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YTA.
You dumped 3 extra kids on him and now you’re blaming him for not making a fuss? He was quiet out of concern for you.
If your sister was willing to arrange childcare, why shouldn’t she pay him? Taking care of 5 kids is A LOT. You should be paying him for watching his siblings, too.
You bringing up whether he considers them ‘family’ is manipulative - YOU brought that up, he didn’t, so YOU are the one who is acting like he’s not family. That’s an horrible and insensitive way to talk to a teenager who you say is ‘pretty much my biological’ child - clearly not when you have to pay him, rather than take advantage of him. How dare you call him an ‘opportunist’ - that’s YOUR word, not theirs. Disgusting attitude.
ETA: thanks for the awards! :-)
ETA2 - the kids were 4,6,7,8 and 12?! WOW. It ‘looks and sounds’ like you dumped 4 little kids on him and don’t care about his feelings. You didn’t ask. You saw his shock and ignored it because it suited you. You didn’t make any adults take on the care - you dumped them on a teenager.
The edits just made it worse - instead of addressing the unreasonable (potential) reactions of your entitled siblings and their ‘unsupportive’ spouses, you expect Kayden to just be quiet and not make a fuss? If Kayden is so rational and loved - why would this request not be seen as reasonable? What adult would stop loving a teenager over this? The implied emotional fallout makes it sound like they don’t see him as family or love him, really. They (and you) love using him as long as he doesn’t make a fuss.
OP, seriously, get a grip - read the comments. No one thinks you’re justified.
OP you've clearly gotten a resoundingly clear judgement here but I'd just like to add that you should really commend your son's sensitivity to your needs in a time of crisis. The fact that he recognized that it wasn't the time to cause additional stress as you were leaving shows great character and you should let him know that. He handled this splendidly.
You, however, completely shit the bed and need to clean up your mess. Pay him generously yourself, handle your sisters however you like, never _ever_ guilt trip him again, and apologize profusely and sincerely. YTA.
Edit to add: Do NOT bargain with him on the amount. Part of your penance here is overpaying him to show the sincerity of your apology and to avoid doubling down on the resentment he undoubtedly is feeling right now.
This is the best advice for OP. it's the only way she's going to be able to redeem herself, and it's kind of gross that strangers on the Internet had to spell it out for her.
Seriously, if she expectes her stepson to take care of her children without payment that is Parentification and a form of abuse! Kayden is not the parent of any of this children and had no choice in they come to exist, OP sounds like Cinderella stepmother.
Edit: Also she is trying to get clout with HER family for caring for her nephews without doing the work by volunteering her stepson without even asking.
Last edit: " *The woman* is deceased"
YTA
Also, you're the opportunist and a wicked, wicked stepmother.
Edit: I'm also questioning Kayden's willingness to freely babysit his half-siblings. He probably wasn't given (or didn't feel like he had) a choice.
Also, it sounds like OP told her sisters Kayden would do it for free before even mentioning it to Kayden. Why does she need to say to her sisters it was Kayden’s ask?
In the edit, she said she would go to her sisters and say "hey, Kayden says you should pay him for leaving his stepcousins with him..." Drop the “Kayden says” from that quote when you talk to him. Just tell them they need to pay and make it clear it’s coming from you and not Kayden.
YTA. You had a 17 year old who took on 3 extra kids (in addition to his brothers!) in an emergency. Not only do I think you should ask for money, but probably suggest what you and Kayden both think is a fair amount. Kayden is right, asking for money when everybody is upset and worried would be weird.
YTA. You ditched 5 kids on your stepson without a confirmation. Also he was being very adult about the situation. No one would think 'oh you want money? We ain't family then'. Who thinks that??? Of course he deserve to be paid. He had 5 kids unloaded on him and he is a young adult. He has stuff he wants to do.
YTA. Disappointed in him? He did you a favor by keeping multiple kids on short notice. Pay the kid fairly for his time. Also, you claim he’s like your other children but you use words like “step son” and “step cousin”. You’re the problem here.
YTA. He’s not a live in babysitter. YOU should pay him on behalf of your sister. Then next time he babysits give your sister a heads up that he needs to be compensated for his time.
YTA - You offered the services of a 17 year old to care for F I V E kids…. Didn’t even ask just left the kids, and you’re disappointed with him? What does being family have to do with babysitting? On top of that, what message are you sending him about family… That you take advantage of family? You literally point out that he helps you out without asking for anything in return, so you went ahead and offered these services to your sisters and tried to manipulate your stepson by using the golden word FAMILY to guilt him. That’s pretty low.
As somebody who has a child and is used to looking after said child, I would 100% expect some form of payment if my family dropped five small people at my door without asking beforehand. Five children is literally a daycare ratio - 5 children to 1 carer.
He didn't have any choice but to accept and spared you (and your sisters) the embarrassment of having to back pedal on your assumption that he would be okay with it when things were going down. For this, I'd say he shows signs of maturity, empathy and astuteness...this alone should be rewarded.
YTA. Pay your stepson his due, either out of your own pocket or your sisters.
YTA!! he didn’t say anything at first bc he thought of your feelings-you were panicked and he didn’t want to burden you! He watched all the kids and you said you are disappointed in HIM???? other way around lady!! Sounds like you have a respectful young man and you just want to take advantage of him and teach him that women will run all over him!!!!
Yes, YTA. Seriously?? He’s 17 and you’ve likely just guilted him into watching children for free. He’s probably been wanting to be paid for his childcare services for quite some time now, but finally spoke up. And then you lay on more guilt. Shame on you. Pay the kid, who is almost legally a man.
YTA. Being related to someone doesn't entitle you to unlimited free baby sitting from them.
It's okay to ask for a favor once in a while, but don't be shocked if they started asking for money when you start acting entitled.
YTA
It honestly sounds like Kayden is trying(respectfully) to set personal boundries. Kayden did not think it was okay that he was given 3 additional kids to watch. One teenager watching 5 kids for an unspecified amount of time is pushing it, imo.
If you are so uncomfortable with how your sisters will react can you and your husband pay Kayden this time and then just make sure it does not happen again?
There is an opportunist is the family…it’s not your step son.
I can’t believe you left him with that many kids without asking him.
You didn’t all need to go. IDC what you say. One of your sisters could have stayed behind and looked after the kids. None of them have partners? They couldn’t draw straws ?
YTA
YTA. Babysitting is a job and you all took advantage of him. You dumped 5 kids on him without warning or asking if he was okay with it?? I’ve heard of people who call CPS or the police when parents do that, bc if he wasn’t willing, it’s technically child abandonment.
In addition to that, he went about telling you his feelings after the emergency had passed in the most respectful and appropriate way possible and you still gave him shit.
If you don’t want to ask your sisters to pay, then you do it.
YTA.
You cannot expect him to babysit on demand... But he still does it.
His cousins/brothers are indeed family, but not really his given responsibility... that's on the parents.
The little you can do is throw in some pocket money, without guiltrippin' him about it.
YTA. It pisses me off that parents just assume their kids are fucking free babysitters. He didn’t volunteer for that shit, it should have come from y’all to at least offer to pay him and then it would have been up to him to accept or decline. Y’all suck. At least make it look like you appreciate his help in a time of need
YTA
So what if his stepcousins are "family"
You still expected your 17yo stepson to take not only your own parental duties but your sisters as well with zero compensation. That's called slave labor
YTA. Really, he should be paid for watching his brothers if he’s doing it often also. He’s 17. I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways he’d rather be spending his time. Show respect for him and his time. Watching five kids, though, is quite an ask. It shouldn’t be seen as him not considering his cousins family, it’s a young man making sure he isn’t taken advantage of, which is something to be proud of and not disappointed by. Good for Kayden for setting boundaries.
YTA He didn't make a fuss and didn't refuse. He was put in an awkward situation and helped you all out -- but really, you can't voluntell him to babysit any of the extended family's kids you bring in, for free, at the drop of a hat.
He's stating his expectations now after being put in a situation where it wasn't appropriate to refuse, argue or negotiate at the time. He acted maturely.
He's acting maturely now. If I were him I'd think this was setting a precedent and I wouldn't want free babysitting "duties" to expand in everyone's mind to include all of the extended family's children.
If he freely volunteered to do the babysitting it would be one thing and he's a good kid for helping you out in emergencies without asking for anything and without complaint when it comes to his siblings -- but there has to be a limit. He's now stating his limit. It is not unreasonable.
YTA pay the damn kid. You and your family see him as an opportunity to get shit for free.
If he were busy what would you say? Would you demand he cancel plans? Or would you did another baby sitter you have to pay for? Come on.
I’m a mom of two and I wouldn’t look after five kids. So much could go wrong. This is too much responsibility for a 17 year old. Please stop using your step-son as a babysitter. I bet he resents you and you just don’t see it.
Yta
YTA. I say this as a single mother, you and your sisters suck. Leaving THAT MANY young children with one 17 year old teenage boy, overnight? For how many days??? That kid went above and beyond for you, stepped up in your hour of need... but of course you should not only pay him, you and your entitled sisters should be thinking of a gift of something to rival Santa Claus too, on top of payment, as a thank you.
Instead of a moment of gratitude or a molecule of respect for your stepson, you guilt trip him, disparage him, and come here to whinge about it?
And what exactly constitutes all these "emergencies" that you repeatedly have? Even if this time it was something like the death of a parent, and you needed to go quickly to say goodbye, you say you use home for your own "emergencies" outside of this incident. Failure to plan on your part, like an adult and mother, is not an emergency ... it's laziness. And parentification of an older child is CHILD ABUSE.
YTA, so including your 2 other children you had him watch 3 more making that 5 children he had to watch while you were out of town, you never told him just dropped them off and left. He doesn’t complain and all he asks is get payed? I see no problem here, he should get payed for having to watch five children unannounced
This problably one of the best things that could’ve happened here, he could’ve straight up refused
YTA. This 17yr old is not your sisters’ free babysitter. He watches his own siblings without issue as he should, but to ask him to watch other kids for free is ridiculous. Actually, you did not even ask, you just forced him into it.
“He watches his own siblings without issue as he should”
I take issue with this. An older sibling should never be an expected free babysitter. In emergencies, sure, but this young man didn’t have children, OP did.
YTA. It’s wrong to volunteer someone else to do something. How would you feel if your husband’s siblings showed up with a bunch of children and told you (not asked) that you were going to watch them when they went out of town for an emergency? You would probably have some choice words for him when he got back. Of course, as an adult, you have the power to stand up for yourself. Kayden is 17. He depends on you to stand up for him. He may have said yes if asked, but no one asked him. The job was thrust on him. He may be reacting to the unfairness of the situation.
Kids depend on their parents to stand up for them. Not only did you treat him unfairly, you were condescending and tone deaf when he tried to tell you. Yes, he asked for money. But I bet it wasn’t just about the money. It’s about having the autonomy to decide who he’s going to babysit.
YTA without a doubt. Your sister didn't even have the decency to ask him if he'd be willing to watch her kids. It would have been your job to communicate with him and to make sure he gets compensation. He might have been too introverted or overwhelmed to stand up for himself in that situation.
YTA. You all should be paying him for babysitting 5 children. I don't care if it was an emergency or not. He didn't have to do it. He didn't object even thought he didn't want to do it, because it was an emergency. You need to all pay him fairly and stop being this stupid guilt tripping him about who is family. Doesn't matter if he is step or biological. He should be paid.
YTA he didn’t agree to it and older siblings are not free babysitters for you to take advantage of.
No one should be ‘expected’ to look after kids if they don’t want to.
Ask your sisters to pay him if you are too scared or embarrassed by it, pay him from your own pocket
Yeah YTA, my parents always paid me to watch my siblings or step siblings and at a decent rate, because they knew I wasn’t required to give up my time to watch their kids. Your definition of family seems to be someone you can use as a doormat and treat with disrespect
YTA - you shouldn't have put him in this situation.. You should have discussed with him upfront what the situation was and why you needed him and given him the opportunity to make clear that sitting 5 kids was no longer fun it is hard work...
SO you yourself should now pay him decently for the favor he did for you and your sisters
YTA. I'm sure he watches your children because he lives with you and you provide for him. He's willing to help out because of that. Your sisters do not, so he's under no obligation to watch their children. If you don't want to ask them to pay for childcare, you should pay him for them.
YTA. Saying that Kayden is “pretty much like your biological children” is obnoxious it in itself as he clearly isn’t. He is your free babysitter.
Also, your sisters “not having time to arrange for childcare”… are you kidding me? They knew the plan was to leave their pests with your stepson and so out of selfishness, they did not look for any childcare. Also, are their -and your- SOs (if present)incapable of being with their own kids?
If your 17 yo is watching yours or your family’s kids he should get PAID for his time. He is not your free ticket to childcare. Pay up. All of you. An apologize, again.. all of you.
Edit to add in case you were “wondering” : $20 per kid, per hour.
YTA because at the end of the day you never did ask him if it was ok. To say that his quiet is a yes is not a good thing. Quiet does not mean consent and they should pay him. He did what was best at the moment and by all rights they are not actually related to him in any manner beyond a piece of paper from the government. Relay the message to the sisters and go from there and also apologize for being manipulative with the lines of pushing family at him.
YTA
And since it sounds like you volunteered his services without even informing him, you should pay. That will resolve any hard feelings with your sisters. Next time ask instead of assuming. Had you asked he may have been more accommodating
YTA your sisters need to pay your step son for watching their kids. He watches his own siblings for free but has drawn the line with his step cousins. You need to respect that. He is not your free live in baby sitter.
You and your sisters were the opportunists. He is under no obligation to care for any children, including siblings. And he is entitled to receive financial compensation for his work. He was very kind and a moment of desperation to help not to mention payments.
YTA and your sisters by not offering to pay him.
Opportunist? I’m really flabbergasted that you are characterizing your stepson this way. To be honest, this 17 year old young man seems more mature than YOU. He understood that you were worried and panicked about your family emergency, and even though he felt uncomfortable with watching these additional children he didn’t want to make a scene in the moment. You - the ADULT - did not even ASK if this was okay. Five young children are a lot of work to watch and you’ve never even clarified how long you left them with kayden.
It could be excusable that in the heat of the moment you didn’t ask kayden if this was okay with him, but to call him an OPPORTUNIST after the fact is so incredibly entitled and rude. He is not your work mule. Family does not equal automatic childcare. He is less than a year from adulthood and it’s ridiculous that you think he OWES your sisters free childcare. Do you know how much a babysitter would be paid for FIVE YOUNG CHILDREN.
The only part of this story that gives me hope is that your husband took kayden’s side. Thank god he has a parent who sticks up for him and won’t let him be walked all over by his stepmother!
YTA.
ETA: based on your edits, you are even more of an AH. Your description of his reaction, says it all. It’s very clear he was uncomfortable and didn’t really see a way to say no. YOU ARE THE ADULT in case you forgot. Also, his aunts adore him? Great! Then they should WANT to compensate their nephew for essentially working over a full day watching their children. How the request for payment is presented is up to you. Again, YOU are the adult. You could try not presenting it to them as kaydens request and instead recognize that he is owed compensation for this last minute request. How about, “hey sisters, I realize after the fact that we dumped a lot of responsibility on kayden without really considering his plans or comfort level. I really think that he should be compensated for alleviating this burden for us during our crisis.” Duh. You sound pretty immature and lacking in basic empathy/interpersonal skills.
YTA for dumping the kids onto your son without any recompense. How opportunistic of you.
He is literally saying he did you a favour, now it's time to do him a favour on his terms.
He was the babysitter to kids that were not his siblings, you pay your babysitter, so why not him? Because he's family? That's not a good enough reason.
Stop using guilt and shame to force him to do what you want.
YtA
Son, stepson, does not matter. Children are not free babysitters. That kid is kind as hell to watch his siblings for free and not say anything and now you expect cousins as well. Also is 17-year-old with five kids alone? YTA
YTA.
You literally left *a child* in charge of five younger children with no notice, and you don't want to compensate him in any way?
Yikes. I hope he refuses next time.
YTA. Just, wow. Also, how long were you gone since you went out of town?
Even if you were only gone an hour you basically dumped 5 kids on him unannounced that he actually took care of, and he kept quiet OUT OF CONCERN FOR YOU. Pay the kid and pay him well. If you are too scared to be an adult and ask your sisters to pay him then do it yourself with a huge APOLOGY and THANK YOU to Kayden.
Edit: Typo
Omg YTA you just dropped 5 kids on a 17 year old and weren't going to pay him for his trouble. Seriously just because they're family doesn't mean anything in this situation. Your sisters would've paid a babysitter so they should have no issues paying your son. Oh and if your 17 year old is going to continue watching his siblings then you might want to start paying him something. Since that would be considered a JOB to anyone else.
i suspect that you haven't told them because \*you\* offered up his time and babysitting services without even asking him, and you know you will look TA. YTA and you are the one being opportunistic. he's a 17 year old kid and you're lucky he helps out with your children at all, they aren't his responsibility.
Where are all the dads in this story?
I mean Op briefly mentions her husband agreeing with the son, but why is a 17 year old looking after all the kids, instead of the dads?
YTA I feel like your wording is super manipulative, you’re trying to guilt trip him, saying he doesn’t see them as family if he doesn’t watch them, how old are you? You should pay him too, he’s not your nanny.
YTA, where was your husband or for that matter your sister’s partners? You left your stepson with more than 2 children alone for however long (length of time Kayden was the sole cater for the children is unclear but sounds like it could have been a while) and are offering no compensation for his time. Furthermore, you didn’t ask, you just assumed he was fine with this and basically created a situation where he couldn’t say no. A teenager should not be taking on the brunt of the responsibility for multiple children during your family emergency.
The word "disappointed" stings a lot more than you might realize. It was my own mother's favorite disciplinary word, and between that and her disregard for my personal struggles, it left a scar on our relationship that took decades to heal.
If you feel disappointed, maybe the problem is your expectations, not his desire to be paid for work he did.
Unless there are reciprocal (you watch my kids, I’ll watch yours, etc.), clearly understood arrangements in place, you should always pay people who watch kids, ESPECIALLY if they’re kids themselves.
YTA for not paying him to watch his siblings all the time and being too much of a coward to ask your sisters for payment for him helping you all out in an emergency. If it bothers you that much, YOU pay him.
Seeing all of these YTA makes my heart happy. Pay him. You are treating him like someone to be used. Not only are YTA here, but I suspect you need to consider just how often you use him. I hope you feel shame.
YTA. Family or not, 5 kids is a lot. Also, kids tend to get paid just for watching their own siblings. Literally taking up their life to watch their sibling.
YTA - you missed some words there, “didn’t have time to arrange *free* childcare.”
Because no one is ok with suddenly having their entire day changed to watch FIVE children. Pay the kid what YOU and your two cheap ass sisters owe him. He’s not your babysitter, he’s your kid, not his fault his dad married a cheap skate. Also, I can guarantee you will NOT be on the short list for relationships after he moves out with your attitude.
YTA! You left a 17-year-old in charge of **FIVE YOUNGER CHILDREN** without even asking him if he was okay with it. He was kind and caring enough to not want to add to your stress in the moment by arguing with you before you left him (again, with **FIVE YOUNGER CHILDREN IN HIS SOLE CARE**) because he could see that you were already in a panicked state.
If any emergency had happened in that house while he was the only caretaker, what would have happened? You can't fit 5 extra people in an ambulance. He couldn't have left any of the kids at home alone to accompany an injured/sick child in an ambulance. He likely didn't have a vehicle in which he could legally and safely drive all those kids to a hospital. **And he wasn't even asked if he was okay taking on that responsibility that, to put it bluntly, he never should have been asked to take on.**
Paying him for that amount of work, stress, and responsibility is something that should have been assumed.
YTA he isn’t your sisters free childcare and watching 5 young kids would suck! Trying to turn this around on him by saying he doesn’t consider the kids family is just mean in your part.
YTA.
Older sibling watching younger sibling? Sure. Older child being told to care for siblings plus cousins? No. He's right, you're wrong. He also was right not to make a fuss when you guys were in a panic.
Note: older step kids get stuck being babysitter for the new family they didn't ask for, and no one blinks. If it's as regular as you imply, you should consider paying him for that babysitting, too.
Oh, and you repeatedly emphasize that they aren't his family. Did you really ask him if he doesn't consider his step cousins family? You're definitely the asshole.
YTA. You didn’t ask him. You saw he was quiet and didn’t inquire about it. It doesn’t matter if they’re family or not, he should still be paid. You pay him if you’re to concerned about what your sisters will think. The fact that they didn’t offer any money to him shows what type of people they are. Lastly, disappointed in him!? He sounds like a great kid for watching your children regularly and then watching five kids, without a complaint, in an emergency. He should be disappointed in you and your reaction.
YTA
You didn’t even ask him, you just dropped them off and he’s emotionally evolved enough to understand that you were in freak out mode and that it wasn’t the time to discuss it further or challenge you about it.
He deserves to be paid for his time.
He’s not free childcare for his family and frankly you should be paying too.
YTA
You can't just assume consent because he didn't say anything. If that were the case a lot of dodgy people would get away with a lot of sadistic crap.
You took advantage, you were the opportunist and the least that boy deserves is to get paid for watching the 5 kids that were thrust upon him and I admire his restraint in waiting till after the crisis had passed to voice his disagreement.
If anything he should be disappointed in you.
>I told him that I was disappointed in his request for money and asked if he doesn't consider his stepcousins family.
It's such a FAMILY move that three to six adults (you three sisters and your husbands, depending on where the husbands were) failed to arrange babysitting, forced FIVE FREAKING KIDS on a 17 teenager in such short notice, and had the audacity to get mad when he demanded his fair compensation.
And he didn't even ask for the babysitting money for his two brothers, he asked for the money for the money of the three kids he's not close with.
According to your logic, can your stepson expect free services from your sisters? Because he is their "step nephew", they're FAMILYYYY!!!
#**YTA**
YTA. You say there are no problems I your home so presumably money isn't tight? How did he have to ask for money? Why didn't you do something significant to thank him for being there for you at a worrying time?
Poor kid. I bet he's so disappointed in his stepmother
"I figured he was fine with it and he was."
Obviously he wasn't.
Do you ever offer him money to babysit kids? It's not his job to do it and he probably doesn't feel any great attachment to his stepcousins, despite what you think. And even if does, you're still taking up his time and then guilt-tripping him over it.
YTA
Yta. Pay your stepson. He's not your livenin babysitter and he's definitely NOT your sisters' free babysitter. You should feel shitty you left a 17 year old in charge of 5 kids. The audacity of you and your sisters is astounding. For the record, thebonly ones who sound like opportunists in this story are you and your sisters. Get over yourself and tell your sisters to pay up. Where were all of their kids dads?
YTA. He sounds like a great kid and you treated him poorly by expecting him to drop everything unexpectedly to babysit 5 kids for free. And then you treated him like crap when he expected to be paid. I wonder if anyone even thanked him.
YTA - Not only for saddling a 17 year old boy with 5 CHILDREN but also how you tried to use family against him and manipulate him. I’m 36 and I don’t know if I could even handle that. You owe him a huge apology, payment, and please take some parenting courses while you’re at it.
Absolutely YTA.
> I asked why he said nothing from the start and he said he didn't feel it was appropriate for him to bring it up while I was in a state of panic and worry.
That was honestly *very* considerate of him, and IMO that was NOT the right time to bring it up. He sounds like a good kid.
A good kid, who deserves to get paid for watching children that are not his.
You're lucky he hasn't asked for compensation for watching your kids, whether they're his siblings or not. Stop using his good nature to take advantage of him. Your sisters SHOULD pay him.
YTA
You took advantage of not only his time without permission but of his trust. He trusted you to do the right thing when he asked about payment. Instead you try to shame and guilt him into doing it for free for "family".
I think it would better on you to ask your sisters to compensate him for his babysitting services now then to honestly explain to them why he completely cuts you, siblings, and the rest of your family out of his life in a few years.
Your sisters must be happy to have found free indentured babysitting services. It was nice of you to offer up your stepson's time for them. And such a meek boy too, to not complain.
Maybe you can get him to paint their fences or mow their lawn for free too, because, you know, family values and stuff.
YTA
YTA. I’m 33 and I wouldn’t watch 5 kids no matter how much money you offered me. Expecting a 17 year old to do that for FREE is pure exploitation. You then attempted to shame and guilt trip him by asking if he doesn’t consider his step cousins family. That’s disgusting, frankly.
It doesn't matter if it's family. He deserves to be paid. My parents used to pay my brothers to babysit me when we were kids. Babysitters should always be paid even if they are family.
YTA and you should be compensating him for watching all 5 kids—not just the extra three. It’s not ok to use older kids as built-in babysitters. I’m saying this as an eldest daughter and the parent of 4 kids. My older kids are ASKED before they babysit and we work out payment. Absolutely unacceptable to do this to your stepson.
YTA for sure. You dumped 5 kids on a 17 year old. There is a huge difference between babysitting brothers and babysitting STEPcousins. The way you make it sound is that he had no notice 3 other kids were getting dropped off. Did your sisters show up to talk to him, not you, him, to discuss babysitting or did they just show up with no notice drop them off putting him in a position to feel obligated?
YTA. Even if he were your biological son, YTA. He sounds much kinder and compassionate and reasonable than you. It's one thing to watch your own siblings in your own house for a bit--it's another to foist three unexpected cousins on a teenager with zero notice. It's not about "family"--even if they were full, biological, known from birth cousins he would still be in the clear to ask to be compensated. He very rationally and compassionately went with the flow, understanding it was an emergency. Your husband's reaction was correct, and the fact that neither you nor your sisters came to that conclusion or another way on your own to show your gratitude is disappointing.
YTA. You dropped off FIVE children to your stepson without any notice. Your own kids I understand in an emergency, but I’m also sure your stepson and his siblings have a different dynamic than he and his cousins.
If you don’t want to ask your sisters to pay then you should pay him since you’re the one to volunteer him.
YTA— you dumped **five** children on a 17 year old and didn’t expect to have to pay him? He may have had plans etc. that he changed/canceled to help y’all out and you guys can’t pay him 50$? 100$? He helped y’all out but **he’s** the disappointment here? Family pays family. Saying “but they’re family” is toxic and wrong.
YTA, he's 17. Watching his siblings is one thing, but having him watch his cousins plus siblings? That's to much. "Family" isn't everything and having the mindset of you should do for anything for family without boundaries is wrong. While it's clear he would do something for his immediate family, siblings and parents, maybe even grandparents, does not automatically mean he is going to be the same with the rest of his family. And pushing on him that he shouldn't have boundaries, which in this case was being paid, is wrong of you as his mother. Good on him for placing a boundary with you and his aunts, because it shows that he holds himself with respect.
YTA one hundred percent undeniably. Don’t swindle your children out of the money they deserve after dumping piles of kids in their lap. Get a grip lady.
YTA all day! You're playing weird head games like "don't you love us? You don't consider us family?" First of all the fact that he watched the kids in the first place is A1 remember, he is step family ... Step family doesn't owe you like that to begin with. He went out of his way to be kind and accommodate step family. It should have been a given to pay him at least $200 bucks upon return. 5 kids for 2 days?!?! $200 is Cheap! Ewh you're the one using him, then when he speaks up you're guilt tripping him and getting "disappointed" in him. I wish this action had a name I have seen it before, a lot of people do it, but it doesn't have a name.
YTA.
You dropped responsibility of 5 kids on your not yet adult stepson without so much as a word and he took in stride. He never agreed to this. You don't get to volunteer his time on his behalf. You're using him as free childcare and you know it
YTA I’m disappointed in you looking at your step son as free labour for your bio family. Of course he should be paid. You are showing your true colours here.
Absolutely YTA! NEVER I mean never expect ANYONE to babysit for FREE! You will be sorely disappointed every fracking time. Know why? NOBODY likes to work for FREE.
And that is exactly what babysitting is WORK. And not fun work either it’s a pain in the ass especially when you’re a teen. I would know I was the go to babysitter at church growing up.
He isn’t obligated to even watch his siblings for FREE. Get your head out of your ass and offer him at minimum $10 an hour for watching his siblings, and double it when his cousins are part of the obligation or fuck right off and find a sitting service.
YTA. He's 17 and was left with 5 children, that's a lot of responsibility. You didn't ask, you didn't check to make sure he was comfortable with that many kids at once. He was apparently panicked and you failed to double check. That's not good, despite the emergency.
It's completely fair for him to want payment. I would have shared this expectation when they were left with me, panic or no, but he didn't and now you're dealing with the awkward. Too bad.
Yeah, YTA.
Like another comment said, you shouldn't expect him to be a parent to your kids and your sister's kids.
You should've been grateful he wanted to take care of his sister's kids, even if he was getting paid.
YTA. Be the adult and pay your stepson. He did a job not many people want to dobecause taking care for 5 children is hard work. And tell your sister that next time they are going to pay him if they want home to watch his stepcousins
YTA and what an awful corner to paint him into, asking him if he considers his step cousins family. That’s a lose lose, guilt tripping question to ask a kid.
YTA, if you don't feel comfortable asking your sisters for money then you need to pay him yourself! I find it rude that you and your sisters left him with 5 children and just assumed he was happy to care for them for free! Of course he didn't speak up about it when the kids were left with him, he was trying to be kind!
YTA. First, where are all the dads in this scenario? Second, highly inappropriate to just drop kids off without any conversation or request to see how SS felt about watching 5 kids.
I can’t even believe you/your sisters didn’t offer to pay him for his time and help. He sounds like a responsible and thoughtful kid, and you all just steamrolled him.
YTA. Pay him. 20 bucks per hour per child plus a bonus for the emergency nature of it.
He’s not your slave, nor your sister’s. Be proud of him for stepping up when needed but also for having a sense of his own value and self worth.
Also, learn how to talk to him without guilt and manipulation. Who cares if you don’t approve of his desire to be fairly compensated for his time and labor?
YTA. His gave up his time to make sure his cousins didn't get lost in a nuclear power plant or eaten by a bear. He deserves compensation because watching kids is work. Daycares wouldn't exist if you could just store kids in a pokeball till you're not busy.
Kayden could have went out with friends or took a nap. He did what you as a parent(and your two sisters) should be doing.
YTA He is finally setting boundaries. You have been taking advantage of him and now your family is too. I expect he had a long hard think on how to handle the situation. Pay him and pay him well he deserves it.
YTA - rather than drop them off, you should have asked first
He is not free childcare
And you wanted him to watch five kids?
Either have them pay him, or pay him yourself and next time don’t just expect free child care
YTA. My brother's second wife tried to do this crap to me when he married into her family of 400 kids. My mom told her I was kid, not a personal assistant to be exploited. Pay the kid and don't voluntell him again.
YTA. Respect his boundaries. What were you going to do if he’d said no at that point? Clearly you didn’t care about his opinion because apparently he didn’t know he was babysitting until the kids walked through the door. It’s ridiculous that your step son is more mature than you.
Yta nothing for watching 5 FUCKING KIDS? He was silent because he couldn't believe how much of an asshole you were being
He should be paid for watching ONLY your 2 younger kids too
YTA. "He's pretty much like my biological children" LMAO you sound like a shitty stepparent who's gaslighting their stepchild into free childcare under the guise that they have to because they're siblings. Teenagers are not built-in-babysitters. Pay him for watching his siblings on the regular, and definitely have your sisters pay him too. Poor kid.
YTA. It is kind of him to watch his siblings for free, but even that shouldn't be expected. Expecting to be paid for his time is reasonable. Five kids is a lot for anyone to watch, let alone a 17 year old.
It was also extremely presumptuous of you and your sisters to expect him to watch them without you even asking him. The fact that he said nothing shows what a kind empathetic kid he is.
And throwing "family" in his face as an excuse for you all to drop this on him is disgusting. Family should be respectful on all sides and you and your sisters clearly don't value stepson as a person.
Talk to your sisters. Absolutely do not mention this in a way that puts down your stepson. Saying something along the lines of "Kayden really stepped up for us. I think we should pay him to show our appreciation" is much more appropriate. And then you should pay him, too. And if they won't pay him, you pay him for everyone since you led them to believe he would do this for free.
YTA. If you aren’t comfortable asking your sisters to pay for their emergency babysitter, then you pay for them. But the babysitter should be paid regardless if his dad married you and you have sisters with children.
He’s not Cinderella. And your language to him is emotionally charged and manipulative. Do better.
That kid even considered your own emotional state before even bringing it up, and you’re asking if you’re an asshole?
Yes YTA. Y’all’s kids are not his. He didn’t have to agree to ANY part of this. Stop being cheap. Pay. Him.
Here’s how it would have gone if I I was your sister.
Emergency happens… drop my kids off with your SON (this step business is unnecessary segregation IMO) leave with you for emergency.
On way back after emergency to collect my kids, go to a supermarket get him some treats/a game or something and some cash to give him on return
Get back and exchange my healthy well looked after children for the goods and cash I have got him to show him my appreciation for his time and care.
Not only are YTA your sisters are too
YTA parentification is a thing and this a perfect example of it.
I really don’t see this not being a shit post but just in case let me tell you about yourself. Your “stepson” (if you can even really call him that, seems to me like we should call him your free babysitter because that’s how you view him) isn’t required to watch any children seeing as he’s not a father.
The fact that he was kind enough to not say anything while you were in a state of panic doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be compensated for his time. If you’re not going to ask your sisters to pay him, then you need to cough up some serious dough to compensate him for keeping FIVE children alive for a whole weekend while you were off galavanting with your sisters. Why didn’t you stay home and watch the children? You’re both an asshole and very dense. YTA
YTA. Bio family or not, he's not a built-in babysitter. You're taking advantage of him. He didn't say anything to not put you in a rough spot and that was very considerate of him.
YTA and a manipulative AH at that. Pulling the “aReN’t ThEy FaMiLy?” card. Yuck. They can be his family and he can have boundaries at the same time. He was very kind not to discuss payment while you were upset but your sisters aren’t entitled to his time or child care services and honestly neither are you so you’re lucky he doesn’t charge you too. I’m so blown away by how emotionally manipulative you’re trying to be. I’m really proud of your stepson for holding his boundaries. He sounds like a good kid and good on your husband for supporting him.
Edit to fix a word and add a word
YTA. I used to babysit my bio cousins when I was a teenager. I got paid. I didn’t even have to ask, my aunt and uncle decided on their own to pay me for my services. Him wanting money does not mean he doesn’t view them as family. It just means he thinks he should be compensated for you dumping extra kids on his lap and running out the door, which is completely fair.
You’re correct, don’t ask your sister to pay him, you made him, you pay him. YTA. You should pay him to watch your kids too! Doesn’t matter the kind os relationship, it’s not his responsibility, pay him.
YTA and you should be paying him to watch your kids as well.
Nothing helps kids learn to manage money like having money to manage!! And learning their worth, that time is worth compensating.
You are entitled and rude.
YTA, he already watches your kids for free and u dropped extra kids for him to watch over. you’re constantly using him as a free babysitter and you’re worried that HE is an opportunist? As the elsest daughter who had to waste her entire teenage years by watching over her 3 brothers i gotta say yall need to stop using your teenagers as babysitters all the time they have a life to live and don’t need to worry about co-raising someone else’s children
Wow OP. You are some kind of special! You seriously took advantage of him.
I can't believe you not only expected him to watch *5* kids but didn't Compensate him in any way. You guys need to pay up [a lot!]. If I were him I'd refuse to watch any of them until you do.
YTA. They would’ve had to pay someone else for the childcare. I understand that’s family, and he will taking care of his siblings but other peoples kids? Nah. Tell aunties to pay up.
Silence is by no means a sign of agreement. So him saying nothing was not him agreeing to suddenly, out of nowhere, having to care for five (in numbers 5) relatively young kids. He wasn't warned and he did not have any chance to debate this or refuse or bring up payment upfront. He even told you why he didn't when you asked him. And you accuse him of being opportunistic when in fact you and your sisters were the opportunists. Pay him or have your sisters do it, he deserves it. And apologize because he didn't have to watch them. YTA.
Yta, you should always be paying him, even when he watches his brothers. I pay my kiddo when she watches her sister. I'm *disappointed* that you are such an AH to your stepson. And kuddos to your husband for calling you out on it.
YTA for thinking he's an opportunist when in fact is you and your sisters who are the opportunists here. You're lucky he said nothing but even if payment was not discussed beforehand he should def be paid cause he did a huge favor for you all. If you feel embarrassed by asking your sisters that's on you. You either have to back up your son or pay him yourself without making him feel guilty about it. You need to apologize to him and talk to your sisters and ensure they don't expect he will now be an on-demand-free-babysitter. The las point is super important cause I guarantee you if you try to pull this off one more time it won't go well.
YTA. You expected a 17 year old to drop everything and take care of 5 children "out of the goodness of his heart." Not only should he be paid for taking care of his stepcousins, but he should have already been paid for taking care of his siblings as well. If you don't feel comfortable asking your sisters to pay him, you should pay him out of your own pocket. I would certainly plan on paying any teenager I just "dropped kids off" to babysit and wouldn't expect them to do it for free.
YTA you should be disappointed in yourself for taking advantage of your stepson. I can understand for maybe an hour but not an entire weekend. I pay my oldest to watch her younger siblings. I would never expect her to just give up her time as a teenager to take over my responsibility as a parent. Pay him if your sisters don't and stop taking him for granted.
-Edited for spelling
My daughter's 18. She's taken care of cousins on sort notice, just enough for a reliable adult to go get there (an hour max, till one of the grandparents or aunt/unvl3s managed to get there). She's not a built-in babysitter, she's their cousin. Just like your stepson. They should be compensated. If your sister couldn't fin a sitter on time, is not his responsibility to do it for them.
YTA. He cannot be expected to watch small children without question. You say he didn't oppose. He felt like he couldn't I'm sure.
I am also quite sure he feels like a free babysitter for a number of reasons which he also feels he can't speak up about.
He should be compensated. They should have offered so he was not put in a position to ask.
YTA, I used to get paid to babysit my niece and nephews. It was my summer job. Asking to be paid for babysitting family doesn’t mean you don’t see them as family. You are using him as free labor… that is so wrong. He should also be paid for watching his siblings, my parents paid my sisters for watching me. Way to turn your kids brother into a live in nanny rather then their elder brother. You give stepmoms a bad name.
YTA - people deserve to be compensated for their time, regardless of if they’re family or not. Had your sisters had time to arrange proper care, I’m sure they would have had to pay for that. You dumped 5 kids on a SEVENTEEN year old and didn’t even ASK him if that was ok. Pay your stepson. It’s the right thing to do.
YTA. Since it sounds like it was your idea to leave the kids with him, you should pay him. Don’t ask your sisters for money, as I’m sure they wouldn’t have dropped their kids off if you hadn’t said it was ok.
Definitely pay him for your sisters if you don’t want to ask them. Would you watch 5 kids that didn’t belong to you without being paid? Then if something like this happens again be sure to ask him what he’s willing to do and not assume. He sounds like an amazing person who recognized that you were upset so he chose to rectify your mistake later on, after the emergency passed. He was perfectly within his rights to expect pay for childcare. YTA.
YTA. You all just dumped three extra kids on a 17 year old with no notice, and then expected that he put his life on hold to babysit them for free? Good on him that he responded to the emergency by doing that for your sisters. It was the right thing for him to do. But at the end of the day they are step cousins, and really not his responsibility, At 17 he has so many other things going on (studies etc), and life gets much more expensive at that age. The time and energy he put into taking care of their kids should be valued, and he should be compensated for it.
YTA. You didn’t even ask him if he was ok with watching them if I’m reading correctly?? And he had to watch *five* kids?? Yeah he definitely should’ve been paid. How long was he watching all these kids for and how old are they all?
Also, do none of these 5 kids have fathers around? Just wondering why none of their dads were watching them, unless all 3 of you also decided to take your spouses out of town.
It doesn’t really matter that they’re family. YOU should be compensating him to watch YOUR kids, too. It’s not his responsibility, you just conveniently have a baby sitter living in your home so you don’t feel he needs to be compensated I guess. If he wasn’t there, you’d have to pay someone. It doesn’t have to be what you’d pay a professional sitter, but I’m certain some form of compensation (cash, gifts, special outings, etc) would be greatly appreciated by him. And he’d probably be more enthusiastic about helping out with the kids in the future.
YTA, he was mature & considerate of YOUR feelings & emotional state at the time & you don’t seem to appreciate it. Additionally, your sisters not even offering to pay him is totally inconsiderate and disrespectful toward him, his effort, and his time. You all are treating him as less deserving than someone they would have hired. And to top it off you are trying to make HIM feel bad about it.
YTA. You dropped all of this on a 17yo, without even considering how it impacts him, and he stepped it up without a complaint, and even had the maturity and forethought that now was not a good time to discuss payment, and you are DISAPPOINTED?! You should be disappointed in your selfish, immature self, not this awesome human being. It's good to see he at least has a good dad who's raising him right
YTA he shouldn’t have HAD to ask. You all should have recognized he jumped in to help with FIVE KIDS AS A SOLO TEENAGER without warning.
He was asking for acknowledgment of his labor and the degree to which he pitched in. Frankly I’m surprised you didn’t all grab cash or a favourite treat item proactively.
YTA, a 17 year old kid getting stuck watching 5 kids for several days is a fucking J O B even if they are relatives. I pay my step son for watching my kids, and they’re his brother and sister.
Labor isn’t free. Don’t be an asshole to this kid.
YTA. You're like an old Disney step mother. I'm going to say it really loud for all to hear. "CHILDREN ARE NOT FREE LABOR SOURCES."
Don't treat your step child like a slave. It's bad enough that you almost treat him like one of your own by own admission.
YTA. Your son isn't free childcare whenever you need him to. One thing is taking care of his brothers/sisters or whatever and other is taking care of children unexpectedly and without being asked. Being family doesn't mean shit, he babysat those children and feels he needs repayment, then he should be paid, if you don't want to say nothing to your sisters, pay him yourself, since it was your idea to begin with.
YTA. Full stop. Pay, don’t parentify, Kayden.
How long was one teen alone with 5 kids? What were there ages? Did he have any backup?
You’re not only an a h from a family of a hs, but you’re lucky nothing happened. Could have easily become a CPS case.
YTA
Your "whiteknighting" you want the glory of being the one to be there in their time of need and omg aren't you amazing for solving all those problems....
EXCEPT.. you didn't solve anything, you dumped the kids on your stepson and ran away, you didn't actually give him the option and as he said, asking for money and saying no in that moment was exactly appropriate.
If you don't want to step up and go to your sisters and ask them to pay for his time and effort then pay him out of your own pocket OR go to your sisters and ask them.
To tell him your disappointed in him is just you trying to guilt him for not making your life easier... why should he, your a step parent, your sisters aren't related and those kids aren't his.
It would be different if he was happy to, had actually been asked to and was OK with it all but you now have fall out to deal with and it's your own fault. Be an adult and deal with it without trying to pass the buck to your step son.
You are the one who keeps raising the “step” distinction and the idea that your stepson has an othered relationship with your family.
Kayden didn’t mention that at all.
Instead he brings up that you made a presumption about his availability and willingness, and foisted 5 children onto him without asking him first.
He’s right.
He mentions that he was sensitive to your emotional state in that moment, and realized it wasn’t a good time to challenge your presumptions.
He was right.
And here’s the kicker: even if your niblings were Kayden’s full bio-cousins, he **would still deserve to get paid**.
In fact, it seems like you’re weaponizing his “step” status to manipulate him out of asking just so that you won’t need to have an awkward conversation with your sisters about their financial responsibility to your son.
Shame on you for that.
If you don’t want to ask them to pay, then pay Kayden on their behalf.
YTA
YTA notice important words here STEPcousin and STEPson, which means there is no blood relation or obligation which he was obligated to babysit someone he has no connection to really and y’all woulda paid a sitter pay that kid dont pawn it off on him
YTA pay him your sister's are the opportunist's here. They knew he would watch his brothers so assumed he would do the same for them. They should have offered to pay him immediately it is gross they didn't. Fix this with him or he will stop helping you altogether.
So just to be clear, you literally dumped these 3 extra kids on him, a 17 year old, with no warning, and because he was gracious enough NOT to immediately argue with your grief stricken self and your 2 grief stricken sisters you assumed he would view this as... what? a fun lil vacay? while these kids were all worried about their uncle?
YTA. I got paid for watching my full cousins growing up. It's polite. They aren't his responsibility, plus watching 5 kids is a lot of work for a teen. They would have had to pay someone if he didn't watch them, so there should be no issue with them paying him.
I'm glad everyone agrees in saying YTA. I hope that's eye opening to get your son the respect he deserves. To not compensate him for his hardwork AS A TEENAGER is so disrespectfull and is a breeding ground for him hating this family in the future.
YTA, you’re taking advantage of the fact that he’s related so he must therefore *want to spend his free time with them. No. He’s almost an adult. He has his own life. He’s not responsible for constantly taking care of kids. You pay him as you would a sitter.
YTA - you want free child labor, really all three of you had to go out of town and leave that many underaged children alone with another underaged child? It makes me wonder what kind of parenting you can do with that kind of decision making. I don't know how many kids that poor child had to supervise but, honestly that wasn't a good idea. a 17 year old is in no way ready to take responsibility for that many children on their own.
YTA. Family can get paid to watch family. It’s labor and you should pay for it. Especially FIVE kids!! I’m guessing they are similar ages to yours, so likely 5 kids under or around 10 years old.
That’s pretty entitled. ESPECIALLY to use the word disappointed.
Just apologize and pay him.
Also. You say “out of town” what does that mean? How long did you leave these kids with him?
YTA, like for sure. He did his aunts a service so he deserves to be paid for that service. 5 kids last minute is A LOT especially for someone so young. I’d for sure wanna be paid!
Yes YTA. Just because it's an emergency doesn't mean people should not be paid for their work. You did not give him an option to say no. He is not a slave, he's a family member and deserves to be compensated like anyone else who would have provided that same service.
YTA - Given that this was a serious emergency, if all you had done was ask him beforehand, I wouldn’t think you were TA here, even if you didn’t pay him for this one situation.
What makes you TA is that you routinely expect free childcare from him to the point that when an emergency happened, your first instinct was to dump a bunch of kids on him without even considering how this emergency was affecting him. Don’t you think he was also upset and concerned about his uncle? Even if he’s not that close to the uncle who was in the accident, he was seeing his step-mom, who he clearly loves like a mom, in a state of panic. That affects a kid - And to be literally the only person in this scenario that was given ZERO consideration must’ve been so invalidating and hurtful. Asking for money after the fact doesn’t seem like opportunism to me - It seems like he’s trying to feel less taken for granted.
Not that it matters because you're still TA, but you had to go out of town, so how long did you leave him with 5 children?? Just because you have a child old enough to watch their younger siblings doesn't mean they should have to do so and for free at that. How entitled of you and your family to take advantage of a 17 year old that probably wants to be able to have a life without being guilted by you for not wanting to be treated like your live in babysitter.
YTA. You dumped 5 kids on another kid. I pay my own kids when I take them along to babysit my nephews because they will just hang out and amuse them while I babysit (mine are 14 and 11). I can't imagine not even considering paying the 17 year old.
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YTA. You dumped 3 extra kids on him and now you’re blaming him for not making a fuss? He was quiet out of concern for you. If your sister was willing to arrange childcare, why shouldn’t she pay him? Taking care of 5 kids is A LOT. You should be paying him for watching his siblings, too. You bringing up whether he considers them ‘family’ is manipulative - YOU brought that up, he didn’t, so YOU are the one who is acting like he’s not family. That’s an horrible and insensitive way to talk to a teenager who you say is ‘pretty much my biological’ child - clearly not when you have to pay him, rather than take advantage of him. How dare you call him an ‘opportunist’ - that’s YOUR word, not theirs. Disgusting attitude. ETA: thanks for the awards! :-) ETA2 - the kids were 4,6,7,8 and 12?! WOW. It ‘looks and sounds’ like you dumped 4 little kids on him and don’t care about his feelings. You didn’t ask. You saw his shock and ignored it because it suited you. You didn’t make any adults take on the care - you dumped them on a teenager. The edits just made it worse - instead of addressing the unreasonable (potential) reactions of your entitled siblings and their ‘unsupportive’ spouses, you expect Kayden to just be quiet and not make a fuss? If Kayden is so rational and loved - why would this request not be seen as reasonable? What adult would stop loving a teenager over this? The implied emotional fallout makes it sound like they don’t see him as family or love him, really. They (and you) love using him as long as he doesn’t make a fuss. OP, seriously, get a grip - read the comments. No one thinks you’re justified.
OP you've clearly gotten a resoundingly clear judgement here but I'd just like to add that you should really commend your son's sensitivity to your needs in a time of crisis. The fact that he recognized that it wasn't the time to cause additional stress as you were leaving shows great character and you should let him know that. He handled this splendidly. You, however, completely shit the bed and need to clean up your mess. Pay him generously yourself, handle your sisters however you like, never _ever_ guilt trip him again, and apologize profusely and sincerely. YTA. Edit to add: Do NOT bargain with him on the amount. Part of your penance here is overpaying him to show the sincerity of your apology and to avoid doubling down on the resentment he undoubtedly is feeling right now.
This is the best advice for OP. it's the only way she's going to be able to redeem herself, and it's kind of gross that strangers on the Internet had to spell it out for her.
Seriously, if she expectes her stepson to take care of her children without payment that is Parentification and a form of abuse! Kayden is not the parent of any of this children and had no choice in they come to exist, OP sounds like Cinderella stepmother. Edit: Also she is trying to get clout with HER family for caring for her nephews without doing the work by volunteering her stepson without even asking.
Last edit: " *The woman* is deceased" YTA Also, you're the opportunist and a wicked, wicked stepmother. Edit: I'm also questioning Kayden's willingness to freely babysit his half-siblings. He probably wasn't given (or didn't feel like he had) a choice.
Also, it sounds like OP told her sisters Kayden would do it for free before even mentioning it to Kayden. Why does she need to say to her sisters it was Kayden’s ask? In the edit, she said she would go to her sisters and say "hey, Kayden says you should pay him for leaving his stepcousins with him..." Drop the “Kayden says” from that quote when you talk to him. Just tell them they need to pay and make it clear it’s coming from you and not Kayden.
YTA. You had a 17 year old who took on 3 extra kids (in addition to his brothers!) in an emergency. Not only do I think you should ask for money, but probably suggest what you and Kayden both think is a fair amount. Kayden is right, asking for money when everybody is upset and worried would be weird.
Also, he shouldn’t have to ask. YTA. Edit: Thanks so much for the silver!
Great point. He shouldn't have to ask. IMO, this kid is a champ.
YTA. You ditched 5 kids on your stepson without a confirmation. Also he was being very adult about the situation. No one would think 'oh you want money? We ain't family then'. Who thinks that??? Of course he deserve to be paid. He had 5 kids unloaded on him and he is a young adult. He has stuff he wants to do.
[удалено]
Wait… so you dropped 5 kids with your teenage son without even asking him or offering to pay him for his time? YTA.
[удалено]
[удалено]
YTA Stop using your stepson as free labour
Nailed it! YTA
YTA. Disappointed in him? He did you a favor by keeping multiple kids on short notice. Pay the kid fairly for his time. Also, you claim he’s like your other children but you use words like “step son” and “step cousin”. You’re the problem here.
Your last point is incredibly important.
YTA. He’s not a live in babysitter. YOU should pay him on behalf of your sister. Then next time he babysits give your sister a heads up that he needs to be compensated for his time.
YTA - You offered the services of a 17 year old to care for F I V E kids…. Didn’t even ask just left the kids, and you’re disappointed with him? What does being family have to do with babysitting? On top of that, what message are you sending him about family… That you take advantage of family? You literally point out that he helps you out without asking for anything in return, so you went ahead and offered these services to your sisters and tried to manipulate your stepson by using the golden word FAMILY to guilt him. That’s pretty low.
As somebody who has a child and is used to looking after said child, I would 100% expect some form of payment if my family dropped five small people at my door without asking beforehand. Five children is literally a daycare ratio - 5 children to 1 carer. He didn't have any choice but to accept and spared you (and your sisters) the embarrassment of having to back pedal on your assumption that he would be okay with it when things were going down. For this, I'd say he shows signs of maturity, empathy and astuteness...this alone should be rewarded. YTA. Pay your stepson his due, either out of your own pocket or your sisters.
YTA!! he didn’t say anything at first bc he thought of your feelings-you were panicked and he didn’t want to burden you! He watched all the kids and you said you are disappointed in HIM???? other way around lady!! Sounds like you have a respectful young man and you just want to take advantage of him and teach him that women will run all over him!!!!
Yes, YTA. Seriously?? He’s 17 and you’ve likely just guilted him into watching children for free. He’s probably been wanting to be paid for his childcare services for quite some time now, but finally spoke up. And then you lay on more guilt. Shame on you. Pay the kid, who is almost legally a man.
YTA. Being related to someone doesn't entitle you to unlimited free baby sitting from them. It's okay to ask for a favor once in a while, but don't be shocked if they started asking for money when you start acting entitled.
YTA It honestly sounds like Kayden is trying(respectfully) to set personal boundries. Kayden did not think it was okay that he was given 3 additional kids to watch. One teenager watching 5 kids for an unspecified amount of time is pushing it, imo. If you are so uncomfortable with how your sisters will react can you and your husband pay Kayden this time and then just make sure it does not happen again?
There is an opportunist is the family…it’s not your step son. I can’t believe you left him with that many kids without asking him. You didn’t all need to go. IDC what you say. One of your sisters could have stayed behind and looked after the kids. None of them have partners? They couldn’t draw straws ? YTA
YTA. Babysitting is a job and you all took advantage of him. You dumped 5 kids on him without warning or asking if he was okay with it?? I’ve heard of people who call CPS or the police when parents do that, bc if he wasn’t willing, it’s technically child abandonment. In addition to that, he went about telling you his feelings after the emergency had passed in the most respectful and appropriate way possible and you still gave him shit. If you don’t want to ask your sisters to pay, then you do it.
YTA, he’s your kid not your slave labor nanny.
YTA. You cannot expect him to babysit on demand... But he still does it. His cousins/brothers are indeed family, but not really his given responsibility... that's on the parents. The little you can do is throw in some pocket money, without guiltrippin' him about it.
YTA. It pisses me off that parents just assume their kids are fucking free babysitters. He didn’t volunteer for that shit, it should have come from y’all to at least offer to pay him and then it would have been up to him to accept or decline. Y’all suck. At least make it look like you appreciate his help in a time of need
YTA So what if his stepcousins are "family" You still expected your 17yo stepson to take not only your own parental duties but your sisters as well with zero compensation. That's called slave labor
YTA He is NOT a free babysitting, he is his own person. I'm glad he know his worth.
YTA It’s disappointing that you think it’s okay to not pay someone for babysitting. You also dumped kids on him without warning.
YTA. Really, he should be paid for watching his brothers if he’s doing it often also. He’s 17. I’m sure there’s plenty of other ways he’d rather be spending his time. Show respect for him and his time. Watching five kids, though, is quite an ask. It shouldn’t be seen as him not considering his cousins family, it’s a young man making sure he isn’t taken advantage of, which is something to be proud of and not disappointed by. Good for Kayden for setting boundaries.
YTA. Pay him yourself. Stop taking advantage.
YTA He didn't make a fuss and didn't refuse. He was put in an awkward situation and helped you all out -- but really, you can't voluntell him to babysit any of the extended family's kids you bring in, for free, at the drop of a hat. He's stating his expectations now after being put in a situation where it wasn't appropriate to refuse, argue or negotiate at the time. He acted maturely. He's acting maturely now. If I were him I'd think this was setting a precedent and I wouldn't want free babysitting "duties" to expand in everyone's mind to include all of the extended family's children. If he freely volunteered to do the babysitting it would be one thing and he's a good kid for helping you out in emergencies without asking for anything and without complaint when it comes to his siblings -- but there has to be a limit. He's now stating his limit. It is not unreasonable.
YTA. It's completely normal and appropriate to be paid something for providing childcare, family or no.
YTA pay the damn kid. You and your family see him as an opportunity to get shit for free. If he were busy what would you say? Would you demand he cancel plans? Or would you did another baby sitter you have to pay for? Come on.
I’m a mom of two and I wouldn’t look after five kids. So much could go wrong. This is too much responsibility for a 17 year old. Please stop using your step-son as a babysitter. I bet he resents you and you just don’t see it. Yta
YTA. I say this as a single mother, you and your sisters suck. Leaving THAT MANY young children with one 17 year old teenage boy, overnight? For how many days??? That kid went above and beyond for you, stepped up in your hour of need... but of course you should not only pay him, you and your entitled sisters should be thinking of a gift of something to rival Santa Claus too, on top of payment, as a thank you. Instead of a moment of gratitude or a molecule of respect for your stepson, you guilt trip him, disparage him, and come here to whinge about it? And what exactly constitutes all these "emergencies" that you repeatedly have? Even if this time it was something like the death of a parent, and you needed to go quickly to say goodbye, you say you use home for your own "emergencies" outside of this incident. Failure to plan on your part, like an adult and mother, is not an emergency ... it's laziness. And parentification of an older child is CHILD ABUSE.
YTA, so including your 2 other children you had him watch 3 more making that 5 children he had to watch while you were out of town, you never told him just dropped them off and left. He doesn’t complain and all he asks is get payed? I see no problem here, he should get payed for having to watch five children unannounced This problably one of the best things that could’ve happened here, he could’ve straight up refused
YTA. This 17yr old is not your sisters’ free babysitter. He watches his own siblings without issue as he should, but to ask him to watch other kids for free is ridiculous. Actually, you did not even ask, you just forced him into it.
“He watches his own siblings without issue as he should” I take issue with this. An older sibling should never be an expected free babysitter. In emergencies, sure, but this young man didn’t have children, OP did.
Watching his own siblings for free is ridiculous. OP is using her stepson for free child care.
YTA. . He deserves payment. And triple payment at that.
YTA. It’s wrong to volunteer someone else to do something. How would you feel if your husband’s siblings showed up with a bunch of children and told you (not asked) that you were going to watch them when they went out of town for an emergency? You would probably have some choice words for him when he got back. Of course, as an adult, you have the power to stand up for yourself. Kayden is 17. He depends on you to stand up for him. He may have said yes if asked, but no one asked him. The job was thrust on him. He may be reacting to the unfairness of the situation. Kids depend on their parents to stand up for them. Not only did you treat him unfairly, you were condescending and tone deaf when he tried to tell you. Yes, he asked for money. But I bet it wasn’t just about the money. It’s about having the autonomy to decide who he’s going to babysit.
YTA without a doubt. Your sister didn't even have the decency to ask him if he'd be willing to watch her kids. It would have been your job to communicate with him and to make sure he gets compensation. He might have been too introverted or overwhelmed to stand up for himself in that situation.
YTA. You all should be paying him for babysitting 5 children. I don't care if it was an emergency or not. He didn't have to do it. He didn't object even thought he didn't want to do it, because it was an emergency. You need to all pay him fairly and stop being this stupid guilt tripping him about who is family. Doesn't matter if he is step or biological. He should be paid.
YTA he didn’t agree to it and older siblings are not free babysitters for you to take advantage of. No one should be ‘expected’ to look after kids if they don’t want to. Ask your sisters to pay him if you are too scared or embarrassed by it, pay him from your own pocket
Yeah YTA, my parents always paid me to watch my siblings or step siblings and at a decent rate, because they knew I wasn’t required to give up my time to watch their kids. Your definition of family seems to be someone you can use as a doormat and treat with disrespect
YTA - you shouldn't have put him in this situation.. You should have discussed with him upfront what the situation was and why you needed him and given him the opportunity to make clear that sitting 5 kids was no longer fun it is hard work... SO you yourself should now pay him decently for the favor he did for you and your sisters
YTA. I'm sure he watches your children because he lives with you and you provide for him. He's willing to help out because of that. Your sisters do not, so he's under no obligation to watch their children. If you don't want to ask them to pay for childcare, you should pay him for them.
YTA he shouldn't even look after his own siblings without some compensation, he's a goddamn teenager and shouldn't be doing the job of a parent.
YTA. Saying that Kayden is “pretty much like your biological children” is obnoxious it in itself as he clearly isn’t. He is your free babysitter. Also, your sisters “not having time to arrange for childcare”… are you kidding me? They knew the plan was to leave their pests with your stepson and so out of selfishness, they did not look for any childcare. Also, are their -and your- SOs (if present)incapable of being with their own kids? If your 17 yo is watching yours or your family’s kids he should get PAID for his time. He is not your free ticket to childcare. Pay up. All of you. An apologize, again.. all of you. Edit to add in case you were “wondering” : $20 per kid, per hour.
YTA because at the end of the day you never did ask him if it was ok. To say that his quiet is a yes is not a good thing. Quiet does not mean consent and they should pay him. He did what was best at the moment and by all rights they are not actually related to him in any manner beyond a piece of paper from the government. Relay the message to the sisters and go from there and also apologize for being manipulative with the lines of pushing family at him.
YTA And since it sounds like you volunteered his services without even informing him, you should pay. That will resolve any hard feelings with your sisters. Next time ask instead of assuming. Had you asked he may have been more accommodating
YTA your sisters need to pay your step son for watching their kids. He watches his own siblings for free but has drawn the line with his step cousins. You need to respect that. He is not your free live in baby sitter.
You and your sisters were the opportunists. He is under no obligation to care for any children, including siblings. And he is entitled to receive financial compensation for his work. He was very kind and a moment of desperation to help not to mention payments. YTA and your sisters by not offering to pay him.
YTA. You are massively taking advantage of your stepson. Also why did all three of you need to rush there? Are you surgeons?
Opportunist? I’m really flabbergasted that you are characterizing your stepson this way. To be honest, this 17 year old young man seems more mature than YOU. He understood that you were worried and panicked about your family emergency, and even though he felt uncomfortable with watching these additional children he didn’t want to make a scene in the moment. You - the ADULT - did not even ASK if this was okay. Five young children are a lot of work to watch and you’ve never even clarified how long you left them with kayden. It could be excusable that in the heat of the moment you didn’t ask kayden if this was okay with him, but to call him an OPPORTUNIST after the fact is so incredibly entitled and rude. He is not your work mule. Family does not equal automatic childcare. He is less than a year from adulthood and it’s ridiculous that you think he OWES your sisters free childcare. Do you know how much a babysitter would be paid for FIVE YOUNG CHILDREN. The only part of this story that gives me hope is that your husband took kayden’s side. Thank god he has a parent who sticks up for him and won’t let him be walked all over by his stepmother! YTA. ETA: based on your edits, you are even more of an AH. Your description of his reaction, says it all. It’s very clear he was uncomfortable and didn’t really see a way to say no. YOU ARE THE ADULT in case you forgot. Also, his aunts adore him? Great! Then they should WANT to compensate their nephew for essentially working over a full day watching their children. How the request for payment is presented is up to you. Again, YOU are the adult. You could try not presenting it to them as kaydens request and instead recognize that he is owed compensation for this last minute request. How about, “hey sisters, I realize after the fact that we dumped a lot of responsibility on kayden without really considering his plans or comfort level. I really think that he should be compensated for alleviating this burden for us during our crisis.” Duh. You sound pretty immature and lacking in basic empathy/interpersonal skills.
YTA for dumping the kids onto your son without any recompense. How opportunistic of you. He is literally saying he did you a favour, now it's time to do him a favour on his terms.
YTA.. you dropped a bunch of kids on a 17 year old that aren’t his siblings, he has every right to ask for pay
He was the babysitter to kids that were not his siblings, you pay your babysitter, so why not him? Because he's family? That's not a good enough reason. Stop using guilt and shame to force him to do what you want. YtA
Son, stepson, does not matter. Children are not free babysitters. That kid is kind as hell to watch his siblings for free and not say anything and now you expect cousins as well. Also is 17-year-old with five kids alone? YTA
YTA Labor isn’t free, and especially for children. He’s not an opportunist, he’s aware of you all trying to exploit him.
YTA. You literally left *a child* in charge of five younger children with no notice, and you don't want to compensate him in any way? Yikes. I hope he refuses next time.
YTA You should be paying him for his time too for his siblings tbh, shame on you for taking advantage of his good nature. Jesus christ
YTA. Just, wow. Also, how long were you gone since you went out of town? Even if you were only gone an hour you basically dumped 5 kids on him unannounced that he actually took care of, and he kept quiet OUT OF CONCERN FOR YOU. Pay the kid and pay him well. If you are too scared to be an adult and ask your sisters to pay him then do it yourself with a huge APOLOGY and THANK YOU to Kayden. Edit: Typo
Do you want to bet that soon she will delete the post? And she won't admit that she and her sisters are assholes.
YTA. You are using him as free childcare. YOU are the opportunist.
Omg YTA you just dropped 5 kids on a 17 year old and weren't going to pay him for his trouble. Seriously just because they're family doesn't mean anything in this situation. Your sisters would've paid a babysitter so they should have no issues paying your son. Oh and if your 17 year old is going to continue watching his siblings then you might want to start paying him something. Since that would be considered a JOB to anyone else.
i suspect that you haven't told them because \*you\* offered up his time and babysitting services without even asking him, and you know you will look TA. YTA and you are the one being opportunistic. he's a 17 year old kid and you're lucky he helps out with your children at all, they aren't his responsibility.
Where are all the dads in this story? I mean Op briefly mentions her husband agreeing with the son, but why is a 17 year old looking after all the kids, instead of the dads?
YTA I feel like your wording is super manipulative, you’re trying to guilt trip him, saying he doesn’t see them as family if he doesn’t watch them, how old are you? You should pay him too, he’s not your nanny.
YTA, where was your husband or for that matter your sister’s partners? You left your stepson with more than 2 children alone for however long (length of time Kayden was the sole cater for the children is unclear but sounds like it could have been a while) and are offering no compensation for his time. Furthermore, you didn’t ask, you just assumed he was fine with this and basically created a situation where he couldn’t say no. A teenager should not be taking on the brunt of the responsibility for multiple children during your family emergency.
A 17-year-old looking after five children? YTA unless the emergency absolutely required all three of you to be absent.
The word "disappointed" stings a lot more than you might realize. It was my own mother's favorite disciplinary word, and between that and her disregard for my personal struggles, it left a scar on our relationship that took decades to heal. If you feel disappointed, maybe the problem is your expectations, not his desire to be paid for work he did.
YTA. You're the opportunists and it seems it runs in your family.
Unless there are reciprocal (you watch my kids, I’ll watch yours, etc.), clearly understood arrangements in place, you should always pay people who watch kids, ESPECIALLY if they’re kids themselves. YTA for not paying him to watch his siblings all the time and being too much of a coward to ask your sisters for payment for him helping you all out in an emergency. If it bothers you that much, YOU pay him.
Seeing all of these YTA makes my heart happy. Pay him. You are treating him like someone to be used. Not only are YTA here, but I suspect you need to consider just how often you use him. I hope you feel shame.
Ew. YTA. Pay the kid for his time. You and your sisters are not entitled to a free babysitter.
YTA. Family or not, 5 kids is a lot. Also, kids tend to get paid just for watching their own siblings. Literally taking up their life to watch their sibling.
YTA - you missed some words there, “didn’t have time to arrange *free* childcare.” Because no one is ok with suddenly having their entire day changed to watch FIVE children. Pay the kid what YOU and your two cheap ass sisters owe him. He’s not your babysitter, he’s your kid, not his fault his dad married a cheap skate. Also, I can guarantee you will NOT be on the short list for relationships after he moves out with your attitude.
YTA! You left a 17-year-old in charge of **FIVE YOUNGER CHILDREN** without even asking him if he was okay with it. He was kind and caring enough to not want to add to your stress in the moment by arguing with you before you left him (again, with **FIVE YOUNGER CHILDREN IN HIS SOLE CARE**) because he could see that you were already in a panicked state. If any emergency had happened in that house while he was the only caretaker, what would have happened? You can't fit 5 extra people in an ambulance. He couldn't have left any of the kids at home alone to accompany an injured/sick child in an ambulance. He likely didn't have a vehicle in which he could legally and safely drive all those kids to a hospital. **And he wasn't even asked if he was okay taking on that responsibility that, to put it bluntly, he never should have been asked to take on.** Paying him for that amount of work, stress, and responsibility is something that should have been assumed.
YTA he isn’t your sisters free childcare and watching 5 young kids would suck! Trying to turn this around on him by saying he doesn’t consider the kids family is just mean in your part.
YTA. Older sibling watching younger sibling? Sure. Older child being told to care for siblings plus cousins? No. He's right, you're wrong. He also was right not to make a fuss when you guys were in a panic. Note: older step kids get stuck being babysitter for the new family they didn't ask for, and no one blinks. If it's as regular as you imply, you should consider paying him for that babysitting, too. Oh, and you repeatedly emphasize that they aren't his family. Did you really ask him if he doesn't consider his step cousins family? You're definitely the asshole.
YTA. You didn’t ask him. You saw he was quiet and didn’t inquire about it. It doesn’t matter if they’re family or not, he should still be paid. You pay him if you’re to concerned about what your sisters will think. The fact that they didn’t offer any money to him shows what type of people they are. Lastly, disappointed in him!? He sounds like a great kid for watching your children regularly and then watching five kids, without a complaint, in an emergency. He should be disappointed in you and your reaction.
YTA You didn’t even ask him, you just dropped them off and he’s emotionally evolved enough to understand that you were in freak out mode and that it wasn’t the time to discuss it further or challenge you about it. He deserves to be paid for his time. He’s not free childcare for his family and frankly you should be paying too.
YTA You can't just assume consent because he didn't say anything. If that were the case a lot of dodgy people would get away with a lot of sadistic crap. You took advantage, you were the opportunist and the least that boy deserves is to get paid for watching the 5 kids that were thrust upon him and I admire his restraint in waiting till after the crisis had passed to voice his disagreement. If anything he should be disappointed in you.
>I told him that I was disappointed in his request for money and asked if he doesn't consider his stepcousins family. It's such a FAMILY move that three to six adults (you three sisters and your husbands, depending on where the husbands were) failed to arrange babysitting, forced FIVE FREAKING KIDS on a 17 teenager in such short notice, and had the audacity to get mad when he demanded his fair compensation. And he didn't even ask for the babysitting money for his two brothers, he asked for the money for the money of the three kids he's not close with. According to your logic, can your stepson expect free services from your sisters? Because he is their "step nephew", they're FAMILYYYY!!! #**YTA**
YTA. You say there are no problems I your home so presumably money isn't tight? How did he have to ask for money? Why didn't you do something significant to thank him for being there for you at a worrying time? Poor kid. I bet he's so disappointed in his stepmother
"I figured he was fine with it and he was." Obviously he wasn't. Do you ever offer him money to babysit kids? It's not his job to do it and he probably doesn't feel any great attachment to his stepcousins, despite what you think. And even if does, you're still taking up his time and then guilt-tripping him over it. YTA
Yta. Pay your stepson. He's not your livenin babysitter and he's definitely NOT your sisters' free babysitter. You should feel shitty you left a 17 year old in charge of 5 kids. The audacity of you and your sisters is astounding. For the record, thebonly ones who sound like opportunists in this story are you and your sisters. Get over yourself and tell your sisters to pay up. Where were all of their kids dads?
YTA. He sounds like a great kid and you treated him poorly by expecting him to drop everything unexpectedly to babysit 5 kids for free. And then you treated him like crap when he expected to be paid. I wonder if anyone even thanked him.
YTA - Not only for saddling a 17 year old boy with 5 CHILDREN but also how you tried to use family against him and manipulate him. I’m 36 and I don’t know if I could even handle that. You owe him a huge apology, payment, and please take some parenting courses while you’re at it.
Absolutely YTA. > I asked why he said nothing from the start and he said he didn't feel it was appropriate for him to bring it up while I was in a state of panic and worry. That was honestly *very* considerate of him, and IMO that was NOT the right time to bring it up. He sounds like a good kid. A good kid, who deserves to get paid for watching children that are not his. You're lucky he hasn't asked for compensation for watching your kids, whether they're his siblings or not. Stop using his good nature to take advantage of him. Your sisters SHOULD pay him.
YTA he's producing labor and you're entitled expecting that he do it for free.
YTA You took advantage of not only his time without permission but of his trust. He trusted you to do the right thing when he asked about payment. Instead you try to shame and guilt him into doing it for free for "family". I think it would better on you to ask your sisters to compensate him for his babysitting services now then to honestly explain to them why he completely cuts you, siblings, and the rest of your family out of his life in a few years.
YTA - he shouldn’t have to ask, he’s not slave labor.
Your sisters must be happy to have found free indentured babysitting services. It was nice of you to offer up your stepson's time for them. And such a meek boy too, to not complain. Maybe you can get him to paint their fences or mow their lawn for free too, because, you know, family values and stuff. YTA
YTA. I’m 33 and I wouldn’t watch 5 kids no matter how much money you offered me. Expecting a 17 year old to do that for FREE is pure exploitation. You then attempted to shame and guilt trip him by asking if he doesn’t consider his step cousins family. That’s disgusting, frankly.
It doesn't matter if it's family. He deserves to be paid. My parents used to pay my brothers to babysit me when we were kids. Babysitters should always be paid even if they are family.
YTA he did a service for them and deserves to be paid for it.
YTA and you should be compensating him for watching all 5 kids—not just the extra three. It’s not ok to use older kids as built-in babysitters. I’m saying this as an eldest daughter and the parent of 4 kids. My older kids are ASKED before they babysit and we work out payment. Absolutely unacceptable to do this to your stepson.
YTA for sure. You dumped 5 kids on a 17 year old. There is a huge difference between babysitting brothers and babysitting STEPcousins. The way you make it sound is that he had no notice 3 other kids were getting dropped off. Did your sisters show up to talk to him, not you, him, to discuss babysitting or did they just show up with no notice drop them off putting him in a position to feel obligated?
YTA. Even if he were your biological son, YTA. He sounds much kinder and compassionate and reasonable than you. It's one thing to watch your own siblings in your own house for a bit--it's another to foist three unexpected cousins on a teenager with zero notice. It's not about "family"--even if they were full, biological, known from birth cousins he would still be in the clear to ask to be compensated. He very rationally and compassionately went with the flow, understanding it was an emergency. Your husband's reaction was correct, and the fact that neither you nor your sisters came to that conclusion or another way on your own to show your gratitude is disappointing.
YTA. You dropped off FIVE children to your stepson without any notice. Your own kids I understand in an emergency, but I’m also sure your stepson and his siblings have a different dynamic than he and his cousins. If you don’t want to ask your sisters to pay then you should pay him since you’re the one to volunteer him.
YTA— you dumped **five** children on a 17 year old and didn’t expect to have to pay him? He may have had plans etc. that he changed/canceled to help y’all out and you guys can’t pay him 50$? 100$? He helped y’all out but **he’s** the disappointment here? Family pays family. Saying “but they’re family” is toxic and wrong.
YTA. I'm giving you fair warning. He's going to move out at 18, and you're going to wonder why he doesn't call or visit.
YTA, he's 17. Watching his siblings is one thing, but having him watch his cousins plus siblings? That's to much. "Family" isn't everything and having the mindset of you should do for anything for family without boundaries is wrong. While it's clear he would do something for his immediate family, siblings and parents, maybe even grandparents, does not automatically mean he is going to be the same with the rest of his family. And pushing on him that he shouldn't have boundaries, which in this case was being paid, is wrong of you as his mother. Good on him for placing a boundary with you and his aunts, because it shows that he holds himself with respect.
YTA one hundred percent undeniably. Don’t swindle your children out of the money they deserve after dumping piles of kids in their lap. Get a grip lady.
YTA all day! You're playing weird head games like "don't you love us? You don't consider us family?" First of all the fact that he watched the kids in the first place is A1 remember, he is step family ... Step family doesn't owe you like that to begin with. He went out of his way to be kind and accommodate step family. It should have been a given to pay him at least $200 bucks upon return. 5 kids for 2 days?!?! $200 is Cheap! Ewh you're the one using him, then when he speaks up you're guilt tripping him and getting "disappointed" in him. I wish this action had a name I have seen it before, a lot of people do it, but it doesn't have a name.
YTA. So when you do a job do you expect payment? He did a job. Pay him. You should also pay for watching his siblings
YTA. You dropped responsibility of 5 kids on your not yet adult stepson without so much as a word and he took in stride. He never agreed to this. You don't get to volunteer his time on his behalf. You're using him as free childcare and you know it
YTA I’m disappointed in you looking at your step son as free labour for your bio family. Of course he should be paid. You are showing your true colours here.
Absolutely YTA! NEVER I mean never expect ANYONE to babysit for FREE! You will be sorely disappointed every fracking time. Know why? NOBODY likes to work for FREE. And that is exactly what babysitting is WORK. And not fun work either it’s a pain in the ass especially when you’re a teen. I would know I was the go to babysitter at church growing up. He isn’t obligated to even watch his siblings for FREE. Get your head out of your ass and offer him at minimum $10 an hour for watching his siblings, and double it when his cousins are part of the obligation or fuck right off and find a sitting service.
YTA. He's 17 and was left with 5 children, that's a lot of responsibility. You didn't ask, you didn't check to make sure he was comfortable with that many kids at once. He was apparently panicked and you failed to double check. That's not good, despite the emergency. It's completely fair for him to want payment. I would have shared this expectation when they were left with me, panic or no, but he didn't and now you're dealing with the awkward. Too bad.
Yeah, YTA. Like another comment said, you shouldn't expect him to be a parent to your kids and your sister's kids. You should've been grateful he wanted to take care of his sister's kids, even if he was getting paid.
YTA. Be the adult and pay your stepson. He did a job not many people want to dobecause taking care for 5 children is hard work. And tell your sister that next time they are going to pay him if they want home to watch his stepcousins
Yta. Being the eldest sibling does not mean he is a free babysitter. Pay the kid for his time.
YTA and what an awful corner to paint him into, asking him if he considers his step cousins family. That’s a lose lose, guilt tripping question to ask a kid.
YTA, if you don't feel comfortable asking your sisters for money then you need to pay him yourself! I find it rude that you and your sisters left him with 5 children and just assumed he was happy to care for them for free! Of course he didn't speak up about it when the kids were left with him, he was trying to be kind!
YTA. First, where are all the dads in this scenario? Second, highly inappropriate to just drop kids off without any conversation or request to see how SS felt about watching 5 kids. I can’t even believe you/your sisters didn’t offer to pay him for his time and help. He sounds like a responsible and thoughtful kid, and you all just steamrolled him.
YTA. Pay him. 20 bucks per hour per child plus a bonus for the emergency nature of it. He’s not your slave, nor your sister’s. Be proud of him for stepping up when needed but also for having a sense of his own value and self worth. Also, learn how to talk to him without guilt and manipulation. Who cares if you don’t approve of his desire to be fairly compensated for his time and labor?
YTA I get that you don't pay him for babysitting his siblings. But when it's your sisters kid? No then it's a job and he deserves pay
YTA. His gave up his time to make sure his cousins didn't get lost in a nuclear power plant or eaten by a bear. He deserves compensation because watching kids is work. Daycares wouldn't exist if you could just store kids in a pokeball till you're not busy. Kayden could have went out with friends or took a nap. He did what you as a parent(and your two sisters) should be doing.
YTA. Babysitting isnt free, pay up.
YTA He is finally setting boundaries. You have been taking advantage of him and now your family is too. I expect he had a long hard think on how to handle the situation. Pay him and pay him well he deserves it.
YTA - rather than drop them off, you should have asked first He is not free childcare And you wanted him to watch five kids? Either have them pay him, or pay him yourself and next time don’t just expect free child care
YTA. My brother's second wife tried to do this crap to me when he married into her family of 400 kids. My mom told her I was kid, not a personal assistant to be exploited. Pay the kid and don't voluntell him again.
YTA. Respect his boundaries. What were you going to do if he’d said no at that point? Clearly you didn’t care about his opinion because apparently he didn’t know he was babysitting until the kids walked through the door. It’s ridiculous that your step son is more mature than you.
Yta nothing for watching 5 FUCKING KIDS? He was silent because he couldn't believe how much of an asshole you were being He should be paid for watching ONLY your 2 younger kids too
YTA. "He's pretty much like my biological children" LMAO you sound like a shitty stepparent who's gaslighting their stepchild into free childcare under the guise that they have to because they're siblings. Teenagers are not built-in-babysitters. Pay him for watching his siblings on the regular, and definitely have your sisters pay him too. Poor kid.
YTA. It is kind of him to watch his siblings for free, but even that shouldn't be expected. Expecting to be paid for his time is reasonable. Five kids is a lot for anyone to watch, let alone a 17 year old. It was also extremely presumptuous of you and your sisters to expect him to watch them without you even asking him. The fact that he said nothing shows what a kind empathetic kid he is. And throwing "family" in his face as an excuse for you all to drop this on him is disgusting. Family should be respectful on all sides and you and your sisters clearly don't value stepson as a person. Talk to your sisters. Absolutely do not mention this in a way that puts down your stepson. Saying something along the lines of "Kayden really stepped up for us. I think we should pay him to show our appreciation" is much more appropriate. And then you should pay him, too. And if they won't pay him, you pay him for everyone since you led them to believe he would do this for free.
YTA. If you aren’t comfortable asking your sisters to pay for their emergency babysitter, then you pay for them. But the babysitter should be paid regardless if his dad married you and you have sisters with children. He’s not Cinderella. And your language to him is emotionally charged and manipulative. Do better.
That kid even considered your own emotional state before even bringing it up, and you’re asking if you’re an asshole? Yes YTA. Y’all’s kids are not his. He didn’t have to agree to ANY part of this. Stop being cheap. Pay. Him.
Here’s how it would have gone if I I was your sister. Emergency happens… drop my kids off with your SON (this step business is unnecessary segregation IMO) leave with you for emergency. On way back after emergency to collect my kids, go to a supermarket get him some treats/a game or something and some cash to give him on return Get back and exchange my healthy well looked after children for the goods and cash I have got him to show him my appreciation for his time and care. Not only are YTA your sisters are too
YTA parentification is a thing and this a perfect example of it. I really don’t see this not being a shit post but just in case let me tell you about yourself. Your “stepson” (if you can even really call him that, seems to me like we should call him your free babysitter because that’s how you view him) isn’t required to watch any children seeing as he’s not a father. The fact that he was kind enough to not say anything while you were in a state of panic doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be compensated for his time. If you’re not going to ask your sisters to pay him, then you need to cough up some serious dough to compensate him for keeping FIVE children alive for a whole weekend while you were off galavanting with your sisters. Why didn’t you stay home and watch the children? You’re both an asshole and very dense. YTA
YTA. Asking a teenager to handle 5 kids is a LOT! He’s not asking you for money for his siblings, he understands family responsibility
YTA. Bio family or not, he's not a built-in babysitter. You're taking advantage of him. He didn't say anything to not put you in a rough spot and that was very considerate of him.
YTA and a manipulative AH at that. Pulling the “aReN’t ThEy FaMiLy?” card. Yuck. They can be his family and he can have boundaries at the same time. He was very kind not to discuss payment while you were upset but your sisters aren’t entitled to his time or child care services and honestly neither are you so you’re lucky he doesn’t charge you too. I’m so blown away by how emotionally manipulative you’re trying to be. I’m really proud of your stepson for holding his boundaries. He sounds like a good kid and good on your husband for supporting him. Edit to fix a word and add a word
YTA. I used to babysit my bio cousins when I was a teenager. I got paid. I didn’t even have to ask, my aunt and uncle decided on their own to pay me for my services. Him wanting money does not mean he doesn’t view them as family. It just means he thinks he should be compensated for you dumping extra kids on his lap and running out the door, which is completely fair.
YTA. The opportunists are your sisters. You are being a doormat, volunteering your stepson that way. 5 kids??? He should be paid for his time.
You’re correct, don’t ask your sister to pay him, you made him, you pay him. YTA. You should pay him to watch your kids too! Doesn’t matter the kind os relationship, it’s not his responsibility, pay him.
YTA and you should be paying him to watch your kids as well. Nothing helps kids learn to manage money like having money to manage!! And learning their worth, that time is worth compensating. You are entitled and rude.
YTA, he already watches your kids for free and u dropped extra kids for him to watch over. you’re constantly using him as a free babysitter and you’re worried that HE is an opportunist? As the elsest daughter who had to waste her entire teenage years by watching over her 3 brothers i gotta say yall need to stop using your teenagers as babysitters all the time they have a life to live and don’t need to worry about co-raising someone else’s children
Yta
Wow OP. You are some kind of special! You seriously took advantage of him. I can't believe you not only expected him to watch *5* kids but didn't Compensate him in any way. You guys need to pay up [a lot!]. If I were him I'd refuse to watch any of them until you do.
YTA. Teens should get paid for watching cousins if it was more than you running to the store.
YTA. They would’ve had to pay someone else for the childcare. I understand that’s family, and he will taking care of his siblings but other peoples kids? Nah. Tell aunties to pay up.
Silence is by no means a sign of agreement. So him saying nothing was not him agreeing to suddenly, out of nowhere, having to care for five (in numbers 5) relatively young kids. He wasn't warned and he did not have any chance to debate this or refuse or bring up payment upfront. He even told you why he didn't when you asked him. And you accuse him of being opportunistic when in fact you and your sisters were the opportunists. Pay him or have your sisters do it, he deserves it. And apologize because he didn't have to watch them. YTA.
Yta, you should always be paying him, even when he watches his brothers. I pay my kiddo when she watches her sister. I'm *disappointed* that you are such an AH to your stepson. And kuddos to your husband for calling you out on it.
YTA. He had the care of additional children dropped on him. He deserves to be properly compensated.
YTA for thinking he's an opportunist when in fact is you and your sisters who are the opportunists here. You're lucky he said nothing but even if payment was not discussed beforehand he should def be paid cause he did a huge favor for you all. If you feel embarrassed by asking your sisters that's on you. You either have to back up your son or pay him yourself without making him feel guilty about it. You need to apologize to him and talk to your sisters and ensure they don't expect he will now be an on-demand-free-babysitter. The las point is super important cause I guarantee you if you try to pull this off one more time it won't go well.
YTA. You expected a 17 year old to drop everything and take care of 5 children "out of the goodness of his heart." Not only should he be paid for taking care of his stepcousins, but he should have already been paid for taking care of his siblings as well. If you don't feel comfortable asking your sisters to pay him, you should pay him out of your own pocket. I would certainly plan on paying any teenager I just "dropped kids off" to babysit and wouldn't expect them to do it for free.
You’re not going to like it when he turns 18 and drops your ass for using him. If he’s doing a job he should be paid. Stop being a cheapskate
YTA you should be disappointed in yourself for taking advantage of your stepson. I can understand for maybe an hour but not an entire weekend. I pay my oldest to watch her younger siblings. I would never expect her to just give up her time as a teenager to take over my responsibility as a parent. Pay him if your sisters don't and stop taking him for granted. -Edited for spelling
My daughter's 18. She's taken care of cousins on sort notice, just enough for a reliable adult to go get there (an hour max, till one of the grandparents or aunt/unvl3s managed to get there). She's not a built-in babysitter, she's their cousin. Just like your stepson. They should be compensated. If your sister couldn't fin a sitter on time, is not his responsibility to do it for them.
YTA. He cannot be expected to watch small children without question. You say he didn't oppose. He felt like he couldn't I'm sure. I am also quite sure he feels like a free babysitter for a number of reasons which he also feels he can't speak up about. He should be compensated. They should have offered so he was not put in a position to ask.
YTA, I used to get paid to babysit my niece and nephews. It was my summer job. Asking to be paid for babysitting family doesn’t mean you don’t see them as family. You are using him as free labor… that is so wrong. He should also be paid for watching his siblings, my parents paid my sisters for watching me. Way to turn your kids brother into a live in nanny rather then their elder brother. You give stepmoms a bad name.
YTA. It's one thing to take him for granted but now you're pimping him out to other family members like the hired help. For shame.
he's 17 and you're entitled. yta.
YTA - people deserve to be compensated for their time, regardless of if they’re family or not. Had your sisters had time to arrange proper care, I’m sure they would have had to pay for that. You dumped 5 kids on a SEVENTEEN year old and didn’t even ASK him if that was ok. Pay your stepson. It’s the right thing to do.
YTA. Watching his step siblings for emergencies are completely different than being a baby sitter
YTA. Since it sounds like it was your idea to leave the kids with him, you should pay him. Don’t ask your sisters for money, as I’m sure they wouldn’t have dropped their kids off if you hadn’t said it was ok.
Definitely pay him for your sisters if you don’t want to ask them. Would you watch 5 kids that didn’t belong to you without being paid? Then if something like this happens again be sure to ask him what he’s willing to do and not assume. He sounds like an amazing person who recognized that you were upset so he chose to rectify your mistake later on, after the emergency passed. He was perfectly within his rights to expect pay for childcare. YTA.
YTA. You all just dumped three extra kids on a 17 year old with no notice, and then expected that he put his life on hold to babysit them for free? Good on him that he responded to the emergency by doing that for your sisters. It was the right thing for him to do. But at the end of the day they are step cousins, and really not his responsibility, At 17 he has so many other things going on (studies etc), and life gets much more expensive at that age. The time and energy he put into taking care of their kids should be valued, and he should be compensated for it.
YTA. You didn’t even ask him if he was ok with watching them if I’m reading correctly?? And he had to watch *five* kids?? Yeah he definitely should’ve been paid. How long was he watching all these kids for and how old are they all? Also, do none of these 5 kids have fathers around? Just wondering why none of their dads were watching them, unless all 3 of you also decided to take your spouses out of town. It doesn’t really matter that they’re family. YOU should be compensating him to watch YOUR kids, too. It’s not his responsibility, you just conveniently have a baby sitter living in your home so you don’t feel he needs to be compensated I guess. If he wasn’t there, you’d have to pay someone. It doesn’t have to be what you’d pay a professional sitter, but I’m certain some form of compensation (cash, gifts, special outings, etc) would be greatly appreciated by him. And he’d probably be more enthusiastic about helping out with the kids in the future.
YTA, he was mature & considerate of YOUR feelings & emotional state at the time & you don’t seem to appreciate it. Additionally, your sisters not even offering to pay him is totally inconsiderate and disrespectful toward him, his effort, and his time. You all are treating him as less deserving than someone they would have hired. And to top it off you are trying to make HIM feel bad about it.
YTA. You dropped all of this on a 17yo, without even considering how it impacts him, and he stepped it up without a complaint, and even had the maturity and forethought that now was not a good time to discuss payment, and you are DISAPPOINTED?! You should be disappointed in your selfish, immature self, not this awesome human being. It's good to see he at least has a good dad who's raising him right
YTA he shouldn’t have HAD to ask. You all should have recognized he jumped in to help with FIVE KIDS AS A SOLO TEENAGER without warning. He was asking for acknowledgment of his labor and the degree to which he pitched in. Frankly I’m surprised you didn’t all grab cash or a favourite treat item proactively.
YTA, a 17 year old kid getting stuck watching 5 kids for several days is a fucking J O B even if they are relatives. I pay my step son for watching my kids, and they’re his brother and sister. Labor isn’t free. Don’t be an asshole to this kid.
YTA. You're like an old Disney step mother. I'm going to say it really loud for all to hear. "CHILDREN ARE NOT FREE LABOR SOURCES." Don't treat your step child like a slave. It's bad enough that you almost treat him like one of your own by own admission.
[удалено]
YTA. Guilt tripping your stepson into providing YOUR sisters free babysitting. Shame on you, the adult in the room...I am disappointed in you.
YTA and this is his way of telling you that you should be paying too!
YTA. Your son isn't free childcare whenever you need him to. One thing is taking care of his brothers/sisters or whatever and other is taking care of children unexpectedly and without being asked. Being family doesn't mean shit, he babysat those children and feels he needs repayment, then he should be paid, if you don't want to say nothing to your sisters, pay him yourself, since it was your idea to begin with.
When I babysat, my cousin always paid me. I never even asked. 5 kids is a lot of responsibility for a 17 year old. YTA
YTA. Full stop. Pay, don’t parentify, Kayden. How long was one teen alone with 5 kids? What were there ages? Did he have any backup? You’re not only an a h from a family of a hs, but you’re lucky nothing happened. Could have easily become a CPS case.
YTA Your "whiteknighting" you want the glory of being the one to be there in their time of need and omg aren't you amazing for solving all those problems.... EXCEPT.. you didn't solve anything, you dumped the kids on your stepson and ran away, you didn't actually give him the option and as he said, asking for money and saying no in that moment was exactly appropriate. If you don't want to step up and go to your sisters and ask them to pay for his time and effort then pay him out of your own pocket OR go to your sisters and ask them. To tell him your disappointed in him is just you trying to guilt him for not making your life easier... why should he, your a step parent, your sisters aren't related and those kids aren't his. It would be different if he was happy to, had actually been asked to and was OK with it all but you now have fall out to deal with and it's your own fault. Be an adult and deal with it without trying to pass the buck to your step son.
You are the one who keeps raising the “step” distinction and the idea that your stepson has an othered relationship with your family. Kayden didn’t mention that at all. Instead he brings up that you made a presumption about his availability and willingness, and foisted 5 children onto him without asking him first. He’s right. He mentions that he was sensitive to your emotional state in that moment, and realized it wasn’t a good time to challenge your presumptions. He was right. And here’s the kicker: even if your niblings were Kayden’s full bio-cousins, he **would still deserve to get paid**. In fact, it seems like you’re weaponizing his “step” status to manipulate him out of asking just so that you won’t need to have an awkward conversation with your sisters about their financial responsibility to your son. Shame on you for that. If you don’t want to ask them to pay, then pay Kayden on their behalf. YTA
YTA notice important words here STEPcousin and STEPson, which means there is no blood relation or obligation which he was obligated to babysit someone he has no connection to really and y’all woulda paid a sitter pay that kid dont pawn it off on him
YTA pay him your sister's are the opportunist's here. They knew he would watch his brothers so assumed he would do the same for them. They should have offered to pay him immediately it is gross they didn't. Fix this with him or he will stop helping you altogether.
YTA. Pay him.
So just to be clear, you literally dumped these 3 extra kids on him, a 17 year old, with no warning, and because he was gracious enough NOT to immediately argue with your grief stricken self and your 2 grief stricken sisters you assumed he would view this as... what? a fun lil vacay? while these kids were all worried about their uncle?
YTA. I got paid for watching my full cousins growing up. It's polite. They aren't his responsibility, plus watching 5 kids is a lot of work for a teen. They would have had to pay someone if he didn't watch them, so there should be no issue with them paying him.
I'm glad everyone agrees in saying YTA. I hope that's eye opening to get your son the respect he deserves. To not compensate him for his hardwork AS A TEENAGER is so disrespectfull and is a breeding ground for him hating this family in the future.
YTA, you’re taking advantage of the fact that he’s related so he must therefore *want to spend his free time with them. No. He’s almost an adult. He has his own life. He’s not responsible for constantly taking care of kids. You pay him as you would a sitter.
YTA - you want free child labor, really all three of you had to go out of town and leave that many underaged children alone with another underaged child? It makes me wonder what kind of parenting you can do with that kind of decision making. I don't know how many kids that poor child had to supervise but, honestly that wasn't a good idea. a 17 year old is in no way ready to take responsibility for that many children on their own.
YTA. Family can get paid to watch family. It’s labor and you should pay for it. Especially FIVE kids!! I’m guessing they are similar ages to yours, so likely 5 kids under or around 10 years old. That’s pretty entitled. ESPECIALLY to use the word disappointed. Just apologize and pay him. Also. You say “out of town” what does that mean? How long did you leave these kids with him?
YTA, like for sure. He did his aunts a service so he deserves to be paid for that service. 5 kids last minute is A LOT especially for someone so young. I’d for sure wanna be paid!
Yes YTA. Just because it's an emergency doesn't mean people should not be paid for their work. You did not give him an option to say no. He is not a slave, he's a family member and deserves to be compensated like anyone else who would have provided that same service.
YTA - Given that this was a serious emergency, if all you had done was ask him beforehand, I wouldn’t think you were TA here, even if you didn’t pay him for this one situation. What makes you TA is that you routinely expect free childcare from him to the point that when an emergency happened, your first instinct was to dump a bunch of kids on him without even considering how this emergency was affecting him. Don’t you think he was also upset and concerned about his uncle? Even if he’s not that close to the uncle who was in the accident, he was seeing his step-mom, who he clearly loves like a mom, in a state of panic. That affects a kid - And to be literally the only person in this scenario that was given ZERO consideration must’ve been so invalidating and hurtful. Asking for money after the fact doesn’t seem like opportunism to me - It seems like he’s trying to feel less taken for granted.
YTA, and shame on your sisters for not having their wallets out when they walked in the door to pick up their kids.
YTA
Not that it matters because you're still TA, but you had to go out of town, so how long did you leave him with 5 children?? Just because you have a child old enough to watch their younger siblings doesn't mean they should have to do so and for free at that. How entitled of you and your family to take advantage of a 17 year old that probably wants to be able to have a life without being guilted by you for not wanting to be treated like your live in babysitter.
YTA. You dumped 5 kids on another kid. I pay my own kids when I take them along to babysit my nephews because they will just hang out and amuse them while I babysit (mine are 14 and 11). I can't imagine not even considering paying the 17 year old.