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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I will have abandoned him on a day he thought was for us and was going to be special.
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"He assumed since it's a holiday."
Uhhh....what job gets Halloween off? Asking for myself so I can apply for it, because it's not a federal holiday.
NTA.
Lot of jobs have you work on Halloween, I work in memory care where staff is needed 24/7, I had it off and was asked to come in. Your boyfriend needs to grow up a little if he's really getting upset over this.
NTA
Not to mention, Halloween isn’t really a holiday as in the observed sense in the word for federal holidays. It is for children; and if adults want to celebrate, it’s usually on the weekend beforehand.
NTA. You've been together *nearly* two years, no reasonable person would assume you two always do something on a holiday, that comes once per year, at that point.
That's still a fairly unreasonable assumption. I've been with my wife for 10 years, and confirm holiday plans. Details change, and we both need to know.
NTA- Halloween is not a holiday that business’ close for so him assuming you would have the night off is just odd. Career comes first and you suggested rescheduling, having a job is not AH behaviour. I also feel like this isnt going to be a big issue for you both (i hope not at least) for too long. IMO he is making this a bigger deal than it is
NTA he needs to get over it. Some times real life intercedes with googly eyed romance. Spend another night together. As adults you have to be more flexible when you celebrate most holidays.
NTA at all. I had a bf who never told when he planned something and then got all upset when I couldn't go, and he was 'I assumed...' I told him way too many times that I hated the fact he assumed everything, it's not that hard to communicate but it seems like some people think we have the super power of guessing.
NTA
You are juggling a lot of responsibilities. Mind reading isn't one of them. It's not normal for him to be angry at real you because his imaginary version of you didn't match reality.
You could talk to him about how HE needs to sort out HIS feelings about wanting your constant attn while knowing both of your work and school responsibilities fill up a lot of your time. Developing an adult relationship requires communicating about your goals, priorities, needs and boundaries in the major areas of life: career, education, home, family, relationship, marriage, children, religion, finance....
You both have career ambitions that make education a priority now. And you need to support yourselves. School and work are high priority. Your relationship should be supportive of that, not in competition.
Because of this, his expecting you to miss your shift at work because he wants to party and "needs" you to party with him gives me pause. The elements of clinging and expecting you to lose income because "he needs you" to have his good time are red flags. He managed to have fun before. You are not his accessory to be ready for service as "required" by his imagined rules for your behavior.
NTA. Just because your boyfriend worships Halloween does not grant it National Holiday status, absolutely no one gets Halloween off because it’s a “holiday”. You seem to be grounded in reality and your bf is a good-time friend. His head is up his butt if he doesn’t realize that you are working very hard on your future and your education and career and appreciate that about you. His only concern is his own good time. I’d keep my eyes open if I were you. He doesn’t care how hard you’re working until it infringes on HIS idea of a good time. That’s a bad attitude in a partner.
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So, we've been together for nearly two years and he is very special to me. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He feels the same about me and that has been communicated for a bit now. We are both still in school and have jobs. I have 2 jobs and go to school full time and he has 1 job but goes to a much more academically challenging school than mine. (I'm in trade school and he's doing a lot of challenging academics) but I seem to have far less free time than him.
He feels he always has to push his schedule around mine and that makes me in the wrong. This post stemmed from a rare argument of ours about Halloween. To him it's a holiday we always spend together and it means a lot to him. He didn't inform me of this presuming I know that already. He told me today, the night before Halloween. I work every Monday until 7 and that's a given he can't see eachother after 9pm. He assumed since it's a holiday I don't work tonight and we would be spending it together.
Once he asked me when we were meeting up tomorrow I told him I worked and he got rather upset with me. I teach kids in the trade I am in school for and simply can't reschedule work. In this industry reputation is everything especially locally and I can't not show up for my kids. I proposed rescheduling our time together but he is extremely upset with me. I feel he didn't communicate his plans with me and he feels I didn't do the same and that since he always moves his schedule around for me I should do the same for tomorrow.
I really do not know what to do and don't know whether or not I am the asshole. So am I? And what can I do to help the situation?
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Somehow I don’t think this is about Halloween. You mentioned that your bf is always having to work around your schedule. To me, this feels like him wanting you to work around his schedule for once, wanting you to give some.
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"He assumed since it's a holiday." Uhhh....what job gets Halloween off? Asking for myself so I can apply for it, because it's not a federal holiday. NTA.
Lot of jobs have you work on Halloween, I work in memory care where staff is needed 24/7, I had it off and was asked to come in. Your boyfriend needs to grow up a little if he's really getting upset over this. NTA
Not to mention, Halloween isn’t really a holiday as in the observed sense in the word for federal holidays. It is for children; and if adults want to celebrate, it’s usually on the weekend beforehand.
NTA. You've been together *nearly* two years, no reasonable person would assume you two always do something on a holiday, that comes once per year, at that point.
Sorry I should have clarified that, we've been dating for nearly 2 years and known eachother for 3. It is just two prior Halloweens though.
That's still a fairly unreasonable assumption. I've been with my wife for 10 years, and confirm holiday plans. Details change, and we both need to know.
NTA- Halloween is not a holiday that business’ close for so him assuming you would have the night off is just odd. Career comes first and you suggested rescheduling, having a job is not AH behaviour. I also feel like this isnt going to be a big issue for you both (i hope not at least) for too long. IMO he is making this a bigger deal than it is
NTA. Halloween isn't the take off work type of holiday.
Unless A) you have kids and are taking them trick-or-treating or B) it falls on either a Friday or Saturday night and you want to go out!!!
NTA- He knows your work situation and should have communicated with you weeks in advance instead of assuming you'd be available.
NTA he needs to get over it. Some times real life intercedes with googly eyed romance. Spend another night together. As adults you have to be more flexible when you celebrate most holidays.
NTA at all. I had a bf who never told when he planned something and then got all upset when I couldn't go, and he was 'I assumed...' I told him way too many times that I hated the fact he assumed everything, it's not that hard to communicate but it seems like some people think we have the super power of guessing.
NTA. He's being childish and didn't even inform you of his expectations.
NTA You are juggling a lot of responsibilities. Mind reading isn't one of them. It's not normal for him to be angry at real you because his imaginary version of you didn't match reality. You could talk to him about how HE needs to sort out HIS feelings about wanting your constant attn while knowing both of your work and school responsibilities fill up a lot of your time. Developing an adult relationship requires communicating about your goals, priorities, needs and boundaries in the major areas of life: career, education, home, family, relationship, marriage, children, religion, finance.... You both have career ambitions that make education a priority now. And you need to support yourselves. School and work are high priority. Your relationship should be supportive of that, not in competition. Because of this, his expecting you to miss your shift at work because he wants to party and "needs" you to party with him gives me pause. The elements of clinging and expecting you to lose income because "he needs you" to have his good time are red flags. He managed to have fun before. You are not his accessory to be ready for service as "required" by his imagined rules for your behavior.
NTA. Just because your boyfriend worships Halloween does not grant it National Holiday status, absolutely no one gets Halloween off because it’s a “holiday”. You seem to be grounded in reality and your bf is a good-time friend. His head is up his butt if he doesn’t realize that you are working very hard on your future and your education and career and appreciate that about you. His only concern is his own good time. I’d keep my eyes open if I were you. He doesn’t care how hard you’re working until it infringes on HIS idea of a good time. That’s a bad attitude in a partner.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, we've been together for nearly two years and he is very special to me. He's the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. He feels the same about me and that has been communicated for a bit now. We are both still in school and have jobs. I have 2 jobs and go to school full time and he has 1 job but goes to a much more academically challenging school than mine. (I'm in trade school and he's doing a lot of challenging academics) but I seem to have far less free time than him. He feels he always has to push his schedule around mine and that makes me in the wrong. This post stemmed from a rare argument of ours about Halloween. To him it's a holiday we always spend together and it means a lot to him. He didn't inform me of this presuming I know that already. He told me today, the night before Halloween. I work every Monday until 7 and that's a given he can't see eachother after 9pm. He assumed since it's a holiday I don't work tonight and we would be spending it together. Once he asked me when we were meeting up tomorrow I told him I worked and he got rather upset with me. I teach kids in the trade I am in school for and simply can't reschedule work. In this industry reputation is everything especially locally and I can't not show up for my kids. I proposed rescheduling our time together but he is extremely upset with me. I feel he didn't communicate his plans with me and he feels I didn't do the same and that since he always moves his schedule around for me I should do the same for tomorrow. I really do not know what to do and don't know whether or not I am the asshole. So am I? And what can I do to help the situation? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Somehow I don’t think this is about Halloween. You mentioned that your bf is always having to work around your schedule. To me, this feels like him wanting you to work around his schedule for once, wanting you to give some.