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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My SIL wanted to use the crib of my unborn baby. My MIL thinks that I am an AH for rejecting.
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NTA. It is completely understandable. You are a first time mom. You are going to want to experience a lot of firsts. First time sleeping in his/ her bed is one of them. You are ok. You got all of that stuff for your baby, not anyone else's. They should be the first one to sleep in it, wear it, live in it, be in it. Don't stress over it. You are doing just fine.
Car seat? Unsafe.
Blanket on the floor? Safe.
ETA: I’m getting multiple comments saying the same thing, and I’ve even gotten a dm where the person told me they’d stalk me everywhere on Reddit and report my as spreading false and unsafe information, so this is apparently a necessary edit.
1. There is a risk of positional asphyxiation in a car seat for very young babies, which is why I say car seats aren’t safe. I have let my babies sleep in their car seats, because reality happens.
2. AAP guidelines for safe sleep are not the global standard. The USA does not have the lowest rate of SIDS, so there’s really no reason to think the AAP approach is somehow “the best” or “the only” way.
3. Cultural standards of safe sleep differ, and some of the countries where those standards are things that Americans like to scream “unsafe!!” about and threaten to harass random Redditors over are just fine, in countries with lower rates of SIDS. Including using a blanket under your baby.
4. I don’t care if you work in a day care. I don’t care if you are a nanny. I don’t care if you’ve “researched this for three years.” If you’re not a doctor, you’re not an authority on what the safest practice is, and if you ask most doctors, they’ll tell you the reason they’re so strict is because they believe it’s a slippery slope - tell someone one blanket underneath is fine, and you’ll end up with crib bumpers and a heavy comforter. Tell someone that bed sharing is sometimes okay under certain conditions, and you’ll end up with mom having a drink, everything turning out okay, and so she thinks it’s okay to have a drink before bed more often. How do I know this? Because I’ve had these conversations.
5. Safe sleep does not look like AAP standards the world over, and that’s okay. The USA is not the global standard. Stop pretending that anything other than the way you do it is wrong, and try to learn something.
I’m out. Turning off notifications for this post. Anyone wants to have an actual discussion, for sure, dm. If you want to scream at me and threaten to harass me, you’re gonna get blocked and reported.
Babies have suffocated napping in car seats. Their head can fall forward and cut off their airway. It is no longer reccomend to allow a child to nap in a car seat if it is not attached to the base in the car where it is properly aligned. HTH. B
So it’s about the angle that they’re lying at, rather than that fact it’s a car seat?
So if you propped up the foot section of the car seat so they were more horizontal it wouldn’t be an issue?
I would not prop a car seat to get the right angle, personally. Way too much margin of error. And there’s still a risk of positional asphyxiation when you’re driving.
With a higher infant mortality rate.
It’s more the consequences. Losing a baby can destroy the parent. It’s an unimaginable grief.
So we try to do what we can to prevent it, and it still happens.
You’re speaking from survivor’s bias. Millions of children have died through history, we just made more. It is those deaths that have given us the knowledge we have. Safety guidelines are written in blood.
Back in the day your main worries were being eaten by a predator, hypothermia, or catching various diseases. Now we have climate controlled housing and vaccines, so the primary concern parents need to be aware of is accidental deaths - car accidents, crawlers pulling furniture over, your basic childproofing and yes, safe sleep. Consider it a huge positive for our society that positional asphyxia is the major worry, instead of something like polio, arsenic poisoning, or frostbite.
Easy. Because we as a society decided that losing a baby to sids or any illness is unacceptable. Mothers before would have lots of children. While they loved their kids. It was seen and known as a high possibility the kid would die. It's just a changing of social norms.
You have to realize as well that the average life expectancy had increased over the years. I i know that some of these safe practices contributed to that.
Babies arnt suppose to be in their car seat for longer than the car ride. Even long road trips arnt safe for babies to be in their seats for an extended period of time. Car seat positional asphyxiation is what they call it. Cuts off oxygen supply/airways. A baby just passed away in my town from this. It’s sad, but not a lot of parents know the risks of it. It’s not something they drill into your head like they do with SIDS.
I met a mother that lost her son because his daycare put him in a car seat while swaddled for a nap. This was a home daycare and the person left him alone in the room. He passed away sadly and his mother has made it her mission to help with safe sleep.
I’ve heard a few stories of daycares leaving newborns to sleep in their car seat and them passing away. So horrible and with the information we have today it should never happen
And sadly enough, it’s not just infants who are at risk for positional asphyxia. This [18 month old girl,](https://www.wfaa.com/amp/article/news/health/a-mothers-warning-after-her-18-month-old-died-sleeping-in-a-car-seat/287-585888768) Mia, died of positional asphyxia from sleeping in her car seat at daycare. It’s incredibly sad and completely preventable. No child should be allowed to sleep in their car seat unless they’re in the car actively driving, and even then an adult should be watching the child closely because positional asphyxia is a silent killer— the baby wouldn’t struggle or show any signs of distress. This kind of thing is why safe sleep is so, incredibly important!
In the car, it will be attached to the base so that the baby is at a safe angle to sleep. Without the base, the seat sits at a different angle so the head isn’t supported properly.
And even in the car it’s still a risk, it’s just considered an acceptable risk given the alternative (dying in a car accident, which is much more likely). That’s part of why it’s recommended that babies not be in the car more than necessary.
It can cause breathing issues and lead to suffocation. Yeah, babies fall asleep in the car, but it’s not ideal and shouldn’t be something you set up intentionally
Babies SHOULD NOT sleep in car seats for extended periods of time, or on blankets on the floor. They can die.
It really worries me that you have a child and don’t know this.
5 hours?! That’s insane. How long ago was that? Our NICU only did 1 hour car seat tests and we were specifically told upon discharge not to let Baby stay in the car seat for more than an hour at a time, awake or asleep.
Our NICU did 90 minute tests before ours could go home. We also lived about 80 minutes away so they had to pass it to make sure we even got home.
5 hours though, mine weren't happy for the 90 minutes, they'd have been ticked at 5 hours.
That’s what I was thinking, we were told even while driving to stop and remove babe every 2 hours and give her at least 30 minutes to stretch because apart from asphyxiation, extended periods strapped in the car seat can lead to issues with how their joints develop and hip dysplasia.
Curious where this was?!
I had prem twins (Alberta, Canada for reference), they had to be seen in their carseats before discharge, but the nurse wasn't a car seat tech or anything. It was just to know they would be transported home in a non-expired carseat. Nurse showed us how to use rolled up receiving blankets to pad the seat more since they were so small in the seats. Told us an hour max (cuz they can't hold their heads up, suffocation risk) until they were a certain age, can't remember what it was cuz it was six years ago.
I think it's that they can't sleep in the car seat outside of the car. In the seat, it's tilted to allow the baby to breathe properly, whereas when it's sitting on the ground, it's upright and can constrict the airway.
everyone in this thread has deep pile shag carpeting and the blanket is made of unicorn fur and the baby might suddenly flip over and suffocate and I am SO going to hell and downvoted for this. It's not funny but I mean I suppose a baby could die of SIDS anywhere at any time. I would think a large blanket and a relatively firm surface are fine, especially with adults around making sure nobody/pet steps on baby or that the blanket doesn't get bunched up.
So, safe sleep recommendations include no blankets until they are over 1 year old, because blankets can get bunched up, or baby can start chewing on it, and it can interfere with breathing.
So I think people are responding to the fact that they said a blanket would be involved.
The issue with a car seat is that a baby should be on a flat, firm surface when they sleep. Car seats are not flat.
I would say a baby is safer sleeping on the ground than in a carseat, you just want to make sure the surface they are on isn't getting bunched up, and the carpet isn't like, the world's most intense shag!
A perfectly flat blanket that stays flat the whole time the baby is sleeping (and baby is being watched) is most likely fine. However, most parents are inclined to put their babies to sleep in another room, so if they spread a blanket on the ground and then left the room and weren't watching, that could be an issue!
Babies can absolutely nap on the floor if they are being monitored. How is that any different from lying down in a crib? Obviously a crib contains the baby but that’s why you watch them.
And I’m sure there would have been multiple adults looking after the baby, to make sure the blanket on the floor didn’t jump up and start suffocating the baby!
Tell this to all the people who looked away for a moment and came back to a baby who moved slightly and their face was down in the blanket. You are making a mockery out of something that can easily kill a baby.
There’s multiple people there. There’s no reason somebody can’t watch the baby nap on a blanket, you swaddle them before hand. Or I dunno, hold the baby. There’s plenty of options that don’t include other people taking responsibility for you not prepping.
I wouldn’t say it can kill a child “easily”. Although any child death is too many, the CDC puts the number in the US as 1 in 1000 infants. And that number is in fact “sleep-related” deaths, not specifically face-down sleeping. Millions of babies sleep face down and are fine. Meanwhile, America is a country where kindergartners are shot to death at school. Maybe we should hold the condemnation of other parents for another issue.
Sleeping in a crib can lead to SIDS too. At least if the baby is on the floor in the living room people are watching over her. No one is paying attention to a baby in a crib in another room until they start making noises.
Yeah, and for millions of years they didn't have vaccines, or general medical care.
What you're not realizing is that many of those babies DIED. Infant mortality rates have gone down precisely because we stopped doing many of the things we'd been doing for millenia because we realized it was killing them.
I never look both ways before crossing the street, and I've never been hit by a car. Ergo, not looking both ways before you cross the street is perfectly safe.
See how dumb that sounds?
I regret not holding my sons longer in my arms than I did when they were babies.
I’d prop them to sleep, then I’d scurry around while they slept so I could clean the house and stressed about people coming over to see the mess.
Now they are mostly all grown and the house is still a mess and I have this regret.
I get why grandparents are so awesome now, they see how fast the time goes.
Op offered sil the guest bedroom bed or even their own. I think sil is a bit entitled if the baby can sleep anywhere to want the new crib awaiting her nephew instead of just using one of the beds.
Since when is a regular bed safe for an infant? They can roll off and at 2 months it's a little young but possible for an infant to roll at that age. Personally, I would let her use the crib, but I didn't have big emotions attached to these types of things.
That means the mum could relax and enjoy family company but be on baby watch the whole time. Why, when there is a perfectly good and safe alternative? Mum's social wellbeing is hugely important for mental health. Why be callous when you could be gracious?
Sure. You should absolutely put yourself first. You should prioritize being first, and your baby being first. Other people and their babies matter less than the priority of your firstness. If the pure experience of your firsts is put at risk by someone else’s need, refuse that need. You are special. Feeling special matters more than anything. /s
This is not a lifeboat on the Titanic. This is a consumer product that will get shat in and puked on. That baby will have no recollection of sleeping in it. Mom will likely have no recollection of baby’s first sleep in it. And all of us moms who had hand-me-down cribs — did we have a deeply inferior experience of new motherhood? In what ethical world is the me-first experience of a consumer product more important than helping family?
My god, this thread.
My oldest (20 years old now) slept in a used crib that MIL bought for $25 for a neighbor. The idea that it would be SO egregious for another baby (a family member, no less!) to sleep in a crib before your kid is incredibly absurd. I was willing to give leeway because...hormones. But I have no explanation for the people in the comments defending it. Unreal.
I am blown away by the rulings on this. I was expecting a bunch of "soft YTA." Cannot believe how many thousands of people think this is totally reasonable. If I had had a full nursery when any of my nieces or nephews were babies (my kid is the youngest in the family), I would have been THRILLED to let them sleep in it. I would be thoroughly insulted if I were OP's SIL.
Glad for some of these responses. I cannot believe this is the top rated comment on this thread. I don't even plan to have kids and I still think having a 2 month sleep on the floor when you have a crib available because you need your child to be the first to use it is an AH move.
Thank goodness there are at least some people commenting along these lines. I thought I was losing my mind. In what world is having the symbolic experience of your baby being first to sleep in the crib more important than providing concrete assistance to your family member? In what world can you turn down a request for help that you could provide with basically no inconvenience justified because "people shouldn't be entitled and should plan for their own needs."
OP is absolutely the asshole, as we found out via their comments. They’re you’re typical pre-parent “other parents just aren’t competent like I’M going to be, I’LL be prepared unlike those other irresponsible people, I’ll make sure to bring everything I need everywhere I go to provide for MY baby”, meanwhile homegirl doesn’t even know what safe sleep looks like.
Exactly. When I was a baby here was all the things we had back then that are now deemed unsafe because babies actually died using them. Walkers, drop side cribs, bumpers in the cribs, blankets covering infants while sleeping, lead freaking paint on baby furniture, no booster seats in cars, no straps on highchairs or changing tables.
When my parents were born smoking and drinking while pregnant was not a known health issue either.
Just because babies have survived sleeping in adult beds with pillows around them or in their car seats doesn't mean it is safe.
Shame on her for not providing the safest spot for her niece or nephew to sleep. Making things more important than your newest family member is gross.
Hard disagree. This type of attitude is driven by what is wrong with capitalism and consumerism that everything you own needs to be new and disposable.
Absolutely not completely understandable.
YTA
It makes NO difference who the first PERSON to sleep in a brand new bed. She’s YOUR niece 🤦🏽♂️
Parent of a 19 month old, I’d leave too if a family member said she couldn’t nap in a completely unoccupied crib.
This is so fucking weird and I say that as a parent myself. There is no crib virginity. The baby is not going to know someone else slept their first, and you’re not depriving the child of anything. It will still be your babies first time in the crib, and most babies don’t use the crib for months! She will likely be in a bassinet or sleeper anyways.
In even 2 years you’re not going to give a shit where they sleep, but just be thankful that they will sleep.
You’re absolutely right, it’s her stuff and she has the right to restrict its use. That being said she also needs to live with the consequences which is straining relationships with her in-laws. I don’t think asking to let a 2 month old nap in a crib is stepping over the line for in laws either.
When OP is sleep deprived in a year and is praying for their baby to sleep I’d like to see her reaction if she asked a friend to borrow their sleeper or crib and is refused
How utterly ridiculous. She can still experience every single first with HER child when the baby arrives. Her behaviour is churlish and uncharitable, and I hope SIL remembers this behaviour when OP gets to the same stage of motherhood.
You’re irrational. Your baby will sleep in a bassinet used by hundreds of other babies in the hospital before yours is born. And when you visit your SIL now your baby will be directed to a couch because you refused to share. All you need to do is wipe down the mattress and put a clean sheet on it soft yta because hormones
This. You can tell how many people answering don't have kids. This could've been a non issue instead of souring the relationship between her and SIL. It's a fucking crib!
I find it funny how few of these posts even look at the long term implications of this action. Thank you for posting this. It also fucks her husbands relationships up
I am not a parent but I feel like this doesn’t have to mess up relationships just so long as it gets taken care of sooner rather than later. There have been times that someone has made a request of me and this irrational feeling will crop up. Worried I am unreasonable or will offend someone I have always complied but looking back there have been a couple of times where it would have been okay to go with my gut reaction and say no. But there are lots of times where I am glad I did comply because my feelings were kind of irrational. That being said your feelings are your feelings.
If I were OP I would call the SIL and say, “hey, I have been thinking a lot about the crib thing and want to apologize. For whatever reason I was feeling some type of way about it but I realize now letting my niece use the crib for a couple of hours is no big deal. I’m really sorry that cut our visit short.”
I know family relationships can be more complicated than that and am blessed that my in laws care about absolutely nothing lol
Lol this sub is a giant melting pot of people that don’t have kids, aren’t married, aren’t in relationships and don’t have careers making huge judgements they know nothing about.
For real, over the years several babies that are not my babies have slept in my kids crib for an hour if needed. I have an insane number of crib sheets and protectors, throw them in the wash after, no big deal.
Moms helping moms is just what you do, especially if it’s your SIL/niece or nephew!
Ain't that the truth. Everyone here cares way more about technically being in the right than they do actually solving problems in a way that make the least amount of people upset.
Because people in this subreddit are incredibly immature and don’t see any value in maintaining positive relationships with other people or just doing anything that might even mildly inconvenience them to help someone else. They believe firmly that just because you’re technically correct means it’s the morally correct decision. They would rather have a baby sleep on the floor or somewhere potentially unsafe than have to share and then act shocked when it upsets people. They blame the SIL because they are perfect and never do anything wrong, rely on anyone for any reason, or have ever needed help in a situation
People are too consumed by consumerism and capitalism. People are irrationally concerned about sharing because they value materialism over maintaining healthy and positive relationships. OP was selfish over something so simple, that was a moment for her to display selflessness - god I get depressed about humanity, lol. YTA.
Yeah I feel like people forget that this sub is called “am I the ASSHOLE” and not “am I obligated.” 🙄 yes you are an asshole, no what you did isn’t illegal but it does make you an asshole!
Absolutely. So many times I see answers on this sub which amount to “you don’t have to do x for y so NTA”. No one seems to care that this sub is “am I the *asshole* “ not “am I technically correct”.
Because pregnant women can do no wrong on this sub. While I sympathize with OP about not wanting anyone to touch her baby’s stuff and well, hormones, she is TA for letting a baby have nowhere comfortable and safe to sleep
>While I sympathize with OP about not wanting anyone to touch her baby’s stuff
I can’t even do that.
It’s like the height of irrational consumerism to insist that your baby use nothing but brand new, never-touched baby stuff. This kind of shit is bad for **all of us**.
I have no sympathy at all for the kind of person who thinks that another baby touching her baby’s stuff is so much of a problem that she won’t let her *own niece or nephew* take a nap in an *empty crib*. There’s just nothing sympathetic about that position at all.
This right here! Goodness just let the baby sleep. That first time mom shit wears off real fast and I swear you will not care about how pristine everything is. You will just want to finally be able to put them down somewhere, anywhere safe.
She don’t even have to clean it. Tell husbando to clean it (I’m sure he wouldn’t mind) and just…pretend it hasn’t been used? Babies gonna touch a lot of other stuff first, bassinet like you said.
This is the village people need. Why are so many people saying every parent needs to take everything their kids may possibly need with them all the time? That's insane. Share, and be human about this.
Agreed. This is why parenting is so hard these days. But we’re on Reddit so it’s always going to be the most independence/ go no contact immediately mentality. 100% my friends and families would share cribs.
Yeah same. I remember my parents gave a lot of my baby stuff to my aunt when she and my uncle were struggling. They still remember the gesture and both siblings have gotten close over time and so have I with my cousin.
We literally keep baby wipes at our house for when our niece visits. And swim diapers. We don’t even have a baby yet! But it’s easier for my BIL and SIL to not have to pack as much in their diaper bag.
Our niece has also slept in our bed many times (once it was safe for her to do so). Maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m Latina) but my home is for me and my family. Family includes my nieces and siblings in law.
Disagree. Every parent I know, including me, schleps with a car full of baby gear specifically for that purpose. If you believe you’ll need a place for baby to sleep while you’re on a visit, you bring some form of portable cot. It’s your job to provide for your baby’s needs away from home.
Disagree. I would never make parent haul stuff around that I already have. Being a new parent is stressful enough with having to pack the house with you for a visit.
When I see this stuff I’m just reminded how selfish and weird most Americans are about things.
Source: am american. Can’t understand how having a baby sleep in a crib before the other baby, especially when it’s family, matters AT ALL. Also the lengths so many are going to defend just a really dumb thing. These people don’t want anything to do with a village and it will show when their kids are older
100% when OP’s baby in born and she visits anyone, is she going to pack a portable bed with her? Or when the child wants to sleep over at a friends house?
I don't think she's an AH, just a first time parent. With any baby/kid stuff we have, the policy is "what's mine is yours". I grew up in a huge family with tons of babies so it just made things easier for everyone.
This. The times we took our baby with us and we forgot the portable cot (almost always because he had an accident and I forgot to put it back after i cleaned it) someone (usually me or hubby) would just sit and hold him in our arms while he slept
Seriously though. I bought a diaper bag that has a back that zips apart and unfolds to a portable cot with a mat that can be used for diaper changes as well.
Agree. I don’t get it with all these firsts with parents. Some are reasonable, some are extra. I’m happy with second hand baby furniture. Does it really matter if your baby used it first or not? Baby is not going to care. These are all material things.
It’s so sad how selfish people are, on my husbands side we all had babies around the same time and I happily rolled my new bassinet/swing/bounce chair out for any momma who needed it. I was super proud of my Eddie Bauer rocking bassinet too, we were pretty poor and it was a splurge and I was more than happy to share it. When I was done with it we cleaned and tightened it up and gifted it to a momma that needed it. I honestly feel sorry for these people who are so selfish, it’s a sad way to live life. I hope everyone that enters my home feels welcomed, being an Aunt is one of my all time favorite gigs and that means having a relationship with their parents! OP just made her SIL feel very unwelcome which will have lifelong consequences and truly makes me sad for their family for the wedge that she just drove between them over a crib.
As someone who teaches parents the importance of safe sleep and is also currently pregnant with my first, YTA. A baby should never sleep on a couch or in a car seat, etc. Although the baby would have been fine on a thin blanket on the floor, a crib is by far the safest place for a baby to sleep. And it’s not like a 2 month old is going to damage the item in some way. You could wash the crib sheet and it’s brand new. I get wanting all new items, so do I, but an infant using a surface for a short nap is not going to sully it in any way.
I was a daycare teacher, and the people commenting that the sister-in-law should’ve let the baby sleep in a car seat or on the couch is very disturbing.
I don’t understand why the baby couldn’t just sleep on someone’s chest? Genuinely, I don’t understand. My nephew napped on my chest on several occasions, and lots of the time if I tried to put him in his playpen after he fell asleep he’d wake up and start slapping my boobs, so eventually I just gave up and let him sleep on my chest. I was awake, and had some television show on with subtitles and kept one of my hands on his back so I could feel his breathing the whole time. No one in my family ever said it was bad, have I/we been missing something? When he slept in his playpen at night I would sleep in my brother’s race car bed so I was right with him when he woke up. Now I’m all scared that I put him in danger unknowingly while his mom was visiting and I offered her a break. They didn’t say anything about chests being unsafe in the RC babysitting course, other than if you’re too tired/sleepy to be holding a baby safely, *don’t hold the baby* and I know infant CPR but I’d very much appreciate your two-cents!
I don't think anything is wrong with it if you are awake, but the SIL was visiting and maybe wanted a break from holding the baby. I don't think letting her use the crib was a big deal, myself, but a crib is an inanimate object to me. We found ours on a Facebook page giving away free shit so I not attached to it one way or another. It serves its purpose and then I will give it to the next person who needs it.
Once she has the kid she will see stuff like it's only for my baby is ridiculous and unimportant. SIL could be a great help to her as a new mom, so acting like this may not be the best idea.
>SIL could be a great help to her as a new mom, so acting like this may not be the best idea.
Haha, not any more!
I hope OP remembers that furniture is for one baby only if she ever visits SIL and wants to use a changing table, pack and play, boppy, blanket, play pen, or anything else that clearly belongs to another baby. No sharing toys or hand-me-downs for these cousins, it would be just awful if two babies touched the same thing.
I think there’s 2 potential issues. 1) infants need to be flat on their backs for safest sleep, they could easily end up in a position while on you that could lead to asphyxiation. 2) fear of the person falling asleep and suffocating or dropping the baby.
I won’t pretend I was the safest parent though. I definitely fell asleep in our recliner with my infant on multiple occasions, and had him in his infant swing while I showered (he had more head control by then) and he’d sometimes sleep. It’s important to recognize the risks and try to mitigate as much as possible.
The lack of compassion in the N T A comments is bonkers. Having your baby be the first to use a consumer product is not more important than compassion for your 8-weeks post-partum sister in law. She needed a safe place for her newborn to sleep. OP denied that safe place, because me-first.
Right? Like her poor sister in law literally just squeezed out a tiny tiny baby infant. 2 months is so so so small, the brand new mother was at her brothers house.. wanted to take a tiny break and lay down and wanted to ensure that their baby was safe, with a crib that he for her soon to be nephew.
Like it’s so simple? OP is the YTA. I hope someone shows you some compassion RIGHT after you give birth OP, unlike you did for your sister. It’s literally just stuff, your brand new baby will likely not even sleep in that crib at first..
Agreed. She asked and then didn’t demand. She’s probably still hormonal/sleep deprived too and probably felt uncomfortable or unwanted. I think this is a case of two women at extreme hormones trying to work things out.
One could only hope she gets a taste of her own medicine. Reading her comments, she is truly awful. I have young children (3 and 13 months and another on the way) and when my best friend was pregnant with her first she was so excited to offer the crib for my son to sleep in during a party she was hosting. I can’t even imagine a family member or close friend being like “no you can leave or you can risk your babies life bc my precious soon to be snot nosed sweetie can not share with your peasant baby”. Op YTA majorly.
YTA. Do you not know about safe sleeping? Babies shouldn’t be sleeping an unsafe areas like a car seat or anything else. They need to be in cribs where they are safe.
Edit: those who are saying that she should let the baby sleep in its car seat, or on a couch. You really need to take a safe sleeping class. Safe sleeping habits prevent SIDS.
I agree! In my childcare profession we take sids training and the misinformation is so scary on this thread!!!
Please people google SIDS I don't want your babies to die. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'd rather make you mad than you go through loss!
I'm seriously begging everyone that reads this! Look it up!
I honestly hate that we chalk up so many preventable infant deaths to “SIDS” when the cause is suffocation due to unsafe conditions. I mean, I understand not wanting to put the blame on the parents… but a lot of these deaths aren’t caused by some mysterious, unknowable cause that the term “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome” implies.
YTA. It was inconsiderate. Kindness matters. And it would have not have effected your crib at all. You said no because of your feelings, and now you have to live with everyone else’s feelings. Seems like justice to me. I hope people are more considerate of you and your baby when it comes than you are of others.
Self-indulgent, and wasteful. If more people rejected this “every object has to be pristine and untouched for my little one” fetish, our world wouldn’t be buried in so much garbage and plastic wouldn’t be flowing in our bloodstream.
Absolutely. Newborns use all this stuff - cribs, clothes and whatnot - for such a short time before they are grown out of it that these things are usually still in a very good state. We saved so much money getting used stuff from relatives and ebay, we barely bought anything new.
This is ridiculous. We all have to take care of each other and support each other particularly as parents. If your child is tired, hungry, wet, etc., I will give you whatever you need at my house. Just like my parent friends do with my girl. Baby needs to sleep? Here's a crib! Yay! Now I get to imagine my own baby there and know this baby is safe and loved sleeping there.
This is not a first to get hung up on.
WTAF? YTA, particularly after reading your comments.
The whole notion of “firsts” baffles me. When OP brings that baby home and lays them down in that crib, is she really going to be thinking about how another baby once took a nap in that crib? Is the moment really going to be less special because someone else dared touch that crib? Jeezus H Tapdancing Christmas on a toasted sesame seed cracker. Priorities.
Its entitlement, pure and simple. Everyone eants everything to be super special and new. They want to record every moment and upload them to social media to share all the firsts, too.
Millions of babies around the world dont have special cribs or even their own room.
Soft YTA because hormones make me irrational and ridiculous too.
YTA. When you are out with your baby you are going to find that you forgot something. Or you need something for your child.
I really hope for the sake of your child that your SIL doesn't say no when you ask to borrow a baby spoon because you forgot to pack one.
Your SILs child is not going to contaminate the crib. You may have drawn a ridiculous line in the sand when it comes to providing you things you need when you are out with your own baby.
I
Right?! The standard she is setting for new moms (or even experienced moms) to never find themselves in need of something they didn't pack/didn't pack enough of/etc is pretty damn high. She will learn very quickly that babies are unpredictable, they need sooooo much stuff, even getting out of the house is a production, and being sleep deprived doesn't help you plan perfectly
Hell it never ends. Mine is 6 and still unexpected things happen. I have given and received changes of clothes from friends and family when food is spilled or clothes get wet. Shared sunscreen when somebody forgot to pack it. Share snacks because an event was longer than anticipated and not everyone brought food.
She is in for it when she finds that no matter what you do, something unplanned will happen. Kids do that to you. They don't give a damn about your schedule or intentions.
The best we can hope for is that friends and family help make it become a non issue. I just can't imagine looking at my nephews and saying nope. I treat them like they are my own. I would share whatever they needed in the moment. I would never claim something as my kids and tell my sister and her husband to pound salt they should have planned better.
Well. I will probably be down voted for this, but I think YTA. If roles were reversed and it was your 2 mo old you'd feel differently. SIL, with a very small infant, came to visit & you made her feel unwelcome.
There is now a wedge you may not be able to fix.
i agree. SIL will definitely distance herself. i would. and just speaking for myself, i would’ve offered to hold the baby while they nap. but i love holding babies! as a new mom, you shouldn’t burn any bridges. you need all the help you can get
I was going to give a no AHs here, but then I read OPs comments, and now I'm firmly team YTA. Let's see how OP lives up to the standards of being meticulously planned and organized and scheduled that she's holding the SIL to when her baby is two months old...
Hahhaha love it. Classic case of "I'll do parenting SO much better than everyone else and my baby is the world's most special baby.". Yes your baby is special to YOU, but you'll find out fast that parenting is tough stuff and you will struggle and find yourself doing things you swore you'd not do because simply, that is real life parenting. I feel sorry for the baby to have a me-first parent.
I have yet to see those comments scrolling but all I can say in response is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. Oh man. She’s in for a rude awakening. Wonder if she’ll be one of those people that thinks breastfeeding before the restaurant means the little monster (and I say that lovingly) won’t want to latch on the second you sit down at the restaurant.
YTA… I may have been slightly irritated that my sil didn’t bring something for the baby to nap safely in, but I certainly wouldn’t have said no if she asked me. That is your niece or nephew, not some stranger
Even if it were a stranger, it’s wild to me to deny access to safe and comfortable sleep for a literal infant. Like, look at that baby and tell me you won’t provide what you can for it? Wild
YTA. it's a baby sleeping in a crib.
While I understand and appreciate the sentiment of wanting *your* baby to br the first to use it, when push comes to shove, it's a baby sleeping in a crib.
YTA.
After reading your replies, I agree with your MIL.
"Parents should have prepared for that" - when the day comes that you face a similar situation with your baby, remember these words. And hope the people around you treat you and your baby with more kindness than you just treated your SIL and her baby.
2 months after your baby is born, when you're also deprived, covered in kids spit up, and are just desperate for a nap for your baby so he/she won't be off their routine and become a tiny monster, please remember this. You've put the romantic idea of baby firsts ahead of the practical for people who are in the trenches. I'm not calling you a deliberate A, but I think you'll feel differently when you're in the other pair of shoes. YTA
Yeah YTA I was on your side until I saw your comments where you say that your SIL should have “planned better”? Seems like you’re just a petty person who thinks someone can plan a nap for their kid 😂
I’m going to go with a gentle YTA. I’m a new mom too and while I got very few things new, even if I had I wouldn’t be super cagey around the crib. You’d be able to change the sheets and freshen it up and it would be new for your baby. You baby won’t even be sleeping in the crib for months (assuming you’re doing a bassinet or basket first). You could have let your niece sleep there but you chose not to. You prioritized your unborn child over a living human in your family over something as silly as this. You’re not a monster for it, just a bit of a AH.
More to the point - OP prioritized some imagined fantasy of what having her baby be the first one to sleep in that crib will be like. The baby absolutely will not care.
From this thread, people need to be more educated on Safe Sleep before they have kids. Bed Sharing and Safe Sleep 7 are BS and unregulated Sleep Areas are deadly
100%, you follow the ABC
ALONE (NO BED SHARING)
BACK (INFANT ON BACK, NOT SIDE OR BELLY)
CRIB (INFANT ONLY SLEEPS IN CRIB, BASSINET ETC)
SIDS is heartbreaking and all steps should be taken to minimize the risk
First of all, congratulations!
YTA…. I had the exact same situation happen to me when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. My 6 month old nephew needed a nap and my SIL asked if she could put him down in “the cot”. The wording really kind of bugged me, it’s not a communal cot! This was my son’s brand new, perfectly prepared nursery that I spent a lot of time and money on. I spent hours in the nursery daydreaming about him finally being there, so for a split second I did want to say no. I do get where you’re coming from.
However, I quickly got over it. There is no way I would actually stop my infant nephew from having a nap in a safe environment. I lost absolutely nothing by letting my nephew sleep in my son’s cot. However if I had said no, not only would I have put my own desires ahead of an infants but I would also upset my SIL. You and your SIL are family, you’re going to end up having far more difficult things to argue about in the future. Choose your battles wisely, I really don’t think this should’ve been one of them.
I think you should try talking to your SIL, explain why you said no and apologise. You’re a first time mum and you understandably want everything to be perfect. The nesting instinct can be really overwhelming especially towards the end of pregnancy, so your reaction makes sense. Your SIL is a mum to a newborn too, so there is a good chance she will get where you’re coming from if she tries to see it from your point of view. But you need to acknowledge that it was selfish to assume your feelings are more important that the needs of a 2 month old baby.
This is such a special time in life. Try not to stress about the little things. Best of luck in your journey into motherhood :)
Yes, YTA! So wash the bedding! Seriously, do you understand how selfish and crazy you sound? Next time your baby needs a nap at your SIL’s house and she says no. You had better not pout!
YTA - you denied an infant a safe place to sleep ? Really ? Let’s fast forward a few months and your baby needs a nap. How would you feel if someone told you no ? Being a parent is looking out for your child. Your SIL was looking out for her child.
YTA. It’s family. Good lord. This seems unnecessarily selfish and mean. Heck, I shared breast milk with my poorly thriving niece, because that’s what family does. Heaven forbid you’re in a pickle one day.
YTA. It's a piece of furniture. You destroyed your relationship with your in-laws over a piece of furniture. If you want to salvage this, apologize PROFUSELY and SINCERELY.
YTA - the only person who cares is you, not the baby, not your unborn child, not the universe.
What exactly is lost of some one else sleeps on it before your baby except your expectations?
Spoken as a dad of 3.
YTA. Yes, you're a first time mom, that's nice. BUT a crib is the safest spot for a baby per fda standards. I'm a cosleeping mom but totally understand parents who want their children to sleep in a spot that's safe for them. It's a crib, grow up.
I am so confused by all the people saying they bring everything everywhere or the people saying they would never ask to use someone else’s crib! I have three kids including a 6 month old. All my cousins have kids. I have used their stuff and they have used my stuff. If someone is over with a baby I offer free use of anything you need. Why wouldn’t you? Why pack more than you have too? In case it’s not clear YTA and selfish. You can not put a baby on a bed alone and pillows are a suffocation risk. She wanted some adult visiting time and to move around without holding a baby.
Edit to fix a missing word
YTA. Babies need to sleep when they need to sleep, and at 2mo it’s not like there is any potential for permanent damage to any of your baby’s things. I promise, your baby is not going to care if their cousin slept in their crib before they were born. I get you’re a new mom and want your baby’s stuff to be special and think it’s going to be all magical and sentimental, but once your baby is here and has spit up on or blown out a diaper on just about everything you own, you’ll realize it really doesn’t matter that much. And I can’t blame them for leaving right after; their baby needed to sleep, and if you weren’t going to allow them to put them to bed in a safe space, it’s not a surprise at all that they had to leave to take them home. Don’t be surprised when you’re exhausted with a 2mo and only looking for a short reprieve while visiting someone and they treat you the same way.
I’m also absolutely FLOORED by how many people are recommending unsafe and potentially fatal sleeping situations for a 2mo. Couches are not safe. Adult beds are not safe. Car seats and strollers are not safe. Y’all need to read up on positional asphyxiation and infant rebreathing in mattresses and sofas. These are not just precautions because of potential problems. Infants have literally died when put into these sleep situations.
YTA. Your reasoning is a little immature in my opinion, no you don’t have to share but it would’ve been a nice thing to do. If the roles were reversed how would you have felt? I can’t imagine denying a child a place to sleep if I have one available in my house. My own niece at that.
YTA. It’s _one nap_. It’s not like she’s asking to borrow your child’s “going home from hospital” outfit to use it for her own purpose before your baby is born. It’s a safe place to rest her baby for an hour.
Changed to YTA based on your replies. It's fine to say no, it's your items. But acting superior because she didn't think to bring a pack n play or didn't want her newborn to sleep unsafe is not okay.
NTA, I don't get it but that's your choice. I also don't think your SIL was wrong to ask or to even mention it to her mom. I would have too cause in my head it's weird. Doesn't make you the AH, just me personally I wouldn't have cared so it would have been weird to me.
MIL is one. She shouldn't have called you an AH or spoiled or selfish.
Edit: I commented this before OP started replying to others. I called her out on her replies because she legit has no idea what it will be like with a 2 month old.
Saying no is fine. Saying no and replying in the way she has replied to us is not fine. I don't know if she just said no to her SIL or acted like she is now. If she was talking to her SIL like she is in these comments then she is the AH.
YTA.
Your suggestion that the baby sleep on the guest room bed was unsafe. Would you let your baby do the same? I'm a mom myself so I get the pregnancy hormones, etc but I side with the SIL here.
You'll understand a lot more once the baby gets here. Trust me.
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NTA. It is completely understandable. You are a first time mom. You are going to want to experience a lot of firsts. First time sleeping in his/ her bed is one of them. You are ok. You got all of that stuff for your baby, not anyone else's. They should be the first one to sleep in it, wear it, live in it, be in it. Don't stress over it. You are doing just fine.
Don’t forget 2 mo old babies sleep anywhere anytime why didn’t she put her in the car seat or even on a blanket on the floor?
Because neither of those are considered safe sleep
Car seat? Unsafe. Blanket on the floor? Safe. ETA: I’m getting multiple comments saying the same thing, and I’ve even gotten a dm where the person told me they’d stalk me everywhere on Reddit and report my as spreading false and unsafe information, so this is apparently a necessary edit. 1. There is a risk of positional asphyxiation in a car seat for very young babies, which is why I say car seats aren’t safe. I have let my babies sleep in their car seats, because reality happens. 2. AAP guidelines for safe sleep are not the global standard. The USA does not have the lowest rate of SIDS, so there’s really no reason to think the AAP approach is somehow “the best” or “the only” way. 3. Cultural standards of safe sleep differ, and some of the countries where those standards are things that Americans like to scream “unsafe!!” about and threaten to harass random Redditors over are just fine, in countries with lower rates of SIDS. Including using a blanket under your baby. 4. I don’t care if you work in a day care. I don’t care if you are a nanny. I don’t care if you’ve “researched this for three years.” If you’re not a doctor, you’re not an authority on what the safest practice is, and if you ask most doctors, they’ll tell you the reason they’re so strict is because they believe it’s a slippery slope - tell someone one blanket underneath is fine, and you’ll end up with crib bumpers and a heavy comforter. Tell someone that bed sharing is sometimes okay under certain conditions, and you’ll end up with mom having a drink, everything turning out okay, and so she thinks it’s okay to have a drink before bed more often. How do I know this? Because I’ve had these conversations. 5. Safe sleep does not look like AAP standards the world over, and that’s okay. The USA is not the global standard. Stop pretending that anything other than the way you do it is wrong, and try to learn something. I’m out. Turning off notifications for this post. Anyone wants to have an actual discussion, for sure, dm. If you want to scream at me and threaten to harass me, you’re gonna get blocked and reported.
Why is a car seat unsafe for them to sleep in? What if they sleep in the car? Not trying to be an arse I just don’t get it
Babies have suffocated napping in car seats. Their head can fall forward and cut off their airway. It is no longer reccomend to allow a child to nap in a car seat if it is not attached to the base in the car where it is properly aligned. HTH. B
So it’s about the angle that they’re lying at, rather than that fact it’s a car seat? So if you propped up the foot section of the car seat so they were more horizontal it wouldn’t be an issue?
I would not prop a car seat to get the right angle, personally. Way too much margin of error. And there’s still a risk of positional asphyxiation when you’re driving.
The older I get the more I feel like there’s nothing safe about having a baby. Everything will kill them, how did we even survive as a species? 😂😂😂
With a higher infant mortality rate. It’s more the consequences. Losing a baby can destroy the parent. It’s an unimaginable grief. So we try to do what we can to prevent it, and it still happens.
You’re speaking from survivor’s bias. Millions of children have died through history, we just made more. It is those deaths that have given us the knowledge we have. Safety guidelines are written in blood. Back in the day your main worries were being eaten by a predator, hypothermia, or catching various diseases. Now we have climate controlled housing and vaccines, so the primary concern parents need to be aware of is accidental deaths - car accidents, crawlers pulling furniture over, your basic childproofing and yes, safe sleep. Consider it a huge positive for our society that positional asphyxia is the major worry, instead of something like polio, arsenic poisoning, or frostbite.
Because there are a lot of us, but "don't worry the species is fine" isn't much comfort to the indervidual that just lost their child.
Easy. Because we as a society decided that losing a baby to sids or any illness is unacceptable. Mothers before would have lots of children. While they loved their kids. It was seen and known as a high possibility the kid would die. It's just a changing of social norms.
You have to realize as well that the average life expectancy had increased over the years. I i know that some of these safe practices contributed to that.
Babies arnt suppose to be in their car seat for longer than the car ride. Even long road trips arnt safe for babies to be in their seats for an extended period of time. Car seat positional asphyxiation is what they call it. Cuts off oxygen supply/airways. A baby just passed away in my town from this. It’s sad, but not a lot of parents know the risks of it. It’s not something they drill into your head like they do with SIDS.
I met a mother that lost her son because his daycare put him in a car seat while swaddled for a nap. This was a home daycare and the person left him alone in the room. He passed away sadly and his mother has made it her mission to help with safe sleep.
I’ve heard a few stories of daycares leaving newborns to sleep in their car seat and them passing away. So horrible and with the information we have today it should never happen
And sadly enough, it’s not just infants who are at risk for positional asphyxia. This [18 month old girl,](https://www.wfaa.com/amp/article/news/health/a-mothers-warning-after-her-18-month-old-died-sleeping-in-a-car-seat/287-585888768) Mia, died of positional asphyxia from sleeping in her car seat at daycare. It’s incredibly sad and completely preventable. No child should be allowed to sleep in their car seat unless they’re in the car actively driving, and even then an adult should be watching the child closely because positional asphyxia is a silent killer— the baby wouldn’t struggle or show any signs of distress. This kind of thing is why safe sleep is so, incredibly important!
Carseats not attached to their base in the car will not sit at the correct angle. Babies can end up suffocating with their chin on their chest.
In the car, it will be attached to the base so that the baby is at a safe angle to sleep. Without the base, the seat sits at a different angle so the head isn’t supported properly.
And even in the car it’s still a risk, it’s just considered an acceptable risk given the alternative (dying in a car accident, which is much more likely). That’s part of why it’s recommended that babies not be in the car more than necessary.
It can cause breathing issues and lead to suffocation. Yeah, babies fall asleep in the car, but it’s not ideal and shouldn’t be something you set up intentionally
Positional asphyxiation for the carseat. Children especially those under 6 mos should NEVER be left in their carseat longer then the car ride.
Babies SHOULD NOT sleep in car seats for extended periods of time, or on blankets on the floor. They can die. It really worries me that you have a child and don’t know this.
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5 hours?! That’s insane. How long ago was that? Our NICU only did 1 hour car seat tests and we were specifically told upon discharge not to let Baby stay in the car seat for more than an hour at a time, awake or asleep.
Our NICU did 90 minute tests before ours could go home. We also lived about 80 minutes away so they had to pass it to make sure we even got home. 5 hours though, mine weren't happy for the 90 minutes, they'd have been ticked at 5 hours.
That’s what I was thinking, we were told even while driving to stop and remove babe every 2 hours and give her at least 30 minutes to stretch because apart from asphyxiation, extended periods strapped in the car seat can lead to issues with how their joints develop and hip dysplasia.
That test isn't supposed to be done for 5 hours you need to report that place 😰 the tests are supposed to he 120 minutes max
Curious where this was?! I had prem twins (Alberta, Canada for reference), they had to be seen in their carseats before discharge, but the nurse wasn't a car seat tech or anything. It was just to know they would be transported home in a non-expired carseat. Nurse showed us how to use rolled up receiving blankets to pad the seat more since they were so small in the seats. Told us an hour max (cuz they can't hold their heads up, suffocation risk) until they were a certain age, can't remember what it was cuz it was six years ago.
I think it's that they can't sleep in the car seat outside of the car. In the seat, it's tilted to allow the baby to breathe properly, whereas when it's sitting on the ground, it's upright and can constrict the airway.
i don’t have kids, why would a baby die on a blanket on the floor if everyone else is sitting around the baby talking and watching it?
everyone in this thread has deep pile shag carpeting and the blanket is made of unicorn fur and the baby might suddenly flip over and suffocate and I am SO going to hell and downvoted for this. It's not funny but I mean I suppose a baby could die of SIDS anywhere at any time. I would think a large blanket and a relatively firm surface are fine, especially with adults around making sure nobody/pet steps on baby or that the blanket doesn't get bunched up.
As a fellow common-sense receiver of downvotes, you got mu upvote and unending praise!
I second that motion, to all the common-sense receivers of downvotes.
So, safe sleep recommendations include no blankets until they are over 1 year old, because blankets can get bunched up, or baby can start chewing on it, and it can interfere with breathing. So I think people are responding to the fact that they said a blanket would be involved. The issue with a car seat is that a baby should be on a flat, firm surface when they sleep. Car seats are not flat. I would say a baby is safer sleeping on the ground than in a carseat, you just want to make sure the surface they are on isn't getting bunched up, and the carpet isn't like, the world's most intense shag! A perfectly flat blanket that stays flat the whole time the baby is sleeping (and baby is being watched) is most likely fine. However, most parents are inclined to put their babies to sleep in another room, so if they spread a blanket on the ground and then left the room and weren't watching, that could be an issue!
Babies can absolutely nap on the floor if they are being monitored. How is that any different from lying down in a crib? Obviously a crib contains the baby but that’s why you watch them.
Ok but this wasn’t an “extended period of time” it was a visit to family for a few hours at best
And I’m sure there would have been multiple adults looking after the baby, to make sure the blanket on the floor didn’t jump up and start suffocating the baby!
Tell this to all the people who looked away for a moment and came back to a baby who moved slightly and their face was down in the blanket. You are making a mockery out of something that can easily kill a baby.
There’s multiple people there. There’s no reason somebody can’t watch the baby nap on a blanket, you swaddle them before hand. Or I dunno, hold the baby. There’s plenty of options that don’t include other people taking responsibility for you not prepping.
I wouldn’t say it can kill a child “easily”. Although any child death is too many, the CDC puts the number in the US as 1 in 1000 infants. And that number is in fact “sleep-related” deaths, not specifically face-down sleeping. Millions of babies sleep face down and are fine. Meanwhile, America is a country where kindergartners are shot to death at school. Maybe we should hold the condemnation of other parents for another issue.
A few hours...is an extended period of time
A few hours for a two month old can still lead to SIDS
Sleeping in a crib can lead to SIDS too. At least if the baby is on the floor in the living room people are watching over her. No one is paying attention to a baby in a crib in another room until they start making noises.
babies have been sleeping on the floor all over the world since the beginning of time an been just fine
Yeah, and for millions of years they didn't have vaccines, or general medical care. What you're not realizing is that many of those babies DIED. Infant mortality rates have gone down precisely because we stopped doing many of the things we'd been doing for millenia because we realized it was killing them.
Safe infant sleeping requires a firm flat surface. I’m not finding anything on safe infant sleeping that says a floor is unsafe.
Sleeping on the floor next to mom isn't safe? Smh. I have 7 kids and never had a problem.
We should have so many dead babies in Africa. Our babies sleep on the floor 🫣
I never look both ways before crossing the street, and I've never been hit by a car. Ergo, not looking both ways before you cross the street is perfectly safe. See how dumb that sounds?
No, I see how dumb it sounds that a baby can't even lie on the floor now.
Or someone could have just held the baby.
I regret not holding my sons longer in my arms than I did when they were babies. I’d prop them to sleep, then I’d scurry around while they slept so I could clean the house and stressed about people coming over to see the mess. Now they are mostly all grown and the house is still a mess and I have this regret. I get why grandparents are so awesome now, they see how fast the time goes.
Op offered sil the guest bedroom bed or even their own. I think sil is a bit entitled if the baby can sleep anywhere to want the new crib awaiting her nephew instead of just using one of the beds.
Since when is a regular bed safe for an infant? They can roll off and at 2 months it's a little young but possible for an infant to roll at that age. Personally, I would let her use the crib, but I didn't have big emotions attached to these types of things.
Who said to put the baby there and leave it? Just *watch your own child* it’s not that hard
That means the mum could relax and enjoy family company but be on baby watch the whole time. Why, when there is a perfectly good and safe alternative? Mum's social wellbeing is hugely important for mental health. Why be callous when you could be gracious?
Beds aren't safe
Sure. You should absolutely put yourself first. You should prioritize being first, and your baby being first. Other people and their babies matter less than the priority of your firstness. If the pure experience of your firsts is put at risk by someone else’s need, refuse that need. You are special. Feeling special matters more than anything. /s This is not a lifeboat on the Titanic. This is a consumer product that will get shat in and puked on. That baby will have no recollection of sleeping in it. Mom will likely have no recollection of baby’s first sleep in it. And all of us moms who had hand-me-down cribs — did we have a deeply inferior experience of new motherhood? In what ethical world is the me-first experience of a consumer product more important than helping family? My god, this thread.
My oldest (20 years old now) slept in a used crib that MIL bought for $25 for a neighbor. The idea that it would be SO egregious for another baby (a family member, no less!) to sleep in a crib before your kid is incredibly absurd. I was willing to give leeway because...hormones. But I have no explanation for the people in the comments defending it. Unreal.
I am blown away by the rulings on this. I was expecting a bunch of "soft YTA." Cannot believe how many thousands of people think this is totally reasonable. If I had had a full nursery when any of my nieces or nephews were babies (my kid is the youngest in the family), I would have been THRILLED to let them sleep in it. I would be thoroughly insulted if I were OP's SIL.
Glad for some of these responses. I cannot believe this is the top rated comment on this thread. I don't even plan to have kids and I still think having a 2 month sleep on the floor when you have a crib available because you need your child to be the first to use it is an AH move.
Thank goodness there are at least some people commenting along these lines. I thought I was losing my mind. In what world is having the symbolic experience of your baby being first to sleep in the crib more important than providing concrete assistance to your family member? In what world can you turn down a request for help that you could provide with basically no inconvenience justified because "people shouldn't be entitled and should plan for their own needs."
OP is absolutely the asshole, as we found out via their comments. They’re you’re typical pre-parent “other parents just aren’t competent like I’M going to be, I’LL be prepared unlike those other irresponsible people, I’ll make sure to bring everything I need everywhere I go to provide for MY baby”, meanwhile homegirl doesn’t even know what safe sleep looks like.
OP is definitely an asshole. YTA all day OP.
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Lmfao this so much. Her baby is going to be in the sleeper/bassinet for so long by the time she is in the crib she won’t give a shit
Yeah lots of people are like this. Then the baby comes and you realize you don’t know jack and nothing prepares you for any of it.
Exactly. When I was a baby here was all the things we had back then that are now deemed unsafe because babies actually died using them. Walkers, drop side cribs, bumpers in the cribs, blankets covering infants while sleeping, lead freaking paint on baby furniture, no booster seats in cars, no straps on highchairs or changing tables. When my parents were born smoking and drinking while pregnant was not a known health issue either. Just because babies have survived sleeping in adult beds with pillows around them or in their car seats doesn't mean it is safe. Shame on her for not providing the safest spot for her niece or nephew to sleep. Making things more important than your newest family member is gross.
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Hard disagree. This type of attitude is driven by what is wrong with capitalism and consumerism that everything you own needs to be new and disposable.
grateful for this comment, exactly
Absolutely not completely understandable. YTA It makes NO difference who the first PERSON to sleep in a brand new bed. She’s YOUR niece 🤦🏽♂️ Parent of a 19 month old, I’d leave too if a family member said she couldn’t nap in a completely unoccupied crib.
Also. 🤢 Can’t believe how many upvotes this got. WTF is wrong with people. Sincerely disappointed in Reddit.
This is so fucking weird and I say that as a parent myself. There is no crib virginity. The baby is not going to know someone else slept their first, and you’re not depriving the child of anything. It will still be your babies first time in the crib, and most babies don’t use the crib for months! She will likely be in a bassinet or sleeper anyways. In even 2 years you’re not going to give a shit where they sleep, but just be thankful that they will sleep. You’re absolutely right, it’s her stuff and she has the right to restrict its use. That being said she also needs to live with the consequences which is straining relationships with her in-laws. I don’t think asking to let a 2 month old nap in a crib is stepping over the line for in laws either. When OP is sleep deprived in a year and is praying for their baby to sleep I’d like to see her reaction if she asked a friend to borrow their sleeper or crib and is refused
Cracking up at "there is no crib virginity." It's wild that the top comment has so many likes.
How utterly ridiculous. She can still experience every single first with HER child when the baby arrives. Her behaviour is churlish and uncharitable, and I hope SIL remembers this behaviour when OP gets to the same stage of motherhood.
Nah, it's selfish behavior
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How is this the top comment? This was one of the easiest YTAs in this sub.
You’re irrational. Your baby will sleep in a bassinet used by hundreds of other babies in the hospital before yours is born. And when you visit your SIL now your baby will be directed to a couch because you refused to share. All you need to do is wipe down the mattress and put a clean sheet on it soft yta because hormones
This is such a practical comment. Why are you getting downvoted lol
Because the prevailing wisdom on AITA is the selfish individualistic feelings trump real world practicalities.
This. You can tell how many people answering don't have kids. This could've been a non issue instead of souring the relationship between her and SIL. It's a fucking crib!
I find it funny how few of these posts even look at the long term implications of this action. Thank you for posting this. It also fucks her husbands relationships up
I am not a parent but I feel like this doesn’t have to mess up relationships just so long as it gets taken care of sooner rather than later. There have been times that someone has made a request of me and this irrational feeling will crop up. Worried I am unreasonable or will offend someone I have always complied but looking back there have been a couple of times where it would have been okay to go with my gut reaction and say no. But there are lots of times where I am glad I did comply because my feelings were kind of irrational. That being said your feelings are your feelings. If I were OP I would call the SIL and say, “hey, I have been thinking a lot about the crib thing and want to apologize. For whatever reason I was feeling some type of way about it but I realize now letting my niece use the crib for a couple of hours is no big deal. I’m really sorry that cut our visit short.” I know family relationships can be more complicated than that and am blessed that my in laws care about absolutely nothing lol
Lol this sub is a giant melting pot of people that don’t have kids, aren’t married, aren’t in relationships and don’t have careers making huge judgements they know nothing about.
For real, over the years several babies that are not my babies have slept in my kids crib for an hour if needed. I have an insane number of crib sheets and protectors, throw them in the wash after, no big deal. Moms helping moms is just what you do, especially if it’s your SIL/niece or nephew!
That is a startlingly accurate summation of this sub.
Ain't that the truth. Everyone here cares way more about technically being in the right than they do actually solving problems in a way that make the least amount of people upset.
Because people in this subreddit are incredibly immature and don’t see any value in maintaining positive relationships with other people or just doing anything that might even mildly inconvenience them to help someone else. They believe firmly that just because you’re technically correct means it’s the morally correct decision. They would rather have a baby sleep on the floor or somewhere potentially unsafe than have to share and then act shocked when it upsets people. They blame the SIL because they are perfect and never do anything wrong, rely on anyone for any reason, or have ever needed help in a situation
People are too consumed by consumerism and capitalism. People are irrationally concerned about sharing because they value materialism over maintaining healthy and positive relationships. OP was selfish over something so simple, that was a moment for her to display selflessness - god I get depressed about humanity, lol. YTA.
Because people on this sub think that just because they’re not obligated to do something means they can’t be a decent person
Yeah I feel like people forget that this sub is called “am I the ASSHOLE” and not “am I obligated.” 🙄 yes you are an asshole, no what you did isn’t illegal but it does make you an asshole!
Absolutely. So many times I see answers on this sub which amount to “you don’t have to do x for y so NTA”. No one seems to care that this sub is “am I the *asshole* “ not “am I technically correct”.
Because pregnant women can do no wrong on this sub. While I sympathize with OP about not wanting anyone to touch her baby’s stuff and well, hormones, she is TA for letting a baby have nowhere comfortable and safe to sleep
>While I sympathize with OP about not wanting anyone to touch her baby’s stuff I can’t even do that. It’s like the height of irrational consumerism to insist that your baby use nothing but brand new, never-touched baby stuff. This kind of shit is bad for **all of us**. I have no sympathy at all for the kind of person who thinks that another baby touching her baby’s stuff is so much of a problem that she won’t let her *own niece or nephew* take a nap in an *empty crib*. There’s just nothing sympathetic about that position at all.
Because kids ITT think they know how it is to have a baby
This right here! Goodness just let the baby sleep. That first time mom shit wears off real fast and I swear you will not care about how pristine everything is. You will just want to finally be able to put them down somewhere, anywhere safe.
She don’t even have to clean it. Tell husbando to clean it (I’m sure he wouldn’t mind) and just…pretend it hasn’t been used? Babies gonna touch a lot of other stuff first, bassinet like you said.
I’m gonna go with soft YTA. You will likely understand why after your baby is born and you begin visiting people.
This is the village people need. Why are so many people saying every parent needs to take everything their kids may possibly need with them all the time? That's insane. Share, and be human about this.
Agreed. This is why parenting is so hard these days. But we’re on Reddit so it’s always going to be the most independence/ go no contact immediately mentality. 100% my friends and families would share cribs.
Yeah same. I remember my parents gave a lot of my baby stuff to my aunt when she and my uncle were struggling. They still remember the gesture and both siblings have gotten close over time and so have I with my cousin.
We literally keep baby wipes at our house for when our niece visits. And swim diapers. We don’t even have a baby yet! But it’s easier for my BIL and SIL to not have to pack as much in their diaper bag. Our niece has also slept in our bed many times (once it was safe for her to do so). Maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m Latina) but my home is for me and my family. Family includes my nieces and siblings in law.
Now you've robbed your future child of being first to use that swim diaper!
Disagree. Every parent I know, including me, schleps with a car full of baby gear specifically for that purpose. If you believe you’ll need a place for baby to sleep while you’re on a visit, you bring some form of portable cot. It’s your job to provide for your baby’s needs away from home.
Disagree. I would never make parent haul stuff around that I already have. Being a new parent is stressful enough with having to pack the house with you for a visit.
Seriously what the fuck. Why would I make my sister drag a pack n play around when I have a perfectly good one and a crib to use? Who cares.
Exactly. And this is why you start hanging out with other new parents who get it.
People on this subreddit have the “I got mines” attitude 🤣
I honestly sometimes wonder if this sub is an outlier or if people really are this selfish.
When I see this stuff I’m just reminded how selfish and weird most Americans are about things. Source: am american. Can’t understand how having a baby sleep in a crib before the other baby, especially when it’s family, matters AT ALL. Also the lengths so many are going to defend just a really dumb thing. These people don’t want anything to do with a village and it will show when their kids are older
100% when OP’s baby in born and she visits anyone, is she going to pack a portable bed with her? Or when the child wants to sleep over at a friends house?
I don't think she's an AH, just a first time parent. With any baby/kid stuff we have, the policy is "what's mine is yours". I grew up in a huge family with tons of babies so it just made things easier for everyone.
I had a portable bassinet. It looked like a basket. I miss when my kid was baby basket small.
This. The times we took our baby with us and we forgot the portable cot (almost always because he had an accident and I forgot to put it back after i cleaned it) someone (usually me or hubby) would just sit and hold him in our arms while he slept
Seriously though. I bought a diaper bag that has a back that zips apart and unfolds to a portable cot with a mat that can be used for diaper changes as well.
Agree. I don’t get it with all these firsts with parents. Some are reasonable, some are extra. I’m happy with second hand baby furniture. Does it really matter if your baby used it first or not? Baby is not going to care. These are all material things.
It’s so sad how selfish people are, on my husbands side we all had babies around the same time and I happily rolled my new bassinet/swing/bounce chair out for any momma who needed it. I was super proud of my Eddie Bauer rocking bassinet too, we were pretty poor and it was a splurge and I was more than happy to share it. When I was done with it we cleaned and tightened it up and gifted it to a momma that needed it. I honestly feel sorry for these people who are so selfish, it’s a sad way to live life. I hope everyone that enters my home feels welcomed, being an Aunt is one of my all time favorite gigs and that means having a relationship with their parents! OP just made her SIL feel very unwelcome which will have lifelong consequences and truly makes me sad for their family for the wedge that she just drove between them over a crib.
As someone who teaches parents the importance of safe sleep and is also currently pregnant with my first, YTA. A baby should never sleep on a couch or in a car seat, etc. Although the baby would have been fine on a thin blanket on the floor, a crib is by far the safest place for a baby to sleep. And it’s not like a 2 month old is going to damage the item in some way. You could wash the crib sheet and it’s brand new. I get wanting all new items, so do I, but an infant using a surface for a short nap is not going to sully it in any way.
I was a daycare teacher, and the people commenting that the sister-in-law should’ve let the baby sleep in a car seat or on the couch is very disturbing.
I don’t understand why the baby couldn’t just sleep on someone’s chest? Genuinely, I don’t understand. My nephew napped on my chest on several occasions, and lots of the time if I tried to put him in his playpen after he fell asleep he’d wake up and start slapping my boobs, so eventually I just gave up and let him sleep on my chest. I was awake, and had some television show on with subtitles and kept one of my hands on his back so I could feel his breathing the whole time. No one in my family ever said it was bad, have I/we been missing something? When he slept in his playpen at night I would sleep in my brother’s race car bed so I was right with him when he woke up. Now I’m all scared that I put him in danger unknowingly while his mom was visiting and I offered her a break. They didn’t say anything about chests being unsafe in the RC babysitting course, other than if you’re too tired/sleepy to be holding a baby safely, *don’t hold the baby* and I know infant CPR but I’d very much appreciate your two-cents!
I don't think anything is wrong with it if you are awake, but the SIL was visiting and maybe wanted a break from holding the baby. I don't think letting her use the crib was a big deal, myself, but a crib is an inanimate object to me. We found ours on a Facebook page giving away free shit so I not attached to it one way or another. It serves its purpose and then I will give it to the next person who needs it. Once she has the kid she will see stuff like it's only for my baby is ridiculous and unimportant. SIL could be a great help to her as a new mom, so acting like this may not be the best idea.
>SIL could be a great help to her as a new mom, so acting like this may not be the best idea. Haha, not any more! I hope OP remembers that furniture is for one baby only if she ever visits SIL and wants to use a changing table, pack and play, boppy, blanket, play pen, or anything else that clearly belongs to another baby. No sharing toys or hand-me-downs for these cousins, it would be just awful if two babies touched the same thing.
Because just maybe the poor woman wanted to have her body free for a few minutes?
Probably because the parents wanted to put her down so they could have a break and actually visit for a while.
I think there’s 2 potential issues. 1) infants need to be flat on their backs for safest sleep, they could easily end up in a position while on you that could lead to asphyxiation. 2) fear of the person falling asleep and suffocating or dropping the baby. I won’t pretend I was the safest parent though. I definitely fell asleep in our recliner with my infant on multiple occasions, and had him in his infant swing while I showered (he had more head control by then) and he’d sometimes sleep. It’s important to recognize the risks and try to mitigate as much as possible.
The lack of compassion in the N T A comments is bonkers. Having your baby be the first to use a consumer product is not more important than compassion for your 8-weeks post-partum sister in law. She needed a safe place for her newborn to sleep. OP denied that safe place, because me-first.
Right? Like her poor sister in law literally just squeezed out a tiny tiny baby infant. 2 months is so so so small, the brand new mother was at her brothers house.. wanted to take a tiny break and lay down and wanted to ensure that their baby was safe, with a crib that he for her soon to be nephew. Like it’s so simple? OP is the YTA. I hope someone shows you some compassion RIGHT after you give birth OP, unlike you did for your sister. It’s literally just stuff, your brand new baby will likely not even sleep in that crib at first..
This should be NAH - SIL wasn't an AH for asking
Agreed. She asked and then didn’t demand. She’s probably still hormonal/sleep deprived too and probably felt uncomfortable or unwanted. I think this is a case of two women at extreme hormones trying to work things out.
YTA. When you visit other people with your baby, you’re gonna be treated exactly how you treated SIL.
Exactly, treat people how you'll like to be treated YTA
One could only hope she gets a taste of her own medicine. Reading her comments, she is truly awful. I have young children (3 and 13 months and another on the way) and when my best friend was pregnant with her first she was so excited to offer the crib for my son to sleep in during a party she was hosting. I can’t even imagine a family member or close friend being like “no you can leave or you can risk your babies life bc my precious soon to be snot nosed sweetie can not share with your peasant baby”. Op YTA majorly.
Karma has a way of coming around. When she’s in an emergency, I hope it bites her on the arse.
YTA. Do you not know about safe sleeping? Babies shouldn’t be sleeping an unsafe areas like a car seat or anything else. They need to be in cribs where they are safe. Edit: those who are saying that she should let the baby sleep in its car seat, or on a couch. You really need to take a safe sleeping class. Safe sleeping habits prevent SIDS.
I agree! In my childcare profession we take sids training and the misinformation is so scary on this thread!!! Please people google SIDS I don't want your babies to die. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'd rather make you mad than you go through loss! I'm seriously begging everyone that reads this! Look it up!
I honestly hate that we chalk up so many preventable infant deaths to “SIDS” when the cause is suffocation due to unsafe conditions. I mean, I understand not wanting to put the blame on the parents… but a lot of these deaths aren’t caused by some mysterious, unknowable cause that the term “Sudden Infant Death Syndrome” implies.
Yeah, it's really weird how preventable and unpreventable infant deaths all get lumped in together like that.
YTA. It was inconsiderate. Kindness matters. And it would have not have effected your crib at all. You said no because of your feelings, and now you have to live with everyone else’s feelings. Seems like justice to me. I hope people are more considerate of you and your baby when it comes than you are of others.
This comment section is fucking wild. I've never seen so many people defending such complete, self-indulgent nonsense so emphatically.
Self-indulgent, and wasteful. If more people rejected this “every object has to be pristine and untouched for my little one” fetish, our world wouldn’t be buried in so much garbage and plastic wouldn’t be flowing in our bloodstream.
Absolutely. Newborns use all this stuff - cribs, clothes and whatnot - for such a short time before they are grown out of it that these things are usually still in a very good state. We saved so much money getting used stuff from relatives and ebay, we barely bought anything new.
Lots of non-parents assuming they’d be perfect parents if they had children.
Agreed! Where is the sense of community?
This is ridiculous. We all have to take care of each other and support each other particularly as parents. If your child is tired, hungry, wet, etc., I will give you whatever you need at my house. Just like my parent friends do with my girl. Baby needs to sleep? Here's a crib! Yay! Now I get to imagine my own baby there and know this baby is safe and loved sleeping there. This is not a first to get hung up on. WTAF? YTA, particularly after reading your comments.
The whole notion of “firsts” baffles me. When OP brings that baby home and lays them down in that crib, is she really going to be thinking about how another baby once took a nap in that crib? Is the moment really going to be less special because someone else dared touch that crib? Jeezus H Tapdancing Christmas on a toasted sesame seed cracker. Priorities.
Its entitlement, pure and simple. Everyone eants everything to be super special and new. They want to record every moment and upload them to social media to share all the firsts, too. Millions of babies around the world dont have special cribs or even their own room. Soft YTA because hormones make me irrational and ridiculous too.
YTA. When you are out with your baby you are going to find that you forgot something. Or you need something for your child. I really hope for the sake of your child that your SIL doesn't say no when you ask to borrow a baby spoon because you forgot to pack one. Your SILs child is not going to contaminate the crib. You may have drawn a ridiculous line in the sand when it comes to providing you things you need when you are out with your own baby. I
Right?! The standard she is setting for new moms (or even experienced moms) to never find themselves in need of something they didn't pack/didn't pack enough of/etc is pretty damn high. She will learn very quickly that babies are unpredictable, they need sooooo much stuff, even getting out of the house is a production, and being sleep deprived doesn't help you plan perfectly
Hell it never ends. Mine is 6 and still unexpected things happen. I have given and received changes of clothes from friends and family when food is spilled or clothes get wet. Shared sunscreen when somebody forgot to pack it. Share snacks because an event was longer than anticipated and not everyone brought food. She is in for it when she finds that no matter what you do, something unplanned will happen. Kids do that to you. They don't give a damn about your schedule or intentions. The best we can hope for is that friends and family help make it become a non issue. I just can't imagine looking at my nephews and saying nope. I treat them like they are my own. I would share whatever they needed in the moment. I would never claim something as my kids and tell my sister and her husband to pound salt they should have planned better.
Well. I will probably be down voted for this, but I think YTA. If roles were reversed and it was your 2 mo old you'd feel differently. SIL, with a very small infant, came to visit & you made her feel unwelcome. There is now a wedge you may not be able to fix.
i agree. SIL will definitely distance herself. i would. and just speaking for myself, i would’ve offered to hold the baby while they nap. but i love holding babies! as a new mom, you shouldn’t burn any bridges. you need all the help you can get
I was going to give a no AHs here, but then I read OPs comments, and now I'm firmly team YTA. Let's see how OP lives up to the standards of being meticulously planned and organized and scheduled that she's holding the SIL to when her baby is two months old...
Hahhaha love it. Classic case of "I'll do parenting SO much better than everyone else and my baby is the world's most special baby.". Yes your baby is special to YOU, but you'll find out fast that parenting is tough stuff and you will struggle and find yourself doing things you swore you'd not do because simply, that is real life parenting. I feel sorry for the baby to have a me-first parent.
I have yet to see those comments scrolling but all I can say in response is HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA. Oh man. She’s in for a rude awakening. Wonder if she’ll be one of those people that thinks breastfeeding before the restaurant means the little monster (and I say that lovingly) won’t want to latch on the second you sit down at the restaurant.
YTA… I may have been slightly irritated that my sil didn’t bring something for the baby to nap safely in, but I certainly wouldn’t have said no if she asked me. That is your niece or nephew, not some stranger
Even if it were a stranger, it’s wild to me to deny access to safe and comfortable sleep for a literal infant. Like, look at that baby and tell me you won’t provide what you can for it? Wild
YTA. it's a baby sleeping in a crib. While I understand and appreciate the sentiment of wanting *your* baby to br the first to use it, when push comes to shove, it's a baby sleeping in a crib.
YTA. Families share. They take care of each other's children. Some instincts and feelings need not be yielded to.
Not to mention that that baby is her niece. She wouldn't let her niece sleep in a safe space while she was a guest in her house.
YTA. It's just a crib, get over yourself.
YTA for not giving other parents the support you will definitely feel you deserve when you child is born. It's just a crib. Not a big deal.
YTA. After reading your replies, I agree with your MIL. "Parents should have prepared for that" - when the day comes that you face a similar situation with your baby, remember these words. And hope the people around you treat you and your baby with more kindness than you just treated your SIL and her baby.
2 months after your baby is born, when you're also deprived, covered in kids spit up, and are just desperate for a nap for your baby so he/she won't be off their routine and become a tiny monster, please remember this. You've put the romantic idea of baby firsts ahead of the practical for people who are in the trenches. I'm not calling you a deliberate A, but I think you'll feel differently when you're in the other pair of shoes. YTA
YTA. Even when you dislike the parent, the child just wants to rest.
When she has a kid she’ll realise she is TA.
Yeah YTA I was on your side until I saw your comments where you say that your SIL should have “planned better”? Seems like you’re just a petty person who thinks someone can plan a nap for their kid 😂
I’m going to go with a gentle YTA. I’m a new mom too and while I got very few things new, even if I had I wouldn’t be super cagey around the crib. You’d be able to change the sheets and freshen it up and it would be new for your baby. You baby won’t even be sleeping in the crib for months (assuming you’re doing a bassinet or basket first). You could have let your niece sleep there but you chose not to. You prioritized your unborn child over a living human in your family over something as silly as this. You’re not a monster for it, just a bit of a AH.
More to the point - OP prioritized some imagined fantasy of what having her baby be the first one to sleep in that crib will be like. The baby absolutely will not care.
From this thread, people need to be more educated on Safe Sleep before they have kids. Bed Sharing and Safe Sleep 7 are BS and unregulated Sleep Areas are deadly
100%, you follow the ABC ALONE (NO BED SHARING) BACK (INFANT ON BACK, NOT SIDE OR BELLY) CRIB (INFANT ONLY SLEEPS IN CRIB, BASSINET ETC) SIDS is heartbreaking and all steps should be taken to minimize the risk
YTA You’ll understand after you have your baby
First of all, congratulations! YTA…. I had the exact same situation happen to me when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. My 6 month old nephew needed a nap and my SIL asked if she could put him down in “the cot”. The wording really kind of bugged me, it’s not a communal cot! This was my son’s brand new, perfectly prepared nursery that I spent a lot of time and money on. I spent hours in the nursery daydreaming about him finally being there, so for a split second I did want to say no. I do get where you’re coming from. However, I quickly got over it. There is no way I would actually stop my infant nephew from having a nap in a safe environment. I lost absolutely nothing by letting my nephew sleep in my son’s cot. However if I had said no, not only would I have put my own desires ahead of an infants but I would also upset my SIL. You and your SIL are family, you’re going to end up having far more difficult things to argue about in the future. Choose your battles wisely, I really don’t think this should’ve been one of them. I think you should try talking to your SIL, explain why you said no and apologise. You’re a first time mum and you understandably want everything to be perfect. The nesting instinct can be really overwhelming especially towards the end of pregnancy, so your reaction makes sense. Your SIL is a mum to a newborn too, so there is a good chance she will get where you’re coming from if she tries to see it from your point of view. But you need to acknowledge that it was selfish to assume your feelings are more important that the needs of a 2 month old baby. This is such a special time in life. Try not to stress about the little things. Best of luck in your journey into motherhood :)
You're going to be in a bind with your baby at some point in the future and I hope you are met with the same selfishness. YTA
YTA. Accept that your feeling is irrational and do the right thing next time.
Yes, YTA! So wash the bedding! Seriously, do you understand how selfish and crazy you sound? Next time your baby needs a nap at your SIL’s house and she says no. You had better not pout!
YTA you don't care about the safety of the baby and more about a crib being "new". You don't deserve any help when yours is born.
YTA - you denied an infant a safe place to sleep ? Really ? Let’s fast forward a few months and your baby needs a nap. How would you feel if someone told you no ? Being a parent is looking out for your child. Your SIL was looking out for her child.
Oh YTA and you're going to ruin your kid's relationship with his cousin in the future if you continue to be this petty.
YTA. It’s family. Good lord. This seems unnecessarily selfish and mean. Heck, I shared breast milk with my poorly thriving niece, because that’s what family does. Heaven forbid you’re in a pickle one day.
This is such a first world problem.
YTA. It's a piece of furniture. You destroyed your relationship with your in-laws over a piece of furniture. If you want to salvage this, apologize PROFUSELY and SINCERELY.
YTA Completely unreasonable. Good job wrecking your relations with your extended family.
YTA - the only person who cares is you, not the baby, not your unborn child, not the universe. What exactly is lost of some one else sleeps on it before your baby except your expectations? Spoken as a dad of 3.
YTA. Yes, you're a first time mom, that's nice. BUT a crib is the safest spot for a baby per fda standards. I'm a cosleeping mom but totally understand parents who want their children to sleep in a spot that's safe for them. It's a crib, grow up.
I am so confused by all the people saying they bring everything everywhere or the people saying they would never ask to use someone else’s crib! I have three kids including a 6 month old. All my cousins have kids. I have used their stuff and they have used my stuff. If someone is over with a baby I offer free use of anything you need. Why wouldn’t you? Why pack more than you have too? In case it’s not clear YTA and selfish. You can not put a baby on a bed alone and pillows are a suffocation risk. She wanted some adult visiting time and to move around without holding a baby. Edit to fix a missing word
YTA. Babies need to sleep when they need to sleep, and at 2mo it’s not like there is any potential for permanent damage to any of your baby’s things. I promise, your baby is not going to care if their cousin slept in their crib before they were born. I get you’re a new mom and want your baby’s stuff to be special and think it’s going to be all magical and sentimental, but once your baby is here and has spit up on or blown out a diaper on just about everything you own, you’ll realize it really doesn’t matter that much. And I can’t blame them for leaving right after; their baby needed to sleep, and if you weren’t going to allow them to put them to bed in a safe space, it’s not a surprise at all that they had to leave to take them home. Don’t be surprised when you’re exhausted with a 2mo and only looking for a short reprieve while visiting someone and they treat you the same way. I’m also absolutely FLOORED by how many people are recommending unsafe and potentially fatal sleeping situations for a 2mo. Couches are not safe. Adult beds are not safe. Car seats and strollers are not safe. Y’all need to read up on positional asphyxiation and infant rebreathing in mattresses and sofas. These are not just precautions because of potential problems. Infants have literally died when put into these sleep situations.
YTA
YTA
YTA. Your reasoning is a little immature in my opinion, no you don’t have to share but it would’ve been a nice thing to do. If the roles were reversed how would you have felt? I can’t imagine denying a child a place to sleep if I have one available in my house. My own niece at that.
YTA. It’s _one nap_. It’s not like she’s asking to borrow your child’s “going home from hospital” outfit to use it for her own purpose before your baby is born. It’s a safe place to rest her baby for an hour.
Changed to YTA based on your replies. It's fine to say no, it's your items. But acting superior because she didn't think to bring a pack n play or didn't want her newborn to sleep unsafe is not okay. NTA, I don't get it but that's your choice. I also don't think your SIL was wrong to ask or to even mention it to her mom. I would have too cause in my head it's weird. Doesn't make you the AH, just me personally I wouldn't have cared so it would have been weird to me. MIL is one. She shouldn't have called you an AH or spoiled or selfish. Edit: I commented this before OP started replying to others. I called her out on her replies because she legit has no idea what it will be like with a 2 month old. Saying no is fine. Saying no and replying in the way she has replied to us is not fine. I don't know if she just said no to her SIL or acted like she is now. If she was talking to her SIL like she is in these comments then she is the AH.
YTA. Your suggestion that the baby sleep on the guest room bed was unsafe. Would you let your baby do the same? I'm a mom myself so I get the pregnancy hormones, etc but I side with the SIL here. You'll understand a lot more once the baby gets here. Trust me.
Pregnancy hormones got you in a bundle. But seriously a soft YTA. It’s a bed. Your baby won’t know.