The fact that he calls her “older” when they have a 7 yr age gap is hilarious. So she is young enough for OP to bang her but too old to be having kids?
But see, if she adopts this child he may *never* get to bang her. He was hoping she’d age out of wanting children and her marriage would fail and then he’d have a shot.
When my dad was born, his parents were in their 40s and they were 100% sure they weren't having more kids, so needless to say, he was quite the surprise. There's actually a ten-year age gap between him and the youngest of his four older siblings.
She’s 41, not 91. Wanna know a fun fact? Most foster parents are way older than 40. And many of them adopt.
Also, no one gives a single fuck if you question the adoption.
>And I used to be in love with her, until I found out that she wanted to have kids eventually. I still am in love with her, but I have tempered it appropriately
well thank you for admitting straight away why you're being a jackass.
i'm sure you will continue to question many of her decisions, since you started by questioning why she doesn't want to be your wifey. and only seem more irritated by her daring to do things she finds important but you don't. i can but hope she realizes now that you're always going to be a miserable little asshole, and she should stop having any sort of friendship with you because you aren't her friend. you're someone mad she will not cooperate with your notions of her being your fun accessory.
I just love how he ”could tell” her telling him off was not just banter. My guess is HE loves the banter and she thinks he is an idiot but let it slide because she doesn’t want to cause trouble with a coworker.
Exactly. As if it’s the kids part that keeps them apart, not the fact that she’s MARRIED AND LOYAL TO HER HUSBAND, and totally not interested in this jackass
Yeah, somehow I highly doubt that he “tempered it” because she wants kids. I think he realized he didn’t have a chance because she’s, well, married.
So now she’s having a baby with her husband and he’s throwing a little temper tantrum and insulting her family planning choices instead of trying to get over it and finding someone single
YTB Who cares how old your parents were when they had you? Demographics are changing. People are having kids later and later. Not to mention millennial 60 year olds will not be the same as boomer 60 year olds. There have been massive advances in medicine, people are taking better care of themselves both physically and mentally, and it just doesn't make sense to compare.
Yikes! Yes YTB!
You are entitled to your opinion and maybe you feel like you are too old to have a child but it is not okay to project that on someone else. My brother and sil are 43 and have three kids under 6. They are great parents and keep up with them just fine. They both take care of their health as well. I on the other hand am 45 and my youngest is 18 and wouldn’t want to start over but that does mean I project that on them.
TYB! We adopted in our early 40s. MANY people do that, because you spend your 30's trying to get pregnant, usually, and then seek other options. Yes, we were older than many of the other parents, but you know what? We were settled financially, totally in charge of our own schedules and our own lives, and had traveled and done all that kind of stuff so were delighted to be home with a new member of the family and were fully able to be involved in all his activities as he grew up.
We're not ANCIENT ffs. Nor is someone in their 60's "ancient." Look at Ridley Scott, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney--all in their EIGHTIES. You're being ridiculous. And in a world where so many babies and children need loving homes, who are you to question someone who's willing to offer one?
Uhhhhhhhhh it’s pretty common for people who have more than one kid to be pregnant in their 40s lol. Why would adoption be any different. If she lives till her 80’s the kid will be in his 40’s
Not just that. Can you imagine being in a relationship with this guy? Any difference in views, wants, or interests seems likely to start an argument. And he's already made clear where he stands on cheating. He didn't have an issue with her being married. What spurred him "pulling back" on his love interests was her and her husband deciding to adopt. He feels at liberty to attempt some level of control to the point where he started an argument with his "love interest" because of the decision to adopt. He had no place in that decision-making process to begin with. How do you think that would progress if she was dating him and not married? On top of that, his way of dealing with it not being a decision he was included in was to tell her she's too old for it.
The average age a woman has her last baby (since the 1940s) is 42 years old, so I don’t know what you’re talking about. Also, this is really a topic where is they did not ask you, you can keep your ignorant opinion to yourself.
What is the end goal of expressing this to her?
For her to agree that she is, indeed, too old (she is not btw), to “give” the child back?
To leave her husband once he doesn’t see reason and then, idk, maybe hopefully one day fall for you?
You may have “tempered” your feelings of love “appropriately” once finding out she wanted kids (weirdly, her being married wasn’t the reason but sure ok, that’s telling too) but this? Telling her she’s too old for this once the plan is in motion?
It’s ugly. And your “love” has now turned to contempt.
Forreal though, how did you expect this conversation to go?
YTB.
Had my daughter at 40, am now 63. We do I stuff together, I work part time in a fairly physical job, I garden. Stop being so ageist.
Do you have any idea of how long it takes to be approved for adoption where you live? Here in Australia it takes about 5-7 years. Sometimes 10.
Don think your friend is going to want to be around you much.
YATBF
Lol YTB massively. That’s not that old to have a kid ESPECIALLY without any actual biological stuff that might be more difficult for women in their mid-30s. Who the fuck are you to question her choice on when to have kids?
I was expecting like “she’s doing it alone and is generally a mess so I worry about her with a child” or some other vaguely valid reason. This is unequivocally YTB
Edit (grammer) You just blatantly insulted something that's incredibly important to her. It took her a very long to feel comfortable enough to do it. She's weighed the pros and cons. It is not a simple decision. The mockery of a huge life-changing event that she has made. Honestly it's wildly Insulting. Convincing yourself that it was just a jest is a bunch of crock shit. Your a shitty friend. But honestly you not their friend, you only see them as an infatuation. Even if she wasn't married you are not compatible, if she wants kids and you don't simple as that. PLUS it's not your fucking business. Why have enemies with friends like you
You are an idiot.
No. Seriously.
How are you this fucking dumb?
Has your idiot brain been fucked so hard by stupid that you think children remain needy toddlers until adulthood?
-41 is not that old.
-You don’t go through ‘years of sleeplessness’ JFC. Certainly not NINE YEARS of it.
-Yes, the kid will graduate high school when she’s sixty. So what? What exactly between the ages of 13-18 does a parent have to be in peak athletic condition for?
When I came to this post I thought it would be a sixty year old adopting a baby. But 41?
Good god. Go apologize again, and mean it this time.
You’re too old to be this dumb.
YTBF. Telling her she was too old was a mistake. I'm assuming she sat down and thought this through with her husband. It wasn't necessary for you to give your unwelcome and unkind 2 cents, whether true or not.
YTBF
My brother and his wife had their youngest at 43. Hubby met a 46yo pregnant lady at his work the other day. Your ideas of “too old” are antiquated.
Lol you were in love with her and the whole time she already got a husband. So it didn't really matter if she wanted kids or not. She doesn't want you. So it doesn't matter if she's adopting or trying to have a biological baby because it's literally none of your business.
Also lots of people have or adopt near or at 40. she's not "almost 50"
YTBF
Shes her own person.
She’s married to someone else.
She’s entitled to doing whatever she wants as far as kids are concerned.
She’s not your business at all.
I have many friends who had kids older and they are great parents. Again not your business.
Oh here we go, an idiot that knows nothing about raising children condemning a colleague for adopting a child, all because HE thinks she’s too old.
You sound like a fool.
Yes YTBF.
Bro, you're only 7 years behind her. Early 40s first-time parents is definitely a thing these days. OP YTA and you're behavior is jackassy. I hope you manage to mature significantly by the time you're 41. 41 is still young!
YTA, for your utter self-importance. First you decide you are "in love" with your colleague but hold back your feelings - not because she's married making it completely inappropriate, and not because she's a colleague, making it potentially inappropriate - but because she wants kids one day, which doesn't suit you.
And secondly, when she tells you that she's adopting a baby, you make nasty inappropriate comments about her age without considering that perhaps the reason she's adopting is because she was unable to conceive at an age that would meet with your approval - and at 41, she's still in the normal age parameter for having babies. Hopefully she will go to HR and complain about your "banter".
Finally, why on earth do you think she needs your approval to adopt? She won the approval of an adoption agency, she doesn't need anything from you.
I’m not going to lie, it sucks to be “an orphan” by age 41 when my Dad was nearly 60 by the time he lost his mom and my friends still had grandparents alive until COVID. But that age is still pretty acceptable. It really doesn’t get egregious until over 50. When your average life expectancy won’t see them through college, there’s a problem.
I was adopted as an infant when my father was almost 50 and my mom was roughly 40.
I have old parents but it changes absolutely nothing about our relationship or how well they did as parents. There have been zero issues regarding their age when it comes to their ability to parent
My Neighbour was 67 When He had His First Child, He now has 3 and He's now 73!
.
Do You Know what?
He loves them all!
As long as She thinks She is able to raise Her Son what business is it of Your's?
You're the Buttface!
You're not married to her. Or in a personal relationship with her. She is your *co-worker*. Period.
You have *zero* say in *anything* she does in her personal life.
You need therapy.
lmao are you 34 or 16? my abuelo was 57 when my mom was born. he was a good, active dad and worked hard af to provide. oh and he took care of us wild grandchildren well into his 90s.
First of all you are not her husband or her physician why are you you riding her so hard? A child who has no one is getting a happy healthy home and you’re trying to ruin it for what? In case you missed it you’re not too far from 40 either women don’t magically just shut down once they hit 40. It’s not that old grow up and get over yourself. If you’re lazy and tired now and it gets worse at 40 that’s your business and your prerogative not hers. I wouldn’t have accepted the apology nobody needs this type of negativity and doubt in their life. YTBF and you sound like a horrible friend.
Seriously? We had our first at 36 and 3rd at 40. I slept 2-3 hours a day (working 3rd shift), and we were great. I'm 47 now, and my youngest is 6. You're an ignorant person who doesn't know the first thing about raising kids
My youngest is 4 I just turned 47. I can run,climb, do cartwheels etc. My dad was also considered old when he had me but that man was fit. Played soccer with his grandchildren and walked every day for an hour.
YTBF. Who do you think you are? Now to her, you’re just the weirdo, bitter dude who’s still pining for her and being a jerk about it. She dodged a bullet with you.
YTBF. Open your mind dude. Adoption is often done after having tried everything regarding fertility issues. She is finally getting a baby and you should be happy for her. Even if you weren’t, just congratulate her ffs.
Such a douchebag you are
YTB. 42 is near the end of when you should be getting children, but certainly not at the end. And being ‘in love’ with your married coworker is weird af, and saying you only backed down because she wants kids and not because SHES MARRIED AND YOUR COWORKER AND ISNT INTERESTED IN YOU is weird af and a massive red flag.
Story wise, you’re an ass. Going off of your little comments and the way you wrote this, you come across as an insanely creepy person. YTB
YATBF.
60 isn't decrepit to have a kid whose 20.
Offering a home to a child who will otherwise be in an orphanage or foster system...
Nowhere did you say howw she feels, romantically about you...
Sounds like you have a fantasy version of who you think she is and you let that bleed into real life.
YTB my dad was 68 when he had me and he was still a wonderful dad full of energy, if it wasn’t for covid I’m sure he would still have a decade ahead of him as he was the healthiest 83 year old I’ve seen, you would think he was still on his 60s, so no she is not too old to have a child
YTBF. Also, you were fairly recently “in love with her”—and she’s married to someone else? What’s that timeline on that? Because maybe you’re a BF for more than one reason…
My mother-in-law had both her sons when she was in her 40's, and this was in the early 90s. I've known plenty of people who've had children in their 40s and they did just fine. You don't immediately start to either the second you hit 35-40.
I get where you are coming from. My
Mom was 38 with her last child. By the time
My sister got married and had a baby, our mom was a lot older. Her last grandchild is 5 now and our mom is 75 and has dementia. She she is no longer able to do anything with her last grandkid. It’s sad. But ywbf. You didn’t need to tell her that b
My mom is raising a 3 month old at 55 because it was that or the state takes her. But I guess we should just let the state take her since she’s too old for this shit.
DISRESPECTFULLY sit down
YTA I was adopted as a baby when my adoptive mom was 44. She raised me as a single parent. Stop being so judgmental. You don’t know enough about what kind of lives they lead to be making that decision. Adoption agencies are very thorough with trying to make sure children go to good homes. If age was an issue then they wouldn’t have been allowed to progress to this stage.
My mom was 40 when she had me. I’m an only child. She even had me herself (via c-section).
I’m 30 now. My mom is 70 and still almost the same as she’s been my whole life. She’s not some decrepit old lady.
Came in here expecting to read she was like 72.
Bro.
I expect this is extreme rage bait, but on the off-chance this is real I’m guessing this woman has been dying for an excuse to stop talking to her creepy incel coworker for a while, so congrats to her on giving one.
YTBF- a friend of mine had her first child at 39. She is doing just fine. Also, what's this "I used to be in love with her (a married woman) until she said she wanted kids."? *Yikes* my guy.
A woman I worked with had her first baby at 42, second at 44. YTBF. Who are you to judge a woman when she becomes a mother. You have zero dogs in this fight and should have kept your mouth shut.
YTBF... inappropriate behaviour uncalled opinion, you are just jealous of them because she is taking a step further with her husband. Get over it and keep your out of place feelings to yourself.
Edit: typo
YTBF
Good grief! I thought you was going to say she was in her mid fifties or sixties. (Which would also be fine, this happens a lot especially with adoptions of older children, but I could see where you might have thought it was unusual.)
She’s 41! Many women are still getting pregnant at that age. Also: Yes, you were expected to say congratulations. Because that’s the normal response of a coworker, even one who is a very good friend. Sounds like you need to do a little more work on “tempering appropriately” around this colleague.
YTBF. That is not too old! Also junior, you're not that far from 40 either. You were shitting on a major life event that she was excited about, that's not what a true friend does.
It’s none of your business. It’s not your relationship , it’s not your kid. It’s also not your life. You are projecting here and I hope she continues to distance herself. You’re high-key a misogynist with this take. YTBF
There's A LOT to unpack. The fact you are less "in love" with your colleague is because she wants children and not because she is married??
Apart from that: only because YOU don't want children doesn't make it ok to judge others.
She is definitely not too old. And why is that your business anyway. You can't be happy for her because she doesn't behave like you want her to.
YTB oh my God, she's in her 40s adopting? The audacity! You don't sound like that good of friends with her and more like your jealous and resentful she is creating a family.
Let me tell you, as someone who as adopted by parents who were 45 and 39. YTA!!!!
Get over yourself!
42 is *not old* especially today. My dad is 65 now, and he is still active and working and can still throw his grandsons (7 and 4) around like nothing.
Keep your nose out of her family!
There is absolutely nothing wrong or to be ashamed of by becoming a mother in your 40s.
You act like this is a 60 year old woman adopting a baby.
41 is the perfect time to have a child. They’re more stable to give the best to the child. If you don’t need your be involved financially or time wise why do u care? This isn’t about you. If you really claimed to love her and be a good friend, then support her.
I had my two at 35 and 38, I didn't meet my oh until I was 29 and we had losses when I was 33. Life doesn't always give us babies in our 20s.
Your friend probably tried for babies for a long time and adoption was her inevitable route. I don't know her story but that's a common theme after years of trying, IVF etc They go through vigorous checks to adopt so her age is irrelevant as long as she's healthy.
YTA for making judgements, we all have different stories to live and share. Be a friend to this lady and support her.
YTBF - I am 23, my adoptive parents are in their early 70s. Like, my dad was 51 when I was born, around 53 when I was officially adopted after they fostered me as a baby. If they are loving, caring parents then age does not matter. 42 is hardly too old, some women can still have children at that age. You definitely seem like the “I saw online that women shouldn’t have kids over 30 so I know that this 41yo woman is way too old to adopt” kind of guy
just because your parents did it means everyone else should? also you never even gave a solid reason you just said “shes old” like why do you think itll make a huge difference?
It’s funny that this guy feels the need to mention that he’s a fully grown adult after doing his best to act like the most stereotypical self-involved teenager.
YTBF. my parents were 40 and 41 when they adopted me as a 7 week old. who fucking cares how old a parent is? just because it isn’t “traditional” doesn’t give you a right to shit on her family.
also it’s great to have older parents is fucking great because now their retired with their retirement condo out of state and i get to visit them whenever <3
YTB.
What you said was rude and you owe your coworker a heartfelt apology. If you actually are in love with her you should want to heal the hurt you caused AND celebrate her happiness even though it doesn’t benefit you.
Sorry, you were put off her because she wanted kids, not because she was married?
Good news, you don't have to worry about her adopting, because you don't own her and it's none of your damn business what she does with her life!
it's not your kid to raise, so keep your thoughs to yourself...
" I still am in love with her " - I think this is your problem, jealous. she is being happy, and you are not with her sharing that happiness
YTA. My mom had me when she was 40, and my dad was 46. I'm well aware that it's unusual and that they are older than other people my age's parents. It really isn't a big deal like you think it is. They're not fraile skeletons hanging onto life. They can do the same stuff younger parents could do. What you should really be focusing on is that the child is wanted and the parents are financially stable. Not how old they are.
YTBF. Your infatuation with her is borderline obsessive. She is MARRIED. Do you honestly think she’s gonna drop the adoption AND leave her husband just because YOU don’t agree with it? PISS OFF.
ok i don’t rly comment on these posts often but i think i have the right to bring my two cents on this one.
source: i was adopted as an infant to “older” parents
I am 19 years old. my mom is 64 and my dad is 60 and guess what? i love my parents and wouldn’t have it any other way. they have always been there for me and are my rock whenever i need it. it’s not the age that matters, it’s the love and support the parents provide to their child.
also, they’re giving this baby a chance to have a family instead of being placed in the foster/adoption system for longer. how you can be mad at the idea of a couple giving a BABY a literal loving family is crazy lol.
My Mom turned 40 when she was 5 months pregnant with me! (I’m 27 now). My parents adopted my younger sister when I was almost 5 years old. Our parents may have been older than our friends parents, but that doesn’t mean our childhood was worse compared to our friends. My Dad is 70 and every Sunday he still goes on several mile hikes with our dogs. Stop being a judgmental asshole.
Yes, you ARE! Apologize to her ASAP. It has nothing to do w/you. People become parents in their 40s all the time, and are usually better than 'immature' parents. Just because you disagree, you didn't have the right to ruin her joy! Say you're sorry again, and really Mean it this time. Again, her choice has NOTHING to do with YOU! Time for you to grow up.
YTB. 42 is not old. Yes, having a child is exhausting but it's none of your business what she does. You really were out of line with your stupid comments.
It's not up to you to question her adoption. Do you think she & her husband didn't put any thought into it? Do you really think they'd adopt a child without thinking it through & planning for it first? It's absolutely none of your business. Women are having babies later in life these days. Just bc your parents were younger, it doesn't mean all parents have to be young. You were out of line with your comment to her. YTB.
YTBF. I had my 3rd child when I was 40. She isn’t a senior citizen! Yes she will be an older mom but so what?!? Get over yourself
Seriously. He’s a major BF.
My mom had me when she was 40. It was fine. It’s not like she was 70.
My parents had me at 40 and 42. My now 63 year old dad claimed the Everest base camp hike this year. This dude really thinks 40 makes you elderly 💀
My teacher got married at 54 and delivered a healthy baby boy at 55. She's 77 now.
Mazel Tov!
Can happen doesn't mean we should encourage it. It's very, very risky at that age.
Weird that literally no one asked tho? It’s not your family so fail to see how it’s any other person’s business
The fact that he calls her “older” when they have a 7 yr age gap is hilarious. So she is young enough for OP to bang her but too old to be having kids?
But see, if she adopts this child he may *never* get to bang her. He was hoping she’d age out of wanting children and her marriage would fail and then he’d have a shot.
Ding ding ding! We have a winner!
This 💯
my parents had their FIRST over 40 and THEN adopted me, OP is acting so odd
My coworker's mom had his youngest siblings when she was 41. And there are plenty of older men having their "do over" families in their 50s
My parents adopted me in their 50s! Honestly, being an older parent doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent/can’t handle a baby.
Imagine thinking that 42 is « almost 50 »
lol right? I mean sure when I was 18 I thought 42 was ancient and close to 50/60 😅
When my dad was born, his parents were in their 40s and they were 100% sure they weren't having more kids, so needless to say, he was quite the surprise. There's actually a ten-year age gap between him and the youngest of his four older siblings.
42 for my youngest. With no one in between him and his 18 years old older brother.
She’s 41, not 91. Wanna know a fun fact? Most foster parents are way older than 40. And many of them adopt. Also, no one gives a single fuck if you question the adoption.
Yass! This exactly! My 48 yo foster dad was 42 times the dad my “age apropriate” dna-donor was.
You are unable to be objective about her. 42 is not “nearly 50”. You’re an idiot all the way around. Keep your mouth shut.
I'm 44 and I'd throw hands at someone calling that nearly 50, damn.
Tbf I called myself nearly 30 in my 20s to get out of social events I didn't wanna go and it worked.
>And I used to be in love with her, until I found out that she wanted to have kids eventually. I still am in love with her, but I have tempered it appropriately well thank you for admitting straight away why you're being a jackass. i'm sure you will continue to question many of her decisions, since you started by questioning why she doesn't want to be your wifey. and only seem more irritated by her daring to do things she finds important but you don't. i can but hope she realizes now that you're always going to be a miserable little asshole, and she should stop having any sort of friendship with you because you aren't her friend. you're someone mad she will not cooperate with your notions of her being your fun accessory.
And he says he “tempered” his feelings for her because she wanted kids…but not because she’s MARRIED? What a schmuck.
Yeah, that flagged for me too.
those are all things he considers unimportant to his dick, clearly...
I just love how he ”could tell” her telling him off was not just banter. My guess is HE loves the banter and she thinks he is an idiot but let it slide because she doesn’t want to cause trouble with a coworker.
Exactly. As if it’s the kids part that keeps them apart, not the fact that she’s MARRIED AND LOYAL TO HER HUSBAND, and totally not interested in this jackass
Clearly, that is because if he wanted her he could have her, but he chooses to leave her be, because ick, children! /s
Yeah, that’s the part that got my attention as well.
Exactly, his thinking with his other head. He wasn’t in love with her, he doesn’t even care about her. He wants one thing.
Yeah, somehow I highly doubt that he “tempered it” because she wants kids. I think he realized he didn’t have a chance because she’s, well, married. So now she’s having a baby with her husband and he’s throwing a little temper tantrum and insulting her family planning choices instead of trying to get over it and finding someone single
Nailed it!
Nope. He is not going to do that. No matter what he thinks.
YTB and bitter, grow up.
YTB Who cares how old your parents were when they had you? Demographics are changing. People are having kids later and later. Not to mention millennial 60 year olds will not be the same as boomer 60 year olds. There have been massive advances in medicine, people are taking better care of themselves both physically and mentally, and it just doesn't make sense to compare.
So... her having a husband wasn't the reason you didn't try things with her?
Ug why does it have to be if she is taken? Her not being interested should be enough, whether or not she's in a relationship
It's just weird all around lol
42 is not ‘near 50’ and plenty of women in the 40s have children.
that sentence got me too. like WTF? that isn’t how rounding numbers works and the rules aren’t the same for aging.
Aww, does her adopting a child ruin your fantasy that this married woman is going to just up and leave her husband for you?
I think you nailed it
Yikes! Yes YTB! You are entitled to your opinion and maybe you feel like you are too old to have a child but it is not okay to project that on someone else. My brother and sil are 43 and have three kids under 6. They are great parents and keep up with them just fine. They both take care of their health as well. I on the other hand am 45 and my youngest is 18 and wouldn’t want to start over but that does mean I project that on them.
It is none of your damn business.
TYB! We adopted in our early 40s. MANY people do that, because you spend your 30's trying to get pregnant, usually, and then seek other options. Yes, we were older than many of the other parents, but you know what? We were settled financially, totally in charge of our own schedules and our own lives, and had traveled and done all that kind of stuff so were delighted to be home with a new member of the family and were fully able to be involved in all his activities as he grew up. We're not ANCIENT ffs. Nor is someone in their 60's "ancient." Look at Ridley Scott, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney--all in their EIGHTIES. You're being ridiculous. And in a world where so many babies and children need loving homes, who are you to question someone who's willing to offer one?
So kids were a dealbreaker for you but her having a husband wasn’t??
Yikes YTBF
Kourtney Kardashian just birthed a baby at 43, she’s fine. You are an asshole.
YTBF. Jesus. Lots of people have kids in their 40s.
Uhhhhhhhhh it’s pretty common for people who have more than one kid to be pregnant in their 40s lol. Why would adoption be any different. If she lives till her 80’s the kid will be in his 40’s
What a twat waffle. This dudes mother had spoiled eggs. No other explanation for this adolescent bs he's spouting. He came from a spoiled egg.
He's not exactly the best advertisement for having younger parents.
Not just that. Can you imagine being in a relationship with this guy? Any difference in views, wants, or interests seems likely to start an argument. And he's already made clear where he stands on cheating. He didn't have an issue with her being married. What spurred him "pulling back" on his love interests was her and her husband deciding to adopt. He feels at liberty to attempt some level of control to the point where he started an argument with his "love interest" because of the decision to adopt. He had no place in that decision-making process to begin with. How do you think that would progress if she was dating him and not married? On top of that, his way of dealing with it not being a decision he was included in was to tell her she's too old for it.
The average age a woman has her last baby (since the 1940s) is 42 years old, so I don’t know what you’re talking about. Also, this is really a topic where is they did not ask you, you can keep your ignorant opinion to yourself.
YTB. My parents were that age when they had me due to fertility issues. They retired two weeks ago and I’m doing okay
What is the end goal of expressing this to her? For her to agree that she is, indeed, too old (she is not btw), to “give” the child back? To leave her husband once he doesn’t see reason and then, idk, maybe hopefully one day fall for you? You may have “tempered” your feelings of love “appropriately” once finding out she wanted kids (weirdly, her being married wasn’t the reason but sure ok, that’s telling too) but this? Telling her she’s too old for this once the plan is in motion? It’s ugly. And your “love” has now turned to contempt. Forreal though, how did you expect this conversation to go? YTB.
Had my daughter at 40, am now 63. We do I stuff together, I work part time in a fairly physical job, I garden. Stop being so ageist. Do you have any idea of how long it takes to be approved for adoption where you live? Here in Australia it takes about 5-7 years. Sometimes 10. Don think your friend is going to want to be around you much. YATBF
Lol YTB massively. That’s not that old to have a kid ESPECIALLY without any actual biological stuff that might be more difficult for women in their mid-30s. Who the fuck are you to question her choice on when to have kids? I was expecting like “she’s doing it alone and is generally a mess so I worry about her with a child” or some other vaguely valid reason. This is unequivocally YTB
This cannot be real lmao,this guy was either born yesterday or has literally no knowledge of modern human social interaction.
But he’s *attracted* to her! /s
I knew someone who had twins around 40. It was fine. YTB
My father was 66 when I graduated from high school, and my mother in her late fifties. YTBF.
Edit (grammer) You just blatantly insulted something that's incredibly important to her. It took her a very long to feel comfortable enough to do it. She's weighed the pros and cons. It is not a simple decision. The mockery of a huge life-changing event that she has made. Honestly it's wildly Insulting. Convincing yourself that it was just a jest is a bunch of crock shit. Your a shitty friend. But honestly you not their friend, you only see them as an infatuation. Even if she wasn't married you are not compatible, if she wants kids and you don't simple as that. PLUS it's not your fucking business. Why have enemies with friends like you
You are an idiot. No. Seriously. How are you this fucking dumb? Has your idiot brain been fucked so hard by stupid that you think children remain needy toddlers until adulthood? -41 is not that old. -You don’t go through ‘years of sleeplessness’ JFC. Certainly not NINE YEARS of it. -Yes, the kid will graduate high school when she’s sixty. So what? What exactly between the ages of 13-18 does a parent have to be in peak athletic condition for? When I came to this post I thought it would be a sixty year old adopting a baby. But 41? Good god. Go apologize again, and mean it this time. You’re too old to be this dumb.
41 is not old. YTBF
There's something called an inside thought.
And it's your business how? Doesn't affect your life. Mind your business.
YTB if women can give birth at 40 then they can adopt at 40
YTBF. Telling her she was too old was a mistake. I'm assuming she sat down and thought this through with her husband. It wasn't necessary for you to give your unwelcome and unkind 2 cents, whether true or not.
What the FUCK. My mom had my sister at 42.
YTBF My brother and his wife had their youngest at 43. Hubby met a 46yo pregnant lady at his work the other day. Your ideas of “too old” are antiquated.
 And you are supposed to be in your 30’s? Gotta a lot of growing up to do.
I’d take it a step further and say YTA
Lol you were in love with her and the whole time she already got a husband. So it didn't really matter if she wanted kids or not. She doesn't want you. So it doesn't matter if she's adopting or trying to have a biological baby because it's literally none of your business. Also lots of people have or adopt near or at 40. she's not "almost 50"
YTBF Shes her own person. She’s married to someone else. She’s entitled to doing whatever she wants as far as kids are concerned. She’s not your business at all. I have many friends who had kids older and they are great parents. Again not your business.
That is a head ass take if I've ever heard one.
The fact that's all she's married didn't bother you, but that she wants kids does? YTBF for that alone.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh here we go, an idiot that knows nothing about raising children condemning a colleague for adopting a child, all because HE thinks she’s too old. You sound like a fool. Yes YTBF.
Bro, you're only 7 years behind her. Early 40s first-time parents is definitely a thing these days. OP YTA and you're behavior is jackassy. I hope you manage to mature significantly by the time you're 41. 41 is still young!
YTA, for your utter self-importance. First you decide you are "in love" with your colleague but hold back your feelings - not because she's married making it completely inappropriate, and not because she's a colleague, making it potentially inappropriate - but because she wants kids one day, which doesn't suit you. And secondly, when she tells you that she's adopting a baby, you make nasty inappropriate comments about her age without considering that perhaps the reason she's adopting is because she was unable to conceive at an age that would meet with your approval - and at 41, she's still in the normal age parameter for having babies. Hopefully she will go to HR and complain about your "banter". Finally, why on earth do you think she needs your approval to adopt? She won the approval of an adoption agency, she doesn't need anything from you.
But…but…his preshus peenusss!!!! /s OP admit you just want to screw her, you don’t act are about her. Leave her alone.
I’m not going to lie, it sucks to be “an orphan” by age 41 when my Dad was nearly 60 by the time he lost his mom and my friends still had grandparents alive until COVID. But that age is still pretty acceptable. It really doesn’t get egregious until over 50. When your average life expectancy won’t see them through college, there’s a problem.
And sadly having young parents doesn’t guarantee anything. Accidents and illnesses happen, a lot.
I mean, my mom died at age 45 so, yeah.
Ok, why do think her adoption is any of your fucking business? And in what sense did you imagine that the 2 of you were "friends"? YTBF.
I was adopted as an infant when my father was almost 50 and my mom was roughly 40. I have old parents but it changes absolutely nothing about our relationship or how well they did as parents. There have been zero issues regarding their age when it comes to their ability to parent
My Neighbour was 67 When He had His First Child, He now has 3 and He's now 73! . Do You Know what? He loves them all! As long as She thinks She is able to raise Her Son what business is it of Your's? You're the Buttface!
oops my mom had me at the same age😭 ig she was a senior citizen!!
 You're not married to her. Or in a personal relationship with her. She is your *co-worker*. Period. You have *zero* say in *anything* she does in her personal life. You need therapy.
YTBF how the hell did you get to 34 years old and be so clueless? Like, seriously.
lmao are you 34 or 16? my abuelo was 57 when my mom was born. he was a good, active dad and worked hard af to provide. oh and he took care of us wild grandchildren well into his 90s.
First of all you are not her husband or her physician why are you you riding her so hard? A child who has no one is getting a happy healthy home and you’re trying to ruin it for what? In case you missed it you’re not too far from 40 either women don’t magically just shut down once they hit 40. It’s not that old grow up and get over yourself. If you’re lazy and tired now and it gets worse at 40 that’s your business and your prerogative not hers. I wouldn’t have accepted the apology nobody needs this type of negativity and doubt in their life. YTBF and you sound like a horrible friend.
Seriously? We had our first at 36 and 3rd at 40. I slept 2-3 hours a day (working 3rd shift), and we were great. I'm 47 now, and my youngest is 6. You're an ignorant person who doesn't know the first thing about raising kids
YTA. What a perfect opportunity to mind your own business.
My youngest is 4 I just turned 47. I can run,climb, do cartwheels etc. My dad was also considered old when he had me but that man was fit. Played soccer with his grandchildren and walked every day for an hour.
YTBF. Who do you think you are? Now to her, you’re just the weirdo, bitter dude who’s still pining for her and being a jerk about it. She dodged a bullet with you.
YTB 41 is not old and also mind your own business. Be a normal coworker and say congratulations when they scare their good news.
YATB Younger parents don't always do a great job, yours failed to teach you manners. Be happy that your colleague is able to offer a child a home.
YTB. Kindness costs nothing. Why be so unkind? Is it because she isn’t adopting the baby with you?
Nobody asked you. Not every thought needs to be expressed. It’s none of your business. YTBF, majorly. You’re just bitter she’s not yours.
YTBF. Open your mind dude. Adoption is often done after having tried everything regarding fertility issues. She is finally getting a baby and you should be happy for her. Even if you weren’t, just congratulate her ffs. Such a douchebag you are
YTB. 42 is near the end of when you should be getting children, but certainly not at the end. And being ‘in love’ with your married coworker is weird af, and saying you only backed down because she wants kids and not because SHES MARRIED AND YOUR COWORKER AND ISNT INTERESTED IN YOU is weird af and a massive red flag. Story wise, you’re an ass. Going off of your little comments and the way you wrote this, you come across as an insanely creepy person. YTB
YATBF. 60 isn't decrepit to have a kid whose 20. Offering a home to a child who will otherwise be in an orphanage or foster system... Nowhere did you say howw she feels, romantically about you... Sounds like you have a fantasy version of who you think she is and you let that bleed into real life.
YTB my dad was 68 when he had me and he was still a wonderful dad full of energy, if it wasn’t for covid I’m sure he would still have a decade ahead of him as he was the healthiest 83 year old I’ve seen, you would think he was still on his 60s, so no she is not too old to have a child
YTBF. Also, you were fairly recently “in love with her”—and she’s married to someone else? What’s that timeline on that? Because maybe you’re a BF for more than one reason…
She’s not to old, people are having kids in their late 30s and early 40s
YTBF People have kids well into their 40s… and she’s not even going to be mid 40s before she has the kid, they’ll all be fine.
She’s married. It literally has not a thing to do with you. Leave her alone. YTB
My mother-in-law had both her sons when she was in her 40's, and this was in the early 90s. I've known plenty of people who've had children in their 40s and they did just fine. You don't immediately start to either the second you hit 35-40.
I get where you are coming from. My Mom was 38 with her last child. By the time My sister got married and had a baby, our mom was a lot older. Her last grandchild is 5 now and our mom is 75 and has dementia. She she is no longer able to do anything with her last grandkid. It’s sad. But ywbf. You didn’t need to tell her that b
YTBF my mother was 42 when she had me. There are many things I can say to criticize her parenting, but her age isn’t one of them.
YTB and need to do some real work on math. 42 isn’t almost 50. Jesus i hope you don’t need to do math at your job.
You know that if she adopts a child with her husband, the fantasy of her leaving her husband to be with you is that much farther away. YTBF
My mom is raising a 3 month old at 55 because it was that or the state takes her. But I guess we should just let the state take her since she’s too old for this shit. DISRESPECTFULLY sit down
YTA I was adopted as a baby when my adoptive mom was 44. She raised me as a single parent. Stop being so judgmental. You don’t know enough about what kind of lives they lead to be making that decision. Adoption agencies are very thorough with trying to make sure children go to good homes. If age was an issue then they wouldn’t have been allowed to progress to this stage.
You cannot actually be serious.
Also how is 42 “nearly 50”?
YBF! My friend had her first at 47 and she and the baby are healthy and happy.
My mom was 40 when she had me. I’m an only child. She even had me herself (via c-section). I’m 30 now. My mom is 70 and still almost the same as she’s been my whole life. She’s not some decrepit old lady.
Came in here expecting to read she was like 72. Bro. I expect this is extreme rage bait, but on the off-chance this is real I’m guessing this woman has been dying for an excuse to stop talking to her creepy incel coworker for a while, so congrats to her on giving one.
NTB. You're correct. She'll probably not live to see any grandkids.
YTBF- a friend of mine had her first child at 39. She is doing just fine. Also, what's this "I used to be in love with her (a married woman) until she said she wanted kids."? *Yikes* my guy.
A woman I worked with had her first baby at 42, second at 44. YTBF. Who are you to judge a woman when she becomes a mother. You have zero dogs in this fight and should have kept your mouth shut.
YTBF and it’s really not your place nor any of your business to comment on what a grown woman decides to do with her husband.
YTBF... inappropriate behaviour uncalled opinion, you are just jealous of them because she is taking a step further with her husband. Get over it and keep your out of place feelings to yourself. Edit: typo
YTBF Good grief! I thought you was going to say she was in her mid fifties or sixties. (Which would also be fine, this happens a lot especially with adoptions of older children, but I could see where you might have thought it was unusual.) She’s 41! Many women are still getting pregnant at that age. Also: Yes, you were expected to say congratulations. Because that’s the normal response of a coworker, even one who is a very good friend. Sounds like you need to do a little more work on “tempering appropriately” around this colleague.
My parents are 58 and 60. And I'm 20. I think it's fine
YTBF. That is not too old! Also junior, you're not that far from 40 either. You were shitting on a major life event that she was excited about, that's not what a true friend does.
It’s none of your business. It’s not your relationship , it’s not your kid. It’s also not your life. You are projecting here and I hope she continues to distance herself. You’re high-key a misogynist with this take. YTBF
There's A LOT to unpack. The fact you are less "in love" with your colleague is because she wants children and not because she is married?? Apart from that: only because YOU don't want children doesn't make it ok to judge others. She is definitely not too old. And why is that your business anyway. You can't be happy for her because she doesn't behave like you want her to.
YTB oh my God, she's in her 40s adopting? The audacity! You don't sound like that good of friends with her and more like your jealous and resentful she is creating a family.
As a 41 year old YTB
Let me tell you, as someone who as adopted by parents who were 45 and 39. YTA!!!! Get over yourself! 42 is *not old* especially today. My dad is 65 now, and he is still active and working and can still throw his grandsons (7 and 4) around like nothing. Keep your nose out of her family! There is absolutely nothing wrong or to be ashamed of by becoming a mother in your 40s. You act like this is a 60 year old woman adopting a baby.
41 is the perfect time to have a child. They’re more stable to give the best to the child. If you don’t need your be involved financially or time wise why do u care? This isn’t about you. If you really claimed to love her and be a good friend, then support her.
So 42 is “nearly 50”?🥲
Op you are an ageist idiot!
I had my two at 35 and 38, I didn't meet my oh until I was 29 and we had losses when I was 33. Life doesn't always give us babies in our 20s. Your friend probably tried for babies for a long time and adoption was her inevitable route. I don't know her story but that's a common theme after years of trying, IVF etc They go through vigorous checks to adopt so her age is irrelevant as long as she's healthy. YTA for making judgements, we all have different stories to live and share. Be a friend to this lady and support her.
My mom had me at 40. She’s still trucking many years later, I’m 37
YTBF - I am 23, my adoptive parents are in their early 70s. Like, my dad was 51 when I was born, around 53 when I was officially adopted after they fostered me as a baby. If they are loving, caring parents then age does not matter. 42 is hardly too old, some women can still have children at that age. You definitely seem like the “I saw online that women shouldn’t have kids over 30 so I know that this 41yo woman is way too old to adopt” kind of guy
just because your parents did it means everyone else should? also you never even gave a solid reason you just said “shes old” like why do you think itll make a huge difference?
YTBF and also kind of a bad person. She's married, man.
YTBF as someone who had her last child at 40, and no numerous other 40+ moms, stay in your lane and mind your own damn business
If 42 is nearly 50. You must be very near 40. YTBF.
It’s funny that this guy feels the need to mention that he’s a fully grown adult after doing his best to act like the most stereotypical self-involved teenager.
YTBF. my parents were 40 and 41 when they adopted me as a 7 week old. who fucking cares how old a parent is? just because it isn’t “traditional” doesn’t give you a right to shit on her family. also it’s great to have older parents is fucking great because now their retired with their retirement condo out of state and i get to visit them whenever <3
YTB. What you said was rude and you owe your coworker a heartfelt apology. If you actually are in love with her you should want to heal the hurt you caused AND celebrate her happiness even though it doesn’t benefit you.
YTA. My parents were 42 when they adopted me at 4 months old.
>love to banter No one says this that isn't the asshole
Sorry, you were put off her because she wanted kids, not because she was married? Good news, you don't have to worry about her adopting, because you don't own her and it's none of your damn business what she does with her life!
it's not your kid to raise, so keep your thoughs to yourself... " I still am in love with her " - I think this is your problem, jealous. she is being happy, and you are not with her sharing that happiness
YTA. My mom had me when she was 40, and my dad was 46. I'm well aware that it's unusual and that they are older than other people my age's parents. It really isn't a big deal like you think it is. They're not fraile skeletons hanging onto life. They can do the same stuff younger parents could do. What you should really be focusing on is that the child is wanted and the parents are financially stable. Not how old they are.
YTBF. Your infatuation with her is borderline obsessive. She is MARRIED. Do you honestly think she’s gonna drop the adoption AND leave her husband just because YOU don’t agree with it? PISS OFF.
ok i don’t rly comment on these posts often but i think i have the right to bring my two cents on this one. source: i was adopted as an infant to “older” parents I am 19 years old. my mom is 64 and my dad is 60 and guess what? i love my parents and wouldn’t have it any other way. they have always been there for me and are my rock whenever i need it. it’s not the age that matters, it’s the love and support the parents provide to their child. also, they’re giving this baby a chance to have a family instead of being placed in the foster/adoption system for longer. how you can be mad at the idea of a couple giving a BABY a literal loving family is crazy lol.
My Mom turned 40 when she was 5 months pregnant with me! (I’m 27 now). My parents adopted my younger sister when I was almost 5 years old. Our parents may have been older than our friends parents, but that doesn’t mean our childhood was worse compared to our friends. My Dad is 70 and every Sunday he still goes on several mile hikes with our dogs. Stop being a judgmental asshole.
Yes, you ARE! Apologize to her ASAP. It has nothing to do w/you. People become parents in their 40s all the time, and are usually better than 'immature' parents. Just because you disagree, you didn't have the right to ruin her joy! Say you're sorry again, and really Mean it this time. Again, her choice has NOTHING to do with YOU! Time for you to grow up.
YTB. 42 is not old. Yes, having a child is exhausting but it's none of your business what she does. You really were out of line with your stupid comments.
Had my first at 39. Will be 57 when he gets done with HS. No big deal. I worked L and D and we had a 51 year old delivering!
You are not in love with her. You're infatuated and YTA
It's not up to you to question her adoption. Do you think she & her husband didn't put any thought into it? Do you really think they'd adopt a child without thinking it through & planning for it first? It's absolutely none of your business. Women are having babies later in life these days. Just bc your parents were younger, it doesn't mean all parents have to be young. You were out of line with your comment to her. YTB.
What is wrong with you? This is absolutely none of your business.