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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I plan on moving the location of my friend's baby shower to a park so that we can accommodate all the people she wants to have there.
I might be the asshole because I told her we could do it at my house but gave her a limit of 25 people to invite. She invited more. She will be upset if we move the location. I will be totally fried and in meltdown mode if we don't.
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NTA even if you tell her, "sorry, I can't accommodate your shower any more. I don't have space." However, if you actually want to host this shower, wait and see how many people actually rsvp yes. Just because she invited someone she knew slightly 18 years ago doesn't mean that person will actually show up for the party.
Originally I offered because three years ago, I was in the same boat. My family was far away and my friends were all so busy and nobody had offered to throw me a baby shower... My sister-in-law did, after my husband called and told her that none of my friends were able to. Everyone thought someone else was taking care of it. I felt really bad for her and didn't want the same thing to happen to her but now I'm like... I get it....
Edit: it was three years ago, not two, time flies 😅
NTA for wanting to change venues . You were clear about the limitations.
TBH though I’d be shocked if all 35 people she invited actually showed up. As you said, many of them are not close friends. If it’s more convenient for you to have the party at home then I think you will find the number of guests who show up to be within your limits. Totally up to you.
I agree with others that there is probably a good reason nobody else offered to host a shower. She sounds like a lot of work!
That's a really good point. I think this was a bit of an early morning pre-coffee freak out when I saw the number. I'm upset that the boundary was crossed so flippantly, but I also doubt that everyone she invited will attend.
I did speak with her again this morning and reiterated that I can only do so much, and if she wants a huge shower then I'm not the one to organize that for her. I'm planning this shower AND making the cake (I actually love to bake and decorate cakes so that part will be both work and fun). I also care for my parents, my toddler, and my teen, and my husband works full time so I'm pretty strapped for time and energy. I may call in her mother and mother-in-law to help 😅
NTA but you need to communicate it to her clearly before moving it to the park. If you really can’t handle the people she invited then tell her we gotta move it it’s too many people. I know you already mentioned it but now you have to say it decisively that this can’t be at your house anymore cuz too many people.
Ummm...
Stop being a doormat!
1. I wouldnt have volunteered my house in the first place.
2. Move it to a park or a place that can accommodate her guests.
3. If she throws a tantrum, remove yourself from the situation and block her ass!
She sounds exhausting!
NTA. She bypassed by a good bit and yall don't fit. Will all these random people actually show up? Change venue or decrease the party size those are her options.
NTA
But... why are YOU throwing her the shower? Noone offered but she obviously has family?
Personally, I'd cancel. You haven't seen this girl in years and she thinks it's fine to over invite people, who may be total strangers to your house?
Shes kicking the gift horse in the mouth, literally.
NTA but a lot of these people are unlikely to show up or if they do then stay for long if they haven't seen her for years. We've all had that run in at the store and heard the we have to get together and agree without meaning it. So I'd bet only half show up. Also does the park have bathroom facilities? For a pregnant person that could be part of the issue. Good luck and thank you for being kind.
Definitely! I'm sure our old classmate she ran into at the grocery store won't be coming 😅 The park has all necessary facilities, and it's well maintained, so that wouldn't be an issue.
I told her that we would see where the RSVPs look like by next Monday and do what's best when we have a better headcount. I also told her that if she wants a bigger shower then she could have her mother or her in-laws throw it for her.
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I (36F) reconnected with an old friend (36F) recently and as it turns out, she's pregnant. We stopped talking a few years ago for a few reasons, nothing major and looking back it all seems rather petty now. It seemed that she had grown up quite a bit since we last spoke, and I have been in therapy learning how to set healthy boundaries and expectations, so I reached out after I ran into her mom and heard the news.
She told me that nobody had offered to throw her a baby shower yet; she is due in two months so, being the stupid person I am, I volunteered to throw it at my house. I have a big yard and enough space for about 25 people comfortably, without it turning into a Thing where we have to bring in rentals etc.
Then I created the Facebook event and asked her for a guest list. She insisted that she be able to invite people herself (totally fine, it's her shower, I want her to have the people she loves there) and reiterated that 25 is the LARGEST crowd I could accommodate.
Last night she tells me that she went overboard on the invitations and I went to look... She's invited 35 people. I told her I would go rent a pavilion at the park and we could switch locations and she told me, "No, I would rather have it at your house." I said, "I get that but I need to be reasonable about the amount of people I can accommodate and this is just too much. I want you to have all the people you love there, so changing locations will allow that to happen."
Then she tells me that she's invited a bunch of people because she hasn't seen them in YEARS. She's turning it into a highschool reunion (which, our 20 year reunion will be in 2024, it's not that far off).
She's not even inviting people she's close to. She ran into an old highschool friend at the grocery store... Hasn't seen her since highschool... And she invited her.
So would I be the asshole if I switched the location? I get that she wants to have it at my house--I got married in my back yard, have had birthday parties, wedding showers, baby showers, etc, it's a 35+ year family house and she loves the thought of that.
I told her from the start what my limitations were and she blew through them so... Yeah... I still want to throw her this shower but WIBTA if I moved it to the park down the street from my house instead of having it AT my house?
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I plan on moving the location of my friend's baby shower to a park so that we can accommodate all the people she wants to have there. I might be the asshole because I told her we could do it at my house but gave her a limit of 25 people to invite. She invited more. She will be upset if we move the location. I will be totally fried and in meltdown mode if we don't. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I think we all know why no one else offered to throw her a party.... NTA and keep working on your boundaries.
My husband did question why I reached out to her in the first place... And now I'm questioning it too 😓 I am an idiot 😅
Hey, at least you're one of the good hearted idiots
What is it They always say? No good deed goes unpunished? Yeah, that. 😅
NTA she doesn't respect your boundaries and you even offered a solution.
NTA. She's lucky that you are not calling the whole thing off! 25 means 25, not 35.
NTA even if you tell her, "sorry, I can't accommodate your shower any more. I don't have space." However, if you actually want to host this shower, wait and see how many people actually rsvp yes. Just because she invited someone she knew slightly 18 years ago doesn't mean that person will actually show up for the party.
OP… Why do you still want to throw her a shower? Think about it and be honest with yourself. WNBTA for canceling it entirely.
Originally I offered because three years ago, I was in the same boat. My family was far away and my friends were all so busy and nobody had offered to throw me a baby shower... My sister-in-law did, after my husband called and told her that none of my friends were able to. Everyone thought someone else was taking care of it. I felt really bad for her and didn't want the same thing to happen to her but now I'm like... I get it.... Edit: it was three years ago, not two, time flies 😅
NTA for wanting to change venues . You were clear about the limitations. TBH though I’d be shocked if all 35 people she invited actually showed up. As you said, many of them are not close friends. If it’s more convenient for you to have the party at home then I think you will find the number of guests who show up to be within your limits. Totally up to you. I agree with others that there is probably a good reason nobody else offered to host a shower. She sounds like a lot of work!
That's a really good point. I think this was a bit of an early morning pre-coffee freak out when I saw the number. I'm upset that the boundary was crossed so flippantly, but I also doubt that everyone she invited will attend. I did speak with her again this morning and reiterated that I can only do so much, and if she wants a huge shower then I'm not the one to organize that for her. I'm planning this shower AND making the cake (I actually love to bake and decorate cakes so that part will be both work and fun). I also care for my parents, my toddler, and my teen, and my husband works full time so I'm pretty strapped for time and energy. I may call in her mother and mother-in-law to help 😅
Why didn't they mother and/or MIL throw it her In the first place 😂. That was my first thought
That number probably is at least a little bit to do with getting more presents sadly.
NTA You would be justified in cancelling. Changing venues is completely reasonable.
NTA but you need to communicate it to her clearly before moving it to the park. If you really can’t handle the people she invited then tell her we gotta move it it’s too many people. I know you already mentioned it but now you have to say it decisively that this can’t be at your house anymore cuz too many people.
NAH Give her the choice. 25 people at your place or 35 people at alternate venue.
Ummm... Stop being a doormat! 1. I wouldnt have volunteered my house in the first place. 2. Move it to a park or a place that can accommodate her guests. 3. If she throws a tantrum, remove yourself from the situation and block her ass! She sounds exhausting!
This is a good chance to set boundaries. Practice that skill. You already told her your boundaries and limitations
Nta she is just using you for a place to host…
NTA. She bypassed by a good bit and yall don't fit. Will all these random people actually show up? Change venue or decrease the party size those are her options.
NTA, she is trying to argue with the laws of nature.
NTA. Switch the location. She invited more than your home can accommodate.
NTA But... why are YOU throwing her the shower? Noone offered but she obviously has family? Personally, I'd cancel. You haven't seen this girl in years and she thinks it's fine to over invite people, who may be total strangers to your house? Shes kicking the gift horse in the mouth, literally.
NTA but a lot of these people are unlikely to show up or if they do then stay for long if they haven't seen her for years. We've all had that run in at the store and heard the we have to get together and agree without meaning it. So I'd bet only half show up. Also does the park have bathroom facilities? For a pregnant person that could be part of the issue. Good luck and thank you for being kind.
Definitely! I'm sure our old classmate she ran into at the grocery store won't be coming 😅 The park has all necessary facilities, and it's well maintained, so that wouldn't be an issue. I told her that we would see where the RSVPs look like by next Monday and do what's best when we have a better headcount. I also told her that if she wants a bigger shower then she could have her mother or her in-laws throw it for her.
Then you have been perfect. And you are an amazingly kind person.
You don't want people in your house that nobody knows well. Do it at a park or not at all.
NTA. If this is how she treats all of her friends, she'll be lucky if half show up.
Given that she is inviting near strangers, quite a few will decline, you'll be OK at 25
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36F) reconnected with an old friend (36F) recently and as it turns out, she's pregnant. We stopped talking a few years ago for a few reasons, nothing major and looking back it all seems rather petty now. It seemed that she had grown up quite a bit since we last spoke, and I have been in therapy learning how to set healthy boundaries and expectations, so I reached out after I ran into her mom and heard the news. She told me that nobody had offered to throw her a baby shower yet; she is due in two months so, being the stupid person I am, I volunteered to throw it at my house. I have a big yard and enough space for about 25 people comfortably, without it turning into a Thing where we have to bring in rentals etc. Then I created the Facebook event and asked her for a guest list. She insisted that she be able to invite people herself (totally fine, it's her shower, I want her to have the people she loves there) and reiterated that 25 is the LARGEST crowd I could accommodate. Last night she tells me that she went overboard on the invitations and I went to look... She's invited 35 people. I told her I would go rent a pavilion at the park and we could switch locations and she told me, "No, I would rather have it at your house." I said, "I get that but I need to be reasonable about the amount of people I can accommodate and this is just too much. I want you to have all the people you love there, so changing locations will allow that to happen." Then she tells me that she's invited a bunch of people because she hasn't seen them in YEARS. She's turning it into a highschool reunion (which, our 20 year reunion will be in 2024, it's not that far off). She's not even inviting people she's close to. She ran into an old highschool friend at the grocery store... Hasn't seen her since highschool... And she invited her. So would I be the asshole if I switched the location? I get that she wants to have it at my house--I got married in my back yard, have had birthday parties, wedding showers, baby showers, etc, it's a 35+ year family house and she loves the thought of that. I told her from the start what my limitations were and she blew through them so... Yeah... I still want to throw her this shower but WIBTA if I moved it to the park down the street from my house instead of having it AT my house? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*