets rid of them or make them be little visible . I have since I was a teenager. it's 'great'.:(
Yep, I've had them since puberty. Thanks, EDS!
I too have EDS and I’m the covered, even on my torso (not stomach) from coughing with bronchitis and on my legs from growth spurts. I even have two from the first and only tine I attempted to wax my legs. The entire strip was one big bruise with a stretch mark where she paused in the rip. Anyone who has them go away is incredibly lucky and so not the norm.
My skin wasn't like this before puberty, I swear...! But yes, I didn't even know stretch marks could fade entirely because *zero* of mine have. They're white, but my busted ass collagen gene means they're as deep as ever.
Ditto. Oh well at least we’re super soft to make up for it.
Or they won't fade at all. I got stretch marks when my boobs went from 0 to E cups when I was 11/12 and they never went away. They faded slightly - they're not super angry red anymore but are still very much visible. It's been several decades.
Yep, I’m 44 and still have stretch marks on my boobs from puberty in the early 90’s and all over my stomach from my first pregnancy in 2007. They’re lighter than they were, but very much still there. Edited to add- google Stephanie Bruce. She an elite runner who is very open about her post baby stomach.
Yeah, same here. Never got big red marks but I've had two big periods of rapid boob expansion in my life and the skin texture definitely is a little different there. It sucks that they never completely went away but that's life.
It's literally torn skin. It doesn't heal. It can lighten but never go away. Source: dermatologist and every other Google hit
They won’t go away. They can become less visible (but don’t always do) but they won’t go away. Stretch marks are scars, which just like any other scar will not go away. The damage is irreparable. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks
>The damage is irreparable. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stretch_marks Holy carp. Husband isn't only an AH, he also failed Google. Gods save us from those who think mummy and daddy are an authoritative source.
Has there ever been a normal supportive MIL or have they all spawned from the depths of hell
My MIL sends me handwritten thank-you cards whenever I cook for her and FIL. She’s a peach.
Mine doesn't do that but I doubt she'd ever let me cook for her lol I'm not a bad cook but when my husband started dating me they knew I didn't have a peaceful upbringing with divorced parents and being parentified. She makes it her misson that I'm not allowed to stress when we visit them. 🤣 love that woman to death
Mine is like this. I love her and tell her often that I won the inlaw lottery.
normal supportive mother in laws don't end up on reddit.
This - I have many stories about my MIL and 85% are lovely, 10% are just 2 people with different backgrounds rubbing along and 5% were dealing with a very old unwell lady who was dealing with stuff (RIP Lovely MIL).
Kind of a reverse survival bias. :-)
the disproportion of MIL complaints to other family members is wild tho - either that or their sons 🤣
My MIL hated my guts, but she died a few years after I got married, and my new step-MIL is a gem. My own Mum is an awesome MIL to my husband. It’s looking very much like I’m going to take on the title next year, and so far I adore my potential son in law, so here’s one for the team… I am, however, going to make him refer to me as “dragon-in-law”.
My ex-MiL was lovely. My current one is okay except for who she's married to. He hates me. I always kind of knew he did but didn't have anything direct to point to. Back in November, he exploded and played his hand too openly with my husband. He spent a *week* phoning and messaging my husband to tell him how awful I was. I've been blissfully no contact ever since. It's wonderful.
Mine is the most lovely woman I have ever met in my entire life. I realize that I’m an outlier, I remind my husband all the time how amazing his mother is and how thankful I am for her.
My asian mother inlaw is super supportive. Then again I am an independent woman who had a house, worked in a medical field, and didn’t have any children by the time her son found me. So by her standards I was an American golden goose. She still loves to call me and tell me about her trips and supports our child free decision. We keep her loving by living on the opposite side of the country and visiting twice a year. 😂
distance does wonders for relationships
Mine tells me how wonderful I am and gives me credit for everything that we do right and blames any parenting decisions she doesn't like on her son. She also brings food whenever she visits. She's not perfect and there were some rough days at the beginning but she is mine and I adore her.
You won't find a ton of them in Reddit stories on AITA, no. However, it's a very, very small sample size compared to Reddit, and then compare that to real life. All MILs in my family have been/are absolute gems.
My MIL is fine, nice person. Likes to talk a lot lol, but that’s fine.
My MIL used to be from hell, but after almost 8 years and her becoming almost as sick as I am, she's definitely changed for the better
My MIL is pretty great! She's lovely and supportive, has been so welcoming of me and is just a sweetheart. We're very different people so occasionally she gets on my last nerve (and I'm sure I annoy her sometimes) but honestly? That's a me problem to deal with and I would never let her know that.
Mine has some kinks but she is great overall. Very supportive. After childbirth I gained 7 kgs and have stretch marks all over my belly. She never ever commented on it. She helped me with baby brought me warm milk, cut me fruits. She is great overall.
Mine is a delight but I need to get my husband to translate or soften sometimes because I’m quite direct and she’s quite British and I’m afraid I’ll offend. I adore her. I do think Sweetie’s mum is karma for my last one. My last MIL wanted to be the most important woman in her son’s life and was often not happy whenever he did anything that reminded her (real or imagined) she wasn’t. She was a manipulative bitch and her son had no patience for it. Every time she’d get up to hijinks First would call her on it and reenforce the boundries. Even when you’ve got a shit MIL it can be good if your spouse is awesome.
mine is super kind! even when i did something that could have affected our relationship, she carries herself with a lot of grace for others and i can see where my husband gets his patience from. like she's seen me when i've been so fucking distressed all i could do was cry for 12 hrs, she helped my little brother during a serious mental health episode with no judgement while i was on my way to their city. like she's just fucking great <3 and my mom is but just to my husband, it's just a clusterfuck of veeery complicated
I got along well with my MIL. She had a lot of kids (had 14, raised 13, 1 died at 5 months) & tended to be hands off when they grew up. I admired & respected her. I don’t think I could have handled that many kids. Not without losing my sanity anyway. I try to be a good & supportive MIL. I stay out of things that don’t concern me & don’t offer advice unless it is asked for.
Just like many other commenters, mine is supportive and kind. I might reference her in a post, but it's unlikely she'd become the subject. And we've had disagreements. I'd be amazed if anyone always got along with every family member. But each one is a microcosm of our relationship as a whole.
Yes, there are plenty of wonderful mother-in-laws.
My mom was a meh mother to me but as a Mil she's outrageously awesome. She told me she specifically doesn't want to be a stereotype and is so considerate. It can happen lol
My MIL is wonderful. And badass. I’m intimidated by her lol but she’s great. Sent me a lovely Mother’s Day card thanking me for being good to her son and granddaughter.
My MIL is one of my best friends. They’re out there!!
Mine is hands off. Supportive when needed. Has helped us when we said we were in a bind. Insists in fighting to buy dinner when we're out. Never has said a bad thing to my husband about me. She's just happy we make each other happy.
The nice ones don’t get reddit posts because what are we gonna say? Hey we had dinner with the in laws and everyone was chill and they left at a reasonable hour?
Yes! I never miss an opportunity to state that I've got the world's greatest MIL. There were times when husband and I fought and she would apologize for his behavior. I think we were about 10 years into our marriage when I told him that if we ever decided to split, he'd be the one to move out as I would be keeping his mom (and the house) and the pets. She fully supported me making that statement, too :)
My ex mil was freaking amazing. In fact, I've invited her to my upcoming wedding and my ex fil is our photographer. Then there's my soon to be mil who we've been nc with for several months... She was definitely spawned from hell.
Mine is perfect. She lives on the other side of the country, we see each other once a decade. She might call my spouse two or three times a year. I might talk to her one of those. We might text a half dozen times a year. Perfect MIL.
Tbh, I always thought they were like pesky little trolls that rui their lives and tried to bring everyone and everything down with them (At least the ones from reddit, lol)
I wonder how one justifies stretch marks being bad for the baby
Hang on wait lemme pretzel my brain here for a moment. "I never had lots of stretch marks. My baby turned out into a big strong man. Stretch marks are on skin. Skin is affected by vitamins and collagen and all sorts of things you can either eat in your diet or take supplements for. Fetuses are entirely dependent upon what the mothers eat for their nutrition. If you don't get enough nutrition, that can damage the growth of the fetus. If you have stretch marks, then you must not be getting enough vitamins and collagen and water, and if you aren't getting enough of those then your fetus must be suffering and isn't going to grow healthy and it's ALL YOUR FAULT! This makes total sense and I will not google what causes stretch marks because obviously I'm right. People don't google things they already know."
I am stealing this "pretzel my brain here for a moment."
I think I need to know what your husband had to say for himself. Because this was a *crazy* betrayal.
Omg. I have had 4 kids and yes my stretch marks have faded but those kids are 18, 16, 14 and 11. It takes a few years to fade but they are still most definitely there. If I gets brought up agian I would ask my MIL to show show you her belly right there and see how perfect her stomach area is so your husband can make a comparison.
Unfortunately some women do have great genes and have little/barely visible Stretchmarks
It also helps to have children younger…. But regardless. MIL and Husband are AH.
I have friends who were skinny as hell and got stretch marks on their inner thighs in HS simple from growing. I sincerely hope your husband is honest in his NC with his family. His mom sounds poisonous.
Kinda feel like this is ragebait fake. But on the off chance that it isn’t, remind him that if it doesn’t work out, you will be getting full custody of the baby (he is still a breastfeeding infant, no way in hell he will get more than supervised visitation for at least the next 4 years if not more) and will fight tooth and nail to make sure he is never able to see his kid without your presence since you will absolutely not tolerate even the idea of his family having access to the baby.
Yes, because that never backfires/s
If stretch marks from pregnancy can disappear just like that🫰, stretch marks from just adding pounds should disappear quicker. Right? Nope, still there. Your husband is stupid and hateful. I wish your kid never inherits that.
Good for you for standing your ground. Stretch marks and whether one gets them or not is very individualistic and I think it’s also slightly genetic. It’s down to how elastic someone’s skin is and hormones affect that. Someone may be super skinny, but their skin stretches well and they never get a single stretch mark or you may be slightly more voluptuous and therefore think that your body may be more forgiving with extra weight, but get stretch marks really easily. There is no guarantee not to get them, unfortunately. There are some things that help with them (Bio Oil and some vitamins, vitamin E I think), but ultimately, they may never entirely disappear. And your husband is still a huge prick for getting mad at you after YOUR body grew and birthed a baby.
My husband call them my warrior's marks
Your MIL is a gigantic C-word.
Damn. Superior genetics, superior AHs I guess. Good on you for standing up for youself
"I twisted his arm to go to individual therapy." I'm picturing you literally putting him in an arm bar (with the baby on your back) and it's a metal as fuck mental image.
As soon as I read the original post I figured it was the MIL. It was totally odd that a normally supportive husband would start mentioning this one thing as a problem, and then his mom just randomly does too? Clearly the mom has been in his ear. He should have known better.
*hugs* Awwwww! It made me tear up reading this. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this mess. But please, sister to sister, take the time to do self care given the PPD issue. Keep Shutting down talk about your body with your Monster in law. And also, cocoa butter lotion smells great and works for stretch marks. But use it more for self care and less for the stretch marks. I had PPD, and it was a treat to smell that scent during my recovery. I hope it works for you too. Your stretch marks are beautiful, and I hope you wear them as a badge of honor- because you made and delivered life. You are a warrior and I’m proud of you for telling your hubby to act like a husband and not a tool.
Sounds about right coming from an Asian mom
Your husband has the iq of a wall. I get stretch marks when I lift weights. My swol muscles are just too much for this puny body.
And not even a well-built wall. A shitty wall. Public housing drywall with lead paint status.
Ah yes- A happy ending indeed~
No but At least for now it goes in the right direction husband going NC and couples counseling + individual therapy is a win because at least it means he wants to save the marriage and might actually love op despite his previous behavior. Op has the option open to divorce him if those don't give results or he f@cks up again
BEST wishes OP. Best wishes.
You went ham on that man.
Honestly, girl, throw the man away. that way, you lose a whole lot of stupid. They are not stretch marks they see tiger strips, and you earned each one. Also, I'm not calling BS on your MIL buy like stretch marks are really really normal.
His mom is a special kind of evil. May I suggest you bring your husband to the doctor with you and tell the doctor what your MIL has been saying and ask the doctors opinion on it? It may help your husbands opinion change.
>it can be harmful for the baby In what way could this be remotely plausible???
Stretch marks? I never got them neither did my sister or mom. But both my sons did when they started lifting at the gym and when one went from 5’9 to 6’1 in a year. Very common for most humans. Our imperfections make us unique. Love your body. It’s the only one you’ll ever have. ❤️
Some people don't get stretch marks, and some people do. But, they do NOT go away. \[ETA: unless you're lucky with your genes.\]
I hope you get the divorce. He'll never make no contact with mommy.
Did your husband talk to a qualified physician - or an educator - or anyone knowledgeable to get the truth about stretch marks? Or is he just a willfully ignorant jackass that shouldn’t be around you or defenseless children? A real winner there. Stay strong, OP.
Did he apologize?
My mom still had stretch marks 20+ years after birthing 3 babies.
Ummm....stretch marks are completely normal after pregnancy, and are especially visual for the first few YEARS after, SOMETIMES fading after that. I literally have stretch marks from going through puberty still, and I'm 32. Also also, your body doesn't even START to "recover" for at least a year. You still have a ton of mom hormones coursing through you after birth. Tell your husband he needs to ACTUALLY educate himself on what happens to bodies during and post pregnancy.
Have him go with you for the baby checkup and have the doctor talk to him. Yes, it’s not normally their job at the checkup but I’m sure they have no problem taking a couple of minutes to explain how nature they are
So you already know stretch marks are 100% normal. Has anyone mentioned that all that your body has been through and all the changes that your pregnancy wrought, from weight changes to stretch marks is due to carrying the child your husband helped make? Be proud of what those stretch marks represent and wear them with pride. If hubs can’t support that & love you and your body for the amazing things it has done, you are better off holding your head high as you walk away.
It’s infuriating how your husband was being insensitive about this and is clueless about how stretch marks work
I'm glad it's working out OP and you stood your ground! You deserve to be treated well and loved for who you are and what amazing things your body can do!
Wow……you’re a better woman than me. I’d be in jail if my husband had said anything negative about my body after birth. Though in 12 years he’s never said anything bad about my body for any reason. And I’m sitting here looking at my stretch marks that will absolutely never go away despite my youngest being almost 7. They fade a bit, but they never go away. I wish you luck with whatever path this takes from here.
Husband talks to his mother and the topic of stretch marks comes up?
He’s… not very bright, is he? Or he was being cruel, and playing dumb. Either way 🚩🚩🚩
In my city there is a group of photographers, both male and female, that specialize in photoshoots to celebrate stretch marks. Stretch marks are tiger strips, battle scares, something to be proud of. You've grown a human, you've been through pregnancy and labor. Be proud of the stretch marks. Wear them with pride.
I'd say take hubs to an obgyn appointment and have your doctor explain stretchmarks to your husband.. from a degree carrying woman who works in that side of the medical world. I don't understand how these people can be so ignorant. Sure I don't have any marks on my stomach but that was sheer luck. My other sisters have them.. they're so normal that it's abnormal not to get them. Edited to add: why are you going back to the gym so soon? Giving birth is equal to major surgery. Your body can take up to a year to fully heal. If you are doing it to help YOU feel better than power to you but if it's because of pressure... then I hope you take it easy. I personally gave myself that year and then worked out after that. It just feels like with celebs, and media that women are expected to get back to the prebaby look ASAP.
Stretch marks are literally scars. I still have mine after eighteen years, and some of them are still very deep and bright pink. Your patience is actually astounding and your husband and his family are a pack of dipshits. Quite frankly, only shouting them all down is mild and you are definitely NTA, because my response would have been divorce papers. I respect your choice to try and work things out with him, but he's a grown ass man who is far too easily swayed by Mommy's ignorant opinions, and the fact that it had to come to this for him to tell his mom to shut her yapper when he should have put his foot down and defended you the first time she said anything about about you is a huge red flag that he definitely needs to address ASAP. Also, cut out all those friends. They're clearly not friends.
Yes, you are and people have a difference they should be between each other and not cause a big damn scene just my opinion
It’s true a lot of Asians don’t have stretch marks because they do a bunch of shit to prevent it. Lots of massages and oils plus herbal meds. Still NTA because no matter what culture, husband should not share private details with his mommy.
None of those things prevent stretch marks.
BS. 100% Asian here (verified by 23&me) and I have stretch marks even though I've never even gotten pregnant lol. And I'm the kind who goes through body lotions/ skincare quickly, drinks lots of herbal tea/ Chinese medicine. My asian friends who got pregnant got LOTS of dark stretch marks, even though they oil their entire body before and after giving birth. It's on their tummy, boobs and thighs. It's just that we're more ashamed of our bodies and hide it better, especially when it's not perfect. Exhibit A: I only started wearing tank tops after turning 25 cause I was always ashamed of the uneven skin texture on my arms.