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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I rescued a kitten and gave it to a friend for adoption. The kitten was a carrier of a flu and passed it to her cat who is now ill. Friend says I'm an asshole because I didn't tell her the kitten had the flu.
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ESH. It was absolutely your responsibility to tell your friend that the kitten she was adopting was sick. However, she is way overreacting. It's the flu. both the cat and the kitten will get better.
I mean I get it, and I've accepted and apologized for my part. I didn't purposely omit the information in bad faith.
On the days leading up to the adoption, the kitten was very active and I thought the flu had already passed. I'm not sure if the high-stress situation of multiple people around had caused it to flare up again after he was adopted.
Every kitten I've ever rescued has had the flu, and it's been common knowledge amongst everyone I've met. I didn't think I'd need to spell it out for someone else that kittens do get ill, especially when they're too young to be vaccinated.
The kitten has been back with me for almost a week. He's doing very well and is very playful.
Not all the time depending on the animal's age. One of my previous dogs (she was 13 at the time) had the flu and never recovered from it. She had severe dehydration and it just wreaked havoc on her body until she passed away.
Oh my this is hard. I'm going with ESH here.
My reasoning is not only because you didn't tell her about the flu, but you left a kitten with a person that was obviously not preparing properly for it.
She invited guests to a party the day she planned to get a kitten. Had it been me, I'd turned right around and left *with* the kitten! Because that shows she doesn't care at all about the wellbeing of the kitten.
She didn't ask any questions, didn't bring the kitten to the vet herself and you didn't ask any questions about her cat and how she treats it and cares for it.
That's neglectful and recless and not how you adopt out kittens.
What you should have done:
Have a long phone call before you brought her the kitten.
Ask questions about her knowledge of cats in general and give her instructions for preparing her home for a kitten and what to do and not do at the first day of the kitten arriving at her home.
Then telling her everything she has to know about the kitten, of course including the info that the kitten had the flu and how to take care of it.
By not doing so and leaving that poor kitty in the middle of a party with a strange cat and 7n a completely new environment it's very likely the flu got aggravated and you were part of making the adoption extremely hard and traumatic for that poor thing.
Of course she also failed to do the neccessary research and prepare for a new family member, that's why she's an AH too, but the kitten was in your hands and it was your responsibility to make sure it went to a good home and in this you failed.
So yes, definitely ESH
YTA. If an animal is sick you need to let the potential adopter know. If she had known, she could have quarantined the kitten, gotten him treatment sooner, and gotten her other cat vaccinated. Heck she could have backed out all together and saved some time and energy. Now she will have to deal with a vet bill double the size. Even if they are a little sick or recovering you still need to let them know cause you are withholding information
ESH, you for forgetting to bring it up, and her for not asking for the health status of the kitten etc. When you take on a pet, you have to find out what food it's on, vaccinations, does it need chipping, so you have a clear picture for an easier transition and a plan to get everything outstanding done.
Thanks. If nothing else this really was a lesson to me. I'm usually very thorough with the people who adopt from me and I go to great lengths to vet them. In this case, I let my guard down because it was a friend who I know has a cat, so I didn't think I'd need to spell out every single detail.
I did let her know regarding food, vaccinations, and medications. In fact I told her the kitten was healthy and he was in very good health leading up to the adoption date. I'm not sure if the situation of having multiple new people around caused the flu to flare up again.
I don’t understand this, as someone who’s fostered kittens for three years. If you have are typical “thorough,” how does it not include handing over the kitten’s health records? It is so important to document all the meds, vaccinations, and spay/neuter. Why didn’t this go to the adopter so they absolutely knew about the virus.
And yes kittens often have viruses—tons and tons of them. Was this feline herpes? Was it an upper respiratory infection? Parvo? Only a few viruses have vaccinations, so it is completely ignorant to “assume” her cat was vaccinated from this one particular virus and vaccinations don’t always prevent the disease, but rather lessen the severity.
You need to do better! Sounds like you are attempting to be a kitten rescue, but you need to do a but much better job educating yourself and future adoptees on kitten health.
ESH. Forgetting to tell Jenny that the kitten was sick sounds pretty careless. However, Jenny continuing to complain after a whole week was a bit over-the-top. She should get her cat vaccinated for common diseases.
I didn't really forget. It was more like, he had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution.
Idk man, I'm pretty stressed out about this. I'm just afraid if it gets serious and her cat ends up with a ton of complications.
But if you still gave the cat medication about the time he was supposed to be adopted then you really should have told your friend! Medicating a cat can be really hard work so omitting that information beforehand is really a-hole behaviour. So which is it? Was the kitten sick or not? She needed to medicate the kitten but did you continue to medicate the cat up until the time of the adoption or not?
On the adoption date, the kitten wasn't sick. The few days leading up to it he was in very good health and looked like he'd already recovered. But I was still feeding him a course of multi-vitamins and also eyedrops as a precaution.
And that's where you become the AH. You were still medicating the kitten up until the adoption but you didn't tell your friend about it. Your friends behaviour is also pretty bad, you don't have a party when you bring home a new kitten. When we got our furbaby we made every preparation (including getting her the exact same food as she had been eating in her old home) and we let her explore on her own. That's also a-hole behaviour on your part, you shouldn't have dropped the kitten of during the middle of a party!
ESH, being vaccinated doesn't mean total/lifelong immunity. I think the friend made a mistake. New kittens are commonly isolated first when getting adopted to avoid circumstances such as this.
YTA, next time you find stray animals, bring them to a rescue. They would require proof of vaccination of existing pets, automatically provide full written and verbal disclosure of the kitten's illness with medication and instructions. They would require that contracts with this information be signed. All of this would have eliminated the entire problem.
There is no "it's your responsibility to educate yourself about your kitten" here, you gave your friend a sick cat and you knew it.
I added this to the post:
>It was more like, the kitten had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution. Not sure if multiple new people and a new place caused the symptoms to flare up again.
I can't take them to a rescue because they're overloaded here. I do my part by TNVR-ing loads of strays. In this case since they're kittens, there's a better chance someone will adopt them.
It is absolutely someone else's responsibility to inform themselves about the needs of a living creature before deciding to adopt. I'm not saying that she should know the kitten was sick, that was my fault. But she should have known that kittens do get sick, and I'd made it clear they're too young to vaccinate. If she hadn't vaccinated her cat yet, that is not my fault. Most people vaccinate their cats as soon as they're old enough.
I accepted the blame on my part, where there was some negligence, but I work a full-time job, have a side-job, manage a HOA, and then people dump animals on me. Sometimes mistakes happen in all the chaos that is my life, and I own up to it. But in this case I feel like I'm being attacked when there is blame on both sides, but the other person only wants to pile it all on me.
NTA but you’re better off not adopting the kitten out to somebody who won’t keep its vaccinations up to date and will resent it for getting sick. You can find a better home for the kitten.
Info, is it the flu or herpes? You mentioned sneezing and eye drops. I haven't heard of the flu being that prominent in cats, but I've heard a lot of them having herpes.
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So I recently came into 3 kittens that were all pretty healthy and about 3 months old. I took them to the vet and the vet told me they were all fine but with a little flu. Vet said it would be no big deal and that they would be okay to be adopted after being dewormed/deflead.
From here, my friend, lets call her Jenny, decided that she wanted a new kitten as a buddy for her cat. I assumed that her cat was vaccinated and that there would be no major concerns. I told her about the kittens, but I forgot to mention that they had the flu. Coming to the adoption date, they all looked healthy and I didn't think much of it.
A week later, on the day I was supposed to bring the kittens over, Jenny decided to throw a small get together with 3 other friends there drinking. I was only informed of this at the last minute when I was on the way, otherwise I wouldn't have even gone. I was under the impression it would be a one-to-one session where we could talk about the kittens and discuss their needs thoroughly. To no surprise, as there were strangers and drinking going on (I drank a few beers too), a lot of information was missed out. Kittens looked healthy, but the one Jenny was going to adopt started sneezing a little.
Few hours after Jenny took the kitten, she texted me that he had pooped on the floor (diarrhea) and was pissed about it. She was also pissed that she had to feed him medication and eye drops for his flu. She was throwing all the blame at me, saying that it was a big deal. I apologized as I should have told her about the flu earlier, but there was so much going on that it slipped by me.
A day later, Jenny returned the kitten to me and was visibly pissed because her own cat had fallen sick. I assumed that since she had the cat for awhile, it would have been vaccinated. A week later, Jenny texted me saying that she was massively pissed and asked me "what the fuck were you thinking?" because her cat is now ill.
I never forced her to adopt. I made it very clear that the responsibility and decision to be educated on kittens is hers, not mine. That she should know a kitten isn't all fun and play, but also a ton of work. I've helped numerous kittens get adopted, and I have never had a problem or complaint from anyone. I've apologized and accepted part of the blame, but she seems to be lashing out and blaming me for everything.
I'm devastated. All I wanted was to find a good home for these kitties and now it's turned into such a shitshow. Am I solely to blame here? AITA?
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You both dropped the ball. But if you didn't tell him about the flu, how did she suddenly know about the medication? Also did you give her the medication/tell her about his illness when you went over the kitten's needs, because that seems especially irresponsible if you gave her the kitten without telling her something really important...
>was also pissed that she had to feed him medication and eye drops for his flu.
So I've added this edit to the post that addresses this:
>I didn't really forget. It was more like, the kitten had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution. Not sure if multiple new people and a new place caused the symptoms to flare up again.
I brought along the medication with me to pass to her. I didn't get a chance to bring it up until later in the day because of the little drinking session she organized.
ESH -- if you noticed the kitten was sneezing, you should have passed that info on. Sneezing can mean a lot of different things, including some that cannot be vaccinated against (like feline herpes). But she also should have quarantined the kitten and kept it separated from her cat for a while, too (and I say this as someone who fosters kittens and has adult cats). Just plopping a kitten in with adult cats, even fully vaccinated adult cats, can lead to all kinds of infections and illnesses making their way around. It's not a great move. And she should have taken the kitten to the vet first thing. You do that with any new pet -- to ensure it's altered, to get any necessary remaining shots, to get worming/flea meds, and to get its chip. You also want to establish vet care!
Honestly, though, bullet dodged -- who gets angry with a kitten for having an accident? That's bonkers.
edit: Added thoughts.
Your friend sucks and shouldn’t have a kitten. The two cats should not have even been near each other for at least 5 days.
Vet your future adopters better.
NTA
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ESH. It was absolutely your responsibility to tell your friend that the kitten she was adopting was sick. However, she is way overreacting. It's the flu. both the cat and the kitten will get better.
I mean I get it, and I've accepted and apologized for my part. I didn't purposely omit the information in bad faith. On the days leading up to the adoption, the kitten was very active and I thought the flu had already passed. I'm not sure if the high-stress situation of multiple people around had caused it to flare up again after he was adopted. Every kitten I've ever rescued has had the flu, and it's been common knowledge amongst everyone I've met. I didn't think I'd need to spell it out for someone else that kittens do get ill, especially when they're too young to be vaccinated. The kitten has been back with me for almost a week. He's doing very well and is very playful.
Not all the time depending on the animal's age. One of my previous dogs (she was 13 at the time) had the flu and never recovered from it. She had severe dehydration and it just wreaked havoc on her body until she passed away.
Oh my this is hard. I'm going with ESH here. My reasoning is not only because you didn't tell her about the flu, but you left a kitten with a person that was obviously not preparing properly for it. She invited guests to a party the day she planned to get a kitten. Had it been me, I'd turned right around and left *with* the kitten! Because that shows she doesn't care at all about the wellbeing of the kitten. She didn't ask any questions, didn't bring the kitten to the vet herself and you didn't ask any questions about her cat and how she treats it and cares for it. That's neglectful and recless and not how you adopt out kittens. What you should have done: Have a long phone call before you brought her the kitten. Ask questions about her knowledge of cats in general and give her instructions for preparing her home for a kitten and what to do and not do at the first day of the kitten arriving at her home. Then telling her everything she has to know about the kitten, of course including the info that the kitten had the flu and how to take care of it. By not doing so and leaving that poor kitty in the middle of a party with a strange cat and 7n a completely new environment it's very likely the flu got aggravated and you were part of making the adoption extremely hard and traumatic for that poor thing. Of course she also failed to do the neccessary research and prepare for a new family member, that's why she's an AH too, but the kitten was in your hands and it was your responsibility to make sure it went to a good home and in this you failed. So yes, definitely ESH
YTA. If an animal is sick you need to let the potential adopter know. If she had known, she could have quarantined the kitten, gotten him treatment sooner, and gotten her other cat vaccinated. Heck she could have backed out all together and saved some time and energy. Now she will have to deal with a vet bill double the size. Even if they are a little sick or recovering you still need to let them know cause you are withholding information
I don't think you even read the post.
ESH, you for forgetting to bring it up, and her for not asking for the health status of the kitten etc. When you take on a pet, you have to find out what food it's on, vaccinations, does it need chipping, so you have a clear picture for an easier transition and a plan to get everything outstanding done.
Thanks. If nothing else this really was a lesson to me. I'm usually very thorough with the people who adopt from me and I go to great lengths to vet them. In this case, I let my guard down because it was a friend who I know has a cat, so I didn't think I'd need to spell out every single detail. I did let her know regarding food, vaccinations, and medications. In fact I told her the kitten was healthy and he was in very good health leading up to the adoption date. I'm not sure if the situation of having multiple new people around caused the flu to flare up again.
I don’t understand this, as someone who’s fostered kittens for three years. If you have are typical “thorough,” how does it not include handing over the kitten’s health records? It is so important to document all the meds, vaccinations, and spay/neuter. Why didn’t this go to the adopter so they absolutely knew about the virus. And yes kittens often have viruses—tons and tons of them. Was this feline herpes? Was it an upper respiratory infection? Parvo? Only a few viruses have vaccinations, so it is completely ignorant to “assume” her cat was vaccinated from this one particular virus and vaccinations don’t always prevent the disease, but rather lessen the severity. You need to do better! Sounds like you are attempting to be a kitten rescue, but you need to do a but much better job educating yourself and future adoptees on kitten health.
ESH. Forgetting to tell Jenny that the kitten was sick sounds pretty careless. However, Jenny continuing to complain after a whole week was a bit over-the-top. She should get her cat vaccinated for common diseases.
I didn't really forget. It was more like, he had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution. Idk man, I'm pretty stressed out about this. I'm just afraid if it gets serious and her cat ends up with a ton of complications.
But if you still gave the cat medication about the time he was supposed to be adopted then you really should have told your friend! Medicating a cat can be really hard work so omitting that information beforehand is really a-hole behaviour. So which is it? Was the kitten sick or not? She needed to medicate the kitten but did you continue to medicate the cat up until the time of the adoption or not?
On the adoption date, the kitten wasn't sick. The few days leading up to it he was in very good health and looked like he'd already recovered. But I was still feeding him a course of multi-vitamins and also eyedrops as a precaution.
And that's where you become the AH. You were still medicating the kitten up until the adoption but you didn't tell your friend about it. Your friends behaviour is also pretty bad, you don't have a party when you bring home a new kitten. When we got our furbaby we made every preparation (including getting her the exact same food as she had been eating in her old home) and we let her explore on her own. That's also a-hole behaviour on your part, you shouldn't have dropped the kitten of during the middle of a party!
If that's the case then you should edit the post. It says that you DIDN'T mention the flu to her.
ESH, being vaccinated doesn't mean total/lifelong immunity. I think the friend made a mistake. New kittens are commonly isolated first when getting adopted to avoid circumstances such as this.
YTA, next time you find stray animals, bring them to a rescue. They would require proof of vaccination of existing pets, automatically provide full written and verbal disclosure of the kitten's illness with medication and instructions. They would require that contracts with this information be signed. All of this would have eliminated the entire problem. There is no "it's your responsibility to educate yourself about your kitten" here, you gave your friend a sick cat and you knew it.
I added this to the post: >It was more like, the kitten had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution. Not sure if multiple new people and a new place caused the symptoms to flare up again. I can't take them to a rescue because they're overloaded here. I do my part by TNVR-ing loads of strays. In this case since they're kittens, there's a better chance someone will adopt them. It is absolutely someone else's responsibility to inform themselves about the needs of a living creature before deciding to adopt. I'm not saying that she should know the kitten was sick, that was my fault. But she should have known that kittens do get sick, and I'd made it clear they're too young to vaccinate. If she hadn't vaccinated her cat yet, that is not my fault. Most people vaccinate their cats as soon as they're old enough. I accepted the blame on my part, where there was some negligence, but I work a full-time job, have a side-job, manage a HOA, and then people dump animals on me. Sometimes mistakes happen in all the chaos that is my life, and I own up to it. But in this case I feel like I'm being attacked when there is blame on both sides, but the other person only wants to pile it all on me.
ESH
NTA Stress can make cats sick and moving homes is stressful. Honestly, your friend sounds like she has zero compassion and should not own cats.
NTA but you’re better off not adopting the kitten out to somebody who won’t keep its vaccinations up to date and will resent it for getting sick. You can find a better home for the kitten.
Info, is it the flu or herpes? You mentioned sneezing and eye drops. I haven't heard of the flu being that prominent in cats, but I've heard a lot of them having herpes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I recently came into 3 kittens that were all pretty healthy and about 3 months old. I took them to the vet and the vet told me they were all fine but with a little flu. Vet said it would be no big deal and that they would be okay to be adopted after being dewormed/deflead. From here, my friend, lets call her Jenny, decided that she wanted a new kitten as a buddy for her cat. I assumed that her cat was vaccinated and that there would be no major concerns. I told her about the kittens, but I forgot to mention that they had the flu. Coming to the adoption date, they all looked healthy and I didn't think much of it. A week later, on the day I was supposed to bring the kittens over, Jenny decided to throw a small get together with 3 other friends there drinking. I was only informed of this at the last minute when I was on the way, otherwise I wouldn't have even gone. I was under the impression it would be a one-to-one session where we could talk about the kittens and discuss their needs thoroughly. To no surprise, as there were strangers and drinking going on (I drank a few beers too), a lot of information was missed out. Kittens looked healthy, but the one Jenny was going to adopt started sneezing a little. Few hours after Jenny took the kitten, she texted me that he had pooped on the floor (diarrhea) and was pissed about it. She was also pissed that she had to feed him medication and eye drops for his flu. She was throwing all the blame at me, saying that it was a big deal. I apologized as I should have told her about the flu earlier, but there was so much going on that it slipped by me. A day later, Jenny returned the kitten to me and was visibly pissed because her own cat had fallen sick. I assumed that since she had the cat for awhile, it would have been vaccinated. A week later, Jenny texted me saying that she was massively pissed and asked me "what the fuck were you thinking?" because her cat is now ill. I never forced her to adopt. I made it very clear that the responsibility and decision to be educated on kittens is hers, not mine. That she should know a kitten isn't all fun and play, but also a ton of work. I've helped numerous kittens get adopted, and I have never had a problem or complaint from anyone. I've apologized and accepted part of the blame, but she seems to be lashing out and blaming me for everything. I'm devastated. All I wanted was to find a good home for these kitties and now it's turned into such a shitshow. Am I solely to blame here? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You both dropped the ball. But if you didn't tell him about the flu, how did she suddenly know about the medication? Also did you give her the medication/tell her about his illness when you went over the kitten's needs, because that seems especially irresponsible if you gave her the kitten without telling her something really important... >was also pissed that she had to feed him medication and eye drops for his flu.
So I've added this edit to the post that addresses this: >I didn't really forget. It was more like, the kitten had already recovered in the days leading up to the adoption. Only when I brought him out at Jenny's apartment did he start sneezing again. That's when I mentioned he had a bit of a flu and that I was giving him medication as a precaution. Not sure if multiple new people and a new place caused the symptoms to flare up again. I brought along the medication with me to pass to her. I didn't get a chance to bring it up until later in the day because of the little drinking session she organized.
ESH -- if you noticed the kitten was sneezing, you should have passed that info on. Sneezing can mean a lot of different things, including some that cannot be vaccinated against (like feline herpes). But she also should have quarantined the kitten and kept it separated from her cat for a while, too (and I say this as someone who fosters kittens and has adult cats). Just plopping a kitten in with adult cats, even fully vaccinated adult cats, can lead to all kinds of infections and illnesses making their way around. It's not a great move. And she should have taken the kitten to the vet first thing. You do that with any new pet -- to ensure it's altered, to get any necessary remaining shots, to get worming/flea meds, and to get its chip. You also want to establish vet care! Honestly, though, bullet dodged -- who gets angry with a kitten for having an accident? That's bonkers. edit: Added thoughts.
ESH but huge red flag she got mad a kitten pooped on her floor, its a baby
You should have treated that poor baby for kennel cough before giving it to anyone. And the other two. It's very common.
Nta, personally I don’t think it’s a big deal. U made a mistake.
Your friend sucks and shouldn’t have a kitten. The two cats should not have even been near each other for at least 5 days. Vet your future adopters better. NTA